Speaker 1: Hello, everyone, Welcome to this week's episode of Cheeky's and Chill.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for taking the time to listen.
Speaker 1: Thank you for loving my podcast. I get a lot
Speaker 1: of great comments you guys. I just had a few
Speaker 1: shows this weekend and a lot of people are like,
Speaker 1: I listen to your podcast, Thank you so much. It's
Speaker 1: such an inspiration and that makes me happy because that's
Speaker 1: all I ever want to do you guys, is in
Speaker 1: some way be an inspiration and make you guys feel empowered.
Speaker 1: And if I can prevent you from making mistakes like
Speaker 1: I've made, that is what this podcast and my whole life,
Speaker 1: my singing, my books, everything that I do, that is
Speaker 1: like my main focus. Well, this is going to be
Speaker 1: an episode where it's just you and I again, me
Speaker 1: the mic and you. So what I want to talk
Speaker 1: to you guys about today is something that has been
Speaker 1: on my heart for about a week now. It's been
Speaker 1: in my prayer and meditation time and I spoke to
Speaker 1: a few people about it, like what do you think
Speaker 1: I kind of want to say this, and some people said, yes,
Speaker 1: I think you should. I think if you have that
Speaker 1: in your heart and you want to express it, I
Speaker 1: think you should other said no that I shouldn't, but
Speaker 1: I always do what I want to do. I follow
Speaker 1: my heart. There's a lot of heart in this episode
Speaker 1: right now. But that's my truth right now, and I
Speaker 1: just I feel like, in a way it's going to
Speaker 1: liberate me. I don't know just the whole thing that happened,
Speaker 1: you guys, with my miscarriage. And I got a lot
Speaker 1: of love messages, a lot of comments, a lot of
Speaker 1: dms from you guys that listen to my podcast. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. Again, I don't know where to start.
Speaker 1: I don't know how I'm even going to star this.
Speaker 1: I guess I'm just going to dig deep and I'm
Speaker 1: going to wean this because there's no right or wrong
Speaker 1: way to say. In reality, this is just something that
Speaker 1: I wanted to share because my miscarriage put a lot
Speaker 1: of things into perspective for me, and I just don't
Speaker 1: feel right keeping something like this in, especially since I've
Speaker 1: been so honest and upfront with you guys about almost
Speaker 1: everything in my life. But I want to say it
Speaker 1: was season one or season two of Cheeese and Chill
Speaker 1: were now in the third season. I've sprinkled it in
Speaker 1: here and there, in regards to a miscarriage I said
Speaker 1: I had when I was nineteen. That wasn't the entire truth.
Speaker 1: I did not feel comfortable with stating my truth, and
Speaker 1: now I feel comfortable now, I feel ready because it
Speaker 1: was actually I decided to terminate the pregnancy. I don't
Speaker 1: know if termination is worse than abortion. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I just I guess. I'm still uncomfortable with the vocabulary.
Speaker 1: Even saying miscarriage is a little weird to me, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I had a misca It's still very weird to me.
Speaker 1: It sounds, it feels weird. So anyways, it was my choice.
Speaker 1: At nineteen years old, that's when it happened. I said
Speaker 1: I had a miscarriage. It's a secret I've carried for
Speaker 1: since then. The person that I was with then doesn't
Speaker 1: even know. I hope this is It's sad, but I
Speaker 1: don't have any communication with him. But this is how
Speaker 1: he's going to find out as well. I told him
Speaker 1: that it was a miscarriage. I went by myself. I
Speaker 1: was nineteen years old. I was very afraid of my mom,
Speaker 1: not because I just didn't want to disappoint her. I
Speaker 1: think that's why I was afraid of her, not because
Speaker 1: she was going to like kick me out or anything
Speaker 1: like that. I think it was more of like disappointing her.
Speaker 1: I always seek her approval, and definitely, at nineteen years old,
Speaker 1: I was not ready. And I guess I just feel
Speaker 1: like I have to confess it in a way because
Speaker 1: now that I've really experienced a miscarriage, this was my
Speaker 1: very first miscarriage, I don't feel like it's fair. It's
Speaker 1: fair to say that, and it doesn't feel right inside
Speaker 1: of me, especially with everything that the healing journey I've
Speaker 1: been on for the past few years. It just doesn't
Speaker 1: feel right. And that's why I wanted to let you
Speaker 1: guys know. And I apologize if I let anyone down.
Speaker 1: I apologize if maybe I'll lose some followers or some listeners,
Speaker 1: because I know that that's a very touchy subject. And
Speaker 1: I have also expressed on my podcast it I am
Speaker 1: pro choice. That's just my opinion. That's my belief. I
Speaker 1: feel that as women we should have and decide what
Speaker 1: we do with our bodies. And that's just my opinion,
Speaker 1: and I respect everyone else's opinion. So I also so
Speaker 1: understand if people will be upset with me. I just
Speaker 1: someone told me, you're like teekies. Don't don't say it.
Speaker 1: You don't have to, like you know, there's even friends
Speaker 1: that had no idea that are in my life now.
Speaker 1: And I told him, I said, I just have to
Speaker 1: say this because I honestly thought about it. I thought,
Speaker 1: I said, oh my gosh, like, is this because I
Speaker 1: had an abortion before that this happened and all the
Speaker 1: reproductive issues that I've had, Is it because of that?
Speaker 1: You know? I'm not gonna lie and say that. I
Speaker 1: didn't think that. But when I was in Albuquerque at
Speaker 1: the hospital, the doctor there was so amazing and she
Speaker 1: told me, because of course, you have to give them
Speaker 1: all of your you know, your health history, and and
Speaker 1: I did, and I told her, I told her, you know, yes,
Speaker 1: and a media already knew this. Him and I before,
Speaker 1: I think a week before he asked me to marry him,
Speaker 1: we had this deep conversation in Las Vegas. We both
Speaker 1: like sat at a bar and we just told each
Speaker 1: other everything, stuff that he's gone through and he has
Speaker 1: done that he's not proud of. And I confess this.
Speaker 1: I said, I just want you to know everything about me.
Speaker 1: And I just feel better since that conversation. So even
Speaker 1: friends of mine who are really close to me, I
Speaker 1: never told them. Uh. And one of my friends was like,
Speaker 1: I don't think that you need to tell people this
Speaker 1: because you know how people or some people can be
Speaker 1: with you, especially the media. They're going to talk bad
Speaker 1: about you. And I'm just like, you know what. At first,
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, you're right, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: say anything, but it just didn't. It was bothering me.
Speaker 1: And that's like my gut feeling, my intuition saying it's okay.
Speaker 1: The people that love you are going to love you regardless,
Speaker 1: and maybe you can help other people. And that's what
Speaker 1: I want to do, is like I want to help
Speaker 1: people and I want to show you guys at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, like, hey, I'm not perfect. I
Speaker 1: wasn't entirely honest, because again I wasn't ready. But now
Speaker 1: that I've experienced this, I see the world in a
Speaker 1: different way, and even to the point where people that
Speaker 1: I love so much and that I thought we're friends,
Speaker 1: this has made me see people for who they really
Speaker 1: are and what part they should play in my life. Now.
Speaker 1: It's crazy how so much pain can open your eyes
Speaker 1: to like a different world to appreciating life in a
Speaker 1: different way, which is why I felt it so deep
Speaker 1: within me to express this, to let you guys know,
Speaker 1: especially my listeners, like my loyal listeners that listen to
Speaker 1: my podcast, because I never want to steer you guys
Speaker 1: in the wrong way, in any way, and the only
Speaker 1: way to change lives is to be completely honest, and
Speaker 1: I always say that, So this is I feel like
Speaker 1: the only thing that I need to clear up. Other
Speaker 1: than that I've been honest about everything. It's just something
Speaker 1: so personal and because my mom never knew, she never
Speaker 1: found out, she didn't even know I was pregnant. You guys, ever,
Speaker 1: I don't know what I was doing at nineteen year olds,
Speaker 1: how I got there, Like I drove myself. I had
Speaker 1: to stay there, like it was like it was a
Speaker 1: whole DNC it was that did happen? And I just
Speaker 1: I only told an aunt and I said that in
Speaker 1: my podcast, and I don't know if she ever shared
Speaker 1: it with anyone, but I was really close to her then.
Speaker 1: And no, it's not my mom's sister. It's another aunt,
Speaker 1: one of my uncle's wives, that I told, And I
Speaker 1: don't think she ever said anything. She never told my mom.
Speaker 1: So I just felt like it's not fair. I guess
Speaker 1: in a way, I feel weird, Like I never thought
Speaker 1: I was going to say it, to be honest, I
Speaker 1: never thought I had to because I always thought about
Speaker 1: my mom too. I'm like, Okay, well that's not cool,
Speaker 1: like she's not here and she didn't know, but you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm grown. I'm sure my mom would understand. Now.
Speaker 1: You know, I was just young and I was scared
Speaker 1: and I was not ready, and it's something I do
Speaker 1: think about all the time. And if anything, I want
Speaker 1: to apologize to that partner. And I won't say his name,
Speaker 1: but for sure, once he knows my age and how
Speaker 1: old I was, he's gonna know. But I just don't
Speaker 1: feel fair. He's happy now and I'm so happy for
Speaker 1: him and his wife and they have three beautiful boys.
Speaker 1: And I just feel like everything happened the way it
Speaker 1: was supposed to happen, and Ynada, I just wanted to
Speaker 1: get that off my chest. You guys says it was
Speaker 1: killing me. I was like, I can't, I can't sleep,
Speaker 1: Like it was just something that was really like weighing
Speaker 1: heavy on me because of this whole experience and I
Speaker 1: just believe in being fair, and I just feel like
Speaker 1: it wasn't fair to that pregnancy, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's weird. I don't even know if I'm making sense,
Speaker 1: but I just feel like it wasn't fair to the
Speaker 1: pregnancy I just had, or the pregnancy that I had
Speaker 1: at nineteen. I'm like, let me just come out in
Speaker 1: the open and just bring it to light, because now
Speaker 1: I know more than ever who I am and where
Speaker 1: I want to go and the impact I want to
Speaker 1: have in this world. That I'm okay with letting you
Speaker 1: guys know. Hey, guys, I'm not perfect. I know a
Speaker 1: lot of people have probably gone through this and haven't
Speaker 1: told a soul, and that's okay. I mean, it's up
Speaker 1: to you if you don't want to tell everyone or
Speaker 1: put it on a podcast, you know. But for me,
Speaker 1: I just felt like this is part of my mission,
Speaker 1: you know, in this world, and especially after this weekend,
Speaker 1: you guys, I had three shows. I went on stage
Speaker 1: with the worst back pain, you guys, And that's also
Speaker 1: part of the miscarriage. I didn't know. I've never experienced
Speaker 1: a back pain like this. I don't even like taking
Speaker 1: ibuprofen or taila oh, I'm like try my best to
Speaker 1: be very like holistic and you know, take natural things.
Speaker 1: But I was in so much pain, like I it was.
Speaker 1: It was insane, but we got through it. And it's
Speaker 1: crazy because the first show I had for the am
Speaker 1: onth this tour, I was pregnant and I didn't know
Speaker 1: how I was going to feel going on stage, and
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean, like because the first show,
Speaker 1: I felt so powerful, I felt like invincible. Was this
Speaker 1: crazy feeling I felt. I just felt like I had
Speaker 1: this glow about me, and I was afraid that I
Speaker 1: wasn't going to have that for these shows. And I
Speaker 1: had a great time at my shows. I did hydrate
Speaker 1: very important. I'm gonaeting Ivy today too, because you know,
Speaker 1: got to care myself. But I felt very sad in
Speaker 1: the first show. I cried a little bit when I
Speaker 1: was singing Sino Tubi Rasiloyes got very like watery because
Speaker 1: of the lyrics and what that song means to me
Speaker 1: and like obviously like it's a very special song to
Speaker 1: a media as well, but I just I cried a
Speaker 1: little bit. And then after that, after the first show,
Speaker 1: I felt a little bit better. And then the second
Speaker 1: and third Children's Third show was I think the hardest physically,
Speaker 1: but emotionally I felt I felt pretty good. I felt
Speaker 1: fine again. I think it's because of the faith that
Speaker 1: I haven't got and like in the higher power that
Speaker 1: helped me heal from this. I don't think I'm completely
Speaker 1: healed yet from from what happened, but I'm definitely I
Speaker 1: feel better every single day. Physically, I'm still feeling a
Speaker 1: little weird. I'm not supposed to work out. I think
Speaker 1: what really messed me up, you guys, was I was
Speaker 1: feeling fine and then I got on the bike for
Speaker 1: forty five minutes, and then after that the back paint came.
Speaker 1: And the lady that helps me at the house. You know,
Speaker 1: she's a Mexican lady, so they know all these like
Speaker 1: you know, cosas, caaseiras and like all. I feel like
Speaker 1: the Mexican ladies, the older ladies know everything. So she
Speaker 1: told me, she's like, you weren't supposed to work out.
Speaker 1: You have to be careful. Your uterus is still healing,
Speaker 1: even if you're feeling like better. And I think that
Speaker 1: that's like I had. I was like, damn like and
Speaker 1: I think that's what started the whole back paint. It's
Speaker 1: still not one hundred percent gone, but it's getting better,
Speaker 1: and I have faith it'll get better because in a
Speaker 1: few days I'm flying out because I have another two shows.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to kind of tell you guys where
Speaker 1: I'm at and how I'm feeling, and let you guys
Speaker 1: know that I am okay. Because a lot of people
Speaker 1: were worried. They couldn't believe that I was gonna go
Speaker 1: back on tour. I did get a lot of those
Speaker 1: messages like I think you should cancel. I did get
Speaker 1: an angry person that was like, oh my god, that's
Speaker 1: so responsible. I can't believe you're going on tour. But
Speaker 1: I'm fine, you guys, I'm okay. I have a great
Speaker 1: team around me. I'm taking precaution as well. I'm doing
Speaker 1: what I got to do, and being on stage makes
Speaker 1: me happy, Like feeling the love that you guys give me.
Speaker 1: When I'm on stage, I loss, and you know, all
Speaker 1: of that makes me feel full and happy. So I'm good.
Speaker 1: Emilia is also okay. People ask me about that. How
Speaker 1: is he? He's a lot better. I'm telling you, every
Speaker 1: day we're understanding more and more, and I just feel
Speaker 1: like this situation happened because I needed to also see
Speaker 1: things that I can better within myself and with my
Speaker 1: surroundings and people around me. It's unfortunate that this had
Speaker 1: to happen in order for me to open my eyes
Speaker 1: and see certain things. And I guess accept it certain things,
Speaker 1: but I I'm always just grateful for every experience because
Speaker 1: I feel like through every experience, you grow and you
Speaker 1: mature and you learn, and I'm definitely still seeing little
Speaker 1: by little what the blessing behind this unfortunate event, because
Speaker 1: there's always something good that we can pull from sad situations.
Speaker 1: So I'm still on that journey and this was part
Speaker 1: of it. I just wanted to talk to you guys
Speaker 1: and open up about them because I didn't want to,
Speaker 1: like feel like I was misleading you guys in any way.
Speaker 1: And I think it'll also help my healing journey. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, if there is someone that's watching or listening
Speaker 1: and maybe doesn't see me the same anymore, I'm okay
Speaker 1: with that. I completely understand. I am a person that
Speaker 1: respects everyone's opinion and I'm sorry if I let you
Speaker 1: down in any way. But I also want to be
Speaker 1: loved and completely loved and accepted for who I am,
Speaker 1: which is why I felt so comfortable letting Emilia know
Speaker 1: this because I want him to love me, flaws and all,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to have any skeletons in the
Speaker 1: closet or secrets or pretend to be someone that I'm
Speaker 1: not to be loved and to be accepted. So if
Speaker 1: there are people here that want to unsubscribe or unfollow
Speaker 1: me on social media or I'm okay with it because
Speaker 1: I also, like I said, I love people for who
Speaker 1: they are and that's the only thing I want in
Speaker 1: my life. I want it to be completely reciprocated. So
Speaker 1: if anything, I'm again I apologize, and the people that
Speaker 1: have been with me since day one and continue to
Speaker 1: be with me and will continue to be with me,
Speaker 1: I love you, and I could just promise you from
Speaker 1: this day forward that there is nothing else that I
Speaker 1: feel that I need to say or anything else that
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be okay with speaking about. To be honest, like,
Speaker 1: I am in such a good place in my life
Speaker 1: where I'm like, I know who I am, I know
Speaker 1: where I'm going, I know what I want to do
Speaker 1: in this world, that there's nothing that I wouldn't feel
Speaker 1: comfortable talking about at this point and just saying, hey, here,
Speaker 1: this is what I think. These are my belief this
Speaker 1: is what I've done wrong or things that I'm not
Speaker 1: proud of, or whatever it may be. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I just want to say thank you to everyone
Speaker 1: for listening and for being here with me, and and
Speaker 1: so be it whatever happens from here. I mean, I
Speaker 1: always say that, and I feel good. I feel free.
Speaker 1: I feel like there it's out there. I don't have
Speaker 1: to hide it. I don't have to like you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, like just for the sake of not
Speaker 1: upsetting certain people. And it's just like, you know what,
Speaker 1: this is me, and that's all I can give you
Speaker 1: is me, my real self, and I would just hope
Speaker 1: that you love me for who I amen. So you,
Speaker 1: guys again, thank you so much for listening, for being here,
Speaker 1: for being a part of this family, Chiky's and Chill,
Speaker 1: for listening to dear Cheeky's as well. I am very
Speaker 1: grateful and I appreciate you and you and you and
Speaker 1: all of you, and I'll catch you on the next
Speaker 1: episode of Cheeky's and Chill. Thank you, guys. This is
Speaker 1: a production of iHeartRadio and Mike with Podcast Network. Follow
Speaker 1: us on Instagram at Mike Withura Podcasts, and follow me
Speaker 1: Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s. For
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