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Speaker 1: All eight episodes of The Die For are available now

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Speaker 1: to bench absolutely free, but for ad free listening and

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Speaker 1: exclusive bonuses, subscribe to tendorfoot Plus at tenderfoot plus dot

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Speaker 1: com or on Apple podcasts.

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Speaker 2: Warning, the following episode contains explicit language and sexual themes.

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Speaker 3: Listener discretion is advised.

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Speaker 4: Somewhere, Guinia elav It's a yes.

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Speaker 5: The voice you hear is that of Aliah Rose's father.

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Speaker 5: We've asked him to tell us about Alah in his

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Speaker 5: own words.

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Speaker 6: So she's like saying, from very early childhood, I always

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Speaker 6: trained her mentally training and physical training.

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Speaker 5: She was like, this is a Liah, translating her father's

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Speaker 5: words with some editorial comments still double up the.

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Speaker 6: Always like every day we would like speak about patriotes

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Speaker 6: and like what is it to be a real patriot?

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Speaker 2: Yea.

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Speaker 6: And then he's not saying I pushed her to like enrol.

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Speaker 6: He's like, and I'm so proud that she followed my

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Speaker 6: steps and she became like a military.

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Speaker 5: To this day, however, Leah has never told her father

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Speaker 5: that she wasn't just trained at the academy to fight

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Speaker 5: the country's enemies, but to sleep with them.

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Speaker 6: This training, he says, really he does not know about

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Speaker 6: the missions. So all these trainings were so good for

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Speaker 6: her life because she's strolled the world and now she's

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Speaker 6: successful and entrepreneur, and so I'm very proud of her.

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Speaker 5: Disapproval means everything to a Leah even today. So the

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Speaker 5: biggest risk she feels she's taking with this podcast is

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Speaker 5: not upsetting Putin or even the US government. It's upsetting

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Speaker 5: her father.

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Speaker 6: If they would find out about this reduction program, it

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Speaker 6: would probably kill.

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Speaker 2: Him to kill you.

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Speaker 6: I'm really sorry.

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Speaker 2: I had to do it that I could on my.

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Speaker 3: You did away found out, and my god.

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Speaker 2: I got to you.

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Speaker 3: I had to kill you.

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Speaker 6: Say so much.

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Speaker 5: Episode eight, Chapter seventeen, Graduation. By the time Eliah's training

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Speaker 5: at the military academy near its end, the colonel was

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Speaker 5: fully protecting her, not just from the other predatory men there,

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Speaker 5: but from almost everything.

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Speaker 6: I stopped doing this hard work, standing all night and

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Speaker 6: protecting our academy. I wouldn't go to the kitchen anymore

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Speaker 6: and pill thousand potatoes and cook for everybody and wash

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Speaker 6: all these huge fans. But the most important that nobody

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Speaker 6: were picking on me from like male students. They looked

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Speaker 6: at me, but in another way, so like, okay, so

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Speaker 6: she's protected. I can't touch her. And even that guy

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Speaker 6: who took advantage of me in the beginning of the education,

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Speaker 6: he couldn't even look at me because he knew if

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Speaker 6: I would complain to the cornel about what he did

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Speaker 6: with me before, he would be just fired straight.

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Speaker 3: But I didn't. I don't know why.

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Speaker 6: Everybody in the academy by that time already knew that

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Speaker 6: I had relationship with Cornell and I was his protegian,

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Speaker 6: and everybody knew that major voice fired because of me

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Speaker 6: as well, so nobody could like mess with me.

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Speaker 5: That spring, Leah completed her examinations. As she prepared in

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Speaker 5: her dorm room for graduation, she noticed that she was

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Speaker 5: no longer the same person who her father had dropped

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Speaker 5: off of the academy the year before.

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Speaker 6: We had to wear this official uniform for parade, so

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Speaker 6: I got dressed. I remember I had a really nice

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Speaker 6: jacket with golden buttons and scart. Cornell brought me High

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Speaker 6: Hills beautiful boots. So I put an egg cup, I

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Speaker 6: put makeup on with the red lipstick, and I looked

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Speaker 6: at the mirror, but it was another woman. It's a

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Speaker 6: big change from the girl who just entered this building.

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Speaker 6: I became a woman in just one year. I looked

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Speaker 6: at the mirror and I saw my dad in the

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Speaker 6: mirror telling me, I'm so proud of you.

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Speaker 3: I went downstairs.

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Speaker 6: We lined up in front of our teacher, and each

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Speaker 6: of us had to come to him, take an oath

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Speaker 6: and salute him, and we would have to tell him

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Speaker 6: I swear and as to serve my country. And we

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Speaker 6: all did like a marsh and it was beautiful. I

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Speaker 6: had pride that I did it. I survived somehow. Now

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Speaker 6: I can go home and I can be proud of myself,

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Speaker 6: and hopefully my dad will be proud of myself too.

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Speaker 6: Knowing that I can kill, knowing that I can seduce anyone,

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Speaker 6: knowing that my target at Cornell, he was like literally

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Speaker 6: like kissing my feet that moment. I felt so strong

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Speaker 6: and so powerful, so clever.

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Speaker 5: But Leah's excitement about beating the system was only temporary,

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Speaker 5: because graduation meant that she was now trapped in an

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Speaker 5: even bigger system, a life sentence in the Russian military.

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Speaker 6: So I didn't feel free. I felt even more involved.

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Speaker 6: I was official part of the system.

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Speaker 5: One thing that made us easier is that the colonel's

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Speaker 5: reach extended beyond the academy, and he promised to protect

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Speaker 5: Eleia in her career and then the assignments that would follow.

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Speaker 5: As a le recalls, he told her.

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Speaker 6: I'm here for you to help you, and i will

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Speaker 6: protect you so you don't need to go to all

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Speaker 6: these risky missions. You will have a good office in

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Speaker 6: the department, and everybody will respect you, and you will

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Speaker 6: have your high rank very soon. So he was giving

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Speaker 6: me all these promises, and he was in love. And

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Speaker 6: Cornell asked me to call him daddy. That powerful man

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Speaker 6: could have sex with any female students, could organize orgies

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Speaker 6: with other students. See how it's changing. So he wanted

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Speaker 6: me to call him daddy. So I called him Daddy.

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Speaker 5: We will unpack this power dynamic more later in this episode.

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Speaker 5: In the meantime, to ensure that everything went well in

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Speaker 5: a Leah's new position at the Investigation Department of the

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Speaker 5: Bureau of Internal Affairs, the colonel showed up and spoke

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Speaker 5: to her commander there.

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Speaker 6: He came to the department. Everybody saluted him because he

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Speaker 6: had much higher rank, and he spoke with my commander.

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Speaker 6: I don't know what they were talking in that room.

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Speaker 6: But after that meeting, everybody were speaking with me with

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Speaker 6: the highest respect, and I had my separate room from everyone,

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Speaker 6: and I had just a good mellow days. I had

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Speaker 6: to answer some calls and like write some documents, and

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Speaker 6: that's it. Nobody could tell me anything. Some of us

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Speaker 6: the easiest and relaxing till something happened.

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Speaker 5: That's something happened in late July when Aleah left the

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Speaker 5: office one evening.

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Speaker 6: So I go home and I come in to my

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Speaker 6: house where my parents and my younger sister are, and

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Speaker 6: I mean, Neil, it's so hard to talk about it.

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Speaker 3: Fuck. I opened the door and I.

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Speaker 6: See my mom being very angry at me, and I

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Speaker 6: don't understand. She doesn't tell me why my dad was

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Speaker 6: not at home that moment. And my mom she started

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Speaker 6: to like basically beat me, and she was screaming, you

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Speaker 6: are such an embarrassment. You're not my daughter anymore. How

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Speaker 6: could you do this? And I was like thinking, like

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Speaker 6: what exactly that she mean? She said, I get out

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Speaker 6: from here. I just took my cell phone with me

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Speaker 6: and I couldn't take anything else and I left. I

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Speaker 6: didn't know where to go, and I couldn't come back.

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Speaker 5: Eliah soon discovered that the major, the seduction teacher who'd

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Speaker 5: been dating the colonel, had taken her revenge.

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Speaker 6: And it was painful to realize that that woman called

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Speaker 6: to my dad and told him that like behaving like

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Speaker 6: a whore. I'm dating a coronel and I am an

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Speaker 6: embarrassment and I failed my mission.

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Speaker 5: Everything Leah had done up to this point, joining the military,

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Speaker 5: working to be a hero and defend her country, had

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Speaker 5: been done to please her father, to earn his approval,

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Speaker 5: and now she just lost it, possibly forever. And even worse,

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Speaker 5: Aliah had only one place to turn.

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Speaker 6: I didn't know where to go and what to do.

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Speaker 6: I didn't have money. I was just on the street.

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Speaker 6: I called my only one friend I had. I said, listen, like,

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Speaker 6: I don't know where to go, and she said, you

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Speaker 6: should call to your cornel. He has to take care

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Speaker 6: about you. This is all because of him. So I

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Speaker 6: called him and I was crying. I said, find out

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Speaker 6: about our relationship and they kick me out. So I

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Speaker 6: don't have anywhere to go, and he said, like, stay there,

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Speaker 6: I'm coming to get you. So he came quite quick.

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Speaker 6: He got a hotel for me for like a few weeks,

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Speaker 6: and then he said, like, I will look for your apartments.

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Speaker 6: Don't worry. He gave me some money and I stayed

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Speaker 6: in that hotel. My dad never called me. At some point,

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Speaker 6: I felt really grateful for the Corner for what he's done.

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Speaker 6: That he came and he helped me and he protected me,

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Speaker 6: and I explained him the situation, and he said, you know,

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Speaker 6: I don't.

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Speaker 3: Blame your dad. It's okay.

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Speaker 6: He needs some time to digestice it will be fine.

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Speaker 6: But I didn't feel fine. I felt betrayed. I felt lonely,

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Speaker 6: and then at the same time, I thought, maybe it's

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Speaker 6: better like it is. My father would never understand or

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Speaker 6: would never forgive himself for what I've experienced already, so

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Speaker 6: I didn't want him to blame himself about it. I

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Speaker 6: just stayed silenced, alone, scared. It's almost like it was

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Speaker 6: beneficial for the Coronel that my parents rejected me, because

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Speaker 6: in this situation he could have his power on me,

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Speaker 6: on my life and the whole dependence. And who knows,

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Speaker 6: maybe he asked the major to call my parents.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 5: Chapter eighteen, The KGB Resort.

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Speaker 2: I look at her as this super badass woman, but

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Speaker 2: at the same time it is this child. I see

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Speaker 2: this little Aliyah that is still seeking this acceptance in

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Speaker 2: this love from her father.

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Speaker 5: This is Emily Mark, a trauma healer who is one

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Speaker 5: of several counselors that Aliah has been working with. Aliyah

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Speaker 5: has given her permission to speak openly and help provide

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Speaker 5: some context to this difficult moment in her life.

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Speaker 4: The father is like the GPS that is the portal

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Speaker 4: to the world of men. So when we have an

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Speaker 4: abusive of disconnected emotionally father, there is an impact in

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Speaker 4: the way we see other men, in the way we

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Speaker 4: even going to choose and we are going to connect

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Speaker 4: with men.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 5: Add to this, Emily explains a situation where Leah is

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Speaker 5: literally trapped in the same environment with her abuser, with

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Speaker 5: no authority figure to trust and nowhere else to turn

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Speaker 5: for protection. And the situation gets much more complex.

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Speaker 2: When you look at the Stockholm syndrome or even trauma bonding.

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Speaker 2: There is an emotional tie that can develop between the

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Speaker 2: victim and the abuser. There is this cycle of kindness

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Speaker 2: and mistreatment in the relationship. And for her when the

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Speaker 2: parents just put her out and she has absolutely nowhere

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Speaker 2: to go, there is nothing that she knows then going

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Speaker 2: to the person that is a superior at work, and

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Speaker 2: there is an emotional connection with that person even though

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Speaker 2: he's an abuser.

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Speaker 5: I asked Emily about the parallels between Leah's father, who's

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Speaker 5: an abusive, high ranking, powerful military officer, and the colonel

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Speaker 5: who is also an abusive, high ranking, powerful military officer

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Speaker 5: who wants Aleah to call him daddy.

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Speaker 2: When you look at Aliah, specifically her story and what

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Speaker 2: happened with her father, there is why we call the

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Speaker 2: repetition confusion when there is this need to repeat the

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Speaker 2: same painful pattern that you learn at a very young age.

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Speaker 2: Because when someone experienced complex drama, when a child basic

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Speaker 2: need is not met, it creates what we call the

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Speaker 2: maladaptive patterns of behavior in relationship. And especially that her

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Speaker 2: colonel was asking her to call her daddy, then it's

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Speaker 2: even clearer why she would even run to him when

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Speaker 2: she needed help.

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Speaker 5: It's important to clarify that none of this is a

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Speaker 5: Leah's fault in any way. The responsibility lands clearly on

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Speaker 5: the colonel and her father. The point is to explain

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Speaker 5: why a Leah may have had actions and feelings that

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Speaker 5: don't seem logical to those of us who haven't had

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Speaker 5: her experience. Abuse is much more complicated to heal from

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Speaker 5: when the perpetrator repeats a childhood pattern we had with

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Speaker 5: the father we loved. Sometimes she's talking about the colonel

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Speaker 5: like we said, with tenderness and other times like fuck

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Speaker 5: can he abuse me?

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Speaker 2: Yes, I would say, when she's really having this conversation consciously,

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Speaker 2: like she's understanding no, no, he did wrong by me.

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Speaker 2: But there is the unconscious part. And if you look

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Speaker 2: at Aliyah, there is a lot of dissociation. So when

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Speaker 2: she is in that place, that's where she talks about

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Speaker 2: him with tenderness because there was a dysfunctional but an

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Speaker 2: emotional attachment to that person. To be called daddy by her,

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Speaker 2: it just perpetuate something that was very familiar to her.

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Speaker 5: She sort of has this just been abused by authority

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Speaker 5: figures in a sense, whether it's her father's authority figure,

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Speaker 5: the colonel's an authority figure, even just the whole military

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Speaker 5: Russia serve the Fatherland as an authority figure.

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Speaker 2: There is so much more that she needs to unpack,

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Speaker 2: and she's genuine this is what I feel.

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Speaker 3: I believe she's.

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Speaker 2: Going to be happy and she can hear absolutely one

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Speaker 2: hundred and fifty percent, and she's in her journey. So

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Speaker 2: if you can remind her, just like you are still

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Speaker 2: doing therapy, it's an ongoing journey. There are so many

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Speaker 2: layers to look at the fact that you created that

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Speaker 2: space where she felt safe. And when we create that

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Speaker 2: space where people can just unpack and they feel safe

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Speaker 2: to whatever needs to come, they are held, magic happens.

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Speaker 2: And that's what you started doing with her.

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Speaker 5: With this perspective in mind, we return now to Aliyah

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Speaker 5: living in an apartment paid for by the colonel, working

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Speaker 5: at a desk job given to her by the colonel,

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Speaker 5: and now as dependent on his protection as he is

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Speaker 5: on her affection.

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Speaker 6: Everything was really easy, and I loved my job that time,

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Speaker 6: and I just did like my very mellow, boring desk

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Speaker 6: work till something happened. Cornell invited me to spend with

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Speaker 6: him a few days. He called to my commander of

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Speaker 6: my department and basically he asked him to give me

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Speaker 6: some days off, and he invited me to this beautiful

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Speaker 6: resort five star. I've never been anywhere like that. My

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Speaker 6: dad would never take us somewhere like that. And actually

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Speaker 6: that was a resort which was built for KGB high

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Speaker 6: ranked officers with spar and a lake with little boats.

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Speaker 6: It was a beautiful sunny day and he took me

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Speaker 6: to the boat and it was really romantic. We had

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Speaker 6: like conversation and I love and I just enjoyed the day.

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Speaker 6: So that day he said to me, Daddy prepared for

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Speaker 6: you a surprise, and I thought, oh, it's probably like

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Speaker 6: some jewelry pieces. And I was right in a sense.

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Speaker 6: So when we came back after the boat ride, there

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Speaker 6: was a beautiful filled with flowers and there was no

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Speaker 6: one there. He went on his knees and he opened

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Speaker 6: a little box in his hand, and I saw a

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Speaker 6: ring with a huge diamond, and he said, will you

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Speaker 6: marry me?

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Speaker 5: The danger of seduction is that sometimes it works all

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Speaker 5: too well. And while the colonel proposing to Aliah may

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Speaker 5: seem like another victory, the fact is that obsession is dangerous,

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Speaker 5: especially when it's a person like the colonel who's becoming

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Speaker 5: obsessed with you.

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Speaker 3: I would like, literally like no.

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Speaker 6: Was it, Like oh my god, what shall I tell him?

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Speaker 6: And I think he read my eyes because even though

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Speaker 6: I tried to hide my emotions, my real emotions, I

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Speaker 6: still couldn't find the right words to answer, and he

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Speaker 6: was standing there as an idiot. The only one word

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Speaker 6: I said, but what about your wife? When I started

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Speaker 6: to go into that direction and said like what about

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Speaker 6: your kids? I mean, can we wait a little bit longer?

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Speaker 6: And I saw that he changed like straight, and he

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Speaker 6: asked me, what like, you reject my offer?

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Speaker 3: You reject my offer?

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Speaker 6: And I was like, oh my god, what do I do?

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Speaker 6: And said, listen, daddy, I love you so much. And

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Speaker 6: I was still trying to convince him that he should

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Speaker 6: stay with his wife because she's an amazing woman. I mean,

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Speaker 6: I didn't even know her, but I just didn't want

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Speaker 6: to tell him, what the hell are you fin like?

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Speaker 1: Dude?

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Speaker 6: You're like thirty years older than me. You fucked me

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Speaker 6: in the beginning, you abuse me. Now you want to

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Speaker 6: propose me fuck you like c literally like that. But

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Speaker 6: I couldn't because I had to obey. He was my

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Speaker 6: daddy and I still needed his protection. He tried not

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Speaker 6: to show his disappointment, but I could feel that he

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Speaker 6: was really disappointed, and he didn't even want to have

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Speaker 6: sex with me that day.

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Speaker 3: I just tried to.

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Speaker 6: Pretend that nothing happened, that we still have some time.

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Speaker 6: But I didn't take the ring.

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Speaker 5: After this short, uncomfortable vacation, Aliyah returned to work at

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Speaker 5: the Bureau of Internal Affairs.

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Speaker 3: I came back to my department.

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Speaker 6: Everything was as normal, but I felt attention between Cornell

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Speaker 6: and me. I tried to be more polite, more you know, Daddy,

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Speaker 6: I miss you messages, and then he called me out

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Speaker 6: of blue like just like that. He said, listen, I

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Speaker 6: have a great, amazing news for you. Come and meet me,

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Speaker 6: and I will introduce you to my friend, to my partner,

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Speaker 6: and it will change your life. Well it really did

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Speaker 6: change my life, but in the worst case scenario.

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Speaker 5: Left with little choice and fearing the worst, Aliyah accepted

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Speaker 5: the invitation.

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Speaker 6: He met me and we had a dinner. It looked

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Speaker 6: normal in the beginning, but it wasn't. It took me

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Speaker 6: many years to understand what really happened. That night, I

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Speaker 6: came to the restaurant where Cornell was waiting for me

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Speaker 6: with his friend, whom he introduced as lieutenant general. And

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Speaker 6: of course it's a very high rank. That lieutenant general

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Speaker 6: looked gross, like super ugly. I think he was in

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Speaker 6: his mid sixties, and he looked overweight. He had huge belly.

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Speaker 6: He also had such a strong smell, which made me

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Speaker 6: just disgusted. He walked with the limb. He had this

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Speaker 6: very angry, very nasty eyes. I thought, wait, something is

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Speaker 6: going on, because they boss behave like funny. They both

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Speaker 6: like laughing. It looked like they were a little bit drunk,

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Speaker 6: and there is like some deal happened between them. Suddenly

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Speaker 6: my cornel said, well, I'm so thrilled to announce that

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Speaker 6: this is your next commander. And he did like this

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Speaker 6: pose and I felt like, this is your next daddy.

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Speaker 6: And I said, but I work in my department with

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Speaker 6: it so and so commander, Oh, forget about it. He said,

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Speaker 6: this is your new commander, so now you have to

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Speaker 6: obey him and listen to him and do everything what

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Speaker 6: he says. And for me, I felt like this is

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Speaker 6: the drap. I just couldn't sleep with this gross man.

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Speaker 6: I learned so many things. I learned how to trick

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Speaker 6: my brain, but it was almost importable. I know, he

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Speaker 6: was so ugly and disgusting. I just couldn't even portrait

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Speaker 6: myself being next to him. And I couldn't believe that

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Speaker 6: my coronel, who was in love could possibly pass me

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00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 6: to these growth leton in general, so That was my

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Speaker 6: first introduction, which basically fucked up my whole future.

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Speaker 3: Life.

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Speaker 5: The colonel had withdrawn his protection and this meant that

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Speaker 5: not only would Leah have to leave her desk job

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Speaker 5: and survive a more powerful predator, but that she'd be

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Speaker 5: given the most dangerous missions that the Russian Secret Service

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Speaker 5: had to offer.

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Speaker 6: And I understood that now I'm definitely fucked. This is

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Speaker 6: really bad.

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Speaker 5: The Colonel's goal is not really to succeed in these missions,

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Speaker 5: but for her to fail.

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Speaker 6: The next step. What he did literally could kill me.

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Speaker 6: He planned the strategy of my murder.

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Speaker 5: I asked Aleiah if she's upset at her father for

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Speaker 5: sending her into this world where she injured not just

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Speaker 5: every kind of abuse in trauma imaginable, but the horrors

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Speaker 5: that would come next. We ever, upset your father for

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Speaker 5: putting on this path that went to all this.

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Speaker 6: I didn't have that feeling because I was strained from

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Speaker 6: sixty years old. I knew that I have to work there.

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Speaker 6: I knew that my body, my life, my soul, everything

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Speaker 6: my brain belongs to the country.

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Speaker 5: To die for will return. On June fourth, as a

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Speaker 5: Leah prepares to share the rest of her story, Her

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Speaker 5: missions and the Trail of Bodies Left Behind.

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Speaker 3: I pressed the trigger and it was the silence.

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Speaker 6: I didn't cry, I didn't feel anything.

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Speaker 5: Who is Alia Rosa? Find Out to Die For? Volume two,

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Speaker 5: coming June fourth. To Die For is a production of

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Speaker 5: Tenderfoot TV in association with iHeart Podcasts. The show is

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Speaker 5: hosted and written by me Neil Strauss, with additional writing

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00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 5: assistants by Tristan Bankston. Executive producers are myself, Donald Albright,

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Speaker 5: and Payne Lindsay. For iHeart Podcasts, executive producers are Matt

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Speaker 5: Frederick and Alex Williams. Lead producer and editor is Tristan Bankston.

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Speaker 5: Additional editing by Miles Clark and Christian Brown. Supervising producer

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Speaker 5: Tracy Kaplan. Consultants include Nushin, Valiza Day, Chelsea Gooden, and

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Speaker 5: Jamie Albright. Translation by Cassinia Savina, The Gulag Archipelago read

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Speaker 5: by Alex Salem and artwork by Byron McCoy. Original music

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Speaker 5: by Makeup and Vanity Set with additional music by Ben Fleisch,

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Speaker 5: mixed and mastered by Dayton Cole. Our theme song is

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Speaker 5: Killer Shangwi Law by Psychotic Beats featuring Pattiamore. Special thanks

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00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 5: to Orn Rosenbaub and the team at UTA Bech Media

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00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 5: and Marketing, Orn Siegel, Becky Jensen, the Nord Group, merdis

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00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 5: Stedman and Alex Vespustaed. If you or a loved one

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00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 5: are a survivor of sexual assault, visit rain dot org.

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Speaker 5: That's RAI n N dot org or call one eight

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00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 5: hundred sixty five six four six seventy three for free

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00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 5: confidential twenty four to seven support. While you're waiting for

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00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 5: volume two of To Die For, search Tenderfoot TV on

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00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 5: her favorite podcast app or visit us at tenderfoot dot

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00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 5: tv to hear similar podcasts. Thanks for listening,