WEBVTT - 8) The Seduction That Went Too Far 0:00:01.360 --> 0:00:03.920 All eight episodes of The Die For are available now 0:00:04.000 --> 0:00:07.000 to bench absolutely free, but for ad free listening and 0:00:07.040 --> 0:00:11.440 exclusive bonuses, subscribe to tendorfoot Plus at tenderfoot plus dot 0:00:11.480 --> 0:00:13.600 com or on Apple podcasts. 0:00:18.040 --> 0:00:22.720 Warning, the following episode contains explicit language and sexual themes. 0:00:23.520 --> 0:00:25.320 Listener discretion is advised. 0:00:28.840 --> 0:00:36.000 Somewhere, Guinia elav It's a yes. 0:00:37.200 --> 0:00:39.800 The voice you hear is that of Aliah Rose's father. 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:44.199 We've asked him to tell us about Alah in his 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:46.479 own words. 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:50.640 So she's like saying, from very early childhood, I always 0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:53.519 trained her mentally training and physical training. 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:56.800 She was like, this is a Liah, translating her father's 0:00:56.800 --> 0:01:01.360 words with some editorial comments still double up the. 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:04.600 Always like every day we would like speak about patriotes 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:09.320 and like what is it to be a real patriot? 0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:06.960 Yea. 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:12.720 And then he's not saying I pushed her to like enrol. 0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:16.039 He's like, and I'm so proud that she followed my 0:01:16.280 --> 0:01:20.200 steps and she became like a military. 0:01:20.959 --> 0:01:24.440 To this day, however, Leah has never told her father 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:27.559 that she wasn't just trained at the academy to fight 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:32.319 the country's enemies, but to sleep with them. 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:35.399 This training, he says, really he does not know about 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:37.560 the missions. So all these trainings were so good for 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:39.960 her life because she's strolled the world and now she's 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:43.680 successful and entrepreneur, and so I'm very proud of her. 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:49.120 Disapproval means everything to a Leah even today. So the 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:51.960 biggest risk she feels she's taking with this podcast is 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:55.680 not upsetting Putin or even the US government. It's upsetting 0:01:55.720 --> 0:01:56.120 her father. 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:05.320 If they would find out about this reduction program, it 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:06.400 would probably kill. 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:10.919 Him to kill you. 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:14.080 I'm really sorry. 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:19.320 I had to do it that I could on my. 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:28.840 You did away found out, and my god. 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:31.920 I got to you. 0:02:34.200 --> 0:02:36.120 I had to kill you. 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:41.760 Say so much. 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:13.120 Episode eight, Chapter seventeen, Graduation. By the time Eliah's training 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:16.280 at the military academy near its end, the colonel was 0:03:16.280 --> 0:03:20.080 fully protecting her, not just from the other predatory men there, 0:03:20.280 --> 0:03:21.520 but from almost everything. 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:27.920 I stopped doing this hard work, standing all night and 0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:32.679 protecting our academy. I wouldn't go to the kitchen anymore 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:36.840 and pill thousand potatoes and cook for everybody and wash 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:41.760 all these huge fans. But the most important that nobody 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:47.320 were picking on me from like male students. They looked 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:49.840 at me, but in another way, so like, okay, so 0:03:49.920 --> 0:03:55.520 she's protected. I can't touch her. And even that guy 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:58.680 who took advantage of me in the beginning of the education, 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:01.400 he couldn't even look at me because he knew if 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:04.320 I would complain to the cornel about what he did 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:08.480 with me before, he would be just fired straight. 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:12.120 But I didn't. I don't know why. 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:16.240 Everybody in the academy by that time already knew that 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:20.039 I had relationship with Cornell and I was his protegian, 0:04:21.240 --> 0:04:24.680 and everybody knew that major voice fired because of me 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:29.080 as well, so nobody could like mess with me. 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:37.960 That spring, Leah completed her examinations. As she prepared in 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:41.080 her dorm room for graduation, she noticed that she was 0:04:41.120 --> 0:04:43.400 no longer the same person who her father had dropped 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:45.120 off of the academy the year before. 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:53.240 We had to wear this official uniform for parade, so 0:04:53.880 --> 0:04:58.400 I got dressed. I remember I had a really nice 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:06.400 jacket with golden buttons and scart. Cornell brought me High 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:11.640 Hills beautiful boots. So I put an egg cup, I 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:16.240 put makeup on with the red lipstick, and I looked 0:05:16.240 --> 0:05:22.120 at the mirror, but it was another woman. It's a 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:25.960 big change from the girl who just entered this building. 0:05:27.720 --> 0:05:31.960 I became a woman in just one year. I looked 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:36.080 at the mirror and I saw my dad in the 0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:39.000 mirror telling me, I'm so proud of you. 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:43.200 I went downstairs. 0:05:43.800 --> 0:05:48.920 We lined up in front of our teacher, and each 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:51.760 of us had to come to him, take an oath 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:55.760 and salute him, and we would have to tell him 0:05:57.800 --> 0:06:04.560 I swear and as to serve my country. And we 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:10.640 all did like a marsh and it was beautiful. I 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:17.680 had pride that I did it. I survived somehow. Now 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:21.359 I can go home and I can be proud of myself, 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:24.480 and hopefully my dad will be proud of myself too. 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:32.080 Knowing that I can kill, knowing that I can seduce anyone, 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:37.200 knowing that my target at Cornell, he was like literally 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:41.360 like kissing my feet that moment. I felt so strong 0:06:41.440 --> 0:06:43.280 and so powerful, so clever. 0:06:46.520 --> 0:06:50.000 But Leah's excitement about beating the system was only temporary, 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:53.440 because graduation meant that she was now trapped in an 0:06:53.480 --> 0:07:00.320 even bigger system, a life sentence in the Russian military. 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:06.080 So I didn't feel free. I felt even more involved. 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:11.760 I was official part of the system. 0:07:13.400 --> 0:07:15.600 One thing that made us easier is that the colonel's 0:07:15.640 --> 0:07:18.840 reach extended beyond the academy, and he promised to protect 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:21.760 Eleia in her career and then the assignments that would follow. 0:07:22.480 --> 0:07:24.520 As a le recalls, he told her. 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:27.000 I'm here for you to help you, and i will 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:29.120 protect you so you don't need to go to all 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:34.240 these risky missions. You will have a good office in 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:38.680 the department, and everybody will respect you, and you will 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:43.200 have your high rank very soon. So he was giving 0:07:43.240 --> 0:07:50.640 me all these promises, and he was in love. And 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:57.440 Cornell asked me to call him daddy. That powerful man 0:07:58.480 --> 0:08:03.520 could have sex with any female students, could organize orgies 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:09.720 with other students. See how it's changing. So he wanted 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:13.800 me to call him daddy. So I called him Daddy. 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:19.400 We will unpack this power dynamic more later in this episode. 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:23.160 In the meantime, to ensure that everything went well in 0:08:23.200 --> 0:08:26.480 a Leah's new position at the Investigation Department of the 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:29.840 Bureau of Internal Affairs, the colonel showed up and spoke 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:30.800 to her commander there. 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:37.520 He came to the department. Everybody saluted him because he 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:40.679 had much higher rank, and he spoke with my commander. 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:43.960 I don't know what they were talking in that room. 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:48.319 But after that meeting, everybody were speaking with me with 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:56.320 the highest respect, and I had my separate room from everyone, 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:03.880 and I had just a good mellow days. I had 0:09:03.920 --> 0:09:07.600 to answer some calls and like write some documents, and 0:09:07.640 --> 0:09:12.760 that's it. Nobody could tell me anything. Some of us 0:09:13.000 --> 0:09:17.600 the easiest and relaxing till something happened. 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:23.360 That's something happened in late July when Aleah left the 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:24.160 office one evening. 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:33.640 So I go home and I come in to my 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:39.320 house where my parents and my younger sister are, and 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:43.080 I mean, Neil, it's so hard to talk about it. 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:48.480 Fuck. I opened the door and I. 0:09:48.640 --> 0:09:54.800 See my mom being very angry at me, and I 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:58.800 don't understand. She doesn't tell me why my dad was 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:04.120 not at home that moment. And my mom she started 0:10:04.120 --> 0:10:09.040 to like basically beat me, and she was screaming, you 0:10:09.160 --> 0:10:14.360 are such an embarrassment. You're not my daughter anymore. How 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:17.760 could you do this? And I was like thinking, like 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:21.800 what exactly that she mean? She said, I get out 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:27.640 from here. I just took my cell phone with me 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:34.640 and I couldn't take anything else and I left. I 0:10:34.679 --> 0:10:39.720 didn't know where to go, and I couldn't come back. 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:45.240 Eliah soon discovered that the major, the seduction teacher who'd 0:10:45.280 --> 0:10:51.000 been dating the colonel, had taken her revenge. 0:10:49.360 --> 0:10:56.319 And it was painful to realize that that woman called 0:10:56.360 --> 0:11:00.800 to my dad and told him that like behaving like 0:11:00.840 --> 0:11:06.120 a whore. I'm dating a coronel and I am an 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:10.040 embarrassment and I failed my mission. 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:18.240 Everything Leah had done up to this point, joining the military, 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:21.480 working to be a hero and defend her country, had 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:24.360 been done to please her father, to earn his approval, 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:30.319 and now she just lost it, possibly forever. And even worse, 0:11:30.520 --> 0:11:32.199 Aliah had only one place to turn. 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:36.320 I didn't know where to go and what to do. 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:39.040 I didn't have money. I was just on the street. 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:43.559 I called my only one friend I had. I said, listen, like, 0:11:43.960 --> 0:11:47.720 I don't know where to go, and she said, you 0:11:47.720 --> 0:11:51.439 should call to your cornel. He has to take care 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:54.760 about you. This is all because of him. So I 0:11:54.800 --> 0:12:00.920 called him and I was crying. I said, find out 0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:04.240 about our relationship and they kick me out. So I 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:09.479 don't have anywhere to go, and he said, like, stay there, 0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:15.480 I'm coming to get you. So he came quite quick. 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:22.240 He got a hotel for me for like a few weeks, 0:12:23.760 --> 0:12:27.600 and then he said, like, I will look for your apartments. 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:34.640 Don't worry. He gave me some money and I stayed 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:43.520 in that hotel. My dad never called me. At some point, 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:47.080 I felt really grateful for the Corner for what he's done. 0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:51.320 That he came and he helped me and he protected me, 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:55.000 and I explained him the situation, and he said, you know, 0:12:55.080 --> 0:12:55.680 I don't. 0:12:55.440 --> 0:12:57.480 Blame your dad. It's okay. 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:03.119 He needs some time to digestice it will be fine. 0:13:03.480 --> 0:13:09.920 But I didn't feel fine. I felt betrayed. I felt lonely, 0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:13.760 and then at the same time, I thought, maybe it's 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:18.319 better like it is. My father would never understand or 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:26.199 would never forgive himself for what I've experienced already, so 0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:31.520 I didn't want him to blame himself about it. I 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:42.560 just stayed silenced, alone, scared. It's almost like it was 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:49.440 beneficial for the Coronel that my parents rejected me, because 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:53.560 in this situation he could have his power on me, 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:59.199 on my life and the whole dependence. And who knows, 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:03.360 maybe he asked the major to call my parents. 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:03.840 I don't know. 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:27.840 Chapter eighteen, The KGB Resort. 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:45.560 I look at her as this super badass woman, but 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:49.640 at the same time it is this child. I see 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:55.680 this little Aliyah that is still seeking this acceptance in 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:58.120 this love from her father. 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:01.760 This is Emily Mark, a trauma healer who is one 0:15:01.760 --> 0:15:04.880 of several counselors that Aliah has been working with. Aliyah 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.640 has given her permission to speak openly and help provide 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:10.320 some context to this difficult moment in her life. 0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:15.120 The father is like the GPS that is the portal 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:22.320 to the world of men. So when we have an 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:27.840 abusive of disconnected emotionally father, there is an impact in 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:32.240 the way we see other men, in the way we 0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:35.480 even going to choose and we are going to connect 0:15:35.520 --> 0:15:35.960 with men. 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:37.080 Now. 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:40.960 Add to this, Emily explains a situation where Leah is 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:44.160 literally trapped in the same environment with her abuser, with 0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:46.960 no authority figure to trust and nowhere else to turn 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:51.000 for protection. And the situation gets much more complex. 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:55.760 When you look at the Stockholm syndrome or even trauma bonding. 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:59.800 There is an emotional tie that can develop between the 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:04.040 victim and the abuser. There is this cycle of kindness 0:16:04.760 --> 0:16:09.600 and mistreatment in the relationship. And for her when the 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:14.360 parents just put her out and she has absolutely nowhere 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:18.080 to go, there is nothing that she knows then going 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:23.840 to the person that is a superior at work, and 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:28.720 there is an emotional connection with that person even though 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:30.800 he's an abuser. 0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:36.680 I asked Emily about the parallels between Leah's father, who's 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:40.560 an abusive, high ranking, powerful military officer, and the colonel 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:44.160 who is also an abusive, high ranking, powerful military officer 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:45.920 who wants Aleah to call him daddy. 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:50.920 When you look at Aliah, specifically her story and what 0:16:51.080 --> 0:16:53.920 happened with her father, there is why we call the 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:58.640 repetition confusion when there is this need to repeat the 0:16:58.680 --> 0:17:03.200 same painful pattern that you learn at a very young age. 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:09.280 Because when someone experienced complex drama, when a child basic 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:13.480 need is not met, it creates what we call the 0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:19.880 maladaptive patterns of behavior in relationship. And especially that her 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:24.040 colonel was asking her to call her daddy, then it's 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:28.920 even clearer why she would even run to him when 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:29.800 she needed help. 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:33.879 It's important to clarify that none of this is a 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:38.119 Leah's fault in any way. The responsibility lands clearly on 0:17:38.200 --> 0:17:42.000 the colonel and her father. The point is to explain 0:17:42.160 --> 0:17:44.800 why a Leah may have had actions and feelings that 0:17:44.840 --> 0:17:47.280 don't seem logical to those of us who haven't had 0:17:47.320 --> 0:17:52.000 her experience. Abuse is much more complicated to heal from 0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:54.919 when the perpetrator repeats a childhood pattern we had with 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:57.919 the father we loved. Sometimes she's talking about the colonel 0:17:58.160 --> 0:18:00.320 like we said, with tenderness and other times like fuck 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:01.199 can he abuse me? 0:18:01.600 --> 0:18:06.240 Yes, I would say, when she's really having this conversation consciously, 0:18:06.840 --> 0:18:09.879 like she's understanding no, no, he did wrong by me. 0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:14.960 But there is the unconscious part. And if you look 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:19.560 at Aliyah, there is a lot of dissociation. So when 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:24.800 she is in that place, that's where she talks about 0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:30.760 him with tenderness because there was a dysfunctional but an 0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:37.840 emotional attachment to that person. To be called daddy by her, 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:42.520 it just perpetuate something that was very familiar to her. 0:18:43.960 --> 0:18:48.600 She sort of has this just been abused by authority 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:51.320 figures in a sense, whether it's her father's authority figure, 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:56.560 the colonel's an authority figure, even just the whole military 0:18:56.720 --> 0:18:59.840 Russia serve the Fatherland as an authority figure. 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:04.000 There is so much more that she needs to unpack, 0:19:04.040 --> 0:19:06.719 and she's genuine this is what I feel. 0:19:08.160 --> 0:19:09.120 I believe she's. 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:12.439 Going to be happy and she can hear absolutely one 0:19:12.520 --> 0:19:16.800 hundred and fifty percent, and she's in her journey. So 0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:20.000 if you can remind her, just like you are still 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:23.600 doing therapy, it's an ongoing journey. There are so many 0:19:23.640 --> 0:19:27.560 layers to look at the fact that you created that 0:19:27.760 --> 0:19:30.639 space where she felt safe. And when we create that 0:19:30.720 --> 0:19:35.320 space where people can just unpack and they feel safe 0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:40.160 to whatever needs to come, they are held, magic happens. 0:19:40.320 --> 0:19:45.280 And that's what you started doing with her. 0:19:48.359 --> 0:19:51.560 With this perspective in mind, we return now to Aliyah 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:55.359 living in an apartment paid for by the colonel, working 0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:57.520 at a desk job given to her by the colonel, 0:19:57.960 --> 0:20:01.119 and now as dependent on his protection as he is 0:20:01.359 --> 0:20:02.120 on her affection. 0:20:03.600 --> 0:20:10.359 Everything was really easy, and I loved my job that time, 0:20:10.840 --> 0:20:15.359 and I just did like my very mellow, boring desk 0:20:15.480 --> 0:20:23.320 work till something happened. Cornell invited me to spend with 0:20:23.440 --> 0:20:26.840 him a few days. He called to my commander of 0:20:26.920 --> 0:20:30.719 my department and basically he asked him to give me 0:20:30.800 --> 0:20:36.200 some days off, and he invited me to this beautiful 0:20:36.280 --> 0:20:41.560 resort five star. I've never been anywhere like that. My 0:20:41.680 --> 0:20:46.280 dad would never take us somewhere like that. And actually 0:20:46.480 --> 0:20:52.040 that was a resort which was built for KGB high 0:20:52.080 --> 0:20:57.760 ranked officers with spar and a lake with little boats. 0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:04.399 It was a beautiful sunny day and he took me 0:21:05.680 --> 0:21:11.520 to the boat and it was really romantic. We had 0:21:11.600 --> 0:21:19.000 like conversation and I love and I just enjoyed the day. 0:21:19.160 --> 0:21:24.720 So that day he said to me, Daddy prepared for 0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:30.600 you a surprise, and I thought, oh, it's probably like 0:21:31.240 --> 0:21:37.000 some jewelry pieces. And I was right in a sense. 0:21:39.119 --> 0:21:43.600 So when we came back after the boat ride, there 0:21:43.720 --> 0:21:48.640 was a beautiful filled with flowers and there was no 0:21:48.680 --> 0:21:54.199 one there. He went on his knees and he opened 0:21:54.200 --> 0:21:58.000 a little box in his hand, and I saw a 0:21:58.119 --> 0:22:02.760 ring with a huge diamond, and he said, will you 0:22:02.840 --> 0:22:03.280 marry me? 0:22:20.440 --> 0:22:23.520 The danger of seduction is that sometimes it works all 0:22:23.560 --> 0:22:26.920 too well. And while the colonel proposing to Aliah may 0:22:26.960 --> 0:22:31.440 seem like another victory, the fact is that obsession is dangerous, 0:22:32.160 --> 0:22:35.000 especially when it's a person like the colonel who's becoming 0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:35.679 obsessed with you. 0:22:38.160 --> 0:22:39.840 I would like, literally like no. 0:22:41.720 --> 0:22:46.480 Was it, Like oh my god, what shall I tell him? 0:22:46.680 --> 0:22:51.800 And I think he read my eyes because even though 0:22:51.840 --> 0:22:56.760 I tried to hide my emotions, my real emotions, I 0:22:56.840 --> 0:23:01.760 still couldn't find the right words to answer, and he 0:23:01.880 --> 0:23:07.800 was standing there as an idiot. The only one word 0:23:07.840 --> 0:23:11.200 I said, but what about your wife? When I started 0:23:11.240 --> 0:23:13.639 to go into that direction and said like what about 0:23:13.640 --> 0:23:18.159 your kids? I mean, can we wait a little bit longer? 0:23:19.880 --> 0:23:26.760 And I saw that he changed like straight, and he 0:23:26.840 --> 0:23:29.400 asked me, what like, you reject my offer? 0:23:30.320 --> 0:23:32.720 You reject my offer? 0:23:34.640 --> 0:23:40.400 And I was like, oh my god, what do I do? 0:23:41.760 --> 0:23:46.280 And said, listen, daddy, I love you so much. And 0:23:46.359 --> 0:23:50.359 I was still trying to convince him that he should 0:23:50.400 --> 0:23:53.680 stay with his wife because she's an amazing woman. I mean, 0:23:54.000 --> 0:23:57.320 I didn't even know her, but I just didn't want 0:23:57.359 --> 0:24:00.960 to tell him, what the hell are you fin like? 0:24:01.119 --> 0:24:01.359 Dude? 0:24:01.440 --> 0:24:04.159 You're like thirty years older than me. You fucked me 0:24:04.200 --> 0:24:06.159 in the beginning, you abuse me. Now you want to 0:24:06.200 --> 0:24:09.840 propose me fuck you like c literally like that. But 0:24:10.040 --> 0:24:14.080 I couldn't because I had to obey. He was my 0:24:14.200 --> 0:24:22.320 daddy and I still needed his protection. He tried not 0:24:22.520 --> 0:24:26.400 to show his disappointment, but I could feel that he 0:24:26.520 --> 0:24:31.159 was really disappointed, and he didn't even want to have 0:24:31.320 --> 0:24:33.160 sex with me that day. 0:24:34.000 --> 0:24:34.720 I just tried to. 0:24:34.640 --> 0:24:37.800 Pretend that nothing happened, that we still have some time. 0:24:37.880 --> 0:24:39.080 But I didn't take the ring. 0:24:42.720 --> 0:24:46.640 After this short, uncomfortable vacation, Aliyah returned to work at 0:24:46.640 --> 0:24:48.440 the Bureau of Internal Affairs. 0:24:49.440 --> 0:24:51.160 I came back to my department. 0:24:51.280 --> 0:24:58.360 Everything was as normal, but I felt attention between Cornell 0:24:58.400 --> 0:25:04.399 and me. I tried to be more polite, more you know, Daddy, 0:25:04.440 --> 0:25:10.200 I miss you messages, and then he called me out 0:25:10.240 --> 0:25:15.439 of blue like just like that. He said, listen, I 0:25:15.640 --> 0:25:22.760 have a great, amazing news for you. Come and meet me, 0:25:23.480 --> 0:25:27.640 and I will introduce you to my friend, to my partner, 0:25:28.440 --> 0:25:33.000 and it will change your life. Well it really did 0:25:33.080 --> 0:25:37.080 change my life, but in the worst case scenario. 0:25:40.200 --> 0:25:44.120 Left with little choice and fearing the worst, Aliyah accepted 0:25:44.119 --> 0:25:44.680 the invitation. 0:25:46.240 --> 0:25:52.240 He met me and we had a dinner. It looked 0:25:52.280 --> 0:25:56.399 normal in the beginning, but it wasn't. It took me 0:25:56.480 --> 0:26:02.159 many years to understand what really happened. That night, I 0:26:02.200 --> 0:26:05.359 came to the restaurant where Cornell was waiting for me 0:26:05.600 --> 0:26:13.560 with his friend, whom he introduced as lieutenant general. And 0:26:13.680 --> 0:26:21.120 of course it's a very high rank. That lieutenant general 0:26:21.680 --> 0:26:27.480 looked gross, like super ugly. I think he was in 0:26:27.640 --> 0:26:34.600 his mid sixties, and he looked overweight. He had huge belly. 0:26:36.240 --> 0:26:41.159 He also had such a strong smell, which made me 0:26:41.280 --> 0:26:47.439 just disgusted. He walked with the limb. He had this 0:26:48.320 --> 0:26:57.080 very angry, very nasty eyes. I thought, wait, something is 0:26:57.119 --> 0:27:02.639 going on, because they boss behave like funny. They both 0:27:02.840 --> 0:27:07.159 like laughing. It looked like they were a little bit drunk, 0:27:07.600 --> 0:27:17.240 and there is like some deal happened between them. Suddenly 0:27:17.440 --> 0:27:22.520 my cornel said, well, I'm so thrilled to announce that 0:27:22.600 --> 0:27:30.639 this is your next commander. And he did like this 0:27:30.840 --> 0:27:35.959 pose and I felt like, this is your next daddy. 0:27:36.680 --> 0:27:40.040 And I said, but I work in my department with 0:27:40.119 --> 0:27:43.720 it so and so commander, Oh, forget about it. He said, 0:27:44.200 --> 0:27:46.440 this is your new commander, so now you have to 0:27:46.480 --> 0:27:49.240 obey him and listen to him and do everything what 0:27:49.280 --> 0:27:54.320 he says. And for me, I felt like this is 0:27:54.359 --> 0:27:59.960 the drap. I just couldn't sleep with this gross man. 0:28:00.880 --> 0:28:05.160 I learned so many things. I learned how to trick 0:28:05.240 --> 0:28:09.280 my brain, but it was almost importable. I know, he 0:28:09.400 --> 0:28:13.320 was so ugly and disgusting. I just couldn't even portrait 0:28:13.440 --> 0:28:19.120 myself being next to him. And I couldn't believe that 0:28:19.200 --> 0:28:24.480 my coronel, who was in love could possibly pass me 0:28:24.600 --> 0:28:31.280 to these growth leton in general, so That was my 0:28:31.320 --> 0:28:36.600 first introduction, which basically fucked up my whole future. 0:28:38.280 --> 0:28:43.160 Life. 0:28:43.760 --> 0:28:47.520 The colonel had withdrawn his protection and this meant that 0:28:47.560 --> 0:28:49.640 not only would Leah have to leave her desk job 0:28:49.800 --> 0:28:53.040 and survive a more powerful predator, but that she'd be 0:28:53.040 --> 0:28:56.240 given the most dangerous missions that the Russian Secret Service 0:28:56.480 --> 0:28:57.160 had to offer. 0:28:58.960 --> 0:29:03.880 And I understood that now I'm definitely fucked. This is 0:29:03.960 --> 0:29:04.520 really bad. 0:29:05.560 --> 0:29:08.960 The Colonel's goal is not really to succeed in these missions, 0:29:09.560 --> 0:29:10.840 but for her to fail. 0:29:12.320 --> 0:29:18.480 The next step. What he did literally could kill me. 0:29:20.360 --> 0:29:25.080 He planned the strategy of my murder. 0:29:33.200 --> 0:29:35.920 I asked Aleiah if she's upset at her father for 0:29:36.040 --> 0:29:38.560 sending her into this world where she injured not just 0:29:38.720 --> 0:29:42.400 every kind of abuse in trauma imaginable, but the horrors 0:29:42.440 --> 0:29:47.200 that would come next. We ever, upset your father for 0:29:47.280 --> 0:29:49.800 putting on this path that went to all this. 0:29:50.800 --> 0:29:56.440 I didn't have that feeling because I was strained from 0:29:56.600 --> 0:30:00.840 sixty years old. I knew that I have to work there. 0:30:01.040 --> 0:30:06.120 I knew that my body, my life, my soul, everything 0:30:06.280 --> 0:30:26.320 my brain belongs to the country. 0:30:18.640 --> 0:30:21.480 To die for will return. On June fourth, as a 0:30:21.560 --> 0:30:24.280 Leah prepares to share the rest of her story, Her 0:30:24.320 --> 0:30:27.280 missions and the Trail of Bodies Left Behind. 0:30:27.800 --> 0:30:34.120 I pressed the trigger and it was the silence. 0:30:35.000 --> 0:30:39.160 I didn't cry, I didn't feel anything. 0:30:39.720 --> 0:30:44.080 Who is Alia Rosa? Find Out to Die For? Volume two, 0:30:44.560 --> 0:31:02.600 coming June fourth. To Die For is a production of 0:31:02.640 --> 0:31:09.000 Tenderfoot TV in association with iHeart Podcasts. The show is 0:31:09.040 --> 0:31:12.320 hosted and written by me Neil Strauss, with additional writing 0:31:12.360 --> 0:31:17.440 assistants by Tristan Bankston. Executive producers are myself, Donald Albright, 0:31:17.520 --> 0:31:21.760 and Payne Lindsay. For iHeart Podcasts, executive producers are Matt 0:31:21.800 --> 0:31:26.320 Frederick and Alex Williams. Lead producer and editor is Tristan Bankston. 0:31:26.640 --> 0:31:31.400 Additional editing by Miles Clark and Christian Brown. Supervising producer 0:31:31.560 --> 0:31:37.000 Tracy Kaplan. Consultants include Nushin, Valiza Day, Chelsea Gooden, and 0:31:37.080 --> 0:31:43.080 Jamie Albright. Translation by Cassinia Savina, The Gulag Archipelago read 0:31:43.080 --> 0:31:47.920 by Alex Salem and artwork by Byron McCoy. Original music 0:31:48.000 --> 0:31:51.600 by Makeup and Vanity Set with additional music by Ben Fleisch, 0:31:52.520 --> 0:31:56.280 mixed and mastered by Dayton Cole. Our theme song is 0:31:56.360 --> 0:32:01.280 Killer Shangwi Law by Psychotic Beats featuring Pattiamore. Special thanks 0:32:01.320 --> 0:32:04.480