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Speaker 1: Hi everyone, Sophia Bush here. Welcome to Work in Progress,

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Speaker 1: where I talk to people who inspire me about how

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Speaker 1: they got to where they are and where they think

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Speaker 1: they're still going. Today's episode is so so special to me. Guys.

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Speaker 1: One of my dearest and tenderest friends is here, Miles

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Speaker 1: ad Cox. He is an entrepreneur, podcast host, speaker, and

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Speaker 1: owner at CEO of on Site. On Site is the

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Speaker 1: most incredible emotional wellness workshop facility in the beautiful rolling

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Speaker 1: hills outside of Nashville, Tennessee. I have been there twice now.

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Speaker 1: I think that it is one of the most important

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Speaker 1: things we can do for our health, so much so

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Speaker 1: that thanks to Miles, we've actually put together an annual

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Speaker 1: creatives retreat with a bunch of our friends and a

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Speaker 1: bunch of our coworkers, and as I mentioned, second year

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Speaker 1: running and we're hoping to keep it going forever. Uh. Really,

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Speaker 1: I could go on about him all day, but I'll

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Speaker 1: save that for the podcast. We're releasing this episode on

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Speaker 1: World Mental Health Day, but really every day should be

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Speaker 1: Mental Health Day. I hope that you all learn as

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Speaker 1: much and feel as much permission for Miles as I have,

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Speaker 1: and it inspires you to take extra good care of yourself. Hi, buddy, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy you're here. I am happy i'm here,

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Speaker 1: So for everybody listening at home or in the car,

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Speaker 1: wherever you are. UM Miles and I met way back

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Speaker 1: when I was living in North Carolina. I was working

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Speaker 1: on One Tree Hill. I think it was maybe the

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Speaker 1: seventh season of the show. What I realized is that

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Speaker 1: I don't remember things in calendar years. I know everything

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Speaker 1: by what season of a show it was, which is

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Speaker 1: complicated because show seasons run over two years. They run

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Speaker 1: from summer of one year to spring of the next,

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Speaker 1: So I literally don't understand how calendar works anymore. But

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Speaker 1: here we are, long story longer. I believe it was

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Speaker 1: that year, or maybe it was season eight, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: But you you had come out and you were to

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Speaker 1: respect everyone's privacy. Let's just say you were doing some

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Speaker 1: work with someone I was working with, and we had

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Speaker 1: this wonderful dinner I think on the first night that

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Speaker 1: you were in Wilmington's and we sat for hours, a

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Speaker 1: little group of us, just talking about life and experience

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Speaker 1: and curiosity. And you talked about on site, You talked

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Speaker 1: about your work in the emotional fitness and wellness space

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Speaker 1: and the kind of experiential therapy that's done there, and

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Speaker 1: I remember, and I'll never forget it, but hearing all

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Speaker 1: about it, one of the things that really strung me,

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Speaker 1: that really stuck with me was the way you talked

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Speaker 1: about equine therapy, and in particular how incredible it is

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Speaker 1: for kids and people uh to heal, but especially people

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Speaker 1: with autism. And I remember a couple of years later

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Speaker 1: becoming close to a guy who works at the co

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Speaker 1: op where I buy my groceries, and he was telling

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Speaker 1: me about him and his wife's son, who was six

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Speaker 1: at the time, and what they were sort of struggling

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Speaker 1: to develop with him and for him because of his autism.

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Speaker 1: And I said, if you can, you've got to go

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Speaker 1: to this place called on Site. It's outside of Nashville.

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Speaker 1: They do equine therapy, and and I remembered you saying

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Speaker 1: to me that for people whose brains are extra sensitive

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Speaker 1: like that, that being out in that quiet on the

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Speaker 1: acreage of the property allows the brain to calm down.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, I still think about the conversation now. I

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Speaker 1: mean it's been well over a decade and I've never

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Speaker 1: forgotten anything you said, and I think that is a

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Speaker 1: testament to what a beautiful communicator you are and to

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Speaker 1: the way that you share the work that you all

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Speaker 1: do and how much purpose there is behind it, because

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Speaker 1: when you talk about it, it really is unforgettable. Wow. Well,

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Speaker 1: thank you that that was a season two for me,

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Speaker 1: both personally and professionally where I kind of thought my

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Speaker 1: role was better in the background. And you know, I

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Speaker 1: was a little often nervous to come into social settings

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Speaker 1: and talk about what I did because you just stick.

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Speaker 1: I used to be a little bit more hung up

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Speaker 1: on the stigma and of it and around mental health,

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Speaker 1: just mental health, and for a long and you know,

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Speaker 1: nowadays it's become hip and cool, which is amazing, but

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Speaker 1: back then I was always hesitant and felt like my

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Speaker 1: role was to be in the background. But boy, you

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Speaker 1: didn't allow that to happen. I'll never forget that, which

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Speaker 1: I know that I know that's this part of your gifting.

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Speaker 1: But you pulled me right to the edge of my

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Speaker 1: chair and we dominated a lot of that dinner talking

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Speaker 1: about it, and I just felt so seen, so valued,

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Speaker 1: And that was a pivotal point for me as I

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Speaker 1: think back that I could better serve a passion that

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Speaker 1: I've been divinely inspired to be a part of, not

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Speaker 1: being in the background, but by speaking up and using

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Speaker 1: my voice. And so I think moments like that I'll

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Speaker 1: never forget because they're part of this time on that

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Speaker 1: has helped me become who I am and who I'm becoming.

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Speaker 1: So that's so cool and same, I mean for me,

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Speaker 1: you know, I think about it. I was, Yeah, it

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Speaker 1: was like you put a gift on the table and

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Speaker 1: I was like, well, I have to unwrap that. What's

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Speaker 1: in that box? What are you talking about? And it

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Speaker 1: was so cool, and especially as a kid, you know,

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Speaker 1: before I wound up being a storyteller for my job,

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Speaker 1: I wanted to be a doctor and I thought a

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Speaker 1: lot about going into the psychology field. And there was

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Speaker 1: even a college I was applying to that I withdrew

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Speaker 1: my application from because they wouldn't allow me to double

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Speaker 1: major in theater and psychology. Neither of those things wound

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Speaker 1: up being my major. But I was so driven by

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Speaker 1: this curiosity to understand the mind and how it works.

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Speaker 1: And you started talking about what you do, and to

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Speaker 1: your point, ten years ago, the conversations were not so

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Speaker 1: on the dinner table about mental health. They were more

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Speaker 1: paper bag bottom shelf, you know, which is a disservice

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Speaker 1: to all of us. We talked so much about going

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Speaker 1: to the gym, and we don't talk about our brain gym.

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Speaker 1: Therapy is a brain gym anyway, We'll get into that.

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Speaker 1: But I just thought, like, this is the most exciting

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Speaker 1: thing that's happened, you know, in in this little town

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Speaker 1: in North Carolina that we're living in in a long time.

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Speaker 1: Because when you live in a small place like that

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Speaker 1: and you have a routine in the way that we

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Speaker 1: did with work, you're kind of doing the same thing

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Speaker 1: every day, and you showed up with all this new

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Speaker 1: information and I was just so excited. It's ironic. That's

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Speaker 1: another connection point, which it seems like every time we're

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Speaker 1: together we discover another one. UH. Where I thought I

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Speaker 1: would be heading more towards a creative uh pursuit in

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Speaker 1: my profession, and then life intervened and I wound up

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Speaker 1: getting in kind of the helping profession and change. But

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Speaker 1: the modalities that I'm most subscribed to as it relates

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Speaker 1: to supporting people to walk through change are very similar

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Speaker 1: to that in theater and drama and creativity. So at

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Speaker 1: the world's for a long time, the world's trying to

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Speaker 1: keep our professions apart. Yeah, but I think in a

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Speaker 1: beautiful way now they've come together in ways that are

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Speaker 1: healing a lot of hearts. Yeah, it's so cool. It's

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Speaker 1: so cool. So that's interesting to me. You say that

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Speaker 1: you when you were younger, you thought you'd go more

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Speaker 1: into the creative space um or maybe what we would

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Speaker 1: call the more traditionally creative space. I think what you

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Speaker 1: do is very creative. But I'm always so curious because

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Speaker 1: I sit across from so many people in these incarnations

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Speaker 1: of themselves where they're doing such amazing work in the world,

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Speaker 1: and they're growing and sharing. But who were you when

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Speaker 1: you were young? What drove you? Were you this same

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Speaker 1: kind of you know, sensitive observational kind man in a

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Speaker 1: boy's body, or or were you wildly different? What has

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Speaker 1: your what has your journey been? Like? Wow? What a

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Speaker 1: what a great question. So I do believe it was

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Speaker 1: always in there and it came out in ways that

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Speaker 1: felt safer and more socially acceptable at that time. Primarily,

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Speaker 1: I was always drawn to animals, and I rescued I'll

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Speaker 1: grew up on a farm and always had a pack

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Speaker 1: of dogs. It was south of Nashville, Tennessee. Little town

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Speaker 1: called hohen Wall, Tennessee. Sounds like all in the Wall,

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Speaker 1: but it's actually not. It's German for high forests h

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Speaker 1: O H G and W A L D. We had

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Speaker 1: a German Swiss heritage. But it was a small town

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Speaker 1: and it's a beautiful place to grow up. But I

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Speaker 1: grew up on acreage and just we always always had strays,

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Speaker 1: and and to this day, I still collect strays, both

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Speaker 1: animals people just you know, and so I've always had

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Speaker 1: a heart for doing it. Uh. I think I there

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Speaker 1: was a big part of me that took a long

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Speaker 1: time to come out and be okay with. And I

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Speaker 1: there are still parts of me that come alive because

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Speaker 1: I'm a constant work in progress and continue to explore,

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Speaker 1: you know, who I am, And there's deeper roots in

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Speaker 1: my soul that it's exciting to kind of get to know.

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Speaker 1: But I think as a young, a young kid, I've

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Speaker 1: always been sensitive, but I didn't want the world to

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Speaker 1: know it because that was not socially. Um, that wasn't

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Speaker 1: a social norm for boys. And I remember picking I'm

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Speaker 1: highly perceptive, I'm highly relational, and so I love reading people.

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Speaker 1: I also was looking for my place. So I think

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Speaker 1: early on I had a wonderful family in a lot

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Speaker 1: of ways, and there were many ways that we were normal.

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Speaker 1: We had our our mess, and thankfully we've we these days,

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Speaker 1: we've turned into a message. But back then and I

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Speaker 1: was kind of looking externally for where do I fit?

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Speaker 1: You know, Where's my place? And I started to get

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Speaker 1: validation and feel my way around based on what I

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Speaker 1: felt like the people around me wanted me to be.

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Speaker 1: And I became highly impressional and started becoming that. But

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Speaker 1: I do think there was this deep seated thing that

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Speaker 1: always wanted to come out, and it just took a

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Speaker 1: long time. So when you say as a as a

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Speaker 1: young boy, because you're right, we're we're having conversations again.

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Speaker 1: It seems like the conversation around emotional fitness is changing.

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Speaker 1: But we we have not historically normalized sensitivity, empathy, compassion

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Speaker 1: for boys. We we celebrate machismo and toughness, and we

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Speaker 1: tell boys that they shouldn't cry and that they shouldn't

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Speaker 1: throw like a girl, that they shouldn't be gentle, which

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Speaker 1: I think creates so much pressure. And I also think

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Speaker 1: in the long term teaches boys when they're boys and

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Speaker 1: when they're becoming men that they're only socially acceptable form

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Speaker 1: of emotional responses anger, And then we wonder why so

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Speaker 1: many men are so violent with women with each other.

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Speaker 1: You know, we we've created this really negative feedback loop

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Speaker 1: for you guys. And I imagine that it's very hard

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Speaker 1: as a young man to know where to put your sensitivity,

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Speaker 1: especially when you feel like you can't show it. So

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Speaker 1: I'm curious when you say that you started learning what

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Speaker 1: it seemed like other people wanted you to be and

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Speaker 1: becoming that. What does that mean? Who were you? Who

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Speaker 1: were you becoming? Who were you trying on? I always

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Speaker 1: thought it had to be one or the other. I

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Speaker 1: didn't think boys had to be a certain way. I

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Speaker 1: felt they would be more accepted if they were. But

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Speaker 1: I felt like you couldn't be both. That was either

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Speaker 1: you had this self sensitive side, which were the ones

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Speaker 1: that weren't too popular, or you had this athlete tough out.

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Speaker 1: And in the place that I grew up, outdoors were

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Speaker 1: a big thing in the South, and so I needed

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Speaker 1: to be all those things in order to be accepted.

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Speaker 1: But the thing that was confusing for me is I

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Speaker 1: love both. I had a soft, sensitive side, and I

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Speaker 1: also loved the outdoors and I loved athletics, and I

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Speaker 1: thought so it was confusing because the messages I got

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Speaker 1: as you got to choose, and for me um well

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Speaker 1: for a lot of people. I think at that pivotal

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Speaker 1: point in our lives, you just acceptance is oxygen and

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Speaker 1: I needed to be accepted, and so I chose the

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Speaker 1: safer route and neglected this part of myself and bottled

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Speaker 1: it up just as you shared for so long that

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Speaker 1: it compounded and finally came out sideways in my early twenties,

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Speaker 1: and that was when the gift of me becoming whole

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Speaker 1: started to surface. But it came through the process of

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Speaker 1: some pain, for sure. And isn't that interesting because what

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Speaker 1: we ignore festers and grows, and then it does, it

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Speaker 1: comes out sideways, It finds event and can be kind

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Speaker 1: of shocking. So what how did that present for you

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Speaker 1: in your twenties? I found myself in a bit of

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Speaker 1: an identity crisis that I didn't even know I was in.

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Speaker 1: I was on uh, I was in. I had enough

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Speaker 1: of an imprint with my family to be highly driven

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Speaker 1: and to present well, and so I did that as

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Speaker 1: a survival mechanism, and I did it well, but I

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Speaker 1: had all these pockets of people that I had to

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Speaker 1: keep up with, uh, to try to be who they

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Speaker 1: needed me to be, to be okay and to be

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Speaker 1: accepted by. And it just ran out of runway. It

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Speaker 1: just ran its course. And so I found myself um

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Speaker 1: bottling up emotions to a point where I got exhausted

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Speaker 1: and I started numbing and medicating what turned into or

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Speaker 1: manifested an anxiety and depression. Didn't have a name for

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Speaker 1: it then I knew nothing about it. I just knew

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Speaker 1: if you were it wasn't okay to not be okay.

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Speaker 1: That I knew that script went way back, and so

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Speaker 1: I did what most of us do, is you try

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Speaker 1: to outrun that as best you can. And I did

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Speaker 1: that and a lot of creative ways, and and it

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Speaker 1: it was. It was fun for a while and it

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Speaker 1: just wasn't fun anymore. And there's parts of it. I

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Speaker 1: used to say I wouldn't trade it in, but there's

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Speaker 1: parts of it I would because there were some painful

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Speaker 1: moments in there, and I missed some parts of my

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Speaker 1: life that I'd love to have back. But uh, there's

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Speaker 1: parts of it that were interesting too, and that I learned.

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Speaker 1: But I basically went. I numbed relationally, I numbed chemically,

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Speaker 1: just anything I could find a kind of numb internally.

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Speaker 1: What was manifesting that I I couldn't figure out because again

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Speaker 1: I performed. Everything look good on paper, I mean, everything

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Speaker 1: looked really good professionally and personally, and that that made

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Speaker 1: it even harder. It's like, why do I feel bad

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Speaker 1: when everything should feel good? Yeah, but that's a big

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Speaker 1: truth that I think so many people find themselves in

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Speaker 1: where it looks good from the outside. It looks good

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Speaker 1: through a screen on your Instagram or Facebook or whatever,

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Speaker 1: but people are struggling, and we teach it seems like

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Speaker 1: we're only giving people a very tiny part of the

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Speaker 1: tool kit. And what we tell them is meant to

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Speaker 1: make them happy is such a small segment of what

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Speaker 1: wholeness looks like that so many people are left feeling

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Speaker 1: like they're missing it. Yeah, it's it's I can't tell you,

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Speaker 1: and and I know I'm jumping ahead, and we'll get

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Speaker 1: there because I appreciate you starting at the beginning. I

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Speaker 1: don't often get to tell this part of the story,

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Speaker 1: but the number of people I sit in front of

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Speaker 1: today that just come with what they feel like as

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Speaker 1: their worst, and I get to kind of hold up

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Speaker 1: a mirror and say, actually, it's your best, and it's

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Speaker 1: been waiting to come out for years and it's just

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Speaker 1: needed permission. And so in this essence is I love

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Speaker 1: what my friend Burnet Brown says is we just you know,

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Speaker 1: we write people permission slaps to tell their truth over

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Speaker 1: and over and over and over again. And I get

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Speaker 1: to be on the front seat of doing that now.

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Speaker 1: And it's really now. Granted I've had some professional training,

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Speaker 1: but it's just me getting there and getting to rif

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Speaker 1: flect my story into another human being. And it's incredibly powerful.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not one of those professionals in my space

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Speaker 1: that try to act like I don't benefit from my profession.

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Speaker 1: I didn't get into it by accident, and I've stayed

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Speaker 1: in it because it makes me a better human. Now

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Speaker 1: I have to keep that intact. I don't need to

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Speaker 1: get all my worth from helping people change, you know,

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Speaker 1: be part of people's stories. I know I don't have

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Speaker 1: the power to change people's lives, but I certainly can

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Speaker 1: be a hopefully a helpful guide. But there is a

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Speaker 1: huge benefit to do in that if you know that

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Speaker 1: you're human enough to have transference, countertransference, all the stuff

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Speaker 1: that can come with it, and you have a proper

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Speaker 1: pace to offload it. You don't get your identity too

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Speaker 1: wrapped up in it, but you better believe there's a

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Speaker 1: there's a great benefit to it. What a gift to

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Speaker 1: be in a space where real transformative work is being done.

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Speaker 1: You know, we we experience osmosis, we experience energy. The

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Speaker 1: energy of a group group think can be incredibly illuminating

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Speaker 1: and at times unfortunately incredibly dangerous. And you get to

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Speaker 1: have group thinking a very illuminating space. It's kind of

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Speaker 1: anti culture in a way, which is nice to live

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Speaker 1: in a space like that. Well, you don't. Culture doesn't

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Speaker 1: necessarily organically provide opportunities for us to be that real

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Speaker 1: with one another. And so I get to live and

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Speaker 1: spend a lot of my time in a space that

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Speaker 1: cultivates truth, vulnerability. And again it's trending now, which isn't

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Speaker 1: is nice, but I really get to spend a large

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Speaker 1: focus amount of my time in that space. And I

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Speaker 1: tell people when they leave, like one of our workshops,

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Speaker 1: or I'll say, you know, the world is not going

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Speaker 1: to feel like this to you, this kind of bubble

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Speaker 1: that you've created with the community, but you will begin

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Speaker 1: to feel like this to the world. And that's the

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Speaker 1: beauty of being able to practice and rewrite the parts

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Speaker 1: of our rewrite our neural nets to allow us to

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Speaker 1: step into that space more. But it's a it's a

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Speaker 1: real gift to get to do it professionally because it

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Speaker 1: keeps me curious and open to curate and create it personally.

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Speaker 1: And I have that community now where I mean, we're

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Speaker 1: part of a community that does that. We practice it,

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Speaker 1: and you know the joy that comes from it. It's

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Speaker 1: just I want everybody to feel it and experience it.

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Speaker 1: But it's not something that comes naturally or easy. You

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Speaker 1: have to work towards. Now, once you get there, it's

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Speaker 1: pretty natural and easy, but you have to work towards

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Speaker 1: it and kind of show up in the way that

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Speaker 1: you want other people to show up for you. So

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Speaker 1: we know where you are. But in between, this experience

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Speaker 1: that you had in your twenties, kind of waking up

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Speaker 1: to the fact that something was missing, a part of

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Speaker 1: you really was missing. How how does it happen? Because

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Speaker 1: I know that you thought you would be an agent

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Speaker 1: or a broadcaster. And I'm curious how you go from

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Speaker 1: that goal set to working in the mental health field.

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Speaker 1: What happened, What did you start to study? How do

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Speaker 1: you make that that big swing and day true to

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Speaker 1: what is calling you? Because I think so many people

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Speaker 1: feel like they've got to do the thing that looks

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Speaker 1: good on paper, be a doctor, be a lawyer, go

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Speaker 1: into whatever the field is that seems safe or smart.

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Speaker 1: And you went into this kind of great unknown. How

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Speaker 1: did you find the courage to do that and how

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Speaker 1: did it connect? I wish I could take courage. I

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Speaker 1: wish I could take credit for it and say, uh,

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Speaker 1: just woke up one day with this inspired moment. But

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Speaker 1: it was really on the back end of a crash

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Speaker 1: that it kind of found me, if you will, And

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Speaker 1: I the even where I was headed in my creative pursuit. Professionally,

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Speaker 1: it's still needed to be gift wrapped in a masculine package,

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Speaker 1: which is why I show sports. And it's not that

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Speaker 1: I don't love sports, it's just I didn't ever allow

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Speaker 1: myself to explore other things outside of it, like the

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Speaker 1: arts and things that I love now. But that was

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Speaker 1: just a natural. It was like, if I can wrap

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Speaker 1: my identity up and be in some way on the

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Speaker 1: business side of sports, but I don't really fully want

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Speaker 1: to be. And I didn't even know at the time

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Speaker 1: that I would end up enjoying business too, and I

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Speaker 1: liked that part of my brain. At the time, I

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Speaker 1: was like, if I go into broadcasting, then I can

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Speaker 1: have the mastional identity with sports, and I can play

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Speaker 1: with creativity a little bit with being an orator and communicator.

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Speaker 1: But I'd never forget um. When I was in graduate

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Speaker 1: school and I had uh a graduate assistant ship with

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Speaker 1: a college property was University of Tennessee, which is a

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Speaker 1: big legendary football program, and I got an opportunity to

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Speaker 1: go out and try to sell some media, sell some advertising,

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Speaker 1: and I got really lucky because my very first call

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Speaker 1: I sold the biggest ad in the entire book, and

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Speaker 1: it was I had no idea what I was doing,

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Speaker 1: and it just was right time, right place. But I

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Speaker 1: came back to the office and again I wanted to

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Speaker 1: pursue broadcasting, which is a much longer, less predictable path,

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Speaker 1: meaning a lot very few people make it to a

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Speaker 1: certain level. But I was ready to do it, and

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Speaker 1: I was kind of getting my creative fuel that way,

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Speaker 1: and then all I needed was one person I respected

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Speaker 1: to look at me and this is this person may

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Speaker 1: know who he is, and I still respect him. This

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Speaker 1: was not he as this was my stuff. But he said,

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Speaker 1: I think you found your career and it's, you know,

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Speaker 1: just kind of pivot. And as soon as he said that,

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Speaker 1: I got this validation, it was like I'm good at that.

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Speaker 1: I just got seen for it. And that's how valuable

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Speaker 1: I was at the time. It was like whoop. I

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Speaker 1: pivoted and suddenly I was like, okay, let's ride off

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Speaker 1: the broadcasting path and now I'm supposed to be this

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Speaker 1: executive that sells media in sports, and so I started

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Speaker 1: doing that. Just with one sales call and one affirmation,

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Speaker 1: I pivoted. But what I didn't realize I was doing

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Speaker 1: is that was one of many series of times where

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Speaker 1: I went against my gut for approval, because my gut

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Speaker 1: was saying there's something here for you. But I was

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Speaker 1: so desperate for approval at the time and so on

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Speaker 1: hold that I just went over here. And so I

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Speaker 1: did that, and I think that was again another gift

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Speaker 1: that I didn't know that I would open later, which

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Speaker 1: was I chose the wrong path. Uh, what needed to

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Speaker 1: happen happen. I had a crash because of it, and

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Speaker 1: then I woke up to the beauty I get to

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Speaker 1: live in now. And so the short version of that

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Speaker 1: was I just was not happy. I was doing something

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to do. Professionally, I was getting a

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Speaker 1: lot of affirmation for it and had some success with it,

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Speaker 1: and I was supposed to be happy, but internally I

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Speaker 1: wasn't happy and things just started. That's when things started

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Speaker 1: to crumble for me. And I think I referenced it

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Speaker 1: earlier when I began to numb that just the emotional

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Speaker 1: pain that I didn't know what to do with, and

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Speaker 1: it led me to having, you know, a breakdown where

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Speaker 1: I needed to get support and I that's when it

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Speaker 1: all started for me. The seed planet and I didn't

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Speaker 1: have a traditional route into therapy or counseling. I bucked

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Speaker 1: it a little bit and had some bad experiences, which

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Speaker 1: I know is pretty common. But once I got a

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Speaker 1: taste of it, once I sat across from from someone

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Speaker 1: who really heard me, who really saw me, and gave

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Speaker 1: me the gift of emotional literacy. Not because they tried

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Speaker 1: to push something on me just because they spoke a language.

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Speaker 1: I thought, that's interesting. I've never heard anybody say what

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Speaker 1: they feel, never even thought of it. But when I

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Speaker 1: heard it, it was just like water that I've been

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Speaker 1: in the desert for a long time. Get a mush.

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Speaker 1: I'll think it back on it. Emotional literacy. That's so

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Speaker 1: beautiful and it conjures the image in my mind almost

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Speaker 1: of learning a foreign language. But it's a language you

433
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 1: realize you know how to speak, you've just never heard

434
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 1: it before. Because when somebody gives you the language that

435
00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 1: makes you go, That's how I feel. It changes everything.

436
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:41,000
Speaker 1: You go from feeling lost to truly being found. It's

437
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 1: a It's a really incredible thing. And I think so

438
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 1: many of us have that experience with our people, but

439
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 1: nobody has ever slowed us down as a society to

440
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,880
Speaker 1: teach us to have that with ourselves. And so many

441
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 1: people are hurting because they don't have the ability two

442
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 1: speak to themselves in that way. Emotional literacy. I love that.

443
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 1: I feel it's like, well, let's we need a billboard,

444
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,119
Speaker 1: we need jump or stickers. Who needs to be a

445
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:22,199
Speaker 1: thing that's really really special? You you've talked about and

446
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,679
Speaker 1: I and I made notes on this because it's a

447
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,119
Speaker 1: term that I've used as well, and so it's a

448
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,719
Speaker 1: thing I want to It's another little gift I want

449
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 1: to unwrap with you. You talk about how when you

450
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 1: were living the good on paper life but really not

451
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,679
Speaker 1: trusting your gut. Really in a way, I think that

452
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 1: that's when we turn our backs on ourselves. So if

453
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 1: you if you were in that space where you were

454
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 1: turning your back on yourself and doing what looked right,

455
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 1: but it was obviously making you miserable. You've said that

456
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:59,400
Speaker 1: you felt like you were drowning, and that's a phrase

457
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 1: that is to me about some of the rough stuff

458
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 1: in my life. And I'm curious what to you did

459
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,880
Speaker 1: drowning feel like, because I know there are people who

460
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 1: are listening to this who are going to be thinking

461
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:18,400
Speaker 1: to themselves right now, Hey, me too. Words I would

462
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 1: use to describe it today that I was ashamed of

463
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,640
Speaker 1: for a long time. And let me just say, I'm

464
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:25,919
Speaker 1: going to say words it might feel familiar to people,

465
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:30,160
Speaker 1: like hopeless, like just a feeling of out of control.

466
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:33,720
Speaker 1: Those are the first two that pop up, but there's

467
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:37,879
Speaker 1: probably a long list of feelings or adjectives just sad, hopeless, angry,

468
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 1: out of control that um I could reflect back on.

469
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 1: But I used to think if I were to reveal

470
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 1: that it would limit me some way going forward, particularly publicly,

471
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,879
Speaker 1: because I've got I know, you know, I've shared some

472
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,560
Speaker 1: of this. I haven't told many people this, but just

473
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,920
Speaker 1: my one day, I want to be able to turn

474
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 1: what I hope is a gift into public service, whether

475
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,720
Speaker 1: that's politically or in some other way. And I can't

476
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 1: help be conscious of what you reveal now is what

477
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 1: people will track back when you get ready to try

478
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 1: to do something public with it. But now I don't

479
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,040
Speaker 1: hide from it. I take pride in it because I

480
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 1: think it's who I am, and I don't think it

481
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 1: speaks to a story that makes me lesser or weaker.

482
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,360
Speaker 1: I think it makes me stronger. And I think it's

483
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 1: what's missing from today's people in public service is everybody's

484
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 1: terrified to say, I don't know where I had this issue,

485
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 1: where I struggled with this, and here's what I did

486
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 1: about it. And so I'm excited to talk about it

487
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:33,119
Speaker 1: because one day I'm excited to bring that to a

488
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 1: light in a bigger way. I'm happy that I get

489
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:36,679
Speaker 1: to do in the space that I'm in now. But

490
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 1: I know I jumped ahead again because I just get

491
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: excited about this topic. But I you know, I think

492
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 1: about um, I've got a a little boy that turned

493
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 1: to August two, and he's just the pride, pride of

494
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 1: my life. I mean, I shouldn't even have brought him

495
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 1: into the conversation this early, because uh, I just love

496
00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:01,880
Speaker 1: him so much. I in I've been trying to teach

497
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 1: him to swim. We we gave him the survival lessons

498
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 1: that like a year, which are pretty hard to watch.

499
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 1: It's not like swimming. It's like if you fall into pool,

500
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 1: So it's not fun. It's you know, they um, But

501
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 1: I'm glad they do it. It It serves an important role.

502
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: But now I'm on the other side of that. He

503
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 1: picked up a few tools. I think I took him

504
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: out a little early of those because I just wanted

505
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 1: it to be fun. I so wanted to be fun.

506
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,199
Speaker 1: But even as much as yesterday, I was in a

507
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 1: pool with him, and he's learning to tread water. He

508
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 1: can't swim forward, but he can swim backwards. And he's

509
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 1: he thinks he is us. He thinks he can swim.

510
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,359
Speaker 1: He thinks he's more confident than he should be, and

511
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 1: that's kind of where I was at that space. But

512
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,560
Speaker 1: I watch him jump off into water that he can't

513
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 1: touch the bottom, and he swallows water and he chokes

514
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 1: and spits up, and that's a hard thing to watch.

515
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 1: When you see somebody checking. You think about the sound.

516
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: And yet I know enough to know I don't I

517
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 1: need to let him have some of those experiences in

518
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,919
Speaker 1: a safe way. Sorry, mom, uh, but I need to

519
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,880
Speaker 1: let him have some of those difficult experiences so that

520
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 1: he can learn what's okay, what's not okay, dellop coping skills.

521
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be there. I would never but just watching

522
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,440
Speaker 1: him do it, it's hard to watch because I want

523
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 1: to shield him from that experience. But that's what it

524
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 1: felt like. It felt if you can, if you're out there,

525
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about, If you feel like

526
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 1: you're drowning, you can. You can physically feel it, the sounds,

527
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 1: the heaviness, the hopelessness, and the struggle. And so I

528
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:31,440
Speaker 1: definitely was in that space. I hope that gave a

529
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:33,960
Speaker 1: little clear picture to describe it. I think so, and

530
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 1: I think that anyone can identify with that feeling of

531
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: not quite being able to catch your breath, like you're

532
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: just able to come up for enough air to keep going.

533
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 1: But how long can you struggle? How long can you fight?

534
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 1: It's amazing the number of people that can relate to it,

535
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 1: especially in the safety of nobody, you know, anonymity, the

536
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:02,640
Speaker 1: number of people that can relate to that feeling. And

537
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: it's okay. I think if you if and I love

538
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 1: that you reference people who are listening that maybe feeling

539
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: that right now, because there's a lot of people that

540
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 1: will try to talk you out of that experience and

541
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 1: say you're not alone, and and the truth is, you

542
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 1: feel alone, and I know what it's like to feel alone.

543
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 1: There's gonna be a lot of people, through their discomfort,

544
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 1: well intended, they're going to try to say you're not alone.

545
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: And all that does is isolate even more. Because when

546
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 1: you're feeling alone and everybody's telling you're not, you can't

547
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 1: help but make that well, that must be me. I

548
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: know what it's like to feel alone, and if you're

549
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 1: out there, that's it's okay to be affirmed and validated

550
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 1: that yes, you're there. Guess what, I've been there too,

551
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 1: and I didn't think i'd find people that I could

552
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 1: relate to. And little did I know, there's a sea

553
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 1: of people like you, and they're probably sitting on your

554
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 1: right and left right now if you're in a public place,

555
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 1: hoping that you might ask them so that they could

556
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: feel validated, because there may be feeling alone too. Yeah.

557
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 1: I think that the lie that pain tells us is

558
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 1: that if we speak it, people will lean out. They'll

559
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,120
Speaker 1: they'll be somehow repulsed by it or afraid of it,

560
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:20,600
Speaker 1: and they'll lean away. And in all of my experiences

561
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 1: and in the experiences of everyone that I know who's

562
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 1: been brave enough to share, is that when you are

563
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 1: struggling and you finally vocalize it because you want to

564
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 1: stop drowning, people say they lean in and they say

565
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: you too, And it's such a powerful experience. And and

566
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 1: I think that when we get into one of the

567
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 1: things I love about the work that you do is

568
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 1: you get into the brain chemistry. You get into the

569
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 1: way our neurons are wired together and thus fire together,

570
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 1: and the pathways in the brain. This is science, you know.

571
00:30:56,800 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: It isn't just mental health, isn't just emotional. It's really

572
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 1: really deeply rooted in the science of the brain, which

573
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 1: is the most complex part of the body, and and

574
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:11,240
Speaker 1: to learn about how that works, then you understand why

575
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 1: you want to hide, why why the brain pushes you

576
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 1: to cope rather than to speak, and all of these things.

577
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 1: You know, So I I think it's pretty amazing. I'm

578
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 1: I'm curious for you. How did you personally get your

579
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:34,520
Speaker 1: head above water? How did you get unstuck? I finally did.

580
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 1: The favorite part of the scenario I just described with

581
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 1: my son is is right before the scariest moment. And

582
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 1: so he'll treadwater, treadwater, treadwater, and there's probably some child

583
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:48,360
Speaker 1: expert out there that's being like, what the heck is

584
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,719
Speaker 1: he doing? And I'll be honest, I don't know. I'm

585
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 1: learning as a dad and that's not my specialty, but

586
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: I'm learning. But you're also, look, you're learning as a

587
00:31:56,000 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 1: dad and you're you're doing what the swim coaches tell you.

588
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 1: I've given it a try, and you're you're being there

589
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 1: with your kid, which is such a special thing because

590
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 1: you know he's not doing this by himself, right, thank you.

591
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 1: One of the scariest moments is when they treadwater. Treadwater,

592
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 1: don't find the side, and then they go under and

593
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 1: their eyes are open. It's a creepy feeling and it's

594
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 1: only like a quarter of a second. I mean, but

595
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 1: right when he goes under, eyes open, and it looks

596
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 1: like what you'd see your experience. And I hope I'm

597
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 1: being sensitive because I know drowning is such a significant issue. Um.

598
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:37,720
Speaker 1: But his hand pops right out of the water and

599
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: I and he grabs my shirt or I grabbed him,

600
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 1: and then I pull him up and we have a moment,

601
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 1: and surprisingly he recovers quite fast. That's not he does

602
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 1: swallow water. He's learned to hold his breath. But that's

603
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 1: what happened, is I think right at the right time,

604
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 1: I finally lift somebody showed up for me, and I

605
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 1: lifted my hand up out of the water, and somebody

606
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 1: grabbed it. They validated me, They saw me. They didn't

607
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 1: point out what was wrong with me. They said, the

608
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 1: fact that you're sitting here reaching your hand out, that's

609
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 1: what's right with you. And when I heard that for

610
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:11,560
Speaker 1: the very first time, it just connected. I felt seen,

611
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 1: I felt heard, I felt valued, I felt connected for

612
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 1: one of the first times. And then they just kept

613
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: pouring it on. They were like, you're you're really good

614
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 1: at this stuff. You're gonna be good at this and

615
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 1: and I just kept waiting on them to critique the

616
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 1: fact that I'm sitting here because I'm broken. You shouldn't

617
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 1: be affirming me for that, and they did, and they

618
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:34,160
Speaker 1: were right. It's so, as I said earlier, anti culture.

619
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 1: What I love is when people like you take the

620
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 1: risk to talk about things like this, we humanize the experience.

621
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 1: I don't think these conversations should be reserved for a

622
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 1: counseling office. They should be in our living rooms. Everyone

623
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 1: deserves to be seen, heard, valued, connected. We should be

624
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:53,440
Speaker 1: talking about this stuff now. Granted I know there's a

625
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 1: lot and it doesn't demean my profession. There are certainly

626
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 1: cases where it calls for professional support and guidance, and

627
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,239
Speaker 1: I hope everybody he has the opportunity to do that,

628
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:04,200
Speaker 1: because again, it's not mu's wrong with you. You'd get counseling, coaching,

629
00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 1: that's what's right with you. But for those of you

630
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 1: that can't afford it, don't have the time to do it,

631
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 1: you can. You can do that in community. So it's

632
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:17,280
Speaker 1: it's different. But I think It's what community was always

633
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 1: designed for. Talking circles. Yeah, so important, And I think

634
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:26,640
Speaker 1: it's also wonderful that we're having conversations. You know, even

635
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 1: when we talk about the fight for healthcare, we're finally

636
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: acknowledging that mental health is part of health care. We're

637
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 1: we're getting real about the fact that people need access.

638
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 1: We're seeing these companies be created, these these messaging apps

639
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:45,319
Speaker 1: with therapists, and these hotlines where you can call in

640
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 1: and do counseling over the phone that are really aiming

641
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 1: to democratize access to mental health care because people need that,

642
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 1: our brains need that. There's a lot going on in

643
00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:00,760
Speaker 1: the world and a lot of noise, and I think,

644
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 1: you know, one of the things that makes me comfortable

645
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 1: having these conversations is the fact that I live a

646
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:12,800
Speaker 1: life of deep gratitude. I have deep community. I am

647
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:16,879
Speaker 1: very optimistic, even if my uh sacred rage about what's

648
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 1: happening in our political system doesn't make it seem so.

649
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,719
Speaker 1: I believe in us. And I think because I know

650
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 1: how lucky I am to have so much joy in

651
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 1: my life, I am very willing to share with people

652
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 1: the things that have not been joyful, because so many

653
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 1: people think, Oh, that person over there has it all

654
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,320
Speaker 1: figured out and it's happy, and I'm the one suffering.

655
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, let's talk about suffering. I'm down. You want

656
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 1: to hear a crazy story. This is this thing that

657
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:49,399
Speaker 1: happened to me. And I think if we if we

658
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 1: talk about it and just say that's just part of

659
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: my story. Look at all this other stuff, all this

660
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 1: other joy, all these beautiful people, then we can help

661
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 1: people realize that the thing that feels like the Boogeyman

662
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 1: is also just part of their story. It pivots it

663
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,560
Speaker 1: from which it is. It's the from a sickness model

664
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,400
Speaker 1: to a wellness model, and behavioral health has been a

665
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 1: sickness model for way too long. It's always health care.

666
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,840
Speaker 1: And yeah, I love that it's got a stage in

667
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:19,880
Speaker 1: a platform now, But I like now that if you

668
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 1: ever get a taste of the humanity side, I think, well,

669
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:26,399
Speaker 1: real time, I don't know who, but and I'd only

670
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,720
Speaker 1: caught just a glimpse, but uh, you were talking with someone,

671
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,920
Speaker 1: and I think I heard that you were offering support

672
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:35,800
Speaker 1: and listening, and I would I was like, that's my girl,

673
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 1: And I didn't care a bit that you were like,

674
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:39,359
Speaker 1: give me a minute, We're gonna be a few minutes later.

675
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 1: I was like, go do your thing because you do

676
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 1: that well, and I think we all need people that

677
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 1: like you, that do that for one another. Yeah, that

678
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:49,799
Speaker 1: will just hold space for you. Thanks for being one

679
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:56,920
Speaker 1: of those people for me. We're both sitting here. God,

680
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:07,839
Speaker 1: we can't help it. Okay, So you make this big

681
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 1: change you you reach out and when you say, you know,

682
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: you sat across from someone, would you share where was that?

683
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 1: What does what does the step look like? Because that

684
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 1: that's a I know what you're talking about, but I

685
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 1: feel like for people who haven't been through the process,

686
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 1: that might feel a little vague. So where did you begin? Yeah?

687
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 1: So I think I had a few I think I

688
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:32,840
Speaker 1: shared I had a few false starts with and I

689
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:34,319
Speaker 1: don't need to you know. I used to WHATL have

690
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:37,480
Speaker 1: told those stories that that that just didn't fit this

691
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,280
Speaker 1: over eager therapist, and I was like, I can't handle

692
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 1: that in But now I'm in that profession for a

693
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 1: long time. Have made so many mistakes and I'm more

694
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:48,040
Speaker 1: just have grace on. We're all doing the best we can.

695
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 1: But everyone's just a human, that's it. And I always

696
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:54,839
Speaker 1: try to recommend to people because I've had conversations about

697
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 1: therapy with some people who have said, oh, you know,

698
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 1: I went and I just didn't like it. It wasn't

699
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: for me. And I'm like, did you marry first person

700
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 1: you ever went to dinner with? Because I'm going to

701
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 1: guess no. You have to try out some different humans

702
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:09,799
Speaker 1: and figure out who you vibe with, because what you're

703
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:13,720
Speaker 1: cultivating with your mental health care professional is a relationship,

704
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:16,279
Speaker 1: and you have to figure out who you want to

705
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 1: be in a relationship with and you'll find it. Yes,

706
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 1: It's kind of like if you ask someone, uh, do

707
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 1: you remember a teacher that stood out for you? I

708
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,560
Speaker 1: think how many teachers we have from grade school kinding

709
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 1: and grace of all the way you do, and there's

710
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 1: usually one or maybe two. It's like that's it. And

711
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 1: if you can remember that, that's the therapist you're looking for.

712
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,000
Speaker 1: This profession is no different. It's like every other profession.

713
00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:41,360
Speaker 1: You got a wide or read talent. You have people

714
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 1: that are really good in certain things, certain modalities, but

715
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 1: there's so many differences. But often the people who you

716
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:51,400
Speaker 1: think you don't connect with or have a gift for you,

717
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:53,400
Speaker 1: then that's kind of what happened for me. So ultimately

718
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 1: I set in front of a psychiatrist because once I

719
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: kind of debunked therapy, I thought I'll go the medical

720
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 1: route because I had a learning disability growing up and

721
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:05,000
Speaker 1: I didn't even know it was a you know, pretty

722
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 1: significant a d h D, which somewhere along the line,

723
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,319
Speaker 1: I dropped the age because I've got still got the

724
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 1: two ds on full overdrive, but I don't have the

725
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:16,760
Speaker 1: hyperactive piece anymore. My son, I think he's got the age,

726
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 1: but I don't know if he's going to be But

727
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 1: I don't look at that as um uh as a disorder.

728
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 1: I look at it as an opportunity. Some of our

729
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:27,080
Speaker 1: greatest leaders of all time I knew how to manage that.

730
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 1: But in a system that requires you to do things

731
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 1: and not a lot of creativity to get out of

732
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 1: the box, it can be a real challenge and you

733
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 1: can start. So I had some of those challenges, but

734
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 1: I thought, if I go to a psychiatrist, then they

735
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 1: can tell me medically how to here's the step by

736
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:44,360
Speaker 1: step process to be able to do this. And I

737
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:46,160
Speaker 1: just happened to catch a guy who was on the

738
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 1: back end of this career. He was like two years

739
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 1: from being retired, highly educated. I mean, a stereotypical psychiatrist

740
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,360
Speaker 1: can have these little round glasses and little elbow patches

741
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:02,399
Speaker 1: on the sweater and uh we there was no reason

742
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:05,839
Speaker 1: why we should have connected. And I think he'd heard

743
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 1: everything he could possibly hear in his career, and I've

744
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:09,879
Speaker 1: never really I'd love to sit back down with him

745
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 1: again one day, or look him up and just learn

746
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:13,680
Speaker 1: more about his career. I just know I caught him

747
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 1: on the very end, and it was perfect timing for

748
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:18,160
Speaker 1: me because I needed somebody I was so scared of

749
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:20,600
Speaker 1: my story and had so much shame in it. I

750
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:24,920
Speaker 1: needed somebody who um almost I don't know how to

751
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:28,400
Speaker 1: say this other than they didn't treat it uh so important.

752
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I got it because they'd heard it.

753
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 1: I think I met with a couple of people before

754
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 1: that were on the edge of their chair and we're

755
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:36,360
Speaker 1: so eager to try to pull my story that I

756
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 1: was like, I was so ashamed of it, I certainly

757
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,440
Speaker 1: don't want you to have it, but he was almost

758
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 1: he was almost uninterested. And I don't know why that

759
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 1: worked for me. I should have been, but it worked.

760
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:49,600
Speaker 1: I needed somebody. I had so much shame wrapped up

761
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:51,480
Speaker 1: in my story. I needed somebody sitting over there that

762
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:54,319
Speaker 1: almost was like, okay, I heard it all before. He

763
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:58,400
Speaker 1: didn't say this, but the energy I felt, I was like, okay,

764
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 1: it was kind of like I could have taken an

765
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 1: out hurt so many people. Isn't that interesting that, in

766
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:06,839
Speaker 1: a way, his energy was almost a version of You're

767
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 1: not special all these other people. You know, many people

768
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 1: have sat across from me who have been drowning, who've

769
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:15,279
Speaker 1: had a substance issue, who have numbed, Like okay, and

770
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 1: suddenly you go, wait, I'm I'm not a pariah like this.

771
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 1: Everybody does this, or everybody does a version of this.

772
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 1: The it's interesting that for you, in in the state

773
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 1: that you were, in your evolution as a person and

774
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 1: in your struggle to understand what masculinity meant, that his

775
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:37,359
Speaker 1: disinterest almost made you feel more normal and and looking back,

776
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:39,800
Speaker 1: and it's again some of that, it's hard to recall

777
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:42,719
Speaker 1: all of it. It probably wasn't disinterest in fairness to him,

778
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:44,840
Speaker 1: but it certainly felt that way to me, and and

779
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 1: I had every reason to be offended by that. Perhaps

780
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 1: I should say he's being unimpressed. He's not your right

781
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 1: disinterest isn't the right word. But he's not being like,

782
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 1: oh wow, because sometimes the oh wow is scary. It's

783
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 1: you know, you get a drastic haircut and someone goes whoa,

784
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:06,360
Speaker 1: and you go, that's not the reaction I wanted exactly,

785
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,640
Speaker 1: And I was so sensitive And now that's paid off

786
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,759
Speaker 1: of what I do just being around people's body. But

787
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:14,719
Speaker 1: it then I could read body language and energy. I

788
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 1: didn't even know I was doing it, wasn't formally trained

789
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:18,399
Speaker 1: in it, but I could. I felt like I could

790
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 1: do it, and I picked up on his and I

791
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 1: just felt like he had one ft out the door,

792
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,239
Speaker 1: and that was the opening I needed. I needed an

793
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 1: opening that somebody could kind of could drop my story

794
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 1: out there, just what you said, and somebody heard it

795
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 1: before and they could catch it. But then he once,

796
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 1: he really turned it on after that, and he was

797
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 1: a really wise soul and he had a way of

798
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:44,680
Speaker 1: he was constantly reframing, which is what I needed to hear.

799
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:46,680
Speaker 1: I would say something, he would take it, and he

800
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:50,239
Speaker 1: would frame it in almost a positive psychology light like

801
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 1: he wanted me he felt. So he knew my learning

802
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 1: challenge and he said, you know, we could do this

803
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:59,360
Speaker 1: one or two ways. We could um meet for fifty

804
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 1: minutes sessions for a couple of years, and I'm sure

805
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: you'll do fine. I mean, you seem like a really

806
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:07,640
Speaker 1: smart guy. Or they had these intensive programs at places,

807
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 1: and you're a candidate for that because you'll thrive at it.

808
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:12,799
Speaker 1: So if you go do that, it's almost like you

809
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 1: getting a graduate degree in yourself. And just I mean,

810
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:18,839
Speaker 1: I think of the ways you could have framed that.

811
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 1: I mean, he could have said you need more than

812
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 1: what I can offer, but he didn't. He was like,

813
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,359
Speaker 1: I really think because of the way you're wired, you'd

814
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 1: do really well in another intense environment. And I heard it,

815
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 1: and I took advantage of it. And so I went

816
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 1: from him to another opportunity that was kind of intensive

817
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 1: and where you go actually stay at a place, and oh, man,

818
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 1: you talk about shame, because I didn't, you know, I thought,

819
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:45,439
Speaker 1: this is, of course the closest thing I'd ever seen

820
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:48,279
Speaker 1: on TV to like rehab, and that had such a

821
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 1: negative connotation in my mind, and little did I know,

822
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,879
Speaker 1: it ended up running one. And and now, of course

823
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:57,080
Speaker 1: what I do now is not traditional rehab, but I

824
00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 1: did one before on site and it was some of

825
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:01,799
Speaker 1: the most beautiful work I've ever experienced in my life.

826
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 1: And I'll never look at it like rehab again. I'll

827
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:07,360
Speaker 1: look at it from now until eternity is Human School.

828
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 1: I love that you say that, and I want to

829
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:12,600
Speaker 1: talk about that. I want to talk about how on

830
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 1: site came about and and what human School means to you. Ah.

831
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:25,520
Speaker 1: I just when I uh finished up an opportunity to

832
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:29,760
Speaker 1: do some intense counseling and learning, I walked away thinking

833
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 1: I want everybody I know to have this opportunity, and

834
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 1: that was my goal. It was like, how do I

835
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 1: figure out how to get all the people that I

836
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 1: love and even people that I don't know on a

837
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 1: big bus and bring them to where they can untether

838
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:45,360
Speaker 1: from life, detox off of the pace of culture and technology,

839
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,120
Speaker 1: and do a deep dive on who they are and

840
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,839
Speaker 1: who they're becoming. Because it was so beneficial to me. Again,

841
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 1: it was another inhale. It's like, Wow, why don't we

842
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 1: do this? How did we miss this? How does not

843
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 1: everybody get the opportunity? But the more I got into it,

844
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 1: the more I realized that the's no way everybody's going

845
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:04,360
Speaker 1: anywhere for thirty days unless you really need it. And

846
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 1: I've learned that that's not Nobody needs it. Everybody deserves it.

847
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:11,719
Speaker 1: I've stopped saying that I've changed that word. But to me,

848
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,760
Speaker 1: what I learned most was how to be more humane

849
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 1: to myself and more humane to others, which has given

850
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 1: me a more humane disposition towards humanity. Can you give

851
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 1: me some practical data points on that? What is? What

852
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 1: are a couple of examples of how you learn to

853
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 1: be more humane? I just had a harsh dialogue I had.

854
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,600
Speaker 1: I'm a big believer in parts work, because there's a

855
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,880
Speaker 1: modality of therapy called internal family systems where you actually

856
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:40,799
Speaker 1: break things up in parts, like there's a part of

857
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 1: you that has this, there's a part of you that

858
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 1: has this. It's not all of you. There's just a

859
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 1: part of you that carries this piece, and let's talk

860
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:48,000
Speaker 1: to it, let's bring it into the room, and just

861
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 1: it's really a graceful way for people to see more

862
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:54,359
Speaker 1: of a whole picture of who they are. And I

863
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 1: I and I did and I still do. I still

864
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 1: have a pretty harsh inner critic, but we have a

865
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 1: differ relationship now and almost days now, some days he's

866
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 1: got me by the neck, but a lot of I don't.

867
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 1: I think. For a long time, I thought the only

868
00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:13,760
Speaker 1: way I'll ever feel okay is if he I kill him.

869
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:15,880
Speaker 1: And that was my strategy for a long time. The

870
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 1: enemy was my inner critic. Now I've learned to be

871
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 1: a little kinder to him. He gets a seat at

872
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,480
Speaker 1: the table. It's not quite as loud, it's got a

873
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:27,439
Speaker 1: small seat at the very end. But I'm just that

874
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:29,960
Speaker 1: he's not the problem. It's my relationship with him that's

875
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:33,880
Speaker 1: the problem. And I gave him so much power, But

876
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 1: I've just when I say more humane to myself, it's

877
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,399
Speaker 1: just more kind and more graceful coming in. And I've

878
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 1: learned that I can't genuinely do that with you until

879
00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:44,840
Speaker 1: I'm integrated and learned how to do it with myself.

880
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 1: So it's a constant practice of putting down the microscope,

881
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:50,480
Speaker 1: picking up the mirror, and just learning how to be

882
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:53,600
Speaker 1: a better human being. Putting down the microscope and picking

883
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 1: up the mirror. That's a good one. That's a really

884
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:03,799
Speaker 1: good one. How do you think that people who are

885
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 1: listening and curious about this, what's a way to start that?

886
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:11,680
Speaker 1: What's a way to start having a different relationship to

887
00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 1: our inner critic. How do we look in the mirror

888
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 1: more kindly. I think there's a lot of creative ways

889
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,719
Speaker 1: to go about it. But you said it earlier when

890
00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 1: you said talking circle, Which is it? The power is

891
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 1: when we are the only one that knows it and

892
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:35,320
Speaker 1: we hang on to it so tightly because God forbid

893
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,799
Speaker 1: if we were to share that. And I'm not talking

894
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:39,920
Speaker 1: about just saying I have an inter critic. Most everybody

895
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 1: has an inner critic, and we can all relate to it.

896
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 1: But I'm talking about give it a name, give it

897
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:45,839
Speaker 1: a voice. What does it say to you? You need

898
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 1: to know that about that. You need to know my

899
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:50,719
Speaker 1: dark days of when it's speaking the loudest. And I've

900
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 1: learned it's the more I it's kind of like stress,

901
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:56,760
Speaker 1: The more I offloaded, the less it gets to be internalized,

902
00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:59,279
Speaker 1: compound and then come out the other way. And so

903
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:01,840
Speaker 1: I think if you just simply find somebody to introduce

904
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 1: that party yourself too, and it's not it's not all

905
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 1: of you. Always keep that in mind. It's not this

906
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:08,799
Speaker 1: broken party that you have to go share. It's just

907
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 1: can I tell you about this part of me that

908
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 1: just really eats my lunch sometime, and it may not

909
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 1: and it it may not be a one time thing.

910
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:17,279
Speaker 1: I need to introduce it. I need to introduce it

911
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:18,880
Speaker 1: as much as I need to introduce it with a

912
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 1: safe person who will listen and not try to fix

913
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:24,319
Speaker 1: it or change it. That's key, and that's hard to do.

914
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:26,960
Speaker 1: I mean, there's an art to listening. But that's what

915
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:28,960
Speaker 1: people need more than anything. It was going back to

916
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 1: what we shared earlier. When people feel alone and we

917
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 1: tell them they're not, that's not what we need when

918
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 1: we're in pay. We need validation and affirmation. That's what

919
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:41,960
Speaker 1: quiet set voice. So if someone says I feel so alone,

920
00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:47,920
Speaker 1: what is the appropriate response, Because I I know and

921
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:52,080
Speaker 1: I feel. What comes up in me while I'm listening

922
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 1: to what you're saying is I think okay, Then perhaps

923
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:59,400
Speaker 1: the right thing to say is I'm so sorry that

924
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 1: you feel that way. I also want you to know

925
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:06,440
Speaker 1: I'm here. I know that's not making you feel less alone.

926
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:11,919
Speaker 1: But day or night, you can always call, always pick

927
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:14,799
Speaker 1: up you know, whatever, whatever version of that that we

928
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:17,239
Speaker 1: want to offer to the people we love when they're struggling.

929
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 1: But is that right at all? Or or is there

930
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:28,600
Speaker 1: a better way to acknowledge that feeling for somebody and

931
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:31,799
Speaker 1: make sure they know their support, they're supported. How do

932
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:34,040
Speaker 1: we how do we do that better? I just I

933
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:36,960
Speaker 1: just caught myself and you may have seen it where

934
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 1: before you were finished telling me how you responded, I

935
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:42,680
Speaker 1: had come up with a counter response to tell you

936
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 1: whether it was right or wrong. How do you see?

937
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 1: My livees went up and I grabbed something I was

938
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 1: about it, and I was like whoop. I pulled myself

939
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:50,840
Speaker 1: back because I wanted to listen to that. I just

940
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:52,759
Speaker 1: wanted to listen and take a breath and be like

941
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 1: I hear that, and I don't need to have the

942
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:56,799
Speaker 1: right answer for it. I just need to hear it,

943
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 1: and so yeah, that's the right that's that's the right. Wait,

944
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,160
Speaker 1: that's a right way to do it. And what I've

945
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 1: learned is it's so Another way would be like I

946
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:07,960
Speaker 1: understand and then providing some data points on how you

947
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 1: understand and if you if you don't, you know, you

948
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 1: don't need to um manufacture that if you haven't felt that,

949
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:17,360
Speaker 1: but try to get in touch with There's not many

950
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:20,880
Speaker 1: people going through stuck, struggling in painful situations that I can't.

951
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:24,239
Speaker 1: I can't find a connection point to even when I've

952
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 1: set across from people that have done the worst of

953
00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 1: the worst, that have been that are in penitentiaries on

954
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:33,799
Speaker 1: death row, done un goodly things, and yet I can

955
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 1: relate to a part. I can find a part of

956
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:38,280
Speaker 1: their story I can relate to. And I think everyone

957
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:40,279
Speaker 1: can do that. So that's the key. It's not as

958
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 1: much the words, it's more the energy behind the words,

959
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 1: and if they're genuine, if they're real, then it's okay.

960
00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 1: First of all, take a risk to be clumsy. Don't

961
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,040
Speaker 1: try to think about the right thing to say. This

962
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 1: is just one it's not advice, it's just something I've

963
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 1: learned when I try not, I just always think, how

964
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,279
Speaker 1: do I validate people by being able to you're a

965
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 1: part of my story that they hopefully can relate to.

966
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:06,440
Speaker 1: And sometimes it's as simple as and I'm just nodding

967
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:08,160
Speaker 1: right now because I know we're on audio, but it's

968
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:15,040
Speaker 1: just like just an affirming nod listening hold them mm hmm, yeah,

969
00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:18,800
Speaker 1: not not trying to have an answer, but offering support.

970
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 1: It's a perspective shift, but it can really offer I

971
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 1: think a lot of grace to people who are going

972
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:29,640
Speaker 1: through something. Yeah, the eyes, the eyes say a lot,

973
00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 1: and there there's a powerful I forget who did it.

974
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:37,319
Speaker 1: I wish I could give credit to it. I love

975
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:40,319
Speaker 1: showing this clip when I'll do a talk, but it's

976
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:42,360
Speaker 1: basically they did. I say, it may have been so pancake,

977
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:44,799
Speaker 1: but I can't remember they did a I'll find it

978
00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:46,319
Speaker 1: so you can put in the footnotes just to give

979
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:49,759
Speaker 1: them credit, cause they deserve credit. It's powerful and I'll

980
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:52,239
Speaker 1: send you the link later. But it's basically they do

981
00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:55,200
Speaker 1: a social experiment where they take couples that have known

982
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 1: each other for seventy years to some that have been

983
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:00,799
Speaker 1: dating for a year, or some complete strangers, and they

984
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:02,800
Speaker 1: send them in front of each other for four minutes

985
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:06,759
Speaker 1: of silence, in eye contact, in eye contact, and they

986
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:09,560
Speaker 1: just yeah, they just oh yeah, silence and eye contact

987
00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:13,040
Speaker 1: and they just watch what happens, and it is powerful.

988
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 1: We do an exercise like that, you know, back that

989
00:52:16,120 --> 00:52:18,279
Speaker 1: on site, but to see it done in real time.

990
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:20,880
Speaker 1: There's things called mirror and urons. And that's the biggest

991
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 1: hug you could give somebody is to be able to

992
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 1: mirror their reality without words. Sometimes that's so special. So

993
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:33,160
Speaker 1: when we talk about on site. One of the things

994
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 1: that you unpack for people there is trauma. And I

995
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:40,759
Speaker 1: want to talk about the definition of trauma because I

996
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:45,400
Speaker 1: think that so many of us associate the word trauma.

997
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 1: The brain then immediately thinks of PTSD, and then we

998
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:52,280
Speaker 1: think about veterans, who obviously are a population who suffered

999
00:52:52,320 --> 00:52:55,920
Speaker 1: from immense PTSD. But we assume most of us who

1000
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 1: have never been to war, that obviously we can't have

1001
00:52:58,640 --> 00:53:01,319
Speaker 1: trauma or post traumatic start us because we've never been

1002
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:04,160
Speaker 1: to war. And now all the data and all the

1003
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:06,840
Speaker 1: science is showing that women who have been sexually assaulted

1004
00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:11,000
Speaker 1: carried just as much PTSD as war veterans, that people

1005
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:16,440
Speaker 1: everywhere in society are suffering from post traumatic stress effects,

1006
00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:25,799
Speaker 1: and the actual medical definition of trauma is anything which

1007
00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:30,319
Speaker 1: is not nurturing. And there's there's from the literature that

1008
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:32,880
Speaker 1: I was able to look at with you guys. I

1009
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 1: find this to be very interesting that it reads we

1010
00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 1: know that trauma is a much broader phenomenon than was

1011
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:42,880
Speaker 1: once imagined. It is defined as any experience that creates

1012
00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:46,200
Speaker 1: feelings of overwhelmingness and or an event that is perceived

1013
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:51,160
Speaker 1: as life threatening. That widens the scope I think for

1014
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:57,440
Speaker 1: so many people, and as we referenced earlier, so many

1015
00:53:57,480 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 1: of us think, well, I don't deserve to feel this way.

1016
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 1: Nothing in my life is really that wrong. My life

1017
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:05,400
Speaker 1: looks so good on paper. Why do I feel like

1018
00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 1: I'm drowning? How do you begin to teach people about trauma?

1019
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:15,359
Speaker 1: And can you talk a little bit for people who

1020
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:20,000
Speaker 1: may not know about how our bodies hold onto trauma. Well,

1021
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 1: I love that that kind of definition because it's such

1022
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:25,319
Speaker 1: a broad scope of anything other than nurturing. But if

1023
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:28,279
Speaker 1: I'm depending on who I'm talking to, and we've been

1024
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:30,879
Speaker 1: doing more education on trauma and form care, and there's

1025
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 1: a lot smarter people in my organization that that talk

1026
00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:37,200
Speaker 1: about the science behind it. I live in and out

1027
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:40,360
Speaker 1: of that world enough that, um, I can't recall it

1028
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:42,399
Speaker 1: like some of the friends that I know you've met

1029
00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:45,480
Speaker 1: back in Tennessee with Carlos and Cindy and others. But

1030
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:48,759
Speaker 1: Carlos might bear Yeah, I know you were hoping he

1031
00:54:48,840 --> 00:54:51,239
Speaker 1: might be part of this and maybe at some other time.

1032
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 1: He's such a special soul and so knowledgeable on the topic.

1033
00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 1: But I've had to learn it as someone who leads

1034
00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:59,279
Speaker 1: an organization that that's the framework that we look through

1035
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:02,360
Speaker 1: in order to help support people in change, And depending

1036
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,800
Speaker 1: on who I'm talking to, I might just swap the

1037
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 1: word out with adversity or compound stress. People can relate

1038
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 1: to that a little bit more, and then you kind

1039
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:12,640
Speaker 1: of start walking down the road of here's what trauma is,

1040
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:15,160
Speaker 1: but there are varying levels of it, and so I

1041
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:20,040
Speaker 1: think not everybody is diet has diagnosable PTSD, but more

1042
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:23,799
Speaker 1: people do than we think. But ultimately it's invasive and

1043
00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:27,960
Speaker 1: intrusive symptoms that would interrupt our daily life, like you know,

1044
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:31,280
Speaker 1: sleep in, night terrors, and a lot and and the

1045
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 1: there's a pretty significant, long list of symptoms. But it's

1046
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:38,000
Speaker 1: where I started learning about trauma was when I had

1047
00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:42,279
Speaker 1: the opportunity to run a residential alcohol drug program and

1048
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:45,480
Speaker 1: the place you worked before, and we also had a

1049
00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:50,840
Speaker 1: small um nine bed program for eating disorders specializing in

1050
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:55,120
Speaker 1: interrex and blimia, and we just were doing very light

1051
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:58,720
Speaker 1: educational trauma. Most of it was all I didn't realize

1052
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:00,879
Speaker 1: it at the time, well in tended, but we were

1053
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:04,480
Speaker 1: we were treating symptoms, just trying to arrest whatever was

1054
00:56:04,520 --> 00:56:07,400
Speaker 1: going on on the surface without ever unraveling the narrative.

1055
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:11,400
Speaker 1: And I'm telling you I found with addiction clients, you

1056
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:14,080
Speaker 1: dis order clients and plug in another mental health it

1057
00:56:14,160 --> 00:56:17,360
Speaker 1: was a hundred out of a hundred had experienced life adversity,

1058
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:19,960
Speaker 1: had experienced trauma in some way, and we just didn't

1059
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:22,080
Speaker 1: know how to treat it at the time, and we're

1060
00:56:22,200 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: medicating their compound stress. Wow, and often uh, you know

1061
00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 1: another it's interesting. We have a program that we offer

1062
00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:34,040
Speaker 1: one of our programs we offer for veterans every year

1063
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:37,480
Speaker 1: for free, and we've been researching that and these are

1064
00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 1: a lot of these are combat men and women who've

1065
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 1: been there, Combat vets men and women who've been in

1066
00:56:42,239 --> 00:56:44,440
Speaker 1: combat been affected by it, and some of our diagnosed

1067
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:46,840
Speaker 1: with PTSD and some of mart It's fascinating that you

1068
00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:49,759
Speaker 1: can take two people and put them in a combat situation.

1069
00:56:49,880 --> 00:56:53,400
Speaker 1: One can come home with a diagnosable version of postraumatic

1070
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:57,640
Speaker 1: stress disorder, and one copes and adjust in a different way.

1071
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:00,359
Speaker 1: And that's always been fascinating to me. But what we've

1072
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:03,560
Speaker 1: learned is that I was nervous because that's a week

1073
00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:06,120
Speaker 1: long program, and I thought, what can we do for

1074
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:10,760
Speaker 1: people who have seen extreme things in one week besides

1075
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:13,239
Speaker 1: give them hopefully some education and some hope. Can we

1076
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:15,800
Speaker 1: really go deep and expect to be able to open

1077
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 1: things up and put things back together in a way

1078
00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:22,520
Speaker 1: that would be productive. And what we found so I

1079
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 1: was nervous about opening up combat trauma because it wasn't

1080
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:29,600
Speaker 1: our specialty. Our specialties trauma, But there's all these nuances

1081
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:31,480
Speaker 1: of you get really good at certain arms of it,

1082
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:34,640
Speaker 1: but ultimately, trauma's trauma. And what we found with most

1083
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:37,160
Speaker 1: of the vets that we supported is rarely, if ever,

1084
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:40,280
Speaker 1: did we touch the combat. Most of these men and

1085
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:43,760
Speaker 1: women who came back with significant adverse circumstances from having

1086
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:48,480
Speaker 1: experienced comment had had trauma earlier in their life, so

1087
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:51,200
Speaker 1: they had been imprinted somewhere along the way. That made

1088
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:54,040
Speaker 1: them a little bit more susceptible to once they and

1089
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:56,280
Speaker 1: it also made it more susceptible to go into a

1090
00:57:56,320 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 1: high risk situation. But once they were in it, it

1091
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:01,600
Speaker 1: made them twice as acceptable in order to develop those

1092
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:04,640
Speaker 1: symptoms later on. So we found way more success and

1093
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:07,520
Speaker 1: surprisingly most of the people who were pouring into and

1094
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:10,560
Speaker 1: a military is an easy example because that's where a

1095
00:58:10,600 --> 00:58:13,320
Speaker 1: lot of people think when they think PTDSD, you reference

1096
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 1: that earlier as we thought, UM that we we got,

1097
00:58:17,320 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 1: we had better results. And when we looked out there

1098
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 1: what was happening in the veterans community. Most everybody was

1099
00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:26,320
Speaker 1: treating combat trauma. Nobody was going back, And so we

1100
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:28,640
Speaker 1: found this niche that if we can go back and

1101
00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:32,080
Speaker 1: if you've experienced sexual abuse when you were in fourteen, fifteen, sixteen,

1102
00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:34,600
Speaker 1: you can't ever have a chance of healing this experience

1103
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:37,200
Speaker 1: unless you get the opportunity to heal this one. And

1104
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:39,920
Speaker 1: many times when we had an opportunity to rewrite that

1105
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:41,960
Speaker 1: part of their narrative, we didn't even have to do

1106
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:45,400
Speaker 1: much with the combat. It was amazing. The brain is

1107
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:49,520
Speaker 1: unbelievable with its ability to heal itself. But unfortunately, I

1108
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 1: believe a lot of uh, a lot of therapy, traditional therapy,

1109
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:56,000
Speaker 1: and I'm not picking on any modality because they all

1110
00:58:56,040 --> 00:58:59,520
Speaker 1: have their place. It's it's speaking into the wrong side

1111
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:03,200
Speaker 1: of the brain and what we know that the way

1112
00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:06,120
Speaker 1: that I think about it, and I it took me

1113
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:08,640
Speaker 1: a while to kind of ideate on this and a

1114
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:11,160
Speaker 1: lot of people asked because I've talked about going and

1115
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:14,240
Speaker 1: doing this week retreat with you at on site, UM,

1116
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:17,320
Speaker 1: because you know I'm you know and probably most of

1117
00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:19,280
Speaker 1: you guys listening, but just in case you've been under

1118
00:59:19,320 --> 00:59:22,240
Speaker 1: a rock while I talk about all this stuff, I

1119
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 1: clearly love to nerd out on science. I want to

1120
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:27,640
Speaker 1: know all the data. I want to read all the

1121
00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:32,480
Speaker 1: research studies. I just love it. And so to go

1122
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:35,880
Speaker 1: somewhere and really get to be a student and learn

1123
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:39,880
Speaker 1: about the brain and neuroplasticity and trauma and bodily response

1124
00:59:39,960 --> 00:59:42,920
Speaker 1: and all of it felt like it felt like such

1125
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:47,800
Speaker 1: a gift for me. And in trying to figure out

1126
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:51,320
Speaker 1: how to explain to people what the difference was between

1127
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:54,040
Speaker 1: a week of a deep dive like we did and

1128
00:59:54,160 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 1: traditional talk therapy or any of the other sort of

1129
00:59:57,800 --> 01:00:01,440
Speaker 1: books on psychology that I've over the years, what I

1130
01:00:01,560 --> 01:00:06,120
Speaker 1: realized is this that so many of the modalities we

1131
01:00:06,200 --> 01:00:09,120
Speaker 1: have easier access to. And even when you talk about this,

1132
01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:13,640
Speaker 1: you know extreme genre of most places trying to treat

1133
01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:17,800
Speaker 1: combat PTSD with veterans. If you think about it like

1134
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:20,720
Speaker 1: a tree, the place in the brain that's been affected,

1135
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 1: most people are are grooming the leaves, and what you're

1136
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:29,000
Speaker 1: talking about is getting to the base of the roots system.

1137
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:33,440
Speaker 1: And if you heal the roots, the entire tree heels.

1138
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:37,720
Speaker 1: But if you're just cleaning up the leaves, everything underneath

1139
01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:40,680
Speaker 1: is still growing, it's all still connected, it's all still

1140
01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:44,240
Speaker 1: carrying water. And and so to get into the parts

1141
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:48,520
Speaker 1: of the brain where these neural pathways formed much earlier

1142
01:00:48,560 --> 01:00:51,840
Speaker 1: in life and start to do healing work there, it

1143
01:00:51,960 --> 01:00:56,480
Speaker 1: changes how it affects the end of the pathway naturally.

1144
01:00:57,360 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 1: I love that that's so well said in such a

1145
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:01,720
Speaker 1: good picture or and and if you think about it,

1146
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:04,320
Speaker 1: that that tells you there is a place for cognitive

1147
01:01:04,320 --> 01:01:09,360
Speaker 1: oriented process because it it makes the ground fertile. Because

1148
01:01:09,520 --> 01:01:11,360
Speaker 1: the thing about if you think about leaves is a tree,

1149
01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:13,640
Speaker 1: you're supposed to leave them alone because they have a purpose.

1150
01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:16,440
Speaker 1: They fall from the tree, they get decay the ground,

1151
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:19,200
Speaker 1: they keep the soul warm or cold cool, and so

1152
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:22,160
Speaker 1: you're that's forest. You know, it's an ecosystem, and so

1153
01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:24,560
Speaker 1: they have their place too. It's just preparing for a

1154
01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:27,080
Speaker 1: deeper dive at some point. So the people that often

1155
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:30,080
Speaker 1: have a lot of success with our modality are people

1156
01:01:30,080 --> 01:01:32,439
Speaker 1: who have done a lot of talk therapy, but they've

1157
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:36,160
Speaker 1: never really had an opportunity to see their story three dimensionally.

1158
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:40,440
Speaker 1: And uh, that's all we try to do. Is anything

1159
01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:42,520
Speaker 1: that you tell us, we want to show it to

1160
01:01:42,560 --> 01:01:44,440
Speaker 1: you so that you can actually see it, and we

1161
01:01:44,480 --> 01:01:47,160
Speaker 1: access again the root system or the lower third of

1162
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:49,320
Speaker 1: the brain, and begin to start processing and moving some

1163
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:52,040
Speaker 1: of that trauma so that it begins to heal itself.

1164
01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:56,240
Speaker 1: That's so cool. So in these workshops, because this is

1165
01:01:56,240 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 1: always the next question, people go, well, what is it for?

1166
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:01,280
Speaker 1: And then people say, well, what do you mean. You're

1167
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:05,400
Speaker 1: in a group, and you are You're you're workshopping in

1168
01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:08,080
Speaker 1: a group of seven or eight people and a and

1169
01:02:08,160 --> 01:02:13,520
Speaker 1: a therapist, a workshop leader, and people are really getting

1170
01:02:13,520 --> 01:02:16,360
Speaker 1: into their history. They're revealing things about themselves, the way

1171
01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:18,680
Speaker 1: they process, how they grew up, how their relationship was

1172
01:02:18,760 --> 01:02:22,160
Speaker 1: with their parents, and everybody's sort of mind blown about

1173
01:02:22,160 --> 01:02:26,320
Speaker 1: that and wants to know how that works. So, how

1174
01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:28,920
Speaker 1: does it work? How do people feel the trust that

1175
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:32,160
Speaker 1: they feel? And what do you think are the benefits

1176
01:02:32,200 --> 01:02:42,400
Speaker 1: of sharing experience, struggle questioning in community like that. I

1177
01:02:42,440 --> 01:02:46,919
Speaker 1: think there are a lot of wonderful therapeutic offerings out there,

1178
01:02:48,520 --> 01:02:52,120
Speaker 1: and in my experience, and I was one of these

1179
01:02:52,680 --> 01:02:55,160
Speaker 1: until we we shifted our paradigm a bit, and I

1180
01:02:55,200 --> 01:03:00,680
Speaker 1: think our outcomes are better for it. We don't collectively

1181
01:03:00,760 --> 01:03:04,560
Speaker 1: as a field, we don't spend as much time curating

1182
01:03:04,640 --> 01:03:08,800
Speaker 1: psychological safety into the environment and into the experience because

1183
01:03:08,800 --> 01:03:11,120
Speaker 1: we get so hyper focused on what we know. We

1184
01:03:11,160 --> 01:03:13,600
Speaker 1: get comfortable with the modality that we've been trained in,

1185
01:03:13,960 --> 01:03:17,720
Speaker 1: and we overprescribe. And I've learned an agenda with a

1186
01:03:17,760 --> 01:03:20,880
Speaker 1: trauma victim is counter productive, and so there has to

1187
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:24,160
Speaker 1: be a space of feeling held and a trust that

1188
01:03:24,240 --> 01:03:27,720
Speaker 1: everybody is born with a process and in that process

1189
01:03:27,840 --> 01:03:30,080
Speaker 1: that I think we're all wired with the ability to

1190
01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:33,360
Speaker 1: heal ourselves given the right guide, given the right tools,

1191
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:36,040
Speaker 1: and given the right opportunity. And so what we started

1192
01:03:36,040 --> 01:03:40,560
Speaker 1: doing is spending as much time curating psychological safety, emotional

1193
01:03:40,600 --> 01:03:45,040
Speaker 1: safety and our environment as we do sharing clinical expertise.

1194
01:03:45,760 --> 01:03:50,200
Speaker 1: It's I think they're equally as important. Hence, our hospital everybody,

1195
01:03:50,200 --> 01:03:53,680
Speaker 1: our hospitality effort are the people. I mean, people need

1196
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:58,040
Speaker 1: to feel loved, nurtured and securely attached in order to heal.

1197
01:03:58,200 --> 01:03:59,400
Speaker 1: And that's what we're trying to do. If you look

1198
01:03:59,440 --> 01:04:01,720
Speaker 1: at it through in a ashment lens is take insecure

1199
01:04:01,760 --> 01:04:04,800
Speaker 1: at catchment, create secure attachment, and that often doesn't happen

1200
01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:07,440
Speaker 1: in the clinical work, it happens with everything around it.

1201
01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:09,400
Speaker 1: So we get we kind of nerd out on that

1202
01:04:09,440 --> 01:04:10,840
Speaker 1: and try to be like, what do we need to

1203
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:13,960
Speaker 1: do to create safety? And ironically, what do you think

1204
01:04:13,960 --> 01:04:17,760
Speaker 1: the number one thing is? It's that microscope mirror moment.

1205
01:04:17,840 --> 01:04:19,960
Speaker 1: It's we could we There's it's not a here's a

1206
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:22,320
Speaker 1: three steps strategy. There are things you can do as

1207
01:04:22,360 --> 01:04:24,520
Speaker 1: a business to be trauma informed, which I love that

1208
01:04:24,520 --> 01:04:27,000
Speaker 1: there's more companies outside of our space that are becoming

1209
01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:31,680
Speaker 1: trauma informed school systems and government agencies. But you have

1210
01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:35,440
Speaker 1: to go from doing to being. So that's why every

1211
01:04:35,480 --> 01:04:37,360
Speaker 1: one of the therapists that work for us, they have

1212
01:04:37,720 --> 01:04:41,160
Speaker 1: long letters behind their names, and they're trained and awesome,

1213
01:04:41,400 --> 01:04:43,520
Speaker 1: and we look for people who are willing to do

1214
01:04:43,560 --> 01:04:45,880
Speaker 1: their own work, not do it once and check it

1215
01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:48,240
Speaker 1: off the list, but they see themselves as a student

1216
01:04:48,240 --> 01:04:50,200
Speaker 1: of the game and every year they put themselves in

1217
01:04:50,240 --> 01:04:51,840
Speaker 1: the seat of the people that are there to serve.

1218
01:04:52,440 --> 01:04:55,560
Speaker 1: And so that's not just our therapist, that's our drivers,

1219
01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:58,360
Speaker 1: and that's everybody in our organization. Is we want everybody

1220
01:04:58,400 --> 01:05:00,919
Speaker 1: to be a work of process, to be a work

1221
01:05:00,920 --> 01:05:02,800
Speaker 1: in process, so that we're doing our own work and

1222
01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:06,960
Speaker 1: energetically that creates psychological safety. And I think there's something

1223
01:05:07,080 --> 01:05:09,640
Speaker 1: that's such a gift that you share that, because so

1224
01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:12,000
Speaker 1: many people assume if I could just get better, if

1225
01:05:12,040 --> 01:05:13,880
Speaker 1: I could just fix this, if I could just have that,

1226
01:05:13,920 --> 01:05:15,560
Speaker 1: if I could just have the partner, if I could

1227
01:05:15,560 --> 01:05:17,360
Speaker 1: get the job, if I could do the thing, then

1228
01:05:17,400 --> 01:05:20,720
Speaker 1: I'd be happy forever. But it is a process, and

1229
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:24,080
Speaker 1: every every step that you climb on a ladder, then

1230
01:05:24,120 --> 01:05:28,600
Speaker 1: you're at that process level. And I think it's really

1231
01:05:28,760 --> 01:05:31,520
Speaker 1: got to be relieving. I know it's relieving to me

1232
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:35,800
Speaker 1: to hear that even the best trained professionals, the best

1233
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:42,920
Speaker 1: trauma experts and therapists and psychologists should and are in

1234
01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:48,440
Speaker 1: work every year going into a facility like this and

1235
01:05:48,520 --> 01:05:52,040
Speaker 1: doing a process like this, making sure they maintain a

1236
01:05:52,120 --> 01:05:55,760
Speaker 1: therapeutic practice. That's so important because so many of us

1237
01:05:55,840 --> 01:05:57,720
Speaker 1: think that if we can just solve it, it will

1238
01:05:57,760 --> 01:06:01,840
Speaker 1: be solved. And that's not how this stuff works. Anything works, really.

1239
01:06:02,520 --> 01:06:05,480
Speaker 1: It does make the best trauma practitioners those that do

1240
01:06:05,520 --> 01:06:07,920
Speaker 1: their own work. You need the skill set, clearly, and

1241
01:06:07,920 --> 01:06:11,520
Speaker 1: the education and the science, but if you can, uh,

1242
01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:13,400
Speaker 1: if you can couple that with doing your own work,

1243
01:06:13,440 --> 01:06:15,360
Speaker 1: it kind of makes you a little bit unstoppable when

1244
01:06:15,360 --> 01:06:17,520
Speaker 1: it makes it more fun. I mean it, it gets

1245
01:06:17,520 --> 01:06:20,200
Speaker 1: exhausting to try to hold up an expert hat like

1246
01:06:20,240 --> 01:06:23,479
Speaker 1: you're dropping in information from ten thousands feet. Nobody really

1247
01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:25,840
Speaker 1: trust an expert anyway, and we all kind of want

1248
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:27,760
Speaker 1: to be at their feet because it's fine, I'm guilty

1249
01:06:27,800 --> 01:06:29,280
Speaker 1: to you us Like I've got these people I really

1250
01:06:29,320 --> 01:06:31,919
Speaker 1: look up to and they've earned their way there because

1251
01:06:31,920 --> 01:06:34,760
Speaker 1: they're dropping wisdom bombs on all of us. But I

1252
01:06:35,640 --> 01:06:38,760
Speaker 1: love experts who make you feel like you're equal, like

1253
01:06:38,800 --> 01:06:41,200
Speaker 1: you're human. And it's not all that common, I will

1254
01:06:41,240 --> 01:06:44,640
Speaker 1: say the mental health space, that's not a widely accepted

1255
01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:49,040
Speaker 1: practice steal. Uh, it's gotten better and there is a

1256
01:06:49,080 --> 01:06:54,840
Speaker 1: place um for proper disclosure and learning what part of

1257
01:06:54,880 --> 01:06:57,480
Speaker 1: your journey should you share something and what part is

1258
01:06:57,560 --> 01:07:00,680
Speaker 1: over sharing? All that stuff is relevant, but there are

1259
01:07:00,720 --> 01:07:03,880
Speaker 1: way too many people who well, I found this as

1260
01:07:04,040 --> 01:07:05,480
Speaker 1: when I got into the field. I was a few

1261
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:09,040
Speaker 1: years into the field, and there were men and women

1262
01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:12,400
Speaker 1: who I would call on when I was way too

1263
01:07:12,400 --> 01:07:14,640
Speaker 1: green to be running an organization, even a small one,

1264
01:07:15,560 --> 01:07:18,480
Speaker 1: and I couldn't believe I had the opportunity, and I

1265
01:07:18,480 --> 01:07:19,960
Speaker 1: didn't know what I was doing, and so when it

1266
01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:21,840
Speaker 1: came I didn't know how to run a back office

1267
01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:23,640
Speaker 1: or a business, or hire and fire people. I didn't

1268
01:07:23,640 --> 01:07:25,080
Speaker 1: know any of that stuff. So I would call these

1269
01:07:25,080 --> 01:07:27,520
Speaker 1: mentors have been in the field for thirty years and

1270
01:07:27,600 --> 01:07:29,480
Speaker 1: be like, how do you do that? Man? They had

1271
01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:31,120
Speaker 1: an answer for that. Here's what you do, here's what

1272
01:07:31,120 --> 01:07:33,760
Speaker 1: you don't do. But when I started struggling, and I

1273
01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:36,080
Speaker 1: started dealing with the same stuff that got me into

1274
01:07:36,080 --> 01:07:37,920
Speaker 1: the field to begin with. In other words, I was

1275
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:41,000
Speaker 1: running through relationships. I was kind of turned into a workaholic,

1276
01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:43,720
Speaker 1: starting to feel some depressive symptoms, all in the name

1277
01:07:43,760 --> 01:07:47,000
Speaker 1: of helping people. And I called these same men and

1278
01:07:47,040 --> 01:07:52,200
Speaker 1: women and I was like, I got silence, and people

1279
01:07:52,200 --> 01:07:54,440
Speaker 1: didn't know what to say to that. And suddenly I

1280
01:07:54,720 --> 01:07:57,600
Speaker 1: started had this identity crisis as a professional in my

1281
01:07:57,680 --> 01:08:00,920
Speaker 1: field because I looked at the heroes and this is

1282
01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:02,919
Speaker 1: not all I'm not bundling everyone together. But I would

1283
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:05,640
Speaker 1: look at people that I looked up to, and I thought,

1284
01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:07,360
Speaker 1: I want to be where you are in thirty years

1285
01:08:07,360 --> 01:08:11,160
Speaker 1: and receive an award for doing this and doing that, um,

1286
01:08:11,280 --> 01:08:14,200
Speaker 1: but don't really good helper. But I don't want to

1287
01:08:14,240 --> 01:08:16,679
Speaker 1: do it at the cost of being on my fourth

1288
01:08:16,720 --> 01:08:19,479
Speaker 1: marriage and being a strange from my adult kids and

1289
01:08:19,560 --> 01:08:22,600
Speaker 1: running through relationships. And that's what I was seeing, was

1290
01:08:22,680 --> 01:08:24,280
Speaker 1: that was a picture you choose one or the other.

1291
01:08:24,640 --> 01:08:28,680
Speaker 1: You either have a shitty life and you've become a

1292
01:08:28,720 --> 01:08:31,960
Speaker 1: great helping professional, or you've become a great helping and

1293
01:08:31,960 --> 01:08:33,439
Speaker 1: so I was like, there's gotta be a way to

1294
01:08:33,479 --> 01:08:36,479
Speaker 1: do both. Yeah, And that's a journey that I've been

1295
01:08:36,479 --> 01:08:37,920
Speaker 1: on ever since. It's like, I don't want to do

1296
01:08:37,960 --> 01:08:41,000
Speaker 1: it at the cost to me, No, because it's sending

1297
01:08:41,040 --> 01:08:43,479
Speaker 1: the wrong message out well, and you know they say

1298
01:08:43,479 --> 01:08:47,080
Speaker 1: on the airplane, put your mask on first. It's really

1299
01:08:47,120 --> 01:08:49,840
Speaker 1: important because if we break ourselves down in order to

1300
01:08:49,880 --> 01:08:53,320
Speaker 1: serve others, were not serving others, then we're just codependent.

1301
01:08:55,000 --> 01:08:56,800
Speaker 1: And I thought when I got into our space, a

1302
01:08:56,920 --> 01:09:00,000
Speaker 1: pedestaled and that was my pedestal therapist, because I thought

1303
01:09:00,120 --> 01:09:02,400
Speaker 1: they must be living a good life because they just

1304
01:09:02,439 --> 01:09:05,840
Speaker 1: have all this knowledge and they know things. And and

1305
01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:08,120
Speaker 1: then I got to the field and I'll just realized

1306
01:09:08,160 --> 01:09:11,160
Speaker 1: there we're all hot messes, you know, just like everybody else's.

1307
01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:14,000
Speaker 1: And I trust the therapist who's a hot mess as

1308
01:09:14,040 --> 01:09:19,360
Speaker 1: long as they know their mess. Yeah, that's a great

1309
01:09:19,960 --> 01:09:23,160
Speaker 1: because I think that's again that's the thing. We assume

1310
01:09:23,200 --> 01:09:27,560
Speaker 1: it's one or the other. The most capable, brilliant, joyful

1311
01:09:28,720 --> 01:09:32,240
Speaker 1: and successful people in the world also have mess. And

1312
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:34,400
Speaker 1: if you just know what your mess is, you can

1313
01:09:34,520 --> 01:09:37,120
Speaker 1: you can go crush it. You can run a boardroom,

1314
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:39,759
Speaker 1: you can start a company, you can have a successful marriage,

1315
01:09:39,760 --> 01:09:42,240
Speaker 1: you can do whatever you want to do. But you

1316
01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:45,280
Speaker 1: also have to acknowledge that you have a mess. Everybody's

1317
01:09:45,280 --> 01:09:49,200
Speaker 1: got one, and I think you're acknowledging it is a

1318
01:09:49,280 --> 01:09:52,280
Speaker 1: huge step. And I think I said in an acknowledgement

1319
01:09:52,320 --> 01:09:53,960
Speaker 1: phase for a long time, and then I think you

1320
01:09:54,040 --> 01:09:57,000
Speaker 1: have to move into transformation too. So I think I

1321
01:09:57,080 --> 01:10:00,839
Speaker 1: see a lot of people who g and and I'm

1322
01:10:00,880 --> 01:10:03,880
Speaker 1: one of them because I love new information and I'm

1323
01:10:03,880 --> 01:10:06,040
Speaker 1: a seeker, and I think at some point we have

1324
01:10:06,080 --> 01:10:08,600
Speaker 1: to have permission to be a finder. We have to

1325
01:10:08,640 --> 01:10:10,920
Speaker 1: start harvesting some of the things that we sow and

1326
01:10:10,960 --> 01:10:12,640
Speaker 1: plant or else. You can kind of get stuck on

1327
01:10:12,680 --> 01:10:14,840
Speaker 1: a little bit of a hamster well, constantly looking for

1328
01:10:14,880 --> 01:10:16,720
Speaker 1: what's going to make me whole. That just gave me

1329
01:10:16,760 --> 01:10:20,040
Speaker 1: the chills because I do think there is now more

1330
01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:25,880
Speaker 1: acceptance in the acknowledgement of your stuff. But how do

1331
01:10:25,960 --> 01:10:29,280
Speaker 1: we go from being willing to acknowledge the good, the bad,

1332
01:10:29,320 --> 01:10:34,599
Speaker 1: and the ugly to finding new modalities and methodologies? How

1333
01:10:34,600 --> 01:10:36,720
Speaker 1: do how do we go from seeking to finding a

1334
01:10:36,760 --> 01:10:39,000
Speaker 1: lot of us that get into this space that are curious,

1335
01:10:39,320 --> 01:10:41,120
Speaker 1: I say, you know, and I'm not talking about professional

1336
01:10:41,120 --> 01:10:44,120
Speaker 1: I'm talking about personally, those that get into a personal growth,

1337
01:10:44,200 --> 01:10:47,120
Speaker 1: curious oriented, chasing our own story. How do we better

1338
01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:50,160
Speaker 1: be better humans we get into it because we're probably

1339
01:10:50,360 --> 01:10:53,160
Speaker 1: good at it. We're pretty good at introspection. I can

1340
01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:56,599
Speaker 1: look down into my story. Um, that can be a

1341
01:10:56,680 --> 01:11:00,680
Speaker 1: double edge if we're not careful, because you can end

1342
01:11:00,720 --> 01:11:03,040
Speaker 1: up ruminating and spending too much time on it. So

1343
01:11:03,439 --> 01:11:07,719
Speaker 1: I had a wise therapist just recently tell me, Uh,

1344
01:11:07,800 --> 01:11:09,680
Speaker 1: my wife and I were together doing some couple of

1345
01:11:09,680 --> 01:11:11,439
Speaker 1: therapy and we were just kind of hung up. And

1346
01:11:11,479 --> 01:11:13,680
Speaker 1: I was really coming from a survival place because I

1347
01:11:13,720 --> 01:11:15,920
Speaker 1: think I shared I've got a new little boy and

1348
01:11:15,960 --> 01:11:18,080
Speaker 1: we got a little girl too, and so new family

1349
01:11:18,120 --> 01:11:21,400
Speaker 1: and just anyway, there's things were up, and I was

1350
01:11:21,800 --> 01:11:24,920
Speaker 1: I was so astute in this session. I was like

1351
01:11:25,040 --> 01:11:29,479
Speaker 1: just using all my jargon, and I say using it,

1352
01:11:29,560 --> 01:11:32,160
Speaker 1: I I wasn't trying to hide behind it. I genuinely

1353
01:11:32,280 --> 01:11:34,439
Speaker 1: use it as a framework. But she just, you know,

1354
01:11:34,520 --> 01:11:37,479
Speaker 1: she kind of just stopped me and said, I think

1355
01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:40,880
Speaker 1: you need permission. It's it's okay to be curious and

1356
01:11:40,920 --> 01:11:43,639
Speaker 1: at some point give yourself a break and stop looking

1357
01:11:43,680 --> 01:11:47,120
Speaker 1: so much. Because I needed that, I needed somebody to say,

1358
01:11:47,160 --> 01:11:49,400
Speaker 1: go be a dad, enjoy this. It's gonna be messy,

1359
01:11:49,520 --> 01:11:51,920
Speaker 1: you're gonna screw it up. You don't have to go

1360
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:54,920
Speaker 1: all the way back to when you were fourteen every time. Now,

1361
01:11:55,520 --> 01:11:58,880
Speaker 1: I'm nervous about saying that because most people don't do

1362
01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:02,559
Speaker 1: the scope. I can't, So please don't hear that I'm

1363
01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:05,920
Speaker 1: demeaning that process. It's the most important process of my life,

1364
01:12:06,080 --> 01:12:08,519
Speaker 1: and I think there's just everybody deserves to do it,

1365
01:12:08,560 --> 01:12:10,080
Speaker 1: and it takes what it takes. It takes a lot

1366
01:12:10,120 --> 01:12:12,519
Speaker 1: of time. I'm somebody and I'm just saying that that

1367
01:12:12,640 --> 01:12:17,240
Speaker 1: you can't overdo it too. That makes sense, Yeah, well,

1368
01:12:17,240 --> 01:12:19,559
Speaker 1: it's it's it's in a way, it's a version of

1369
01:12:19,560 --> 01:12:22,960
Speaker 1: an over prescription in a sense. You know when when

1370
01:12:23,000 --> 01:12:27,240
Speaker 1: you've gone through the cycle, but then you say after

1371
01:12:27,280 --> 01:12:30,160
Speaker 1: the cycle is over. Well, but it's still this and

1372
01:12:30,200 --> 01:12:32,280
Speaker 1: it's like or maybe you're just having a day as

1373
01:12:32,280 --> 01:12:36,599
Speaker 1: a dad. Maybe it's just today. Both things can be true.

1374
01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:40,720
Speaker 1: But if we're only looking at the the root of

1375
01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:42,800
Speaker 1: the root, at the thing that happened at fourteen or

1376
01:12:42,840 --> 01:12:45,880
Speaker 1: sixteen or eight or whatever it happened to you, if

1377
01:12:45,880 --> 01:12:48,920
Speaker 1: you keep looking at that, you're you're in a way,

1378
01:12:48,920 --> 01:12:52,519
Speaker 1: you're not in the present as much. The idea of

1379
01:12:52,560 --> 01:12:56,000
Speaker 1: it is to move it into action. I still am

1380
01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:59,000
Speaker 1: a believer of continually doing your own work. I don't

1381
01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:01,160
Speaker 1: think you just age out of it. But I think

1382
01:13:01,160 --> 01:13:03,519
Speaker 1: there are seasons when life's going really well and I

1383
01:13:03,600 --> 01:13:06,320
Speaker 1: go in and I do something different than seasons when

1384
01:13:06,360 --> 01:13:09,920
Speaker 1: life is difficult, and that's just a different process. So

1385
01:13:10,320 --> 01:13:12,679
Speaker 1: I'm a believer, but I'm a believer at some point

1386
01:13:12,800 --> 01:13:16,680
Speaker 1: of putting it into action and transformation, not using the

1387
01:13:16,720 --> 01:13:19,679
Speaker 1: past as a crutch, but using it as a conduit

1388
01:13:19,800 --> 01:13:23,120
Speaker 1: to change. That's one of the things that and I

1389
01:13:23,160 --> 01:13:26,240
Speaker 1: think one of the the and I brag on it

1390
01:13:26,280 --> 01:13:28,120
Speaker 1: way more than I critique it because I think it's

1391
01:13:28,160 --> 01:13:33,760
Speaker 1: one of the coolest, most successful movements in our history,

1392
01:13:33,800 --> 01:13:36,519
Speaker 1: which is the twelve step movement. I mean it's it's

1393
01:13:36,520 --> 01:13:38,360
Speaker 1: a way I wish church looked like. I mean, it's

1394
01:13:38,360 --> 01:13:41,400
Speaker 1: a circle of people who are incredibly just honest and

1395
01:13:41,640 --> 01:13:44,200
Speaker 1: uh they affirm one another for being really honest. And

1396
01:13:44,240 --> 01:13:46,320
Speaker 1: if you've never been to an open, open twelve step meeting,

1397
01:13:46,400 --> 01:13:49,080
Speaker 1: got highly encourage it, just just to see it and

1398
01:13:49,160 --> 01:13:52,840
Speaker 1: experience it. But one thing I see often in my

1399
01:13:53,479 --> 01:13:56,040
Speaker 1: UH friends and brothers and sisters in that community is

1400
01:13:56,080 --> 01:13:58,360
Speaker 1: that we get a little hung up sometimes on that

1401
01:13:58,479 --> 01:14:01,559
Speaker 1: as an identity. And so it's not flawless. And so

1402
01:14:01,640 --> 01:14:05,080
Speaker 1: if I am addict alcoholic from my entire life, I've

1403
01:14:05,080 --> 01:14:08,240
Speaker 1: had people come to us that have been years in

1404
01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:10,680
Speaker 1: recovery that have never done their stage to work the

1405
01:14:10,760 --> 01:14:15,400
Speaker 1: relationship trauma, and they're so hardwired and ingrained with that

1406
01:14:15,479 --> 01:14:18,760
Speaker 1: language that they tell me they're an alcoholic uh and

1407
01:14:18,920 --> 01:14:21,639
Speaker 1: all the other diagnosis that may follow before every even

1408
01:14:21,640 --> 01:14:24,880
Speaker 1: hear their name. And Loft Loft in our work is

1409
01:14:25,200 --> 01:14:28,920
Speaker 1: who are you beyond that identity? And so I think

1410
01:14:29,040 --> 01:14:33,200
Speaker 1: ultimately everything we're doing is trying to take us back

1411
01:14:33,200 --> 01:14:35,640
Speaker 1: home to our true identity and who we are. The

1412
01:14:35,720 --> 01:14:38,160
Speaker 1: label server purpose but they should never be a crutch.

1413
01:14:38,880 --> 01:14:42,120
Speaker 1: I love that they should never be a crutch. You

1414
01:14:42,200 --> 01:14:45,640
Speaker 1: mentioned something earlier that I just find really interesting and

1415
01:14:45,680 --> 01:14:47,639
Speaker 1: I want to touch back on before we move away

1416
01:14:47,680 --> 01:14:50,800
Speaker 1: from it completely. You mentioned that when people come to

1417
01:14:50,840 --> 01:14:54,640
Speaker 1: on site, they do a digital detox, and I'm a

1418
01:14:54,680 --> 01:14:57,720
Speaker 1: big fan of a digital detox, but I'm very curious

1419
01:14:59,080 --> 01:15:04,799
Speaker 1: how have seen the response to that practice shift, especially

1420
01:15:04,840 --> 01:15:07,599
Speaker 1: in the last couple of years, when you know people's

1421
01:15:07,640 --> 01:15:11,040
Speaker 1: identities are kind of wrapped up in their phones. What

1422
01:15:11,240 --> 01:15:16,520
Speaker 1: role do you see technology playing in our mental health? Significant?

1423
01:15:17,160 --> 01:15:20,000
Speaker 1: But again, I think it gets a little bit of

1424
01:15:20,080 --> 01:15:24,240
Speaker 1: a bad rap and and and some of that's earned.

1425
01:15:26,120 --> 01:15:29,599
Speaker 1: But I do think that it's technology. Again, it's not

1426
01:15:29,640 --> 01:15:32,000
Speaker 1: the problem. Our relationship with it is the problem, and

1427
01:15:32,000 --> 01:15:34,360
Speaker 1: it's the It just came along at a time and

1428
01:15:34,439 --> 01:15:37,559
Speaker 1: culture where we systemically have all this stuff below the surface,

1429
01:15:37,600 --> 01:15:39,560
Speaker 1: and this is just the next option for us to

1430
01:15:39,640 --> 01:15:42,960
Speaker 1: numb pre gambling, pre alcohol, pre everything else that we

1431
01:15:43,040 --> 01:15:44,840
Speaker 1: might use to know. There's just one more option. But

1432
01:15:44,880 --> 01:15:47,080
Speaker 1: there's a I'm more curious about why we numbing to

1433
01:15:47,120 --> 01:15:49,720
Speaker 1: begin with. It's a more creative, complex system that can

1434
01:15:49,760 --> 01:15:52,280
Speaker 1: hook almost anybody. I mean, it's scary how much it

1435
01:15:52,280 --> 01:15:55,960
Speaker 1: can hook us. Me you know, but I think it

1436
01:15:56,000 --> 01:15:59,200
Speaker 1: plays a major role. But what's changed about it, which

1437
01:15:59,240 --> 01:16:03,360
Speaker 1: is really fast nating and interesting, is that we were

1438
01:16:03,400 --> 01:16:07,800
Speaker 1: early adopters and having people come for a weeklong process

1439
01:16:07,840 --> 01:16:09,960
Speaker 1: and and you you turn your phone in, we don't

1440
01:16:09,960 --> 01:16:11,559
Speaker 1: have it on and turn it off the whole time.

1441
01:16:12,400 --> 01:16:16,200
Speaker 1: And before it was cool or even socially accepted, and

1442
01:16:16,240 --> 01:16:19,000
Speaker 1: so early on, I can't tell you the business we

1443
01:16:19,120 --> 01:16:22,680
Speaker 1: lost because of that. There were people and I so

1444
01:16:22,800 --> 01:16:24,439
Speaker 1: much so I thought about changing it at one time

1445
01:16:24,800 --> 01:16:27,200
Speaker 1: because I was just early days, was really worried about it.

1446
01:16:27,240 --> 01:16:29,200
Speaker 1: And it was when cell phones were taken off and

1447
01:16:29,200 --> 01:16:30,920
Speaker 1: when you tell me on the phone, oh yeah, you

1448
01:16:31,120 --> 01:16:33,280
Speaker 1: show up and you're not gonna have your phone for

1449
01:16:33,320 --> 01:16:36,320
Speaker 1: an entire week, that I thought nobody's gonna come. And

1450
01:16:36,640 --> 01:16:38,880
Speaker 1: people did have a hard time with it. And now

1451
01:16:38,920 --> 01:16:41,639
Speaker 1: it's kind of working the other way. There are people

1452
01:16:41,720 --> 01:16:43,679
Speaker 1: that want to come just to give us their phone.

1453
01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:46,200
Speaker 1: They're actually people will call and say, I don't want

1454
01:16:46,200 --> 01:16:47,760
Speaker 1: to do any of that therapy stuff. I just want

1455
01:16:47,760 --> 01:16:49,400
Speaker 1: to give you my phone for a week because I'm

1456
01:16:49,439 --> 01:16:52,960
Speaker 1: they're just exhausted and plugging it in at the bedroom

1457
01:16:52,960 --> 01:16:56,200
Speaker 1: at night is not giving them enough relief. So I

1458
01:16:56,680 --> 01:16:59,160
Speaker 1: think the digital detox is vital, and I think what

1459
01:16:59,479 --> 01:17:02,040
Speaker 1: happened is when we get a break from anything that

1460
01:17:02,080 --> 01:17:05,320
Speaker 1: we used to medicate emotion or numb emotion, is that

1461
01:17:05,400 --> 01:17:08,519
Speaker 1: it gets more priority. And anything that gets more priority

1462
01:17:08,600 --> 01:17:10,960
Speaker 1: has a better chance of changing. So one of the

1463
01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:14,519
Speaker 1: reasons we probably won't change this technology issue that we're

1464
01:17:14,520 --> 01:17:17,639
Speaker 1: seeing that's causing some havoc, particularly with our younger generation,

1465
01:17:17,720 --> 01:17:21,160
Speaker 1: is we're not talking about it enough. I see many

1466
01:17:21,240 --> 01:17:23,760
Speaker 1: segments on it now. I love consuming news in the morning.

1467
01:17:23,800 --> 01:17:25,800
Speaker 1: I like that today's show is usually the one I watch,

1468
01:17:25,880 --> 01:17:29,400
Speaker 1: but they're all great, but they you're seeing more segments

1469
01:17:29,439 --> 01:17:32,280
Speaker 1: on the dangers of social media, but they're still micro

1470
01:17:32,439 --> 01:17:35,280
Speaker 1: compared to all everything else we're talking about. And until

1471
01:17:35,320 --> 01:17:37,560
Speaker 1: it gets balanced to where we spend more time on it,

1472
01:17:37,640 --> 01:17:40,200
Speaker 1: our brain won't think it's important, and then we'll start

1473
01:17:40,240 --> 01:17:42,479
Speaker 1: to change it, like we did our behaviors around nicotine

1474
01:17:42,479 --> 01:17:44,120
Speaker 1: and tanning beds and all the other stuff that was

1475
01:17:44,160 --> 01:17:46,640
Speaker 1: horrible for us. It just took a while before we

1476
01:17:46,880 --> 01:17:49,760
Speaker 1: got a better relationship with it. And when you talk

1477
01:17:49,840 --> 01:17:53,680
Speaker 1: about how people feel exhausted, that sounds like burnout to

1478
01:17:53,760 --> 01:17:55,559
Speaker 1: meet when somebody says, I just need to give you

1479
01:17:55,600 --> 01:17:57,879
Speaker 1: my phone for a week because I can't cope anymore.

1480
01:17:59,160 --> 01:18:03,439
Speaker 1: You've said that when people come in or exhibit signs

1481
01:18:03,439 --> 01:18:07,880
Speaker 1: of burnout, rather than asking them what they love about

1482
01:18:07,920 --> 01:18:11,320
Speaker 1: their job to kind of motivate them, you ask them

1483
01:18:11,320 --> 01:18:15,160
Speaker 1: what they're missing at home, which I think is so

1484
01:18:15,280 --> 01:18:19,040
Speaker 1: interesting because so many of us feel burnt out because

1485
01:18:19,080 --> 01:18:25,080
Speaker 1: of work. So for listeners, how how can people start

1486
01:18:25,120 --> 01:18:28,479
Speaker 1: to figure that out? Because maybe they don't know the answer,

1487
01:18:28,560 --> 01:18:32,000
Speaker 1: but what are the ways to look in to that question?

1488
01:18:32,080 --> 01:18:33,640
Speaker 1: Not what do you love about your job? But what

1489
01:18:33,680 --> 01:18:36,760
Speaker 1: are you missing at home or in your life, in

1490
01:18:36,800 --> 01:18:40,439
Speaker 1: your personal life, whatever term feels right there. I've learned

1491
01:18:40,439 --> 01:18:44,120
Speaker 1: in my process that when I feel stuck on a behavior,

1492
01:18:44,240 --> 01:18:47,439
Speaker 1: or when I'm struggling or feeling over around about something,

1493
01:18:48,160 --> 01:18:51,599
Speaker 1: a comfort go to is to scapegoat. So I need

1494
01:18:51,640 --> 01:18:54,559
Speaker 1: to scapegoat something and make it the problem. And I

1495
01:18:54,640 --> 01:18:56,599
Speaker 1: see that happening a lot with work. It's not now

1496
01:18:56,640 --> 01:18:59,840
Speaker 1: I'm a recovering workaholics, but I even see it in

1497
01:18:59,840 --> 01:19:02,680
Speaker 1: our organization because we had we attracted our company a

1498
01:19:02,680 --> 01:19:05,479
Speaker 1: lot of passion junkies. They're just on fire about trying

1499
01:19:05,479 --> 01:19:08,160
Speaker 1: to help change people usually searching for their own story.

1500
01:19:08,200 --> 01:19:10,080
Speaker 1: And again that's not a bad thing. It's only bad

1501
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:12,160
Speaker 1: if you don't know about it. But it's an easy

1502
01:19:12,200 --> 01:19:15,439
Speaker 1: place to overwork because you just you just fall in

1503
01:19:15,479 --> 01:19:18,160
Speaker 1: love with it, and a lot of careers are. But

1504
01:19:18,320 --> 01:19:21,800
Speaker 1: that's that's it's counterintuitive. But instead of exploring your relationship

1505
01:19:21,840 --> 01:19:24,360
Speaker 1: at worth exploring what's missing that would cause you to

1506
01:19:24,400 --> 01:19:27,439
Speaker 1: want to spend more time at work, Usually it's the

1507
01:19:27,479 --> 01:19:30,840
Speaker 1: other there's something there. It's just giving us information, which

1508
01:19:30,880 --> 01:19:33,000
Speaker 1: is usually what behavior does. It just gives out of

1509
01:19:33,040 --> 01:19:36,639
Speaker 1: control behavior, overwhelming behavior is really giving us great information

1510
01:19:36,640 --> 01:19:39,320
Speaker 1: about some other area of our life. Case in point,

1511
01:19:41,200 --> 01:19:44,439
Speaker 1: technology has got the best to me recently, and I've

1512
01:19:44,479 --> 01:19:47,080
Speaker 1: been spending too much time on it. It's embarrassing to say,

1513
01:19:47,080 --> 01:19:49,200
Speaker 1: because I'm in the business of helping people deal with that,

1514
01:19:50,720 --> 01:19:52,320
Speaker 1: and this is one of those things that I've been

1515
01:19:52,920 --> 01:19:55,519
Speaker 1: a little bit stuck in the process on and not

1516
01:19:55,680 --> 01:19:58,680
Speaker 1: moving into change. Almost got so I would own this

1517
01:19:58,800 --> 01:20:02,200
Speaker 1: three years ago. I'm starting to see that I'm because

1518
01:20:02,240 --> 01:20:04,880
Speaker 1: I was anti in the beginning, and then I realized, Okay,

1519
01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:07,360
Speaker 1: we're millennials. Aren't gonna care about us at all if

1520
01:20:07,400 --> 01:20:09,760
Speaker 1: we don't start paying attention to technology and learning to

1521
01:20:09,800 --> 01:20:12,360
Speaker 1: use it as a communications tool. And so we started

1522
01:20:12,360 --> 01:20:15,600
Speaker 1: doing it. And then I got right in there and

1523
01:20:15,640 --> 01:20:17,400
Speaker 1: it was a way I could numb out at home.

1524
01:20:17,479 --> 01:20:19,360
Speaker 1: And it was like I'm talking about the past. It's

1525
01:20:19,400 --> 01:20:21,320
Speaker 1: it's a way I can numb out at home, and

1526
01:20:21,360 --> 01:20:23,559
Speaker 1: it was it was an invader into my marriage, invader

1527
01:20:23,720 --> 01:20:26,400
Speaker 1: in and I noticed it when my This is a

1528
01:20:26,439 --> 01:20:28,360
Speaker 1: story I think I've only shared one other time because

1529
01:20:28,360 --> 01:20:32,920
Speaker 1: it's I still have shame about it, but I've had

1530
01:20:32,920 --> 01:20:34,960
Speaker 1: a lot of people saying me too, So it's. Uh.

1531
01:20:35,439 --> 01:20:38,240
Speaker 1: I remember, I don't even know the age of my son,

1532
01:20:38,280 --> 01:20:40,479
Speaker 1: but I want to say he was probably it was

1533
01:20:40,560 --> 01:20:42,679
Speaker 1: less than a year old. And I was holding them

1534
01:20:42,720 --> 01:20:44,479
Speaker 1: in one hand and holding my phone in the other

1535
01:20:44,520 --> 01:20:46,000
Speaker 1: and I was looking at it, probably had a work

1536
01:20:46,040 --> 01:20:48,640
Speaker 1: email or who knows what, and he just took his

1537
01:20:48,720 --> 01:20:50,680
Speaker 1: little hand up and turned my face and pulled it

1538
01:20:50,800 --> 01:20:54,559
Speaker 1: away from the phone and looked towards him, and uh,

1539
01:20:55,080 --> 01:20:58,000
Speaker 1: I thought, wow, he gets it. I mean, he gets

1540
01:20:58,040 --> 01:21:00,160
Speaker 1: he needs focus and attention right now, and he it's

1541
01:21:00,160 --> 01:21:02,599
Speaker 1: that I'm distracted and something that's not benefiting me, and

1542
01:21:02,640 --> 01:21:05,680
Speaker 1: it certainly has the potential to hurt him. So that

1543
01:21:05,680 --> 01:21:08,600
Speaker 1: woke me up, but it didn't necessarily change it. So

1544
01:21:08,640 --> 01:21:12,599
Speaker 1: information alone doesn't always create sustained change. So I've just

1545
01:21:12,680 --> 01:21:14,719
Speaker 1: it's taken me getting to a place where I'm finally

1546
01:21:14,720 --> 01:21:17,599
Speaker 1: starting to create behavior change, which is me. I'm doing

1547
01:21:17,640 --> 01:21:21,800
Speaker 1: things different, and that's where, interestingly enough, I I'm an

1548
01:21:21,800 --> 01:21:25,120
Speaker 1: experiential guy. I love doing somatic work and the you know,

1549
01:21:25,720 --> 01:21:28,920
Speaker 1: accessing the lower third. I've done a mountain of that.

1550
01:21:29,320 --> 01:21:32,360
Speaker 1: But what I needed in this was cognitive coaching. I

1551
01:21:32,400 --> 01:21:35,640
Speaker 1: needed somebody helping me shift some basic behaviors around my

1552
01:21:35,680 --> 01:21:37,840
Speaker 1: phone to help me change the relationship with it. What

1553
01:21:37,920 --> 01:21:41,680
Speaker 1: was some of that advice? What did that coaching look like? Well,

1554
01:21:41,720 --> 01:21:44,400
Speaker 1: I've got a coach now, and she's she's amazing, and

1555
01:21:44,640 --> 01:21:47,800
Speaker 1: she's coached at a high level. She's coached CEO. I

1556
01:21:47,800 --> 01:21:49,240
Speaker 1: can't believe she took me on as a client. I

1557
01:21:49,280 --> 01:21:53,639
Speaker 1: was so excited, and uh, I felt so it felt

1558
01:21:53,640 --> 01:21:56,360
Speaker 1: so ridiculous for me to bring her in our first session.

1559
01:21:57,280 --> 01:21:59,040
Speaker 1: I'm spending too much time on my phone and I'm

1560
01:21:59,080 --> 01:22:01,720
Speaker 1: not sure how to stop it. I mean, because I'm

1561
01:22:01,720 --> 01:22:05,160
Speaker 1: talking to somebody who's counseled great entrepreneurs and I was like,

1562
01:22:05,160 --> 01:22:06,760
Speaker 1: I needed to bring her some kind of high level,

1563
01:22:06,880 --> 01:22:11,040
Speaker 1: sophisticated something, you know, and but she told she ballided

1564
01:22:11,080 --> 01:22:12,439
Speaker 1: me right away, and she said, what do you think

1565
01:22:12,479 --> 01:22:17,360
Speaker 1: every one of these fortune CEOs bring me basic stuff.

1566
01:22:17,400 --> 01:22:21,680
Speaker 1: And the difference in her in a therapist is accountability,

1567
01:22:21,680 --> 01:22:23,920
Speaker 1: which I needed. I invited it, I knew I wanted it,

1568
01:22:23,960 --> 01:22:26,280
Speaker 1: but I needed it with nurture. I didn't need somebody

1569
01:22:26,280 --> 01:22:28,360
Speaker 1: to hold me accountable. I wanted somebody to hold me close.

1570
01:22:28,920 --> 01:22:31,840
Speaker 1: And that's what she does. She calls me, and she

1571
01:22:31,880 --> 01:22:35,479
Speaker 1: doesn't call me out. She calls me in, which I love,

1572
01:22:36,000 --> 01:22:37,960
Speaker 1: and so I need somebody to follow up me and

1573
01:22:38,040 --> 01:22:39,639
Speaker 1: say how you doing with that tonight? And she didn't

1574
01:22:39,680 --> 01:22:41,080
Speaker 1: hit me over the head with it, but she certainly

1575
01:22:41,080 --> 01:22:43,960
Speaker 1: wants to know. Meaning phone doesn't go into bedroom anymore

1576
01:22:43,960 --> 01:22:48,920
Speaker 1: for me, which has been a big change. And so yeah, sorry,

1577
01:22:48,920 --> 01:22:51,640
Speaker 1: I went on a no, I love that, and I

1578
01:22:51,680 --> 01:22:53,840
Speaker 1: actually I just admitted this to a friend over dinner

1579
01:22:53,960 --> 01:22:56,160
Speaker 1: last night. I was saying that I had created a

1580
01:22:56,200 --> 01:23:00,280
Speaker 1: new relationship with my technology because I have a no

1581
01:23:00,400 --> 01:23:03,800
Speaker 1: TV in the bedroom rule, that's just we don't do that.

1582
01:23:05,439 --> 01:23:09,720
Speaker 1: But my phone and then my Apple Watch and then

1583
01:23:09,720 --> 01:23:12,400
Speaker 1: my iPad and all the things I was bringing into

1584
01:23:12,439 --> 01:23:15,040
Speaker 1: my bedroom and reading the news for an hour and

1585
01:23:15,120 --> 01:23:17,639
Speaker 1: falling asleep and like dropping my phone on my face

1586
01:23:18,439 --> 01:23:20,920
Speaker 1: and I wake up and there's texts and notifications and

1587
01:23:20,960 --> 01:23:27,639
Speaker 1: news articles and think so much. So I stopped doing that,

1588
01:23:27,760 --> 01:23:30,559
Speaker 1: and I started plugging my devices in in the kitchen,

1589
01:23:31,520 --> 01:23:34,200
Speaker 1: and I allowed myself to bring my phone into the

1590
01:23:34,240 --> 01:23:37,479
Speaker 1: bathroom with me, so the last moment I could check

1591
01:23:37,520 --> 01:23:39,559
Speaker 1: the phone was if I was brushing my teeth at night.

1592
01:23:40,000 --> 01:23:41,920
Speaker 1: But i'd plug the phone in the bathroom. And the

1593
01:23:41,960 --> 01:23:44,320
Speaker 1: added benefit of that is when the alarm goes off,

1594
01:23:44,800 --> 01:23:46,680
Speaker 1: you gotta get up and get out of bed to

1595
01:23:46,840 --> 01:23:50,000
Speaker 1: turn it off, so you stop snoozing. But then what

1596
01:23:50,080 --> 01:23:54,240
Speaker 1: I found was that I would immediately be on my

1597
01:23:54,240 --> 01:23:56,200
Speaker 1: phone because it was my alarm. So then I stopped

1598
01:23:56,280 --> 01:23:57,760
Speaker 1: using the phone as the alarm. I would plug it

1599
01:23:57,760 --> 01:23:59,920
Speaker 1: into the bathroom, and I started using an alarm clock.

1600
01:24:01,320 --> 01:24:04,240
Speaker 1: And then because of work, I was working on this

1601
01:24:04,360 --> 01:24:07,320
Speaker 1: movie back in April in New York, and I was

1602
01:24:07,360 --> 01:24:10,320
Speaker 1: gone for I don't know, four or five weeks, and

1603
01:24:10,360 --> 01:24:12,720
Speaker 1: I was using my phone as my alarm clock every day.

1604
01:24:12,960 --> 01:24:15,559
Speaker 1: And I have been back on the habit of having

1605
01:24:15,600 --> 01:24:17,960
Speaker 1: my phone in my bedroom next to my bed every

1606
01:24:17,960 --> 01:24:21,479
Speaker 1: single day. Since it's amazing how quick. It's just quick

1607
01:24:21,520 --> 01:24:24,280
Speaker 1: and you change it, and I just it's it's kids

1608
01:24:24,280 --> 01:24:25,880
Speaker 1: meant that we're talking about this because I said this

1609
01:24:25,920 --> 01:24:27,439
Speaker 1: to my friend last night and I said, I have

1610
01:24:27,600 --> 01:24:33,280
Speaker 1: to go back to the regiment of not having my

1611
01:24:33,320 --> 01:24:36,640
Speaker 1: phone in my room. And I think I just have

1612
01:24:36,800 --> 01:24:41,759
Speaker 1: to commit to my room being a screen free zone period.

1613
01:24:42,320 --> 01:24:44,720
Speaker 1: It's so good and it's so and I think if

1614
01:24:44,760 --> 01:24:47,120
Speaker 1: we could all do that, because what this represents is

1615
01:24:47,360 --> 01:24:50,080
Speaker 1: busy and what we're missing in our life right now

1616
01:24:50,080 --> 01:24:53,759
Speaker 1: and in our brains particularly is margin, and we're desperate

1617
01:24:53,760 --> 01:24:55,680
Speaker 1: from margin. We need it. I mean, it supports us

1618
01:24:55,680 --> 01:24:58,280
Speaker 1: in every it supports our ability to be intimate, to connect.

1619
01:24:58,320 --> 01:25:00,640
Speaker 1: I'm just talking about with another I'm talking about of ourselves,

1620
01:25:00,960 --> 01:25:04,360
Speaker 1: to reflect, to create, and it doesn't matter if it's

1621
01:25:04,360 --> 01:25:07,240
Speaker 1: social media, it doesn't matter. And it's countertuited because in

1622
01:25:07,280 --> 01:25:09,800
Speaker 1: a way, it's what creates white noise. For me, give

1623
01:25:09,840 --> 01:25:11,960
Speaker 1: me on a scroll on Instagram and I can like

1624
01:25:12,080 --> 01:25:15,120
Speaker 1: numb out, but that our brain doesn't know the difference

1625
01:25:15,160 --> 01:25:17,479
Speaker 1: in numbing out and busy. It's just equating to more

1626
01:25:17,520 --> 01:25:19,920
Speaker 1: work more busy. Not to mention the blue light, but

1627
01:25:19,960 --> 01:25:22,360
Speaker 1: it for for me, I've looked. I've stopped looking at

1628
01:25:22,400 --> 01:25:24,320
Speaker 1: like social media is bad. It's like my brain needs

1629
01:25:24,320 --> 01:25:26,960
Speaker 1: a break. And one of the only ways I can

1630
01:25:27,160 --> 01:25:28,920
Speaker 1: give it a break is to be intentional about carbon

1631
01:25:28,960 --> 01:25:31,040
Speaker 1: out margin. And I can't do that on my own.

1632
01:25:31,400 --> 01:25:34,200
Speaker 1: I've got to have somebody following up with me, whether

1633
01:25:34,240 --> 01:25:36,519
Speaker 1: it's a friend. I mean, for me, I'm using a coach.

1634
01:25:36,560 --> 01:25:39,200
Speaker 1: Not everybody can do that, but it could be a friend.

1635
01:25:39,560 --> 01:25:41,040
Speaker 1: It could be who's going to give you some loving

1636
01:25:41,080 --> 01:25:45,080
Speaker 1: accountability to support you. It's important to get to get

1637
01:25:45,120 --> 01:25:49,519
Speaker 1: some space. Somebody asked me recently how much time I

1638
01:25:49,560 --> 01:25:52,439
Speaker 1: spend every day letting myself be bored, and I laughed,

1639
01:25:53,800 --> 01:25:57,160
Speaker 1: and I realized that my schedule is at this point

1640
01:25:57,200 --> 01:26:00,719
Speaker 1: in my life down to increments of of minute breaks

1641
01:26:00,720 --> 01:26:03,960
Speaker 1: in between things, and it's not enough. And so I'm

1642
01:26:03,960 --> 01:26:06,280
Speaker 1: starting to try to figure out how to carve out

1643
01:26:06,520 --> 01:26:10,639
Speaker 1: time that I actually calendar and a lot for quiet,

1644
01:26:11,640 --> 01:26:15,320
Speaker 1: because otherwise I won't have any The world doesn't encourage

1645
01:26:15,400 --> 01:26:17,200
Speaker 1: us to do that anymore, and so we have to

1646
01:26:17,280 --> 01:26:22,360
Speaker 1: choose it and it and it really does require uh,

1647
01:26:22,600 --> 01:26:25,400
Speaker 1: some strong arming, whether it's a coach or or a

1648
01:26:25,439 --> 01:26:29,040
Speaker 1: calendar break or whatever. I think none of us are

1649
01:26:29,080 --> 01:26:32,200
Speaker 1: alone in that well I started. It's the same example

1650
01:26:32,200 --> 01:26:34,599
Speaker 1: we talked about earlier with don't ask yourself what's wrong

1651
01:26:34,640 --> 01:26:37,320
Speaker 1: with work, Ask yourself what you're missing at home it

1652
01:26:37,479 --> 01:26:40,960
Speaker 1: don't ask yourself why you're not creating margin in your brain,

1653
01:26:41,200 --> 01:26:44,559
Speaker 1: ask yourself what happens when you do. Because for me,

1654
01:26:45,120 --> 01:26:48,720
Speaker 1: when I have quiet, no phone, it produces some anxiety.

1655
01:26:48,880 --> 01:26:51,040
Speaker 1: I started thinking my head starts rolling, and I was like,

1656
01:26:51,160 --> 01:26:54,360
Speaker 1: I don't like this feeling. And so instead of looking

1657
01:26:54,400 --> 01:26:56,080
Speaker 1: at it like that's a problem, let me go over here,

1658
01:26:56,120 --> 01:26:58,519
Speaker 1: back to this solution. It's okay, Well, let me talk

1659
01:26:58,560 --> 01:27:00,320
Speaker 1: to somebody about that problem and figure out if there's

1660
01:27:00,360 --> 01:27:03,439
Speaker 1: another way. Can I learn to breathe? Can I learned

1661
01:27:03,439 --> 01:27:07,479
Speaker 1: to medicate or meditate? Can I learn uh to read?

1662
01:27:07,520 --> 01:27:10,320
Speaker 1: You know, to start consuming information the old school way.

1663
01:27:10,800 --> 01:27:13,960
Speaker 1: I kind of stopped consuming information. I didn't even recognize it.

1664
01:27:14,040 --> 01:27:18,920
Speaker 1: But I had friends, and because just my profession, I

1665
01:27:19,000 --> 01:27:21,559
Speaker 1: end up getting and it's it's I used to love

1666
01:27:21,600 --> 01:27:23,439
Speaker 1: that I would get When friends would write a book,

1667
01:27:23,640 --> 01:27:26,360
Speaker 1: they would I would get the copy from the publisher

1668
01:27:26,439 --> 01:27:28,800
Speaker 1: and they would be like, could you an advanced copy?

1669
01:27:28,840 --> 01:27:30,679
Speaker 1: And I was like, this is so cool. People send

1670
01:27:30,680 --> 01:27:31,840
Speaker 1: me their work and I get to read it for

1671
01:27:31,840 --> 01:27:34,040
Speaker 1: other people. Did I got to I couldn't read anything,

1672
01:27:34,880 --> 01:27:36,720
Speaker 1: and I was I was like, what is going on? That?

1673
01:27:36,920 --> 01:27:39,400
Speaker 1: Reading makes me feel anxious? That used to be comfortable

1674
01:27:39,479 --> 01:27:41,720
Speaker 1: and so I'm having to rewire all that behavior in

1675
01:27:41,840 --> 01:27:46,400
Speaker 1: order to just re center. That's so cool. That's really cool.

1676
01:27:46,840 --> 01:27:50,479
Speaker 1: And you mentioned, you know when you talk about how

1677
01:27:50,520 --> 01:27:53,800
Speaker 1: even these people who we consider to be super high

1678
01:27:53,880 --> 01:27:57,280
Speaker 1: level and successful are dealing with all these same issues.

1679
01:27:59,000 --> 01:28:04,519
Speaker 1: Do you think that more people and more companies because

1680
01:28:04,520 --> 01:28:08,559
Speaker 1: you talked about going in and speaking you referenced it

1681
01:28:08,600 --> 01:28:12,520
Speaker 1: earlier speaking at some of these companies about being informed

1682
01:28:12,760 --> 01:28:17,080
Speaker 1: in the mental health space, do you think that people

1683
01:28:17,120 --> 01:28:21,280
Speaker 1: and companies are emphasizing the importance of mental health in

1684
01:28:22,120 --> 01:28:25,080
Speaker 1: ways that could be sweeping? Are are people making this

1685
01:28:25,200 --> 01:28:28,800
Speaker 1: a priority? It's happening more today than I've ever seen it,

1686
01:28:28,920 --> 01:28:32,479
Speaker 1: which is really exciting. There's been some pioneers in that

1687
01:28:32,479 --> 01:28:36,360
Speaker 1: that that are Ariana, Huffington's, Thrive Global and others that

1688
01:28:36,400 --> 01:28:38,439
Speaker 1: are trying to make a play at art. How do

1689
01:28:38,520 --> 01:28:42,559
Speaker 1: we affect change where we stop ignoring emotional intelligence, which

1690
01:28:43,160 --> 01:28:47,160
Speaker 1: Goldman has been talking about since the late eighties early nineties.

1691
01:28:47,200 --> 01:28:49,360
Speaker 1: This information has been around for a little while, and

1692
01:28:49,400 --> 01:28:52,040
Speaker 1: it was actually packaged quite well. It just never traveled,

1693
01:28:52,520 --> 01:28:55,160
Speaker 1: and now it's starting to travel, and it's by demand.

1694
01:28:55,240 --> 01:28:57,240
Speaker 1: I think we're more disconnected than we've ever been as

1695
01:28:57,280 --> 01:28:59,360
Speaker 1: a as a culture. So it's almost like a half

1696
01:28:59,439 --> 01:29:03,960
Speaker 1: do now. But it's not Companies aren't gonna s. I

1697
01:29:04,000 --> 01:29:06,080
Speaker 1: don't know that we've gotten FONN tuned enough where it's

1698
01:29:06,120 --> 01:29:09,679
Speaker 1: affecting profit, which would get this part the prefrontal online

1699
01:29:09,800 --> 01:29:11,679
Speaker 1: enough for you to make a change. But it does

1700
01:29:11,720 --> 01:29:14,439
Speaker 1: affect profit. I mean, I've got a whole look. I mean,

1701
01:29:14,520 --> 01:29:16,439
Speaker 1: look at my nerdy homework over here. You guys can't

1702
01:29:16,439 --> 01:29:19,000
Speaker 1: see that. I have a whole page just stats. But

1703
01:29:20,720 --> 01:29:23,400
Speaker 1: there's a stat in here that says that mental illness

1704
01:29:23,479 --> 01:29:27,479
Speaker 1: costs America a hundred and ninety three billion dollars in

1705
01:29:27,600 --> 01:29:33,400
Speaker 1: lost earnings per year. Yeah, oh no, it's it does.

1706
01:29:33,520 --> 01:29:36,040
Speaker 1: You're right, of course, it's affecting us as humans. I mean,

1707
01:29:36,040 --> 01:29:39,920
Speaker 1: look at the world, the anxiety, the depression, suicide rates,

1708
01:29:39,920 --> 01:29:43,840
Speaker 1: suicide rates among veterans, mass shootings, people are hurting and

1709
01:29:43,880 --> 01:29:45,479
Speaker 1: they don't know where to put it, and it is

1710
01:29:45,920 --> 01:29:50,480
Speaker 1: coming out at the seems. But if in a capitalist

1711
01:29:50,520 --> 01:29:54,559
Speaker 1: society we have to affect profit in order to create change,

1712
01:29:54,680 --> 01:29:58,520
Speaker 1: that we should just be creating on a moral basis, Okay,

1713
01:29:58,760 --> 01:30:01,559
Speaker 1: is a hundred and ninete billion dollars in lost earnings

1714
01:30:01,600 --> 01:30:03,800
Speaker 1: not enough? What do you think is going to wake

1715
01:30:03,880 --> 01:30:06,600
Speaker 1: us up to this? It's a great question, and I

1716
01:30:06,600 --> 01:30:08,880
Speaker 1: think it's all in how we communicated and frame it.

1717
01:30:09,000 --> 01:30:13,040
Speaker 1: I don't think people pay attention as much to the

1718
01:30:13,120 --> 01:30:16,200
Speaker 1: costs as they do the benefit. So if I'm talking

1719
01:30:16,280 --> 01:30:19,160
Speaker 1: to someone who's a hard charging entrepreneur, I need to

1720
01:30:19,280 --> 01:30:23,559
Speaker 1: somehow frame this in a way deep, pathologize it whatever,

1721
01:30:23,640 --> 01:30:26,160
Speaker 1: take the woo woo out of it, use your language

1722
01:30:26,200 --> 01:30:28,360
Speaker 1: to bridge I say, take the we where I was.

1723
01:30:28,800 --> 01:30:31,920
Speaker 1: It's not we would, but bridge towards someone to say

1724
01:30:31,960 --> 01:30:34,240
Speaker 1: this is how this benefits you, not this is what

1725
01:30:34,520 --> 01:30:37,240
Speaker 1: you're going to struggle with the same thing. That's it's

1726
01:30:37,280 --> 01:30:39,160
Speaker 1: a little bit of a as I said earlier, positive

1727
01:30:39,160 --> 01:30:42,040
Speaker 1: psychology play is we need to be able to show

1728
01:30:42,080 --> 01:30:44,360
Speaker 1: you this is the benefit of having a leadership or

1729
01:30:44,360 --> 01:30:47,280
Speaker 1: a management team that is emotionally intelligent and not as

1730
01:30:47,320 --> 01:30:50,640
Speaker 1: individuals collectively, because then if you have individuals that are

1731
01:30:50,640 --> 01:30:52,680
Speaker 1: emotionally intelligible and they're not collectively, they're not going to

1732
01:30:52,760 --> 01:30:55,559
Speaker 1: treat other people they're dealing with the same way. So

1733
01:30:55,840 --> 01:30:59,200
Speaker 1: that's what's interesting. Is now more and more and there

1734
01:30:59,240 --> 01:31:03,360
Speaker 1: are statistics to prove that that increases profit the more

1735
01:31:03,439 --> 01:31:07,040
Speaker 1: self awareness you have within your team. So it is

1736
01:31:07,280 --> 01:31:10,599
Speaker 1: changing in the paradigm is shifting is just slower than

1737
01:31:10,960 --> 01:31:13,840
Speaker 1: would like it to be. But I am excited. That's

1738
01:31:13,920 --> 01:31:17,640
Speaker 1: really good. What do you think because again, when I

1739
01:31:17,640 --> 01:31:22,360
Speaker 1: think about how that could affect companies, because obviously we

1740
01:31:22,400 --> 01:31:24,960
Speaker 1: all work at some version of a company. So if

1741
01:31:24,960 --> 01:31:29,400
Speaker 1: we change company culture, we change culture when we look

1742
01:31:29,400 --> 01:31:32,599
Speaker 1: at what's covered and what's not with health insurance, for example,

1743
01:31:32,640 --> 01:31:37,760
Speaker 1: why why aren't mental health experts treated as being as

1744
01:31:37,760 --> 01:31:41,080
Speaker 1: important as the dentist or your primary care doctors. How

1745
01:31:41,120 --> 01:31:44,400
Speaker 1: do we push to make mental health care more affordable

1746
01:31:44,840 --> 01:31:47,800
Speaker 1: and accessible, to make that part of your benefits at

1747
01:31:47,960 --> 01:31:53,200
Speaker 1: at your company job? How how do we collectively press

1748
01:31:53,280 --> 01:31:56,440
Speaker 1: that forward to take better care of ourselves in our communities.

1749
01:31:57,240 --> 01:32:01,120
Speaker 1: I think we've had too many producers not enough advocates,

1750
01:32:02,000 --> 01:32:05,479
Speaker 1: and I believe that's starting to tip because there are

1751
01:32:05,479 --> 01:32:08,439
Speaker 1: people who are advocates in other ways that are lending

1752
01:32:08,479 --> 01:32:11,519
Speaker 1: their voice to mental health, which is beautiful. And that's

1753
01:32:11,560 --> 01:32:14,320
Speaker 1: what I think we need is more people making this

1754
01:32:14,439 --> 01:32:17,360
Speaker 1: a priority and using their platform and their voice. And

1755
01:32:17,439 --> 01:32:20,479
Speaker 1: that's why I love working with creatives, because I think

1756
01:32:20,479 --> 01:32:22,559
Speaker 1: creatives have a way, regardless of the side of their

1757
01:32:22,560 --> 01:32:26,960
Speaker 1: platform and commuting, communicating things to culture that make it digestible,

1758
01:32:27,320 --> 01:32:29,599
Speaker 1: whether it's the song or art or film or whatever.

1759
01:32:30,200 --> 01:32:34,080
Speaker 1: And I love that we've become a go to resource

1760
01:32:34,160 --> 01:32:37,760
Speaker 1: for that community because it's for me. We get to

1761
01:32:37,760 --> 01:32:40,439
Speaker 1: plant these little seeds, and that's not the goal. We're

1762
01:32:40,439 --> 01:32:42,280
Speaker 1: there to support the person in front of us. But

1763
01:32:42,320 --> 01:32:45,519
Speaker 1: you kind of can't help but think there's a good

1764
01:32:45,560 --> 01:32:47,640
Speaker 1: chance that they integrate in this into their life. It's

1765
01:32:47,640 --> 01:32:51,000
Speaker 1: going to travel because their reach and their influence is

1766
01:32:51,040 --> 01:32:53,040
Speaker 1: a web that you probably could never measure. And they

1767
01:32:53,040 --> 01:32:54,599
Speaker 1: don't have to do anything. You don't have to use

1768
01:32:54,640 --> 01:32:56,240
Speaker 1: their voice to say this is a good information. They

1769
01:32:56,280 --> 01:32:59,040
Speaker 1: said to live a better life. I've seen that happen

1770
01:32:59,080 --> 01:33:01,240
Speaker 1: with an artist. It sells out arenas when they shifted

1771
01:33:01,320 --> 01:33:03,920
Speaker 1: something Suddenly the people they were touching in meet and

1772
01:33:03,920 --> 01:33:06,280
Speaker 1: greet and in the fifth the thirty thousand people they

1773
01:33:06,320 --> 01:33:08,559
Speaker 1: were in front of every night in arenas started having

1774
01:33:08,600 --> 01:33:11,280
Speaker 1: life changing experiences because of their performance, because the person

1775
01:33:11,360 --> 01:33:14,439
Speaker 1: felt more whole, integrated, and connected. So that's the power

1776
01:33:14,479 --> 01:33:17,240
Speaker 1: of it to travel is using the arts. I believe in,

1777
01:33:17,400 --> 01:33:20,519
Speaker 1: using science and using activism in order to get this

1778
01:33:20,600 --> 01:33:22,640
Speaker 1: message out there. And I think some things are going

1779
01:33:22,680 --> 01:33:24,719
Speaker 1: to have to change because it's just a very dated

1780
01:33:24,760 --> 01:33:29,240
Speaker 1: model the way the way we uh and and I'm

1781
01:33:29,280 --> 01:33:32,200
Speaker 1: I participate in it. I've got a successful business in

1782
01:33:32,240 --> 01:33:35,040
Speaker 1: the mental health space, and yet I'm not satisfied with

1783
01:33:35,080 --> 01:33:37,960
Speaker 1: our socio economic reach. But I'm raising my hands saying

1784
01:33:38,520 --> 01:33:41,760
Speaker 1: I'm probably not as I'm probably not as active as

1785
01:33:41,760 --> 01:33:44,920
Speaker 1: I should be and trying to solve that. Because I'm

1786
01:33:44,920 --> 01:33:46,760
Speaker 1: just doing what I can, I don't often have the

1787
01:33:46,760 --> 01:33:50,000
Speaker 1: margin to think about how do I help be a

1788
01:33:50,080 --> 01:33:54,320
Speaker 1: voice in alleviating this problem. And it's not that uh,

1789
01:33:54,360 --> 01:33:58,519
Speaker 1: I am discriminating against class because ironically, whether you're a

1790
01:33:58,680 --> 01:34:04,600
Speaker 1: third generation, come from significant wealth or those seats similar problems,

1791
01:34:04,760 --> 01:34:08,639
Speaker 1: different but similar problems. The disadvantage is that these folks

1792
01:34:08,640 --> 01:34:11,599
Speaker 1: can afford high level care and often this group can't

1793
01:34:11,640 --> 01:34:14,160
Speaker 1: and I think that is the inequality in it, but

1794
01:34:14,400 --> 01:34:16,960
Speaker 1: probably people like me calling myself out need to be

1795
01:34:17,000 --> 01:34:19,559
Speaker 1: in more circles that not just with people in our space,

1796
01:34:19,600 --> 01:34:21,320
Speaker 1: but with people like you saying what do we do

1797
01:34:21,360 --> 01:34:23,640
Speaker 1: about this? How can we be a voice into this?

1798
01:34:23,800 --> 01:34:27,080
Speaker 1: I just think it needs to be transformed, reformed and transformed,

1799
01:34:27,080 --> 01:34:28,840
Speaker 1: and it's kind of cause a lot of us to

1800
01:34:28,840 --> 01:34:30,360
Speaker 1: step out and raise our hands, just like I'm doing

1801
01:34:30,400 --> 01:34:33,240
Speaker 1: now and saying, probably not doing enough, but I will

1802
01:34:33,320 --> 01:34:36,240
Speaker 1: say something. As as your friend and as a person

1803
01:34:36,320 --> 01:34:41,080
Speaker 1: who has had the very good fortune of being able

1804
01:34:41,120 --> 01:34:45,720
Speaker 1: to experience what you do firsthand, I'm also wildly impressed

1805
01:34:45,800 --> 01:34:50,840
Speaker 1: because I haven't heard any other mental health care professionals

1806
01:34:50,920 --> 01:34:53,600
Speaker 1: who run the kind of treatment facilities that you do

1807
01:34:53,880 --> 01:34:56,960
Speaker 1: say more than one time a year. I'm going to

1808
01:34:57,080 --> 01:35:00,600
Speaker 1: commit a week of my services free of charge for

1809
01:35:00,840 --> 01:35:05,400
Speaker 1: artists who can't afford to come here, for veterans who

1810
01:35:05,439 --> 01:35:08,920
Speaker 1: can't afford to come here, for people from communities that

1811
01:35:09,000 --> 01:35:14,519
Speaker 1: experienced generational trauma in America who can't afford to come here.

1812
01:35:15,120 --> 01:35:18,120
Speaker 1: And you're doing that. So while I agree with you

1813
01:35:18,160 --> 01:35:20,120
Speaker 1: that the industry as a whole needs to do more

1814
01:35:20,560 --> 01:35:23,320
Speaker 1: and that America is a nation with its laws and

1815
01:35:23,400 --> 01:35:27,360
Speaker 1: legislation and policy, and healthcare needs to do more. I

1816
01:35:27,439 --> 01:35:30,479
Speaker 1: want to commend you for what you are doing because

1817
01:35:30,560 --> 01:35:37,520
Speaker 1: I've literally watched you save people's lives, and I understand

1818
01:35:37,600 --> 01:35:40,400
Speaker 1: when you say it's not enough. I want to be

1819
01:35:40,479 --> 01:35:42,840
Speaker 1: doing more. But you're doing so much more than so

1820
01:35:42,920 --> 01:35:46,599
Speaker 1: many other people who have the same gifts to offer

1821
01:35:46,720 --> 01:35:49,800
Speaker 1: that you do, so I hope, I hope you take

1822
01:35:49,880 --> 01:35:55,200
Speaker 1: that in. It gets really easy for us, for for

1823
01:35:55,240 --> 01:35:58,720
Speaker 1: those of us who are helpers, to feel like we're

1824
01:35:58,760 --> 01:36:02,240
Speaker 1: never helping enough. We're doing a lot. I think we

1825
01:36:02,320 --> 01:36:05,200
Speaker 1: deserve a pat on the back for the way that

1826
01:36:06,600 --> 01:36:14,960
Speaker 1: we devote swaths of our lives to serving others. I

1827
01:36:15,000 --> 01:36:18,040
Speaker 1: don't think wherever you, or me, or anybody in this

1828
01:36:18,120 --> 01:36:21,559
Speaker 1: sort of collective we who lives in service, is going

1829
01:36:21,600 --> 01:36:23,920
Speaker 1: to feel like we've done enough. But I do feel

1830
01:36:23,920 --> 01:36:29,320
Speaker 1: like it's really important to remember what we do, and

1831
01:36:29,360 --> 01:36:33,720
Speaker 1: I want you to remember what you do. Because last year,

1832
01:36:33,760 --> 01:36:38,840
Speaker 1: when we did our first Creatives retreat um, the one

1833
01:36:38,880 --> 01:36:42,880
Speaker 1: that we do together, there were people you know who

1834
01:36:42,960 --> 01:36:46,920
Speaker 1: shall remain nameless. Obviously, the confidentiality of the group is paramount,

1835
01:36:46,960 --> 01:36:50,320
Speaker 1: but there were people there who could have never and

1836
01:36:50,320 --> 01:36:53,559
Speaker 1: who might never be able to in the current model

1837
01:36:54,280 --> 01:36:56,320
Speaker 1: of mental health care in America. Of four a wee

1838
01:36:56,360 --> 01:37:00,479
Speaker 1: get on site and you gave that away two so

1839
01:37:00,800 --> 01:37:06,920
Speaker 1: many people, and you and Carlos and Mary and everybody,

1840
01:37:06,960 --> 01:37:10,360
Speaker 1: I mean showed up for a group of people to

1841
01:37:10,400 --> 01:37:13,479
Speaker 1: make their lives better and that was really incredible. Thank you.

1842
01:37:14,120 --> 01:37:19,560
Speaker 1: I just think about Miss Linda good Moore. She's so special.

1843
01:37:20,560 --> 01:37:25,360
Speaker 1: I need to remember that, and so I thank you

1844
01:37:25,400 --> 01:37:27,840
Speaker 1: for that. It is easy for me to think about.

1845
01:37:28,080 --> 01:37:30,280
Speaker 1: I think I used to be a little bit more

1846
01:37:30,320 --> 01:37:34,640
Speaker 1: involved in the mental health world. That used to be

1847
01:37:34,800 --> 01:37:37,400
Speaker 1: where I spoke, and then suddenly I was like, I

1848
01:37:37,720 --> 01:37:42,000
Speaker 1: got I just got tired of this us sitting back

1849
01:37:42,040 --> 01:37:44,280
Speaker 1: with this resource, waiting on humanity to come to us

1850
01:37:44,320 --> 01:37:45,960
Speaker 1: when they need us. And it was like, you know,

1851
01:37:46,080 --> 01:37:48,000
Speaker 1: we need to go to humanity because they need us.

1852
01:37:48,520 --> 01:37:50,679
Speaker 1: And so I've been trying to more interact with other

1853
01:37:50,720 --> 01:37:52,719
Speaker 1: industries and other genres, and so I feel a little

1854
01:37:52,800 --> 01:37:56,559
Speaker 1: untethered from advocacy and what's happening in our world. There's

1855
01:37:56,560 --> 01:37:59,439
Speaker 1: some people doing some amazing work, but you're right, I

1856
01:37:59,760 --> 01:38:02,000
Speaker 1: forget it that we we we try to do our part,

1857
01:38:02,080 --> 01:38:04,920
Speaker 1: and you do a lot. And I also think that

1858
01:38:04,920 --> 01:38:09,880
Speaker 1: that's really important because people who know what you do

1859
01:38:10,200 --> 01:38:14,280
Speaker 1: know what you do. But it is important for folks

1860
01:38:14,320 --> 01:38:18,080
Speaker 1: like you to go into other spaces to show people

1861
01:38:18,160 --> 01:38:20,680
Speaker 1: that there's a door they could walk through that they

1862
01:38:20,720 --> 01:38:24,120
Speaker 1: may have never seen. You know, you have to illuminate

1863
01:38:24,120 --> 01:38:25,800
Speaker 1: the doorway for people to know that they can go

1864
01:38:25,880 --> 01:38:30,000
Speaker 1: through it. And I think that that is really important.

1865
01:38:30,680 --> 01:38:33,080
Speaker 1: Just the other night before it came out, I got

1866
01:38:33,080 --> 01:38:37,840
Speaker 1: to see this documentary about Ramdas and it's this beautiful

1867
01:38:37,880 --> 01:38:42,280
Speaker 1: film about his journey into being this meditator, into opening

1868
01:38:43,080 --> 01:38:46,200
Speaker 1: this space that he holds for people, and and he's

1869
01:38:46,240 --> 01:38:50,640
Speaker 1: so incredible. And this woman afterwards was saying, you know,

1870
01:38:51,200 --> 01:38:53,040
Speaker 1: there's so much in the world, and I do want

1871
01:38:53,080 --> 01:38:55,760
Speaker 1: to love people, and I do want to come from

1872
01:38:55,800 --> 01:38:59,000
Speaker 1: these high ideals, but I'm angry and there's devastation, and

1873
01:38:59,000 --> 01:39:01,680
Speaker 1: look with this administrat is doing two people, and I

1874
01:39:01,720 --> 01:39:03,960
Speaker 1: just feel paralyzed. I don't know, I don't know what

1875
01:39:04,000 --> 01:39:05,960
Speaker 1: to do and love. I don't feel like I'm going

1876
01:39:06,000 --> 01:39:11,400
Speaker 1: to love a dictator out of office, you know. And

1877
01:39:11,479 --> 01:39:13,519
Speaker 1: it was a Q and A and the people on

1878
01:39:13,600 --> 01:39:16,120
Speaker 1: stage talked about, you know how how they sort of melt,

1879
01:39:16,520 --> 01:39:20,800
Speaker 1: you know, merge uh, this meditator philosophy with being a

1880
01:39:20,840 --> 01:39:23,320
Speaker 1: person in an imperfect world. And I got up and

1881
01:39:23,320 --> 01:39:24,880
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm sorry, I don't have a question,

1882
01:39:24,920 --> 01:39:26,840
Speaker 1: but I got to talk to you and anybody else

1883
01:39:26,920 --> 01:39:32,080
Speaker 1: who's here. Do something, because if you're paralyzed, they win.

1884
01:39:32,640 --> 01:39:35,360
Speaker 1: And if you don't know what to do, help the helpers.

1885
01:39:36,040 --> 01:39:38,160
Speaker 1: Do you care about the border volunteer with? This is

1886
01:39:38,200 --> 01:39:41,280
Speaker 1: about humanity? Do you care about women's rights? Support Planned Parano?

1887
01:39:41,360 --> 01:39:43,600
Speaker 1: Do you care about you know? And I started just

1888
01:39:43,720 --> 01:39:46,360
Speaker 1: listing off all these things. I said, you have to

1889
01:39:46,560 --> 01:39:51,080
Speaker 1: do something because otherwise that sacred rage that you feel

1890
01:39:51,240 --> 01:39:54,080
Speaker 1: is falling short of action of duty. I just think

1891
01:39:54,080 --> 01:39:57,240
Speaker 1: it's so important for us not to forget that there's

1892
01:39:57,280 --> 01:40:02,120
Speaker 1: always something that we can do. And when you're doing it,

1893
01:40:02,920 --> 01:40:07,960
Speaker 1: I know that that's meaningful, because not everybody does. I

1894
01:40:08,000 --> 01:40:09,880
Speaker 1: love the way you framed that up, particularly since we

1895
01:40:09,960 --> 01:40:11,920
Speaker 1: spent a lot of our time kind of talking about

1896
01:40:11,920 --> 01:40:14,920
Speaker 1: mental health, that it fits there too. It's just do something,

1897
01:40:15,439 --> 01:40:17,960
Speaker 1: and that something initially is for you. And when you

1898
01:40:18,000 --> 01:40:19,840
Speaker 1: do something for you, you do something for others, and

1899
01:40:19,880 --> 01:40:22,200
Speaker 1: we do something for others, you do something for humanity.

1900
01:40:22,360 --> 01:40:24,200
Speaker 1: Because the best version that shows up for you, you

1901
01:40:24,240 --> 01:40:26,479
Speaker 1: get to speak into all the causes that means something

1902
01:40:26,520 --> 01:40:29,479
Speaker 1: to you. You get to push back on inequality and

1903
01:40:29,479 --> 01:40:31,000
Speaker 1: the things that we see out in our world. So

1904
01:40:31,560 --> 01:40:33,600
Speaker 1: it all fits together, I mean the way you I

1905
01:40:33,600 --> 01:40:35,479
Speaker 1: wouldn't even connect in the dots until you were saying, all,

1906
01:40:35,720 --> 01:40:40,120
Speaker 1: if it's so well with the idea of mental health

1907
01:40:40,200 --> 01:40:42,720
Speaker 1: being something that we all deserve, how do we be

1908
01:40:42,760 --> 01:40:44,080
Speaker 1: the best version of who we are so that we

1909
01:40:44,120 --> 01:40:46,880
Speaker 1: can show up for the world better. Yes. I I

1910
01:40:46,960 --> 01:40:50,400
Speaker 1: have this friend Angela, who is this incredible woman, and

1911
01:40:50,400 --> 01:40:52,920
Speaker 1: and she was saying, um, we had a team of

1912
01:40:52,960 --> 01:40:55,640
Speaker 1: creatives and athletes together to sort of talk about the

1913
01:40:55,680 --> 01:40:59,240
Speaker 1: way forward. And it was this lunch that was hosted

1914
01:40:59,280 --> 01:41:01,840
Speaker 1: by a bunch of them in from the soccer team.

1915
01:41:01,840 --> 01:41:04,479
Speaker 1: Are are women's national team, which is, you know, our

1916
01:41:04,520 --> 01:41:07,479
Speaker 1: World Cup team? Allow? And I'm like, they're just the

1917
01:41:07,479 --> 01:41:11,920
Speaker 1: World Cup team. Let's let's do that. And we were

1918
01:41:11,960 --> 01:41:16,719
Speaker 1: talking about this role that has often existed for athletes

1919
01:41:16,720 --> 01:41:19,120
Speaker 1: and artists and people to be on the front lines.

1920
01:41:20,080 --> 01:41:23,720
Speaker 1: And we talked so much about activism for so long,

1921
01:41:23,760 --> 01:41:26,280
Speaker 1: and then we got into self care and Angela said,

1922
01:41:26,760 --> 01:41:30,920
Speaker 1: you have to be strong enough to participate in their resistance.

1923
01:41:32,160 --> 01:41:34,280
Speaker 1: That means taking care of your mental health. That means

1924
01:41:34,280 --> 01:41:36,479
Speaker 1: taking care of your body, That means eating food that

1925
01:41:36,560 --> 01:41:39,360
Speaker 1: is nourishing to you. And it was such a reminder

1926
01:41:39,400 --> 01:41:42,360
Speaker 1: because I think so many of us have been cultured

1927
01:41:42,400 --> 01:41:45,360
Speaker 1: to believe that taking care of ourselves is selfish, that

1928
01:41:45,479 --> 01:41:49,320
Speaker 1: mental health care is selfish, that that eating right is restrictive,

1929
01:41:49,479 --> 01:41:53,000
Speaker 1: that a workout regiment is beating your body. What all

1930
01:41:53,040 --> 01:41:56,599
Speaker 1: of it is actually is giving ourselves what we deserve

1931
01:41:57,200 --> 01:41:59,800
Speaker 1: so that we might advocate for the world to get

1932
01:41:59,800 --> 01:42:03,960
Speaker 1: what it deserves. Slowing down is an act of resistance.

1933
01:42:04,360 --> 01:42:07,519
Speaker 1: Self care is an actor resistance. You're exactly right, because

1934
01:42:07,520 --> 01:42:10,840
Speaker 1: everything tells us we should and can't. Yeah, So when

1935
01:42:10,880 --> 01:42:14,439
Speaker 1: you when you talk about the ways in which you're

1936
01:42:15,200 --> 01:42:17,800
Speaker 1: participating with your family, when I get to witness you

1937
01:42:17,840 --> 01:42:20,040
Speaker 1: be a dad and be such a good husband, and

1938
01:42:20,479 --> 01:42:23,320
Speaker 1: love your son and love your new baby girl, and

1939
01:42:23,320 --> 01:42:26,599
Speaker 1: and we commune and talking circle around the dinner table,

1940
01:42:26,640 --> 01:42:29,040
Speaker 1: and we laugh, and you know, not all of our

1941
01:42:29,040 --> 01:42:32,280
Speaker 1: conversations are esoteric about mental health in the world. We

1942
01:42:32,360 --> 01:42:38,320
Speaker 1: giggle a lot. And I see that as part of

1943
01:42:38,360 --> 01:42:41,880
Speaker 1: what fuels you to do the work that you do,

1944
01:42:42,880 --> 01:42:47,040
Speaker 1: and when you talk about conscious parenting, I know the

1945
01:42:47,080 --> 01:42:50,160
Speaker 1: impact that that has not just in your family, but

1946
01:42:50,240 --> 01:42:53,120
Speaker 1: also in the men that the worlds, of the men

1947
01:42:53,160 --> 01:42:55,880
Speaker 1: that you interact with who get to witness the kind

1948
01:42:55,920 --> 01:42:57,479
Speaker 1: of man that you are and the kind of dad

1949
01:42:57,560 --> 01:42:59,640
Speaker 1: that you are, and and so many of us, so

1950
01:42:59,680 --> 01:43:02,360
Speaker 1: many of the female friends in your life, have talked

1951
01:43:02,400 --> 01:43:05,439
Speaker 1: to you and talk to each other about what a

1952
01:43:05,439 --> 01:43:08,080
Speaker 1: great example you set for us about what we deserve

1953
01:43:08,120 --> 01:43:11,640
Speaker 1: in partnership. It's such a gift as a woman to

1954
01:43:11,720 --> 01:43:15,880
Speaker 1: have the kind of quality male allies that I have

1955
01:43:16,200 --> 01:43:19,519
Speaker 1: in friends like you, who not only are such good

1956
01:43:19,520 --> 01:43:22,280
Speaker 1: friends to me, but who set such good examples for me.

1957
01:43:23,040 --> 01:43:26,439
Speaker 1: The way you talk about what you want to build

1958
01:43:26,640 --> 01:43:30,679
Speaker 1: for the lifetime of your relationship with Vanessa, your wife,

1959
01:43:31,320 --> 01:43:35,080
Speaker 1: is inspiring to me. In the witnessing of it, I

1960
01:43:35,080 --> 01:43:38,000
Speaker 1: feel like I just did a therapy saying you do

1961
01:43:38,080 --> 01:43:40,880
Speaker 1: what you do now. I'm serious. I've said a lot

1962
01:43:40,920 --> 01:43:44,760
Speaker 1: of people who know um our friendship, and people who

1963
01:43:44,800 --> 01:43:47,680
Speaker 1: just know we have a friendship because they've seen us

1964
01:43:47,680 --> 01:43:51,320
Speaker 1: talk out there in places have always just said, you know,

1965
01:43:51,360 --> 01:43:54,320
Speaker 1: tell me about this woman, And I said, she's she's

1966
01:43:54,360 --> 01:43:57,000
Speaker 1: a truth teller, and she'll tell it to you, and

1967
01:43:57,080 --> 01:43:59,800
Speaker 1: not only will she speak it when it's in resistance,

1968
01:43:59,800 --> 01:44:02,479
Speaker 1: in challenging and not popular, but she'll look you're dead

1969
01:44:02,520 --> 01:44:05,360
Speaker 1: in the heart and say what you probably always long

1970
01:44:05,479 --> 01:44:08,240
Speaker 1: to hear. You have a gift in doing that, and

1971
01:44:08,320 --> 01:44:11,320
Speaker 1: I'm grateful to be a recipient of it, So thank you.

1972
01:44:12,360 --> 01:44:16,960
Speaker 1: I'm just grateful to be a witness. I'm lucky. So

1973
01:44:17,120 --> 01:44:22,360
Speaker 1: I have two more questions for you. Um one posts

1974
01:44:22,400 --> 01:44:26,080
Speaker 1: you know uplift love Fest, but just because we we

1975
01:44:26,080 --> 01:44:31,600
Speaker 1: were talking about how the system needs some readjusting and

1976
01:44:32,439 --> 01:44:35,240
Speaker 1: I went into the tan gentle, I need you to

1977
01:44:35,280 --> 01:44:36,960
Speaker 1: know you're worth as as a man and as my

1978
01:44:37,040 --> 01:44:40,559
Speaker 1: friend because you're doing so much for the world. Because

1979
01:44:40,600 --> 01:44:43,240
Speaker 1: I I am so aware of the access that you

1980
01:44:43,320 --> 01:44:47,040
Speaker 1: offer people that isn't offered. But so many of the

1981
01:44:47,080 --> 01:44:52,800
Speaker 1: people listening won't have access to programs like this, And

1982
01:44:52,840 --> 01:44:58,040
Speaker 1: I'm curious what you can tell people who can't go

1983
01:44:58,120 --> 01:45:01,599
Speaker 1: away to a workshop for seven days days or thirty days,

1984
01:45:02,360 --> 01:45:04,840
Speaker 1: who maybe can't go see a therapist once or twice

1985
01:45:04,880 --> 01:45:09,799
Speaker 1: a week, or even who don't have communities like ours

1986
01:45:09,840 --> 01:45:13,439
Speaker 1: in friends where they feel safe sharing. Where can people

1987
01:45:13,640 --> 01:45:19,080
Speaker 1: start on a journey to mental health care access. I'm

1988
01:45:19,080 --> 01:45:21,640
Speaker 1: so glad you asked that, because this was something that

1989
01:45:21,720 --> 01:45:24,360
Speaker 1: I didn't even realize I was doing unconsciously early in

1990
01:45:24,360 --> 01:45:27,280
Speaker 1: my career. Because if anything anything, when you take a

1991
01:45:27,360 --> 01:45:30,200
Speaker 1: risk as an entrepreneur and you have you build a

1992
01:45:30,240 --> 01:45:32,840
Speaker 1: business around a passion, you have to find a way

1993
01:45:32,880 --> 01:45:36,320
Speaker 1: to market that passion. And I'd get so excited about

1994
01:45:36,360 --> 01:45:40,600
Speaker 1: selling the unique offering that we have that without with

1995
01:45:40,720 --> 01:45:43,160
Speaker 1: being naive too that there's a whole lot of people

1996
01:45:43,200 --> 01:45:45,479
Speaker 1: that can't afford it. Then they could never get there.

1997
01:45:46,080 --> 01:45:48,920
Speaker 1: And then I'd have people who I was unconsciously selling

1998
01:45:48,960 --> 01:45:51,280
Speaker 1: on the idea that their life could be changed if

1999
01:45:51,320 --> 01:45:53,879
Speaker 1: they came, and then they'd be disappointed when they realize

2000
01:45:53,920 --> 01:45:58,120
Speaker 1: that's not. And so I have really been humbled and

2001
01:45:58,200 --> 01:46:02,040
Speaker 1: learned a lesson there and much different now in realizing

2002
01:46:02,080 --> 01:46:04,800
Speaker 1: that we're not that unique. I mean, we're we're a

2003
01:46:04,800 --> 01:46:07,800
Speaker 1: good offering, but there are good offerings out there everywhere.

2004
01:46:07,840 --> 01:46:11,760
Speaker 1: We are one small program in a sea of places

2005
01:46:11,800 --> 01:46:14,400
Speaker 1: that care about you. And it doesn't have to be

2006
01:46:15,040 --> 01:46:17,760
Speaker 1: uh an emotional health workshop. Those are kinda there, aren't

2007
01:46:17,800 --> 01:46:19,360
Speaker 1: There are in a lot of places that do that.

2008
01:46:19,479 --> 01:46:22,920
Speaker 1: It can be your church, a community group at your church.

2009
01:46:22,960 --> 01:46:25,360
Speaker 1: It can be a free twelve step program. It can

2010
01:46:25,400 --> 01:46:28,880
Speaker 1: be a group of UH brothers or sisters that you

2011
01:46:28,920 --> 01:46:31,360
Speaker 1: pull around a fire at night and have a conversation.

2012
01:46:32,000 --> 01:46:36,559
Speaker 1: Don't underestimate the act of telling one other person something

2013
01:46:36,560 --> 01:46:39,280
Speaker 1: that you're scared of telling the world, and they will

2014
01:46:39,360 --> 01:46:41,160
Speaker 1: receive it, and they'll hear it or they won't. That

2015
01:46:41,240 --> 01:46:43,160
Speaker 1: the risk is on you. You did it. You did

2016
01:46:43,160 --> 01:46:46,360
Speaker 1: your job by speaking your truth. And that often, that often,

2017
01:46:46,479 --> 01:46:49,160
Speaker 1: most often is where the mental health journey starts as

2018
01:46:49,240 --> 01:46:52,719
Speaker 1: one person talking to another person. And ultimately I wished,

2019
01:46:53,640 --> 01:46:56,520
Speaker 1: I hope I worked myself out of a job one day,

2020
01:46:56,560 --> 01:46:58,840
Speaker 1: that we don't even need places like mine because it's

2021
01:46:58,880 --> 01:47:01,920
Speaker 1: just the norm that happen in our community. And I'll

2022
01:47:01,960 --> 01:47:04,320
Speaker 1: be happy to reboot and do something else at that point.

2023
01:47:04,320 --> 01:47:06,280
Speaker 1: But that's where we're all going, is if we go

2024
01:47:06,320 --> 01:47:08,160
Speaker 1: back to the roots. It's the way it always should

2025
01:47:08,160 --> 01:47:10,200
Speaker 1: have been. It's just we're living in a world that's

2026
01:47:10,200 --> 01:47:12,400
Speaker 1: moving so fast we're having to create these bubbles to

2027
01:47:12,520 --> 01:47:16,560
Speaker 1: create it for ourselves. But try not to get discouraged

2028
01:47:16,640 --> 01:47:19,320
Speaker 1: if you run into resource problems when it comes to

2029
01:47:19,400 --> 01:47:22,559
Speaker 1: looking for mental health whether you're just in pursuit of

2030
01:47:22,600 --> 01:47:25,479
Speaker 1: a deeper life or whether you're in a crisis, you

2031
01:47:25,600 --> 01:47:28,000
Speaker 1: probably will strike out a time or two and trying

2032
01:47:28,040 --> 01:47:30,479
Speaker 1: to find the right resource. But you'd be amazed that

2033
01:47:30,520 --> 01:47:34,040
Speaker 1: there are resources out there if you persist, even ones

2034
01:47:34,120 --> 01:47:36,880
Speaker 1: that are free. Unfortunately, you and I have outlined the

2035
01:47:36,960 --> 01:47:39,680
Speaker 1: problem that there aren't enough of them, uh that that

2036
01:47:39,840 --> 01:47:42,360
Speaker 1: offer free care, and I've even said I'd love to

2037
01:47:42,400 --> 01:47:43,760
Speaker 1: be able to do it more, and it's a goal

2038
01:47:43,760 --> 01:47:46,160
Speaker 1: that one now will. But for now we're doing what

2039
01:47:46,240 --> 01:47:48,599
Speaker 1: we can, and I hope others will too. And just

2040
01:47:48,720 --> 01:47:51,519
Speaker 1: know that it's not a sign that you don't deserve it.

2041
01:47:51,560 --> 01:47:54,320
Speaker 1: If you can't afford it, there's just other places that

2042
01:47:54,400 --> 01:47:57,080
Speaker 1: you can go, starting with your living room. Even though

2043
01:47:57,080 --> 01:47:58,920
Speaker 1: it can be hard to tell another person your story

2044
01:47:58,920 --> 01:48:01,479
Speaker 1: if you're feeling in all going pain, but take the

2045
01:48:01,560 --> 01:48:03,439
Speaker 1: risk anyway because you're likely they need you as much

2046
01:48:03,439 --> 01:48:07,080
Speaker 1: as you need them. Something really interesting that I learned

2047
01:48:07,120 --> 01:48:14,240
Speaker 1: also is that the separation from how we present versus

2048
01:48:14,280 --> 01:48:17,639
Speaker 1: how we're really feeling, the dissonance that creates in your

2049
01:48:17,680 --> 01:48:23,080
Speaker 1: relationship to yourself. When you name it, your body says

2050
01:48:23,160 --> 01:48:26,080
Speaker 1: thank you because you told it. The truth. You know,

2051
01:48:26,200 --> 01:48:29,160
Speaker 1: when when you're having an experience thinking I'm not okay,

2052
01:48:29,200 --> 01:48:30,720
Speaker 1: and then someone says how are you, and you go,

2053
01:48:30,760 --> 01:48:35,120
Speaker 1: I'm great. You're not just glossing over the truth to

2054
01:48:35,160 --> 01:48:37,439
Speaker 1: your friend. You're lying to your body. You're telling your

2055
01:48:37,439 --> 01:48:40,040
Speaker 1: body it can't trust you. And the more that you

2056
01:48:40,160 --> 01:48:42,680
Speaker 1: just get honest about what you're going through when you

2057
01:48:42,720 --> 01:48:45,800
Speaker 1: are in a low point, the more your body knows

2058
01:48:45,800 --> 01:48:47,600
Speaker 1: it can trust you. And then the more often you

2059
01:48:47,640 --> 01:48:50,120
Speaker 1: feel like you're in high points because you're in this

2060
01:48:50,160 --> 01:48:54,639
Speaker 1: better communion with yourself. I used to to talk about

2061
01:48:54,840 --> 01:48:58,080
Speaker 1: the program I'm lucky to be involved with as a

2062
01:48:58,160 --> 01:49:00,040
Speaker 1: hope that everybody would want to come, and now I

2063
01:49:00,520 --> 01:49:03,160
Speaker 1: don't do that. I just talk about the program that

2064
01:49:03,200 --> 01:49:05,000
Speaker 1: I'm involved because it's what I know. But it's just

2065
01:49:05,080 --> 01:49:07,400
Speaker 1: a hope that you'll want to go somewhere and try

2066
01:49:07,400 --> 01:49:10,840
Speaker 1: to find some support, whether it's in your neighborhood, whether

2067
01:49:10,840 --> 01:49:13,879
Speaker 1: it's your community health center, whether it's in private practice counseling.

2068
01:49:14,320 --> 01:49:17,320
Speaker 1: Just uh, I would encourage you to pursue the best

2069
01:49:17,400 --> 01:49:19,519
Speaker 1: version of you, whatever that looks like, even when you

2070
01:49:19,600 --> 01:49:22,400
Speaker 1: run into a lot of roadblocks, continue to pursue it.

2071
01:49:23,000 --> 01:49:25,639
Speaker 1: We spend a lot of our time, uh in our

2072
01:49:25,680 --> 01:49:29,880
Speaker 1: admissions department helping people find resources, knowing we're not the

2073
01:49:29,920 --> 01:49:32,719
Speaker 1: one and I've given our folks and will continue to say,

2074
01:49:33,080 --> 01:49:34,760
Speaker 1: I don't care if you spend eighty percent of your

2075
01:49:34,760 --> 01:49:36,920
Speaker 1: time doing that. That's just part of what we want

2076
01:49:36,920 --> 01:49:40,840
Speaker 1: to do, is don't if somebody calls and they're not qualified, um,

2077
01:49:41,040 --> 01:49:42,559
Speaker 1: you spend time with them and try to help them

2078
01:49:42,600 --> 01:49:44,479
Speaker 1: find a resource in their backyard. So if you are

2079
01:49:44,600 --> 01:49:47,400
Speaker 1: listening and just feel stuck and struggling, you can call us,

2080
01:49:47,439 --> 01:49:49,080
Speaker 1: even if we may not be the right fit for you,

2081
01:49:49,120 --> 01:49:50,840
Speaker 1: will do our best to try to point you in

2082
01:49:50,880 --> 01:49:53,639
Speaker 1: the right direction. That's really kind that you guys do that.

2083
01:49:54,439 --> 01:49:57,799
Speaker 1: Thank you for that. So I have one more question

2084
01:49:57,840 --> 01:50:03,040
Speaker 1: for you podcast. It's called We're can Progress, and I'm

2085
01:50:03,040 --> 01:50:08,080
Speaker 1: curious for you today. What is something that you're working on?

2086
01:50:08,680 --> 01:50:11,040
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, it'd be easier to say what am I

2087
01:50:11,080 --> 01:50:14,519
Speaker 1: not working on? Working on a lot of stuff, Okay,

2088
01:50:15,080 --> 01:50:19,800
Speaker 1: I've really been working on myself as a leader and

2089
01:50:20,000 --> 01:50:24,080
Speaker 1: myself as a husband father. Those are three primarily key

2090
01:50:24,080 --> 01:50:26,200
Speaker 1: points in my life. And because there's still a part

2091
01:50:26,240 --> 01:50:28,360
Speaker 1: of me that even though you affirmed what I'm hoping

2092
01:50:28,400 --> 01:50:31,920
Speaker 1: to build. I can microscope what I'm not doing well,

2093
01:50:32,720 --> 01:50:34,360
Speaker 1: and so you need to hear. I am proud of

2094
01:50:34,400 --> 01:50:37,400
Speaker 1: what I'm doing, and I'm human, and if my family

2095
01:50:37,400 --> 01:50:39,559
Speaker 1: were here, they tell you some areas that need growth.

2096
01:50:39,800 --> 01:50:41,479
Speaker 1: But the thing I am proud of is that I

2097
01:50:41,560 --> 01:50:43,639
Speaker 1: know those, they know those and know they know them

2098
01:50:43,640 --> 01:50:46,160
Speaker 1: in progress and working on them. So I'm working on that.

2099
01:50:46,320 --> 01:50:50,880
Speaker 1: But I feel like me as a leader is hitting

2100
01:50:50,920 --> 01:50:53,519
Speaker 1: a bit of a new chapter and that I felt

2101
01:50:53,520 --> 01:50:55,560
Speaker 1: I hit a ceiling with my business acument in my

2102
01:50:55,640 --> 01:50:59,280
Speaker 1: leadership a few years ago, and I just thought I

2103
01:50:59,320 --> 01:51:01,519
Speaker 1: was okay with I was like, well, I better hire

2104
01:51:01,560 --> 01:51:03,200
Speaker 1: people around me that know how to do things I

2105
01:51:03,200 --> 01:51:06,280
Speaker 1: can't do. And then I thought, that's crap. Who says

2106
01:51:06,280 --> 01:51:08,840
Speaker 1: I can't stretch and learn and learn how to do

2107
01:51:08,920 --> 01:51:11,519
Speaker 1: new things. And so I feel like I'm growing into

2108
01:51:11,560 --> 01:51:15,160
Speaker 1: a different leader, primarily learning how to not do everything myself,

2109
01:51:15,600 --> 01:51:17,880
Speaker 1: but to really empower and trust that people around me

2110
01:51:17,920 --> 01:51:20,640
Speaker 1: and get surround myself with people that are smarter than me,

2111
01:51:20,720 --> 01:51:23,880
Speaker 1: but also allow them to shine and do what they do.

2112
01:51:24,200 --> 01:51:26,880
Speaker 1: I think I used to say that, but I often

2113
01:51:27,080 --> 01:51:28,800
Speaker 1: didn't know how to follow through with it because I

2114
01:51:28,800 --> 01:51:30,880
Speaker 1: didn't know how to delegate. I was just I didn't

2115
01:51:30,880 --> 01:51:32,679
Speaker 1: know how to do things. And I think I'm growing

2116
01:51:32,680 --> 01:51:35,120
Speaker 1: a ton in leadership. And at the end of DAB,

2117
01:51:36,040 --> 01:51:42,040
Speaker 1: that's great. I love that. Definitely work in progress. Me too,

2118
01:51:42,960 --> 01:51:48,080
Speaker 1: Me too, starting with taking the tech out of my bedroom.

2119
01:51:48,120 --> 01:51:50,599
Speaker 1: I have to say a little prayer when when, uh,

2120
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Speaker 1: when companies invite me to come speak, and I'm always

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Speaker 1: surprised that I shouldn't be and because I know I

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Speaker 1: offer value to companies and it's happening more and more

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Speaker 1: where they want me to come in and talk about

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Speaker 1: emotional intelligence in the workplace or whatever, and I'd literally

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Speaker 1: have to say a prayer before I go in, uh,

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Speaker 1: to just call my worth to the table and to

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Speaker 1: be like, you've earned a spot to be here and

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Speaker 1: you've got a message that that can be supportive. Instead

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Speaker 1: of coming in thinking I don't know how to do this.

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Speaker 1: I'm still trying to figure out how to be a

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Speaker 1: leader myself. What am I gonna offer these people? UM,

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Speaker 1: I need to bring both of those parts to the table.

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Speaker 1: Be humble and be vulnerable, but be confident and realize

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Speaker 1: I've got something to say and so do you. If

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Speaker 1: you're out there listening and realize that you were invited

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Speaker 1: into the room. You didn't break in. You didn't break

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Speaker 1: in to give a talk at a company about how

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Speaker 1: they can take better care of their employees. They asked you,

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Speaker 1: so do it well. Thank you, thank you. This was

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Speaker 1: not an interview. This was a conversation. I get to

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Speaker 1: I'm grateful to get to do some podcasts. I love

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Speaker 1: the format. I'm a podcast nerd now with this truly

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Speaker 1: was a conversation. I don't know why. I'm surprised, but

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Speaker 1: it was a conversation. So thanks for presenting dating it.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for coming. This show is executive produced by me,

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01:53:08,400 --> 01:53:13,280
Speaker 1: Sophia Bush, and sim Sarna. Our supervising producer is Alison Bresnick.

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Speaker 1: Our associate producer is Kate Linley. Our editor is Josh Wendish,

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Speaker 1: and our music was written by Jack Garrett and produced

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Speaker 1: by Mark Foster. This show is brought to you by

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Speaker 1: Crilliant Anatomy.