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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hey Chelsea. We are fresh off the boat

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Speaker 1: from my Orka. We took a sailboat all the way

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Speaker 1: there from the Pacific coast, so that took us O God,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Trace says, yes, you went to Row significantly.

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Speaker 1: I came home and I told my Bell and Felix,

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Speaker 1: who worked with me at my house with me in

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Speaker 1: concert because I'm doing so much. I told them that

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Speaker 1: my Spanish was deteriorated in Spain. I think the last

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Speaker 1: week was the worst because I had three full Spanish

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Speaker 1: speakers there and well, you also speak Spanish, and I

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Speaker 1: realized just how basic and fundamental my Spanish is. So

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Speaker 1: I told him no more speaking English at home. This

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Speaker 1: We're only speaking Spanish from now on. And so now

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Speaker 1: I can't understand anything the funk that's happening. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what she's talking about, but I we're sticking with it,

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Speaker 1: and I'm learning. Mam Bell is also dual LINGO now

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Speaker 1: for yeah, Well she I'm just like, listen, We're just

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Speaker 1: gonna fucking figure it out. She loves to correct me,

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Speaker 1: so it's perfect. This is a huge a tudity for

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Speaker 1: her to put me in my place. It's like a

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Speaker 1: total status shift. So I am winding up my stand

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Speaker 1: up tour. Vaccinated and Horning is coming to a screeching

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Speaker 1: halt at the end of the year. I have my

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Speaker 1: last dates coming up, and these are the last opportunities.

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Speaker 1: You have to also buy merch from the website Chelsea

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Speaker 1: Handler dot com if you want Vaccinating Horny merch or

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Speaker 1: Captain's hats that say We're the Captains now for women only,

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Speaker 1: our t shirts for men in your family that say

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry because they should be. I only have a

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Speaker 1: few dates left. I'm going to be in Wheatland, California,

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Speaker 1: this Saturday night, and then I'm going to Tucson, Arizona

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Speaker 1: next weekend. November five is Tucson, November six is Colorado Springs,

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Speaker 1: and then Rockford, Illinois, Minneapolis, Rosemont, Illinois, two shows in Tampa,

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Speaker 1: a show in Fort Myers, Florida, Daytona Beach, Hollywood, Florida, Concord,

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Speaker 1: New Hampshire, Wooster, Mass wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania. Wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania,

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Speaker 1: there I said it, and then San Diego and Riverside, California,

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Speaker 1: and then Baltimore, Maryland, and then my very last date

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Speaker 1: is December six in Reading, Pennsylvania. So this will be

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Speaker 1: the last of me performing. How do you feel about that?

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Speaker 1: Very relieved and excited. I mean, I have had a

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Speaker 1: really fun time touring. I liked my schedule. Three months on,

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Speaker 1: one month off, three months on, and now these last

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Speaker 1: couple of dates, I just have like two shows each weekend,

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Speaker 1: which is totally doable, and so now my special will

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Speaker 1: come out. Now I can use these shows to come

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Speaker 1: up with my next hour. I just don't know what

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Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about. Do you try out like

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Speaker 1: new material as you're sort of closing out of show. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've been trying out some new material. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's hard to come up with an hour, so I've

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Speaker 1: got to really use these dates to do it because

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Speaker 1: I have all the time, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Like I could stay on stage for two hours and

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Speaker 1: screw around, but I've been doing this set for so long.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I can't stop touching my breast. I have

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Speaker 1: this weird sports brawn today that's like turning them into

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Speaker 1: yeah us and I don't like that feeling. And then

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Speaker 1: they also look like they're coming It's not the right look.

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Speaker 1: I've already got a unit boo going on too, but

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Speaker 1: it's more because of my shirt, like the design on

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Speaker 1: my shirt, which is what's his name, Eddie from my

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Speaker 1: Iron Maiden brand, But yeah, he's is that a real person?

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Speaker 1: Because I mean, I wish so. I love spooky things.

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Speaker 1: I'm also hosting the Critics Choice Awards, you guys. That's

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Speaker 1: exciting on January, Yes, which you'll be aired on what

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Speaker 1: Never Work is at c W. I'm not sure c

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Speaker 1: W great, Yeah, But I do want to talk about

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Speaker 1: something Katherine, that I learned about you. I want to

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Speaker 1: say first, I forgive you because on the way over

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Speaker 1: I forgot I had a COVID test because I'm doing

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Speaker 1: a TV show in the morning, the Talk, and I

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Speaker 1: made a little let us wrap with some ground turkey

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Speaker 1: and some onions. And normally when we're doing a podcast,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't do that, you know what I mean, I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have onions when I'm coming in to speak so

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Speaker 1: closely and sit so closely next to you. But as

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Speaker 1: you revealed over our vacation, in my worka you bring

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Speaker 1: hard boiled eggs onto fucking airplanes as a snack, not

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Speaker 1: two or three like nine trainer. There was a photo

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Speaker 1: that her husband Brad showed supplied me with. This is

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Speaker 1: after my foot breakdown because of people and their bare

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Speaker 1: feet on planes. I'm still having a massive influx of

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Speaker 1: pictures of feet out on airplanes, and I just want

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Speaker 1: to let everyone know if they're wearing socks, that is

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Speaker 1: not as offensive as a barefoot. It is the bare

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Speaker 1: foot that is not clevered or clean or hygienic, and

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Speaker 1: it's inappropriate. It's like a it's disgusting. And they're putting

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Speaker 1: their feet on stuff like screens. Some people are putting

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Speaker 1: them on the ceiling. Some people are putting them on

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Speaker 1: the windows. It's just gross to have your bare feet exposed,

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Speaker 1: and also on a dirty, dirty vessel like an airplane.

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Speaker 1: But back to you, I am flabber gas sooner I was,

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Speaker 1: You're at a flabber gastado because I cannot believe that

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Speaker 1: you would think that that is acceptable. That is the

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Speaker 1: worst smell there is. I know it's pretty bad. I

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Speaker 1: have been known to bring a full bag of eggs

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Speaker 1: on a plane, you know, to share with people. Share.

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Speaker 1: No one wants to share. It's just like a perfect

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Speaker 1: little shot of protein, and I know it's it's pretty bad.

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Speaker 1: It's pretty heinous. But if you want the protein, get

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Speaker 1: something else, get a full protein bars make you fart

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Speaker 1: on planes, I'm convinced, well, they make you fart anyway

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Speaker 1: and on planes, But the good protein bars actually don't

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Speaker 1: make you fart. But there's other ways to get protein,

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Speaker 1: and you need to find out what they are. I

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Speaker 1: do love a beef jerky. That's not that great either,

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Speaker 1: by the way, that smells, so that's better than hard

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Speaker 1: boiled eggs, though I mean eggs you need to eat

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Speaker 1: right away so the smell is gone and they're not warm.

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Speaker 1: And I love hard boiled eggs. I have a whole

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Speaker 1: refrigerator of that because that's where they belong, in the

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Speaker 1: refrigerator at home, not untraveled. Speaking of hard boiled eggs,

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Speaker 1: I have my longtime girlfriend here today. Her name is well, actually,

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Speaker 1: why don't you say a few words and see if

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Speaker 1: anybody can recognize your voice. This is Chelsea's girlfriend. She's

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Speaker 1: she's not only my girlfriend, she's also in a marriage

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Speaker 1: and I'm part of their throuble. This is the theme

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Speaker 1: in my life as I'm a third wheel to lots

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Speaker 1: of different couples. I know, I know because I put

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Speaker 1: out left right and sets her. No, No, we haven't

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Speaker 1: ever had sex yet, but I'm still we're still in

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Speaker 1: a throat all, we're in an emotional trouble. It's Fortune Feamster. Everybody.

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Speaker 1: You may know her from you. We would probably have

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Speaker 1: been introduced to her on Chelsea Lately, where I was

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Speaker 1: introduced to her, and now the whole world gets to

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Speaker 1: enjoy her. And she just walked into my podcast office

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Speaker 1: or whatever the funk this is and she I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: Fortune person. I was grabbing her leg. I'm like, this

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Speaker 1: feels smaller than normal. And you revealed that you'd lost

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Speaker 1: forty pounds because she played a c I agent c

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Speaker 1: I a CEE I not a clatorial investigator, a Central

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Speaker 1: intelligence officer, central Intelligence agent agent. And her most recentse

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Speaker 1: in a Netflix show. Yeah, it's gonna be on Netflix.

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Speaker 1: Sits with Arnold Schwartzenegger. Oh is that how you say

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Speaker 1: his name, Arnold Schwartzenegger. I don't. I have a very

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Speaker 1: thick accident. I don't pronounce anything right. Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's

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Speaker 1: a very tricky name to say, so we'll just call

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Speaker 1: him Big Arnold. Was how was that I was working

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Speaker 1: with Arnold? It was awesome. I was out in Toronto

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Speaker 1: for five months filming. Yeah, and it was all action stuff.

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Speaker 1: I was, you know, running, I know I was running,

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Speaker 1: had a gun stuff. Wow, you'll be very turned on.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to see that. So six months there.

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Speaker 1: If I've meant to tron too. I saw you had

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Speaker 1: to cancel some gigs because you got trapped there. Had

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Speaker 1: to cancel my European tour because production got extended for

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Speaker 1: almost a month. Oh yeah, and you also have a

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Speaker 1: new Netflix special that just came out. Congratulations on that.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. It's called Good Fortune. Why why didn't you

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Speaker 1: do Fortune Cookie? I don't know. I didn't think about

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Speaker 1: for the next one, the next one. Yeah. If you

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Speaker 1: just put your name in everything, like I put my

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Speaker 1: name in everything, nobody could tell the difference between one

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Speaker 1: thing or the next. It works. Yeah, it's my my

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Speaker 1: new hour. I'm very happy with its awesome. Thank you.

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Speaker 1: I shot in Chicago while I was filming this action show.

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Speaker 1: So when do you think you'll be going back on

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Speaker 1: the road. Um, I'm gonna do like club dates in

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Speaker 1: November and December around California, and then announced a big

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Speaker 1: tour starting the end of January. Oh, great hit a

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Speaker 1: bunch of new cities with new materials. So if you

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Speaker 1: have any ideas of things that should talk about, let

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Speaker 1: me ship. I know I have talked the same boat.

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Speaker 1: I'm just wrapping up this tour and I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: I have to come up with some new material and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I should be doing it now since I

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Speaker 1: already taped my special, but since my special isn't out yet,

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Speaker 1: I just keep holding on to the same show. I

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Speaker 1: don't know fucking time for any creative juices right now.

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Speaker 1: That's the hardest part about putting out a special is

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Speaker 1: riding a whole new agg I just I know, I know,

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Speaker 1: tell me about you because when I there are certain

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Speaker 1: comics that like to run their hour before they tape it,

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Speaker 1: like two hundred times. I can't do that. I like

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Speaker 1: run it seventy or seventy five times, and then I'm

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Speaker 1: theater dates after I've run it in clubs, so maybe

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Speaker 1: like eighty five altogether. But I can't go past a

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Speaker 1: hundred because then I'm just sick of my own material.

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Speaker 1: I this one, I did a lot. I did a

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Speaker 1: hundred cities and about a hundred sixty shows. Wow, that's

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Speaker 1: a lot. Fifteen of those were post filming sows, right,

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Speaker 1: And were you able to come up with some new

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Speaker 1: material while you were doing those new shows or did you? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And then you have to and then here you go

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Speaker 1: back on the road and you have to startch five

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Speaker 1: minutes into an hour. You're like, ohh ship, isn't it funny?

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Speaker 1: Every single time. It's the same thing with a book.

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Speaker 1: Every single time I'm done writing a book, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: that's it. I'm done, nothing left. And then of course

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Speaker 1: you're like, fuck, I gotta write another book and I

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Speaker 1: gotta do another stand up show. How many books have

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Speaker 1: you written now? Uh? Six? Six? I'm on my seventh

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Speaker 1: right now, I'm writing a new one. And and I

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Speaker 1: just had a phone call with my editor this morning

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, listen, this is all over the shop

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Speaker 1: and she's like, do you want to show me some stuff.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, nope, it's not made for anyone to see.

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Speaker 1: I've never written a book. I thought you did write.

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Speaker 1: Oh that seems weird, like everyone from Chelsea lately wrote

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Speaker 1: a book. I didn't. I was I didn't think at

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Speaker 1: the time that people wanted to book for me. I

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Speaker 1: felt like it wasn't the right time. But I feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm maybe have a book in me now. Yeah. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: I feel like everybody has a book in I've never

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Speaker 1: I've never done it. Yeah, well that seems like something

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Speaker 1: you should tackle that. Do you want to write it

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Speaker 1: for me? Yeah? I love. I would love to be

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Speaker 1: a ghostwriter. Can you imagine you trying to write my story?

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Speaker 1: And then this bitch had some brownies? Oh, like I

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Speaker 1: saw the clip we did. We did an episode of

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Speaker 1: night show. I think it was a Netflix show where

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Speaker 1: we all did cannabis. We had a cannabis dinner and

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Speaker 1: fortune was definitely the highest and the funniest for about

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Speaker 1: They actually set me my social media team set me

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Speaker 1: clips of that dinner and I was like, you're not

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Speaker 1: capturing how ridiculous this got. I was like, go back

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Speaker 1: and look at the footage. You need that, we need

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Speaker 1: the out takes. Out takes. We laughed until we couldn't breathe.

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Speaker 1: You thought she thought there was military inside my house.

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Speaker 1: She's like, is that man wearing a military uniform? I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what he had on? Camo pants? And he was he

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Speaker 1: was the lighting guy and he was breaking the lights

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Speaker 1: down and I started yelling no lights left. I was

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Speaker 1: high for like six days after that dinner. I mean

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Speaker 1: it was because it was a cannabis infused dinner, so

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Speaker 1: that the food, everything, everything. So just when you thought

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Speaker 1: you couldn't get higher, you did. And she had never

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Speaker 1: had no self control with food. Well, but you also

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Speaker 1: don't have any self control with cannabis because you had

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Speaker 1: never done it before. Never. Yeah, I had not done

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Speaker 1: a lot of edible so I didn't know the ratios.

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Speaker 1: And I can't believe you didn't get sick. I don't

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Speaker 1: I was high until noon the next day, but I

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Speaker 1: did not get sick. But everything was very fuzzy. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: My one of my eyes didn't open the next day

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Speaker 1: until eight p m. It was a wild time. But

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Speaker 1: you we did, you know, go through the stages of

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Speaker 1: laughing uncontrollably. We got so hungry after the dinner. Your

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Speaker 1: assistant was gonna go get us burgers, and I went, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I want a burger, and then you get or we

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Speaker 1: could just get a wrap. And I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: wrap what You're gonna get high and eat something semi healthy? What?

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Speaker 1: And then I came to under peer pressure and I went, yeah,

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Speaker 1: she's like she's like, I'll have a turkey rap spinached dortia,

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Speaker 1: good memory, that's exactly whatever. Some some good fats on there,

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Speaker 1: like avocano. What drugs did we try and didn't? I

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Speaker 1: give you a little mushroom in Montreal, Yeah, but I

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Speaker 1: didn't end up doing it. Oh Jack jack too much?

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Speaker 1: Somebody gave me don't work. I think he has a

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Speaker 1: high tolerant. Those were weak ones. Actually, you know how

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Speaker 1: I knew they were we I so this guy gave

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Speaker 1: me light, medium, and then strong. I would have heard

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Speaker 1: of my friend Allison's house one day and she's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you have to try these mushroom gummies. I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, mushrooms are my favorite. That's more. I

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Speaker 1: like mushrooms more than cannabis. And because they just make

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Speaker 1: you awake. I've never had mushrooms. I know, well, why

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Speaker 1: we don't know. I'm that Nancy Reagan campaign and really

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Speaker 1: stuck with me. But you're a lesbian and she wouldn't.

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Speaker 1: She wouldn't approve of that either. Fortune, so you need

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Speaker 1: to divorce yourself. You have to divorce yourself from Nancy Reagan.

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Speaker 1: Fortunate as someone who had never done mushrooms, and I

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Speaker 1: did like one of those little light gummies. When we

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Speaker 1: were in ma Yorka with Chelsea, it was so chill

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Speaker 1: you barely feel it. You just giggle, you have a

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Speaker 1: great time, and then you like feel yourself kind of

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Speaker 1: coming down from it at the end of dinner, like

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Speaker 1: it's not scary. I'm pretty chill though already. Do you

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Speaker 1: think I need to be chilling? It just it's a

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Speaker 1: good point, Like I guess it would be already. Maybe

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Speaker 1: I'm already on mushroom and maybe I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: saw that trip you guys took. Now. Chelsea had two

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Speaker 1: groups of friends come visit her in ma Yorka. The

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Speaker 1: first group they were doing like forty mile bike rads

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Speaker 1: and I was like, no thanks. And then the second

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Speaker 1: group was like we're eating dinner every night where everyone's

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Speaker 1: bringing food. I was like, that's the that's the group

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Speaker 1: for me. Yeah, I had. Actually there was a group

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Speaker 1: preceding those two groups, so there were three groups. The

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Speaker 1: second group where these exercise maniacs all my friends from

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Speaker 1: Whistler and and who basically left my Orca ran a

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Speaker 1: marathon in Berlin and then came in six in the

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Speaker 1: World Championships for triathlog the little the little that little

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Speaker 1: claym muscle. Yeah, she's she's a fucking lunatic. That's not

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Speaker 1: want well by the way I listen. I actually I

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Speaker 1: was like, this is too much exercise, Like one night

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Speaker 1: I had heat stroke. I was like, this is too much.

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Speaker 1: But then when the last group came in, I turned

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Speaker 1: into and and I took like four of them. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: who wants to king? Who wants to go hiking? We

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Speaker 1: went on a five hour hike by accident with Katherine's

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Speaker 1: husband was there. It's a spearheaded thank god, because I

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Speaker 1: was by Have you ever tried to follow a trail map?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can't follow a map or anything.

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Speaker 1: So if I had been left to my own devices,

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Speaker 1: I would be bed right now. And it was a

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Speaker 1: tricky hike. I mean it was high and scary and

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Speaker 1: we had to climb hike down to the water to

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Speaker 1: hike back up. Finally our cousin, my cousin Molly picked

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Speaker 1: us up because we were like, this is a bunch

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Speaker 1: of noise. Yeah, the one that I'm sleeping with, I

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Speaker 1: always go, yeah, that's funny. Yeah you that hike part,

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Speaker 1: that's too much for me. I would have been eating

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Speaker 1: calamari somewhere. Well, we did, we ate and drank. Katherine

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Speaker 1: was there, Katherine and Brad came. We had so much

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Speaker 1: sangria every day at lunch and then I just like,

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Speaker 1: I just and then I would just I get motivated

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Speaker 1: by drinking, like I want to go exercise again, like

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Speaker 1: because so I can burn off the you know, because

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Speaker 1: you're sober up quickly. But it's just sangria also, which

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Speaker 1: is basically watered down with juice. Yeah, it's like a

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Speaker 1: it's like a Caprison. Yeah, that's true. It's an adult.

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Speaker 1: Did you drink a lot? Do you think you drank

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Speaker 1: more during your days on Chelsea Lately? Or do you

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Speaker 1: think you drink more now? I probably drink more now. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm so much healthier than I was on Chelsea Lately,

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Speaker 1: But I think I drink the same. Yeah, Like how

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Speaker 1: to eat handle your liquor? Well, do you know you

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Speaker 1: never act like sloppy? Well I did, I did? I had. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: now you're a lady. Now I'm elegant. Now I'm elegant.

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Speaker 1: Was the love of the stories you would tell about

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Speaker 1: going out and saying that limit the lemon, that lemon

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Speaker 1: juice comes in and empty. That was hilarious. I would

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Speaker 1: also take those little squeezeable lemons you buy in the supermarket.

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Speaker 1: They have the lime and lemon which is fresh lime juice.

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Speaker 1: Well it's not fresh because it's sucking canned, but I

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Speaker 1: would take that and then i'd go to the Improv

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Speaker 1: to do a set. But I did trust their lemons

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Speaker 1: because you know, it's the Improv and I don't want

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Speaker 1: their fruit, and so I would squeeze that little lemon

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Speaker 1: into my vodka wherever I went, and it became my

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Speaker 1: person and all canteen. That is so funny. Just I

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Speaker 1: just picture you with just getting a lemon out of here.

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Speaker 1: Where do you wait? Let's talk about Chelsea lately taste

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Speaker 1: what are Let's see what's one of your favorite memories

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Speaker 1: that sticks out? Can you think of something off the

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Speaker 1: top of your head? Because we dressed you up a lot.

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Speaker 1: It was par to line, abusive, wait for fortunate it,

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Speaker 1: but she always had such a great attitude about it.

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Speaker 1: You treated me like your adult baby doll, like I

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Speaker 1: can just put fortune and whatever I want. I was

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Speaker 1: just happy to get a paycheck because when I got

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Speaker 1: your show, I had had had no money. I was

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Speaker 1: out of money, and you became a right well at

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Speaker 1: first she became a writer, but immediately we were like,

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Speaker 1: she has to be on camera. Yeah. When I interviewed

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Speaker 1: with you, I owed my roommate like two grand and rent.

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Speaker 1: It was. It was dire, straight wow. I wasn't sure

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Speaker 1: what I was gonna do. I mean, I wouldn't have

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Speaker 1: gone home. I would have, you know, figured it out.

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Speaker 1: I would have gotten a job somewhere, Starbucks, wherever, I

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Speaker 1: would have done whatever. But the dream was to be

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Speaker 1: in the business and to be a working comedian. I

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Speaker 1: interviewed with other people first and then had the meeting

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Speaker 1: with Chelsea, and I had no, you know, no expectations

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Speaker 1: of it because I didn't think I had a chance.

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Speaker 1: And honestly, I think that I was first. I think

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Speaker 1: I was your first interview of the day. And now

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Speaker 1: that I know you, I know that like you just

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Speaker 1: make your mind up about something and don't want to

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Speaker 1: come back to have to do something. So I think

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Speaker 1: luckily you liked me, and you got up in the

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Speaker 1: middle of my interview like ten minutes into it, and

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Speaker 1: you go, okay, well, thank you, and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: she hates me, and you left and I called my

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Speaker 1: you know manager. At the time, I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: I guess I said something to offender. She got up

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Speaker 1: in the middle of the interview, and y'all offered me

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Speaker 1: the job the next day. And now that I know

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Speaker 1: you know that, you just were like, yeah, I like her,

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Speaker 1: and I also don't want to have another meeting, So

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Speaker 1: it was a little bit of luck. You know. Well,

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Speaker 1: I think anyone that would have met you would have

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Speaker 1: understood the quality and the contribution you were gonna you

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Speaker 1: were about to make because we had such a band

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Speaker 1: of idiots on that show, so that anybody with a

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Speaker 1: good sense of humor, and that made me laugh, and

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Speaker 1: you know it was going to be a good time

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Speaker 1: because that was like a proper like fraternity party. That

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Speaker 1: was before well, actually no, there was hazing. Probably, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you guys pranked each other all is home and I think, my, yeah,

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Speaker 1: my second day, you send an email from my computer

383
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,919
Speaker 1: to like everyone saying that I like to get naked

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Speaker 1: and have to take meetings and hot tubs something like that.

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Speaker 1: I would get in early because I'm an early bird,

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Speaker 1: so I would get in early and then just start

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00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,480
Speaker 1: sending emails from different people's account. This was before you

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Speaker 1: could get in trouble for those two kind of kinds

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Speaker 1: of things I would send. I would send emails to

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Speaker 1: human resources and be like, I found two naked people

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Speaker 1: in the kitchen this morning, and then send them a

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Speaker 1: picture of the employees, and then they would have a

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Speaker 1: human resource meeting. We would come out to people. I

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00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 1: would come out for other people. I would set people

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Speaker 1: up on dates with people from e Like. It was

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00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,120
Speaker 1: so inappropriate everything we did, but it was a lot

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Speaker 1: of fun. Yeah, I remember. I remember one day we

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Speaker 1: were sitting there because we would have every time there

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Speaker 1: was a birthday, we would have cupcakes or whatever that

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Speaker 1: person wanted. If they wanted Mexican food, whatever their favorite

401
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,159
Speaker 1: thing is, we would set it up. And I remember

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Speaker 1: sitting after work one day and we're all sitting there

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Speaker 1: eating Mexican food, drinking Margarita's. It was like Margarita Thursdays

404
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,560
Speaker 1: or something, and I was like, do you think other

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00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:44,399
Speaker 1: people laugh as much as we do? And everyone's like no, no,

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Speaker 1: And now that I'm not on that show, I realized, no,

407
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 1: people don't laugh as much as we were laughing because

408
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:54,280
Speaker 1: it was constant stupidity, and it didn't We didn't really

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Speaker 1: even care what other people. We never cared how the

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Speaker 1: show was being perceived, which is why I think it

411
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Speaker 1: was just success because no one was worried about it.

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Speaker 1: We just did stupid, stupid sketches. We're like, oh, we

413
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Speaker 1: should dress somebody up like this, or they show us

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Speaker 1: a clip from some stupid reality show or something that

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Speaker 1: Tara Reid did, and we'd be like, oh, let's reenact

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Speaker 1: it and it will make her be Tara read and

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Speaker 1: show we could be you know, a bowling ball or

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Speaker 1: whatever we decided, and we would just run with it,

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Speaker 1: and we didn't have any time to be self conscious. Yea,

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00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:27,879
Speaker 1: which is I think that really one of the key

421
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 1: ingredients to a successful endeavor is to not overthink it. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I think people just really love that you put

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Speaker 1: together all these comedians that like, you love seeing everyone

424
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,919
Speaker 1: interact with each other, because everyone would make you other

425
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 1: laugh or pick on each other, or you would give

426
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,680
Speaker 1: people crap. So many people still to these days say

427
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 1: they felt like they were a part of that with us,

428
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: Like they were going to bed watching us be silly

429
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:54,679
Speaker 1: with each other, and that kind of was like lightning

430
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 1: in a bottle. You don't see comedians like that interact

431
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,200
Speaker 1: in that way. Anyway, we're gonna do it again. We're

432
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,960
Speaker 1: gonna reboot it, and we're going to do it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

433
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 1: because now we have all of us and then this

434
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 1: whole new crop of comics that are fucking awesome and funny,

435
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,760
Speaker 1: and we can mix them all together. And I just

436
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 1: want to put a show together where you can show

437
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 1: comedians being funny without being racist or sexist. Since everybody

438
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 1: seems to be fucking complaining about parameters, It's like you

439
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 1: could do all of those things without being offensive to people,

440
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 1: you know. I want to show them how easily that

441
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 1: is done. Now, would you do that like an every

442
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 1: night kind of thing again? I don't know. I don't know.

443
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:32,880
Speaker 1: I mean we're having the conversations now, so we'll see

444
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,520
Speaker 1: where it leads. I don't know. I mean, like I

445
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 1: still want to, like go to Spain. Yeah I can't.

446
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 1: I can't be a year round job. Okay, let's talk

447
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,240
Speaker 1: and I have Spain. My sister is like, how are

448
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: you going to do a real job with your lifestyle

449
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 1: that you've been I could only work two hours a day.

450
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:57,719
Speaker 1: But one thing that's changed for you because you had

451
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,440
Speaker 1: a lot of different love interests during the show, and

452
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 1: we're always very concerned about Fortune's love interests. We always were.

453
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 1: We always didn't want anyone dating her for the wrong reasons.

454
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:12,880
Speaker 1: And she's so sweet and loving and gullible that at

455
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 1: that time you were. I mean, you're still sweet and

456
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,119
Speaker 1: loving and probably a little bit gullible. And there were

457
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:21,120
Speaker 1: a couple of, you know, weird ones that came through.

458
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 1: But now you have been in a successful relationship with

459
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:29,880
Speaker 1: Jack's for over ten seven seven years. Yeah, I came

460
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 1: out late, you know, I didn't come out until five,

461
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,320
Speaker 1: So I was making a lot of mistakes. Like you

462
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:39,159
Speaker 1: take the TV show and television in general away from

463
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,200
Speaker 1: the mix and me just trying to date. I was

464
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 1: making a lot of mistakes that you should make when

465
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 1: you're eighteen, nineteen, early twenties, you're making college those kind

466
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 1: of things. I was making a lot of those mistakes

467
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 1: in my late twenties, early thirties, and you happen to

468
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 1: be around for some of that part in my early thirties.

469
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 1: You know, just you don't know who's dating you for

470
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,720
Speaker 1: the right reasons, or all of a sudden, I'm on

471
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 1: a television show that females are obsessed with So you know,

472
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,119
Speaker 1: a lot of women kind of came out of the

473
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:10,400
Speaker 1: woodwork because they loved you and they love the show,

474
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 1: and so sometimes you were like, do they like me

475
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,399
Speaker 1: or do they just want to meet Chelsea? Like, I

476
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 1: didn't know. So I went through some experiences where you

477
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 1: find that out and some were some were good, Some

478
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 1: intentions might not have been good for some people. But yeah,

479
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 1: it took me a while to really figure out what

480
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,959
Speaker 1: I wanted and what I was willing to put up

481
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 1: with and what I felt I deserved. And that took

482
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:37,160
Speaker 1: me till, you know, mid thirties to really figure that out.

483
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,000
Speaker 1: And then I met Jack's Like, right as I was

484
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 1: figuring that out, I met her. So tell us about

485
00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:45,119
Speaker 1: your relationship with her, because it feels very healthy, it

486
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 1: feels very supportive. She moved out here to be with you.

487
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 1: She doesn't always come on the road with you, but

488
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: you guys obviously spend a fair amount of time together

489
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,159
Speaker 1: on the road. By the way, nobody should have to

490
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 1: go on the road with anybody because it's a fucking

491
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 1: ball buster, and that we shouldn't have to expose that

492
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 1: to anybody. So I get not wanting to do that,

493
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 1: but tell me about some of the growth that you've

494
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: had within that relationship and how that supports your mental

495
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,440
Speaker 1: health and career and all of the things that you

496
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,920
Speaker 1: know you bring to the table. Yeah, I think I

497
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 1: met her at a town where I was tired of

498
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 1: being someone's option. I had a lot of people kind

499
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 1: of treating me like you'll do for now kind of thing.

500
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 1: And I remember specifically being like, I'm done with that.

501
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,119
Speaker 1: I want to meet somebody that wants to be with me,

502
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,879
Speaker 1: and I'm a priority for them their priority for me.

503
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 1: And she came into my life and right away I

504
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,639
Speaker 1: knew that there was something different about her and about

505
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 1: our connection, and we just clicked. And we were long

506
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,360
Speaker 1: distance for a year because she was living in Chicago,

507
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 1: and then yeah, she like made that decision to leave

508
00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:52,920
Speaker 1: her job. She was a kindergarten teacher in Chicago and

509
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 1: inner City Chicago, really amazing teacher. And I remember being like,

510
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:01,680
Speaker 1: am I ruining this person's lie by like having her

511
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,199
Speaker 1: come out to l A. She's such an amazing teacher

512
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 1: and she loves Chicago. But you know, she did that

513
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,879
Speaker 1: for me. She wanted us to work and us to

514
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 1: be together, and I was touring a lot and acting,

515
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 1: and if she hadn't done that, you know, we might

516
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 1: not have been able to to make it because my

517
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 1: schedule was so crazy. But she was willing to put

518
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 1: me first and no one had ever done that for

519
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 1: me before. And so she moved here and we just

520
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:32,920
Speaker 1: kind of started this life together. And yeah, it's a

521
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:36,680
Speaker 1: very I think, very healthy relationship that you know, we

522
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 1: support each other and she's very helpful with career stuff.

523
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:45,120
Speaker 1: She's kind of like part of the circus now. She's

524
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:47,880
Speaker 1: always I don't there's no decision, I don't run by her.

525
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: She's very much at the helm of everything I do.

526
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: She was executive producer on both my specials. Yeah, like

527
00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 1: and very good at it too, not just like putting

528
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,800
Speaker 1: her name on it. She's going frame by frame with me,

529
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 1: watching all the shows and all the shots and making decisions,

530
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 1: picking music, helping with fonts, you know, all that stuff

531
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 1: that goes into these specials. You don't think about my

532
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:14,679
Speaker 1: team as they say, loops her into everything. She's very

533
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 1: much a part of things more than people realize. So

534
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:21,760
Speaker 1: you know, she's just wants me to succeed and be happy,

535
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 1: and that's what you want, you know, I want her

536
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,920
Speaker 1: to be happy where I'm always like, what can we

537
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:29,880
Speaker 1: do to give you balance? You know, if you don't

538
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:33,160
Speaker 1: want to go on the road, don't. Let's find things

539
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 1: that are important to you and things like that. You know,

540
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 1: and do you guys, how do you guys handle any

541
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,560
Speaker 1: friction in your relationship when that comes up? Or does

542
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 1: it not come up? Do you not have any friction

543
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 1: every I mean, I don't know any couple that doesn't.

544
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 1: I was just pretending to ask the question. I didn't

545
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:51,720
Speaker 1: mean that. Yeah, I mean, we we definitely have our

546
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 1: moments like everybody, but I try with her because she

547
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 1: is my wife. We got married two years ago. Even

548
00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 1: if you're like or disagreeing or fuss in at each

549
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 1: other or getting at each other's nerves, try never to

550
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 1: be mean, you know what I mean, or say mean

551
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: things because those things are hard to walk back. But

552
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 1: that's not your personality anyway, right, that's my personality. You're

553
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 1: just you would never be mean. I don't know, I

554
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:22,120
Speaker 1: don't I've never seen I'm sure. I'm sure I've been

555
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: a dick plenty here right now, say something mean, Yeah,

556
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 1: it's it's the accident. But I get on her nerves

557
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 1: for sure, I'm a little I definitely have tunnel vision

558
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 1: when it comes to my career, and I have to

559
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 1: really make myself step outside of myself sometimes to be

560
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: like you are being too I on the prize, Like

561
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 1: you have a wife, you have other people in your

562
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:53,760
Speaker 1: life you have to think about. You cannot just be

563
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 1: thinking about a dog that needs to be brushed. Yes,

564
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: I have to press feed my dog. You know what

565
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 1: I'm because you get so wrapped up in work. No,

566
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 1: I get it. I know there. I'm always there. I

567
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 1: have to always remind myself to have a life. I mean,

568
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,800
Speaker 1: even though it doesn't look that way from afar, It's

569
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 1: an internal struggle I have all the time, you know.

570
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 1: And I never want her to feel neglected or like

571
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 1: I'm not putting our relationship as a priority. So and

572
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 1: and I'm guilty of for sure, like getting too much

573
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 1: tunnel vision with my career that sometimes I'm like, oh, shoot,

574
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 1: I did it. I should have been better about her birthday,

575
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 1: you know, things like that. I don't want to be

576
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 1: that person that neglects my person because of career, because

577
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, I do want to

578
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 1: be successful, but I don't want that to be everything

579
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 1: it can't be everything. I have to have balance. Yeah,

580
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: so that's my challenge. Yeah, I think that's very relatable

581
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 1: to anybody in this industry. You know, it's like ambition

582
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 1: versus balance, because ambition is you want to remain relevant,

583
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: right and you want to have people asking you to

584
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 1: do things, and you want things to not be as

585
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 1: challenging as they were. But I think as you become

586
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 1: more and more successful, it's like there's different sorts of

587
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:11,400
Speaker 1: challenges and it's it never seems to this business, it

588
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 1: never seems me enough, you know what I mean, Like

589
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 1: for your own self, but for even other people. Like

590
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 1: I can be like, oh, I've got a special coming

591
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 1: out and an action series and people are like what else?

592
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 1: Why is that not enough? But it never feels like

593
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 1: there's enough, Maybe because we consume so much so quickly

594
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 1: now with entertainment, it just seems like everyone's like what next,

595
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,240
Speaker 1: What next? One next? That you feel like you can't

596
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:39,640
Speaker 1: even stop and breathe to like enjoy what you just did.

597
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 1: You're like thinking about the next thing. So that will

598
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 1: be the thing in my relationship that I have to

599
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 1: really pause and make sure I don't get too stuck

600
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 1: on that career stuff that I'm making the person that

601
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 1: I love feel like they're not a priority. Yeah, And

602
00:31:58,480 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: do you guys, have you guys ever been to counsel

603
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:02,680
Speaker 1: couple's counseling? Early on, we went to a couple of

604
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 1: sessions because I was in therapy. I originally went to

605
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 1: therapy to get to the bottom of why I was

606
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,880
Speaker 1: choosing the women I was choosing, why I was putting

607
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 1: up with certain things and not thinking more highly of

608
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:17,600
Speaker 1: myself in that way. So she came and did a

609
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 1: few sessions with that therapist that I was with at

610
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 1: the time, but we haven't That was a guide ecologist

611
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: by the way, It wasn't a therapist. I'm just here

612
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 1: to tell you that I referred you to her and

613
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:34,840
Speaker 1: that was alogist. Well it all checked out clear, maybe

614
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 1: all clear, So she proceeded with caution. Uh no, we

615
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 1: haven't done it since, but I would be open to it,

616
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,360
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I think it doesn't it couldn't hurt.

617
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 1: I would imagine it would help with your communication in general.

618
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:53,600
Speaker 1: If there's any anybody that's feeling like they can't say something,

619
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 1: I would hope that would be the place you could. Yeah,

620
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 1: I was watching that show A Couple of Therapy that

621
00:32:58,360 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 1: we were talking about. Have you ever seen that on

622
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 1: show time? A couple of Therapy. It's like a real,

623
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 1: real life couples with this therapist. I love that ship.

624
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 1: I fucking love watching couples in therapy because you see

625
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 1: the transformation that happens, and you see when there's no

626
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 1: hope for a couple where somebody's just done and the

627
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 1: other person. But sometimes it seems that way in the beginning,

628
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 1: and then they come together and then it's really about

629
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 1: listening to the other person. Some people can't hear, you know,

630
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 1: like when there's conflict, they just shut down and they

631
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 1: can't hear what the other person is saying, and then

632
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 1: that becomes that cycle. But anyway, speaking of counseling, we're

633
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,280
Speaker 1: gonna start counseling right now because that's what we're doing.

634
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 1: People call in for advice. So, Katherine, what do we

635
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 1: have on deck for this afternoon? We have some bad parents,

636
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 1: is what we have? Kinky kinky parents. I mean, actually

637
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 1: one of there might be something, but we'll take a

638
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 1: quick break and we'll be right back with some callers

639
00:33:57,000 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 1: and we're back. We're back fortune still the tub. So

640
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 1: I'm back alone. Oh there she is, She just puffed out.

641
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 1: Let me just put my towel on. Hold on, I'm

642
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 1: ready for amazing. Well, don't forget to hang up your

643
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 1: LUFA and our first emails from Tarran Terreen says, Dear Chelsea,

644
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,080
Speaker 1: my name is Tarran and I'm a thirty or four

645
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 1: year old lesbian from Atlanta, Georgia. I'm set to get

646
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 1: married to the love of my life this year. We

647
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 1: are both absolutely thrilled to finally be getting married, as

648
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 1: we've been engaged for almost three years and together for five.

649
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 1: My immediate family shares our excitement and has been nothing

650
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:36,320
Speaker 1: but supportive of us. However, her parents do not have

651
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 1: the same feelings, and we've been led to believe that

652
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 1: they will not be attending our wedding. This thought absolutely

653
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:44,240
Speaker 1: breaks my heart because I've grown to know her family

654
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:47,359
Speaker 1: and love them dearly. What's even more heartbreaking is having

655
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,840
Speaker 1: to listen to my fiance as she tries to navigate

656
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 1: how to talk to her parents. They have said they

657
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 1: want to talk about it, but have made zero effort

658
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 1: in discussing details about our wedding and state only vague

659
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:01,840
Speaker 1: religious reasons as to why they're not supportive. My question

660
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 1: is this, do you think I need to try and

661
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 1: say anything to her parents or should I continue to

662
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,280
Speaker 1: stay on the sidelines and just be an emotional support

663
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:12,399
Speaker 1: for my fiance. She's let me know she doesn't want

664
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,360
Speaker 1: me to talk to them about it, and I should

665
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 1: let it go. But I can't help but hurt for her,

666
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 1: and I wonder if talking to them might help them

667
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 1: see a different perspective. I absolutely love your podcast, and

668
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 1: I highly appreciate any advice you have for me. Taran See,

669
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:30,320
Speaker 1: I'm always an interloper. I like to get into people's

670
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 1: business and get involved. So I don't know that this

671
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 1: is the right advice for you, but okay, so yeah,

672
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 1: fortunately you give the advice, I'll go after you. I

673
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:46,280
Speaker 1: just I always overstep and it's not always received warmly,

674
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 1: so I can't say that it's the right thing to do.

675
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 1: But I would make a case in writing about the

676
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 1: impact that this is going to have on I would

677
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 1: write an email. Yeah, I would just be like, this

678
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 1: is going to be forever. We're gonna get married and

679
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 1: you are going to forever. Have missed that moment in

680
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:08,239
Speaker 1: your child's life and what you're foregoing like not with

681
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 1: the idea that the outcome was going to be to

682
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:15,239
Speaker 1: change their mind, but to just try everything possible to

683
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 1: persuade them to reconsider one of the most important moments

684
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 1: in their daughter's life. How about your fortune? Well, I mean,

685
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 1: I think I can totally see you doing that because

686
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,919
Speaker 1: you're there's nothing that you're going to not speak out about.

687
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:32,920
Speaker 1: That's the beauty of you. If you see something, you

688
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 1: say something you do like if you see something that's wrong,

689
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:38,040
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't, this isn't right, which is great.

690
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:41,800
Speaker 1: I'm a bit more passive in my opinion, I would

691
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:45,280
Speaker 1: be more of the support system for the partner because

692
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:48,439
Speaker 1: she said that she doesn't want her to speak out,

693
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like, but I also from

694
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 1: my experience with people in the gay thing and the

695
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:01,680
Speaker 1: religious thing together, whatever she's right is gonna write, it's

696
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:04,400
Speaker 1: not going to change their mind right now. I think

697
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 1: people have to evolve eventually or not. She could write

698
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: the letter, I don't. I guess if you thought, what's

699
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,879
Speaker 1: the worst that will happen, they're already not coming right,

700
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:18,920
Speaker 1: so there is kind of nothing to lose. Ish But

701
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:22,920
Speaker 1: to me, I I don't think it will change their opinion.

702
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: When it comes to the wedding, because those deep seated

703
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:31,279
Speaker 1: religious beliefs take a while to unravel, that's for sure. Yeah,

704
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:33,960
Speaker 1: and they do unravel. Yeah, people are gonna evolve or

705
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,200
Speaker 1: see how happy you are. But also, it's your day,

706
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:40,920
Speaker 1: it's your wedding day. It's about you too, And do

707
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 1: you want that there? Do you even? I know it's

708
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:47,359
Speaker 1: sad for your partner, but do you want someone there

709
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:51,760
Speaker 1: that doesn't wish you? Well, yeah, that's a good point, actually,

710
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 1: But I think who wouldn't want their parents there? I

711
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 1: get that too. Obviously it's sad no matter what. But

712
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,800
Speaker 1: I would want my parents there for sure. But I

713
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:05,560
Speaker 1: don't know how good it would feel seeing them across

714
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 1: the room eating a slider, looking like they hate every

715
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 1: moment of being there. Yeah, but if you think about it,

716
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 1: and they they stared together for many years, and then

717
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,080
Speaker 1: there's always that gaping whole of their wedding day that

718
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 1: they're her parents missed. It's like they're missing out on

719
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:22,080
Speaker 1: the rest of her life in a sense, like they're

720
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 1: missing this real pivotal moment. And I would want to

721
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:28,840
Speaker 1: lay it out to give you every last opportunity to

722
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 1: make sure you don't miss that even if it's just

723
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 1: the mother who came or the father who came, or

724
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:36,480
Speaker 1: whoever's less religious or I don't know, you know how

725
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 1: to frame it. But I mean I would do it,

726
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,320
Speaker 1: but I'm not recommending that you do it, because I

727
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:45,080
Speaker 1: just can't control myself. Well. Also, if you do do it,

728
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:46,920
Speaker 1: if you want to write that email, do it with

729
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 1: the expectation of having no expectation. Yeah, absolutely, I agree

730
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 1: with that advice. Yeah, just and softly with love. Yeah.

731
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 1: You can't be like you did this, you did that.

732
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:01,959
Speaker 1: It has to be like paneled with some kid gloves. Yeah.

733
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 1: And the fact that Terrence said she also cares for

734
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:07,400
Speaker 1: these parents, I think is a really good sign. You know.

735
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 1: She's not like, oh, I hate them, they're terrible. She's like, no,

736
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:12,279
Speaker 1: I also care for them, and it hurts me that

737
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 1: they wouldn't be there. I do love the idea of

738
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 1: writing a letter so it's not as like heightened emotions.

739
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:20,480
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I don't understand why people think

740
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:24,359
Speaker 1: that this, like sitting out a moment in their kid's life,

741
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 1: is going to punish them or teach them a lesson,

742
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 1: or that they're not participating, that it's going to change

743
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 1: any results. I don't know that they think that. I

744
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 1: think they just think this is sacrilegious, Like I can't

745
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 1: lay witness to this because it's not under my belief system.

746
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 1: I don't think that they're trying to teach them a lesson.

747
00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:45,279
Speaker 1: It's more like we can't sully ourselves with this kind

748
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: of sing I'm not going to get into heaven if

749
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:52,880
Speaker 1: I go to this, right, yeah, yeah, maybe an email.

750
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,360
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe I'm coming around on this. Maybe an email.

751
00:39:56,200 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 1: I don't know, don't what Chelsea, right, Sorry, what the

752
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 1: fuck is wrong? I would handle it because at the

753
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 1: end of the day, there are her parents. I would

754
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 1: handle it as respectful as possible, and they are going

755
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:14,359
Speaker 1: to be your in laws for many years to come.

756
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 1: And I don't think that means to like not ever

757
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 1: push back against it. Goodness knows, I have pushed back

758
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,320
Speaker 1: against things with my own in laws. But at the

759
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,360
Speaker 1: same time, I do have the expectation and I know

760
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 1: that they're going to be in my life for a

761
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 1: very long time. So what I say or do, it

762
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 1: lasts and it matters. But if there is one thing

763
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,280
Speaker 1: that either of you would say, if these parents decide

764
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 1: not to go to the wedding unfortunately kind of touched

765
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 1: on this, But is there something that you would say

766
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 1: to help this couple kind of feel better about the outcome. Well,

767
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,840
Speaker 1: it's the same thing I would say for any event

768
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 1: where you're disappointed and something that's not there. You have

769
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 1: to celebrate the people that are there. You know. It's like,

770
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:53,360
Speaker 1: if you don't sell out a show, you can't be

771
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: worried about the hundred tickets that aren't sold. You have

772
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 1: to worry about the fifteen hundred tickets that are sold

773
00:40:58,040 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 1: and the people that paid money to see you come.

774
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:01,360
Speaker 1: And in the case of a wedding, you have to

775
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:03,280
Speaker 1: think about all of the people that are there supporting

776
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 1: you and loving you, and that if you go to

777
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,360
Speaker 1: someone's wedding, you're usually going to be friends with that

778
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:09,640
Speaker 1: person for a very long time. You know, that's an

779
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:13,919
Speaker 1: investment into a friendship and that's a beautiful thing. And yeah,

780
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 1: as fortune step, you just have to think of it

781
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 1: as like negative energy. We don't want that there on

782
00:41:18,239 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 1: our special day. We want people that are applauding us

783
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:23,439
Speaker 1: and like supporting us. And to focus on that love

784
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,239
Speaker 1: and to keep reminding yourself of the gratitude you have

785
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,960
Speaker 1: for all the people that are there. Yeah, I mean

786
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,720
Speaker 1: I had a wedding party. We got married in Covid

787
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 1: and had a wedding party a year later, and there

788
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,239
Speaker 1: were a couple of family people that couldn't come for

789
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,440
Speaker 1: various reasons. And I was focused at first on that,

790
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 1: being a bummer and being like disappointed in that, and

791
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 1: then I finally had to let it go and it

792
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:51,800
Speaker 1: ended up being such a special night and had so

793
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 1: many friends there and love and the friends that couldn't come,

794
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 1: you know, I heard from and you have to just

795
00:41:57,239 --> 00:41:59,759
Speaker 1: lean into that love. And the positive part of it

796
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,839
Speaker 1: is at the end of the day, you met someone

797
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 1: you're marrying, And if you think about that, it's like,

798
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:09,800
Speaker 1: it is so hard to find a person that you

799
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 1: want to settle down with and that wants to settle

800
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 1: down with you. Just finding each other was a miracle,

801
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:19,160
Speaker 1: a miracle. So lean into that and recognize that you

802
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:21,800
Speaker 1: did it. You found someone you want to be with.

803
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 1: They love you, and that is the true celebration, and

804
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:28,680
Speaker 1: all the other stuff is just you know, it's people

805
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 1: there loving even supporting you. That's the positive cherry on top.

806
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,360
Speaker 1: But it is not what it's about. It's about YouTube.

807
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 1: It's funny to use the word miracle because Gwen Stefani

808
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:39,080
Speaker 1: uses that word all the time, and I whenever I

809
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 1: see her, I always make fun of her. I'm like,

810
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 1: not everything is a miracle, Gwen, And she's like, meeting

811
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,919
Speaker 1: Blake was a mirror, and that happened. She goes, meeting

812
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 1: Blake was a miracle. It's a miracle. I was like,

813
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 1: he was sitting right next to you on the voice.

814
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:53,160
Speaker 1: Why is that a miracle? And she's like, Chelsea, it's

815
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 1: a miracle that I fell in love with him. I'm like,

816
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 1: and then I was like I started think about him, like, yeah,

817
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:02,000
Speaker 1: maybe it is a recall. Maybe my cynical mind doesn't

818
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:04,880
Speaker 1: believe in miracles, and maybe every little thing is a miracle.

819
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 1: I think two people will come together and in that

820
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:11,239
Speaker 1: way that you you really think you can spend your

821
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 1: life with this person. You're gonna wake up to this

822
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 1: person every day and not get tired of each other.

823
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:19,359
Speaker 1: That's a miracle. Yeah, but you don't know that you're

824
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:21,680
Speaker 1: not gonna get tired. You you might, yeah, you might,

825
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 1: but you're going into it thinking I think we could

826
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:26,880
Speaker 1: do this. These two things had to line up for

827
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:29,320
Speaker 1: us to get to this point, and they're Gwen and

828
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 1: Blaker seemingly very different on the outside. So in a way,

829
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:35,319
Speaker 1: that is kind of like who would have ever thought

830
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 1: her grown up in Anaheim him in Oklahoma that they're

831
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:45,399
Speaker 1: passed with somehow cross like that. That's probably what she means. Yeah, yeah,

832
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's a miracle. It's miraculous. Just enjoy it, right,

833
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:52,279
Speaker 1: I guess right that email, I think that's what we

834
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:55,839
Speaker 1: landed on. Yeah, and you can title the email every

835
00:43:55,920 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 1: day a miracle. Yeah, love is a miracle. Uh well.

836
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:10,240
Speaker 1: Our next question comes from Jazz. She's in her late twenties.

837
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:13,520
Speaker 1: She says, Dear Chelsea, my parents have always pulled my

838
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 1: sister and I into their toxic, manipulative relationship. When we

839
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 1: were younger, they'd scream at each other, give each other

840
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 1: the silent treatment, tell one another they were going to

841
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 1: move out, all right in front of us. My dad

842
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 1: made us unknowing accomplices in his affair. My mom would

843
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:31,759
Speaker 1: use us as ponds during their fights. I'm now in

844
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 1: my late twenties, living independently for my parents, and I've

845
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:36,799
Speaker 1: been working with an amazing therapist for the last two

846
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:40,760
Speaker 1: years on reparenting myself because of that. The most recent

847
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:42,760
Speaker 1: time my parents tried to pull me into their bullshit.

848
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:45,680
Speaker 1: Yes they're still doing this, I said enough is enough.

849
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:48,719
Speaker 1: I had a really uncomfortable conversation with my mom where

850
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 1: I shared that I needed lots of space and that

851
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:53,440
Speaker 1: moving forward, I'll be making choices to protect myself from

852
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 1: being pulled into their relationship troubles. They've been going to therapy,

853
00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 1: but I haven't seen much improvement on this specific topic.

854
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,439
Speaker 1: During our infrequent phone calls, they'll slip in that they're

855
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:05,759
Speaker 1: mad at each other for some reason, blah blah blah.

856
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,000
Speaker 1: I've been very open each time it happens that I

857
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:10,600
Speaker 1: don't want to hear it. Here are the reasons why, etcetera.

858
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:14,439
Speaker 1: Here's the issue. My sister, who I rarely get to see,

859
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 1: invited my parents and I to Thanksgiving at her house

860
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:19,840
Speaker 1: this year. I'd love to see my sister and her fiance,

861
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:21,839
Speaker 1: but I just don't think my parents will be able

862
00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:24,240
Speaker 1: to keep it together. The house will be in doesn't

863
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:26,319
Speaker 1: allow for a ton of privacy, and they live out

864
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 1: in the middle of nowhere, so I can't stay somewhere else.

865
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 1: I know that if I go, I'll somehow get entangled

866
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 1: in their bullshit, if only from a spectator standpoint. They

867
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,200
Speaker 1: don't really scream and fight in front of us anymore,

868
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:38,879
Speaker 1: though I'm sure they still do this in private. Now

869
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:42,360
Speaker 1: it's mostly underlying manipulation, giving each other the cold shoulder,

870
00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:45,239
Speaker 1: openly sending each other text like maybe I'll just move

871
00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 1: out when I get home, which are easily seen on

872
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:49,719
Speaker 1: my mom's phone from a distance because she has her

873
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:52,719
Speaker 1: font up to a thousand. So what should I do?

874
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 1: I don't want to be around my parents together for

875
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 1: that long, since I know the boundaries still aren't there.

876
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:00,120
Speaker 1: Is it shitty to just skip holidays and family gatherings

877
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 1: until this is resolved, knowing it might never be resolved.

878
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:05,120
Speaker 1: I don't want to look back and think I missed

879
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 1: out on valuable time with my family. But I've also

880
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 1: been around enough fighting for an entire lifetime. Jess Hi,

881
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 1: jess Hi, Hi, that's so fucked up. Thank you? Oh

882
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,839
Speaker 1: my god. I can't believe your parents are like act

883
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 1: like that. I know, yeah, I think they're doing their best,

884
00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:29,279
Speaker 1: but their best they're not talking about. I'm so sick

885
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 1: of everybody saying that everybody is doing their best. Some

886
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 1: people are just coasting and like just getting by. Not

887
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 1: everybody's doing their best. I mean, obviously they don't have

888
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:42,399
Speaker 1: the tools to be doing better, because otherwise hopefully they would.

889
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:44,960
Speaker 1: But yeah, you don't have to give them that much credit.

890
00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:47,880
Speaker 1: How long have they been married? I think like twenty

891
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:53,720
Speaker 1: five years, so yeah, and they've never separated or anything

892
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:57,000
Speaker 1: like that. They separated there is like an affair in there.

893
00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 1: So they separated during that time. It was obviously handled poorly.

894
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 1: We've never spoken about it really as a family. So

895
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:06,120
Speaker 1: and then they got back together just out of habit.

896
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 1: They're like, I guess you'll do exactly. And when you

897
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:15,080
Speaker 1: started like setting the boundaries for them, how did they

898
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 1: respond to that? It was really bad. There's actually been

899
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:20,480
Speaker 1: an update since then. So they have been going to

900
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:23,120
Speaker 1: counseling and they went like three times and they're like,

901
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 1: we're good. And they asked if I would come to

902
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 1: the counseling with them. Wants to have me share the

903
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:32,759
Speaker 1: boundaries in a facilitated way, because it was just hard

904
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 1: to share. And even in that facilitated way, they didn't

905
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:38,719
Speaker 1: get it. They just kept saying like this is just

906
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 1: how we grew up and this is just how it is,

907
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:42,920
Speaker 1: and like it's so small, like this doesn't matter, but

908
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 1: it's pretty intense. So I don't know. They just can't understand.

909
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 1: It's just how they grew up. It does feel like

910
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:52,719
Speaker 1: that older generation is less into therapy and more of

911
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:57,239
Speaker 1: like you just gotta stick it out, and the rest

912
00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 1: of us are like cup bait, jump ship. Yeah. It's like,

913
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,400
Speaker 1: you know when people think that it's like a fixed

914
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 1: state of being, It's like, no, you're in a state

915
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:07,399
Speaker 1: of mind that you've decided is a fixed state of being.

916
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:09,840
Speaker 1: It's a state. Everything is a state of mind. That

917
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:12,759
Speaker 1: attitude and that disposition is like, that's not how you

918
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 1: have to be. You have other options, but they're like, no,

919
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:18,880
Speaker 1: this is me. Yeah. And what I've been struggling with

920
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:21,200
Speaker 1: is like I don't think that's my job to help

921
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 1: them through it, but do I just like not see

922
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 1: them until then, knowing that it could never get any better.

923
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:29,719
Speaker 1: And all of my friends have awful relationships with their parents,

924
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:32,960
Speaker 1: so nobody else, nobody else in my life knows how

925
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 1: to handles either. So I don't know, Well, what about

926
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 1: your sister? Is she so she's okay with having Thanksgiving

927
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:41,120
Speaker 1: with them? Because I don't want you to miss out

928
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:42,880
Speaker 1: on Thanksgiving because your parents I just feel like you

929
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:45,440
Speaker 1: kind of have to flip your narrative. They are going

930
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 1: to be the way they are, and I think you

931
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 1: have to try and have less of an impact on you,

932
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 1: especially around important holiday family times. This is an important

933
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:57,239
Speaker 1: holiday that I don't want you to miss because of that.

934
00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:00,279
Speaker 1: I understand setting boundaries. I think that's totally health for

935
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:03,320
Speaker 1: the rest of the year when it's not Christmas or whatever, Hanukah,

936
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:05,759
Speaker 1: whatever you celebrate, if there's a way that you can

937
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 1: go and and and just disengage when that happens and

938
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 1: not take it on so much yourself kind of I

939
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:14,920
Speaker 1: don't want to say disassociate because that can be a

940
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:17,359
Speaker 1: dangerous word, but just kind of take a step back

941
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:20,560
Speaker 1: and not let it affect you so much, knowing that

942
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:23,600
Speaker 1: they're limited and that they're going to remain that way,

943
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 1: and that you've said what you're going to say, and

944
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:28,680
Speaker 1: just leaving the room when things are going for a

945
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:31,160
Speaker 1: walk outside when things get heated, and just being like

946
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:32,400
Speaker 1: I told you, guys, I don't want to be a

947
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:35,360
Speaker 1: part of this, and making sure that every time you

948
00:49:35,480 --> 00:49:38,359
Speaker 1: remove yourself from the situation when you feel like you're

949
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:41,440
Speaker 1: getting to a place where it becomes untenable for yourself.

950
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:44,399
Speaker 1: M yeah, yeah, you don't want to miss a good

951
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:51,440
Speaker 1: family drama Thanksgiving. I mean sometimes that is fun. Well,

952
00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:53,400
Speaker 1: it's that it's fun if you don't come from a

953
00:49:53,480 --> 00:50:00,040
Speaker 1: family like that, like you had an affair I And

954
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:03,160
Speaker 1: it's sympathetic that their children have to set boundaries for them,

955
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 1: you know, like way to parent your parents. You do

956
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 1: you think that happens a lot? Yes, I feel. I

957
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:13,319
Speaker 1: mean it sucks. It sucks. It's like you can't change them,

958
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:16,839
Speaker 1: and you can't make them have a happy, healthy relationship.

959
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 1: And if they're not gonna divorce, you also can't change that.

960
00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 1: So I mean it is up to you to have

961
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:27,719
Speaker 1: to either you don't go but again, like Chelsea said,

962
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:31,440
Speaker 1: you're missing out on these big family holidays, or you

963
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:35,920
Speaker 1: go with again, like tapering your expectations of what's going

964
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:40,680
Speaker 1: to happen and trying not to let yourself get affected

965
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 1: so heavily by their energy and their actions towards each other.

966
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,400
Speaker 1: Fin any way, it's like be with your sister when

967
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:52,560
Speaker 1: you're they're focusing on that, you know, catching up there

968
00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:55,279
Speaker 1: and just letting mom and dad sort of hash it

969
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 1: out in the kitchen, you know, instead of like getting

970
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 1: in the middle, you can just be like I'm out,

971
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:03,919
Speaker 1: I'm just here for sweet potatoes. Yeah, or even any

972
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:05,560
Speaker 1: time it comes up, or if there is a fight,

973
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:07,719
Speaker 1: you put on a podcast and fucking listen to it,

974
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 1: or put on an album and listen to it. Sorry,

975
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:12,200
Speaker 1: I'm not doing this. You don't have to let it

976
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 1: run you for during that time. It's it's actually a

977
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:18,399
Speaker 1: pretty good mental Jim exercise for you to be able

978
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:20,640
Speaker 1: to go to an event and let them kind of

979
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 1: do their thing. I mean, they've gotten the warning, so

980
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 1: they're probably gonna be on better behavior than they have been,

981
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 1: even though their best behavior is still probably not going

982
00:51:28,200 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 1: to be good enough. I think it's a good exercise

983
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:32,600
Speaker 1: for you to be a little bit more tolerant, knowing

984
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 1: that you've kind of drawn the lines, and then just

985
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 1: removing yourself when it becomes annoying or too much, just

986
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:41,359
Speaker 1: walking outside and going for a walk and coming back.

987
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 1: That sends the message also like cool it or I'm

988
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,800
Speaker 1: going to leave. What Fortune and Chelsea are saying echoes

989
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:50,800
Speaker 1: something I talked about with my therapist recently, where we

990
00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:53,719
Speaker 1: were going home for a family thing, and I was

991
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 1: crying about like, well, what if I have to talk

992
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,279
Speaker 1: about this stuff with my family and they're gonna be

993
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 1: shitty about it, or if I don't, then they're going

994
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:03,080
Speaker 1: to talk behind my back. Blah blah blah, just you know,

995
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:05,840
Speaker 1: kind of be an emotional about family stuff. And my

996
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:09,439
Speaker 1: therapist said something that was so freeing, which was, yeah,

997
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:13,040
Speaker 1: families talk shit, They're gonna do what they're gonna do,

998
00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:17,080
Speaker 1: regardless of what you have going on. Regardless sometimes of

999
00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:19,520
Speaker 1: the boundaries that you've set, the only one we can

1000
00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:22,839
Speaker 1: control is ourselves. And so for me, it was such

1001
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:25,279
Speaker 1: a light to just be like, oh, that's just a thing.

1002
00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 1: I don't have to let it activate my stuff. It

1003
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:31,920
Speaker 1: doesn't have to get through Timmy. And I love the

1004
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:34,160
Speaker 1: idea of just like sitting there with a little podcast

1005
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:36,960
Speaker 1: and like taking a mental break, do a you know,

1006
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:40,319
Speaker 1: a headspace meditation, chill out for a little bit. Yeah,

1007
00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 1: just tell your parents you'd rather listen to Russian state

1008
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:47,279
Speaker 1: propaganda and then turn on Russian state news and then

1009
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 1: listen to them fucking bicker at the table, you know,

1010
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:55,439
Speaker 1: or put on my Netflix special good Fortune. But yeah,

1011
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:57,359
Speaker 1: I think I just need to get comfortable like they

1012
00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:59,719
Speaker 1: get mad when we don't get pulled in, and I

1013
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:02,839
Speaker 1: think I just need to be that's your thing. I'm

1014
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:04,840
Speaker 1: going to sit here and well people like that. I

1015
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:08,360
Speaker 1: want a reaction, and if you stop giving them that reaction,

1016
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 1: eventually they will stop. They want it first, but you

1017
00:53:11,239 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 1: got to kind of retrain them. But if you are

1018
00:53:14,239 --> 00:53:17,239
Speaker 1: reactive to what they're doing, they're doing it because they

1019
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:19,400
Speaker 1: know they're going to get a response from you, and

1020
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:22,240
Speaker 1: that's what they want. They because they're not getting stuff

1021
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:25,880
Speaker 1: from each other, so now they're putting the tentacles out elsewhere.

1022
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 1: And you just have to not I know it's hard,

1023
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 1: it requires self control on your part, but yeah, you

1024
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:36,160
Speaker 1: just can't give the reaction they want, or any reaction.

1025
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:42,280
Speaker 1: I mean, sweep Jata your mom and say beach Okay,

1026
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:51,640
Speaker 1: maybe don't say that far, yeah, or saying I say

1027
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:55,200
Speaker 1: takes a mushrooms. It takes a mushrooms. Said, just sit

1028
00:53:55,239 --> 00:53:56,759
Speaker 1: there and you'll have a great time no matter what.

1029
00:53:56,880 --> 00:54:01,200
Speaker 1: Then to slip your parents some mushrooms. That's a good

1030
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:06,080
Speaker 1: idea too. I love this. I'm feeling much better about this. Yeah,

1031
00:54:06,719 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 1: go with a good sense of humor. Yeah, treat it all.

1032
00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:13,920
Speaker 1: Be lighter yourself going to it. Don't go like dreading

1033
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:20,440
Speaker 1: it just hung in mushrooms, air pods. Yeah, good fortunee

1034
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 1: exactly for yourself. And then read it to them and

1035
00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:28,680
Speaker 1: say it says you guys are getting to force fucking

1036
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:33,080
Speaker 1: fast track that ship. Play two truth and a lie, oh,

1037
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:34,920
Speaker 1: or your sister, and you can make a game out

1038
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:37,239
Speaker 1: of it. You know, you guys can have a nice

1039
00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:39,680
Speaker 1: hidden game about how many times they get, you know,

1040
00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:44,400
Speaker 1: say something or light each other you every time your

1041
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:48,640
Speaker 1: mom brings up your dad cheating, you drink it will

1042
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:53,239
Speaker 1: be wasted. But yeah, I think I think you going

1043
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:57,680
Speaker 1: lighter to it might help your anxiety as well. Yeah,

1044
00:54:57,719 --> 00:54:59,719
Speaker 1: I already feel better. I was not taking the light

1045
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:02,279
Speaker 1: approach at all. It was just like I'm gonna or

1046
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:04,560
Speaker 1: I'm not going to go. But yeah, because here's the

1047
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 1: best part. You don't live with them, and you don't

1048
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:08,040
Speaker 1: have to deal with that all the time. You get

1049
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 1: to leave. Yeah, that should make you happy. You don't,

1050
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:14,320
Speaker 1: you're not the person in that. I was just like,

1051
00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:15,920
Speaker 1: I wonder if I want to I could pay eight

1052
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:19,279
Speaker 1: hundred dollars to watch people fight, or I could go

1053
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:22,239
Speaker 1: on a trip without these people and have a good time. Right, Well,

1054
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:25,239
Speaker 1: you don't have to spend every holiday with them, Just

1055
00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:27,920
Speaker 1: so you know, I don't spend every holiday with my family.

1056
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:32,480
Speaker 1: That doesn't make you a bad daughter, right. It might

1057
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:35,000
Speaker 1: trigger somebody telling me I'm a bad daughter, but no,

1058
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:40,479
Speaker 1: that we already decided you. You're also entering your adult phase.

1059
00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 1: I used to spend on every holiday when I was

1060
00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:45,200
Speaker 1: in my twenties, but once I hit my thirties, you're

1061
00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:47,840
Speaker 1: because I felt guilt. You don't have to spend a

1062
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:49,920
Speaker 1: real holiday with them. Yeah, and this is the first year.

1063
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:52,719
Speaker 1: I think it's that like weird in between, like it's

1064
00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:56,359
Speaker 1: just expected. But choose one. I would go. I would

1065
00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:58,799
Speaker 1: do like every other one every year. Thanks, even when

1066
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:01,840
Speaker 1: you're Christmas the next sure, but that's up to you.

1067
00:56:01,920 --> 00:56:05,160
Speaker 1: That's up to you. Totally off the next year. Yeah, yeah,

1068
00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:06,719
Speaker 1: and then you and your sister can like go to

1069
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:10,359
Speaker 1: Mexico with her fiancee next year. My sister is much

1070
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:19,319
Speaker 1: better about all of this. She just has no emotions. Yeah, amazing. Well,

1071
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:22,040
Speaker 1: thank you, Jas. I appreciate you calling in and sharing

1072
00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:23,359
Speaker 1: this with us because I think it's going to help

1073
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:25,440
Speaker 1: a lot of people. A lot of people have questions.

1074
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:30,319
Speaker 1: Maybe not as bad behavior as your parents, but similar questions. Well,

1075
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:32,600
Speaker 1: thank you so much for the advice. I really appreciate it.

1076
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:40,920
Speaker 1: You're welcome to Happy Thanks, thank you, bye bye. Oh

1077
00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:44,040
Speaker 1: she's so sweet. Yeah yeah, couples like that need to

1078
00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:46,920
Speaker 1: do m d M, a therapy where they're both on

1079
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:48,880
Speaker 1: Molly and then all of a sudden create some new

1080
00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 1: neural pathways. Yeah. Yeah. Also there walking around naked. That's

1081
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:57,759
Speaker 1: a thanksgiving. That sounds great. Well, we'll take a quick

1082
00:56:57,880 --> 00:57:00,400
Speaker 1: break and we'll be right back to app up with

1083
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:10,239
Speaker 1: Fortune and Chelsea. And we're back Fortune. We're back with Fort.

1084
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:14,600
Speaker 1: Welcome back, ladies. Fortune. Do you have any advice you'd

1085
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:17,480
Speaker 1: like to get from Chelsea? Well, it kind of stemming

1086
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:19,680
Speaker 1: off of what we were talking about earlier before we

1087
00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 1: took the calls, I was gonna ask you if you

1088
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 1: did recommend a couples therapy because I feel like it

1089
00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:28,360
Speaker 1: has that like negative connotation of like you only go

1090
00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:31,240
Speaker 1: if there are problems. But I've been hearing more and

1091
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:35,920
Speaker 1: more people lately talk about that it that it's shouldn't

1092
00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:39,400
Speaker 1: be like treated like that, that you should go even

1093
00:57:39,440 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 1: if your relationship is good and healthy, that it can

1094
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:43,960
Speaker 1: help you in ways you never thought, And I had

1095
00:57:44,040 --> 00:57:46,160
Speaker 1: never thought about it like that until I recently heard that,

1096
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 1: and so I was just curious. Yeah, I think so.

1097
00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:51,200
Speaker 1: I think it's very proactive because it's helps with communication, because,

1098
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:53,680
Speaker 1: like you have to understand, as healthy as your relationship,

1099
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:57,480
Speaker 1: maybe two different people come from two different backgrounds and

1100
00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:00,600
Speaker 1: have two completely separate histories and two different ways of

1101
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:04,040
Speaker 1: viewing things, and it's only advantageous to learn about how

1102
00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 1: somebody else sees things. You can only learn from that.

1103
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:11,480
Speaker 1: And the strongest connection with people is communication like that

1104
00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:14,040
Speaker 1: is the number one ingredient to be able to communicate

1105
00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:17,760
Speaker 1: in a loving, calm way even when conflict arises, because

1106
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:20,960
Speaker 1: it's gonna arise. Something will happen where there's conflict at

1107
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:23,160
Speaker 1: some point, and when you have the tools to deal

1108
00:58:23,280 --> 00:58:26,160
Speaker 1: with that, it doesn't become a hurdle. It just becomes

1109
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 1: like almost an opportunity to grow closer, you know. And

1110
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:31,760
Speaker 1: I feel like that kind of connection, especially with a

1111
00:58:31,840 --> 00:58:35,160
Speaker 1: third party, really can bring people together when both people

1112
00:58:35,240 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 1: are very open to hearing about the other person's perceptions

1113
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 1: and experiences. So I am a total you know, I

1114
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:46,040
Speaker 1: don't think I'll date anyone who hasn't been to therapy

1115
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:49,200
Speaker 1: or who isn't open to go into therapy. I think

1116
00:58:49,280 --> 00:58:51,840
Speaker 1: both of us would be open to it, but neither

1117
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:55,880
Speaker 1: of us have really taken that seriously or or approached

1118
00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:58,040
Speaker 1: each other about it because we didn't want the other

1119
00:58:58,160 --> 00:59:00,560
Speaker 1: person to assume there was an issue. Yeah, you know,

1120
00:59:00,760 --> 00:59:03,560
Speaker 1: so there. I feel like sometimes we just don't say

1121
00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 1: it because I'm like, I don't have an issue, and

1122
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:09,520
Speaker 1: you don't, I think have an issue. So by us

1123
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:11,680
Speaker 1: bringing this up, are they going to think that we

1124
00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:14,200
Speaker 1: have a problem in the relationship that we don't, you

1125
00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:16,040
Speaker 1: know what I mean? So that's okay, I'll bring it up.

1126
00:59:16,160 --> 00:59:17,960
Speaker 1: We're going a happy hour later, so I'll just bring

1127
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:20,480
Speaker 1: it up naturally and just suggest what she said. She

1128
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:22,600
Speaker 1: said it to me before, and I've been like, you know,

1129
00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:25,800
Speaker 1: so it's not like something she's against. I just feel

1130
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:29,160
Speaker 1: like it does have that negative thing around it. When

1131
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:34,160
Speaker 1: you say couples therapy, people automatically go, well, what's wrong? Yeah,

1132
00:59:34,520 --> 00:59:36,360
Speaker 1: And that's not the king, you know, I don't think

1133
00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:38,560
Speaker 1: so at all. I think really smart people go and

1134
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:41,280
Speaker 1: like proactively go to get you know, so that you

1135
00:59:41,400 --> 00:59:43,360
Speaker 1: have somebody and then it doesn't have to be like

1136
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:45,680
Speaker 1: a regular thing like you don't have to go every week.

1137
00:59:45,960 --> 00:59:47,760
Speaker 1: You could go once a month. But when there is

1138
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:50,720
Speaker 1: a conflict or a crisis or something comes up, and

1139
00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:52,640
Speaker 1: that's when you can lean on someone and you know

1140
00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:54,640
Speaker 1: you have that at your disposal, which is always just

1141
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 1: I think, such a huge advantage, you know, to know

1142
00:59:57,000 --> 00:59:58,680
Speaker 1: some you have somebody you can lean on for those

1143
00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:02,920
Speaker 1: kinds of things. Yeah, right, well, there you go, and

1144
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:08,400
Speaker 1: that wraps up this episode of Dear Fortune Cookie. Fortune Cookie,

1145
01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:11,640
Speaker 1: don't forget to watch Fortune Special, her latest special on Netflix.

1146
01:00:11,720 --> 01:00:16,920
Speaker 1: Good Fortune. There's snuggling happening. I can't wait for you

1147
01:00:17,040 --> 01:00:22,360
Speaker 1: to be part of our thriple. We are to talk

1148
01:00:22,400 --> 01:00:28,000
Speaker 1: to our therapist about it, about inviting somebody. And thank you, Fortune,

1149
01:00:28,040 --> 01:00:31,240
Speaker 1: We love you, thanks for having me love you. Thank

1150
01:00:31,280 --> 01:00:34,200
Speaker 1: you so much. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea,

1151
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:37,840
Speaker 1: just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at

1152
01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:41,360
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of I

1153
01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:46,120
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stump, produced by Catherine Law,

1154
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:48,600
Speaker 1: and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.