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Speaker 1: Welcome to Family Suit. I'm your host, Don Salty Bar,

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Speaker 1: and I'm no stranger to lawsuits. Here on Family Suit,

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Speaker 1: we invite real families in the middle of real legal

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Speaker 1: disputes to come on and play some games. These families

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Speaker 1: have agreed that the best way to settle their lawsuits

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Speaker 1: is by being on a game show. And tonight we

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Speaker 1: have a special surprise. Alita is dead, so here playing

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Speaker 1: for her. Inheritance is my own family. First up, and

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Speaker 1: we've got my Dia Yolanda and my Theo Ted Crood alright,

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Speaker 1: the Theo, good to see you. How are you doing?

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Speaker 1: Thea Yolanda? And then good, that's good to hear you

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Speaker 1: know the Landa. You're here via satellite and some people

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Speaker 1: might not know you're actually in prison now allegedly feeling

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Speaker 1: allegedly what are you? What are you in for? I lost? Well, right,

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Speaker 1: the I'm glad to hear you're doing good Antho, Ted Cruise,

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Speaker 1: thank you for being here. How are you doing? Hello, nephew, Well,

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Speaker 1: I think we're here to this cause the Biden border crisis. No, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I want to discuss because all our problems in our

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Speaker 1: family has because of Biden's border crisis. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if that's necessarily true. You know, THEO Landa did some

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Speaker 1: other stuff, but the Ted Cruz, the Ted Cruise. People

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Speaker 1: might not know this, but that's not your real name.

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Speaker 1: You actually changed your name because you're a big fan

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Speaker 1: of a certain U. S. Senator. Who was that again? Uh?

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Speaker 1: My favorite guts and at Ted, Theodore Ted Cruz. My

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Speaker 1: actual first name Wes Carlos. True it is, but I

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Speaker 1: went with Tad. I like it. But the ATA I

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Speaker 1: gotta ask, what will you do if you win the inheritance?

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Speaker 1: Here tonight? I will do what I always wanted to do,

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Speaker 1: bring Donald Trump back. Come on. We we said, don't

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Speaker 1: get political on the show, but I know you can't

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Speaker 1: help it. You know what, let's just get started. You

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Speaker 1: two are playing for Grandma Coco's inheritance. We asked questions

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Speaker 1: to one hundred of our cousins. Their top five answers

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Speaker 1: are on the board. You'll take turns guessing those five answers,

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Speaker 1: but if you get three strikes, you're out. The player

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Speaker 1: with the most correct answers wins any questions. Yes, okay,

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Speaker 1: Uhlanda you first, I I am guilty of my crimes

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Speaker 1: and I never had a platform to discuss. But now

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Speaker 1: that I'm thinking about it, I did kill her. You

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Speaker 1: know I loved her. You had a question more of

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Speaker 1: a statement. Selena is one of my favorite movies since

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Speaker 1: I'm Texas American, and I want to know and I

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Speaker 1: know that Yolanda's actually my favorite character. How you land that? Oh? Hello,

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Speaker 1: look you look great. You look great. You could do

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Speaker 1: great in my campaign. You know I do it? You

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Speaker 1: do it? Well, let's do it. Let's do it. All right,

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Speaker 1: this is creeping me out. We are family here, but

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Speaker 1: we're going into the first round of family suit. Is

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Speaker 1: the audience ready? Well, despite that, we're gonna go right

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Speaker 1: into it. All right? THEO Ted Cruise and the Landa.

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Speaker 1: Name something you could kill someone with? The Orlando you

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Speaker 1: first gun? The haller nice, It's just you just can

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Speaker 1: name one. Caesar's ice ice in the shape of a knife.

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Speaker 1: Do you want to go with your first answer? Gun?

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Speaker 1: You can only go one answer to time? Gun? No? No, no,

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Speaker 1: big gun. Big gun is on the board. All right,

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Speaker 1: that's one point for the Landa. All right, THEO Ted Cruise.

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Speaker 1: Name something you could kill someone with. I'm gonna go

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Speaker 1: with hurricanes that we're not prepared for a hurricanes. That's

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Speaker 1: my final answer. Hurricanes. You know whether that you're not

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Speaker 1: prepared for hurricanes because in Texas, that we're not prepared

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Speaker 1: for comma because we're in Texas. That is oh, fortunately

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Speaker 1: not on the board, intersting, that's not okay, I thought

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Speaker 1: it was gonna be. I'm sorry you all right, the

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Speaker 1: aulanda go ahead, done? Okay, you already said gun. You

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Speaker 1: already said gun, and that was the that was the

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Speaker 1: top answer. But you're going is what it gives. There's

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Speaker 1: other things you could kill someone with. We asked one

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Speaker 1: hundred of our cousins to name something you could kill

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Speaker 1: someone with. Nothing you have necessarily, but that potentially, theoretically

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Speaker 1: you could kill someone with nfe Alright, you're going with

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Speaker 1: knife that is on the board and night blade. Al right,

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Speaker 1: wow thea. You are honestly destroying this game. Well, no

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Speaker 1: one was disputing that at all. Theo Ted Cruz, name

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Speaker 1: something you could kill someone with. You have one strike

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Speaker 1: and there are three more answers left on the board. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go with something that I use with my

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Speaker 1: wife while we have sex. Rope rope a rope, a rope,

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Speaker 1: rope that is unfortunately not on the board. Let's I

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Speaker 1: guess people think differently than I do. That is two strikes.

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Speaker 1: If you get one more, you won't be able to

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Speaker 1: guess anymore. But we're back to the alanda. You are

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Speaker 1: on a roll. Name something you could kill someone with?

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Speaker 1: A bomb? A bomb? You're going with the bomb, alright,

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Speaker 1: thea that is unfortunately not on the board. Alright, THEO

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Speaker 1: ted cruise you gotta get. You gotta get one right

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Speaker 1: on this one. Name something you could kill someone with.

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Speaker 1: We already have gun and knife, slash laid. There are

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Speaker 1: three more. Deal. Okay, I'm thinking something that you know,

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Speaker 1: as we're a family, were always at houses, you know,

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Speaker 1: family meetings, and we always you know, need tools. Some

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking hammer. I'm much thinking a hammer, hammer or

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Speaker 1: or a tool hammer or tool, yes, a tool, that

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Speaker 1: could be anything, just so I can get a point

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Speaker 1: in the hammer. Anything you can buy in home deput. Okay, well,

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Speaker 1: now we're getting get a little too broad, but we'll

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Speaker 1: go with tool slash hammer feel that is oh, unfortunately

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Speaker 1: not on the board. That is three strikes. Let's go

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Speaker 1: ahead and see what answers were left on the board. Audience,

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Speaker 1: take it away, boys. So those are the three that

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Speaker 1: you're unable to get you all, you have three strikes.

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Speaker 1: That means the A Yolanda is the winner. All right,

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Speaker 1: so THEO ted cruise. Unfortunately you you're walking away. Is

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Speaker 1: there anything else you'd like to say to me and

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Speaker 1: the rest of the family. I want to say, first

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Speaker 1: of all, I was never good at baseball. Uh. Second,

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Speaker 1: I uh, I love you guys, uh, and please vote

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Speaker 1: for me. And two twenty two, we love you too,

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Speaker 1: THEO and will think about it. Thanks for being here,

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Speaker 1: Da Yolanda. You are the winner of round number one.

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Speaker 1: You're going on to the final round. How do you

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Speaker 1: feel I feel like I wish I'd been killer, because

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Speaker 1: because right now that you will be right here to

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Speaker 1: see me. A Yolanda is moving on to the final round.

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Speaker 1: But next up, we've got two more family members competing

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Speaker 1: against each other. You don't want to miss it. It

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Speaker 1: will be right back after this. We're back with Family Sue,

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Speaker 1: a game show that, for legal reasons, is nothing like

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Speaker 1: any other game show. We've got two more members of

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Speaker 1: my family playing for the chance to win Grandma Coco's inheritance.

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Speaker 1: Please welcome Fio f Chappo and Fio Win Manuel Maranda

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Speaker 1: oh Fields. Thanks for being here. Speaking as years over Choppa.

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Speaker 1: I guess we should address the obvious. You have a

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Speaker 1: new haircut. I'm surprised you noticed, Miko. I've missed. How

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Speaker 1: mean you smell? I miss your Dutch. I think about

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Speaker 1: you a lot where I'm at Colorado. Do you know

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Speaker 1: that means so much? Thank you? Yeah, you're you're you're

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Speaker 1: coming to us live via satellite from a a d

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Speaker 1: X super max prison. Yes, what's that like? Yes, I'm

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Speaker 1: in prison. Oh man, there's bars and people in jumpsuits

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Speaker 1: and prisoners. That does sound like prison. It's it's hard.

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Speaker 1: I'm not anywhere else but prison. I'm not like that

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Speaker 1: cancoon or anything. Look at my zoom background. Yeah, your

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Speaker 1: zoom background, I mean it kind of like blurs a

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Speaker 1: little like when you move, which I think is kind

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Speaker 1: of weird. That's how a static background. That's because of

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Speaker 1: how high the security is. I think I see a

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Speaker 1: ring light in your eyes. It's really nice for them

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Speaker 1: to let you have that fancy recording equipment and you know,

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Speaker 1: and a ring light too. There are some things that

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Speaker 1: you need to have as an individual. Ring nights, internet connection,

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Speaker 1: cell phones, access to Zoom podcasts. You know I need

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Speaker 1: my Joe Rogan fix. Wow, what a nice prison, all right,

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Speaker 1: and we also have my feel lin Manuel Miranda joining

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Speaker 1: us be a skype from the set of his new

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Speaker 1: movie Hamilton. In the movie the oln Manuel, how are

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Speaker 1: you doing good? That's good to hear. You know you

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Speaker 1: sound different than I remember and the same the same. Well,

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Speaker 1: the lin Manuel, what would you do if you want

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Speaker 1: the inheritance? I won't get it back to the community

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Speaker 1: in the gronx of only light skinned people in the

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Speaker 1: grons white, the white, these buts in the grounds brown.

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Speaker 1: Only one of you will be moving on to the

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Speaker 1: final round against the Ayolanda. Let's play some family sued alright,

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Speaker 1: same rules. Top five answers are on the board. We

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Speaker 1: asked one hundred of our cousins. If you walked into

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Speaker 1: a teenage boy's bedroom, what is the grossest thing you

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Speaker 1: might find? The O L chapel. I would have to

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Speaker 1: see other own those dick pics, other uncle's dick pics.

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Speaker 1: Let's see that is, Oh, unfortunately not on the board

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Speaker 1: to you. Fortunately it very well would be, but unfortunately

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Speaker 1: it's not. It's not on the board. Oh that is unfortunate.

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Speaker 1: One strike for you THEO. Alright, de lin Manuel, If

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Speaker 1: you walked into a teenage boy's bedroom, what is the

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Speaker 1: grossest thing you might find? Gross than nothing? Gross ary

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Speaker 1: tunic experiandip alright, THEO. But unfortunately we will need an answer.

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Speaker 1: What is the grossest thing you might find? Come just

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Speaker 1: straight up, come come into sauce. Okay, let's see if

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Speaker 1: that's on the board. Alright, something covered in semen that

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Speaker 1: is on the board. Alright, one point for ceo lin Manuel,

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Speaker 1: something be covered and sea man alright, THEO chopel what

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Speaker 1: is something What is the grossest thing you might find

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Speaker 1: in a teenage boy's bedroom? Well, being the head of

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Speaker 1: a cartel, I'd have to say a severed body part,

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Speaker 1: because we all know severed body parts belong in the street. Alright,

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Speaker 1: severed body part. Let's see dead body slash court that

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Speaker 1: is on the chop That would be so gross to

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Speaker 1: find THEO lin Manuel. What is the grossest thing you

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Speaker 1: might find in a teenage boy's bedroom? Fun? What was that?

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Speaker 1: Cheese food slash cheeseburgers? Who being alright, THEO let's see

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Speaker 1: rotten food is on the board. All right, man, Well

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Speaker 1: you are on fire tonight. How are you how are

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Speaker 1: you feeling? Wow? Too right, Hi, I'm gonna take my

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Speaker 1: power to the power power the people. You're talented. I

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Speaker 1: have two very talented theos, and you know what that

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Speaker 1: brings me to you? With the CHAPO, you have one

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Speaker 1: strike one point. If you walked into a teenage boys bedroom,

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Speaker 1: what is the grossest thing you might find? Show tunes?

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Speaker 1: Show tunes, a show, show tunes, like lyrics to show tunes,

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Speaker 1: and art? Because we're men. Okay, all right, we're a

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Speaker 1: real man a diary. So you're saying, show two lyrics

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Speaker 1: written in a diary, and it is art, all of that,

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Speaker 1: all of the above, is my answer. All right, let's see.

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Speaker 1: Unfortunately that is not on the board, too is Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: there's no way this could possibly be rigged, all right,

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Speaker 1: THEO lin Manuel, If you walked into a teenage boy's bedroom,

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Speaker 1: what is the grossest thing you might find? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think that. Okay, fine, horn no, poor, no, alright,

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Speaker 1: THEO that is oh, unfortunately not on the board. But

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Speaker 1: the judges were the judges were a little conflicted on that.

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Speaker 1: But unfortunately that is not on the board. All right.

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Speaker 1: THEO El Chapo, what do you what do you have?

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Speaker 1: You this this next answer really matters. But you have

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Speaker 1: two strikes so far. I think about all the times

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Speaker 1: that I escaped and the grossest things that I've seen,

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Speaker 1: and I'll use a medical term, gotta gotta gotta. That's

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Speaker 1: how they saying in the in the hospit nothing else,

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Speaker 1: all right? I love ship. Oh alright, the Manuel, please,

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Speaker 1: it's the Chap's turn. I love coca. Thank you the

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Speaker 1: you alright? Gotcha? Oh unfortunate, no, no, Mommy on board

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Speaker 1: the O lin Manuel. You're walking away the winter. Congratulations?

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Speaker 1: Do you, Chap? How do you feel? You know? I

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Speaker 1: feel great because being in Brison, I don't get to

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Speaker 1: talk to anybody. You know. It's not like I am

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Speaker 1: on a private property in Argentina or anything like that.

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Speaker 1: Sure is. It's not like I'm evading. No, no, look,

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Speaker 1: I feel honored to have met lin Manuel, Miranda. We

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Speaker 1: have such a big family, yo, yo, son, It's been

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Speaker 1: an honor and I will kill every one of you.

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Speaker 1: Oh theol Chapo, I love the way you joke. Thank

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Speaker 1: you for being here. And THEO Lin Manuel. You're going

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Speaker 1: up to the final round against the A Yolanda they're

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Speaker 1: gonna talk on over each other. Stick around after the break.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to family, Sue. We have my the A

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Speaker 1: Yolanda and my THEO lin Manuel Miranda playing for Grandma

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Speaker 1: Coco's inheritance, which is seventy five dollars. Sab riles is

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Speaker 1: before top five answers on the board. If you get

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Speaker 1: three wrong, you're out. The player that gets the most

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Speaker 1: correct wins the game. Are you too ready? See me?

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Speaker 1: All right? We asked one hundred of our cousins name

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Speaker 1: something you love to put in your mouth and suck on.

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Speaker 1: The Ayolanda, I just suck Selena so when she's sleeping,

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Speaker 1: Selena to Selena toe toes is on the board. All right,

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Speaker 1: that is for wow, an incredible start, alright, THEO lin Manuel.

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Speaker 1: We asked one hundred of our cousins name something you

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Speaker 1: love to put in your mouth and suck on. Dag

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Speaker 1: dang you be seven back gavery dick to suck on

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Speaker 1: to Mecca. It be a dick, a dick, penis a penis,

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Speaker 1: I'm gay whatever? Alright, THEO I I'm just gonna go

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Speaker 1: ahead and turn to the board. Oh and penis is

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Speaker 1: not is unfortunately not on the board. I don't think

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Speaker 1: that's what that means. But you have one strike, all

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Speaker 1: right thea Alanda, name something you love to put in

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Speaker 1: your mouth and suck on? And when I get sad,

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Speaker 1: I asked for a lollipop, lollipop and they don't give

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Speaker 1: it to me, so I have to make up my

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Speaker 1: own from toilet paper in the spoon lollipop. Let's look

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Speaker 1: at the board. Lollipop slash popsicle is on the board, alright,

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Speaker 1: the two points the ollen, Manuel, you're left in the dust.

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Speaker 1: What do you got? Name something you love to put

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Speaker 1: in your mouth and suck on in the bloods you

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Speaker 1: ain't do that ship, so you know, maybe it's so

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm thinking to put in my mouth and

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Speaker 1: suck on a straw. Straw draw glad to look at

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Speaker 1: the board. Straw is not on the board. That is

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Speaker 1: two strikes via Yolanda. Name something you love to put

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Speaker 1: in your mouth and suck on. Pussy? Alright, So theo

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Speaker 1: lin Manuel did say penis, and now you're saying pussy

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Speaker 1: seeing the opposite. I no, no, no, wait wait wait

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Speaker 1: wait wait wait, I changed my mind. You change your mind? Okay,

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Speaker 1: to suck suck on I'm not saying you can't stuck

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Speaker 1: on a pussy, but see you can suck on a busy, right,

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Speaker 1: But what is your answer? Dia yorlanda solid divars song

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Speaker 1: and baby bottom going with the titty went from pussy

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Speaker 1: to baby bottom to titty, baby bottle, oh, baby bottle

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Speaker 1: to titty. Okay, wow, wow did I miss here? That?

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Speaker 1: All right? Let's see and we have passifire on the board.

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Speaker 1: That that is three points. Landa, Oh, let's see what

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Speaker 1: was left? Cough, wow, lit Manuel, Sorry the way everything

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Speaker 1: went down. Do you have any last words? That's so

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Speaker 1: many words I wanna makeup musical batty, Landa, you were

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Speaker 1: winning Grandma Coco's inheritance. How do you feel? I yenger,

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Speaker 1: but so stop because because if she was care I

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Speaker 1: want to put her soul in my mouth. I gave

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Speaker 1: it up everything. I cannot believe that. I cannot believe that. God, No,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much. Congratulations they Lamba, that's our show.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for tuning in, And I'm getting word from our

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Speaker 1: producers at the show. Family feud is suing us. Hey,

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Speaker 1: suing is our thing. See you next time. Hi. This

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Speaker 1: is Anna from clown Parade. A lot of recent allegations,

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Speaker 1: we will no longer be working with Don Saldivar. We

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Speaker 1: apologize for airing any of his episodes in the first place,

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Speaker 1: but we were contractually obligated to w up in the

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Speaker 1: lap