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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Am. This is John, your og okay

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Speaker 1: story time podcast host, and we got some delicious, juicy

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Speaker 1: stories coming up. But if you want to hear that deliciousness,

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Speaker 1: you know, just stick around for a two minute break

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Speaker 1: with a word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 2: I told off my cheating father. Now his new wife

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Speaker 2: is calling me heartless.

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Speaker 1: She's a hot eat. I don't know that's a song.

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Speaker 2: I know the title sounds super bad, but hear me out.

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Speaker 2: I eighteen mail am an only child. I lived with

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Speaker 2: my mom full time. My parents are divorced. Some quick context.

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Speaker 2: During my entire life, my mom always picked up after

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Speaker 2: me and my dad. They both worked full time. But

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Speaker 2: my mom handled breakfast, lunch, dinner, groceries, cleaning, laundry. What

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Speaker 2: did my dad do? Mow the lawn, shovel snow, fix

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Speaker 2: things like the sink if it ever wrote so not

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Speaker 2: things that happen every day.

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Speaker 1: It's like he handles the outside, she handles on the inside.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but the inside things happen like every day. He's

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Speaker 2: doing things that happen well, maybe once a week.

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Speaker 1: This is how my grandparents live.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's a different time.

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's they still live this way.

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Speaker 2: Well, I know, but they're different generations.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but he's always in the garden always, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know. Okay, By the way, are they cool with it?

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Speaker 2: I presumably not, seeing as he is a new wife.

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Speaker 1: Oh boy.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Throwaway pasta error and

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Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 2: the r slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Riley,

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Speaker 2: and Op says. When I was younger, I always loved

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Speaker 2: my dad because he would do fun things with me,

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Speaker 2: take me to sports games, play with me in the yard,

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Speaker 2: sometimes buy me McDonald's or ice cream. He was the

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Speaker 2: fun parent, and my mom was the caring one. She

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Speaker 2: always made me food, helped me in school, packed my bags,

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Speaker 2: comforted me when I was sad, and took care of

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Speaker 2: me when I was sick. When I got older, I

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Speaker 2: started to realize more and more how much my mom

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Speaker 2: did well. My dad would sit on the couch and

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Speaker 2: watch TV or stuff like that. My mom asked me

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Speaker 2: when I was quite young to help her out with cleaning,

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Speaker 2: et cetera, and I remember I would get mad at

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Speaker 2: her when she asked. I didn't want to clean. Who does?

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Speaker 2: But one day after she had got annoyed. I didn't

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Speaker 2: even pick up after myself. I yelled at her to

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Speaker 2: leave me alone. I was probably like twelve, and that

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Speaker 2: day I heard her cry in the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: Afterwards, Oh, at least he knows how much that made

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Speaker 1: her feel.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, when I realized I made her cry, it clicked

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Speaker 2: in my head that she was doing everything for us

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Speaker 2: and Dad did barely anything and I did absolutely nothing

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Speaker 2: at all. Well, I think that you have like this,

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Speaker 2: you know, parental figure that is modeling to you that

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Speaker 2: it's okay that you do nothing. And it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: this is the woman's job, so it's fine if you

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Speaker 2: just watch TV and play games and you need like

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Speaker 2: a you need a figure in your house to show

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Speaker 2: you that.

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Speaker 1: Everyone ship's in exactly.

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Speaker 2: It felt like I grew up super quickly over the

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Speaker 2: course of a week, and I started helping my mom

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Speaker 2: a lot more. It became a bonding thing for us,

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Speaker 2: talking and helping each other out with cleaning and groceries,

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Speaker 2: et cetera.

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Speaker 1: Oh, it's really cute.

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Speaker 2: My dad was still the fun parent, would take me

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Speaker 2: the games and all that, but I grew more and

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Speaker 2: more annoyed that he didn't help out at all. I

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Speaker 2: think when I was like fourteen, I once said to

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Speaker 2: his face that he never helps out around the house,

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Speaker 2: and he got furious with me, yelled in my face

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Speaker 2: and sent me to my room. My mom comforted me

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Speaker 2: and told me to just let him be you and

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Speaker 2: I got this alone anyway. The few times he was

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Speaker 2: dragged into helping, he would always make a mess somehow

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Speaker 2: and it would end in an argument with him and Mom.

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Speaker 2: I've realized now he most likely did a bad job

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Speaker 2: on purpose, so he wouldn't ask him for help. When

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Speaker 2: I was fifteen, Mom found out that Dad cheated. Oh God,

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Speaker 2: had been for like a year. There's no redeeming quaudies

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Speaker 2: to this guy.

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Speaker 1: Yikes, it don't help out. Just watch TV and he

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Speaker 1: cheats if.

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Speaker 2: You were what.

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Speaker 1: I watch YouTube, but I also produce YouTube and I

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Speaker 1: make sure that I put out content. Mm hm, he's

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Speaker 1: not even doing that.

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Speaker 2: Nope. They had the biggest fight ever, and my dad

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Speaker 2: left us that night to live with his mistress and

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Speaker 2: her daughter from a previous marriage. He came a few

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Speaker 2: days after and picked most of his stuff up. I

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Speaker 2: don't remember much how the divorce went, other than my

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Speaker 2: mom being a wreck. When it was finalized, she honestly

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Speaker 2: broke down even more. I fed her, helped her into

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Speaker 2: the shower, held her at night. I've never seen her

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Speaker 2: that bad. And if I didn't hate my dad for

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Speaker 2: what he had done in general, I started absolutely despising

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Speaker 2: him for what he did to my mom. Oh, that

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Speaker 2: is a really tough situation to be put in as

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Speaker 2: a fifteen year old, where you have to kind of

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Speaker 2: be the father figure, yeah, for your own mother, you know,

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Speaker 2: or like the husband figure for your own mother.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that supporting person.

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Speaker 2: Family from my mom's side would help us too, but

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Speaker 2: it was mostly me since no one could really move

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Speaker 2: in and stay with us full time. I picked up

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Speaker 2: a job at sixteen to help at home. It took

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Speaker 2: my mom maybe half a year to start going back

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Speaker 2: to her old self. She grew up to be better, happier,

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Speaker 2: and I had never seen her so full of life

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Speaker 2: when she was with dad. A month or two after

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Speaker 2: the divorce was over, my dad started pushing for me

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Speaker 2: to live with him fifty percent of the time. I

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Speaker 2: told him to f off, basically, but Mom said I

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Speaker 2: shouldn't shut him out completely, so I went to him

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Speaker 2: every other weekend. He tried to be all nice to me,

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Speaker 2: and so did his mistress, but I hated their guts.

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Speaker 2: The mistress, let's call her Hannah, tried to be nice

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Speaker 2: to me but also boss me around, and I basically

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Speaker 2: ignored her. She has a daughter from a previous marriage

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Speaker 2: who tried to bond with me, but I ignored her too. Barely.

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Speaker 2: Even a year after the divorce was over, Hannah got pregnant.

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Speaker 2: Oh gosh, wow, and they had another daughter. Dad and

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Speaker 2: Hannah have tried to push for me to be a

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Speaker 2: big brother for them, but I couldn't care about them less.

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Speaker 2: Now I'm eighteen, and I gradually stopped going to my dad's.

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Speaker 2: I barely ever stay at night. I just visit, and

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Speaker 2: my dad keeps trying to blame my mom for it.

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Speaker 2: Hannah gives me more and more attitude and tries to

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Speaker 2: use her daughters to guilt me into staying over, saying

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Speaker 2: they missed their big brother. You're so selfish, that is

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Speaker 2: that's wow, that's really not the way to get what

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Speaker 2: you want.

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Speaker 1: There, Well, that's really gonna help bond this family. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: bonding over guilt.

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Speaker 2: Grace sold him beauty perfect. We had a big confrontation

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Speaker 2: when I visited last. I stayed for twenty minutes before

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Speaker 2: Hannah started to lecture me. So I just started leaving.

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Speaker 1: Bro knows what your will is, you know.

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Speaker 2: He's like, wait, I actually don't have to stay here.

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Speaker 1: Bye.

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Speaker 2: Dad blocked my way and told me I have to

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Speaker 2: grow up and leave the past in the past. It's

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Speaker 2: not the past though, you're actively sucking right now. And

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Speaker 2: also you never seemingly apologized for any of the behaviors

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Speaker 2: from the past. He said, I can't be mad forever,

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Speaker 2: and I'm acting as if I don't love him and

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Speaker 2: we're all family. That just set me off. I started

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Speaker 2: screaming at him that I haven't loved him in years.

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Speaker 2: I told him that he was always a lazy pos

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Speaker 2: who acted more like a child than a husband. To

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Speaker 2: my mom, she always cleaned up after him, cleaned the

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Speaker 2: house alone, washed his clothes, made him food, fetched him

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Speaker 2: another adult soda even though the kitchen was five steps away.

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Speaker 2: But all that ever came out of his mouth was

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Speaker 2: complaints and demands. Oh my god, oh he is reading him.

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Speaker 1: Also, this is a really bad time to bring this up.

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Speaker 1: But one of my favorite things is whenever andrewe brings

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Speaker 1: me Lacroix from her parents' house and it's really cold.

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Speaker 2: Well, that's different. You guys know each other. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 2: not this I do.

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Speaker 1: I do things for her.

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Speaker 2: All the time, but in this situation he's demanding things

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Speaker 2: and never does anything.

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Speaker 1: But it is nice. It really is nice.

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Speaker 2: It really is nice.

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Speaker 1: I told him, Oh, so that makes me point out

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Speaker 1: she does a lot of nice things for you. There

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Speaker 1: we go. Okay, I feel less bad now, yeah, because

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Speaker 1: I was like, dude, sometimes Angie gets.

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Speaker 2: Me, but you get you do stuff in exchange point,

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Speaker 2: I try to braik her hair. Yeah, when I go

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Speaker 2: over to my friend's.

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Speaker 1: House, oh, get over it. And a month this will

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Speaker 1: come out say it.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, hopefully at this point.

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Speaker 1: Damn, when you go to your boyfriend's Okay, hopefully this

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Speaker 1: is coming out in the month.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I hope he's my boyfriend by then.

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Speaker 1: You can just say I just manifested.

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Speaker 2: Manifest No, I can't, because that'd be so embarrassing if

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Speaker 2: he wasn't.

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Speaker 1: We're not talking as if it was September fifth, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like October fifth.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, hopefully at the time this time, he's my boyfriend.

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Speaker 2: I think whenever I go over to his house. He

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Speaker 2: always makes me food and he's like, do you want

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Speaker 2: a snack? And then he comes out and he like

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Speaker 2: toasts really nice bread and like he did all he did,

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Speaker 2: like he mashed up avocado and like cut up this

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Speaker 2: like real fresh tomato and like had like olive oil.

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Speaker 2: I was like, damn, I do that every time she

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Speaker 2: comes over, snack that I need. He's such a good cook.

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Speaker 1: I need to work on that.

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Speaker 2: Cook you're but you've also improved a lot to thank you,

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Speaker 2: thank you, I think anyway, I told him he took

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Speaker 2: me out to do fun things, sure, but that's not

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Speaker 2: all there is to being a dad. He was never

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Speaker 2: there for me, helped me in school, drove me anywhere,

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Speaker 2: or picked me up, comforted me. And then he did

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Speaker 2: the worst possible thing. After years of standing on my

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Speaker 2: mother's back and using her, he went and eft a

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Speaker 2: random woman and absolutely broke her.

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Speaker 1: Ah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think op needed to say this,

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Speaker 2: Like obviously it's not ideal that he's like screaming all

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Speaker 2: of this, but you know, he's eighteen. His dad has

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Speaker 2: been pushing this relationship that Opie clearly doesn't want to

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Speaker 2: have anymore, and you know, sometimes it just all comes out.

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Speaker 1: If the dad wanted to have an actually genuine conversation

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Speaker 1: like relationship, he should have said he was sorry. He

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Speaker 1: said it was crappy, and at least owned up to

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Speaker 1: what he did.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I screamed about how a kid had to pick

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Speaker 2: up the pieces of his own mother because his father

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Speaker 2: was such a pos and useless garbage. I felt enough

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Speaker 2: for him. In fact, I hated his gut still, and

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Speaker 2: I hated his mistress too. I turned to Hannah and

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Speaker 2: told her that she means nothing to me. She has

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Speaker 2: no authority over me. I don't give a crap about

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Speaker 2: her or her kids. I told them both I wish

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Speaker 2: nothing bad at their daughters, but Hannah is a horrible

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Speaker 2: person for filling her kids' heads with lies about how

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Speaker 2: I am their brother when I've repeatedly told them I'm not.

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Speaker 2: Then I looked my dad in the eyes and said,

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Speaker 2: my father passed away to me years ago, and that

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Speaker 2: man wasn't even a good dad. You're just a stranger

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Speaker 2: to me. I pushed my way past him and left.

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Speaker 2: Ooh day, oh see movies, you need to get that

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Speaker 2: off his chest. Let's write a script, gees, Yeah, I

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Speaker 2: write a script about your life story.

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Speaker 1: Ouch, that's I hope.

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Speaker 2: Your dad was just like, I'm just imagining the dad

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Speaker 2: being like it's like a fish.

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Speaker 1: Uh yeah, Yeah, he definitely sat down later that day

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Speaker 1: and started thinking about what you said.

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Speaker 2: Wow, I was never gonna forget that.

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Speaker 1: Do you think the dad could come back from this?

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Speaker 2: There is a way, but it requires a lot, a

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Speaker 2: lot of therapy, self reflection, apologies, and.

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Speaker 1: Just like, do you think you'd have to divorce Hannah? Probably?

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Speaker 2: I don't know if well, you know what, I think

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Speaker 2: Hannah would kind of because Hannah is a problem too,

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Speaker 2: because she's like, she's the one who's kind of spewing

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Speaker 2: that filth at ope. Yeah, but I don't think that

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Speaker 2: he could do that. And also I think he would

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Speaker 2: be a little bit the able for divorcing this, you

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Speaker 2: know woman.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so there is one way. Yeah, but father, but.

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Speaker 2: You'd become an adhole in a new way to your daughters.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you've already You've already chose your path here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. When I got home, I told my mom everything

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Speaker 2: and cried. She hugged me and told me she understands

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Speaker 2: my emotions but wishes I wasn't so aggressive for my

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Speaker 2: own sake. My mom has never said a bad thing

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Speaker 2: about my dad despite everything, and when I would curse

260
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Speaker 2: him out, she always told me it wasn't worth it.

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Speaker 2: My dad and his new family were silent for a

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Speaker 2: few days, but then started bombarding me with texts about

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Speaker 2: how I was a horrible fun and my dad hasn't

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Speaker 2: stopped crying since. Good Finally he gets, you know, a

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Speaker 2: feel for how OPI's mom was going, you know what

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Speaker 2: she was going through, gets it. I know he always

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Speaker 2: wanted a son and wanted to close bond, but he's

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Speaker 2: failed me as a father and I don't care. But

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Speaker 2: family from Hannaside I've met like once or not at all,

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Speaker 2: have also started messaging me saying I was out of

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Speaker 2: line and everyone makes mistakes.

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Speaker 1: Block block blah.

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Speaker 2: I'd be like, I know you, but I don't think

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Speaker 2: it's a mistake. I genuinely think my dad's a pos

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Speaker 2: and I don't know him anything. But I guess all

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Speaker 2: the hate from so many people has me doubting myself.

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Speaker 2: Maybe I should have just left without a word. So, yeah,

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Speaker 2: am I the a hole? And there is an update,

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Speaker 2: but I think I've already said it. It's like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: maybe not the best move, but sometimes you can't stop that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're young, justified a hole? I agree, justified. I

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Speaker 1: agree you did an a whole move, but everyone can't.

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Speaker 1: You have to be an a hole sometimes, Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: have to.

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Speaker 2: Can't just keep all of that in. I don't think

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Speaker 2: it would be healthy for you to keep that in.

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Speaker 1: No, no, could you've written a letter and said everything yes,

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Speaker 1: and you would be the ahole. That scenario but justified ahole.

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Speaker 2: I agree. Update. I know it hasn't been long since

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Speaker 2: I posted, but I quickly got so many not the

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Speaker 2: a hole and people who agreed with me that I

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Speaker 2: acted pretty fast. I wrote out a long text to

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Speaker 2: my dad that looks like this. Okay, hey Dad, I

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Speaker 2: know what I said yesterday was very harsh, but I'm

295
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Speaker 2: not apologizing for it. Growing up, you made it clear

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Speaker 2: what a partner and a husband shouldn't be. Even though

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00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,400
Speaker 2: mom and you worked the same hours, you were always

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Speaker 2: entitled to your alone time and your rest while she

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Speaker 2: was left to pick up after the whole family. I

300
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:46,840
Speaker 2: realized at a young age that mom needed help, and

301
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Speaker 2: every time I picked up your old socks or put

302
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,800
Speaker 2: your dishes away, I got more and more annoyed at

303
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,360
Speaker 2: what a lazy pos you are. A twelve year old

304
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,120
Speaker 2: did more housework than his father. Let that sink in.

305
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,960
Speaker 2: You went and did fun things with me. I acknowledge

306
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,400
Speaker 2: and did appreciate that. But that's not all there is

307
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:05,160
Speaker 2: to be a parent. I needed you other times when

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00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:08,680
Speaker 2: I was sick, sad, stressed, needed help with homework, or

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00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,199
Speaker 2: even just talking to you. I know you always wanted

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Speaker 2: a good father and son bond, but we never actually talked,

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00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:18,560
Speaker 2: not small talk, proper conversations. I honestly feel like you

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00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,080
Speaker 2: don't even know who I truly am. But when I

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00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,800
Speaker 2: went to you with anything, you told me to go

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Speaker 2: to mom because you had a long day at work.

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00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,160
Speaker 2: I hope, for your new daughter's sake that you start

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00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:31,080
Speaker 2: picking up your crap after yourself. I can't stand Hannah,

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00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,280
Speaker 2: but I somehow also hope she doesn't get stuck in

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00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,120
Speaker 2: the loop of scrubbing your back and holding your spoon

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00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,880
Speaker 2: when you eat, never allowed to ask for a favor

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Speaker 2: and rest. You need to tell her to get her

321
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Speaker 2: family to stop pestering me about this, or I'm blocking

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Speaker 2: you all you included. Hannah has no authority over me,

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Speaker 2: and I have no respect for her because she's slept

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00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,640
Speaker 2: with the married man. She also is not entitled to

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00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,600
Speaker 2: a relationship with me. I've always tried to be polite

326
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,680
Speaker 2: but not welcoming because I don't see her as anything

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00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,520
Speaker 2: other than your mistress. She needs to get that through

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Speaker 2: her head. And like I said, I will never wish

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00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,880
Speaker 2: anything bad on to her daughters, but I am not

330
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,360
Speaker 2: their family. You filling their head with that BS is

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00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:16,080
Speaker 2: only causing them a harm. Get that through your head. Yeah,

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00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:20,560
Speaker 2: he's really smoked, hope, he's really hammering this in. There's

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00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:21,200
Speaker 2: a little bit more.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

335
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,800
Speaker 2: If you're unhappy in your marriage, you either try to

336
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,800
Speaker 2: work it out, go to therapy, or split on whatever terms.

337
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,080
Speaker 2: You don't cheat on your partner like a dirt pickle.

338
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,800
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter how you felt for Hannah and Mom

339
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,000
Speaker 2: at the time. You should have split with Mom before

340
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:40,080
Speaker 2: pursuing Hannah. I'm effing eighteen years old, and even I

341
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,080
Speaker 2: know that if the text don't stop today, I'm blocking

342
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,000
Speaker 2: every last one of you. I'm already blocking Hannah's family,

343
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,280
Speaker 2: but I'm keeping you and her unblocked for whatever reason.

344
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,000
Speaker 2: This is not me forgiving you. I don't think we

345
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:55,120
Speaker 2: can work through this. Because we can't. I'm not visiting

346
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,680
Speaker 2: you for a while, and if I ever want to again,

347
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,280
Speaker 2: it will be on my terms. This is not up

348
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:04,000
Speaker 2: for negotiation. And again, if you try to pressure me

349
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,560
Speaker 2: or guilt trip me, I will literally just never speak

350
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,640
Speaker 2: to you again. I hope you go to therapy and

351
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,240
Speaker 2: get fully torn down so you can build yourself up

352
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:15,360
Speaker 2: to be someone worthy of respect, because right now you're not.

353
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:17,040
Speaker 2: Now leave me alone.

354
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:25,680
Speaker 1: Oh ooh ooh oof you wow ooh you just right

355
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:26,320
Speaker 1: for the throat.

356
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:30,560
Speaker 2: Yeah wow, I mean you got the letter you wanted Ley.

357
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was that was beautiful. Yeah, I love that.

358
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,280
Speaker 2: Set your boundaries.

359
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Speaker 1: Man, you have to you gotta Yes, you were aggressive,

360
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,360
Speaker 1: but you have to be weren't lying. I saw my

361
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:46,120
Speaker 1: mom crying, yeah years about a man that just wasn't

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Speaker 1: worth the hill of beans.

363
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:51,000
Speaker 2: I gotta hate him too. Gosh, here's a little bit

364
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,280
Speaker 2: left though. After like three or four hours, Dad responded,

365
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:58,280
Speaker 2: I understand, and nothing else. The random texts have stopped.

366
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:01,960
Speaker 2: I don't know. I sort of feel free, but also sad.

367
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,840
Speaker 2: I'm not burning the bridge fully, but I'm also done

368
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,399
Speaker 2: with their bs. So yeah, that's where I stand right now.

369
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:12,120
Speaker 2: Thanks for listening. Yeah, hope you're gonna be sad because

370
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,000
Speaker 2: this is really tough. You've had to cut off this.

371
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,000
Speaker 2: I mean, like again, I think it's the thing of

372
00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:19,520
Speaker 2: you're not mourning the relationship you had with your dad,

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00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,800
Speaker 2: You're mourning the desire for a good relationship with a

374
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,840
Speaker 2: father figure. Yeah, and you've never really I mean, you've

375
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:28,960
Speaker 2: had it to some extent because he was he does

376
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,520
Speaker 2: seem like he was, you know, the fun parent for

377
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,040
Speaker 2: a time. Yeah, took you to games, but eventually you

378
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,520
Speaker 2: realize that, like the fun parent isn't the parent who's

379
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:39,600
Speaker 2: there for you and like stepping out for you. But

380
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,639
Speaker 2: that's the end of that story. And we've got another

381
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:43,919
Speaker 2: one coming right up.

382
00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:48,320
Speaker 1: My mother disapproves of my fiance and it's ruining everything.

383
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:51,480
Speaker 1: Why don't you like trigger warning for emotional abuse. For

384
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:55,199
Speaker 1: some quick background information, my mom fifty five female and

385
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,760
Speaker 1: I twenty five female. We're in a pretty bad car

386
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:01,400
Speaker 1: accident in Georgia in twenty nineteen that gave her traumatic

387
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:05,760
Speaker 1: brain injury and damage her frontal lobe, decision making, emotional regulation,

388
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:09,520
Speaker 1: and logical thinking. I had a knuckle like this. It

389
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:13,560
Speaker 1: took him a while to get back around, but it's.

390
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,560
Speaker 2: Tough because I mean, like, you can't really fault them

391
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,400
Speaker 2: because it's not them.

392
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,879
Speaker 1: She moved to Arizona about six months later, was doing fine,

393
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,600
Speaker 1: then the VID hit and she was made homeless. I

394
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,160
Speaker 1: was in college at the time and in no position

395
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,240
Speaker 1: to up and leave, so we helped my younger brother

396
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,800
Speaker 1: twenty mile at the time, move out to Arizona to

397
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Speaker 1: help her.

398
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,520
Speaker 2: Ugh, that's tough on him.

399
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,159
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from deny the patriarchy and

400
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,680
Speaker 1: if you want to make your own stories, go to

401
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:43,560
Speaker 1: the yard slash Okay story time subreddit. I'm Riley, I'm Sophia. No,

402
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,880
Speaker 1: he says. Fast forward four years, and it's been a

403
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:50,120
Speaker 1: series of disasters for them. I have helped where I can,

404
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:54,520
Speaker 1: but they basically have been royally screwed by individual people,

405
00:18:54,800 --> 00:19:00,720
Speaker 1: the insurance companies, by advocacy groups, and by mental health faculty. Well,

406
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,200
Speaker 1: she came to Georgia to visit for the first time

407
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 1: since she's left and is staying for a month. Okay, yay.

408
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,159
Speaker 1: She doesn't know my fiance twenty seven mel very well

409
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,840
Speaker 1: since we started dating after she had left, and they've

410
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:18,560
Speaker 1: only interacted in one family beach trip which went poorly

411
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,280
Speaker 1: and when we move my brother out west. She hates

412
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:26,120
Speaker 1: the fact that his family has different political views than ours.

413
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:28,920
Speaker 1: Never mind that he is very aligned to our beliefs,

414
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,479
Speaker 1: it's his family that's the problem. She also believes that

415
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,119
Speaker 1: he wants to isolate me from my family in an

416
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:39,040
Speaker 1: attempt to become emotionally harmful. Oh, she thinks that our

417
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,960
Speaker 1: future children will grow up to be hateful, discriminatory, and

418
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,679
Speaker 1: that I will end up a battered woman. Oh my god,

419
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:47,399
Speaker 1: I mean.

420
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, obviously all this is kind of like it sucks.

421
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:57,720
Speaker 2: But what of this that she's spewing is how she

422
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,040
Speaker 2: was before or you know, or is this just how

423
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,360
Speaker 2: she is after the accident? Because I think like if

424
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 2: she's just a little bit more aggressive post accident, think

425
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:10,480
Speaker 2: you just got a treat her like a person. You know,

426
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,520
Speaker 2: you can't be I think you can't be like so

427
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,919
Speaker 2: mad at it when you like, when you know the reasoning,

428
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,600
Speaker 2: but or you just have to like focus on Okay,

429
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,480
Speaker 2: I know why she's acting like this.

430
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,879
Speaker 1: And be mad at that, yeah, rather than her.

431
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like treating you know, you know, you have

432
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:29,400
Speaker 2: to treat certain people with special needs differently, and this

433
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:30,479
Speaker 2: is a special need.

434
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's like, how do we I think.

435
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 2: We address their or help those, help those.

436
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:37,879
Speaker 1: And how do we protect ourselves?

437
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,119
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, because you can't just let her spew all

438
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 2: that and take it like. That's not the solution either.

439
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,679
Speaker 2: It's figuring out what the balance is.

440
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,119
Speaker 1: It's a tricky one. She has her own trauma, and

441
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,680
Speaker 1: I know that any aggression, perceived or real, is hard

442
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,680
Speaker 1: for her to handle. During a discussion, my fiance made

443
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,600
Speaker 1: a comment how his mom had said she wanted to

444
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,040
Speaker 1: put me in a home if she were ever unable

445
00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 1: to take care of herself, and my mom flew off

446
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,960
Speaker 1: the handle in rage about how he wanted to put

447
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 1: her in a home and how he was attacking an older,

448
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:12,200
Speaker 1: disabled woman if I ended badly with her, walking out

449
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,480
Speaker 1: of the house swearing that she would leave and never

450
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,919
Speaker 1: come back. She screamed hateful things about my fiance, about me,

451
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 1: and about how I was re traumatized by not defending

452
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,480
Speaker 1: her against him. That was yesterday, and after talking to

453
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,760
Speaker 1: my best friend and my work family, I'm realizing that

454
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,679
Speaker 1: I need to establish some boundaries with my mother. It

455
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,040
Speaker 1: hurts me, it hurts him, It hurts the relationship between

456
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 1: my mom and I. When she screams, insults him and

457
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,879
Speaker 1: about me. She keeps saying she won't make me choose

458
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 1: between them, but if I want to be with him,

459
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:48,879
Speaker 1: my family will hate him forever and will never even

460
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:52,920
Speaker 1: be in the same room as him or his family again. Yikes.

461
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 1: Has anyone ever been in a situation where they had

462
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 1: to contemplate cutting ties with a parent. I don't want

463
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,800
Speaker 1: to cut her out, but she is causing me so

464
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 1: much stress, and she's actively driving a wedge in my

465
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,400
Speaker 1: relationship with my fiance. Am I just being a young,

466
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 1: naive girl in love or does this behavior seem irrational? Yes?

467
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 1: I know she has a brain injury and is already

468
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 1: irrational to some degree, but this seems like way more

469
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,919
Speaker 1: than that anyone else. My family is small, just me

470
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 1: and my mom and my younger brother at this point,

471
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm in an impossible situation or

472
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 1: either lose my fiance or I lose my mom and

473
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,639
Speaker 1: my brother. Literally. Any advice is appreciated. I won't be

474
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:36,120
Speaker 1: on Reddit unless I was desperate. We have an update

475
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,119
Speaker 1: six days later.

476
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,119
Speaker 2: Well, I think you know that she's acting irrationally. I

477
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,399
Speaker 2: think you already said it. I think that this isn't

478
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:45,639
Speaker 2: I think it. I mean, like to your question of

479
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:49,399
Speaker 2: like always this even more, you know, not just the

480
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 2: brain injury. I think it is the brain injury. She

481
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:56,600
Speaker 2: probably has some worries that are just coming from herself. Yeah,

482
00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 2: but it's like all like intensified ten times because of

483
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 2: this brain injury. I'm assuming obviously I'm not her doctor,

484
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,360
Speaker 2: but it does seem like if this is a change

485
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 2: that you've noticed.

486
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,679
Speaker 1: As a woman, doctor, I'm gonna have to agree with that.

487
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, doctor, what woman? Doctor? Right here?

488
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,439
Speaker 1: This woman's acting more rational than most women.

489
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,440
Speaker 2: Dang it, dang it.

490
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,359
Speaker 1: Uh, this is so sad and yeah, it's such a

491
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:29,120
Speaker 1: true It's very tricky because how do you protect yourself

492
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,439
Speaker 1: from her words. Well, I think you also have a

493
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:35,160
Speaker 1: relationship with her and your fiance at the same time,

494
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:35,920
Speaker 1: like in the same.

495
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 2: I think you just got to keep having your relationship

496
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 2: with your fiance and kind of take your mom's words

497
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,800
Speaker 2: with a grain of salt, and also maybe speak to

498
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,320
Speaker 2: her doctors a little bit more.

499
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,639
Speaker 1: Maybe, I don't know. I don't know. We'll see what

500
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 1: no pdos gosh uh update I twenty five female have

501
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,400
Speaker 1: been engaged to my fiance twenty seven, fit mail for

502
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 1: just over two years, and we have dated for nearly

503
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 1: three years before he proposed. We set a wedding date

504
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,240
Speaker 1: back when we got engaged, but postponed it because my

505
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 1: family was going through a rough patch and it didn't

506
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 1: feel right at the time. We are now aiming for

507
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 1: April twenty twenty five. Venue is booked and everything. I'm

508
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:17,200
Speaker 1: a kindergartener teacher working on my master's with no plans

509
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 1: for kids in the next five years, which he supports.

510
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 1: He's an electricianal engineer also getting his masters and disagrees

511
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: with his family's beliefs. She visited for a month and

512
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 1: it ended horribly, me driving her to the airport two

513
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,399
Speaker 1: weeks early. Now she swears she'll never come back to

514
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 1: a state or be in the same room as my

515
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:40,679
Speaker 1: fiance or his family. Well, while she was here, I

516
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 1: didn't get a chance to tell her that we were

517
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 1: planning to go through with the wedding. Things are booked,

518
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 1: et cetera. I fully intend to, but with all the

519
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:52,359
Speaker 1: fighting and turmoil, I didn't have a chance. Now my

520
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 1: fiance and his family are asking questions about where we

521
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 1: are at in the wedding planning process. And I'm really

522
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,680
Speaker 1: torn about how to to answer. On the one hand,

523
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:04,640
Speaker 1: we could reschedule the entire thing and I could work

524
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,680
Speaker 1: with my mom to get her to agree to come.

525
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 1: On the other hand, we go through with the wedding

526
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 1: and I would have exactly zero family members present. Oh

527
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,160
Speaker 1: what about your brother? You can't come, he's taking care

528
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 1: of the mom. Mmmm.

529
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,919
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think if it is really important to you

530
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 2: that your mom comes, which I mean I imagine it would be,

531
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 2: then you know, maybe take that time, see if you

532
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 2: can change your mind, Try try everything in your power

533
00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 2: to do that, and then at the end of the day,

534
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,440
Speaker 2: if you can't, you can't. Yeah, which is really tough.

535
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 1: I'm not sure I want to keep postponing the wedding

536
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 1: because she's not ready for me to get married yet.

537
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:47,199
Speaker 1: So would I be the a hole if I do

538
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:48,120
Speaker 1: go through with it?

539
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:49,160
Speaker 2: I don't think so.

540
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 1: Debatably be an a hole to your mom? But is

541
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 1: that worth anything to you? Yeah?

542
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 2: I think it's just like, do you have to ask

543
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,879
Speaker 2: yourself how much do I want my mom? Have I

544
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 2: done everything that I'm willing to do to get her there?

545
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:07,639
Speaker 2: And if the answers yes, then yeah, I'll have the wedding.

546
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,479
Speaker 2: It's just like weighing how much you want her versus

547
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 2: how much you know you've already how much energy you've

548
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 2: already expended.

549
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 1: So we got to edit to ad. My mom does

550
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 1: have a TBI, which affects her emotional regulation. She has

551
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: had the TBI since before I started dating my fiance,

552
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:28,480
Speaker 1: so he's never met her beforehand. Despite the brain injury,

553
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 1: she swears that she's just being perfectly reasonable, and that's

554
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 1: how an older woman who has dated a lot more

555
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: than I just the one that I should trust her

556
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 1: implicitly and leave him info. Everyone has been asking, So

557
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 1: here are some of the warning signs she saw. He

558
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 1: wouldn't leave me alone with her while she was here visiting.

559
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 1: She's referring to the fact that while we would talk

560
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 1: in the evenings, he was always in the room because

561
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,919
Speaker 1: we talked in the living room of the small house

562
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 1: we live in. Never mind that he literally really stayed

563
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 1: out of the house for two days so we can

564
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 1: hang out together just Mom and I. He does not

565
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 1: encourage a strong bond between my mom and I. She

566
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 1: means that he has not pushed me to go visit

567
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 1: my mom and my brother across the country. Even when

568
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 1: they needed help. My reasoning is that I don't actually

569
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 1: want to go across the country very often, so even

570
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 1: when he asked me if I want to, the answer

571
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 1: is usually no, he is attracted to the same gender

572
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 1: and is using me as a beard.

573
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 2: Yikes. Oh.

574
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 1: She was referred to the fact that years ago, before

575
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:35,920
Speaker 1: we started dating, I made an off and comment about

576
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 1: how people thought that the newer server might be gay server. Okay,

577
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 1: like like a b oh okay. Well, we worked in

578
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 1: restaurants with lots of liberal college kids and straight people

579
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 1: were the minority, so we were kind of assumed everyone

580
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:59,119
Speaker 1: was LGBTQ plus unless told otherwise gay until proven straight.

581
00:27:59,280 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

582
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,199
Speaker 1: I was obviously wrong, as we have been together for

583
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 1: five years with no issues in the bedroom and many

584
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: conversations about the facets of spicy. Relatedly, so she thinks

585
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:11,639
Speaker 1: he's gay.

586
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 2: Yeah. See, that's why you know she's being in rational

587
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 2: and you're like, mom, no, I could tell you he's not. Dude,

588
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:22,199
Speaker 2: kind of confirm that.

589
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,680
Speaker 1: You know how if I knew this, and I thought

590
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 1: my future mother in law knew this, I would toy

591
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 1: with her so much.

592
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, you'd be like that man is so cute, just.

593
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:37,640
Speaker 1: Like a little offhanded comment like oh he's hot, or

594
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 1: I'd like do a certain laugh that she might think, well,

595
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 1: I'll go.

596
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 2: Like tea or somewhere to do that.

597
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 1: But that's whenever I'm making a bit like it would

598
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 1: have to be a little convincing, dude. One time, my

599
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 1: great grandpa's wife, she's like, Ley, I just want to

600
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 1: let you know, like it's just so sad seeing that

601
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: all these people are gay and stuff and all this stuff.

602
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: And that was I was so close she probably would

603
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 1: have believe me. That's why I didn't do it. I

604
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 1: was so close to being like, Grandmammy, I got something

605
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 1: to tell you. I wanted to do so bad, but

606
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 1: I was like, she probably would believe me. I better not.

607
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:16,760
Speaker 2: I'm better not.

608
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 1: Oh man, Okay. So he encouraged me to lie to her.

609
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 1: I lied about going to a trip to Puerto Rico

610
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 1: entirely by my own choice, and despite multiple warnings by

611
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 1: him and my best friend that it would end poorly.

612
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 1: It did end poorly, and she does not trust me anymore,

613
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 1: which is a separate issue, but again my choice to lie.

614
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 1: He actively told me it was a bad idea, and

615
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 1: I didn't listen, consistence, not the ahole. We have some

616
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,960
Speaker 1: comments by Opie, I don't know any anything else in

617
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 1: the mom same thing.

618
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 2: Same thing. Yeah, you just gotta you just gotta set

619
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 2: up those boundaries for yourself.

620
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, look out for yourself, girl. Literally, no one else

621
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,040
Speaker 1: has any concerns about him. My best friend actually we

622
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: lived with us for three years while we were dating

623
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 1: and then engaged and now and she only ever has

624
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 1: good things to say about him. I've known her since

625
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 1: middle school, I know her family well, and I fully

626
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 1: trust her to tell me if I'm being an idiot

627
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 1: or needed dump his butt. Plus, his parents are very

628
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 1: rational and haven't raised any red flags, even going so

629
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 1: far as to invite me am i fiance to their

630
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,040
Speaker 1: beach house for a week and a half. None of

631
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:30,360
Speaker 1: my coworkers, who've all met him repeatedly, have any concerns.

632
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 1: It's just my mom and my brother who have actually

633
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 1: only been in his presence for less than two months total.

634
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 1: She actually has only met his mom and brother once

635
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,360
Speaker 1: on a family beach trip for four years ago. The

636
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 1: trip was awkward, but nothing that should linger this long.

637
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 1: She's basing most of her assumptions on the fact that

638
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 1: they're from a small town in South Carolina, and he's

639
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 1: the first to be college educated in his family. Update two,

640
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 1: I knew that was kind of the library.

641
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, no, she's clearly like he lives in Georgia,

642
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 2: a lot of assumptions about him that are we already

643
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 2: know aren't true. And then coupled with the fact that

644
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 2: she probably has already you know, she's got a lot

645
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 2: of these preconceptions about who this guy is. And then

646
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 2: she's had this traumatic brain injury. So it's like not

647
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 2: a great combo.

648
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:21,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I bet you it's an a half

649
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 1: million dollars that these parents have a beach house in

650
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 1: Myrtle Beach on the north Side.

651
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 2: I believe. I'll believe you.

652
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, yep. And that the dad has a family business

653
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:33,720
Speaker 1: that went really well. That's why they have the beach house.

654
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 1: They probably run it out sometimes. The mom is a

655
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: very sweet person and knows how to make good sweet

656
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 1: tea and cornbread. He's probably a teacher or receptionist.

657
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 2: I buy it, I buy it, or bookkeeper or bookkeeper. Yes,

658
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:49,600
Speaker 2: that's just your dream life.

659
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 1: That no, no, no, it's not. That's not my dream No, no, no,

660
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 1: my dream wife.

661
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 2: I said, dream life.

662
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 1: Oh, dream life. No, that's not my dream life. I'll

663
00:31:56,840 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 1: tell you my dream life is uh total energy. Is

664
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,920
Speaker 1: like a lawyer. It's like a boss girl of a wife.

665
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 1: And I'm the stay at home dad and I'm just

666
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 1: doing like video stuff on the side.

667
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 2: I love.

668
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 1: That's that's what I want. And then I have a

669
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 1: playground that is one like half of it is workout

670
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,760
Speaker 1: equipment and the other half is playground so I can

671
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 1: do my squats, whether like going down the side and stuff. Yeah,

672
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 1: and we have a bunch of.

673
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 2: Lands icy and also we live on a compound together. Yes, okay,

674
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 2: now now I'm on board.

675
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:33,320
Speaker 1: Update too, John here og host. We're gonna get back

676
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 1: to these stories. But a quick three minute break from

677
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 1: house from our sponsors one month later. A little background.

678
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 1: We had Live three sixty on our phones for years

679
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 1: since my mom was a single mom and my brother

680
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 1: and I got home from school before she did. It's

681
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: never been a problem because she checks it for peace

682
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: of mind knowing where kids are. Now she lives across

683
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 1: the country with my brother and I'm in a different state.

684
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 1: She still looks at my location a lot. Since I'm

685
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 1: not great at answering texts all the time. My mom

686
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 1: is interfifth and I'm twenty five. My brother's twenty three.

687
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 1: Last Christmas, I turned off my lie through sixty because

688
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: I was going on a trip to Puerto Rico that

689
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 1: I knew she wouldn't approve of. I lied about it.

690
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 1: When my brother asked why I turned it off. My

691
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 1: mom caught me in the lie, and it blew up

692
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 1: our relationship pretty badly because she felt like she couldn't

693
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 1: trust me. I'm well aware that I was the a

694
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 1: hole in that part of the situation. I shouldn't have

695
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 1: turned it off, and I definitely shouldn't have lied. However,

696
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 1: nearly a year has passed, our relationship is still very rocky,

697
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 1: and recently we are on the outs about my upcoming marriage.

698
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 1: She doesn't approve and doesn't want it to happen, but

699
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 1: I'm still doing it.

700
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 2: I feel like she is somewhat I mean, like again,

701
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,240
Speaker 2: I don't know how much of this is like brain

702
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 2: and how much is her, but it feels like she's

703
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 2: still kind of been fantalizing up peep, like she sees

704
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 2: you as younger than you are and she needs to

705
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,480
Speaker 2: help you make all of your decisions.

706
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 1: You needed an elderly and more mature woman to guide you.

707
00:33:56,720 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 2: She's like, I know best, mother knows best. You gotta

708
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:04,800
Speaker 2: listen to me. But every you know, there comes a

709
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 2: time in every kid's life where they have to tell

710
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 2: their parents that I'm an adult now, and you know,

711
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 2: I don't need you to be that same kind of

712
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:19,280
Speaker 2: controlling figure or like guiding figure. You're still the parent,

713
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,760
Speaker 2: You're still you know, they're never gonna not be your parents,

714
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 2: and they can always offer advice. Yeah, but there does

715
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,600
Speaker 2: come a time when they can't tell you what to do.

716
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 2: They can only advise you. And I think she's learning that.

717
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 1: I remember when I whenever my mom would tell me something,

718
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:38,359
Speaker 1: it would be a suggestion. Like a friend of mine

719
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 1: was like, you know, like you don't have to actually

720
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 1: do that, it's just a suggestion now because you're in college. Yeah,

721
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 1: I was like, oh interesting, really, huh you stop taking

722
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 1: all those vitamins now.

723
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm never taking a vitamin again.

724
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:57,919
Speaker 1: Yeah. She started using my location against me, calling and

725
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 1: starting fights whenever I spend my time. I was soon

726
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:03,040
Speaker 1: to be in laws, asking why I'm leaving the house

727
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,760
Speaker 1: in the evenings or what my plans on the weekends.

728
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,440
Speaker 1: Are that require me to drive an hour away from home.

729
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,320
Speaker 1: My brother texted me a couple of days ago asking

730
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,799
Speaker 1: me to please turn my location back on so they

731
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: can know when I'm home. I'm reluctant because I'm still

732
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,359
Speaker 1: angry in hurt by their words and actions. And it's

733
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 1: honestly been pretty freeing to know that my mom can't

734
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 1: sabotage my days by calling and starting fights when I

735
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 1: leave the house. I know she does look up my

736
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 1: location for peace of mind, remember brain injury. Very emotional,

737
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 1: very anxious. I also feel that at twenty five, in

738
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 1: a different state, I should have a certain level of

739
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 1: privacy from my mom. She does not need to know

740
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:44,799
Speaker 1: my every move.

741
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:48,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean personally, I share my location with my mom,

742
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 2: but she doesn't share hers with me.

743
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: I know you're about to say that, what's up with that?

744
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,759
Speaker 2: I always requested it. I've requested it multiple times. She

745
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:58,799
Speaker 2: doesn't share. It's messed up.

746
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:03,239
Speaker 1: It's messed up stuff, man, Come on, tell you she

747
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 1: just wants to know where you're at.

748
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 2: I just want to know where my mom is at.

749
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 1: Where. But I did turn it off once before that

750
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 1: ended up causing a huge bottle of mistrust and lies.

751
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:16,840
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that ever again. So would

752
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 1: it be the a hole if I keeped it turned off?

753
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 1: Or should I do what they want and turn it

754
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 1: back on?

755
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 2: I think because you know that she's going to abuse

756
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 2: it to keep it off. Yeah, they'll get used to it.

757
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,439
Speaker 1: Yeah. And we have an update from seven months from

758
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 1: this last post, nine months from the original post. Yeah,

759
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: so you're getting closer. I don't know what time it is, Yeah,

760
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:42,520
Speaker 1: closer with the wedding. So update three. For some background,

761
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 1: my mom and I were decently close growing up, but

762
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 1: she moved to Arizona when I was in junior in college,

763
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 1: and our communication has suffered a lot. There are other

764
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:54,360
Speaker 1: circumstances that have led us here, but but just is

765
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 1: that I don't want to talk all the time. I

766
00:36:57,239 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 1: do not have the social battery to talk to her

767
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 1: every single day after school. I'm a kindergartener teacher. I

768
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 1: usually Yeah, you're busy. You know how many other questions

769
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,399
Speaker 1: you've had to answer that you know.

770
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 2: Like, how many other like annoying questions this poor woman

771
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 2: has to answer every day.

772
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 1: You know how patient you have to be with the.

773
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 2: Well, Honestly, she's probably the best person to be in

774
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,320
Speaker 2: a situation because she probably is a very patient person.

775
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 1: I would debate that.

776
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:24,799
Speaker 2: You think, oh, you think all of her patience is

777
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:25,279
Speaker 2: used up?

778
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 1: Yes, m I could see that too, You'd think she

779
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 1: had a more patient tolerance. But two point, like do

780
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:34,280
Speaker 1: you like reading stories after work? I like reading books,

781
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 1: But like would you read them out loud to me

782
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 1: if you asked me to? But would you get tired

783
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 1: of that?

784
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 2: Probably?

785
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: Yeah? I usually aim for once a week updates and

786
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 1: check ins. I don't even do that like every other

787
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:46,759
Speaker 1: week with your mom.

788
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:49,359
Speaker 2: I call my mom and my dad almost every day.

789
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 1: That's crazy.

790
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, at least at least multiple times a.

791
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:55,759
Speaker 1: Week every day I can. I'm sorry, I heard a

792
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 1: lot in to day. However, my mom is a very

793
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 1: social person and has a hard time understanding how I

794
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:04,879
Speaker 1: can care about her When I don't talk to her,

795
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 1: She says, it feels like I'm ignoring her, that I

796
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 1: don't care enough about her life, and that this isn't

797
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 1: a healthy relationship. She says that I should be able

798
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:16,400
Speaker 1: to communicate more regularly with people that I love. I

799
00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 1: am stuck and struggling with how to move forward because

800
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:23,080
Speaker 1: the fact is she is draining our phone calls are

801
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:24,320
Speaker 1: several hours long.

802
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:29,320
Speaker 2: My phone calls with my mom are like five ten minutes.

803
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:31,319
Speaker 2: My phone calls with my dad are longer. But my

804
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 2: mom and I, it's usually like, what do we need

805
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:36,320
Speaker 2: to talk about? Okay, and then my mom goes, okay,

806
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:38,280
Speaker 2: well that seems like all we got to talk about,

807
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:39,319
Speaker 2: and then she hangs up.

808
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:40,920
Speaker 1: Your mom's so funny.

809
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:42,879
Speaker 2: So they don't last that long.

810
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,399
Speaker 1: My mom's anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour.

811
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, my dad we go longer.

812
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:51,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, so incredibly exhausting. And I don't want to force

813
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 1: myself through that just to maintain a relationship with her.

814
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 1: Then again, she's my mom, and relationships take work on

815
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:01,280
Speaker 1: both sides. Do I make myself suff with more frequent

816
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 1: phone calls? Or is it okay not to talk to someone,

817
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:07,839
Speaker 1: especially mom, that frequently? Am I missing something about how

818
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:11,000
Speaker 1: communication should work between a mother and a daughter. I'm

819
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 1: self diagnosed autistic, and my mom chooses not to believe

820
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 1: me because she thinks it's an out for me not

821
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,800
Speaker 1: to handle things that I should have update.

822
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:24,839
Speaker 2: That's classic mom, the classic mom thing. I think it's

823
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 2: starting to seem like not all of this is brain injury.

824
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,799
Speaker 2: It seems like it's probably exacerbated, but it seems like

825
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 2: a lot of this is just controlling Mom.

826
00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:38,560
Speaker 1: I see what you're saying now, Yeah, best to kind

827
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:39,359
Speaker 1: of inch away.

828
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you keep the contact that you can bear.

829
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. I can't even blame the brother in

830
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 1: this scenario because he's just getting fed from the mom

831
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 1: about how bad you are and you're the villain and

832
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:53,960
Speaker 1: he's not the villain, so he's like, yeah.

833
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,440
Speaker 2: Whatever you say, Mom, Yeah, couldn't be me.

834
00:39:56,880 --> 00:40:00,239
Speaker 1: Six days from the last update, So an update. We

835
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:00,920
Speaker 1: got married.

836
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:02,879
Speaker 2: Woo, congrats o pie.

837
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,399
Speaker 1: She went through with it. A lot of y'all told

838
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:07,640
Speaker 1: me to go through with it, and after a lot

839
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,799
Speaker 1: of thought, we did. When my mom left in October,

840
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,280
Speaker 1: we were in a bad place and we were having

841
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:16,320
Speaker 1: a lot of really awful phone calls in screaming fights.

842
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 1: I was desperate to do something, and I finally found

843
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 1: a therapist who helped me process some of the things

844
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:25,040
Speaker 1: that happened between my mom and I and my role

845
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,920
Speaker 1: in things. So the months leading up to the wedding,

846
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,760
Speaker 1: my mom continued to scream at me over the phone

847
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: and make threats about choosing him or her and how

848
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 1: she hoped I wasn't the kind of girl who got

849
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 1: rid of her family to please a man who would

850
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 1: end up leaving her. Anyways, she was downright hateful, and

851
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 1: I spent a lot of time crying over our relationship

852
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 1: because I couldn't believe that it's gotten to this point. Oh,

853
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:49,880
Speaker 1: that's so sad.

854
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 2: It's tough.

855
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 1: Girls support girls.

856
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:54,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's tough. I think it's good that you're on

857
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:55,320
Speaker 2: a therapy.

858
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:57,920
Speaker 1: Though we got married in April and my mom and

859
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,360
Speaker 1: brother did not attend, I was able to re connect

860
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 1: with my mom's cousin who I used to be close

861
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 1: with as a child, and she had her family come

862
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:06,240
Speaker 1: toward the wedding.

863
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:08,439
Speaker 2: I'm glad you had some family at the wedding. That's

864
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 2: really nice.

865
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,919
Speaker 1: I had my best friend, her family, and my work

866
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:15,240
Speaker 1: family there to support me. Okay, a close friend performed

867
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:18,840
Speaker 1: the ceremony. Plus, of course, my husband and family was

868
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: very supportive. There were times I missed my mom and

869
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 1: I wanted to see her smile in the audience, but

870
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 1: I was ultimately glad that she wasn't there. I would

871
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 1: have felt like I had to perform and cater to

872
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,360
Speaker 1: her every whim And I'm so glad I was able

873
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:33,720
Speaker 1: to just have a lovely day with all the people

874
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 1: who came to celebrate with us. We have a little

875
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:38,880
Speaker 1: bit left here. How do you feel about these boundaries?

876
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 2: I think they were necessary. I think Ope was kind

877
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:44,920
Speaker 2: of burning herself out and trying to have this relationship

878
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 2: with her mom when her mom was so against kind

879
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:50,440
Speaker 2: of just any step. Oh. He took to have a

880
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:52,959
Speaker 2: little bit more autonomy in her life and a little

881
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:56,319
Speaker 2: bit more like independence, And so I think I think

882
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 2: she needed to create this boundaries. And I think maybe

883
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:01,600
Speaker 2: she could come back around later in life once so

884
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 2: you know, her mom realizes that her husband's not terrible. Yeah,

885
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 2: and maybe they could reclaim that relationship. But for now,

886
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,879
Speaker 2: I think this was probably the best agreed for both

887
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 2: of them.

888
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:15,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, agreed, So just to reaffirm my feelings about her

889
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:18,359
Speaker 1: not being there. My mom did not contact me at

890
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:20,839
Speaker 1: all the day of and only called me a week

891
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,320
Speaker 1: later to ask whether I would be sharing any pictures

892
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 1: with her.

893
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 2: Oh.

894
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 1: I did send her a few because I thought a

895
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,880
Speaker 1: small part of her might care. All she did was

896
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:35,080
Speaker 1: comment about how it looked like a cheap Amazon wedding. Oh,

897
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:37,719
Speaker 1: she hoped I was happy with my crappy choices and

898
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:40,920
Speaker 1: that they were worth the loss of my family.

899
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 2: That's terrible. I'm sorry she hit the.

900
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:47,320
Speaker 1: Block button right after this conversation. I missed her constantly

901
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:50,560
Speaker 1: despite all her issues, but I have it cut her

902
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 1: off completely. We've been having our time communicating at all

903
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,279
Speaker 1: right now, and I don't know if it'll ever get better.

904
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:58,879
Speaker 1: I am happily married, and I don't regret it. Thanks

905
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,480
Speaker 1: for reading this far. I appreciate all the kindness and

906
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:04,400
Speaker 1: honesty I got from my original post. And that's the

907
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:05,160
Speaker 1: end of that story.

908
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:09,440
Speaker 2: Huh oh, bitch, ouch ouch ouch, you got this, Opie,

909
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:13,360
Speaker 2: you got your you know, you got a new chosen family. Yeah,

910
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:15,440
Speaker 2: and I really hope that you can, you know, have

911
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,640
Speaker 2: a relationship at some point with your mom. But for now,

912
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 2: focus on the people that want to support you and

913
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:23,399
Speaker 2: uplift you, not the people trying to drag you down.

914
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 1: Yep, not a crab in a bucket. You're better than

915
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 1: a crab in a book.

916
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 2: You are better than a crab in a book.

917
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 1: We'll get another story coming up. We're gonna grab that

918
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:29,839
Speaker 1: right now.

919
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:33,839
Speaker 2: My adoptive mother is neglectful, so I ghosted her.

920
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 1: Ghost of Christmas past.

921
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,320
Speaker 2: So to add some meat to the story, I was

922
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 2: adopted when I was four years old. I came from

923
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 2: a horrendous family, and social services had been intervening for years,

924
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:49,240
Speaker 2: until eventually myself and my younger half brother were placed

925
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:53,440
Speaker 2: under child protection and separated from my three other older siblings.

926
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:56,080
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Daphne Blue ninety six,

927
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 2: directly from the r slash Okay storytime Separate It. So

928
00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:03,719
Speaker 2: I'm I'm Riley, and Opie says I was adopted by

929
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 2: a recently widowed woman. Her partner was lost in tragic

930
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:11,600
Speaker 2: circumstances not much more than a year before she adopted us. Anyhow,

931
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:14,480
Speaker 2: it became quite clear very early on that I was

932
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:17,479
Speaker 2: going to have a strained relationship with my adoptive mother.

933
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:20,360
Speaker 2: I'll refer to her as Mom in the story. She

934
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:23,360
Speaker 2: was incredibly controlling, beyond the realms of what would be

935
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:27,120
Speaker 2: considered normal. I add serious behavioral issues due to years

936
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:30,000
Speaker 2: of neglect and abuse, so I really needed a lot

937
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:32,799
Speaker 2: of help and attention. The issue in our relationship really

938
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:35,399
Speaker 2: started as I was quite independent and I was old

939
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:38,520
Speaker 2: enough to have memories of my childhood prior to adoption,

940
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:41,719
Speaker 2: and asked a lot of questions. My brother, on the

941
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:45,320
Speaker 2: other hand, did not. He was quickly selected as the favorite,

942
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:49,839
Speaker 2: and the favoritism he benefited from was unbelievable. Why are

943
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:52,839
Speaker 2: you even adopting a child if you're not able to

944
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:56,480
Speaker 2: like uncondisial yeah, or just like handle all of the

945
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 2: things that they've gone through.

946
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 1: Hey, it's sam og Hos. Back to these delectable stories.

947
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 2: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors to

948
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:06,719
Speaker 2: help support the show. I was ignored for the majority

949
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:10,840
Speaker 2: of my childhood. My successes were rarely acknowledged. For context,

950
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:12,879
Speaker 2: I was a very athletic kid. I was in every

951
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 2: sports team at school. I was the fastest runner in

952
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:18,720
Speaker 2: my years, so would regularly be selected for the school

953
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:23,280
Speaker 2: team for interschool competitions, et cetera. I have countless medals

954
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 2: and ribbons from a variety of events, and these were

955
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:29,680
Speaker 2: never celebrated. My brother, however, didn't really find his calling

956
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 2: when he was younger. He wasn't naturally athletic or overly

957
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 2: talented in anything. Really, he just wasn't that type of

958
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 2: kid I.

959
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: Suppose interesting, So even though you went out and did

960
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,719
Speaker 1: usually it's a flipped where the brother or like, you know,

961
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 1: the favorite child gets all the medals and stuff. Yeah,

962
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:46,600
Speaker 1: this is a little odd or like, well, I.

963
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:49,719
Speaker 2: Think it's because Ope has you know, memories and the

964
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:52,360
Speaker 2: behavioral issues and stuff, and so he's not like I

965
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 2: feel like sometimes bad adoptive parents want kind of the

966
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:59,320
Speaker 2: blank slate child that they can mold, and Opee is

967
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:02,400
Speaker 2: a little bit less that. Ye, my mom would go

968
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:04,879
Speaker 2: to all his events, regardless of how small they were.

969
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 2: She turned up to our first cross country event at

970
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:10,319
Speaker 2: a new school genuinely only to watch him. I won

971
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:14,799
Speaker 2: my race. He legitimately came last as he walked the

972
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,279
Speaker 2: whole lot because he couldn't be bothered. She didn't even

973
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:20,560
Speaker 2: see my race. She spent her time watching my brother instead.

974
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:23,440
Speaker 2: I was due to leave primary school, so every year

975
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 2: the school put on a mini graduation ceremony for us

976
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 2: so parents can come watch. We sang a song as

977
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 2: a year group, and then were brought on stage individually

978
00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:35,160
Speaker 2: in an assembly hall so parents could take pictures. There

979
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 2: was a slide show in the background with a photo

980
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:40,920
Speaker 2: of the kid and what their future aspirations were. Ninety

981
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:45,000
Speaker 2: nine percent of kids had their parents there standing up

982
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:48,480
Speaker 2: taking photos when their child came on stage. I went

983
00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:51,680
Speaker 2: on and neither my mom or her partner were there.

984
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, so sad.

985
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 2: I wouldn't mind, but they had nothing on that evening.

986
00:46:57,239 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 2: They lived two hundred meters from the school. They sat

987
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 2: at home to watch a film with my brother instead.

988
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:05,920
Speaker 2: They should not be parents Anyway. A year goes by

989
00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:09,800
Speaker 2: and it's my brother's graduation. Guess what they both turned

990
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:13,479
Speaker 2: upt is of course they have to their little baby boy.

991
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:17,920
Speaker 2: My adoptive family has been witnessing the favoritism for many years,

992
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:21,279
Speaker 2: and it often caused some arguments, particularly between my nan

993
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:24,399
Speaker 2: and my mom my mom's mother. Obviously, I was very

994
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:26,400
Speaker 2: close with my nan until she passed.

995
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 1: Ugh.

996
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 2: She was my guardian in a lot of ways. I

997
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,719
Speaker 2: would stay at hers most weekends. I think she'd ask

998
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 2: if I wanted to stay at hers just to get

999
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:35,800
Speaker 2: me away from my mom for a bit. I didn't

1000
00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:38,800
Speaker 2: realize that at the time. I used to get screamed

1001
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 2: at for everything as a kid. She was that lunatic

1002
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 2: mom you sometimes see at the grocery store screaming at

1003
00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:48,440
Speaker 2: her kids for every minor infringement. When I turned sixteen,

1004
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:51,839
Speaker 2: I started working full time as an apprentice. That's when

1005
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,920
Speaker 2: our relationship started reaching its boiling point. I had ran

1006
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 2: away from home multiple times at this point, as she

1007
00:47:57,560 --> 00:48:00,200
Speaker 2: had been screaming at me about something minor and I

1008
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:02,839
Speaker 2: just had enough. Her brother would often take me in.

1009
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 2: He knew the whole story and sided with me on it,

1010
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 2: so she started threatening to kick me out. This went

1011
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,719
Speaker 2: on for ages, as I just argued with her constantly

1012
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 2: because I simply didn't respect her anymore. She had spent

1013
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 2: a lifetime excluding me and neglecting me emotionally, and I

1014
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:20,680
Speaker 2: didn't see her as a mom more as an authority figure.

1015
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 2: She would tell her ex husbands who passed away parents

1016
00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:26,839
Speaker 2: constantly that she was going to kick me out. So

1017
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:30,279
Speaker 2: I grew tired of the threats, and when I turned seventeen,

1018
00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 2: I moved out and didn't tell any of my family.

1019
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:35,719
Speaker 2: I stayed at my friends in a tiny, spare bedroom

1020
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:38,680
Speaker 2: until eventually my mom's brother found out and took me

1021
00:48:38,719 --> 00:48:40,479
Speaker 2: for lunch and told me that I would be moving

1022
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:42,960
Speaker 2: in with him. As in his words, if you're going

1023
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 2: to be staying anywhere, it's going to be with family.

1024
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 2: Good on your mom's brother, cause she sucks. I just

1025
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:50,320
Speaker 2: don't understand why you would.

1026
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:53,040
Speaker 1: Like, Yeah, why you saw brousers.

1027
00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:56,080
Speaker 2: You choose to have a child. That is so much

1028
00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:59,959
Speaker 2: more choice than you know, having a kid biologically.

1029
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:03,440
Speaker 1: You know what probably happened. What, Hey, I'd like to

1030
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:08,479
Speaker 1: have this kid. Oh it comes with this, Okay, all right, yeah,

1031
00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 1: I'll do that.

1032
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:11,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's just crazy to me. It's like, if

1033
00:49:11,239 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 2: you're not ready to be a parent of both these kids,

1034
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 2: don't adopt them.

1035
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:18,600
Speaker 1: I would have watched the Mark Wahlberg movie where he

1036
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 1: adopts kids.

1037
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:22,279
Speaker 2: Oh, I've seen that. Yeah, I liked It's key o.

1038
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:25,720
Speaker 2: This caused a massive feud with my mom and my uncle,

1039
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:28,840
Speaker 2: one that still hasn't healed. My mom accuses him and

1040
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:31,160
Speaker 2: his wife of trying to steal me away from her,

1041
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 2: and they've done it my whole life, which isn't true.

1042
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 2: They would just come and take me out on weekends

1043
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 2: and stuff, simply to give me some normality. I think

1044
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 2: a lot of it was orchestrated by my nan. Anyway,

1045
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:44,399
Speaker 2: scroll forward four years. I hadn't spoken to my mom

1046
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 2: In that time. I'd settled down with my uncle and

1047
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 2: aunt and finally felt like I belonged somewhere. Oh, my

1048
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:54,040
Speaker 2: mom suddenly got ill and looked like she might not

1049
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 2: make it, so I decided to reach out and went

1050
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 2: to see her at hospital. We reconciled, but I really

1051
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 2: struggle to forgive her, as any time family was brought

1052
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 2: up in conversation, she would bad mouth my uncle and aunt,

1053
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:08,520
Speaker 2: Bearing in mind they'd basically been my parents for the

1054
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:11,920
Speaker 2: last six years. I didn't like hearing them being slandered

1055
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:15,360
Speaker 2: when what my mom was saying was just nasty and untrue.

1056
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:18,239
Speaker 2: She firmly believes, even to this day that she was

1057
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:20,799
Speaker 2: never in the wrong. Oh my gosh, I mean, your

1058
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:22,200
Speaker 2: mom just is terrible for us.

1059
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 1: She just sucks.

1060
00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 2: I'm glad that you have, like other people in this

1061
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:27,560
Speaker 2: family that are looking out for.

1062
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 1: You, though I'm afraid because OPI had to raise yourself.

1063
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:34,359
Speaker 1: I'm also afraid that the brother didn't get much raising. Well.

1064
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 2: What I'm sad about is that Opie and his brother

1065
00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:39,480
Speaker 2: probably don't have a good relationship because of this favoritism,

1066
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:43,200
Speaker 2: which is so not the brother's fault. Yeah, it's boy,

1067
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 2: I don't know. Uh here I'll go people, What are you?

1068
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:51,760
Speaker 2: Forty four? Doesn't say it's from it's from our subreddit.

1069
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 2: It's daphnely Blue. Yeah, it's a woman.

1070
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:57,000
Speaker 1: I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Confused

1071
00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:00,720
Speaker 1: they all all the genders just come together and came together.

1072
00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, but.

1073
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:05,680
Speaker 1: That is tough that your relationship rifted because he kind

1074
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 1: of had to be the good brother to stay in

1075
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:09,160
Speaker 1: the good graces of his parent.

1076
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:11,920
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. It's like not beneficial for either of you

1077
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:15,160
Speaker 2: their treatment. I tried to maintain a relationship with her

1078
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 2: for years after her brief illness, but it always felt forced.

1079
00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 2: I was always made to feel like I was the

1080
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 2: one that owed her something. She would never message me

1081
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:26,239
Speaker 2: or speak to me unless I physically went to her

1082
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:28,399
Speaker 2: house to see her. To the main point, the last

1083
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:30,840
Speaker 2: two years, she has invited me via text to hers

1084
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:34,040
Speaker 2: on Christmas Day. I have refused every time, as I

1085
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 2: would prefer to spend it with my aunt and uncle,

1086
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,920
Speaker 2: whom I owe so much to, and to be honest,

1087
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 2: I see more as my parents. I feel loved there

1088
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 2: and comfortable, and I feel like that's an important thing

1089
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 2: to feel. On Christmas Day last year, she invited me

1090
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:49,800
Speaker 2: around and I told her I wouldn't be going to hers,

1091
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:52,480
Speaker 2: and she kicked off and started ripping into my aunt

1092
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:55,719
Speaker 2: and uncle again, saying I always prioritized them over her,

1093
00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:58,839
Speaker 2: et cetera, et cetera. I ignored her and left it.

1094
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:02,600
Speaker 2: I mean, she ever prioritized you, So it's tough.

1095
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 1: You know, who would have known? This would have been

1096
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 1: the consequences of your actions.

1097
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:09,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't know this woman anything?

1098
00:52:09,719 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 1: Christmas ghosts.

1099
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:13,480
Speaker 2: Yeah. A year went and I decided mid year I

1100
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:16,120
Speaker 2: was tired of trying to maintain a relationship with a

1101
00:52:16,120 --> 00:52:19,800
Speaker 2: woman who offered nothing positive to my life and refused

1102
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:23,480
Speaker 2: to acknowledge her shortfalls as a parent. She legitimately hasn't

1103
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:26,800
Speaker 2: messaged me on my birthday for the last ten years.

1104
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 2: Whoa I am her son who she chose to adopt,

1105
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:34,239
Speaker 2: whom she emotionally neglected for years. Yet she expects me

1106
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:36,319
Speaker 2: to come to hers on Christmas Day as if it's

1107
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:37,520
Speaker 2: her god given right.

1108
00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 1: Okay, so this is a guy, yes, son, Dang, I

1109
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 1: was wrong about that. Everyone. This is a This is

1110
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:44,399
Speaker 1: a guy.

1111
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:46,279
Speaker 2: I mean I've been saying they for most of it,

1112
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 2: but I was keeping.

1113
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:51,839
Speaker 1: A safe two yeah ah yeah, okay, son, Gosh, dude,

1114
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 1: you don't you do not like this woman doesn't deserve

1115
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:55,839
Speaker 1: your time, no at all.

1116
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:57,480
Speaker 2: You don't know we're literally anything.

1117
00:52:57,600 --> 00:53:00,600
Speaker 1: I'm glad you're coming to the consistent I'm glad you're

1118
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 1: realizing this now.

1119
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, you have the people in your life

1120
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:05,200
Speaker 2: who care about you and have showed up for you,

1121
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:07,360
Speaker 2: and she's never once showed up for you and is

1122
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:12,800
Speaker 2: now demanding, you know, the emotional like she's demanding your

1123
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 2: love and affection when she's given nothing back or nothing

1124
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 2: to earn it. So I sent her a very long,

1125
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:22,000
Speaker 2: well written message stating how I'd never been a priority

1126
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:24,400
Speaker 2: of hers and now she has never shown any interest

1127
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:26,440
Speaker 2: in my life at all, and I was tired of

1128
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:29,440
Speaker 2: pretending like everything was okay. So after this, we literally

1129
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 2: didn't speak all year, and we made it to this

1130
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:34,959
Speaker 2: Christmas just gone, and she invited me again, to which

1131
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:37,960
Speaker 2: I refused. She invites me around mainly to save face

1132
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:40,279
Speaker 2: in front of her ex husband's parents, who are very

1133
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 2: prominent figures in my life. I am super close with

1134
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:46,799
Speaker 2: my grandfather, not technically my grandfather, as I've never even

1135
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:49,360
Speaker 2: met his son, as he passed before we were adopted,

1136
00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:51,719
Speaker 2: but I do share his middle and last name, so

1137
00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:54,239
Speaker 2: it makes sense. There is a little bit left to

1138
00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:56,440
Speaker 2: this story. Do you have any final.

1139
00:53:56,239 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 1: Thoughts that no, it's tricky this woman, yeah some politics

1140
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:02,400
Speaker 1: and is using you.

1141
00:54:02,719 --> 00:54:03,120
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

1142
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:06,120
Speaker 1: I think just hang out with uncle and Auntie. They

1143
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:07,720
Speaker 1: seem like a pretty vivy people.

1144
00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:10,719
Speaker 2: I agree. I agree, stay with those, Stay with them.

1145
00:54:10,960 --> 00:54:14,399
Speaker 2: My grandparents go to my mom's for Christmas Day every year,

1146
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:16,319
Speaker 2: so I'm assuming she doesn't want to be it with

1147
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:18,839
Speaker 2: questions like is a p coming around today at all?

1148
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:21,719
Speaker 2: So she messaged me a week before Christmas and asked

1149
00:54:21,719 --> 00:54:23,760
Speaker 2: if I wanted to call around and get my presence

1150
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:25,960
Speaker 2: off her. I never did go and get them and

1151
00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:28,759
Speaker 2: haven't spoken to her since. I feel bad in some

1152
00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 2: ways that she made an effort to buy me a present,

1153
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:33,560
Speaker 2: but it just feels so forced. Would you make an

1154
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:36,040
Speaker 2: effort with someone who has neglected you for so long?

1155
00:54:36,239 --> 00:54:38,279
Speaker 2: I feel like I've tried for long enough and I

1156
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:41,160
Speaker 2: need to draw a line under it and cut her off.

1157
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:43,920
Speaker 2: It's so hard when it's your mom, though, I don't

1158
00:54:43,960 --> 00:54:46,200
Speaker 2: get why. Maybe a part of me is still seeking

1159
00:54:46,239 --> 00:54:48,759
Speaker 2: the validation she never gave me as a kid who

1160
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:51,680
Speaker 2: knows ps. She only messaged me to collect my Christmas

1161
00:54:51,719 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 2: presents offer because when she tried to give them to

1162
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,359
Speaker 2: my brother to give to me, he refused to take

1163
00:54:56,400 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 2: them and told her how crappy that was and that

1164
00:54:58,520 --> 00:54:59,840
Speaker 2: she needed to make an effort with me.

1165
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:00,399
Speaker 1: Nice.

1166
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:02,080
Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad that it seems like your brother is

1167
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:02,560
Speaker 2: still cool.

1168
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:04,040
Speaker 1: He gets it, which is great.

1169
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:07,880
Speaker 2: I love that. Yeah, that's the end of that story.

1170
00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:12,759
Speaker 1: I grew up seeing this is so sad. But I

1171
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 1: grew up going to basketball games and these parents would

1172
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:18,920
Speaker 1: always be like taking stats of their kid and everything.

1173
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:21,359
Speaker 1: So I had three kids. One's the oldest, and then

1174
00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:24,760
Speaker 1: they had twins, and the oldest was a golden child.

1175
00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:26,839
Speaker 1: You know, he's good at basketball. I love to play

1176
00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:29,320
Speaker 1: him in basketball again right now. But anyways, he was

1177
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:31,399
Speaker 1: always like I think he dated my ex at one point.

1178
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:33,520
Speaker 1: I don't know, but he was always like, you know,

1179
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:35,600
Speaker 1: parents loved him. And then the other two they're just

1180
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:37,439
Speaker 1: kind of like they show up, but they weren't as

1181
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:41,719
Speaker 1: like involved. I was just like, dude, that's weird. Yeah. Yeah,

1182
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:45,360
Speaker 1: and then that and then the twin brother was talking

1183
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:47,319
Speaker 1: to my cousin, but then that didn't work out.

1184
00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:51,000
Speaker 2: Alexis yeah that you met. Yeah yeah, I.

1185
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:56,439
Speaker 1: Feel like an old guy that I remember. Well.

1186
00:55:56,480 --> 00:56:01,080
Speaker 2: Anyway, that is the end of that story and this episode.

1187
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 2: So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1188
00:56:03,719 --> 00:56:05,880
Speaker 1: We love you and see you tomorrow.