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Speaker 1: This is.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 2: I'm Meela, and it's Wednesday. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday.

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Speaker 3: Honey.

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Speaker 1: How you doing.

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Speaker 3: I'm good. It's rainy, you know, just a rainy day

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Speaker 3: in l A.

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Speaker 2: It is rainy, it's raining, it's retrograde, and technology has

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Speaker 2: been challenging.

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Speaker 1: But I'm going to breathe through it.

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Speaker 4: I'm not going to get stressed.

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Speaker 5: You know, technology is my number one stress causer of stress.

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Speaker 2: So I've got to just jump right into it.

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Speaker 3: Okay, dokie.

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Speaker 2: You guys, we have a special guest today. I'm really

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Speaker 2: excited to have her on. She's a fellow podcaster like us,

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Speaker 2: which I feel like we haven't had like a lot

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Speaker 2: of podcasters on lately, so I'm really excited to have

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Speaker 2: a potter on. Is that what they called them. I

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Speaker 2: don't think he made that a potter. I'd love to

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Speaker 2: Welcome to this show. Alia, lovely of a spiritual shit podcast,

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Speaker 2: energy channeler, mama, overall beautiful, spirited human and I'm just

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Speaker 2: excited to have you on.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the show.

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Speaker 4: Thank you so much. It's good to be here. Excited

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Speaker 4: to chat it up.

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Speaker 2: How are you feeling today.

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Speaker 4: You know, I'm feeling really good. I'm feeling really good.

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Speaker 4: The sun is out. You guys were talking about your rain,

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Speaker 4: and I would love to have Ellie rain right now

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Speaker 4: because it's super cold in the Midwest. But for you

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Speaker 4: based market Kansas City, Kansas City.

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Speaker 3: Kansas or Missouri, Missouri.

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Speaker 4: Thank you for asking. Is that where those people don't

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Speaker 4: know what to say?

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Speaker 1: Is that where you're from?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so I'm from born and raised here. I did

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Speaker 4: a stint in New York and London for a bit

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Speaker 4: and then came back.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I heard about this stint in London. I was

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Speaker 2: listening to another podcast and I was so intrigued by

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Speaker 2: kind of your journey to spiritual shit and what I

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Speaker 2: gathered was that you were more religious at one point

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Speaker 2: in your life, or maybe grew up really religious.

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Speaker 1: Is that is that that's correct?

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Speaker 4: That is correct? Can you? Yes?

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Speaker 3: I want to know this story. I want to know.

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Speaker 4: Well, you know, like I was raised in a Christian home,

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Speaker 4: went to school, like, went to church four or five

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Speaker 4: days a week, and at some points I started asking

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Speaker 4: lots of questions and things weren't lining up in the

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Speaker 4: way that that felt in alignment with me. And so

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Speaker 4: I moved to London with my boyfriend, and my mom

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Speaker 4: really didn't like that. And it was really such a

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Speaker 4: cool experience because it was getting outside of my bubble.

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Speaker 4: It was the first time I was really traveling, the

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Speaker 4: first time I had really like gone somewhere internationally, and

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Speaker 4: I got to meet all these people that were wonderful

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Speaker 4: and amazing but didn't have the same beliefs as I did,

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Speaker 4: and so it really turned the foundation of my belief

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Speaker 4: system on its head. So I had an opportunity to

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Speaker 4: give my you know, ask the proper questions, and I

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Speaker 4: ended up turning one to eighty into an atheist, where

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Speaker 4: I just didn't believe in anything like oh my God,

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Speaker 4: the revelation of a lot of the things that were

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Speaker 4: happening in the church and stuff that I just wasn't

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Speaker 4: down with. So became an atheist for a long bit.

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Speaker 4: And then I moved to New York and I found

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Speaker 4: my people and found spirituality again.

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Speaker 3: When you're when you met your husband, was he religious?

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Speaker 4: So my ex husband the first one, he No, he

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Speaker 4: was not. And so it was kind of like the

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Speaker 4: opening the door to different points of view and things

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Speaker 4: that I had not encountered before, and so actually could

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Speaker 4: credit him for that, like opening me up to a

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Speaker 4: different type of world. But it was a really traumatic relationship,

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Speaker 4: and like, I feel thankful that I went through it

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Speaker 4: because it taught me a lot about myself and self

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Speaker 4: worth and things that maybe I wouldn't have gone through

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Speaker 4: if I hadn't met him. But I found my spirituality

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Speaker 4: again after we broke up, and I was living in

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Speaker 4: New York and I started going to sound baths and

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Speaker 4: crystal shops and all, you know, all the things, getting

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Speaker 4: card readings and so on, and it was really a

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Speaker 4: deep exploration of who I was after that relationship.

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Speaker 1: That's so interesting.

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Speaker 2: Was your mom totally mortified that you were an atheist

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Speaker 2: for an extended amount of time.

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Speaker 4: There was mortified. I don't know if it is the

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Speaker 4: word crush, devastated, depressed, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Did you grow up Christian or Catholic?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, Christian Baptists Southern Baptist, so it's a different

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Speaker 4: kind of Baptists, you know, Yeah, mortify, Like I mean,

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Speaker 4: we've come to an understanding now that I'm an adult,

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Speaker 4: further an adult, But she had a real real problem

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Speaker 4: with it. My father was a little bit more like,

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Speaker 4: you know, do what you want. That's fine, But she

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Speaker 4: really had a hard time with it because she holds

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Speaker 4: like Jesus is our homeboy.

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Speaker 2: You know, I know you are an energy healer. How

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Speaker 2: did how did you kind of tap into that? Is

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Speaker 2: this something kind of that you've always kind of known

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Speaker 2: existed within you? Or And I think also I was

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Speaker 2: listening to another show and you were saying, how you

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Speaker 2: have you see visions too, and you see you see

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Speaker 2: things as well, So like I would imagine that A

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Speaker 2: I don't know when these visions started happening if you

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Speaker 2: were a little girl, but how how did that kind

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Speaker 2: of how did those show up for you? And how

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Speaker 2: have they kind of led you into the work that

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Speaker 2: you do now?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So I would call myself an energy reader necessarily

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Speaker 4: that I'm a healer. But when I was little, I

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Speaker 4: would have dreams that came true a lot, And so

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Speaker 4: when I was in church, it was under the category

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Speaker 4: of a seer or like a prophet or something like that.

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Speaker 4: So when I was in that that space of like

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Speaker 4: being a child and like having these kind of names

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Speaker 4: put on me, I started to see like not just visions,

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Speaker 4: but like ghosts in our house or visitors, if you will.

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Speaker 4: Past loved ones would come to me in dreams and

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Speaker 4: give you know, relay messages and so on, and so

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Speaker 4: at some point I started to feel like nervous about

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Speaker 4: that because there were things that were happening that in

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Speaker 4: the visions or in the dreams that I was having

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Speaker 4: that were like not like good things. So I was

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Speaker 4: really like concerned about it. And so at some point

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Speaker 4: I was ten years old, I had this really scary

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Speaker 4: experience where this entity came into my room looked like

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Speaker 4: my mom hung over my bed, the whole sixth sense

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Speaker 4: kind of thing, and I essentially shut down my ability

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Speaker 4: to see like that kind of stuff because it scared

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Speaker 4: me so badly. And so when I got older, I

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Speaker 4: found out that my dad also has it, and then

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Speaker 4: I found out that my grandma has it, and then

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Speaker 4: it's just like kind of this thing that people don't

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Speaker 4: talk about, and so I kind of shut it down

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Speaker 4: and I was like, I'm not gonna deal with this.

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Speaker 4: And then when my grandpa died, he came through a

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Speaker 4: dream to both my dad and myself saying the same thing.

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Speaker 4: It was just like such a weird if you would

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Speaker 4: want to call it a coincidence, but not at all.

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Speaker 4: When my grandmother died, she gave me messages from my

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Speaker 4: mom and my sisters that were like things that I

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Speaker 4: wouldn't know anything about, and so at some point I

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Speaker 4: started to try to dig into it and start really learning, like,

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Speaker 4: what is this. This is super weird. It's not normal

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Speaker 4: for someone to have connection to these types of people

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Speaker 4: or things that you're not able to see and you're

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Speaker 4: like waking life. And then it's also super weird if

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Speaker 4: you tell other people about it and they're like, you're

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Speaker 4: fucking crazy. So it was something I hid for a

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Speaker 4: really long time. It's something that my dad really doesn't

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Speaker 4: talk about, and he occasionally will tell me about things

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Speaker 4: that have happened in the house. There was one time

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Speaker 4: I'm I was coming back from college and I stayed

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Speaker 4: at their house and I saw a little boy in

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Speaker 4: the hallway in the middle of the night. He opened

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Speaker 4: the door my door that I was seeing and came

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Speaker 4: in the room, and I was like freaked out, and

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Speaker 4: I ran outside and I saw he had like a

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Speaker 4: basketball in his hand and walked into the bathroom. And

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Speaker 4: so when I came to my dad in the morning,

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Speaker 4: I was like, I saw this and this in the

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Speaker 4: living room, and he was like, oh, yeah, he's here.

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Speaker 4: He doesn't bother anybody, like it was no big deal.

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Speaker 4: He's just been.

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Speaker 2: Like, yeah, Charlie, no big deal.

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Speaker 4: And he's like, don't tell your mom at a scare, like,

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Speaker 4: you know, just.

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Speaker 1: Let it be.

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Speaker 4: So it's it's kind of like that. So I think

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Speaker 4: that that's I started my podcast and the work that

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Speaker 4: I do now because I felt so tired of always

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Speaker 4: feeling like I was crazy. And this was like before

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Speaker 4: spirituality was kind of cool and mainstream. You could be like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 4: I'm psychic and people are like, cool, that's chill. It

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Speaker 4: was just it was one of those things where it

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Speaker 4: was just like you you had to hide it, you

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Speaker 4: didn't talk about it. So I started the podcast Spiritual

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Speaker 4: Shit because I was like, well, like, maybe if I'll

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Speaker 4: find my people, I'll find other people who have these experiences,

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Speaker 4: or maybe I won't feel so alone. And that was

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Speaker 4: primarily the only reason I started the podcast. I mean, yeah,

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Speaker 4: it would be in some regard, but profit prophet like

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Speaker 4: prophetic things like that are dreams that would come true,

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Speaker 4: or someone that sees himself as a seer that sees

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Speaker 4: the future I wasn't seeing the future. I was seeing

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Speaker 4: something connected to like ghosts or people or entity or

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Speaker 4: spirits or something talking to me and telling me things.

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Speaker 4: I would have some dreams that would be like precognition,

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Speaker 4: but they would never be exact. It would be like, oh,

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Speaker 4: it would be like, for instance, I had a dream

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Speaker 4: that my sister her boyfriend had told her, or that

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Speaker 4: she told her boyfriend that she loved him. And I

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Speaker 4: called her and I was like, don't tell that boy

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Speaker 4: you love him. Oh no, not that he's not the one.

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Speaker 4: And as I'm on the phone with her, he calls

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Speaker 4: her to tell her he loves her, and she's like, no,

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Speaker 4: oh no, that's not the guy. You know. So it was,

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Speaker 4: you know, just it was always like a twist. It

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Speaker 4: wasn't like exact. So in that I'm sure, I know

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Speaker 4: that people have gifts and they can do stuff like that.

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Speaker 4: It's just that's not something that I felt comfortable with,

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Speaker 4: and that even to this day. I do card readings

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Speaker 4: and I talk to people and I help people understand

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Speaker 4: their energy and what blocks them. But I do not

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Speaker 4: do future predictions because there's so much in free will that,

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Speaker 4: like on a dime, you can decide today that that's

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Speaker 4: not the reality you want to live, so it's not set.

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Speaker 5: I always thought it was interesting, Like I didn't grow

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Speaker 5: up religious at all. I've always been really attracted to

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Speaker 5: the witchy.

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Speaker 3: Spirituality.

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Speaker 5: But I always thought it was so strange that there

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Speaker 5: were so many like similarities and like, but religious people

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Speaker 5: are so anti because like you talk about profits, the

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Speaker 5: whole Bible was made by some men that got a

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Speaker 5: download and you know, yeah, and then like, but then

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Speaker 5: there's people like you who experience and your dad and

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Speaker 5: your grandmother and who experienced you say, are your grandfather

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Speaker 5: who experience these visions? And they're scared to discuss it

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Speaker 5: in these circles because it's it's also considered anti religious

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Speaker 5: or like yeah, or for some people like demonic you know.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's h hypocritical. Like it's like a lot of

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Speaker 4: the aspects of modern day religion or Christianity are founded

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Speaker 4: off of old ancient pagan principles. So it's kind of funny.

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Speaker 4: And then when you get into like on a cultural level,

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Speaker 4: when we think about I always had a problem with

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Speaker 4: it when we learned about slavery and stuff in school

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Speaker 4: and colonization and all that kind of stuff, And I

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Speaker 4: was like, wait a minute, So you're telling me that

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Speaker 4: we got pulled out of here and we're worshiping someone

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Speaker 4: that they told us to Nah, Like, I mean.

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Speaker 5: That's always my biggest thing with religion. I'm like, I'm

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Speaker 5: not going to carry on out a religion that they

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Speaker 5: gave me so they could justify stealing my ancestors.

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Speaker 3: Cool, I'm not verse ship in your white Jesus.

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Speaker 5: It always baffles me when I see like a lot

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Speaker 5: of black people in church.

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Speaker 3: I'm just like, this is weird.

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Speaker 4: Well, it's a good point to bring up because I

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Speaker 4: often find that it's difficult to find other people of

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Speaker 4: color in this space, and so it ends up being

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Speaker 4: a very white space because we don't, like, at least culturally,

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Speaker 4: we didn't grow up in places where we had a

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Speaker 4: lot of that flexibility depending on where you grew up obviously,

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Speaker 4: but Christianity seems to be the kind of like normal

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Speaker 4: foundation of how we were raised.

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Speaker 5: Well, in addition to that, like on a cellular level,

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Speaker 5: not only were we conditioned to believe that, we were

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Speaker 5: conditioned that if we believed or practice anything.

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Speaker 3: Else, we would die.

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Speaker 5: So like even for me, I didn't I didn't have

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Speaker 5: to be religious for my parents. But when I started

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Speaker 5: to like not want to be, like Jesus is my savior,

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Speaker 5: I felt guilty about it. And I was like, why

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Speaker 5: do I feel guilty? This is not even what.

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Speaker 3: I was grow up on.

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Speaker 5: But there's still this underlying fear that maybe you won't

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Speaker 5: get into heaven or something.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think actually I have a When my grandmother

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Speaker 4: passed away, I was in the middle of the transformation

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Speaker 4: process for my belief system, and my parents were all

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Speaker 4: still like really pressuring me. And at the time I

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Speaker 4: was married to my ex husband, and so when she

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Speaker 4: started to descend, we'll say, like she started to pass away,

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Speaker 4: she got really sick. She was in the hospital, and

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Speaker 4: we were all sitting around her just kind of like

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Speaker 4: waiting for when that was going to happen. And I

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Speaker 4: remember sitting there and just like like almost praying to

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Speaker 4: her and saying, please let me know what happens when

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Speaker 4: we die, like please let me not be on the

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Speaker 4: wrong side of this, Like if like hell is the

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Speaker 4: only thing that's kind of like you know, the carrot

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Speaker 4: on the stick keeping me in this religion. I want

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Speaker 4: to know and make sure that I'm not making the

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Speaker 4: wrong choice by deciding against that or that I want

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Speaker 4: to believe in something else. And so like, I never

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Speaker 4: I didn't think it was appropriate obviously, like whisper that

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Speaker 4: in her ear or anything like that, but I just

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Speaker 4: kind of like knew I felt like I just I

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Speaker 4: felt she was in that in between space. So I

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Speaker 4: was like, I can truss that she hears me and

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Speaker 4: that she'll she'll let me know. Four days, maybe five

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Speaker 4: after she passed, she comes to me in this dream

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Speaker 4: that was crazy wicked. I'm in her house and in

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Speaker 4: the house, she has these French doors that come out

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Speaker 4: from her kitchen and at boom, like they open up,

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Speaker 4: and there's all these people that come rushing in. I'm

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Speaker 4: getting chills as I tell the story. They come rushing

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Speaker 4: in and they start to descend in what looks like

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Speaker 4: a whirlpool almost that goes down in like a portal

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Speaker 4: in the middle of her living room. And so I

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Speaker 4: see her there and she's like small, and her head

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Speaker 4: is like a normal adult size, but she's like a

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Speaker 4: child sized person. And I'm looking at her and she's like, quickly,

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Speaker 4: come to me, I need to tell you something. And

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Speaker 4: there are these two insanely tall men that are standing

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Speaker 4: next to her like almost like waiting to usher her

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Speaker 4: somewhere else. And she was like, number one, it's a girl.

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Speaker 4: And I was like, it's a girl. Like my cousin

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Speaker 4: was pregnant at the time, and my sister was pregnant

304
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Speaker 4: at the time, but they both had boys. And so

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Speaker 4: I really think and believe that she saw my daughter

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Speaker 4: like the one the person I have no Then she

307
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Speaker 4: said too, she told me some personal information about my mom,

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Speaker 4: what my mom had done. My mom redid my grandmother's

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Speaker 4: makeup post mortem after the mortuary people had did all

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Speaker 4: the stuff. She was like, that's not how my mom

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Speaker 4: would want to want it to look, so she did it.

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Speaker 4: I had no idea that my mom did that. I

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Speaker 4: had no idea how she did it. I would not

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Speaker 4: be able to compose myself in that way. That was

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Speaker 4: my mom's way of being able to spend time with her.

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Speaker 4: And she told me some other things that are personal

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Speaker 4: I won't mention here, but anyway, she told me to

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Speaker 4: tell my mom and let her know that like I

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Speaker 4: know what you did for me, like I know, like

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Speaker 4: what you did whatever. And then afterwards she gave me

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Speaker 4: a few other messages and they were getting ready to

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Speaker 4: take her away and she and she goes, oh wait

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Speaker 4: and grabs my arm and she says, it's not like

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Speaker 4: how they say it's going to be. And with reference

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Speaker 4: to your question that you were trying to ask me

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Speaker 4: while we're in the hospital room, it's not how they

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Speaker 4: say it's gonna be. You are on the right path.

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Speaker 4: I will be your guide. Don't worry about like all

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Speaker 4: the answers or whatever, like you're on the right path,

330
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Speaker 4: like I'll tell you later. And then I wake up.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: And so it was after that that, like maybe a

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Speaker 4: year later, that all the pieces kind of started to

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00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,880
Speaker 4: come together for myself to have that opening of like

335
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Speaker 4: there is no hell, like we live here in hell

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Speaker 4: now if we choose our perspective or how we're connected

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Speaker 4: to other people the mindset, like people are living through

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Speaker 4: heaven and hell currently as a reality. And so she

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Speaker 4: was teaching me through that like she's been a spirit

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Speaker 4: guide of mine. But I felt I felt so much,

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Speaker 4: like I don't know the word, like relief, like upon

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Speaker 4: having that dream of just like Okay, I can allow

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Speaker 4: myself to figure this out as I go that there's

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Speaker 4: not this pressure I have to figure it out now

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Speaker 4: that there's not this like you know, demon, hell, Brimstone

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Speaker 4: and fire waiting for me if I don't follow suit permission.

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Speaker 4: And it was such a relief, right exactly.

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Speaker 3: She was like, I don't have to go buy this book.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. And she was one. She was someone who kind

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Speaker 4: of like marched to the beat of her own drum anyway,

351
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Speaker 4: she read cards. I never like was allowed to participate

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Speaker 4: in it because my mom sheltered me from her doing

353
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Speaker 4: that stuff. But when my mom found out that I

354
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Speaker 4: was doing it, oh man, she was like, that's the

355
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,760
Speaker 4: stuff your grandma used to do. And I was like, wait,

356
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Speaker 4: what grandma used to do this?

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Speaker 1: Oh, this is cool.

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Speaker 4: So it's kind of funny how just travels through the

359
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Speaker 4: family anyway.

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Speaker 2: Wow, I mean I just got I got chills listening

361
00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:42,399
Speaker 2: to that story. And it's that's so beautiful that that

362
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,360
Speaker 2: you have this gift too, that where you can kind

363
00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:46,800
Speaker 2: of get confirmations along the way. And I think about

364
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,440
Speaker 2: I think about people that have this gift like yourself,

365
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:54,520
Speaker 2: and I think about the I guess assumptions that people

366
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Speaker 2: make that because you have this access for lack of

367
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,159
Speaker 2: about it or word to the other side or to

368
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:08,320
Speaker 2: messages that like they look at people like this and like, well,

369
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,479
Speaker 2: why is it your life perfect?

370
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Speaker 1: Right?

371
00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:12,760
Speaker 2: Like you have all the answers right like shouldn't you know,

372
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:16,320
Speaker 2: like you're an energy channel? Or can't you unblock yourself?

373
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Speaker 1: Can't you do this? Can't you do that?

374
00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:18,479
Speaker 5: Like?

375
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Speaker 2: And I think that that's a misconception, And I'm sure

376
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,639
Speaker 2: I'm curious really to know, like how you respond to

377
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,159
Speaker 2: those type of things, because I mean, I know that.

378
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Speaker 2: I mean I think early on in when I was

379
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,960
Speaker 2: a child, I saw things as well when I was young,

380
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,679
Speaker 2: and I got scared, and I've since I've blocked them

381
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,400
Speaker 2: off and I've never really experienced them again. I definitely

382
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:42,240
Speaker 2: feel energy a lot, and I think, even more recently,

383
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,280
Speaker 2: have been more open to this voice and my intuition

384
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:49,240
Speaker 2: that has been talking to me a lot louder more recently.

385
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Speaker 2: And part of me too is like hoping that, like

386
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,199
Speaker 2: the work that I'm doing this year is going to

387
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,520
Speaker 2: help kind of open my mind up to those things again.

388
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Speaker 2: But I'm just curious to know, like how do you

389
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,359
Speaker 2: how do you guys explain to other people this gift

390
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:10,600
Speaker 2: and how it's not necessarily a tool to fixing yourself essentially,

391
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,600
Speaker 2: and know any answers to everything.

392
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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a great question. It's in my belief that

393
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:21,320
Speaker 4: everybody has a connection. So like, I think that sometimes

394
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 4: when we like words are important and when we call

395
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,040
Speaker 4: it a gift, people tend to put it on a

396
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,320
Speaker 4: pedestal and think, Wow, there must be something special about you.

397
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:32,199
Speaker 4: You must have this access that I don't have. And like,

398
00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:35,320
Speaker 4: while there are varying degrees of access, I think like

399
00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:39,560
Speaker 4: we're born with that birthright, like we're born connected. It's

400
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:42,240
Speaker 4: just that when we grow up, we have levels of

401
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,720
Speaker 4: trauma and less levels of conditioning that take us out

402
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:49,359
Speaker 4: of that connection. So I think for myself, the reason

403
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,199
Speaker 4: why I stayed partially connected is because I had a

404
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:56,200
Speaker 4: father who understood those types of sensitivity. Is my mother

405
00:19:56,320 --> 00:20:01,119
Speaker 4: who is very, very scared, high anxiety life, but it

406
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,480
Speaker 4: won't trust her intuition, maybe as much she's starting to now,

407
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:08,359
Speaker 4: but not when we were children, like that still was

408
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,680
Speaker 4: able to slip through and I was still able to

409
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 4: kind of trust a lot of those things. But in

410
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,679
Speaker 4: traditional Western world you don't have permission to do that.

411
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,960
Speaker 4: And we're our children now, our new generation is coming

412
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,160
Speaker 4: through and being able to do that, but in ways

413
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,080
Speaker 4: that we weren't able to do when we were kids.

414
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 4: And so for myself, like I don't treat it like

415
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,280
Speaker 4: it's it's this like holy thing. You know, I'm actually

416
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,639
Speaker 4: very irreverent. If you listen to my podcast, you know

417
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,399
Speaker 4: it's called spiritual shit. So there's not this kind of

418
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:40,560
Speaker 4: like we're not looking at it like in a distance, right,

419
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,800
Speaker 4: like it's something so high and far away from us,

420
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Speaker 4: and that like this person has access to this. I

421
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:49,360
Speaker 4: think that when we decondition ourselves, we find that connection

422
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,640
Speaker 4: to our own intuition, to our guides, to our ancestors,

423
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,640
Speaker 4: to our spiritual selves or higher selves or whatever God,

424
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,160
Speaker 4: and it's just a matter of like peeling the layers back.

425
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Speaker 4: So that's my job. Like I come into a space

426
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,280
Speaker 4: where I'm in an energy reader, I would say that

427
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 4: my gift is that I'm clear audience, So I get

428
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 4: messages through my ears. Like I hear things very audibly

429
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,000
Speaker 4: at times, and I can hear in people's voices the

430
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 4: frequency if they don't agree with themselves. Basically, like if

431
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,880
Speaker 4: someone is saying something out loud and they're like, oh yeah, dad,

432
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,879
Speaker 4: just the way that they say something, the sound of

433
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:25,560
Speaker 4: the way that they say it, tells me otherwise I'm

434
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 4: a human lie detector. And that could be that I'm

435
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 4: really gifted, if you will, But it could also be

436
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 4: that I had an unstable home and I needed to

437
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 4: figure out how people speak or to know when I

438
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,960
Speaker 4: was going to be in danger, so that way I

439
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,360
Speaker 4: could anticipate the needs of other people to make them

440
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,680
Speaker 4: comfortable so I could stay safe. So like the empathicness

441
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 4: thing that we talk about people being sensitive to other

442
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 4: people's emotions and so on, like that could be a gift,

443
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 4: and it is, but also it could be like hypervigilance

444
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 4: to keep yourself safe in environments where you felt like

445
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 4: your parents or whoever your caretaker was wasn't stable. It

446
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:04,480
Speaker 4: was a way to stay out of the way of

447
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 4: the t rex. If I can anticipate the emotion or

448
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,639
Speaker 4: the energy of what's coming, I can keep myself safe.

449
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 4: And so with my father, I love my dad, but

450
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,200
Speaker 4: like he came in it was kind of volatile when

451
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,200
Speaker 4: we were young, and probably a little bit bitter that

452
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,640
Speaker 4: he had so many children, and he was very empathically

453
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 4: sensitive to noise and sensory I think my dad might

454
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,320
Speaker 4: be on the spectrum, and so when he would come

455
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:24,919
Speaker 4: in we just didn't know which dad we were going

456
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 4: to get if the noise was going to be too

457
00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 4: much for him and he's gonna be overstimulated, and he's like,

458
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,439
Speaker 4: everybody clean this house. Everybody, Like when he came in

459
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,479
Speaker 4: the house, it was like be ready, like we're not

460
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 4: sure about where I get. Yeah, like everybody quiet, don't

461
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,800
Speaker 4: say anything, you know, Like it was like that, So

462
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:42,879
Speaker 4: my gift, if you will, may have come out of

463
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:46,439
Speaker 4: my greatest wound of like that that sensitivity of like

464
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,200
Speaker 4: oh I don't want to you know. And and in fact,

465
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 4: it's why I ended up burying my first husband because

466
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 4: it was someone that that felt familiar to me. I

467
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 4: knew how to do that game. And once I deconditioned

468
00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:59,920
Speaker 4: myself out of that, and I'm like, wait a minute,

469
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,399
Speaker 4: this person is gaslighting me. This person is making me

470
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 4: feel this way, like I don't like this triggeredness all

471
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:06,879
Speaker 4: the time, Like I don't like to be in this

472
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,880
Speaker 4: fight or flight all the time. It felt like love

473
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 4: because it was familiar. But I'm past this shit, like

474
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 4: I've outgrown this now, like let me move on. And

475
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 4: now I have this insanely amazing partner who's so loving

476
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,160
Speaker 4: and I'm so comfortable with and I can be exactly

477
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,440
Speaker 4: myself and I can trust my intuition and it's a

478
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 4: really beautiful thing. I love him. But all that to say, like,

479
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:32,480
Speaker 4: I think that innately, and what my message is, particularly

480
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 4: in my podcast and what I do is helping people

481
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 4: access their own inner wisdom. I am not a fan

482
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:41,200
Speaker 4: of like guruism. I'm not a fan of like someone

483
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,000
Speaker 4: being like, I'm the gift and you have to lean

484
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 4: on me, and this is what Oh, I'm the channeler

485
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 4: of blah blah blah. Okay, that's fine, and people do

486
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,679
Speaker 4: have those gifts. They do. But if I'm creating a

487
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:57,160
Speaker 4: world where people can have access to their own inner wisdom,

488
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 4: I think people are better off because instead of having

489
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,399
Speaker 4: to turn to me every Wednesday or every Friday to

490
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 4: get their answer, their clarity, or their guidance, they can

491
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,640
Speaker 4: turn to themselves and access that wisdom themselves. So it's

492
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,720
Speaker 4: about peeling those onions. And you can tell I'm really

493
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 4: passionate about this, but it's about peeling those onion layers

494
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 4: back of the conditioning we've had put on us with

495
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 4: our trauma and all the things that we've gone through

496
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 4: that has kept us from connecting to ourselves, and that

497
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 4: is the gift.

498
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,159
Speaker 2: I mean, I love that you said that, because I

499
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 2: think that a lot of times we do. I mean,

500
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,200
Speaker 2: we're conditioned to look outwardly. I mean even religion asks

501
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,640
Speaker 2: us to do that, you know, to look outwardly to

502
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:33,919
Speaker 2: get the answers when truly they are within us. And

503
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 2: you know, it does help to get little signs along

504
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 2: the way and get you know, get that extra push

505
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:42,680
Speaker 2: from from people like you or you know, intuitives or

506
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 2: whatever whatever it may be, even whatever your religion is,

507
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 2: and as well, but not to lean so heavily into

508
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 2: that space and rely on solely that because A you

509
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 2: do yourself such a disservice and ultimately what you learned

510
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 2: is just you just don't trust yourself in any space,

511
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,159
Speaker 2: in any aspect. And B you're probably I mean, if

512
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 2: you're spending a lot of money on your greetings or

513
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,199
Speaker 2: the tides at church and just all these things like

514
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:13,720
Speaker 2: just giving and giving and giving without really I mean

515
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 2: maybe you get a return, but not really because it's

516
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,159
Speaker 2: not really connected to your highest self and what you

517
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:20,160
Speaker 2: really want.

518
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:25,119
Speaker 5: Well, we're looking for Religion places the power outside of you,

519
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:32,200
Speaker 5: so you're constantly seeking for things outside of yourself, despite

520
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,240
Speaker 5: the fact that the Bible says like we're made in

521
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 5: God's image or whatever like that, oh God you, God

522
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 5: is within you, and that we're just the extension of that.

523
00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 5: But it really puts fear in your heart and makes

524
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 5: you feel like you are helpless. You have to pray

525
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:57,439
Speaker 5: and hope and behave and do all these things in

526
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,879
Speaker 5: order to get God's grace and pay and tithes and

527
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:05,640
Speaker 5: offerings and all these things in order to be considered worthy.

528
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 3: And like I never understood that.

529
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 5: I never understood, like I want a God fearing woman,

530
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,880
Speaker 5: Like why would God want us to fear Him for her?

531
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: Yeah?

532
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,119
Speaker 3: And why does that have to be a guy? And

533
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,280
Speaker 3: why is he blue eyes and blonde hair? You know?

534
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 5: But it's just like I was going to ask you about,

535
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:25,919
Speaker 5: like as this shift happened, you know, you having this

536
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:30,400
Speaker 5: gift and growing up in this religious place that kind

537
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 5: of prohibited you from using it and feeling comfortable with it.

538
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,920
Speaker 5: How did your life transform as you started to tap

539
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,439
Speaker 5: in and start to lean in versus like fear it

540
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 5: and try to block it, Like in what ways? Like

541
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:46,919
Speaker 5: what did things begin to align for you? Well?

542
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,080
Speaker 4: You know, the micro affects the macro, and so internally,

543
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 4: when I was a God fearing woman, I feared men

544
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 4: like I feared relationships in certain ways that you know,

545
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:01,359
Speaker 4: we were taught that he's a jealous Scot and that's

546
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,440
Speaker 4: like a good thing. It's like he's a fucking tyrant.

547
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,400
Speaker 4: Then I don't want somebody's all jealous up my ass

548
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:08,880
Speaker 4: all the time, like no, thank you. So so it's

549
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,399
Speaker 4: the relational like aspect of like within while I was

550
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:17,160
Speaker 4: in religion that affected my relationships with my with authority figures,

551
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:22,199
Speaker 4: with possible partners and so on. And when when I

552
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 4: got to this space, so I'll tell you what happened.

553
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 4: What really like took me out of it is, you know,

554
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,160
Speaker 4: being in London and being around all these other people

555
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,400
Speaker 4: who have all these different beliefs. I was like, I

556
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,439
Speaker 4: just don't understand how these people are going to hell.

557
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 4: These are some of the nicest people I've ever met,

558
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,960
Speaker 4: the kindest, like the people will give you, give the

559
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 4: shirt off their back, Like it just doesn't make sense

560
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,719
Speaker 4: to me. And all of my Christian friends have like

561
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:47,239
Speaker 4: effectively excommunicated me because I'm living with my boyfriend and

562
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 4: I just don't see how that's love. And then I

563
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:51,840
Speaker 4: started like going down this rabbit hole of like all

564
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 4: of these thoughts, and I was like, I just understand

565
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:57,719
Speaker 4: why when Jesus came, you know, like I would ask

566
00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 4: the questions when I was younger too, like what about

567
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 4: the dynasts or what happened to people before Jesus came?

568
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 4: Do they also get saved? Like well, they had to

569
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,719
Speaker 4: believe that he was on his way. And I was like, well,

570
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 4: that's not the same rule like for them, that is

571
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 4: for us. And they're like, oh, well, this is kind

572
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 4: of how it works. And then I started and this

573
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:21,600
Speaker 4: was the thought. I couldn't reconcile how a god who

574
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 4: had made a mistake like had had to send his

575
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 4: son down to die for our sins because in his

576
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:32,480
Speaker 4: creation there was a flaw. And if that was the case,

577
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:36,400
Speaker 4: then why continued to send people here from the ether?

578
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:36,800
Speaker 3: Right?

579
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 4: They were chilling in the ether with God. They were cool,

580
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 4: they were fine, And send them down here to test

581
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,840
Speaker 4: them if they get seventy years at best on this

582
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 4: earth to be able to figure out whether or not

583
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 4: they'll be born in Iran or in the jungle somewhere

584
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,520
Speaker 4: or in the United States or whatever, and like everybody

585
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 4: doesn't have a fair shot to be able to find Jesus,

586
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 4: so why continue to keep sending them down here to

587
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,600
Speaker 4: test them only to send them to hell? They've been

588
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 4: in eternity with you before they got here, So I

589
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 4: couldn't reconcile that Like that to me couldn't make sense.

590
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,760
Speaker 4: If God is love, then how can you keep sending

591
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 4: people and stop sending people obliterate the earth to start over?

592
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 4: Like what was the point unless you're a fucking narcissist

593
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 4: and you're up there being like are you gonna choose me? Okay?

594
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:25,600
Speaker 5: No, I mean not only is the religious standard of

595
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 5: God narcissist religion like upholds the patriarchy that people that

596
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 5: when you said that, I didn't realize that, Like how

597
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 5: much you know, like your relationships with men, you know,

598
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 5: kind of resembled that like fear of God. But I

599
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 5: mean ultimately it's like, is God upholding the patriarchy.

600
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 3: To oppress the women? Right? I don't know, I never understood.

601
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 5: I'm like, if God is God, why in the fuck

602
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 5: would he sent his only son to his sacrifice?

603
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 3: Like why did he make up other rule? He can

604
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 3: pick up any rules?

605
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 4: This is literally God and literally as.

606
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 3: I was like, why would he do this?

607
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 5: This seems violent and mean and he didn't even have

608
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 5: to like exactly, He's just testing everyone to see if

609
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 5: they choose him.

610
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 4: Yeah. I wasn't for it, and that little thought, that

611
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 4: little seed was the thing that blew up the whole thing.

612
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 5: And you know, and I always say that, I'm like

613
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 5: people blindly accept religion because it's passed down to them.

614
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 3: And I thought about this recently.

615
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 5: I was like, God, if any religious person rolls up

616
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 5: on our podcasts and here's me for five years, they're

617
00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 5: gonna think I'm a religion hater. I'm like, Christians are

618
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 5: going to come for me. But I really don't get it.

619
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 5: I don't understand like the logic in it, especially like

620
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 5: you said, as black people. I mean, and I respect

621
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 5: everyone's belief systems, and I know everybody gravitates to different

622
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 5: things and things, different things speak to them and at

623
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 5: the end of the day, ultimately all this shit's kind

624
00:30:59,760 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 5: of this.

625
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 4: It's all Yeah. Well, I was going to say, like spirituality,

626
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 4: even in its new a wave, if you will, has

627
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 4: turned into religion a little bit. And it was like,

628
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 4: didn't we leave isn't that why we left the church?

629
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,000
Speaker 2: I will, you know, I will say that that is true.

630
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 2: There is kind of like this judgment too.

631
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 5: I'm that person. Man, I'm working on it. But if

632
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 5: I get with someone there immediately like Jesus, Jesus Jesus,

633
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh, okay, we're probably not going to be

634
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 5: really good friends because I mean, granted, I have really

635
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 5: first of all, I went to like Catholic school my

636
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 5: entire high school. I have friends that are like very religious.

637
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 5: But it depends if you're so gung ho to defend

638
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 5: what you believe that you'll choose violence in order to

639
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:52,680
Speaker 5: like not with like uphold friendships and relationships like if

640
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 5: I can respect you and you can respect me and

641
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 5: know that we're different and not like tell me I'm

642
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 5: going to Hell, then it and we can live harmoniously.

643
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 5: But generally people feel so defensive over their beliefs because

644
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 5: they have a lot to lose.

645
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 4: Like, if you believe in Christianity, I mean me growing

646
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 4: up in it, you had a lot to lose if

647
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 4: you were wrong, Like the type of following that you're

648
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 4: required to adhere to like means that if you're wrong,

649
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 4: you've given up a lot. You've sacrificed a lot. It's

650
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 4: the conversations I have with my mom, which was funny

651
00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 4: because she's in her later years, she's becoming more spiritual,

652
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 4: but at the beginning she was so volatile towards me.

653
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 4: If I had if I just started to even entertain

654
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 4: the smallest thing, and I thought, if someone can treat

655
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,040
Speaker 4: their daughter like that, Like that was in that time

656
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 4: period while she was still growing, But if someone can

657
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 4: treat their daughter like that based off of the you know,

658
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 4: a couple of things that I did for my own

659
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 4: life and my own growth, that's not something I want

660
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 4: to be a part of. And if someone is in that,

661
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 4: like if you're directly like if I'm talking to you

662
00:32:56,600 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 4: and I'm Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, then my entire life has

663
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 4: been built on saving you. Like my entire life everything

664
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 4: that I've been conditioned to learn is that you're in

665
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 4: trouble and it's my job to make sure that you're

666
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 4: safe and so out of what may seem like love

667
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 4: but also ego and also you know, myriad of other things.

668
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 4: Like it's like, okay, either I need to hop in

669
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 4: and tell you about the blood of the Lord, or

670
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 4: I distance myself because I can't be tainted by someone

671
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 4: who doesn't believe what I believe. Let me stay in

672
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 4: my box so I can stay safe. And literally it's

673
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 4: a safety game. So when I got out of that

674
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 4: and then my grandmother's dream coming through and giving me

675
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:38,400
Speaker 4: that confirmation that I was safe and I was okay,

676
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 4: it was so easy to let it go. It was

677
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 4: so easy to let it go because it was like,

678
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 4: I don't have anything to lose, Like, yeah, I don't

679
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 4: know what happens on the other side of this, and

680
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 4: I have an idea maybe, but nobody can ever really know.

681
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:52,760
Speaker 4: So you don't know. I don't know, The Christians don't know,

682
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 4: the Buddhists don't know. Like nobody knows, so we can

683
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:56,680
Speaker 4: just chill.

684
00:33:56,840 --> 00:34:00,240
Speaker 2: It's literally life's great mystery. It's like the one saying

685
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 2: we can count on not fucking knowing.

686
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 1: We can't google the ship.

687
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 4: I don't care and I'm not sure why to find out, Like, yeah, it's.

688
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 3: You can google it. There's some things that come up.

689
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I'm saying you can't google it, but there's

690
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 2: no there's no actual proof of anything.

691
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 5: You can't I have a question with that statement, Have

692
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 5: you maintained any of your friendships from when you were

693
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:25,840
Speaker 5: radically religious?

694
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:27,600
Speaker 3: Have any of those relationships?

695
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:32,719
Speaker 4: Very little? I would say, like my familiar relationships I have,

696
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 4: like my for instance, my sister and her husband, like

697
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 4: he's a pastor and they are cool as shit, like amazing,

698
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 4: they come over like it's it's wonderful. I have a

699
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:46,880
Speaker 4: wonderful relationship with them, but with regards not close relationships now,

700
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 4: like people know what I do. It was really funny

701
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 4: at my my aunt passed away recently and we went

702
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 4: to her funeral and there were some people from my

703
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 4: past that were there and they're like, so what are

704
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 4: you doing now? What do you get this? And what

705
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 4: are you that? And like, oh, yeah, I'm a podcasts

706
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 4: trying to do this. Oh you have a podcast, a

707
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 4: move posa podcast? What is it called? Spiritual shit? Oh?

708
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:09,800
Speaker 4: You know? Like like and I almost like live for

709
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:11,719
Speaker 4: that moment because it's like I can finally own my

710
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,960
Speaker 4: own truth and who I am. But it makes people

711
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,279
Speaker 4: deeply uncomfortable, and I think like it doesn't necessarily have

712
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 4: to be religious people that it makes it deeply uncomfortable with.

713
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 4: But if you are underneath organized religion, or in some

714
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 4: type of like confined spiritual box like that, people don't

715
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,520
Speaker 4: allow you to be who you are, and it's it's

716
00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 4: really confronting to be around people who know themselves when

717
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,320
Speaker 4: you don't know yourself. So it's like it's like itchy,

718
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 4: you know.

719
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:38,360
Speaker 3: No, I completely agree.

720
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 5: I think even for us in this space, not that

721
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 5: we were like particularly very lost, but as we begin

722
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 5: to talk honestly about who we were and publicly and

723
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,719
Speaker 5: have to kind of own up to it and be vulnerable,

724
00:35:56,360 --> 00:36:01,440
Speaker 5: like that authenticity really contributed to our ability to manifest

725
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:06,880
Speaker 5: because I truly believe that, like the universe works in

726
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 5: your favor when you're walking in your purpose, and you

727
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 5: can only walk in your purpose with you when you're

728
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:15,799
Speaker 5: comfortable with who you are and you know, and like

729
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 5: even for you being in Kansas City, Missouri, like we're

730
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 5: in LA you know, like the hippiest place of all time,

731
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 5: but I often think about.

732
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 1: The hippiest, plastickest place of all time.

733
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:29,839
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't know if I like really think

734
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:30,960
Speaker 2: full hippie when I think.

735
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:34,360
Speaker 5: Well, I think I think people are more free thinking.

736
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:36,560
Speaker 5: I think we live in a place that is more

737
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:39,759
Speaker 5: accepting of that. But if we lived in you know,

738
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 5: Middle America or the Midwest, she you know, she might

739
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 5: go to the town hall and they're like, there's the witch.

740
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,759
Speaker 4: You know. I mean, I don't know if it's like that,

741
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,560
Speaker 4: but yeah, it is like in I lived in New

742
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 4: York for a few years, and being in New York

743
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 4: was so freeing because it was like, oh wow, Like

744
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 4: if I told people, oh, I'm a psychic, which I

745
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 4: don't even really identify as a say, I would call

746
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,759
Speaker 4: myself like a intuitive or something like that. But if

747
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 4: I said it, nobody linkedny It didn't matter. Like everybody

748
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 4: could be as different as they wanted to, and you

749
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,719
Speaker 4: could throw the kitchen sink atty, like you could be

750
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 4: literally everything anything, and no one cared. Like it was

751
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 4: like cool, like that's fine here. Like you know, kans

752
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:19,800
Speaker 4: City is a little bit more progressive within the city,

753
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 4: but not much. And you know, once my other friends

754
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 4: they all know what I do and they're totally chill

755
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 4: with it. But if I were to go to you know,

756
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,719
Speaker 4: like my mom's church or something like that, it's like

757
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,440
Speaker 4: it is, I will say, harder to be who you

758
00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 4: are because of the push of conformity, not to mention

759
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,960
Speaker 4: like you know, like it's really white out here. So

760
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 4: there's that, you know, Like I was just talking to

761
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 4: my husband about that, where like we went down to Arkansas,

762
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 4: went to Eureka Springs, and I was like, Wow, there's

763
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 4: like a lot of black people in the country here,

764
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:52,120
Speaker 4: like shocking to me like that in Arkansas that there

765
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 4: are loads of black people in the country and up

766
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 4: here it's like something happened in Missouri where like all

767
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 4: of the black people went to Kansas City St. Louis,

768
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 4: like they just like fled. And so he's like, I

769
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:04,680
Speaker 4: wonder what happened in Missouri to make it like that.

770
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:09,120
Speaker 4: But there's a type of racism that exists here in

771
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 4: this space. And I remember thinking when I had to

772
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:13,600
Speaker 4: come back, like there was you know, we had COVID obviously,

773
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 4: and then I was on my way to moving to

774
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 4: Paris and my visa got rejected last minute after I

775
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:20,759
Speaker 4: let go of my apartment in New York, and I

776
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, no, like I have to

777
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 4: go back to Kansas City. And I remember talking to

778
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:28,479
Speaker 4: my guides, like I have this like process of talking

779
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 4: to my GUIDs and my head and the messages that

780
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 4: I get whatever, and I was like, why do I

781
00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 4: need to be here? Like, oh this is this sucks,

782
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:35,359
Speaker 4: Like I'm not gonna be able to be myself. I'm

783
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 4: not going to be this da da da. And I

784
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:39,839
Speaker 4: got this wisdom that came through so strong that was like,

785
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 4: you still need to learn how to be yourself. So

786
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 4: we're going to put you in a place where it's

787
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,759
Speaker 4: going to be harder for you to be yourself so

788
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:50,759
Speaker 4: that when you fully claim who you are exactly to

789
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:52,960
Speaker 4: not be a shamed to like really like and also

790
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 4: because we need a light there, we need someone to

791
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 4: give people permission to be themselves there. And you're going

792
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:00,759
Speaker 4: to be a disruptor. And I was like that did

793
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,400
Speaker 4: not sign up for that package this year, you like,

794
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:07,360
Speaker 4: I don't want to be the disruptor. But it became

795
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 4: it became true. You wouldn't believe how many people I

796
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:11,880
Speaker 4: had dm me that for my past from my Christian

797
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:13,800
Speaker 4: school that I went to. I'm like, I listened to

798
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:17,320
Speaker 4: your podcast, like secretly, like I listened to your podcast

799
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:19,919
Speaker 4: and I'm like, really, what do you think? It's really

800
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 4: opening my eyes to a lot of different things. Oh cool,

801
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,800
Speaker 4: that's awesome, you know, and had no idea, like I

802
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,840
Speaker 4: didn't even I didn't push it on hint them. I

803
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:28,759
Speaker 4: wasn't like in their face like this is who I am.

804
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:32,200
Speaker 4: I just became who I was meant to become. And

805
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 4: in that you find that people will be attracted to

806
00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:39,240
Speaker 4: your message because they're looking for that for themselves.

807
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: M No, it's true, it's true.

808
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:44,920
Speaker 2: And I'm thinking about what you said too, about like

809
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 2: the name of your show, like saying being spiritual shit,

810
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 2: and how that can be a nerving for certain people

811
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:56,320
Speaker 2: that you know are maybe religious or haven't even begun

812
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 2: to kind of decode what their belief system is. And

813
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 2: I think about me and me, let we do retreats

814
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,400
Speaker 2: and we've had a few women come on, come to

815
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:09,280
Speaker 2: the come on to the retreat who A never listened

816
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 2: to our show, so they had no idea what they

817
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 2: were what the fuck they were getting into and b

818
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 2: are religious and so they show up and they're like,

819
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:16,839
Speaker 2: hold up.

820
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:18,359
Speaker 3: What the fuck are we doing out here?

821
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 1: What is self worship?

822
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 4: Oh?

823
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:20,799
Speaker 3: Whoa?

824
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 1: Whoa? Whoa? Self worship?

825
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:26,280
Speaker 2: Like that the word just the words like spiritual means

826
00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:29,640
Speaker 2: that you are not like you don't love God, you

827
00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 2: like love other. And then like self devotion meant like

828
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 2: you are seeking, You're not You're not seeking outwardly, You're

829
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 2: seeking inwardly, which for some reason is demonic or in

830
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:44,840
Speaker 2: some capacity. And then even the word manifesting, and you know,

831
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 2: this month we're really focusing on the law of attraction

832
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 2: and what that means in so many different ways and spaces,

833
00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 2: and even that word can be triggering, like.

834
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 1: What you're doing some witchcraft over here? Like what is

835
00:40:58,360 --> 00:40:59,320
Speaker 1: what is this man.

836
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,240
Speaker 4: In the butt and the blood and body of Christ

837
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 4: is witchcraft?

838
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:03,879
Speaker 5: No shit?

839
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 3: I was like, why am I drinking his blood and

840
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 3: his body? This?

841
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:11,440
Speaker 5: I've seen the craft and this seems a little on

842
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 5: the dark side. Listen, you couldn't get that shit past me.

843
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 5: I was like, yell, are all witches?

844
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 4: Okay?

845
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,919
Speaker 2: But I was listening to something that you said, and

846
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:26,680
Speaker 2: you said that manifesting is a sign of healing, like

847
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:29,040
Speaker 2: that you are, that you're you're healing, and I love

848
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 2: that concept. Can you explain that a little bit more

849
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:33,240
Speaker 2: for our listeners.

850
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 4: Yeah. So I've been on this journey and manifestation is

851
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 4: something that's really interesting to me because the more and

852
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 4: more I grow and the more I mature, the more

853
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:44,960
Speaker 4: I find out about what I didn't know, and so

854
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 4: in manifestation, it started off with the law of attraction,

855
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 4: right like we all watched The Secret. I'm sure that

856
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,800
Speaker 4: the first wave of us anyway, and I remember watching

857
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 4: that and being like, you know, it's like you can

858
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 4: get anything you want with your mind and like being

859
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 4: positive and like all that stuff, which is great. But

860
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 4: at some point I was like, why isn't it working

861
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 4: for me? Like why I'm doing all the steps, I'm

862
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 4: doing all the things, you know whatever. And I started

863
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 4: to recognize that the things that I was asking for

864
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 4: in my life required a level of healing to open

865
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:18,200
Speaker 4: myself up to allow them to come in. For me,

866
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 4: it was a partner. It was like the change in

867
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 4: my financial status. My job at the time, I was

868
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 4: a wedding photographer, and so every weekend I was going

869
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 4: seeing people fall in love and I'm like, why am

870
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 4: I in this brooken relationship? Why do I have this?

871
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 4: Why do I have that? And I started to think

872
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 4: about it and a lot, and in twenty twenty, I

873
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 4: went on this like eat, pray love kind of deal.

874
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 4: Like I wentent to Bali and like was there for

875
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 4: you know, two months, and I was like, I'm going

876
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:46,040
Speaker 4: to you know, come here to heal and figure out

877
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:49,360
Speaker 4: my shit and figure out why I am unable to

878
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 4: manifest a partner. And so there was this this this

879
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 4: vision that came to me while I was there, that

880
00:42:55,680 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 4: was telling me about my childhood and how I learn

881
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:03,360
Speaker 4: that I can't depend on other people. And when I

882
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 4: was in that vision, I was like seeing myself as

883
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,400
Speaker 4: a nine year old asking my parents for money for

884
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 4: gymnastics class that I wanted to go to and them

885
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 4: saying they didn't have it, and at some point I

886
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:16,439
Speaker 4: had to be kicked out of the gymnastics class because

887
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:18,239
Speaker 4: we didn't for non payment or whatever. And I thought

888
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 4: to myself, I'll never rely on my parents again for

889
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 4: the things that I need because when it hurts them,

890
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 4: it burdens them, it makes them sad that they can't

891
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 4: give me what I want. So it's better for me

892
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 4: not to want. And if I do want, I must

893
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 4: give it to myself. And so I had this vision

894
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 4: in this breakdown and this download of like, wow, like

895
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:40,719
Speaker 4: I am this hyper vigilant, very masculine woman because I

896
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 4: have so like I'm blocking so much about allowing someone

897
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:48,839
Speaker 4: else to come in my life and contribute. I must

898
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,879
Speaker 4: do it myself. And so it's this learned behavior of

899
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:55,279
Speaker 4: like I can't let anybody in because at some point

900
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,919
Speaker 4: someone's going to take something away from me if they're

901
00:43:57,960 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 4: contributing that thing to my life. So here I am

902
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 4: looking for a partner that very thing, and like I

903
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:06,320
Speaker 4: can't let anybody in because I have to do everything myself.

904
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 4: So in that I had the awareness around what it

905
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:14,880
Speaker 4: was so I could be freed from it. And I

906
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 4: think that manifestation is not about like seeking things out

907
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:21,640
Speaker 4: of the catalog of the universe like they tell us, like,

908
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 4: it's not about money, it's about manifesting the healing that

909
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:27,239
Speaker 4: we need so we can be freed from it. And so,

910
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:30,040
Speaker 4: for instance, if you need basic needs, obviously those you

911
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:32,359
Speaker 4: can't focus on your spirituality and your connection and all

912
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 4: that stuff. If you need food, you know what I mean,

913
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,160
Speaker 4: Like that it's not available to you, like your mindset's

914
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:40,200
Speaker 4: not there. And so the process of us starting to

915
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:43,520
Speaker 4: look at areas in our life where we're healing, Like

916
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:46,240
Speaker 4: I think that the manifestation is showing us what we're healing.

917
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 4: We start to get those things once we look into

918
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 4: the shadow work or whatever you want to call it,

919
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:53,239
Speaker 4: where it's like, oh wow, Like I really do have

920
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,680
Speaker 4: a hard time with abundance. I have a hard time

921
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,320
Speaker 4: with money, Like I can't change my shopping habits because

922
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:03,000
Speaker 4: I remain broke here, so I can't have abundance here,

923
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:05,960
Speaker 4: you know. And to ticket one step deeper. This might

924
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:08,919
Speaker 4: be a bit controversial on spiritual communities, but I don't

925
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:12,000
Speaker 4: think law of attraction is a law. I just don't.

926
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 4: It doesn't work all the time, it doesn't work the

927
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 4: same all the time. We have contracts and karma and

928
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:20,839
Speaker 4: relationships and things that we're meant to learn, And when

929
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,279
Speaker 4: you call it a law, it almost gaslights people when

930
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,440
Speaker 4: they're trying to do what it is that they need

931
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:27,760
Speaker 4: to do and they can't get the result that they want.

932
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 4: We don't look at layers of access, cultural stipulations. We

933
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,800
Speaker 4: don't look at like tell people in third world poverty

934
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:38,359
Speaker 4: like they just weren't positive enough, you know what I mean.

935
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 4: So it's more of a principle of attraction, which does

936
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:47,440
Speaker 4: work most of the time kind of, but it's to me,

937
00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 4: the aspect of that is to help us heal. It's like,

938
00:45:50,719 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 4: if I want this house, then that means I have

939
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:55,280
Speaker 4: to get my finances together and I have this really

940
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 4: core wound about not having enough enough money, so it's

941
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:03,680
Speaker 4: pointing at something that I need to healing with, right,

942
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 4: And so it's causing us to do this kind of

943
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:10,239
Speaker 4: like want up all the time of these desires that

944
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:11,879
Speaker 4: we're trying to call into our life so we can

945
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 4: bring ourselves to a higher consciousness.

946
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 5: It's crazy because I've always considered myself spiritual and like

947
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:26,719
Speaker 5: open minded. And I remember watching The Law of Attraction

948
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:30,280
Speaker 5: like a few years ago and making vision boards and

949
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:35,359
Speaker 5: having visions and visualizing things. And in this in the

950
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:38,280
Speaker 5: movie or the book, they suggest starting with something small,

951
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:48,160
Speaker 5: and I thought, I want to manifest attract a peacock feather.

952
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:54,239
Speaker 5: And I thought that wasn't super like common, but easy enough.

953
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:58,120
Speaker 5: But as soon as I said it, I never saw it,

954
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:02,480
Speaker 5: and I was like, what the fuck. But recently I

955
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 5: was in the dollar store with Orlando, with my partner,

956
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:09,839
Speaker 5: and we were in the line and there's packs of

957
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:11,320
Speaker 5: peacock feathers.

958
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 3: And I said, there goes that fucking feather, you know.

959
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:23,320
Speaker 5: And I feel different than I felt when I started

960
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:27,080
Speaker 5: the process of the Law of attraction. But I started

961
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 5: to choose healing, not really connecting it with my ability

962
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 5: to manifest, but just subconsciously through our podcast and started

963
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 5: to really hone in on my powers as I saw

964
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:42,440
Speaker 5: things to aligne. But when you say this about the healing,

965
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:44,480
Speaker 5: it's so true. You know, a couple of things that

966
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:47,880
Speaker 5: you said stood out to me just about like childhood

967
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 5: defense mechanisms. I woke up really early this morning for

968
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,480
Speaker 5: no fucking reason, and so I started listening to meditations

969
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:59,840
Speaker 5: in my phone and I found I saw a hypnosis

970
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 5: like therapists two years ago, and I found our session,

971
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,319
Speaker 5: so for some reason, I just started playing it and

972
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:10,920
Speaker 5: I was talking about this relationship I was in with

973
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:13,759
Speaker 5: this really nice guy, a nice man, I said, but

974
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 5: I keep cheating on him, And the man says, I'm

975
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 5: just here to listen to you. I'm not really giving

976
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:25,920
Speaker 5: you my opinion, but you're blaming yourself for qualities that

977
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 5: you've created to as a defense mechanism in your childhood.

978
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 5: And it's true, like I've seen a lot of infidelity

979
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:39,960
Speaker 5: growing up in my like my parents' marriage. And you know,

980
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:42,399
Speaker 5: I didn't really realize what he was saying to me then,

981
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:45,880
Speaker 5: but even to you saying like I'm super sensitive to noise,

982
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:49,360
Speaker 5: like it really irritates me, and but like not equating

983
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 5: that to like defense mechanism. As a child, even I'm

984
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 5: really sensitive to people's energy if they're off, if they

985
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:56,880
Speaker 5: don't seem happy, or if they don't seem like right,

986
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 5: I get really overly invested in it, like is that

987
00:48:59,160 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 5: person okay?

988
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:00,280
Speaker 3: Are you okay?

989
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:05,360
Speaker 5: And that's also a developed defense mechanism, needing and wanting

990
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:09,000
Speaker 5: attention that maybe I wasn't getting or you know, just

991
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:12,440
Speaker 5: being overly invested in how everybody else was feeling. But

992
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 5: I never really put the two together about like the

993
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 5: ability to manifest and your healing journey really making it

994
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:24,600
Speaker 5: the like the opening up that road to manifesting. But

995
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 5: now it makes so much sense that we've done all

996
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 5: this work on ourselves, you know, not really like we

997
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,440
Speaker 5: were choosing to grow, but we were like we're going

998
00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:34,040
Speaker 5: to go on a healing journey. We're just like we're

999
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:37,399
Speaker 5: going to start a podcast that ended up healing us.

1000
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 5: It's healing us. And I mean all that to say,

1001
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:42,359
Speaker 5: I finally saw the fucking peacock feather.

1002
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 4: But you know what's really beautiful about that is that, like,

1003
00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 4: to me, like in that manifestation process, we're manifesting what

1004
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:58,480
Speaker 4: we need to be freed from. So for myself, like

1005
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:00,880
Speaker 4: for whatever reason, a partner was super important to me,

1006
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 4: like a really well grounded someone, like someone to do

1007
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:07,719
Speaker 4: life with. Like I'm just that I'm a cancer, Okay, So.

1008
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:09,719
Speaker 3: I got very meant was.

1009
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:14,360
Speaker 4: So that was really important to me. I know. So

1010
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 4: I'll tell you this story, and this is really crazy,

1011
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:18,480
Speaker 4: but when I was in Bali and I was on

1012
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 4: that journey, I was like I was very committed to

1013
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 4: like being very honest with myself, and I was very

1014
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:25,759
Speaker 4: committed to saying like if there is going to be

1015
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:29,040
Speaker 4: if there's going to be someone that comes into my life,

1016
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:31,920
Speaker 4: then I need to know that I'm ready for that

1017
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:34,920
Speaker 4: type of person that I'm asking for. So what does

1018
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 4: it mean to ask like to work on myself in

1019
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 4: seriousness and say I'm okay with being single until like

1020
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 4: it's the right time, not because I'm feeling desperate, not

1021
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:46,880
Speaker 4: because I'm wanting to fill a void, but because I

1022
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:51,279
Speaker 4: feel whole by myself. And so I had this kind

1023
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 4: of had a healing session with a girl named Holly Laurel.

1024
00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 4: She's actually based out of la and and in that

1025
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,880
Speaker 4: like reiki healing session be she left. I had a

1026
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:04,120
Speaker 4: dream and in the dream, I was I was sitting

1027
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 4: on the steps of like a monument and I was

1028
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 4: there with my sisters, Like so I like my gifts.

1029
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:10,800
Speaker 4: They come through in dreams a lot. And I saw

1030
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:14,080
Speaker 4: a group of black men, eight of them marching, and

1031
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:16,240
Speaker 4: there was one guy in the front that really stood out.

1032
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:18,560
Speaker 4: And they came up the stairs and the guy comes

1033
00:51:18,560 --> 00:51:20,880
Speaker 4: straight to me and says, are you single? And I

1034
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,480
Speaker 4: was like, well, I get out of here, like what

1035
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:24,960
Speaker 4: do you want? Why are you bothering me? You know,

1036
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:27,480
Speaker 4: like whatever in the dream, and he's like, come inside

1037
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:29,360
Speaker 4: with me. So we go inside of this monument building

1038
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:31,840
Speaker 4: and inside it looks like this beautiful French or Victorian

1039
00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 4: kind of like palace or something. And we start doing

1040
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:37,759
Speaker 4: this like Bridgerton esque type dance, right We're in like

1041
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:41,360
Speaker 4: Jordan's and hoodies and whatnot. And and so we finished

1042
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 4: the dance and he was like, would you like to

1043
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 4: come with me to the back room. And I'm like

1044
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:46,960
Speaker 4: m hm, I know what happens there, you know, like

1045
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 4: I all the skepticism and I'm really like bothered by

1046
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:53,120
Speaker 4: this person like being around. And so when we get

1047
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 4: to the back of the room. In the dream, he says,

1048
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:57,319
Speaker 4: do you want to have sex? And I'm like, see,

1049
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:58,839
Speaker 4: I knew it. I knew that you were just blah

1050
00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:01,839
Speaker 4: blah blah blah blah blah blah and and mind you.

1051
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:04,439
Speaker 4: In the healing session that I had, she was telling

1052
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:06,319
Speaker 4: me about some past lives that I've had and how

1053
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 4: like men only wanted me for sex and that's kind

1054
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:10,319
Speaker 4: of like some of my karma here and whatever, and

1055
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:13,000
Speaker 4: that's like it's a long story. But in the dream,

1056
00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:14,600
Speaker 4: so he has to. He asked if you want to

1057
00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 4: have sex? And I was like, get out of here.

1058
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:18,320
Speaker 4: I don't want da da. He says, wait, I'm not finished.

1059
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:21,080
Speaker 4: Do you want to have sex or do you want

1060
00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:26,240
Speaker 4: your equal and capable partner? And I was like whoa,

1061
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,799
Speaker 4: because at this point in my life, I was so

1062
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:33,719
Speaker 4: tired of like, you know, empty sexual contact and like

1063
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 4: having these relationships with the promise of something and then

1064
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:38,799
Speaker 4: them ghosting me or whatever. And I said, I want

1065
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:41,399
Speaker 4: my equal and capable partner. And he said, then wait

1066
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:45,239
Speaker 4: for me. Wait for me, like, don't just be out

1067
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 4: with these people or whatever. Wait for me. And so

1068
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:50,800
Speaker 4: I woke up from that dream. It was February twenty

1069
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:55,160
Speaker 4: second too to two, and I said, okay, okay, I'm

1070
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:58,840
Speaker 4: gonna wait for homie to come into my life. Six

1071
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:03,879
Speaker 4: months later, George Floyd happens and all this stuff goes

1072
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:06,840
Speaker 4: down and there's protests going on outside of my apartment,

1073
00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:10,279
Speaker 4: and I got on Bumble, not to date, but to

1074
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:12,960
Speaker 4: check on black men. And I got on there to

1075
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:14,279
Speaker 4: see how they were doing because I know the type

1076
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 4: of work that I do. I know our communities. I

1077
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,640
Speaker 4: know that we don't seek therapy the way that we should,

1078
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 4: and with religion and all the stuff that we all taught,

1079
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 4: we y'all know, Like I wanted to see how they

1080
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:25,880
Speaker 4: were doing because us watching that over and over in

1081
00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 4: the news and the way that it was, it's traumatic.

1082
00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:31,240
Speaker 4: It's so traumatic, like anytime it was like black issues,

1083
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:35,000
Speaker 4: it's always black trauma. And I was like, this, this sucks.

1084
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:38,080
Speaker 4: This sucks. So I just went on there to talk.

1085
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:40,360
Speaker 4: And so David was one of the first people that

1086
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:43,719
Speaker 4: came through, and I said, how's your heart, King, how

1087
00:53:43,719 --> 00:53:47,360
Speaker 4: are you doing? And that for him was like nobody

1088
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:49,360
Speaker 4: ever asked how my heart's doing, Like what's going on,

1089
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:50,719
Speaker 4: you know? And he's like, I want to meet you.

1090
00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:52,319
Speaker 4: Let's go get a coffee, and I said, I won't

1091
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:55,080
Speaker 4: meet you until you leave me a voice note first,

1092
00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 4: because I told you my gift is Claire audience, so

1093
00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:58,839
Speaker 4: I can tell from your voice whether or not you're

1094
00:53:58,840 --> 00:54:02,239
Speaker 4: bullshit or not. So he left a voice no, and

1095
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:04,080
Speaker 4: I was like, Okay, he's cool. He sounds cool. So

1096
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:05,880
Speaker 4: I go to meet him and when I see him

1097
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 4: in person, I didn't notice in all the pictures. When

1098
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 4: I see him in person, it's the guy from the

1099
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:11,879
Speaker 4: fucking dream. Like the hands were the same. I remember

1100
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 4: the hands because of the Bridger can dance and I

1101
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 4: kidch you not. And like when he said it, he said,

1102
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 4: he said, so I see your cancer too, And I

1103
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:23,920
Speaker 4: was like, you're cancer and he's like, yeah, when's your birthday?

1104
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 4: He's like July nineteenth, and I'm like I'm July eighteenth,

1105
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:28,840
Speaker 4: what you know. Like we were like oh my god,

1106
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:31,839
Speaker 4: and I knew, like I knew right then and there,

1107
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 4: like Okay, that's this is the person. This is the

1108
00:54:35,080 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 4: one that I'm calling into my life. It was through

1109
00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 4: that that healing process journey that I was able to

1110
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:43,560
Speaker 4: be freed from that desire. I was like, okay, Like

1111
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:45,680
Speaker 4: when we are looking to manifest stuff. A lot of

1112
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:49,320
Speaker 4: times we're in that urgency space. We're asking out of scarcity.

1113
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:51,120
Speaker 4: For instance, if your rent is due and you don't

1114
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 4: have the money, I need to manifest money now. And

1115
00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:57,839
Speaker 4: that energy, to me often offers more resistance because we're

1116
00:54:57,880 --> 00:55:00,120
Speaker 4: in that need space and for whatever reason, and I

1117
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,360
Speaker 4: don't know how it works, but the energy it blocks

1118
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,520
Speaker 4: that because it says I'm without this thing right now,

1119
00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 4: and whatever frequency I'm on is what I'm attracting. At

1120
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:09,760
Speaker 4: least that's a call it according to the principal attraction.

1121
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:13,560
Speaker 4: And so when I was whole and I was like, okay, cool,

1122
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 4: I don't need anyone. I got my little apartment. I'm cool,

1123
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 4: I'm chilling. I'm just here to talk, he walks into

1124
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:22,560
Speaker 4: my life like as promised. And if I think, if

1125
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:24,640
Speaker 4: we looked at a lot of our manifestations is like

1126
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:27,640
Speaker 4: like true manifestations, not the inauthentic desires that are pressed

1127
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:30,480
Speaker 4: on us, like oh I need to have these nikes

1128
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:32,799
Speaker 4: or a yacht or whatever, because society says so like

1129
00:55:32,880 --> 00:55:36,440
Speaker 4: our true authentic desires, at some point we're meant to

1130
00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:38,800
Speaker 4: have them, but we're on some kind of timeline often

1131
00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:44,040
Speaker 4: and that timeline to me is what kind of strangulates,

1132
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:45,919
Speaker 4: like what it is that we're trying to bring into

1133
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:47,839
Speaker 4: our life because we're in a hurry to get it.

1134
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:50,440
Speaker 4: And when he said wait for me, and I was like,

1135
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:52,360
Speaker 4: all right, I'm good. He told me in the dream

1136
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:56,239
Speaker 4: he's coming, I can chill. It was it made it

1137
00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:59,359
Speaker 4: super easy and so like clear when he did come

1138
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:01,800
Speaker 4: into my life, this is the person. There was no question.

1139
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:04,319
Speaker 4: And so I'll tell you one more story to take

1140
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:06,520
Speaker 4: it to a step further. I never thought of myself

1141
00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:10,360
Speaker 4: of being a mom. I have fibroids, enemytriosis, the gamut

1142
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:13,279
Speaker 4: of hormonal issues, you name it. So doctors always told

1143
00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:15,000
Speaker 4: me that I would have fertility problems. So when I

1144
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:18,480
Speaker 4: met David six weeks into our dating, He's like, I

1145
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:20,560
Speaker 4: think you want to have kids. He's already got two kids.

1146
00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:22,600
Speaker 4: And I'm like, oh, you know, we know we're our

1147
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:25,799
Speaker 4: soulmates and whatnot, but like let me think on it.

1148
00:56:26,120 --> 00:56:27,759
Speaker 1: And that's early. It was like a month and a half,

1149
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 1: a month.

1150
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:30,480
Speaker 5: And a half early next week said you knew it

1151
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:31,919
Speaker 5: was your soulmate and he knew too.

1152
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:34,720
Speaker 4: He knew too, Like it was just it was so easy.

1153
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:36,719
Speaker 4: It was like within like three or four days, we

1154
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:39,160
Speaker 4: were like, okay, like I see where this is going.

1155
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:42,360
Speaker 4: I dated enough. We had both gotten out of bad marriages,

1156
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:45,240
Speaker 4: like we just knew, and so there was this moment

1157
00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:48,040
Speaker 4: we had this discussion where I was like, you ever

1158
00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:49,960
Speaker 4: thought about what you name your kid? And you know,

1159
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:52,920
Speaker 4: da da da, And I'm like, no, I don't really

1160
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:54,560
Speaker 4: let myself think about that stuff because I don't know

1161
00:56:54,560 --> 00:56:56,799
Speaker 4: if I can have kids. And he's like, I think

1162
00:56:57,160 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 4: I would name like my child Cairo, and I'm like,

1163
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:04,040
Speaker 4: shut up, because I have all this like past life

1164
00:57:04,040 --> 00:57:06,719
Speaker 4: stuff with Cairo, like all this connection with Egypt. If

1165
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:08,360
Speaker 4: you look at my necklace right now, I'm wearing this

1166
00:57:08,480 --> 00:57:11,600
Speaker 4: like scaab blue scaup thing that I got made like

1167
00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:13,680
Speaker 4: very into Egypt. And I was like, okay, this is

1168
00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:17,400
Speaker 4: super weird. So I told him I guess I'm just

1169
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:20,240
Speaker 4: looking for a sign like to like no, if this

1170
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 4: is the thing that I want or not. And when

1171
00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:26,040
Speaker 4: I said that, thirty seconds later, I'm scrolling on Instagram,

1172
00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 4: Tiamorori's profile comes up and she says something like TBT

1173
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:33,520
Speaker 4: to our fifth year anniversary. We renew our vows every year.

1174
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:35,440
Speaker 4: Blah blah blah, blah. We didn't on our tenth because

1175
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:39,320
Speaker 4: I was way pregnant with Cairo and I had just

1176
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:43,240
Speaker 4: asked for the sign shit, and so I was like,

1177
00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 4: oh my god. So I threw my phone and he

1178
00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:48,400
Speaker 4: was like, you gotta trust that. You tell all your

1179
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 4: followers to trust the signs and trust this and manifesting

1180
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:54,200
Speaker 4: and blah blah blah. And I was like, were you right. Okay,

1181
00:57:54,520 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 4: well we'll try for one month, just one month, and

1182
00:57:57,560 --> 00:57:59,320
Speaker 4: if it doesn't work, I don't want to hear about

1183
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:01,200
Speaker 4: it ever again. I don't want to get my hopes up.

1184
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:03,640
Speaker 4: I don't want to, you know, like just let it

1185
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:07,560
Speaker 4: die and first try got pregnant. So my daughter's name

1186
00:58:07,600 --> 00:58:10,800
Speaker 4: is kiro Veda and color Veda. But like she came

1187
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:12,600
Speaker 4: in like a bullet, and it was just like wow,

1188
00:58:12,760 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 4: Like these are like the things that I had been

1189
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:19,800
Speaker 4: asking for for years of my life. I got the home,

1190
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:23,520
Speaker 4: the partner, the baby, the job within six months during

1191
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:26,880
Speaker 4: a pandemic, when it was the most impossible time, because

1192
00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:28,720
Speaker 4: at some point I had let it go, I had

1193
00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:31,760
Speaker 4: let myself be freed from the desire of it, and

1194
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:34,360
Speaker 4: it just came rushing to me.

1195
00:58:34,920 --> 00:58:38,040
Speaker 2: I think of the word like surrender. You kind of

1196
00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:41,760
Speaker 2: have to surrender to the whole the process. And like

1197
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:45,720
Speaker 2: I do think about manifesting and like you know, manifesting

1198
00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:48,680
Speaker 2: people want to manifest yachts and manifest money quick when

1199
00:58:48,720 --> 00:58:52,120
Speaker 2: their bank accounts are empty and and there's a level

1200
00:58:52,160 --> 00:58:55,040
Speaker 2: of this scarcity mentality. I even think about myself in

1201
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:56,920
Speaker 2: ways because I was telling I was telling Mela, I

1202
00:58:56,920 --> 00:58:58,439
Speaker 2: was like, I have to heal my money wounds because

1203
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:00,440
Speaker 2: I have money wounds myself where I'm all always kind

1204
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:04,080
Speaker 2: of just like money's always come to me easily in ways,

1205
00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:05,920
Speaker 2: like when I'm on my last dollar, I'll get a

1206
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:06,560
Speaker 2: check in the mail.

1207
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:10,560
Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh shit, Okay. However, I still I

1208
00:59:10,640 --> 00:59:12,120
Speaker 1: still have issues.

1209
00:59:11,720 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 2: Around believing that I won't that I will have financial

1210
00:59:17,080 --> 00:59:19,800
Speaker 2: independence in a way that or I don't have to

1211
00:59:19,800 --> 00:59:20,920
Speaker 2: think about money anymore.

1212
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:22,000
Speaker 1: And I think one of.

1213
00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:24,040
Speaker 2: The reasons and things that I that it came from

1214
00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:27,280
Speaker 2: is a moment with my mom where I asked her

1215
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 2: for some money and she said she didn't have it,

1216
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:31,919
Speaker 2: and I remember being like, oh my god, like what

1217
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:35,000
Speaker 2: this is weird? Like are we okay? Like do are

1218
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:37,800
Speaker 2: we gonna have to move? Like I just spiraled in

1219
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:40,959
Speaker 2: that moment as a child. And it's so funny because

1220
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 2: my mom is very uh, she's not she has no

1221
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:51,120
Speaker 2: scarcity mentality really in her. So she didn't necessarily I

1222
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:54,360
Speaker 2: didn't get that from her per se, but just those words,

1223
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:58,400
Speaker 2: it had this imprint in my in my like little

1224
00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:01,720
Speaker 2: child's DNA and it's it's and it's manifested as an adult.

1225
01:00:02,080 --> 01:00:07,360
Speaker 2: And I've seen how I've continued to kind of live

1226
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:11,840
Speaker 2: in this space of like having just enough to do

1227
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:15,800
Speaker 2: the things that I want. And so I've been talking

1228
01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:17,640
Speaker 2: to I've been talking to myself really and saying, like,

1229
01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:19,800
Speaker 2: how do I heal these wounds? Because I have so

1230
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:22,440
Speaker 2: much that I'm doing and so many things that I

1231
01:00:22,520 --> 01:00:24,840
Speaker 2: know are are generating income and that are going to

1232
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:26,720
Speaker 2: give me and bless me in abundance. And I'm always

1233
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 2: trying to invite in an abundance, but I know that

1234
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:31,640
Speaker 2: there's this wound that has to heal in order for

1235
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:35,600
Speaker 2: me to really be ready to invite in that abundance,

1236
01:00:35,680 --> 01:00:37,880
Speaker 2: like not be fearful of when it comes and not

1237
01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:40,640
Speaker 2: being prepared and not knowing how to balance everything and

1238
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 2: not spending it all because there's that too.

1239
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:45,040
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm also not great with money. Once I

1240
01:00:45,080 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 1: get it.

1241
01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:46,200
Speaker 3: Don't say it.

1242
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:50,280
Speaker 2: I shouldn't say it, but it's it's it's historically been

1243
01:00:50,320 --> 01:00:53,480
Speaker 2: a fact in my life that I have to acknowledge

1244
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:54,040
Speaker 2: in order to heal.

1245
01:00:54,120 --> 01:00:58,880
Speaker 4: Awareness though, That's a really important portion of the healing process,

1246
01:00:58,920 --> 01:01:01,720
Speaker 4: is the awareness and the willness to be honest with

1247
01:01:01,760 --> 01:01:04,760
Speaker 4: yourself in that like I real, recognize, real, I understand

1248
01:01:04,800 --> 01:01:08,000
Speaker 4: that struggles so well. And it's like, all of a sudden,

1249
01:01:08,040 --> 01:01:10,120
Speaker 4: it was like I had all this financial abundance when

1250
01:01:10,160 --> 01:01:12,520
Speaker 4: I was used to being really broke for a long time,

1251
01:01:12,880 --> 01:01:16,200
Speaker 4: and they don't teach financial like wherewithal in school or

1252
01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:17,800
Speaker 4: anything like that. It's like, I don't how do I

1253
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:19,680
Speaker 4: do these taxes? How do I do that? You know whatever?

1254
01:01:19,920 --> 01:01:21,640
Speaker 4: And you just don't know what you don't know until

1255
01:01:21,680 --> 01:01:22,560
Speaker 4: you do, until you do.

1256
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:24,520
Speaker 2: And then you do know and believing that you can

1257
01:01:24,640 --> 01:01:26,520
Speaker 2: do it. Even right now, I'm in the process of

1258
01:01:26,560 --> 01:01:29,480
Speaker 2: like exactly a new car. I'm figuring this out, and

1259
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:32,000
Speaker 2: I was I was so overwhelmed at first, like I

1260
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:34,440
Speaker 2: don't know anything about cars, Like how the fuck do

1261
01:01:34,520 --> 01:01:36,760
Speaker 2: I do this? And I'm like, at my thirty five

1262
01:01:36,840 --> 01:01:38,240
Speaker 2: year old age, I don't know how to do this shit,

1263
01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:39,920
Speaker 2: like what the fuck is wrong with me? And then

1264
01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:42,920
Speaker 2: over the last few days, I'm like, Okay, things are

1265
01:01:42,960 --> 01:01:44,000
Speaker 2: starting to make sense.

1266
01:01:44,520 --> 01:01:45,360
Speaker 1: I can do.

1267
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:48,360
Speaker 2: This, And I've been talking positively to myself in the car,

1268
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:51,160
Speaker 2: like today they had a hiccup with the situation, and

1269
01:01:51,160 --> 01:01:53,520
Speaker 2: I was like, it's gonna work out. It's gonna be fine,

1270
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:56,000
Speaker 2: and we're gonna figure this out too. You're not gonna

1271
01:01:56,040 --> 01:02:01,400
Speaker 2: spiral like you normally do. It's gonna be okay. I also,

1272
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:04,800
Speaker 2: I also was thinking about just how when we want

1273
01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:07,800
Speaker 2: things but necessary, they're not necessarily aligned for where we

1274
01:02:07,840 --> 01:02:09,800
Speaker 2: are in our life, in our healing.

1275
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:10,960
Speaker 1: Journey, and just in general.

1276
01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:14,240
Speaker 2: And like I've heard you talk about how there's seasons

1277
01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:18,400
Speaker 2: in manifesting, Yes, And I never looked at it that way,

1278
01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:22,160
Speaker 2: And I couldn't agree more with you, Like there's certain seasons.

1279
01:02:22,280 --> 01:02:26,200
Speaker 2: First of all, you can't ask for everything at once, yeah,

1280
01:02:26,240 --> 01:02:28,520
Speaker 2: and then also the seasons. Can you can you talk

1281
01:02:28,560 --> 01:02:30,680
Speaker 2: to us a little bit about the seasons of manifesting?

1282
01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 4: Yeah? I think you know, just in our world, we're

1283
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:40,080
Speaker 4: used to everything being really fast, like instant gratification, microwave culture,

1284
01:02:40,160 --> 01:02:43,920
Speaker 4: you know, and with that we think that manifestations are

1285
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:48,080
Speaker 4: not working because they're taking a long time. And I

1286
01:02:48,080 --> 01:02:49,480
Speaker 4: don't think that we're.

1287
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:51,479
Speaker 1: Huh, I said, hence the peacock feather.

1288
01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:56,240
Speaker 4: I just you know, so I don't think that we're

1289
01:02:56,360 --> 01:02:59,520
Speaker 4: meant to, like you said, manifest everything all at once.

1290
01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:03,640
Speaker 4: And the surrender process to me is like knowing summer

1291
01:03:03,720 --> 01:03:07,080
Speaker 4: is coming, but it's wintertime and you're wishing for it

1292
01:03:07,120 --> 01:03:09,439
Speaker 4: to be warm right now, but having to wait until

1293
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:12,440
Speaker 4: it's actually summer. So it's like it's not that summer

1294
01:03:12,480 --> 01:03:16,480
Speaker 4: doesn't exist, it's just it's it happens during summer, so

1295
01:03:16,520 --> 01:03:19,320
Speaker 4: you have to wait until that happens. Our society is

1296
01:03:19,400 --> 01:03:24,160
Speaker 4: just like I mean, we're raised on capitalism, so it's consumed, consume, consume.

1297
01:03:24,280 --> 01:03:26,960
Speaker 4: Things need to happen. We're looking forward to something, projects

1298
01:03:26,960 --> 01:03:29,760
Speaker 4: and so on, and we get addicted to that constant

1299
01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:33,360
Speaker 4: stimuli over and over and over that things should be happening,

1300
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:36,320
Speaker 4: things should be moving, there should be progress always, and

1301
01:03:36,400 --> 01:03:39,360
Speaker 4: like a flower doesn't do that, flower doesn't bloom you round,

1302
01:03:40,080 --> 01:03:43,680
Speaker 4: so like nature doesn't bloom year round, animals don't pro

1303
01:03:43,760 --> 01:03:46,480
Speaker 4: create year round. Like why do we think that in

1304
01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:50,840
Speaker 4: our lives that we must approach it? And push forward

1305
01:03:50,960 --> 01:03:56,400
Speaker 4: always like it's it's constant striving, it's tiresome. And so

1306
01:03:56,440 --> 01:03:59,160
Speaker 4: when I learn that it was this like it was

1307
01:03:59,200 --> 01:04:01,840
Speaker 4: almost like free you know, to like go okay, like

1308
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:04,400
Speaker 4: what does it look like to observe what it is

1309
01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:07,360
Speaker 4: that I do have? How do I make what I

1310
01:04:07,560 --> 01:04:11,120
Speaker 4: have the life that I want? And to me, when

1311
01:04:11,120 --> 01:04:14,920
Speaker 4: I started to become more content, started to surrender, started

1312
01:04:14,960 --> 01:04:16,480
Speaker 4: to come into a place where it's like, wow, like

1313
01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:19,240
Speaker 4: look at my life, like the last five years, what

1314
01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:23,480
Speaker 4: I've manifested right like it means I'm super good at manifesting,

1315
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:26,440
Speaker 4: but I'm not supposed to like have it all happen

1316
01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:29,560
Speaker 4: all the time. And so in that it gave me

1317
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:31,920
Speaker 4: some space to breathe that like, Okay, well this is

1318
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:34,120
Speaker 4: my life right now. Can I enjoy what I've manifested

1319
01:04:34,160 --> 01:04:37,600
Speaker 4: so far? That to me energetically in the frequency produces

1320
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:40,560
Speaker 4: more gratitude, And when we have more gratitude, we end

1321
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:43,040
Speaker 4: up becoming more of a vibrational match for what it

1322
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:46,000
Speaker 4: is that we're attracting into our life. And so like

1323
01:04:46,040 --> 01:04:47,960
Speaker 4: that like I had when I was in Bali, I

1324
01:04:48,040 --> 01:04:50,680
Speaker 4: was like, oh wow, like I've afforded myself this experience

1325
01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:53,960
Speaker 4: I'm here, I'm doing you know this and whatever to

1326
01:04:54,040 --> 01:04:57,520
Speaker 4: helm myself, and I became into a place where I

1327
01:04:57,600 --> 01:04:59,720
Speaker 4: was I felt content where I was at, and it

1328
01:04:59,760 --> 01:05:01,600
Speaker 4: was a not to have the partner or the house

1329
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:03,600
Speaker 4: or know what was going to happen next. And then

1330
01:05:03,680 --> 01:05:07,840
Speaker 4: COVID happened. At the time, I was a wedding photographer

1331
01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:10,800
Speaker 4: and suddenly I was out of a job, like completely.

1332
01:05:10,840 --> 01:05:12,920
Speaker 4: So I had started my podcast a year before, but

1333
01:05:13,000 --> 01:05:15,960
Speaker 4: it wasn't doing what it's doing now, and I was like,

1334
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:18,360
Speaker 4: oh my gosh, like I'm out of income. It came

1335
01:05:18,400 --> 01:05:21,760
Speaker 4: to the point where I had to face that wound

1336
01:05:21,800 --> 01:05:25,120
Speaker 4: of not asking someone for something, like I had to

1337
01:05:25,120 --> 01:05:27,200
Speaker 4: ask friends for money and I never had to do

1338
01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:29,240
Speaker 4: like not never had to. I just never would do

1339
01:05:29,320 --> 01:05:31,200
Speaker 4: that in my life. I would sell pictures of my

1340
01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:35,280
Speaker 4: feet online before I would ask anybody what for money,

1341
01:05:35,360 --> 01:05:37,440
Speaker 4: Like it was just like an anxiety for me that

1342
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:40,440
Speaker 4: like I didn't want to have to need. And so

1343
01:05:40,840 --> 01:05:42,600
Speaker 4: in that moment, I had some friends that had already

1344
01:05:42,640 --> 01:05:44,280
Speaker 4: said like, Hey, we know you're going down there. If

1345
01:05:44,280 --> 01:05:47,680
Speaker 4: anything happens, let us know, We'll send you some money.

1346
01:05:47,680 --> 01:05:49,080
Speaker 4: You'll be okay, And I was like, that's weird like

1347
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:51,480
Speaker 4: that they had offered that, but then it was in

1348
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:53,720
Speaker 4: my back pocket when I had the surprise expense and

1349
01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:55,960
Speaker 4: everything got taken out of my account and I was

1350
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:59,600
Speaker 4: in Bali with nothing, and like I had to It

1351
01:05:59,640 --> 01:06:02,640
Speaker 4: took me three days to draft the email and send

1352
01:06:02,640 --> 01:06:05,720
Speaker 4: it to ask for the money. Now, these people that

1353
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:08,000
Speaker 4: I'm talking about are good friends of mine and they're millionaires.

1354
01:06:08,440 --> 01:06:10,400
Speaker 4: Like what I was asking, five hundred dollars one thousand

1355
01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:12,920
Speaker 4: dollars wouldn't have been anything to them, especially in Bali.

1356
01:06:13,400 --> 01:06:16,760
Speaker 4: But to have to ask, to have to need that,

1357
01:06:16,960 --> 01:06:20,400
Speaker 4: like it was such a big burden for me.

1358
01:06:21,040 --> 01:06:23,760
Speaker 2: And it's like the ask and also them knowing that

1359
01:06:23,800 --> 01:06:27,120
Speaker 2: you need it. The ask, Yeah, it's embarrassing.

1360
01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:30,200
Speaker 5: You haven't done what you're supposed to do the fact

1361
01:06:30,240 --> 01:06:32,360
Speaker 5: that you can't somebody closer to you.

1362
01:06:33,560 --> 01:06:34,360
Speaker 1: Now you're exposed.

1363
01:06:34,400 --> 01:06:36,840
Speaker 2: Even though your friends know you're not a millionaire.

1364
01:06:36,800 --> 01:06:37,480
Speaker 3: Now they really know.

1365
01:06:39,680 --> 01:06:43,200
Speaker 4: But it's vulnerability, right, It's vulnerability, And it's like to

1366
01:06:43,200 --> 01:06:45,040
Speaker 4: be able to ask, Like I mean, I know, I

1367
01:06:45,080 --> 01:06:47,720
Speaker 4: know people ask me for stuff all the time, and

1368
01:06:47,760 --> 01:06:49,400
Speaker 4: it's like that for the people that I loved in

1369
01:06:49,400 --> 01:06:52,040
Speaker 4: my life, I'm happy to show up for them. I'm

1370
01:06:52,080 --> 01:06:54,440
Speaker 4: happy to give to them. Why do I not feel

1371
01:06:54,440 --> 01:06:56,000
Speaker 4: worthy of someone doing that for me?

1372
01:06:57,120 --> 01:07:00,640
Speaker 5: It's also the fear that someone can tell you now, oh,

1373
01:07:00,680 --> 01:07:03,600
Speaker 5: and you're like, well being is in the hands of

1374
01:07:03,640 --> 01:07:08,200
Speaker 5: somebody else, and then like the disappointment for me, it's like, yeah,

1375
01:07:08,280 --> 01:07:10,480
Speaker 5: I'm gonna be disappointed if someone I think I'm so

1376
01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:13,120
Speaker 5: close to that, I feel like it's in the position

1377
01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:15,880
Speaker 5: to maybe do it, and they don't.

1378
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:17,960
Speaker 3: And you know, cancers don't forget shit.

1379
01:07:18,760 --> 01:07:21,160
Speaker 4: Yea never never.

1380
01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:25,400
Speaker 3: It's it's scary even thinking.

1381
01:07:25,440 --> 01:07:27,480
Speaker 2: I was thinking about what you were talking about gratitude

1382
01:07:27,520 --> 01:07:32,080
Speaker 2: and how it's linked to I guess, deciding what it

1383
01:07:32,160 --> 01:07:34,440
Speaker 2: is you do and don't manifest. I think about like

1384
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:38,920
Speaker 2: how gratitude is such a key component to manifesting, because

1385
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:43,960
Speaker 2: once you really have more gratitude and compassion for yourself,

1386
01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:49,200
Speaker 2: your asks change, Like the things that you might have wanted,

1387
01:07:49,440 --> 01:07:51,280
Speaker 2: they you're like, I don't really need to put my

1388
01:07:51,400 --> 01:07:54,520
Speaker 2: energy into that because A, it's probably not realistic at

1389
01:07:54,520 --> 01:07:55,600
Speaker 2: this time, right in this moment.

1390
01:07:56,360 --> 01:07:57,400
Speaker 1: And we talked about.

1391
01:07:57,200 --> 01:08:00,680
Speaker 2: Realistic and how like realistic can also be kind of

1392
01:08:00,680 --> 01:08:03,280
Speaker 2: a negative, like it's kind of negative, a negative thought

1393
01:08:04,040 --> 01:08:05,800
Speaker 2: when someone says, Oh, I'm just being realistic.

1394
01:08:05,960 --> 01:08:06,120
Speaker 1: You know.

1395
01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:08,360
Speaker 2: It can kind of have this negative connotation, which I

1396
01:08:08,600 --> 01:08:12,600
Speaker 2: do agree around it, But I think when you live

1397
01:08:12,640 --> 01:08:15,600
Speaker 2: in gratitude and and honestly that can be the most

1398
01:08:15,680 --> 01:08:18,160
Speaker 2: challenging part of just being human, and especially in this

1399
01:08:18,320 --> 01:08:22,960
Speaker 2: day and age, because there's so much there's so much

1400
01:08:22,960 --> 01:08:25,880
Speaker 2: exposure to what everyone else is doing and everyone else has,

1401
01:08:25,920 --> 01:08:28,080
Speaker 2: and so there's a lot of comparing happening.

1402
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:30,519
Speaker 1: But I think that.

1403
01:08:30,840 --> 01:08:33,519
Speaker 2: I've even noticed how my manifesting has the things that

1404
01:08:33,560 --> 01:08:36,960
Speaker 2: I'm asking for as I've tapped more into my gratitude change,

1405
01:08:36,960 --> 01:08:40,720
Speaker 2: Like I don't actually want that, no, thanks, yeah.

1406
01:08:40,240 --> 01:08:41,240
Speaker 1: Or I can wait for that.

1407
01:08:42,000 --> 01:08:44,920
Speaker 2: I actually want this more instead because I'm grateful for

1408
01:08:45,000 --> 01:08:46,599
Speaker 2: what I have right in this moment, right now.

1409
01:08:47,680 --> 01:08:50,960
Speaker 4: Yeah. There's a there's a phrase that I love that

1410
01:08:51,040 --> 01:08:53,840
Speaker 4: I say to myself, and it says, I'm kidding myself

1411
01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:57,360
Speaker 4: to think I know what's best for my life. And

1412
01:08:57,439 --> 01:08:59,960
Speaker 4: it's a weird phrase, right because at first it sounds negative,

1413
01:09:00,040 --> 01:09:03,519
Speaker 4: But the way that I interpret that is that like,

1414
01:09:04,040 --> 01:09:07,320
Speaker 4: I really don't know what's going to make me happy

1415
01:09:07,439 --> 01:09:11,120
Speaker 4: until I experienced it, and until then I will base

1416
01:09:11,320 --> 01:09:14,200
Speaker 4: my asks off of a past version of myself of

1417
01:09:14,240 --> 01:09:17,639
Speaker 4: what I thought made me happy. So if the universe

1418
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:20,439
Speaker 4: is trying to level me up, then I might not

1419
01:09:20,600 --> 01:09:22,519
Speaker 4: know what to ask for if I'm not in a

1420
01:09:22,520 --> 01:09:25,479
Speaker 4: grounded space where I'm grateful with what I have, So

1421
01:09:25,720 --> 01:09:28,360
Speaker 4: I will continue to ask for things and then continue

1422
01:09:28,400 --> 01:09:31,280
Speaker 4: to get them, but may not give me the feeling

1423
01:09:31,320 --> 01:09:33,840
Speaker 4: I was expecting or the satiation I was hoping for,

1424
01:09:34,439 --> 01:09:38,240
Speaker 4: and continue to run after the next thing because I'm

1425
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:42,040
Speaker 4: not satiated. I haven't gotten to that space of gratitude.

1426
01:09:42,160 --> 01:09:44,880
Speaker 4: So it's it's interesting, Like, for instance, you said, like

1427
01:09:44,920 --> 01:09:48,360
Speaker 4: the ask becomes different. That's so true. You know, at

1428
01:09:48,360 --> 01:09:50,240
Speaker 4: first it was like a you know, a bigger house,

1429
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:52,719
Speaker 4: it was this, it was that, and you know, upon

1430
01:09:52,760 --> 01:09:55,800
Speaker 4: becoming a mom and like upon like really digging into

1431
01:09:55,800 --> 01:09:57,559
Speaker 4: this type of work, the things that I used to

1432
01:09:57,600 --> 01:10:00,479
Speaker 4: want are like that's stupid, Like that would never made

1433
01:10:00,479 --> 01:10:02,800
Speaker 4: me happy, how you know, Like it's it's like that

1434
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:07,559
Speaker 4: you have this like just a leap almost of change

1435
01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:09,760
Speaker 4: and what you may have asked for You ever asked

1436
01:10:09,800 --> 01:10:13,200
Speaker 4: for something and been glad you didn't get it that

1437
01:10:13,320 --> 01:10:16,200
Speaker 4: one guy girl whoever? You know, like it's like, ooh,

1438
01:10:16,640 --> 01:10:22,880
Speaker 4: thank god, thank you, Like it's just it's it's it's something.

1439
01:10:23,040 --> 01:10:26,200
Speaker 4: So for instance, I when the house that I'm living

1440
01:10:26,240 --> 01:10:28,760
Speaker 4: in I had to dream about. This is like any

1441
01:10:28,760 --> 01:10:32,040
Speaker 4: other story, but we were in the process of buying

1442
01:10:32,040 --> 01:10:34,000
Speaker 4: this other house that I thought for sure was like

1443
01:10:34,120 --> 01:10:36,639
Speaker 4: the one. But I remember thinking like, yeah, it doesn't

1444
01:10:36,640 --> 01:10:39,200
Speaker 4: have the red roof on it like my dream did.

1445
01:10:39,840 --> 01:10:42,080
Speaker 4: But like we're gonna like push through and get this house,

1446
01:10:42,120 --> 01:10:43,280
Speaker 4: like we want to get the house. I want to

1447
01:10:43,320 --> 01:10:45,000
Speaker 4: I'm pregnant, like you know, like we're trying to nest

1448
01:10:45,040 --> 01:10:46,719
Speaker 4: and stuff like that. I really want to get this house.

1449
01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:49,519
Speaker 4: And it was one thing after another that ended up

1450
01:10:49,560 --> 01:10:52,479
Speaker 4: coming up, like the sewage pipe was broken. There was

1451
01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:54,760
Speaker 4: you know, all kinds of stuff. And I was like,

1452
01:10:55,880 --> 01:10:58,160
Speaker 4: all right, I know that I'm I asked for this house.

1453
01:10:58,240 --> 01:11:00,000
Speaker 4: I know that we've done all the process to get here,

1454
01:11:00,880 --> 01:11:03,920
Speaker 4: but I'm getting the feeling my intuition is telling me

1455
01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:06,799
Speaker 4: like this is not it. This is not the house.

1456
01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:09,080
Speaker 4: And even though my partner was like, what do you

1457
01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:11,320
Speaker 4: what do you mean? Like we looked at like a

1458
01:11:11,360 --> 01:11:13,920
Speaker 4: thousand house like this is it. The market's crazy right now,

1459
01:11:14,320 --> 01:11:17,120
Speaker 4: I said, I gotta let this one go. I have

1460
01:11:17,200 --> 01:11:19,400
Speaker 4: to let it go, because like something in my internal

1461
01:11:19,439 --> 01:11:21,640
Speaker 4: spirit was saying this, how this is. You're not going

1462
01:11:21,720 --> 01:11:24,280
Speaker 4: to be happy here. This is not even though everything

1463
01:11:24,760 --> 01:11:27,559
Speaker 4: matches close to what it is that you've been asking for,

1464
01:11:28,000 --> 01:11:30,559
Speaker 4: it's not quite it. And so I said, Okay, we

1465
01:11:30,600 --> 01:11:32,400
Speaker 4: gotta let it go. And in that moment, I felt

1466
01:11:32,400 --> 01:11:36,680
Speaker 4: this kind of like devastation, like oh, like now we

1467
01:11:36,680 --> 01:11:38,920
Speaker 4: have to start the whole process all over again, like

1468
01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:41,200
Speaker 4: maybe we won't get a house at all, Like did

1469
01:11:41,200 --> 01:11:43,639
Speaker 4: I put us in a worse position? YadA YadA. And

1470
01:11:44,120 --> 01:11:46,000
Speaker 4: it was that day that we let the house go

1471
01:11:46,160 --> 01:11:49,000
Speaker 4: that this house came on the market and it had

1472
01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:51,599
Speaker 4: the red roof, just like I had dreamed about, And

1473
01:11:51,680 --> 01:11:54,439
Speaker 4: so I didn't even need to like come into the

1474
01:11:54,479 --> 01:11:57,360
Speaker 4: house to like no. But when we came to see

1475
01:11:57,400 --> 01:12:00,200
Speaker 4: the house, the owner happened to be here, and which

1476
01:12:00,240 --> 01:12:02,160
Speaker 4: is weird, Like this is very rare that the owner

1477
01:12:02,200 --> 01:12:03,320
Speaker 4: is in the house when you go see it, like

1478
01:12:03,320 --> 01:12:05,160
Speaker 4: a realtor whatever. So we went and we end up

1479
01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:07,320
Speaker 4: talking to him for a while. Here I am pregnant,

1480
01:12:07,320 --> 01:12:09,000
Speaker 4: we got two step kids with us, you know, like

1481
01:12:09,000 --> 01:12:11,000
Speaker 4: we're talking to him about this family and like, oh,

1482
01:12:11,000 --> 01:12:13,559
Speaker 4: it's perfect for our family, and when it was finally

1483
01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:16,040
Speaker 4: time to put down an offer, we had offered maybe

1484
01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:19,280
Speaker 4: ten thousand or twenty thousand under asking price, and then

1485
01:12:19,320 --> 01:12:22,400
Speaker 4: here's these investors coming in with like forty fifty thousand

1486
01:12:22,439 --> 01:12:24,720
Speaker 4: dollars over asking price, and they said, we want to

1487
01:12:24,720 --> 01:12:28,080
Speaker 4: give it to that family, and I was just like,

1488
01:12:28,160 --> 01:12:32,600
Speaker 4: oh my god, Like I didn't know that this was

1489
01:12:32,680 --> 01:12:35,040
Speaker 4: on the other side of what it was that I

1490
01:12:35,120 --> 01:12:37,719
Speaker 4: was asking for. And if I continue to push through

1491
01:12:38,080 --> 01:12:40,160
Speaker 4: instead of like trust my gut to like say, you know,

1492
01:12:40,200 --> 01:12:42,960
Speaker 4: I'm kidding to know if like this is you know,

1493
01:12:43,000 --> 01:12:44,639
Speaker 4: if this is going to be best for our family,

1494
01:12:45,240 --> 01:12:47,840
Speaker 4: I really need to like to take a second and

1495
01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:52,280
Speaker 4: just trust, Like I need to come back to myself

1496
01:12:52,360 --> 01:12:56,400
Speaker 4: and just trust, like what's meant for me, you won't miss me.

1497
01:12:57,960 --> 01:13:00,439
Speaker 4: And if I'm not in a scarcity space trying to

1498
01:13:00,479 --> 01:13:03,080
Speaker 4: like fill a void, I won't settle for something that

1499
01:13:03,160 --> 01:13:04,880
Speaker 4: the universe didn't have for me in the first place.

1500
01:13:06,240 --> 01:13:08,280
Speaker 3: Definitely, I can.

1501
01:13:09,160 --> 01:13:13,639
Speaker 5: I understand that when you're in the scarcity mindset, it's

1502
01:13:13,640 --> 01:13:17,360
Speaker 5: hard to trust spirit when you're desperate, especially like as

1503
01:13:17,360 --> 01:13:20,160
Speaker 5: a mom or a woman, we have been taught a

1504
01:13:20,200 --> 01:13:24,360
Speaker 5: lot to like rely on men outside things that are

1505
01:13:24,360 --> 01:13:25,320
Speaker 5: supposed to save us.

1506
01:13:25,560 --> 01:13:26,840
Speaker 3: You know, that's been a big thing for me.

1507
01:13:26,840 --> 01:13:29,559
Speaker 5: Like I thought I was gonna be saved, but spirit

1508
01:13:29,600 --> 01:13:32,520
Speaker 5: showed me many times the sugar Daddy is not coming.

1509
01:13:33,720 --> 01:13:36,680
Speaker 2: Not manifesting, is not working.

1510
01:13:36,840 --> 01:13:41,000
Speaker 3: I was like, God, I look good. What the fuck

1511
01:13:41,600 --> 01:13:42,880
Speaker 3: all these other bitches have.

1512
01:13:42,840 --> 01:13:45,280
Speaker 2: Shown because you know what if that, if that sugar

1513
01:13:45,360 --> 01:13:47,080
Speaker 2: Daddy showed up, there'd.

1514
01:13:46,760 --> 01:13:48,000
Speaker 1: Be no healing taking place.

1515
01:13:48,160 --> 01:13:50,920
Speaker 2: I know, I'd have no reason to heal, and you'd

1516
01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:52,920
Speaker 2: be just a sad, lowly bitch.

1517
01:13:54,120 --> 01:13:54,719
Speaker 3: It's true.

1518
01:13:54,760 --> 01:13:56,840
Speaker 5: And like even like two years ago, I was in

1519
01:13:56,880 --> 01:13:59,599
Speaker 5: a really fucked up position. I was staying with someone

1520
01:13:59,720 --> 01:14:00,960
Speaker 5: I really want to be staying there.

1521
01:14:01,000 --> 01:14:01,679
Speaker 3: I have a daughter.

1522
01:14:02,520 --> 01:14:04,519
Speaker 5: I had like asked people. I really didn't want to

1523
01:14:04,560 --> 01:14:06,400
Speaker 5: ask for anything. I think I asked my baby daddy

1524
01:14:06,479 --> 01:14:08,120
Speaker 5: to like co sign for me, and he was like,

1525
01:14:08,200 --> 01:14:10,200
Speaker 5: I'd rather help a stranger.

1526
01:14:11,000 --> 01:14:12,080
Speaker 3: I asked my grandmother.

1527
01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:17,200
Speaker 5: She agreed, and like the very last second, renigged to

1528
01:14:17,280 --> 01:14:19,640
Speaker 5: co sign. Granted, she's fucking like eighty years old. I

1529
01:14:19,680 --> 01:14:21,720
Speaker 5: don't know where her credit she needed it to go.

1530
01:14:23,520 --> 01:14:29,280
Speaker 5: But I was desperate and I was like at an

1531
01:14:29,360 --> 01:14:32,280
Speaker 5: all time low, and I was and I remember her

1532
01:14:32,320 --> 01:14:34,960
Speaker 5: telling me. She was like, God bless the child that

1533
01:14:35,040 --> 01:14:35,959
Speaker 5: has their own.

1534
01:14:36,280 --> 01:14:37,479
Speaker 1: That's what your grandma said to you.

1535
01:14:37,920 --> 01:14:42,800
Speaker 3: Yes, dang, And I was like, what the fuck? God,

1536
01:14:43,520 --> 01:14:44,160
Speaker 3: do you hate me?

1537
01:14:45,360 --> 01:14:47,840
Speaker 2: But I was all the spiritual shit working against me,

1538
01:14:48,400 --> 01:14:49,320
Speaker 2: but yeah, I.

1539
01:14:49,280 --> 01:14:50,879
Speaker 3: Was like, it's because I don't believe in Jesus.

1540
01:14:53,200 --> 01:14:57,960
Speaker 5: But at the like my deepest soul, I was like,

1541
01:14:58,240 --> 01:15:01,320
Speaker 5: something is going to work because I can't be in

1542
01:15:01,320 --> 01:15:05,400
Speaker 5: this position. And granted I figured it out by myself,

1543
01:15:06,000 --> 01:15:08,840
Speaker 5: and for that I'm grateful, because where I wanted to

1544
01:15:08,880 --> 01:15:10,360
Speaker 5: move is not really where I wanted to be. I

1545
01:15:10,400 --> 01:15:11,960
Speaker 5: just wanted to be out of the situation that I

1546
01:15:12,040 --> 01:15:14,760
Speaker 5: was in. But now I need to move again. And

1547
01:15:14,840 --> 01:15:17,080
Speaker 5: I felt this fear start to come up in my

1548
01:15:17,120 --> 01:15:20,320
Speaker 5: body again, and I had to tell myself, like last night,

1549
01:15:20,400 --> 01:15:23,400
Speaker 5: like you're not in that same place, You're not that

1550
01:15:23,439 --> 01:15:27,280
Speaker 5: same person, and you see how it worked out for you, right,

1551
01:15:27,720 --> 01:15:31,320
Speaker 5: Like stop with that fear, and like sometimes when you're

1552
01:15:31,400 --> 01:15:34,960
Speaker 5: used to being in scarcity and like we were talking about,

1553
01:15:35,040 --> 01:15:39,479
Speaker 5: like the reality is bitches could be homeless, but like

1554
01:15:39,560 --> 01:15:44,120
Speaker 5: I'm not bitchous, and just to shift my mindset and

1555
01:15:44,160 --> 01:15:47,599
Speaker 5: to welcome the unknown and to know and to trust

1556
01:15:47,640 --> 01:15:50,720
Speaker 5: the situation. And it's like it reminds me a lot

1557
01:15:50,760 --> 01:15:53,519
Speaker 5: of like even in our journey, we didn't have an

1558
01:15:53,560 --> 01:15:57,439
Speaker 5: expectation for this podcast. It's been like let's I need

1559
01:15:57,520 --> 01:16:00,800
Speaker 5: a friend, let's start talking. It's it's just like the

1560
01:16:00,880 --> 01:16:04,639
Speaker 5: alignment though, the little signs of alignment that have come

1561
01:16:04,720 --> 01:16:07,000
Speaker 5: through and the process that kind of.

1562
01:16:07,000 --> 01:16:09,120
Speaker 3: Let me know like it's okay.

1563
01:16:09,479 --> 01:16:11,920
Speaker 5: And it's like the smallest shit, like I want this

1564
01:16:11,960 --> 01:16:13,519
Speaker 5: person to be on our show, and then we walk

1565
01:16:13,560 --> 01:16:15,280
Speaker 5: in somewhere and that person's right there.

1566
01:16:15,920 --> 01:16:16,120
Speaker 4: You know.

1567
01:16:16,439 --> 01:16:18,640
Speaker 3: I'm like, and it's small and it's not like a

1568
01:16:18,720 --> 01:16:19,759
Speaker 3: yah or a house.

1569
01:16:20,479 --> 01:16:23,080
Speaker 5: But those were the moments where I started to realize

1570
01:16:23,120 --> 01:16:27,519
Speaker 5: my powers were getting stronger and our powers together were

1571
01:16:27,520 --> 01:16:31,120
Speaker 5: really strong. And I think people miss that, like you know,

1572
01:16:31,200 --> 01:16:33,639
Speaker 5: that dream you had about your husband, or the fact

1573
01:16:33,680 --> 01:16:37,320
Speaker 5: that you scrolled and then Tiamari's and her pregnant Cairo,

1574
01:16:37,479 --> 01:16:39,240
Speaker 5: you know what I mean, Like those are the things

1575
01:16:39,240 --> 01:16:42,559
Speaker 5: that people miss, but those are also the indications that

1576
01:16:43,400 --> 01:16:46,880
Speaker 5: you're what you're asking for is not being unheard. And

1577
01:16:46,920 --> 01:16:48,519
Speaker 5: it's like getting in the car and then you have

1578
01:16:48,560 --> 01:16:51,240
Speaker 5: a thought and it's one eleven and you're like Okay,

1579
01:16:51,240 --> 01:16:55,080
Speaker 5: the spirit is telling you to sit tight and not

1580
01:16:55,200 --> 01:16:55,879
Speaker 5: to trip.

1581
01:16:56,200 --> 01:16:56,400
Speaker 3: You know.

1582
01:16:56,439 --> 01:16:59,520
Speaker 5: It's even like I'm big on like songs or billboards

1583
01:16:59,520 --> 01:17:01,640
Speaker 5: of I'm having a thought or a question and I

1584
01:17:01,680 --> 01:17:04,759
Speaker 5: seek outwards and there's a song that's answering all my questions.

1585
01:17:04,840 --> 01:17:08,719
Speaker 5: This is like twelve year old Jumila, but it's true,

1586
01:17:08,840 --> 01:17:13,080
Speaker 5: like people forget to to just look for the little

1587
01:17:13,120 --> 01:17:16,280
Speaker 5: signs and the alignments that let you know that your

1588
01:17:16,280 --> 01:17:19,280
Speaker 5: manifestations are working and your you know, your dreams, your

1589
01:17:19,320 --> 01:17:20,320
Speaker 5: wishes or your prayers.

1590
01:17:21,360 --> 01:17:29,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh amen, let the say, well, Alia, I have

1591
01:17:29,960 --> 01:17:32,080
Speaker 2: a question, or it's not only a question, it's it's

1592
01:17:32,080 --> 01:17:35,360
Speaker 2: something we do on our show. We usually ask our

1593
01:17:35,400 --> 01:17:39,000
Speaker 2: guests to share an affirmation. So I wanted to know

1594
01:17:39,040 --> 01:17:41,840
Speaker 2: if you have an affirmation that you know that helps

1595
01:17:41,840 --> 01:17:43,479
Speaker 2: you day to day or one that you know is

1596
01:17:43,520 --> 01:17:46,080
Speaker 2: on your heart recently that you could share with our audience.

1597
01:17:47,120 --> 01:17:52,240
Speaker 4: Yeah. The one that is coming to mind first is

1598
01:17:52,360 --> 01:17:56,720
Speaker 4: I am safe. I am And that's been really important

1599
01:17:56,760 --> 01:17:59,280
Speaker 4: for me lately. I'm someone who's you know, because of

1600
01:17:59,280 --> 01:18:02,880
Speaker 4: the extra sense in the like connectedness to like all

1601
01:18:02,920 --> 01:18:06,240
Speaker 4: of that stuff. I'm a highly anxious person and like

1602
01:18:06,520 --> 01:18:09,160
Speaker 4: I think also on the spectrum. But there's like a

1603
01:18:09,160 --> 01:18:11,760
Speaker 4: lot of like just things I'm hyper sensitive to that

1604
01:18:11,880 --> 01:18:15,839
Speaker 4: causes me to feel unsafe. And so when I really

1605
01:18:16,160 --> 01:18:21,400
Speaker 4: tap in, really connect with myself with my energy, you know,

1606
01:18:21,520 --> 01:18:24,639
Speaker 4: even the external energies that work with me, like, it's

1607
01:18:24,680 --> 01:18:28,080
Speaker 4: like okay, Like I'm safe. And what does that mean

1608
01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:32,320
Speaker 4: to me? It means more than just like physical safety.

1609
01:18:32,400 --> 01:18:36,519
Speaker 4: It means like spiritual safety. It means I'm protected, I'm loved,

1610
01:18:36,600 --> 01:18:39,840
Speaker 4: I'm cared for that in this moment in time where

1611
01:18:39,880 --> 01:18:42,360
Speaker 4: all my fears are coming up and rushing to the surface,

1612
01:18:43,080 --> 01:18:47,680
Speaker 4: I'm still safe. And so for instance, I'm having some

1613
01:18:47,920 --> 01:18:52,320
Speaker 4: like major wounding if you will, come into the surface

1614
01:18:52,360 --> 01:18:56,240
Speaker 4: around money specifically, and the world has come in in

1615
01:18:56,280 --> 01:18:59,519
Speaker 4: such a unique way to show me, Hey, remember this.

1616
01:19:00,160 --> 01:19:02,519
Speaker 4: Remember we were working on this and you got super comfortable.

1617
01:19:02,560 --> 01:19:04,639
Speaker 4: We're going to work on this to another level. Oh

1618
01:19:04,840 --> 01:19:08,680
Speaker 4: yay me. There's a type of anxiety that comes with

1619
01:19:08,720 --> 01:19:11,080
Speaker 4: financial stress. There's a type of anxiety that comes with

1620
01:19:11,080 --> 01:19:15,760
Speaker 4: relational stress that comes with you know, shelter basic type

1621
01:19:15,760 --> 01:19:19,120
Speaker 4: of stress. And in that I come back to myself

1622
01:19:19,160 --> 01:19:22,800
Speaker 4: and say I'm safe, Like this is a scary you know,

1623
01:19:23,000 --> 01:19:25,760
Speaker 4: to confront because of my wounding. Like somebody else might

1624
01:19:25,760 --> 01:19:26,960
Speaker 4: look at it and go, oh, that's not a big deal.

1625
01:19:27,080 --> 01:19:29,120
Speaker 4: It's like, no, no, I'm about to have a panic attack.

1626
01:19:29,160 --> 01:19:33,080
Speaker 4: You know I'm coming for me. But in that moment,

1627
01:19:33,240 --> 01:19:38,200
Speaker 4: it's like I at least have my partner, I have

1628
01:19:38,320 --> 01:19:40,960
Speaker 4: my home, I have my daughter, like we're not in

1629
01:19:41,000 --> 01:19:43,519
Speaker 4: any imminent danger. Like I start to recount all the

1630
01:19:43,560 --> 01:19:48,240
Speaker 4: things that mean safety to me personally, and it brings

1631
01:19:48,280 --> 01:19:51,320
Speaker 4: me in a very calming space to be able to

1632
01:19:51,600 --> 01:19:54,559
Speaker 4: confront that issue that I'm having in that moment, to

1633
01:19:54,680 --> 01:19:57,000
Speaker 4: ask even ask myself the question what am I afraid of?

1634
01:19:57,880 --> 01:20:00,360
Speaker 4: In this moment? What am I afraid of? What are

1635
01:20:00,400 --> 01:20:02,920
Speaker 4: my highest fears? Are these realistic fears or these like

1636
01:20:02,960 --> 01:20:06,360
Speaker 4: my trauma reacting to certain wounding, like in like my

1637
01:20:06,439 --> 01:20:10,519
Speaker 4: inner child even acting out, it's telling me I'm not safe,

1638
01:20:10,520 --> 01:20:13,080
Speaker 4: And so it puts me in this like almost like

1639
01:20:13,120 --> 01:20:17,040
Speaker 4: a talk therapy situation. Okay, what are you afraid of? Well,

1640
01:20:17,040 --> 01:20:19,840
Speaker 4: I'm afraid of X. Okay in this moment right now?

1641
01:20:19,880 --> 01:20:21,960
Speaker 4: Are you safe even though we're afraid of X? Yes,

1642
01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:24,160
Speaker 4: I am okay. And it's a way to talk myself

1643
01:20:24,160 --> 01:20:25,679
Speaker 4: off the cliff and I love.

1644
01:20:25,520 --> 01:20:29,519
Speaker 1: That I am safe. I am safe.

1645
01:20:30,960 --> 01:20:32,920
Speaker 5: We're going to be best friends after this because I

1646
01:20:32,920 --> 01:20:35,880
Speaker 5: feel like we have You don't know it yet, but.

1647
01:20:36,120 --> 01:20:38,439
Speaker 4: Come now, come and see us.

1648
01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:39,880
Speaker 1: I know comes to La.

1649
01:20:40,640 --> 01:20:43,280
Speaker 3: I relate to so much of the stuff that you're saying.

1650
01:20:44,360 --> 01:20:48,000
Speaker 4: Thank you, thank you, and you you as well. This

1651
01:20:48,080 --> 01:20:48,439
Speaker 4: is fun.

1652
01:20:49,479 --> 01:20:49,760
Speaker 1: I know.

1653
01:20:50,360 --> 01:20:52,960
Speaker 3: I'm like, are you taking clients for readings?

1654
01:20:53,600 --> 01:20:57,599
Speaker 4: Because I actually am. I am. So you can go

1655
01:20:57,600 --> 01:20:59,680
Speaker 4: on to my website, the lovely alia dot com, and

1656
01:20:59,720 --> 01:21:02,799
Speaker 4: I got my services on there. I love doing readings

1657
01:21:02,840 --> 01:21:04,760
Speaker 4: like I have like you can see here all my

1658
01:21:05,000 --> 01:21:07,479
Speaker 4: but you can't see I have like thousands of cards

1659
01:21:07,520 --> 01:21:08,280
Speaker 4: sitting down here.

1660
01:21:08,360 --> 01:21:09,519
Speaker 1: So you do virtual readings?

1661
01:21:10,400 --> 01:21:15,120
Speaker 4: Mm hmm, yeah to a calendar, because it would.

1662
01:21:14,880 --> 01:21:17,040
Speaker 3: You say, I'm adding myself to your calendar after this?

1663
01:21:17,360 --> 01:21:20,479
Speaker 1: Can you do a reading right now? Can you read us?

1664
01:21:21,400 --> 01:21:27,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's do like a mini Okay, okay.

1665
01:21:27,720 --> 01:21:29,720
Speaker 4: Should I do it individually or collectively?

1666
01:21:30,080 --> 01:21:31,080
Speaker 1: You can do it individually.

1667
01:21:31,479 --> 01:21:33,040
Speaker 2: I think we both need individual I think me and

1668
01:21:33,120 --> 01:21:35,720
Speaker 2: Mi La are both in like we are like one

1669
01:21:35,720 --> 01:21:37,559
Speaker 2: and the same, but we're so not at the same time.

1670
01:21:37,560 --> 01:21:39,720
Speaker 2: But I think we're both going through like I don't

1671
01:21:39,760 --> 01:21:43,120
Speaker 2: know some separate wounding that needs to be healed.

1672
01:21:45,240 --> 01:21:47,679
Speaker 4: All right, So I'll do a three card pool, which

1673
01:21:47,720 --> 01:21:49,920
Speaker 4: is not really like a lot that I can give

1674
01:21:49,960 --> 01:21:53,479
Speaker 4: you information wise, but we'll do it anyway. When I

1675
01:21:53,479 --> 01:21:56,120
Speaker 4: do my general readings, it kind of I do what

1676
01:21:56,160 --> 01:21:58,920
Speaker 4: I call this. It's like a pyramid channel, and in

1677
01:21:58,960 --> 01:22:03,160
Speaker 4: the pyramid it kind of tells me what, like what's

1678
01:22:03,240 --> 01:22:05,200
Speaker 4: blocking you, like what's in your way, and like what's

1679
01:22:05,240 --> 01:22:08,040
Speaker 4: the theme that you're dealing with right now? So who

1680
01:22:08,040 --> 01:22:08,840
Speaker 4: wants to go first?

1681
01:22:09,720 --> 01:22:10,439
Speaker 3: I'll go first.

1682
01:22:11,160 --> 01:22:15,920
Speaker 2: Okay, it's Terra time. This is a different type of

1683
01:22:15,920 --> 01:22:17,760
Speaker 2: Tarot time. I'm so excited.

1684
01:22:20,080 --> 01:22:21,840
Speaker 4: So I need you to say your full name out

1685
01:22:21,840 --> 01:22:22,639
Speaker 4: loud three times.

1686
01:22:23,240 --> 01:22:30,839
Speaker 5: Jamila Asada Map, Jamila Asda Map, Jamila Asada Map.

1687
01:22:32,120 --> 01:22:34,080
Speaker 4: Guys, God's angels and ancestors, please be with us as

1688
01:22:34,120 --> 01:22:35,920
Speaker 4: we go to Jamila's reading, that we bring forth what

1689
01:22:36,000 --> 01:22:37,759
Speaker 4: is in their best and highest good and remove anything

1690
01:22:37,760 --> 01:22:40,080
Speaker 4: that's causing resistance in their path from then living their

1691
01:22:40,120 --> 01:22:43,320
Speaker 4: best life and their best purpose. So be it all right,

1692
01:22:44,760 --> 01:22:50,240
Speaker 4: let's see what do we have for Mela. It's so

1693
01:22:50,320 --> 01:22:51,320
Speaker 4: fun to do on the spot.

1694
01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:53,160
Speaker 3: I'm so excited that you're down.

1695
01:22:54,360 --> 01:22:57,559
Speaker 4: I'm down. Okay, So first card that comes up this

1696
01:22:57,640 --> 01:22:59,800
Speaker 4: door to value. It's in your theme position, and door

1697
01:22:59,840 --> 01:23:02,240
Speaker 4: to value is about your worthiness. You are on the

1698
01:23:02,880 --> 01:23:06,080
Speaker 4: opportunity of opening the door to your worthiness, starting to

1699
01:23:06,120 --> 01:23:08,599
Speaker 4: understand where your abundance is at and starting to understand

1700
01:23:08,680 --> 01:23:10,840
Speaker 4: more about how you can bring that in. Like you

1701
01:23:10,840 --> 01:23:13,479
Speaker 4: said earlier, you're in the process of healing. So this

1702
01:23:13,560 --> 01:23:15,599
Speaker 4: door to value is really important because it's more about

1703
01:23:15,640 --> 01:23:20,200
Speaker 4: personal healing. Personal value and door cards are always opportunities

1704
01:23:20,200 --> 01:23:22,759
Speaker 4: that you get an opportunity to take. So it's about

1705
01:23:22,760 --> 01:23:26,639
Speaker 4: making the decision to say I'm worthy of and calling

1706
01:23:26,640 --> 01:23:29,120
Speaker 4: that in. What's really cool is on your left side,

1707
01:23:29,120 --> 01:23:31,479
Speaker 4: which is the internal like I call it the feminine

1708
01:23:31,520 --> 01:23:35,840
Speaker 4: masculine energy, but inward directed energy. You have a cornucopia cards.

1709
01:23:35,880 --> 01:23:38,719
Speaker 4: So harvest is on the horizon, which is really fun

1710
01:23:38,800 --> 01:23:41,240
Speaker 4: because like, if you're in the process of manifesting money

1711
01:23:41,360 --> 01:23:44,160
Speaker 4: and all that good stuff here in your worthiness, then

1712
01:23:44,200 --> 01:23:46,519
Speaker 4: you are opening yourself up to that harvest. But like

1713
01:23:46,560 --> 01:23:48,720
Speaker 4: we spoke about earlier, you need to be able to

1714
01:23:48,800 --> 01:23:51,679
Speaker 4: wait for it. And it's not that it's not around

1715
01:23:51,680 --> 01:23:53,200
Speaker 4: the corner. It's just that you may be a bit

1716
01:23:53,200 --> 01:23:56,200
Speaker 4: more impatient in that sense. So inwardly, there's going to

1717
01:23:56,240 --> 01:23:59,000
Speaker 4: be a lot of manifesting. It might not necessarily be

1718
01:23:59,080 --> 01:24:02,920
Speaker 4: in the outward express of finances, relationship, and so on,

1719
01:24:02,960 --> 01:24:05,439
Speaker 4: but it's more about you manifesting that healing that you've

1720
01:24:05,479 --> 01:24:07,760
Speaker 4: been looking for. Now in the middle here you have

1721
01:24:07,840 --> 01:24:10,519
Speaker 4: the door to romance cards. So that's two door cards,

1722
01:24:10,680 --> 01:24:13,080
Speaker 4: and it comes in the heartline directly underneath that door

1723
01:24:13,120 --> 01:24:16,759
Speaker 4: to value. So you're opening up not just relationships and romance.

1724
01:24:16,800 --> 01:24:18,960
Speaker 4: But when I think of romance, I think of like

1725
01:24:19,000 --> 01:24:22,400
Speaker 4: when someone's anticipating our needs, right, Like when someone comes

1726
01:24:22,439 --> 01:24:24,040
Speaker 4: to you and they're like, oh, I've got flowers for you,

1727
01:24:24,040 --> 01:24:25,479
Speaker 4: I'll get you some chocolates or whatever. It's like, oh

1728
01:24:25,479 --> 01:24:28,000
Speaker 4: my god, you thought of me. Like romance in the

1729
01:24:28,200 --> 01:24:30,479
Speaker 4: universal sense is being open to, like you said, those

1730
01:24:30,520 --> 01:24:32,760
Speaker 4: signs that the universe is trying to give you. That

1731
01:24:32,760 --> 01:24:35,599
Speaker 4: it's open to the worthiness that you've been working hard

1732
01:24:36,040 --> 01:24:39,360
Speaker 4: to get in your life. So again it's two decision cards.

1733
01:24:39,400 --> 01:24:41,200
Speaker 4: It comes up in the heartline saying like you have

1734
01:24:41,360 --> 01:24:44,479
Speaker 4: a double opportunity here to step through that door and

1735
01:24:44,560 --> 01:24:47,720
Speaker 4: this particular trajectory in your life to start to own that.

1736
01:24:47,840 --> 01:24:50,400
Speaker 4: Now on the right hand side, on your outward directed energy.

1737
01:24:50,400 --> 01:24:52,479
Speaker 4: You have the carrying connections card in the reverse position,

1738
01:24:53,040 --> 01:24:55,559
Speaker 4: and this card sometimes means that you could be headed

1739
01:24:55,600 --> 01:24:57,720
Speaker 4: for a breakup, but I don't read it like that.

1740
01:24:57,720 --> 01:24:59,200
Speaker 4: That's how the author wrote this deck.

1741
01:24:59,360 --> 01:24:59,960
Speaker 1: They bring it.

1742
01:25:00,040 --> 01:25:04,120
Speaker 4: This is about but it doesn't mean that. It doesn't

1743
01:25:04,160 --> 01:25:07,320
Speaker 4: mean your partner that you have. It could mean some

1744
01:25:07,400 --> 01:25:19,480
Speaker 4: other external relationship that you have. Okay. More importantly, more importantly,

1745
01:25:20,479 --> 01:25:24,720
Speaker 4: this is about. This is about you choosing yourself here, like,

1746
01:25:24,800 --> 01:25:28,280
Speaker 4: this is the separation of you making decisions based off

1747
01:25:28,320 --> 01:25:30,040
Speaker 4: of someone else. Like you said something earlier about being

1748
01:25:30,080 --> 01:25:33,880
Speaker 4: people pleaser, right, like, overly invested in what other people need.

1749
01:25:33,960 --> 01:25:36,080
Speaker 4: This is you breaking up with that so you can

1750
01:25:36,120 --> 01:25:40,920
Speaker 4: have romance for yourself, choosing yourself. Okay, you might choose

1751
01:25:40,920 --> 01:25:46,840
Speaker 4: yourself over Erica, and that's okay, Okay, all right, So

1752
01:25:47,040 --> 01:25:49,599
Speaker 4: that's a that's a little compact. Does that make sense

1753
01:25:49,600 --> 01:25:49,840
Speaker 4: for you?

1754
01:25:50,040 --> 01:25:50,240
Speaker 3: Yes?

1755
01:25:50,520 --> 01:25:55,519
Speaker 4: Yes, okay, all right, So Erica, it's your term. I

1756
01:25:55,520 --> 01:25:57,320
Speaker 4: want you say your full name out loud three times.

1757
01:25:57,760 --> 01:26:02,840
Speaker 2: Eric Dickerson, Dickerson, Eric Nicole Dickerson.

1758
01:26:03,640 --> 01:26:05,639
Speaker 4: Guys, God's angels and ancestors, please be with us as

1759
01:26:05,640 --> 01:26:07,559
Speaker 4: we go through Erica's reading that we bring forth what

1760
01:26:07,600 --> 01:26:09,320
Speaker 4: is in their best in highest good and remove anything

1761
01:26:09,360 --> 01:26:11,280
Speaker 4: that's causing resistance in their path from them moving their

1762
01:26:11,280 --> 01:26:14,559
Speaker 4: best life and their best purpose. So be it all right.

1763
01:26:15,200 --> 01:26:17,360
Speaker 4: So that's just the little prayer that I do that

1764
01:26:17,520 --> 01:26:20,360
Speaker 4: like protects my energy and make sure the intention is

1765
01:26:20,439 --> 01:26:25,840
Speaker 4: known that we have for Eric. Come, okay, oh wow,

1766
01:26:27,400 --> 01:26:31,280
Speaker 4: that's so funny. All right, so funny enough, even though

1767
01:26:31,320 --> 01:26:33,000
Speaker 4: you heard me shuffle the heck out of these cards.

1768
01:26:33,000 --> 01:26:35,400
Speaker 4: Yours is also door to value. So you guys are

1769
01:26:35,479 --> 01:26:39,680
Speaker 4: very aligned in energy, which is kind of crazy. So collectively,

1770
01:26:39,760 --> 01:26:41,439
Speaker 4: you guys are both in that part of the process

1771
01:26:41,439 --> 01:26:43,479
Speaker 4: where you're starting to understand your worthiness and you're having

1772
01:26:43,520 --> 01:26:46,320
Speaker 4: this opportunity for abundance to come into your life and

1773
01:26:46,920 --> 01:26:50,120
Speaker 4: really open that door in all of your worthiness, like

1774
01:26:50,160 --> 01:26:52,160
Speaker 4: you said, with your finances and stuff like that. More

1775
01:26:52,240 --> 01:26:54,280
Speaker 4: for you, I think particularly, it has to do a

1776
01:26:54,320 --> 01:26:57,360
Speaker 4: lot more with that type of abundance money on the

1777
01:26:57,439 --> 01:26:58,920
Speaker 4: left hand side. And the reason I say that is

1778
01:26:58,920 --> 01:27:00,880
Speaker 4: because on the left hand side you have the MVY card,

1779
01:27:01,400 --> 01:27:03,719
Speaker 4: and the MBY card shows up in that inward directed

1780
01:27:03,880 --> 01:27:06,559
Speaker 4: energy side. So it's not necessarily that you're jealous of

1781
01:27:06,600 --> 01:27:09,840
Speaker 4: other people, but you're like almost racing against something like

1782
01:27:09,920 --> 01:27:11,960
Speaker 4: I should be here by now, I should be doing

1783
01:27:11,960 --> 01:27:14,080
Speaker 4: this by now. It's almost an internal because it comes

1784
01:27:14,120 --> 01:27:15,839
Speaker 4: up on the left side. It's more about you comparing

1785
01:27:15,840 --> 01:27:18,840
Speaker 4: yourself to yourself. I should be doing this by now,

1786
01:27:19,000 --> 01:27:22,160
Speaker 4: and you're taking yourself out of the amazing progress that

1787
01:27:22,200 --> 01:27:24,880
Speaker 4: you've made so far because you're looking forward and saying,

1788
01:27:24,880 --> 01:27:27,160
Speaker 4: but I should be here, and it's taking you out

1789
01:27:27,200 --> 01:27:29,600
Speaker 4: of that space of that worthiness and that gratitude. But

1790
01:27:29,640 --> 01:27:32,000
Speaker 4: in the middle here you have the seventh chakra, archangel Uriel,

1791
01:27:32,120 --> 01:27:34,559
Speaker 4: and Uriel is all about that connectedness that you have

1792
01:27:34,640 --> 01:27:37,080
Speaker 4: in your crown chakra, that beautiful color that you have

1793
01:27:37,160 --> 01:27:41,439
Speaker 4: behind you for your podcast, that's this color. So that

1794
01:27:41,479 --> 01:27:44,240
Speaker 4: connectedness to the crown, it means you're highly highly intuitive.

1795
01:27:44,280 --> 01:27:47,040
Speaker 4: You're very very connected. And that's part of the problem,

1796
01:27:47,080 --> 01:27:49,639
Speaker 4: if you will, because you can see what's the future,

1797
01:27:49,840 --> 01:27:51,880
Speaker 4: you can see what's in the future for yourself, so

1798
01:27:51,880 --> 01:27:54,160
Speaker 4: you're like, let's go, like when it why isn't not happening?

1799
01:27:54,280 --> 01:27:57,040
Speaker 4: Like come on, let's go. And in that way, it's

1800
01:27:57,040 --> 01:27:58,560
Speaker 4: out of your comfort zone. You have a garden and

1801
01:27:58,600 --> 01:28:01,680
Speaker 4: the gate card on the outward world perspective. So for you,

1802
01:28:01,760 --> 01:28:04,840
Speaker 4: it's like, all right, this, this causes me discomfort. Let's

1803
01:28:04,880 --> 01:28:07,080
Speaker 4: fix it, let's move it, let's go, you know, And

1804
01:28:07,120 --> 01:28:09,240
Speaker 4: in that, you're needing to get out of your comfort

1805
01:28:09,320 --> 01:28:12,439
Speaker 4: zone by allowing things to unfold when they're supposed to.

1806
01:28:12,840 --> 01:28:15,000
Speaker 4: Even though you have that high intuitive ability to be

1807
01:28:15,040 --> 01:28:17,320
Speaker 4: able to sense what's coming, you're probably an early adapter.

1808
01:28:17,720 --> 01:28:20,920
Speaker 4: You're probably like pretty good on trends pretty quickly. It's

1809
01:28:21,080 --> 01:28:23,599
Speaker 4: just you being able to wake through that and go

1810
01:28:23,640 --> 01:28:28,600
Speaker 4: through that process instead of rushing through it. That makes sense, Yeah,

1811
01:28:28,920 --> 01:28:29,320
Speaker 4: it does.

1812
01:28:31,360 --> 01:28:35,360
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's exactly what I feel in so many ways,

1813
01:28:35,439 --> 01:28:39,360
Speaker 2: especially within this space of like finance and abundance.

1814
01:28:39,400 --> 01:28:42,639
Speaker 1: I'm like, girl, there's no way it's not going to happen.

1815
01:28:42,760 --> 01:28:43,080
Speaker 1: You do.

1816
01:28:43,240 --> 01:28:46,800
Speaker 2: You're doing everything that you a that you love, You're

1817
01:28:46,840 --> 01:28:49,120
Speaker 2: walking in your purpose like you're doing all the things,

1818
01:28:49,120 --> 01:28:50,040
Speaker 2: so it will come.

1819
01:28:50,120 --> 01:28:50,840
Speaker 1: It has to come.

1820
01:28:50,880 --> 01:28:57,559
Speaker 4: But like hello, I mean in your scorpio too, right, Yeah, yeah,

1821
01:28:57,600 --> 01:28:58,920
Speaker 4: so I'm a Scorpio rising.

1822
01:28:58,920 --> 01:29:01,920
Speaker 2: We have a lot too time patients, you too, girl,

1823
01:29:02,080 --> 01:29:04,280
Speaker 2: Scorpio rising too, so.

1824
01:29:04,400 --> 01:29:08,040
Speaker 4: Hard with patients, like just you know, it's allowing the process.

1825
01:29:08,080 --> 01:29:11,120
Speaker 4: Your lesson is different than meals in that way, like

1826
01:29:11,200 --> 01:29:14,759
Speaker 4: it's about the okay, Like I'm needing to be really

1827
01:29:14,800 --> 01:29:17,000
Speaker 4: really present right now, even though I have a connection

1828
01:29:17,120 --> 01:29:18,240
Speaker 4: to that future foresight.

1829
01:29:19,120 --> 01:29:22,840
Speaker 5: Okay, recently it was like trying to go to sleep,

1830
01:29:22,880 --> 01:29:25,960
Speaker 5: but I was like, you're safe. You have you have

1831
01:29:26,000 --> 01:29:30,759
Speaker 5: the number one podcast as, you have a podcast studio.

1832
01:29:31,040 --> 01:29:35,720
Speaker 5: I'm literally like telling myself about my accolades so that

1833
01:29:35,760 --> 01:29:39,720
Speaker 5: I can believe them, like you've come a long way, like.

1834
01:29:39,720 --> 01:29:42,519
Speaker 3: You're worthy, you're capable. I'm like, well, what kind of

1835
01:29:42,520 --> 01:29:43,680
Speaker 3: weirdo am? I?

1836
01:29:43,680 --> 01:29:44,439
Speaker 1: I don't think that's weird.

1837
01:29:45,080 --> 01:29:47,000
Speaker 2: Sometimes you got to live out and write them out

1838
01:29:47,040 --> 01:29:50,160
Speaker 2: so they're like real, yeah, you know, like you do

1839
01:29:50,240 --> 01:29:54,479
Speaker 2: you all those things you said you yes and more right?

1840
01:29:54,680 --> 01:29:54,880
Speaker 1: You know?

1841
01:29:55,120 --> 01:29:58,599
Speaker 4: Yeah. Because sometimes we just we override, like we used

1842
01:29:58,600 --> 01:30:01,000
Speaker 4: to just like okay, onto the next thing. We don't

1843
01:30:01,000 --> 01:30:03,240
Speaker 4: allow ourselves to really soak in what it is that

1844
01:30:03,280 --> 01:30:06,240
Speaker 4: we've done and enjoy what we've manifested.

1845
01:30:06,320 --> 01:30:07,800
Speaker 2: I was telling her the other day and I was

1846
01:30:07,800 --> 01:30:11,560
Speaker 2: like I feel numbs sometimes, like numb to my successes

1847
01:30:11,640 --> 01:30:14,160
Speaker 2: that like I've prayed for and I'm like, okay, got

1848
01:30:14,160 --> 01:30:15,880
Speaker 2: it next.

1849
01:30:15,920 --> 01:30:18,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I call that achievement syndrome. What is it

1850
01:30:18,960 --> 01:30:23,439
Speaker 4: called achievement? I call it achievement syndrome. It's the the

1851
01:30:23,520 --> 01:30:26,320
Speaker 4: lack of satiation by the things that we've manifested because

1852
01:30:26,320 --> 01:30:29,439
Speaker 4: it's the process of manifesting that we're like addicted to.

1853
01:30:29,520 --> 01:30:34,000
Speaker 4: It's not necessarily an addiction such as it's joke. Yeah yeah, Like,

1854
01:30:34,040 --> 01:30:36,880
Speaker 4: it's just it doesn't feed us because we're still looking

1855
01:30:36,960 --> 01:30:41,080
Speaker 4: to be worthy somewhere else. And it's like, wow, we

1856
01:30:41,120 --> 01:30:44,799
Speaker 4: really did like manifest the whole husband, baby, house, whatever,

1857
01:30:44,840 --> 01:30:47,479
Speaker 4: and like I can't just chill, no, you want more.

1858
01:30:48,479 --> 01:30:51,679
Speaker 4: It's like, okay, next, Like I remember when my podcast

1859
01:30:51,760 --> 01:30:54,760
Speaker 4: h hit number one in the spiritual genre and I

1860
01:30:54,800 --> 01:30:57,040
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, I did it. Okay, what's next?

1861
01:30:57,040 --> 01:30:58,640
Speaker 4: Now I need to get on YouTube and I needed this.

1862
01:30:58,680 --> 01:31:00,839
Speaker 4: And then I'm like, ll just chill for a second,

1863
01:31:01,600 --> 01:31:02,880
Speaker 4: Like damn, you know.

1864
01:31:03,439 --> 01:31:07,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I resonate with that feeling too. Yeah, Like are you.

1865
01:31:07,120 --> 01:31:08,000
Speaker 3: Satisfied, bitch?

1866
01:31:09,280 --> 01:31:12,320
Speaker 4: No, I'm like I'm sure, like my angel guides or whatever,

1867
01:31:12,360 --> 01:31:14,960
Speaker 4: they're like, you know, are my ancestors. For sure, you

1868
01:31:15,000 --> 01:31:17,479
Speaker 4: are living in our greatest dream. Just chill out for

1869
01:31:17,479 --> 01:31:19,880
Speaker 4: a second. Okay, this just right now, at this.

1870
01:31:19,960 --> 01:31:23,840
Speaker 2: Very moment for real, especially if you're black or brown

1871
01:31:24,040 --> 01:31:24,799
Speaker 2: living in America.

1872
01:31:24,960 --> 01:31:28,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, like, congratulations you're here.

1873
01:31:30,479 --> 01:31:32,400
Speaker 5: I mean when you think about like all the people

1874
01:31:32,520 --> 01:31:35,120
Speaker 5: that didn't make it, all the combinations of people that

1875
01:31:35,240 --> 01:31:37,480
Speaker 5: had to exist for you to exist.

1876
01:31:37,160 --> 01:31:38,960
Speaker 1: These lineages were done, and.

1877
01:31:40,120 --> 01:31:45,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, like there takes us two people, you know, from

1878
01:31:45,040 --> 01:31:48,280
Speaker 5: two different lineages, and we're both black. So there's all

1879
01:31:48,280 --> 01:31:52,639
Speaker 5: these these this trauma and this like conflict and this violence.

1880
01:31:52,960 --> 01:31:55,559
Speaker 5: But then here you are and you're living your purpose,

1881
01:31:55,960 --> 01:31:58,479
Speaker 5: which is a whole other feet and that's a big deal.

1882
01:31:58,600 --> 01:32:01,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, in the middle of a lot of disruption, and

1883
01:32:01,320 --> 01:32:03,360
Speaker 4: like we're in the middle of a really interesting time,

1884
01:32:03,680 --> 01:32:05,479
Speaker 4: like starting in twenty twenty, Like y'all saw all the

1885
01:32:05,560 --> 01:32:08,280
Speaker 4: uproar and how like all this new stuff was coming

1886
01:32:08,280 --> 01:32:10,320
Speaker 4: to the surface. I think like there we're in the

1887
01:32:10,360 --> 01:32:15,599
Speaker 4: process of digging down underneath the rug and sweeping things out.

1888
01:32:15,640 --> 01:32:18,679
Speaker 4: So it feels like it's getting worse while it's actually

1889
01:32:18,880 --> 01:32:21,680
Speaker 4: getting better because we're revealing a lot of things so

1890
01:32:21,720 --> 01:32:23,800
Speaker 4: that way we can heal. And we're not just healing

1891
01:32:23,800 --> 01:32:26,599
Speaker 4: for ourselves, we're healing our ancestors. I know that for myself.

1892
01:32:26,640 --> 01:32:29,040
Speaker 4: When I started healing myself I start, my mom started

1893
01:32:29,040 --> 01:32:32,880
Speaker 4: healing things, and as I think, as a result of

1894
01:32:32,920 --> 01:32:35,320
Speaker 4: me healing some of those things, so she start coming

1895
01:32:35,320 --> 01:32:36,760
Speaker 4: to me on her own and being like, well you

1896
01:32:36,800 --> 01:32:37,439
Speaker 4: think about this?

1897
01:32:37,560 --> 01:32:39,479
Speaker 1: What do you think about it that way?

1898
01:32:39,640 --> 01:32:39,920
Speaker 3: Either?

1899
01:32:40,479 --> 01:32:43,720
Speaker 2: And honestly, like, I've seen a shift. It's been over

1900
01:32:43,720 --> 01:32:45,800
Speaker 2: the last I mean, it's been a slow shift, but

1901
01:32:45,920 --> 01:32:48,920
Speaker 2: even this the end of this last year into this year,

1902
01:32:48,960 --> 01:32:52,400
Speaker 2: I've seen a shift in my mom. And obviously she

1903
01:32:52,479 --> 01:32:54,920
Speaker 2: has she's autonomy over her own healing process as well,

1904
01:32:54,920 --> 01:33:00,360
Speaker 2: But I never really associated it with me though too.

1905
01:33:01,120 --> 01:33:04,000
Speaker 4: And how me the generation trauma stops with you.

1906
01:33:04,240 --> 01:33:07,120
Speaker 2: Damn Well, it's also it's that it's the way I react,

1907
01:33:07,200 --> 01:33:09,040
Speaker 2: the way we once you're heal, the way you react

1908
01:33:09,120 --> 01:33:11,639
Speaker 2: to certain people that allows them to space to heal

1909
01:33:11,680 --> 01:33:13,720
Speaker 2: certain things where they're not getting the same reaction and

1910
01:33:13,720 --> 01:33:14,719
Speaker 2: therefore they can't give.

1911
01:33:14,600 --> 01:33:15,919
Speaker 1: You the same reaction anymore.

1912
01:33:16,080 --> 01:33:16,320
Speaker 4: Yep.

1913
01:33:16,880 --> 01:33:19,320
Speaker 1: So yeah, wow, thank you for that.

1914
01:33:19,479 --> 01:33:21,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, of course in a time.

1915
01:33:23,080 --> 01:33:25,639
Speaker 1: Well, well, I'm just so happy that we did this.

1916
01:33:25,800 --> 01:33:26,160
Speaker 1: Thank you.

1917
01:33:26,640 --> 01:33:30,599
Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you for coming on, thank you for having me.

1918
01:33:30,720 --> 01:33:32,439
Speaker 1: Can you tell our people where they can find you?

1919
01:33:33,479 --> 01:33:36,280
Speaker 4: Yes, you can go to the Lovelyalia dot com. A

1920
01:33:36,560 --> 01:33:39,200
Speaker 4: l e a to find basically everything. You can find

1921
01:33:39,200 --> 01:33:42,000
Speaker 4: me on Instagram at the Lovely Alia as well, and

1922
01:33:42,120 --> 01:33:44,559
Speaker 4: I also have offerings on Patreon dot com slash The

1923
01:33:44,560 --> 01:33:47,240
Speaker 4: Lovely Alia if you want to join my conscious community.

1924
01:33:48,040 --> 01:33:50,240
Speaker 4: We have this community of mystics and people that are

1925
01:33:50,240 --> 01:33:53,120
Speaker 4: into all the weird shit that get together and ask

1926
01:33:53,160 --> 01:33:54,880
Speaker 4: each other questions and we have events and it's just

1927
01:33:54,880 --> 01:33:56,920
Speaker 4: really fun to be able to have a group of

1928
01:33:57,000 --> 01:33:58,360
Speaker 4: people that you know are not going to side at

1929
01:33:58,400 --> 01:33:59,599
Speaker 4: you when you're like, oh, yeah, I saw this, goes

1930
01:33:59,640 --> 01:34:00,920
Speaker 4: do I talk to my GUIDs or I do this

1931
01:34:01,000 --> 01:34:02,280
Speaker 4: and that, So it's really cool.

1932
01:34:02,800 --> 01:34:03,320
Speaker 1: I love that.

1933
01:34:05,320 --> 01:34:08,479
Speaker 5: Well, you know where to find us, guys, Good Mom's

1934
01:34:08,640 --> 01:34:12,920
Speaker 5: Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram, go to our website Good

1935
01:34:12,920 --> 01:34:14,679
Speaker 5: Momsbadchoices dot com.

1936
01:34:15,160 --> 01:34:16,120
Speaker 3: We have offerings of.

1937
01:34:16,120 --> 01:34:22,040
Speaker 5: Merchandise, retreats, and we also have a Patreon, Patreon dot

1938
01:34:22,080 --> 01:34:24,920
Speaker 5: com backslash Good Mom's Bad Choices.

1939
01:34:25,680 --> 01:34:26,840
Speaker 3: And it's not.

1940
01:34:26,800 --> 01:34:29,000
Speaker 1: Too late to come to the retreat, guys. I know

1941
01:34:29,120 --> 01:34:29,800
Speaker 1: that we are.

1942
01:34:29,960 --> 01:34:33,559
Speaker 2: It's it is we're at the we're at the last hour.

1943
01:34:33,840 --> 01:34:35,360
Speaker 1: But if your spirit is.

1944
01:34:35,320 --> 01:34:39,920
Speaker 2: Calling you to a leave the ghettleness of America, maybe

1945
01:34:39,920 --> 01:34:41,320
Speaker 2: it's really cold as fuck where you are.

1946
01:34:41,360 --> 01:34:43,760
Speaker 1: Guess what, It's not cold in Costa Rica.

1947
01:34:45,080 --> 01:34:48,400
Speaker 2: We have an amazing group of women that are coming

1948
01:34:48,439 --> 01:34:51,160
Speaker 2: for both dates. The first date is February second, the

1949
01:34:51,240 --> 01:34:55,639
Speaker 2: second is February eleventh. Please come, we join our Sisters Circle,

1950
01:34:55,680 --> 01:34:59,920
Speaker 2: our little Tribe Circle. There's healing, there's booty shaking, there's

1951
01:35:00,520 --> 01:35:03,679
Speaker 2: topless dancing. We took over a whole property. It's women

1952
01:35:03,760 --> 01:35:06,439
Speaker 2: only and it's such a safe and beautiful space. So

1953
01:35:08,280 --> 01:35:10,679
Speaker 2: if you feel your spirit calling, come, come come. I'm

1954
01:35:10,720 --> 01:35:13,200
Speaker 2: linked everything here in the episode description, and make sure

1955
01:35:13,200 --> 01:35:18,000
Speaker 2: you follow the Good Vibe Retreat on Instagram.

1956
01:35:18,040 --> 01:35:21,040
Speaker 3: But I think that's it all right, See you guys

1957
01:35:21,080 --> 01:35:21,599
Speaker 3: next week.

1958
01:35:22,439 --> 01:35:49,960
Speaker 5: Bye bye,