Speaker 1: Okay, Hi, Hi Chelsea, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 2: I'm great? How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sucking on a energize energy mint.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to all those a thing.
Speaker 3: I know. I'm trying out all these little different sources
Speaker 3: of energy because you know, I don't really drink coffee. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so excuse my sucking. Welcome to the show, everybody. I
Speaker 3: don't think We announce last week that my book is
Speaker 3: available for pre order.
Speaker 1: My new book.
Speaker 3: It's called I'll Have What She's Having, very title my
Speaker 3: editor came up with just to be on the just
Speaker 3: to go on the record and make sure people don't
Speaker 3: think I'm talking about myself that way. But it's available
Speaker 3: for pre order, uh everywhere, Amazon, Barnes and Noble. They're
Speaker 3: signed copies at Barnes and Noble. I signed ten thousand books,
Speaker 3: hopefully ten thousand. I'm not about eighty five hundred right now,
Speaker 3: so I have fifteen hundred to go and I think
Speaker 3: i'll finish it.
Speaker 1: I usually get the job done. And they're available at.
Speaker 3: Amazon, Target, Bookshop dot Org, Audible, Barnes and Noble, Apple Books,
Speaker 3: BAM Books.
Speaker 1: A million.
Speaker 3: That was the one I was thinking of. Okay, so
Speaker 3: you can pre order my book anywhere. It comes out
Speaker 3: February twenty fifth, which is my fiftieth birthday. So I
Speaker 3: was very excited to unveil the cover on Instagram and
Speaker 3: on some sort of I think it was People Magazine, Yes,
Speaker 3: Able Magazine, Yes, and everybody get your copy because we're
Speaker 3: going to have a book club.
Speaker 2: And so if they want to signed copy, do they
Speaker 2: just go to one of these real first ten.
Speaker 1: Thousand I think so the first ten thousand, I'm not
Speaker 1: really sure.
Speaker 2: We'll find out. You can find out we're here.
Speaker 3: I don't know, they just said, but I know for
Speaker 3: sure Barnes and Noble bookseller and then Bam Books a
Speaker 3: million has signed copies.
Speaker 2: Awesome, that's fantastic.
Speaker 3: And then we have another book author coming, book author,
Speaker 3: author of a book coming on the show today. Who's
Speaker 3: here with us today. She's an actor and director and
Speaker 3: her name is Riley Keo. She is the co author
Speaker 3: of From Here to the Great Unknown, which is the
Speaker 3: memoir of her late mother, Lisa Marie Presley. She is
Speaker 3: the granddaughter of Priscilla and Elvis Presley and now the
Speaker 3: sole trustee of Graceland. Please welcome Riley Keyo.
Speaker 1: Hi, Riley Keo, Hi, guys, so cute. First of all,
Speaker 1: I want to say, we're sitting here in my house.
Speaker 1: Else it's still not done.
Speaker 3: I watched a lot of your interviews in promotion of
Speaker 3: your book, which is Everybody's nose by now. It's called
Speaker 3: From Here to the Great Unknown by Lisa Marie Presley
Speaker 3: and Riley Keo, and I've been watching your interviews and
Speaker 3: I just want to say. I wanted to start by
Speaker 3: saying that with everything you've experienced in your life and
Speaker 3: everything that you have been through and exposed to, you
Speaker 3: have a very calm and grounded aura about you, really,
Speaker 3: and it's very easy to see.
Speaker 1: So congratulations on that.
Speaker 4: Thank you. That's that's an achievement.
Speaker 1: Yes it is.
Speaker 5: I don't feel that way, but the aura is you
Speaker 5: don't feel that way important not all the time.
Speaker 1: Do you feel that way any of the time.
Speaker 4: I do. Some of the time.
Speaker 5: I have felt that, but I definitely have felt many
Speaker 5: other things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would imagine that to be true.
Speaker 3: So I was reading your book and when I got
Speaker 3: to the end and was reading the little author's notes,
Speaker 3: and it said at the end of yours, it says
Speaker 3: she is the eldest daughter of Lisa Marie Presley and
Speaker 3: sole trustee of Graceland.
Speaker 1: And now I thought that sentence.
Speaker 3: I was like, like, that made me just feel so
Speaker 3: overwhelmed for you, like the soul trustee of Graceland, Like,
Speaker 3: what does that mean to you?
Speaker 4: You know, I don't know. I think it just I
Speaker 4: think it's actually meaningful to me.
Speaker 5: I think it's something that I have always even when
Speaker 5: I wasn't the soul trustee. It's something that I've participated
Speaker 5: in in a sense with my mom, and we were
Speaker 5: very close, so like a lot of the Graceland stuff,
Speaker 5: I was already involved in with her. So I don't know,
Speaker 5: to be honest, it doesn't really.
Speaker 4: Feel like like that intense to me.
Speaker 1: Well, I think that.
Speaker 4: I think on paper it sounds yeah.
Speaker 1: I did. I was like, oh, I don't know that
Speaker 1: kind of responsibility.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean there's luckily like there's a lot of
Speaker 5: people involved, so it's not all on just my.
Speaker 1: Show, right. Of course, I've been running that operation for
Speaker 1: a while.
Speaker 3: I was there a few years ago when I was
Speaker 3: performing over there is there a venue?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I performed there. That's where I was. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Okay, so this book was your mom wanted to write
Speaker 3: a book, and she asked you to help her with it.
Speaker 3: There's parts that are in your voice, and there are
Speaker 3: parts in her voice, and it's.
Speaker 1: Heavy and beautiful and joyful.
Speaker 3: And you had so many beautiful, joyful experiences growing up
Speaker 3: and crazy experiences and different people in and out of
Speaker 3: your lives, And so I wonder, what does it feel
Speaker 3: like a to be the granddaughter of someone so legendary
Speaker 3: and knowing so much about him through your own family,
Speaker 3: but without ever having met him yourself.
Speaker 5: Well, I think my answer is probably a lot less
Speaker 5: interesting than people would want it to be. But it's
Speaker 5: felt very normal to me. I'm aware, obviously that it's
Speaker 5: a unique situation, but I think that my perception of
Speaker 5: him was always familial, and my relation to him, even
Speaker 5: though I didn't meet him, was through my family, so
Speaker 5: it felt personal. But I, you know, I can acknowledge
Speaker 5: the how unique it is, but I think that even
Speaker 5: though he was always around and his music was always playing,
Speaker 5: and he was kind of everywhere all the time, it's
Speaker 5: still just felt like a personal family connection.
Speaker 3: Have you ever sat and watched his films and and
Speaker 3: been like, oh my god, this is my grandfather, this
Speaker 3: is where I've come from.
Speaker 5: I have, but I think I'm like the kind of
Speaker 5: person who's like obsessed with where I came from anyway.
Speaker 5: So it's what's really cool is that I have so
Speaker 5: much of it to look at, you know. I think
Speaker 5: that I'm like very interested in my family history and
Speaker 5: my family tree on both sides of my family.
Speaker 4: So it's actually very cool.
Speaker 5: And one of the coolest things for me being like
Speaker 5: obsessed with where I've come from is that our entire
Speaker 5: family tree and everything because of like archives at Graceland,
Speaker 5: we have like a whole detailed thing. But yeah, it's
Speaker 5: I definitely, especially when I was a teenager, would watch performances.
Speaker 3: And so with your mother and her losing her father
Speaker 3: at the age of nine, that was obviously something that
Speaker 3: she struggled with her throughout her life. And the way
Speaker 3: you speak about your mother is in almost and you
Speaker 3: say this in the beginning of the book. You say,
Speaker 3: like I almost have I forget the exact wording, but
Speaker 3: like a maternal instinct, like maybe I sometimes think about
Speaker 3: if I were mother a mother to my own mother
Speaker 3: and to my grandmother, which I thought was very powerful.
Speaker 1: Yea, So tell me a little bit about that.
Speaker 5: I when I was writing, I was talking to my
Speaker 5: publisher and I said that, and then I thought, well,
Speaker 5: I'm going to put it in the book because I
Speaker 5: don't really know exactly what it means, but it's how
Speaker 5: I felt. And I think that that was a feeling
Speaker 5: I had as far back as I could remember that
Speaker 5: I felt like I wanted to protect my mother and
Speaker 5: I guess nurture her or mother her. And I had
Speaker 5: that with my grandmother too, So I don't know what why.
Speaker 5: I think maybe and not to say by the way,
Speaker 5: they they were both great parents and my mother was
Speaker 5: extremely nurturing, but I just felt this desire to or empathy.
Speaker 4: It was probably empathy. Honestly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's totally natural.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think you want a mother as a woman,
Speaker 3: like you know, you want to protect the people that
Speaker 3: you love, and that becomes the kind of like mothering
Speaker 3: kind of not role. But you can be a mother
Speaker 3: to your own mother sometimes and I think you certainly
Speaker 3: have been.
Speaker 1: And what's from what's in the book, I think.
Speaker 5: So, I mean, I think it's it's it's more common
Speaker 5: than I had realized in my twenties that you get
Speaker 5: to this point and you can become the mother, or
Speaker 5: your relationship changes with your mother. Yeah, in my case
Speaker 5: it was kind of drastic because there was drug use,
Speaker 5: so it was like a kind of a three sixty situation.
Speaker 5: But yeah, it's like kind of an inevitable circumstance, whether
Speaker 5: it's due to age or something, you know.
Speaker 4: So I think that it's always in you, I guess.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think that it's also the role that your father
Speaker 3: has played in your life and your brother's life and
Speaker 3: your mother's life. Always this constant, you know, this constant presence,
Speaker 3: and them living together even after they divorced and all
Speaker 3: and that relationship and how long they stuck together and
Speaker 3: how he, as you say, was such a protector of hers.
Speaker 3: What does your relationship to your father mean to you
Speaker 3: after having gone through all of these losses together.
Speaker 5: Well, our relationship, my whole life has been incredibly close.
Speaker 5: Actually all of us, my mom, my dad, my brother,
Speaker 5: all of us four and my two younger sisters, but
Speaker 5: primarily us four.
Speaker 4: We're very very close.
Speaker 5: And I think that there's this sense like that we're
Speaker 5: the only two left out of that family that was created.
Speaker 5: And I also didn't expect it to be me and him,
Speaker 5: so there's this weird you know, he's kind of a
Speaker 5: wild card, my dad, and he's I hope he one
Speaker 5: day writes his own book because his story is so fascinating,
Speaker 5: regardless of my mom, Like he's just one of those
Speaker 5: people that has most insane life. But I think that
Speaker 5: there is this sense of we share a lot of
Speaker 5: the same experiences and loss and grief and suffering in
Speaker 5: a sense, but also the love that was there, So
Speaker 5: it is very unique.
Speaker 4: Like I feel very grateful to have him.
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, I mean during this time of loss
Speaker 3: or I know it wasn't right back to back, but
Speaker 3: between your brother and your mother, I mean, you needed
Speaker 3: another witness there.
Speaker 1: I mean anybody would. Are you close? You're still close
Speaker 1: with your grandmother, right.
Speaker 4: I am, Yeah, We're close. We are.
Speaker 5: She's wonderful. I mean we've been close my whole life,
Speaker 5: and I think that a lot.
Speaker 4: I've been doing a lot of press.
Speaker 5: Who've you know, asked about a relationship, because obviously there
Speaker 5: was a lot of news when my mom passed, But ultimately,
Speaker 5: like we have never I mean to this day, have
Speaker 5: never really had an argument.
Speaker 4: And we're fairly close.
Speaker 5: You know, we're pretty average family other than the random,
Speaker 5: you know, lawsuit and.
Speaker 1: Did all right? All right, I wasn't even talking about that.
Speaker 3: Did that get sorted out? Okay, okay, great, that's good
Speaker 3: to know. So, but your father lives and you live in.
Speaker 1: LA and your father lives in LA.
Speaker 3: Right, yeah, So, I mean, I don't know, I kind
Speaker 3: of looked at it like I was reading it and
Speaker 3: I'm like, God, your dad and you kind of sound
Speaker 3: like soulmates.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I think we.
Speaker 5: All like there was a sense between all of us
Speaker 5: that we were soulmates or something, you know, like him
Speaker 5: and my mother, my brother and myself and my father.
Speaker 5: There's there was such closeness there that I think a
Speaker 5: lot of my processing of their loss is like also
Speaker 5: processing the closeness as well and realizing how unique that was.
Speaker 3: Well, you talk about in the book when your brother
Speaker 3: took his life and that you knew that your mom
Speaker 3: wasn't going to be able to survive that for very
Speaker 3: long instinctively, and you talk about how you guys all
Speaker 3: just kind of came together and stayed in the house
Speaker 3: and really grieved together and didn't talk about anything other
Speaker 3: than Ben and you know, really honored him. And I
Speaker 3: thought that was very powerful because not a lot of
Speaker 3: people know how to do something like that.
Speaker 5: No, And I think that it was a unique situation
Speaker 5: because it was COVID, so there was also nothing to
Speaker 5: do and we were all stuck in the house and
Speaker 5: so but I also felt very grateful for it because
Speaker 5: I think that had life been its usual self, that
Speaker 5: maybe I would have, I don't know, tried to escape
Speaker 5: some of the pain. And I think that the way
Speaker 5: that we grieved, you know, it's obviously like a lifelong process,
Speaker 5: but in that moment.
Speaker 4: Was really effective.
Speaker 5: I just kept feeling like, in the moment, like the
Speaker 5: only way out is through I remember, and I just
Speaker 5: felt like I had to feel it all and had
Speaker 5: to be present through it. And I think that because
Speaker 5: we were all staying in this house and because it
Speaker 5: was you know, the pandemic, it allowed for that kind
Speaker 5: of grief which I normally you just kind of just go,
Speaker 5: you know, go back to work and have to process
Speaker 5: while you're juggling life.
Speaker 2: Well, it seems like your mom, from what I read,
Speaker 2: organized times for you guys to be creative, to gather
Speaker 2: and grieve together and process. Can you talk a little
Speaker 2: bit about that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean I think that when he passed like
Speaker 5: her whole life was then grief grieving my brother, like
Speaker 5: in mourning essentially, and I think that at times that
Speaker 5: was intense because that was you know, she had a
Speaker 5: very strong personality, and so whatever she was feeling was
Speaker 5: how the room was feeling. So I think that her
Speaker 5: feelings dictated everybody around. And I think that she was
Speaker 5: kind of firm in not wanting to ever stop grieving
Speaker 5: my brother, and so it was kind of like when
Speaker 5: you're with around me, like I'm in pain, and that's
Speaker 5: just how it is. But the honesty in it was
Speaker 5: really I mean, her in her whole life and in
Speaker 5: her grief was very powerful too.
Speaker 3: Did you feel at all like you suspected your mother
Speaker 3: wouldn't be able to survive Ben's death and that she
Speaker 3: was going to struggle with it, which initially she didn't,
Speaker 3: right she stayed sober for a while you write about,
Speaker 3: but did you.
Speaker 1: Feel at all?
Speaker 3: I mean, it felt like when you were on the
Speaker 3: plane ride coming home and texting with your dad about
Speaker 3: you know, whether or not she was alive still that
Speaker 3: there was almost an acceptance from you that that was
Speaker 3: the way it was going to be, instead of sometimes
Speaker 3: you know, we resist and fight the reality.
Speaker 1: That we're in.
Speaker 5: I think a lot of my lifetime has been acceptance,
Speaker 5: just being around a lot of addiction and situations that
Speaker 5: were not in my control. So by the time she passed,
Speaker 5: I think I had had a lot of practice in
Speaker 5: accepting what is, not that it's not painful, but I
Speaker 5: think that you know, through her addiction, my brother, you know,
Speaker 5: things with my father, like what, There's been a lot
Speaker 5: of things where I've just had to like, there's nothing
Speaker 5: to do other than surrender to what's happening. So and
Speaker 5: there were other things that had happened with her health,
Speaker 5: like she had a seizure, which I mentioned in the
Speaker 5: book prior, So there were these moments where I kind
Speaker 5: of had placed myself in that scenario. And also through
Speaker 5: her addiction, I thought it was a very likely outcome
Speaker 5: that she wasn't going to make it through her addiction.
Speaker 5: So there was a lot of bumps in the road
Speaker 5: along the way. But I think ultimately when my brother died,
Speaker 5: I did I could see that she was here, you know, begrudgingly,
Speaker 5: you know, And so there was for whatever reason I
Speaker 5: in that moment, I did feel a sort of I
Speaker 5: don't know, I just felt like I accepted whatever was going.
Speaker 3: Down, and also the idea that she's finally at peace,
Speaker 3: right and on some new adventure, and and I mean,
Speaker 3: I know you're probably spiritual, right.
Speaker 1: I gathered that from your writing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that's the other thing is that I like,
Speaker 5: through these things that have happened, I think I've I've
Speaker 5: chosen to look at death in a way that feels
Speaker 5: I don't know, truthful, like the most like from my experiences,
Speaker 5: I guess through loss and through grief and stuff, I
Speaker 5: guess I've chosen that I like to look at it
Speaker 5: is more of like a wonder of life as opposed
Speaker 5: to like the end. So I think that I try
Speaker 5: to apply that because we have, you know, no idea,
Speaker 5: So I like to live in the the wonder of
Speaker 5: it instead.
Speaker 3: Of the I like people who talk about that they
Speaker 3: had the idea that they do know what's going to happen.
Speaker 3: It's or that when people say something like drowning is
Speaker 3: the most peaceful way to die, You're.
Speaker 1: Like, who told you that?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Who told you that?
Speaker 4: How worstnight?
Speaker 3: No shit, I'm like, that is the worst possible scenario.
Speaker 3: What do you feel a responsibility? I'm sure you do,
Speaker 3: but how do how does this work in your life
Speaker 3: with your younger sisters?
Speaker 1: How old are they?
Speaker 4: They're sixteen?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so you're like, are you like a mama
Speaker 1: bear to them?
Speaker 5: I think so, you know, they're I'm not their mom,
Speaker 5: but I am. I am their older sister, and I
Speaker 5: think that I've you know, spent a lot of my life.
Speaker 5: I'm twenty years older than them, so it feels more
Speaker 5: like an aunt or a mother kind of relationship than
Speaker 5: I don't know. The other day, one of them said,
Speaker 5: you feel like you're my age. I was like, oh, thanks,
Speaker 5: but I yeah, it's definitely more like a you know,
Speaker 5: I'm much older.
Speaker 4: So it does have that sort of dynamic.
Speaker 3: And do you feel a sense of responsibility to continue
Speaker 3: your mom's spirit with your sisters and to like carry
Speaker 3: on the traditions that she gave you guys and talk
Speaker 3: to rely.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I definitely, And they do too. You know, they
Speaker 5: want to, like they want to, you know, honor her
Speaker 5: and do things.
Speaker 4: She did and stuff.
Speaker 5: I don't push them in any direction, but I kind
Speaker 5: of see what indicates to them and then follow their
Speaker 5: lead in that.
Speaker 3: It's funny when I read about your dad and your mom.
Speaker 3: They both have such huge personalities. You could see that.
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying you don't have a huge personality.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying when you come from two people with
Speaker 3: a huge with two big personalities like that, how do
Speaker 3: you find your way? Because you're an artist too.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that my dad is actually probably more
Speaker 5: similar to me. Like I would say that I'm actually
Speaker 5: I would say I'm an introvert, and I would say
Speaker 5: my dad is as well. I think that through like
Speaker 5: film and having to be in this world, I can
Speaker 5: be extroverted, but but naturally, like I am more of
Speaker 5: an introvert, and not in a sort of like shy way,
Speaker 5: but just in a quiet way. I don't know if
Speaker 5: that has to do with my mom being so large
Speaker 5: or not, but yeah, I I've thought about that before
Speaker 5: because she was such a you know, presence, but I
Speaker 5: don't really think so. I think that it's maybe just
Speaker 5: my personality.
Speaker 4: Were you were you or lack there of?
Speaker 1: Were you were you nervous when you sang for a
Speaker 1: Daisy and the sixth? No you were it?
Speaker 4: I wasn't because I don't know.
Speaker 5: I think like I have like something wrong with me
Speaker 5: where I I like don't get nervous really really yeah,
Speaker 5: I know, I don't know why. I just I think
Speaker 5: it's like I have a sense of humor. Maybe do
Speaker 5: you have fears? Oh yeah, okay, I have fears.
Speaker 3: Because I was gonna say that's usually when you have
Speaker 3: no fear, that means something.
Speaker 1: It's like you're a mag dela. You don't have a.
Speaker 5: You know, I'm like a total like neurotic out person.
Speaker 5: But it's it's like about you know, my hypochondriac like
Speaker 5: it's other things.
Speaker 4: But I don't know.
Speaker 5: I think I just like if I fail at something
Speaker 5: like this, or if I was to try to sing
Speaker 5: and I couldn't do it, I just I don't know.
Speaker 5: I just didn't take it very seriously.
Speaker 3: I guess that's refreshing seriously. I mean, especially in this industry,
Speaker 3: a lot of people are very self serious.
Speaker 4: Yes I know, I'm very not self serious.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: So you spend a lot of time at Neverland and
Speaker 3: on top of Graceland, which Oprah mentioned, She's like, this
Speaker 3: is the only woman that's lived in Graceland and Neverland. Well,
Speaker 3: how do you view like Michael Jackson and your experience
Speaker 3: with him?
Speaker 5: My experience with Michael was obviously like through a six
Speaker 5: year old me's lens, So it was like very fun
Speaker 5: and larger than life, and you know, all the things
Speaker 5: that we would do together were always like big events.
Speaker 5: So it was just like my memory of it was
Speaker 5: just everything was fun all the time. But my life
Speaker 5: was kind of like that, Like our life was kind
Speaker 5: of nuts, you know, in comparison to my life now,
Speaker 5: which is very small and kind of normal.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 5: So I think Michael and my mom both enjoyed creating
Speaker 5: these extravagant scenarios.
Speaker 4: So that was kind of my experience, right.
Speaker 3: But with the impact of everything that we found out
Speaker 3: about Michael Jackson and all the allegations, like did that
Speaker 3: have an impact on your view of the situation.
Speaker 4: Of their marriage?
Speaker 3: Of their marriage and just yeah, like did, I mean
Speaker 3: you must have been like are these things true right
Speaker 3: about him?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I think that.
Speaker 5: I mean at the time, I wasn't aware of the case,
Speaker 5: and it just became something that was just sort of around,
Speaker 5: Like there was never a conversation about it. I'm sure
Speaker 5: my mom would have had those conversations at the time
Speaker 5: with other people, but for me, it was just this
Speaker 5: thing that I guess I ended up just kind of
Speaker 5: knowing about But I never, like, there was never a
Speaker 5: conversation with my mom where she kind of sat me
Speaker 5: down and went like, so, you know, right, it was
Speaker 5: this allegation, you know, but by the time that that
Speaker 5: was in my world, I was much older and Michael
Speaker 5: wasn't really right in my universe.
Speaker 3: Well, when I was reading, I mean, I was surprised
Speaker 3: by what she was divulging in this book about being
Speaker 3: married to Michael Jackson, I was like, Oh, I didn't
Speaker 3: you know, as an outsider, you looked at that.
Speaker 1: You didn't know that that was real.
Speaker 3: You didn't know that they had chemistry, that they had
Speaker 3: an intimate relationship per se as an outsider. So I
Speaker 3: was like, oh wow, I found that fascinating. Yeah, so
Speaker 3: this is a nice scientology success story, right. It was
Speaker 3: nice that, like I've heard so many negative things about scientology,
Speaker 3: it was kind of nice to hear your mother them
Speaker 3: helping her get sober and ever and wanting to be
Speaker 3: there and that was.
Speaker 1: The place she felt safest for a long time.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, I think it was like the way
Speaker 5: she would talk about it when she was here was
Speaker 5: very funny. Like I don't know if the tone comes
Speaker 5: across in the book, but it was kind of like
Speaker 5: nobody would take care of her. But you know, so
Speaker 5: I think she felt this sense of like community and
Speaker 5: really cared for when she was a teenager, and I
Speaker 5: think she was you know, self proclaimed, like very difficult.
Speaker 5: So I think that, you know, that was her experience.
Speaker 1: And then did she she ended up leaving scientology at
Speaker 1: a certain point.
Speaker 5: Right, yeah, Well, she she like I think the way
Speaker 5: I phrased it was like I don't know if it
Speaker 5: was a chicken or the egg kind of a situation,
Speaker 5: but she basically when she started taking opiates, she kind
Speaker 5: of up and left like her whole life and moved
Speaker 5: to England and fired everyone in her life and left
Speaker 5: her religion and her life and her friends and just
Speaker 5: moved to England and wanted.
Speaker 4: Like to totally start over.
Speaker 5: And at the time, I wasn't aware that there was
Speaker 5: like a substance abuse issue, so it just sort of
Speaker 5: to a lot of people around just felt like this random,
Speaker 5: really intense cleansing cleansing of people and things, and nobody
Speaker 5: really understood what was going on. And then she got
Speaker 5: to England and then the sort of pills progressed, so
Speaker 5: it wasn't so much her leaving scientology. She kind of
Speaker 5: just like left her life a bit like it was
Speaker 5: an escape from everything.
Speaker 1: What's your relationship with drugs and alcohol?
Speaker 3: I would be so scared, if you know, like I mean,
Speaker 3: maybe not scared, mindful, Yeah, right, Yeah.
Speaker 5: I think that I've never had like addiction issues. I've
Speaker 5: smoked cigarettes for a really long time and that was
Speaker 5: hard for me to quit. But I never like had
Speaker 5: a sense that I had like a dependency on drugs
Speaker 5: or alcohol for whatever reason. I have no idea because
Speaker 5: my entire family or addicts, but it just, yeah, I
Speaker 5: think that there's like a fear there that it can
Speaker 5: I think the reason why I think there's a fear
Speaker 5: is because my mom's addiction was to me felt random.
Speaker 5: So it felt like this like kind of scary thing
Speaker 5: that came out of nowhere.
Speaker 4: But I don't I.
Speaker 5: Don't foresee that, but I do have this sort of
Speaker 5: like fear around how it's sort of I don't know,
Speaker 5: I don't know what the fear is, but there is
Speaker 5: this yeah, but I don't know. I also just like
Speaker 5: I don't really like drinking, So I think that's well.
Speaker 1: There you go, right, that's going to be helpful.
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, and I think I think some
Speaker 3: people have that personality and some people don't. Yeah, And
Speaker 3: if you're in that kind of pain for that long amount,
Speaker 3: you know, for that period of time, And it was
Speaker 3: clear from reading this book that she was never getting
Speaker 3: over her her father dying, which why would you you know,
Speaker 3: a nine year old doesn't know how to digest that,
Speaker 3: and then that hits you.
Speaker 1: Usually at forty.
Speaker 3: Like I lost my brother when I was nine, and
Speaker 3: I went into deep deep therapy at forty because everything
Speaker 3: turned And like I can, I totally understand why it
Speaker 3: would creep up on her at that age, because you're
Speaker 3: suppressing and repressing for as long as possible, right, and
Speaker 3: escaping and all all of the other stuff. Okay, on
Speaker 3: that note, we're going to take a break and we'll
Speaker 3: be right back with Riley Keo.
Speaker 1: Okay, and we're back, and.
Speaker 3: We're gonna take some callers some questions for the rest
Speaker 3: of the episode. We sure are, and we're gonna give advice.
Speaker 3: You know, feel free to let it.
Speaker 4: LL try my best.
Speaker 3: I'm sure that you have very good advice that you
Speaker 3: don't even know about yet.
Speaker 2: Well, our first question, yes, oh, Okay, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2: I'm going to use this for the first you guys.
Speaker 3: You guys have flirting right now, this sexual what's happening here?
Speaker 3: They're married, by the way.
Speaker 4: Yes I knew this.
Speaker 2: Our first question the subject is family secrets, and this
Speaker 2: comes from Jay Oh. Perfect Ja says, Dear Chelsea. I
Speaker 2: come from a large Catholic family and grew up with
Speaker 2: sixteen cousins on one side, the side that the secret involves.
Speaker 2: My grandparents had seven kids. I was the grandchild whose
Speaker 2: parents had me when they were young and never married.
Speaker 2: My mom's no longer in the picture. When my parents day,
Speaker 2: they hung out with his brother who was closest in
Speaker 2: age to him and his then girlfriend, my aunt. This
Speaker 2: was around the end of the seventies, and when I
Speaker 2: was a kid, my mom told me that as teenagers
Speaker 2: that aunt and uncle got pregnant and had a baby.
Speaker 1: Anyways, my aunt, aunt and uncle, the brother and sister.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, sorry, So this is such a brother family.
Speaker 1: This is a lot of these are a lot of characters.
Speaker 1: There's black of my brother after sixteen, I.
Speaker 2: Was yeah, so her it's her dad's brother who was
Speaker 2: closest in age That aunt and uncle, so his girlfriend,
Speaker 2: and this is just an aunt and uncle one.
Speaker 1: Of the okay, one of the okay.
Speaker 2: When I was a kid, they got pregnant and had
Speaker 2: a baby. My aunt was of course moved to wherever
Speaker 2: for nine months for secrecy, and the baby was given
Speaker 2: up for adoption quietly. Yes, my uncle knew, and my
Speaker 2: mom knew because they were friends, but my grandparents didn't know.
Speaker 2: Nobody knew until my mom told me. My aunt and
Speaker 2: my uncle got married and have three other children together,
Speaker 2: So the oldest male cousin is not actually their oldest.
Speaker 2: Fast forward to about three years ago when I was
Speaker 2: talking with my aunt. I was tipsy and I told
Speaker 2: her that I knew about her first child, this child,
Speaker 2: this child was a boy and would actually be the
Speaker 2: oldest cousin. She was an obvious disbelief, but told me
Speaker 2: they're still keeping the secret from their three other adult children.
Speaker 2: My aunt has met the son that they gave up.
Speaker 2: He came to a church function and sat in the
Speaker 2: back and saw his parents and siblings from afar. I
Speaker 2: want to tell them so badly. Their other kids, the
Speaker 2: aunt and uncle are in their thirties and forties, and
Speaker 2: I'm bursting at the seams that I'm the only other
Speaker 2: person that knows this. Do I blow up my family
Speaker 2: and tell them or just shut the fuck up. I'll
Speaker 2: add that these three cousins of mine are super great people.
Speaker 2: They have spouses and kids of their own, and this
Speaker 2: is just so aft up. Thanks, Jay, I would keep.
Speaker 3: That to yourself. It's not your place at all. In
Speaker 3: my opinion, you do not want to be This is
Speaker 3: not your secret to tell your mother. For telling her,
Speaker 3: her mother told her she's that big thumbs down. It's
Speaker 3: not your first These aren't your brothers and sisters.
Speaker 1: This isn't your nuclear family.
Speaker 3: I know they're your relatives, but yeah, mind your own
Speaker 3: business here, that's not your secret to tell.
Speaker 1: What do you think?
Speaker 4: I think I agree with you.
Speaker 5: I've had some things like this in my family, and
Speaker 5: I think that it is best to not you know,
Speaker 5: I think unless it's a I don't know. I guess
Speaker 5: it depends on what your intention is. I think if
Speaker 5: it'll cause a lot of hurt, then maybe.
Speaker 3: It's yeah, Well, you can have a good intention and
Speaker 3: it can still cause a lot of hurt, right, like you,
Speaker 3: it's not it's just it's like, it's not your information
Speaker 3: to share. And unfortunately you know about it, so that's
Speaker 3: your I mean, that's yeah. No, I don't think it's
Speaker 3: your information to share.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's really it feels like it's just the
Speaker 2: three cousins that are her ageish that don't that are
Speaker 2: the important ones that don't know. You know, it's not
Speaker 2: like revealing an affair or anything like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you don't have.
Speaker 3: Any sense of responsibility, Like again, it's not it's not
Speaker 3: your thing. And I mean I found out that I
Speaker 3: had a brother. My brothers and sisters found out that
Speaker 3: I had a brother. We had a brother, and I
Speaker 3: had absolutely no interest in pursuing that relationship. But I
Speaker 3: have already enough brothers and sisters, Like I didn't want
Speaker 3: to know that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So don't assume that you like what other people are
Speaker 1: gonna want either.
Speaker 4: That's true.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I would keep that to yourself and just
Speaker 3: try to forget that you even know that information?
Speaker 2: Would you even? I mean, is there any world in
Speaker 2: which you'd encourage like the aunt to reach out or
Speaker 2: where you would reach out, like if you're this person
Speaker 2: who's bursting out the same.
Speaker 3: Not to reach out, it's not her situation. Yeah, No,
Speaker 3: she's just accidentally found. It's like finding hearing overhearing a conversation.
Speaker 3: Pretend you overheard it and it's none of your business.
Speaker 3: That's what I would say, So, yeah, keep your mouth shut.
Speaker 2: All right, Jay, there you have it.
Speaker 1: It's encouraging to know that's happening to other families.
Speaker 3: But I would suspect that's exactly right, especially with famous people,
Speaker 3: people coming out of the woodwork left and right.
Speaker 4: The amount of cousins and I'm siblings and.
Speaker 1: Yeah that, oh yeah, I'm sure.
Speaker 3: Well, luckily now they have DNA testing, so you can
Speaker 3: actually be sure.
Speaker 2: Luckily or unluckily. Yeah, right, yes, exactly all right, Well,
Speaker 2: Chris says, dear Chelsea, I was lucky to have the
Speaker 2: opportunity to bring two little boys into the world for
Speaker 2: another family as their surrogate. I know that sounds like
Speaker 2: your worst nightmare. The first surrogacy journey had a few hiccups,
Speaker 2: with the mom being a bit controlling, sending glass bottled
Speaker 2: water because our water wasn't suitable. Is this the surrogate
Speaker 2: talking yes, organic fruits and vegetables because she didn't think
Speaker 2: the organic produce I purchased was good enough. But I
Speaker 2: chalked it up to her not being able to carry,
Speaker 2: so she wanted to be involved anyway she could. They
Speaker 2: asked me to carry their second embryo, and the pregnancy
Speaker 2: started out a bit different. They were very consumed with
Speaker 2: baby number one, and I get it because my wife
Speaker 2: and I have two very active kids on our own.
Speaker 2: I'd have to reach out to let them know that
Speaker 2: my OBI appointments went well, or that the ultrasound looked fine,
Speaker 2: asked about the baby or me. The family is extremely
Speaker 2: well off, and I felt like I was just someone
Speaker 2: on their staff rather than a close friend like I
Speaker 2: felt with the first baby. At twenty eight weeks, I
Speaker 2: was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and that's when things started
Speaker 2: to go south. The mom was on me about my
Speaker 2: diet and exercise, even though the dietician she hired confirms
Speaker 2: that my diet was perfect and I was doing everything
Speaker 2: I could to ensure her babies and my health. At
Speaker 2: thirty seven weeks, I needed an emergency induction. The parents
Speaker 2: live out of state, and the mom actually tried to
Speaker 2: negotiate my care with my doctor to delay the induction
Speaker 2: so she could have skin to skin with her baby
Speaker 2: when he was born. While I was on the brink
Speaker 2: of organ failure and in labor. They made it to
Speaker 2: the hospital with ninety minutes to spare and she got
Speaker 2: to do skin to skin with her perfect seven pound baby.
Speaker 2: I experienced lots of blood loss and had an extended
Speaker 2: hospital stay, but still managed to kickstart my milk production
Speaker 2: for their baby. The icing on the cake was when
Speaker 2: they were saying goodbye, they didn't even say thank you.
Speaker 2: I was the one who thanked them for the opportunity
Speaker 2: to be part of creating their family. In the days
Speaker 2: and weeks after, I struggled with all of the trauma
Speaker 2: around the pregnancy and delivery. So my question is do
Speaker 2: I confront her about this experience. I'll be done pumping
Speaker 2: soon and would like some closure, But is it worth
Speaker 2: it to let her know how she made me feel?
Speaker 2: Or do I just let it go and move on
Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, I achieved what
Speaker 2: I set out to do, helped create a family for
Speaker 2: someone who could not.
Speaker 7: Thanks for your help, Chris Well.
Speaker 1: Hi, Hi, this is our special guest Riley Kio.
Speaker 2: Hello.
Speaker 1: Wow, that sounds really will traumatizing.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, it was like part of me is just
Speaker 6: like am I being so trivial that like, I don't know,
Speaker 6: I should just like move on and get past it
Speaker 6: because I did what I set out to do. But
Speaker 6: I still get triggered for little things, So I don't know.
Speaker 3: I think you have every right to speak your mind
Speaker 3: and doesn't have to be in an angry way. Like
Speaker 3: I think probably putting into writing is the best way
Speaker 3: when you are ready and when you are done rest
Speaker 3: fee and providing the baby with whatever things. I mean,
Speaker 3: you did finish your quote unquote job and set of responsibilities,
Speaker 3: but I think it is cathartic to let someone know
Speaker 3: that you felt not you know, not looked after or
Speaker 3: taken care of them, not saying thank you. All of
Speaker 3: the things that you're talking about. Those are real things
Speaker 3: and they're very hurtful, and I definitely don't think you
Speaker 3: should just suck it up. I think it's important to
Speaker 3: state your peace in a loving kind way when someone
Speaker 3: has kind of crossed a line or a boundary or
Speaker 3: taken advantage of you and not and not showing you
Speaker 3: respect and grace doing something that is the most invaluable
Speaker 3: thing you could possibly do for another person, which is
Speaker 3: carry their child.
Speaker 7: I just felt like it was such a disconnect from
Speaker 7: like the first pregnancy to the second pregnancy, and like
Speaker 7: I something like switched and I was just like this
Speaker 7: employee of theirs.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I wouldn't.
Speaker 3: I understand what you're saying, but I wouldn't focus it
Speaker 3: on that aspect, like your relationship changed. You should just
Speaker 3: focus on what didn't feel good, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Because I think there's a sense saying our relationship changed
Speaker 3: is almost like you have expectations, which you totally can have,
Speaker 3: but you are doing them a service. You are providing
Speaker 3: them a service, right, they're paying you to provide them
Speaker 3: a service. That doesn't mean they should be allowed to
Speaker 3: treat you anyway they want. But I wouldn't start from
Speaker 3: that angle because it's like, it's not a relationship.
Speaker 1: It is a service.
Speaker 3: It's a transaction and that's what you were hired to do,
Speaker 3: So expecting more of a friendship is almost I don't
Speaker 3: think that's where you jump off of, you know, I
Speaker 3: think you have to really just voice what they did
Speaker 3: that felt so icky to you, Like this felt really bad.
Speaker 3: I really was so looking forward to providing this for
Speaker 3: you again, and we had such a great experience the
Speaker 3: first time, you know, you could mention that this didn't
Speaker 3: feel great for me, then I definitely didn't feel like,
Speaker 3: you know, you cared about my well being or however
Speaker 3: you want to phrase everything that happened to you. But
Speaker 3: you should definitely get that down, not only for the
Speaker 3: you know, to send to her, if you decide.
Speaker 1: To do that for yourself. Yeah, okay, I mean, how
Speaker 1: do you feel about it now that it's in the past.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 6: I'm the I almost kind of like I do feel
Speaker 6: like I need to address it.
Speaker 7: It was very much swept under the rug.
Speaker 6: It was just like, Okay, they got what they wanted
Speaker 6: and then okay, and I'm like literally shaking in the hospital.
Speaker 7: Then as they're like they as skating in the glow,
Speaker 7: there's sweet, perfect baby, and I just like, as.
Speaker 6: A mom, I'm a mom and I have children, and
Speaker 6: like for her to just disregard that aspect. I think
Speaker 6: that is the most like the thing that's like eating
Speaker 6: at me the most.
Speaker 7: But now I.
Speaker 6: Feel like if I I could write her a letter,
Speaker 6: I feel like that's probably a really good.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and not in an accusatory way, just in way
Speaker 3: that you felt so sidelined and marginalized and all of
Speaker 3: the things that you're talking about, like that didn't feel
Speaker 3: good at all. I wanted to do this out of like,
Speaker 3: you know, like this is something that means a lot
Speaker 3: for me to do it for you, and this is
Speaker 3: how you It left me feeling.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you think?
Speaker 2: Riley?
Speaker 5: I agree. I Actually my child was born via surrogate,
Speaker 5: so that's so I'm very grateful for what you do.
Speaker 5: And I think that it's really important that it's of
Speaker 5: course it's transactional and it's a job, but I think
Speaker 5: that it's a big sacrifice on your body and your
Speaker 5: mind and your family, and I think that it's not
Speaker 5: just like somebody who's coming to you know, clean your.
Speaker 4: House or you know.
Speaker 5: So I think it's I think it is important to
Speaker 5: to communicate that in my opinion.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Are you finding that you're having these thought that's like
Speaker 2: the anger and the you know, troublesome thoughts that you're having.
Speaker 2: Are they coming up at various points during the day.
Speaker 2: Are you sort of ruminating on them?
Speaker 6: So it's like when I'm driving to work and like
Speaker 6: my mind is wandering, or like I'm shipping milk to them,
Speaker 6: Like when I go drop off milk, I like replay
Speaker 6: everything all over again.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's when it's happening. Yeah, you might, as you're
Speaker 2: writing this letter, when these thoughts come up, drop them
Speaker 2: down in like a notes app, jot down these things
Speaker 2: as they're coming up for you, because it helps to
Speaker 2: just sort of get it out of your body, get
Speaker 2: it out of your mind, and then you'll sort of
Speaker 2: have all of the talking points that you want to
Speaker 2: address when you go to write the letter to her,
Speaker 2: and then you can kind of just pick and choose, like, Okay,
Speaker 2: this note I wrote in a moment of anger, this
Speaker 2: note is like maybe the best version of myself or
Speaker 2: like this particular part of it, and kind of choosing
Speaker 2: the best version of how you want to express yourself.
Speaker 2: But you'll have everything sort of like over time, dumped
Speaker 2: into one place, so you can tackle that letter from
Speaker 2: a place of you know, respect for yourself as well.
Speaker 7: Okay, no, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 3: Thank you, And with every negative thought you have in
Speaker 3: terms of like seeing this out of your own body
Speaker 3: and stuff, so that you are able to let go
Speaker 3: and be free of it every time you have these
Speaker 3: thought patterns.
Speaker 1: I want you to also have an opposite thought.
Speaker 3: You know, whatever your negative thought is, match it with
Speaker 3: an opposing viewpoint, like, oh, but I was able to
Speaker 3: provide them with this child. I was able to provide
Speaker 3: them with something that they couldn't do for themselves. Make
Speaker 3: sure you're reminding yourself of the honorable.
Speaker 1: Thing that you did.
Speaker 3: That is beautiful and like, so, you know, it's the
Speaker 3: most important thing you could do for somebody, and I
Speaker 3: can't think of anything more important to provide. So to
Speaker 3: start just getting it out of your body, because you
Speaker 3: don't want to be angry and hold on to that anger,
Speaker 3: you know, And you might write that letter and then realize, like,
Speaker 3: I don't even need to send this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but if you do need to, then you should.
Speaker 7: Yeah, okay, okay, that's good. I like that reminding myself
Speaker 7: the awesomeness.
Speaker 1: Would you be a surrogate again for anyone else?
Speaker 7: So I'm forty, I'm so old.
Speaker 3: That's when you have your midlife crisis. When you're forty,
Speaker 3: you have moretal That's what's happening. That's a part of it.
Speaker 3: We were just talking about turning forty and what that
Speaker 3: does to your brain.
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, I can't. Actually, my doctor would she'd be like, no,
Speaker 6: you can't. She told me you cannot have any more kids. Yeah,
Speaker 6: especially for anybody else.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well that's wonderful that you did that. So patch
Speaker 3: yourself on the back over and over again.
Speaker 2: And I think in lieu of reframing too, you could
Speaker 2: also think, you know, I did this for this family,
Speaker 2: but I did it for this child, you know, so
Speaker 2: even you know, forget the parents, you did it for
Speaker 2: this child, and that's really cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're right, you built, you built a little house
Speaker 3: for a baby.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I did you babies?
Speaker 3: Oh, babies, that's right, that's right, right, Yeah, all right, okay,
Speaker 3: thank you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, take care all right, bye guys bye.
Speaker 3: When you hire a surrogate, yeah, do you go through
Speaker 3: Do you interview lot of people?
Speaker 1: You do?
Speaker 4: I think everybody's different.
Speaker 5: I personally interviewed or I looked at like three different
Speaker 5: families because you kind of talked to the surrogate and
Speaker 5: also their partner if they're in a relationship too, And
Speaker 5: we use like an agency. So they also put the
Speaker 5: candidate forward that they thought was the strongest, and that
Speaker 5: was kind of the one we were leaning towards. But yeah,
Speaker 5: there were like three or four different surrogates.
Speaker 3: And I'm curious as like, you know, with your whole history,
Speaker 3: how do you feel about being a mom?
Speaker 1: Like your family is so mom heavy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all of your girl experiences, you know, and generations.
Speaker 4: I mean, it's a wild experience.
Speaker 5: There's definitely a lot of I think it was very
Speaker 5: unique to lose my mom when my daughter was five
Speaker 5: months old. You know, I think that having a young
Speaker 5: child when you're in grief for your own mother's like
Speaker 5: because I think I think your own mothering comes up
Speaker 5: a lot regardless, because you when you have a child,
Speaker 5: you start reflecting on the way you were parented and
Speaker 5: the way you were mothered, and so that was already happening,
Speaker 5: and then so losing her at that time was it
Speaker 5: was a very strange time. And I think that the
Speaker 5: hardest thing was I felt like my mother was such
Speaker 5: a great mother, and she was exceptionally great with babies,
Speaker 5: like with infants. So I felt like very alone, you know,
Speaker 5: but this really beautiful thing started happening where I could
Speaker 5: kind of like her instinct was so loud that I
Speaker 5: could hear her and when I needed help, I really
Speaker 5: felt like I could hear her voice in what she
Speaker 5: would want or you know, like, my daughter was really
Speaker 5: sick about a year ago, and I was kind of
Speaker 5: panicking about it, and I could kind of hear her going,
Speaker 5: you know, like one hundred and ones not bad, one
Speaker 5: hundred and twos, you know, one hundred and three go
Speaker 5: to the dog, could like hear her, boy. It was
Speaker 5: very strange. So it's it's definitely been like an emotional thing.
Speaker 5: And I think I think that I personally have so
Speaker 5: much attention on parenting and wanting to be and I
Speaker 5: don't know if that's this generation, because like you go
Speaker 5: on Instagram and it's ten things not to say to
Speaker 5: your kids, or maybe.
Speaker 4: That's just my algorithms.
Speaker 5: Probably my algorithm, but it's very like there's so much
Speaker 5: therapizing and advice and things not to.
Speaker 4: Do that it's very overwhelming.
Speaker 3: I just read this thing today on Instagram on my
Speaker 3: plane ride that was like, you know, when someone's having
Speaker 3: an anxiety attack, the don't say everything's going to be okay.
Speaker 4: I'm like, this stuff with kids is crazy.
Speaker 5: It's like, Oh, don't tell them yes, don't tell them no,
Speaker 5: don't tell them you know they're doing a good job.
Speaker 4: Don't tell them they're doing a bad job.
Speaker 5: Don't tell don't look at them, you know, and it's
Speaker 5: like really overwhelming.
Speaker 4: So I I, you know, I don't.
Speaker 5: I think I try and go by instinct, but it's
Speaker 5: I think it's something I really don't want to do
Speaker 5: a bad job at to the point of like obsession.
Speaker 3: And yeah, you know, but it's also such a gift
Speaker 3: to be able to sit here and say, as an
Speaker 3: adult woman, I had such a good mother.
Speaker 1: Yes, do you know?
Speaker 5: Like that is a gift I know and through and
Speaker 5: you know, she certainly was not like a I don't
Speaker 5: know what a perfect mother is.
Speaker 1: She wasn't a traditional she was a.
Speaker 5: Traditional mother by any means.
Speaker 4: But I am so grateful to have had her as
Speaker 4: I had that kind of love.
Speaker 2: And I know that's you know, well, there's a really
Speaker 2: beautiful passage in the book where you talk about almost
Speaker 2: like channeling her where you realize you're singing the same
Speaker 2: songs that she sung to you and using the same
Speaker 2: little cute voice that she used with you with your
Speaker 2: own daughter. And I think that sort of like family
Speaker 2: like channeling through ourselves our ancestors is like kind of unstoppable.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wish there was more language around that, you know,
Speaker 3: because you touch on that a lot in the book,
Speaker 3: like this kind of intergenerational knowing, like you come from this.
Speaker 1: Huge legendary person who.
Speaker 3: You feel like you did know because of the closeness
Speaker 3: of your family.
Speaker 1: And I wish there was more language because we are
Speaker 1: our answers.
Speaker 3: We are living with the trauma with all of the
Speaker 3: whether it's addiction or whether it's other genetic makeups, like
Speaker 3: we are carrying on what our ancestors have been through,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 1: And we don't talk about it enough.
Speaker 3: Now we have like sprinkling you know, conversations about it
Speaker 3: where people touch upon it like oh, okay, it makes
Speaker 3: sense that if you're you know, no one in your
Speaker 3: family swam, or you know that every that you're scared
Speaker 3: of water, or if something terrible happened to one of
Speaker 3: your ancestors and they had a drowning, that you could
Speaker 3: have that reaction to water. And it's like, there's that
Speaker 3: conversation needs to be opened up more.
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, our last question today comes from Stanley and
Speaker 2: he's going to be joining us family. I'm like, there's
Speaker 2: It took me a second, but then you know, so
Speaker 2: as Fance is not a woman, so we don't have
Speaker 2: any straight men listening to Arst Dear Chelsea, My fiance
Speaker 2: and I have been together for eleven years and are
Speaker 2: finally getting married in September next year, but there's one
Speaker 2: small issue. One of my grooms men is an alcoholic.
Speaker 2: We became best friends while bartending together and currently run
Speaker 2: two separate bars for the same company. When he's sober,
Speaker 2: he's amazing, great conversationalist, amazing friend, and an all around
Speaker 2: fun person to be around. A few months ago, he
Speaker 2: relapsed after four years of sobriety and has been drinking
Speaker 2: on and off ever since. When he's drinking, he's loud, rude, obnoxious,
Speaker 2: doesn't know where to stop, and sadly it only takes
Speaker 2: him a drink or two to get to that point.
Speaker 2: Now that I've already asked him to be a groomsman,
Speaker 2: his return to drinking has put me in quite a dilemma.
Speaker 2: I do not want the drunk version of him at
Speaker 2: my wedding nor at my bachelor party, but I would
Speaker 2: obviously love for him to be there. I should also
Speaker 2: point out that both my fiance and maid of honor
Speaker 2: already don't like him, so if he ends up drinking
Speaker 2: at the wedding. There's definitely going to be a problem.
Speaker 2: I do plan on telling him that he needs to
Speaker 2: be sober at our wedding, but I also worry about
Speaker 2: him sneaking drinks or something. I don't need the stress
Speaker 2: of babysitting a grown man at my wedding. How do
Speaker 2: I go about having this discussion with him, especially since
Speaker 2: he'll be the only person at the wedding with that restriction.
Speaker 2: Thanks Stanley by Stanley.
Speaker 9: Hi, how's it going?
Speaker 6: Hi?
Speaker 1: This is our special guest Riley Keo.
Speaker 9: Hi, Nice to me too.
Speaker 1: I think you have to say what what do you think?
Speaker 5: I was just gonna say, and maybe this is the
Speaker 5: wrong advice, but I have had a lot of addict.
Speaker 4: Experience in my life.
Speaker 5: But I think what's hard is like probably not having
Speaker 5: him there would probably be sad, right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: Long term.
Speaker 5: So I was thinking, you definitely need to anticipate that
Speaker 5: he will get drunk, and maybe you need to get
Speaker 5: him like some kind of designated babysitter for the night.
Speaker 2: That's not a bad idea.
Speaker 10: Actually, one of my I don't know what we're gonna
Speaker 10: call it, but she's in my wedding party too. She
Speaker 10: already offered to be that too, because I talked to
Speaker 10: her about it as well. You know, she's like, I
Speaker 10: don't care making sure there's no problems at your wedding.
Speaker 5: I think where I've always gotten caught up is expecting
Speaker 5: it not to be that, and then it ends up
Speaker 5: they end up doing the thing.
Speaker 3: Even if you have a conversation, even with the Okay, yeah,
Speaker 3: I hear what you're saying, because if it's it, but
Speaker 3: you said sometimes he doesn't drink.
Speaker 9: Right, yeah, he goes off and on. He's I think
Speaker 9: right now, he's not right.
Speaker 3: So maybe what you do is you have this conversation
Speaker 3: with him in the most loving way possible, Like this
Speaker 3: is such an important day for me. I'm so honored
Speaker 3: that you're going to be part of it with me.
Speaker 3: I can't wait. I do have to ask you to
Speaker 3: not drink. I do have to just ask you just
Speaker 3: to put it out there so that he can you know,
Speaker 3: he may take that very seriously. And and then also
Speaker 3: as the backup plan, what Riley offered is to have
Speaker 3: that friend just be on the lookout, knowing that there's
Speaker 3: a good chance he might not be able to control
Speaker 3: himself and start drinking. But you might be surprised, you know,
Speaker 3: I mean you might he might be able to get
Speaker 3: through the wedding without it. The bachelor party is another situation.
Speaker 3: I think that's a little bit even more difficult to
Speaker 3: not drink at. But but I would just really tell him, like,
Speaker 3: this is so important for me, and you know that
Speaker 3: you when you drink, you're not the best version of yourself.
Speaker 3: And I need you to respect that this is my
Speaker 3: day and to be there in the way that I
Speaker 3: need you to be there.
Speaker 1: And if you can't commit to that, then that's okay.
Speaker 3: Just let me know and let me know and figure
Speaker 3: something out, like give him the option to commit and
Speaker 3: make that promise to you. I wouldn't say the bachelor
Speaker 3: party and the wedding.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's too big of ail to climb.
Speaker 3: I don't know, do you need his presence at the
Speaker 3: bachelor party. I guess if he's a groomsman, right.
Speaker 10: I mean, I was honestly just thinking about earlier today,
Speaker 10: like I wouldn't be mad. I mean, and I have
Speaker 10: been to parties with him where he was sober and
Speaker 10: he was fine, he was, you know, playing all the
Speaker 10: games with everybody, and I just ripping soda water. But yeah,
Speaker 10: I also, like, I come from a family that has
Speaker 10: addiction issues, so like, I am totally up for people's boundaries.
Speaker 9: So if he, for that reason couldn't go, I would
Speaker 9: not be mad at all.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And and you can that's perfect.
Speaker 3: Then it's a trigger for you, you know, you come
Speaker 3: from a family with addiction, and you don't just give
Speaker 3: him the option, like you're welcome to come to the
Speaker 3: bachelor party, and I do watch you at my wedding,
Speaker 3: but these are the conditions, and if you can't meet them,
Speaker 3: no harm, no foul, Like I'll miss you, but it
Speaker 3: would be better for me to be able to enjoy
Speaker 3: my day and not worry about you drinking. You're a
Speaker 3: better version of yourself when you're sober. I understand you're struggling,
Speaker 3: but this is my request from you out of our friendship.
Speaker 9: Yeah that's really good. That's really good advice.
Speaker 1: And I think that's a conversation you can have in person, right.
Speaker 9: Yeah, Yeah, I think so as well.
Speaker 10: Yeah, I don't get to see him too often, but
Speaker 10: I definitely, you know, especially working for the same people,
Speaker 10: we do get to see each other sometimes.
Speaker 9: That's something I could talk to him about. For sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then your friend, the one who volunteered, then just
Speaker 3: have her on it and if he does drink, you know,
Speaker 3: she can have him removed.
Speaker 9: She'd be totally fine with this. Y.
Speaker 3: Just that's covering all your bases. Yeah, and you listen,
Speaker 3: you might be surprised.
Speaker 9: Yeah. I honestly was talking to my therapist about it.
Speaker 10: She's like, he might, you know, just be sober already,
Speaker 10: and I'm like, that is, you know, best case scenario.
Speaker 9: But he he could take to it really well.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And it's honest conversation, so there's nothing to be like.
Speaker 3: You know, it's nice that you're being so thoughtful about
Speaker 3: it as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And good to have like a bossy brides maid
Speaker 2: in your corner. I love that.
Speaker 9: Yeah. Yeah, I got a couple of them, so that's good.
Speaker 1: That's good. We'll have a great wedding.
Speaker 9: Congratulations, thank you, thank you so much.
Speaker 4: Congrat awesome.
Speaker 2: Thanks Stanley. Let us know how it goes, Okay.
Speaker 9: I will definitely thank you.
Speaker 3: Okay, we're going to take a break and then we'll
Speaker 3: be right back to wrap up with Riley Keo. Okay,
Speaker 3: and we're back with Riley Kyo. She's suffering from jet lag.
Speaker 3: I'm suffering from my usual just day lag. I'm constantly tired,
Speaker 3: always tired.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I was thinking about my schedule today and then I
Speaker 3: was like, why are you been thinking about it?
Speaker 4: Just keep going today in your life.
Speaker 3: My life is I usually tour Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So
Speaker 3: I was in Houston, Dallas, Austin. I flew home today
Speaker 3: this morning and then and the rest of the week
Speaker 3: is crazy. So today I had a couple hours and
Speaker 3: then you were coming in the afternoon. So that was
Speaker 3: kind of nice because I could. I just went in
Speaker 3: my hyperbaric chamber, okay for two hours to read another
Speaker 3: book after I finished your book. And it just is constant,
Speaker 3: and I was thinking about it. I'm forty nine years old,
Speaker 3: and I've been doing this kind of pace since I
Speaker 3: was at least thirty when I started Chelsea.
Speaker 1: Lately, touring doing books.
Speaker 3: I'm always on a book tour or a stand up
Speaker 3: tour or did it. But I just realized, like that
Speaker 3: is who I am, you know, I'm high impact. And
Speaker 3: then I crash for two.
Speaker 5: Days and then I go, yeah, I think it's a
Speaker 5: good thing. Yeah, I think it keeps you young.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it keeps you vibrant for sure, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and yeah it's nice to be Like I like, I
Speaker 3: was thinking about it. I was like, oh, it's been
Speaker 3: like twenty years and I've twenty five years that I've
Speaker 3: been in this business, but twenty years of like hustling
Speaker 3: like that, and I kind of love that about me, Like.
Speaker 1: I love that I'm still up for it, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Yeah, what's your schedule like in your life?
Speaker 4: I'm I'm oh, my gosh, it really depends.
Speaker 5: I think that similarly, like I will have moments where
Speaker 5: I'm working a lot, if I'm shooting a film, and
Speaker 5: then I'll go home and kind of hibernate, and then
Speaker 5: I'll go back out and then it's like high intensity
Speaker 5: and a home and like hide.
Speaker 4: It's like start of back and forth.
Speaker 1: Yeah and whatever. I'm always like I'm so tired. I
Speaker 1: think of Taylor Swift.
Speaker 8: Like, how is this maniac able to do this for
Speaker 8: three and a half hours, three nights in a row, dancing, singing, choreography, guitar.
Speaker 1: I just I'm like, what kind of energy is she?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 1: What energy boost is she on?
Speaker 4: I need that?
Speaker 3: So that's pretty impressive too. But it was a delight
Speaker 3: to meet you. This book is so beautiful. From here
Speaker 3: to the Great Unknown. What a gorgeous tribute for your mom.
Speaker 3: To your mom and following through and getting this done
Speaker 3: for her. And it's also an Oprah's Book Club selection,
Speaker 3: so you know that's that's a good endorsement.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about everyone's reception of the book.
Speaker 5: I feel really grateful. I was very nervous to put
Speaker 5: the book out. It's really personal, especially the last few
Speaker 5: chapters are very intense, and I think there was a
Speaker 5: world where I didn't include some things in there, but
Speaker 5: then ultimately I thought about my mom and her honesty
Speaker 5: and what she would have done, and I think that
Speaker 5: she would have put everything that's in there in there,
Speaker 5: and ultimately, like, of course there's some funny things in
Speaker 5: the news here and there, But people have been really receptive,
Speaker 5: and I think that particularly people who have lost family members,
Speaker 5: are in grief or dealt with addiction. I think it
Speaker 5: is connecting on a level that's human, despite the fact
Speaker 5: that it's like a super unique story, and so I
Speaker 5: think that that's been surprising.
Speaker 4: I guess I think I'm very used.
Speaker 5: To people feeling very far away, like sort of not
Speaker 5: perceiving my family to be human, I guess, and so
Speaker 5: I feel like the responses have been very human, which
Speaker 5: I've really enjoyed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's a power. Books are always powerful, you know.
Speaker 3: It's like it's nice to leave something in writing and
Speaker 3: let people kind of interpret it or reinterpret it and
Speaker 3: leave it out there rather than per se telling your story.
Speaker 3: It's it's like it's something more permanent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. Yeah, So thank you for being here,
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me. Yeah. Yeah, and good luck with everything.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Can we see more of you and TV and everything.
Speaker 4: Thanks.
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll see you guys next week. Okay, guys.
Speaker 3: Stand up shows that I have coming up, I am
Speaker 3: going to Des Moines, Iowa December fifth, December sixth is Omaha,
Speaker 3: and then December twenty eighth, I'm coming in New Orleans
Speaker 3: right before New Year's and then I'll be in Atlanta,
Speaker 3: Georgia on December twenty ninth. And those are the rest
Speaker 3: of my stand up dates for this year. It's over
Speaker 3: New Tour New Year.
Speaker 2: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 2: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 2: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 2: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine Law and
Speaker 2: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 2: com