Speaker 1: This is Suckers. I'm Keeling Bell, I'm Dean Bell, and
Speaker 1: I'm Jared habn An. iHeartRadio podcast. Hey everybody, welcome to
Speaker 1: an all new episode of Suckers with Jared han Me, myself,
Speaker 1: and I am currently in my kitchen recording this podcast solo.
Speaker 1: As I do every week. Is it every week? I
Speaker 1: feel like I've been slacking lately. I have to be honest,
Speaker 1: I've been certainly trying to do every week. But I'm
Speaker 1: doing well. I hope everybody listening out there is doing
Speaker 1: well as well. Weather's turning here in Ryland. It's sunny outside.
Speaker 1: I was going to try to record this outside, but
Speaker 1: you know, logistically that just wasn't gonna happen. It's like
Speaker 1: sixty out. So if you're up in the new Land area,
Speaker 1: you understand where I'm coming from and how the seasonal
Speaker 1: depressions are very real thing. And weather's turning is making
Speaker 1: me happy just being outside, just being outside. You know,
Speaker 1: things were good. We had Easter. Talked about that on
Speaker 1: the podcast last week. It was fun to see Dawson
Speaker 1: run around. He went ice skating for the first time.
Speaker 1: I wasn't there. I had to work, but my sister
Speaker 1: in law. No, what is Lauren? Ashley's sister is my
Speaker 1: sister in law her fiance because he's not my brother
Speaker 1: in law yet they're not married. Her fiance, Hunter is
Speaker 1: a plays hockey and so like he took they went
Speaker 1: skating together, which is a lot of fun. And so
Speaker 1: it was cool to see Dawson skating and just like
Speaker 1: running around on the ice not knowing what he was doing.
Speaker 1: It was it was really cute. Ashley recorded a lot
Speaker 1: of videos and pictures, so I got to see it,
Speaker 1: which was great. I don't skate, so I can't really
Speaker 1: teach him how to do that. Unfortunately, I could teach
Speaker 1: him how to do a lot of different things, but
Speaker 1: unfortunately skating is not my expertise. So I was glad
Speaker 1: the Hunter is able to you know, skate with him
Speaker 1: safely because you know, he would just like Hunter would
Speaker 1: be holding onto Dawson and Dawson would be gliding his
Speaker 1: skates and Hunter is a great skater, so he was
Speaker 1: able to stay on his feet and so Dawson had
Speaker 1: a lot of fun doing that, which is great. You know,
Speaker 1: another kid on the way, another boy number two and
Speaker 1: July July twenty eighth, I think is the due date
Speaker 1: Ashley's gonna be giving birth down in Virginia again. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like an awful human being for
Speaker 1: being brutally honest with my feelings. But I'm scared. I'm
Speaker 1: very scared when it comes to a second kid going
Speaker 1: back in that newborn phase. I you know, it's hard.
Speaker 1: Every parent knows this, and it's more so just I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to be as good of a father as possible.
Speaker 1: I love the stage that Dawson is in now, but
Speaker 1: I did not like the baby stage. It's just, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's a father thing. I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's a me thing. I don't know what
Speaker 1: it is. But it doesn't mean I don't love my kid.
Speaker 1: Doesn't mean I'm not going to love my second kid.
Speaker 1: I am. I'm going to do everything I can to
Speaker 1: ensure that they're safe and loved and learning how to
Speaker 1: become a human being and have fun and feel safe.
Speaker 1: You know. I think that's one of the most important
Speaker 1: things that I could provide for Dawson, is I want
Speaker 1: him to feel safe because at some point he's not
Speaker 1: going to as every human, you know, as every person
Speaker 1: listening to this podcast realizes, you know, at some point
Speaker 1: in your life you realize the danger of life and
Speaker 1: the fragility of it all. And you know, I was
Speaker 1: talking to a friend of mine actually earlier today and
Speaker 1: she had to go to awake one of her friends
Speaker 1: co worker's brother died, you know, cancer just awful, awful, awful, awful.
Speaker 1: And she saw someone that we used to know high
Speaker 1: school and a little bit older than us, and I
Speaker 1: didn't really know too well, but I knew of and
Speaker 1: she said that he has cancer. And she saw him
Speaker 1: and he's you know, eighty pounds and doesn't look good.
Speaker 1: And it's just like, you know, I can't even imagine
Speaker 1: the thoughts going through my head, you know, even if
Speaker 1: I was fighting. It's just, I know, this is a
Speaker 1: depressing thing to talk about, but unfortunately, this disease affects
Speaker 1: a lot of us. And yeah, I don't know, just
Speaker 1: to keep fighting. You got to keep fighting, obviously, but
Speaker 1: I don't know where my headspace would be knowing that,
Speaker 1: Like it just it doesn't feel like it's going in
Speaker 1: a good direction. And I don't know how much time
Speaker 1: I have left, and there's you know, I was actually
Speaker 1: having an existential crisis about this. Maybe it's fatherhood, maybe
Speaker 1: it's a second baby coming. I don't really know. Well,
Speaker 1: I do know have you know, feelings and thoughts and emotions,
Speaker 1: and I try to put those, you know, into a
Speaker 1: folder and really not dwell on them. Dwelling is not
Speaker 1: the right word to express, but more so just giving
Speaker 1: it thought and giving it the adequate amount of effort
Speaker 1: that I need to give it. But you know, obviously,
Speaker 1: with the baby coming on the way, I guess maybe
Speaker 1: that is why I think about life a lot differently.
Speaker 1: But I was thinking the other day about how everything
Speaker 1: we do matters because it's our life and we might
Speaker 1: only have one life to give and one you know,
Speaker 1: rotation on this earth. But also at the same time,
Speaker 1: nothing we do matters because when we die, our life
Speaker 1: will go on, and be excuse me, when we die,
Speaker 1: other people's lives will go on. Like, for example, I
Speaker 1: think about Dawson. You know, I'm hoping I die before
Speaker 1: he does. I think every parent wants to die before
Speaker 1: their kid dies, and I want his life to go on,
Speaker 1: and of course, like I want him to grieve me
Speaker 1: in a sense because I want to be that impactful
Speaker 1: in his life. But my point being is that, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I see it with my my parents. You know,
Speaker 1: they don't have any parents. Now I don't have any grandparents,
Speaker 1: so it's you know, their parents have gone, and at
Speaker 1: some point my parents will have be gone. But I
Speaker 1: want my life to continue for you know, my family
Speaker 1: and myself. And then also I want my parents, Like
Speaker 1: it's so sad to think about their parents being gone,
Speaker 1: but I want their life to get do you do.
Speaker 1: My point being is I think there's something beautiful in
Speaker 1: that and the idea that everything you do matters, but
Speaker 1: also everything you do doesn't matter, and that life is
Speaker 1: just beautiful as is, and we're just trying to do
Speaker 1: the best we can and to bring joy and happiness
Speaker 1: and positivity. And that's what I'm trying to do. And
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean I'm always right. That doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: I'm not sad sometimes or not angry, because I am,
Speaker 1: but I'm just trying to be I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: do my best, and I know everybody is, so I
Speaker 1: don't know, that's what I kind of think about when
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about the second kid. And I don't know
Speaker 1: if that's a good mindset to have, but I don't know.
Speaker 1: You know, of course we're going back into the newborn phase.
Speaker 1: Ashley and I have talked about it. You know, we're
Speaker 1: gonna have a todd that we're gonna have a newborn.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, o boy, oh boy. I know the boy
Speaker 1: going back And I don't know how we're gonna tackle it.
Speaker 1: You I I was reading off a question by one
Speaker 1: of the producers about like, how are you going to
Speaker 1: tackle the newborn phase coming with Dawson and a newborn,
Speaker 1: And it's like, I don't know, I don't know how
Speaker 1: it's gonna be. And you know it's we're gonna play
Speaker 1: it out and we're gonna put our best foot forward
Speaker 1: and give our kids as much love as possible. And
Speaker 1: and you know, with the newborn, as every parent can
Speaker 1: tell you, it's just really keeping this blob alive, you know,
Speaker 1: this beautiful little baby and ensuring that they're taken care
Speaker 1: of and safe and you know, sanitizing the bottles, feeding them,
Speaker 1: you know, comforting them when they need comforting, and you know,
Speaker 1: also taking care of Dawson and showing dawson affection. And
Speaker 1: I like, you know, I think Dawson's gonna be a
Speaker 1: great big brother. I really do, and I think that
Speaker 1: these two will be best friends for a very very
Speaker 1: long time. I mean, I'm sure they'll go through their
Speaker 1: awkward stages later in life where it's like they hate
Speaker 1: each other because they're just two bros and they're like
Speaker 1: competing at sports, or Dawson will be two years older,
Speaker 1: so Dawson might be like a senior in high school
Speaker 1: when the new one's a freshman or sophomore, and then
Speaker 1: you know, Dawson's not gonna want to hang out with
Speaker 1: him because he's you know, not cool or so on
Speaker 1: and so forth. But I really do think for the
Speaker 1: majority of their lives he will be best friends. And
Speaker 1: I think that will start early on. Dawson is man.
Speaker 1: Dawson has so much love to give. He's so affectionate,
Speaker 1: and he's such a just a wonderful, wonderful little to
Speaker 1: be around. Now. He's so he's just loving. And for example,
Speaker 1: anytime we're watching for Aladdin and Aladdin and Jasmine kiss
Speaker 1: after the Magic Carpet Ride, as soon as he sees
Speaker 1: them kiss, he immediately turns to me and will go
Speaker 1: and want to kiss me. Or if he sees someone
Speaker 1: hug on on on the TV, he'll immediately come up
Speaker 1: to and want to hug us. And those are great moments,
Speaker 1: great moments I went to trade for anything. So it's
Speaker 1: about balance, you know. I mean, it's just about balance,
Speaker 1: just trying to get through it. And you know, I
Speaker 1: I love my I love Dawson so much and I
Speaker 1: want to be there for him. I want to be
Speaker 1: a good father and I hope to be half as
Speaker 1: good of a father as my dad was to me.
Speaker 1: But that's where my head is at right now. What
Speaker 1: baby item did you have to have with Dawson that
Speaker 1: you'll just never use with the new one? It really depends.
Speaker 1: I mean, there are so many items that Dawson went through.
Speaker 1: It's just finding whatever comforts the baby the most. You know,
Speaker 1: for Dawson, it was this little swing when he was
Speaker 1: a baby where if he was crying or if he
Speaker 1: was just agitated, we'd be able to put him in
Speaker 1: this swing and he would immediately calm down. And so
Speaker 1: it's just finding that for the new born, you know,
Speaker 1: whatever he needs, uh to make sure that he is
Speaker 1: emotionally Okay, that's what we're gonna do. And luckily we
Speaker 1: have a lot of baby stuff that we can try
Speaker 1: with the new one, whether it be a swing or
Speaker 1: a vibration seat or you know, some sort of I
Speaker 1: forget what it's called, but it's like this pillow thing
Speaker 1: that you can put on the couch with you. Anyway,
Speaker 1: there's a bunch of different stuff that we're definitely gonna
Speaker 1: try out and things that we need to have. So
Speaker 1: we're gonna do this s new again because we want sleep,
Speaker 1: which is very important. So the SNeW is this uh
Speaker 1: bascinet that rocks, and so we used it with Dawson.
Speaker 1: It was fantastic, and you know, we had a heart
Speaker 1: mometer on like his foot to ensure that, like we
Speaker 1: could track his breathing and all that good stuff. Got
Speaker 1: technology has come so far. But the SNeW is a
Speaker 1: is a very important one because it was really for
Speaker 1: the first six, you know, six months, you know, Dawson
Speaker 1: was sleeping for you know, seven eight hours at a time.
Speaker 1: Maybe yes, but yeah, I'd say about that, which was perfect.
Speaker 1: So Ashley and I were able to get sleep. And
Speaker 1: then it was when we adjusted him out of the
Speaker 1: stew that caused issues. But it was worth it, honestly,
Speaker 1: and which is why we're doing it again. So the
Speaker 1: snow is one thing that we definitely don't want to do.
Speaker 1: What mistakes. Did you learn from the first time with
Speaker 1: Dawson that you're not going to try that you try
Speaker 1: to not repeat. I mean, we make mistakes every day.
Speaker 1: I make mistakes every day. I think it's just about
Speaker 1: once again, doing the best you can, trying to make
Speaker 1: the best decision in the moment, and that's what we
Speaker 1: try to do with Dawson. I think this is certainly
Speaker 1: not a mistake, but trying not to overthink a lot
Speaker 1: of different scenarios when you have your so many parents
Speaker 1: with multiple kids will tell you this. You know, with
Speaker 1: your first kid, it's you're so concerned about everything, like
Speaker 1: everything has to be perfect, and like the room has
Speaker 1: to be ready, and you know this, you know he's
Speaker 1: has to this baby just we have to watch him
Speaker 1: every second to make sure he's breathing, and you're so
Speaker 1: hyper paranoid about every little movement. And I think now
Speaker 1: with the second one, it's more so like, let's try
Speaker 1: not to stress ourselves out too much. It's already stressful
Speaker 1: being a parent. The best thing we can do for
Speaker 1: our kids is to be the best version of ourselves,
Speaker 1: because that will bring the most happiness and love to them,
Speaker 1: and in order to do that, like doing everything we
Speaker 1: can within our power to ensure that our kids are
Speaker 1: safe and loved and having fun and then trying not
Speaker 1: to overly focus on outside factors. And I think that's
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna do, and I hope Ashley does the same.
Speaker 1: So again, I don't know if I would call that
Speaker 1: a mistake. It's more so just like all right, you know, Jared,
Speaker 1: don't panic. It's just you know what you're doing, and
Speaker 1: you love your kids, like I know I love my
Speaker 1: I know I love Dustin so much, and I know
Speaker 1: I love I'm gonna love the new one just as much.
Speaker 1: And just showing them that and telling them that and
Speaker 1: not feeling guilty that I'm not showing them enough love
Speaker 1: or I'm not doing everything I possibly could every second
Speaker 1: of the day to ensure that their life is better.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's just obscene. And you know, sometimes, of course,
Speaker 1: my mind just rattles through that, you know, where it's like,
Speaker 1: oh God, am I being a bad parent right now?
Speaker 1: It's like what am I talking about? You know? It's
Speaker 1: because what I'm not. I just played with them for
Speaker 1: forty five minutes and now I want to break Like,
Speaker 1: does that makes me a bad parent? I don't know,
Speaker 1: you know, But so it's just trying to and then
Speaker 1: that goes for Dawson as well, trying to eliminate those
Speaker 1: moments of like being like, oh, I should be doing more,
Speaker 1: and it's like, listen, if I'm doing you know, of
Speaker 1: course I could be doing more. I always could be
Speaker 1: doing more, whether it be with my kids or myself,
Speaker 1: or my work or so on and so forth. But
Speaker 1: you know, that's just true with everybody in life, you know,
Speaker 1: we always feel like that, and being a parent is
Speaker 1: no different, and it's probably more heightened because you know,
Speaker 1: you care about your kids so much and you want
Speaker 1: them to be as loved as possible. But you know,
Speaker 1: I think just me trying to focus on being the
Speaker 1: best parent I can is is is the thing that
Speaker 1: I'm I'm gonna do. Last question, do dads have their
Speaker 1: own form of postpartuer depression? I don't know. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would call it postpartum depression.
Speaker 1: I'm not the one pregnant, I'm not the one giving birth.
Speaker 1: Ashley is bearing ninety nine percent of the load here.
Speaker 1: Let's just be honest I'm here for emotional and moral support,
Speaker 1: and then once the baby comes, of course, for more
Speaker 1: support taking care of them. Is it hard, Yes, But
Speaker 1: again I think, you know, when I look outside and
Speaker 1: I see the sun and I see the sky, and
Speaker 1: I realize that we're just a part of something much, much,
Speaker 1: much bigger than ourselves, and that, you know, I'm going
Speaker 1: to try to make the best decisions possible and try
Speaker 1: to do the right thing, and that's all I can do.
Speaker 1: And I think that helps me from falling into that
Speaker 1: pit of sadness when it gets really tough, because sometimes
Speaker 1: it does. But life is sometimes really tough. But I
Speaker 1: think that's also kind of a beautiful thing. Life is
Speaker 1: not meant to be always happy and easy, and if
Speaker 1: it was, then you know, that's a pretty boring existence.
Speaker 1: And you know, that's the beautiful thing about life is
Speaker 1: that you get to experience all these different emotions, and
Speaker 1: you get to experience easy times, and you get to
Speaker 1: experience difficult times, and you get to experience happiness, and
Speaker 1: you get to experience sadness, and you get to experience excitement,
Speaker 1: and you get to experience fear, and I try not
Speaker 1: to let fear dictate the decisions that I make. However,
Speaker 1: I'd be lying if I said that I don't experience fear,
Speaker 1: because I do. I get scared about a lot of things,
Speaker 1: but I try not to let that impact me moving forward.
Speaker 1: I feel it and it makes me nervous and sometimes
Speaker 1: I'll run away from it, but most of the time
Speaker 1: I try to look at it objectively and make the
Speaker 1: best decision possible. So anyway, that's my podcast. This week
Speaker 1: felt like another therapy session for me myself, and I
Speaker 1: hopefully you gained something out of it. I don't really
Speaker 1: know what, but really appreciate you guys listening to this podcast.
Speaker 1: I can't thank you enough. Truthfully, you're the best. Make
Speaker 1: sure you're tune in next week. We're hopefully we all
Speaker 1: sucked just a little less. Mm hmm