Speaker 1: What's funny, Jessica, I'm not gonna tell you and tell
Speaker 1: you it out loud.
Speaker 2: It will be my first one I read. But that's
Speaker 2: a funny one.
Speaker 1: I love it because we are back with a bonus
Speaker 1: episode and today our theme is what is it.
Speaker 2: Just worst best or worst first date?
Speaker 1: Best slash worst first date? Va boo. Okay, so we
Speaker 1: had our regular episode that we were recording and producer John,
Speaker 1: who's fantastic at getting us the news in a timely manner,
Speaker 1: headlines for days and I didn't realize that he attempted
Speaker 1: to save a tree by using one piece of paper.
Speaker 1: So I don't want some of these headlines to go
Speaker 1: to waste, Jessica, would you like to read these before
Speaker 1: we move on to the theme?
Speaker 2: Wow, you guys are so lucky getting these in the
Speaker 2: bonus episode. Okay, so everyday food snacks facing ban because
Speaker 2: of cancer causing agents. You guys, I think this is
Speaker 2: going to be coming out more and more. Let's read them?
Speaker 2: Should we read them?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: Okay? Sorry, sorry to these brands. Lucky Charms, Yellow six
Speaker 2: linked to adrenal tumors and rats. Oh yump oreos you guys.
Speaker 2: Blue one concerns could cause kidney tumors and damage nerve cells.
Speaker 2: Flame and hot Cheetos, you guys, Yellow five and six
Speaker 2: can cause DNA mutations and white blood cells. Gatorade food
Speaker 2: dyes linked to cancer and hyperactivity, fruit loops, Skittles, nerds, eminams,
Speaker 2: no sweetish fish, dorritos. Uh. California has already banned certain dyes.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you something. You'd be shocked at the
Speaker 2: things other countries don't allow that we have here.
Speaker 1: I know I'm gonna start looking that up so that
Speaker 1: I can how.
Speaker 3: Many oreos do I need to eat?
Speaker 2: That's exactly start exactly about fully.
Speaker 3: With you twenty a year.
Speaker 1: Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I had
Speaker 1: any of these things. And honestly, the only thing with
Speaker 1: Gatory that I can think of his water boyd was
Speaker 1: like gay and he's like, chuose it on the field,
Speaker 1: so he pictures the quarterback being like gated rat water.
Speaker 1: What do you say?
Speaker 3: Water gate read is better? And fucking.
Speaker 1: He loses his mind on the field because someone said
Speaker 1: that water sucks.
Speaker 4: It's way better, not that playing foods.
Speaker 1: Construction has begun on high speed rail between Socoal and Vegas.
Speaker 2: That's huge. That is huge.
Speaker 1: That's huge. I'll be taking to get that big old
Speaker 1: dick soon.
Speaker 3: You get taken it to go to those strip clubs.
Speaker 3: Give me some.
Speaker 1: You lovee Rhino, We love it Rhino.
Speaker 2: Is that the one with the steaks?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't think one that's known for steaks or something.
Speaker 3: Oh, I just go to the ones that are known
Speaker 3: for like magic. You got to go the other way salmon. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you guys Tatar.
Speaker 2: The trains will offer restrooms, Wi Fi food and BEV
Speaker 2: sales and the option to check luggage. Here's my question.
Speaker 2: Do we have it on here? How long will it take?
Speaker 3: That's what I need to Is it like you gotta be.
Speaker 1: Yeah, y'all, we're on a high speed rail. We're we're
Speaker 1: getting railed at the highest degree.
Speaker 2: Producer John has it literally on the second bullet. The
Speaker 2: fully electric train will take just over two hours each way,
Speaker 2: but you don't have to drive.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I kind of think it's worth it two hours.
Speaker 3: I guess two hours.
Speaker 1: It takes it takes four to get there with out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll take the speed rail for sure. Think about it.
Speaker 1: You could jump on that to go to your freaking
Speaker 1: mosh pit. Music fest.
Speaker 3: If they were about it, they put a strip club
Speaker 3: on the.
Speaker 1: Lady, we've got to get Yeah, have you go to
Speaker 1: a sex party of sorts? That that sounds a little
Speaker 1: dark and then dark?
Speaker 2: No, I've heard in l A they're like very They're
Speaker 2: they're like fun. It's just like they'll do like pool parties,
Speaker 2: but it's like topless pool parties.
Speaker 3: But can I keep my clothes on?
Speaker 2: I get a little, but yeah, you can a little,
Speaker 2: but you can, of course keep in mind the option
Speaker 2: to be naked and then some people, you know, I
Speaker 2: think that sounds fun. You should go.
Speaker 3: I don't love that much. Work, a little bit.
Speaker 1: Horrible and the most vulnerable position you could ever.
Speaker 3: I can only imagine a one night stand. Sober?
Speaker 2: Are you sober?
Speaker 1: Honestly, I'm not going to get into it. Worse, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to get into it because you're my brother.
Speaker 1: Jessica knows the dawn. Yes, sober, Yes, one night or
Speaker 1: that led to others?
Speaker 3: Oh so it wasn't that bad for you?
Speaker 2: No, it was amazing that bad.
Speaker 1: I've never had better when you were sober.
Speaker 3: Yes, but that's not a one night stand.
Speaker 1: Well, because why would it be one night if it's
Speaker 1: so good you want to come back for more. Hello.
Speaker 2: I bet it was because you were way more in
Speaker 2: your body and you're old. You're like older now than
Speaker 2: when you were drinking, so you were just like appreciating it.
Speaker 1: That had me discombobulated. What after the dawn? I could
Speaker 1: not get my mind off of it.
Speaker 2: The dick had you discombobulated.
Speaker 1: Dick combobulated, Dick combobulated. One. The other thing that I
Speaker 1: want to say, Easton, there has to be a day
Speaker 1: when some time has passed where we talk about Mom's
Speaker 1: friend and all of her funny story.
Speaker 2: We have to I don't even know what that's.
Speaker 1: She might I'm going to ask her. Her stories are
Speaker 1: fucking hilarious.
Speaker 3: She's invited to all family trips, all families.
Speaker 2: I don't even care, just like hookup stories or something.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, she's.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she has a bag of fun.
Speaker 1: Travis Barker wishes his wife Courtney Kardashian never heard of
Speaker 1: her a happy birthday. Just kidding. The Drummer shared a
Speaker 1: bunch of photos on Instagram wishing court forty fifth birthday.
Speaker 1: Happy forty fifth birthday. Damn, and she just gave birth
Speaker 1: to a baby. Happy birthday. To my beautiful wife Stule,
Speaker 1: me and best friend forever. I love you, I love
Speaker 1: our life together.
Speaker 2: That will end, that will end.
Speaker 3: You're too famous for.
Speaker 1: One picture that everyone's attention with her smiling, with her
Speaker 1: hair slicked back in a black dress and was pulled
Speaker 1: up as she used the bathrooms.
Speaker 2: So silly. They're kind of fun. They are fun. And
Speaker 2: that the sweet baby boy. I've only seen him from
Speaker 2: the back, but he looks so cool.
Speaker 1: What is his name again, Roco or something that's so cute.
Speaker 1: Costco customer going viral. A man is going viral shopping
Speaker 1: at Costco and having the cashier scan the bar code
Speaker 1: on his T shirt and not the chickens he was buying,
Speaker 1: so they were exposed.
Speaker 2: So they weren't exposed.
Speaker 1: I don't understand.
Speaker 4: Oh, so he had a giant bar code on his
Speaker 4: shirt and it was like the bar code is four chickens,
Speaker 4: but like, know how you have to scan the chicken
Speaker 4: with the led it's like on the chicken.
Speaker 3: So he was like, I got four chickens, just scan
Speaker 3: my shirt four times.
Speaker 2: Okay, here's so they weren't exposed to red led light.
Speaker 3: But his heart is that's what's great.
Speaker 2: That's the funny jokes. All the comments I've been seeing,
Speaker 2: they're like, well, he's so concerned about the.
Speaker 4: Chickens, why is he concerned about his own It's instead
Speaker 4: of wearing the shirt, just like put it on a
Speaker 4: piece of paper and go, will you scan this piece
Speaker 4: of paper with the fortunes?
Speaker 2: Thought he was doing something.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, he just instead we're dead.
Speaker 1: They're not feeling ship. Well, you should have protected them
Speaker 1: before they were.
Speaker 3: Beheaded, but you didn't want to put that led chicken
Speaker 3: into his body.
Speaker 1: Fine, honey, we're all eating lucky terms and oreos before
Speaker 1: we consume.
Speaker 2: A worn that I you know, I have you guys, ever,
Speaker 2: just all they need to.
Speaker 1: Do is switch up the five and six? Ain't that hard?
Speaker 4: They like, there's no red, there's no red dye. If
Speaker 4: you get flaming hot cheetos, bat.
Speaker 3: It's just yellow.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's discussed.
Speaker 3: Ye, the red dye is what's given it to us.
Speaker 2: Well, it's it's all horrific. But have you guys really quick?
Speaker 2: A good snack that obviously causes cancer. But you take
Speaker 2: a pickle. I've seen it on TikTok. You take a pickle,
Speaker 2: giant pickle. You cut it up in pickle slices. You
Speaker 2: crush flaming hot cheetos, then you put the slices in
Speaker 2: the bag and you shake it up and it's like
Speaker 2: a It's like a cheeto covered pickle. And apparently I
Speaker 2: haven't tried it because I don't really eat those foods,
Speaker 2: but it looks so.
Speaker 1: I don't because I cannot hide.
Speaker 3: Do you want to know?
Speaker 4: It's better flaming hot cheetos with nacho cheese on them
Speaker 4: in the bag and then.
Speaker 1: You and that's going to be added to the list.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that sounds really bad.
Speaker 1: By the way, nothing slaps harder than a freaking spray
Speaker 1: cheese on rich cracker or anyone or like what are
Speaker 1: those called the ones that Ocean likes. They're kind of
Speaker 1: like straw.
Speaker 3: Trisk it trisk I love a good.
Speaker 2: Trisk aren't too bad for you? I don't think.
Speaker 1: Okay, best slash worst date Easton you go first?
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's hear it.
Speaker 1: Do you have a best I mean I've never really
Speaker 1: gone on a lot of dates.
Speaker 4: I mean the good date I mean was with my
Speaker 4: ex girlfriend the first day we went on.
Speaker 2: It was just no, even if it was simple. Did
Speaker 2: you guys get a dinner.
Speaker 4: The we went to us because we started dating like October,
Speaker 4: so it was around Halloween. So like we went to uh,
Speaker 4: like a hunted house.
Speaker 3: Was that her first thing?
Speaker 2: And he hands through it?
Speaker 3: I held her.
Speaker 5: Behind, Yeah, walking through best date and then we went
Speaker 5: to this step after the worst date was the girl
Speaker 5: who I went on the date with and driving her
Speaker 5: home and it was really windy in the car and
Speaker 5: I go, it's windy.
Speaker 3: She rolls down the window going eighty miles an hour
Speaker 3: and goes, that's an icon.
Speaker 4: That was the worst day because that just ended it
Speaker 4: for me, and I was like, oh, no, you never
Speaker 4: anyone again?
Speaker 1: Did Mom ever tell you about her worst date? Where
Speaker 1: the guy picks her up and he like comes to
Speaker 1: the front door but the windows open. He like pulls
Speaker 1: up in some shit shithole of a car, and her
Speaker 1: friend goes, oh, he's.
Speaker 2: Driving a beat. What we talked about this?
Speaker 3: Did I?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: On the last episode? Right?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: Maybe?
Speaker 2: I don't think so, don't are you telling me another time?
Speaker 1: I think I was telling you at a different time
Speaker 1: because I don't remember.
Speaker 3: I don't remember.
Speaker 1: She gets in his cards. I just he goes, I
Speaker 1: just sold my Porsche last week and then and then
Speaker 1: he drives past the movie theater. He doesn't have a
Speaker 1: plan for the date, and he rolls down the window
Speaker 1: as he drives. Do I take discount couponds?
Speaker 2: Was trying to be how old? He said? Serious?
Speaker 1: Well, Mom started dating Dad when she was I think
Speaker 1: like eighteen or nineteen, so it had to have been.
Speaker 1: She was f She went to my dad's after she knew,
Speaker 1: like after that I had, Yeah, they had been dating
Speaker 1: and she went on a date with this other guy
Speaker 1: and then they passed Malibu Drive and he goes Malibu Drive.
Speaker 1: That reminds me of my beach house in Malibu. And
Speaker 1: she was like, it was the worst date ever.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I didn't ask, but Mom said that she immediately immediately
Speaker 1: went to Dad's and was like, I never I never
Speaker 1: dated another person after that.
Speaker 3: It was so bad.
Speaker 4: What's crazy is Lisa over here just being like eighteen
Speaker 4: nineteen just dating twenty five year old men?
Speaker 1: No, no, dude, Mom's a bag of fun.
Speaker 2: Can I tell you?
Speaker 1: The other day I called my best friend and she
Speaker 1: hasn't had a ton of sex, and she's smart. She
Speaker 1: was protection a lot and she asked us she's on
Speaker 1: the bluetooth speaker, and I'm like, have you guys been
Speaker 1: having sexy time? She wants to get pregnant, and she goes, yes,
Speaker 1: but I this could be a stupid question, but like,
Speaker 1: did you guys know that our bodies don't fully absorb come?
Speaker 1: It like kind of leaks a little bit, and my
Speaker 1: mom started loving me. She goes, you're so cute, Honnie.
Speaker 1: She goes, I didn't know that, and she goes, you
Speaker 1: didn't she was, I did, And let's just say I
Speaker 1: knew that because I'm just shocked I didn't get pregnant.
Speaker 1: More often, I'm.
Speaker 3: Like, ew, my mother was a whore.
Speaker 2: My mother The War.
Speaker 4: Dragging Women two episodes, I'm the whole totally.
Speaker 3: You are.
Speaker 1: You are a bitch by uh proxy proximity? Yea, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah war by proximity.
Speaker 3: In a couple of days, it felt.
Speaker 1: So funny, dude. I don't know if I've had like
Speaker 1: a really horrific date or really great I've had a lot.
Speaker 1: I feel like, mmm, this one's kind of on the fence.
Speaker 1: It was such a great date, like we were we
Speaker 1: were vibing, we were like just so on the same page,
Speaker 1: and seeing it fell effortless that I did allow him
Speaker 1: to hit the first night, and he had a really
Speaker 1: underwhelming dick of the worst. No, it was such no,
Speaker 1: just a hoe. I never got paid.
Speaker 2: I know, I know, yeah, Lacklusser dicks just five isn't
Speaker 2: even in the worst first date.
Speaker 1: Well, mister forty five was like really hot and had
Speaker 1: a very pretty and girthy and yummy.
Speaker 2: He just didn't last forty five seconds. Here he was.
Speaker 1: Forty five seconds, and I did give him a chance
Speaker 1: to redeem and he lasted a little bit longer. Oh,
Speaker 1: I just I have been told. I've been told that
Speaker 1: basketball players are not as good as football players, which
Speaker 1: I have to co sign on that. However, there was
Speaker 1: one basketball player that was only one though that I
Speaker 1: was like, all right, I get down for the cause.
Speaker 2: Why do you think that? That's very interesting?
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I've had these conversations with women
Speaker 1: who like have gone. But I have heard that the
Speaker 1: baseball players really know what's up. I've never been in.
Speaker 3: That because they swing down.
Speaker 1: That's what I've heard. I have never been with a
Speaker 1: baseball player, but that's what I've been told.
Speaker 2: Wow, yeah, just you know, just fascinating.
Speaker 1: It is fascinating, But what's your best words? Wow?
Speaker 2: I think one of my best and this maybe and.
Speaker 1: I both need to get late. At some point we're
Speaker 1: going to start.
Speaker 2: A new podcast called Getting Laile on Eastern Lade and
Speaker 2: it's going to be that journey.
Speaker 1: My best probably sad that it's the two of us
Speaker 1: and we're whatever, what brother and sister.
Speaker 2: Getting east And you could go get Dick, I could
Speaker 2: go get Push.
Speaker 3: I just don't sucks that.
Speaker 1: I'd rather just watch Paul Royal at home.
Speaker 2: Okay, I love it.
Speaker 1: I love palm Riyle.
Speaker 3: It's a slower, slower.
Speaker 1: I need to give it another it's slower.
Speaker 3: I'm into it.
Speaker 1: No, I just couldn't see that.
Speaker 2: Well, what's yours mine is? I don't even know if
Speaker 2: this is kind of it was one of the first
Speaker 2: I ended up dating him for a little bit. But
Speaker 2: we were out at the bar and he got a
Speaker 2: text from a baseball friend of his. This was in Nashville,
Speaker 2: and he was like, do you want to go to
Speaker 2: a Red Sox Yankees game in New York at like
Speaker 2: the whatever? And I was like yeah when and he's
Speaker 2: like tomorrow and I was like yeah, but like and
Speaker 2: he was like I'll get us like he got us
Speaker 2: first class tickets and then we flew like literally it
Speaker 2: was eleven pm that night, and the next morning we
Speaker 2: left like six am, flew to New York, went to
Speaker 2: the game. Oh and he brought a friend of mine.
Speaker 2: Went to the game, hung out with all the players
Speaker 2: after in the hotel, all the Red Sox players. Which hot?
Speaker 1: Were they hot?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: But it was so cool. Wasn't anything weird?
Speaker 1: You're telling me you could have fucked a baseball player
Speaker 1: and wighed in on this conversation to say if they're
Speaker 1: better or what else?
Speaker 2: You know what is so wild?
Speaker 1: Though?
Speaker 2: At the time, and I will say this all of them.
Speaker 2: It was literally a hotel room with me, a girlfriend,
Speaker 2: my the guy I had went on a date with
Speaker 2: at the time, and them a bunch of the Red
Speaker 2: Sox players, and they were all everyone was just playing cards,
Speaker 2: drinking so respectful. No one was like, and my friend
Speaker 2: is hot, and no one was like aggressively hitting on her.
Speaker 2: I mean, there was a little flirting, but she's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to hook up. Bravo to the Red
Speaker 2: Sox players or the ones that were in that room.
Speaker 1: Many Yeah, okay, so keep going and I mean that
Speaker 1: was and then that was the best day. And he
Speaker 1: never tried anything, and he was like, here's first class
Speaker 1: take out.
Speaker 2: Oh no, we had sex that night and we ended
Speaker 2: up dating.
Speaker 1: But oh well that's great. That's a great first date then.
Speaker 2: And we had like right after the baseball game, we
Speaker 2: got in the bus there. It was like some giant
Speaker 2: bus of the Red Sox players and like went all
Speaker 2: over the city before we went back to the hotel
Speaker 2: and like got drinks. It was all just it was fun.
Speaker 2: It was like one of the best.
Speaker 1: How long did you date for?
Speaker 2: I dated him for like a year.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's a great first date because it is something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what was the age difference that was?
Speaker 2: I've always been around like five six years.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's an I think that's a nice gap.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I was like twenty two. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: think I was like twenty two and he was like
Speaker 2: twenty eight.
Speaker 1: You've lived so much life for only being like thirty
Speaker 1: one or thirty two. It's wild to me. What do
Speaker 1: our friends say, oh about their worst?
Speaker 2: The worst I told you guys already. It was the
Speaker 2: douchebag guy who we went to the concert and he
Speaker 2: was so rude to the waiter and I like took
Speaker 2: out like and I like paid for the day and
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm done. You're rude and you're an asshole.
Speaker 2: So that was the worst, just.
Speaker 1: Because very assertive. Actually, you'd be shocked that I'm less
Speaker 1: assertive than she is.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, chi.
Speaker 2: Bitch, stuck up, bitch, bitch, she sure is. Oh my god. Okay,
Speaker 2: this one, this first one, he took me to his
Speaker 2: grandma's funeral for the first date. Can you imagine?
Speaker 1: Wait, that's kind of that feels like a movie.
Speaker 2: That feels like a movie. It feels like it also feels.
Speaker 1: Okay, but hold on, did he say let's go on
Speaker 1: a date and then he told you where you were going?
Speaker 1: It's black tie and it's very very moody type of event,
Speaker 1: whole family. Because did he say I want to take
Speaker 1: you on a date, but we're gonna like stop by
Speaker 1: my grandma's funeral first because I'm kind of on you girl,
Speaker 1: or he.
Speaker 2: Was like, I want you to meet my grandma and
Speaker 2: that's all he said. And then little did.
Speaker 3: She know, she didn't get to meet her, though.
Speaker 2: Well she did, she did, grandmother didn't meet her back.
Speaker 1: Depending on your belief system. She could have already been
Speaker 1: reincarnated and been the bird that was watching over you know, girl,
Speaker 1: that's rough she was.
Speaker 2: We're now married, they might be. She didn't. She just
Speaker 2: said he took me to his grandma's funeral. Dot dot dot, Kara,
Speaker 2: we hear you, we see you, and rip for the grandma.
Speaker 3: And are you still dating the guy? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Are you married?
Speaker 3: That's the big one I want? Right? Where is he at?
Speaker 1: And like, did you console him when you cried? Like
Speaker 1: you barely know him? I know I don't.
Speaker 2: That's if any man. Let me tell you, I'm fine
Speaker 2: with men crying. If any man takes me to a
Speaker 2: freaking funeral for the first date and then cries on
Speaker 2: my shoulder.
Speaker 1: What if the grandma's dying wish was like I just
Speaker 1: really wow, really to love? And then she he didn't,
Speaker 1: and so it was like, you're gonna take one for
Speaker 1: the team, bitch. My grandma's being putting in her grave today,
Speaker 1: and I'll be damned if she goes out and doesn't
Speaker 1: see me with silms.
Speaker 2: Yeah, fake love, but oh my god, who nurse?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: These are all you guys? Rode in with some really
Speaker 2: good ones. Okay, this one I had to pick him
Speaker 2: up drive him to our date and he made me pay. Oh,
Speaker 2: and then I had to drop him back off home.
Speaker 3: Huh. Yeah, you know what it feels like, right, you
Speaker 3: guys want a quality? Were being canceled.
Speaker 1: Damn you guys want to quality?
Speaker 3: We do? We do?
Speaker 2: We don't anymore.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 4: There was a girl on the subway and she videoed
Speaker 4: and she was like, what happened to men giving their seat?
Speaker 4: And it was like all these dudes sitting and like
Speaker 4: women standing, And it flips to this girl and she.
Speaker 3: Goes, isn't this what we've always been wanting? Equality? I
Speaker 3: was like, wow, yeah, I'd give my seat up for you. Guys. Don't.
Speaker 1: No, It's like, just because we are asking to be
Speaker 1: paid the same amount doesn't mean you need to be
Speaker 1: a fucking asshole. Like we're still you're still like nice.
Speaker 3: That's the thing.
Speaker 1: This is what I want you to remember. This is
Speaker 1: what I want you to remember when we're talking about equality.
Speaker 1: How the fuck did you get here?
Speaker 3: Bitch?
Speaker 1: You tore up some woman's vagina. You're welcome give up
Speaker 1: your the same and give up your seat.
Speaker 3: I just got here.
Speaker 2: We want your seat.
Speaker 1: We gave you life You're fucking welcome. That's how I feel.
Speaker 3: Right. We built buildings here and there for you.
Speaker 1: Oh, you built a building, build shelter right, that's all
Speaker 1: I could say.
Speaker 3: That's I can't win.
Speaker 2: Helen knows the owner.
Speaker 3: Blue.
Speaker 1: That's all you're good for things.
Speaker 2: We love you. Guy didn't look like dating app photo.
Speaker 2: I'm sure this happens a lot. Has this ever happened
Speaker 2: to either one of you? Well, you don't get on
Speaker 2: the apps, but Easton, I don't.
Speaker 3: Have dating apps. I've never went.
Speaker 2: On an app. I would in my life.
Speaker 3: Should I get one?
Speaker 1: A dating app?
Speaker 3: Ye, I've never had one.
Speaker 1: I haven't either.
Speaker 2: I've heard it's a weird time.
Speaker 3: I've heard greet might get me laid.
Speaker 2: I've heard it. Yeah, I've heard.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay. Took blind date to a hockey game. He asked
Speaker 2: what the silver things were on the bottom of the
Speaker 2: player's shoes skates, blades, skates? Are you in this world?
Speaker 2: This is a female? He yeah, she wrote it, And
Speaker 2: he asked, I would say, I won't say anything.
Speaker 1: I was high. He was high.
Speaker 3: Thing.
Speaker 4: But like, if you've got a stupid question, you got
Speaker 4: a phone, now look.
Speaker 1: It up, I asked, stupid questions all the time.
Speaker 3: Oh not me, oh, I asked, try not to.
Speaker 2: Okay, this is a positive you guys. I think he
Speaker 2: might have been on something. I think he or he
Speaker 2: was like I don't want to say weirdo, but he
Speaker 2: was someone who doesn't pay attention to sports at all.
Speaker 1: And come on, you don't have to pay attention someone gliding.
Speaker 3: In the Olympics.
Speaker 4: It's how do you not know figure skating?
Speaker 1: It's a blade? How do you? Yes? I think he
Speaker 1: might have either been on something or he was trying
Speaker 1: to make it funny and it just didn't. Didn't With
Speaker 1: the girl like these silver things, I.
Speaker 3: Think it sounds like he was trying to be a deck.
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, well, what are these, you know, the
Speaker 2: bottom of the skates, trying to see if she would
Speaker 2: answer it, if she answered correctly or not.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm getting.
Speaker 2: It was like, oh, you want to take me to
Speaker 2: a hockey Yeah, like.
Speaker 3: Testing needs a deck. Guys.
Speaker 1: I think hockey players may be the ones laying the
Speaker 1: best pipe. Seen them out there. I know just a
Speaker 1: lot of them, truthless who cares, but not homelessness, goumness,
Speaker 1: po ring.
Speaker 3: I know old lady with some dentures. I heard that.
Speaker 2: Anywhay homeless, not toothless.
Speaker 1: So there is smoked toothless, not homeless.
Speaker 2: No, it's homeless, not toothless.
Speaker 1: It's homeless, not toothless. But an account I saw that
Speaker 1: was like a Bravo fan page has onesies for babies
Speaker 1: that says toothless.
Speaker 2: Not homeless.
Speaker 1: I kind of want one for my baby.
Speaker 3: Get us homeless. Oh my god, what I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'll invest. I'll invest, not going broke. I'll donate to
Speaker 1: the cause.
Speaker 2: This is a good one, he says. Smoked all the bongs,
Speaker 2: watched all the family guy had amazing sex. Seven years
Speaker 2: married in October.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you that chills? That just gave me
Speaker 1: freaking chills? You know, bong sex is the best sex.
Speaker 1: Better way that late text, because you don't want that
Speaker 1: late text.
Speaker 2: I think I'm late text, so wrap it up.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you I had someone who was so
Speaker 1: fine and we smoked all the weed and ate all
Speaker 1: the edibles together on Halloween and watched the scariest of movies.
Speaker 1: I had the best sex ever. And then he turned,
Speaker 1: and then he turned, and you know I warned what
Speaker 1: he turned? Weirday. I wish at least we're gonna say friends.
Speaker 1: He got fucking weird. I wrote about this guy in
Speaker 1: my book and he I didn't have toilet paper, but
Speaker 1: for some reason, you wouldn't even know him. He was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't know him, but he was sexy as fuck.
Speaker 1: And then I brought him over to my friend's house
Speaker 1: and he got all weird that I was like having
Speaker 1: a good time. So he left and.
Speaker 2: That night I didn't have toilet paper.
Speaker 1: I didn't have toilet paper because that's part of the story.
Speaker 1: So I made him I he like made fun of me,
Speaker 1: and we like laughed about it because I was like
Speaker 1: drunk and like twenty three years old, and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, toilet paper.
Speaker 1: We spent the money on vodka, bitch, you know who
Speaker 1: needs that. We got paper towels, drip dry, honey, drip
Speaker 1: dry because I had.
Speaker 2: In my back.
Speaker 1: He was like, what the fuck is this rip dry?
Speaker 3: And then he's gonna get into your underwear.
Speaker 1: Oh, why would he get into my underwear? I didn't
Speaker 1: wear underwear at that time. Spoon, Let's not get too
Speaker 1: deep into it. He's just like, let it go. I
Speaker 1: was took an edible and mushrooms set him home because
Speaker 1: he was killing the vibe, right, we all thought he
Speaker 1: was killing the vibe. He decides later that night that
Speaker 1: he wants to make a statement, you know, show how
Speaker 1: big his dick is. So this is what he does.
Speaker 1: He goes, I have all these edibles. I don't think
Speaker 1: we should see each other anymore. I was like, uh,
Speaker 1: you think I have all these edibles that I'm not
Speaker 1: going to eat, so you might as well take him.
Speaker 1: And I was like, yo, Danny, we got a Hella edibles.
Speaker 3: I'll good. Ada.
Speaker 1: He pulls up, gives me the bag and I'm like,
Speaker 1: have a great one. I take the bag inside where
Speaker 1: it's light. There's toilet paper inside of it edibles, and
Speaker 1: the bag says fuck you, which how hard he didn't
Speaker 1: you didn't write it. It was like he had fuck you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like, where did you find this bag that
Speaker 1: bought it?
Speaker 2: I have to say that if you had done that,
Speaker 2: I would have like stood up and clapped.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, it was savage. It was savage. So then I
Speaker 1: called him and I was like, I feel really bad
Speaker 1: the way we left things, Like I really want to
Speaker 1: make this work. I reeled him back in, made him
Speaker 1: drive forty five minutes back to my house, kept the edibles,
Speaker 1: took the bag back with the toilet paper, and I said,
Speaker 1: fuck you enjoy your drive home.
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm eating your weed, bitch, I kept a weed. No,
Speaker 1: I'm keeping the weed, dumb ass.
Speaker 2: Dumb ass, you do it good too. Oh, this is
Speaker 2: so cute. A scavenger hunt from Brooklyn through the Lower
Speaker 2: east Side ending with him on his rooftop with a
Speaker 2: candle light picnic overlooking Manhattan. Best date, yet surprisingly boring
Speaker 2: boy with an upside down smiley face. That's a little much,
Speaker 2: now that I'm reading it. For a first date. Let me.
Speaker 3: If I were to do that and the girls like,
Speaker 3: the fuck does this guy think he is? I'm about
Speaker 3: to go on for you.
Speaker 1: No, I'd rather have the guy who I smoked the
Speaker 1: bong with and hell sex all over the house and
Speaker 1: watch Family Guy. That sounds freaking awesome, because if I
Speaker 1: can do that with you, we have a long life together.
Speaker 1: Because that the candle at dinner, That shit fades. Man.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but.
Speaker 1: No, but you getting high and banging all over the
Speaker 1: place with Family Guy. My family guys twenty five years strong, baby,
Speaker 1: and they're not planning on giving up, So we've got
Speaker 1: a long relationship ahead of us, and the weed is legal,
Speaker 1: e e.
Speaker 3: Legal.
Speaker 1: Kids are at mom's house. Honey, let's get fucking high.
Speaker 1: You know that sounds so fun.
Speaker 2: That does sound fun. This is one of the worst.
Speaker 2: They tell you they love you on the first date
Speaker 2: with like the big eyes. I would call the police
Speaker 2: in one second.
Speaker 1: Oh that guy. Oh he's either a love bombers.
Speaker 2: If they say if you don't know them. Here's the thing.
Speaker 2: If you guys are best friends forever or whatever, and
Speaker 2: you're so close and it's like you've been waiting and
Speaker 2: then you went on the first date and he's like,
Speaker 2: I just I've always known I love you. That's one thing.
Speaker 1: First, No, that's a first dates.
Speaker 3: Good baby, he's.
Speaker 1: Skinning you and pulling full on Texas chainsaw mask her,
Speaker 1: wearing your face around town.
Speaker 3: Oh, get away.
Speaker 1: We're happy that you're alive to tell about it.
Speaker 2: We are so happy, all right.
Speaker 1: Last one?
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, So this one's a few parts, so we'll
Speaker 2: read it. For the last one. He told me my
Speaker 2: Caesar salad was the fattiest salad ever. Quotes turned down
Speaker 2: mince because they were empty calories, told me I was
Speaker 2: gross for walking on the beach Part three. Barefoot then
Speaker 2: told me he could never date a girl that drinks beer.
Speaker 2: I was doing that and killed a moth in the
Speaker 2: car with his bare hands and profusely gagged when it exploded.
Speaker 2: This guy's the worst. This guy is the worst. This
Speaker 2: guy is the worst.
Speaker 1: And why does he have moths in his car?
Speaker 2: Get your moths out of your janky ass car either
Speaker 2: you're a freaking car. Lisa would have your bag.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you I feel like this type of guy.
Speaker 1: He's trying to make this girl feel like she would
Speaker 1: be lucky to have him as like a guide, not
Speaker 1: a guy you know how you know'd? Yeah, he does.
Speaker 1: Sound like a personal trader. Sounds like someone who like
Speaker 1: he likes to control his women and he wants to
Speaker 1: keep you under his thumb and make you feel like
Speaker 1: you could never do better because you're disgusting and you
Speaker 1: should feel lucky to be with me. You know those
Speaker 1: types of guys where it's like why are you with me?
Speaker 1: And it's like he's with you because he knows that
Speaker 1: he sucks, so he has to make you think you
Speaker 1: suck so that you won't go elsewhere like you suck,
Speaker 1: so bad. You're lucky that you're even here with me.
Speaker 2: Well, isn't that like the I don't know if that's
Speaker 2: a narcissist thing, but that's like the abusive, like no
Speaker 2: one will love you, No one as good as me
Speaker 2: would ever love.
Speaker 1: You, because look at like I take you, even though
Speaker 1: you drink beer, and drinking beer is disgusting and you're disgusting.
Speaker 3: Ew.
Speaker 2: If anyone looked at my salad and was like, that's
Speaker 2: the fattiest salad ever in their face, I do too. Also,
Speaker 2: I would order then a whole cake and eat it
Speaker 2: in front of him, would you, though, Jessica, I probably would.
Speaker 2: I love a good.
Speaker 1: Cake made of hummus, ice cream, frozen.
Speaker 3: Hummus cake, rozen hummus.
Speaker 2: I like butter cream, I like ice cream, cakes, cookies,
Speaker 2: Oh my god, crumble cookie.
Speaker 1: Yes, Oh okay, wait, the crumble out here, the crumbling Utah.
Speaker 1: Aren't they to say it's the r U M B
Speaker 1: l Oh they're the same.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, they're so good. I just they're at
Speaker 2: the Americana Mall.
Speaker 1: Should we go there? You guys, I'll tell you what
Speaker 1: the best day ever would be going to Lee's to
Speaker 1: get injected. Okay, and then going and eating crumbled cookies and.
Speaker 4: Then maybe going to get an ice cream put on
Speaker 4: top of the crumbled cookies.
Speaker 1: Oh but hold on, if we're going to do the
Speaker 1: Americana Mall, don't they have cheesecake factory there?
Speaker 3: Yes, factory planting out.
Speaker 2: Then we'll do it with US three, First sight with
Speaker 2: US three.
Speaker 3: I love Thursday tomorrow. I want a planet?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 3: Should we do? I want to.
Speaker 1: If you guys, I don't want to leave Lisa behind.
Speaker 3: She's gone, That's what I'm saying. I have though, who's
Speaker 3: to say she can't go.
Speaker 1: This is the funnest day ever.
Speaker 2: This is and we also have Amazon Live.
Speaker 1: So alright, let's wrap it up, you guys. This was
Speaker 1: a fun podcast. Thank you for writing in your best
Speaker 1: slash most terrible dates. You've given me hope to go
Speaker 1: out and date. Sadly, though the best dates involved smoking weed,
Speaker 1: I know that would be a relapse for me. Not
Speaker 1: be the worst date, but the worst day anyway, have
Speaker 1: the best Monday ever. I hope you get through the week,
Speaker 1: and I hope that we made it a little bit
Speaker 1: easier for you. Jessica Friday, Yes, it's Monday.
Speaker 2: It's Monday.
Speaker 1: Monday.
Speaker 2: Monday, well Monday, it's the bonus episode. Monday, take a
Speaker 2: flour a drink. You guys, remember that song. Okay, we
Speaker 2: will make enough. Wednesday, you do. I love that song.
Speaker 1: You can turn in the car, have the best day ever.
Speaker 1: Remember Wednesday, the regular old episode comes out, and Friday
Speaker 1: you can see the video on YouTube. I love you,
Speaker 1: I love you, I love you.
Speaker 4: Bye.