Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: tip is about how busy people can still make time
Speaker 1: to meet someone special. Valentine's Day is coming up, and
Speaker 1: if you're in a happy couple, that's awesome. But many
Speaker 1: people find themselves in different stages of life, and I
Speaker 1: recently got a letter from a listener who'd been on
Speaker 1: her own for a while. I was trying to figure
Speaker 1: out how she could make time for dating. Our listener's
Speaker 1: husband had died a few years ago, and she's now
Speaker 1: raising her nine year old daughter as a single parent.
Speaker 1: She says that I'm ready to date, but find it
Speaker 1: difficult to muster the energy to find someone, let alone
Speaker 1: go out on a date. It seems like online dating
Speaker 1: is the thing to do now, but she says that
Speaker 1: it feels very weird to me since she met her
Speaker 1: husband when this wasn't as much of a thing as
Speaker 1: it is now. I'm usually tired work and extracurricular activities
Speaker 1: with my daughter and the usual home duties, She says.
Speaker 1: My commute is at least an hour each way to work.
Speaker 1: I finally get an hour or so of me time
Speaker 1: in the evenings after I put my daughter to bed,
Speaker 1: but I'm also trying to read, shower, and do other
Speaker 1: focused tasks that I can't do while she's away. So
Speaker 1: what do you suggest? How can I carve out dating
Speaker 1: and social time. How much time should I commit to
Speaker 1: these tasks or do I just live life and hope
Speaker 1: someone falls into my sights. I think this is a
Speaker 1: great question. Plenty of people with jobs and family responsibilities
Speaker 1: would like to meet someone special, but because of those
Speaker 1: jobs and family responsibilities, dating can seem like one more
Speaker 1: thing on the to do list. And like our listener,
Speaker 1: I got married before online dating was as big a
Speaker 1: thing as it is now. But I've talked with a
Speaker 1: lot of people about how they approach it, and I've
Speaker 1: studied people's time logs to see how it's been incorporated.
Speaker 1: The good news is that it does make the process
Speaker 1: of meeting other single people a lot more of a
Speaker 1: fit than in the past. Setting up first dates at
Speaker 1: least is relatively easy, and since that's the case, I
Speaker 1: recommend taking a very strategic, numbers oriented approach to this project.
Speaker 1: Our listener could sign up for a few services that
Speaker 1: friends recommend, and then give herself a target of going
Speaker 1: on one first date every two weeks. She could do
Speaker 1: this right after work or possibly over lunch or coffee,
Speaker 1: so she wouldn't have to worry about finding additional childcare. Now,
Speaker 1: to be clear, most of these dates will be mediocre
Speaker 1: at best, but the upside is that it's only two
Speaker 1: hours a month, so it's hard to feel like you've
Speaker 1: wasted too much time. If nothing else, our listener can
Speaker 1: try to find humor in the experience, or maybe meet
Speaker 1: people who might be interesting professional connections. Now, they probably
Speaker 1: won't all be terrible, of course, and this is where
Speaker 1: the numbers game comes in. If our listener goes on
Speaker 1: twenty four first dates in a year, the odds are
Speaker 1: reason snible that she'll have at least a few dates
Speaker 1: with people she wouldn't mind seeing a second time. Now,
Speaker 1: let's say that one in four of those works out great. Well,
Speaker 1: now she's going on six second dates in a year.
Speaker 1: What if three of those turn into a third date
Speaker 1: and one or two of those might be a reasonable
Speaker 1: fourth date. Now we're getting somewhere. The key is to
Speaker 1: be consistent with first dates until you meet someone who
Speaker 1: makes you want to not be consistent. About going on
Speaker 1: first dates anymore. Of course, online dating isn't the only
Speaker 1: way to go. Our listener said that some friends had
Speaker 1: suggested meetup groups and the like, and I think it's
Speaker 1: smart in general to build an active adult social life
Speaker 1: as a single parent, not even necessarily for dating purposes,
Speaker 1: but just because it's fun. The more people you know
Speaker 1: who like similar things to you, the broader your network
Speaker 1: will be. And no doubt some of the people in
Speaker 1: these networks know people that they'd be willing to set
Speaker 1: you up with, so that helps with keeping up the
Speaker 1: volume of first dates too. Of course, all this is
Speaker 1: slightly more complex as a single parent. Divorced parents who
Speaker 1: share custody can at least try to schedule their dating
Speaker 1: lives around the times when their former partners have the kids.
Speaker 1: Our listener is going to need to be more proactive,
Speaker 1: but I'm guessing that over the last few years of
Speaker 1: solo parenting, she's made some arrangements with friends and neighbors, relatives,
Speaker 1: and paid caregivers who can step in for a few
Speaker 1: hours when she needs it. And the good news is
Speaker 1: that in a few years her daughter will be able
Speaker 1: to take care of herself for short periods of time,
Speaker 1: and that will open up a lot more possibilities. As
Speaker 1: for just hoping someone wonderful will appear, well, it's always possible.
Speaker 1: Meeting someone wonderful does involve some amount of luck. But
Speaker 1: here's the thing. With luck, we can nudget along. Someone
Speaker 1: going on twenty four first dates in a year is
Speaker 1: far more likely to luck out and meet someone wonderful
Speaker 1: than someone who sticks to the same routine of work
Speaker 1: and home chores as before. I'm happy to report that
Speaker 1: I heard back from our listener that she was willing
Speaker 1: to take this on as a project. A goal of
Speaker 1: one date every two weeks sounds doable and not so daunting,
Speaker 1: she says, I think I could do that, and if
Speaker 1: she does, I'm sure that luck will bend her way
Speaker 1: after a while. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks
Speaker 1: for listening, and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod
Speaker 1: that's b E the number four then Breakfast Pod. You
Speaker 1: can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast Podcast
Speaker 1: at iHeartMedia dot com that before Breakfast is spelled out
Speaker 1: with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward
Speaker 1: to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.