Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hey Chelsea. We are fresh off the boat
Speaker 1: from my Orka. We took a sailboat all the way
Speaker 1: there from the Pacific coast, so that took us O God,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Trace says, yes, you went to Row significantly.
Speaker 1: I came home and I told my Bell and Felix,
Speaker 1: who worked with me at my house with me in
Speaker 1: concert because I'm doing so much. I told them that
Speaker 1: my Spanish was deteriorated in Spain. I think the last
Speaker 1: week was the worst because I had three full Spanish
Speaker 1: speakers there and well, you also speak Spanish, and I
Speaker 1: realized just how basic and fundamental my Spanish is. So
Speaker 1: I told him no more speaking English at home. This
Speaker 1: We're only speaking Spanish from now on. And so now
Speaker 1: I can't understand anything the funk that's happening. I don't
Speaker 1: know what she's talking about, but I we're sticking with it,
Speaker 1: and I'm learning. Mam Bell is also dual LINGO now
Speaker 1: for yeah, Well she I'm just like, listen, We're just
Speaker 1: gonna fucking figure it out. She loves to correct me,
Speaker 1: so it's perfect. This is a huge a tudity for
Speaker 1: her to put me in my place. It's like a
Speaker 1: total status shift. So I am winding up my stand
Speaker 1: up tour. Vaccinated and Horning is coming to a screeching
Speaker 1: halt at the end of the year. I have my
Speaker 1: last dates coming up, and these are the last opportunities.
Speaker 1: You have to also buy merch from the website Chelsea
Speaker 1: Handler dot com if you want Vaccinating Horny merch or
Speaker 1: Captain's hats that say We're the Captains now for women only,
Speaker 1: our t shirts for men in your family that say
Speaker 1: I'm sorry because they should be. I only have a
Speaker 1: few dates left. I'm going to be in Wheatland, California,
Speaker 1: this Saturday night, and then I'm going to Tucson, Arizona
Speaker 1: next weekend. November five is Tucson, November six is Colorado Springs,
Speaker 1: and then Rockford, Illinois, Minneapolis, Rosemont, Illinois, two shows in Tampa,
Speaker 1: a show in Fort Myers, Florida, Daytona Beach, Hollywood, Florida, Concord,
Speaker 1: New Hampshire, Wooster, Mass wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania. Wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania,
Speaker 1: there I said it, and then San Diego and Riverside, California,
Speaker 1: and then Baltimore, Maryland, and then my very last date
Speaker 1: is December six in Reading, Pennsylvania. So this will be
Speaker 1: the last of me performing. How do you feel about that?
Speaker 1: Very relieved and excited. I mean, I have had a
Speaker 1: really fun time touring. I liked my schedule. Three months on,
Speaker 1: one month off, three months on, and now these last
Speaker 1: couple of dates, I just have like two shows each weekend,
Speaker 1: which is totally doable, and so now my special will
Speaker 1: come out. Now I can use these shows to come
Speaker 1: up with my next hour. I just don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about. Do you try out like
Speaker 1: new material as you're sort of closing out of show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been trying out some new material. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's hard to come up with an hour, so I've
Speaker 1: got to really use these dates to do it because
Speaker 1: I have all the time, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like I could stay on stage for two hours and
Speaker 1: screw around, but I've been doing this set for so long.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I can't stop touching my breast. I have
Speaker 1: this weird sports brawn today that's like turning them into
Speaker 1: yeah us and I don't like that feeling. And then
Speaker 1: they also look like they're coming It's not the right look.
Speaker 1: I've already got a unit boo going on too, but
Speaker 1: it's more because of my shirt, like the design on
Speaker 1: my shirt, which is what's his name, Eddie from my
Speaker 1: Iron Maiden brand, But yeah, he's is that a real person?
Speaker 1: Because I mean, I wish so. I love spooky things.
Speaker 1: I'm also hosting the Critics Choice Awards, you guys. That's
Speaker 1: exciting on January, Yes, which you'll be aired on what
Speaker 1: Never Work is at c W. I'm not sure c
Speaker 1: W great, Yeah, But I do want to talk about
Speaker 1: something Katherine, that I learned about you. I want to
Speaker 1: say first, I forgive you because on the way over
Speaker 1: I forgot I had a COVID test because I'm doing
Speaker 1: a TV show in the morning, the Talk, and I
Speaker 1: made a little let us wrap with some ground turkey
Speaker 1: and some onions. And normally when we're doing a podcast,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do that, you know what I mean, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have onions when I'm coming in to speak so
Speaker 1: closely and sit so closely next to you. But as
Speaker 1: you revealed over our vacation, in my worka you bring
Speaker 1: hard boiled eggs onto fucking airplanes as a snack, not
Speaker 1: two or three like nine trainer. There was a photo
Speaker 1: that her husband Brad showed supplied me with. This is
Speaker 1: after my foot breakdown because of people and their bare
Speaker 1: feet on planes. I'm still having a massive influx of
Speaker 1: pictures of feet out on airplanes, and I just want
Speaker 1: to let everyone know if they're wearing socks, that is
Speaker 1: not as offensive as a barefoot. It is the bare
Speaker 1: foot that is not clevered or clean or hygienic, and
Speaker 1: it's inappropriate. It's like a it's disgusting. And they're putting
Speaker 1: their feet on stuff like screens. Some people are putting
Speaker 1: them on the ceiling. Some people are putting them on
Speaker 1: the windows. It's just gross to have your bare feet exposed,
Speaker 1: and also on a dirty, dirty vessel like an airplane.
Speaker 1: But back to you, I am flabber gas sooner I was,
Speaker 1: You're at a flabber gastado because I cannot believe that
Speaker 1: you would think that that is acceptable. That is the
Speaker 1: worst smell there is. I know it's pretty bad. I
Speaker 1: have been known to bring a full bag of eggs
Speaker 1: on a plane, you know, to share with people. Share.
Speaker 1: No one wants to share. It's just like a perfect
Speaker 1: little shot of protein, and I know it's it's pretty bad.
Speaker 1: It's pretty heinous. But if you want the protein, get
Speaker 1: something else, get a full protein bars make you fart
Speaker 1: on planes, I'm convinced, well, they make you fart anyway
Speaker 1: and on planes, But the good protein bars actually don't
Speaker 1: make you fart. But there's other ways to get protein,
Speaker 1: and you need to find out what they are. I
Speaker 1: do love a beef jerky. That's not that great either,
Speaker 1: by the way, that smells, so that's better than hard
Speaker 1: boiled eggs, though I mean eggs you need to eat
Speaker 1: right away so the smell is gone and they're not warm.
Speaker 1: And I love hard boiled eggs. I have a whole
Speaker 1: refrigerator of that because that's where they belong, in the
Speaker 1: refrigerator at home, not untraveled. Speaking of hard boiled eggs,
Speaker 1: I have my longtime girlfriend here today. Her name is well, actually,
Speaker 1: why don't you say a few words and see if
Speaker 1: anybody can recognize your voice. This is Chelsea's girlfriend. She's
Speaker 1: she's not only my girlfriend, she's also in a marriage
Speaker 1: and I'm part of their throuble. This is the theme
Speaker 1: in my life as I'm a third wheel to lots
Speaker 1: of different couples. I know, I know because I put
Speaker 1: out left right and sets her. No, No, we haven't
Speaker 1: ever had sex yet, but I'm still we're still in
Speaker 1: a throat all, we're in an emotional trouble. It's Fortune Feamster. Everybody.
Speaker 1: You may know her from you. We would probably have
Speaker 1: been introduced to her on Chelsea Lately, where I was
Speaker 1: introduced to her, and now the whole world gets to
Speaker 1: enjoy her. And she just walked into my podcast office
Speaker 1: or whatever the funk this is and she I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: Fortune person. I was grabbing her leg. I'm like, this
Speaker 1: feels smaller than normal. And you revealed that you'd lost
Speaker 1: forty pounds because she played a c I agent c
Speaker 1: I a CEE I not a clatorial investigator, a Central
Speaker 1: intelligence officer, central Intelligence agent agent. And her most recentse
Speaker 1: in a Netflix show. Yeah, it's gonna be on Netflix.
Speaker 1: Sits with Arnold Schwartzenegger. Oh is that how you say
Speaker 1: his name, Arnold Schwartzenegger. I don't. I have a very
Speaker 1: thick accident. I don't pronounce anything right. Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's
Speaker 1: a very tricky name to say, so we'll just call
Speaker 1: him Big Arnold. Was how was that I was working
Speaker 1: with Arnold? It was awesome. I was out in Toronto
Speaker 1: for five months filming. Yeah, and it was all action stuff.
Speaker 1: I was, you know, running, I know I was running,
Speaker 1: had a gun stuff. Wow, you'll be very turned on.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see that. So six months there.
Speaker 1: If I've meant to tron too. I saw you had
Speaker 1: to cancel some gigs because you got trapped there. Had
Speaker 1: to cancel my European tour because production got extended for
Speaker 1: almost a month. Oh yeah, and you also have a
Speaker 1: new Netflix special that just came out. Congratulations on that.
Speaker 1: Thank you. It's called Good Fortune. Why why didn't you
Speaker 1: do Fortune Cookie? I don't know. I didn't think about
Speaker 1: for the next one, the next one. Yeah. If you
Speaker 1: just put your name in everything, like I put my
Speaker 1: name in everything, nobody could tell the difference between one
Speaker 1: thing or the next. It works. Yeah, it's my my
Speaker 1: new hour. I'm very happy with its awesome. Thank you.
Speaker 1: I shot in Chicago while I was filming this action show.
Speaker 1: So when do you think you'll be going back on
Speaker 1: the road. Um, I'm gonna do like club dates in
Speaker 1: November and December around California, and then announced a big
Speaker 1: tour starting the end of January. Oh, great hit a
Speaker 1: bunch of new cities with new materials. So if you
Speaker 1: have any ideas of things that should talk about, let
Speaker 1: me ship. I know I have talked the same boat.
Speaker 1: I'm just wrapping up this tour and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: I have to come up with some new material and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I should be doing it now since I
Speaker 1: already taped my special, but since my special isn't out yet,
Speaker 1: I just keep holding on to the same show. I
Speaker 1: don't know fucking time for any creative juices right now.
Speaker 1: That's the hardest part about putting out a special is
Speaker 1: riding a whole new agg I just I know, I know,
Speaker 1: tell me about you because when I there are certain
Speaker 1: comics that like to run their hour before they tape it,
Speaker 1: like two hundred times. I can't do that. I like
Speaker 1: run it seventy or seventy five times, and then I'm
Speaker 1: theater dates after I've run it in clubs, so maybe
Speaker 1: like eighty five altogether. But I can't go past a
Speaker 1: hundred because then I'm just sick of my own material.
Speaker 1: I this one, I did a lot. I did a
Speaker 1: hundred cities and about a hundred sixty shows. Wow, that's
Speaker 1: a lot. Fifteen of those were post filming sows, right,
Speaker 1: And were you able to come up with some new
Speaker 1: material while you were doing those new shows or did you? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And then you have to and then here you go
Speaker 1: back on the road and you have to startch five
Speaker 1: minutes into an hour. You're like, ohh ship, isn't it funny?
Speaker 1: Every single time. It's the same thing with a book.
Speaker 1: Every single time I'm done writing a book, I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's it. I'm done, nothing left. And then of course
Speaker 1: you're like, fuck, I gotta write another book and I
Speaker 1: gotta do another stand up show. How many books have
Speaker 1: you written now? Uh? Six? Six? I'm on my seventh
Speaker 1: right now, I'm writing a new one. And and I
Speaker 1: just had a phone call with my editor this morning
Speaker 1: and I'm like, listen, this is all over the shop
Speaker 1: and she's like, do you want to show me some stuff.
Speaker 1: I'm like, nope, it's not made for anyone to see.
Speaker 1: I've never written a book. I thought you did write.
Speaker 1: Oh that seems weird, like everyone from Chelsea lately wrote
Speaker 1: a book. I didn't. I was I didn't think at
Speaker 1: the time that people wanted to book for me. I
Speaker 1: felt like it wasn't the right time. But I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm maybe have a book in me now. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: I feel like everybody has a book in I've never
Speaker 1: I've never done it. Yeah, well that seems like something
Speaker 1: you should tackle that. Do you want to write it
Speaker 1: for me? Yeah? I love. I would love to be
Speaker 1: a ghostwriter. Can you imagine you trying to write my story?
Speaker 1: And then this bitch had some brownies? Oh, like I
Speaker 1: saw the clip we did. We did an episode of
Speaker 1: night show. I think it was a Netflix show where
Speaker 1: we all did cannabis. We had a cannabis dinner and
Speaker 1: fortune was definitely the highest and the funniest for about
Speaker 1: They actually set me my social media team set me
Speaker 1: clips of that dinner and I was like, you're not
Speaker 1: capturing how ridiculous this got. I was like, go back
Speaker 1: and look at the footage. You need that, we need
Speaker 1: the out takes. Out takes. We laughed until we couldn't breathe.
Speaker 1: You thought she thought there was military inside my house.
Speaker 1: She's like, is that man wearing a military uniform? I'm like,
Speaker 1: what he had on? Camo pants? And he was he
Speaker 1: was the lighting guy and he was breaking the lights
Speaker 1: down and I started yelling no lights left. I was
Speaker 1: high for like six days after that dinner. I mean
Speaker 1: it was because it was a cannabis infused dinner, so
Speaker 1: that the food, everything, everything. So just when you thought
Speaker 1: you couldn't get higher, you did. And she had never
Speaker 1: had no self control with food. Well, but you also
Speaker 1: don't have any self control with cannabis because you had
Speaker 1: never done it before. Never. Yeah, I had not done
Speaker 1: a lot of edible so I didn't know the ratios.
Speaker 1: And I can't believe you didn't get sick. I don't
Speaker 1: I was high until noon the next day, but I
Speaker 1: did not get sick. But everything was very fuzzy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: My one of my eyes didn't open the next day
Speaker 1: until eight p m. It was a wild time. But
Speaker 1: you we did, you know, go through the stages of
Speaker 1: laughing uncontrollably. We got so hungry after the dinner. Your
Speaker 1: assistant was gonna go get us burgers, and I went, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want a burger, and then you get or we
Speaker 1: could just get a wrap. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: wrap what You're gonna get high and eat something semi healthy? What?
Speaker 1: And then I came to under peer pressure and I went, yeah,
Speaker 1: she's like she's like, I'll have a turkey rap spinached dortia,
Speaker 1: good memory, that's exactly whatever. Some some good fats on there,
Speaker 1: like avocano. What drugs did we try and didn't? I
Speaker 1: give you a little mushroom in Montreal, Yeah, but I
Speaker 1: didn't end up doing it. Oh Jack jack too much?
Speaker 1: Somebody gave me don't work. I think he has a
Speaker 1: high tolerant. Those were weak ones. Actually, you know how
Speaker 1: I knew they were we I so this guy gave
Speaker 1: me light, medium, and then strong. I would have heard
Speaker 1: of my friend Allison's house one day and she's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you have to try these mushroom gummies. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, mushrooms are my favorite. That's more. I
Speaker 1: like mushrooms more than cannabis. And because they just make
Speaker 1: you awake. I've never had mushrooms. I know, well, why
Speaker 1: we don't know. I'm that Nancy Reagan campaign and really
Speaker 1: stuck with me. But you're a lesbian and she wouldn't.
Speaker 1: She wouldn't approve of that either. Fortune, so you need
Speaker 1: to divorce yourself. You have to divorce yourself from Nancy Reagan.
Speaker 1: Fortunate as someone who had never done mushrooms, and I
Speaker 1: did like one of those little light gummies. When we
Speaker 1: were in ma Yorka with Chelsea, it was so chill
Speaker 1: you barely feel it. You just giggle, you have a
Speaker 1: great time, and then you like feel yourself kind of
Speaker 1: coming down from it at the end of dinner, like
Speaker 1: it's not scary. I'm pretty chill though already. Do you
Speaker 1: think I need to be chilling? It just it's a
Speaker 1: good point, Like I guess it would be already. Maybe
Speaker 1: I'm already on mushroom and maybe I don't know. I
Speaker 1: saw that trip you guys took. Now. Chelsea had two
Speaker 1: groups of friends come visit her in ma Yorka. The
Speaker 1: first group they were doing like forty mile bike rads
Speaker 1: and I was like, no thanks. And then the second
Speaker 1: group was like we're eating dinner every night where everyone's
Speaker 1: bringing food. I was like, that's the that's the group
Speaker 1: for me. Yeah, I had. Actually there was a group
Speaker 1: preceding those two groups, so there were three groups. The
Speaker 1: second group where these exercise maniacs all my friends from
Speaker 1: Whistler and and who basically left my Orca ran a
Speaker 1: marathon in Berlin and then came in six in the
Speaker 1: World Championships for triathlog the little the little that little
Speaker 1: claym muscle. Yeah, she's she's a fucking lunatic. That's not
Speaker 1: want well by the way I listen. I actually I
Speaker 1: was like, this is too much exercise, Like one night
Speaker 1: I had heat stroke. I was like, this is too much.
Speaker 1: But then when the last group came in, I turned
Speaker 1: into and and I took like four of them. I'm like,
Speaker 1: who wants to king? Who wants to go hiking? We
Speaker 1: went on a five hour hike by accident with Katherine's
Speaker 1: husband was there. It's a spearheaded thank god, because I
Speaker 1: was by Have you ever tried to follow a trail map?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can't follow a map or anything.
Speaker 1: So if I had been left to my own devices,
Speaker 1: I would be bed right now. And it was a
Speaker 1: tricky hike. I mean it was high and scary and
Speaker 1: we had to climb hike down to the water to
Speaker 1: hike back up. Finally our cousin, my cousin Molly picked
Speaker 1: us up because we were like, this is a bunch
Speaker 1: of noise. Yeah, the one that I'm sleeping with, I
Speaker 1: always go, yeah, that's funny. Yeah you that hike part,
Speaker 1: that's too much for me. I would have been eating
Speaker 1: calamari somewhere. Well, we did, we ate and drank. Katherine
Speaker 1: was there, Katherine and Brad came. We had so much
Speaker 1: sangria every day at lunch and then I just like,
Speaker 1: I just and then I would just I get motivated
Speaker 1: by drinking, like I want to go exercise again, like
Speaker 1: because so I can burn off the you know, because
Speaker 1: you're sober up quickly. But it's just sangria also, which
Speaker 1: is basically watered down with juice. Yeah, it's like a
Speaker 1: it's like a Caprison. Yeah, that's true. It's an adult.
Speaker 1: Did you drink a lot? Do you think you drank
Speaker 1: more during your days on Chelsea Lately? Or do you
Speaker 1: think you drink more now? I probably drink more now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm so much healthier than I was on Chelsea Lately,
Speaker 1: But I think I drink the same. Yeah, Like how
Speaker 1: to eat handle your liquor? Well, do you know you
Speaker 1: never act like sloppy? Well I did, I did? I had. Yeah,
Speaker 1: now you're a lady. Now I'm elegant. Now I'm elegant.
Speaker 1: Was the love of the stories you would tell about
Speaker 1: going out and saying that limit the lemon, that lemon
Speaker 1: juice comes in and empty. That was hilarious. I would
Speaker 1: also take those little squeezeable lemons you buy in the supermarket.
Speaker 1: They have the lime and lemon which is fresh lime juice.
Speaker 1: Well it's not fresh because it's sucking canned, but I
Speaker 1: would take that and then i'd go to the Improv
Speaker 1: to do a set. But I did trust their lemons
Speaker 1: because you know, it's the Improv and I don't want
Speaker 1: their fruit, and so I would squeeze that little lemon
Speaker 1: into my vodka wherever I went, and it became my
Speaker 1: person and all canteen. That is so funny. Just I
Speaker 1: just picture you with just getting a lemon out of here.
Speaker 1: Where do you wait? Let's talk about Chelsea lately taste
Speaker 1: what are Let's see what's one of your favorite memories
Speaker 1: that sticks out? Can you think of something off the
Speaker 1: top of your head? Because we dressed you up a lot.
Speaker 1: It was par to line, abusive, wait for fortunate it,
Speaker 1: but she always had such a great attitude about it.
Speaker 1: You treated me like your adult baby doll, like I
Speaker 1: can just put fortune and whatever I want. I was
Speaker 1: just happy to get a paycheck because when I got
Speaker 1: your show, I had had had no money. I was
Speaker 1: out of money, and you became a right well at
Speaker 1: first she became a writer, but immediately we were like,
Speaker 1: she has to be on camera. Yeah. When I interviewed
Speaker 1: with you, I owed my roommate like two grand and rent.
Speaker 1: It was. It was dire, straight wow. I wasn't sure
Speaker 1: what I was gonna do. I mean, I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: gone home. I would have, you know, figured it out.
Speaker 1: I would have gotten a job somewhere, Starbucks, wherever, I
Speaker 1: would have done whatever. But the dream was to be
Speaker 1: in the business and to be a working comedian. I
Speaker 1: interviewed with other people first and then had the meeting
Speaker 1: with Chelsea, and I had no, you know, no expectations
Speaker 1: of it because I didn't think I had a chance.
Speaker 1: And honestly, I think that I was first. I think
Speaker 1: I was your first interview of the day. And now
Speaker 1: that I know you, I know that like you just
Speaker 1: make your mind up about something and don't want to
Speaker 1: come back to have to do something. So I think
Speaker 1: luckily you liked me, and you got up in the
Speaker 1: middle of my interview like ten minutes into it, and
Speaker 1: you go, okay, well, thank you, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: she hates me, and you left and I called my
Speaker 1: you know manager. At the time, I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I guess I said something to offender. She got up
Speaker 1: in the middle of the interview, and y'all offered me
Speaker 1: the job the next day. And now that I know
Speaker 1: you know that, you just were like, yeah, I like her,
Speaker 1: and I also don't want to have another meeting, So
Speaker 1: it was a little bit of luck. You know. Well,
Speaker 1: I think anyone that would have met you would have
Speaker 1: understood the quality and the contribution you were gonna you
Speaker 1: were about to make because we had such a band
Speaker 1: of idiots on that show, so that anybody with a
Speaker 1: good sense of humor, and that made me laugh, and
Speaker 1: you know it was going to be a good time
Speaker 1: because that was like a proper like fraternity party. That
Speaker 1: was before well, actually no, there was hazing. Probably, yeah,
Speaker 1: you guys pranked each other all is home and I think, my, yeah,
Speaker 1: my second day, you send an email from my computer
Speaker 1: to like everyone saying that I like to get naked
Speaker 1: and have to take meetings and hot tubs something like that.
Speaker 1: I would get in early because I'm an early bird,
Speaker 1: so I would get in early and then just start
Speaker 1: sending emails from different people's account. This was before you
Speaker 1: could get in trouble for those two kind of kinds
Speaker 1: of things I would send. I would send emails to
Speaker 1: human resources and be like, I found two naked people
Speaker 1: in the kitchen this morning, and then send them a
Speaker 1: picture of the employees, and then they would have a
Speaker 1: human resource meeting. We would come out to people. I
Speaker 1: would come out for other people. I would set people
Speaker 1: up on dates with people from e Like. It was
Speaker 1: so inappropriate everything we did, but it was a lot
Speaker 1: of fun. Yeah, I remember. I remember one day we
Speaker 1: were sitting there because we would have every time there
Speaker 1: was a birthday, we would have cupcakes or whatever that
Speaker 1: person wanted. If they wanted Mexican food, whatever their favorite
Speaker 1: thing is, we would set it up. And I remember
Speaker 1: sitting after work one day and we're all sitting there
Speaker 1: eating Mexican food, drinking Margarita's. It was like Margarita Thursdays
Speaker 1: or something, and I was like, do you think other
Speaker 1: people laugh as much as we do? And everyone's like no, no,
Speaker 1: And now that I'm not on that show, I realized, no,
Speaker 1: people don't laugh as much as we were laughing because
Speaker 1: it was constant stupidity, and it didn't We didn't really
Speaker 1: even care what other people. We never cared how the
Speaker 1: show was being perceived, which is why I think it
Speaker 1: was just success because no one was worried about it.
Speaker 1: We just did stupid, stupid sketches. We're like, oh, we
Speaker 1: should dress somebody up like this, or they show us
Speaker 1: a clip from some stupid reality show or something that
Speaker 1: Tara Reid did, and we'd be like, oh, let's reenact
Speaker 1: it and it will make her be Tara read and
Speaker 1: show we could be you know, a bowling ball or
Speaker 1: whatever we decided, and we would just run with it,
Speaker 1: and we didn't have any time to be self conscious. Yea,
Speaker 1: which is I think that really one of the key
Speaker 1: ingredients to a successful endeavor is to not overthink it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I think people just really love that you put
Speaker 1: together all these comedians that like, you love seeing everyone
Speaker 1: interact with each other, because everyone would make you other
Speaker 1: laugh or pick on each other, or you would give
Speaker 1: people crap. So many people still to these days say
Speaker 1: they felt like they were a part of that with us,
Speaker 1: Like they were going to bed watching us be silly
Speaker 1: with each other, and that kind of was like lightning
Speaker 1: in a bottle. You don't see comedians like that interact
Speaker 1: in that way. Anyway, we're gonna do it again. We're
Speaker 1: gonna reboot it, and we're going to do it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because now we have all of us and then this
Speaker 1: whole new crop of comics that are fucking awesome and funny,
Speaker 1: and we can mix them all together. And I just
Speaker 1: want to put a show together where you can show
Speaker 1: comedians being funny without being racist or sexist. Since everybody
Speaker 1: seems to be fucking complaining about parameters, It's like you
Speaker 1: could do all of those things without being offensive to people,
Speaker 1: you know. I want to show them how easily that
Speaker 1: is done. Now, would you do that like an every
Speaker 1: night kind of thing again? I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean we're having the conversations now, so we'll see
Speaker 1: where it leads. I don't know. I mean, like I
Speaker 1: still want to, like go to Spain. Yeah I can't.
Speaker 1: I can't be a year round job. Okay, let's talk
Speaker 1: and I have Spain. My sister is like, how are
Speaker 1: you going to do a real job with your lifestyle
Speaker 1: that you've been I could only work two hours a day.
Speaker 1: But one thing that's changed for you because you had
Speaker 1: a lot of different love interests during the show, and
Speaker 1: we're always very concerned about Fortune's love interests. We always were.
Speaker 1: We always didn't want anyone dating her for the wrong reasons.
Speaker 1: And she's so sweet and loving and gullible that at
Speaker 1: that time you were. I mean, you're still sweet and
Speaker 1: loving and probably a little bit gullible. And there were
Speaker 1: a couple of, you know, weird ones that came through.
Speaker 1: But now you have been in a successful relationship with
Speaker 1: Jack's for over ten seven seven years. Yeah, I came
Speaker 1: out late, you know, I didn't come out until five,
Speaker 1: So I was making a lot of mistakes. Like you
Speaker 1: take the TV show and television in general away from
Speaker 1: the mix and me just trying to date. I was
Speaker 1: making a lot of mistakes that you should make when
Speaker 1: you're eighteen, nineteen, early twenties, you're making college those kind
Speaker 1: of things. I was making a lot of those mistakes
Speaker 1: in my late twenties, early thirties, and you happen to
Speaker 1: be around for some of that part in my early thirties.
Speaker 1: You know, just you don't know who's dating you for
Speaker 1: the right reasons, or all of a sudden, I'm on
Speaker 1: a television show that females are obsessed with So you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of women kind of came out of the
Speaker 1: woodwork because they loved you and they love the show,
Speaker 1: and so sometimes you were like, do they like me
Speaker 1: or do they just want to meet Chelsea? Like, I
Speaker 1: didn't know. So I went through some experiences where you
Speaker 1: find that out and some were some were good, Some
Speaker 1: intentions might not have been good for some people. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it took me a while to really figure out what
Speaker 1: I wanted and what I was willing to put up
Speaker 1: with and what I felt I deserved. And that took
Speaker 1: me till, you know, mid thirties to really figure that out.
Speaker 1: And then I met Jack's Like, right as I was
Speaker 1: figuring that out, I met her. So tell us about
Speaker 1: your relationship with her, because it feels very healthy, it
Speaker 1: feels very supportive. She moved out here to be with you.
Speaker 1: She doesn't always come on the road with you, but
Speaker 1: you guys obviously spend a fair amount of time together
Speaker 1: on the road. By the way, nobody should have to
Speaker 1: go on the road with anybody because it's a fucking
Speaker 1: ball buster, and that we shouldn't have to expose that
Speaker 1: to anybody. So I get not wanting to do that,
Speaker 1: but tell me about some of the growth that you've
Speaker 1: had within that relationship and how that supports your mental
Speaker 1: health and career and all of the things that you
Speaker 1: know you bring to the table. Yeah, I think I
Speaker 1: met her at a town where I was tired of
Speaker 1: being someone's option. I had a lot of people kind
Speaker 1: of treating me like you'll do for now kind of thing.
Speaker 1: And I remember specifically being like, I'm done with that.
Speaker 1: I want to meet somebody that wants to be with me,
Speaker 1: and I'm a priority for them their priority for me.
Speaker 1: And she came into my life and right away I
Speaker 1: knew that there was something different about her and about
Speaker 1: our connection, and we just clicked. And we were long
Speaker 1: distance for a year because she was living in Chicago,
Speaker 1: and then yeah, she like made that decision to leave
Speaker 1: her job. She was a kindergarten teacher in Chicago and
Speaker 1: inner City Chicago, really amazing teacher. And I remember being like,
Speaker 1: am I ruining this person's lie by like having her
Speaker 1: come out to l A. She's such an amazing teacher
Speaker 1: and she loves Chicago. But you know, she did that
Speaker 1: for me. She wanted us to work and us to
Speaker 1: be together, and I was touring a lot and acting,
Speaker 1: and if she hadn't done that, you know, we might
Speaker 1: not have been able to to make it because my
Speaker 1: schedule was so crazy. But she was willing to put
Speaker 1: me first and no one had ever done that for
Speaker 1: me before. And so she moved here and we just
Speaker 1: kind of started this life together. And yeah, it's a
Speaker 1: very I think, very healthy relationship that you know, we
Speaker 1: support each other and she's very helpful with career stuff.
Speaker 1: She's kind of like part of the circus now. She's
Speaker 1: always I don't there's no decision, I don't run by her.
Speaker 1: She's very much at the helm of everything I do.
Speaker 1: She was executive producer on both my specials. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: and very good at it too, not just like putting
Speaker 1: her name on it. She's going frame by frame with me,
Speaker 1: watching all the shows and all the shots and making decisions,
Speaker 1: picking music, helping with fonts, you know, all that stuff
Speaker 1: that goes into these specials. You don't think about my
Speaker 1: team as they say, loops her into everything. She's very
Speaker 1: much a part of things more than people realize. So
Speaker 1: you know, she's just wants me to succeed and be happy,
Speaker 1: and that's what you want, you know, I want her
Speaker 1: to be happy where I'm always like, what can we
Speaker 1: do to give you balance? You know, if you don't
Speaker 1: want to go on the road, don't. Let's find things
Speaker 1: that are important to you and things like that. You know,
Speaker 1: and do you guys, how do you guys handle any
Speaker 1: friction in your relationship when that comes up? Or does
Speaker 1: it not come up? Do you not have any friction
Speaker 1: every I mean, I don't know any couple that doesn't.
Speaker 1: I was just pretending to ask the question. I didn't
Speaker 1: mean that. Yeah, I mean, we we definitely have our
Speaker 1: moments like everybody, but I try with her because she
Speaker 1: is my wife. We got married two years ago. Even
Speaker 1: if you're like or disagreeing or fuss in at each
Speaker 1: other or getting at each other's nerves, try never to
Speaker 1: be mean, you know what I mean, or say mean
Speaker 1: things because those things are hard to walk back. But
Speaker 1: that's not your personality anyway, right, that's my personality. You're
Speaker 1: just you would never be mean. I don't know, I
Speaker 1: don't I've never seen I'm sure. I'm sure I've been
Speaker 1: a dick plenty here right now, say something mean, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's the accident. But I get on her nerves
Speaker 1: for sure, I'm a little I definitely have tunnel vision
Speaker 1: when it comes to my career, and I have to
Speaker 1: really make myself step outside of myself sometimes to be
Speaker 1: like you are being too I on the prize, Like
Speaker 1: you have a wife, you have other people in your
Speaker 1: life you have to think about. You cannot just be
Speaker 1: thinking about a dog that needs to be brushed. Yes,
Speaker 1: I have to press feed my dog. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm because you get so wrapped up in work. No,
Speaker 1: I get it. I know there. I'm always there. I
Speaker 1: have to always remind myself to have a life. I mean,
Speaker 1: even though it doesn't look that way from afar, It's
Speaker 1: an internal struggle I have all the time, you know.
Speaker 1: And I never want her to feel neglected or like
Speaker 1: I'm not putting our relationship as a priority. So and
Speaker 1: and I'm guilty of for sure, like getting too much
Speaker 1: tunnel vision with my career that sometimes I'm like, oh, shoot,
Speaker 1: I did it. I should have been better about her birthday,
Speaker 1: you know, things like that. I don't want to be
Speaker 1: that person that neglects my person because of career, because
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, I do want to
Speaker 1: be successful, but I don't want that to be everything
Speaker 1: it can't be everything. I have to have balance. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's my challenge. Yeah, I think that's very relatable
Speaker 1: to anybody in this industry. You know, it's like ambition
Speaker 1: versus balance, because ambition is you want to remain relevant,
Speaker 1: right and you want to have people asking you to
Speaker 1: do things, and you want things to not be as
Speaker 1: challenging as they were. But I think as you become
Speaker 1: more and more successful, it's like there's different sorts of
Speaker 1: challenges and it's it never seems to this business, it
Speaker 1: never seems me enough, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: for your own self, but for even other people. Like
Speaker 1: I can be like, oh, I've got a special coming
Speaker 1: out and an action series and people are like what else?
Speaker 1: Why is that not enough? But it never feels like
Speaker 1: there's enough, Maybe because we consume so much so quickly
Speaker 1: now with entertainment, it just seems like everyone's like what next,
Speaker 1: What next? One next? That you feel like you can't
Speaker 1: even stop and breathe to like enjoy what you just did.
Speaker 1: You're like thinking about the next thing. So that will
Speaker 1: be the thing in my relationship that I have to
Speaker 1: really pause and make sure I don't get too stuck
Speaker 1: on that career stuff that I'm making the person that
Speaker 1: I love feel like they're not a priority. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: do you guys, have you guys ever been to counsel
Speaker 1: couple's counseling? Early on, we went to a couple of
Speaker 1: sessions because I was in therapy. I originally went to
Speaker 1: therapy to get to the bottom of why I was
Speaker 1: choosing the women I was choosing, why I was putting
Speaker 1: up with certain things and not thinking more highly of
Speaker 1: myself in that way. So she came and did a
Speaker 1: few sessions with that therapist that I was with at
Speaker 1: the time, but we haven't That was a guide ecologist
Speaker 1: by the way, It wasn't a therapist. I'm just here
Speaker 1: to tell you that I referred you to her and
Speaker 1: that was alogist. Well it all checked out clear, maybe
Speaker 1: all clear, So she proceeded with caution. Uh no, we
Speaker 1: haven't done it since, but I would be open to it,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I think it doesn't it couldn't hurt.
Speaker 1: I would imagine it would help with your communication in general.
Speaker 1: If there's any anybody that's feeling like they can't say something,
Speaker 1: I would hope that would be the place you could. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was watching that show A Couple of Therapy that
Speaker 1: we were talking about. Have you ever seen that on
Speaker 1: show time? A couple of Therapy. It's like a real,
Speaker 1: real life couples with this therapist. I love that ship.
Speaker 1: I fucking love watching couples in therapy because you see
Speaker 1: the transformation that happens, and you see when there's no
Speaker 1: hope for a couple where somebody's just done and the
Speaker 1: other person. But sometimes it seems that way in the beginning,
Speaker 1: and then they come together and then it's really about
Speaker 1: listening to the other person. Some people can't hear, you know,
Speaker 1: like when there's conflict, they just shut down and they
Speaker 1: can't hear what the other person is saying, and then
Speaker 1: that becomes that cycle. But anyway, speaking of counseling, we're
Speaker 1: gonna start counseling right now because that's what we're doing.
Speaker 1: People call in for advice. So, Katherine, what do we
Speaker 1: have on deck for this afternoon? We have some bad parents,
Speaker 1: is what we have? Kinky kinky parents. I mean, actually
Speaker 1: one of there might be something, but we'll take a
Speaker 1: quick break and we'll be right back with some callers
Speaker 1: and we're back. We're back fortune still the tub. So
Speaker 1: I'm back alone. Oh there she is, She just puffed out.
Speaker 1: Let me just put my towel on. Hold on, I'm
Speaker 1: ready for amazing. Well, don't forget to hang up your
Speaker 1: LUFA and our first emails from Tarran Terreen says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: my name is Tarran and I'm a thirty or four
Speaker 1: year old lesbian from Atlanta, Georgia. I'm set to get
Speaker 1: married to the love of my life this year. We
Speaker 1: are both absolutely thrilled to finally be getting married, as
Speaker 1: we've been engaged for almost three years and together for five.
Speaker 1: My immediate family shares our excitement and has been nothing
Speaker 1: but supportive of us. However, her parents do not have
Speaker 1: the same feelings, and we've been led to believe that
Speaker 1: they will not be attending our wedding. This thought absolutely
Speaker 1: breaks my heart because I've grown to know her family
Speaker 1: and love them dearly. What's even more heartbreaking is having
Speaker 1: to listen to my fiance as she tries to navigate
Speaker 1: how to talk to her parents. They have said they
Speaker 1: want to talk about it, but have made zero effort
Speaker 1: in discussing details about our wedding and state only vague
Speaker 1: religious reasons as to why they're not supportive. My question
Speaker 1: is this, do you think I need to try and
Speaker 1: say anything to her parents or should I continue to
Speaker 1: stay on the sidelines and just be an emotional support
Speaker 1: for my fiance. She's let me know she doesn't want
Speaker 1: me to talk to them about it, and I should
Speaker 1: let it go. But I can't help but hurt for her,
Speaker 1: and I wonder if talking to them might help them
Speaker 1: see a different perspective. I absolutely love your podcast, and
Speaker 1: I highly appreciate any advice you have for me. Taran See,
Speaker 1: I'm always an interloper. I like to get into people's
Speaker 1: business and get involved. So I don't know that this
Speaker 1: is the right advice for you, but okay, so yeah,
Speaker 1: fortunately you give the advice, I'll go after you. I
Speaker 1: just I always overstep and it's not always received warmly,
Speaker 1: so I can't say that it's the right thing to do.
Speaker 1: But I would make a case in writing about the
Speaker 1: impact that this is going to have on I would
Speaker 1: write an email. Yeah, I would just be like, this
Speaker 1: is going to be forever. We're gonna get married and
Speaker 1: you are going to forever. Have missed that moment in
Speaker 1: your child's life and what you're foregoing like not with
Speaker 1: the idea that the outcome was going to be to
Speaker 1: change their mind, but to just try everything possible to
Speaker 1: persuade them to reconsider one of the most important moments
Speaker 1: in their daughter's life. How about your fortune? Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think I can totally see you doing that because
Speaker 1: you're there's nothing that you're going to not speak out about.
Speaker 1: That's the beauty of you. If you see something, you
Speaker 1: say something you do like if you see something that's wrong,
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't, this isn't right, which is great.
Speaker 1: I'm a bit more passive in my opinion, I would
Speaker 1: be more of the support system for the partner because
Speaker 1: she said that she doesn't want her to speak out,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like, but I also from
Speaker 1: my experience with people in the gay thing and the
Speaker 1: religious thing together, whatever she's right is gonna write, it's
Speaker 1: not going to change their mind right now. I think
Speaker 1: people have to evolve eventually or not. She could write
Speaker 1: the letter, I don't. I guess if you thought, what's
Speaker 1: the worst that will happen, they're already not coming right,
Speaker 1: so there is kind of nothing to lose. Ish But
Speaker 1: to me, I I don't think it will change their opinion.
Speaker 1: When it comes to the wedding, because those deep seated
Speaker 1: religious beliefs take a while to unravel, that's for sure. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they do unravel. Yeah, people are gonna evolve or
Speaker 1: see how happy you are. But also, it's your day,
Speaker 1: it's your wedding day. It's about you too, And do
Speaker 1: you want that there? Do you even? I know it's
Speaker 1: sad for your partner, but do you want someone there
Speaker 1: that doesn't wish you? Well, yeah, that's a good point, actually,
Speaker 1: But I think who wouldn't want their parents there? I
Speaker 1: get that too. Obviously it's sad no matter what. But
Speaker 1: I would want my parents there for sure. But I
Speaker 1: don't know how good it would feel seeing them across
Speaker 1: the room eating a slider, looking like they hate every
Speaker 1: moment of being there. Yeah, but if you think about it,
Speaker 1: and they they stared together for many years, and then
Speaker 1: there's always that gaping whole of their wedding day that
Speaker 1: they're her parents missed. It's like they're missing out on
Speaker 1: the rest of her life in a sense, like they're
Speaker 1: missing this real pivotal moment. And I would want to
Speaker 1: lay it out to give you every last opportunity to
Speaker 1: make sure you don't miss that even if it's just
Speaker 1: the mother who came or the father who came, or
Speaker 1: whoever's less religious or I don't know, you know how
Speaker 1: to frame it. But I mean I would do it,
Speaker 1: but I'm not recommending that you do it, because I
Speaker 1: just can't control myself. Well. Also, if you do do it,
Speaker 1: if you want to write that email, do it with
Speaker 1: the expectation of having no expectation. Yeah, absolutely, I agree
Speaker 1: with that advice. Yeah, just and softly with love. Yeah.
Speaker 1: You can't be like you did this, you did that.
Speaker 1: It has to be like paneled with some kid gloves. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And the fact that Terrence said she also cares for
Speaker 1: these parents, I think is a really good sign. You know.
Speaker 1: She's not like, oh, I hate them, they're terrible. She's like, no,
Speaker 1: I also care for them, and it hurts me that
Speaker 1: they wouldn't be there. I do love the idea of
Speaker 1: writing a letter so it's not as like heightened emotions.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I don't understand why people think
Speaker 1: that this, like sitting out a moment in their kid's life,
Speaker 1: is going to punish them or teach them a lesson,
Speaker 1: or that they're not participating, that it's going to change
Speaker 1: any results. I don't know that they think that. I
Speaker 1: think they just think this is sacrilegious, Like I can't
Speaker 1: lay witness to this because it's not under my belief system.
Speaker 1: I don't think that they're trying to teach them a lesson.
Speaker 1: It's more like we can't sully ourselves with this kind
Speaker 1: of sing I'm not going to get into heaven if
Speaker 1: I go to this, right, yeah, yeah, maybe an email.
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe I'm coming around on this. Maybe an email.
Speaker 1: I don't know, don't what Chelsea, right, Sorry, what the
Speaker 1: fuck is wrong? I would handle it because at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, there are her parents. I would
Speaker 1: handle it as respectful as possible, and they are going
Speaker 1: to be your in laws for many years to come.
Speaker 1: And I don't think that means to like not ever
Speaker 1: push back against it. Goodness knows, I have pushed back
Speaker 1: against things with my own in laws. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, I do have the expectation and I know
Speaker 1: that they're going to be in my life for a
Speaker 1: very long time. So what I say or do, it
Speaker 1: lasts and it matters. But if there is one thing
Speaker 1: that either of you would say, if these parents decide
Speaker 1: not to go to the wedding unfortunately kind of touched
Speaker 1: on this, But is there something that you would say
Speaker 1: to help this couple kind of feel better about the outcome. Well,
Speaker 1: it's the same thing I would say for any event
Speaker 1: where you're disappointed and something that's not there. You have
Speaker 1: to celebrate the people that are there. You know. It's like,
Speaker 1: if you don't sell out a show, you can't be
Speaker 1: worried about the hundred tickets that aren't sold. You have
Speaker 1: to worry about the fifteen hundred tickets that are sold
Speaker 1: and the people that paid money to see you come.
Speaker 1: And in the case of a wedding, you have to
Speaker 1: think about all of the people that are there supporting
Speaker 1: you and loving you, and that if you go to
Speaker 1: someone's wedding, you're usually going to be friends with that
Speaker 1: person for a very long time. You know, that's an
Speaker 1: investment into a friendship and that's a beautiful thing. And yeah,
Speaker 1: as fortune step, you just have to think of it
Speaker 1: as like negative energy. We don't want that there on
Speaker 1: our special day. We want people that are applauding us
Speaker 1: and like supporting us. And to focus on that love
Speaker 1: and to keep reminding yourself of the gratitude you have
Speaker 1: for all the people that are there. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I had a wedding party. We got married in Covid
Speaker 1: and had a wedding party a year later, and there
Speaker 1: were a couple of family people that couldn't come for
Speaker 1: various reasons. And I was focused at first on that,
Speaker 1: being a bummer and being like disappointed in that, and
Speaker 1: then I finally had to let it go and it
Speaker 1: ended up being such a special night and had so
Speaker 1: many friends there and love and the friends that couldn't come,
Speaker 1: you know, I heard from and you have to just
Speaker 1: lean into that love. And the positive part of it
Speaker 1: is at the end of the day, you met someone
Speaker 1: you're marrying, And if you think about that, it's like,
Speaker 1: it is so hard to find a person that you
Speaker 1: want to settle down with and that wants to settle
Speaker 1: down with you. Just finding each other was a miracle,
Speaker 1: a miracle. So lean into that and recognize that you
Speaker 1: did it. You found someone you want to be with.
Speaker 1: They love you, and that is the true celebration, and
Speaker 1: all the other stuff is just you know, it's people
Speaker 1: there loving even supporting you. That's the positive cherry on top.
Speaker 1: But it is not what it's about. It's about YouTube.
Speaker 1: It's funny to use the word miracle because Gwen Stefani
Speaker 1: uses that word all the time, and I whenever I
Speaker 1: see her, I always make fun of her. I'm like,
Speaker 1: not everything is a miracle, Gwen, And she's like, meeting
Speaker 1: Blake was a mirror, and that happened. She goes, meeting
Speaker 1: Blake was a miracle. It's a miracle. I was like,
Speaker 1: he was sitting right next to you on the voice.
Speaker 1: Why is that a miracle? And she's like, Chelsea, it's
Speaker 1: a miracle that I fell in love with him. I'm like,
Speaker 1: and then I was like I started think about him, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe it is a recall. Maybe my cynical mind doesn't
Speaker 1: believe in miracles, and maybe every little thing is a miracle.
Speaker 1: I think two people will come together and in that
Speaker 1: way that you you really think you can spend your
Speaker 1: life with this person. You're gonna wake up to this
Speaker 1: person every day and not get tired of each other.
Speaker 1: That's a miracle. Yeah, but you don't know that you're
Speaker 1: not gonna get tired. You you might, yeah, you might,
Speaker 1: but you're going into it thinking I think we could
Speaker 1: do this. These two things had to line up for
Speaker 1: us to get to this point, and they're Gwen and
Speaker 1: Blaker seemingly very different on the outside. So in a way,
Speaker 1: that is kind of like who would have ever thought
Speaker 1: her grown up in Anaheim him in Oklahoma that they're
Speaker 1: passed with somehow cross like that. That's probably what she means. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's a miracle. It's miraculous. Just enjoy it, right,
Speaker 1: I guess right that email, I think that's what we
Speaker 1: landed on. Yeah, and you can title the email every
Speaker 1: day a miracle. Yeah, love is a miracle. Uh well.
Speaker 1: Our next question comes from Jazz. She's in her late twenties.
Speaker 1: She says, Dear Chelsea, my parents have always pulled my
Speaker 1: sister and I into their toxic, manipulative relationship. When we
Speaker 1: were younger, they'd scream at each other, give each other
Speaker 1: the silent treatment, tell one another they were going to
Speaker 1: move out, all right in front of us. My dad
Speaker 1: made us unknowing accomplices in his affair. My mom would
Speaker 1: use us as ponds during their fights. I'm now in
Speaker 1: my late twenties, living independently for my parents, and I've
Speaker 1: been working with an amazing therapist for the last two
Speaker 1: years on reparenting myself because of that. The most recent
Speaker 1: time my parents tried to pull me into their bullshit.
Speaker 1: Yes they're still doing this, I said enough is enough.
Speaker 1: I had a really uncomfortable conversation with my mom where
Speaker 1: I shared that I needed lots of space and that
Speaker 1: moving forward, I'll be making choices to protect myself from
Speaker 1: being pulled into their relationship troubles. They've been going to therapy,
Speaker 1: but I haven't seen much improvement on this specific topic.
Speaker 1: During our infrequent phone calls, they'll slip in that they're
Speaker 1: mad at each other for some reason, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: I've been very open each time it happens that I
Speaker 1: don't want to hear it. Here are the reasons why, etcetera.
Speaker 1: Here's the issue. My sister, who I rarely get to see,
Speaker 1: invited my parents and I to Thanksgiving at her house
Speaker 1: this year. I'd love to see my sister and her fiance,
Speaker 1: but I just don't think my parents will be able
Speaker 1: to keep it together. The house will be in doesn't
Speaker 1: allow for a ton of privacy, and they live out
Speaker 1: in the middle of nowhere, so I can't stay somewhere else.
Speaker 1: I know that if I go, I'll somehow get entangled
Speaker 1: in their bullshit, if only from a spectator standpoint. They
Speaker 1: don't really scream and fight in front of us anymore,
Speaker 1: though I'm sure they still do this in private. Now
Speaker 1: it's mostly underlying manipulation, giving each other the cold shoulder,
Speaker 1: openly sending each other text like maybe I'll just move
Speaker 1: out when I get home, which are easily seen on
Speaker 1: my mom's phone from a distance because she has her
Speaker 1: font up to a thousand. So what should I do?
Speaker 1: I don't want to be around my parents together for
Speaker 1: that long, since I know the boundaries still aren't there.
Speaker 1: Is it shitty to just skip holidays and family gatherings
Speaker 1: until this is resolved, knowing it might never be resolved.
Speaker 1: I don't want to look back and think I missed
Speaker 1: out on valuable time with my family. But I've also
Speaker 1: been around enough fighting for an entire lifetime. Jess Hi,
Speaker 1: jess Hi, Hi, that's so fucked up. Thank you? Oh
Speaker 1: my god. I can't believe your parents are like act
Speaker 1: like that. I know, yeah, I think they're doing their best,
Speaker 1: but their best they're not talking about. I'm so sick
Speaker 1: of everybody saying that everybody is doing their best. Some
Speaker 1: people are just coasting and like just getting by. Not
Speaker 1: everybody's doing their best. I mean, obviously they don't have
Speaker 1: the tools to be doing better, because otherwise hopefully they would.
Speaker 1: But yeah, you don't have to give them that much credit.
Speaker 1: How long have they been married? I think like twenty
Speaker 1: five years, so yeah, and they've never separated or anything
Speaker 1: like that. They separated there is like an affair in there.
Speaker 1: So they separated during that time. It was obviously handled poorly.
Speaker 1: We've never spoken about it really as a family. So
Speaker 1: and then they got back together just out of habit.
Speaker 1: They're like, I guess you'll do exactly. And when you
Speaker 1: started like setting the boundaries for them, how did they
Speaker 1: respond to that? It was really bad. There's actually been
Speaker 1: an update since then. So they have been going to
Speaker 1: counseling and they went like three times and they're like,
Speaker 1: we're good. And they asked if I would come to
Speaker 1: the counseling with them. Wants to have me share the
Speaker 1: boundaries in a facilitated way, because it was just hard
Speaker 1: to share. And even in that facilitated way, they didn't
Speaker 1: get it. They just kept saying like this is just
Speaker 1: how we grew up and this is just how it is,
Speaker 1: and like it's so small, like this doesn't matter, but
Speaker 1: it's pretty intense. So I don't know. They just can't understand.
Speaker 1: It's just how they grew up. It does feel like
Speaker 1: that older generation is less into therapy and more of
Speaker 1: like you just gotta stick it out, and the rest
Speaker 1: of us are like cup bait, jump ship. Yeah. It's like,
Speaker 1: you know when people think that it's like a fixed
Speaker 1: state of being, It's like, no, you're in a state
Speaker 1: of mind that you've decided is a fixed state of being.
Speaker 1: It's a state. Everything is a state of mind. That
Speaker 1: attitude and that disposition is like, that's not how you
Speaker 1: have to be. You have other options, but they're like, no,
Speaker 1: this is me. Yeah. And what I've been struggling with
Speaker 1: is like I don't think that's my job to help
Speaker 1: them through it, but do I just like not see
Speaker 1: them until then, knowing that it could never get any better.
Speaker 1: And all of my friends have awful relationships with their parents,
Speaker 1: so nobody else, nobody else in my life knows how
Speaker 1: to handles either. So I don't know, Well, what about
Speaker 1: your sister? Is she so she's okay with having Thanksgiving
Speaker 1: with them? Because I don't want you to miss out
Speaker 1: on Thanksgiving because your parents I just feel like you
Speaker 1: kind of have to flip your narrative. They are going
Speaker 1: to be the way they are, and I think you
Speaker 1: have to try and have less of an impact on you,
Speaker 1: especially around important holiday family times. This is an important
Speaker 1: holiday that I don't want you to miss because of that.
Speaker 1: I understand setting boundaries. I think that's totally health for
Speaker 1: the rest of the year when it's not Christmas or whatever, Hanukah,
Speaker 1: whatever you celebrate, if there's a way that you can
Speaker 1: go and and and just disengage when that happens and
Speaker 1: not take it on so much yourself kind of I
Speaker 1: don't want to say disassociate because that can be a
Speaker 1: dangerous word, but just kind of take a step back
Speaker 1: and not let it affect you so much, knowing that
Speaker 1: they're limited and that they're going to remain that way,
Speaker 1: and that you've said what you're going to say, and
Speaker 1: just leaving the room when things are going for a
Speaker 1: walk outside when things get heated, and just being like
Speaker 1: I told you, guys, I don't want to be a
Speaker 1: part of this, and making sure that every time you
Speaker 1: remove yourself from the situation when you feel like you're
Speaker 1: getting to a place where it becomes untenable for yourself.
Speaker 1: M yeah, yeah, you don't want to miss a good
Speaker 1: family drama Thanksgiving. I mean sometimes that is fun. Well,
Speaker 1: it's that it's fun if you don't come from a
Speaker 1: family like that, like you had an affair I And
Speaker 1: it's sympathetic that their children have to set boundaries for them,
Speaker 1: you know, like way to parent your parents. You do
Speaker 1: you think that happens a lot? Yes, I feel. I
Speaker 1: mean it sucks. It sucks. It's like you can't change them,
Speaker 1: and you can't make them have a happy, healthy relationship.
Speaker 1: And if they're not gonna divorce, you also can't change that.
Speaker 1: So I mean it is up to you to have
Speaker 1: to either you don't go but again, like Chelsea said,
Speaker 1: you're missing out on these big family holidays, or you
Speaker 1: go with again, like tapering your expectations of what's going
Speaker 1: to happen and trying not to let yourself get affected
Speaker 1: so heavily by their energy and their actions towards each other.
Speaker 1: Fin any way, it's like be with your sister when
Speaker 1: you're they're focusing on that, you know, catching up there
Speaker 1: and just letting mom and dad sort of hash it
Speaker 1: out in the kitchen, you know, instead of like getting
Speaker 1: in the middle, you can just be like I'm out,
Speaker 1: I'm just here for sweet potatoes. Yeah, or even any
Speaker 1: time it comes up, or if there is a fight,
Speaker 1: you put on a podcast and fucking listen to it,
Speaker 1: or put on an album and listen to it. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm not doing this. You don't have to let it
Speaker 1: run you for during that time. It's it's actually a
Speaker 1: pretty good mental Jim exercise for you to be able
Speaker 1: to go to an event and let them kind of
Speaker 1: do their thing. I mean, they've gotten the warning, so
Speaker 1: they're probably gonna be on better behavior than they have been,
Speaker 1: even though their best behavior is still probably not going
Speaker 1: to be good enough. I think it's a good exercise
Speaker 1: for you to be a little bit more tolerant, knowing
Speaker 1: that you've kind of drawn the lines, and then just
Speaker 1: removing yourself when it becomes annoying or too much, just
Speaker 1: walking outside and going for a walk and coming back.
Speaker 1: That sends the message also like cool it or I'm
Speaker 1: going to leave. What Fortune and Chelsea are saying echoes
Speaker 1: something I talked about with my therapist recently, where we
Speaker 1: were going home for a family thing, and I was
Speaker 1: crying about like, well, what if I have to talk
Speaker 1: about this stuff with my family and they're gonna be
Speaker 1: shitty about it, or if I don't, then they're going
Speaker 1: to talk behind my back. Blah blah blah, just you know,
Speaker 1: kind of be an emotional about family stuff. And my
Speaker 1: therapist said something that was so freeing, which was, yeah,
Speaker 1: families talk shit, They're gonna do what they're gonna do,
Speaker 1: regardless of what you have going on. Regardless sometimes of
Speaker 1: the boundaries that you've set, the only one we can
Speaker 1: control is ourselves. And so for me, it was such
Speaker 1: a light to just be like, oh, that's just a thing.
Speaker 1: I don't have to let it activate my stuff. It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to get through Timmy. And I love the
Speaker 1: idea of just like sitting there with a little podcast
Speaker 1: and like taking a mental break, do a you know,
Speaker 1: a headspace meditation, chill out for a little bit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just tell your parents you'd rather listen to Russian state
Speaker 1: propaganda and then turn on Russian state news and then
Speaker 1: listen to them fucking bicker at the table, you know,
Speaker 1: or put on my Netflix special good Fortune. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I just need to get comfortable like they
Speaker 1: get mad when we don't get pulled in, and I
Speaker 1: think I just need to be that's your thing. I'm
Speaker 1: going to sit here and well people like that. I
Speaker 1: want a reaction, and if you stop giving them that reaction,
Speaker 1: eventually they will stop. They want it first, but you
Speaker 1: got to kind of retrain them. But if you are
Speaker 1: reactive to what they're doing, they're doing it because they
Speaker 1: know they're going to get a response from you, and
Speaker 1: that's what they want. They because they're not getting stuff
Speaker 1: from each other, so now they're putting the tentacles out elsewhere.
Speaker 1: And you just have to not I know it's hard,
Speaker 1: it requires self control on your part, but yeah, you
Speaker 1: just can't give the reaction they want, or any reaction.
Speaker 1: I mean, sweep Jata your mom and say beach Okay,
Speaker 1: maybe don't say that far, yeah, or saying I say
Speaker 1: takes a mushrooms. It takes a mushrooms. Said, just sit
Speaker 1: there and you'll have a great time no matter what.
Speaker 1: Then to slip your parents some mushrooms. That's a good
Speaker 1: idea too. I love this. I'm feeling much better about this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: go with a good sense of humor. Yeah, treat it all.
Speaker 1: Be lighter yourself going to it. Don't go like dreading
Speaker 1: it just hung in mushrooms, air pods. Yeah, good fortunee
Speaker 1: exactly for yourself. And then read it to them and
Speaker 1: say it says you guys are getting to force fucking
Speaker 1: fast track that ship. Play two truth and a lie, oh,
Speaker 1: or your sister, and you can make a game out
Speaker 1: of it. You know, you guys can have a nice
Speaker 1: hidden game about how many times they get, you know,
Speaker 1: say something or light each other you every time your
Speaker 1: mom brings up your dad cheating, you drink it will
Speaker 1: be wasted. But yeah, I think I think you going
Speaker 1: lighter to it might help your anxiety as well. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I already feel better. I was not taking the light
Speaker 1: approach at all. It was just like I'm gonna or
Speaker 1: I'm not going to go. But yeah, because here's the
Speaker 1: best part. You don't live with them, and you don't
Speaker 1: have to deal with that all the time. You get
Speaker 1: to leave. Yeah, that should make you happy. You don't,
Speaker 1: you're not the person in that. I was just like,
Speaker 1: I wonder if I want to I could pay eight
Speaker 1: hundred dollars to watch people fight, or I could go
Speaker 1: on a trip without these people and have a good time. Right, Well,
Speaker 1: you don't have to spend every holiday with them, Just
Speaker 1: so you know, I don't spend every holiday with my family.
Speaker 1: That doesn't make you a bad daughter, right. It might
Speaker 1: trigger somebody telling me I'm a bad daughter, but no,
Speaker 1: that we already decided you. You're also entering your adult phase.
Speaker 1: I used to spend on every holiday when I was
Speaker 1: in my twenties, but once I hit my thirties, you're
Speaker 1: because I felt guilt. You don't have to spend a
Speaker 1: real holiday with them. Yeah, and this is the first year.
Speaker 1: I think it's that like weird in between, like it's
Speaker 1: just expected. But choose one. I would go. I would
Speaker 1: do like every other one every year. Thanks, even when
Speaker 1: you're Christmas the next sure, but that's up to you.
Speaker 1: That's up to you. Totally off the next year. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and then you and your sister can like go to
Speaker 1: Mexico with her fiancee next year. My sister is much
Speaker 1: better about all of this. She just has no emotions. Yeah, amazing. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you, Jas. I appreciate you calling in and sharing
Speaker 1: this with us because I think it's going to help
Speaker 1: a lot of people. A lot of people have questions.
Speaker 1: Maybe not as bad behavior as your parents, but similar questions. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for the advice. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: You're welcome to Happy Thanks, thank you, bye bye. Oh
Speaker 1: she's so sweet. Yeah yeah, couples like that need to
Speaker 1: do m d M, a therapy where they're both on
Speaker 1: Molly and then all of a sudden create some new
Speaker 1: neural pathways. Yeah. Yeah. Also there walking around naked. That's
Speaker 1: a thanksgiving. That sounds great. Well, we'll take a quick
Speaker 1: break and we'll be right back to app up with
Speaker 1: Fortune and Chelsea. And we're back Fortune. We're back with Fort.
Speaker 1: Welcome back, ladies. Fortune. Do you have any advice you'd
Speaker 1: like to get from Chelsea? Well, it kind of stemming
Speaker 1: off of what we were talking about earlier before we
Speaker 1: took the calls, I was gonna ask you if you
Speaker 1: did recommend a couples therapy because I feel like it
Speaker 1: has that like negative connotation of like you only go
Speaker 1: if there are problems. But I've been hearing more and
Speaker 1: more people lately talk about that it that it's shouldn't
Speaker 1: be like treated like that, that you should go even
Speaker 1: if your relationship is good and healthy, that it can
Speaker 1: help you in ways you never thought, And I had
Speaker 1: never thought about it like that until I recently heard that,
Speaker 1: and so I was just curious. Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 1: I think it's very proactive because it's helps with communication, because,
Speaker 1: like you have to understand, as healthy as your relationship,
Speaker 1: maybe two different people come from two different backgrounds and
Speaker 1: have two completely separate histories and two different ways of
Speaker 1: viewing things, and it's only advantageous to learn about how
Speaker 1: somebody else sees things. You can only learn from that.
Speaker 1: And the strongest connection with people is communication like that
Speaker 1: is the number one ingredient to be able to communicate
Speaker 1: in a loving, calm way even when conflict arises, because
Speaker 1: it's gonna arise. Something will happen where there's conflict at
Speaker 1: some point, and when you have the tools to deal
Speaker 1: with that, it doesn't become a hurdle. It just becomes
Speaker 1: like almost an opportunity to grow closer, you know. And
Speaker 1: I feel like that kind of connection, especially with a
Speaker 1: third party, really can bring people together when both people
Speaker 1: are very open to hearing about the other person's perceptions
Speaker 1: and experiences. So I am a total you know, I
Speaker 1: don't think I'll date anyone who hasn't been to therapy
Speaker 1: or who isn't open to go into therapy. I think
Speaker 1: both of us would be open to it, but neither
Speaker 1: of us have really taken that seriously or or approached
Speaker 1: each other about it because we didn't want the other
Speaker 1: person to assume there was an issue. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: so there. I feel like sometimes we just don't say
Speaker 1: it because I'm like, I don't have an issue, and
Speaker 1: you don't, I think have an issue. So by us
Speaker 1: bringing this up, are they going to think that we
Speaker 1: have a problem in the relationship that we don't, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? So that's okay, I'll bring it up.
Speaker 1: We're going a happy hour later, so I'll just bring
Speaker 1: it up naturally and just suggest what she said. She
Speaker 1: said it to me before, and I've been like, you know,
Speaker 1: so it's not like something she's against. I just feel
Speaker 1: like it does have that negative thing around it. When
Speaker 1: you say couples therapy, people automatically go, well, what's wrong? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that's not the king, you know, I don't think
Speaker 1: so at all. I think really smart people go and
Speaker 1: like proactively go to get you know, so that you
Speaker 1: have somebody and then it doesn't have to be like
Speaker 1: a regular thing like you don't have to go every week.
Speaker 1: You could go once a month. But when there is
Speaker 1: a conflict or a crisis or something comes up, and
Speaker 1: that's when you can lean on someone and you know
Speaker 1: you have that at your disposal, which is always just
Speaker 1: I think, such a huge advantage, you know, to know
Speaker 1: some you have somebody you can lean on for those
Speaker 1: kinds of things. Yeah, right, well, there you go, and
Speaker 1: that wraps up this episode of Dear Fortune Cookie. Fortune Cookie,
Speaker 1: don't forget to watch Fortune Special, her latest special on Netflix.
Speaker 1: Good Fortune. There's snuggling happening. I can't wait for you
Speaker 1: to be part of our thriple. We are to talk
Speaker 1: to our therapist about it, about inviting somebody. And thank you, Fortune,
Speaker 1: We love you, thanks for having me love you. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea,
Speaker 1: just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stump, produced by Catherine Law,
Speaker 1: and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.