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Speaker 1: Two hopeless daters one dating app then dares you swipe right.

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Speaker 1: The question is whose love life is more tragic.

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Speaker 2: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates. It's the dating game

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Speaker 2: show that puts the naughty in Illuminati. It's Battle of

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Speaker 2: the Tender Dates, where two of our listeners square off

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Speaker 2: to find out whose love life is the most tragic.

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Speaker 2: We'll explain the rules in just a second, but first

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Speaker 2: let's meet today's contestants. Here in this corner, when she

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Speaker 2: meets a guy for the first time, she leans into

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Speaker 2: her ultra feminine side and gives the limpest handshake physically possible.

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Speaker 2: That's how she got the nickname Flimsy Lindsey.

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Speaker 1: It gives me the bb GBS when somebody does that.

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Speaker 2: Damn hate it so sexy. In the other corner, her

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Speaker 2: dating life is so bad she's faked getting sick on

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Speaker 2: her last five dates wow, just to leave the restaurant early.

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Speaker 2: That's why the boys call her get well Rachelle.

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Speaker 3: Hi guys, oh wow, I bet you.

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Speaker 2: Had a lot of soup sent to your house. Here's

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Speaker 2: how the game works. One contestant we'll start by telling

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Speaker 2: one of their worst dating stories. The other will try

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Speaker 2: to come back and counter with a nightmare story of

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Speaker 2: their own. We're going back and forth for three rounds

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Speaker 2: until we declare a winner. Let's get the ball rolling

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Speaker 2: with Flimsy Lindsey. Let's go.

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Speaker 1: So it was two in the morning and we get

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Speaker 1: in one of those rickshaw petticap things.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I mean they were always fun at two

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Speaker 2: in the morning.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, I didn't have any objections.

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Speaker 1: But then she takes off his shirt and pants. He

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Speaker 1: throws them on the street and tells me that he's

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Speaker 1: always dreamed of hooking up in the back of one.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, it was going down.

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Speaker 1: Please tell me that you declined his offer.

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Speaker 2: Of course, dude, She dove out of that petticab fifteen hours.

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Speaker 2: All right, Get well, Rachelle. Can you count her?

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Speaker 3: So a guy invited me out on his sailboat and

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Speaker 3: we were out in the water and it starts to

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Speaker 3: get super stormy, so I suggest we should probably go back.

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Speaker 3: He starts to cry, and he tells me that it's

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Speaker 3: a rental. He got to impress me, and he doesn't

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Speaker 3: actually know how to sail, so we had to swim

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Speaker 3: back to show her. No, that's why you hired. That's

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Speaker 3: why you know where they is.

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Speaker 2: Also, he doesn't know how to swim.

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Speaker 3: Round two.

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Speaker 2: Here we go, Lindsey, We're back to you.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 1: I go back to this guy's place and I walk

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Speaker 1: into the apartment and there are mouth traps everywhere.

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Speaker 2: Oh god.

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Speaker 4: He tells me not.

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Speaker 1: To worry because he has a minor rodent problem.

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Speaker 2: Don't worry.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know I hooked up with him anyway.

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Speaker 2: You're already over there.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but we're in bed and I hear three of

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Speaker 4: the traps go off.

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Speaker 3: It's like that movie.

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Speaker 1: You'd rather see him alive. Yeah, so what happened? There

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Speaker 1: are these little squeaks and unfortunately wasn't happening from our bedkiller.

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Speaker 2: Some people do like an audience. Rachelle time to hit back.

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Speaker 3: So I once did a sunset hike with this guy

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Speaker 3: and we were super close to the top when he's like,

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Speaker 3: I have to go to the bathroom. So he goes

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Speaker 3: behind a tree and I'm waiting for him for like

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Speaker 3: ten minutes.

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Speaker 2: Well, guys need like an average of forty minutes to

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Speaker 2: get the job. Yeah, even without a bathroom.

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Speaker 1: He's sitting out there on your phone.

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Speaker 2: You just need time.

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Speaker 3: So I go to check on him to make sure

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Speaker 3: he's okay because it's been so long, and I see

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Speaker 3: him squatting there watching the end of a football game

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Speaker 3: on it.

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Speaker 2: We had a lot of money on that. You need

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Speaker 2: a hike only where you can't get Wi Fi from?

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Speaker 2: What did you do? So?

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Speaker 3: I ended up going to the top without him, but

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Speaker 3: I still miss the sunset a jerk? All right, I

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Speaker 3: hope this team lost.

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Speaker 2: We're under the third and final round here. We need

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Speaker 2: your best stories, ladies. So Lindsey, give us what you got.

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Speaker 1: This guy I met, he planned a surprise date at

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Speaker 1: a blood donation center.

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Speaker 2: Oh, good for you. You should donate romancy.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm cool with giving back in all but say

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Speaker 4: we go inside and he told me to try to

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Speaker 4: steal as many bags as I could because his inventory

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Speaker 4: was low.

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Speaker 3: He was going to steal a cookies apait his inventory?

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Speaker 3: Oh god, his inventory? How did you not get God?

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Speaker 4: He wasn't even joking.

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Speaker 3: Okay, you reported him to the police or is he

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Speaker 3: like a.

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Speaker 2: Rogue hero out here giving people blood trends? Yeah, he's

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Speaker 2: like an amateur surgeon, that's what it is.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's a vampire. Jeff, how many.

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Speaker 2: Bags of blood did you steal from no?

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Speaker 3: I guess he get caught red handed.

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Speaker 2: Well, Rochelle, this is your last chance.

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Speaker 1: A guy picks me up for dinner.

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Speaker 3: He says he's going to take me to his secret

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Speaker 3: local spot and it ends up being a hospital cafeteria.

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Speaker 2: Oh god, steal pretty capitals as you can hurt. Sometimes

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Speaker 2: it's pretty tasty.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so I've heard like it can actually be really good.

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Speaker 3: So we eat there and doctor wasn't that good? But

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Speaker 3: then gearing dessert, he finally admits to me that he

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Speaker 3: has to go upstairs because his other girlfriend, surgery, should.

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Speaker 2: Be over by now, did you at least buy her

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Speaker 2: flowers from her recovery?

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Speaker 4: Let me pop into the gifts shot.

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Speaker 2: Here's the final bell that means the match is done.

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Speaker 2: This is going to be a tough one to score.

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Speaker 2: But judges, what do you think? Alexis?

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Speaker 1: Lindsay's for hearing mice caught traps up?

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Speaker 2: One vote for Lindsay Brooks.

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Speaker 1: I'm going blood vampire.

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Speaker 2: Congratulations, Flimsy, Lindsay. Your dating history is so upsetting even

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Speaker 2: Taylor Swift pities you.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, it's a little sad that I won this, but

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Speaker 1: thank you guys.

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Speaker 3: You're welcome.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing your stories. Congratulations, Text in seventy

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Speaker 2: five nine two if you want up here on the

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Speaker 2: next Battle of the tender dates, phone taps coming up

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Speaker 2: right after this.

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Speaker 1: Brook and Jeffrey in the morning,