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Speaker 1: Hi, We're back with a minisode and my special guest

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Speaker 1: is Yaminika Saunders. She's here today, still teeth the lipstick

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Speaker 1: is not on your teeth today.

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Speaker 2: No, it's gone.

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Speaker 3: Now it's gone, so you ate it. Catherine, what's happening.

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Speaker 4: Hi, Chelsea.

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Speaker 5: Well, we have a quick update from a previous caller.

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Speaker 5: This is from Dolly. She had called in on our

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Speaker 5: Christina Ricci episode. Her brother and sister in law were

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Speaker 5: fighting a lot. It was sort of affecting their kids,

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Speaker 5: so she was wondering how to support her niece and nephew,

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Speaker 5: so she says, Hi. There. Since being on the show

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Speaker 5: with Chelsea and Christina Ricci, my husband and I have

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Speaker 5: made active strides to not interlope with my sister in

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Speaker 5: law and her husband's relationship WOWS and distanced ourself from

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Speaker 5: being in the center of their ongoing tension. As far

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Speaker 5: as their relationship, there hasn't been much improvement, but on

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Speaker 5: a positive note, as Chelsea recommended, my husband and I

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Speaker 5: have been spending more time with our niece and nephew

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Speaker 5: and building a stronger relationship with them. Thank you, Chelsea

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Speaker 5: for the reminder that it's their relationship and I should

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Speaker 5: worry only about what I can control.

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Speaker 4: Dolly.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that's good. Great, that's good.

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Speaker 4: I love that.

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Speaker 2: I love that.

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Speaker 5: And reaching out to these kids is like so great, Yeah,

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Speaker 5: reaching out because kids are so you know, she's You've

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Speaker 5: got nieces and nephews and you know how important it

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Speaker 5: is to connect with them and make sure they have

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Speaker 5: a safe haven.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, you know, yeah, she was watching her in

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Speaker 3: laws or her sister. What was it like, have bad,

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Speaker 3: bad relationship.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, her sister and brother in law.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like really fight with each other and fight in

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Speaker 1: front of the kids, really inappropriate. And it's like she

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Speaker 1: was trying to like get involved and I'm like, you

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Speaker 1: can't get involved in that. All you can do is

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Speaker 1: really show up with your children, with their children and

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Speaker 1: just like build a relationship with them so that they

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Speaker 1: have a safe, safe place to go and safe people

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Speaker 1: to talk to. But I feel like that's pretty much

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Speaker 1: the biggest contribution you can make, if you can impact

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Speaker 1: children's lives in a positive way.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like that is very purposeful.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I just don't.

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Speaker 6: I'd always arguing in front of children is like crazy

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Speaker 6: to me.

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Speaker 3: Did you grow up with parents that argued at all?

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Speaker 2: No, we were just a fussy family.

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Speaker 6: But we were more like funny, fussy funny, you know,

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Speaker 6: like nobody took anything serious. I felt very loved. You know,

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Speaker 6: I had grow up problems like everybody else, but I

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Speaker 6: felt very loved. I'm very grateful for my family, but

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Speaker 6: to come from a family that had foster children, you know,

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Speaker 6: my grandparents took in foster kids, and seeing children coming

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Speaker 6: from abusive situations and situations where they're uncomfortable, and realizing

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Speaker 6: how blessed I was that I don't have to go

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Speaker 6: home and worry about is there going to be somebody

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Speaker 6: who's going to beat me to death or do something,

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Speaker 6: you know what I mean. Like the way we don't

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Speaker 6: protect little human beings that we bring into the world

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Speaker 6: is insane.

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Speaker 1: On a separate note, I just want to point out

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Speaker 1: that you're wearing a separate You're wearing a pair of

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Speaker 1: sneakers today that look like you are actually your size,

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Speaker 1: because when I was out with you last night, there

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Speaker 1: were you wear these boat sneakers that are they seem

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Speaker 1: like they're a few sizes too big, and I know

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Speaker 1: we were giving you some grief about it last night.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think we should retire those sneakers.

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Speaker 6: I think no, but they're also very comfortable. They're a

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Speaker 6: part of me that at some point I will I

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Speaker 6: will retire.

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Speaker 1: Well, yeah, maybe when you come to Europe, maybe I'll

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Speaker 1: go into your suitcase and maybe I'll retire them for you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, if I bring those shoes, I'm not going.

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Speaker 7: To not coming back to Europe. Honey, I'm that trash.

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Speaker 3: Okay, what did we have next? Catherine so Claudia is

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Speaker 3: thirty three.

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Speaker 4: She's in Miami.

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Speaker 5: She says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend and I have been

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Speaker 5: together for about three years now. We live together, both

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Speaker 5: in our thirties, and I'm confident in saying that we're

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Speaker 5: in this for the long haul. My predicament is that

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Speaker 5: he's very unhappy with his job, and I don't know

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Speaker 5: the best way to be supportive anymore. He's applied to

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Speaker 5: hundreds of other positions, but doesn't ever seem to make

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Speaker 5: it past the interview phase. He gets defeated, frustrated, and

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Speaker 5: I struggle with knowing how to help him. All I

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Speaker 5: want is for him to be happy or at least

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Speaker 5: neutral at this point with his job, but it doesn't

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Speaker 5: seem like he's taking the best steps or initiative to

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Speaker 5: get there. He won't let me read his resume or

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Speaker 5: cover letter for advice, and when I try to connect

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Speaker 5: him with people, he shoots me down. He's an incredible

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Speaker 5: writer and artist, and I've encouraged him to go to

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Speaker 5: grad school as a different option to pursue, but he's.

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Speaker 4: Stuck and won't make the jump.

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Speaker 5: He's had episodes of depression in the past, and I

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Speaker 5: fear that these career struggles might take him down that road.

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Speaker 4: Again.

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Speaker 5: We're in different industries, so I don't exactly know what

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Speaker 5: resources to point him to, but I encourage him to

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Speaker 5: keep applying and not lose faith. The last thing I

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Speaker 5: want is to be a nag, and I know he

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Speaker 5: really needs to be the one to lift himself up

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Speaker 5: and tackle this on his own. But it's difficult to

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Speaker 5: watch the person you love get pushed down. So many times,

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Speaker 5: I think I've hit a wall and I just need

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Speaker 5: an outside perspective on this.

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Speaker 4: Claudia, Hi Claudia, Hi, nice to see you both.

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Speaker 3: Hi, thank you. This is Yaminika.

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Speaker 2: Hi Claudia.

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Speaker 6: I want to say I you know, I was snickering

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Speaker 6: at the top of it, because my god.

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Speaker 2: You know you wire me. You were me. I remember

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Speaker 2: being you right?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, young, that's some young shit you doing all what

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Speaker 6: is this episode a lean on me as well? Why

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Speaker 6: the fuck are you building this dude up like fuck that?

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Speaker 6: And you in your thirties you still young, bitch, and

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Speaker 6: you sit here raised? This is the motherfucker is already

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Speaker 6: supposed to be raised. He's got to go. You know

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Speaker 6: what you want in life? I'm telling you, don't waste

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Speaker 6: your fucking time.

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Speaker 2: No, we gotta go. Who are you fucking your webs?

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Speaker 2: I get it.

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Speaker 6: But all of this adjusting that she's doing to try

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Speaker 6: to reach a motherfucker is a waste of time, Chelsea.

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Speaker 6: And in the forties and up, we can tell you

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Speaker 6: because we've been here. That's why I'm giggling at you.

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Speaker 6: You was the bitch I was. Please stop being a

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Speaker 6: bitch as soon as possible.

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Speaker 1: Let's have a realistic conversation about how you know. I

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Speaker 1: know you said your piece and now I want to talk.

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Speaker 1: So where are you at with how tolerant you are

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Speaker 1: willing to be for this period or duration of time

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Speaker 1: where he's kind of listless and depressed. Where are you

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Speaker 1: on your relationship journey spectrum?

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Speaker 8: Well, I'm not like up to here, I'm still very

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Speaker 8: supportive and it's not like he's a deadbet either. It's

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Speaker 8: I'm not like paying his bills or anything like. He's

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Speaker 8: still contributing financially. So until that's until that changes, and

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Speaker 8: I'm fine to keep supporting him.

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Speaker 1: But okay, so see those are her parameters, So she's

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Speaker 1: not you have to experience these things before place.

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Speaker 3: Where you know that.

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Speaker 6: Let me we're right, okay, So Chelsea is coming from

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Speaker 6: that angle. I'm coming here to contribute something completely different

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Speaker 6: and from a different angle. That's why it's not another

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Speaker 6: Chelsea saying he I'm sitting here, I appreciate. What I'm

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Speaker 6: telling you is I love that you are doing that right,

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Speaker 6: And I understand everybody has parameters. I'm not heartless. What

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Speaker 6: I am telling you is somebody who is just like that.

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Speaker 6: What more can I do?

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Speaker 4: What?

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Speaker 6: And you're doing all You're trying to resource so that

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Speaker 6: you can be resourced for him.

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Speaker 2: Is he putting this kind of effort into.

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Speaker 6: His own self to get out of these pity party situations?

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Speaker 6: You understand, and it only gets worse over time. That's

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Speaker 6: something that he has to work on with himself. Because

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Speaker 6: one thing's knocking you down, you're not motivated to move forward.

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Speaker 2: Over time, life.

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Speaker 6: Is going to do nothing but kick your ass, and

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Speaker 6: if you're not able to overcome from that, you're gonna

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Speaker 6: want to bitter and stuck. I know I have friends

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Speaker 6: like that. Every day I ask the Lord, please help

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Speaker 6: me not to be bitter and stuck.

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Speaker 2: It's easy.

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Speaker 3: I do the same thing.

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Speaker 1: I always wake up and say, please, I pray, like,

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Speaker 1: let me not be a cunt today, you know, like

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Speaker 1: I have that. I have that thing too, and let

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Speaker 1: me not be a cunt to other people. Like he's

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Speaker 1: obviously wrapped in, like very self involved in this period

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Speaker 1: of time that he's in and whether he's depressed or

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Speaker 1: he's gonna be depressed or whatever. There really is only

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Speaker 1: so much you can do to help somebody, to help

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Speaker 1: lift somebody up if they're not willing to lift themselves up,

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Speaker 1: like you giving him resources and putting him in touch

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Speaker 1: with people and him kind of not responding to that

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Speaker 1: doesn't show initiative and doesn't show ambition or a want

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Speaker 1: for change. It's almost is like there are certain people

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Speaker 1: that like to be in this kind of negative space

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Speaker 1: that's their oxygen where they like to be a victim

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Speaker 1: where they like to everything nothing goes right for me,

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Speaker 1: and it's the same old song and dance. So I think, Yaminika,

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Speaker 1: what she said is poignant because when you get to

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Speaker 1: be older, you'll realize, like you don't really want to

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Speaker 1: put this much effort into him. But I totally respect

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Speaker 1: the fact that you still love him and you still

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Speaker 1: have more tolerance for his situation and to help him.

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Speaker 1: But I would really start focusing on yourself. Since you

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Speaker 1: can't pick him up out of this situation, how can

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Speaker 1: you make your life, you know, more meaningful for you,

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Speaker 1: so you have a space to kind of exit when

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Speaker 1: he's in that space, you know what I mean, that

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Speaker 1: you can go and do things for yourself, that you

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Speaker 1: have your own of friends, and that you have your

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Speaker 1: own like community of whatever it is, and do you

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Speaker 1: have those things like do you feel like you have

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Speaker 1: your own life sets?

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Speaker 8: What makes it interesting is like I'm also trying to

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Speaker 8: pivot careers and I got into grad school, like I'm

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Speaker 8: a year into grad school to try and make that transition.

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Speaker 8: So if my thank you, if my words don't mean crap,

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Speaker 8: then at least he's like my example, my actually and

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Speaker 8: hopefully with you know, inspires him in some way. But

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Speaker 8: I also don't want to be like, hey, look at me,

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Speaker 8: like I got my shit together, because I really don't.

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Speaker 4: I'm being like, hey, look at you.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, Oh, the woman in the relationship is making

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Speaker 5: moves and doing shit to better herself and the man

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Speaker 5: is fucking wallowing shocker.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: The thing is you're gonna lose your patience for it.

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Speaker 1: That's the thing that we're just we're both in agreement

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Speaker 1: on you're gonna lose your patience for because it's not

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Speaker 1: hot and nobody just gets to be in a bad

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Speaker 1: mood for a long period of time. Like, there's got

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Speaker 1: to be steps taken. And while you're demonstrating actually what

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Speaker 1: it looks like to change your life and take it

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Speaker 1: into your own hands, he might get the message, or

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Speaker 1: he might not. He might get it in five years,

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Speaker 1: or he might never get it. You know, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: but I would really make sure that you double down

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Speaker 1: on yourself, whatever you're doing for yourself and what your

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Speaker 1: goals are, make sure that you double down on your

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Speaker 1: determination and making your life as good as it can be.

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Speaker 3: And see where where the relationship goes.

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Speaker 1: You know, maybe you'll have some sort of miracle and

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Speaker 1: he will have an awakening.

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Speaker 3: It happens to people.

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Speaker 1: I just think women are much more reliable on men

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Speaker 1: in the emotional department in terms of like hearing news,

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Speaker 1: making changes, making adjustments.

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Speaker 3: Were more reliable.

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Speaker 6: And I'm not that. I'm not don't look at that

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Speaker 6: girl in the mirror. I am about that. Look at

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Speaker 6: that girl in the mirror. So what women are always

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Speaker 6: expected to like, don't act like you have this over

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Speaker 6: a man, and don't did this and da da da da.

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Speaker 2: So what you when you getting it great?

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Speaker 6: You know how hard that is again to graduate school

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Speaker 6: and shit like that, and you try to make a

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Speaker 6: pivot and do things like that and you can't applaud

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Speaker 6: yourself and he can't be next to you go, yeah,

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Speaker 6: that's my chick, she did that.

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 6: We always expected as women to make an adjustment so

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Speaker 6: that the man's ego is in crush.

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Speaker 2: You keep being who the fuck you need to be.

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Speaker 6: And then if you have to dip, go dip for

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Speaker 6: a dude that's not gonna feel some kind of way

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Speaker 6: about you having your star because he got his own store.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe he is actually jealous of you too, who knows?

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Speaker 4: I yeah, I hope not.

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Speaker 3: I hope not too.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 8: I think it did inspire him in a way like

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Speaker 8: he's been applying. It's just that he's like in a

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Speaker 8: neutral and I want him to like rev up the

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Speaker 8: gear and like go into turbo, but he's not.

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Speaker 5: I feel like you're probably being very sweet and understanding

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Speaker 5: and nice and like what do you gals think? I

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Speaker 5: feel like she needs to come in with a little

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Speaker 5: more of the Aminika's energy of like, okay, it's time

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Speaker 5: to stop following, like let's get shit done.

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Speaker 2: I think.

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Speaker 6: I also remember, I ain't got no man. I ain't

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Speaker 6: got no man, So you can riven what you want

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Speaker 6: and you gonna have no man.

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Speaker 3: And I've got a lot of madness to say that.

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Speaker 7: No.

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Speaker 6: But and also to be fair, right to your boyfriend,

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Speaker 6: we are hearing uside. We know understand like but from

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Speaker 6: the common sense things that I know in life, it's

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Speaker 6: not so much about this overall relationship as much as

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Speaker 6: it is about Chelsea's telling you if if somebody's oxygen

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Speaker 6: is negativity and that's not what you breathe, you're gonna suffocate.

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Speaker 6: That's what she just said. So you need to see

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Speaker 6: if you guys are on the same planet with each other.

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Speaker 6: You know, maybe he's really from Mars and you from Venus.

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Speaker 4: That's a good point.

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Speaker 3: So I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: I mean, this isn't the greatest news, but you know,

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Speaker 1: like it's not uplifting you in any way, but we

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Speaker 1: just want to give you, like honest female guidance.

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Speaker 8: No, and I appreciate that so much. This is like,

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Speaker 8: you know, the cold bucket of water that maybe I

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Speaker 8: needed on my face. And I have to say, I

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Speaker 8: saw you both perform in Hollywood, Florida, So I'm so

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Speaker 8: happy that I got to see you today.

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Speaker 4: That was like an amazing show.

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Speaker 8: I went by myself and it was like what I'm

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Speaker 8: talking about.

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Speaker 6: And I think and I think it was. Listen, I'm

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Speaker 6: gonna say this. I think it was. It's fine. I

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Speaker 6: don't expect you to turn around and just leave him.

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Speaker 6: That wasn't a conversation I was having. I think we

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Speaker 6: were having enough conversation for you to say whatever you decide.

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Speaker 6: Here is certain red flags that you need to start

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Speaker 6: looking for. If negativity is his oxygen and if he's

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Speaker 6: not trying to grow, then when it's time for you

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Speaker 6: to audio.

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Speaker 2: Supoty there, We've given you a track. But if you

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Speaker 2: want to go.

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Speaker 6: In and see what you can do and maybe change

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Speaker 6: things around, my blessings to doing that.

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Speaker 2: I'm not here to tear up.

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Speaker 1: Love famous last words from Yaminika. I'm not here to

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Speaker 1: tear up lives. Okay, that would be the name of

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Speaker 1: this episode's the.

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Speaker 4: Hopeless Romantic I can tell.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Well, good luck out there. Let us know what

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Speaker 1: happens if you have any big updates, let us know.

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Speaker 4: Okay, thank you both so much. I appreciate it. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: thank you. Fine.

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Speaker 3: She received that. Well, did I mean you were at her?

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Speaker 8: No?

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Speaker 6: No, No, I like when I was, because I was

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Speaker 6: that girl right, Like everything when it came to a guy,

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Speaker 6: it's like, what can I do better?

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Speaker 2: What am I not supporting him in? Is there a way?

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Speaker 6: And we always read these little Cosmo magazines and shit,

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Speaker 6: ten ways to be the bitch of his dream, nineteen

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Speaker 6: ways and not get on his nerve, eleven ways to

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Speaker 6: whisper in the sun, And it's like all this shit

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Speaker 6: we gotta do as a woman to try to make

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Speaker 6: a man okay, And it's like, is he ever concern

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Speaker 6: in himself with how he makes us feel at all

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Speaker 6: because nobody's really asking him, like, what do you think

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Speaker 6: the things you could do as a man to make

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Speaker 6: your woman?

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Speaker 2: You know it?

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Speaker 6: I think it should be reciprocity in this. I make

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Speaker 6: you feel good, you make me feel good.

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Speaker 1: Okay, and thank you for listening to our Miniso today

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Speaker 1: with Minika Special guests by Yaminika.

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Speaker 6: The next one, I'm going to be completely silent, Okay,

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Speaker 6: I'm serious.

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Speaker 5: Okay, bye, And you can find Yaminica on Instagram at Yaminica.

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Speaker 3: So I added a couple of new dates.

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Speaker 9: I'm not on tour yet, but I added a couple

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Speaker 9: of dates just because I felt like we need a

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Speaker 9: little bit more laughter and a little bit more medicine

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Speaker 9: for the end of the year. And I was wrapping

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Speaker 9: things up, but I thought, maybe let me do a

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Speaker 9: couple more.

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Speaker 3: So I'm adding three more dates in addition to my

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Speaker 3: Vegas residency.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing Westhampton Beach August twenty first, I'm headlining the

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Speaker 1: Rochester Fringe Comedy Festival September thirteenth, and I will be

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Speaker 1: in NAPA on October third.

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Speaker 3: So those will be my.

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Speaker 4: Last dates of the year.

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Speaker 5: Do you want advice from Chelsea right into Dear Chelsea

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Speaker 5: podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of

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Speaker 5: Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at dear Chelsea. Dear

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Speaker 5: Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer

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Speaker 5: Katherine Law And be sure to check out our merch

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Speaker 5: at Chelseahandler dot com