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Speaker 1: Hello, everyone, Welcome to this week's episode of Cheeky's and Chill.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for taking the time to listen.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for loving my podcast. I get a lot

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Speaker 1: of great comments you guys. I just had a few

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Speaker 1: shows this weekend and a lot of people are like,

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Speaker 1: I listen to your podcast, Thank you so much. It's

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Speaker 1: such an inspiration and that makes me happy because that's

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Speaker 1: all I ever want to do you guys, is in

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Speaker 1: some way be an inspiration and make you guys feel empowered.

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Speaker 1: And if I can prevent you from making mistakes like

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Speaker 1: I've made, that is what this podcast and my whole life,

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Speaker 1: my singing, my books, everything that I do, that is

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Speaker 1: like my main focus. Well, this is going to be

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Speaker 1: an episode where it's just you and I again, me

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Speaker 1: the mic and you. So what I want to talk

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Speaker 1: to you guys about today is something that has been

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Speaker 1: on my heart for about a week now. It's been

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Speaker 1: in my prayer and meditation time and I spoke to

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Speaker 1: a few people about it, like what do you think

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Speaker 1: I kind of want to say this, and some people said, yes,

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Speaker 1: I think you should. I think if you have that

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Speaker 1: in your heart and you want to express it, I

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Speaker 1: think you should other said no that I shouldn't, but

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Speaker 1: I always do what I want to do. I follow

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Speaker 1: my heart. There's a lot of heart in this episode

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Speaker 1: right now. But that's my truth right now, and I

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Speaker 1: just I feel like, in a way it's going to

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Speaker 1: liberate me. I don't know just the whole thing that happened,

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Speaker 1: you guys, with my miscarriage. And I got a lot

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Speaker 1: of love messages, a lot of comments, a lot of

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Speaker 1: dms from you guys that listen to my podcast. Thank

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Speaker 1: you so much. Again, I don't know where to start.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how I'm even going to star this.

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Speaker 1: I guess I'm just going to dig deep and I'm

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Speaker 1: going to wean this because there's no right or wrong

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Speaker 1: way to say. In reality, this is just something that

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Speaker 1: I wanted to share because my miscarriage put a lot

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Speaker 1: of things into perspective for me, and I just don't

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Speaker 1: feel right keeping something like this in, especially since I've

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Speaker 1: been so honest and upfront with you guys about almost

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Speaker 1: everything in my life. But I want to say it

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Speaker 1: was season one or season two of Cheeese and Chill

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Speaker 1: were now in the third season. I've sprinkled it in

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Speaker 1: here and there, in regards to a miscarriage I said

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Speaker 1: I had when I was nineteen. That wasn't the entire truth.

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Speaker 1: I did not feel comfortable with stating my truth, and

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Speaker 1: now I feel comfortable now, I feel ready because it

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Speaker 1: was actually I decided to terminate the pregnancy. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if termination is worse than abortion. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: but I just I guess. I'm still uncomfortable with the vocabulary.

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Speaker 1: Even saying miscarriage is a little weird to me, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I had a misca It's still very weird to me.

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Speaker 1: It sounds, it feels weird. So anyways, it was my choice.

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Speaker 1: At nineteen years old, that's when it happened. I said

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Speaker 1: I had a miscarriage. It's a secret I've carried for

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Speaker 1: since then. The person that I was with then doesn't

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Speaker 1: even know. I hope this is It's sad, but I

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Speaker 1: don't have any communication with him. But this is how

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Speaker 1: he's going to find out as well. I told him

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Speaker 1: that it was a miscarriage. I went by myself. I

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Speaker 1: was nineteen years old. I was very afraid of my mom,

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Speaker 1: not because I just didn't want to disappoint her. I

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Speaker 1: think that's why I was afraid of her, not because

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Speaker 1: she was going to like kick me out or anything

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Speaker 1: like that. I think it was more of like disappointing her.

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Speaker 1: I always seek her approval, and definitely, at nineteen years old,

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Speaker 1: I was not ready. And I guess I just feel

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Speaker 1: like I have to confess it in a way because

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Speaker 1: now that I've really experienced a miscarriage, this was my

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Speaker 1: very first miscarriage, I don't feel like it's fair. It's

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Speaker 1: fair to say that, and it doesn't feel right inside

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Speaker 1: of me, especially with everything that the healing journey I've

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Speaker 1: been on for the past few years. It just doesn't

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Speaker 1: feel right. And that's why I wanted to let you

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Speaker 1: guys know. And I apologize if I let anyone down.

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Speaker 1: I apologize if maybe I'll lose some followers or some listeners,

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Speaker 1: because I know that that's a very touchy subject. And

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Speaker 1: I have also expressed on my podcast it I am

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Speaker 1: pro choice. That's just my opinion. That's my belief. I

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Speaker 1: feel that as women we should have and decide what

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Speaker 1: we do with our bodies. And that's just my opinion,

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Speaker 1: and I respect everyone else's opinion. So I also so

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Speaker 1: understand if people will be upset with me. I just

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Speaker 1: someone told me, you're like teekies. Don't don't say it.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to, like you know, there's even friends

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Speaker 1: that had no idea that are in my life now.

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Speaker 1: And I told him, I said, I just have to

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Speaker 1: say this because I honestly thought about it. I thought,

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Speaker 1: I said, oh my gosh, like, is this because I

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Speaker 1: had an abortion before that this happened and all the

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Speaker 1: reproductive issues that I've had, Is it because of that?

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Speaker 1: You know? I'm not gonna lie and say that. I

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Speaker 1: didn't think that. But when I was in Albuquerque at

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Speaker 1: the hospital, the doctor there was so amazing and she

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Speaker 1: told me, because of course, you have to give them

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Speaker 1: all of your you know, your health history, and and

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Speaker 1: I did, and I told her, I told her, you know, yes,

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Speaker 1: and a media already knew this. Him and I before,

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Speaker 1: I think a week before he asked me to marry him,

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Speaker 1: we had this deep conversation in Las Vegas. We both

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Speaker 1: like sat at a bar and we just told each

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Speaker 1: other everything, stuff that he's gone through and he has

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Speaker 1: done that he's not proud of. And I confess this.

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Speaker 1: I said, I just want you to know everything about me.

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Speaker 1: And I just feel better since that conversation. So even

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Speaker 1: friends of mine who are really close to me, I

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Speaker 1: never told them. Uh. And one of my friends was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't think that you need to tell people this

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Speaker 1: because you know how people or some people can be

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Speaker 1: with you, especially the media. They're going to talk bad

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Speaker 1: about you. And I'm just like, you know what. At first,

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, you're right, I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: say anything, but it just didn't. It was bothering me.

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Speaker 1: And that's like my gut feeling, my intuition saying it's okay.

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Speaker 1: The people that love you are going to love you regardless,

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Speaker 1: and maybe you can help other people. And that's what

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Speaker 1: I want to do, is like I want to help

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Speaker 1: people and I want to show you guys at the

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Speaker 1: end of the day, like, hey, I'm not perfect. I

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Speaker 1: wasn't entirely honest, because again I wasn't ready. But now

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Speaker 1: that I've experienced this, I see the world in a

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Speaker 1: different way, and even to the point where people that

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Speaker 1: I love so much and that I thought we're friends,

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Speaker 1: this has made me see people for who they really

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Speaker 1: are and what part they should play in my life. Now.

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Speaker 1: It's crazy how so much pain can open your eyes

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Speaker 1: to like a different world to appreciating life in a

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Speaker 1: different way, which is why I felt it so deep

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Speaker 1: within me to express this, to let you guys know,

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Speaker 1: especially my listeners, like my loyal listeners that listen to

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Speaker 1: my podcast, because I never want to steer you guys

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Speaker 1: in the wrong way, in any way, and the only

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Speaker 1: way to change lives is to be completely honest, and

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Speaker 1: I always say that, So this is I feel like

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Speaker 1: the only thing that I need to clear up. Other

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Speaker 1: than that I've been honest about everything. It's just something

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Speaker 1: so personal and because my mom never knew, she never

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Speaker 1: found out, she didn't even know I was pregnant. You guys, ever,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I was doing at nineteen year olds,

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Speaker 1: how I got there, Like I drove myself. I had

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Speaker 1: to stay there, like it was like it was a

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Speaker 1: whole DNC it was that did happen? And I just

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Speaker 1: I only told an aunt and I said that in

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Speaker 1: my podcast, and I don't know if she ever shared

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Speaker 1: it with anyone, but I was really close to her then.

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Speaker 1: And no, it's not my mom's sister. It's another aunt,

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Speaker 1: one of my uncle's wives, that I told, And I

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Speaker 1: don't think she ever said anything. She never told my mom.

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Speaker 1: So I just felt like it's not fair. I guess

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Speaker 1: in a way, I feel weird, Like I never thought

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Speaker 1: I was going to say it, to be honest, I

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Speaker 1: never thought I had to because I always thought about

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Speaker 1: my mom too. I'm like, Okay, well that's not cool,

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Speaker 1: like she's not here and she didn't know, but you

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Speaker 1: know what, I'm grown. I'm sure my mom would understand. Now.

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Speaker 1: You know, I was just young and I was scared

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Speaker 1: and I was not ready, and it's something I do

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Speaker 1: think about all the time. And if anything, I want

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Speaker 1: to apologize to that partner. And I won't say his name,

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Speaker 1: but for sure, once he knows my age and how

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Speaker 1: old I was, he's gonna know. But I just don't

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Speaker 1: feel fair. He's happy now and I'm so happy for

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Speaker 1: him and his wife and they have three beautiful boys.

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Speaker 1: And I just feel like everything happened the way it

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Speaker 1: was supposed to happen, and Ynada, I just wanted to

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Speaker 1: get that off my chest. You guys says it was

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Speaker 1: killing me. I was like, I can't, I can't sleep,

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Speaker 1: Like it was just something that was really like weighing

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Speaker 1: heavy on me because of this whole experience and I

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Speaker 1: just believe in being fair, and I just feel like

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Speaker 1: it wasn't fair to that pregnancy, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: It's weird. I don't even know if I'm making sense,

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Speaker 1: but I just feel like it wasn't fair to the

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Speaker 1: pregnancy I just had, or the pregnancy that I had

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Speaker 1: at nineteen. I'm like, let me just come out in

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Speaker 1: the open and just bring it to light, because now

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Speaker 1: I know more than ever who I am and where

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Speaker 1: I want to go and the impact I want to

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Speaker 1: have in this world. That I'm okay with letting you

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Speaker 1: guys know. Hey, guys, I'm not perfect. I know a

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Speaker 1: lot of people have probably gone through this and haven't

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Speaker 1: told a soul, and that's okay. I mean, it's up

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Speaker 1: to you if you don't want to tell everyone or

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Speaker 1: put it on a podcast, you know. But for me,

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Speaker 1: I just felt like this is part of my mission,

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Speaker 1: you know, in this world, and especially after this weekend,

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Speaker 1: you guys, I had three shows. I went on stage

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Speaker 1: with the worst back pain, you guys, And that's also

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Speaker 1: part of the miscarriage. I didn't know. I've never experienced

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Speaker 1: a back pain like this. I don't even like taking

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Speaker 1: ibuprofen or taila oh, I'm like try my best to

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Speaker 1: be very like holistic and you know, take natural things.

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Speaker 1: But I was in so much pain, like I it was.

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Speaker 1: It was insane, but we got through it. And it's

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Speaker 1: crazy because the first show I had for the am

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Speaker 1: onth this tour, I was pregnant and I didn't know

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Speaker 1: how I was going to feel going on stage, and

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Speaker 1: like you know what I mean, like because the first show,

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Speaker 1: I felt so powerful, I felt like invincible. Was this

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Speaker 1: crazy feeling I felt. I just felt like I had

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Speaker 1: this glow about me, and I was afraid that I

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Speaker 1: wasn't going to have that for these shows. And I

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Speaker 1: had a great time at my shows. I did hydrate

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Speaker 1: very important. I'm gonaeting Ivy today too, because you know,

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Speaker 1: got to care myself. But I felt very sad in

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Speaker 1: the first show. I cried a little bit when I

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Speaker 1: was singing Sino Tubi Rasiloyes got very like watery because

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Speaker 1: of the lyrics and what that song means to me

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Speaker 1: and like obviously like it's a very special song to

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Speaker 1: a media as well, but I just I cried a

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Speaker 1: little bit. And then after that, after the first show,

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Speaker 1: I felt a little bit better. And then the second

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Speaker 1: and third Children's Third show was I think the hardest physically,

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Speaker 1: but emotionally I felt I felt pretty good. I felt

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Speaker 1: fine again. I think it's because of the faith that

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Speaker 1: I haven't got and like in the higher power that

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Speaker 1: helped me heal from this. I don't think I'm completely

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Speaker 1: healed yet from from what happened, but I'm definitely I

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Speaker 1: feel better every single day. Physically, I'm still feeling a

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Speaker 1: little weird. I'm not supposed to work out. I think

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Speaker 1: what really messed me up, you guys, was I was

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Speaker 1: feeling fine and then I got on the bike for

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Speaker 1: forty five minutes, and then after that the back paint came.

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Speaker 1: And the lady that helps me at the house. You know,

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Speaker 1: she's a Mexican lady, so they know all these like

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Speaker 1: you know, cosas, caaseiras and like all. I feel like

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Speaker 1: the Mexican ladies, the older ladies know everything. So she

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Speaker 1: told me, she's like, you weren't supposed to work out.

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Speaker 1: You have to be careful. Your uterus is still healing,

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Speaker 1: even if you're feeling like better. And I think that

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Speaker 1: that's like I had. I was like, damn like and

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Speaker 1: I think that's what started the whole back paint. It's

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Speaker 1: still not one hundred percent gone, but it's getting better,

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Speaker 1: and I have faith it'll get better because in a

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Speaker 1: few days I'm flying out because I have another two shows.

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to kind of tell you guys where

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Speaker 1: I'm at and how I'm feeling, and let you guys

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Speaker 1: know that I am okay. Because a lot of people

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Speaker 1: were worried. They couldn't believe that I was gonna go

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Speaker 1: back on tour. I did get a lot of those

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Speaker 1: messages like I think you should cancel. I did get

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Speaker 1: an angry person that was like, oh my god, that's

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Speaker 1: so responsible. I can't believe you're going on tour. But

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Speaker 1: I'm fine, you guys, I'm okay. I have a great

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Speaker 1: team around me. I'm taking precaution as well. I'm doing

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Speaker 1: what I got to do, and being on stage makes

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Speaker 1: me happy, Like feeling the love that you guys give me.

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Speaker 1: When I'm on stage, I loss, and you know, all

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Speaker 1: of that makes me feel full and happy. So I'm good.

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Speaker 1: Emilia is also okay. People ask me about that. How

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Speaker 1: is he? He's a lot better. I'm telling you, every

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Speaker 1: day we're understanding more and more, and I just feel

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Speaker 1: like this situation happened because I needed to also see

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Speaker 1: things that I can better within myself and with my

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Speaker 1: surroundings and people around me. It's unfortunate that this had

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Speaker 1: to happen in order for me to open my eyes

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Speaker 1: and see certain things. And I guess accept it certain things,

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Speaker 1: but I I'm always just grateful for every experience because

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Speaker 1: I feel like through every experience, you grow and you

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Speaker 1: mature and you learn, and I'm definitely still seeing little

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Speaker 1: by little what the blessing behind this unfortunate event, because

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Speaker 1: there's always something good that we can pull from sad situations.

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Speaker 1: So I'm still on that journey and this was part

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Speaker 1: of it. I just wanted to talk to you guys

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Speaker 1: and open up about them because I didn't want to,

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Speaker 1: like feel like I was misleading you guys in any way.

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Speaker 1: And I think it'll also help my healing journey. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, if there is someone that's watching or listening

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Speaker 1: and maybe doesn't see me the same anymore, I'm okay

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Speaker 1: with that. I completely understand. I am a person that

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Speaker 1: respects everyone's opinion and I'm sorry if I let you

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Speaker 1: down in any way. But I also want to be

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Speaker 1: loved and completely loved and accepted for who I am,

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Speaker 1: which is why I felt so comfortable letting Emilia know

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Speaker 1: this because I want him to love me, flaws and all,

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Speaker 1: and I don't want to have any skeletons in the

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Speaker 1: closet or secrets or pretend to be someone that I'm

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Speaker 1: not to be loved and to be accepted. So if

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Speaker 1: there are people here that want to unsubscribe or unfollow

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Speaker 1: me on social media or I'm okay with it because

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Speaker 1: I also, like I said, I love people for who

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Speaker 1: they are and that's the only thing I want in

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Speaker 1: my life. I want it to be completely reciprocated. So

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Speaker 1: if anything, I'm again I apologize, and the people that

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Speaker 1: have been with me since day one and continue to

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Speaker 1: be with me and will continue to be with me,

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Speaker 1: I love you, and I could just promise you from

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Speaker 1: this day forward that there is nothing else that I

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Speaker 1: feel that I need to say or anything else that

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't be okay with speaking about. To be honest, like,

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Speaker 1: I am in such a good place in my life

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Speaker 1: where I'm like, I know who I am, I know

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Speaker 1: where I'm going, I know what I want to do

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Speaker 1: in this world, that there's nothing that I wouldn't feel

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Speaker 1: comfortable talking about at this point and just saying, hey, here,

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Speaker 1: this is what I think. These are my belief this

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Speaker 1: is what I've done wrong or things that I'm not

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Speaker 1: proud of, or whatever it may be. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: but I just want to say thank you to everyone

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Speaker 1: for listening and for being here with me, and and

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Speaker 1: so be it whatever happens from here. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: always say that, and I feel good. I feel free.

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Speaker 1: I feel like there it's out there. I don't have

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Speaker 1: to hide it. I don't have to like you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, like just for the sake of not

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Speaker 1: upsetting certain people. And it's just like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: this is me, and that's all I can give you

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Speaker 1: is me, my real self, and I would just hope

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Speaker 1: that you love me for who I amen. So you,

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Speaker 1: guys again, thank you so much for listening, for being here,

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Speaker 1: for being a part of this family, Chiky's and Chill,

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Speaker 1: for listening to dear Cheeky's as well. I am very

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Speaker 1: grateful and I appreciate you and you and you and

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Speaker 1: all of you, and I'll catch you on the next

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Speaker 1: episode of Cheeky's and Chill. Thank you, guys. This is

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Speaker 1: a production of iHeartRadio and Mike with Podcast Network. Follow

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Speaker 1: us on Instagram at Mike Withura Podcasts, and follow me

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Speaker 1: Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s. For

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Speaker 1: more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

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Speaker 1: or wherever you get your favorite shows.