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Speaker 1: Radio Radio Radio nis a myth and bullshit radio phonic

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Speaker 1: novella Look Radio hosted by Malamn. Welcome back, look at Mortis,

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Speaker 1: Welcome back, Welcome back to look at our Radio. This

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Speaker 1: is my lad and this is and we are back

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Speaker 1: with another capitulo, our radio phonic novella coming to you

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Speaker 1: once again from Radio Spacio in boil Heights. Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for joining us Look at a Radio as

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Speaker 1: a radio phonic novella archiving the legacies, geniuses and brilliance

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Speaker 1: of women and fans of color. Thank you, thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you for tuning in to fort a. Um. So,

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Speaker 1: last time I Look at our Radio, we interviewed the

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Speaker 1: one and only Curly Velasquez Curly V from Pedal Like.

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Speaker 1: That was a really fun interview. Thank you Curly once

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Speaker 1: again for joining us us. Yes, so, if you haven't

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Speaker 1: tuned into that one just yet, you should go on

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Speaker 1: over to audio Boom, SoundCloud, Spotify or Apple Podcast to

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Speaker 1: do so. And um, we've been busy, We've been busy.

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Speaker 1: We just wanted to do a quick recap before we

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Speaker 1: get into an amazing interview that we have, beautiful interview

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Speaker 1: with beautiful guests. Yes so, um. Last week we were

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Speaker 1: invited to the Latina Writer's Conference that was held up Rasa,

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Speaker 1: and we were on a panel called space Making in

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Speaker 1: the Physical and Digital World and um we were we

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Speaker 1: were joined. Yeah, we had. There were other panelists, other

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Speaker 1: panelista's um such as Julia from Buzzfeeds butt all like

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Speaker 1: Cindy Rodriguez of Salvis Lunch and Laticia Ernandez Leonards, a

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Speaker 1: poet and interdisciplinary artists. It was a great panel. Thank

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Speaker 1: you everybody who showed up, um who came, who asked questions,

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Speaker 1: and it was really fun for us to be at again. Yes,

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Speaker 1: because one of our first panels ever was was there

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Speaker 1: at Less four and even like predate that in high school,

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Speaker 1: I was actually in a writer's cohort um that was

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Speaker 1: in partnership with this. It was us. It was a

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Speaker 1: writing summer program and it was in partnership with cal Arts,

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Speaker 1: the art school. And so I was, you know, at sixteen,

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Speaker 1: performing a song, I mean perform performing a poem about

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Speaker 1: queer love on that stage. Yes, So I'm like, okay, hello,

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Speaker 1: I love it. I love it because like we're such local,

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Speaker 1: we're such local l a bit and don't ever forget

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Speaker 1: ever forget it. We're out here. We've been here in

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Speaker 1: the community, in the spaces. Anyways, we also we did

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Speaker 1: something new, something new on the West Side. On the

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Speaker 1: West Side, we haven't finding ourselves out there, you know,

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Speaker 1: that is really where they are producing the context everything.

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Speaker 1: So we were actually invited to be on Get It

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Speaker 1: Girl TV US, which is a production a TV show

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Speaker 1: that is hosted It's on l A t V. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so we were asked to be on it and we

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Speaker 1: had a really really cute interview. It's like fixing. The

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Speaker 1: girls are so amazing. Um, the videos the interview is

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Speaker 1: not out yet, so when it is we will let

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Speaker 1: you'll know. But we'll sure want to thank though the

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Speaker 1: women of Get It Girl TV for having us. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was incredible and um, you can follow them on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: Get a Girl TV also something super super fresh and

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Speaker 1: knew that was just published today. Um. Yarra Simon is

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Speaker 1: a writer and an editor at Ramescla and she reached

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Speaker 1: out to the ASA and I actually separately, and we

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Speaker 1: had no idea that we were both contributing to this article.

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Speaker 1: It's funny, but anyway, so YadA put this article together

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Speaker 1: for Ramescla about you know how to latin X people

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Speaker 1: really feel about Hispanic Heritage month, So go check that out.

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Speaker 1: We posted it on our Instagram. It's online, um, and

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Speaker 1: we have some reminders. Yes. Oh also real quick, I

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Speaker 1: wanted to share that I am now a contributor for

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Speaker 1: Hip Latina. Yeah. I have been like making my little

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Speaker 1: waves around the internet, um with writing, and I haven't

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Speaker 1: actually shared on the podcast, but I have a few

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Speaker 1: articles that have come out with We Army Do Well

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Speaker 1: Fierce by Hip Latina. So I'm really excited. So head

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Speaker 1: on over to my instagram to check them out. Check

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Speaker 1: that out, Baby girls a writer. We're writing. We're writing. Yes,

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Speaker 1: we out here all right, reminders, So we are booking, booking, booking, booking.

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Speaker 1: We love to book four Fall universities, conferences, community events, um,

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Speaker 1: whatever lame it, we will be there. Parties. We do

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Speaker 1: it all. You know that we do it all here

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Speaker 1: at Look at our radio. Email us, look at our

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Speaker 1: radio at gmail dot com. Even if you don't have

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Speaker 1: an idea of what you want us to do there,

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Speaker 1: just reach out to us. We'll figure it out. We

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Speaker 1: do workshops, we do panels, we do keynotes, fem tech

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Speaker 1: latin X Tech intro to Podcasting, Goddess Workshop, Worship, fem Defense,

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Speaker 1: have you all of our copy pitles can be turned

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Speaker 1: into all of them a latica. And as you know,

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Speaker 1: we fem see we do parties, so keep that in mind. Anyways, anyways, okay,

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Speaker 1: so that we have had to fly through this, we

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Speaker 1: really want to get y'all to this next interview that

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Speaker 1: we have with the one and only Yes or call

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Speaker 1: ros and and and and and and and and and

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Speaker 1: and and and and and and and and and and

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Speaker 1: send and and friends and and um um um from

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Speaker 1: it and and we are back. We're back. We're back.

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Speaker 1: We're back. And we have a very very very very

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Speaker 1: very special guest with us here today. Yes, we have

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Speaker 1: the one and only our home girl, our favorite poet. Yes. Hello, everybody,

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Speaker 1: please please welcome Yessica. She's back on the podcast, back

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Speaker 1: on local. She has new work that has not yet

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Speaker 1: been released. She's going to talk to us about it. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and but before we get into that, um, we actually

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Speaker 1: want to answer some o Yelka's questions with Yessica before

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Speaker 1: we talk about her new book, the Soto and the

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Speaker 1: process and everything that she's going to share with us.

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Speaker 1: So let's get into our segments. All right, all right,

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Speaker 1: so the first question think always always in. So the

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Speaker 1: first question that we have is where is yourself confidence

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Speaker 1: come from? Who wants to start? Who wants to start?

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Speaker 1: That's a big question, and we've been getting asked that

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Speaker 1: question a lot recently on the socials. I think because

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Speaker 1: people see you like stunning on the on the grounds

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Speaker 1: and yeah, so they feel like maybe you're really confident,

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Speaker 1: which possibly, but also like maybe not maybe not. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Well it's summer too, and I think for summer for

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Speaker 1: many of us like a where we feel most anadequate

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Speaker 1: in our bodies. It's high. We feel gross and ekey,

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Speaker 1: and and it's easy to look at people's pictures and

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Speaker 1: be like they look so fly, Like no, I was

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Speaker 1: s writing my ass out uncomfortable, Like I took that

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Speaker 1: outfit off the minute I took the picture. It's just

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Speaker 1: for the gram, um. But I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: times too, for getting to a place of confidence is

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Speaker 1: about faking it till you make it okay, Like, um,

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Speaker 1: you know, like I feel hell uncomfortable in this outfit,

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Speaker 1: but um, I'm gonna take pictures in it anyway, And

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Speaker 1: then you share it online and you get so much

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Speaker 1: validation that might make you brave enough to wear it

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Speaker 1: like outside of the house, you know. And and I

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Speaker 1: think that that's how a lot of my self growth started,

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Speaker 1: like taking pictures and being like, no, I'm worthy of

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Speaker 1: a picture, I'm worthy of a selfie and Shane it

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Speaker 1: and then Shane and not having anybody boomy, you know,

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Speaker 1: like whatever. Then I was just like okay, all right, cool,

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Speaker 1: I got it. Yeah, Well, that reminds me. You had

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Speaker 1: the hashtag going for a while, the hashtag yes, and

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Speaker 1: that was a really good movement. It was. It was

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Speaker 1: a few years. It was. It's been about two years.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe it. It's been two years. And we

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Speaker 1: were just becoming fine yeah history, yes, and and it

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Speaker 1: was it had a mind of its own. I've been

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Speaker 1: wanting to do it again, but um my following is

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Speaker 1: so much more bigger now than I don't know, I'll

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Speaker 1: be able to wade through other pictures and I hate

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Speaker 1: not being able to share all the pictures, you know.

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Speaker 1: And but it was buns and invited anybody of anybody

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Speaker 1: type to take pictures of themselves and crop tops because

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Speaker 1: it was right when I was all about the top

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Speaker 1: top and it got picked up by like and Huffington everywhere,

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Speaker 1: like it was a very needed movement and and it

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Speaker 1: was really exciting and it was really cool and was

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Speaker 1: in it. I was yes, and a bunch of other

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Speaker 1: like come girls, where lots of people submitted photos. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I think that was we were just getting to

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Speaker 1: know each other really, so it was a really good

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Speaker 1: moment I think to share. And then we also did

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Speaker 1: the lipstick one. Yeah, when I did it lipstick one

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Speaker 1: where I invited women of different colors to share them,

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Speaker 1: and that one also got picked up. But yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: it's a lot of us are looking at there, are

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Speaker 1: looking for other confident people or or want to be

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Speaker 1: told her confident. Well that reminds me thinking of the

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Speaker 1: hashtag which is how I got introduced into the film community,

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Speaker 1: is hashtag Fans of Color Visibility, which the l Fans

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Speaker 1: of Color Collective started, and that one the same thing

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Speaker 1: has like had like a mind of its own. It

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Speaker 1: has like over ten thou post now and it's just

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Speaker 1: all these different folks of different body types, like you said,

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Speaker 1: different skin colors, different gender identities, um identifying a spense

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Speaker 1: of color. So also seeing that I'm seeing all these

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Speaker 1: badass people, all these beautiful people sharing photos. It's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I have so much to be grateful for in my

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Speaker 1: own body or feel confident in love, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean? Yeah, I love how you also bring up

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Speaker 1: summer and confidence, Like specifically I think about the fact that,

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Speaker 1: like you're saying, in summer, we're wearing fewer clothing than

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Speaker 1: the rest of the year. And something that I think

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Speaker 1: is huge too, is how that also goes hand in

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Speaker 1: hand with increased street harassment. Yes, and so maybe you

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Speaker 1: get your validation, you get your confidence up, you wear

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Speaker 1: your little outfit out of the house, and then how

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Speaker 1: do you maintain your confidence when you're being targeted and

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Speaker 1: shouted at, being street her at, Because the main purpose

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Speaker 1: of street harressment is aggression. Aggression's not actually a compliment,

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Speaker 1: is to tear you down because you you feel confident

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Speaker 1: and you look confidence, I'm gonna make uncommell. It's intimidation

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Speaker 1: and social control. So for me, I always think of that, like,

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Speaker 1: what what does it mean to be confidence? Exactly? When

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Speaker 1: the confidence is almost like a challenge to like this masculinity,

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Speaker 1: and so they want to make sure that you know,

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Speaker 1: right the kind of power that they have to at

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Speaker 1: least you or to make you feel uncomfortable, intimidate you.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. I mean I say a lot to that.

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Speaker 1: I have a friend to go the most beautiful when

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Speaker 1: I'm defiant, and I think that, um, for us, beauty

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Speaker 1: is defiance, right, and that not the the stereotypical idea

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Speaker 1: of beauty, but however we each personally define it. But

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Speaker 1: for you to say like I'm worth looking at and

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Speaker 1: I'm worth like being praised is some but not by

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Speaker 1: the male gaze, like this kind of like defiant statement.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely yeah, And I mean, like, you know, we all

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Speaker 1: learn how to weaponize ore are are are badass attitudes

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Speaker 1: to like you were shapes when you're out, or like

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Speaker 1: you take the over to the place and back or

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Speaker 1: are you ready to flip off any car and whatever

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Speaker 1: it along siletto nails? Yes, you know, we weaponize our

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Speaker 1: our bodies however we can. We talked, We've talked about that.

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Speaker 1: I think too is and specifically like I think for us,

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Speaker 1: and I think about myself having pretty privilege and these

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Speaker 1: different things, right, and I fucking I milk the ship

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Speaker 1: out of my pretty privilege as often and as much

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Speaker 1: as I can. Fuck that like, we have only certain

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Speaker 1: things that we can work with. Might as well if

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Speaker 1: this is my capital, this is my capital. I don't

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Speaker 1: have financial capital, I don't have the narrow right, but

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Speaker 1: I can use this. I say, if we're using that

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Speaker 1: privilege to work against which y'all do, to work against patriarchy,

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Speaker 1: off for it, right, because we know better than to

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Speaker 1: use it against other like thems and women and stuff

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Speaker 1: like that. So I think when people here pretty privilege,

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Speaker 1: we think that it's privilege over other women, and we're like, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: it's a privilege that men think they're giving us. But

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Speaker 1: we turned it around and red on the weizing we're

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Speaker 1: literally using it to our advance. It's a resource for survival.

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Speaker 1: It's a resource for survival. And I also think about

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Speaker 1: how whether it's career or whether it's related to like

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Speaker 1: entertainment or art, how there is this premium and there's

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Speaker 1: this focus put on youth also. So it's like, if

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Speaker 1: we don't do this now, we don't utilize now, then

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Speaker 1: when yeah, people think I'm in my mid thirties and

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Speaker 1: you're mid thirties, you're not You're not invited to a

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Speaker 1: lot of the things that other people are but because

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Speaker 1: I look so young, right, I still get invited to

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Speaker 1: like the up and coming blah blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 1: I don't correct anybody until I'm sitting on the panel,

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Speaker 1: but like, oh no, I'm thirty four years old, and

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Speaker 1: they're like, we thought you were twenty by them. It's

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Speaker 1: my good jeans exactly. But I'm here alreadything You're not

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Speaker 1: going to tell me to go home exactly, and that's

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Speaker 1: what matters. Yeah, yeah, yes, I cannot believe that we

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Speaker 1: have seen you now through two books. You're like the

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Speaker 1: way So when we met you, of course you were

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Speaker 1: already known and you were being established and really establishing yourself.

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Speaker 1: But now a couple of years later, can you tell us, like,

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Speaker 1: what are the major differences for you? We actually still

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Speaker 1: had another question, Mama, yeah, you know, which is why

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Speaker 1: are you going into because I don't know, I know.

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Speaker 1: I felt like it was time to have that because

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Speaker 1: it's a good segue in in the next question, which

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Speaker 1: was what was the question? The question is how do

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Speaker 1: you deal with friends who vent about negative things? And

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Speaker 1: I'm that friend sometimes and you both know that because

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Speaker 1: you're the people that I've went to too, like my

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Speaker 1: anxiety sometimes gets me dwelling a lot on things that

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Speaker 1: I don't need to be dwelling on. Right, So, like

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Speaker 1: when I start venting, like I'm obsessing over one small

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Speaker 1: thing in the larger picture, and I think what you

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Speaker 1: both are, what you both are good at doing with

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Speaker 1: me is reminding me of the bigger picture being okay,

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Speaker 1: but you know, like you'll like nudge me in the direction,

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Speaker 1: but how was your show yesterday? And then I'd be like,

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Speaker 1: but I want to talk about how this one person

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Speaker 1: didn't didn't acknowledge this one thing. And then you'd be like,

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Speaker 1: but how was your show? Like what are you doing

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Speaker 1: next week? And then I'm like, oh, I need to

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Speaker 1: remember of like I need to remember what's actually happening

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Speaker 1: in my life and that this negative moment is a

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Speaker 1: moment that's going to pass by. You give me the

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Speaker 1: space to talk about it. But then after a while

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Speaker 1: you're like, a right, bitch, let's remember the good things

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Speaker 1: and let's push it along. And I really appreciate like

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Speaker 1: both of you for doing that, like in our in

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Speaker 1: our text messages, because both of us, I text with

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Speaker 1: both of you at least a few times a week,

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Speaker 1: if not every day, and so it's like I enjoy

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Speaker 1: having friends like that, and then like I think it's important.

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Speaker 1: I agree. Yeah, I would say, um, to put up

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Speaker 1: your boundary. I mean at that point, and this is

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Speaker 1: just in general about friends, Like at some point, um,

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Speaker 1: people just like to complain. Yeah, and if you like

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Speaker 1: are offering solutions and it's still like, well there's this

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Speaker 1: and there's that, and it's still complain, complain, complain. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's not really about the issue anymore. It's more about

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Speaker 1: I want to complain. So if that's the case, I

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Speaker 1: can put up your boundary. You've offered a solution. They

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Speaker 1: don't want to take it, that's fine, they can figure

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Speaker 1: it out with someone else or on their own. Yeah. Um,

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't really feel like I have. I

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Speaker 1: don't feel like I have a lot of friends who

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Speaker 1: are constantly venting about negative thing. Agree. I'm also like,

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Speaker 1: this is why I pay a therapist. Sure, Like you

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Speaker 1: know you and I, yes, you gotta have our heart

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Speaker 1: to heart conversations and like that dynamic and that conversation

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Speaker 1: that you just described, Like I totally agree. I think

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Speaker 1: that's really accurate. But I don't. I've never considered it

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Speaker 1: like you know your life is tied directly to your art,

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Speaker 1: So I like, I understand that these things come up

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Speaker 1: and they're like constant, you know, because you're constantly creating

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Speaker 1: art and reflecting on the things going on in your life.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like to like a lot of my friends,

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Speaker 1: we have of I was just talking to somebody about

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Speaker 1: this because I um still helped to train advocates. So

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Speaker 1: last week I was at Peace Over Violence, still training advocates,

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Speaker 1: and we were joking like, oh, you know, like nobody

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Speaker 1: ever leaves this place. Is it because we love it is?

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Speaker 1: Or is it trauma bonding? You know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: And so we were kind of joking amongst ourselves. And

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Speaker 1: this is very true when I'm with my friends who

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Speaker 1: also have been raped crisis counselors, is that we have

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Speaker 1: this very macabre, very dark sort of humor. And I think,

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Speaker 1: group by group, depending on what kind of life you're

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Speaker 1: living and the work you do in your social life.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm sure amongst poets, you guys have your own

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Speaker 1: humor and you joke about things that I'm going to

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Speaker 1: have no idea with us, we have a very specific

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Speaker 1: type of humor based on experience, you know. So I

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Speaker 1: just feel like I'm surrounded by people who like it's

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Speaker 1: very situational, you know. You know, but um, I kind

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Speaker 1: of if I can't handle like negative conversation anymore negative talk,

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Speaker 1: I just kind of check out and just stop engaging

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Speaker 1: because I just especially if it's online or get text

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Speaker 1: because I just can't. I can maybe pick it up later,

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Speaker 1: but I just disengage. We have texted easy to dip

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Speaker 1: out on the conversation, and um, sometimes you have you know,

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Speaker 1: we all we want all these people that go on rents,

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Speaker 1: on negative rents, like big rents, and then you're kind

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Speaker 1: of like, okay, they're going through something like you and

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Speaker 1: I have had friends, um where we've been like, you know,

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Speaker 1: this person is going through like a couple of days

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Speaker 1: of rent, like should we check in, like we decided

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Speaker 1: we want to check out or not? And they we're

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Speaker 1: like no, we're just gonna give them their space to

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Speaker 1: write it out, and they write it out and then

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Speaker 1: it's fine or whatever. But then that we were there

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Speaker 1: talking about me. No, no, we'll just be following rents.

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Speaker 1: We'll just be following people stuff. And then we're like

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Speaker 1: do we like jump in and like no, we're just

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Speaker 1: gonna let them write it out, and then they write

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Speaker 1: it out and everything's cool, everything's fine. That's why I

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Speaker 1: do appreciate, you know what. Like for the past six

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Speaker 1: seven years, my Twitter has been my place where I

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Speaker 1: have done my venting and my my ship talking and

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Speaker 1: especially anything having to do with like, you know, uh,

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Speaker 1: gender based violence, sexual violence. And I did a thread

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Speaker 1: once on Twitter where I was basically explaining, like you

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Speaker 1: know what on Twitter and on Instagram. On Twitter especially,

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00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:17,919
Speaker 1: you can mute specific words. You can mute people. On

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00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,879
Speaker 1: Instagram you can you can mute people. I utilized the

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Speaker 1: mute feature on Instagram feature and pa the story mute

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Speaker 1: feed I Love you up. When I was working on

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Speaker 1: my book, I was getting really bad fomo. I muted

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Speaker 1: all the mommy, oh my god. I knew they are

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Speaker 1: you know sometimes you have to. I wasn't that of

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Speaker 1: like anything, but I was just in my feelings when

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Speaker 1: Connie was here, shout out. Connie from New York City

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Speaker 1: was sending me like fomo messages on Instagram and I'm like, bitch,

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Speaker 1: you're in Hawaii. Why do you have fomo right now?

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Speaker 1: We we fomo each other so much, but then never

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Speaker 1: see each other. Which is like the weirdest right, Like

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Speaker 1: we're like we all are together without me, Like what

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Speaker 1: you could be here too, right right? Everyone is busy everyone,

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Speaker 1: So I think, like going back to like Jessica, how

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Speaker 1: you started off, how sometimes you feel maybe you're the

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Speaker 1: one who's venting negatively. Um yeah, so I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm that person. But I try and really only do

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Speaker 1: it online. But you know, I know you can. You

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Speaker 1: you can, bro, you can mute me, bock me, and

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Speaker 1: follow me because I try not to do it too

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Speaker 1: much with my family or with people around me, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. My hard thing is that I'm

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Speaker 1: learning is that I don't have that luxourney anymore because

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Speaker 1: I've become so visible and I don't even know how

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Speaker 1: celebrities do it, you know, because I'm not like a celebrity.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know what I mean. Sure, but a

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Speaker 1: lot of the things that I say are thrown back

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Speaker 1: at me or I already have trolls that already like

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Speaker 1: are hovering around, like most of these are most of

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Speaker 1: these are are are white men that are like waiting

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Speaker 1: for me to say something that they can I was.

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Speaker 1: I shared a video of a cousin of mine, like

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Speaker 1: a distant cousin who's like a Christian rapper and it's awful,

379
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Speaker 1: And they shared the video on my Instagram on my Twitter,

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Speaker 1: and then I got messages with people saying that I

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Speaker 1: was like ridiculing my cousin and then I'm a terrible

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Speaker 1: person and so like so even things like that, like everything,

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Speaker 1: I always have to be braced. I always have to

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Speaker 1: brace myself to be confrontational online. And I don't think

385
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Speaker 1: that because there is a softness to me that I

386
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Speaker 1: don't want to ever have to lose. So I I

387
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,399
Speaker 1: go to my friends for that and y'all hold that

388
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:34,120
Speaker 1: kind of space for me. But yeah, that also that

389
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,240
Speaker 1: comment made towards you is so freaking annoying. That literally

390
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:42,160
Speaker 1: family is for roasting each other. Purpose of family talking

391
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,040
Speaker 1: and ridiculing one another, but with love. Yeah, And if

392
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Speaker 1: I was me and I was shooting on my Instagram

393
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 1: where I have everybody everybody following me and the Twitter,

394
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:55,919
Speaker 1: it's not as many, right right, right, No, people definitely

395
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,640
Speaker 1: wait around to catch somebody slipping, And it's just it's

396
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 1: just a reality that you know, coming to this realization,

397
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,520
Speaker 1: anything you say canna will be used against you, definitely

398
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 1: on your way I would say, I'll give an opinion

399
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,920
Speaker 1: something small, and then suddenly, um, it's a big deal,

400
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 1: like out sometimes I search my name because you miss things.

401
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 1: And then somebody's gone in the whole rent about yes,

402
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,680
Speaker 1: about yes, talking about line breaks in a poem, about

403
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 1: what she doesn't like in a poem. And then they're like,

404
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,720
Speaker 1: but I didn't go to yeah, No, we're not going

405
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 1: to go into that. That's a whole different conversation. Yeah.

406
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: And then because this person goes yeah. Once people get

407
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:37,200
Speaker 1: into like published and they're in the literary world, I'm like, bitch,

408
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:40,119
Speaker 1: where I didn't want to, like, I don't, I don't.

409
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:44,439
Speaker 1: I'm not in the literary world. I'm in yes, because world.

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00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 1: You created your own lane. I read your own Yes,

411
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,399
Speaker 1: and it took me many a decade, right, Well, you

412
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 1: talked about that recently on social media, about how folks

413
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,880
Speaker 1: will just see the success and not actually see all

414
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,679
Speaker 1: of the work that you put behind it on screen

415
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 1: the years. I mean, I didn't finish high school, but

416
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,639
Speaker 1: even since I was a kid, I knew I wanted

417
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:07,640
Speaker 1: to just write, and I knew that's what I wanted

418
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Speaker 1: to do, and I spent years just in books, not

419
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Speaker 1: even hanging out with people, just reading and consuming anything

420
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,280
Speaker 1: I could get my hands on. I worked in a

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00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 1: parking structure for almost ten years. I worked retail our

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00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 1: jobs that I hated, but gave me the schedule where

423
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: I could still go to open mics at night or

424
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,840
Speaker 1: during the weekends. The last year that I was working

425
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,800
Speaker 1: at at CVS is when we met you. Is when

426
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 1: we met you were as I was still at CBS,

427
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:35,960
Speaker 1: and I would be so stressed because I didn't want

428
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,439
Speaker 1: to turn down shows that because I was getting more

429
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 1: shows offered. Did you know that my first article that

430
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 1: I ever was interviewed for was Better Our Homeguard? I

431
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 1: kid for the woman Crushing the Patriarchy? Wednesday, I was

432
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:51,920
Speaker 1: at CBS waiting thirty minutes, but she couldn't. She wanted

433
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 1: She's on East Coast time, so she wanted to do

434
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 1: a certain time. So I was already at work about

435
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 1: to block in, and I'm in the back of the

436
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 1: store in my work unif form on the phone being

437
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 1: interviewed about my poetry to be on a fucking on

438
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:09,000
Speaker 1: Latina magazine. And then they're telling me if I could

439
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 1: clock in early, and I'm like waving them away because

440
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 1: I'm talking to Record, who wasn't my friend yet at

441
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:16,480
Speaker 1: the time, and then and then I clock in and

442
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,360
Speaker 1: get yaled at for eight hours. And then like when

443
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,479
Speaker 1: you wrote the five article for me, which was like

444
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 1: my first huge, huge, well Record's article was huge too,

445
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: but the five article just kind of went viral everywhere.

446
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 1: I love that article article. I was still working at CBS.

447
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 1: We couldn't schedule a time because I wasn't working, right,

448
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 1: I met I met up with Yes, I met up

449
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,399
Speaker 1: with you at the Poetry Lounge, and we did like

450
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 1: a quick interview outside because that's the only times that

451
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 1: I would have because my tuesdays I would every job

452
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,719
Speaker 1: I would again, I would say I couldn't work Tuesday

453
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 1: nights because I had school. Because people never fight you

454
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,399
Speaker 1: about school, right, but it was my school. It was

455
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 1: my lounge. How you learned. That's so funny because Mom

456
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 1: and I were talking either day. It's like all these

457
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 1: things that you do to get to the point where

458
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:04,439
Speaker 1: you're at, Like nobody knows about that, you know. Like

459
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 1: Mom and I had to drive for a meeting on

460
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:08,640
Speaker 1: the West Side and we had to be there by

461
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:11,639
Speaker 1: four o'clock, like punctual. We're both left our jobs at

462
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 1: three o'clock. I'm like, I'm like, way on the south

463
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:17,960
Speaker 1: side of l A like for my job is and

464
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 1: then having to drive like I was stressed driving to

465
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 1: the west side, hadn't even changed out of my work clothes,

466
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 1: hadn't even put lipstick on, couldn't even start in my hair,

467
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 1: like nothing, nothing, nothing, And I'm like, you can't say

468
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 1: that we did not hustle to get You can never

469
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 1: say to this meeting, you can never say that we

470
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:35,879
Speaker 1: didn't hustle. And like being we're at work at our

471
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,680
Speaker 1: day jobs and we're still whenever we can steal the

472
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 1: moment I've taken, like podcast calls, like for future engagements

473
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: and things just like sneaking out of my office and

474
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 1: just taking the call, sneaking out of work a little

475
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 1: bit early so that I can get to the other

476
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 1: side of town. The car answering, the emails, printing stuff

477
00:25:55,080 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 1: that you're not so opposed to, and supplies homes wrote

478
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:03,199
Speaker 1: in buses, I don't I don't drive, so when I

479
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 1: was working, I would take the bus everywhere. Because it's funny,

480
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:07,920
Speaker 1: I mean more money now than when I had a

481
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,960
Speaker 1: full time job and was doing poetry, right, But I

482
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 1: would take the bus everywhere because I couldn't afford to

483
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,679
Speaker 1: takeovers and start be on the bus finishing a poem

484
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 1: for a thing that I had to do, or answering

485
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:22,639
Speaker 1: emails and booking things while fucking being at at the

486
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:26,400
Speaker 1: bus stop waiting for the next bus. Um, I'm carrying

487
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,879
Speaker 1: my clothes with me in my bag and changing in

488
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 1: public bathrooms, right, trying to make some semblance of cute

489
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 1: while you're like on the go and and people just

490
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:40,680
Speaker 1: now they just see, um what they see. And then

491
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 1: they try to say that this is some kind of privilege,

492
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 1: and then I'm like, in the sense it is, but

493
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:49,639
Speaker 1: I thought very very very hard or everything I have,

494
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 1: and you don't stop. It's constant, constant producing working. There's

495
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 1: always something else that has to be done. It's a

496
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:02,120
Speaker 1: constant cycle. There's no like level out. I keep going,

497
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,160
Speaker 1: you can keep pushing it. You know. I started working.

498
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: I start working the moment I opened my eyes, I

499
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:10,239
Speaker 1: reached for my phone and check my emails, check my

500
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 1: d MS, check my Instagram. Everything All of that is work.

501
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 1: I'm working from the moment that I wake up to

502
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 1: the moment that I go to sleep. And if you

503
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 1: tell people, oh, I'm not going to work today. I'm

504
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 1: not gonna do something today. There's always somebody in your

505
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 1: dams with a question, asking for your time or something

506
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:27,679
Speaker 1: like that, and I'm very grateful for it, and I

507
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,639
Speaker 1: try to do as much as I can. But some

508
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 1: days I'm just like, yeah, I need a chill, yeah,

509
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,359
Speaker 1: and I'm right no, and you know, And I think

510
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 1: it's that balance too, because like it's a lot of fun.

511
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: Like I love everything. I wouldn't trade a minute of it. No,

512
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,359
Speaker 1: we love it. I love our listeners. I love the

513
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 1: engagement online. I love running into listeners out in public.

514
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,040
Speaker 1: And it happens a lot. It happens all the time.

515
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 1: We don't even we're not even thinking about it, and

516
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: then somebody lets us know, Oh my god, I listen

517
00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 1: or I follow There was a listener at the gym time,

518
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,440
Speaker 1: and I was more in fight only because I'm like,

519
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:04,960
Speaker 1: you know, not feeling cute at the gym. And then

520
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,440
Speaker 1: I get a message and she's like, oh my god,

521
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 1: I thought it was you. I've been following you in

522
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: Mala forever and I wanted to die. I mean, she's

523
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 1: really cute and we're friends now, but she's my gym friend,

524
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 1: but still like like worst fear is being like, you know,

525
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 1: like shunk that exactly exactly that happened. Run into people

526
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 1: because I run in, I run into people. What you

527
00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:30,640
Speaker 1: all happen with me? Like we run into we run

528
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:33,239
Speaker 1: into we won I do or me or all of

529
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:37,119
Speaker 1: us or whatever? Right, Um, I've been at my fucking

530
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 1: coffee shop where I do my work and then like

531
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 1: like crusty and I just rolled out. I'm like, I

532
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 1: gotta get out eight hours of writing in and then

533
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 1: someone comes in and like, oh my god, yes, I

534
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:49,720
Speaker 1: kind of sitting there like no makeup on my face,

535
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 1: like I don't even know if I washed my face

536
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 1: before I taking out my house and and I hopped

537
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 1: up with coffee crying because I'm working on the sad

538
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 1: poem and but it's crossed us. That's the process. It's

539
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 1: all really really worth it though, And I'm living my

540
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 1: life's calling and so um, it's not like when I

541
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: used to work retail and I would get up and

542
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 1: cry because I had to go do something that I

543
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 1: didn't want to do. At least now that I know

544
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 1: I might have a flight at seven in the morning

545
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 1: and I'm waking up at five it's like, all right,

546
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,080
Speaker 1: can hear us out? Like, once you get to the

547
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 1: city that you're going to, you're gonna be happy. It's

548
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 1: gonna be fine. That's really And you know, like so

549
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,520
Speaker 1: many people are rooting for you and love you, and

550
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 1: like I'm so we're so proud of you, so proud

551
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 1: of you. And um, I love that you talked about

552
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 1: your coffee shop where you right, because I feel like

553
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: it's a good segue. It's getting into your process. I

554
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,960
Speaker 1: know that a big part of your posting and preparing

555
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 1: people for this Sotto has been talking about how this

556
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 1: process of writing this second book has been different versus

557
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 1: the process writing Grasson, And I'd love to hear more

558
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 1: about your journey from Grasson to this, Soto and what's

559
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 1: been the same, what's been different? Oh my goodness. Well

560
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 1: when I had when I had Quartetson, I was like

561
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 1: Quartetson was in the book that I thought it was

562
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 1: going to be right and then becoming something. But the

563
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 1: minute that my publisher and I sat down and we

564
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:12,640
Speaker 1: signed a contract, I already knew, like the book came

565
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 1: to me just like Okay, this is what we're gonna tell.

566
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: And with the story of relationship, so it's easy the

567
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 1: relationship at the beginning, middle, end, and then and then

568
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 1: like whatever I want to stay at the end of that, right,

569
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 1: like I'm quotason heels yourself, which is what what the

570
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,120
Speaker 1: ending of it was, right, celebrating the way I love

571
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 1: and so um working on that was finding. They said

572
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,480
Speaker 1: that usually your first book is already written because you

573
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 1: have all your material. And my first two books were

574
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 1: already written because a lot of the Sooto was already

575
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 1: written to going into that. But um and as I

576
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 1: was working on quartetson because it was my first book

577
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:49,720
Speaker 1: and it was so exciting. I had so many people

578
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: like or the summer just was different last year. But man,

579
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 1: I used to come and sit with me a lot

580
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: last or other people would randomly come and be with us,

581
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 1: or like come through and I hung out with you.

582
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 1: I was well at the time because of my job,

583
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 1: because I was working on call, you know, I had

584
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 1: sometimes like days during the week, during the work day

585
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 1: where I was free because maybe I had to work

586
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 1: the overnight shift that day. So I would come and

587
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 1: sit with you, and like I was, I would try

588
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 1: to get work done out a ship done. Now. We

589
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 1: would talk and then I would cry we went we

590
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 1: were processing. You and I were both processing a lot. Yeah,

591
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: that summer, definitely a lot because I hadn't been in

592
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: the hospital and then here I was writing and then

593
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: a heartbroken and writing this whole book, and then you

594
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 1: were I was in the midst of my breakup and

595
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 1: messy fucking breakup. And then I remember that a lot

596
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 1: of after your conversations with you, I had a different

597
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 1: perspective to write certain poems from right. Like I remember

598
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 1: walking to the coffee shop and my friend Givan calling

599
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 1: me and checking, I mean, because this is my first book.

600
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 1: So like people are more like, okay, are you good?

601
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 1: Are you good? And so like pushing in the way

602
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:58,720
Speaker 1: then not knowing it was pushing me right. So then

603
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 1: the STO comes around and people think that They're like, oh,

604
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 1: you got it, right, So they give you the space

605
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 1: for you to do your book or whatever, because I've

606
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 1: done my zines and I've done my first book, so

607
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:11,880
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, you got it. And so I'm at

608
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 1: the coffee shop and then it was hard because for

609
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 1: what I saw, I was very diligent every day from

610
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 1: this time to this time, and for the Soto because

611
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:24,560
Speaker 1: I'm was just touring. Then I was slamming, then I

612
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 1: was doing all these things I was, and then all

613
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 1: the other things for courtes so I'm still happening. I

614
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 1: was so exhausted that it was so hard to drag

615
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,440
Speaker 1: myself out of bed and go right. And then I

616
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 1: would get there and to go right. And I was

617
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:38,200
Speaker 1: by myself for like eight ten hours in the coffee shop.

618
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 1: And so it was the soliditary It was a very

619
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 1: solitary process. And um, the Soto subject matter kept changing.

620
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 1: And then because I had been thinking about it for

621
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,960
Speaker 1: a year, right and I had been talking about it,

622
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 1: and they kept changing, they kept changing. Then I was

623
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,120
Speaker 1: frustrated that it wasn't what I told everybody was going

624
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 1: to be. And then um, and then it started becoming

625
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 1: what it is. And and it's a very dense book,

626
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 1: and it's very heavy in a in a very free way.

627
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 1: But I got lost in the heaviness of it's a

628
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 1: while and it felt very lonely, and it wasn't much

629
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 1: of a sad lonely, but in then, like at the

630
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 1: end of the day, it's just me and these poems.

631
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 1: It's just me and my it's me and my story,

632
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,479
Speaker 1: and it's my job to figure it out and wade

633
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 1: through the thick of it, through the mud and just

634
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:31,719
Speaker 1: see what we like, get the Sotos and like literally

635
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 1: that's what it was, like, where is the treasure? Where

636
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,320
Speaker 1: what is this motherfucker gonna look like? Because I don't

637
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,800
Speaker 1: even know, I don't even know, And getting to the

638
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 1: treasure of the book. And then at the end, once

639
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:44,240
Speaker 1: I put the book together, realized that I wasn't telling

640
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:45,760
Speaker 1: the story of the woman in my family. I was

641
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:50,360
Speaker 1: telling my story and and yeah, well, you know, thank

642
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: you for sharing all of that. So the Soto is

643
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:57,120
Speaker 1: broken up into five sections, correct, So can you tell

644
00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 1: us you have your your sections named something like very

645
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 1: specific and it's gonna it sets the story, that sets

646
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 1: the state the scene for the rest of the story, right,

647
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 1: So can you tell us about that process and naming

648
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 1: it and how you really organize the book. Yeah? So, um,

649
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,399
Speaker 1: it was very different too because of Cortes and the

650
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 1: titles all have the chapters all have titles, and they're

651
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,320
Speaker 1: very specific titles, and then they give you kind of

652
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 1: an idea what you're going to find in the chapter.

653
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,440
Speaker 1: In this book, the chapters don't have names, they have numbers,

654
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,920
Speaker 1: and they have opening quotes and beautiful and that are

655
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 1: very beautiful. And if you have read, you recognized the quotes,

656
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 1: can I can I read some of them? So the

657
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 1: first one, the first opening, the first section is I

658
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 1: come from women who fend for themselves. And then the

659
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 1: second one is before I knew what I know now,

660
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 1: before these palm trees loved me back, just so beautiful,

661
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 1: thank you and so and it continues on and on

662
00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 1: and um the first and so the chapters. I like

663
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: telling stories in chron chronological order, right. So the first

664
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,800
Speaker 1: chapter is about the of serving the women in my

665
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:12,399
Speaker 1: family and kind of like what what womanhood is to me, right,

666
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 1: like by traditional by the women in my family, and

667
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 1: so seeing like the woman cook, um, how they take

668
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,920
Speaker 1: care of their husbands, and also like the abuse and

669
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:27,360
Speaker 1: that we endure and how that abuse means love and

670
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,799
Speaker 1: and then and so there's there's that, right, and then

671
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:33,480
Speaker 1: how women aren't allowed to be as free as the men.

672
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 1: And then the second chapter about the who I was

673
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 1: before I knew what I know now, before these palmptrees

674
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 1: ever looked me back. It's me to realize, me discovering

675
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 1: my teenage body, my young woman body, like like the

676
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,759
Speaker 1: first time I have sex, um kind of explained, or

677
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:53,840
Speaker 1: the first time that I realized that I'm not beautiful.

678
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,840
Speaker 1: Like there's a poem I don't know because the copy

679
00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:59,720
Speaker 1: of the manuscript you did is the one that's being edited,

680
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 1: so there's been some changes. But there is also a

681
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:05,600
Speaker 1: poem about like the first boy that I fell in

682
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 1: love with telling me that I'm not pretty like the

683
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 1: other girls, but I'm funny, and so they're realizing that, like, oh,

684
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 1: my personality, like I have to make up for it

685
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:19,799
Speaker 1: by being nice and agreeable and funny, and and so

686
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:22,160
Speaker 1: there's there's and then but as I'm talking about my

687
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 1: body and it's changing, I'm also talking I'm kind of

688
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:28,839
Speaker 1: talking about l A being gentrified, and so it's kind

689
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 1: of like this my city is changing while I'm changing,

690
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 1: and and it gives you, like this confusing feeling. But

691
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 1: third chapter is the relationship chapter. And of course I know, yes,

692
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: like a book is going to be a relationship stuff.

693
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 1: And but this this chapter is very different to quotes

694
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 1: in the sense that it's not centered around a man

695
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 1: and um, my biggest it's not a regret her mistake,

696
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 1: but a hard time I have a quota someone that

697
00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 1: it was about a specific person, and I hated the

698
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:04,080
Speaker 1: fact that I gave someone so much and and of

699
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 1: the book right, especially now it's fine, but at the

700
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:08,640
Speaker 1: time when he and I were trying to figure out

701
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,840
Speaker 1: many things, I had to go to shows or interviews

702
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 1: and be asked all these things about this person. And

703
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 1: sometimes I'd be madly in love and I had to

704
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 1: smile while I was through the interviews. Other times I

705
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 1: was just like, funk, I don't want to talk about

706
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:25,399
Speaker 1: this again, like I'm still in it, and so um uh.

707
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,040
Speaker 1: There's a line in the poem that says, every poem

708
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 1: I have ever written is about me, And so I

709
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 1: centered myself and all of these love poems and these

710
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 1: relationship poems where I am the center, like about how

711
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 1: I love, how I show up in relationships. Um. There's

712
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:41,399
Speaker 1: a poem called Bipolar, when I talk about telling someone

713
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,879
Speaker 1: in bipolar for the first time. Um. Yeah. And there's

714
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 1: a lot and then the next chapter after that is

715
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,520
Speaker 1: it's the most difficult chapter. And there's a poem in

716
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 1: They're called the Soto, which is why the book is

717
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 1: named to Soto, and it's about being bilingual and and

718
00:37:54,680 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 1: living in between. Um. The English and the Spanish and that,

719
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:04,920
Speaker 1: and and it's a very dense, dense, dense chapter where

720
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: I'm grieving what I perceived to be my reality and

721
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:13,240
Speaker 1: what actually and learning what's the actual things that are happening.

722
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 1: So I'm not only mourning the death of my father

723
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 1: and my grandmother, but I'm also mourning like who I

724
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:21,640
Speaker 1: thought they were, mostly my father, which, yeah, I mean,

725
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:23,920
Speaker 1: we go through the stages of grief even when we

726
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:27,840
Speaker 1: are either losing someone physically or even just the idea

727
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:30,799
Speaker 1: of what the relationship. Changing the idea of who they

728
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 1: were in your life and seeing them for who they

729
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 1: actually are can also trigger those stages of grief. Yeah,

730
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 1: And your your father is always like a big figure

731
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,840
Speaker 1: in a lot of your poetry, and you talk about

732
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 1: I love how in the Soto you ask like where

733
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 1: do I begin with my mother, with mydas with my grandmother?

734
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 1: And there's this this major question you asked, like, did

735
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:56,719
Speaker 1: you survive the men? Didn't they survive? The men were here,

736
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 1: even those of us who are still here, we're here,

737
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 1: but did we survive the men? Are we surviving the men?

738
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 1: And there's the poem in uh In that in that

739
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 1: fourth chapter Knives, where It lists all the assaults my

740
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:11,319
Speaker 1: mother has been through the assault that I've been through,

741
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 1: and realizing that sometimes the men who raised us are

742
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 1: the ones that are doing the assault to other people

743
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 1: or even to ourselves. Right, And so is this this

744
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 1: thing where it's just like, oh, when I see men

745
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 1: and ship it even means the ones I love, Oh yeah,

746
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:30,920
Speaker 1: we know intimately then are not shipped. We've observed it,

747
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 1: we've learned it, we've experienced it, like we know, right,

748
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:39,279
Speaker 1: And you performed Knives in front of city Hall for Denim. Yeah,

749
00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 1: that was a major and that poem. To perform that

750
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,400
Speaker 1: poem in front of city Hall for such a major

751
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 1: audience on Denim Day, you know, a great prevention and

752
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:51,840
Speaker 1: education like awareness, like and it's you And I just

753
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 1: thought that that was so powerful and amazing. I know

754
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 1: everybody there just like felt that poem and loved that poem. Yeah.

755
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 1: I had the main sending her behind me and them

756
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:04,400
Speaker 1: doing this poem about like there's a line in the

757
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 1: poemacies and the man like where I'm listing on this

758
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:10,920
Speaker 1: assault and how we women have to share stories like

759
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:13,680
Speaker 1: we're surviving a war, right, and how a man will

760
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 1: listen to all of that and be like not all

761
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:18,320
Speaker 1: of us, and then like and then but we women

762
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 1: know that that's that we still even in that conversation,

763
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:23,960
Speaker 1: we know that we still got to get ourselves home safe.

764
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:27,839
Speaker 1: And so it's like, so these men can sit there

765
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 1: and have all this fucking mil rhetoric and explanation eye

766
00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I'm the buck, but I'm still going

767
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 1: to leave this space. And when I get outside and

768
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:40,520
Speaker 1: get hut called some fool, my tryes luck right, you

769
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,000
Speaker 1: know whatever, I still got to make sure I walked

770
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 1: into my home stack. And then when I'm home, I

771
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:48,319
Speaker 1: gotta hope that whatever who I live with doesn't do

772
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:52,239
Speaker 1: something to me exactly and so and so to do

773
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 1: that poem and city Hall, it was fresh when I

774
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 1: wrote when I was at City Hall, had just written it. Yes,

775
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: so it was it was and then black Wood behind.

776
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: It was a really weird It was a lot. It

777
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 1: was a very surreal moment, but it was um um,

778
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,359
Speaker 1: I'm really grateful that you were able to connect me

779
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 1: with with Shirley wanted you. Shirley was like, do you

780
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 1: think Yessica? It was Shirley's idea to have you perform it,

781
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 1: and she didn't know about that poem. She didn't even

782
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,279
Speaker 1: know about that poem. But um, and the way you

783
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 1: deliver that last line, none of us is like that

784
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,319
Speaker 1: is like the detail of the poem that like for me,

785
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:29,520
Speaker 1: just wraps it all together. You know, thank you, And

786
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,719
Speaker 1: I will also in this sort of like going back

787
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 1: to the beginning of this conversation, you made a statement Yessica,

788
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 1: about you know, a woman's youth or her attractiveness sort

789
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:42,399
Speaker 1: of being like a green light or permission for men

790
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 1: to bother her. And you have this poem excuses about

791
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 1: your father and your mother. It's one of my favorite

792
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 1: and if I could read a line from it, that's relevant. Right.

793
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 1: My mother is a saint. She is rushing home at

794
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:56,520
Speaker 1: six o'clock because her husband needs dinner. She has tears

795
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,359
Speaker 1: over the sink and a tender goodnight. She's the girl

796
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 1: three different men tried to push themselves onto. They couldn't help,

797
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 1: but want to take, didn't need to ask because her

798
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 1: beauty was all the yes they needed. Powerful. My mom

799
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:14,160
Speaker 1: tells those stories so casually about all these men, like

800
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: a lot of women, I feel like our older generations

801
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:22,360
Speaker 1: will say things very and very intense, things that happened

802
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,359
Speaker 1: to them very casually under their breath in passing when

803
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 1: they watched like that, it wasn't even them in it,

804
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 1: you know, like one was part of this whole dramatic

805
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:36,040
Speaker 1: thing where a man trying to kidnap her and all

806
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:38,440
Speaker 1: this thing, and then she was to go working like

807
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 1: beaded to get away and then like but then men

808
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:43,319
Speaker 1: were like that she was still being blamed because they

809
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,960
Speaker 1: were like, well, what did she do for him to

810
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:47,799
Speaker 1: think that he had a right to do that? Right,

811
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 1: and so all these things and so as a younger

812
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:55,840
Speaker 1: understood how that manifested itself in us being raised. But

813
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 1: it was like my mom was very prudish, never talked

814
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:01,000
Speaker 1: about and even in that poem made her talks about

815
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,320
Speaker 1: her first time with my dad. My mom was a

816
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:04,799
Speaker 1: virgin when she was with my dad. And then he

817
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 1: goes and then she says, then my father was one

818
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 1: of these men took her child room said you're not

819
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:12,799
Speaker 1: leaving until your mind, and my mother thought it was

820
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:14,759
Speaker 1: time that she finally belonged to a man, and then

821
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:18,520
Speaker 1: she did and then I showed up right, well that's

822
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 1: also this idea. And then definitely like of that generation,

823
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:24,120
Speaker 1: not that it doesn't happen now. But it's like, okay,

824
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 1: if we're in fear of being raped and assaulted, but

825
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:29,840
Speaker 1: if I have a husband, if I have a boyfriend,

826
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,479
Speaker 1: well then it's less likely to happen to me because

827
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 1: I belonged to to someone, to a man already. Or

828
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:39,799
Speaker 1: when our partner assaults us, we justify it because like, well,

829
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:43,360
Speaker 1: I loved him. I remember some of the first times,

830
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 1: and I don't go into it in the book, but

831
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: I remember the first time that I ever kissed the

832
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,840
Speaker 1: boy was like like he grabbed me and he like

833
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:54,759
Speaker 1: it was like this whole thing, and then I was

834
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 1: like no, but then he made me into Then I

835
00:43:57,040 --> 00:44:00,200
Speaker 1: thought that I could only give into my corn old

836
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 1: desires if I pretended I didn't want it, and then

837
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 1: they would force me into it. So it was almost

838
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:07,480
Speaker 1: as role play that was happening because I thought that

839
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,280
Speaker 1: that's what that's how it's supposed to because I'm supposed

840
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:14,399
Speaker 1: to be a good, modest girl, that quote unquote good right,

841
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 1: that doesn't want sex, so I have to let the

842
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,880
Speaker 1: man take it by force, right. And then for a

843
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:22,279
Speaker 1: long time I couldn't overcome that, you know, and then

844
00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:25,840
Speaker 1: until um, until I got into my whole face. And

845
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 1: then after that I was just like, I don't know,

846
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,279
Speaker 1: I don't want This is why, this is why how

847
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:34,240
Speaker 1: is politic Because it's all about autonomy. It's all about

848
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:37,719
Speaker 1: autonomy and releasing ourselves from that idea that sex is

849
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 1: something that they have to extract from us. Right, Yes,

850
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:43,960
Speaker 1: we can't just offer it up because and engage because

851
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 1: we want to. Yes, And that's what the last chapter

852
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:50,879
Speaker 1: in the book is. The last chapter is, um, I

853
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 1: love having My last chapter is always be like very

854
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:59,840
Speaker 1: um triumphant, right because I just feel that, like you're resilient. Yes,

855
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,600
Speaker 1: And and the last chapter has a poem for Siah

856
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:06,240
Speaker 1: and Henry Mansanette, and it has like very small poems

857
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:09,680
Speaker 1: but about me enjoying sexual moments, Like there's a poem

858
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:12,640
Speaker 1: that um me asking a guy like what's your favorite

859
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:15,680
Speaker 1: partner of woman's body? And then he goes the clinics

860
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:19,479
Speaker 1: because it's designed purely for pleasure, and then that being

861
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:22,439
Speaker 1: like the whole moment, and then and then we're making

862
00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:24,840
Speaker 1: out or like whatever, but that being the moment and

863
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 1: we had sex afterwards. But that's not in the poem,

864
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 1: but um, like it's one of and this person was

865
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 1: someone that I just had like a fling with, but

866
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:35,399
Speaker 1: it was one of those beautiful moments where we were

867
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 1: both too contenting people that we're enjoying something. And then

868
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 1: there's another poem about like me telling a lover like

869
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:44,360
Speaker 1: I gotta go right at poem and he's just like,

870
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:46,840
Speaker 1: I don't, and I give in to him at the moment,

871
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 1: and then I'm like and that's the poem, and that

872
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 1: is the poem, like like, you know, we sleep together,

873
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 1: and then that there's poetry and two bodies being together

874
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,840
Speaker 1: willing me and especially as a fat woman, like owning

875
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 1: my sexuality. And also it's not a lot of mention

876
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:04,279
Speaker 1: of my fatness in this poem in this book as

877
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:07,839
Speaker 1: a whole, like there's no um and had the fact

878
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:10,360
Speaker 1: girl once love and in the first chapter and then

879
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 1: had God in the last chapter, and it this book

880
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 1: has one small poem and says the belly asked questions,

881
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: and then it has uh oh to the factor wearing

882
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:25,760
Speaker 1: a crop top. But these aren't long dramatic poems because

883
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 1: the trauma of of trying to figure out whether I'm

884
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 1: worthy or not worthy of love or not as a

885
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 1: fat woman isn't what I'm carrying around me more. I no,

886
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 1: I'm worthy of love. So now this is the we're

887
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:40,359
Speaker 1: moving into the other conversations that we haven't had. And

888
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:45,080
Speaker 1: my mentor, she hn has Um san rank Cleave, amazing poet,

889
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 1: but he always tells me, how does your audience grow

890
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 1: with you? How what are you giving them that's different?

891
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 1: How is this book different than any other than another book?

892
00:46:54,719 --> 00:46:57,360
Speaker 1: And so I tried very hard to show a different

893
00:46:57,400 --> 00:46:59,879
Speaker 1: side of me throughout this book. And and I don't

894
00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 1: know of y'all. I mean y'all don't know me pretty

895
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 1: close though, so so you probably saw what you We

896
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:08,360
Speaker 1: can definitely see this growth in you as a person,

897
00:47:08,520 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 1: and then to see the to witness this growth as

898
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 1: an artist has been incredible. Thank you. No, And I

899
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:19,880
Speaker 1: mean I think to the way that you are learning

900
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:25,400
Speaker 1: to even handle the greater number of followers, the trolling,

901
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 1: I mean, we can even talk about how with grass On,

902
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:33,479
Speaker 1: the trolling itself got so bad that they were trying

903
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 1: to really affect your book sales on Amazon. It actually helped.

904
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 1: It ended up helping because you flipped it on them,

905
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:42,920
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Because you know, all press

906
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 1: is good press, and that's what you told me what

907
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 1: you told me? I called you. I think I called me,

908
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:51,719
Speaker 1: and she's like, tell the people. The people would happen, yes,

909
00:47:51,719 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 1: because so I tweeted, um oh this and then the

910
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:58,720
Speaker 1: soda has poems about me not sucking my white people.

911
00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 1: But that's something that's right, right. But I tweeted, uh

912
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:08,919
Speaker 1: something about old white men being exhausting, right, because every

913
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 1: time I tell an older white man that I'm a writer,

914
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:13,320
Speaker 1: They're like, oh, it's easy to get a book published.

915
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 1: They always trying to minimize my success always. And so

916
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:22,280
Speaker 1: this poem, this tweet taken out of my the general

917
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:26,160
Speaker 1: conversation that I'm always having. I guess upset. I don't

918
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:28,759
Speaker 1: know who ended up on Reddy. And then I had

919
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 1: all these scary white like those like that kind of

920
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 1: white people, right, yeah, and then they decided some sort

921
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:42,879
Speaker 1: of fun they orchestrated some attack on me. And then

922
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:46,200
Speaker 1: like they had already been been really bothering me on

923
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 1: on Twitter, like my Twitter feed was ridiculous, and they

924
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:53,600
Speaker 1: had made the way over my Facebook and my Instagram

925
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 1: because you can find me by the same name and everywhere, right,

926
00:48:56,640 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 1: and then had made the way everywhere. And when I

927
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:00,399
Speaker 1: had told you it was the day that we were

928
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 1: at the line, and so we were having dinner and

929
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:07,399
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, they're bugging me, whatever, whatever, I don't care.

930
00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:11,840
Speaker 1: I'm on my little vacation. And um then maybe a

931
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:13,840
Speaker 1: day later, my publisher calls me and then he's just like,

932
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:16,359
Speaker 1: I have some bad news for you. But everything's okay.

933
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:19,360
Speaker 1: We got under control. He's like, you've been getting a

934
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 1: spurt of bad reviews on Amazon. And it was a

935
00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 1: bunch of one stars, but like like maybe twenty or more,

936
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 1: probably more, And it was a bunch of them, but

937
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:32,640
Speaker 1: they had contacted Amazon and they had shut down anything.

938
00:49:32,719 --> 00:49:36,360
Speaker 1: And then whatever whatever. And then, um, I don't know

939
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:39,080
Speaker 1: if it was my publisher, you mana who suggested that

940
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:42,920
Speaker 1: I had my followers to go leave reviews and go

941
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:44,719
Speaker 1: leave positive reviews. I'm like, well, I don't want to

942
00:49:44,719 --> 00:49:47,279
Speaker 1: ask them, but I'll tell them that if it's happen,

943
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:49,879
Speaker 1: want to it's almos happening, And they want to their

944
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:53,040
Speaker 1: moves to to go share their real story, not not

945
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:55,359
Speaker 1: give me five stars, but give me what you think

946
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:59,480
Speaker 1: I deserve. And so then folks started like they were

947
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 1: just going go in and commenting and commenting. They rallied

948
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 1: behind you, and before that, like I think I had

949
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 1: like fifteen reviews or like whatever, and now I have

950
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:10,319
Speaker 1: over a hundred reviews, which makes people more visible. And

951
00:50:10,320 --> 00:50:12,320
Speaker 1: it had fallen from the best selling spot and it

952
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:15,080
Speaker 1: went back up on best selling and we sold like

953
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:18,880
Speaker 1: hell of books because people we're like, what is happening,

954
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:21,880
Speaker 1: like what is this book now? And so um it

955
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 1: ended up being a very good move for us. Now

956
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:27,640
Speaker 1: you can sold over ten tho copies of Yes I

957
00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:31,640
Speaker 1: have Thank you from an independent publisher. Amazing and um,

958
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:35,320
Speaker 1: it's been really really really great. Well, Yes, Sica, we

959
00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:37,239
Speaker 1: were coming to the end of our time. Now we

960
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:40,040
Speaker 1: always love having you on. Look, we're so proud of you.

961
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 1: The work is amazing. Of course I'm really excited to

962
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:46,319
Speaker 1: see the reception and how people you know, consume it

963
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:49,560
Speaker 1: and respond to it. So, as always listeners, you know

964
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:52,319
Speaker 1: where to find us. Yes, So before we actually close out,

965
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,959
Speaker 1: just want to remind folks that Yesica's book is on

966
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:58,560
Speaker 1: pre sale um and she can they can find that

967
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 1: at an occults out of cult n O T A

968
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:09,560
Speaker 1: c U L T dot media. Yes I Instagram for

969
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 1: your book is launching November one. We're super excited. Thank you,

970
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:16,280
Speaker 1: so much for sharing so much. The manuscript the events

971
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:18,319
Speaker 1: copy to us. We feel so special that we got

972
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:21,640
Speaker 1: to see your baby before the rest of the world.

973
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:25,359
Speaker 1: Of course my girls had to so to close out,

974
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:28,480
Speaker 1: We're going to do something a little different today. Yes,

975
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 1: So instead of an ultra song, yes, think, I will

976
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:34,759
Speaker 1: actually be reading a poem from this atto. Yes. And

977
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:38,239
Speaker 1: this is the last poem in the book called at

978
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:41,880
Speaker 1: my Funeral and Um. I talked a lot in the

979
00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 1: book about depression and being bipolar and overcoming a lot

980
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:47,960
Speaker 1: of that, and so this is a different twist on

981
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:53,600
Speaker 1: the celebration of the overcoming and my funeral. I want

982
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:56,399
Speaker 1: you to play beat beat bom bom, followed by back

983
00:51:56,440 --> 00:52:00,920
Speaker 1: that asset, followed by a fun gavion, followed by anything

984
00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:04,560
Speaker 1: by drink at my funeral. I want you to eat

985
00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 1: all that you can. Please, don't turn down my mommy's food.

986
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 1: She will be grieving and offer you platefuls. Say yes

987
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:13,840
Speaker 1: to each one. This will make your feel closer to

988
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:17,840
Speaker 1: me at my funeral. Don't read any of my poems.

989
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:22,120
Speaker 1: I wrote those to stay alive. Let them rest, stretch

990
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:26,280
Speaker 1: their limbs, pack their bags, find new fingers. At my funeral,

991
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:28,920
Speaker 1: Let the men make jokes. I have understood that my

992
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 1: chiefsmall only allows them to be tendered through laughter, and

993
00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 1: I want them soft and sweet during my final goodbye

994
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 1: at my funeral. Thank the woman, my mother, my sisters,

995
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 1: my girlfriends, kiss their palms, keep their tissues. They are

996
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:47,879
Speaker 1: holy and what I am the saddest about leaving at

997
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,920
Speaker 1: my funeral. Let the babies run free, kiss their heads,

998
00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:54,240
Speaker 1: Sneak pastries into their chubby hands, watch their faces flesh

999
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:57,120
Speaker 1: with delight at my funeral. Find the little girls and

1000
00:52:57,200 --> 00:53:00,280
Speaker 1: let them try on my lipsticks, especially the red ones.

1001
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:03,240
Speaker 1: Let them walk through the house, each mouth a rosebud

1002
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:06,320
Speaker 1: made just for me at my funeral. Please don't feel

1003
00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 1: obligated to cry. Dance if that's what your body asked for,

1004
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:12,840
Speaker 1: Turn the altar into a dance for Remember this body

1005
00:53:12,920 --> 00:53:16,160
Speaker 1: of mine felt most alive beneath strobe, lights and music

1006
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:20,520
Speaker 1: at my funeral. I will be dead, of course, and

1007
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:24,400
Speaker 1: this will be a victory. Praise the sudden illness or

1008
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:27,880
Speaker 1: accident that claimed me. Praised the hospital bed I expelled,

1009
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 1: and praise the doctors and nurses and prayers that try

1010
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:34,160
Speaker 1: to keep me. Praise this heart of mine that couldn't

1011
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:37,760
Speaker 1: anymore Praise all the years that came wrapped themselves around

1012
00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:40,720
Speaker 1: my legs and pulled me away. Praise be my death

1013
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:43,839
Speaker 1: because it did not come from my own hands, from

1014
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 1: razor blade or from pill. It came because it was time,

1015
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:50,719
Speaker 1: because my body or my God said come home. And

1016
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:53,839
Speaker 1: I collected everything I am and walked through that door.

1017
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:58,440
Speaker 1: At my funeral. Play a song that says I survived

1018
00:53:58,560 --> 00:54:04,920
Speaker 1: myself is be such a sweet, sweet and thank you,

1019
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:09,080
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you so much, thank you so much

1020
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:11,600
Speaker 1: for having me. I love you both, love you, We

1021
00:54:11,640 --> 00:54:13,960
Speaker 1: love you, and thank you everyone for tuning in to

1022
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:16,239
Speaker 1: another copy love. Look at our radio as you know,

1023
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:19,400
Speaker 1: you can listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Audio Boom,

1024
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 1: and visit us at YouTube dot com, slash, look at

1025
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:23,759
Speaker 1: thought a Radio a k A look at Landia and

1026
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 1: we will catch you next time though,