Speaker 1: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You're listening to the
Speaker 1: Vitamin D Podcast. I'm your host, Dawn Day, and I'm
Speaker 1: here to help you be your best self. For those
Speaker 1: of you who may be joining us for the first time,
Speaker 1: I say welcome. I'm glad to have you on this
Speaker 1: journey of discovery with me as we shine light of
Speaker 1: new ways of being and thinking. And today I've been
Speaker 1: thinking about how many of us go through life with
Speaker 1: eyes closed, not literally, but when a more ether away.
Speaker 1: How often have you found yourself ignoring something that has
Speaker 1: been bothering you because you thought looking at it, sitting
Speaker 1: in it would be a sign of weakness. I know
Speaker 1: I have. I think it's human to not want to
Speaker 1: seem like you're wrong or like something's wrong. We all
Speaker 1: want to be perfect at some point in our lives.
Speaker 1: But what we need to understand is that while perfection
Speaker 1: isn't possible, becoming better requires that we not ignore what's
Speaker 1: happening to and within us. That's why I'm talking to
Speaker 1: life coach and author Purvis Taylor, who was joining us
Speaker 1: to talk about this new book, Sir Thrival Mode. Young
Speaker 1: men across America are going through a crisis and have
Speaker 1: been for decades, The tendrils of toxic masculinity have wrapped
Speaker 1: themselves around millions and millions of young men, poisoning their
Speaker 1: relationships with themselves and those who they love. By learning
Speaker 1: to take responsibility for their situation, through what he calls
Speaker 1: the four a's of surt thrival, Purvious believes that young
Speaker 1: men can find a better, healthier, and more satisfying vision
Speaker 1: of manhood. In this episode, we talk about overcoming shame,
Speaker 1: effective communication, and how you can use the four a's
Speaker 1: of the thrival in your everyday life. So, without further ado,
Speaker 1: it's time for your dose of vitamin dain. D right
Speaker 1: with me and get excited about your lives. Hello, can
Speaker 1: you hear me? I can hear you. Can you hear me?
Speaker 1: I hear you perfectly. You can see me? Yes, I
Speaker 1: can see you. Howard ate you? Okay? Mom? Vida No,
Speaker 1: I have a ton of friends that went to Howard,
Speaker 1: so okay, so you know the love is there. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to understand how come you didn't make
Speaker 1: the decision to go to Howard Purvis. Well, you know
Speaker 1: what happened was I ended up getting a full scholarship
Speaker 1: to University of Miami, and at the time Will Smith
Speaker 1: had that song out Miami, and that was like the
Speaker 1: deciding fact that I was like, I gotta go to
Speaker 1: bake going to Miami, Iami. I was trying to figure up.
Speaker 1: I was like, mommyyam, it isn't that crazy. And sometimes
Speaker 1: you'll hear a song and then you find out like
Speaker 1: years later, sometime a decade, like dag I messed up
Speaker 1: up a while ago. Yo. It happens to me all
Speaker 1: the time, especially listening to Tony Brexton songs. You cannot
Speaker 1: make sense with the song God. Purvis Taylor is here
Speaker 1: on the Vitamin D podcast. Oh, good afternoon, good evening,
Speaker 1: Good morning, wherever you are, how you doing. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm amazing energy. Shout out to you, Thank you, I'm
Speaker 1: a reflection to you. I'm so excited about this conversation.
Speaker 1: Same here, same here, um and just reading over you know,
Speaker 1: your author of an amazing I mean, I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's appropriate to call it a self help book,
Speaker 1: a self help guide or just a transparency I don't
Speaker 1: know what, but it's called sur thrival molde yes, and
Speaker 1: you're making me feel all woman side because when you know,
Speaker 1: when you have people in your presence that shed a
Speaker 1: light on a situation where we're so used to me
Speaker 1: in in the dark about that affects the unit and
Speaker 1: the foundation of the development of a human being, that
Speaker 1: is going to ripple down to affect someone else's. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's something that's something that to get excited about. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. Yeah. No, I I am so
Speaker 1: honored and humbled that people are responding to Survival Mode
Speaker 1: with the intent in which I wrote it, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, and that it's really transforming the lives
Speaker 1: of men. And you know, so many men are now
Speaker 1: who reach out to me who I don't know. They're like, Pervise,
Speaker 1: I'm in therapy now because of this book, or I've
Speaker 1: apologized to my my baby's mother because of his book.
Speaker 1: So it's it's really like I can't even put into
Speaker 1: words how much how grateful I am that that people
Speaker 1: are really responding to it. Well, I'm sure that whoever
Speaker 1: is sitting here and their listen, I was like, well,
Speaker 1: what is the response about. Come on, tell us about
Speaker 1: you and and tell us about your book, sir, Thrival Mode.
Speaker 1: So about me? I am My name is per Sailor
Speaker 1: the third I am an award winning celebrity life coach
Speaker 1: speaker and author of the book Survival Mode. Um. I've
Speaker 1: been allowed life coach for ten years. I love what
Speaker 1: I do. I love helping people to get to a
Speaker 1: space of thriving and homeless. UM. My books to Thrival
Speaker 1: Mode is written specifically for men of color, but it
Speaker 1: applies to everyone. It's a book that so so looking backtrack,
Speaker 1: so with trauma in life, we tend to do two things.
Speaker 1: We either build a house and reside at it, or
Speaker 1: we build a bridge to help us take us to
Speaker 1: the next place that we need to go to in life.
Speaker 1: And what I wanted to do was create something that
Speaker 1: was gonna build a bridge for men who I knew
Speaker 1: were struggling with the traumas, who I knew was struggling
Speaker 1: with their emotions and mental health. Um. And so the
Speaker 1: book is that so until I call this Thrival, So
Speaker 1: I'm taking you from surviving to thriving and the book
Speaker 1: being the bridge. So the book is, it's it's very
Speaker 1: it's a it's a quick read, as you know, it's
Speaker 1: quick read, and um, it's really steeped and transparency about
Speaker 1: my narrative and the narratives of men that I've actually
Speaker 1: had the privilege of walking through the process of surviving
Speaker 1: mode and getting them towards a place of homeless. So
Speaker 1: it's really about helping men to um find language, to
Speaker 1: process their emotions, to really deal with their mental issues
Speaker 1: and empowerment as such. And so when you're speaking about
Speaker 1: these young men and who's ever listening, what are they
Speaker 1: start thriving through? Man, there's so many things. So for me,
Speaker 1: I sur thrived through molestation, having a father died of
Speaker 1: a heroin overdose, UM, being homeless, being emasculated and bullied,
Speaker 1: so many things in my life. UM. For some of
Speaker 1: the men in the book, it was the loss of
Speaker 1: a parent, UM, loss of a mother or father, fatherlessness,
Speaker 1: or just low self esteem or just just whatever. Just
Speaker 1: you know, it's human beings. Men were human beans, and
Speaker 1: I think sometimes black men were human beings that they
Speaker 1: sometimes people forget that. And so just whatever is trancing
Speaker 1: the trauma that human beings experienced Black men and are experienced.
Speaker 1: And so it's those things that they're since I'm driving
Speaker 1: through and I like how you said that, because you know,
Speaker 1: just growing up in an African American household, and you know,
Speaker 1: one if there's not one disparity of a man not
Speaker 1: being there, and then like you said, a man not
Speaker 1: able to be a human a feelings having to take
Speaker 1: care of everything. You cannot express emotion because it's weak.
Speaker 1: And then also this whole thing that there's a sense
Speaker 1: of shame and and whether like how you said, whether
Speaker 1: it's the death of a prayer, whether there's somebody that
Speaker 1: is homeless, whether it's molestation, whether it's hoarding, it's a
Speaker 1: thing where we don't let other people in our home. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I thought it was so magical, And before I
Speaker 1: jumped too far ahead, what I love about this book
Speaker 1: is that we're talking about wounds that took place right
Speaker 1: and in order for wound to heal, you have to
Speaker 1: air it out. Yeah. Yeah, And I think that's that's
Speaker 1: really the most powerful part of it. You know, I
Speaker 1: always say to my clients, and only what you confessed
Speaker 1: can be healed. And and so one of the things
Speaker 1: the reason why I sharp my narrative is because I
Speaker 1: wanted brothers to know that they're not alone, and that
Speaker 1: I'm not better than them. I'm not I haven't arrived.
Speaker 1: I just may have a little bit more tools in
Speaker 1: my tool box than they do, and I want them
Speaker 1: to have the tools, the tools that I have in
Speaker 1: my toolbox. So it's really and and really teaching them,
Speaker 1: you know, I say in the book, so I have
Speaker 1: four a's, the four a's of start mode, and they
Speaker 1: are acknowledgement, acceptance, articulation in alchemy and what you're talking
Speaker 1: about the airing out part, that's the acknowledgement. And you know,
Speaker 1: I always say that Alcoholics Anonymous is so successful because
Speaker 1: every single meeting that they have, they say, my name
Speaker 1: is pervious and I'm an alcoholic. So there's a power
Speaker 1: in airing out. There's a power in addressing, There's a
Speaker 1: power in acknowledgement, and that's the beginning of any breakthrough.
Speaker 1: M and so interesting, look, wait, why am I getting
Speaker 1: so exact? Let me calm down. I'm about to jump
Speaker 1: through this screet And the thing that's so interesting, and
Speaker 1: I think that when we talk about the healing process
Speaker 1: and like you said, um, hearing it out, is that
Speaker 1: for that breakthrough, sometimes you gotta break in order to
Speaker 1: get through. And that means sometimes you gotta go through
Speaker 1: those pieces to put together your picture. You're mosaic where
Speaker 1: its uniquely uh filled with so many colors that isn't
Speaker 1: depicted on what your view is. So as we talked
Speaker 1: about one of the first days and we talked about acknowledgement,
Speaker 1: tell me what life was like growing up for you, man,
Speaker 1: I always say I had like this interesting dichotomy because
Speaker 1: I had like parents that were so supportive and and
Speaker 1: and really you know, empowered me every day and told
Speaker 1: me that I was amazing and I was there for
Speaker 1: a great things. You were right. However, you know at school,
Speaker 1: you know, I was called punk, fag and c see.
Speaker 1: I was called all types of names. I was a nastallated.
Speaker 1: I was told that, you know, women would never find
Speaker 1: me attractive or or you know, I was just it
Speaker 1: was just interesting. And so my trauma response to everything
Speaker 1: was that I achieved so like I made straight a's,
Speaker 1: I was in the honors and gifted program. But inside
Speaker 1: I literally cry every night thinking about all the things
Speaker 1: that people will say about me and questioning if it
Speaker 1: was true or not. UM. It also been added the
Speaker 1: layer of being actually molested in feeling like your manhood
Speaker 1: is taken from me and feeling emasculated in that way
Speaker 1: UM and really not really having an outlet to talk
Speaker 1: about it. It was definitely stifling, and I and I
Speaker 1: look best. Sometimes I wonder like, how did I make
Speaker 1: it through that? Because I didn't have anybody who who
Speaker 1: I felt safe around to really just even share about
Speaker 1: it because people couldn't identify. And I think it's interesting
Speaker 1: that you say that, because it's one of those things
Speaker 1: where people don't talk about and it's like it's it's
Speaker 1: in the room clearly. Just like anything in a try,
Speaker 1: you start to surround yourself and it's thinking about the
Speaker 1: healing process. So who molested you? And what was that?
Speaker 1: How old were you when this process began? I was
Speaker 1: seven and it was a friend of the family and
Speaker 1: it was in the qualified. Wasn't a continual thing, it
Speaker 1: was it was a one time thing. But it was
Speaker 1: one time. Was all this to throw you off? Um?
Speaker 1: But yeah, no, I was. I was seven years old.
Speaker 1: And then I think the added layer of people calling
Speaker 1: the names kind of exacerbated it. That carried with me
Speaker 1: through high school. Did you tell your family about this? Like?
Speaker 1: What was that? Like? Like this happened? How did you
Speaker 1: know that it was wrong? I knew when it was
Speaker 1: happening that it was wrong, but um, I didn't say
Speaker 1: anything till to my father died, like I had suppressed
Speaker 1: that um when I srew me forward. So my father died,
Speaker 1: that's when I remembered everything that was happening. So I
Speaker 1: was an adult at that time, so I wanted to
Speaker 1: make sure that I worked through it before I told
Speaker 1: my family what was happening, what it happened, whatever happened.
Speaker 1: I think it's interesting that sometimes man and I feel
Speaker 1: like that or even women are fine. Shame when they
Speaker 1: are victim to sexual molestation is that you start to
Speaker 1: question who you are and whom you're attracted to mm
Speaker 1: hmm in the course of that. Because again, this conversation
Speaker 1: is more so to talk to anybody who is feeling this,
Speaker 1: like there's ways and I feel like even this year,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's by mistake that your book is
Speaker 1: about this and just just things that are circulating, how
Speaker 1: you know, and it's getting the vision and saying what
Speaker 1: it is and what it's not. And I didn't say
Speaker 1: this before, but one thing about vitamin D it's all
Speaker 1: about shedding like that energy that you felt, I want
Speaker 1: that exude and I gotta understand that even in my healing,
Speaker 1: So in this whole process, wish you in a light
Speaker 1: on the good, the bad, and different. It's gonna be uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I know I've put myself into that. So I wonder
Speaker 1: was there ever a situation where after you got to
Speaker 1: the process that you acknowledged and and um now the
Speaker 1: process and when your father passed away, that's another ay.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that moost articulation. But what I'm
Speaker 1: wondering is is that what was the impact that it
Speaker 1: had on you about whether or not it was questioning
Speaker 1: who you were? Did you find yourself attracted to man?
Speaker 1: Did you feel dirty when a man was around you?
Speaker 1: Were there uncomfortable situations in the locker room? Yeah? That
Speaker 1: we was definitely all of all of those things, and
Speaker 1: you definitely look at yourself and you're like, I think
Speaker 1: one of the things I've come to understand. It's like today,
Speaker 1: at four years old, I understand that if a woman
Speaker 1: finds you attractive, she finds a man attractive, there's there's
Speaker 1: gonna be men to find that same man attractive, right,
Speaker 1: So I understand that now. Back then, at four I
Speaker 1: did not understand that, And there were definitely situations in
Speaker 1: locker rooms where you'd be like, oh, what has happened,
Speaker 1: I gotta leave, you know what I mean? Like and
Speaker 1: you could sense that some stuff was about to go
Speaker 1: the um um, I definitely. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: necessarily say that there was like a full on attraction
Speaker 1: to me, but I the thing that I would say
Speaker 1: that I was attracted to was the seeming confidence and
Speaker 1: surety of who they were and and and the power
Speaker 1: of that masculinity which they rested it. That was what
Speaker 1: I was attracted to. More so that I guess, um,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be with this guy if I never felt that,
Speaker 1: But I definitely felt this like they had something that
Speaker 1: I didn't have, if that makes sense from my knowing,
Speaker 1: And that's why I said this conversation from my knowing
Speaker 1: of who I am done to this age, because like
Speaker 1: you said, sometimes we can bury things. From my knowing,
Speaker 1: I've never been sexually molested, but like my sister has
Speaker 1: worked in this field for so many years, and she
Speaker 1: talks about how you know, you can bury certain traumas
Speaker 1: and how things can trigger things that you don't know
Speaker 1: why you're acting, you're doing what it is that you're doing.
Speaker 1: And so I if somebody had a talked about it,
Speaker 1: whether just you know, sweeping under rug like in which
Speaker 1: you discussed or something that you looked as a shame.
Speaker 1: It's say, wait, you're a child one. Why are you
Speaker 1: having these conversations too? Why are you feeling these things?
Speaker 1: Not maybe in some instances where it's wrong, But the
Speaker 1: more important question I always wonder is why. And so
Speaker 1: when you say, like, hey, they had something that you
Speaker 1: did not have. Well, in my ignorant opinion, and I
Speaker 1: use that lack of knowledge, I would think so because
Speaker 1: something was taken from you, right. And then also on
Speaker 1: the other side, not necessarily, you know, I mean like
Speaker 1: I had some things. I recognize this, and I say
Speaker 1: this to all my clients, said, no, one is more
Speaker 1: ill equipped, which is more ill informed? I just wasn't
Speaker 1: informed the work of the things that I have inside
Speaker 1: of me. Like I have the gift of transparency. I
Speaker 1: have the gift of being resived. I had the gift
Speaker 1: of being vulnerable. I had the gift of being comfortable
Speaker 1: in my skin no matter what you think about me,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, those are the things
Speaker 1: that I that I possessed during that time, but I
Speaker 1: didn't know that I had it, And it was through
Speaker 1: the process of me going through those stages of the
Speaker 1: thriving mode unconsciously but consciously and recognizing that I did
Speaker 1: have it. And I think, like how you said, it's
Speaker 1: like sometimes you're in the room, you don't even know
Speaker 1: that the lights are off until they're on, and you
Speaker 1: can't tell me that I'm not saying because I'm telling
Speaker 1: you what I can see. And so that's what I
Speaker 1: want us to do with the thrive the mall today.
Speaker 1: I need to flick the switch. I had some people.
Speaker 1: I made an announcement on my weekend segment on the
Speaker 1: Steve Harvey Morning Show, and people were coming in the
Speaker 1: dam like, oh, what's this book about? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to tune in. They don't have to
Speaker 1: tune in. So, as we're talking about you got to
Speaker 1: the place of acknowledgement, let's just dive in a little
Speaker 1: bit more about the importance of the four a's and
Speaker 1: and and what that process. It looks like, as you know,
Speaker 1: the beginning of a problem, that statement that there is
Speaker 1: a problem. So that's the acknowledgement, right, that's just saying
Speaker 1: like okay, even if it's not verbal, but it's something
Speaker 1: inside of you saying like you know what, there's something
Speaker 1: that happened, is there's something not working or there's something
Speaker 1: that I need to address, right, So that's the beginning
Speaker 1: of it, right then the acceptance and can you can
Speaker 1: you relate this to your life? So for me, it
Speaker 1: was like when Daddy passed, it was I acknowledged that
Speaker 1: there were some things that I hadn't addressed and that
Speaker 1: I kind of have held hostage for a long time
Speaker 1: because at that time I was working at Death Jam,
Speaker 1: I was signed with Wilhelmina Models, and I was just
Speaker 1: focused on succeeding, right because I feel like success we
Speaker 1: get rid of all those things that I'm holding hostage, right. Um.
Speaker 1: But when he passed away, so suddenly I started to
Speaker 1: acknowledge that there was some brokenness inside of me, Like
Speaker 1: I don't know what this is specifically, but there are
Speaker 1: some things that are not that are not happy, that
Speaker 1: are not working. What was happening when you're not showing
Speaker 1: up with your friends? Were you crying? Like you know what?
Speaker 1: I had a breakdown, a nervous breakdown on the train
Speaker 1: in New York City. I literally um came back from
Speaker 1: his train because I didn't cry, and I told my
Speaker 1: family not to cry. And I literally was riding home
Speaker 1: on the train and listened to my this man, that's
Speaker 1: something in dating myself, like this man. And I think
Speaker 1: I was listening to a song by TLC and I
Speaker 1: think it was a song that they did that they
Speaker 1: did for Left Eye, and it was just one line
Speaker 1: in the song, and I really just started crying and
Speaker 1: I fell on the dirty train floor and I lost it.
Speaker 1: And that was the person in my life I've ever
Speaker 1: had a breakdown, the only time I when we had
Speaker 1: a breakdown like that. And that's why I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: even though I hadn't been you know, I hadn't gotten
Speaker 1: a clinical degree that I have now, but I knew
Speaker 1: at that moment, okay, this is the beginning of something
Speaker 1: and so and so once I started so once I
Speaker 1: experienced that break out, I said, okay, I need to
Speaker 1: really sit with myself and explore, like what is going on.
Speaker 1: So I started to remember that, you know, people used
Speaker 1: to make fun of you. I used to remember that
Speaker 1: um that you know, that person molested me. I remembered
Speaker 1: feeling inadequate. I remember sitting in my cause and crying.
Speaker 1: I remember thinking about stools. I remember all of those
Speaker 1: things and so like that was the acknowledgement for me.
Speaker 1: Then after I started to acknowledge it, I recognized I
Speaker 1: read this book by Beth Moore and it's called Get
Speaker 1: out of That Pit, and that that book was so
Speaker 1: trans transformation, as well as this book by Dr Harry
Speaker 1: Cloud and John Townsend. It's called How People Broke And
Speaker 1: one of the the things they talked about was, you know
Speaker 1: what I developed to be only what you confessed to
Speaker 1: be here. And so after I went to that, after
Speaker 1: I acknowledge, I went to this place of acceptance, which
Speaker 1: was really really hard for me because acceptance almost in
Speaker 1: some ways can feel like you're condoning what happened. But
Speaker 1: none at all. Uh No, I said, oh, because I'm like,
Speaker 1: tell me more, like we gotta go underlying. So acceptance
Speaker 1: can feel like you're condoning, but it's no, it's just
Speaker 1: saying that you're receiving that it happened. The last stage
Speaker 1: of grief is acceptance. Right, this person is gone, this
Speaker 1: thing happened. I have to accept this. I have to
Speaker 1: receive that this happened. I didn't want it to happen.
Speaker 1: I don't agree with it, but it happened, and and
Speaker 1: that space is so powerful and I think so many
Speaker 1: of us feel like that's a place of weakness, but
Speaker 1: it's a place of power. So for me, I had
Speaker 1: to accept that my daddy got over HEROD and those
Speaker 1: which I was completely embarrassed about, ashamed about. I had
Speaker 1: to accept that. You know that I was struggling with
Speaker 1: my identity at the time, identity as and just in
Speaker 1: every aspect man, sexuality, every everything, everything everything at that time,
Speaker 1: like I just didn't know who I was. Um I
Speaker 1: had to accept um, you know, like just everything in
Speaker 1: my career wasn't going to where I wanted to go,
Speaker 1: like it just everything in my life just was not
Speaker 1: what I wanted it to be at that time. So
Speaker 1: I had to accept that. And that was and that
Speaker 1: took me a long time ago. But once I did
Speaker 1: it and got me to a place of of clarity,
Speaker 1: and it got me to the place of articulation, right,
Speaker 1: I was able to identify those books I talked about,
Speaker 1: they said, you gotta have a safe space. So I
Speaker 1: think to buy one person who I felt could be
Speaker 1: a safe space. And his name is Kim And he
Speaker 1: went to my Bible study and I remember just telling
Speaker 1: a kid everything how old are you? What's from the
Speaker 1: point of your father? So this is like so right
Speaker 1: after like a couple of months or whatever. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: I you know, I'm articulating. So I'm expressing with kim like.
Speaker 1: And I've always been a good communicator. I've always been
Speaker 1: able to verbalize Williams of experience. And that's the one
Speaker 1: thing I do want to circle back. And my father
Speaker 1: and mother allowed me to do. They did allow me
Speaker 1: to he mote. They kept it to a minimum, but
Speaker 1: they did allow me to express what I was feeling.
Speaker 1: So shout out to purpose to Jackie got rested so um,
Speaker 1: so I was able to articulate what it is that
Speaker 1: I was experiencing, what it happened, everything that happened. And
Speaker 1: once once that happened, I thought this freedom lifted off
Speaker 1: on me. I felt this freedom lifted off me and
Speaker 1: and I remember being at a Biber study one day
Speaker 1: and Chris Burge, who was the Bible story teacher, said
Speaker 1: he said, life happens to you, but life happens from you.
Speaker 1: Life happens to you, but life happens from you. And
Speaker 1: when he said that, what I had like that because
Speaker 1: I was focusing on what was happening to me? And
Speaker 1: now what was happening from me? Right? So I recognized
Speaker 1: that I had something that could happen from me, which
Speaker 1: leads to the stage of I don't think right, which
Speaker 1: leads to the space of purpose. You were emasculated for
Speaker 1: most of your life. Now you empower men in their masterlinity.
Speaker 1: How the hell did that happen? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: How do you transform all of that pain, all of
Speaker 1: that stuff that you've experienced in your life? How did
Speaker 1: you make it become something greater than what you experience?
Speaker 1: And so that's that's it, in the space of surprivamore.
Speaker 1: And I was just and I see people and I'm
Speaker 1: so obsessed with people optimizing their pain. I just got
Speaker 1: the reading Mariah Carey's memoir and how all of her
Speaker 1: songs are about the trauma of her childhood. And now she's,
Speaker 1: you know, one of the most successful artists of history.
Speaker 1: She transformed that and wait and then if you think
Speaker 1: about it, her whole um her I want to say,
Speaker 1: image icon is all about being a butterslide and that
Speaker 1: whole transformation aspect and being uncomfortable because you're breaking through
Speaker 1: that pain and in thriving in your eyes. I'm listening. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so it so it's all of that. So for me,
Speaker 1: the alchemy part is my favorite part of it because
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, alchemy is really turning you know,
Speaker 1: lead into gold. You know, the first miracle that Jesus
Speaker 1: did in the Bible was turning that water into wine,
Speaker 1: and so like, how did I It's about transforming the
Speaker 1: water into a sweet wine. And so one of the
Speaker 1: things I had to do in that process of alchemy
Speaker 1: is forgive. I had to um, I had to have
Speaker 1: a vision for myself. I had to believe that I
Speaker 1: was worthy. I had like that space of alchemy is
Speaker 1: comprising all those things, believing, um, receiving, surrendering, and I
Speaker 1: talked about that a lot in the book. We have
Speaker 1: to surrender. We surrended to the negative every day, but
Speaker 1: we don't surrender to the positive. If we're surrendering to
Speaker 1: the fact that these things happen to us, why can't
Speaker 1: we surrend it to the fact that God already made
Speaker 1: away for us. Why can't we surrender to the positive
Speaker 1: of of who we are. I had to dig and
Speaker 1: find the great things about me about purpose, because now
Speaker 1: purpose today I can walk in the room. You can't
Speaker 1: tell nothing. You understand what I'm saying. But I had
Speaker 1: that's because I really dug deep within myself and I
Speaker 1: had to find those nuggets. I had to find those
Speaker 1: treasures that everybody has within them, right. No one is
Speaker 1: more ill equipped, just more elmform. So I had to
Speaker 1: find all that stuff inside of me. And then I
Speaker 1: started to say, you know what, if I'm hurting, I
Speaker 1: don't want to see another young man hurt. I don't
Speaker 1: want to see another man hurt. And so that was
Speaker 1: the beginning of it. I don't want to see I
Speaker 1: don't want another young man, or another man for that matter,
Speaker 1: to go through what I want through, or another human being.
Speaker 1: I want to help people to find their greatness, right,
Speaker 1: and so like that's how I became a life coach
Speaker 1: because I wanted to see people thrive. I wanted to
Speaker 1: see people be home. I I always do this exercise.
Speaker 1: I asked people, I said, if you could have if
Speaker 1: you were superhoro you had a superpower, what would it be?
Speaker 1: And my answer is always if I could touch you
Speaker 1: to see how amazing you are, so that you can
Speaker 1: see how amazing you are, that would be my superpower.
Speaker 1: And so that was being really definitely like a gift
Speaker 1: that keeps on giving. And as you're talking about the
Speaker 1: life coach, it goes back to the whole idea of
Speaker 1: when you're talking about toolboxes, right, and you gotta have
Speaker 1: your tools and pulling them out. Well, I think one
Speaker 1: of the key tools, and like you're saying, is finding
Speaker 1: that safe space, finding somebody you can talk to. But
Speaker 1: when you look in the culture, whether it be primarily
Speaker 1: African American or is men in general, it's taboo to
Speaker 1: even address that something maybe quote unquote wrong upstairs, or
Speaker 1: your mental health is to question, or the fact that
Speaker 1: you want to go to therapy. Why is that taboo?
Speaker 1: Why is this so bad? If you're sick, you're gonna
Speaker 1: go to the doctor. If you broke a bone, you're
Speaker 1: gonna have um, you're gonna get a cast. So if
Speaker 1: things aren't wiring and adding up, why are we talking
Speaker 1: about it? We know you know what it is. I
Speaker 1: think for a lot of us, we've never seen wholeness
Speaker 1: in our communities. We've never seen a whole person. We've
Speaker 1: never seen somebody thrive emotionally and mentally as well as financially. Right,
Speaker 1: you've seen the financial aspect, but we haven't seen the
Speaker 1: human being aspect. I'm not saying that that doesn't exist,
Speaker 1: but I think I think the challenge of that is
Speaker 1: is that for us, I think to your point that
Speaker 1: you so eloquently stated, we equate mental health with brokenness
Speaker 1: or something's wrong as opposed to wellness and maintenance. And
Speaker 1: I think that's that's the fine line. Like that, No,
Speaker 1: it's it's about meat. That you go to the doctor
Speaker 1: for a checkup, you go get your car for a
Speaker 1: tune up. Why are you not doing the same thing
Speaker 1: for your mental right? And that's mental health is everything.
Speaker 1: If I've coached people, I've only celebrities who have had
Speaker 1: millions of dollars right and they've said to me, purpose
Speaker 1: I would give you all the money, I have to
Speaker 1: have the piece that you have right now. So the
Speaker 1: point and so the money ain't ain't it. It's the
Speaker 1: peace and the self reconciliation. It's the self grace that's
Speaker 1: really what it's about. And so like I think for us,
Speaker 1: we need to have an understanding that it's not just
Speaker 1: about getting the bag, it's about getting piece. It's about
Speaker 1: rec and siling issues and accepting and letting going and forgiving,
Speaker 1: and and and and and being a vessel to help
Speaker 1: others change. That's what us me. Yes, come on and
Speaker 1: understanding if you're so purposed, just as if I think
Speaker 1: one of the principles when you talk about being a vessel.
Speaker 1: One of my favorite flowers are sunflower and yes, sorry okay,
Speaker 1: And you know you notice they're so purpose like. One
Speaker 1: of the things they're known for us to help fertilizing
Speaker 1: something else. And we talk about life coming from us
Speaker 1: and whichever form it is to reproduce, whether that be joy,
Speaker 1: whether that be a life, whether that be a creation
Speaker 1: of a building, whether that's to exercise the peaceful guess what.
Speaker 1: The machine has to be working properly. And I think
Speaker 1: oftentimes we forget to do like you said, that tune
Speaker 1: in and that check in with the machine. But then
Speaker 1: here's another thing that we're looking at in a society today. Well,
Speaker 1: everything is about the perception. It's about the look. Where
Speaker 1: is their room to breathe? And even in your book
Speaker 1: and you spoke about this, you talked about a friend
Speaker 1: who you know um on social media. They live in
Speaker 1: a life turned up or bon or get it out,
Speaker 1: but sacredly inside like you said was broken. Tell us
Speaker 1: a little bit about that story and how that plays
Speaker 1: in society of this deception while we build up Well
Speaker 1: that's you know, we can talk about that all day.
Speaker 1: But this particular friend, Um, he was married at the time,
Speaker 1: and he and his wife would always putt these pictures.
Speaker 1: They were always like, yo, I love my wife, I
Speaker 1: love my baby. When vibe here here, there, there there,
Speaker 1: and be like you perish, like I can't do it,
Speaker 1: like I just like we'll getting the words. I don't like,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't love her, I don't look And
Speaker 1: I would say to myself, be like, bro, but why
Speaker 1: are you creating this image for the world. Why, Like,
Speaker 1: what what's going on with you? And and ultimately he
Speaker 1: ended up sharing that he had some you know, that
Speaker 1: he had been abused his child, you know, he had
Speaker 1: other wound. He had a bunch of stuff going on
Speaker 1: at the time, abused Like, how is this the same
Speaker 1: as a molestation? Yeah? I think so. And he didn't
Speaker 1: go into that much detail, but he did say that
Speaker 1: he experienced, um, some abuse. And I and I depend
Speaker 1: upon their comfort level our private Yeah, so I'm just
Speaker 1: assuming something happens to him that altered his life, and
Speaker 1: I think there's so many people who are like that.
Speaker 1: I took all the time, like you don't let social
Speaker 1: media fool you. Don't let it fool you because you
Speaker 1: have no idea how people is curated. People want you
Speaker 1: to think that they have it together. People want you
Speaker 1: to think they live in this perfect life, and that's
Speaker 1: just not reality. It's not And you talk about this,
Speaker 1: you talk about how sometimes you know, we live in
Speaker 1: this world illusion and how it's actually the opposite of
Speaker 1: acceptance because you've created another world that doesn't exist. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and at least the narcissism, which is which is very dangerous,
Speaker 1: you know, because narcissism there's not really a cure or
Speaker 1: treatment for it. That's something that you have to treat
Speaker 1: yourself for. And so that's the space you don't want
Speaker 1: to live in, is you know, when you do, when
Speaker 1: you are delusional, you create these worlds. It does suit
Speaker 1: you for a time being, but then there's going to
Speaker 1: be a time when the reality when it crashes. So
Speaker 1: let's you know, that's something that has been coming up
Speaker 1: a lot surrounding me of you know, whether it's looked
Speaker 1: at selfishness or narcissism, it's about let me make this
Speaker 1: image and law as it fits okay with me, because
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about my well being first. When we talk
Speaker 1: about wellness, and we hear this a lot like being
Speaker 1: on the plane, make sure you put your oxygen on
Speaker 1: so that you can help somebody else. So I can
Speaker 1: imagine there's a silver lining or kind of like a
Speaker 1: fine line of me loving on myself and then me
Speaker 1: being so narcissistic that I'm consumed with myself. Can you
Speaker 1: help me see between that? The thing about narcissism is
Speaker 1: that people don't understand that narcissism is typically a trauma response.
Speaker 1: It's a trauma response to feeling fragile or is extremely
Speaker 1: insecure inside. And so what it is you create this
Speaker 1: inflated version of yourself in order to survive. And and
Speaker 1: so I think that people don't understand that's the undercurrent
Speaker 1: of it. But to that point of what you're saying
Speaker 1: is like so many of us are so enamored with ourselves,
Speaker 1: and I think that's because some and I actually think
Speaker 1: that the largest hope is that the connectivity, the connection
Speaker 1: that we had as human beings, um the accountability. Like
Speaker 1: no one wants to be wrong, you know, like, we're
Speaker 1: we want to be perceived as perfect. It's it's killing us.
Speaker 1: And so like that aspect of it. UM is why
Speaker 1: you see so many people who are narcissists, because we
Speaker 1: don't want to be wrong, we don't want to grow,
Speaker 1: we just want to be perfect. And I think that
Speaker 1: because we see manicured um people on social media. We
Speaker 1: see these Instagram models who have these perfect manicured bodies
Speaker 1: and these guys who have these perfect rup of bodies,
Speaker 1: and you're thinking that that's it, but you don't know
Speaker 1: what's on the other side of that, what they have
Speaker 1: to do to maintain that. And so I think it's
Speaker 1: just true. It's so convoluted. I just think that it
Speaker 1: trickles down into this. We don't want to have accountability.
Speaker 1: We don't want to own anything that we've done. We
Speaker 1: it's just we just want to look like we have
Speaker 1: it together, which obsessed with that it's very dangerous. So
Speaker 1: talking back with your friend from social media, so once
Speaker 1: he comes to you, he's like, purpose, I can't take it.
Speaker 1: I got this wife, We're out here looking like we're
Speaker 1: living the life of our dreams. What was the point
Speaker 1: that he came to as far as the alchemy part
Speaker 1: because we we did the he accepted it or acknowledge it,
Speaker 1: So I'm not happy. Okay, acceptance it did happen, articulated
Speaker 1: articulated the what happened after that, well, I think it
Speaker 1: was apology towards his wife to his ex wife, and
Speaker 1: the space of like really embracing who he was and
Speaker 1: really being like an advocate for communication with men, like
Speaker 1: talking about those uncomfortable things. So like he now is
Speaker 1: he now encourages those conversations. He's now a person who
Speaker 1: is vulnerable, vulnerable enough to talk about the things that
Speaker 1: he giving over his marriage and you know, and telking
Speaker 1: to other people, especially for young couples that are getting married.
Speaker 1: He definitely is like that guy who definitely will tell
Speaker 1: you about how he messed up and how he getting
Speaker 1: addressed in the issues going to his mess. So I
Speaker 1: think that what he did with alchemy was like the ownership,
Speaker 1: the accountability and not being afraid to share with others.
Speaker 1: So at this point in understanding, when we talk about
Speaker 1: this whole magical transformation state, at the alchemy and kind
Speaker 1: of stage, um, did it go into a place where
Speaker 1: he was able to be in another relationship? Did he
Speaker 1: find himself that he was in a relationship with a
Speaker 1: woman a man, like, what was the we get out
Speaker 1: of that? What transforms? And said and and I know
Speaker 1: and it's not like the I know it's like a
Speaker 1: touchy topic, but it's real because I feel like people,
Speaker 1: you know, I know friends, men and women that have
Speaker 1: questions because of being molested as a child and leading
Speaker 1: to narcissum and everything else, depression and not being able
Speaker 1: to see and it's like, let's call a spade of spain.
Speaker 1: Well you're yeah, So to that point, I'm sorry. I wasn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't know you want to go all over there.
Speaker 1: But now he's solid, he's good today, and I think
Speaker 1: that he does not want to be be married, but
Speaker 1: I think he's open. I think he's open to love
Speaker 1: and marriage again. But I think he's more focused on
Speaker 1: really becoming who he's supposed to be and really developing
Speaker 1: himself and focusing on him, which I think it's something.
Speaker 1: If I'm honnest and knowing him on these years, he's
Speaker 1: never really done and so like for me, like I
Speaker 1: feel like he's engaged in alchemy because now he's focused
Speaker 1: on him, he is he would love to be married
Speaker 1: to a woman again. I think at some point he's
Speaker 1: open to off. I will say that I don't want
Speaker 1: to score. He's open too long again, right, And I
Speaker 1: think that's so beautiful to just you know, talking about
Speaker 1: the alchemy process because it reminds me like you talked
Speaker 1: about on social media, we try to come up with
Speaker 1: this perception of it's beautiful and not really knowing what
Speaker 1: it took to get there. But if something has a
Speaker 1: value to it, right, there is a process that had
Speaker 1: to endure, whether it be a tropical place it's it's
Speaker 1: storming all the time, whether it's the beauty of that diamond,
Speaker 1: realizing over time what as you may have said before,
Speaker 1: was lead that turned to gold, but this cold that
Speaker 1: turned into a diamond. And always say what allows a
Speaker 1: diamond to shine are the multitudes of cuts that have
Speaker 1: in place within it. When you can walk up and
Speaker 1: say depression, molestation, insecurity, failed job, failed promotion, and step
Speaker 1: into the light and say you see me, I made it.
Speaker 1: And I love what you said because you said even
Speaker 1: as you're talking about thriving and what you want would
Speaker 1: have realized is that the becoming that you said, I'm
Speaker 1: consistently becoming it reminded me of Michelle Obama. But it
Speaker 1: reminds me to your story because what I did understand
Speaker 1: that you said you had to breakdown, right, But how
Speaker 1: did you know? I think you said your your friend's
Speaker 1: name was kenn. How did you know that you could
Speaker 1: be vulnerable? How did you know that that was a possibility. Well,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you like this, for me being a person
Speaker 1: who is emotional and recognizing that I am an emotional man, right,
Speaker 1: and I embrace it and I and I own it
Speaker 1: and I love it. Actually, but when you with the
Speaker 1: mind can handle, it imposes on the body. And at
Speaker 1: that point, but the mind can't handle, it imposes on
Speaker 1: the body. I was literally getting sick. My hair was
Speaker 1: falling out, um, I had hives, I was shaking, I
Speaker 1: had a twitch. I didn't like that experience. My mom
Speaker 1: always said, when you want to get up a rollercoaster,
Speaker 1: you will get off, and so that was a moment
Speaker 1: for me. I was like, I don't care what it
Speaker 1: looks like. I don't care if anybody says, like having
Speaker 1: that anxiety in your body, and literally when I probably
Speaker 1: should have been taking med for it, having that little
Speaker 1: of anxiety, I was like, Nah, if I, if I'm
Speaker 1: listening to what Beth Moore and these doctors are saying,
Speaker 1: if I confesses of how it is releasing it, I'm
Speaker 1: willing to run the risk of looking crazy. So for me,
Speaker 1: I wasn't afraid to look crazy. Because you have to
Speaker 1: save in your life, I'm not trying to save my life.
Speaker 1: I love that because I think that when we talk
Speaker 1: about society and today and how it is about putting
Speaker 1: everything on blast, you gotta realize you gotta protect your
Speaker 1: boundaries and you got to know your space, your capacity
Speaker 1: and even understanding that space, how much are you're holding
Speaker 1: and how much are you necessarily caring that it's unnecessary
Speaker 1: because I feel like the all we put on the
Speaker 1: more is that we try to control. And one of
Speaker 1: the things that it just even as I'm looking at
Speaker 1: you and even as you're explaining, like like I was
Speaker 1: going through this, I was like and I was like, no,
Speaker 1: your body relaxed, there was you, you exhaled with your voice.
Speaker 1: It's that whole thing of letting go because I felt
Speaker 1: like when we're holding on to stress, and like what
Speaker 1: I talked about invitamin D is similar to what Erica
Speaker 1: do talked about even when her old tract that was
Speaker 1: ahead bag lady. It is what you break your back.
Speaker 1: It will slow you down and like you said, keep
Speaker 1: playing if you want to, you will be shut down
Speaker 1: on the get down absolutely and listen. I'm forty. I
Speaker 1: don't look for you, and I'm thankful for that because
Speaker 1: I wouldn't know when you said, I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: skid care. I'm forty years old and I had and
Speaker 1: I have a youthfulness to me, and I think that's
Speaker 1: the number one god ye for all years stuff I've
Speaker 1: been through, but also to because I literally incorporate. I
Speaker 1: try to carry stuff. I trying to suppress any thing. Um.
Speaker 1: I try to really release stuff as soon as possible
Speaker 1: because I know the benefits of it, and so I
Speaker 1: know when somebody hasn't done that. UM. And I have
Speaker 1: to tell you, it's like one of the most beautiful
Speaker 1: things that you could ever will miss to seem a
Speaker 1: Roman me so rongable and so fragile and say like,
Speaker 1: you know what purpose I've been in pain, I've experienced
Speaker 1: this and now I feel so much free. Um. After
Speaker 1: I've been sharing it with my wife and sharing with
Speaker 1: my therapist. You can just see the comb on the
Speaker 1: something they probably never experienced in their life. It is
Speaker 1: one of the most beautiful things you will ever see.
Speaker 1: He's to be still, Yes, yes, he's be still, And
Speaker 1: I love that because I think it's to thriveal mode.
Speaker 1: And immediately before anything, I was thinking us to thrival
Speaker 1: and I was I was thinking, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: how is this possible? Because I remember something that I
Speaker 1: one of the things that I've always dealt with this
Speaker 1: a weight, And I remember watching the Biggest Louver Loser
Speaker 1: episode and someone was like, I'm tired or surviving. I
Speaker 1: just want to live. But I think what makes it
Speaker 1: so beautiful even with your title is like what you
Speaker 1: said earlier on about it being a bridge, and sometimes
Speaker 1: there's things that that's what is not necessarily going over
Speaker 1: to escape, but it's just the means of a connection
Speaker 1: from one side to the next and not ignoring what
Speaker 1: the pieces, what the steps were to get from one
Speaker 1: side to the next, because we glorify the beauty of
Speaker 1: the ending result. We glorify the beauty of having that
Speaker 1: dollar bill without witnessing what happened to that tree and
Speaker 1: how that ink permeated and how it was pressed and
Speaker 1: putting the heat. But we just see the value, whether
Speaker 1: it be that or diamond at home or what have you.
Speaker 1: I love that and so I, like I said before,
Speaker 1: thank you definitely with that. But when we talk about
Speaker 1: these young men, right and we talk about the whole
Speaker 1: ideal of tackling the mental health, if somebody is listening,
Speaker 1: you know what is the first step to even seeking
Speaker 1: out some mental support? Oh man, I mean they're so
Speaker 1: thankfully now there are spaces like Therapy for Black Men
Speaker 1: dot org um that have they have listings of therapist,
Speaker 1: life coaches and mental health advocates that are especial that
Speaker 1: specialized in working with young men of color or men
Speaker 1: of color. So I think that's the great thing I
Speaker 1: think about twenty today is that I think there are
Speaker 1: a lot of spaces in which we are now comfortable
Speaker 1: talking about mental health. And so I think the first
Speaker 1: step is finding somebody who you identify as a safe space.
Speaker 1: I speak at universities and organizations and teach them how
Speaker 1: to develop mental wellness action plan. And I think one
Speaker 1: of the first things in that mental wellness actually playing
Speaker 1: is identifying who who are the safe spaces? Who do
Speaker 1: you feel comfortable with, who do you feel like they
Speaker 1: can hold and handle. What is you have to say,
Speaker 1: because that's the first step is getting a person into
Speaker 1: a space of sharing, right, because that's what it is.
Speaker 1: It's not it's not telling your business is sharing. And
Speaker 1: that's the first step is really identifying those people. But
Speaker 1: for that person who you feel as a state space,
Speaker 1: who can handle, who can handle and shoulder whether the
Speaker 1: situt what you're sharing, and so how do you show
Speaker 1: these young men that it doesn't make you not masculine?
Speaker 1: What one of the first thing I do is I
Speaker 1: tell my business. I tell them I cagate you know,
Speaker 1: this is what I'm going through, this is what I've experienced,
Speaker 1: These are the these are the vulner those spaces in
Speaker 1: my life, this is what I've been endured. And I
Speaker 1: do that on purpose because you know, I trained executives.
Speaker 1: I say, you know, transparent leaders create environments for sharing.
Speaker 1: So once I'm in there being transparent, I make it
Speaker 1: safe and okay for others to share. And so that's
Speaker 1: that's what it is. I definitely, you know that's my gift.
Speaker 1: I have no problem telling my business. I love that
Speaker 1: not be careful because you're talking to me. It's like
Speaker 1: to a limit. But I definitely go further than most
Speaker 1: men do, absolutely, and that that's definitely appreciated because that
Speaker 1: goes into the next thing I wanted to talk about
Speaker 1: as to the reason why we may not share because
Speaker 1: we may feel uncomfortable, is because this idea of shame.
Speaker 1: Can you tell me what this whole I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't want to give it power, but you'll be told
Speaker 1: there is a lot just me being transparent. I am
Speaker 1: in a process of what I will say in a cocoon,
Speaker 1: because what my shame is is getting my home and order.
Speaker 1: My mother was a hoarder, and I'm realizing because of
Speaker 1: depression and different things that she didn't deal with of
Speaker 1: covering up, you collect, you put things on top, but
Speaker 1: then what happens is that you find other ways to
Speaker 1: cover up things. And I can see how question things
Speaker 1: like oh my gosh, and how you said that whole
Speaker 1: fear who's gonna put me on last? Or it's that
Speaker 1: whole thing of judgment. But I'm trying to heal, so
Speaker 1: if I have to resource and reach out to somebody
Speaker 1: that has the tools that can put a vision that
Speaker 1: will put some fire under me, because can I take
Speaker 1: you here, like, okay, you know I'm going left. You're
Speaker 1: supposed to be talking. Let me get this out real quick.
Speaker 1: Earlier this week, and this is exactly what I love
Speaker 1: what you're doing. It came to me. I don't know
Speaker 1: if I was sitting here and meditation or whatnot, but
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking of how we we put it out there.
Speaker 1: We want to grow and be more than what we
Speaker 1: are right now. And if you are a person of faith,
Speaker 1: whether it being a religious or just something seeking higher above,
Speaker 1: I'm going to use the faith based moment and you
Speaker 1: talk about God and knowing that's the Potter's house, right well,
Speaker 1: you come in there as a bunch of clay. And
Speaker 1: if you're asking to step into this greatness, whatever that is,
Speaker 1: whether it's your money, whether it is successful relationship, whether
Speaker 1: it's your home, you're asking to be molded. You're asking
Speaker 1: to be pressed, to be pulled, to have water thrown,
Speaker 1: and then you're gonna go into the fire because I
Speaker 1: gotta make sure that you got it right. Absolutely. But
Speaker 1: in order to do that, there is a power or
Speaker 1: a a weight of shame that we carry. Talk to
Speaker 1: me about it, the power of it and the result
Speaker 1: of releasing it. First of all, do you know who
Speaker 1: Bernie Brown is. Every you know what, everybody's been telling
Speaker 1: me to check her out. I don't know fully, but
Speaker 1: everybody's been telling me to check her out. So Burnee
Speaker 1: Brown is like a special specialist in shame, right, Um.
Speaker 1: And I actually did a video is a video clipped
Speaker 1: me actually working with see I made at a university
Speaker 1: and I was speaking about shame and nomability and she
Speaker 1: loved them. She retweeted the tweet, so that's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: she she loved it. But one of the things I
Speaker 1: think with Shane is the dangerous actually the shame is
Speaker 1: that it becomes an identity and not a not an experience,
Speaker 1: but it becomes in that identity. And I think that's
Speaker 1: the danger of it is that unconsciously and so constantly
Speaker 1: we are taking on whatever it is that we're experiencing
Speaker 1: as who we are and not something that we are experiencing.
Speaker 1: And that's the distinction. You have to be able to say, like,
Speaker 1: this is not who I am, and I will not
Speaker 1: allow this to become my identity. I will not embody
Speaker 1: this because this is not me. This is an experience.
Speaker 1: This is something that I'm working through, but I'm not
Speaker 1: taking that on as an identity. And that's one of
Speaker 1: the biggest things that I had to do was say, like,
Speaker 1: you know what, purpose there's nothing to be shamed about.
Speaker 1: Use molested this and this and that happened to you,
Speaker 1: but that ain't who you are. That was never who
Speaker 1: you are. I had to have that kind of Jesus moment.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, Yo, that's not who you are, bro.
Speaker 1: So I had to remove I had to stop embodying
Speaker 1: myself in that and looking at it and putting off
Speaker 1: to where it needed to be. So I think the
Speaker 1: biggest challenges understanding that that's not your identity. That's the
Speaker 1: biggest part of shame is that we we emby do it.
Speaker 1: That's the thing. It's like, what's what's that movie the
Speaker 1: body snatches. It's like shame comes and snatches ill body
Speaker 1: up and weird and now we're shame. You can't do that.
Speaker 1: You can't body, You can't do that. Another thing that
Speaker 1: you did talk about is that, um, you know, even
Speaker 1: in this process, while you know some may say it's
Speaker 1: like a weakness to come forth and to say with
Speaker 1: different things that happen to you, but there is a
Speaker 1: sense of bravery because it's like you know while it
Speaker 1: is a lot of braver, there's a penalty for that.
Speaker 1: And you talked about that a little bit in your book.
Speaker 1: Can you tell us more you know, I mean there's
Speaker 1: there's penalty, like you know, your family, your family maybe
Speaker 1: like why are you telling that? Why you you know,
Speaker 1: why you're embarrassing thats why you're not keeping you know, family,
Speaker 1: family business, family business. Um. There's also a perception and
Speaker 1: how people, how people perceive you, Like there may be
Speaker 1: in me saying like low, I've been molested. There they're
Speaker 1: definitely women who just like I want to be with that.
Speaker 1: I don't want to do to no man who's been
Speaker 1: molested let me. And there could be like people can
Speaker 1: use it as we can say it against you. There's
Speaker 1: so many penalties that could be used against you when
Speaker 1: you are vulnerable. But and I always want to make
Speaker 1: sure that I laid that out, but I also want
Speaker 1: to show the strength of it. Like how I don't
Speaker 1: I see Willing Knight he love somebody, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like I see Willing Knight. I have you know,
Speaker 1: on a good day, I'm literally levitating you understand what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like I'm I have I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: walk around with a heaviness or weightiness to me. And
Speaker 1: and that's not that's not the brag. It's literally because
Speaker 1: I don't have a problem being vulnerable. I don't have
Speaker 1: a problem sharing it because vulnerabilities are straight. Now I'm
Speaker 1: judicious about who un vulnerable with and what i'mvulnable about it.
Speaker 1: Come on, discernment, that's the discernment. I know. I can
Speaker 1: tell my therapist anything. I see your therapists regularly. I
Speaker 1: have to because the work that I do, and I
Speaker 1: can't tell you to see a therapist if I myself
Speaker 1: aren't are doing that as well, and so like, I
Speaker 1: definitely know who are the stay spaces. I identify those
Speaker 1: people who can handle the real, real real if people
Speaker 1: who can handle a level too. I didnfy people with
Speaker 1: the level of handle level ten. But there is a power,
Speaker 1: there's a bravery in confessing what you're going through because
Speaker 1: kingdombody to use it against way you can't. You can't
Speaker 1: beat me with my own truth. You can't beat me
Speaker 1: with my own truth state I gave you the stick
Speaker 1: like you can't. And here's the thing too, I think
Speaker 1: it's interesting when you talk about fear and things like that.
Speaker 1: We fear what we do not see. But if I acknowledge,
Speaker 1: I accept, I articulate and now I'm in a transformation
Speaker 1: process of alchemy. Home shall I fear? Yes, And that's
Speaker 1: a power to know that I stand. And I think,
Speaker 1: you know, just thinking of this thrival mold, it just
Speaker 1: reminds me of that tree, that tree that standing in.
Speaker 1: My roots are so thick because I did the healing,
Speaker 1: I did the transformation, and I'm sucking on my nutrients.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm thriving. I weather the storm, thank you, Purvis,
Speaker 1: and I will continue to whether. Because I whether the
Speaker 1: life storm, I will whether the next one. And that's
Speaker 1: the thing too, It's like it's an ongoing process. So
Speaker 1: again that's why I haven't arrived anywhere, and so like
Speaker 1: it's new levels, but the new levels, those aids still
Speaker 1: stay the same. There's new levels as you achieve them,
Speaker 1: like there's new things, there's new questions, there's new problems
Speaker 1: and new things as human beings like that, this is
Speaker 1: part of the journey. But one thing I know for
Speaker 1: sure is that thriving and being a hole is my birthday.
Speaker 1: And once I've experienced that, you can't tell me anything different,
Speaker 1: So that's that's what's different. Thank you. I keep saying
Speaker 1: thank you because I need to see more people like you.
Speaker 1: That's in the whole thing of being a vessel and
Speaker 1: just healing. I know there's tons more, but as many
Speaker 1: more people I can use that platform because I need
Speaker 1: to shed this light. This is a healing movement. And
Speaker 1: you know, it's just amazing how this dream of vitamin
Speaker 1: D is just launching this year of just honing in
Speaker 1: on that vision. Okay, congratulations, Thank you so much, and
Speaker 1: thank you for being a part of my dream. I
Speaker 1: appreciate you. Can I tell you know honestly, like you
Speaker 1: are masterful and asking questions. Thank you, thanksoud, Thank you
Speaker 1: so much. You're very masterful asking asking questions that really
Speaker 1: um bringing your your interviewee in yes, shi me, I
Speaker 1: just want to I just I love to celebrate. I
Speaker 1: love to hill with what people do. Well like that's
Speaker 1: just me so and I think you really don't better.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. And that was a scene that
Speaker 1: you're planning in me, so thank you. And and for
Speaker 1: anybody that is listening and they want to know more,
Speaker 1: they want to get a copy of your book. They
Speaker 1: want to tell us what would we follow you? What's
Speaker 1: coming next? They want to stay connected? Oh thank you. Um.
Speaker 1: So if you would like to stay connected, um, you
Speaker 1: can go to my website to thrive amode dot com. Um.
Speaker 1: Also you can follow me on social media at Pervose
Speaker 1: sailor on all platforms. I just did verify to y'all
Speaker 1: verified in the building. If you want to get copies
Speaker 1: of the book, you can get off Mode dot com
Speaker 1: as well as Amazon dot com. Awesome, and and and
Speaker 1: what I have for me next? Um, just doing more talks. Um.
Speaker 1: You know I've been guests lecturing at university, so that's new.
Speaker 1: That's awesome. So doing your dad and hopefully going across
Speaker 1: international waters um. People want me to come over to
Speaker 1: London Town to to do some Toriba Moore workshops and whatnot.
Speaker 1: So okay, and and and just lastly, if you could
Speaker 1: leave our audience are at the audience. People that's in
Speaker 1: the room with us, that's in our company are kimp folk.
Speaker 1: If you can leave them with adults, Vitamin dame, whether
Speaker 1: it just be a quote something to remember, the floor
Speaker 1: is yours. So there's a slot in the world history
Speaker 1: for each of every one of us, either as a
Speaker 1: world changer or someone who watched the world change choose
Speaker 1: there it is, Thank you, Purvis, Thank you. You know why.
Speaker 1: I thoroughly enjoyed that conversation. It is always so refreshing
Speaker 1: to speak with someone who is invested in changing and
Speaker 1: improving the lives of young people by doing so or
Speaker 1: the opening the doors of their own. Isn't that what
Speaker 1: it's all about. Isn't it about being our brothers and
Speaker 1: our sisters keeper? But I'll tell you what it's also about.
Speaker 1: It's about honoring and acknowledging that you are your greatest asset.
Speaker 1: And if you don't have self together, I don't care
Speaker 1: what you touch, nothing will be together. Because everything's an
Speaker 1: extension of you. Think about it. Every day you walk
Speaker 1: out of the house. It's not part of you that goes,
Speaker 1: it's all of you. And I had to learn that
Speaker 1: this year and getting the vision with my life. I
Speaker 1: grew up in the household of clutter. My mother was
Speaker 1: a hoarder. That is a shame that I've carried my
Speaker 1: entire life where people were not allowed in. So that
Speaker 1: means covering things up, that means now allowing room for
Speaker 1: new things. Well, it's a new Dawn. It's a new day.
Speaker 1: I'm cutting on a light and I'm making wrong and
Speaker 1: I want you to make room with yourself. See the good,
Speaker 1: see the bad, see the indifferent, and embrace it all
Speaker 1: because all of it makes you who you are. You're
Speaker 1: not responsible for what happened to you in your childhood,
Speaker 1: but as an adult, you're responsible for your emotional and
Speaker 1: your physical health. That's the Thrival right there. And if
Speaker 1: you enjoyed this conversation and you would like to get
Speaker 1: a copy of Purvis's new book, Sir Thrival Mode, you
Speaker 1: can do so by checking out the website so thrival
Speaker 1: mode dot com. You can also find him on social
Speaker 1: media at Purvis Taylor on Instagram and Twitter. As always,
Speaker 1: you can catch us here in your phone or whichever
Speaker 1: smart device you may be listening from every Monday with
Speaker 1: more inspiring conversations and insights. And if you're looking to
Speaker 1: get even more Vitamin D in your life, you can
Speaker 1: follow me at Dawn day Speaks on all social media.
Speaker 1: That's Dawn d a I Speaks. Okay, I'm looking forward
Speaker 1: to hearing from you, and until next time, always remember
Speaker 1: you are your greatest asset.