WEBVTT - Talk Daddy to Me: Due Date

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<v Speaker 1>This is Suckers. I'm Keeling Bell, I'm Dean Bell, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Jared habn An. iHeartRadio podcast. Hey everybody, welcome to

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<v Speaker 1>an all new episode of Suckers with Jared han Me, myself,

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<v Speaker 1>and I am currently in my kitchen recording this podcast solo.

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<v Speaker 1>As I do every week. Is it every week? I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like I've been slacking lately. I have to be honest,

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<v Speaker 1>I've been certainly trying to do every week. But I'm

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<v Speaker 1>doing well. I hope everybody listening out there is doing

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<v Speaker 1>well as well. Weather's turning here in Ryland. It's sunny outside.

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<v Speaker 1>I was going to try to record this outside, but

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<v Speaker 1>you know, logistically that just wasn't gonna happen. It's like

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<v Speaker 1>sixty out. So if you're up in the new Land area,

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<v Speaker 1>you understand where I'm coming from and how the seasonal

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<v Speaker 1>depressions are very real thing. And weather's turning is making

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<v Speaker 1>me happy just being outside, just being outside. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>things were good. We had Easter. Talked about that on

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<v Speaker 1>the podcast last week. It was fun to see Dawson

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<v Speaker 1>run around. He went ice skating for the first time.

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't there. I had to work, but my sister

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<v Speaker 1>in law. No, what is Lauren? Ashley's sister is my

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<v Speaker 1>sister in law her fiance because he's not my brother

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<v Speaker 1>in law yet they're not married. Her fiance, Hunter is

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<v Speaker 1>a plays hockey and so like he took they went

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<v Speaker 1>skating together, which is a lot of fun. And so

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<v Speaker 1>it was cool to see Dawson skating and just like

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<v Speaker 1>running around on the ice not knowing what he was doing.

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<v Speaker 1>It was it was really cute. Ashley recorded a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of videos and pictures, so I got to see it,

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<v Speaker 1>which was great. I don't skate, so I can't really

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<v Speaker 1>teach him how to do that. Unfortunately, I could teach

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<v Speaker 1>him how to do a lot of different things, but

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<v Speaker 1>unfortunately skating is not my expertise. So I was glad

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<v Speaker 1>the Hunter is able to you know, skate with him

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<v Speaker 1>safely because you know, he would just like Hunter would

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<v Speaker 1>be holding onto Dawson and Dawson would be gliding his

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<v Speaker 1>skates and Hunter is a great skater, so he was

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<v Speaker 1>able to stay on his feet and so Dawson had

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of fun doing that, which is great. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>another kid on the way, another boy number two and

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<v Speaker 1>July July twenty eighth, I think is the due date

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<v Speaker 1>Ashley's gonna be giving birth down in Virginia again. So yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I feel like an awful human being for

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<v Speaker 1>being brutally honest with my feelings. But I'm scared. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>very scared when it comes to a second kid going

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<v Speaker 1>back in that newborn phase. I you know, it's hard.

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<v Speaker 1>Every parent knows this, and it's more so just I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just trying to be as good of a father as possible.

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<v Speaker 1>I love the stage that Dawson is in now, but

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<v Speaker 1>I did not like the baby stage. It's just, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if it's a father thing. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know if it's a me thing. I don't know what

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<v Speaker 1>it is. But it doesn't mean I don't love my kid.

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<v Speaker 1>Doesn't mean I'm not going to love my second kid.

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<v Speaker 1>I am. I'm going to do everything I can to

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<v Speaker 1>ensure that they're safe and loved and learning how to

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<v Speaker 1>become a human being and have fun and feel safe.

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<v Speaker 1>You know. I think that's one of the most important

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<v Speaker 1>things that I could provide for Dawson, is I want

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<v Speaker 1>him to feel safe because at some point he's not

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<v Speaker 1>going to as every human, you know, as every person

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<v Speaker 1>listening to this podcast realizes, you know, at some point

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<v Speaker 1>in your life you realize the danger of life and

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<v Speaker 1>the fragility of it all. And you know, I was

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<v Speaker 1>talking to a friend of mine actually earlier today and

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<v Speaker 1>she had to go to awake one of her friends

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<v Speaker 1>co worker's brother died, you know, cancer just awful, awful, awful, awful.

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<v Speaker 1>And she saw someone that we used to know high

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<v Speaker 1>school and a little bit older than us, and I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't really know too well, but I knew of and

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<v Speaker 1>she said that he has cancer. And she saw him

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<v Speaker 1>and he's you know, eighty pounds and doesn't look good.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's just like, you know, I can't even imagine

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<v Speaker 1>the thoughts going through my head, you know, even if

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<v Speaker 1>I was fighting. It's just, I know, this is a

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<v Speaker 1>depressing thing to talk about, but unfortunately, this disease affects

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of us. And yeah, I don't know, just

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<v Speaker 1>to keep fighting. You got to keep fighting, obviously, but

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know where my headspace would be knowing that,

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<v Speaker 1>Like it just it doesn't feel like it's going in

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<v Speaker 1>a good direction. And I don't know how much time

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<v Speaker 1>I have left, and there's you know, I was actually

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<v Speaker 1>having an existential crisis about this. Maybe it's fatherhood, maybe

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<v Speaker 1>it's a second baby coming. I don't really know. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>I do know have you know, feelings and thoughts and emotions,

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<v Speaker 1>and I try to put those, you know, into a

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<v Speaker 1>folder and really not dwell on them. Dwelling is not

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<v Speaker 1>the right word to express, but more so just giving

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<v Speaker 1>it thought and giving it the adequate amount of effort

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<v Speaker 1>that I need to give it. But you know, obviously,

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<v Speaker 1>with the baby coming on the way, I guess maybe

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<v Speaker 1>that is why I think about life a lot differently.

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<v Speaker 1>But I was thinking the other day about how everything

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<v Speaker 1>we do matters because it's our life and we might

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<v Speaker 1>only have one life to give and one you know,

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<v Speaker 1>rotation on this earth. But also at the same time,

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<v Speaker 1>nothing we do matters because when we die, our life

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<v Speaker 1>will go on, and be excuse me, when we die,

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<v Speaker 1>other people's lives will go on. Like, for example, I

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<v Speaker 1>think about Dawson. You know, I'm hoping I die before

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<v Speaker 1>he does. I think every parent wants to die before

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<v Speaker 1>their kid dies, and I want his life to go on,

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<v Speaker 1>and of course, like I want him to grieve me

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<v Speaker 1>in a sense because I want to be that impactful

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<v Speaker 1>in his life. But my point being is that, like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I see it with my my parents. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>they don't have any parents. Now I don't have any grandparents,

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<v Speaker 1>so it's you know, their parents have gone, and at

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<v Speaker 1>some point my parents will have be gone. But I

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<v Speaker 1>want my life to continue for you know, my family

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<v Speaker 1>and myself. And then also I want my parents, Like

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<v Speaker 1>it's so sad to think about their parents being gone,

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<v Speaker 1>but I want their life to get do you do.

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<v Speaker 1>My point being is I think there's something beautiful in

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<v Speaker 1>that and the idea that everything you do matters, but

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<v Speaker 1>also everything you do doesn't matter, and that life is

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<v Speaker 1>just beautiful as is, and we're just trying to do

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<v Speaker 1>the best we can and to bring joy and happiness

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<v Speaker 1>and positivity. And that's what I'm trying to do. And

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<v Speaker 1>that doesn't mean I'm always right. That doesn't mean that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not sad sometimes or not angry, because I am,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm just trying to be I'm just trying to

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<v Speaker 1>do my best, and I know everybody is, so I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know, that's what I kind of think about when

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<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking about the second kid. And I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>if that's a good mindset to have, but I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, of course we're going back into the newborn phase.

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<v Speaker 1>Ashley and I have talked about it. You know, we're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna have a todd that we're gonna have a newborn.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh boy, o boy, oh boy. I know the boy

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<v Speaker 1>going back And I don't know how we're gonna tackle it.

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<v Speaker 1>You I I was reading off a question by one

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<v Speaker 1>of the producers about like, how are you going to

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<v Speaker 1>tackle the newborn phase coming with Dawson and a newborn,

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<v Speaker 1>And it's like, I don't know, I don't know how

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<v Speaker 1>it's gonna be. And you know it's we're gonna play

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<v Speaker 1>it out and we're gonna put our best foot forward

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<v Speaker 1>and give our kids as much love as possible. And

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<v Speaker 1>and you know, with the newborn, as every parent can

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<v Speaker 1>tell you, it's just really keeping this blob alive, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>this beautiful little baby and ensuring that they're taken care

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<v Speaker 1>of and safe and you know, sanitizing the bottles, feeding them,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, comforting them when they need comforting, and you know,

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<v Speaker 1>also taking care of Dawson and showing dawson affection. And

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<v Speaker 1>I like, you know, I think Dawson's gonna be a

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<v Speaker 1>great big brother. I really do, and I think that

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<v Speaker 1>these two will be best friends for a very very

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<v Speaker 1>long time. I mean, I'm sure they'll go through their

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<v Speaker 1>awkward stages later in life where it's like they hate

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<v Speaker 1>each other because they're just two bros and they're like

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<v Speaker 1>competing at sports, or Dawson will be two years older,

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<v Speaker 1>so Dawson might be like a senior in high school

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<v Speaker 1>when the new one's a freshman or sophomore, and then

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<v Speaker 1>you know, Dawson's not gonna want to hang out with

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<v Speaker 1>him because he's you know, not cool or so on

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<v Speaker 1>and so forth. But I really do think for the

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<v Speaker 1>majority of their lives he will be best friends. And

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<v Speaker 1>I think that will start early on. Dawson is man.

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<v Speaker 1>Dawson has so much love to give. He's so affectionate,

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<v Speaker 1>and he's such a just a wonderful, wonderful little to

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<v Speaker 1>be around. Now. He's so he's just loving. And for example,

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<v Speaker 1>anytime we're watching for Aladdin and Aladdin and Jasmine kiss

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<v Speaker 1>after the Magic Carpet Ride, as soon as he sees

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<v Speaker 1>them kiss, he immediately turns to me and will go

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<v Speaker 1>and want to kiss me. Or if he sees someone

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<v Speaker 1>hug on on on the TV, he'll immediately come up

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<v Speaker 1>to and want to hug us. And those are great moments,

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<v Speaker 1>great moments I went to trade for anything. So it's

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<v Speaker 1>about balance, you know. I mean, it's just about balance,

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<v Speaker 1>just trying to get through it. And you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>I love my I love Dawson so much and I

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<v Speaker 1>want to be there for him. I want to be

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<v Speaker 1>a good father and I hope to be half as

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<v Speaker 1>good of a father as my dad was to me.

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<v Speaker 1>But that's where my head is at right now. What

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<v Speaker 1>baby item did you have to have with Dawson that

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<v Speaker 1>you'll just never use with the new one? It really depends.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, there are so many items that Dawson went through.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just finding whatever comforts the baby the most. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>for Dawson, it was this little swing when he was

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<v Speaker 1>a baby where if he was crying or if he

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<v Speaker 1>was just agitated, we'd be able to put him in

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<v Speaker 1>this swing and he would immediately calm down. And so

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<v Speaker 1>it's just finding that for the new born, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>whatever he needs, uh to make sure that he is

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<v Speaker 1>emotionally Okay, that's what we're gonna do. And luckily we

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<v Speaker 1>have a lot of baby stuff that we can try

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<v Speaker 1>with the new one, whether it be a swing or

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<v Speaker 1>a vibration seat or you know, some sort of I

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<v Speaker 1>forget what it's called, but it's like this pillow thing

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<v Speaker 1>that you can put on the couch with you. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>there's a bunch of different stuff that we're definitely gonna

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<v Speaker 1>try out and things that we need to have. So

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<v Speaker 1>we're gonna do this s new again because we want sleep,

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<v Speaker 1>which is very important. So the SNeW is this uh

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<v Speaker 1>bascinet that rocks, and so we used it with Dawson.

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<v Speaker 1>It was fantastic, and you know, we had a heart

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<v Speaker 1>mometer on like his foot to ensure that, like we

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<v Speaker 1>could track his breathing and all that good stuff. Got

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<v Speaker 1>technology has come so far. But the SNeW is a

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<v Speaker 1>is a very important one because it was really for

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<v Speaker 1>the first six, you know, six months, you know, Dawson

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<v Speaker 1>was sleeping for you know, seven eight hours at a time.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe yes, but yeah, I'd say about that, which was perfect.

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<v Speaker 1>So Ashley and I were able to get sleep. And

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<v Speaker 1>then it was when we adjusted him out of the

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<v Speaker 1>stew that caused issues. But it was worth it, honestly,

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<v Speaker 1>and which is why we're doing it again. So the

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<v Speaker 1>snow is one thing that we definitely don't want to do.

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<v Speaker 1>What mistakes. Did you learn from the first time with

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<v Speaker 1>Dawson that you're not going to try that you try

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<v Speaker 1>to not repeat. I mean, we make mistakes every day.

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<v Speaker 1>I make mistakes every day. I think it's just about

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<v Speaker 1>once again, doing the best you can, trying to make

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<v Speaker 1>the best decision in the moment, and that's what we

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<v Speaker 1>try to do with Dawson. I think this is certainly

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<v Speaker 1>not a mistake, but trying not to overthink a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of different scenarios when you have your so many parents

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<v Speaker 1>with multiple kids will tell you this. You know, with

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<v Speaker 1>your first kid, it's you're so concerned about everything, like

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<v Speaker 1>everything has to be perfect, and like the room has

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<v Speaker 1>to be ready, and you know this, you know he's

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<v Speaker 1>has to this baby just we have to watch him

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<v Speaker 1>every second to make sure he's breathing, and you're so

0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:44.960
<v Speaker 1>hyper paranoid about every little movement. And I think now

0:12:45.040 --> 0:12:47.200
<v Speaker 1>with the second one, it's more so like, let's try

0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:49.760
<v Speaker 1>not to stress ourselves out too much. It's already stressful

0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:51.680
<v Speaker 1>being a parent. The best thing we can do for

0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:55.400
<v Speaker 1>our kids is to be the best version of ourselves,

0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:57.840
<v Speaker 1>because that will bring the most happiness and love to them,

0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:01.360
<v Speaker 1>and in order to do that, like doing everything we

0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:03.640
<v Speaker 1>can within our power to ensure that our kids are

0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:07.880
<v Speaker 1>safe and loved and having fun and then trying not

0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:12.720
<v Speaker 1>to overly focus on outside factors. And I think that's

0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:17.760
<v Speaker 1>what I'm gonna do, and I hope Ashley does the same.

0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:19.880
<v Speaker 1>So again, I don't know if I would call that

0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:23.360
<v Speaker 1>a mistake. It's more so just like all right, you know, Jared,

0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:25.600
<v Speaker 1>don't panic. It's just you know what you're doing, and

0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:28.400
<v Speaker 1>you love your kids, like I know I love my

0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:30.160
<v Speaker 1>I know I love Dustin so much, and I know

0:13:30.200 --> 0:13:32.360
<v Speaker 1>I love I'm gonna love the new one just as much.

0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:36.240
<v Speaker 1>And just showing them that and telling them that and

0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:41.320
<v Speaker 1>not feeling guilty that I'm not showing them enough love

0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:44.920
<v Speaker 1>or I'm not doing everything I possibly could every second

0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:46.959
<v Speaker 1>of the day to ensure that their life is better.

0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:50.200
<v Speaker 1>I mean, that's just obscene. And you know, sometimes, of course,

0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:54.160
<v Speaker 1>my mind just rattles through that, you know, where it's like,

0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:56.679
<v Speaker 1>oh God, am I being a bad parent right now?

0:13:57.280 --> 0:14:00.720
<v Speaker 1>It's like what am I talking about? You know? It's

0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:04.600
<v Speaker 1>because what I'm not. I just played with them for

0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:06.679
<v Speaker 1>forty five minutes and now I want to break Like,

0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:10.440
<v Speaker 1>does that makes me a bad parent? I don't know,

0:14:11.040 --> 0:14:17.079
<v Speaker 1>you know, But so it's just trying to and then

0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:19.160
<v Speaker 1>that goes for Dawson as well, trying to eliminate those

0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:21.960
<v Speaker 1>moments of like being like, oh, I should be doing more,

0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:24.560
<v Speaker 1>and it's like, listen, if I'm doing you know, of

0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:26.120
<v Speaker 1>course I could be doing more. I always could be

0:14:26.120 --> 0:14:28.440
<v Speaker 1>doing more, whether it be with my kids or myself,

0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:30.520
<v Speaker 1>or my work or so on and so forth. But

0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:33.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, that's just true with everybody in life, you know,

0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:36.480
<v Speaker 1>we always feel like that, and being a parent is

0:14:36.520 --> 0:14:39.560
<v Speaker 1>no different, and it's probably more heightened because you know,

0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:41.240
<v Speaker 1>you care about your kids so much and you want

0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:44.040
<v Speaker 1>them to be as loved as possible. But you know,

0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:48.120
<v Speaker 1>I think just me trying to focus on being the

0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:50.880
<v Speaker 1>best parent I can is is is the thing that

0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:55.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm gonna do. Last question, do dads have their

0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:59.480
<v Speaker 1>own form of postpartuer depression? I don't know. I mean,

0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:01.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if I would call it postpartum depression.

0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:04.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm not the one pregnant, I'm not the one giving birth.

0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:07.320
<v Speaker 1>Ashley is bearing ninety nine percent of the load here.

0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:10.560
<v Speaker 1>Let's just be honest I'm here for emotional and moral support,

0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:13.440
<v Speaker 1>and then once the baby comes, of course, for more

0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:18.240
<v Speaker 1>support taking care of them. Is it hard, Yes, But

0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:22.000
<v Speaker 1>again I think, you know, when I look outside and

0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:23.960
<v Speaker 1>I see the sun and I see the sky, and

0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:28.520
<v Speaker 1>I realize that we're just a part of something much, much,

0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:34.080
<v Speaker 1>much bigger than ourselves, and that, you know, I'm going

0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:36.320
<v Speaker 1>to try to make the best decisions possible and try

0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:39.880
<v Speaker 1>to do the right thing, and that's all I can do.

0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:43.520
<v Speaker 1>And I think that helps me from falling into that

0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:49.520
<v Speaker 1>pit of sadness when it gets really tough, because sometimes

0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:51.760
<v Speaker 1>it does. But life is sometimes really tough. But I

0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:54.080
<v Speaker 1>think that's also kind of a beautiful thing. Life is

0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:56.040
<v Speaker 1>not meant to be always happy and easy, and if

0:15:56.040 --> 0:16:00.000
<v Speaker 1>it was, then you know, that's a pretty boring existence.

0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:03.640
<v Speaker 1>And you know, that's the beautiful thing about life is

0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:05.440
<v Speaker 1>that you get to experience all these different emotions, and

0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:07.160
<v Speaker 1>you get to experience easy times, and you get to

0:16:07.200 --> 0:16:10.080
<v Speaker 1>experience difficult times, and you get to experience happiness, and

0:16:10.080 --> 0:16:12.840
<v Speaker 1>you get to experience sadness, and you get to experience excitement,

0:16:13.160 --> 0:16:16.120
<v Speaker 1>and you get to experience fear, and I try not

0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:20.520
<v Speaker 1>to let fear dictate the decisions that I make. However,

0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:24.560
<v Speaker 1>I'd be lying if I said that I don't experience fear,

0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:26.960
<v Speaker 1>because I do. I get scared about a lot of things,

0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:31.520
<v Speaker 1>but I try not to let that impact me moving forward.

0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:35.360
<v Speaker 1>I feel it and it makes me nervous and sometimes

0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:37.440
<v Speaker 1>I'll run away from it, but most of the time

0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:42.760
<v Speaker 1>I try to look at it objectively and make the

0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:45.840
<v Speaker 1>best decision possible. So anyway, that's my podcast. This week

0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:49.320
<v Speaker 1>felt like another therapy session for me myself, and I

0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:53.160
<v Speaker 1>hopefully you gained something out of it. I don't really

0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:56.320
<v Speaker 1>know what, but really appreciate you guys listening to this podcast.

0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:59.240
<v Speaker 1>I can't thank you enough. Truthfully, you're the best. Make

0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:02.200
<v Speaker 1>sure you're tune in next week. We're hopefully we all

0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:09.720
<v Speaker 1>sucked just a little less. Mm hmm