1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,160 Speaker 1: We have not only residents of treatment, we have a 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,799 Speaker 1: medical detox. Can you think about a seventeen time fella 3 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:15,440 Speaker 1: hiring a medical doctor. I mean you think, I mean, like, 4 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: who does it right? 5 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 2: Well, you do, my friend. 6 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:25,759 Speaker 1: So we got nurses, nurse practitioners, rins, case manager, counselors. 7 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: But let me say this more importantly, thirty five percent 8 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 1: of my staff is people who have come through my 9 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,960 Speaker 1: program and are in recovery. 10 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:45,159 Speaker 2: Welcome to an army of normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney, 11 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,920 Speaker 2: I'm a normal guy. I'm a husband, I'm a father, 12 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:52,440 Speaker 2: I'm an entrepreneur, and I've been a football coach an 13 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 2: inner City Memphis. And the last part it accidentally led 14 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,320 Speaker 2: to an oscar for the film about our team. It's 15 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 2: called Undefeated. I believe our country's problems will never be 16 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,640 Speaker 2: solved by a bunch of fancy people and nice suits 17 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 2: talking big words that nobody understands on CNN and Fox, 18 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 2: but rather by an army of normal folks, US just 19 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:18,320 Speaker 2: you and me deciding hey, I can help. That's what 20 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:22,120 Speaker 2: Trina Frarson, the voice we just heard, has done. After 21 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:27,440 Speaker 2: racking up seventeen felonies, Trina finally had enough and had 22 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 2: a vision for a resource center to help other women 23 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:35,480 Speaker 2: like her coming back from prison, and today her nonprofit, 24 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 2: Mending Hearts has grown into something far beyond her wildest imagination, 25 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 2: owning fifteen homes in Nashville that provide shelter, hope, and 26 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 2: healing to women who are homeless due to addiction and 27 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:53,480 Speaker 2: mental health disorders. I cannot wait for you to meet 28 00:01:53,480 --> 00:02:12,240 Speaker 2: Trina right after these brief messages from our Generals sponsors. 29 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,600 Speaker 2: So you grew up me Snashville. You're one of six 30 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 2: Your father passed away. 31 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:24,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, father passed away at the age of six. Yeah, 32 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:28,880 Speaker 1: so didn't get much relationship there. But my oldest brother 33 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 1: became my father figure. 34 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,360 Speaker 2: How much older was he than you? 35 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,399 Speaker 1: See, he was seven years older than I was, actually 36 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:43,280 Speaker 1: at the age of fifteen. I was fifteen passed when 37 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 1: he was twenty two. But he was the guy that 38 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:49,360 Speaker 1: came in. Father figure worked two jobs like my mom 39 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,880 Speaker 1: helped take care of his other siblings. Yeah. 40 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,920 Speaker 2: So you grew up in a predominantly black area of 41 00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 2: the East Nashville and your mom's working trying to raise 42 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:06,640 Speaker 2: six dad's past fifteen year old brothers are having to 43 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:12,120 Speaker 2: take father like roles. The community is very important. Twelve 44 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 2: or thirteen is when you put your tires on the 45 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 2: first squirrely road. Yeah, you know, and we're going to 46 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,440 Speaker 2: go through the unraveling before we go through the redemption. 47 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,920 Speaker 2: So just I'm going to sit and listen to you 48 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 2: kind of unfold twelve through maybe sixteen or seventeen. 49 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:32,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I was, you know, I think my 50 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 1: first want to be grown. 51 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 2: Habit grow, Yeah, we want to be grown. 52 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:43,000 Speaker 1: Have you know? My mom used to make this corn 53 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 1: cob wine. You don't have to sit over a year 54 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,760 Speaker 1: before you can drink it. And uh man, I used 55 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 1: to that's shine pretty much. 56 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, your mom made shining. 57 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 1: Mom made shining to bring it and she'd bring it 58 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 1: out on the holidays right right it thanks Giving, it Christmas. 59 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 1: And I think my first first time of alcohol is 60 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,160 Speaker 1: I sipped and snuck and snipped sip some and I 61 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 1: seen my brother and them do it, and so like 62 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 1: I'm the baby of the family right out of six, 63 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 1: and so I seen him do it, and so I 64 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,160 Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna do that when nobody's looking, right. 65 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,480 Speaker 1: I think that was my first shot. But you know, 66 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:25,800 Speaker 1: at the age of twelve, I got caught smoking. 67 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:28,799 Speaker 2: Siggs are weeds cigarettes, okay. 68 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 1: And so my brother's best friend lived on the street 69 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 1: coming from Hollan Nights Junior High. And I think that 70 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 1: nobody's see him and there at work, right, No, it 71 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,479 Speaker 1: was his off day. He called me. I was walking 72 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 1: down the street smoking by the time I got home 73 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 1: my brother's home. My mom never whooped me, but my 74 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 1: brother did. Really, oh man, he gave me a good whooping. 75 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,560 Speaker 1: And I'm telling you, it made me clean the whole house, 76 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:00,840 Speaker 1: like I didn't just get a whooping, like I got 77 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,480 Speaker 1: punished again, like clean up his whole house, right, And 78 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,159 Speaker 1: so that was my first encounter. I want to be grown. 79 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:12,599 Speaker 1: But you know, at the age of fourteen, I used 80 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,720 Speaker 1: to meet up with my sister and brother and them 81 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,360 Speaker 1: in the back room of our house. My mom was 82 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: already gone to work. You know. My mom used to 83 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: divide lunch money up on our TV at the TV 84 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 1: stuff I just had, you know, the big TV console model, 85 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:35,919 Speaker 1: Floria model is what we called it. Yeah, and Zenith, Yes, 86 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 1: that's it. That's it. 87 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:39,479 Speaker 2: And so in fact, they make got one of those 88 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 2: things in this place. 89 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,839 Speaker 1: You know what you're about, right, probably. 90 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 2: Got something like that a lot here somewhere anyway, so 91 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,080 Speaker 2: and we'd get our lunch. 92 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,280 Speaker 1: But but prior to going to school, Mom's already worked 93 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:54,599 Speaker 1: and fixed breakfast for us and everything. They're in this 94 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 1: back room. It's almost like a meeting, and it's two 95 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:03,280 Speaker 1: of my brothers and uh now three of my brothers 96 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:07,719 Speaker 1: and my sister, right, and so the back there rolling 97 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 1: their joints and you know, smoking the weed. And I'm 98 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,800 Speaker 1: sitting back here on the chair and I just remember 99 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:17,160 Speaker 1: it visually. I'm on the arm of this cheer and uh, 100 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:22,960 Speaker 1: I'm just watching them. And my sister says, God bless 101 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: us alf she just passed last week. But uh, she says, 102 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 1: uh here and she rolls up some But you know, 103 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 1: back then, it was the when you got this budded 104 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 1: weed right at the end of the bag, there's the 105 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,359 Speaker 1: dust that round and listen, she pulled it into this 106 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,640 Speaker 1: paper and it was probably more paper than marijuana, right, 107 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 1: But I was happy to be a part of the club, man, 108 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 1: uh like, and coming from my big sister and she's like, hey, 109 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 1: h here and don't tell nobody. She waited till everybody 110 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,440 Speaker 1: left the room and gave it to me, And I 111 00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 1: thought that was a bond you know, but that was 112 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,440 Speaker 1: my insane thinking back then. I really thought there was 113 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: a bond for me and my sister in like she 114 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:07,800 Speaker 1: knew I wanted to be a part of the club. Right. 115 00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 2: It's almost like an indoctrination, yes, which I know your 116 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 2: sister didn't intend. 117 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 1: Oh no, but that's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 118 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 1: so you know, and she she go off to work, 119 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,840 Speaker 1: we go off to school. And so. 120 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:34,280 Speaker 2: Your mom, I'm sorry, but your mom working two jobs 121 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 2: with six kids fighting? Yeah, I mean those salmon croquette 122 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:44,720 Speaker 2: and the rice and the whole thing that that she 123 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 2: worked hard to be able to put that stuff on 124 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:50,880 Speaker 2: the table. And she's piling up lunch money on the TV, 125 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 2: scraping together quarters and nichols. I So, I mean, this woman, 126 00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 2: thy man, she's my hero of ma Mama listen, mister deadly. 127 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 1: Uh and I think about, you know, just my process 128 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,840 Speaker 1: with her. She died, you know, due to cancer, right, 129 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 1: but the things she sacrificed, uh, so that we have. 130 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, did she ever remarry or anything? 131 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:22,960 Speaker 1: Never? 132 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,200 Speaker 2: She didn't have time for a man if she's working 133 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 2: two job raising six. 134 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:31,240 Speaker 1: She had these white shoes they like you remember the 135 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:32,320 Speaker 1: old nurse's shoes. 136 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:36,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, white white on white. Yes, white white. 137 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 1: When I say the side of them right where your 138 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,760 Speaker 1: baby toe is had a hole in it, and maybe 139 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:45,400 Speaker 1: over at the top when I say, she took some 140 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:49,079 Speaker 1: galls or some glue and covered that hold up. And 141 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,480 Speaker 1: you remember the old white shoe polish. Oh, man, she 142 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,800 Speaker 1: had that thing patch. It looked like it was a 143 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 1: little patch, but her shoes was clean and white, and 144 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,280 Speaker 1: it might have had those hole patches in it. But 145 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 1: I'm telling you, if you looked at her kids, none 146 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 1: of their none of us had holes in our shoes, 147 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 1: none of them. She sacrificed. I see the sacrifice. 148 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:20,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, what would have done to her to know that 149 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,679 Speaker 2: those kids were in the back room rolling up weed? 150 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 1: You know, back in those days, probably the younger group. 151 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 1: She probably have lost it and definitely would have lost 152 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,920 Speaker 1: it with me because of the baby. Yeah. I was 153 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 1: supposed to been her golden child, right, But but you 154 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: know I say that I later found out, Like I 155 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,240 Speaker 1: thought I was a special kid in my mom's life. 156 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 1: But I later found out, man, she had a special 157 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 1: way with all the kids. I thought, I'm telling you, 158 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,319 Speaker 1: I thought I had my way with my mom. I 159 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 1: thought I was the price child. 160 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 2: She just made you all feel that way. 161 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:11,599 Speaker 1: Yes, I was like, man, it's like wow, but yeah, 162 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 1: you know, I think she would have blewe and lead 163 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:21,440 Speaker 1: to no I right. I think she knew of my 164 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 1: sister and other brother, you know, because that was the 165 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:27,439 Speaker 1: that was a thing back then, you know, like that 166 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:30,360 Speaker 1: bringing it to a legalization right now, trying to get 167 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,760 Speaker 1: it across the country. But uh, that was the little 168 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 1: thing back then, and it was beer and it wasn't 169 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:40,440 Speaker 1: causing problems, you know, so so that wasn't a threat, 170 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: you know, to our society. 171 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,600 Speaker 2: People didn't. That's interesting you say that. Yeah, it wasn't 172 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 2: a beer in a little weed. You're saying was a thing, 173 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,240 Speaker 2: But that wasn't the threat. 174 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: That wasn't the threat. 175 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:52,320 Speaker 2: But you found it. 176 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 1: Oh my god. Let me tell you. 177 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 2: So after your indoctrination. 178 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I went on and every now and 179 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: then go to the park, meet up me and my friends. 180 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 1: You know, had a friend that could Back in those days, 181 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:08,080 Speaker 1: you could go to the store. Your parents can say, hey, 182 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,440 Speaker 1: I'm sitting Polo down there to get a six packs 183 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:15,559 Speaker 1: of malonea, eggs and cheese. Put it on my tab, right, 184 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,560 Speaker 1: and so you could go get things back then from 185 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,640 Speaker 1: the store, right, and so you didn't have to be 186 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:25,000 Speaker 1: twenty one. They put it in the grocery bag and 187 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,120 Speaker 1: just hand it off you walk up the street. Right. 188 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,080 Speaker 2: That's going to be foreign to a lot of our listeners, 189 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,400 Speaker 2: but let me just tell you, that is not a 190 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,000 Speaker 2: black thing. That is not a Nashville thing, that is 191 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 2: not an inner city thing. My wife, when she was 192 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:46,040 Speaker 2: thirteen growing up east of Memphis, the grandmother, her grandmother 193 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 2: would call the corner store and it was a mile 194 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 2: and a half away because they lived out in the country, 195 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:58,000 Speaker 2: and my thirteen year old wife would drive her LTD 196 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 2: down Highway fourteen, pull up. She would get a pack 197 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 2: of Virginia sum of all ultra lights, a six pack 198 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 2: of beer, and some sandwich meating bread and the historical 199 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,320 Speaker 2: gave it to her knowing it was going back to 200 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:16,240 Speaker 2: my grandmother. And even though that's all that's illegal, definitely, 201 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 2: But I'm telling you, in the South, that was just 202 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 2: the way things worked back in those days. So when 203 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,960 Speaker 2: you say that, I completely get it. A lot of 204 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,160 Speaker 2: people listen to it to be white, but that really 205 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:28,040 Speaker 2: is the way it worked. 206 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,320 Speaker 1: It is, you know. So I played a little bit, 207 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 1: you know with the marijuana and the beer, and it 208 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 1: was just on occasions, you know. It wasn't like all 209 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,640 Speaker 1: the time and I go play ball and you know, 210 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:47,240 Speaker 1: back in the community. But it was. It wasn't until 211 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:51,840 Speaker 1: I first saw cocaine. I think it was in high school. Well, 212 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,920 Speaker 1: let me say, there was supposed to be hair n 213 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 1: but I looked at it and it just didn't look 214 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 1: prison to me. You know, it was on a school 215 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:07,800 Speaker 1: but I think my first Atlantic cocaine was in college. 216 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,240 Speaker 2: And now a few messages from our general sponsors, But first, 217 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:15,560 Speaker 2: I hope you'll consider becoming a Premium member of the 218 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 2: Army at Normalfolks dot us. By becoming one for ten 219 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,960 Speaker 2: bucks a month or one thousand dollars a year, you 220 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 2: can get access to cool benefits like bonus episodes, a 221 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,720 Speaker 2: yearly group call, and even a one on one call 222 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 2: with me. Frankly, guys, Premium memberships also help us to 223 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,800 Speaker 2: grow this army that our country desperately needs right now. 224 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,400 Speaker 2: So I hope you'll think about it. We'll be right back. 225 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:58,520 Speaker 1: I left high school, right got a scholarship to college 226 00:13:58,679 --> 00:14:03,760 Speaker 1: where state community college? And so did you say ball 227 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:11,320 Speaker 1: or ball gall And so I went there and my 228 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: freshman year. There, I come out of my apartment and 229 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 1: they got a party going on in the house and 230 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 1: there's a group over here. It's like here training going something. 231 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:29,320 Speaker 1: And I said, what is that? I said? It said powder, 232 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,880 Speaker 1: It's good. I was like, and they was just like 233 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:38,640 Speaker 1: they had allergies or somethings like nah, I'm good, I'm good. 234 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,840 Speaker 1: And so, you know, thank god I was able to 235 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:43,560 Speaker 1: pass it up because I think my basketball career with 236 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 1: a crash sooner, right, uh. And so I went on 237 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 1: and it wasn't until you know, I ended up headed 238 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,680 Speaker 1: back at my sophomore year and I noticed that I 239 00:14:53,760 --> 00:15:01,560 Speaker 1: was pregnant, and so I quit had the baby. After 240 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:07,960 Speaker 1: having the baby, the guy, the baby's father, I came 241 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 1: home one day in the kitchen and I couldn't get 242 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,640 Speaker 1: in because they had the door jammed up. And when 243 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,240 Speaker 1: I finally get in, it's him and two other guys 244 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 1: in there. And I walk in there and they got 245 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:29,840 Speaker 1: this what do you call it? Turns around and they 246 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:35,400 Speaker 1: got needles going in them and so blinded by love, 247 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:42,000 Speaker 1: first thing I say is I want some right, And 248 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 1: I thank God for this dude. Today he's dead and gone, 249 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:49,840 Speaker 1: but I thank God for him. He was very angry 250 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 1: and he said, no, you don't, you don't ever want this. 251 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,240 Speaker 1: And I said, but you say you love me. If 252 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 1: you can do it, I can do it. And it 253 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:03,000 Speaker 1: was his nephew that took some powdered cocaine and put 254 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,960 Speaker 1: it in a cigarette. And I had to smoke two 255 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,840 Speaker 1: or three before I got the feeling it. But the 256 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 1: only thing I felt was my lips was numb, right, 257 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: and so but it had me thinking, See, it's one 258 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:21,720 Speaker 1: thing about addiction and behaviors and stuff like that, right, 259 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:29,120 Speaker 1: the obsession, right, is the thought process then the compulsion 260 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,040 Speaker 1: of that never ending results. You just want more and 261 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:37,240 Speaker 1: more and more, right, And so I'm looking at but 262 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:40,400 Speaker 1: it was cool. So, you know, I was never a drinker, 263 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,000 Speaker 1: and I wanted to drink a beer, you know. And 264 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:49,040 Speaker 1: so probably that second or third time I smoke what 265 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:53,640 Speaker 1: we call back then a jimmy, Right, that's cocaine and 266 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,600 Speaker 1: a cigarette. 267 00:16:56,880 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 2: A jimmy jimmy. So when we talk about cocaine, we're 268 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:04,400 Speaker 2: talking about crack, right, we're talking about cocaine's. 269 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:08,040 Speaker 1: Cocaine, powdered cocaine. So you put it in tobacco cigarette? Yeah? 270 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:08,520 Speaker 2: Really? 271 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:13,600 Speaker 1: Yeah? So that we called it Jimmy. Right Now, crack 272 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:18,919 Speaker 1: cocaine is formed up and cooked. That's the difference in 273 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:21,360 Speaker 1: powder cocaine and crack coccas. 274 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:25,600 Speaker 2: It's mixed with stuff and cooked. Right, yeah, yeah, bacon soda, 275 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,880 Speaker 2: bacon soda. Right, all right. And so but at this time, 276 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,440 Speaker 2: we're not talking about crack yet. We're talking about just we're. 277 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: Just talking about powder cocaine. But it was a family 278 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,960 Speaker 1: member that came over and noticed that I was doing it. 279 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:40,119 Speaker 1: And it was my niece, and she heard that I 280 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:44,240 Speaker 1: was smoking powder and cigarettes, and she came over and said, 281 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,679 Speaker 1: quit wasting your money. Let me show you something. And 282 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,720 Speaker 1: so she comes bringing out all these utensils as if 283 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,320 Speaker 1: she's in a chemistry lab or something, and she got 284 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,199 Speaker 1: the pirates jars and stuff, and she goes into my 285 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,199 Speaker 1: kitchen and she starts to cook it up. And he's 286 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,720 Speaker 1: showing me what she's doing. And she bring out this 287 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: pipe and then she puts it on there and she 288 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:09,679 Speaker 1: tells me how to pull window pool. And uh, that 289 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:14,320 Speaker 1: was the thing that sent me out to space cracking. 290 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 1: That was cracking. And I tell you what what I 291 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:25,120 Speaker 1: do remember is grabbing my daughter and taking her to 292 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:30,560 Speaker 1: my mom and I knew my mom was sick, but 293 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,719 Speaker 1: I took my daughter and I remember going out and 294 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:38,560 Speaker 1: hanging out for two or three nights and not even 295 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:42,480 Speaker 1: coming back home. And so that would go on and 296 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:53,560 Speaker 1: own for years until I caught my first charge. 297 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:56,640 Speaker 2: Which we'll get to. I am looking at an amazing 298 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,959 Speaker 2: woman right now, and I know the rest of the story, 299 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:06,959 Speaker 2: which we'll get to. The person today, thinking about the 300 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 2: person that left their daughter with their cancer ridden sick 301 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 2: mother and didn't show up for three or four days 302 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:23,840 Speaker 2: or a week because of their addiction to crime, what 303 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:25,440 Speaker 2: do you say to that person now? 304 00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: You can't change the past, but you can mend today. 305 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is that nothing I 306 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:53,760 Speaker 1: did back then I can change, But today I can 307 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:58,720 Speaker 1: mend those broken roads. I can mend those broken relationships. 308 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:03,720 Speaker 1: One is by not doing it right ever again right. 309 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:09,720 Speaker 1: But also speak about it. We need to talk about 310 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,399 Speaker 1: it around the tables. We need to put it on 311 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:16,160 Speaker 1: the kitchen tables like this. This didn't happen in my family. 312 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:22,960 Speaker 1: This just didn't happen on my street. It's happening everywhere. 313 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:30,240 Speaker 1: You know. I regret it, but I do believe because 314 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 1: of what God has done in my life. I do 315 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,480 Speaker 1: believe that my mama smiling today. I think the restoration 316 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:41,439 Speaker 1: process of what I went through in the pain that 317 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:45,720 Speaker 1: I suffered as a result of the harm I caused, right, 318 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:49,040 Speaker 1: because we have to take ownership, Like I can't just 319 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:59,080 Speaker 1: blame this all on addiction. Right. 320 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:04,679 Speaker 2: A big part of my story is fatherlessness because my 321 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,640 Speaker 2: father left home when I was young, my mom was maraining, 322 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:12,919 Speaker 2: divorced five times, and if any regular listener knows the story, 323 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:17,120 Speaker 2: so I won't go deeply into it, but it's one 324 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,160 Speaker 2: of the reasons I was able to connect so well 325 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,920 Speaker 2: with the kids of manasses, because even though I don't 326 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,760 Speaker 2: look like them or come from where they come, I 327 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:34,680 Speaker 2: absolutely understand that part of the trauma of fatherlessness. And 328 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 2: I developed this idea that a lot of fatherlessness in 329 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:49,880 Speaker 2: the hood, particularly comes from men who, when they wake 330 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,360 Speaker 2: up in the morning and they look at their shattered 331 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:56,200 Speaker 2: lives and the guilt they feel for all they're doing, 332 00:21:56,320 --> 00:22:02,920 Speaker 2: can hardly look themselves in the mirror, much less their sons. 333 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,440 Speaker 2: How did you deal with the guilt? Because you had 334 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:07,120 Speaker 2: to have had. 335 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:11,560 Speaker 1: It, oh tons of it, you know, I'm telling you. 336 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:16,159 Speaker 1: A part of dealing with the guilt was continuing to 337 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:22,159 Speaker 1: use right but self medicating, self medicating, but after you know, 338 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:33,520 Speaker 1: being incarcerated right finding other resources. Therapy was my gatekeeper. 339 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 1: It was therapy. And I'm not talking about once a 340 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:43,720 Speaker 1: month type therapy. I'm talking about two or three days 341 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 1: a week therapy. I'm talking about bringing my kids in, 342 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:53,040 Speaker 1: letting them get gut level honestly about how they felt 343 00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:59,119 Speaker 1: neglected and abandoned by my decisions and my behaviors. Can that, 344 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:05,440 Speaker 1: Oh my god, listen so bad? Listen. In one session, 345 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,640 Speaker 1: I ran out of therapy and left my daughter in there. 346 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,400 Speaker 1: The therapists had to call and get somebody to take 347 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,200 Speaker 1: her home. That's how painful. 348 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,480 Speaker 2: It was for because you couldn't face her. 349 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:22,199 Speaker 1: I couldn't, but I thank God for this therapist. No. 350 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,320 Speaker 2: But the point is that speaks exactly to what I'm 351 00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:29,160 Speaker 2: talking about. Yes, you can't even face your own children 352 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:30,720 Speaker 2: because of the guilt you feel. 353 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:31,360 Speaker 1: That's right. 354 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:38,120 Speaker 2: So you're now a crack addict and you have one 355 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:45,959 Speaker 2: kid that you're dumping off with your mom, and. 356 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:44,600 Speaker 1: Then I go get pregnant again. 357 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,800 Speaker 2: I was about saying, that's just the beginning. You just 358 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 2: getting started, girl, Yeah. 359 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:54,840 Speaker 1: Just getting started. And you know I have this baby. 360 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,080 Speaker 1: And this baby is born with a hole in the heart, 361 00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:02,440 Speaker 1: and she has have a surgery heart surgery five days old. 362 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:09,880 Speaker 1: And so in this process, my oldest child was not 363 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:15,400 Speaker 1: born addicted, right, thank God. Yes, but this next child is. 364 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,360 Speaker 1: And I inventially come. 365 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,760 Speaker 2: In you your third child was born addicted? 366 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:26,719 Speaker 1: Yeah, second and third second and man. 367 00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:27,679 Speaker 2: Yeah. 368 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,560 Speaker 1: And so the way I found out I was pregnant 369 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,720 Speaker 1: with my third child is because I had drug deal 370 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,800 Speaker 1: gone bad. I'm shot three times, twice in the leg, 371 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,440 Speaker 1: once in a private area. I wake up three days 372 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:45,879 Speaker 1: later in the Vanderbilt hospital. Right now, I'm a Jane Doe. 373 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 1: But they can't let nobody know you know who I am. 374 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,840 Speaker 1: My family's calling when I get up, there's like, do 375 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,639 Speaker 1: you know this person? They say to your brother, This 376 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 1: person say to your sister. This person said to your cousin. 377 00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:01,399 Speaker 1: I was like, well, that's my brother, that's my It 378 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:03,600 Speaker 1: was like, well, we can't release anything. We'll let you 379 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:07,400 Speaker 1: call your brother. Right now, is still an investigation. 380 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,400 Speaker 2: And you found out you were pregnant with your third 381 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,600 Speaker 2: kid because you got shot. Oh yeah, drug deal gone bat. 382 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:14,000 Speaker 2: I guess. 383 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,200 Speaker 1: Settle Court Settle Court Projects East in Nashville. 384 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:28,760 Speaker 2: We'll be right back. There are people listening to us 385 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:33,680 Speaker 2: that understand this life. The vast majority don't. The vast 386 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:37,520 Speaker 2: majority of people just don't understand the life. And unfortunately, 387 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:41,560 Speaker 2: I think our illustration of that life largely comes from 388 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:45,760 Speaker 2: movies and TV shows, and we think we understand it 389 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 2: because we've dedicated two hours of our lives to watching 390 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:56,480 Speaker 2: a movie that sensationalizes the drug culture in our urban 391 00:25:56,640 --> 00:26:05,359 Speaker 2: inner cities. Well, newsflash, that's a movie. You don't bathe, 392 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:09,000 Speaker 2: You drop your kids off at anybody's place to get 393 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,280 Speaker 2: away from them, because really they're in the way of 394 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:16,879 Speaker 2: your drug habbit. You're hustling, you're probably dealing, many women 395 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:28,160 Speaker 2: are prostituting, You're around lots of guns and crime. Would 396 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:34,880 Speaker 2: you paint a picture of six months of that life 397 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,920 Speaker 2: for us, just a six month period of your life, 398 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:43,600 Speaker 2: and I don't. I really think it's important for people 399 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,920 Speaker 2: to understand the raw truth. But when you don't bathe, 400 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,040 Speaker 2: because you're on the street for a week at a time, 401 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,640 Speaker 2: especially as a female, and you don't even take care 402 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:58,920 Speaker 2: of basic hygiene, just paint a picture what that looks 403 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:05,639 Speaker 2: like of this lack of humanity that exists in this world. 404 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:10,879 Speaker 1: And it's not even the bathing. So this when I 405 00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:14,200 Speaker 1: talked about that obsession and that compulsion, you know, you're 406 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,160 Speaker 1: just chasing that one more, right, and that one more hit, 407 00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 1: that one more hit. I don't care if you listen. 408 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:25,720 Speaker 1: I realized I was selling drugs, right, Not to get rich, 409 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:30,280 Speaker 1: not to be the big drug dealer, right, but it 410 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:34,119 Speaker 1: was to supply my own habit, so I wouldn't have 411 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:39,400 Speaker 1: to prostitute. Right. But guess what, I didn't have time 412 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,399 Speaker 1: to take the baths, right, I didn't have time to 413 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:46,040 Speaker 1: eat when I went to jail. I was probably one 414 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:50,960 Speaker 1: eighty one ninety. I came out of jail when four fifteen, right, 415 00:27:52,320 --> 00:28:00,240 Speaker 1: But you neglect not only listen, I would probably three 416 00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,679 Speaker 1: four days later when I when when I was in 417 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:06,919 Speaker 1: my right mind. Right, But when I'm zoned out, I 418 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,800 Speaker 1: may beat them. Passed out for three or four days, 419 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:13,879 Speaker 1: I get up, take another two or three days before 420 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:17,160 Speaker 1: I take a bath before I eat. Right? 421 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,520 Speaker 2: Are you are you stealing for the habit if you 422 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 2: have to? 423 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:28,919 Speaker 1: Oh? No, so so so so oh oh the life 424 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,760 Speaker 1: the life steals for the habit. Listen, and not only 425 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:37,120 Speaker 1: from Let me tell you something I remember stealing from 426 00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:38,640 Speaker 1: my mom. 427 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:43,200 Speaker 2: Oh right, and a woman who wore holy shoes and 428 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 2: pile money on the zena. So you had food, yes, 429 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:47,400 Speaker 2: and you're gonna steal from her. 430 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:51,480 Speaker 1: And here's the thing, it was my money. So in 431 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:56,040 Speaker 1: our addictive mindsets we tell ourselves I'm only gonna do 432 00:28:56,120 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 1: this much today. I'm not I'm only gonna smoke this much. So, hey, mom, 433 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:02,720 Speaker 1: will you put these three hundred dollars up from me? 434 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:07,120 Speaker 1: And so Mom keeps the money? Well, mom going to 435 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 1: the bathroom when they dropped the purse right, Usually any 436 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:13,000 Speaker 1: other time, I was like, hey, Mom, you dropped this, 437 00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:16,080 Speaker 1: But it was at one time, man, I went in 438 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 1: there and took a hundred bucks out of her purse. 439 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,320 Speaker 1: Her look, it was a little corn purse where she 440 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,240 Speaker 1: kept the money in and it was about the toilet, 441 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:31,240 Speaker 1: and I laid it back by the toilet, and so 442 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:37,200 Speaker 1: she asked me, did you see my corn person there? 443 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,640 Speaker 1: Did you get some money out of there? And I 444 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 1: said no, ma'am. She said, okay, it took me about 445 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,440 Speaker 1: a week. I had never lied to my mama like that, right, 446 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:52,040 Speaker 1: took me about a week, And so Mama did it. 447 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,880 Speaker 1: So why'd you lie to me? That stuff? Making you lie, 448 00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,760 Speaker 1: I said her, Mama, you need fe used to healthcare. 449 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,840 Speaker 1: But not only does it not make you let you 450 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:09,160 Speaker 1: bathe eat, it makes you lie. It makes you steal, 451 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:14,440 Speaker 1: like from that very thing you say you love. It 452 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:22,520 Speaker 1: does not discriminate. It has no respect for mankind. It 453 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:27,000 Speaker 1: turns you into an animal. Oh more than animal. Listen 454 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:33,800 Speaker 1: you are, I tell you what have you ever seen 455 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:38,000 Speaker 1: the blackbirds? What do they call blackbirds? Yeah? The big 456 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:39,400 Speaker 1: black ones are their vultures? 457 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:42,719 Speaker 2: Yeah? Okay, yeah, I mean you mean pick it at 458 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:46,560 Speaker 2: a dead body on the side of the street. Dead, Yeah, 459 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,440 Speaker 2: I think they're vultures or buzzers or something. Buzzers. 460 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:53,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, like, just listen, you don't stand a 461 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:58,720 Speaker 1: chance man. When the mind set is gone and it's 462 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:04,400 Speaker 1: chasing that one more any means necessary to get. 463 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:09,160 Speaker 2: That one hit, don't you sober up at some point 464 00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:14,520 Speaker 2: look at yourself and say damn, oh for inkling of 465 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,840 Speaker 2: a moment, and then you're buy your back. 466 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:23,760 Speaker 1: Now, there's hope, right, But nine times out of ten, 467 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:29,880 Speaker 1: and there are people who's been capable of relinquishing the 468 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:35,200 Speaker 1: relationship with crack on their own right. But nine times 469 00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:39,520 Speaker 1: out of ten, you need not only moral support, like 470 00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,280 Speaker 1: you really need to go in detox from that thing 471 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,600 Speaker 1: and get it at your system. And you got to 472 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:51,440 Speaker 1: start changing your surroundings, your behaviors, your people, your conversations, 473 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:55,120 Speaker 1: your phone numbers. Like you gotta do a drastic change, man. 474 00:31:56,520 --> 00:32:00,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, I've heard it described as the grip. Yeah, that 475 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,600 Speaker 2: is just grips you and don't turn loose. 476 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:07,400 Speaker 1: Listen, And it's not. And it's not to say that 477 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:16,760 Speaker 1: I'm weak. It's to say that crack cocaine is more 478 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:17,680 Speaker 1: powerful than I am. 479 00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:27,440 Speaker 2: So three babies a crack addiction. You've probably been in 480 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:33,240 Speaker 2: jail a few times, yes, you know I was. 481 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:39,719 Speaker 1: I thought about getting a jersey. What a jersey? 482 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:40,880 Speaker 2: What was it gonna be? 483 00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,240 Speaker 1: It was gonna say the number was gonna be seventeen 484 00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:50,400 Speaker 1: on the jersey and the name on the back was 485 00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:51,600 Speaker 1: gonna be felling. 486 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 2: You caught seventeen felonies. Actually was more than that. 487 00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:00,760 Speaker 1: But you know, because some of it, stuff they do 488 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 1: to you is double jeopardy, and so you get a 489 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:08,160 Speaker 1: good judge that'll say, hey, we're just gonna combine all 490 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:10,760 Speaker 1: this over into one and you know, so they gave 491 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:11,640 Speaker 1: me a couple of breaks. 492 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:19,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, And at some point in prison, you 493 00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,760 Speaker 2: start doing a mentoring program or something. 494 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:26,920 Speaker 1: You know, I can't even begin to tell you how 495 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:31,880 Speaker 1: God orchestrated that thing, but you know, there was a 496 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:37,760 Speaker 1: treatment program called Chances, And technically I didn't have family 497 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:40,240 Speaker 1: support right when I went to jail, so I'm on 498 00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:43,280 Speaker 1: the indigen list. So can you imagine this person out there. 499 00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:46,320 Speaker 1: You got all these drug charges, right, I get caught 500 00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:52,040 Speaker 1: my last bus like seven eight ounces of drugs, moneys, cars, everything. 501 00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:55,040 Speaker 1: But I go to jail and I'm indigent, Like I 502 00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 1: don't have the family and friends in the showcase of 503 00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:01,240 Speaker 1: lifestyle to support me. So I'm in there. I'm indigent, 504 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,960 Speaker 1: and the same behaviors I had on the street follow 505 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,920 Speaker 1: me in jail. So I got friends in there and 506 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:14,120 Speaker 1: people that don't work release access, access to street things. 507 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:20,640 Speaker 1: And so I started selling cigarettes and that was my resource. 508 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:25,680 Speaker 1: So I got bens of you pull out beside your bed. 509 00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:29,760 Speaker 1: You got the little storage binds. I got your storage 510 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:33,400 Speaker 1: being their storage bend. We're just working storage bends, right. 511 00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:35,839 Speaker 1: We got our own commissary going on in the part, 512 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:40,360 Speaker 1: and so that was survival. You know, I got people 513 00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:43,640 Speaker 1: bringing me in you know, T shirts and things like that, 514 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:47,680 Speaker 1: and so that was all cool, and it looked great 515 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,200 Speaker 1: because it matched some of the lifestyle that I had 516 00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:53,080 Speaker 1: out there. But I thank God for this lady today, 517 00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:57,200 Speaker 1: Ali Marlowe Man. She was a counselor in there. And 518 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:03,120 Speaker 1: in this side of the part had what they call population, 519 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,560 Speaker 1: right and over in this side of the part you 520 00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:09,520 Speaker 1: had treatment people, residential treatment in a program. 521 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:14,080 Speaker 2: And so the population side was just like the street 522 00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:19,319 Speaker 2: shine bars, but the treatment side were people that were 523 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:22,480 Speaker 2: actually saying, I don't want to be part of the population. 524 00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:27,239 Speaker 2: I really do want to try to get better. Yes, yes, exactly. 525 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:31,000 Speaker 1: And so I'm over here in population, they over had 526 00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,640 Speaker 1: treatment and I'm over there calling them treatment hose, and man, 527 00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,160 Speaker 1: y'all brainwashed? Why is y'all live? Y'all gonna get out 528 00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:38,360 Speaker 1: and do the same thing. 529 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:43,480 Speaker 2: And this lady treatment hose, That is what I said. No, 530 00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:45,680 Speaker 2: I hear you, But that's got to be you didn't 531 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:47,960 Speaker 2: make that up. That's got to be a thing. Yeah, 532 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:54,320 Speaker 2: that's almost like Uncle Tom or something else. It's derogatory 533 00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:55,879 Speaker 2: as crap. 534 00:35:56,719 --> 00:36:01,080 Speaker 1: It is, And I am so embarrassed even think that 535 00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:01,719 Speaker 1: I said that. 536 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:05,000 Speaker 2: No, I'm not doing that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, 537 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:10,080 Speaker 2: what all I'm saying, is trying to get an accurate 538 00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:14,919 Speaker 2: mental illustration and picture of the society that exists inside jail. 539 00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:18,960 Speaker 1: And I'm telling them, I'm calling them out of their name, right, 540 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:22,760 Speaker 1: and I'm telling them to just being brainwashed. You're gonna 541 00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:27,120 Speaker 1: go back like I'm not providing any hope, right And regardless, Trean, 542 00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:28,600 Speaker 1: if you don't want to do it, why do you 543 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:31,400 Speaker 1: have to be little of the people who do? And so? 544 00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:34,640 Speaker 2: But my mindset, you got to recuse misery loves company, 545 00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:36,680 Speaker 2: that's right and so. 546 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:41,120 Speaker 1: And guess what, I'm jealous that you over training. And 547 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:44,080 Speaker 1: I ain't got the courage to try, right. And so 548 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,640 Speaker 1: this lady steps to me and say, you know, it's 549 00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 1: one thing that you're afraid to change and get help, 550 00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:57,880 Speaker 1: but don't affect the people who want to said, I 551 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,520 Speaker 1: ain't scared to get no help, right, I still streatment 552 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,279 Speaker 1: telling them, I'm talking to the lady counselor. They said, 553 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,680 Speaker 1: I tell you what now, if anybody know anything about incarceration, 554 00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:12,279 Speaker 1: no where, no matter where you're at, if you ever 555 00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:18,359 Speaker 1: get a bottom bunk, it's like having a California keen bed, 556 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:26,879 Speaker 1: You're golden, right. And that woman said, if you try 557 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:32,520 Speaker 1: treatment for thirty days and you survived without giving up 558 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:36,560 Speaker 1: and walking out. I promise to give you a bottom 559 00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:42,440 Speaker 1: bunk for the rest of your time. I said, I'm 560 00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:45,000 Speaker 1: not gonna stay in that bed. She said, no, for 561 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,560 Speaker 1: the rest of your time. You got to serve. I'm 562 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:52,800 Speaker 1: gonna award you a bottom bark. I said, hmm, no, 563 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,719 Speaker 1: I want to talk to her friend. She said, triny, y'all, 564 00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,399 Speaker 1: ha tried, not for the bottom bank, because you want 565 00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:00,919 Speaker 1: to get better. You need to get better. I said, 566 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:05,759 Speaker 1: I want that bott a bunk, right, And so you know, 567 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:08,040 Speaker 1: I ponder on it for a minute. She said, but 568 00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,400 Speaker 1: you're gonna have to leave all that behavior, them cigarettes 569 00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:15,120 Speaker 1: and relationships and all that on the other side. I 570 00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,600 Speaker 1: was like, mmm, so I ponder on it. She come around. 571 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:25,240 Speaker 1: I like this woman today. Man. She would come around 572 00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,360 Speaker 1: about a part and people be ovand group on the 573 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:30,800 Speaker 1: other side, and she said, what's up, chicken? She ready? 574 00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:37,200 Speaker 1: And so one day I said I'm coming. I'm gonna 575 00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:40,920 Speaker 1: come Monday. She said, all right, well I'm going to 576 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,759 Speaker 1: move you. I'm making the move. And so it was 577 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:48,640 Speaker 1: like a Thursday and somebody came and said, hey, training 578 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,600 Speaker 1: it was Friday. I said, Hey, you know you're on 579 00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:54,560 Speaker 1: the move this weekend. I said, move. Well, she said, 580 00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,120 Speaker 1: he't move you over there. I said, I told that 581 00:38:57,239 --> 00:39:01,880 Speaker 1: one more Monday. So when the people, one of the 582 00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:06,080 Speaker 1: interns of the group said, I said, man, tell me, 583 00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,359 Speaker 1: it's my law. I told her on Monday. They said, 584 00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,600 Speaker 1: a move is a move, and she's ready to move you. 585 00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:14,040 Speaker 1: You have to come when the move come, I said, man, 586 00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,400 Speaker 1: I said, this is a setup. Man. I was like, 587 00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,239 Speaker 1: she just set me up for real, And so I 588 00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:25,200 Speaker 1: ended up moving. I'm in group. We're talking and people 589 00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:29,160 Speaker 1: are really getting honest right, well to the best of 590 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,960 Speaker 1: their ability, right, And I got upset one time and 591 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:36,960 Speaker 1: I was like, man, y'all just talking about the surface stuff, 592 00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:40,040 Speaker 1: like for real, for real, if we're gonna get up 593 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:43,040 Speaker 1: out of here and not come back, man, we got 594 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,840 Speaker 1: to do something different. And so I went to a 595 00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:47,759 Speaker 1: couple of groups. But I'm telling you it was a 596 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,640 Speaker 1: struggle at first, because you got to get up at 597 00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:53,760 Speaker 1: like five o'clock in the morning, right, your bed gotta 598 00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:56,879 Speaker 1: be made. And I wasn't used to making my bed. 599 00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,800 Speaker 1: Like they were helping me, like they wanted me to 600 00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:02,440 Speaker 1: make These women. They was like, come on, trim you 601 00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,640 Speaker 1: go get your shower, I'm a hip and make your bed. 602 00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:09,440 Speaker 1: And like they were really supporting me, counselor Gata hold over. 603 00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:13,120 Speaker 1: She said, you don't make her bed, You don't help her. 604 00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:16,320 Speaker 1: She needs to do this for her. Sup. I was like, 605 00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,440 Speaker 1: they get to help them. They say yeah, but remember 606 00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:21,880 Speaker 1: you were over calling them treatment holds. Let's see what 607 00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:24,800 Speaker 1: a treatment hold look like now. And I was like, 608 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:25,959 Speaker 1: oh my god. 609 00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:34,000 Speaker 2: And that concludes part one of my conversation with Trina Frarson, 610 00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:36,759 Speaker 2: and you do not want to miss part two that's 611 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:40,160 Speaker 2: now available to listen to it as we dive deeper 612 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:43,640 Speaker 2: into her own recovery and how that has led to 613 00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:48,360 Speaker 2: the recovery of countless others. Together, guys, we can change 614 00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:51,800 Speaker 2: the country. It starts with you. I'll see you in 615 00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:52,319 Speaker 2: part two. 616 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:00,640 Speaker 1: Little dwe