Speaker 1: Hi, you guys. I know that we are not in
Speaker 1: season right now. First of all, don't forget doctor Bannana.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be in Brooklyn this Saturday night, April fifteenth
Speaker 1: at the Bellhouse. Michelle Collins, Jackith, we have Margaret and
Speaker 1: Joe from Real Housewives of New Jersey. My Carozza will
Speaker 1: be there. But more importantly, I have a new podcast
Speaker 1: and it's with this king, my darling, Ryan Safie. I
Speaker 1: gotta say, my queen, Yeah, I have never had more
Speaker 1: fun in my life. Can I just say I feel
Speaker 1: exactly the same way as like playing Patty. Like when
Speaker 1: I listen to it back, I L O L literally
Speaker 1: just maybe gross, but I do you know what I
Speaker 1: do too? And I really hate the sound on my
Speaker 1: own voice. So this is called it's called no autographs. Please. Yes,
Speaker 1: we're gonna drop each week when you would normally beginning
Speaker 1: and will accept this rose, We're gonna just put it
Speaker 1: in our feed. You're gonna we're gonna put the first
Speaker 1: three episodes when we would normally be putting it up.
Speaker 1: But if you want to like and subscribe us to us,
Speaker 1: that way you can get them. We have a whole
Speaker 1: bunch of episodes coming out, Yes, and uh you can
Speaker 1: find out autographs please anywhere you'd get a podcast, please
Speaker 1: rate review five stars only yea, The Kiese is gonna
Speaker 1: be on. Michael Hitchcock, Lauren Lopez, Paul Tompkins, Drew Droggie,
Speaker 1: Carl Tart, Lacy Moseley, all the stars, all the stars.
Speaker 1: It's honestly, what's so fun? If you like hang doctor Banana,
Speaker 1: if you like just hanging out with us, we hope
Speaker 1: you really like this and if you do like it,
Speaker 1: if we hope you would like follow and subscribe, maybe
Speaker 1: leave a little rating. That would be so great as
Speaker 1: we want show. It helps the show and we want
Speaker 1: to get picked up for more. Okay, here's episode one
Speaker 1: of no autographs please? No? Who are you? Where? Will
Speaker 1: there be pressed a Honey and Bryan? I hear it
Speaker 1: laught of podocast, but Honey, no, no, no, no, please
Speaker 1: we leave it and Lemon Life celebrities did share it up?
Speaker 1: Autographs please? No autograph? Arden who did do your contour?
Speaker 1: Thank you so much? My cat Mittens did it this morning.
Speaker 1: It looks gorgeous. I picked her from the shelter because
Speaker 1: she had thumbs and I was like, if you're coming
Speaker 1: home with me. You better work on it and she
Speaker 1: can beat a face. Hello, and welcome to the first
Speaker 1: episode ever of No Autographs Please? Did you have to
Speaker 1: sign any on the way here? You know what? It
Speaker 1: was really awkward. I got stopped by a couple of
Speaker 1: birds between my front house and I did the press.
Speaker 1: I think the press is here, depressed? Did you? And
Speaker 1: my name is ARDA Marine. I'm with my best friend
Speaker 1: Brian Sophie. Hi, beautiful baby boy. Now Arden, Hi, we're
Speaker 1: doing your podcast. I know. Okay? Did you have decign?
Speaker 1: Did you have to sign autographs this morning? I only
Speaker 1: had to sign one autograph this morning, and it was
Speaker 1: technically a bill, but it was a bill for something
Speaker 1: pretty cool. Would you buy energy? It was my gas bill?
Speaker 1: So I was super pumped about that. Yeah. Yeah, Anna
Speaker 1: is also here with us by doctor Banana. Hello, No
Speaker 1: autographs please, Yanna. Damn. I felt like when we were
Speaker 1: at Bravo Con together, people wanted doctor Banana's autograph. Oh yes, okay, okay, great,
Speaker 1: So here we are Brian. Now let's just introduce herselves
Speaker 1: to our listeners in our friendship. Okay, Arden and I.
Speaker 1: Actually the way we mess awful was actually the day
Speaker 1: after your dad died, I think was it on Twitter?
Speaker 1: And Arden DMed me. I was like, hey, listen to
Speaker 1: my dad just died. I'm looking for friends. And she goes,
Speaker 1: and she goes, I think you're really funny. I heard
Speaker 1: you on Lauren as you do when your dad dies,
Speaker 1: you go on twitterlready made friends. And then we met
Speaker 1: and she finally she goes, it's just so great, like
Speaker 1: she goes, I had literally never heard of you. She
Speaker 1: got she was, and then we were like meet the
Speaker 1: people show like this is Brian. You know, I never
Speaker 1: I didn't even know who he was. I never got
Speaker 1: a part of it. Look, I was out of my mind.
Speaker 1: But look, because I think I got I didn't know
Speaker 1: what to do with myself. So I went and got
Speaker 1: a manicure and I listened to you with Lauren Loppez
Speaker 1: and you played Bobby Bobby Brown. Yeah that's right, you're
Speaker 1: Bobby Bobby Brown the male makeup, the male makeup aar
Speaker 1: and I became obsessed with you and I hunted you down.
Speaker 1: I like, you're the only person who's DMS I've ever
Speaker 1: slid into so rudely, by the way, it was wonderful.
Speaker 1: And then we became friends, and we've become such good friends.
Speaker 1: We vacation together. We vacation. We freeload from my brother
Speaker 1: and Verde Island. We do. We take over his house
Speaker 1: for like a month, for like literally a month every summer,
Speaker 1: and we are we live like raccoons, like none of
Speaker 1: neither of us knows how to cook. We belong or
Speaker 1: we don't belong. We get invited to the golf club,
Speaker 1: the tennis club. But we have to pretend to be married. Yes,
Speaker 1: we have to tend to be so I'm always like,
Speaker 1: so I'm all over y yes, of course. And we
Speaker 1: so it's like a town where you kind of have
Speaker 1: to know, like in order to get access to things.
Speaker 1: So we sneak and we pretend to be married. We're
Speaker 1: a married couple. We went to a yacht party when
Speaker 1: we were there called YACHTI by Nature. It was a
Speaker 1: band called YACHTI by Nature. It was the waspiest Yeah
Speaker 1: get out, yes, wonder yes. Actually everyone was very lovely.
Speaker 1: But then the band was called Anchor Management. Anchor Management.
Speaker 1: All I know is this, Yeah, I walked by an
Speaker 1: elderly couple. First of all, the woman and the couple
Speaker 1: had cheated at tennis that morning. She was probably with
Speaker 1: US fifty five and I was playing gets short. I
Speaker 1: was getting so set because everything all white, full salteam yeah.
Speaker 1: And she's talking to I assume her husband yes, And
Speaker 1: as I walk by her, she looks at her husband
Speaker 1: and she goes, You think Little Women is the worst
Speaker 1: book ever written. That YACHTI by nature, that anchor management,
Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, you know what, this is
Speaker 1: a successful marriage. And Luisa may Alcott wrote this book
Speaker 1: for the husband. By the way, you know what that is.
Speaker 1: That's a real no autograss please energy. That's a real
Speaker 1: no autograss please energy. So the reason Arden and I
Speaker 1: have decided to do No Autograss Please, And sort of
Speaker 1: the theme of the show is how we handle fame.
Speaker 1: We handle fame, but also we really don't. We really
Speaker 1: appreciate people who don't give a fun Well. I feel
Speaker 1: like both of us come from like we both sometimes
Speaker 1: can be hard on ourselves, and we do love pop culture,
Speaker 1: We love glamour. We were rabid consumers of pop culture.
Speaker 1: But beyond that, like so sometimes you'll see in pop
Speaker 1: culture and in your life people that seem to navigate
Speaker 1: the world with such delusional confidence. It's one I am
Speaker 1: actually so envious of that, That's what I'm saying. So
Speaker 1: we're very hard on ourselves. I think we're extra hard
Speaker 1: on ourselves. And I feel like getting that energy so
Speaker 1: like of that kind of like you know what that
Speaker 1: faked team American no like like racial energy, yes you
Speaker 1: know or I exactly yes, just delusion, delusional and confident.
Speaker 1: I mean, I do stand up and sometimes you'll like
Speaker 1: sometimes you'll be these stand ups like these kind of
Speaker 1: bros like and again some of them are like the
Speaker 1: ones that like you just watched the set and like
Speaker 1: like it went fine. And I'm saying I've plenty of
Speaker 1: sets of crushing, but like he'll come on people to
Speaker 1: like fucking killed it. I crushed it and Miller like
Speaker 1: crushed it, And I thought, how do so we want
Speaker 1: to harm us? Now? You saw a woman one time
Speaker 1: wearing a sweatshirt? Oh yeah, one time? Okay, tell me.
Speaker 1: But I will say that the reason for going into
Speaker 1: this is because we do feel like we have some
Speaker 1: no autographs please honorees. These are people who really give
Speaker 1: off great no please energy. Yes, these are so if
Speaker 1: you're looking like who can be somebody that I'm looking
Speaker 1: to to bring some no autographs please Energy. Really honestly,
Speaker 1: you have to write us and tell us because we
Speaker 1: will honor them on the show. They each get a trophy.
Speaker 1: Senter them emails who you want to or tweet to
Speaker 1: us who you want to honor with the no autographs
Speaker 1: please Energy. We have some like old school classics. So
Speaker 1: there's a there's old school classic. Well, our first inductee, yes,
Speaker 1: Hilaria Baldwin. Yes, hilariaw People say, isn't that too topical?
Speaker 1: And I say, absolutely not. Do you think she's going
Speaker 1: to stop anytime soon? Here's the thing that's I remember.
Speaker 1: She was the holiday, she was the Christmas she was
Speaker 1: like Christmas camera. It was right around Christmas when people
Speaker 1: were like, she's not Spanish. Her name is like Hillary whatever, Swank, Swank, Hillary,
Speaker 1: She's from Massachusetts. Hillary Swank, by the way, is a
Speaker 1: phenomenal character actress, phenomenal. She would be a great Hilario.
Speaker 1: She would be a great Hilaria. Yeah. So it turned
Speaker 1: out they're like, she's literally from like around where I
Speaker 1: grew up. She's she's from like the Massachusetts area, and
Speaker 1: she is pretending to be Spanish because her she went
Speaker 1: on like a trip was to like like like Barcelona
Speaker 1: or Barcelona. And then so there's videos of her on
Speaker 1: the Today Show this is back in the day doing
Speaker 1: a cooking segment where she was like going trying to
Speaker 1: like find the word for cucumber, but she could remember
Speaker 1: in English. She was like, how you sayok, like cucumber. Yeah, ah, yes, yes, cucumber.
Speaker 1: And it's like you're from Boston, so brilliant. And then
Speaker 1: she's still doing it, like she just did it and
Speaker 1: she got called out. She's like, oh, that's right, I forgot.
Speaker 1: I only went there for like a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: And then now that he's just back in actually with
Speaker 1: the accent, she's like, please, can you imagine being called
Speaker 1: out like that and you absolutely just don't stop. It
Speaker 1: truly is goals for me. It's incredible and just be
Speaker 1: like and you double down and did you sexy yoga poses?
Speaker 1: Like incredible. I now am insistent on my Hillary Swank
Speaker 1: as Hilaria idea, and I actually think it could be
Speaker 1: part documentary, yeah, part narrative, and it's Hillary versus Hilaria.
Speaker 1: It's like Julie and Julia, except we get to see
Speaker 1: Hillary swink during the day and then Hilaria at night,
Speaker 1: and we get to see which is you know, little
Speaker 1: little more. No, I have to say, you just made
Speaker 1: eye contact with our guests. And I know we weren't
Speaker 1: planning on bringing him in till a little bit later,
Speaker 1: but there's a part of me that is dying to
Speaker 1: hear his thoughts on no autographs, please energy. So we
Speaker 1: just introduce our future guests. We introduced who's going to
Speaker 1: be playing with us today, the one and only you
Speaker 1: know him. He's fucking no, he's a genius. You've seen
Speaker 1: him on bobs Burgers, Yes, of course, You've seen him
Speaker 1: on Drunk History. You've seen him on anything that's worth laughing.
Speaker 1: He had this brilliant show that I saw in Los
Speaker 1: Angeles before I moved to New York. You're called Happy
Speaker 1: Birthday Dog. But like, he's brilliant. We love him so much,
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen. Drew Drogue, I'm dying over here. I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's so hard to like, cough a little bit the
Speaker 1: other room and give us Lario, give us like the energy. Sly.
Speaker 1: I have not followed her that much, but did you
Speaker 1: know that she's fake Spanish? Yes? I did. Know about
Speaker 1: the fake spanishing. I did know about the cucumber thing.
Speaker 1: I did see the video like what she's screaming about,
Speaker 1: like please recently, and it is like, yes, on one hand,
Speaker 1: like their family is going going through absolute hell right now,
Speaker 1: but it's also like it feels like there is part
Speaker 1: of her that's like really enjoying so great about it.
Speaker 1: It's like please, yes, please, But it's also I'm amazed
Speaker 1: at people like I'm amazed with like Austin Butler, who's
Speaker 1: just decided he's Elvis. Now Gozzling has just decided he's
Speaker 1: a gangster. He's like Canada, He's Canadian. What's he doing well,
Speaker 1: Liker Gosling talks like Robert de Niro now, And it's
Speaker 1: like these actors that are just like I'm taking on
Speaker 1: this personality. Yeah, he used to be Mickey Mouse whatever,
Speaker 1: Mickey Mouse exactly. He was Orlando's he was in the
Speaker 1: Mickey Mouse Gang. Yeah, they run a tight ship at
Speaker 1: City Walk, they does troll up and down City Walk.
Speaker 1: I just recently someone who got married yes at Disneyland,
Speaker 1: which to me is hell. If I like the love
Speaker 1: of my life, if he was like, we're gonna get
Speaker 1: married at Disneyland. I'm we're out, I will be I'll
Speaker 1: be alone this weekend. And they're like, you can get married.
Speaker 1: We did the gondola at the Venetias. That's so get
Speaker 1: married on the white boat. And they're like, we can
Speaker 1: get you married in thirteen minutes. Okay, just in time
Speaker 1: for a crab buffet. Like I saw I saw a
Speaker 1: T shirt. It was I'm sorry, just there was a
Speaker 1: T shirt that was waiting outside in Vegas that was
Speaker 1: called it was like it literally said farts loading zone
Speaker 1: and it was loading. It was like on that was
Speaker 1: like they put it on means so like loaded all
Speaker 1: the food for farts to happen later. It was literally
Speaker 1: on the mannequin outside the store. That poor mannequin. She
Speaker 1: didn't ask for that. No, sorry, I'm sorry. Fart now loading,
Speaker 1: fart now loading so hot. And they were like put
Speaker 1: this house every morning. That's no, that's no auto gress.
Speaker 1: Please edit. I have bad news. I have that shirt
Speaker 1: you have fart no load. I bought it Vegas, what
Speaker 1: I bought on Amazon. Wow, that's amazing. I mean I
Speaker 1: love I wanted it. Did you wear it yet? Have
Speaker 1: you worn it? So? Disneyland. So the marriage okay, two things.
Speaker 1: I guess if you're going flun T shirts, T shirt chokes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: one T shirt. I saw Disneyland the last disney World
Speaker 1: the last time I was there, which I've only been twice.
Speaker 1: You love it? I don't, actually, But the last time
Speaker 1: I was there, there was a T shirt they were
Speaker 1: selling with Pinocchio had the long nose midwa yea yeah, lying,
Speaker 1: he was lying, and the shirt said I didn't come
Speaker 1: here for the churros. Hilarious. So I guess bunny because
Speaker 1: he did lying. He did. That's an that Yeah, that's excessive,
Speaker 1: that's an expensive Maybe his nose is auro. I wanted
Speaker 1: to buy it so badly, but I didn't. But the
Speaker 1: other eight by ten wedding photo I saw, yes, eight
Speaker 1: by ten, Yes in a cubicle. Yes, okay, yeah that
Speaker 1: I I don't want to get into the backstory. But
Speaker 1: I was in this office building of a Saturday, so
Speaker 1: no one else. Yes, you're still just like an office building.
Speaker 1: I had to pick something up from somewhere and I
Speaker 1: happened to have the skeleton key. This is actually a
Speaker 1: true story recently, why skeleton Okay? Great? Okay. Brian works
Speaker 1: on accounts payable undercover though, Yeah, don't tell anyone. Don't
Speaker 1: tell any whether my acting is pay for my p
Speaker 1: is it press here? So this eight by ten foot
Speaker 1: on this swim's desk. Yeah, she was in a full
Speaker 1: bedding dress at Disney World. Her veil was a white
Speaker 1: Mickey Mouse hat with a veil and it was like
Speaker 1: an ears, an ear's veil. It was all sewn together.
Speaker 1: She walked down the aisle like this and I could
Speaker 1: not believe. I could not believe my eyes. And I
Speaker 1: thought to myself, did she Did she have adult braces?
Speaker 1: You know what? It was hard to tell. Well, it's
Speaker 1: something if you want to hide your adult braces, put
Speaker 1: on giant Mickey Mouse ears as you walked down the aisle,
Speaker 1: because that's all people will be looking at. What was
Speaker 1: how weird? And it was attached to the veil, Yes,
Speaker 1: it was like a piece. It was one big piece
Speaker 1: white ears. Oh and I thought to myself, first of all,
Speaker 1: we know you're a virgin for some one hundred percent. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: truly the picture was very They were looking each other
Speaker 1: very seriously. It was actually very romantic. I mean. But
Speaker 1: also if you have a big wedding, but you can't
Speaker 1: have a big wedding party because you're blocking out so
Speaker 1: many people behind you. It could be near you, behind
Speaker 1: you that the ears like take over. I have a
Speaker 1: big question, Yeah, that I think relates to everything we've
Speaker 1: talked about. Was Mickey Mouse supposed to be funny because
Speaker 1: he's not? He's not? Was he supposed to be I
Speaker 1: doctor Banana? I think, wasn't it? Sort of? I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, I thought Donald was the funny rascal and
Speaker 1: Mickey was the nice Goofy's, the funny one Goofy's the Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it was like you're supposed to relate to Mickey,
Speaker 1: I think, and he was sort of like he was
Speaker 1: just like an everyman, right, No, I think you're right. Okay,
Speaker 1: before we get to our next what is the sweat
Speaker 1: shirt that you saw? Oh you'll love this is your
Speaker 1: Drugget character. There was a woman this is real, no
Speaker 1: autograph please, energy, there was a woman at the grocery store.
Speaker 1: And recently, yes, of course. And I love a statement piece,
Speaker 1: and I love a literal statement on a shirt. Yes,
Speaker 1: and this was I think of you every time I
Speaker 1: see what on screen. Grads so many of them and
Speaker 1: send them to you. Maybe this one. I can't remember
Speaker 1: if I've told you this. There was a woman at
Speaker 1: the grocery store, which store, which grocers bangs all around
Speaker 1: her head short crop, it's a head full of trams,
Speaker 1: headful of Yeah. I was obviously like watching her because
Speaker 1: I and you could see from a distance her shirt
Speaker 1: had something on it, like letters on it. And I
Speaker 1: thought to myself, like, oh, I got I gotta go
Speaker 1: see what this is. So I walked by her in whatever,
Speaker 1: I'll remember, when I was buying some different you know, ornaments.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it was Christmas or gals. He
Speaker 1: loves it. He's very right. I don't know, please please,
Speaker 1: I understand. Anyway, So I passed by her in the
Speaker 1: front of her shirt and said, I sure do mis
Speaker 1: teaching kindergarten. And I was like, oh, that's sweet, I guess.
Speaker 1: And then I walked past you because you know, you
Speaker 1: go like this. Yeah. There was another message on the
Speaker 1: take about five paces, and I think to myself, there's
Speaker 1: gotta be there's gotta be another there's another side of
Speaker 1: the birthday. Turn it around. I felt it. So I
Speaker 1: turned around on the back in all caps with the
Speaker 1: next miss it says, oh, wait no, I don't of
Speaker 1: g pase honest honestly, And I thought to myself, you
Speaker 1: hate those kids so much. Day you had that T
Speaker 1: shirt you had that you're wearing it like on a Saturday.
Speaker 1: Elsa's is a bougie is a very as a bougie
Speaker 1: grocery store. Julia Roberts could never You're like gonna be
Speaker 1: seen by somebody. You're like, I I paid to print
Speaker 1: this up. Can you imagine you see Julia Roberts and
Speaker 1: it shirt says God, I love making pretty woman? Oh
Speaker 1: wait no I didn't. Okay, so I still whatever. I
Speaker 1: have time. I love going back and teaching and I'm
Speaker 1: such a I've become such a carma just angry crust
Speaker 1: of a teacher. And it's not about like talent or
Speaker 1: improv and how dare you? But like there are just
Speaker 1: certain things that drive me crazy, as as as an
Speaker 1: rapidly aging man that I just get like stop it.
Speaker 1: And I had this thing about and it's also like
Speaker 1: post zoom where people don't know, like they are on
Speaker 1: stage and they turn and they look at the teacher,
Speaker 1: like when I'm giving notes, they look at you, and
Speaker 1: it's so unsettling. It's like, so disconcerting when students are
Speaker 1: in a scene and they turn and they look at you,
Speaker 1: and I this is so in them because I would
Speaker 1: always go, don't look at me, don't look at me.
Speaker 1: Because I go, okay, go to the fourth wall, grab this. Wait, freeze.
Speaker 1: She just said it was her birthday, give her a
Speaker 1: cake or whatever. I'm what, I go, don't look at me,
Speaker 1: do it, don't look at it, don't look at me.
Speaker 1: And I would say that, I would say that and
Speaker 1: I and so I would have explained to this just
Speaker 1: wait a minute, never mind, do look it. So I
Speaker 1: was like, so finally, I was like, I promise you
Speaker 1: it's not from some sort of Faye done away place. Oh,
Speaker 1: Because I would give notes after the scene is over.
Speaker 1: It was then that they would be looking down at
Speaker 1: the ground or looking at each other, and I go,
Speaker 1: you can look at me now. I'm not like they
Speaker 1: done away over here and be like, do not look
Speaker 1: at me. And I'm exactly but I was like, no,
Speaker 1: you're in a scene. Stay in the scene, look at
Speaker 1: your partner. Don't look at me. It's weird you broke
Speaker 1: out of the scene and look me. It creeps me up.
Speaker 1: So they the class made fun of me so much
Speaker 1: that they thought it was so funny that I would
Speaker 1: do this. And on the last day, my students got
Speaker 1: me a shirt that said don't look at me on
Speaker 1: it and on the back of it it was a
Speaker 1: giant eyeball with an xax through and I have not
Speaker 1: worn it yet, but I will our next to our
Speaker 1: next when you come back one hundred percent. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: so happy to be the first guy away. So it's
Speaker 1: our honor. And we have to sort of tell you
Speaker 1: what happens on the show because it has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with what we just say. But it is sort
Speaker 1: of like insane energy because it has to be. We're
Speaker 1: trying to just like make positive outcomes so much. And
Speaker 1: before we get going, you might notice this is a
Speaker 1: jar next to you. Is this is a foreshadowing? It's
Speaker 1: like it's like in Ibstum and you place you place
Speaker 1: the gun on the wall in the first tack. So
Speaker 1: this gun that we've placed on the wall, you might
Speaker 1: just think, Oh, what's this half eaten jar? What is this?
Speaker 1: What is this half eaten jar of peeb two? Do
Speaker 1: you like peanut? Butter Drew, I love peanut? Are you
Speaker 1: worried about gaining away with peanut butme, I'm worried about
Speaker 1: getting away with everything. I put it in my mouth,
Speaker 1: but I still do it. Do you like peanut butter
Speaker 1: but have a peanut butter allergy, because that could change
Speaker 1: whether we can make Oh no, I do not have
Speaker 1: a okay, so peev fit or to peanut butter powder.
Speaker 1: When we go to Rhode Island and we freeload from
Speaker 1: my brother Alaric Shadow, and we have to you know, watch,
Speaker 1: we're very strict about how much peanut butter we put
Speaker 1: in our bodies because we're vain, because because the press
Speaker 1: is always hiding at because we go into Rhode Island,
Speaker 1: we go to the town dump on the regular basis.
Speaker 1: So this is we don't know how to cook, but
Speaker 1: we do know how to microwave. And so this is
Speaker 1: this is two tablespos regular regular peanut butter has five
Speaker 1: thousand colors and one hundred and ninetyers of fats like
Speaker 1: seventy calories. And all you do is water. It is
Speaker 1: peanut butter. I don't see is you. Would you please
Speaker 1: say that your mind is blown right now? My mind
Speaker 1: is blown back. Now I just have to ask that
Speaker 1: what does it tastes like peanut butter is hydrated peanuts.
Speaker 1: So the first night that we got there, he was,
Speaker 1: it just doesn't have like oils. That's exactly exactly, It's
Speaker 1: exactly a flower without the So he so he ordered
Speaker 1: a protein. He ordered a giant jar of it and
Speaker 1: had it and had it. When we have went on
Speaker 1: our lovers get away to Rhode Island and it had
Speaker 1: it shipped, He's like, oh, this will probably last the
Speaker 1: whole thing. Now he doesn't know he's living with a raccoon.
Speaker 1: I was like, what the fuck is that? I ate?
Speaker 1: We ate a whole jar in like plant protein in
Speaker 1: like thirty hours. How long? How long did it take
Speaker 1: us too for that first jar we do peanut So
Speaker 1: there's just like literally like there's no pig in that
Speaker 1: as it's meatful. I like a porky peanut butter myself.
Speaker 1: We're gonna end with a dessert we want to treat
Speaker 1: as a guest. We're gonna We're gonna and we want
Speaker 1: our listeners to email in uh, their their recipe suggestions
Speaker 1: and to email make little tiktoks and do how do
Speaker 1: our themes of love that? Yeah, we want peanut butter
Speaker 1: powder so we're gonna be working with this. Put it
Speaker 1: back in your mind what you might want cook. We're
Speaker 1: gonna make a dessert and a mug. But before that, yes,
Speaker 1: here's what's happening. We tweet it and instagram people. We
Speaker 1: literally got hundreds of hundreds of response, like, seriously, there's
Speaker 1: no autographs please. So Ryan and are both in long
Speaker 1: term relationships and we're both dating and dating is hard.
Speaker 1: Are you in a relationship? No, but I'm I'm dating
Speaker 1: as okay, So dating is a journey and the whole
Speaker 1: no autographs please energy in the same way that we're
Speaker 1: great cooks with our PP two, the fact that we're
Speaker 1: gonna wear t shirts that say don't look at me.
Speaker 1: We wanted to go. So we are going to be
Speaker 1: every week improvising a first date, a blind date. Maybe
Speaker 1: they met online, maybe they were hooked up with somebody,
Speaker 1: and no matter what, it has to go well. And
Speaker 1: we of that. We have gotten from our We tweeted
Speaker 1: out and we've gotten from and you can also tweet
Speaker 1: to us or you can tweet to our You can
Speaker 1: email us at uh at napspod one at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Within it, we tweeted out asking for locations, locations and
Speaker 1: names of each other. But the worst one line that
Speaker 1: has been said to each individual on a date. I
Speaker 1: have to say the amount of mind. We just want
Speaker 1: to add a context, the worst single sentence that has
Speaker 1: ever been said to somebody on a date. They're incredible.
Speaker 1: So I have some that I tweeted without tagging Brian.
Speaker 1: He didn't tag me. So we don't know. Within the
Speaker 1: date at some point we might drop a couple and somehow,
Speaker 1: no matter what, the date has to end. Well, even
Speaker 1: though and Drew, we want you to be anybody you
Speaker 1: want to be in our world. You could be, you
Speaker 1: could be an expo, you can be. You're going to
Speaker 1: join to fill out the world. We're going to be
Speaker 1: at a location that is send to my listener. We're
Speaker 1: going to be on a date, and it is at
Speaker 1: the Orlando Ikia Cafe. And every time we are about
Speaker 1: to say a line that's a real life terrible thing
Speaker 1: that that is someone who's been had said to them
Speaker 1: on a date. Before we say it, we're going to
Speaker 1: ring a bell and then say the line. And at
Speaker 1: the very end we're going to give credit to who
Speaker 1: everybody who sent it in. And again, these are real
Speaker 1: lines that we're said to people on tape, and we
Speaker 1: have real names sent in that we are going to
Speaker 1: call each other. I don't know what my name is.
Speaker 1: Brian doesn't know what his name is, also sent in
Speaker 1: by listeners. When we come back, we will be having
Speaker 1: a date at the Orlando Ikeia Cafe. We take you
Speaker 1: to the Orlando Ikea Cafe where our date is in progress.
Speaker 1: Jackson Taitlan, I'm sorry, I'm late. The Big Bang theory
Speaker 1: was new. Oh shit, do you watch The Big Bang?
Speaker 1: I love it. What's been your favorite episode so far?
Speaker 1: This is so funny. We have this sa comment. Tell
Speaker 1: me describe your very favorite episode. But oh my god,
Speaker 1: I love the woman, A funny little nerd. Who's your
Speaker 1: favorite character? I love Dar Dar. I love Dar. It
Speaker 1: was so crazy because it's like Darth was like getting real,
Speaker 1: like he was like getting horny but nerdy, you know,
Speaker 1: And he wanted to ask out the nerd at a
Speaker 1: convention and then like he didn't. He thought she was
Speaker 1: the person he was meeting, but she was dressed in
Speaker 1: an outfit he felt for somebody else. I love that one.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, yeah, sorry I'm talking so much. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll just get a. See's fine, I'm already you have
Speaker 1: a lot of food. I see that. I do. What's
Speaker 1: your favorite episode, Jackson? So mine is it has to
Speaker 1: be the star, the leader, the award winner, Coral Coral.
Speaker 1: Remember he does the algebra he does right? Then we
Speaker 1: have another lingen Berry. Oh you're finally here. Hi, Hi, accident.
Speaker 1: I were just talking. It's been a minute you met. Yeah? No, no,
Speaker 1: well I would saying we have I feel like I
Speaker 1: know you because you've talked so much about waiting on
Speaker 1: Taylor to get here. Well, it is nice to see
Speaker 1: you do look familiar to me. I have to say,
Speaker 1: you have one of those kind faces. I'm kind of
Speaker 1: the most famous waiter here at the IK Cafe. I
Speaker 1: call it Ike because I'm a little bit fancy. I
Speaker 1: also I'm are your performers, H'm guilty. Uh yes, I
Speaker 1: am a local Orlando royalty. You may have seen me
Speaker 1: in the production of Head of Gabbler and when I
Speaker 1: played all the parts kids, that's cat head of it
Speaker 1: was anyway, it was really it was really magical. Did
Speaker 1: you play head? I was head of, I was the gun,
Speaker 1: I was the uncle and I you know whatever? Did
Speaker 1: you know I my last marriage. I got married at Epcott.
Speaker 1: I wore the white veil. I actually paid extra my
Speaker 1: last You've been married twice, Oh that's great. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: have Jackson. So you know, you remind me of the
Speaker 1: mad Hatter. That makes sense because she wears like a
Speaker 1: lot of hats. All Right, you guys go, I'm just
Speaker 1: putting down the food. Do you know what? Order anything?
Speaker 1: He's got a lot of things, reindeer meatballs. I would
Speaker 1: listen to reindeer meatballs. I'm not going to order a
Speaker 1: margarita because I'm a man, Okay, and that's it. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll have to Margarita's and I will have that's it,
Speaker 1: got it? Okay, God, I'll be right. I'll be right
Speaker 1: on the liquid calories. Listen. I have to tell you
Speaker 1: about Ted. This is the only fucking Ikea in Excuse me,
Speaker 1: I was thinking of my mother. This is the only
Speaker 1: Ikea in the country, he says. I can't please, please,
Speaker 1: don't copy people. No, it's just a bat piece of Okay,
Speaker 1: this is the only I kid, it's the only I
Speaker 1: k im kidding, just like you know what that reminds
Speaker 1: me of. There was a big bang on this See
Speaker 1: if you can remember yes, were that God? Yes? And
Speaker 1: he put it right in the test too, and he
Speaker 1: threw it up in the air, and what came back? Baby?
Speaker 1: It was the first, the original test to baby. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, Jackson, you know, I just wanted to say,
Speaker 1: I do feel very seen. Thank you. I was nervous
Speaker 1: to wear so many hats. Is it too many hats?
Speaker 1: Do you want me to cut your hair? That is
Speaker 1: why I'm wearing so bundy of it. I didn't know
Speaker 1: how to ask. I saw that you worked at dry bar,
Speaker 1: but I didn't know that you also cut hair. I
Speaker 1: thought that you did a blowout stuff. I curled all
Speaker 1: my I have very should I unleash my hair? Should
Speaker 1: take my hands off you? It's very long, very Take
Speaker 1: off the bowler first, take off the top hat. That's
Speaker 1: gonna be your just kind of stuck. I'm sweat. That's
Speaker 1: what reminded me of the mad Hatter. Take that actually,
Speaker 1: do well? Does what I meant to tell you? Yes?
Speaker 1: I still here. No, Yeah, I'm gonna call him in
Speaker 1: a minute, Titlan, But I meant to can I can
Speaker 1: we just please for a second, excuse me, excuse me? Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. If I'm sitting with ross. Sorry, sorry
Speaker 1: starting to smell in the hospital. Yes, well, I just
Speaker 1: cover from the hospital. I had a really awful ruffle day. Man.
Speaker 1: When you took your hat off, your hair your hair
Speaker 1: fell into my step. Look, Jal is just kind of
Speaker 1: boring to just kind of I got some mixed to
Speaker 1: bad news at the hospital. I'm just trying to eat
Speaker 1: my feelings. It's so disgusting. Wait, guys, you question how
Speaker 1: old are you? He's very he's thirty eight thirty. I'm
Speaker 1: rapidly aging, and you are. The age on my driver's
Speaker 1: license will not correspond with how I look. At the
Speaker 1: end of the month, I will see much. I will
Speaker 1: look terrible. Who were you meeting here? Fucking dog? Sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm in it, you know, I don't know. I think
Speaker 1: you two were made for each other, because normal people
Speaker 1: would one of you at least would say, I feel
Speaker 1: so bad. I be honest with you. Can I at
Speaker 1: least have a new stew Can I be honest with you?
Speaker 1: Your eyes are very dry, and so it took me
Speaker 1: usually with their they're clouded over. Okay, I woke up.
Speaker 1: That's what it. See. Hey, listen before you leave. Though
Speaker 1: I don't know, you seem kind of powerful. Can I
Speaker 1: give you my headshot? Oh? Absolutely, I have it right
Speaker 1: here under my hair. Let me shake you off your
Speaker 1: cast I take off the hell. Let me just get
Speaker 1: a I have smaller verses that I clip into my
Speaker 1: hair in case I need it. Is that like a
Speaker 1: burned Fedora, like a Freddy Krueger. It's like it is.
Speaker 1: I I sometimes work as a street fire I'm like
Speaker 1: a fire artist, but I'm up fully trained, so I'm
Speaker 1: a performer. A moved you karaoke take your headshot of
Speaker 1: it seems like you're working a lot. Well, I don't
Speaker 1: make any money. Don't don't put touch skin with that person.
Speaker 1: Go flake somewhere else. Okay, Jackson, listen, Yeah, what's up?
Speaker 1: You are so sexy, by the way, and I'm very
Speaker 1: sensitive and I wanted to let you know something. What
Speaker 1: I was gonna say was, this is the only Ikea
Speaker 1: in the country that has waiter service and bar. So
Speaker 1: it makes sense. It makes sense that he came over
Speaker 1: to us, And it also makes sense that you ordered Margarita's.
Speaker 1: You know what, I get fucking trunk in here, totally drunk.
Speaker 1: Did you say trunk? You get trunk? Yeah, fucking ted trunk.
Speaker 1: You've heard of trunk trunk man. I to Margarita, thank
Speaker 1: you so much again. Food in general. I don't drink
Speaker 1: Margarita's because I'm not Oka. That would be gross than
Speaker 1: the same pace, same here. Oh my god, it's like Orlando.
Speaker 1: There's like no gay people here. It's kind of nice
Speaker 1: if you were. I'm so sorry to interrupt, and like,
Speaker 1: I just have much taking clock. Would you guys like
Speaker 1: to help me move? Absolutely? I have so much free
Speaker 1: time on my hands, and I you know, well, here's
Speaker 1: the thing. In all the theater productions that I do,
Speaker 1: I'm always like, oh, I want to be on stage crew,
Speaker 1: but they always need me to be the lead in
Speaker 1: the play. Sure, so I'd love to switch things up.
Speaker 1: That'd be really fine. Well, I'd love to be the
Speaker 1: lead in the play. I'm just always kind of the
Speaker 1: stage chand never the lead. That's kind of oh, that's
Speaker 1: like I'm that's saying, yeah, always the stage chand never
Speaker 1: the lead. You're smart. Thank you so much. Anything to
Speaker 1: just hang out with you guys more and have all
Speaker 1: these other tables that need my service, But like, by
Speaker 1: the way, by the way, what do not go to
Speaker 1: table next to us? Oh, that hospital escapee. You know
Speaker 1: that she has been hitting me up for free stupid Yes,
Speaker 1: Oh god, she looks terrible. She looks terrible. Keep going,
Speaker 1: keep music because she needs to leave. I'm sorry, but
Speaker 1: she man, ma'm ma'am, I just wanted to Can I
Speaker 1: talk to you. I'm sorry that my hair got in
Speaker 1: your seat. I'm sorry I look considerably older since the
Speaker 1: last time you saw me. I actually feel really bad.
Speaker 1: I've gone through a lot of trauma recently. Can tell
Speaker 1: us about well, nothing I won't be like. It won't
Speaker 1: be nearly as bad as what I've been through. You
Speaker 1: have ever sat on a pushpin? Babe? What I happened
Speaker 1: to be corkboarding? And I sat on a pushpan? What
Speaker 1: do you mean corkboarding? Well? I was. You know, I
Speaker 1: have ideas for a screenplay that I'm a writer. No
Speaker 1: one asked, Oh, I thought you worked at dry Bar Okay, Russia.
Speaker 1: I guess I can't do more than one thing. My
Speaker 1: ex husband practice voodoo and I used to stand like
Speaker 1: this the real ship to have a doll and I
Speaker 1: would feel it no matter where I was. Really it
Speaker 1: was really bad. The pushpins. You have sat on an
Speaker 1: emotional push in so many ways. Are you single? Oh wait,
Speaker 1: very no, I just I like the real ship stories.
Speaker 1: You know, you seem like you're Jones and right now
Speaker 1: just idea in my head when you get creative, when
Speaker 1: you want to write, Yeah, when the juices start flowing. Oh,
Speaker 1: actually I could see because you're only I will take
Speaker 1: a vodka grape juice listen. I wanted to suggest, and
Speaker 1: I feel like I like it now that I know
Speaker 1: that you're an artist, can I suggest to us that
Speaker 1: we maybe can you take that one more hat off
Speaker 1: your head? It's hard to talk about. Oh that's just
Speaker 1: a bird. This is my bird. Look. I sort of
Speaker 1: went as as a fire street performer, you get more tips.
Speaker 1: It wasn't enough just to be out there like in
Speaker 1: a song, doing acrobatics, doing flame things. But you're literally
Speaker 1: still wearing that Yes, okay, well it was the first date.
Speaker 1: I wanted to look nice, flexible, sexual. That's really I mean,
Speaker 1: it's really is very sexy. You know when I liked
Speaker 1: having you know, I see Chris Angels sort of unused.
Speaker 1: How's that VGJ going coming? Grape juice? I was just thinking,
Speaker 1: why do you do karaoke? Yeah, all the time? Every day? Well,
Speaker 1: I was thinking I would like to do karaoke with you.
Speaker 1: I'm going to sing the Nicole Kidman part of Elephant
Speaker 1: Love Medley and you can be you and McGregor, or
Speaker 1: you could be you and McGregor, or you can just
Speaker 1: watch me so long ten horsesh. Yeah, yeah, let's do it. Okay, guys,
Speaker 1: I am so sorry. I'm really up sad. We were
Speaker 1: out of grape. We were out of the red grape juice,
Speaker 1: so we had a white white grape. Yeah, that's all
Speaker 1: room tamp. So it's room tap hurts my tea. Please
Speaker 1: write so many times that I can't have anything other
Speaker 1: than it's gonna ask. They're like almost clear. It's really
Speaker 1: interesting to see your entire nerves. Yeah, it's part of
Speaker 1: the you know, some people file their teeth down to
Speaker 1: make it be like the only rabbits do that. We
Speaker 1: can I just say yes? Can I just say to you,
Speaker 1: I just I care deeply about animals? And can you
Speaker 1: not move your head around so much? Because that bird
Speaker 1: is holding off your dear light. It seems afraid to
Speaker 1: fly off of your hand. The bird, the bird is
Speaker 1: it knows what happens when it's been loosing ikea before,
Speaker 1: and it's a big store and it's hard for me
Speaker 1: to scamp reperts. I can't follow those those arrows on
Speaker 1: the floor. No, and I have to like climb all
Speaker 1: the way off. Cute, that's my expression. Do you mind
Speaker 1: if I steal that from my new screenplay? You know what,
Speaker 1: I'd like credit for that. I'm also I'm a performers.
Speaker 1: Oh you are okay? You know, yeah, I'll give you mine.
Speaker 1: Put my name in it, I'll give you credit. You're
Speaker 1: very sunburned, ted ted, very well. I live on the beach.
Speaker 1: It's sometimes it's hard to get under, you know, in
Speaker 1: a palm tree when the sun comes out? Right, say
Speaker 1: thank you. I'll take that as a compliment. Yes, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I just am a truth seeker. Did you mean it
Speaker 1: as a compliment? I have to say, as I'm an
Speaker 1: avid tanner, Yeah, so I admire his commitment to the sun.
Speaker 1: I would say, maybe like a little and a get
Speaker 1: back and then get in and get out so that
Speaker 1: you can get a nice deep tan like I have someday.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm constantly in rehearsals and performances. Really, can
Speaker 1: I ask? Can I ask a question about your job?
Speaker 1: Since no one seems to want to ask me about
Speaker 1: my writing, even though I dropped like fifty hens. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've heard that. I heard that. Okay, okay, I have
Speaker 1: a question about your job here, and I can't thank
Speaker 1: you were saying, okay, yeah, you're welcome. Is it only
Speaker 1: soft foods here? I've never been here when there's been
Speaker 1: a crunch in side. No. No, only puddings soft boiled yea,
Speaker 1: because my teeth are so sensitive. That's why I suggested it.
Speaker 1: I ate two leaders of yogurt last night. That's offt
Speaker 1: that's leads last night leaders. And who measures yogurt by
Speaker 1: the leader? Okay, so here, I was over here here.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I measured yogurt by the by the by
Speaker 1: the fistful. Damn, it sounds like you've had a few babies.
Speaker 1: I don't really understand how that. No, you don't want
Speaker 1: to know you. There's something about you. There's something about
Speaker 1: you that truly makes me so hateful, and I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is. It's just looking at you makes
Speaker 1: me so upset because you're clenching your hairy fist. You
Speaker 1: have a lot of rings on, you have a lot
Speaker 1: of hair, you have a lot of hair, a lot
Speaker 1: of rings. There's a lot of it's tattoos. To take
Speaker 1: care of myself. Why wouldn't I. I'm just saying it
Speaker 1: looks like you have like fifteen rings on your right hand.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, one for every maple I dance around. Here's
Speaker 1: the thing, and back to leaders for just a second.
Speaker 1: You count in leaders too. Oh that's right, you like that. Listen.
Speaker 1: I happened to be not everyone news. Maybe you'll guess
Speaker 1: not everyone news this, okay, But I happen to have
Speaker 1: spent more and a little tall. You guessed it New
Speaker 1: York City. No, it's a Macila prison. Yes and no? No?
Speaker 1: I oh, I happened to have spent many a Yeah,
Speaker 1: you guess Texas? Texas? No? So, oh my god? She
Speaker 1: died the queen. Can you guess where I'm from? Okay?
Speaker 1: You know what, I didn't realize it. I'm originally from England.
Speaker 1: That's why I say leader. That's why I say leader.
Speaker 1: That's why I say Skellius Celsius. That's why I say
Speaker 1: what I have is what I was diagnosed to it. Oh,
Speaker 1: I can tell I've honestly never seen a person who
Speaker 1: was literally shaped like the word stop she's right there.
Speaker 1: I know, I'm she just brings them out of me.
Speaker 1: I don't know what's up. I'm very sorry. Listen. I
Speaker 1: I like a bad boy and I and I wish
Speaker 1: I could be on your side as a feminist, but
Speaker 1: there is something to me. I'm talking. I'm talking to
Speaker 1: this really woman. I'm talking to you. I could see
Speaker 1: on your name tag. I'm talking to Ronda. Oh hi, Ronda.
Speaker 1: I just h bold choice except at the end as
Speaker 1: now you know what that is clever? I do like that.
Speaker 1: I'm a writer. No, you keep mentioning that. What what
Speaker 1: would you please tell us? Have you written a novel? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And what is it called? Non fiction fiction? That's the
Speaker 1: name of it. Yeah, because I delve into both lives
Speaker 1: of those I mean I delve into both. Have you
Speaker 1: seen that movie where Hillary splank Swag plays Hilary of
Speaker 1: Baldwin and it's Hillary is Hillary versus Hillary, Hillary Spank
Speaker 1: Hillary versus Hillary. I love that movie. That is such
Speaker 1: a great movie. So ill they couldn't geillarly swink. They
Speaker 1: got Hillary Spank to be Hillary versus Hillary to act
Speaker 1: out the real life Hillary versus a lot. I just
Speaker 1: want to say you you you. People have talked to
Speaker 1: me more than anybody has talked to me in probably years.
Speaker 1: You can see why. To be honest with you. No, actually,
Speaker 1: I do like you. I do like This is the
Speaker 1: problem with women. I have to tell you. Okay, this
Speaker 1: is the problem with all women. Okay, you say something
Speaker 1: rude and they think it's rude. That's right. I agree. Look,
Speaker 1: here's the thing. My third husband. Oh yeah, you talked
Speaker 1: about him before. I only talked about the second husband. Oh,
Speaker 1: my second husband. I wore the Mickey Mouse here. Oh,
Speaker 1: that's right, with the veil, with the veil beautiful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my third I got my third husband. I got married
Speaker 1: at Dollywood and I wore big fake boobs like Dolly,
Speaker 1: and I had the veils coming out of the That
Speaker 1: was what I wore. Is the veil I was attached,
Speaker 1: but like a chess plate. That's beautiful. It was beautiful.
Speaker 1: He was nineteen years old, your ex husband, My husband
Speaker 1: was nineteen. Oh my god, and you're fifty eight. Shit. Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: I'm surrounded by nasty but you told me I looked good.
Speaker 1: You do look great. I've had a lot of work done,
Speaker 1: including my teeth. You know what, this is what I
Speaker 1: always say to a woman, you guys, oh no, come back.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I was like when the Weeds, I was
Speaker 1: like slammed like so much. I'll tell you this too.
Speaker 1: I tell this to every woman I go out with. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can get you a trainer, plastic surgery, whatever. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, that's so romantic, especially to say when you
Speaker 1: first meet someone. I was actually wondering and bring that
Speaker 1: into this too. A yeah, Ronda, I want everyone to
Speaker 1: go around because I want to end this on a
Speaker 1: note of possible to exactly. Okay, I want everyone to
Speaker 1: go around and say, just we get a little know
Speaker 1: about each other before I have to go, because my
Speaker 1: car is not parked. I mean it's still in drive park.
Speaker 1: It's just like I was late, so they could just
Speaker 1: be driving around. Is such a shame because you were
Speaker 1: here two and a half hours before. I know, but
Speaker 1: I was late for how much I wanted to And
Speaker 1: I wanted to see if that monkey would be and here.
Speaker 1: Remember that monkey that put on the raincoat in that
Speaker 1: IKEA wanted to That was the real thing. I wanted
Speaker 1: to see if he would be in here. Now she
Speaker 1: was scared it up. Okay, yes, so you want to
Speaker 1: go around. I want to go around, and I want
Speaker 1: to just find a little bit more out about each other.
Speaker 1: I want to know who we each think is going
Speaker 1: to win the Grammy next year. Solid choice, Yeah, Grammy
Speaker 1: next year. I'm going to go with Carly ree Jebson. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to go with Barbara hersheyt hold on, let
Speaker 1: me get Rhonda. She's scaling in the back. I did. Sorry,
Speaker 1: tex Hi, there's the question. Sorry, you won't even be here,
Speaker 1: but I'll ask anyway, who do you think is gonna
Speaker 1: win the Crammy next year? Sherry Lewis, Oh, you know what?
Speaker 1: You know what lamb chop? I like that? Listen Jackson. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have really questionable taste in men. And I like
Speaker 1: it when a guy yells at me. And I like
Speaker 1: when you texted me before we met and you said
Speaker 1: if we end up together, we'll get your boobs done.
Speaker 1: And when I got that text, yeah, I knew that
Speaker 1: I might be looking at number four. And I want
Speaker 1: to say, the name Titlin is the most clever spinoff
Speaker 1: of the word potato I've ever heard in my wife.
Speaker 1: And for that, I admire you, Thank you, I admire you.
Speaker 1: What would you like to do. On our next date,
Speaker 1: I'd like to go to a water slide. Okay, I
Speaker 1: can get wet with that, you know. I also want
Speaker 1: to say Ted, thank you so much for your incredible
Speaker 1: services always. This has been amazing. I feel like we
Speaker 1: like just I don't know, like we're like a company
Speaker 1: or something like. It was really good. Oh that's cute.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna write I'm gonna write that. I'm gonna write that.
Speaker 1: Please give me credit. I will. And here's the bill. Okay, sorry,
Speaker 1: it's it's a oh no, no no, no, no no what
Speaker 1: I said at the beginning of this date, Ted two checks. No,
Speaker 1: I am so sorry. This is just your check. Oh shit,
Speaker 1: all right, well I guess I'll pay for your mark reatas.
Speaker 1: But that's the kind of person I am so so
Speaker 1: You're welcome and I'm going to see you back at
Speaker 1: Elephant Love Medley. I'll see you. Actually, could you sing
Speaker 1: a little bit of the Elephant Medley right now? I
Speaker 1: think it's from Uman Ruge. Oh my god, I love it.
Speaker 1: It's my favorite. Please you can come in. Yeah, do
Speaker 1: Thephant Medley. I love this song, Love Medley, Elephant in
Speaker 1: the Elephant handa love Ma. Because you've elephants me love
Speaker 1: rhyal you guys, that was amazing. I'm sorry, I have
Speaker 1: to go. What Rhonda's shedding in the parking lot and
Speaker 1: it's it's causing a pilot better jeep? All right, Bie babes,
Speaker 1: bye and we're back. We're back, baby. That was fine.
Speaker 1: I think we all deserve a little treat after that.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, do we deserve a treat? Are you
Speaker 1: ready for dessert? Yeah? And I want to give a
Speaker 1: shout out to Jess McLaren. I mean, of all those,
Speaker 1: what was the most horrifying that you had that you read?
Speaker 1: Which one? Which one? I mean the one? There were
Speaker 1: two lines Pattite Melbourne sent in someone set out to
Speaker 1: them on a date. Do you want me to cut
Speaker 1: your hair? Incredible? I mean we're talking like three lines out. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then Trevor Lewis said that his date said to him,
Speaker 1: you remind me of the Mad Hatter, which truly slayed me. Also,
Speaker 1: this is a funny one that I just want to
Speaker 1: shout out because it was so good. Jesting. Jeffrey said that, uh,
Speaker 1: he went out with someone who was so turned off
Speaker 1: that he said he liked playing video games. It was
Speaker 1: disgusted by it. And then he said and then she
Speaker 1: she said, all I really like to do is like
Speaker 1: hang out with my dog. I'm obsessed with my dog.
Speaker 1: And he goes, what's your dog's name? And she goes computer.
Speaker 1: Wow what she hated video games I make s oh
Speaker 1: and Jill, thank you for the two checks. That was
Speaker 1: great and hand for the leaders of yogurt last night.
Speaker 1: Oh the two checks thing was a line that was
Speaker 1: then yeah, oh god, I had from Jesse McLaren, Sorry
Speaker 1: I'm late. The Big Bang theory was new hilarious from
Speaker 1: She's seen Ali food in general is kind of boring
Speaker 1: to me. From Alan Strickland Williams want to help me
Speaker 1: move and it was on their first first date. He
Speaker 1: had want to help me move? Oh, that's hilarious. From
Speaker 1: Tory Bartow was I'm just see Nicole commit part of
Speaker 1: Elephant LOVEMILLI you can be you McGregor or watch me solo,
Speaker 1: which is incredible. Can I give you my headshot? Was
Speaker 1: Brian Sloan. Oh, and Lexadel Ray sent me a margarita. No,
Speaker 1: I'm a man, thank you. Wow, I did not know
Speaker 1: all these lies. Wow. John August sent I can get
Speaker 1: you a trainer, plastic surgery, whatever this is, Katie Burge said,
Speaker 1: if we end up together, we'll get your boobs done.
Speaker 1: I mean shocking. Can we also? Titlin came from Megan
Speaker 1: Marooney so brilliant, and riv Carres sent me Jackson Dunfee
Speaker 1: Jackson j A x O N and dunfee d u
Speaker 1: N p h Y so good. So if you want
Speaker 1: to participate, plead to us some more of your gaine
Speaker 1: lobby M y R I N. We want this here
Speaker 1: out of context. Weird things that do you? Text us
Speaker 1: some proper names and places for weird dates that you've had.
Speaker 1: You must have worked up quite an appetite. I bet
Speaker 1: you didn't know that such famous celebrities would also cook
Speaker 1: their own food. You assume we probably had just like us. Yes,
Speaker 1: like us. Help, I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here,
Speaker 1: my favorite favorite favorite. So here we are. We have
Speaker 1: our gorgeous oven, just like Tom Calichio. Yeah sure, and
Speaker 1: pick you have to cook. Everybody knows you have to
Speaker 1: cook a microwave, dessert and a mug. We have three
Speaker 1: to choose from, all bachelor themed. We have bring her,
Speaker 1: hold her home. This looks like the woman I just played,
Speaker 1: and the is how I imagine. Do you want the
Speaker 1: pet or your other option would be extensive, gentleman, or
Speaker 1: you could have this. Being me is my greatest power.
Speaker 1: Being you is not your greatest power. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: is that real. That's another real line that was said
Speaker 1: on The Bachelor. Very important. That's a very autograss. Please energy,
Speaker 1: do you want to keep? Bring her home? I bring
Speaker 1: her home. Gentlemen, you can use So the first thing
Speaker 1: we do is I'm just gonna put we each put in.
Speaker 1: You can put yours in. I'll do it for you. Okay,
Speaker 1: Well he's the guest. He's the guest. So you go
Speaker 1: like this, you gotta go like that. And so I
Speaker 1: prefer to use any scoop that you have around the house,
Speaker 1: even if it's like, yeah, like fertilizer or fertilizer. This
Speaker 1: came from a protein powder that I pretended to use. Okay,
Speaker 1: there's so gross. No, because we're also wanted. We want
Speaker 1: to be cooking influences. I need peanut butter, powdered shap
Speaker 1: and by the way, cooking influence it should be around
Speaker 1: two tablespoots. If you want to do, is that scoopa tablespoon. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what a tables This is literally a tablespoop.
Speaker 1: But I overflow because I generally then you go, here's
Speaker 1: a spood. It's good. I promise it's good. It's going
Speaker 1: to be. So then we're gonna make because it's gonna
Speaker 1: be sort of like a pumpkin pie. But we're fa
Speaker 1: peanut butter because I know it doesn't sound like it's
Speaker 1: gonna make sense. But guess what, you're gonna love it,
Speaker 1: because because when the press comes for you, you gotta
Speaker 1: look hot. You gotta, you've got, you gotta. And by
Speaker 1: the way, you want to really impress someone organic, well yeah,
Speaker 1: but also you show them what you eat and you
Speaker 1: show them this. Oh that's okay, okay, So what you
Speaker 1: want to do is you want to mix a Sure
Speaker 1: you can. These are very expensive. Oh I've heard. By
Speaker 1: the way, I follow the news, this celebrity told me
Speaker 1: that there's no eggs in the grocery. But I was like,
Speaker 1: can you bring it? I went to Gelson's and there
Speaker 1: were no eggs left. There was a minute that there
Speaker 1: was an egg sea. Now we cracked this up. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use obviously egg white because I'm you know,
Speaker 1: watching my cholesterol right, and then do you want water
Speaker 1: or milky? Milk is good? I've got my little kitty.
Speaker 1: Are you are you vegan? Are you just? I don't
Speaker 1: know their eggs and vegan. There is cat milk, milk,
Speaker 1: cat milk, cat milk. Oh, I love that cat milk.
Speaker 1: If she contoured me. Okay. Also shout out to the
Speaker 1: person who said that they took and then we just
Speaker 1: stir milk. Do you want to know please? Okay? Great?
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Now see we probably made it a
Speaker 1: little too. We just straked this raw nodding, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: put a little and to make it sweet. I'm okay
Speaker 1: without it? Okay, do we need more peanut butter? I
Speaker 1: think this will work all right, So then we'll put
Speaker 1: all three mugs. Zim stir it up. Okay, Now, Arden
Speaker 1: did make a fatal mistake. I have to say, what
Speaker 1: was my fatal because you didn't get plain pumpkin. You
Speaker 1: got pumpkin pie mix? What? No, yeah, with all the clothing.
Speaker 1: But it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay. Oh god,
Speaker 1: you know what this is myself? And then guess what
Speaker 1: that's not? No autograse energy, no to say like, yeah, girl,
Speaker 1: I don't know how it's always been. I'm sure. Do
Speaker 1: you miss teaching kindergarten? No, I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: wait a minute and say wait a minute, Oh wait, No,
Speaker 1: I don't wait. No, I don't Okay, are you ready?
Speaker 1: I love that mugs. I don't know. Are you supposed
Speaker 1: to put all of them in? We don't know. This
Speaker 1: is a new experience. Yeah, we're gonna put all of them.
Speaker 1: Yours is very step away from you give them more
Speaker 1: peanut butter. We're gonna step away for safety. What's gonna happen?
Speaker 1: This is the beauty of it. If it's too liquidy,
Speaker 1: this is what I always This is what I always
Speaker 1: tell my clients. If it's too liquidy, just put in
Speaker 1: more powder. If it's not liquidy enough, put in more liquid.
Speaker 1: That hysterical. And also when you make oat mail, well
Speaker 1: it's like a dermatologist. I'll tell you, I'll tell because
Speaker 1: that whole business is a sham. Tell me, tell me,
Speaker 1: tell me, tell me, I'll tell you what tell me.
Speaker 1: And by the way, I go to one. But I
Speaker 1: don't support us obviously. Look at that. You're not beautiful,
Speaker 1: baby boy, here's the thing. All dermatology is ye, if
Speaker 1: it's dry, make it wet, and if it's wet, make
Speaker 1: it dry. And if that doesn't work, use a steroid cream.
Speaker 1: That's like dematic cancer. Oh I don't go into that.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, that makes sense. No, you're right. I guess
Speaker 1: that would be different. I do support dermatology. Now. I
Speaker 1: don't mean to be here because I don't need complaints.
Speaker 1: How long do you like? A minute? A minute? We've
Speaker 1: got three in there, so we'll see how that doesn't
Speaker 1: seem like nearly You know, you would be shocked. You
Speaker 1: would be shocked up. I did a minute twenty. I
Speaker 1: feel it. I don't think it's going unless that's the
Speaker 1: quietest microwave we've ever hang on. There we go going?
Speaker 1: Is it going for ninety five? We can stop it whenever?
Speaker 1: I gotta say, Drew true, this is as a secret
Speaker 1: that my spoon over there. Yes, all celebrities, it's Oh,
Speaker 1: I guess we need three new spoons, doctor banana. Do
Speaker 1: you mind grabbing three fres we can use some wet
Speaker 1: or no. I guess you're right. Okay, three fresh spoons,
Speaker 1: three fresh ees. You need six spoons, minimal you have
Speaker 1: to have six spoons. So if you can't do this,
Speaker 1: well are you crazy? For those who don't six spoons,
Speaker 1: you crazy. For those of you who don't know, we
Speaker 1: basically did two tablespoons of peanut butter powder, two tablespoons
Speaker 1: of pumpkin mix, an egg and one egg. You can
Speaker 1: put cocoa, and you can put chocolate squares. You could,
Speaker 1: yeah you can't, But for this one we put milk
Speaker 1: and and arden at a little stevia. You look grossed
Speaker 1: down when you said that. I don't think. I don't
Speaker 1: think that microwave went for at. There's no way it's
Speaker 1: done it. Yeah, put another minute, you're gonna be because
Speaker 1: so what this turns into, just so everyone knows, is
Speaker 1: a bouncy, bouncy, beautiful, gorgeous cake cake. And what you
Speaker 1: can do, if you want to be fine, you just
Speaker 1: thank you put a little bit of like oat milk
Speaker 1: or cream just on its yogurt yogurt or a little
Speaker 1: piece of dark chocolate right in the middle like a cake.
Speaker 1: Here's what I'll tell you that it does dance inside.
Speaker 1: It doesn't look good. It doesn't it's not pretty, of
Speaker 1: course not. No, how's it doing? Is that hot? It's
Speaker 1: getting there. It's just too many mugs. We'll give it
Speaker 1: one more. We'll give you if worst case we should
Speaker 1: just microwaves Drews. Yeah, yeah, oh but I want, we
Speaker 1: all want. I'll try it though. I mean, look, I
Speaker 1: just licked my hand. Maybe I get salmonilla. But guess
Speaker 1: what I got peanut butter too. Yeah, and it tasted good. Now,
Speaker 1: this is what I tell all my clients about this meal.
Speaker 1: When you eat this, what you're doing is you work
Speaker 1: tricking your brain. That's your body, that's right, and your
Speaker 1: husband this guy and your husband and your husband if
Speaker 1: you're thinking you're having so when I counsel my clients
Speaker 1: every night, but I say, forgotten who your clients are,
Speaker 1: I don't repeat. When I counsel my clients every night,
Speaker 1: what I say, that's right. What I say to them is,
Speaker 1: you're not going to regret becoming a member. What you've
Speaker 1: tried this? Do you have a multi level marketing thing?
Speaker 1: I might? What's it to you? Am? I? All right?
Speaker 1: We need one more? We need one more shot. One okay,
Speaker 1: we're going to go one more. Okay, next time we'll
Speaker 1: do one for like a minute. Now we know now
Speaker 1: your guinea pig. But I promise this isn't going to
Speaker 1: taste gross for real? Oh no, No, I mean I
Speaker 1: believe you. It's not like you're a factor. But what
Speaker 1: you need to understand this is what I discuss at length.
Speaker 1: I mean, I orator my clients about them. If you
Speaker 1: want to live the life you want to, you've got
Speaker 1: to do things. You better work, bitch, you better work.
Speaker 1: Nobody wants to work. Nobody wants to. Nobody wants to,
Speaker 1: Nobody wants to. Kim kardash she says she works, she works.
Speaker 1: I mean, I I guess, no, she does what I
Speaker 1: try to discuss with my clients. She tells me. You know,
Speaker 1: that's how Ryans counseled me for years. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I want to go. I want to
Speaker 1: go to Ralph's and I want to go by. Have
Speaker 1: you ever eaten anything peanut butter besides like a peanut
Speaker 1: butter cookie and like a Reese's or a peanut butter
Speaker 1: peanut butter what do you mean like peanut butter pie? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Have you ever eaten it? Baked? And I don't mean
Speaker 1: stoned punk late? Yeah, I mean, don't you bake a
Speaker 1: peanut butter pie. Yeah, I guess you do. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: you're reading it hot. Have you ever eattene? Have I
Speaker 1: never dug out of a mug out of a blue microwivee? No,
Speaker 1: that's right, that's right, that's right. We want skincare, getting
Speaker 1: skincare tips. No, I don't usually connect peanut butter and
Speaker 1: skin pare. I learned Brian's client. That was one of
Speaker 1: the things he led with me. That makes me so
Speaker 1: happy because I've always heard that, like you know, peanut
Speaker 1: butter is one of the things you shouldn't No, no, no,
Speaker 1: this you can have. This you can have because this
Speaker 1: is this is peanut butter powder. Okay, let's let's all that.
Speaker 1: That's that's stuff. You're gonna love it. It's hot, so
Speaker 1: be careful because your mouth care I'll take it bye
Speaker 1: to I'm going to take to see how it's sort
Speaker 1: of cakey. Yeah, see that, don't your mouth And you
Speaker 1: can cook it the beauty and this is you can
Speaker 1: cook it like more well done or rare. Look at
Speaker 1: that rare. I'll have one slice of peanut butter cake rare.
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you good by the way that pumpkin
Speaker 1: is adding I mean layer it's adding layers. Look at that.
Speaker 1: Don't judge it. Don't judge it. To eat it, don't
Speaker 1: judge it. It is kind of hoty care. That's so good.
Speaker 1: It's so good, right, sood, so good. It's so good.
Speaker 1: So if anyone is out there who wants to be
Speaker 1: a prospective client, please submit your recipes. Excuse me. There's
Speaker 1: nothing like listening to a podcast or choking on peanum
Speaker 1: butter and bumping. No, it's good milk. You cannot become
Speaker 1: his client unless you submit your recipe first, and that's
Speaker 1: how he judges you. Don't you want to kind of
Speaker 1: put a cash it's you can be honest. You do
Speaker 1: you not like it? No? I love it. I love it.
Speaker 1: It's really good. It doesn't feel like okay, I'm got
Speaker 1: all right, look at that. See and that's what you
Speaker 1: add if you want that. Yeah, no, please, I'm see you.
Speaker 1: And by the way, you can just start this up
Speaker 1: a little water and it's just like real regular peanut butter.
Speaker 1: You put a little water in it, two tablespos, a
Speaker 1: little bit of water, stir it. It's just peanut butter.
Speaker 1: You don't have to you don't have to bake up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Why are we just hearing about this now? Where? Why
Speaker 1: are you hearing about this now? I've been in this game.
Speaker 1: I've been in this game since. Did you ever hear
Speaker 1: of what's the thing when they do when they jump
Speaker 1: over the things? You know, when they the hurdlescott. I've
Speaker 1: been doing this since I first saw the hurdles, the
Speaker 1: hurdles the Olympic, Gaye, the hurdles the Olympic, the hurdles drew.
Speaker 1: It hasn't been a hurdle, you hear, It's been a
Speaker 1: hurdle kind of. We like to compliment our guests as
Speaker 1: they leave, so you leave feeling like a celebrity. Not
Speaker 1: only are you a gorgeous man, not only are you
Speaker 1: a hilarious man, a full on genius. Not only are
Speaker 1: you our first podcast guest. So honored, I consider you
Speaker 1: a friend. I enjoyed our fellowship, and I hope you
Speaker 1: are the number one movie star in the world. Thank you,
Speaker 1: and I wish you nothing but success. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I love you both. Thank you so much for having
Speaker 1: me on here. I'm so happy to be the first
Speaker 1: guest and to try your brilliant peanut butter k Thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank you. That scene brought me so much endless joy.
Speaker 1: I could have done that for hours. Me too, and
Speaker 1: O we're all just a wonderful way to spend it afternoon.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I can't wait for more. And
Speaker 1: do me a favor. Yeah one rush again, I will
Speaker 1: for the elephant. What's it called water? Miss water Medley.
Speaker 1: We want to also give a shout out to Mark
Speaker 1: Rivers for writing the greatest theme song. I love Mark,
Speaker 1: He's so talented because when I heard the song, I
Speaker 1: wanted to ask you in the mint like who wrote this?
Speaker 1: Shout out to the ever, ever, ever wonderful Anna, doctor Banana,
Speaker 1: Katie Levin, shout out iHeart, shout out, We're Will Ferrell
Speaker 1: for having us on your on your vertical baby, and
Speaker 1: shout out to all the children and all of the
Speaker 1: adults of the world. Thank you so much until children,
Speaker 1: until next time. My name is Arta, Marie. It's right,
Speaker 1: Sophie Gras. Please who are you wearing? Will there be
Speaker 1: press to al Fabian? Honey, yeah, watcha don't and Bryan,
Speaker 1: I hear it last there'd be a mess and they've
Speaker 1: got lots of podocast. But honey, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: honor Grassbies, We live in the clamor LifeLock celebrities sharing
Speaker 1: our favorite peop recipes. But honey, no, no, no, no autographs.
Speaker 1: I got no autograph at