Speaker 1: Caleb, you asked it the very last question, your very
Speaker 1: last sentence of your question, you said, what would you
Speaker 1: do if this was you? This is what I would do.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't go through with this marriage. I wouldn't go
Speaker 1: through with this engagement because this is a life of
Speaker 1: trouble ahead of you. What's up, everybody, Welcome back to
Speaker 1: the Grangersmith Podcast. The format of me answering your questions,
Speaker 1: no matter the subject. We seem to go through a
Speaker 1: lot of different kinds of things that life throws at you.
Speaker 1: And then if you found me on TikTok or Instagram,
Speaker 1: or you heard about me on After Midnight, maybe my
Speaker 1: own post that I've made about the podcast. Hey, wherever
Speaker 1: you came from, thanks for being here, wherever you're listening,
Speaker 1: whatever platform you're on. I'm just glad you're here. We
Speaker 1: talk about things like me and you are sitting in
Speaker 1: the cab of a truck together or sitting around a
Speaker 1: campfire and just talking through it. You could email me
Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I put it in
Speaker 1: the queue. I have a few requests from you, guys.
Speaker 1: Don't make the email too long, make it about the
Speaker 1: length of a phone. That's easier for me to read.
Speaker 1: If it gets too long, it's harder for this format.
Speaker 1: And the second thing I have for you is don't
Speaker 1: send the same email twice, okay, because I know that
Speaker 1: some of y'all like to send email the same email
Speaker 1: every day to make sure that you get in the queue,
Speaker 1: and they just get deleted. So don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: You send it one time, it gets put in the
Speaker 1: queue and we'll walk through it. Okay, let's get started.
Speaker 1: This first question it says questions about marriage. Hey, granger,
Speaker 1: my name is Ben, and I've been dating my amazing
Speaker 1: girlfriend for almost a year and things are going great.
Speaker 1: She has four kids that are fourteen, nine, seven, and five.
Speaker 1: Being a step parent has had its challenges, but they've
Speaker 1: all started calling me dad. It's a great feeling. The
Speaker 1: kids know I'm going to marry their mom, and so
Speaker 1: does her family. My question is how do you feel
Speaker 1: about one year of dating? Do you think it's too
Speaker 1: soon for me to ask her to marry me? Or
Speaker 1: should I wait a little bit longer. I appreciate you
Speaker 1: listening and answering this. Keep up the great work from Ben. Yeah, Ben,
Speaker 1: Amber and I dated Amber and I were engaged for
Speaker 1: seven months, and we dated for like four or five
Speaker 1: months before that, So we dated four or five months.
Speaker 1: I asked her to marry me, were engaged seven months.
Speaker 1: So all that happened from when I met her to
Speaker 1: when I married her, it happened in less than a year.
Speaker 1: So of course my answer to you is absolutely, you
Speaker 1: could do this. Here's the thing, we overthink this as
Speaker 1: a culture. We overthink engagements and dating and finding the
Speaker 1: right one and the soulmate. We just we overthink it
Speaker 1: so much because think about it in terms of you're
Speaker 1: looking to find your life lifetime partner, right and so
Speaker 1: you want to find someone that's that's passionate about God
Speaker 1: and loves you, and you could see how they treat
Speaker 1: other people. So with your girlfriend girlfriend right now, you
Speaker 1: could see how she treats her kids. That's a huge indicator.
Speaker 1: How does she treat people around you? How does she
Speaker 1: treat perfect strangers? So you can quickly identify a woman
Speaker 1: that you love, that you could be compatible with for
Speaker 1: the rest of your life. It doesn't take that long
Speaker 1: to figure that out. The catch is, and this is
Speaker 1: the hardest part about it, is once you make that
Speaker 1: decision and you say yes, she's the one I've I've
Speaker 1: carefully watched her, I've listened to her. I know how
Speaker 1: she treats other people. I know her relationship with her
Speaker 1: parents and with God and with me. Here's the hard part.
Speaker 1: The hard part is once you commit to that, you
Speaker 1: stick with it, not because your heart are your feelings,
Speaker 1: but because your brain tells you I am making a
Speaker 1: commitment and I will not break this commitment. Isn't that
Speaker 1: crazy that that's hard? But in this culture, that's the
Speaker 1: most difficult thing, is keeping your word till death. Do
Speaker 1: us part through sickness and through health, That's what we say,
Speaker 1: But that doesn't happen. We take those terms so loosely
Speaker 1: because our heart just falls for someone else, and that
Speaker 1: and our you know, we change our minds because our
Speaker 1: heart takes us somewhere else. It should be the opposite.
Speaker 1: Your heart doesn't get to change your mind. Your mind
Speaker 1: gets to change your heart. Your mind controls your feelings,
Speaker 1: not your feelings control your mind. Make sure that happens.
Speaker 1: Make sure that once you make that commitment to her,
Speaker 1: especially she's got these kids, she's got four kids. Don't
Speaker 1: mess this up for her. Don't mess this up for
Speaker 1: those kids. So watch her learn from her and then
Speaker 1: once you make that commitment, there's no getting out of it,
Speaker 1: no matter what your heart tells you, what your feelings
Speaker 1: tell you. And that's it. It's as simple as that.
Speaker 1: It's so difficult and so simple at the same time. Okay,
Speaker 1: I wish you the best. Next question says help please
Speaker 1: life advice. Hey Granger, my name is Caleb. I'm from Alabama.
Speaker 1: I'm engaged in a long, long distance relationship and her
Speaker 1: parents have never approved to me and don't like me
Speaker 1: and refuse to actually meet me, and every time they
Speaker 1: catch us together, they threatened me. And I've never been
Speaker 1: nothing but respectful to them the one or two times
Speaker 1: that I've met them. Can you please help me find
Speaker 1: out how to go about how to approach the situation
Speaker 1: and what would you do if it was you? A
Speaker 1: question comes from Caleb shout out to Alabama. Caleb, thank
Speaker 1: you for writing. It's a great question, and I appreciate
Speaker 1: you trusting me with something like this. And here's what
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you. There's a reason why there's
Speaker 1: this long lasting human tradition of the man asking the
Speaker 1: father for permission for marriage to have her hand in marriage.
Speaker 1: There's a reason. There's an old tradition of this, and
Speaker 1: it's so that stuff like this doesn't happen. So I
Speaker 1: would suggest a couple things. We got to walk through this,
Speaker 1: but I would suggest a couple of things. One, how
Speaker 1: do you feel about being engaged in asking her to
Speaker 1: marry you? And you never consulted the father, regardless of
Speaker 1: if he didn't want to listen to you or not.
Speaker 1: Regardless of that maybe he didn't want to meet you.
Speaker 1: Regardless of that, you said that you've only met him
Speaker 1: one or two times. Why I would ask you that? Why?
Speaker 1: Because if you're going to say it's a long distance,
Speaker 1: get in your truck and go drive there. Get on
Speaker 1: a plane and go see him. Go to the dad's work, right,
Speaker 1: go to his work and sit outside the work and say, sir,
Speaker 1: I need to talk to you. Hey, do this, Caleb.
Speaker 1: You don't want to hear trust me, I don't think
Speaker 1: you want to hear anything I gotta say. So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say this as respectfully as I can to you, okay,
Speaker 1: with as much grace as I can. But it sounds
Speaker 1: like you're in a tough situation. So I got to
Speaker 1: give you tough answers right, I would break off the
Speaker 1: engagement with her, and then I would go to his
Speaker 1: work and I would sit outside in the parking lot
Speaker 1: and just say, sir, my name is Caleb. I want
Speaker 1: to tell you. I know you don't like me. I
Speaker 1: know you disapprove of this. First of all, I just
Speaker 1: want to tell you I broke off the engagement and
Speaker 1: he's going to go good and you go. But that
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that I don't love her. I broke it
Speaker 1: off because I desperately want your approval because as I
Speaker 1: walk through marriage with your daughter, I want to have
Speaker 1: her father involved. I want God willing one day we
Speaker 1: have kids, I want you as a granddad. I want
Speaker 1: you to teach our kids it's God willing to go
Speaker 1: fishing and to drive a pickup. I want that. I
Speaker 1: desperately desire that, and I want to do anything it
Speaker 1: takes to earn your approval, to earn your respect. Is
Speaker 1: there anything I could do right now to walk through
Speaker 1: this as long as it takes. I don't have to
Speaker 1: do this tomorrow, but I want to walk through this
Speaker 1: with you because I want to earn your approval. Caleb,
Speaker 1: you asked it the very last quest your very last
Speaker 1: sentence of your question, you said, what would you do
Speaker 1: if this was you? This is what I would do.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't go through with this marriage. I wouldn't go
Speaker 1: through with this engagement because this is a life of
Speaker 1: trouble ahead of you now are there are situations The
Speaker 1: dad's a complete jerk, he's a terrible human, he's never
Speaker 1: going to approve of this ever. And she's a sweetheart
Speaker 1: and she's great, and the mother is terrible, but she's great. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's rare, but that could happen. I understand it. But
Speaker 1: you got to put the work in. You've got to
Speaker 1: make sure before you say that he's just a terrible person.
Speaker 1: You make sure you did everything you could, including breaking
Speaker 1: off this engagement right now. Show him that that's how
Speaker 1: much he matters to you, that you're going to break
Speaker 1: this off even though you still lover to make this work.
Speaker 1: The other question I have is why do they think
Speaker 1: this about you? What have you done? What what has
Speaker 1: happened in your reputation, in your history that leads them
Speaker 1: to think you are you're not good for their daughter.
Speaker 1: I got a lot of questions. Are y'all too young?
Speaker 1: Is there something in your in your past that you've
Speaker 1: done that you need to repent for to him, that
Speaker 1: you need forgiveness for from him. Hey, I'm coming to
Speaker 1: you as not only someone that that has been engaged
Speaker 1: like you, but also someone that's a dad of a daughter.
Speaker 1: I've got a little girl, So you got to understand
Speaker 1: when you asked me this question, I got to think
Speaker 1: in terms of my daughter. What happens. There's this guy,
Speaker 1: he's long distance. He asked London to marry him without
Speaker 1: my permission. I don't approve of him. Maybe it's because
Speaker 1: I don't know him. Maybe it's because I think he's
Speaker 1: dangerous for her. Maybe I think he might physically abuse
Speaker 1: her or verbally abused her. Absolutely, I'm going to disapprove
Speaker 1: of that, absolutely, But I could be broken down by
Speaker 1: someone that's man enough, Caleb. Listen, someone that's man enough
Speaker 1: to come to me and wait it out and say,
Speaker 1: mister Smith, I broke off the engagement with your daughter London,
Speaker 1: and I broke it off because of you, because I
Speaker 1: love her and I want to build something with you.
Speaker 1: I want to build trust with you. I'm asking for forgiveness.
Speaker 1: I repent for anything that you think that I am,
Speaker 1: and I want to be better. I want to be
Speaker 1: because I love your daughter that much and I understand
Speaker 1: how you feel, and I want to make this up
Speaker 1: to you, and I'll probably say no. But if he's
Speaker 1: persistent and he shows back up the next day and
Speaker 1: I say no again and he backs off and he
Speaker 1: doesn't get he doesn't go back and re engage, but
Speaker 1: he waits it out and earns my trust. Okay, now
Speaker 1: I'm listening. And then eventually you get your now girlfriend
Speaker 1: and you say, over Christmas, we want to we want
Speaker 1: to come and have dinner, and we want to talk
Speaker 1: this out with you, guys, because we still love each
Speaker 1: other and we want to we want to have dinner
Speaker 1: and just talk it out. There's this is all. This
Speaker 1: is all up to you, guys, parents, but we want
Speaker 1: to bring this to you because we're still in love. Hey,
Speaker 1: let me tell you the hardest part, Caleb, this is
Speaker 1: the hardest part. Okay, he might never come around to this.
Speaker 1: Once again, I don't know your history or your past.
Speaker 1: He might never come around to this. And if he doesn't,
Speaker 1: my opinion, I'm not always right on this podcast, but
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you what I feel. In this setting.
Speaker 1: You got to break it off with her because that's
Speaker 1: a tough life, and you've got to honor him for that.
Speaker 1: She has to honor We haven't talked about her yet,
Speaker 1: but she has to honor him. Why is she doing this?
Speaker 1: Why is she going along with this long distance thing?
Speaker 1: Why is she going along with this engagement when her
Speaker 1: parents hate you? That's on her too. This is a
Speaker 1: fifty to fifty deal. That's on her. Okay, So you're
Speaker 1: not taking all the blame here. This is partly on her.
Speaker 1: This is tough. I know you're in a tough situation.
Speaker 1: I got to give you some tough news. That's just
Speaker 1: how I feel. Okay, check back in. Do what I said,
Speaker 1: try it out. Sounds like you're desperate. You might as well,
Speaker 1: right and check back in. Check back in in about
Speaker 1: six months, and let's see what happens. Next question says,
Speaker 1: Hey Granger, my name is Dallas. I'm nineteen years old
Speaker 1: from a small country called Belie. I just want to
Speaker 1: say thanks for all the advice you've given me and
Speaker 1: helped me with some of my problems i've had. I've
Speaker 1: gotten so much help from other people's questions, and I'm
Speaker 1: thankful for your podcast because I could hear from the
Speaker 1: other people that are struggling with the same things that
Speaker 1: I am. On a side note, just wondering if you're
Speaker 1: ever going to do a concert and Belie love your music.
Speaker 1: Yee ye Dallas, Thank you man, I appreciate it. I
Speaker 1: need to be built up sometimes to make sure I'm
Speaker 1: not just talking to an empty microphone. Thank you for listening. Brother.
Speaker 1: I hope we get to go to Police. I've actually
Speaker 1: been to Police on a cruise a long long time ago.
Speaker 1: It's an absolutely beautiful country. So buddy, you find me
Speaker 1: a venue and we'll come play it. Thank you for
Speaker 1: listening to the podcast over there. Okay. Next question says
Speaker 1: subject line of admitting failure that Grandeur. I'm a longtime
Speaker 1: listener and fan here in Georgia. Shout out at Georgia.
Speaker 1: Really enjoyed the show and I've learned how to love
Speaker 1: and heal with your music on my eighty seven silver
Speaker 1: od a bench seat. Within the past year, I've gone
Speaker 1: through many highs and lows. I've come through those trials
Speaker 1: stronger as a man, but still have some failures that
Speaker 1: I'm facing. I'm a student at University of Georgia. I've
Speaker 1: had a really toxic relationship and not being happy in
Speaker 1: my degree. I let struggles get the best of me,
Speaker 1: and I have a couple classes that I will not
Speaker 1: be able to pass this semester. I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed
Speaker 1: of the things that I've done to cause this. The
Speaker 1: biggest challenge facing me is admitting this upcoming failure to
Speaker 1: my family in a couple of weeks. I did shut
Speaker 1: the door on that relationship months back and have changed
Speaker 1: my major to an area I feel that I'll be
Speaker 1: a better fit in. And I've also reconnected with the
Speaker 1: Lord and even have an opportunity to lead a small
Speaker 1: group next year. I'm just anxious about the future and
Speaker 1: admitting my failure this semester. Do you have any advice
Speaker 1: for my situation? Thank you, Grayson, Grayson Buddy, thanks for emailing. Dude,
Speaker 1: I have been in your shoes. I went to Texas
Speaker 1: A and M, and first my first year there, I
Speaker 1: struggled and didn't pass a couple classes. Here's my thoughts
Speaker 1: for you. Your question is it sounds like you're getting
Speaker 1: things together. It sounds like you're finding your focus now
Speaker 1: and you're finding your drive, your motivation to do better
Speaker 1: and a toxic relationship could be a big part of that.
Speaker 1: So she's gone great. But your question is not any
Speaker 1: of that. Your question is how do you admit to
Speaker 1: your family that you're failing? And that answer is simple honesty.
Speaker 1: You go face to face with your mom and dad.
Speaker 1: I'm assuming that's what you're talking about. Your mom and dad.
Speaker 1: You go to them and you just say, can I
Speaker 1: sit down and talk to you guys about something? And
Speaker 1: you look them in the eye and you try not
Speaker 1: to stutter, and you go right into it, and you say,
Speaker 1: I've made some bad choices that I regret. And the
Speaker 1: outcome of that is I'm going to fail one or
Speaker 1: two classes this semester at Georgia. And I not only
Speaker 1: have failed these classes, but I have failed you as
Speaker 1: a son. And I am so sorry, and I will
Speaker 1: not do this again. If I could regain your trust
Speaker 1: and my new focus and this new awakening that I'm
Speaker 1: having right now in my life, and with these classes
Speaker 1: and the change of major and the dropping of the
Speaker 1: toxic relationship, the new focus that I have will not
Speaker 1: allow this to happen again. And I want to give
Speaker 1: you my word as I sit here that although I
Speaker 1: have been a failure in these classes. I will not
Speaker 1: do it again. And I'm so sorry. And I know
Speaker 1: that these are just words and you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: see this trust built through my actions. But I want
Speaker 1: to sit here and tell you that the actions are
Speaker 1: at play right now, and I'm willing to take whatever
Speaker 1: kind of discipline that you might need me to have
Speaker 1: right now, Like you're going to take away my truck,
Speaker 1: or you're gonna I got to pay my own rent, whatever.
Speaker 1: I don't know your life situation. I don't know, but
Speaker 1: admit to your failure with honesty, with clarity, and be
Speaker 1: will willing to accept any kind of repercussions from this failure.
Speaker 1: And dude, that's it. That's it. You're going to be
Speaker 1: in good shape after that because we all fail. Man,
Speaker 1: It's not just a class. We fail things in life
Speaker 1: more than we win them. We fail way more than
Speaker 1: we have victory. But that's what makes us better. You're
Speaker 1: going to be a better student at Georgia because of this.
Speaker 1: Why How do I want to know? How do I
Speaker 1: know this? Because I was there, man, I was there
Speaker 1: instead of Georgia, it was Texas, A and M. And
Speaker 1: when I refocused and re engaged and went back in
Speaker 1: this with this kind of mentality. I'll be honest with you.
Speaker 1: After that, school was easy for me. It was so
Speaker 1: hard before that because I wasn't focused. I had other
Speaker 1: distractions all around me, and that wasn't the priority. Then
Speaker 1: when it became the priority, and I made that the priority,
Speaker 1: and I had to face my dad with this. My
Speaker 1: dad was a scary man, six foot three, two hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty pounds, and he stared me down. When I
Speaker 1: had to face him like that, I didn't do it again,
Speaker 1: and he made me pay for school from then on,
Speaker 1: and I did willingly. He was paying for school my
Speaker 1: freshman year until after that. He pulled all finances from me,
Speaker 1: which your dad might do. So I'm manned up and
Speaker 1: I don't regret it one bit. I'm glad I failed
Speaker 1: because I was better for it. Okay, I'll do one
Speaker 1: more and then we'll take a break, says graduation anxiety.
Speaker 1: Hey Granger, I'm about to graduate from high school next
Speaker 1: week on Friday, and I'm super excited but also anxious
Speaker 1: about it because I'm not entirely sure what I want
Speaker 1: to do after graduation, and I'm also anxious that I
Speaker 1: might lose a lot of friends that I've made the
Speaker 1: past years in high school? Do you have any advice
Speaker 1: for me? I also love it your music, love the podcast.
Speaker 1: This question comes from Kyler. Kyler, thank you for emailing
Speaker 1: man Kyler. There is nothing to fear or worry about tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Today has enough worries of its own. You are worried
Speaker 1: about things that haven't happened yet and that might not
Speaker 1: ever happen when you have enough stuff going on today.
Speaker 1: Look at this. You're about to graduate high school. It's amazing.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. That is a huge accomplishment, probably the biggest
Speaker 1: accomplishment you've ever done in your life. Right, You're about
Speaker 1: to graduate high school. That's huge. I remember me doing that.
Speaker 1: That was like, wow, this seemed impossible. Now it's happening. Okay,
Speaker 1: So you don't know what you're gonna do after graduation.
Speaker 1: So what who does at eighteen? Who does? Very rarely
Speaker 1: does someone go out of high school and I know
Speaker 1: exactly what i want to do the rest of my
Speaker 1: life and I'm gonna stack it up this way and
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna end up here. You don't, That's okay,
Speaker 1: most people don't. So you do the next thing That's
Speaker 1: always what we do in life when when we're at
Speaker 1: a crossroads, we don't look too far ahead. We just
Speaker 1: do the next thing. The next thing for you might
Speaker 1: might be need to make some money. I need to
Speaker 1: make some money. So you do the next thing. You
Speaker 1: go make some money. You don't have to figure out
Speaker 1: your final career next week after graduation. Now like you
Speaker 1: get your diploma and they go, okay, now you have
Speaker 1: you have five minutes to decide what you're going to
Speaker 1: do the rest of your life. No. No, If you
Speaker 1: have the luxury, take off the summer, take off for
Speaker 1: the summer, do nothing. Think. Get a piece of paper
Speaker 1: and write down things you're interested in, things you're not
Speaker 1: interested in. Make some columns. Things I like to do, Okay,
Speaker 1: things I love, things I'm passionate about. Are you passionate
Speaker 1: about making a lot of money, Well, that's a different column.
Speaker 1: Are you passionate about doing things that you love that
Speaker 1: might not be something that pays Okay, that's a new column.
Speaker 1: And then go off of those things and say what
Speaker 1: does it take to get me there? What's the next
Speaker 1: step of say you want to go you want to
Speaker 1: be a police officer, what's the next step to becoming
Speaker 1: a police officer. That's finding out the local police academy,
Speaker 1: finding out how much it cost to go to the academy. Rights,
Speaker 1: that would be the next step. You don't think about
Speaker 1: what do I want to do when I'm a police officer?
Speaker 1: What am I going to do at a traffic stop
Speaker 1: if someone pulls a gun on me? Like, that's not
Speaker 1: the next step. The next step is where's the closest
Speaker 1: police academy and how much does it cost? And when
Speaker 1: can I enroll? Right, So think smaller, don't think so
Speaker 1: far out. Think here now the next step and the
Speaker 1: friends thing. I wouldn't worry about the friends thing. You're
Speaker 1: worried about losing friends that you've had in high school?
Speaker 1: Why why are you going to lose them? We live
Speaker 1: in a world that's so connected now with social media
Speaker 1: and text messages. Just start a text threat. Hey, even better,
Speaker 1: ask them what they're doing. What are you guys doing?
Speaker 1: We're going to community college? Hey? Cool, that might be
Speaker 1: something I want to do. We're going to text school.
Speaker 1: We're gonna go work for this farm down the road.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll do that for six months, Maybe I'll do
Speaker 1: that for a year. You don't have to be at
Speaker 1: work at that farm the rest of your life. Go
Speaker 1: do it, the next thing, do the next thing. We'll
Speaker 1: take a break, be right back. This podcast is sponsored
Speaker 1: by better Help. You know life could be overwhelming and
Speaker 1: many people can get burned out even without knowing it.
Speaker 1: Symptoms can include lack of motivation, feeling helpless or trapped, detachment, fatigue,
Speaker 1: and more. I mean, I always have to try to
Speaker 1: find balance between the podcast and the radio show and
Speaker 1: touring and making movies and making music. I always am
Speaker 1: looking for ways to slow down and find that balance.
Speaker 1: So we associate burnout with work, but that's not the
Speaker 1: only cause. Any of our roles in life could lead
Speaker 1: to us feeling burned out. And better Help Online therapy
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Speaker 1: with your therapist, so you don't have to see anyone
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Speaker 1: listeners get ten percent off their first month at betterhelp
Speaker 1: dot com slash granger. That's better h LP dot com
Speaker 1: slash Granger. You could also find me at cameo dot com.
Speaker 1: So if you ever need a personal shout out video,
Speaker 1: or an announcement video, or some encouragement at all. If
Speaker 1: you want on a personalized video from me, go to
Speaker 1: cameo dot com slash granger, or you can download the
Speaker 1: Cameo app and search for me. Okay, let's get back
Speaker 1: to some questions. Subject line here is called eternal marriage
Speaker 1: from anonymous Hey Granger loved the Smith. I'm seventy and
Speaker 1: I was married thirty six and a half years, was
Speaker 1: sealed to my spouse. I've been single for fifteen plus years.
Speaker 1: Haven't met anyone in my in my age group and
Speaker 1: or anyone single in my age group. And I have
Speaker 1: to say that I do spend ninety percent of my
Speaker 1: time with my animals, work on a small ranch, and
Speaker 1: leave ranch for groceries and Bible study, et cetera. Guess
Speaker 1: my question is how to change an inner feeling that
Speaker 1: if I was eternally sealed to my spouse? Is there
Speaker 1: anything I would be challenging by being with someone else?
Speaker 1: Let me say that without stuttering. How to change that
Speaker 1: inner feeling that if if I was eternally sealed to
Speaker 1: my spouse, is there anything I would be challenging by
Speaker 1: being with someone else? Thanks for listening to the long
Speaker 1: Get the Facts email. Okay, Anonymous, Thank you for watching
Speaker 1: the Smiths and listen to the podcast. And I love
Speaker 1: your question and it's amazing. Let me first say, it's
Speaker 1: amazing to talk to someone that was married thirty six
Speaker 1: and a half years. That's a beautiful thing. My mother, too,
Speaker 1: is a widow with about the same statistics as you,
Speaker 1: including the ranch and the animals and the groceries and
Speaker 1: the Bible study. But let me say something, this is
Speaker 1: very very important. There is no such thing as eternal marriage.
Speaker 1: That's what they'll tell you in the Mormon Church. And
Speaker 1: I will get a lot of emails from my friends
Speaker 1: at the Church of Jesus Christ the Latter day Saints.
Speaker 1: They email me all the time to try to correct me.
Speaker 1: And I've read the Book of Mormon. I have talked
Speaker 1: to many, many, many many of my Mormon friends, a
Speaker 1: lot of them through this podcast and through emails that
Speaker 1: I get, and they will challenge me every time on
Speaker 1: eternal marriage. But that is not biblical. Jesus talks about it.
Speaker 1: Eternal marriage is not true, Apostle Paul talks about it,
Speaker 1: and so Anonymous. You'll find this many times as you
Speaker 1: go through your Bible study. Marriage is not eternal. And
Speaker 1: I know I know the arguments and they are out
Speaker 1: of context. The scriptures that I will get will be
Speaker 1: what is bound on earth is bound in heaven, and
Speaker 1: that is not concerning marriage. So your question is how
Speaker 1: do I change the inner feeling that if I was
Speaker 1: eternally sealed to my spouse. Well, as we mentioned a
Speaker 1: little bit earlier on the podcast, that's a feeling. That's
Speaker 1: a feeling. So you could change feelings by using your brain.
Speaker 1: And so many times we take the opposite approach. Like
Speaker 1: I said said earlier on the earlier question, so many
Speaker 1: times our feelings change our mind. But really, and this
Speaker 1: is biblical too, our mind is what's going to change
Speaker 1: our feeling. So by you reading and do a quick
Speaker 1: search on it, do a quick do a quick search,
Speaker 1: go to Google, so that you could quickly find these scriptures,
Speaker 1: they're going to talk about marriage that once your spouse dies,
Speaker 1: you were are you were then released from that covenant. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're released from that covenant. Now. The Bible does suggest
Speaker 1: that at your age, maybe it's best to be single now.
Speaker 1: And it also says that we need to look after
Speaker 1: the widows and take care of our widows. That's biblical too,
Speaker 1: and and so I and I could speak to this
Speaker 1: because you're my mother's age and you have a very
Speaker 1: similar story to my mother. So I would say absolutely, people,
Speaker 1: people need to look after you and take care of
Speaker 1: you your family, and you don't have to be getting
Speaker 1: married again, but you can, absolutely, But that's not up
Speaker 1: to you. That's up to God. And you know that,
Speaker 1: and that you'll find that through reading your Bible as well.
Speaker 1: But you you look around you and your life, and
Speaker 1: I understand that you're spending so much time at your
Speaker 1: ranch and doing your own thing, and so you have
Speaker 1: ten percent of your time left over to find someone.
Speaker 1: But what all you're gonna do is you're gonna look
Speaker 1: around you, and you're going to look at someone that's
Speaker 1: that's seeking God and studying their Bible and maybe working
Speaker 1: on their ranch and they're single, and there they're they're
Speaker 1: a widower just like you, and you take them out
Speaker 1: to coffee and you get to know them, and there's
Speaker 1: absolutely a chance that you'll find someone and you'll love again,
Speaker 1: and you could have an equal love that you had
Speaker 1: for your spouse. Not the same, and it's not replacing
Speaker 1: it by any means, but you could have a strong,
Speaker 1: strong love. It's amazing how humans could have extra space
Speaker 1: in our he art to love again or to have
Speaker 1: another child. Like, for instance, you have a child and
Speaker 1: you you know, you hold up your child and you think,
Speaker 1: I never thought I could love this much because I
Speaker 1: loved my spouse, and now I have this extra love
Speaker 1: for this kid, and I'm complete. Now I've loved this
Speaker 1: kid so much. Until you have the second kid, and
Speaker 1: you go, I had no idea that my heart had
Speaker 1: space for another love, and now I'm holding this little,
Speaker 1: precious baby. And you think that until you have the
Speaker 1: third kid, and then you think, guys, I've got four kids,
Speaker 1: and I've thought this four times, how could I love anymore?
Speaker 1: How is it possible that my heart could open up
Speaker 1: and love something all over again this much? And it's
Speaker 1: the same thing with marriage, so you're gonna, you're gonna
Speaker 1: you might find somebody, and you're not ever gonna replace
Speaker 1: your husband, but you could love a lot wholeheartedly enough
Speaker 1: to marry. Now, we'll say, after I said all that,
Speaker 1: there is one eternal marriage and that's our relationship, our covenant. Well, Jesus,
Speaker 1: that's eternal. That's the covenant that never goes away. Because
Speaker 1: when we go to heaven, we're all gonna be brothers
Speaker 1: and sisters in Christ. And it's hard to understand that.
Speaker 1: It's hard to grasp that with our small brains, we're
Speaker 1: not capable of truly understanding an eternal covenant like that.
Speaker 1: But it is biblical that you and your spouse are
Speaker 1: now that covenant is now released. I don't want to
Speaker 1: say broken or tarnished because you had a great thirty
Speaker 1: six and a half year old relationship, right, that's incredible,
Speaker 1: But you're now released from that covenant and it's totally
Speaker 1: totally fine. Next question, subject line contentment. Hey Granger, I
Speaker 1: love your podcast and your constant encouragement and advice. Thank
Speaker 1: y'all so much. My name is Kayla. I'm twenty three
Speaker 1: years old from California. I've dealt with a lot of
Speaker 1: heartbreak in my life already, whether it was from a guy,
Speaker 1: losing friendships or losing a loved one. More recently, I've
Speaker 1: just been struggling on how to be content and joyful
Speaker 1: in the present moment. What would be your advice on
Speaker 1: being content and finding joy even in the midst of
Speaker 1: hurt and frustration. I continue praying because I know that
Speaker 1: I can only find true sidifaction in the Lord, but
Speaker 1: it's just difficult sometimes. And adding to that, I went
Speaker 1: to a Christian college and everyone is getting married and engaged,
Speaker 1: and I know it's God's timing, but I just feel
Speaker 1: behind because I'm not even dating anybody and feeling like
Speaker 1: I can't be content when other people are basically living
Speaker 1: the dream, if that makes sense. Thank you for all
Speaker 1: you do, Kayla. Thanks for your email. I appreciate you.
Speaker 1: Shout out to California. You are not alone in what
Speaker 1: you're feeling and what you're thinking. You're looking around and
Speaker 1: you're going to Instagram. Gosh, Instagram is so bad for us, guys.
Speaker 1: Social media is so bad for us because we look
Speaker 1: around and we see everyone on their best day. We
Speaker 1: look at these other people around us and they're all
Speaker 1: getting married and they're so happy, and they're posting pictures
Speaker 1: with the champagne glass and they're holding up their left
Speaker 1: hand and they got this diamond ring on it and
Speaker 1: they're so happy, and we're not. How could that be?
Speaker 1: Why are they so lucky? Why are we not? What's
Speaker 1: wrong with us when we go back and look in
Speaker 1: the mirror and we say, there's something wrong, there's something
Speaker 1: wrong with me. No, that's a lie. That is a lie.
Speaker 1: It's a lie that you're seeing on Instagram because you're
Speaker 1: seeing you're seeing that girl that posted that picture, and
Speaker 1: she has fifteen pictures and she found the best angle
Speaker 1: with the best smile and the best eyes that she has,
Speaker 1: and then she colored it and put a filter on it,
Speaker 1: and then she tossed it around and she zoomed in
Speaker 1: so you don't see the waiter in the background of
Speaker 1: the restaurant, and she cropped it just perfect. And then
Speaker 1: she wrote a caption and then she deleted it and
Speaker 1: then wrote another one, and then she showed it to
Speaker 1: her friends, and then they told her to add a
Speaker 1: few more words, and so she changed the caption again.
Speaker 1: She's making a fake idea of what is happening to her.
Speaker 1: I do it. Everyone does it. That's what we do.
Speaker 1: That's the evil and social media. So you're not seeing
Speaker 1: the truth. You're not seeing that she's in a relationship
Speaker 1: that they it's very normal, and they have disagreements, and
Speaker 1: he's another human and he's not the best human in
Speaker 1: the world. None of us are. And then they're gonna
Speaker 1: get married and they're gonna have problems. They're not seeing that,
Speaker 1: so it's a false representation of what you're saying. So
Speaker 1: let me just get that part of your question out.
Speaker 1: The other part and I could use this for so
Speaker 1: many questions that y'all send me, but your advice on
Speaker 1: being content and finding joy even though you continue to
Speaker 1: pray because you know that true satisfaction is in the Lord.
Speaker 1: So here's my question. We know that this contentment and
Speaker 1: this joy and this satisfaction comes from God right and
Speaker 1: we know that because of faith. Faith is what activates this.
Speaker 1: But my question to you is, Kayla, and I love you,
Speaker 1: thanks for the email. I got to say that, but
Speaker 1: I want to give you some tough love. Did you
Speaker 1: know that faith is not a noun? You're you're sometimes
Speaker 1: replacing the idea of faith with grace. Grace is the
Speaker 1: unmerited gift to you from God. But faith is your part.
Speaker 1: That is an action. Faith is a verb. So I
Speaker 1: would say, you know what they talk of faith in
Speaker 1: terms of a walk, a walk of faith? How is
Speaker 1: your walk in faith? Meaning it's active, it's persistent, it's
Speaker 1: step by step. So I would ask you, Kayla, what
Speaker 1: are you doing in your walk of faith? Is what
Speaker 1: you're talking about? Just saying, God, help me find somebody
Speaker 1: I trust you? Hey, this, let me say it again.
Speaker 1: What I'm telling y'all, this goes to so many questions
Speaker 1: that you'll ask. So many people ask me something along
Speaker 1: the lines of I'm losing my faith, or I'm struggling
Speaker 1: with my faith, or I'm trying to find my faith.
Speaker 1: Like it's gold in the ground and you're you got
Speaker 1: to find this gold, right, and that's your gold and
Speaker 1: you put in your pocket. It's a noun. This is
Speaker 1: not a nounan we're talking about. We're talking about an
Speaker 1: active verb. So I would say, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: Jesus says in Luke six, you say, Lord Lord, But
Speaker 1: why don't you do anything that I say? Right? So
Speaker 1: what are you doing? What are you? Are you listening
Speaker 1: to him? Are you doing what he's saying. Are you
Speaker 1: going to your Bible and reading those red letter words
Speaker 1: and doing doing things? Are you studying your Bible? Are
Speaker 1: you in a small group. Are you going to church
Speaker 1: every Sunday because your life depends on it. Are you
Speaker 1: praying circles around problems in your life? Are you giving
Speaker 1: it to God? Are you trusting him? Are you glorifying him?
Speaker 1: Are you actively representing him in the way that he
Speaker 1: deserves to be represented as the creator of the universe.
Speaker 1: What are you doing, Kayla? Are you just asking for
Speaker 1: things and hoping that the genie in the bottle is
Speaker 1: going to give it to you? Are you looking at
Speaker 1: the man upstairs like some people say, like the big
Speaker 1: old man with the white beard and the white cloak,
Speaker 1: and just hoping that the genie in the bottle, the
Speaker 1: Santa Claus, is going to give you some presents. What
Speaker 1: are you doing? Are you waking up every morning with
Speaker 1: a fire under you, making that coffee, getting your Bible,
Speaker 1: open it up and saying, God, I'm about to open
Speaker 1: the Word of God. I'm about to open this Bible. That,
Speaker 1: first of all, is a miracle that's even here through
Speaker 1: all the trials and the wars and the tribulations that
Speaker 1: this word made it through the word of God. I'm
Speaker 1: about to open it up. God opened my eyes to
Speaker 1: this word so that I could learn more about you
Speaker 1: and your glory, so I could see you for what
Speaker 1: you are, the creator of everything, sovereign, God in control.
Speaker 1: You're driving the ship, not me, So I'm gonna trust you.
Speaker 1: Open my eyes to these words. It's life to me.
Speaker 1: These words are life. It's going to satisfy every hunger,
Speaker 1: every thirst with these words. Is that what you're doing?
Speaker 1: Is that what your faith is? Are you looking for
Speaker 1: the genie in the bottle to bring you a man
Speaker 1: so that you could post on Instagram your ring with
Speaker 1: a champagne glass and the waiter in the background at
Speaker 1: the restaurant, which one are you? That's how you find contentment,
Speaker 1: That's how you find joy and peace when you know
Speaker 1: that you're not in control and that's okay. God is.
Speaker 1: And it's not just an understanding, it's an active path,
Speaker 1: a walk of faith that you are reading that word.
Speaker 1: You're joining sisters like you in small groups. You're sharing
Speaker 1: your testimony, You're going to church, you're taking notes on
Speaker 1: Sunday morning, going God feed me feed me through the
Speaker 1: words of this pastor as he's going to talk. I'm
Speaker 1: and listen for what you have to say through his
Speaker 1: mouth to me, and I'm gonna write it down because
Speaker 1: my life depends on it. If you're doing those things,
Speaker 1: and then you look to your right and you see
Speaker 1: a guy sitting next to you at church down the
Speaker 1: aisle a little bit and he's doing the same thing,
Speaker 1: you might have just found somebody you need to start
Speaker 1: talking to. There you go. Next question, ironically, subject line
Speaker 1: is the Lord? By the way, I'm not prepping these
Speaker 1: questions at all. Is or just what's in my inbox? Okay,
Speaker 1: says Hey Granger. Been listening to the podcast for a
Speaker 1: little while now while I'm mow and I love it. Hey,
Speaker 1: I listened to podcasts while I'm mow too, buddy, Thank
Speaker 1: you for that. That's a good time to listen to podcasts.
Speaker 1: Is on a lawnmower, he says, I just have one question.
Speaker 1: I just joined my youth team at church a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago, and I love the people I teach with,
Speaker 1: and I have such a good group of friends at church.
Speaker 1: How do I get closer to the Lord? Fisher from
Speaker 1: KYMP Texas Boom, back to back questions. There we go, Fisher,
Speaker 1: go back, listen to what I just said. You're on
Speaker 1: a good path right now. You want to get closer
Speaker 1: to God. You want to get closer to the Lord.
Speaker 1: You read his word. That's our instruction manual. It's like
Speaker 1: saying this. It's like saying, I just bought a new lawnmower.
Speaker 1: We'll go with your same analogy. I just bought a
Speaker 1: new lawnmower and I ordered it online, and so it
Speaker 1: came from hardware store. I'm not going to endorse anybody.
Speaker 1: It came from the hardware store in a box. And
Speaker 1: open up the box and it's all these pieces. And
Speaker 1: it's like saying, looking at all those pieces out of
Speaker 1: the box and going, how do I figure out this lawnmower?
Speaker 1: And it only takes one person to go read the
Speaker 1: instruction manual. Oh yeah, oh yeah, read the instruction manual.
Speaker 1: It came with the box. So that's you. You're in
Speaker 1: the box and you got an instruction manual. It's called
Speaker 1: the Bible. So you want to get closer to the
Speaker 1: creator of you. You want to know what he needs
Speaker 1: from you. You want to know how to glorify him.
Speaker 1: You want to know how to grow your faith, read
Speaker 1: the instruction manual, Read the Bible. We want to make
Speaker 1: it so hard. We want to make Santa Claus in
Speaker 1: the sky, we want to make the genie in the
Speaker 1: bottle so bad, and we forget that we got the
Speaker 1: word of God right here in front of us. Think
Speaker 1: about this, y'all. I'm a prac person. I'm just not
Speaker 1: a person that goes. I just believe. I just believe
Speaker 1: in a fairy tale. I don't. I can't. Some people can,
Speaker 1: God bless them. My mother is one of these people.
Speaker 1: I can't do that. I am a practical person. I
Speaker 1: love history. I have to go backwards. I have to
Speaker 1: calculate things. That's not all of my testimony, but I
Speaker 1: got to look at things from a practical standpoint. And
Speaker 1: I go back and I read these words, and I
Speaker 1: go this is talking about things, people and places, specific
Speaker 1: times that they happened in history with eyewitnesses, and all
Speaker 1: these people wrote the same story about the same thing,
Speaker 1: and they dispersed. And then we found fragments of those
Speaker 1: people that wrote those things. We found fragments of them
Speaker 1: all over the world, and we put these little fragments
Speaker 1: together and astonishingly we find out that these fragments are
Speaker 1: saying the same thing. Like you find this little piece
Speaker 1: of John over here, right this little piece of the
Speaker 1: Gospel of John. And you find a little piece of
Speaker 1: John seventeen right down there in verse five, and you go, wow,
Speaker 1: we found the same fragment way over here, two thousand
Speaker 1: miles away, in the same time period. And guess what
Speaker 1: it says the same thing. It's not possible that that
Speaker 1: was recreated or some one person decided that this is
Speaker 1: what the Bible is gonna say. It would be impossible
Speaker 1: to stop that kind of movement from happening unless it
Speaker 1: really happened, unless those people really saw what they said
Speaker 1: they saw. And if they saw what they said they saw,
Speaker 1: then we have to believe that it really happened. And
Speaker 1: if we believe that it really happened, we got to believe.
Speaker 1: It's important to us, and it matters to us that
Speaker 1: this man, the son of God, claiming to be divine,
Speaker 1: living a sinless, perfect life, saying I'll forgive you if
Speaker 1: you believe in me, and he was killed in the
Speaker 1: most gruesome death on the cross, a crucifixion, the most terrible,
Speaker 1: horrific way to die in the history of evil. He
Speaker 1: was killed on a cross, and just like he predicted,
Speaker 1: and just like all the prophets thousands of years before
Speaker 1: him predicted, he came back to life three days later,
Speaker 1: proving that everything he did and said was true. And
Speaker 1: people saw it. Over five hundred people saw this, and
Speaker 1: then they wrote it down, and then they were killed
Speaker 1: for it. Do you think they would have been killed
Speaker 1: for it if it didn't happen, If it was a
Speaker 1: lie and you're getting tortured and people are ripping your
Speaker 1: limbs off and cutting your head off and dragging you
Speaker 1: through the streets behind a horse until your skin falls off,
Speaker 1: do you think one of them probably would have said, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: stop please, it was made up. It's not true. But
Speaker 1: they didn't. They went along with their own deaths because
Speaker 1: they knew that something more important mattered than their own death.
Speaker 1: They knew that death was already defeated and that their
Speaker 1: life was just beginning after death. They died for this.
Speaker 1: We have to think about this practically. We have to
Speaker 1: look at all these martyrs. We have to look at
Speaker 1: the story historically. This isn't one person under a tree
Speaker 1: having a dream and writing a book. That's what other
Speaker 1: religions will do. This isn't a talking head that just
Speaker 1: says do this, do this, do that, follow these rules
Speaker 1: to be closer to God. It's not what the Bible does,
Speaker 1: it's not what it says. We have to look at
Speaker 1: it practically, at least at least me. I'm speaking just
Speaker 1: for me here. I'm not trying to preach to y'all.
Speaker 1: I'm just speaking from my brain saying practically, I look
Speaker 1: at this and I go, wow, that should matter. Those
Speaker 1: people are either crazy or lying or telling the truth.
Speaker 1: And I'm pretty sure if they were crazy or lying,
Speaker 1: they wouldn't have been killed for it. First of all,
Speaker 1: all those people couldn't have been crazy. It's too many
Speaker 1: of them. And if they were lying, I don't think
Speaker 1: they would have gone along with their own beheading. I
Speaker 1: think right there, when that act starts coming down on
Speaker 1: their head, they would have said, well, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Speaker 1: because all they had to do during these times, all
Speaker 1: they had to do was tell them it was a lie.
Speaker 1: But they didn't. They took it. They took the pain,
Speaker 1: they took the death. Some of them were put on
Speaker 1: crosses just like their lord so if all that happened,
Speaker 1: then you got to think maybe it was true. And y'all,
Speaker 1: if maybe it was true, that changes everything for me.
Speaker 1: And you think about that, if maybe it would true,
Speaker 1: If you hold that Bible and think maybe this is true,
Speaker 1: that changes everything for you and me. So if you're
Speaker 1: asking me, Fisher, how to get closer to the Lord,
Speaker 1: I would read that instruction manual that came in the
Speaker 1: box your box you, I would read it like my
Speaker 1: life depends on it. Look at it this way. If
Speaker 1: you're an atheist or an agnostic and you're not a Christian,
Speaker 1: wouldn't you let me suggest wouldn't you want to read
Speaker 1: the whole Bible just for an experiment because it has
Speaker 1: impacted humanity more than any other book ever ever, And
Speaker 1: it starts the story in the beginning of the book,
Speaker 1: all the way back at the beginning of man. And
Speaker 1: these stories have been repeated and they've impact culture for
Speaker 1: thousands of years. Don't you think as an atheist, hey,
Speaker 1: it's a good experiment just to read this book just
Speaker 1: because of the fact that it's impacted culture for so long,
Speaker 1: I might as well read it. You read everything else,
Speaker 1: and then at that point you read it. If you
Speaker 1: don't believe it, that's on you. And I'm not going
Speaker 1: to plead with you on that. I'm just saying for me,
Speaker 1: my personal thought is practically speaking, I can't see us
Speaker 1: coming from Amiba's and then becoming growing legs and walking
Speaker 1: on land, and then thousands of years later we became monkeys,
Speaker 1: and thousands or millions of years later we became humans,
Speaker 1: different than every other species on this planet. When the
Speaker 1: Bible says that we are image bearers of God, made
Speaker 1: in His image, that's why we're different. That's why we
Speaker 1: think like we do, That's why we're problem solved. That's
Speaker 1: why we create like our creator created us. We constantly
Speaker 1: want to create art and music and buildings and jobs
Speaker 1: and new ideas, new technologies. A monkey doesn't come up
Speaker 1: with new technologies or buildings or architecture music, but we
Speaker 1: do because we're image of areas of God according to
Speaker 1: our instruction manual. That was a long way of answering
Speaker 1: your question, Fisher, But I hope that that helps you
Speaker 1: get up in the morning, before you start anything in
Speaker 1: your day, pull out that Bible and start reading it
Speaker 1: and then look at it like it's your instruction manual
Speaker 1: and then look at it like your life depends on it,
Speaker 1: and you're going to see those words a little bit differently.
Speaker 1: There's enough translations out there, good translations that came from
Speaker 1: teams of scholars that put these together, that translated that
Speaker 1: Greek and Hebrew, which, by the way, is not like
Speaker 1: a game of telephone. It's not like someone said one
Speaker 1: thing and one hundred years later they repeated it and
Speaker 1: it changed a little bit, and one hundred years later
Speaker 1: they said it again and changed a little bit. We
Speaker 1: have access to the ancient Greek and Hebrew writings, so
Speaker 1: we could take what we have now in the translation today,
Speaker 1: and if you want, you could take your phone out
Speaker 1: and put a translator on it on an app and
Speaker 1: type in the words and you could translate it yourself.
Speaker 1: So you don't have to rely on a translation. You
Speaker 1: could translate it yourself today. It's a crazy time we
Speaker 1: live in with these phones, but you can. I'm just
Speaker 1: saying you can trust the translation, and you could find
Speaker 1: one that speaks your dialect. That's the beauty in it.
Speaker 1: You don't have to learn Latin anymore just to read
Speaker 1: the Bible. You don't have to speak Greek or Hebrew,
Speaker 1: you could speak your native tongue. I appreciate y'all. Thanks
Speaker 1: for listening. We'll see you next Monday. Thanks for joining
Speaker 1: me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and the notification spell so that you
Speaker 1: never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have
Speaker 1: a question for me that you would like me to answer,
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yigi