1 00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:03,920 Speaker 1: I am Youngla, your host for this journey. I was 2 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:08,720 Speaker 1: a hopeless loveaholic but just could not get my love 3 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:14,240 Speaker 1: to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks and deep heartache, 4 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:18,639 Speaker 1: I finally got clear about what love is and what 5 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,520 Speaker 1: it is not. I want to share some of what 6 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:26,400 Speaker 1: I've learned about lover holism. Welcome to the R Spot, 7 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:39,519 Speaker 1: a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, 8 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:43,640 Speaker 1: Welcome to our spot, the place we come to learn 9 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,519 Speaker 1: about relationships. How to be better in relationships, how to 10 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 1: create better relationships, how to sustain relationships, because relationships are 11 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:58,760 Speaker 1: the classroom that we must all study in during our 12 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:05,960 Speaker 1: adventure call life. Okay, we're talking about crazy making behavior today. 13 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: I once heard a comedians say that if you've never 14 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:14,319 Speaker 1: wanted to kill somebody, then you have never been in love. 15 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,400 Speaker 1: That's right. You know that person that you love the most, 16 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 1: that just comes that moment when you look at them 17 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 1: and you want to say, why are you breathing? Why 18 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:27,040 Speaker 1: are you breathing? Have you ever had that experience? M 19 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 1: doesn't matter who you are, doesn't matter how deeply you 20 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 1: are in love. There are things that our partners do 21 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 1: our children's do Oh my god. When you're in relationship, 22 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:45,200 Speaker 1: it just comes those moments when people do things and 23 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 1: most of the time they are totally unconscious that they're 24 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: doing it, smacking their lips when they're eating, or they're sleeping, 25 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:57,640 Speaker 1: they're snoring or farting. So we're gonna take a lighthearted, 26 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 1: fun look today at those things that happen in our 27 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:08,000 Speaker 1: relationships that absolutely drive us bunkers. Okay, and let's see 28 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: how do you deal with it? How do you deal 29 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 1: with it when somebody it's just being who they are, 30 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 1: doing what they do and it's making you crazy? Do 31 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 1: you check it? Do you stop it? When not not 32 00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: even aware that they're doing it. So I've got a 33 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,120 Speaker 1: couple of guests today we want to just take a 34 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:29,440 Speaker 1: light hearted look at crazy making behavior. And here's my 35 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:36,359 Speaker 1: first caller. Welcome to the R five. We are talking 36 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:40,120 Speaker 1: today about crazy making behavior. What is it that your 37 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 1: partner or your children, or your mother or your father, 38 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:45,600 Speaker 1: your sister, your brother, that loved one. What is it 39 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: that they do that drives you crazy? 40 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 2: Oh my god, the stubbornness. 41 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,640 Speaker 1: Stubbornness, what do you mean? Tell me more? 42 00:02:56,080 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 2: Just stubborn behavior, being reluctant could change to the effects 43 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:05,679 Speaker 2: of communication, you know, just being a little bit more flexible. 44 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 2: Everyone has to kind of be right in every instance, 45 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 2: and it does kind of create, you know, or the 46 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 2: other animosity should. 47 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 1: I say, are you talking about your partner, your kids, 48 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:18,600 Speaker 1: your mother? 49 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 3: Who? 50 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 2: Oh, my partner? And thing sometimes where I do notice 51 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 2: that I'm an effect of communicator, So sometimes I'm kind 52 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,280 Speaker 2: of looking like, Okay, we could communicate a little bit better, 53 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 2: or you're a little bit stubborn, so you know, But 54 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 2: oftentimes with my partner and I'm during the course of 55 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 2: the marriage, I found that to be a huge thing 56 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:46,800 Speaker 2: for us. So my son he has that also. He's seventeen, 57 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 2: he'll be eighteen in February, and he's kind of at 58 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 2: that place where he's kind of in a little rebellious 59 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,720 Speaker 2: and as they say, smelling himself. 60 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 1: Now, what do you do when they do that? What 61 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 1: do you do when they're being stubborn? I mean, do 62 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 1: you push in, do you let it go? Do you 63 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 1: shake your head? What do you do. 64 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 2: All the above? But I do draw back a lot, 65 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,120 Speaker 2: and I think that it has a lot to do 66 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 2: with me being like a much more of a mediator 67 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,680 Speaker 2: that is what I do for a living. So I 68 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:22,800 Speaker 2: like to mediate and I like to find common ground 69 00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 2: where everyone can kind of agree to disagree and do 70 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:30,600 Speaker 2: things from different perspectives, so that you know, empathy. Empathy 71 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 2: goes a long way. But a lot of times, you know, 72 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,279 Speaker 2: sometimes people are said in their ways. 73 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 1: So now I was going to ask you that do 74 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 1: you think that they do it? Do you think they 75 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,479 Speaker 1: do it purposely, or do you think they're unconscious of 76 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 1: their stubbornness. 77 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:50,920 Speaker 2: Well, I'll be very transparent. When I kind of pursued 78 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:55,599 Speaker 2: my career in being a family counselor, I think a 79 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 2: lot more people BEAUTI from the perspective as though I 80 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 2: view them as my clients, and that is not the case. 81 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,480 Speaker 2: I just feel that if there's an effective way to communicate, 82 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:10,520 Speaker 2: then why not try the more effective way. So a 83 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 2: lot of times they feel like I'm kind of analyzing 84 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,479 Speaker 2: them or assessing them as opposed to just trying to, 85 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:21,159 Speaker 2: you know, find better ways to communicate and just break 86 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 2: down the barriers. 87 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 1: Okay, now here's here's the pop quiz. What do you 88 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:30,920 Speaker 1: do that you think drives them crazy? 89 00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:36,360 Speaker 2: I will be very honest. A lot of times people 90 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:42,680 Speaker 2: say that I'm it all. And while I can say 91 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:46,560 Speaker 2: I can deal from your perspective and say, okay, maybe 92 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:50,719 Speaker 2: just a little bit more knowledgeable in some things, but 93 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:54,960 Speaker 2: I wouldn't say I know it all. And oftentimes, you know, 94 00:05:55,960 --> 00:06:01,200 Speaker 2: when there is an imbalance between what someone has studied 95 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:04,440 Speaker 2: or a degree that they've obtained, or something that they've 96 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 2: done that others have not, and when you kind of, 97 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,160 Speaker 2: you know, have that expanded knowledge, now you're a know 98 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:15,760 Speaker 2: it all. But I wouldn't say that that that that happens. 99 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:21,160 Speaker 2: But I honestly feel that, you know, in most families, 100 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:26,160 Speaker 2: situations and dynamics, communication is a big thing, especially an 101 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 2: African American community. You know, therapy is not advocated for 102 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:35,159 Speaker 2: so when someone is trying to kind of be a mediator, 103 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:39,520 Speaker 2: oh now they feel stigmatized and you know, well, I'm 104 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 2: not your client, and don't try to over analyze this 105 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,040 Speaker 2: or assess me. And it's just sometimes it's just as 106 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 2: you said, shake. 107 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:51,240 Speaker 1: My head, trust me. If there's something they do that 108 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:55,040 Speaker 1: drives you crazy, there is something you do that drives 109 00:06:55,080 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 1: them crazy also so crazy makeing behave I believe that 110 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 1: yeah crazy, Well, you know what you can ask them, 111 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,279 Speaker 1: not just being a know it all but ask them 112 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 1: things that we do that we are totally unconscious of. 113 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 1: But thanks for calling. Thanks, We're going to put that 114 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:22,640 Speaker 1: on the list. Ineffective communication drives you crazy, okay, yeah, 115 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 1: in effective communication, I know. If you are a talker 116 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,960 Speaker 1: or you are, like our last caller, a mediator and 117 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: you want to get stuff settled and you cannot get 118 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 1: the other person to say a word, that is crazy 119 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: making behavior. Let's see what else we got on the 120 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 1: menu today. What is it that your partner, your children, 121 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 1: your parents, your coworkers do that drive you crazy? Hi'm 122 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: mis Hello, my darling, how are you? 123 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 3: I'm doing well good. My partner likes to focus on 124 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 3: the physical intimacy instead of the heart intimacy in our relationship, 125 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 3: and it drives me crazy. 126 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,040 Speaker 1: Tell me more, what do you mean? 127 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:17,040 Speaker 3: He feels as if all of our relationship problems will 128 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 3: be solved if we were more physically intimate. Yet he 129 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 3: doesn't understand that that's one sided. So you know, he 130 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 3: may be able to satisfy himself, but if the talking, 131 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 3: daring the others, the deeper level of intimacy is not there, 132 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,840 Speaker 3: then I am not satisfied. So it's kind of one 133 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 3: sided and it just drives me crazy that for him 134 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 3: it's just the physical that's the only thing that matters, 135 00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 3: and he can't see anything else other than that. 136 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:09,280 Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness, my goodness, that is a common common issue. 137 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 1: So what do you do? How do you manage that? 138 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:21,200 Speaker 3: So I have been satisfying at times his need, and 139 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,480 Speaker 3: I feel like I have been doing myself a terrible 140 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:33,120 Speaker 3: disservice because I have gone completely unsatisfied physically and emotionally, 141 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 3: because again, it's just all one sided for that. But 142 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,000 Speaker 3: if it's been one sided. 143 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: And can he hear you when you say that to him, 144 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,840 Speaker 1: this doesn't feel good to me, or I need something 145 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 1: deeper than this? Does he hear you when you say that? 146 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:59,000 Speaker 3: Well, no, no, I don't believe so, because his reaction 147 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:04,959 Speaker 3: is to try to make physical changes in shifts and 148 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:13,199 Speaker 3: not again the emotional changes and shifts. Let me take 149 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:16,760 Speaker 3: this pill so I could last longer instead of doing 150 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 3: something that's going to you know what I'm saying. 151 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well what would it be for you? 152 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,440 Speaker 1: Let's see if maybe you can You know, sometime you 153 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 1: can lead the horse to water, and you got to 154 00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:33,600 Speaker 1: help him drink it too, So what would a deeper 155 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,360 Speaker 1: level of intimacy be for. 156 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:43,920 Speaker 3: You, sharing, having a nice date, telling me that I'm beautiful, 157 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:50,199 Speaker 3: touching me, look at me in my eyes, daring our day, 158 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:55,680 Speaker 3: asking me how my day was, hearing my concerns. I mean, 159 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,960 Speaker 3: I guess I feel as if my presence is just 160 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:03,640 Speaker 3: not My physical presence in his world is enough, but 161 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,959 Speaker 3: it's I need more than that. Me just being physically 162 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:11,679 Speaker 3: present in or him being physically present in the room 163 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,800 Speaker 3: is not enough for me to feel his presence in 164 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 3: my life. 165 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:21,439 Speaker 1: And I really hear in your voice how how important 166 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,960 Speaker 1: this is for you. I can really really hear that. 167 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 1: And I also hear I don't know if it's sadness 168 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:36,079 Speaker 1: or pain that it's not there, which one is it. 169 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:46,840 Speaker 3: I am sad because I have I've expressed this and 170 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:52,720 Speaker 3: and still it's just not landing, you know, even just 171 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:56,000 Speaker 3: for me to tell him these are the things that 172 00:11:56,080 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 3: I need to the to the detail. You know, look 173 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:05,839 Speaker 3: me in my eyes, tell me you love me, Let's 174 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:10,280 Speaker 3: go on a date. You know, these are things that 175 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 3: he see. You know, it's it's like a joke for him. 176 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 3: I think he feels as if it is frivolous. And 177 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,840 Speaker 3: when I talk to him about it for him what 178 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:27,240 Speaker 3: he needs, and he's actually said it is for someone 179 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 3: to hold him, have sex with him, and everything is fine, 180 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:36,480 Speaker 3: and it's just not enough for me. We're incompatible, and 181 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:41,360 Speaker 3: it's just becoming so obvious now that you know we're 182 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:45,720 Speaker 3: growing apart. Now I'm examining how long we have been 183 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,199 Speaker 3: this incompatible. 184 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:51,120 Speaker 1: I was going to ask you how old is the relationship? 185 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:52,640 Speaker 3: Seventeen years? 186 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 1: Oh my god, mm hmm. So let me ask you this. 187 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,199 Speaker 1: Are you done or are you still willing to do 188 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:03,840 Speaker 1: some work? 189 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 4: I'm done? 190 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 1: Have you had that come Have you had that conversation 191 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:12,960 Speaker 1: with him? 192 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 3: I've had that conversation with him, and he would like 193 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,960 Speaker 3: to try. In the back of my mind, I still 194 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:27,920 Speaker 3: keep asking myself how I've gone so long in the situation, 195 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 3: Where did it go wrong? What can I do differently 196 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:38,000 Speaker 3: so that in my next go around I'm not settling again. 197 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:43,680 Speaker 3: I'm still examining within myself what it is that has 198 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:47,600 Speaker 3: had me in a situation for all of this time 199 00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:52,880 Speaker 3: and not satisfied. 200 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:56,200 Speaker 1: Well, don't think about it in terms of time, in 201 00:13:56,280 --> 00:14:00,160 Speaker 1: terms of years. Think about it in terms of disconnec 202 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:04,400 Speaker 1: from self. As we get older, we get wiser, we 203 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,920 Speaker 1: get more connected to the self. So let me ask 204 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:11,920 Speaker 1: you a question. What is it that you told yourself 205 00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:17,640 Speaker 1: that allowed you to go unsatisfied for so long? What 206 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,280 Speaker 1: is it that you tell yourself? 207 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 3: I told myself that this is what love was, This 208 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 3: was as good as it gets. I told myself that 209 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 3: this is what I deserved, that it ain't get any 210 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:36,720 Speaker 3: better than that. To afraid to find anything better than 211 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 3: that or anything different. 212 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:42,479 Speaker 1: Too afraid to find it, or afraid that you wouldn't. 213 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:43,840 Speaker 3: Find it that I wouldn't. 214 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,720 Speaker 1: And do you get that as long as you satisfied 215 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:53,040 Speaker 1: his needs and denied your needs, that you were communicating 216 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:57,800 Speaker 1: to him that this is okay, even though it wasn't okay. 217 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:02,840 Speaker 1: By continuing to satisfy his physical needs and allow your 218 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 1: emotional needs to go unmet, you communicated to him, okay, 219 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:14,479 Speaker 1: I'm just talking whatever. So you're speaking and your behavior 220 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:20,080 Speaker 1: were incongruent. You were saying one thing and doing something else. 221 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 1: I'm just bringing this to your awareness because you said 222 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,480 Speaker 1: you want to know so that next time you don't 223 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,360 Speaker 1: do the same thing. So one of the things that 224 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 1: you have to do, which probably drives other people crazy 225 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,960 Speaker 1: about you, is that you say one thing and do 226 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:39,240 Speaker 1: something else. It's like, you know the boy who cried wolf. 227 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:41,640 Speaker 1: This is not okay, this is not what I want, 228 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,880 Speaker 1: this is not what I need. But I'm gonna give 229 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,920 Speaker 1: you what you want, what you need and let my 230 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 1: needs go unmat Are are you in your forties or 231 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: headed there? 232 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 3: I'm in my fifties. 233 00:15:55,280 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 1: Oh in your fifties. Oh so you denied all your forties. Yeah, 234 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 1: that's what's happening to you. The wise woman is waking up. 235 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,920 Speaker 1: So you know you need a recent show that we 236 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 1: did called exit strategy. If you're done, to honor yourself, 237 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 1: you've got to have an exit strategy. You've got to 238 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:25,080 Speaker 1: know when you're leaving, how you're leaving, where you're going, 239 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 1: is he leaving, how you're going to support just all 240 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 1: of that stuff. If you're done, that's where you need 241 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:37,480 Speaker 1: to go. And part of the effort exit strategy is 242 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 1: communicating to him. You know he won't look you in 243 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 1: your eye. You need to look him in his eye 244 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:48,760 Speaker 1: and say I'm done, I'm no longer willing to go unsatisfied. 245 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:53,600 Speaker 1: Not You have to start, and you may have to 246 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:57,320 Speaker 1: say it like Grandma said fifty eleven times, but you've 247 00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:00,400 Speaker 1: got to start communicating that so that when you make 248 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,480 Speaker 1: your move, when you make your exit, whatever that looks like, 249 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,920 Speaker 1: or you ask him to exit, or however you do it, 250 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 1: that it's you know that it's loving. Because here's the thing. 251 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:13,680 Speaker 1: I want you to be real clear about this. You 252 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:20,960 Speaker 1: cannot leave until you can stay. You cannot leave until 253 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: you can stay. Let me explain what that means. It 254 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,639 Speaker 1: means if you're leaving in anger and upset and bitterness 255 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 1: or any of that. If you're leaving that way, you're 256 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,479 Speaker 1: going to be ping ponging back and forth until you 257 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:42,000 Speaker 1: can stay with him, knowing what you need and want 258 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:47,240 Speaker 1: no longer making his needs more important than yours, until 259 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,439 Speaker 1: you can stay and not be mad at him or 260 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:54,040 Speaker 1: upset with him. You can't choose to leave. And the 261 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,840 Speaker 1: only way you're going to leave and be gone is 262 00:17:56,880 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 1: if you make a choice. I'm done. I'm choosing to 263 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,400 Speaker 1: leave now. I'm done. I can't take this no more. 264 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,240 Speaker 1: I don't want this no more. I ain't doing this 265 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:09,040 Speaker 1: no more. Uh huh. If you do that, you're gonna 266 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,200 Speaker 1: ping pong back and forth. You go and come back, 267 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,840 Speaker 1: or you go and you let him in. And you've 268 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 1: got to be able to stay. You've got to be 269 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:20,600 Speaker 1: able to stay and not be angry, not be upset, 270 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:25,200 Speaker 1: but make a self loving, self honoring, self supported choice 271 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,960 Speaker 1: to be out of this relationship because it is not 272 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 1: satisfying to be out of this relationship, because you want 273 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 1: more intimacy, to be out of this relationship, because you 274 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:41,240 Speaker 1: now recognize that you and he are incompatible. You may 275 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,679 Speaker 1: have been compatible when you were not in touch with 276 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,720 Speaker 1: your deeper self, but you are now moving into that 277 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:51,440 Speaker 1: woman's cycle, that wise woman cycle, when you are in 278 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 1: touch with yourself and what looked like a chocolate Sunday 279 00:18:55,320 --> 00:19:04,560 Speaker 1: is now a soggy brownie. Yeah, you cannot leave until 280 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,480 Speaker 1: you can stay, and until you can talk to him 281 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,480 Speaker 1: and say what you need to say without any concern 282 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:12,600 Speaker 1: about how he feels or what he's going to do 283 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,399 Speaker 1: or what and untill you until you stop, you know, 284 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,719 Speaker 1: giving up the who ha. He don't get no more 285 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:22,320 Speaker 1: who ha, no more who ha for him. So just 286 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 1: don't beat yourself up. It's a natural, organic process. You know, 287 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,119 Speaker 1: if you love him and he's willing to do the work, 288 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 1: things could shift tomorrow. And if he's not and you 289 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:40,359 Speaker 1: recognize we're just in we are now incompatible you know 290 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:43,399 Speaker 1: people being marriage just twenty twenty five, thirty years and 291 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,960 Speaker 1: they break up and they think somebody did something wrong. 292 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:50,080 Speaker 1: Sometimes you just grow apart and it's okay. That's why 293 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:54,240 Speaker 1: it's good to stay until you can leave with no anger, 294 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 1: no bitterness, no upset. I'm just I'm choosing choosing something else. 295 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:02,320 Speaker 1: Does that make sense? 296 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:08,879 Speaker 3: That makes sense? That makes sense. So there's been a 297 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:15,280 Speaker 3: come of time where I'm going to sit in this 298 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:21,760 Speaker 3: relationship and I can sit in and live with him. 299 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 3: And when I can live with him and not feel 300 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:31,160 Speaker 3: as if I need to bolt, I can be in 301 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 3: that relationship. They'll lovingly be able to communicate and know 302 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:40,880 Speaker 3: within myself it is time for me to leave. Then 303 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 3: I can leave, and in the meantime, no nookie for him. 304 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,919 Speaker 1: The reason I'm saying that is because you're sending a 305 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,680 Speaker 1: mixed message. This is not okay, but it's okay. It's 306 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 1: not okay, but I accept it. It's not okay, but 307 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 1: I can do it. And what I'm hearing you say 308 00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,919 Speaker 1: is you're at the point where you no longer want 309 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 1: to do this. So vote for you. Vote for you. You 310 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,480 Speaker 1: get one vote, it's for you, and he'll figure it 311 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,800 Speaker 1: out or not or not. If the love is strong 312 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 1: and the foundation is solid, things will shift. Maybe you 313 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,840 Speaker 1: all have to go to counseling or whatever, or you 314 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:22,720 Speaker 1: may just really be done. But you got it. Sounds 315 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:23,600 Speaker 1: like a plan to me. 316 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 3: Sounds like a plan to me too. 317 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,639 Speaker 1: Well, thank you for calling. I wish you the best 318 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,640 Speaker 1: of you are so welcome, I beloved, take good care. 319 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 1: I wonder how many people out there put up with 320 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 1: the thing that drives them crazy to the degree that 321 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:50,440 Speaker 1: it just destroys the relationship, which just tears it down. 322 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:57,640 Speaker 1: And sometimes the thing that drives you crazy really is 323 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:02,400 Speaker 1: such a powerful learning tool for you. I mean why, 324 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: I'm not talking about farting, snoring, burping, I'm not talking 325 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:11,120 Speaker 1: about that. But this situation that my last caller brings up, 326 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:16,160 Speaker 1: that we will deny ourselves and put up with what 327 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:22,320 Speaker 1: we don't want, what is not satisfying us, rather than 328 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: be alone or rather than ask for what we want. 329 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:37,200 Speaker 1: We'll talk about that right after this break. Welcome back 330 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,040 Speaker 1: to the R spot. Let's get back to the conversation. 331 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,480 Speaker 1: I am a Yamla and today we are looking at 332 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:47,720 Speaker 1: crazy making behavior. What isn't in your relationship that your 333 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:52,040 Speaker 1: partner does or doesn't do that drives you crazy. We've 334 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:57,240 Speaker 1: heard effective communication, we've heard a lack of heart centered intimacy, 335 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:03,520 Speaker 1: but physical intimacy. And we've heard how the crazy making 336 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:09,119 Speaker 1: behavior can really destroy a relationship. And the crazy making 337 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,760 Speaker 1: behavior can also wake you up. Let's see what my 338 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:17,080 Speaker 1: next caller has to say. Welcome to the ur spot. 339 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:21,320 Speaker 1: We are talking today about crazy making behavior. What is 340 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:26,560 Speaker 1: it that somebody you absolutely love does that drives you crazy? 341 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:30,920 Speaker 2: What is it, Yethano, miss one thing that drives me crazy? 342 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 2: About my husband? He sleeps with his belongings in the bed. 343 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:41,119 Speaker 2: I mean, there's a phone, there's a laptop, and in 344 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,760 Speaker 2: the morning, I'm waking up to an alarm clock that's 345 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 2: underneath my stomach because I rolled over on his cell phone. 346 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:51,920 Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? He sleeps with electronics in the bed? 347 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 5: Yes? 348 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:53,639 Speaker 1: What is he doing? 349 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:58,240 Speaker 2: Sometimes he falls asleep doing work. Sometimes he's just scrolling 350 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,680 Speaker 2: and next thing you know, his phone is looking at him, 351 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,600 Speaker 2: and so he kind of stays up later than me. 352 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,280 Speaker 2: So I'm already asleep, But this is how I wake 353 00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:07,720 Speaker 2: up almost daily. 354 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,639 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, my god. And what have you said to 355 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:11,439 Speaker 1: him about it? 356 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:18,399 Speaker 2: I asked, why? But that has made me live with 357 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,280 Speaker 2: some regrets. So what I just do now I don't 358 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 2: see anything. I just pick up the belongings in the 359 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,520 Speaker 2: middle of the night, maybe on my way to the bathroom. 360 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,679 Speaker 2: I'll come back and I notice that they're there, and 361 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,240 Speaker 2: I'll just put them on his side of the room. 362 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:32,159 Speaker 2: He has an entire desk right beside his bit. So 363 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,280 Speaker 2: it's like, I don't know why you couldn't put those 364 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:35,160 Speaker 2: things there, But. 365 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:35,560 Speaker 3: I got you. 366 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,920 Speaker 1: Now, you do know that electromagnetic energy is not good 367 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:43,280 Speaker 1: for either one of you. You do know that, right, Yes, 368 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:43,880 Speaker 1: I do. 369 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:48,080 Speaker 2: And I've told him this and he's just like, well, 370 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,439 Speaker 2: it's okay, and you know, just tries to make reasoning 371 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,679 Speaker 2: as to why he continues to do this. But I know. 372 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,600 Speaker 2: I teach our kids this, like it's very important that 373 00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:58,479 Speaker 2: you not fall asleep with your cell phone on your 374 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,600 Speaker 2: chest or on your pillow too quick, see your brain, 375 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:01,920 Speaker 2: it's very dangerous. 376 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 1: Well now not now you're willing to continue with this pattern? 377 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:10,479 Speaker 1: Or are you thinking of ways you can disrupt, you know, 378 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:11,679 Speaker 1: interrupt the pattern. 379 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,600 Speaker 2: See what I do with my kids. I walk around, 380 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,919 Speaker 2: I collect I shut off the Wi Fi, and I 381 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,600 Speaker 2: collect the devices at night. But I'm thinking of ways 382 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,119 Speaker 2: that I can do that with my husband and not 383 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 2: treat him like one of the kids. Any suggestions, I'm 384 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:30,280 Speaker 2: open for it, because you know I don't. I don't 385 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,080 Speaker 2: want to get to the point where we're arguing about it. 386 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 3: But it does make me uncomfortable. 387 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:37,800 Speaker 1: Well, I would if there was someplace else I could sleep, 388 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:41,600 Speaker 1: I would sleep there. I guarantee you. The first time 389 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,800 Speaker 1: you do it, he's gonna say, say, you know what, 390 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,040 Speaker 1: I have read too many articles. I have seen too 391 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 1: many things that say that electromagnetic activity in your brain 392 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:56,440 Speaker 1: when you're sleeping is not healthy. You don't have a breast, 393 00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:00,200 Speaker 1: I do. You don't have a wound? I do, I don't. 394 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,560 Speaker 1: I don't want cancer. I don't want disease. So you 395 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 1: take your wife to bed, take at and t to 396 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:07,960 Speaker 1: bed with you. I'm go and sleep on the sofa. 397 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:09,200 Speaker 1: Now that's what I went to. 398 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,840 Speaker 2: Absolutely, that's it. That is key. Thank you so much. 399 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, because really it really isn't safe. It really isn't. 400 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:19,359 Speaker 3: Oh man, I. 401 00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:22,040 Speaker 2: Would definitely take that into consituation. We're gonna have that 402 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,520 Speaker 2: conversation tonight, because you know, you try not to be 403 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:30,119 Speaker 2: so heavy and demanding, but I've been told that I 404 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 2: could possibly have been too demanding, but as long as 405 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,320 Speaker 2: it's for the sake of the kids or anyone's health, 406 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:36,720 Speaker 2: I'm willing to be that. 407 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:40,919 Speaker 1: So well, you don't want to start glowing green in 408 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 1: the dark and grow a penis out your ear because 409 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,240 Speaker 1: your husband is sleeping with a phone. 410 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:52,399 Speaker 2: I don't have time for that, no, you know, and. 411 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:55,359 Speaker 1: You don't have to be demanding about it, you know. 412 00:26:55,560 --> 00:27:00,359 Speaker 1: As a matter of fact, here's a possibility. Say you 413 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,480 Speaker 1: know what's sweetie. I want you to be happy, and 414 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:07,800 Speaker 1: sleeping with your electronics makes you happy. But sleeping with 415 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 1: your electronics has the potential to make me sick. So 416 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,119 Speaker 1: since I want you to be happy, I'm going to 417 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:15,960 Speaker 1: sleep on the sofa. 418 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:19,960 Speaker 2: Night eloquently to the point. But sweet I love it, 419 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:21,600 Speaker 2: I have to work on that. 420 00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:24,119 Speaker 1: So just take yourself down to the sofa or the 421 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:28,359 Speaker 1: basement or the guest room or wherever. Oh, he'll get clear. 422 00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, I have a pull out there right in my office, 423 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,640 Speaker 2: so I'll sleep there and that'll shock them to the core. 424 00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:38,800 Speaker 2: That is it. Thank you so much. 425 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,280 Speaker 1: Okay, my darling, take good care. 426 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:42,879 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for all you do. 427 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:50,240 Speaker 1: It's interesting you know how we can navigate these things, 428 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:55,520 Speaker 1: because sometimes it's not just crazy making from a personal preference, 429 00:27:55,640 --> 00:28:01,480 Speaker 1: it's also crazy making because a person who's doing something, 430 00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:07,320 Speaker 1: either unconsciously or unwittingly, they may not even consider the 431 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:12,640 Speaker 1: impact that it has on somebody else, you know. So 432 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:16,920 Speaker 1: sometimes we're just not even conscious of how what we 433 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:22,120 Speaker 1: do impacts another person. And if you don't say anything 434 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:26,800 Speaker 1: about it, they will never know. And we'll talk about 435 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:35,879 Speaker 1: that when we come back. Welcome back to the R 436 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:40,640 Speaker 1: spot Crazy making Behavior. Let me see what my next 437 00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:45,200 Speaker 1: caller has to say. Greetings, and welcome to the our spot. 438 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 1: We are talking about what your partner or mother, or 439 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:53,040 Speaker 1: kids or coworkers do that drive you crazy and how 440 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:54,000 Speaker 1: you deal with it. 441 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:55,960 Speaker 4: I'm doing good, How are you doing? 442 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,120 Speaker 1: I am blessed? Thank you. 443 00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 4: Crazy making behavior Ready, it never fail every single time. 444 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:09,840 Speaker 4: And the all effect he has to pee. I'm not 445 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:14,520 Speaker 4: talking about like starting out. I'm talking about two seconds 446 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:18,240 Speaker 4: before time that he has to stop and he has 447 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:24,320 Speaker 4: to keep literally the past four years. And it's the 448 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,840 Speaker 4: most insane thing I've ever seen in my life. And 449 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:28,880 Speaker 4: I don't even know how to approach for to drive 450 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,000 Speaker 4: you crazy, that's. 451 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 1: Me crazy that's one't for the books. I don't even know. 452 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:39,480 Speaker 1: I don't even know what to tell you, because you 453 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:41,840 Speaker 1: can't tell somebody you can't pee right now. 454 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:44,920 Speaker 4: He cannot. And it's actually to the point to where 455 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:46,680 Speaker 4: like I can feel his brain and I say, you 456 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,000 Speaker 4: have to be, don't you And then you have to 457 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:52,200 Speaker 4: wait and he comes back and he's ready. But never 458 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,560 Speaker 4: fail and it never and actually it probably is the 459 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,840 Speaker 4: most guaranteed on the most exciting part of it. And 460 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:00,640 Speaker 4: it's just I've be effect. 461 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:01,480 Speaker 3: And then. 462 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,360 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're waiting. You're just like, 463 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:09,920 Speaker 4: you know, like, what are you supposed to putting your thouars? 464 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:11,240 Speaker 4: You know what I mean, Like, what are you supposed 465 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:11,479 Speaker 4: to do? 466 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,040 Speaker 1: I wonder if it's a health thing. I wonder if 467 00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:17,640 Speaker 1: it's a physical thing where one thing is happening and 468 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:21,840 Speaker 1: affects the bladder or I don't know, I've never heard 469 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:22,800 Speaker 1: tell us such a thing. 470 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:24,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, I never experienced this before. 471 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,560 Speaker 4: And then it's a whole another conversation. If that's a 472 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,800 Speaker 4: whole other conversation. But you know, how do you even 473 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:33,400 Speaker 4: approach something like that because you know it and it's 474 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:35,360 Speaker 4: never failed, it never. 475 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:38,280 Speaker 1: But you know what, no really this sounds this sounds 476 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,920 Speaker 1: like a health thing. Maybe you should invite him to 477 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:45,640 Speaker 1: go see a urologist. You know, it might be a 478 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,560 Speaker 1: health thing. I mean, you can approach it from that perspective. 479 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,080 Speaker 4: But he don't ever have bladder problems anytime else, Like 480 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:54,520 Speaker 4: it's just this, Like it would be different. I guess 481 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:56,400 Speaker 4: you know, we're driving and you can't hold your urine, 482 00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:59,640 Speaker 4: but it's always just in this. I don't know, girl, 483 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:00,160 Speaker 4: I don't know. 484 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:05,440 Speaker 1: But but I'm saying it might be a physical thing. 485 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:09,440 Speaker 1: But does he does he pee before? Can he pee before? 486 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:12,440 Speaker 4: Can he he does? I've tried that, you know, well 487 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,120 Speaker 4: before he even get started. Why would you go relieve yourself? 488 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,719 Speaker 4: This is not like thirsty p you know what I mean? Like, 489 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:20,600 Speaker 4: this is not like you know you say in trouble. 490 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,120 Speaker 4: I don't know what to say. And like I said, 491 00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,120 Speaker 4: it's a very sensive topic. But he drives me crazy, 492 00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:30,160 Speaker 4: he really does. 493 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:35,520 Speaker 1: I really think he should go see a urologist. He 494 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,040 Speaker 1: really should him. 495 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,480 Speaker 4: How should I start that conversation, you know? And by 496 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,440 Speaker 4: the way, I don't know I'm going to say something. 497 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:42,800 Speaker 3: I don't know. 498 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:44,880 Speaker 4: If he says something, you just suck it up. Granted 499 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,680 Speaker 4: when you come back tip top ten. You know top ten, 500 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:49,760 Speaker 4: he's a good man, Savannah for good god. 501 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 1: Well, you you got me stumped on this one. The 502 00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:57,440 Speaker 1: only thing I can say is get me to a urologist, really, 503 00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:01,760 Speaker 1: and and that's a real simple cause you know, it's 504 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:05,360 Speaker 1: a real simple conversation, you know, babe. I'm really a 505 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:10,240 Speaker 1: little concerned that every time we are being intimate that 506 00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:15,560 Speaker 1: your bladder becomes involved, that could be some something wrong 507 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,880 Speaker 1: with your wiring. Have you thought about seeing the urologist 508 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,120 Speaker 1: and maybe explain the situation. 509 00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,920 Speaker 4: I will definitely it's been Like I said, I will 510 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:27,320 Speaker 4: actually recommend that because it's been a tricky conversation, you know, 511 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,600 Speaker 4: side that you know, is this normal? It's just it's 512 00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:33,960 Speaker 4: not without bringing up you know, past partners or fast 513 00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:38,960 Speaker 4: things like that. But yeah, it's mind blowing, like I said, 514 00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:42,080 Speaker 4: And it's always the most opportunity, you know, we wait 515 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,240 Speaker 4: till we get some lettle nine and we want to 516 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:44,880 Speaker 4: come back to too. 517 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:49,720 Speaker 1: Oh my lord. But again, if you express it from 518 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:53,560 Speaker 1: a place of concern, as a place of you know, 519 00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:57,400 Speaker 1: frustration or or angst or whatever, you know, I'm really 520 00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:01,960 Speaker 1: concerned about this. This doesn't feel right. That your bladder 521 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:07,080 Speaker 1: becomes involved with our sexual encounters. Have you thought about 522 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 1: talking to a urologist? 523 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:13,200 Speaker 4: It's so bad, it's about just think it's you know, 524 00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:16,880 Speaker 4: in opportunity. What if it is something I never thought 525 00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:18,240 Speaker 4: about that ridiculous. 526 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:21,400 Speaker 1: It sounds to me like something is miswired down there 527 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,600 Speaker 1: because one thing ain't got nothing to do with the other. 528 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,680 Speaker 4: You know, And I honestly thought it. I don't know. 529 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,600 Speaker 4: I don't know what I thought. Actually, I'm not a 530 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,120 Speaker 4: lot of eaither and during that time, I'm thinking about myself, 531 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:34,400 Speaker 4: So I don't know, I've never so, like I said, 532 00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:36,880 Speaker 4: the little you're not thinking about Ali, I'm not. I'm 533 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:41,360 Speaker 4: thinking about me, like really this is really and so Yeah, 534 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:44,480 Speaker 4: but and it's everything as outstanding, but it has to 535 00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:45,760 Speaker 4: be well. 536 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:47,920 Speaker 1: I I would let him know that I that you're 537 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:51,560 Speaker 1: concerned about it. You know, you want him to be okay, 538 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,560 Speaker 1: you don't want you know, maybe he has an enlarged prostate, 539 00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:58,880 Speaker 1: Maybe he has an enlarged bladder, maybe his wiring is 540 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:02,720 Speaker 1: something but a euro If he explains the situation to 541 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,920 Speaker 1: a urologist, I'm sure they could let him know and 542 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:09,239 Speaker 1: even let now if it's normal. I don't know that's 543 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:15,040 Speaker 1: just then you in trouble. Even say you know, I 544 00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:18,359 Speaker 1: was doing a little research and this doesn't seem to 545 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:22,520 Speaker 1: be I don't want to say normal. This may be 546 00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:26,920 Speaker 1: something we should pay attention to because one thing shouldn't 547 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,440 Speaker 1: have anything to do with the other. And you know, 548 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:33,640 Speaker 1: it seems that every time, the more heated it becomes, 549 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:37,920 Speaker 1: your bladder wants to relieve itself. There may be something 550 00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:39,040 Speaker 1: wrong in the wiring. 551 00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, and I feel so bad now because I'm definitely 552 00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:46,520 Speaker 4: I've been workings, but that what you're saying with it, 553 00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,399 Speaker 4: like really really. 554 00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 1: Really yeah, I would really want to encourage you have 555 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:55,600 Speaker 1: have it checked out the most. 556 00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:56,240 Speaker 3: Uh. 557 00:34:56,400 --> 00:35:00,279 Speaker 1: It may be a health concern because again, one thing 558 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:04,000 Speaker 1: has nothing to do with the others. So I don't know, well, 559 00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:13,160 Speaker 1: who knew? Who knew? Well, have the conversation, Okay, all right, 560 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:21,240 Speaker 1: thank you? Wow, I tell you who knew? A fun 561 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:26,720 Speaker 1: lighthearted look and crazy making behavior bump into so many things. 562 00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:33,120 Speaker 1: And it also speaks to how in relationships, when we 563 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:37,280 Speaker 1: love someone or when we care about someone, the things 564 00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:42,279 Speaker 1: that we will accommodate or even overlook that could have 565 00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:46,960 Speaker 1: a much deeper meaning simply because we don't want to 566 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:53,759 Speaker 1: upset or disturb the other person. Let me see what 567 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:57,720 Speaker 1: my next caller has to say. Welcome to the our spot. 568 00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,920 Speaker 1: We are talking today about what is it that somebody 569 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:05,960 Speaker 1: does that makes you absolutely crazy, crazy making behavior? What 570 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:06,480 Speaker 1: is it? 571 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,400 Speaker 5: I would like to complain about how messy my husband 572 00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:13,319 Speaker 5: is and he's a freaking tornado, a category five in 573 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:13,800 Speaker 5: my house. 574 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:18,719 Speaker 1: Oh dude, let's gossip about him. What does he do? 575 00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:23,480 Speaker 5: I had my bathroom done beautifully, like every touch was mine. 576 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:27,359 Speaker 5: I love everything, even says the decal get naked. But 577 00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,360 Speaker 5: my husband loves taking a bath, and I got a 578 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:32,640 Speaker 5: beautiful stand alone tub, and he lives in there. When 579 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,520 Speaker 5: I tell you he lives in there, I can't even 580 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,680 Speaker 5: have my friends or my guests that come over go 581 00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:41,600 Speaker 5: in without me checking because he does a couple things 582 00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:43,359 Speaker 5: in there, such as nothing too bad. 583 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:43,960 Speaker 3: Trust me. 584 00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:48,279 Speaker 5: He enjoys his quote flowers so the tar can get 585 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:53,759 Speaker 5: a little bit all over, and his toilet habit. I mean, 586 00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,879 Speaker 5: every man should clean up and three human should clean 587 00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:59,319 Speaker 5: up after themselves. But that's something that he just just 588 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:03,759 Speaker 5: refuses to do. So you know that's yeah, it's it's bad. 589 00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:06,839 Speaker 5: I mean I have a friend that I love sometimes 590 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,160 Speaker 5: that passes by and needs to use the bathrooms because 591 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:12,080 Speaker 5: it's like a midway point and she knows who she is, 592 00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:14,560 Speaker 5: but she'll just say, you know, I'm coming in hot. 593 00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,160 Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, I. 594 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,399 Speaker 5: Hope that bathroom's clean, and he'll go in and take 595 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:22,080 Speaker 5: five minutes and clean up. And that is, without an exaggeration, 596 00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:25,239 Speaker 5: that is hands down, probably my biggest thing that I 597 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,400 Speaker 5: do in every project he starts, he leaves a complete 598 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,600 Speaker 5: mess and doesn't know how to put anything away. 599 00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:36,040 Speaker 1: So that, oh my god, listen, that one would drive 600 00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:40,839 Speaker 1: me crazy. Oh my god, leave the tools all over 601 00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:45,440 Speaker 1: the place, the thing's incomplete. Oh my god. I'm with 602 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:49,160 Speaker 1: you on that one. I am absolutely with you on 603 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,480 Speaker 1: that one. And what do you do? 604 00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:50,719 Speaker 6: Do you? 605 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,719 Speaker 5: I do a gentle reminders while I'm walking by, Like 606 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,399 Speaker 5: he loves to clean the floor because we have four dogs, 607 00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:58,960 Speaker 5: so it could get a little bit crazy in here. 608 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:00,800 Speaker 5: So he is kind of to clean the floor. 609 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:01,560 Speaker 3: That's the one thing. 610 00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,359 Speaker 5: But putting stuff away is my problem. Now. Kindly remind him, 611 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:06,640 Speaker 5: don't forget to put that away when you're done, and 612 00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:09,440 Speaker 5: he will glare at me. No way that he already 613 00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:11,920 Speaker 5: knows that, and I shouldn't have to remind him. Yet 614 00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,640 Speaker 5: five hours later, as I still go up and sitting 615 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:17,720 Speaker 5: in the middle of room living room floor, I'm like, Okay, 616 00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:19,600 Speaker 5: I'm just gonna do it. He's like, what I wasn't done? 617 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:21,440 Speaker 5: Like you were done five hours ago? Do you have 618 00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:23,160 Speaker 5: more to do that I'm not aware of. This is 619 00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,919 Speaker 5: the same conversation that we hold probably at least once 620 00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:27,120 Speaker 5: a week, and then I. 621 00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:27,600 Speaker 4: Put it away. 622 00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:29,680 Speaker 5: He gets upset with me because I'm putting it away 623 00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:31,440 Speaker 5: because he told me he was not done with it. 624 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:32,360 Speaker 3: Was just not true. 625 00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:36,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's that's one that when you have a 626 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:40,000 Speaker 1: clutterbug or you have a mess a messaholic and a 627 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:43,840 Speaker 1: neat freak. Oh baby, that is a problem right there. 628 00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:48,600 Speaker 5: Well, I much for a compromising. 629 00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:51,239 Speaker 1: I don't even know what to tell you. Do you 630 00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:54,120 Speaker 1: think he's conscious of it or does he just do it? 631 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,279 Speaker 1: You know, to get on your nerves. You think he's 632 00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,560 Speaker 1: conscious that he's a mess a mesaholic. 633 00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:03,359 Speaker 5: I know he's quite aware he's messy, and he does 634 00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:06,960 Speaker 5: try so God, yes, he does certainly try on certain days. 635 00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:09,440 Speaker 5: But it's the bigger projects where I'm like, can I 636 00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,919 Speaker 5: help you or I'll put things away. I know where 637 00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:13,200 Speaker 5: they go, it's like no, no, no, I got it. 638 00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:14,600 Speaker 4: Don't touch anything, okay, got it. 639 00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 3: Fine, But he is conscious about it. 640 00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:21,640 Speaker 5: But then there's that scatterbrain thing like ooh, squirrel, let 641 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:23,839 Speaker 5: me go do something else really quick while I'm doing this, 642 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:27,680 Speaker 5: And then three other smaller projects. So then there's a trail, 643 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:31,120 Speaker 5: which is why I call him my tornado category five. 644 00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:36,319 Speaker 5: You know. So I know that's who he's trying to be, 645 00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:39,880 Speaker 5: but it's just not truly conscious being in the moment 646 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,160 Speaker 5: to just put things away before you start something else. 647 00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,760 Speaker 1: Well, it may drive you crazy, but it doesn't sound 648 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:46,279 Speaker 1: like it's going to end the marriage. 649 00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:47,640 Speaker 2: No, no, no no. 650 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,560 Speaker 5: But it's fun to just kind of, you know, be 651 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:53,040 Speaker 5: able to opportunity to complain with you and also just 652 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:57,840 Speaker 5: you know, let my frustrations out to the planet. 653 00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:01,120 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I know you got to that sometimes, and 654 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:04,959 Speaker 1: you know, God bless you. I do know that one 655 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,400 Speaker 1: at all. Any mother with a child knows that, and 656 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:13,480 Speaker 1: any woman with a mesaholic as a partner absolutely knows that. Now, 657 00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:16,359 Speaker 1: if you were to come in my closet, you may 658 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,680 Speaker 1: name me a messaholic, but I know where everything is 659 00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:22,120 Speaker 1: that drives people for crazy. I can tell you where 660 00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:25,280 Speaker 1: to go in the pile of crazy to get something, 661 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:29,160 Speaker 1: and you know I don't bother me, so I understand. 662 00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:34,040 Speaker 5: Well, you have a door that kind of neatly covers 663 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:37,600 Speaker 5: the peutifl that you can and I can't really door 664 00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:38,480 Speaker 5: up the living room. 665 00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:41,680 Speaker 1: No you cannot. No you can't, or the dogs or 666 00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:46,600 Speaker 1: the dogs, or the bathtob or the bathtub. Okay, well, 667 00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:50,680 Speaker 1: I'll as they say, I will keep you in my prayers. 668 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:53,759 Speaker 2: I appreciate it. 669 00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:56,040 Speaker 3: You have a great week, ad you too, my love. 670 00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:59,560 Speaker 1: Bye bye. Yeah, that's a big one. A neat freak 671 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:03,560 Speaker 1: and a that's aholic, that is that's one that I 672 00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:06,880 Speaker 1: don't even know how you navigate that and you just 673 00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:12,160 Speaker 1: learn how to live with it. But everybody has something 674 00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:18,120 Speaker 1: that they do that drives somebody else crazy. So I 675 00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:21,520 Speaker 1: would say, when someone is driving you crazy with their behavior, 676 00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:25,480 Speaker 1: ask yourself, Okay, what do I do that makes somebody 677 00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:28,520 Speaker 1: else crazy? Because if it's in the chair, it's in 678 00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:34,080 Speaker 1: the room. So you're driving somebody's driving you crazy. Trust me, 679 00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:38,640 Speaker 1: you two are driving somebody crazy. But what gets us 680 00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:42,600 Speaker 1: through those things is the love is the love. If 681 00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:46,760 Speaker 1: the foundation is solid and the love is present, we 682 00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:51,359 Speaker 1: will accommodate that crazy making behavior. Now, there does come 683 00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:54,120 Speaker 1: a point when you need to say something about it, 684 00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:58,160 Speaker 1: and say it with love, not making the other person wrong, 685 00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:03,399 Speaker 1: but just raising your con concerns, raising a possibility for 686 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:07,480 Speaker 1: some change, maybe asking how can I support you in 687 00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:11,360 Speaker 1: doing this differently? And if there's something you need, be 688 00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:15,239 Speaker 1: sure to ask for what you want. I hope you 689 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:18,560 Speaker 1: have enjoyed this episode of The R Spot. I hope 690 00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:21,759 Speaker 1: you've heard something today that you can use to make 691 00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:27,360 Speaker 1: your relationships better. We'll be back, but in the meantime, 692 00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,400 Speaker 1: stay in peace and not in pieces. 693 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:41,279 Speaker 6: Bye. 694 00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:46,600 Speaker 1: The R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in 695 00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:52,360 Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit 696 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:56,719 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 697 00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:58,000 Speaker 1: your favorite show.