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Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glazer, a mental health podcast

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Speaker 1: helping you out of the gray and into the blue.

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Speaker 1: Now here's Jay Glazer. Welcome back to Unbreakable, a mental

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Speaker 1: health podcast with Jay Glazer. I am Jay Glazer. The

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Speaker 1: irony of that. And look, we've had different fighters on

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Speaker 1: different combat sport athletes, but we've yet to have on

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Speaker 1: the most decorated female American wrestler of all time until today.

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Speaker 1: That changes. Hell, am Auless, welcome to I'm Breakable. I

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Speaker 1: appreciate you jumping on with me. Hi, thank you so much, Jay,

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Speaker 1: thank you for having me. This is an honor. Oh absolutely,

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Speaker 1: Look from you know, obviously I have a wrestling background.

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Speaker 1: I haven't you know, I'm not the most decorated wrestler

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Speaker 1: of all time of anything. But you know, I understand

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Speaker 1: appreciate that wrestler grind, that wrestler mentality. But you have

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Speaker 1: quite a story, because when I have these podcasts, it's

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Speaker 1: not just for people who are struggling. And you know,

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Speaker 1: we'll come on with there and I I have, you know,

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Speaker 1: come forward and I've written a book about my depression,

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Speaker 1: my anxiety, my add my bipolar to get us all

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Speaker 1: to start talking about it, so we don't think we're

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Speaker 1: in the minority anymore. And all my mental health issues

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Speaker 1: drove me to where I am, right, But this is

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Speaker 1: also a mental health podcast as far as you know,

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Speaker 1: getting between yours of what makes us great, what makes

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Speaker 1: us overcome. So I want to dive in for people

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Speaker 1: who aren't familiar with your story. You're the first female

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Speaker 1: American women to ever get a gold medal in the Olympics. Correct, Okay,

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Speaker 1: giving it some more caracults here, okay, um, I am

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Speaker 1: a three time world champion. Yeah, the first female to

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Speaker 1: when an American females when Olympic gold medal in women's wrestling.

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Yeah, most people we stuck at given

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Speaker 1: ourselves praise, I understand it. How many how many? How

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Speaker 1: many times have you medal in the Olympics? So oh yeah, tway,

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Speaker 1: so that's right. Okay, yeah, okay, we need to leave

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Speaker 1: these things. Oh yeah, by the way, that's right. But

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Speaker 1: so you medal, and we're going to get into your

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Speaker 1: your medal before and after your head injuries. Yes, yes

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Speaker 1: I did, so we'll get into that a little bit.

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Speaker 1: So take us, take meto this journey. Tell us how

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Speaker 1: you got into wrestling first, and then I want you

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Speaker 1: to dive into what makes you different than everybody else

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Speaker 1: because you are one of one. Being the first female

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Speaker 1: Americans ever get a gold medal, that makes you one

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Speaker 1: of one. So first let's get into how you got

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Speaker 1: into it. Yeah, so I started wrestling when I was

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Speaker 1: seven years old. Before that, you know, I did kind

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Speaker 1: of a lot of typical girl sports like gymnastics, dancing,

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Speaker 1: ballet diving, and every sport that I had joined, I

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Speaker 1: would shut down and cry. I was really shy. I

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Speaker 1: didn't like being watched or looked at, so the instructors

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Speaker 1: would ask my mom not to bring me back. And

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Speaker 1: then my older and younger brother had joined wrestling and

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Speaker 1: there weren't enough kids on the team, so my mom

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Speaker 1: didn't want to make my little brother have to wait

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Speaker 1: another year, so she just told me to jump in

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Speaker 1: there and be my brother's dummy. And after about two

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Speaker 1: weeks of hard work, I went to my parents and

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Speaker 1: I said, this isn't fair. I'm doing all the hard

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Speaker 1: work with the boys are doing, but they get to

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Speaker 1: compete and I don't. And so my dad, knowing my

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Speaker 1: track record with sports, was like, okay, I'll let you

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Speaker 1: wrestle one match and if you win that match, you

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Speaker 1: can keep wrestling. And they thought that I would never

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Speaker 1: step on the mat, and I did. It was the

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Speaker 1: only match I have won all year. I was one

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Speaker 1: and thirty my first year, but I got to keep Yeah,

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Speaker 1: one and thirty, and I fell in love with it instantly.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it's because people didn't want me there, didn't pay attention.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe that gave me the space. But

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Speaker 1: I think wrestling I also have an ADHD brain, and

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Speaker 1: I think wrestling is one of those things that can

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Speaker 1: like always excite and never disappoint the ADHD brain because

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Speaker 1: there's just endless possibilities. When did you start changing over

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Speaker 1: and to whip And everyone's ask Well, the first year

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Speaker 1: I was one and thirty and I think the second

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Speaker 1: year I was probably more like thirty and one ish,

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Speaker 1: like I don't know the exact record. And that was

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Speaker 1: really interesting because I had a really great coach my

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Speaker 1: first season. I mean right away he was welcoming up

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Speaker 1: girls being on the team. I was the only girl,

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Speaker 1: and my experience with wrestling at the time was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: everyone supports you and this is great. And then the

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Speaker 1: next year is when once I started getting good. Is

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Speaker 1: when parents would start calling names or you know, people

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Speaker 1: would say stuff, and then all of a sudden, you're

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Speaker 1: not just like the cute little girl that's trying and

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Speaker 1: losing anymore. Now all of a sudden, you're like, get

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Speaker 1: that Dike off the mat, or hurt that girl, make

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Speaker 1: sure she doesn't come back, make sure she quits. So, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's my career kind of started. Why would stay career

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Speaker 1: back then? But like support, it just really start to change.

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Speaker 1: You're eighty eight years old and parents are calling your dike. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I mean that was like not at eight, that was

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Speaker 1: probably at like twelve, between like eleven twelve thirteen. But

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Speaker 1: it was like I just remember it wasn't cool to win,

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Speaker 1: and like, as a seven year old, I didn't really

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Speaker 1: understand it. So but I think the really nice thing

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Speaker 1: is that when you're seven and you don't understand things,

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Speaker 1: you can approach things with a childlike mine. So I

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Speaker 1: just remember I would go into when I went to

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Speaker 1: my first junior league team, my mom took me to

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Speaker 1: the you know program, and the coach put me with

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Speaker 1: the three best guys and told them to rotate in

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Speaker 1: on me until I quit or until they hurt me,

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Speaker 1: and I just remember thinking my mom knew what was

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Speaker 1: going on and she was pissed. So she eventually ended

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Speaker 1: up taking me to a different club. But at the time,

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Speaker 1: I remember thinking, wow, like this new junior league is

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Speaker 1: really tough. Like if I want to be able to

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Speaker 1: beat these guys, I really got to get better because

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Speaker 1: I'm getting my ass whooked. Like I just didn't understand

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Speaker 1: like some at times, what was going on. So I

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Speaker 1: think that kind of helped me a little bit. Why

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Speaker 1: did you really start to realize you were special? So

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Speaker 1: here's what's really interesting. When I was seven and I

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Speaker 1: did it for the first year, you know how like

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Speaker 1: when you're young, it's not year round. So after that

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Speaker 1: season ended whatever, let's say March, my parents came to

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Speaker 1: me and they said, hey, we can see that you

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Speaker 1: really like this, that you're getting attached to the sport.

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Speaker 1: But it's not an Olympic sport for women's wrestling, And

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Speaker 1: this is weird. What are you going to do? Grow up?

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Speaker 1: Wrestling boys in high school? Like, there's no scholarship, there's

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Speaker 1: no opportunity for you, so you have to quit wrestling.

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Speaker 1: And so you know, as a kid, you don't have

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Speaker 1: a say, so it's like okay, and then that's summer.

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Speaker 1: Like literally two months later, they announced that women's wrestling

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Speaker 1: was going to be added to the two thousand and

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Speaker 1: four Olympics. So my parents came back to me before

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Speaker 1: the start of the next season and they said, hey,

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Speaker 1: like women's wrestling is being added to the Olympics. There's

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Speaker 1: probably going to be all these opportunities for you by

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Speaker 1: the time you know, you grow up, So if you

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Speaker 1: want to do this, you can do this. And at

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Speaker 1: that moment, like right when I turned eight, I just said, Okay,

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Speaker 1: the one thing that I love to do got taken

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Speaker 1: away from me because there wasn't this Olympic opportunity. And

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Speaker 1: now that there is, I have to go for that.

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Speaker 1: So at eight years old, I'm like, I want to

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Speaker 1: go to the Olympics. Well you're already thinking about the Olympics. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: But it's so easy to say when you're eight, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because you can dream. Let's get no, but you're you're

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Speaker 1: not asking my question. My question was when did you

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Speaker 1: realize you were different? Like you ain't like everybody else

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Speaker 1: hell them, When did you realize, Okay, I'm the baddest

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Speaker 1: motherfucker in this wrestling room right now. You know, it's funny.

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Speaker 1: Not everyone is given everything. And I feel like maybe

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Speaker 1: the gift or the talent that I've been given with

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Speaker 1: wrestling has also come with this um maybe inability to

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Speaker 1: see myself in that. And I think that's a good

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Speaker 1: thing because it drives me to always think that there's better.

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Speaker 1: But I've I've struggled with confidence my whole life and career,

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Speaker 1: so I don't think I've ever thought like, oh, I'm

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Speaker 1: just special and better and it's actually the thing that

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Speaker 1: I have to work on. Is so. But there had

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Speaker 1: a bet time when you started going to wrestling tour,

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Speaker 1: i'ment and everybody they were looking and going, oh shit,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to face her. I remember people telling

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Speaker 1: me that I'm I'm super talented and I'm really good,

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Speaker 1: and even I mean even now, I'll have coaches like

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Speaker 1: tell me, I wish you could see yourself the way

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Speaker 1: we see you. So that's really encouraging, but it's hard

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Speaker 1: for me to just like do that. I don't know why.

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Speaker 1: I remember in two th eleven, I left practice one

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Speaker 1: day and I was always really hard on myself, and

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Speaker 1: I just remember hearing this voice like this could be you?

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Speaker 1: Why not you? And it was actually in that moment

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Speaker 1: in twenty eleven that I remember thinking that I believe

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Speaker 1: that I'm actually good and talented enough that I can

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Speaker 1: win the Olympics, and that you should always give our

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Speaker 1: best and my best is going to be gold. So

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Speaker 1: if I don't do that, then I didn't actually do

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Speaker 1: my best. And that I think, like right around twenty

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Speaker 1: eleven was when I really felt that were you born

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Speaker 1: with the wrestlers grind or did you pick that up?

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Speaker 1: Or you know, there's for people out there who haven't wrestled,

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Speaker 1: there's a totally different, totally different work ethic from wrestlers

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Speaker 1: and everybody else. It's just relentless, relentless work ethic, and

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Speaker 1: it's the hours you put in when no one's watching

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Speaker 1: that makes you great. It's a lonely sport that way. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that is so true. I don't know if I was

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Speaker 1: born with it. I think also, ADHD that helps a lot.

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Speaker 1: And you know, and I also think, just love love

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Speaker 1: what you do. Like I hate lifting weights, I hate running.

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Speaker 1: It is like nails on the chalkboard. I do it

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Speaker 1: for the sole purpose of how much I love wrestling

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Speaker 1: and how it's going to benefit my wrestling. So I

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Speaker 1: think when when people find the sport that they love,

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Speaker 1: they're more motivated and it's easier for them to put

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Speaker 1: those hours in. Again your level. I've had guys like

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Speaker 1: Chails on him, right, famous wrestlers, just champs, you've said,

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Speaker 1: Helen Merlis is the reason I started watching female wrestling,

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Speaker 1: like tearing you like Laila League for boxing right, women's boxing. Right.

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Speaker 1: So there is so for somebody like you as a

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Speaker 1: hard time feeling that I want you to know that

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Speaker 1: that's yeah, no, I it's it's not. Um well, I

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Speaker 1: would say, like on the flip side my mentality when

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Speaker 1: I'm because this is something that I think being starting

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Speaker 1: in a male dominant sport helped develop in me. And

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Speaker 1: it's really helped is that I had to hold myself

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Speaker 1: to a higher standard. When you're a little girl and

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Speaker 1: you're in the sport and you know the coach is

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Speaker 1: showing the moves, I knew that if I didn't pick

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Speaker 1: this move up quickly, it was going to be well,

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Speaker 1: this is why you don't belong here. Whereas like little

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Speaker 1: Johnny in the corner, he can take a year to

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Speaker 1: learn the move and the coach will still work with him.

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Speaker 1: And and that's not to say every coach, but I

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Speaker 1: just had experiences like that where you know, people want

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Speaker 1: to parade a female wrestler how tough she is, and

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Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, that's cool, but we're not doing that

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Speaker 1: for the boys over here. You're actually holding them to

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Speaker 1: a high standard. They have to get the technique down,

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Speaker 1: they have to have good positions. So I, from a

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Speaker 1: young age just kind of intuitively felt like whatever people celebrate,

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Speaker 1: I need to make sure that I'm always holding myself

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Speaker 1: to this higher standard. And the one thing for me

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Speaker 1: was that technique has no gender. So I might not

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Speaker 1: be the fastest amongst the boys, I might not be

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Speaker 1: the strongest, but like you know, damned if I don't

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Speaker 1: have the best technique. And that was something I really

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Speaker 1: really really pride myself on because I knew that this fight,

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Speaker 1: it's like you're gonna spend your whole life trying to

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Speaker 1: fight to proof by women belong in sports, and guys

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Speaker 1: are like, well, they're not as fast as the men.

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Speaker 1: It's like that's yeah, true, but like you can't tell

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Speaker 1: me that I don't know, like good technique in good

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Speaker 1: wrestling position your footwork is ridiculous. Your footwork is absolutely

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Speaker 1: next level, just incredible. So now take us through. So

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Speaker 1: you know Helen's story again, we're gonna you're gonna take

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Speaker 1: us to the gold medal and then Helen went through

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Speaker 1: really hard times after that. She's gonna explain that and

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Speaker 1: take us through and how she came through that dark

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Speaker 1: tunnel as well. But take us through that Olympic you're

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Speaker 1: you're facing I mean, you know, absolute legend and yeah, right,

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Speaker 1: and are you okay? First, when you make the Olympics,

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Speaker 1: is it just like okay, this was gonna do? Where

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Speaker 1: is it? And I've talked to Michael Phelps about this.

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Speaker 1: We also like take us into those of us who

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Speaker 1: I've been there, the experience of making the Olympics, being

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Speaker 1: out there what like out of body and inner body experience. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so the whole process. It's just that was just such

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Speaker 1: a wild year. I don't even know five words for it.

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Speaker 1: But and it's every sport is different in their qualification.

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Speaker 1: So I actually had a really hard time making weight

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Speaker 1: for fifty three because it was I was in the

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Speaker 1: middleweight class and I had to go down to the

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Speaker 1: Olympic weight and when I had made the Olympic team

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Speaker 1: for the US. At the US Trials, the weight still

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Speaker 1: wasn't qualified for the Olympics, so I had to fly

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Speaker 1: ten days later to Mongolia make weight again, and I

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Speaker 1: had to make it to the finals of this tournament

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Speaker 1: to qualify the weight. So I think you were cutting

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Speaker 1: down one fifty three one sixteen. I'm like, well, what, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't remember that. Okay, yeah, I think the quila

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Speaker 1: what are you what are you coming from? Like one

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Speaker 1: forty five? Yeah, I was. I was like on a big,

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Speaker 1: bulking program and I had doctor scientists, like I was working,

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Speaker 1: you know, with amazing people. It just it was I

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Speaker 1: think that was just kind of that battle to overcome,

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Speaker 1: and honestly, I think it helped me because by the

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Speaker 1: time I got to the Olympics, it was like this

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Speaker 1: was a twenty four seven, you know, three hundred and

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Speaker 1: six to five day job, Like I'm going to get

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Speaker 1: after this, just because it took so much. And then

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Speaker 1: wrestling at the Olympics was just the most surreal experience ever.

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Speaker 1: I just remember feeling like I was on cloud nine

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Speaker 1: and I think my you know, my kind of mindset

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Speaker 1: was just I don't want to have regret. I failed

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Speaker 1: to make the Olympic team in twenty and twelve, even

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Speaker 1: though I was favored to make the team and I

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Speaker 1: had qualified the weight and I just I got in

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Speaker 1: my head and I choked and I underperformed. And it's like,

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Speaker 1: losing is not the worst feeling. Underperforming is the worst feeling.

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Speaker 1: If you do your best but you lose, it's like, man,

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Speaker 1: that person like they earned it, they got it. But

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Speaker 1: when you get in your own way, it's just that

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Speaker 1: I think it's the pain that you hold on to.

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Speaker 1: And so for four years is like, you know, I

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Speaker 1: work in the NFL. You have the next year you

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Speaker 1: come back, but having to hold on to that for

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Speaker 1: four years brutal. Yeah. Yeah, And you see how it

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Speaker 1: can affect people psychologically sometimes too, because it's like you

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Speaker 1: can't lie to yourself that this is a once every

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Speaker 1: four years thing. So as much as you're trying to

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Speaker 1: relax or whatever, there's just a level of anxiety that

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Speaker 1: that you see on people's faces at the games. And

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Speaker 1: so I actually think growing up with anxiety and having

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Speaker 1: to battle through that year in and year out actually

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Speaker 1: helped me a lot, because to me, the Olympics it's

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Speaker 1: like well, I treat everything like the Olympics because I'm

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Speaker 1: always just freaking out about things. So this is actually

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Speaker 1: my norm, like your superpower. Yeah yeah, yeah, so it

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Speaker 1: really worked out, worked out for me. I want people

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Speaker 1: to really hear that those with anxiety again, there is

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Speaker 1: an advantage because it makes you good in chaos. It

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Speaker 1: makes you, you know, be able to calm where other

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Speaker 1: people will freak out. It can be used as your superpower.

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Speaker 1: That's it. The title of my book is how I

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Speaker 1: use my depression anxiety to motivate me. And so I

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Speaker 1: love that you say that I had to make it

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Speaker 1: my superpower. Yes, yeah, yeah, and then you totally you

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Speaker 1: get it, you live it. I think, Yeah, it's almost

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Speaker 1: like once you integrate that within yourself. And and the

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Speaker 1: other lesson I learned too is that you win with

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Speaker 1: your strengths and your weaknesses. So in twenty twelve, you know,

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Speaker 1: I felt like, well, when I get rid of my anxiety,

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Speaker 1: or when I believe in myself and when I'm perfect,

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Speaker 1: then I'm worthy of being an Olympian. And I think

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Speaker 1: coming through to twenty sixteen, I realized you're never going

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Speaker 1: to be perfect. You're gonna win with your strengths and

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Speaker 1: your weaknesses, and so I'm bringing all of me to

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Speaker 1: the mat and that's enough. So I don't need to

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Speaker 1: be the strongest. I need just need to be strong enough.

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Speaker 1: I don't need to be the fastest. I just need

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Speaker 1: to be fast enough. Sore off yourself. Yeah, So, as

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Speaker 1: you're going through here and you come to the gold

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Speaker 1: medal match against Yoshida, take me in your mindset because

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Speaker 1: you're you're facing a legend, right, and I think thirteen

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Speaker 1: time world chap and yeah, I may not be doing

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Speaker 1: her justice, but she is basically the baddest motherfucker on

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Speaker 1: the planet at that point. Yeah, So Yoshida is literally

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Speaker 1: a legend in women's wrestling. One reporter I heard them

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Speaker 1: describe this. They said, some people call her the Michael

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Speaker 1: Jordan of women's wrestling. She's not the Michael Jordan. She

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Speaker 1: just is women's wrestling. She won the first ever Olympics

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Speaker 1: and she's won every Olympics and world championship since. So

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Speaker 1: this woman never never lost. And I had wrestled her

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Speaker 1: twice before, you know, throughout the years. I got pinned quickly,

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Speaker 1: so just totally you know, annihilated by this woman. And

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Speaker 1: then in twenty fourteen, I got to go to a camp,

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Speaker 1: a two day camp that Japan never opens their doors.

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Speaker 1: They allowed three Americans in and we got to go

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Speaker 1: train and every day I was just asking her to go.

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Speaker 1: Still got my butt whooped, but I got to see

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Speaker 1: how she was as a person on and off the mat,

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Speaker 1: and I realized, instead of looking like for weaknesses in

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Speaker 1: this person, I just need to like lift myself up

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Speaker 1: and make myself better, because she's truly a champion on

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Speaker 1: and off the mat. So she honestly didn't become She

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Speaker 1: wasn't an enemy or arrival. She really was like my

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Speaker 1: role model and my hero. And I remember thinking the

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Speaker 1: Swedish girl I had in the semis, I had lost

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Speaker 1: to her in the Worlds before, you know, leading into

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Speaker 1: the finals, and I felt like she's in my way

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Speaker 1: of me getting to wrestle my hero, and my hero

347
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Speaker 1: is going to retire after this Olympics and I'll never

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Speaker 1: get this chance again. And what an honor it is

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Speaker 1: to get to be on the mat with this woman,

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Speaker 1: like win or lose. I want this one more time.

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Speaker 1: So it made to the finals and it felt like

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Speaker 1: a dream come true. And then it warm up. Actually

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Speaker 1: before the finals. I remembered, you know, jogging around and

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Speaker 1: being like, don't look over at her. Don't look over

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Speaker 1: because if you look over at her, you're gonna lose

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Speaker 1: all your confidence. And I look over and I see

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Speaker 1: her hit this beautiful BLUs double and I remember, just

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Speaker 1: you know, Helen, like, silver medal is not that bad

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Speaker 1: so far, Like I literally I made piece of it.

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Speaker 1: I'm like yeah, like she is the best. And then

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Speaker 1: it was like, no, remember your mount like Chris is

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Speaker 1: in me, I'm enough, and I'm like, yeah, I just

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Speaker 1: I just want to give everything I have in this match.

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Speaker 1: So walking out of the tunnel, I cannot put into words.

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Speaker 1: There's some it was electrifying, Like it just felt like

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Speaker 1: this larger than life moment, this amazing thing that you're

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Speaker 1: going to experience. I just took it all in. But

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Speaker 1: I was dialed in and for six minutes time stood

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Speaker 1: still like I would have wrestled forever. I would have

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Speaker 1: just never stopped. That's how I felt. It was like,

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Speaker 1: I love this moment so much. And you know, obviously

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Speaker 1: every athlete will describe it being in the zone and

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Speaker 1: when the buzzer ring and I, you know, realized that

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Speaker 1: I had one. I just started crying because I feel

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Speaker 1: like these blinders came off and I just thought about

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Speaker 1: like ten year old Helen and thirteen year old Helen

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Speaker 1: and sixteen year old Helen, and this shy little girl,

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Speaker 1: this insecure girl, Like this girl has no business being

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Speaker 1: here on this mat doing this thing today. But here

380
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Speaker 1: was I got. I got to do it, and you know,

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Speaker 1: it was a dream come true. What was the score

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Speaker 1: of match? Four to one? Yeah, you dominate her. No,

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Speaker 1: I was actually losing one zero going into the second period,

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Speaker 1: and then everything, you know, came together. So she's one

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Speaker 1: of those people you can never count out like ten

386
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Speaker 1: seconds left. I've seen her win crazy matches. She's just

387
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Speaker 1: that great. So what do you hit to go up? Honestly,

388
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Speaker 1: nothing that I've ever drilled in my life. Really. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was a really strategical match. So they put me

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Speaker 1: on the shot clock first, and I knew everyone shoots

391
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Speaker 1: when they get on the shot clock, and I knew

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Speaker 1: that I needed to give up this point in order

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Speaker 1: to win the match, Like who's the battle to win

394
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Speaker 1: the war? Because I'm like, if I take a bad

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Speaker 1: shot and she apitalizes off this, I'm going to give

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Speaker 1: up more points, so I gave her the point second period.

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Speaker 1: She and I both knew that if she doesn't hit something,

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Speaker 1: they're gonna put her on the clock. And whoever scores

399
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Speaker 1: last week, So I would have won once one and

400
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Speaker 1: I went for some weird head pinch and she went

401
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Speaker 1: for a headlock throw off of it, and I just

402
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:18,199
Speaker 1: slipped it and got two. And then I think the

403
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,879
Speaker 1: last minute she was looking to you know, take shots

404
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,639
Speaker 1: and open things up, and she tried to slide by

405
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Speaker 1: and I just like kind of knee picked it out

406
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Speaker 1: of bounds. So it's just wild, Like if all the

407
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Speaker 1: moves that I spent hours and hours and hours of

408
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:33,120
Speaker 1: drilling like those weren't them. Wow, merntality got you and

409
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Speaker 1: your spirit like got you into that position when you

410
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Speaker 1: got up, did you say to yourself like, holy shit,

411
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Speaker 1: I'm winning this, Like if you were able to like

412
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Speaker 1: in a moment like holy shit, this is happening. I

413
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Speaker 1: know I really was in like shock, I'm really in

414
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Speaker 1: shock and in disbelief, like and I was just so grateful.

415
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Speaker 1: I was just so grateful. And I remember, you know,

416
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Speaker 1: going into the Limbic Games and you're really stressed out,

417
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Speaker 1: and someone connected me with a two time Olympic gold

418
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Speaker 1: medalist in rowing, and you know, she so kindly did

419
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Speaker 1: a phone call with me going into the Olympic Games

420
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Speaker 1: and she's like, hey, kid, like listen, she goes. You think,

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Speaker 1: you know, you're on this rainbow, and you think that

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Speaker 1: there's this pot of gold at the end of the

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Speaker 1: tunnel or at the end of it, but there's not

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Speaker 1: like this is it like this journey the rainbow, Like

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Speaker 1: this is the gift. The journey is the rainbow. Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, easy for you to say,

427
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,560
Speaker 1: you have a gold medal, like, you know, but by

428
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,760
Speaker 1: the time I competed at the Olympics, it really felt

429
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 1: like that it was like win or lose. What this

430
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,400
Speaker 1: sport has asked of me and what I've been able

431
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:32,240
Speaker 1: to ask of myself and what I've been able to

432
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:35,880
Speaker 1: learn of myself through that process is just it's just

433
00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:39,320
Speaker 1: makes you feel so alive and amazing and it was

434
00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:42,080
Speaker 1: just such a beautiful experience. And you know, the gold

435
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,280
Speaker 1: medal is just icing on the cake, but it's not everything.

436
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,959
Speaker 1: I love that you're able to celebrate yourself because so

437
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,440
Speaker 1: many of my friends who've won aren't. I got Michael

438
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,520
Speaker 1: Phelps on this Joe and he look at his medals.

439
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,360
Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, you're one of one. Like He's like, yeah,

440
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:55,960
Speaker 1: I don't want that to define me. I'm like, no, no, no,

441
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,680
Speaker 1: that defines the work ethic that you had, Like start

442
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,240
Speaker 1: learning how to love yourself for that work ethic that

443
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,880
Speaker 1: separates you from everybody else. He's like, oh, yeah, maybe

444
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,439
Speaker 1: I could do that, but I've had a lot of

445
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,840
Speaker 1: you know, my partner on Breakable, Lindsay Berger, was a

446
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:11,520
Speaker 1: two time silver medalist captain of the women's folleyball team.

447
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 1: She never leads with it, and I'm always telling people

448
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,960
Speaker 1: like she led two teams to you know, two celeb medals,

449
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 1: that they're culs or whatever. They were right, And I

450
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,000
Speaker 1: love that you're able to because y'all deserve it the

451
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,240
Speaker 1: work you put in to be able to celebrate yourself,

452
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,879
Speaker 1: and so many of our champions aren't able to do that.

453
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:29,639
Speaker 1: I try and work on that with them. Yes, I

454
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,640
Speaker 1: love that you're able to. That is a gift. Thanks. Yeah,

455
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,640
Speaker 1: I just I don't. I'm not celebrating the medal. I'm

456
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,680
Speaker 1: just celebrating the lessons that you Yeah, you deserve it.

457
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 1: I know. So sometimes super when they find out or

458
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,520
Speaker 1: after the Olympics, they're like, why don't you wear it everywhere?

459
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,600
Speaker 1: You should be always having around your neck, Like if

460
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:52,200
Speaker 1: we actually did that, you like, come on, yeah, crushed. Yeah,

461
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,640
Speaker 1: it's like wearing your game jersey in public. You don't

462
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:58,960
Speaker 1: do that. Yeah. Yeah, You're on top of the world

463
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,280
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden you're in a dark tunnel.

464
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,040
Speaker 1: Take us through this, you know, every every every kind

465
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:06,960
Speaker 1: of story and movie. You have a movie that has

466
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,879
Speaker 1: come out that Chris Pratt, good friend of mine is

467
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 1: is producing with Religion of Sports, called Helen Believe Again,

468
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 1: I didn't know this end of it. When I'm talking

469
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 1: to people, they're like, if something happened to or we're

470
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 1: not quite sure, hellas would happen after those Olympics. Yeah. So,

471
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,960
Speaker 1: first I thought that the two thousand and sixteen Olympics

472
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 1: was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life

473
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,040
Speaker 1: and asked of myself and I remember when I recommitted

474
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,679
Speaker 1: to Tokyo, thinking well, the second time is probably going

475
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 1: to be harder, just because you're defending something. I never

476
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,439
Speaker 1: thought that the journey would be where it led to,

477
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:39,840
Speaker 1: but after twenty eighteen, so I won the twenty seventeen worlds,

478
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 1: and it felt like just climbing, climbing. And then in

479
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,120
Speaker 1: twenty and eighteen, I did a pro league in India

480
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 1: and I ended up getting a concussion, and there just

481
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,200
Speaker 1: wasn't the infrastructure there, the you know, coaching on the

482
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,359
Speaker 1: staff in place to understand what comes with that and

483
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 1: how to protect the athlete and their health. And so

484
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 1: that ball got dropped knocked out cold concussion. No, it's

485
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 1: it's wild. IM like. I had a string of injuries

486
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,280
Speaker 1: that all related to each other, so I had rabbed

487
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 1: Then from rabbedo, I told my ucl and my thumb

488
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 1: I had to get surgery. From the surgery and not lifting,

489
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,120
Speaker 1: I think my neck wasn't strong. So the girl just

490
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 1: like head tapped me. It shouldn't have been a concussion,

491
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 1: but it is what it is. And that's why I

492
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 1: learned that you don't have to get knocked out or

493
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 1: anything to have a major oh yeah times yeah, yeah,

494
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. And I fought. I trained for a long time.

495
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:30,120
Speaker 1: I wasn't very good, but I did it. Yeah yeah.

496
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 1: And I came back and it ended up being this

497
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,439
Speaker 1: like two to three months long recovery and I had

498
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 1: a lot of bizarre symptoms. I couldn't recognize myself in

499
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:42,200
Speaker 1: the mirror. I had light sensitivity, sound sensitivity, I had

500
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:44,000
Speaker 1: you know, issues with my eyes that I had to

501
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,119
Speaker 1: retrain out of, vestibular issues, gosh, a whole bunch of stuff.

502
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 1: And I even had personality changes and so that. Yeah,

503
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 1: so it's uh. I remember when specialist was like, I

504
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 1: don't care if you were the biggest jerk before the

505
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,159
Speaker 1: concussion and you're an angel now who always want to

506
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 1: get back to where you were before line And so

507
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 1: actually getting the concussion, I'm normally a very emotional person,

508
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 1: and when I got the concussion, I was super logical,

509
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 1: like no emotion. And in a way it also like

510
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 1: kind of helped for a period of time because it

511
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,879
Speaker 1: helped me to see some things going on in my

512
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 1: life and in certain dynamics, and I could just really

513
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 1: think very clearly, and so I started kind of calling

514
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,639
Speaker 1: things out like no, why is this this way? Or no,

515
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,880
Speaker 1: that's not okay to say to me, or like nope,

516
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 1: I just don't feel like doing this, So this is

517
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,919
Speaker 1: this and these are the reasons why, and anyways, a

518
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,399
Speaker 1: lot of it's really interesting healing process. And so I

519
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:37,159
Speaker 1: was cleared clear to wrestle. I came back and I

520
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 1: got the second concussion in a just a crazy training experience.

521
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 1: It wasn't normal. I was brought to train with this

522
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,359
Speaker 1: grown man who knew I had concussions. I didn't know

523
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,160
Speaker 1: this at the time, and just clubbed my head over

524
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 1: and over again for forty five minutes straight, and you know,

525
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,280
Speaker 1: And so that like led to a whole other issues

526
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 1: of healing and having to confront a lot of things

527
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,919
Speaker 1: within myself like why didn't I stop up, Like, you know,

528
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 1: why didn't I say something? And that kind of led

529
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 1: into really diving deeper in myself as a person. And

530
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,160
Speaker 1: so that's like a whole other story and enough self,

531
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 1: but that second why did you let yeah? Like my

532
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 1: like yeah, like my parents were like why didn't you stop?

533
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,640
Speaker 1: And I said, you have to understand that the thing

534
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,919
Speaker 1: that got me to the gold medal that everyone celebrates

535
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 1: is also the thing that got me to this rock

536
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 1: bottom with the concussion. And that was that I've always

537
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 1: had to prove myself like I always I can't ever stop,

538
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 1: like I gotta go if someone you know, was wrestling

539
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 1: me hard, like I'm not going to back down. I'm

540
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:34,679
Speaker 1: going to prove that women can wrestle or this or that,

541
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,199
Speaker 1: or I'm gonna, you know, earn the respect and this

542
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 1: and that, and I felt like God was kind of

543
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 1: really having me learn this lesson, like you gotta let

544
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 1: all this go, and you actually have to put yourself

545
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 1: in your health first, and there's nothing to prove anymore.

546
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 1: And if you keep thinking that there is, you're going

547
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 1: to get hurt. So that kind of became that tough

548
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 1: lesson to have to swallow. And I ended up having vertigo,

549
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 1: and terrible, terrible vertigo. My autonomic nervous system wouldn't regulate.

550
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,680
Speaker 1: Were trying to figure out if it wass a brainstem injury.

551
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 1: It was another concussion, and they flew me to Colorado Springs,

552
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 1: and I remember just laying in bed all day, waking up,

553
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 1: going to see them, then running a bunch of tests,

554
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,120
Speaker 1: trying to do Eppley maneuvers, this and that. Okay, didn't work,

555
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:13,639
Speaker 1: go back and lay down, and we'll trike in the

556
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 1: next day, and just weeks and weeks were going by.

557
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,439
Speaker 1: So eventually I healed and I cleared from that, and

558
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 1: I was training with my strength coach who you know,

559
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 1: whose colleague had done two tours in Afghanistan, and in

560
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:27,359
Speaker 1: the middle of training, I would have these breakdown cries

561
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,640
Speaker 1: that just started happening, and it was so embarrassing because

562
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,479
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not sad, I don't know why this

563
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: is happening. And he actually said, hey, you're displaying signs

564
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,360
Speaker 1: of PTSD. You should really think about getting checked out

565
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:39,639
Speaker 1: for this. So then I talked to the psychologists and

566
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,400
Speaker 1: the doctors that I was working with at the time,

567
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:42,880
Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, we're going to send you out

568
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 1: to Utah and then go out there. They're like, yep,

569
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,199
Speaker 1: you have it, and we want you to do this

570
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 1: impatient program. And so I go into this like psychiatric

571
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,679
Speaker 1: ward and that was just such like a wild experience.

572
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:58,680
Speaker 1: And the first time that I went into the psychiatric

573
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 1: ward and the people that I around, it's all like,

574
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:02,679
Speaker 1: you were not crazy, We're not supposed to be here,

575
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 1: We're just here, but like this isn't us, you know.

576
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 1: And the second time, the last concussion I had July

577
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,159
Speaker 1: twenty nineteen, that one, I just had a girl that missed.

578
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 1: She went to call her time she missed and she

579
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 1: opened palm slapped me in my ear by accident, and

580
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 1: so I got a vestibular like inner ear issue which

581
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 1: also was a concussion, and it made me go crazy,

582
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 1: Like I called my mom and I said, you have

583
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,119
Speaker 1: to stay on the phone with me. I don't know

584
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,639
Speaker 1: if I'm going to like hurt myself something like I'm

585
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,440
Speaker 1: I'm not in my body right now, I'm not in reality.

586
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 1: And went to you know, sports met the next day

587
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 1: and they took me immediately to the emergency room and

588
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 1: they put me on a seventy two hour hold for

589
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 1: suicidal ideation. Yeah, I had no recollection of this, or

590
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 1: it's just how I remember it, you know. I thought

591
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 1: I was very clear headed. And the second time in

592
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 1: that psyche ward, I remember just like sitting there and

593
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:57,640
Speaker 1: being like, oh, I do belong here, Like I'm just

594
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 1: at this point, I've been trying to fight through all

595
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,479
Speaker 1: these issues. I haven't been the same since. I just

596
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:04,719
Speaker 1: feel like I don't function in society and I just

597
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 1: can't be human. And I'm like, yeah, I feel like

598
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 1: I failed as a person. And then and I'm supposed

599
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 1: to be here. So it was really wild to have

600
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,439
Speaker 1: like this Olympic experience where you ask the most of

601
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 1: yourself and then this other experience where you feel like

602
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 1: you've just can't be normal in a couple of years.

603
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,200
Speaker 1: So it was very eye opening for me. Yeah, that's

604
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 1: a lot of pain, that's a lot of inner turmoil

605
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 1: to go through, and a lot of put on yourself

606
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 1: right because you're comparing yourself to what, yeah, I've been,

607
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 1: even though where you're at right now is a certain

608
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 1: healing process. Also, Yeah, and that's where I learned, like

609
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 1: not to ever identify over identify with where you are

610
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 1: one phase in your life. As long as you keep

611
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,439
Speaker 1: trying to be the best version of yourself, then you

612
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 1: can identify with yourself in the present because you'll be

613
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: proud of that. But like, winning the Olympics doesn't make

614
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:48,680
Speaker 1: you a good person, It doesn't give you all the answers,

615
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 1: It doesn't guarantee that you won't have pain and success.

616
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:53,360
Speaker 1: So just and the interesting thing too is like it's

617
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,439
Speaker 1: not that I wanted to be stuck there. But I

618
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,439
Speaker 1: don't know if you know any other athletes have said this,

619
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 1: But after the Olympics, all the media was like, please

620
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 1: tell us about August eighteen, twenty twenty eight sixteen, or

621
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 1: please tell us about Tokyo twenty twenty, Like everyone's asking

622
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,159
Speaker 1: me to live in the past or the future, and

623
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 1: I just I didn't know what I know now where

624
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:17,880
Speaker 1: I can ground myself in space. Yeah. So, so how

625
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 1: did you recover from all this? How long did it take? After?

626
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 1: When I got out of the institution in twenty nineteen,

627
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 1: I just knew, I'm like, I'm not coming back to wrestling.

628
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 1: I'm done with wrestling, Like there's nothing that's worth this,

629
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: and um, you know, I got a dog, and I

630
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 1: stayed in Colorado to do my therapy and try to heal.

631
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 1: I was too afraid to go home because I knew

632
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: if my parents saw me, they try and put me

633
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 1: back into a I just knew it wouldn't be good,

634
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to do that to them. And

635
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 1: so I remember, my goal was just to make it

636
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 1: through to the next day. And I remember, you know, then,

637
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 1: the more kind of days I could wrack up, it

638
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 1: was like, hope, one day I can be normal and

639
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 1: have relationships again and have like, you know, friendships and

640
00:28:57,880 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 1: be able to like function with people. But I can't

641
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 1: even handle my own self. I can't take on like

642
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 1: you know, they say a lot of times when you

643
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 1: have a concussion. One of the hardest things is relationships

644
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 1: because it requires the most of your brain because you

645
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 1: have to process your own emotions. Then you have to

646
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 1: take their emotions and the things they're sharing process that

647
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 1: develop your Like there's just a lot for the brain.

648
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: And so I retired from wrestling. And once I said

649
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 1: that I retired from wrestling, I actually felt like this

650
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,360
Speaker 1: whole weight just be lifted. And I went home for

651
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 1: Christmas in two in that December, and my parents said,

652
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 1: we know something's not right with you. You need to

653
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 1: just move home and just stay with us and we'll

654
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 1: help you, will get you the doctors, just be around family,

655
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 1: and it was really healing to just be able to

656
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 1: be completely like broken, but just love and accepted there

657
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 1: and just a couple weeks later, I actually remember telling

658
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 1: my parents like, I'm not wrestling, but I'm still bedridden

659
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 1: day and day out, and I don't have a normal life.

660
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 1: And I think that with the PTSD, a lot of

661
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 1: the trauma did come from wrestling, and so I think

662
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 1: I need to go back into wrestling, not competitively, but

663
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 1: just to heal again. Because I didn't want to watch wrestling.

664
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be on a mat if anyone

665
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 1: mentioned it to me, I was like anxiety attack. And

666
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 1: so I would go and I would drill for twenty

667
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: minutes really light, like once, you know, once a week,

668
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:11,239
Speaker 1: and then twice a week, and then three times a week.

669
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:12,960
Speaker 1: I would drill, and then I would go home and

670
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 1: I'd lay in bed and I'd let these anxiety attacks happened.

671
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 1: And I noticed that each week it was less and

672
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 1: less and less. So I felt like retraining my brain

673
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 1: that wrestling is not a place to be afraid of,

674
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 1: you know. And so it was really healing to now

675
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 1: be able to full circle and come back and have

676
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 1: wrestling be my this love again because I didn't want

677
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 1: to end it on that note, right, And then you

678
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 1: decide to get back competitively. Yeah, so yeah. About a

679
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 1: month in I called my coach Kalities, my sport performance coach,

680
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: and I said, hey, I have this opportunity there letting

681
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 1: pass A medalists wrestle off for a chance to qualify

682
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 1: the way the Panams Olympic qualifier. I would like to

683
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 1: do that, but can you just tell me it's is safe,

684
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 1: it's medically safe, like can it be done or is

685
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 1: it if it's risk at all to go wrestle and

686
00:30:57,920 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 1: compete right now. Then I'm not I won't do it,

687
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 1: and so you know, we worked on a plan together.

688
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 1: He's like, no, this can be done. And I really

689
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 1: thought that I was going to wrestle just to I

690
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 1: wanted to practice putting a single it on and making

691
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 1: weight and seeing how I could handle that stress. Like

692
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 1: I thought I was going to go lose and then

693
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 1: that's it. I would hopefully have a couple more months

694
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,960
Speaker 1: to be ready for Olympic trials. And I ended up

695
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 1: having to wrestle off the number one at the fifty

696
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 1: nine weight class and the number one at the fifty

697
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 1: seven weight class, and I ended up winning both those matches.

698
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 1: So then I got to go qualify the weight for

699
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 1: the Olympics. And then I went and I thought I

700
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 1: was only going to have to wrestle two matches to qualify,

701
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 1: and I ended up being four. But you had no Ai,

702
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 1: Your anxiety was gone. I had. I had no I

703
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: had issues. It's like very borderline because I don't I

704
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,640
Speaker 1: would never ever ever encourage anyone to wrestle with any

705
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,400
Speaker 1: kind of injury, and so for me, it's like I

706
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 1: don't want to pretend like everything was one hundred percent okay.

707
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 1: It wasn't. But it's also a really delicate situation, and

708
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:53,240
Speaker 1: I made sure to have a team of doctors and

709
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 1: people that would hold me accountable and help me to

710
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 1: process this of is this injury or is this PTSD?

711
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,520
Speaker 1: Because one of the things with PTSD, when I got

712
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 1: stressed or an anxiety, my brain would give me concussion

713
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:08,719
Speaker 1: like symptoms. So I remember getting into the elevator and

714
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 1: just feeling like all of a sudden, the room was

715
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 1: spinning or I don't know, am I really And it

716
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,040
Speaker 1: felt like l I didn't hull my head, yeah, like

717
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 1: nothing happened, So this has to be more you know,

718
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 1: kind of psychosomatic. Right, There's a lot of psychosomatic stuff.

719
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: So I just worked through that and competing the first

720
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 1: tournament was really it was so I remember thinking I

721
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: might just pull out because I just don't, you know,

722
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: I don't feel right, And then over time it just

723
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 1: kept getting better and better, and it felt like my

724
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 1: brain was just like and I learned about this, you know,

725
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 1: through different therapies, was just like your threat bucket, right,

726
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 1: and when you get a concussion, your threshold for threat

727
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 1: that you can take goes extremely low. So that's why,

728
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 1: like you know, being under lights or having a couple

729
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 1: of conversations can all of a sudden seem overwhelming and

730
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 1: you get symptoms. But to the normal human, you can

731
00:32:56,880 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 1: push and ask a lot of yourself, and you're their

732
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 1: threshold for your threat bucket is higher. So I was

733
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,960
Speaker 1: kind of trying to just increase my threshold and hope

734
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 1: that that brought on healing. One point though, because you're

735
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,480
Speaker 1: saying like I couldn't even look at wrestling, I don't

736
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 1: want to hear it. When did you start to love

737
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 1: it again in this process or did you It took

738
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 1: a while. I think for the most part, I at

739
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 1: first it was just using wrestling to hopefully heal a

740
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 1: lot of symptoms and heal a lot of like the

741
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 1: trauma responses. And then it became like, well, I just

742
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:28,920
Speaker 1: want to see it through because I made this commitment

743
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 1: to do twenty twenty four, and I would say probably

744
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty one when I made the Olympic team

745
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 1: and I started training with my teammates again, it was

746
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,760
Speaker 1: just this full healing. It's like I love these women,

747
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:42,960
Speaker 1: I love this experience, I love getting to do life

748
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 1: with them, and they really helped me with my healing.

749
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 1: Just by creating this beautiful space for us to just

750
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 1: be with each other and push each other so and

751
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 1: even to this day, I think if the team dynamic

752
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 1: was ro off, I think I would have just retired

753
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 1: after twenty twenty. But I just I'm like, I'm around

754
00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 1: great people. Why you know, I love this. I want

755
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 1: to keep doing it. You came all the way back

756
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: and then you meddled again, right yeah, Okay, yeah, you

757
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 1: came all the way back. So with this version of you,

758
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 1: you're still meddled again. Yeah, Which which you more proud of?

759
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,719
Speaker 1: The gold or what you get? You get the silver,

760
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:15,839
Speaker 1: the bronze in this of bronze bron Which you more

761
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 1: proud of the bronze having gone through this dark tunnel,

762
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 1: your unbreakable moment coming through the other side, or the gold.

763
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 1: I don't think I could pick one or the other

764
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 1: because both were really major milestones for me in that

765
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 1: time of my life. But I will say that I

766
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 1: really felt that I had the ability to win the

767
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 1: gold this time around, and you know I lost in

768
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,319
Speaker 1: the Semis. No points were scored by either of us.

769
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 1: Is kind of rough handed out some points. But I

770
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:47,760
Speaker 1: remember after losing in the Semis, having this insane amount

771
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: of peace over me, Like it was just such a

772
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 1: covering of peace. And I remember it was just like

773
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,200
Speaker 1: in that moment, in that instant of losing, it's like

774
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 1: you fought so hard to get back that if you

775
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:01,320
Speaker 1: become bitter about losing, like what were you funding to

776
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 1: come back from? So you can have bitterness the rest

777
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 1: of your life about like a career placement And it

778
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:08,879
Speaker 1: really was. No. I'm just so happy that I got

779
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 1: to be back and I got to do it. I

780
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,920
Speaker 1: love one more time, so and I've just been really

781
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,319
Speaker 1: like at peace and happy with that ever since. So

782
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 1: here's the thing I tell all athletes is like nobody

783
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 1: can ever take away what you did. That's it. You

784
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 1: did it, that's behind your rib cage, right and that

785
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:25,319
Speaker 1: goes on your wall with the rest of your life,

786
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,399
Speaker 1: and it's something you should always be proud of. It's

787
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,440
Speaker 1: not what have you done for me lately? You already

788
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 1: know the battles that you have won and been through

789
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 1: and these tunnels that you've come through, and that you

790
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,320
Speaker 1: should you should always love yourself up. You should always

791
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 1: give yourself permission to love yourself up for that. That's

792
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 1: helpful to hear. Would you say that you find athletes

793
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:45,879
Speaker 1: struggle with that, because I think it's really difficult. Yes.

794
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:47,959
Speaker 1: I look, I created a charity for a col mvp

795
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,920
Speaker 1: E merging vets and players because I saw once these

796
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 1: guy's uniforms came off, they were like, these football players

797
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:55,480
Speaker 1: are like, well, I used to be this guy. I

798
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,440
Speaker 1: used to be that. Like, no, motherfucker, this is like,

799
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 1: this is who you are. You play the NFL, not

800
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,799
Speaker 1: oh man, I used to play in the NFL. Right, No,

801
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,239
Speaker 1: you play in the NFL. You got there, and you

802
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 1: play in the NFL's not who you are. What's behind

803
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:11,359
Speaker 1: your rib cage. You got you to beat out millions

804
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 1: and millions and millions of other kids and high school

805
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 1: kids and college kids to play at a level. That's

806
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,319
Speaker 1: who the fuck you are. That doesn't suddenly just leave

807
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 1: when the uniform comes up. And too many equate their

808
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:26,839
Speaker 1: own personal worth to that uniform instead of what got

809
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 1: them to have that uniform. Yeah, that's super helpful to hear,

810
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:34,799
Speaker 1: because it's like the interesting thing is that when you're

811
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 1: still in it, it's like people can praise you or

812
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 1: thank you for what you're doing. But then when you're

813
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 1: out of it, sometimes that treatment is completely different. I

814
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,840
Speaker 1: remember being like, why doesn't anyone talk about retiring Like

815
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 1: this is brutal, it's like and it's a bit of

816
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,280
Speaker 1: a death to self and a death of your old

817
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 1: identity being you know, in sport for so long. But

818
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 1: also it's just you realize and this I learned to, like,

819
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,680
Speaker 1: you're really replaceable to everyone but yourself. You gotta learn

820
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:04,239
Speaker 1: how to start celebrating what you've done. That's like, you

821
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 1: did it. No one could take that you did it.

822
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 1: And it's a practice I try every every day. I

823
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 1: meditate on things I'm proud of in the past because

824
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:14,359
Speaker 1: I also I beat up with myself constantly. I'm so

825
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:17,319
Speaker 1: self loathing and so not worthy of shit and sabotage

826
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 1: all sorts of things. And so it sudden I started

827
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,480
Speaker 1: doing this year after like having written this book and

828
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 1: doing this podcast. I then get a lot more help

829
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 1: but an ideas. So I work on being proud of

830
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 1: these things. And it doesn't mean like, oh I used

831
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 1: to be this or I used to do it. No

832
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 1: I did this. No one could take that, and no

833
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 1: one can take that from you at your currency forever

834
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 1: you did it. Oh, I like I write that down.

835
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 1: That's your currency forever. Yep. That's what do you when

836
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,520
Speaker 1: you go out and speak? Now, Like, what's your message

837
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 1: for people? Oh? I really just answer questions or I

838
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,320
Speaker 1: think my the most important thing that I want to

839
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:55,239
Speaker 1: share is just leading with vulnerability. When I was a

840
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:59,080
Speaker 1: little girl, I didn't have, you know, female Olympic champions

841
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 1: in the sport to look up to, because there wasn't

842
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,920
Speaker 1: even an Olympics yet, and so I always tried to

843
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 1: look and emulate from the men, and I felt that

844
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,279
Speaker 1: I just couldn't identify or relate to them. And then,

845
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: you know, even looking at women in other sports, I

846
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 1: feel like before social media, it was just the media

847
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,240
Speaker 1: that controlled the narrative and they were always covering athletes,

848
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 1: you know, strengths. And I just want to share with

849
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 1: you know, younger athletes and people today that no one

850
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 1: has it figured out and we're all kind of journeying

851
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:24,680
Speaker 1: through this mess and we're doing the best we can

852
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 1: and that's okay. And when we're you know, vulnerable with ourselves,

853
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 1: we can kind to ourselves. We can allow for beautiful

854
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 1: growth and healing to take place. It to me, being

855
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 1: unbreakable is not everything. That's rosy. It's something that almost

856
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 1: broke you but didn't when you came through the other

857
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:42,000
Speaker 1: side of that tunnel stronger as a result, and you

858
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 1: could use that for the rest of your life. Yeah,

859
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:48,480
Speaker 1: do you find this? Would you agree with this? That? Also,

860
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 1: when you get to that place where the thing feels

861
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 1: like it's about to break you, I think almost get

862
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,480
Speaker 1: to a place where you realize it it could and

863
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 1: for whatever reason, if it doesn't, that's great, But it's

864
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 1: it's a quite easier hindsight to look back and be like, oh,

865
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 1: that didn't break me, But in the moment, you're like,

866
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:05,440
Speaker 1: I really think this is the thing that's going to

867
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,800
Speaker 1: break me. I always have had to make a decision

868
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 1: that's something wouldn't oh interesting. I've been on the borderline

869
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 1: too of like man wanting to take my life for

870
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:18,239
Speaker 1: wanting to just been oh in the darkest places or

871
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:20,239
Speaker 1: and I would make the decision I'm not going to

872
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 1: let it break me. Like I had a knew near

873
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,279
Speaker 1: death experience too, like oh, okay, I'm gonna use this

874
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 1: to come through the other side of the tunnel and

875
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,279
Speaker 1: use this to help more people. That was me having

876
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 1: a conversation with God saying Hey, I think I'm about

877
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:35,240
Speaker 1: to come see you, and if I am, it's okay.

878
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:37,919
Speaker 1: I love you, but I think there's more I could

879
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: do in this world. And if you give this other shot,

880
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:43,000
Speaker 1: I promise you that I will do good things in

881
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:46,399
Speaker 1: this world and help a lot of people. Well moment, Yeah,

882
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 1: my oxygen went from seventy two to ninety four and boom,

883
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 1: I kind of came back to And that was for me,

884
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:56,400
Speaker 1: my unbreakable moment. Actually open my gym unbreakable with the

885
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 1: use of an oxygen attack back then, like all right,

886
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it. Started my charity right after that. Yeah,

887
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 1: that's wild. Oh my gosh, that's so crazy. Yeah. Yeah,

888
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 1: I've heard in new death experiences are messages that people

889
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,959
Speaker 1: come back with. It's so profound. Yeah. I wasn't there

890
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,200
Speaker 1: side a hospital. And it's funny because I woke up

891
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 1: on this gurnee and Randy coutour wrestler fight. It was

892
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:20,799
Speaker 1: my burdens of contact that he's standing over and on

893
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:22,919
Speaker 1: this gurnee and I wake up and I'm like, well,

894
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 1: if I'm dead, i ain't in heaven because his ass

895
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 1: wouldn't be here. Like I'm either alive or on many

896
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:39,799
Speaker 1: other place so, but yeah, that that was my unbreakable

897
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:41,840
Speaker 1: moment and for you too, like you came through the

898
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,399
Speaker 1: other side of this tunnel and it's beautiful that you've

899
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: been able to overcome it and teach another but also

900
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 1: really know you're like these things you've overcome, those are

901
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:54,120
Speaker 1: all gold medals. Yeah, yeah, right, those are gold medals

902
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 1: of life. Yeah, that definitely feels like that. I really

903
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:00,080
Speaker 1: appreciate having you on. It's been amazing. Thank you. I

904
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 1: have an open invitation to come to Unbreakable whenever you

905
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: want whip up on my crew. You'll love it. Yes,

906
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 1: thank you so much. All right, Helen, I really appreciate

907
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 1: you joining us malkin swalk with me. Thank you so much.

908
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 1: Thank you,