WEBVTT - Welcome wagon 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:06.440 Welcome back to another pisode that for me? This I mean, 0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:12.520 how's Kevin? Is that right now? Okay? Yeah, I can 0:00:12.640 --> 0:00:15.280 be there at night. Sure, yeah, I'll see there o ja. 0:00:15.640 --> 0:00:18.200 But I digress. Let's meet a shower you no particular 0:00:18.239 --> 0:00:20.680 or let's quickly check in with Christoph Varado for his 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:25.680 two dog park report Coach, I haven't been in a minute. 0:00:25.880 --> 0:00:29.000 Turns out the baseball dad's are not happy with us 0:00:29.040 --> 0:00:31.520 letting our dogs run around because it's not an official 0:00:31.600 --> 0:00:35.400 dog park. The other day, and I quote, a large 0:00:35.479 --> 0:00:38.400 dad said to one of the dog owners, if you 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:41.360 if you're this is this true? This is exactly what 0:00:41.400 --> 0:00:44.360 he said. If your dog bites my kid, I will 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:48.200 kill you and your dog. Interesting, that was the order, 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:54.320 you know, the the threat usually starts with the potentially 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:58.080 lesser b you heighten you, you'll be dead, and then 0:00:58.120 --> 0:01:00.600 I'll go down the left. Yeah, because sharped me. I 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:02.320 don't really give a ship what you do with my dog, 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:08.080 to be honest with. Oh wow, um, look over there, 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:12.560 it's James Ceeney, jangled up and chains. Jimmy, what would 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:16.840 you do to have a cat? A case of hash 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:23.840 Brown's delivered in one hour In one hour I would 0:01:24.520 --> 0:01:27.160 make all of the scenes get wrapped up as fast 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:29.200 as I could so I could answer that door without 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:34.039 interruption of the podcast. Fair uh and and now please 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:39.160 welcome back Jackie again, Zalez de Ruther back Jay Jackie. 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:43.440 What makes the best damn guawk in Los Angeles? Who? Not? What? 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:47.039 Who makes the best damn guawk in Los Angeles? That's 0:01:47.040 --> 0:01:50.560 a very good question, because I love glack and I 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:54.080 feel like it's hard to miss. It's hard to not 0:01:54.320 --> 0:01:57.960 enjoy a glock, and I don't think that I've ever 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:05.240 had one that blue. I fucking mind being said. Actually, 0:02:05.640 --> 0:02:07.400 I fucking hate this restaurant, so I don't want to 0:02:07.400 --> 0:02:09.160 give them any good press. There is a restaurant that 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:11.400 based good walk, but I'm not going to mention their names. 0:02:13.520 --> 0:02:15.680 Did they fire me for asking to get paid as 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:19.000 much as the men who did my job? Yes? They did. Well, 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:21.200 now we need to know the name of them is 0:02:21.240 --> 0:02:23.040 so that we can all shoot on them. What's the 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:27.320 chat on them? One here? Before? I mean, I don't know. 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:31.880 I've been fired from a lot of restaurants, yes, and 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:39.840 all for different egregious regions. Well, I talk very strange, 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:47.400 if not competitive. I've never been fired. Oh I think 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:50.519 three or four. And let me say from those experiences, 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:54.760 I quit one after like during my training, like after 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:58.760 two days of training. They were like, hey, um, so 0:02:58.919 --> 0:03:00.560 you have your second I was like, yeah, I'm not 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:03.040 coming and they're like what, and I was like, yeah, 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:05.440 I'm I'm done. I don't like the culture at your restaurant, Like, 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:08.960 I'm not gonna there. Those two days were horrible and 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:12.240 they were like, oh, well, Jacqueline, I don't want to 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:14.079 tell you what to do as you're an adult woman. 0:03:14.280 --> 0:03:16.880 But and then like, yeah, it was really weird. I 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:20.680 was like, okay, um, yeah, I'm not coming in. But 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:23.600 there's nothing more freeing, Like I've never felt better in 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:25.639 my life than to be like, you know what, I'm 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:29.000 not going to work at this fucking like hell hole. 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:34.160 I'll work at another hellhole. Good for you, the hell 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:36.680 with that, and thank you for that. And I still 0:03:36.720 --> 0:03:38.440 think we should share the name just so we can 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:41.320 all shoot on them together. But I'm not gonna I'm 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:44.480 not gonna put that on you. You'll you'll, I'll write 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:47.120 it somewhere on a piece of paper and we'll get 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:52.680 out there if you'll let um and last last already 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:57.160 no no, I can't be last penultimate. Where's Chris Alvarado 0:03:57.200 --> 0:04:00.320 in you? We got the dog? We got me? Oh, 0:04:00.360 --> 0:04:02.839 here we go, Craig Atkowski. When do you know when 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:11.960 the small talk is done? Oh? I guess now. I 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:14.560 thought we were just chatting, but then it turned all serious. 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:18.440 I do want to say, I do think it's a 0:04:18.480 --> 0:04:20.240 basic human right to be able to choose your own 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:25.640 hell hale. Yeah right, that seems like a very basic 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:29.919 human right, all right? And now last, but seven fish 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:32.800 in your bath if you think him least it's Mark Gagliardi. 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:36.640 Hello Linguini lover. Where am I gonna get the best 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:41.320 pizza in this damn town? Uh? Best pizza? And last, 0:04:41.400 --> 0:04:42.920 it depends on what you're looking for. If you want 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:45.600 a Chicago style pizza, you go to Masa and Echo Park. 0:04:46.080 --> 0:04:47.960 If you want a New York style pizza, you go 0:04:48.040 --> 0:04:50.839 to Pizza Bella, which is in the back of a 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:54.640 liquor store at the corner of Hollywood and UH or 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:57.919 Franklin and Highland. I realized that the back of a 0:04:57.920 --> 0:04:59.880 liquor store is a strange place to get a pizza, 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:03.479 but it is wonderful pizza. There's also garage pizza, which 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:06.120 is very good. My friend Jason Batton, who used to 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:10.120 work with me at Pizza Bella, started that place. Uh. 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:11.839 He has a big sign over the door that says 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:15.039 we import our water from New York. He does not 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:17.760 import his water from New York. But people go there 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:20.880 because there is a sign that says that he imports 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:23.120 his water from New York. But it is a fantastic 0:05:23.160 --> 0:05:27.000 pizza pizza. I can't believe, you know, garage pizza. Garage 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:30.240 pizza is fantastic. Yeah, I love him. Yeah, the the 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:33.920 misnomber of the the New York style pizza being best 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:37.400 only in New York because of the water there. Jamie 0:05:37.400 --> 0:05:41.480 and I got to see the original owner and operator 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:45.720 of Joe's Pizza in New York. Um. He now has 0:05:45.760 --> 0:05:48.600 several locations in Los Angeles because he moved to Los Angeles, 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:51.200 his first one being in Santa Monica. It's still there, 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:56.240 I think on Broadway around second and Um. Jamie asked him, 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:58.440 so do you import the water from New York? And 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:00.279 he said, I used sent him on a of water. 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:02.240 What's the matter with you? What this is not the water, 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:06.520 It's not the word. Yeah, he was not affecting of voice. 0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:09.599 He's actually from Italy. So here we go. Let's do it, 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:11.760 m show shout. We all of our scene suggestions gather 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:14.839 from your listener emails or from our patron v I 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:17.720 ps to become a patron supporter of the show and 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:20.960 Joe exclusive content like standalone bonus scenes, video of our 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:24.760 Zoom recording sessions, or at the highest level of alcomniac, 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:27.800 you could be like two of our alcomniacs who are 0:06:27.839 --> 0:06:31.560 joining us in zoom right now. That's right. You can 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:33.799 come and hang out in the Zoom. There's a little 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:37.440 meet and greet beforehand and at the conclusion, and otherwise 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:40.320 you're just hanging with us as two are, and that 0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:45.360 would be Mr Prado and Ms Ashley Um. We're hanging 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:47.640 up with us today. Head don't know what the patron 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:50.920 dot com slash Alchemy there. If you'd like to suggest 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:54.240 a scene suggestion via email, please do so all. I 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:58.120 love to read them, Chris loves to log them. I think, 0:06:59.240 --> 0:07:01.760 head on over to uh write us at alchemy this 0:07:01.800 --> 0:07:07.160 email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy. This email seen 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:09.840 one comes to patron v I P. Courtney R. Who wrote, 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:15.360 hey there, Kevin Um or whomsoever reads this on the air. 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:19.640 Now there's no air. You guys rock keep kicking ass 0:07:19.640 --> 0:07:23.640 and making laughs. By the way, my favorite Kings English 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:26.400 spelling of the word favorite part of being a patron 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:31.120 member is the alcaminnis. Thank you James Heeny for creating 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:36.120 that universe um and continuing to do so. Just imagine 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:39.840 a distilled third of an episode with all the usual laughs. 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:42.920 You can imagine how that alone is worth the price 0:07:42.960 --> 0:07:46.480 of a cup of coffee. Oh that's very very sweet 0:07:46.480 --> 0:07:49.880 of you, Courtney. Are on the meat of the onto 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:53.040 the meat of the mail. My scene suggestion is the 0:07:53.240 --> 0:07:56.280 welcome wagon. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, 0:07:56.320 --> 0:07:59.600 thank you, and big big love from the UK. Courtney 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:03.560 will who neu. I'm so nervous, so nervous. I'm excited 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:06.120 and nervous. I'm excited and nervous. I could be both 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:09.520 at the same time. And excited ner I'm excited and hungry. 0:08:10.040 --> 0:08:13.680 I'm so hungry when I'm so excited, I'm so so hungry. 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:16.240 But I think I'm gonna go I think I'm gonna 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:20.720 say welcome or like or you've arrived you love that. 0:08:21.240 --> 0:08:26.160 I'm gonna say hey there, everybody, Hey there. Maybe get like, 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:28.080 I don't know, meatballs on Texas toast. I don't know. 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:31.400 I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to 0:08:31.440 --> 0:08:35.439 say welcome. You're gonna go hey there, Oh, this is god, 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:38.400 this is scog and then we're gonna let them know 0:08:38.800 --> 0:08:42.040 how stringent this program really is. We have rules, we 0:08:42.120 --> 0:08:46.360 have protocols, and if they break them, they will break 0:08:46.840 --> 0:08:50.600 them them. That's good, but that's why he came here. 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:59.960 Welcome there, this is my printed I'll receipt, and there's 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:02.680 a barcode at the bottom. I'm jacky, I'll take that. 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:09.160 Oh my god. Actually, we have rules here, and if 0:09:09.160 --> 0:09:15.160 you break them, we break you. Oh wow, this is 0:09:15.440 --> 0:09:21.400 this is serious, I guess y retreat. Oh, you've agreed 0:09:21.440 --> 0:09:28.600 to not consume anything but water and the food that 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:33.440 we provide you, which is mostly okay. Now, I'm going 0:09:33.480 --> 0:09:35.880 to get into shape by the end of this. That's 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:38.320 up to you. That's up to you. We will be 0:09:38.400 --> 0:09:41.520 having meatballs on Texas toast. That is not for you. 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:43.920 That's a little bit of what I like to call 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:50.800 temptation temptation Island. Welcome to temptation Island. When we welcome 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:54.240 there into that pen and wait around with the other piggies. Okay, 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:58.240 what's most important to us is that you come out 0:09:58.240 --> 0:10:03.040 of here stronger in the mind. Your body means nothing 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:07.000 to us, but your brain means everything to us. I 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:11.920 paid to have my body chiseled into better shape. You're right. 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:15.840 Let me just be honest. Then I did. I did 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:17.680 bring some boost with me. I didn't think that that 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:24.600 had calories in it. Okay, yeah, again, dry, I didn't know. 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:26.520 I didn't know. Okay, we have to give you a 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:29.319 nickname before you enter the pen. I'm gonna call you 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:42.480 um slops, perfect slops. So what nickname did they give you? Razor? Razor? Yeah, 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:44.920 they gave me razor. When why do you think that 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:49.880 that one? Probably because I'm sharp. You know, usually the 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:52.240 term is sharp as attacks, so you I would think attack, 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:59.720 But Razor, did you shave when you were there? Uh? 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:04.640 I didn't do. I look like I've got some stubble. No, 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:06.440 you look like you don't have stubble, which is making 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:10.760 me think you shape while you were there. Oh? Um, okay, 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:13.880 because you don't believe racers and they call me slops. Okay, 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:20.920 I got the nickname below, honey, not slops. Okay, Okay, 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:22.560 So that one went well. I think this next one 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:29.520 I'm gonna be less, less, joyful, more not stirred. I 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:31.720 don't want to be mean your business off the top, 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:35.480 business off the top, but then maybe joyful at the end, 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:38.720 little at the end, and they feel good about being 0:11:38.800 --> 0:11:44.320 here for an entire fifteen days. Hi, hello, hello, hello, Hi. 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:47.800 I have a piece of paper with a barcode on 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:55.160 the bottom. I'll take that. Uh oh okay, um, well 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:59.040 my my name's my name is Dave. Um not anymore. Dave. 0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:02.120 Let me you that we have rules here and if 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:06.400 you break the rules, will break you. This This is 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:09.200 a this is an aggressive way to begin a retreat. 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:14.040 Well that's how we decided to do it this time. 0:12:14.320 --> 0:12:17.480 And no, I don't know if it's a misstep. I 0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:19.439 mean you, you've been doing the ear wasay, sir, right, 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:23.560 and look at you and at you And I didn't 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:26.640 even want to I didn't even want to come. My 0:12:26.880 --> 0:12:29.480 kids made me come. I didn't even want to be here. 0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:32.760 And and it's already starting off with such hostility. You 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:35.760 know what, I think I'm gonna go. I think I'm 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:38.400 gonna go. No, No, let's me lay eyes on you. 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:40.520 You can't leave that's one. That's one of the rules. 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:45.319 What what None of this was in the website. Third 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:49.000 rule is if I can lass at you, keep you here, 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:54.000 I go. Why don't you name him? Why don't you 0:12:54.120 --> 0:12:55.840 don't give him a nickname before I sent him into 0:12:55.880 --> 0:13:04.280 the pens. Absolutely, I'm going to call him cheeks cheeks. Hi. 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:11.920 Checking in my barcodes on my phone. Welcome, you need 0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:19.560 scor no no no, Um your shirts off and I 0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:25.640 could see your six pack. Um, yeah, Sin is glowing. 0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:32.520 You look extremely hydrated. I'm one of the instructors. Oh 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:37.520 my gosh, and you guys are a couple of piggies, 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:41.760 a couple of little piggies getting the pig pan. O. 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:46.680 What do you mean? You know what I mean stuff 0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:49.360 because it's temptation for everyone else. I mean, we are 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:53.880 hearing is on, going, going, going, going. Look my cereal 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:56.760 bowl of cook right. Your name is Wilbur. Your name 0:13:56.800 --> 0:14:03.880 is Wilbur, and your name is sal. I'm sucking with you, guys. 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:09.760 Oh my god, wait, oh my god. So you don't 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:13.960 work here. No, I do work here. I was working 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:18.840 with you when I said again in the pig pen. Okay, 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:22.280 you've really messed with our mentals, and now I feel weak. 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:26.440 Did Jerry send you? I mean, what what? What's this text? Jerry? 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:32.560 I thought he owned this establishment. I'm Jerry, Guys, I'm 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:38.320 oh my god, Jerry, you're a couple of little piggiest 0:14:38.520 --> 0:14:45.600 piggies in the Jerry, please, my kids sent me here 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:49.440 for a fifteen day retreating. It's been three years. I 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:53.760 haven't seen the light of day. I I don't, I don't. 0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:58.000 I've withered away to nearly nothing. I've cleaned everything you 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.560 have to clean. I've I've buffed every every inch of 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:03.720 your car. I don't know what else I can do 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:08.680 to get to leave this place. Jerry, please, Okay, I 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:12.480 heard that as snort, snort, snort. I'm not a pig. 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:18.080 I'm a human. Jerry. Let me let me see your abs. 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:23.400 I mean, if I lift up my shirt, you can 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:29.080 actually see my heart beating. Okay, I have no muscle 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:32.280 power left, so you won't see abs. But if I 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:34.480 if I suck in my breath really hard, you you 0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:40.440 can see my individual vertebrae. Do you think you're ready 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:43.040 to go home? I'm so. I've been ready to go 0:15:43.160 --> 0:15:50.760 home for two years, three hundred and fifty days. Well, um, hello, Hi, 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:55.120 did you need to talk to Ashley? I'm I'm her boyfriend. 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:58.000 Do you did you need something here? Can't keep it down? 0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:06.320 Did you need something? You're my wife? Was a Oh 0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:11.040 my gosh, this is weird. Hi, Okay, yeah, I'm a 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:13.640 story I was told was your kids sent you away 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:18.520 to a piggy camp and then you pick that you 0:16:18.560 --> 0:16:22.600 became an actual pig. So I met actually at church 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:29.080 and now we have sex every day. I just want 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:34.240 to see my family, sir. I can see Why is 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:38.320 your shirt moving? Because you can see my heart through 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:42.480 my shirt and my skin. I'm who's at the door? 0:16:42.840 --> 0:16:45.560 Oh my god, Oh my god? Is that my Brian? 0:16:46.000 --> 0:16:49.760 Is that my little Brian? Brian? Come here, someone's here 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:53.640 for you. Hi, Hi, Brian, It's it's Oh my god, 0:16:53.880 --> 0:16:57.280 it's me your dad, It's it's it's not it's Jack. 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:01.280 I'm not Jack Skellington. No, No, my name is Cheeks. 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:06.119 He's gone. He's gone. Um look, man, I don't know 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:09.320 what to say to you. Son of a you, son 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:12.879 of a bitch. We're doing the right thing with these camps, right, 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:24.800 I'm not seen. Scene two comes from patron Alcmaniac Kevin 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:31.840 Product who wrote way back in February, how about it's 0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:36.359 Valentine's Day Eve and the chocolate bandit is up to 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:44.280 no good? Audios. Well, listen, I made reservations at a restaurant, 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:47.480 as I do every year. I got you flowers. I 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:51.040 got you a heart shaped box of candy. I don't 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:53.040 know what else it is I can do hunt you. 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:56.360 You know, every year it's a fucking disappointment. And every 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:58.440 year I think I'm gonna get it right this year, 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:01.600 and I suck at this. So can we not fall 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:09.679 for this holiday made up by the Hallmark organization? I love? Well, 0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:13.239 it's like I'm talking to myself. Well, you're talking to 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:15.320 your wife and her sister. So if she's not going 0:18:15.359 --> 0:18:19.680 to speak up, I will. Why don't you not? Why 0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:21.800 don't you not be one of those guys that says 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:24.480 it's made up by Hallmark? You know what I mean? 0:18:24.560 --> 0:18:27.120 And just use this day as a day to just 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:33.920 thrust and spray and splush love all upon your wife. Okay, Well, 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:35.879 I'm all about the thrust thing and this s in 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:42.360 this playing, especially this playing. Um, but why only once 0:18:42.359 --> 0:18:46.119 a year? Why not once a month? Great question? Now 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:47.960 I could let your wife speak for herself. She wants 0:18:48.000 --> 0:18:54.240 to h Darling. Nope, she's not ready and that's her choice. Now, 0:18:54.760 --> 0:18:57.000 you didn't just marry her, you married into the family. 0:18:57.080 --> 0:18:59.359 And you know we have three sisters. So I'm gonna 0:18:59.359 --> 0:19:03.760 call out team and out Tina. Tina has a couple 0:19:03.760 --> 0:19:06.639 of words on her thoughts on Valentine's Day, Right, Tina, 0:19:07.040 --> 0:19:10.560 you want to talk to me about Valentine's Day? I mean, 0:19:10.600 --> 0:19:14.960 I don't now he thinks that it's a it's a 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:18.800 it's a fake holiday made up by a big corporation. Really, 0:19:18.840 --> 0:19:22.760 like saying Valentine didn't even exist, like he's not the patron, 0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:27.320 saying of love, like Cuban doesn't wields an arrow, Like 0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:30.480 all of that isn't true. Let's not even talk about 0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:34.879 the Valentine's Day bunny who drops off chocolates at everyone's doorstep. 0:19:35.480 --> 0:19:38.600 That's the bunny. That's the bunny I want to talk about. Yeah, yeah, 0:19:38.640 --> 0:19:41.720 I can't seem to get this chocolate thing right. Well, 0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:44.560 I can give you one hint. If you don't believe 0:19:44.720 --> 0:19:50.439 in the chocolate laying funny, it won't come. Sure, But 0:19:50.640 --> 0:19:56.000 is there a difference between like say, Whitman's Sampler and Russell. 0:19:56.760 --> 0:19:59.960 That's that's your wife. You know what, are you gonna 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.160 say it? Okay, I'm just gonna say it. I am 0:20:02.200 --> 0:20:04.359 really upset. I thought that you'd be able to turn 0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:06.639 this holiday around. Do you remember the last time you 0:20:06.680 --> 0:20:11.280 got me chocolate? Charles? Um, yes, I do remember. It 0:20:11.359 --> 0:20:13.280 was just and I presented it to you and I said, 0:20:13.960 --> 0:20:17.600 Charles chocolate. Yeah. It was Christmas. It was an advent 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:21.560 calendar and it was filled with catshit. Now it ended 0:20:21.640 --> 0:20:24.440 up looking like cat shit. I don't know if it's no, no, 0:20:24.440 --> 0:20:30.280 no ship sold I don't know. But this was supposed 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:33.320 to be a big day. It's Valentine's Day, and you're 0:20:33.359 --> 0:20:36.359 not even gonna make up for the I'm gonna let 0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:38.760 my sister's hand. No no, no, no, honey, honey, States 0:20:38.800 --> 0:20:41.399 Stays Stays. Talk to me, listen. I'm I'm sorry that 0:20:41.520 --> 0:20:45.399 I can't get behind this annual fucking celebration of nonsense. 0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:48.200 I love you every single day of the year. If 0:20:48.200 --> 0:20:52.320 you need me to prove it more often, I'm also 0:20:52.400 --> 0:20:55.080 down with that. I just don't want to give into 0:20:55.119 --> 0:20:58.399 big business and big corporations. That's all. That's all I'm fighting. 0:21:02.160 --> 0:21:03.800 You don't want to you don't want to give into 0:21:03.840 --> 0:21:07.840 big business. And you buy your toilet paper? Where do 0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:09.040 you where do you buy? Where do you buy all 0:21:09.040 --> 0:21:10.960 your food? And how about those those clothes you're where 0:21:11.240 --> 0:21:14.280 your clothes that you're fully closed? Sir? Did you make 0:21:14.320 --> 0:21:17.280 that yourself? Did you make that camera outside? Is that 0:21:17.400 --> 0:21:22.520 the first of all? That's camera? Don't you talk badly 0:21:22.560 --> 0:21:27.760 about that? Okay, listen, Charles, today is Valentine's Day eve. 0:21:28.480 --> 0:21:31.760 That means you have a handful of hours to make 0:21:32.080 --> 0:21:36.720 this right. Yes, so thanks for getting to me early 0:21:37.000 --> 0:21:39.440 to make sure I didn't funk it up yet Again, 0:21:39.880 --> 0:21:43.200 that's appreciated in the pool. We will be in the pool, 0:21:44.040 --> 0:21:50.960 of course, so you are a last minute too, huh yeah? Yeah. 0:21:51.040 --> 0:21:54.200 I mean why does CVS even sell Valentine's Day Ship? 0:21:54.520 --> 0:21:56.320 I know, I know it's a made up They always know, 0:21:56.640 --> 0:21:59.000 they always they know when it is. They know everything 0:21:59.400 --> 0:22:03.879 CVS no everything. I mean, have you seen the Russell 0:22:03.920 --> 0:22:06.480 Stover ever go over? Well? How are they in business? 0:22:06.680 --> 0:22:08.879 I don't know. There's a Whitman sampler. How is Russell 0:22:08.960 --> 0:22:13.800 Stover still in business? Heart shaped box? Did you ever 0:22:14.000 --> 0:22:16.560 last minute? Or Russell Stover? I mean, there's no quicker 0:22:16.600 --> 0:22:18.760 way to break up any relationship. You guys need help 0:22:18.800 --> 0:22:23.480 find anything? Yes, yes we do. Thank you. If anything 0:22:23.560 --> 0:22:26.400 we have is on the shelves, that that is your help. 0:22:26.520 --> 0:22:29.200 That is the help. Yeah, yeah, I mean whatever what 0:22:29.320 --> 0:22:30.680 you see is what you get. Can you help me 0:22:30.800 --> 0:22:33.040 behind the lock and key so I can get some 0:22:33.200 --> 0:22:38.280 advl PM about that? Scott, Um, I have to get 0:22:38.320 --> 0:22:43.000 a manager. You don't have a key, um not to 0:22:43.080 --> 0:22:47.080 the aville. How long have you worked for Scott? Scott? 0:22:47.080 --> 0:22:49.560 How long have you worked just a second, Scott, answer 0:22:49.640 --> 0:22:53.320 me seven years? Seven years? And at what point do 0:22:53.320 --> 0:22:56.239 you think they're going to give you a key? Um 0:23:00.160 --> 0:23:04.399 m from now? Yeah? I I caught a bust with 0:23:04.520 --> 0:23:09.080 three transfers while you thought about your answer. Okay, a 0:23:09.200 --> 0:23:13.520 Valentine's Day present. No, I needed to talk to you. 0:23:15.080 --> 0:23:20.080 Excuse me, you the Easter Bundy. I got some words 0:23:20.240 --> 0:23:25.960 for you of of the volatized day chocolate Bunny. You 0:23:26.720 --> 0:23:31.399 you're messing all all night. You're messing up all my all, 0:23:31.480 --> 0:23:34.679 your what, all your fucking what what am I messing 0:23:34.800 --> 0:23:37.760 up for you? You come days in advance of me, 0:23:38.240 --> 0:23:42.280 days months even. You are John the Baptist to my Christ. 0:23:42.480 --> 0:23:45.040 You know that you are the You are the herald 0:23:45.280 --> 0:23:48.520 of what of chocolate to come. That's what you are. 0:23:48.560 --> 0:23:50.119 You know what people don't write. You know whose la 0:23:50.240 --> 0:23:53.479 People don't sit on the chocolate Bunny. That's whose laugh 0:23:53.560 --> 0:23:55.080 they don't sit on. You know why? You know who 0:23:55.119 --> 0:23:57.240 they wanting to see. They're wanting to see Cupid on 0:23:57.400 --> 0:24:01.399 Valentine's Day, not the chocolate Bunny. A second tier and 0:24:01.600 --> 0:24:04.560 that's why we're kicking you out. I'm second tier because 0:24:04.600 --> 0:24:08.720 of you, because you've stole my whole thing. I've been 0:24:08.760 --> 0:24:11.000 here for the very beginning and you didn't come here 0:24:11.080 --> 0:24:15.920 until after Jesus died. I've been here BC baby, So 0:24:16.280 --> 0:24:20.159 technically the whole bunny thing is mine. The bunny thing 0:24:20.280 --> 0:24:24.840 is yours. The chocolate Bunny free dates, Christianity, free dates, 0:24:25.160 --> 0:24:31.720 sake Valentine's Day. Oh hi, Charles, I'm sorry about earlier 0:24:31.880 --> 0:24:33.879 when me and my sisters were getting on you. I 0:24:34.000 --> 0:24:35.200 just got out of your pool. Do you have a 0:24:35.840 --> 0:24:37.240 you have a towel because right now I have no 0:24:37.320 --> 0:24:39.000 towel on it. You came down to the pool without 0:24:39.000 --> 0:24:42.399 a towel. Yeah. Hey, I know we're hard on you, 0:24:42.960 --> 0:24:45.639 just you know, I want what's best for my sister. 0:24:46.040 --> 0:24:47.920 Are we gonna again. Is that what this is about. 0:24:48.160 --> 0:24:50.200 That's what I would like to happen. That's what I 0:24:50.359 --> 0:24:51.920 was hoping what happened? And you know, I just put 0:24:51.960 --> 0:24:53.720 that I put on a show. I put on a show. 0:24:53.880 --> 0:24:55.720 Yeah you do, and it's a great show. And I 0:24:56.600 --> 0:24:59.560 don't know why we yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, So stay 0:24:59.600 --> 0:25:01.720 in the pool. I'm gonna go get my suit and 0:25:01.840 --> 0:25:05.960 then we're gonna do pool sex. Tina's still in there, 0:25:05.960 --> 0:25:07.800 so can we pretend like we're wrestling or something and 0:25:07.880 --> 0:25:17.000 do that? Okay, let's Tina cannonball. I was trying to 0:25:17.160 --> 0:25:20.040 keep my hair dry. Why it looks so cute when 0:25:20.080 --> 0:25:22.480 it's wet. I know, but the chlorine is bad for 0:25:22.600 --> 0:25:26.480 my color, and I need I need this amber to stay. 0:25:27.560 --> 0:25:30.119 I know you do, You're like really needed to stay. 0:25:30.600 --> 0:25:34.320 I really do, because me as my original blonde. It's 0:25:34.440 --> 0:25:38.480 dusty and I just look like a little sad mouse 0:25:38.720 --> 0:25:42.200 and I want the dust fire. The phone is for Tina. 0:25:42.480 --> 0:25:45.040 The phone is for Tina. I'll tell hey, Tina, there's 0:25:45.040 --> 0:25:47.200 a phone call for you, apparently on that on the 0:25:47.320 --> 0:25:52.480