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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff

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Speaker 1: I've never told you protection of I Heart Radio. So

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Speaker 1: today's Thursday. True, it really is Thursday. It is actually

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Speaker 1: a Thursday. That it's not a podcaster lie. In this case,

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Speaker 1: it is a dark and rainy Thursday here in Atlanta,

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Speaker 1: which means it's time for another Sminty happy hour. And

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Speaker 1: so we're we're going to in this series, as we said,

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Speaker 1: We're gonna sit and try to relax and drink whatever

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Speaker 1: that may be for you, that's something that calms you,

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Speaker 1: or maybe you just like to sit and sort of

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Speaker 1: take a moment for yourself and have this hopefully calming

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Speaker 1: fun time with us. So yeah, please join in. I

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Speaker 1: am drinking whiskey soda because my co host, Over and Safer,

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Speaker 1: she convinced me to get a soda stream, not a sponsor,

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Speaker 1: but she convinced to get a soda stream. So I've

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Speaker 1: been experimenting with a bunch of drinks with that and

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Speaker 1: I'm drinking it out of my very nerdy Star Wars cup,

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Speaker 1: which my mom found for me and she just finds

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Speaker 1: like random Star Wars stuff and gives it to me

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Speaker 1: all the time. Well, let me go ahead and open

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Speaker 1: mind you already. Oh yeah, I do too. I think

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Speaker 1: it's one of the best sounds. But I just opened

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Speaker 1: the blue moon Light Sky. Also not a sponsor. None

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Speaker 1: of these are what we have in our refrigerator. I

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Speaker 1: was trying to keep it light and I love a

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Speaker 1: good uh tangerine peel citrusy wheat beer. I'm actually shoving

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Speaker 1: a slice of orange in mine, actually blood orange class.

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Speaker 1: Yeah I didn't. I don't have that. It's a sound effect.

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Speaker 1: Oh too bad. I'm not sure people want to hear

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Speaker 1: the mushing of an orange into a can, and I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure that's the thing. But yeah, so I wanted

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Speaker 1: to be a little more freshing and light today. Yeah see,

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Speaker 1: I chose the whiskey because of the topic. But I'm

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Speaker 1: kicking off my version of a happy hour with a

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Speaker 1: slightly unhappy hour. I think it'll be enjoyable. I think

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Speaker 1: people will be able to really relate to this. But

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Speaker 1: in these segments, while we are highlighting women in the

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Speaker 1: beverage industry and some of them, some of them were

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Speaker 1: just gonna have conversations while we're relaxing with whatever drink,

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Speaker 1: and for mine, a lot of it will be nerd

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Speaker 1: themed as as it's not a surprise to anyone, and

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Speaker 1: I'm still workshopping names for it. I really like Annie's

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Speaker 1: Nerd Corner. That was great. Annie's Nerd Corner sounds like

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Speaker 1: a piece in a PBS like variety show, you know,

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Speaker 1: like and now it's time for Annie's Nerd Corner and

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Speaker 1: the camera pivots and I'm like there and the lights

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Speaker 1: are too bright and there's all these books around me,

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Speaker 1: and I got way too big of glasses on the

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Speaker 1: glasses I'm wearing today. I like your glasses. Well, I've

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Speaker 1: meant to bring mine. I used to wear glasses and

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Speaker 1: I thought they looked really good on but it was

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Speaker 1: probably way off. So yes, as we're winding down the

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Speaker 1: week having this happy hour slash unhappy hour, I did

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Speaker 1: want to talk about something that's been on my mind lately.

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Speaker 1: And I know Samantha and I we've talked about it before,

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Speaker 1: and it's this whole dead inside idea and especially how

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Speaker 1: it applies to women, because that's sort of our thing

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Speaker 1: here because lately, I mean, it's it's it's almost a

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Speaker 1: joke and empty to say, but it's just been rough.

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Speaker 1: It's been tough times for pretty much everybody. And there's

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Speaker 1: this running joke among my friends that I am dead

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Speaker 1: inside because of the way I handle thinks. And it's

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Speaker 1: never anything that I'm like hurt by generally, but it's just, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's something that I think about. And it's weird because

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Speaker 1: you know, Samantha, I feel things like really strongly. I

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Speaker 1: was gonna say, I have never put that as a

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Speaker 1: descriptor for you of being unemotional or being dead inside,

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Speaker 1: because you have passions upon passions and uh, you have

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Speaker 1: strong opinions on things. The things that you don't have

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Speaker 1: an opinion on is definitely a blank space and it

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Speaker 1: is the opposite of what you you know. Like for

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Speaker 1: some people, let's say I know a little about a lot,

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Speaker 1: you know a lot about a little. Like that's kind

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Speaker 1: of that in the like your world is very specific

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Speaker 1: and it's not beautiful and not a little because you

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Speaker 1: know a lot in general. But that's what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Like you focus in and then you hone in and

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Speaker 1: you know everything about it. And that's where I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'll dabble in something, Okay, that's enough and I'll move on.

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Speaker 1: That may not be an expert on it, So it's

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Speaker 1: interesting yeah, yeah, I mean certainly that's how people will

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Speaker 1: engage in things like this is the level of people.

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Speaker 1: Some people like things on a more superficial like I

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Speaker 1: like this and that's good enough, and then other people

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Speaker 1: like me are like, I like this, and now I

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Speaker 1: must know and all the fan fixture I must ranked

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Speaker 1: about the things that will never happen, but I want

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Speaker 1: to see happen. I mean, it's gotten to the point

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Speaker 1: that on specific topics, I'll be like, you are limited.

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Speaker 1: You cannot write more than this. She has put a

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Speaker 1: limit on the listeners. Not because we don't want all

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Speaker 1: that information. It is just like, okay, now there's gonna

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Speaker 1: be a six part episode on one small subject. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we've gotta we've gotta pull it back. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's entirely fair. And that's one thing. As someone who

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Speaker 1: does like, really really enjoy things, perhaps to a level

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Speaker 1: that most people, I won't say most people, but is

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Speaker 1: a bit more than a lot of people. Sometimes I

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Speaker 1: have a hard time differentiating between what is actually interesting

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Speaker 1: and relevant. No, the thing is like, the things that

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Speaker 1: you bring out are very interesting to me, for sure.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of like, okay, but we have to come back, right, yes,

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Speaker 1: circle background, like no, absolutely, no, that is something I know.

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Speaker 1: There's an issue that I am aware of. Is an

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Speaker 1: issue because I will sit and I think, this is

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Speaker 1: why our relationship works. I will hear you, and then

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Speaker 1: you will continue on and then I'll put in a

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Speaker 1: question here and there. But I feel like I've learned

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Speaker 1: something and I didn't have to do any of the work. Thanks.

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Speaker 1: It's all I'm just trying to help you ultimately, and

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Speaker 1: I'm good with it. We'll see. That's the thing, because

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Speaker 1: I do love things so much until like when we

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Speaker 1: did the Princess Leiah episode, for example, I wanted to

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Speaker 1: share it with you. I wanted to tell you about it,

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Speaker 1: like I get yeah. So so that's kind of this

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Speaker 1: textposition if I have that and I have these strong

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Speaker 1: emotional things, and I personally wouldn't describe myself as dead inside,

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Speaker 1: but there is like when I encounter situations that are intense,

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Speaker 1: especially in real world, because I'll say, I'll watch like

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Speaker 1: a TV show and I'll cry and cry and cry,

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Speaker 1: but like in the real world, is something sad happens.

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Speaker 1: I'm very stoic often like I'm pretty and and that

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Speaker 1: that will break eventually and I will cry or whatever

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Speaker 1: it is. But I think also a part of it

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Speaker 1: is obligation. If if I feel like there's an obligation

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Speaker 1: to react a certain way emotionally, then it's like I

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Speaker 1: close up and I don't do it, and that feels

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Speaker 1: weird because people do expect, and we've talked about this before,

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Speaker 1: especially for women, they do expect that you're going to

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Speaker 1: emote a certain way often, but if you emote too much,

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Speaker 1: of it too dramatic exactly, And I think maybe that's

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Speaker 1: part of what it is, like there's a tension in me,

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Speaker 1: whereas for so long we've had that thrown against us

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Speaker 1: as women, of being too emotional, being too dramatic. And

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Speaker 1: I am very awesome. I'm very emotional person. I am,

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Speaker 1: and I'm not ashamed of that. But I think maybe internalized,

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Speaker 1: especially younger, that it was better to be stoic because

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Speaker 1: that is more masculine. You don't want to be the emotional,

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Speaker 1: crying woman, right, And I think that I'll have moments

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Speaker 1: where I just feel really weird, like something is wrong

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Speaker 1: with me because and the most obvious example I can

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Speaker 1: think of as dogs and I know, I know, I know,

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Speaker 1: I know, I liked I want to say that, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I like dogs, but I don't have the thing like

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Speaker 1: it's not my thing. I don't stop and I'm like

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Speaker 1: a dog, like there's no I don't feel that, and

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Speaker 1: I see it in people and I just don't whatever

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Speaker 1: that is, it's not happening for me. Sometimes it does,

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Speaker 1: it's like a super cute dog, but generally I'm just

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Speaker 1: kind of like, there's a dog, which is the reaction

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Speaker 1: I get every time I try to show you a

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Speaker 1: video of a dog. I was doing something cute and

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Speaker 1: you're like, oh nice, yeah, because I and I know,

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Speaker 1: like I don't get it, like that feeling, and I

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Speaker 1: totally get wanting to share that and and I think

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Speaker 1: that's a part of why I keep bringing this up,

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Speaker 1: even though it has gotten me in trouble on the

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Speaker 1: internet before. It is because it does make me feel weird.

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Speaker 1: It does make me feel like something is off with me,

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Speaker 1: and it's like I'm searching for you're supposed to react

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Speaker 1: to certain way, and it's not there. And in that moment,

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Speaker 1: it does feel like I'm dead inside because there's nothing.

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Speaker 1: There's nothing there, and it does make me feel like,

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Speaker 1: as a woman, that this should be there and again,

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Speaker 1: it's all internalized. But like, I'm also the same with babies,

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Speaker 1: and I also like babies, and I have friends with

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Speaker 1: kids whom I adore and I think the cutest, smartest,

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Speaker 1: sweetest things. But I just don't feel whatever it is

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Speaker 1: people are expecting. So then I have to act and pretend,

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Speaker 1: and then I feel like I'm just a big faker,

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Speaker 1: and that's not a good feeling either. All right, I'm

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Speaker 1: with you on the baby. I am very fairly vocal

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Speaker 1: about that. Not that I will tell anybody their babies

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Speaker 1: ugly or anything, but I'm like, Okay, beauty of life,

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Speaker 1: you do your thing, this is what you want. I'm

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Speaker 1: so happy for you. But for me it's I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I've never wanted, like really wanted a child like I

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Speaker 1: thought I did, because that's what we're supposed to want

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Speaker 1: coming entire womanhood. Our woman hit is to give birth

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Speaker 1: and put our hips to use, you know what I mean? Um,

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Speaker 1: And I definitely would say I had birthing hips, according

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Speaker 1: to many a mama's who or grandmama's who have told

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Speaker 1: me so. But yeah, I don't react that way either.

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Speaker 1: I have to do a lot of acting to be like,

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Speaker 1: oh right, um, And I think a part of that

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Speaker 1: is because of my background and seeing really awful families

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Speaker 1: and the like. Just because you brought the child doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean we need to celebrate this, you know, like it's

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Speaker 1: kind of one of those moments. But then again, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I love the couples when I see that are genuinely happy,

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Speaker 1: I'm happy for them. I'm like, oh my god, this

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Speaker 1: makes you happy. That's beautiful. Outside of that, they don't

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Speaker 1: make me tear up. I don't necessarily not pushing like

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Speaker 1: I'm definitely pushing the age that it's getting too late

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Speaker 1: technically biologically, and I'm okay with that. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: and I think that's but yeah, I'm with you. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm supposed to be these things. My mother

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Speaker 1: made me feel like I was losing a piece of

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Speaker 1: myself when I said I was okay with not having

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Speaker 1: children and being told repeatedly you're going to die alone.

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Speaker 1: So you know, yeah, there is that. There is that,

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Speaker 1: And you know, even admitting this out loud is kind

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Speaker 1: of scary to me, to be honest, because I want

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Speaker 1: to be really clear on this. It's not like if

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Speaker 1: you show me a baby and to a lesser extent,

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Speaker 1: a dog, especially if I know you and I care

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Speaker 1: about you. It's not like I'm like not feeling anything.

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Speaker 1: And when I say acting, I it's just that I

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Speaker 1: feel like I have to act way over the top,

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Speaker 1: you know, like it has to be huge. The reaction

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Speaker 1: has to be huge, and you know this is a

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Speaker 1: huge deal and it deserves to be. But in that

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Speaker 1: space of like me just being like all the kid

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Speaker 1: is so cute and feeling this like quiet sentiment of

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Speaker 1: being moved and happy and like your heart is really full,

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Speaker 1: people can't see that, so you have to like act it.

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Speaker 1: I have that way about gifts. Oh yeah, I like

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Speaker 1: to be prepared about what am I going to get

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Speaker 1: because the initial reaction I I don't know if there's

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Speaker 1: something stunted in mean that I can't react at the moment,

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Speaker 1: and I feel very like I'm very stoic and calm,

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Speaker 1: so showing excitement it's also something I have a problem with.

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Speaker 1: So I hear you on this, because then this is

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Speaker 1: a good and bad where if it's a bad situation

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Speaker 1: and everybody's panicking, I am not. I'm the one that's

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Speaker 1: quietly sitting around. They're trying to figure out what's going

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Speaker 1: on and then after the fact then I'll have a

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Speaker 1: meltdown maybe. But I'm the same way even with joyful situations.

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Speaker 1: So let's say I come in to a birthday surprise, which,

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Speaker 1: by the way, I don't like surprises. I don't know

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Speaker 1: how to react. My initial reaction is are we fighting?

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Speaker 1: We're fighting? I'm fighting? Are you yelling at me? What's

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Speaker 1: going on? Like that's my initial reaction, and I have

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Speaker 1: to situation and my reaction is delayed. But on the

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Speaker 1: same way with gifts. So I'm supposed to act surprise

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Speaker 1: and so happy and maybe but I can't get there

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Speaker 1: or they really hate it and I'm trying to hide them.

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Speaker 1: It's really and so the fear of like doing that

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Speaker 1: is one of the things I hate the most. So

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Speaker 1: I'd like to know ahead of time, just to prepare myself. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I wonder, I bet there's something to do with

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Speaker 1: like the trauma or past there, because for me, there's

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Speaker 1: like this moment of you go inside yourself and you think,

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Speaker 1: what is the proper way to react, like what is

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Speaker 1: the safe proper reaction here? And because you're doing that,

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Speaker 1: you're like taking a step out of your natural how

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Speaker 1: you would perhaps I mean that's the same I think,

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Speaker 1: like the reactive attachment disorder, which I'm pretty sure I

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Speaker 1: was a young child I could have been diagnosed to that.

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Speaker 1: And we've talked about attachment disorders before. I don't think

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Speaker 1: I've talked about this woe in our Trauma series. It

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Speaker 1: literally is everything is a performance and trying to read

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Speaker 1: other people's reaction, Like that's my initial setback as watching

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Speaker 1: you watching me. Yeah, yeah, I feel similarly, and and

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Speaker 1: I have. I mean, my friends are really good because

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Speaker 1: I remember one, like I've told this story before my friends.

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Speaker 1: She was really drunk, but she came out to me

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Speaker 1: and I was just kind of like, oh cool, and

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Speaker 1: I had called a lift already and I kind of

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Speaker 1: gotten a lift and she freaked out because she was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, what does she think? And my other

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Speaker 1: friend was like, you know, Annie, Annie just takes things

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Speaker 1: and stride like and I was, yeah, so happy for her.

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Speaker 1: But I do get that a lot. And that's something

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Speaker 1: else that kind of causes me tension about this whole

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Speaker 1: conversation is there is that joke but kind of assumption

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Speaker 1: that if you behave in that way, or if you

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Speaker 1: don't like animals, for instance, you're a sociopath, like something

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Speaker 1: is wrong with you, and I'll feel it like I

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Speaker 1: have internalized that, and I will think something is wrong.

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Speaker 1: You should be feeling this way, and that We've talked

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Speaker 1: about the problem with should so much. But that, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that has been coming up a lot lately because people

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Speaker 1: have been you know, we're honored Zoo happy Hours or whatever.

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Speaker 1: People show me pictures of things and I do, I

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Speaker 1: just I feel it, but it's so like muted, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, something's wrong with you. You You should be way happy? Right.

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Speaker 1: I think the differences though, and I say this and

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Speaker 1: like again, I come to you and send you things

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Speaker 1: that bring you joy, which most people do. As you've

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Speaker 1: talked about the fact that all these analysis are coming

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Speaker 1: out between Marvel stuff, between the Star Wars stuff and

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Speaker 1: the Last of Us two stuff, And I know people

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Speaker 1: are sending your messages left and right, and I've sent

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Speaker 1: you two or three of them in the last day.

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Speaker 1: But that's the day say that this is the joy

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Speaker 1: in the reaction, so we know what brings you joy

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Speaker 1: and in that part, and that's okay. That's the thing

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Speaker 1: is that I think what people need to realize in

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Speaker 1: the actual level of what it is is we need

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Speaker 1: to give people joy as much as they need to

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Speaker 1: give us joy, and so being able to do that

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Speaker 1: for you is something that people should be able to

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Speaker 1: see just as much as I Joe will send me,

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Speaker 1: My partner will send me many a dog videos. He

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Speaker 1: knows how much I love I love these, especially the

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Speaker 1: silly ones that cat. I don't know if you've seen

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Speaker 1: the viral cat po the dude who couldn't get the

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Speaker 1: cat off me and him saying I'm not a cat.

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Speaker 1: I laughed hysterically. I thought it was hilarious. But like

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Speaker 1: stuff like that, it brings that joy and that's great

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Speaker 1: and that's fine, And just because you don't enjoy the

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Speaker 1: same thing should not inspire them like that person is

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Speaker 1: not nice or we're not going to be friends because

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Speaker 1: this person is doesn't believe the same thing, or doesn't

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Speaker 1: like not believe, doesn't like the same thing I do.

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Speaker 1: And that's a whole different conversation. Especially again, this is

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Speaker 1: also another conversation about using any type of mental health

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Speaker 1: stuff as a weapon against people, which is both in

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Speaker 1: itself um and that needs to be broken down in

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Speaker 1: its entirety because that is it is definitely divisive and

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Speaker 1: and and insensitive to those that are struggling with these things,

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Speaker 1: and they still want to try to be human, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like sociopath is a whole different

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Speaker 1: conversation in itself, of course, but when we talk about

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Speaker 1: mental health stuff and being in regard to that way,

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Speaker 1: it's a dangerous line when you start poking it as

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Speaker 1: this is this person because of one small incident or

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Speaker 1: one small reaction that they did you didn't like, Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I definitely, oh for sure, that is a that

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Speaker 1: is a big topic. And I think like part of

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Speaker 1: this is too, that nurturing aspect of being a woman,

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Speaker 1: so like dogs or pets or babies just fits so

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Speaker 1: naturally into that, So it does. That's another layer of

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Speaker 1: it of expecting this thing from women. And since I'm

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Speaker 1: not necessarily I like, I'm not emoting as they expect

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Speaker 1: um for these nurturing things, there's like a gendered layer

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Speaker 1: two of that um. And we've talked about like grieving

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Speaker 1: and you know how people greave in different ways and

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Speaker 1: and people present emotions in different ways. And when I

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Speaker 1: was thinking about this, like on on the flip side

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Speaker 1: of all of what we're talking about is men being

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Speaker 1: limited and what emotions they can show in terms of

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Speaker 1: this joy or happiness or just in general m other

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Speaker 1: than stoy SYSM. But I do think there's more of

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Speaker 1: a like, oh, how brave when men are emotional, right

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Speaker 1: as compared to women in any like being emotional or

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Speaker 1: not being emotionalitis is not a conversation, and that might

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Speaker 1: be one of the things that could talk about the

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Speaker 1: fact that women are more likely to give you credit,

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Speaker 1: So therefore a man is doing something that is worthy

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Speaker 1: of credit, women are the ones that's going to call

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Speaker 1: it out first, as very usual, So it's a whole

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Speaker 1: different thing because men are not gonna call women out

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Speaker 1: for something unless it's bashing on other women. Like it's

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Speaker 1: kind of a whole competitive nature. But I think in itself,

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Speaker 1: when we talk about being honest and out front, it

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Speaker 1: is okay for women to be accepting as well as,

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Speaker 1: as you said, nurturing. So therefore complimenting is nurturing and

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Speaker 1: bringing up and that's that kind of like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: this is also like that level of gender roles, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: gender roles hurt everyone everyone. Yeah, So that's that's just

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Speaker 1: sort of what's been on my mind around that and

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Speaker 1: again these are our opinions because yeah, I'm working through

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Speaker 1: a lot of this stuff, So nothing is wrong with

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Speaker 1: being super excited man or woman about any of the thing.

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Speaker 1: And it's joyful and that brings you joy. Keep doing

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Speaker 1: it as long as you're not hurting someone else. Yes,

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Speaker 1: always yeah, so cheers. Yeah, thanks for letting me have

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Speaker 1: this sort of unhappy hour. But my next one is

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Speaker 1: gonna be really fun. It's going to be a fan

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Speaker 1: fictions fun. It's going to say that, Okay, this one

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Speaker 1: is fun. Don't say that. Okay, this one was necessary. Oh,

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Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. Um, and I hope that some

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Speaker 1: of you listeners can relate and and as we do

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Speaker 1: these happy hours, we would love to hear ideas from

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Speaker 1: you what we'd like to see. We've already gotten some

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Speaker 1: interest and perhaps watching sex in the City on some

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Speaker 1: of them down. I know you are. I'm down too.

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Speaker 1: I would love it. But we want to we want

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Speaker 1: to do things that you want to hear and do,

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Speaker 1: so please keep those suggestions coming. We hope that you

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Speaker 1: have enjoyed this and you're having relaxing at least a

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Speaker 1: little bit time in your day perhaps, And yeah, we

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Speaker 1: would love to hear from you. Our email is Stuff Media,

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Speaker 1: mom Stuff at I heart media dot com. You can

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Speaker 1: also find us on Instagram and Stuff I've Never Told

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Speaker 1: You are on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as

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Speaker 1: always to our super producer Christina. Thank you, Christina, and

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Speaker 1: thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never Told You

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Speaker 1: the protection of I Heart Radio. For more podcast when

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Speaker 1: I Heart Radio, visu I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast,

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Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite ships