WEBVTT - Into The Great Unknown with Riley Keough 0:00:00.960 --> 0:00:04.040 Okay, Hi, Hi Chelsea, Hi, how are you? 0:00:04.280 --> 0:00:05.160 I'm great? How are you? 0:00:05.280 --> 0:00:08.039 I'm sorry, I'm sucking on a energize energy mint. 0:00:08.360 --> 0:00:09.680 I'm trying to all those a thing. 0:00:09.880 --> 0:00:12.880 I know. I'm trying out all these little different sources 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:15.000 of energy because you know, I don't really drink coffee. Yeah, 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:18.880 so excuse my sucking. Welcome to the show, everybody. I 0:00:18.880 --> 0:00:20.560 don't think We announce last week that my book is 0:00:20.600 --> 0:00:21.639 available for pre order. 0:00:21.680 --> 0:00:22.200 My new book. 0:00:22.239 --> 0:00:25.479 It's called I'll Have What She's Having, very title my 0:00:25.600 --> 0:00:27.280 editor came up with just to be on the just 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:28.720 to go on the record and make sure people don't 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:31.040 think I'm talking about myself that way. But it's available 0:00:31.040 --> 0:00:35.800 for pre order, uh everywhere, Amazon, Barnes and Noble. They're 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:38.640 signed copies at Barnes and Noble. I signed ten thousand books, 0:00:39.120 --> 0:00:42.279 hopefully ten thousand. I'm not about eighty five hundred right now, 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:44.239 so I have fifteen hundred to go and I think 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:44.800 i'll finish it. 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:47.680 I usually get the job done. And they're available at. 0:00:47.600 --> 0:00:52.040 Amazon, Target, Bookshop dot Org, Audible, Barnes and Noble, Apple Books, 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:53.800 BAM Books. 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:53.880 A million. 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:56.240 That was the one I was thinking of. Okay, so 0:00:56.320 --> 0:00:59.040 you can pre order my book anywhere. It comes out 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:01.760 February twenty fifth, which is my fiftieth birthday. So I 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:04.720 was very excited to unveil the cover on Instagram and 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:07.200 on some sort of I think it was People Magazine, Yes, 0:01:07.240 --> 0:01:10.880 Able Magazine, Yes, and everybody get your copy because we're 0:01:10.880 --> 0:01:11.840 going to have a book club. 0:01:12.080 --> 0:01:13.760 And so if they want to signed copy, do they 0:01:13.840 --> 0:01:15.520 just go to one of these real first ten. 0:01:15.480 --> 0:01:18.679 Thousand I think so the first ten thousand, I'm not 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:19.319 really sure. 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:21.840 We'll find out. You can find out we're here. 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:23.600 I don't know, they just said, but I know for 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:25.960 sure Barnes and Noble bookseller and then Bam Books a 0:01:26.040 --> 0:01:27.440 million has signed copies. 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:29.080 Awesome, that's fantastic. 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:31.959 And then we have another book author coming, book author, 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:34.600 author of a book coming on the show today. Who's 0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:37.280 here with us today. She's an actor and director and 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:40.240 her name is Riley Keo. She is the co author 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:43.440 of From Here to the Great Unknown, which is the 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:46.200 memoir of her late mother, Lisa Marie Presley. She is 0:01:46.240 --> 0:01:49.600 the granddaughter of Priscilla and Elvis Presley and now the 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:53.680 sole trustee of Graceland. Please welcome Riley Keyo. 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:58.120 Hi, Riley Keo, Hi, guys, so cute. First of all, 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:00.000 I want to say, we're sitting here in my house. 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:02.400 Else it's still not done. 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:05.160 I watched a lot of your interviews in promotion of 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:08.000 your book, which is Everybody's nose by now. It's called 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:10.760 From Here to the Great Unknown by Lisa Marie Presley 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:15.520 and Riley Keo, and I've been watching your interviews and 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:18.560 I just want to say. I wanted to start by 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:23.240 saying that with everything you've experienced in your life and 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:28.000 everything that you have been through and exposed to, you 0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:32.400 have a very calm and grounded aura about you, really, 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:34.760 and it's very easy to see. 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:36.480 So congratulations on that. 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:39.400 Thank you. That's that's an achievement. 0:02:39.680 --> 0:02:40.360 Yes it is. 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:42.880 I don't feel that way, but the aura is you 0:02:42.880 --> 0:02:44.799 don't feel that way important not all the time. 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:48.840 Do you feel that way any of the time. 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:50.200 I do. Some of the time. 0:02:50.440 --> 0:02:54.160 I have felt that, but I definitely have felt many 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:54.840 other things. 0:02:55.600 --> 0:02:57.280 Yeah, I would imagine that to be true. 0:02:57.320 --> 0:02:59.520 So I was reading your book and when I got 0:02:59.520 --> 0:03:02.519 to the end and was reading the little author's notes, 0:03:03.240 --> 0:03:05.880 and it said at the end of yours, it says 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:08.480 she is the eldest daughter of Lisa Marie Presley and 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:10.280 sole trustee of Graceland. 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:12.040 And now I thought that sentence. 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:15.840 I was like, like, that made me just feel so 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:20.200 overwhelmed for you, like the soul trustee of Graceland, Like, 0:03:20.280 --> 0:03:23.400 what does that mean to you? 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:26.560 You know, I don't know. I think it just I 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:27.960 think it's actually meaningful to me. 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:31.760 I think it's something that I have always even when 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.680 I wasn't the soul trustee. It's something that I've participated 0:03:34.680 --> 0:03:37.160 in in a sense with my mom, and we were 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:39.920 very close, so like a lot of the Graceland stuff, 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:44.000 I was already involved in with her. So I don't know, 0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:45.480 to be honest, it doesn't really. 0:03:45.280 --> 0:03:47.600 Feel like like that intense to me. 0:03:48.160 --> 0:03:49.200 Well, I think that. 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:50.960 I think on paper it sounds yeah. 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:52.800 I did. I was like, oh, I don't know that 0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:54.000 kind of responsibility. 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:57.320 Yeah, I mean there's luckily like there's a lot of 0:03:57.360 --> 0:03:59.760 people involved, so it's not all on just my. 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:02.520 Show, right. Of course, I've been running that operation for 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:03.000 a while. 0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:04.960 I was there a few years ago when I was 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:07.480 performing over there is there a venue? 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:11.320 Yeah, I think I performed there. That's where I was. Yeah. 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:13.160 Okay, so this book was your mom wanted to write 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:14.960 a book, and she asked you to help her with it. 0:04:15.120 --> 0:04:17.039 There's parts that are in your voice, and there are 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:19.560 parts in her voice, and it's. 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:21.520 Heavy and beautiful and joyful. 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:25.240 And you had so many beautiful, joyful experiences growing up 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:29.240 and crazy experiences and different people in and out of 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:32.680 your lives, And so I wonder, what does it feel 0:04:32.720 --> 0:04:37.320 like a to be the granddaughter of someone so legendary 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:41.040 and knowing so much about him through your own family, 0:04:41.120 --> 0:04:43.120 but without ever having met him yourself. 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:46.279 Well, I think my answer is probably a lot less 0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:49.000 interesting than people would want it to be. But it's 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:53.120 felt very normal to me. I'm aware, obviously that it's 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:57.800 a unique situation, but I think that my perception of 0:04:57.920 --> 0:05:02.440 him was always familial, and my relation to him, even 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:04.919 though I didn't meet him, was through my family, so 0:05:05.000 --> 0:05:08.320 it felt personal. But I, you know, I can acknowledge 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:11.599 the how unique it is, but I think that even 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:15.040 though he was always around and his music was always playing, 0:05:15.080 --> 0:05:17.480 and he was kind of everywhere all the time, it's 0:05:17.480 --> 0:05:19.880 still just felt like a personal family connection. 0:05:20.279 --> 0:05:23.279 Have you ever sat and watched his films and and 0:05:23.440 --> 0:05:26.120 been like, oh my god, this is my grandfather, this 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:27.159 is where I've come from. 0:05:27.880 --> 0:05:30.400 I have, but I think I'm like the kind of 0:05:30.480 --> 0:05:34.839 person who's like obsessed with where I came from anyway. 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:37.120 So it's what's really cool is that I have so 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:39.400 much of it to look at, you know. I think 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:43.080 that I'm like very interested in my family history and 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:45.359 my family tree on both sides of my family. 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:46.640 So it's actually very cool. 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:48.800 And one of the coolest things for me being like 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:51.720 obsessed with where I've come from is that our entire 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:55.080 family tree and everything because of like archives at Graceland, 0:05:55.080 --> 0:05:58.760 we have like a whole detailed thing. But yeah, it's 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:04.720 I definitely, especially when I was a teenager, would watch performances. 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:07.800 And so with your mother and her losing her father 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:10.919 at the age of nine, that was obviously something that 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:13.360 she struggled with her throughout her life. And the way 0:06:13.400 --> 0:06:15.560 you speak about your mother is in almost and you 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:17.479 say this in the beginning of the book. You say, 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:21.200 like I almost have I forget the exact wording, but 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:24.280 like a maternal instinct, like maybe I sometimes think about 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:26.320 if I were mother a mother to my own mother 0:06:26.400 --> 0:06:28.720 and to my grandmother, which I thought was very powerful. 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:31.239 Yea, So tell me a little bit about that. 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:34.039 I when I was writing, I was talking to my 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:37.400 publisher and I said that, and then I thought, well, 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:39.200 I'm going to put it in the book because I 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:41.560 don't really know exactly what it means, but it's how 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:45.440 I felt. And I think that that was a feeling 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:48.320 I had as far back as I could remember that 0:06:48.400 --> 0:06:52.360 I felt like I wanted to protect my mother and 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:55.640 I guess nurture her or mother her. And I had 0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:58.039 that with my grandmother too, So I don't know what why. 0:06:58.160 --> 0:07:00.200 I think maybe and not to say by the way, 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:02.240 they they were both great parents and my mother was 0:07:02.400 --> 0:07:06.839 extremely nurturing, but I just felt this desire to or empathy. 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:08.159 It was probably empathy. Honestly. 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:10.200 Yeah, I think it's totally natural. 0:07:10.280 --> 0:07:12.240 I mean, I think you want a mother as a woman, 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:14.160 like you know, you want to protect the people that 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:17.160 you love, and that becomes the kind of like mothering 0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:20.520 kind of not role. But you can be a mother 0:07:20.640 --> 0:07:22.720 to your own mother sometimes and I think you certainly 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:23.120 have been. 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:25.040 And what's from what's in the book, I think. 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:28.080 So, I mean, I think it's it's it's more common 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:31.320 than I had realized in my twenties that you get 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:35.920 to this point and you can become the mother, or 0:07:35.920 --> 0:07:38.720 your relationship changes with your mother. Yeah, in my case 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:41.000 it was kind of drastic because there was drug use, 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:43.480 so it was like a kind of a three sixty situation. 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:47.320 But yeah, it's like kind of an inevitable circumstance, whether 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:49.240 it's due to age or something, you know. 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:51.880 So I think that it's always in you, I guess. 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:53.000 Yeah. 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:55.520 I think that it's also the role that your father 0:07:55.600 --> 0:07:58.240 has played in your life and your brother's life and 0:07:58.280 --> 0:08:02.720 your mother's life. Always this constant, you know, this constant presence, 0:08:02.760 --> 0:08:05.600 and them living together even after they divorced and all 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:09.120 and that relationship and how long they stuck together and 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:12.320 how he, as you say, was such a protector of hers. 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:15.480 What does your relationship to your father mean to you 0:08:15.880 --> 0:08:18.880 after having gone through all of these losses together. 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:24.240 Well, our relationship, my whole life has been incredibly close. 0:08:24.920 --> 0:08:28.360 Actually all of us, my mom, my dad, my brother, 0:08:28.480 --> 0:08:31.120 all of us four and my two younger sisters, but 0:08:31.760 --> 0:08:32.960 primarily us four. 0:08:33.280 --> 0:08:34.360 We're very very close. 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:37.680 And I think that there's this sense like that we're 0:08:37.679 --> 0:08:41.160 the only two left out of that family that was created. 0:08:41.440 --> 0:08:43.800 And I also didn't expect it to be me and him, 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:48.000 so there's this weird you know, he's kind of a 0:08:48.040 --> 0:08:50.720 wild card, my dad, and he's I hope he one 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:53.720 day writes his own book because his story is so fascinating, 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:56.200 regardless of my mom, Like he's just one of those 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:59.000 people that has most insane life. But I think that 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:02.319 there is this sense of we share a lot of 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:07.320 the same experiences and loss and grief and suffering in 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:09.200 a sense, but also the love that was there, So 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:10.360 it is very unique. 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:11.679 Like I feel very grateful to have him. 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:14.200 I mean, yeah, I mean during this time of loss 0:09:14.320 --> 0:09:15.960 or I know it wasn't right back to back, but 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:18.520 between your brother and your mother, I mean, you needed 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:19.840 another witness there. 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:22.480 I mean anybody would. Are you close? You're still close 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:23.760 with your grandmother, right. 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:25.480 I am, Yeah, We're close. We are. 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:28.280 She's wonderful. I mean we've been close my whole life, 0:09:28.320 --> 0:09:30.160 and I think that a lot. 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:31.640 I've been doing a lot of press. 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:34.439 Who've you know, asked about a relationship, because obviously there 0:09:34.520 --> 0:09:38.559 was a lot of news when my mom passed, But ultimately, 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:42.560 like we have never I mean to this day, have 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:44.280 never really had an argument. 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:45.920 And we're fairly close. 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:52.040 You know, we're pretty average family other than the random, 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:54.680 you know, lawsuit and. 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:57.600 Did all right? All right, I wasn't even talking about that. 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:02.680 Did that get sorted out? Okay, okay, great, that's good 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:05.120 to know. So, but your father lives and you live in. 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:06.960 LA and your father lives in LA. 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:09.080 Right, yeah, So, I mean, I don't know, I kind 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:10.439 of looked at it like I was reading it and 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:12.160 I'm like, God, your dad and you kind of sound 0:10:12.200 --> 0:10:12.920 like soulmates. 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:13.480 Yeah. 0:10:13.559 --> 0:10:14.120 I think we. 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:17.160 All like there was a sense between all of us 0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:19.520 that we were soulmates or something, you know, like him 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:22.480 and my mother, my brother and myself and my father. 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:26.040 There's there was such closeness there that I think a 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:29.920 lot of my processing of their loss is like also 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:33.760 processing the closeness as well and realizing how unique that was. 0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:36.000 Well, you talk about in the book when your brother 0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:40.560 took his life and that you knew that your mom 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:42.400 wasn't going to be able to survive that for very 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:46.640 long instinctively, and you talk about how you guys all 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:48.840 just kind of came together and stayed in the house 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:52.200 and really grieved together and didn't talk about anything other 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:54.959 than Ben and you know, really honored him. And I 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:57.120 thought that was very powerful because not a lot of 0:10:57.120 --> 0:10:58.840 people know how to do something like that. 0:10:59.200 --> 0:11:01.440 No, And I think that it was a unique situation 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:05.080 because it was COVID, so there was also nothing to 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:07.480 do and we were all stuck in the house and 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:10.320 so but I also felt very grateful for it because 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:15.080 I think that had life been its usual self, that 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:18.280 maybe I would have, I don't know, tried to escape 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:21.960 some of the pain. And I think that the way 0:11:22.000 --> 0:11:25.800 that we grieved, you know, it's obviously like a lifelong process, 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:27.160 but in that moment. 0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:30.120 Was really effective. 0:11:30.520 --> 0:11:32.360 I just kept feeling like, in the moment, like the 0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:34.760 only way out is through I remember, and I just 0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:36.920 felt like I had to feel it all and had 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:39.880 to be present through it. And I think that because 0:11:39.920 --> 0:11:42.680 we were all staying in this house and because it 0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:45.240 was you know, the pandemic, it allowed for that kind 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:47.360 of grief which I normally you just kind of just go, 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:51.560 you know, go back to work and have to process 0:11:51.600 --> 0:11:54.360 while you're juggling life. 0:11:54.720 --> 0:11:57.320 Well, it seems like your mom, from what I read, 0:11:57.640 --> 0:12:00.240 organized times for you guys to be creative, to gather 0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:03.600 and grieve together and process. Can you talk a little 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:04.160 bit about that. 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:06.640 Yeah, I mean I think that when he passed like 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:12.320 her whole life was then grief grieving my brother, like 0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:15.320 in mourning essentially, and I think that at times that 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:18.680 was intense because that was you know, she had a 0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:23.199 very strong personality, and so whatever she was feeling was 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:26.280 how the room was feeling. So I think that her 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:30.000 feelings dictated everybody around. And I think that she was 0:12:30.080 --> 0:12:33.400 kind of firm in not wanting to ever stop grieving 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:36.040 my brother, and so it was kind of like when 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:39.120 you're with around me, like I'm in pain, and that's 0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:41.720 just how it is. But the honesty in it was 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:45.120 really I mean, her in her whole life and in 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:47.680 her grief was very powerful too. 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:52.120 Did you feel at all like you suspected your mother 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:55.400 wouldn't be able to survive Ben's death and that she 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:57.480 was going to struggle with it, which initially she didn't, 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:01.000 right she stayed sober for a while you write about, 0:13:01.320 --> 0:13:01.959 but did you. 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:02.600 Feel at all? 0:13:03.480 --> 0:13:04.760 I mean, it felt like when you were on the 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:08.240 plane ride coming home and texting with your dad about 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:11.560 you know, whether or not she was alive still that 0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:14.400 there was almost an acceptance from you that that was 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:17.319 the way it was going to be, instead of sometimes 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:19.640 you know, we resist and fight the reality. 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:19.720 That we're in. 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:22.520 I think a lot of my lifetime has been acceptance, 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:27.079 just being around a lot of addiction and situations that 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:30.280 were not in my control. So by the time she passed, 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:33.560 I think I had had a lot of practice in 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:38.040 accepting what is, not that it's not painful, but I 0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:41.320 think that you know, through her addiction, my brother, you know, 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:43.280 things with my father, like what, There's been a lot 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:46.320 of things where I've just had to like, there's nothing 0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:50.120 to do other than surrender to what's happening. So and 0:13:50.160 --> 0:13:53.199 there were other things that had happened with her health, 0:13:53.200 --> 0:13:54.839 like she had a seizure, which I mentioned in the 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:58.040 book prior, So there were these moments where I kind 0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:01.800 of had placed myself in that scenario. And also through 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:04.880 her addiction, I thought it was a very likely outcome 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:06.560 that she wasn't going to make it through her addiction. 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:08.680 So there was a lot of bumps in the road 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:12.280 along the way. But I think ultimately when my brother died, 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:18.480 I did I could see that she was here, you know, begrudgingly, 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:23.320 you know, And so there was for whatever reason I 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:25.880 in that moment, I did feel a sort of I 0:14:25.880 --> 0:14:29.720 don't know, I just felt like I accepted whatever was going. 0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:31.880 Down, and also the idea that she's finally at peace, 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:36.040 right and on some new adventure, and and I mean, 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:38.040 I know you're probably spiritual, right. 0:14:38.120 --> 0:14:39.480 I gathered that from your writing. 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:42.160 Yeah, I think that's the other thing is that I like, 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:45.640 through these things that have happened, I think I've I've 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:50.960 chosen to look at death in a way that feels 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:55.160 I don't know, truthful, like the most like from my experiences, 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:57.720 I guess through loss and through grief and stuff, I 0:14:57.760 --> 0:15:00.200 guess I've chosen that I like to look at it 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:02.920 is more of like a wonder of life as opposed 0:15:02.920 --> 0:15:05.120 to like the end. So I think that I try 0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:08.080 to apply that because we have, you know, no idea, 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:11.680 So I like to live in the the wonder of 0:15:11.680 --> 0:15:12.480 it instead. 0:15:12.200 --> 0:15:14.160 Of the I like people who talk about that they 0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:16.160 had the idea that they do know what's going to happen. 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:19.280 It's or that when people say something like drowning is 0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:20.880 the most peaceful way to die, You're. 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:21.560 Like, who told you that? 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:21.960 Yeah? 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:22.840 Who told you that? 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:23.760 How worstnight? 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:27.480 No shit, I'm like, that is the worst possible scenario. 0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:31.280 What do you feel a responsibility? I'm sure you do, 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:34.120 but how do how does this work in your life 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:35.320 with your younger sisters? 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:36.120 How old are they? 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:37.040 They're sixteen? 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:40.840 Oh yeah, so you're like, are you like a mama 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:41.520 bear to them? 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:45.360 I think so, you know, they're I'm not their mom, 0:15:45.440 --> 0:15:47.280 but I am. I am their older sister, and I 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:50.840 think that I've you know, spent a lot of my life. 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:53.120 I'm twenty years older than them, so it feels more 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:56.120 like an aunt or a mother kind of relationship than 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:58.080 I don't know. The other day, one of them said, 0:15:58.120 --> 0:15:59.960 you feel like you're my age. I was like, oh, thanks, 0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:04.880 but I yeah, it's definitely more like a you know, 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:06.160 I'm much older. 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:07.680 So it does have that sort of dynamic. 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:10.320 And do you feel a sense of responsibility to continue 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:13.960 your mom's spirit with your sisters and to like carry 0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:16.280 on the traditions that she gave you guys and talk 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:16.880 to rely. 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:19.760 Yeah, I definitely, And they do too. You know, they 0:16:19.800 --> 0:16:23.240 want to, like they want to, you know, honor her 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:24.880 and do things. 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:25.960 She did and stuff. 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:29.160 I don't push them in any direction, but I kind 0:16:29.200 --> 0:16:31.880 of see what indicates to them and then follow their 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:32.480 lead in that. 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:34.960 It's funny when I read about your dad and your mom. 0:16:35.000 --> 0:16:38.440 They both have such huge personalities. You could see that. 0:16:38.920 --> 0:16:41.400 And I'm not saying you don't have a huge personality. 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:43.320 I'm just saying when you come from two people with 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:46.640 a huge with two big personalities like that, how do 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.320 you find your way? Because you're an artist too. 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:53.760 Yeah, I think that my dad is actually probably more 0:16:53.760 --> 0:16:56.440 similar to me. Like I would say that I'm actually 0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:58.480 I would say I'm an introvert, and I would say 0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:00.320 my dad is as well. I think that through like 0:17:01.360 --> 0:17:03.880 film and having to be in this world, I can 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:07.119 be extroverted, but but naturally, like I am more of 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:09.280 an introvert, and not in a sort of like shy way, 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:11.800 but just in a quiet way. I don't know if 0:17:11.800 --> 0:17:14.639 that has to do with my mom being so large 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:18.520 or not, but yeah, I I've thought about that before 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:21.600 because she was such a you know, presence, but I 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:24.800 don't really think so. I think that it's maybe just 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:25.960 my personality. 0:17:26.840 --> 0:17:28.840 Were you were you or lack there of? 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:32.520 Were you were you nervous when you sang for a 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:35.280 Daisy and the sixth? No you were it? 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:36.879 I wasn't because I don't know. 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:40.679 I think like I have like something wrong with me 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:45.320 where I I like don't get nervous really really yeah, 0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:48.000 I know, I don't know why. I just I think 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:49.959 it's like I have a sense of humor. Maybe do 0:17:50.000 --> 0:17:53.520 you have fears? Oh yeah, okay, I have fears. 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:55.080 Because I was gonna say that's usually when you have 0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:56.440 no fear, that means something. 0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:58.480 It's like you're a mag dela. You don't have a. 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:03.960 You know, I'm like a total like neurotic out person. 0:18:04.080 --> 0:18:06.760 But it's it's like about you know, my hypochondriac like 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:07.440 it's other things. 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:08.720