Speaker 1: You know what's what's sad for me is uh, I
Speaker 1: didn't relax my hair and I'm still doing the same
Speaker 1: ship you do. So what the funk happened to me?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like you have brain damage,
Speaker 1: that's clear from the relaxer. But me, I maybe maybe
Speaker 1: I'm just fucked up from the beginning. That's even worse.
Speaker 1: Maybe since you know it all started with the loop. Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe these loobes, these various things I was using to
Speaker 1: jerk off, we're apparently also frying my brain somehow racist
Speaker 1: money stuff I can't tell me. Yep, yep, yep. There
Speaker 1: it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to
Speaker 1: another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast
Speaker 1: where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black
Speaker 1: conspiracy theories and we finally worked to prove that logic
Speaker 1: is black in the same way that McDonald's is serving
Speaker 1: us chicken. You know what I mean, Those chicken nuggets
Speaker 1: ain't really chicken, but you can imagine how chicken existed
Speaker 1: inside of the space that is the food that's being
Speaker 1: served to us. Same things happening with logic in his blackness.
Speaker 1: I think it's pretty clear that that somewhere in there
Speaker 1: there was a black relationship of sorts, but now it's
Speaker 1: mostly just pink sludge that's being served up to us
Speaker 1: with a lot of depressing anecdotes wrapped around it. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Lankston Kerman, coming in, coming in, misbehaving
Speaker 1: as always coming in hots as I used to say, uh,
Speaker 1: And I'm happy to be here. It's it's it's a
Speaker 1: beautiful day here. I'm still trapped in New York City.
Speaker 1: I say trapped because I'm terribly unhappy here. But I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be back in l A soon and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be back in my apartment where WiFi works perfectly, and
Speaker 1: uh apartment, I live in a home, and my wife
Speaker 1: and my child there, and I won't have to be
Speaker 1: so sad all the time. Anyway, My my guest today,
Speaker 1: she ain't sad, not even a little bit. And she
Speaker 1: she had a harrowing story that I hope she tells
Speaker 1: us more about when she gets on the recording. But
Speaker 1: that's neither here nor there. She's not sad because she's hilarious,
Speaker 1: super talented actress, comedian. You know her from all kinds
Speaker 1: of ship so funny. Please give it up for my guests.
Speaker 1: Bianca Christop, I yeah, hell yeah, you're lying. But that's
Speaker 1: not that's not for the people at home to know.
Speaker 1: I won't tell Hell good, I'm good, I'm happy I
Speaker 1: made it. I'm so sorry. I was late. I was late.
Speaker 1: I almost got kidnapped at a gas station. Why what
Speaker 1: happened at this gas station? Why? What were the what
Speaker 1: was the entirety of the incident? Well, I, you know,
Speaker 1: I was just getting gas and I'm getting my gas
Speaker 1: and I'm listening to podcasts and the night turned and
Speaker 1: I see a guy trying to get into my car. So,
Speaker 1: you know, as a half white woman, I started screaming
Speaker 1: and then somebody helped removed the man from my car.
Speaker 1: Did he did he like get in the car and
Speaker 1: he was like, dry, bitch, I'm trying to go to
Speaker 1: the third street. Like what was Did he say what
Speaker 1: his plan was getting in your car? He didn't say
Speaker 1: what his plan was? No, he was not very here
Speaker 1: in Maybe he thought Ada was is uber, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe I don't know. Well I did he get in
Speaker 1: the front seat? Yeah, yeah, not the driver though, not
Speaker 1: the driver's seat, the passenger seat. So that was interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think anybody gets in French seat if they
Speaker 1: if they think that's the uber, they're not like, uh,
Speaker 1: are you my uber? I want to sit next to you.
Speaker 1: Before COVID, I would sit in front, you would sit
Speaker 1: in the front. That's that's truly psychopathic behavior. That's like
Speaker 1: jail worthy behavior. Before COVID it was normal. I don't
Speaker 1: think so. I don't think at any point where any
Speaker 1: of your drivers allowing you to sit in the front
Speaker 1: seat because it was normal. I think they were allowing
Speaker 1: you to do it because they are underpaid and just
Speaker 1: need the rides. But it wasn't because they were like
Speaker 1: the stars. Yeah, this is a perfectly normal decision by
Speaker 1: a healthy person. Well, I you know, I feel sick
Speaker 1: in a car, so there's a reason for it. So
Speaker 1: if I'm saying so, sitting up front sort of alleviate
Speaker 1: some of that. Yeah, it makes you feel like you're
Speaker 1: more in control, which is illusion obviously, But okay, Well
Speaker 1: I still think it's nutty, but I respect that this
Speaker 1: is this is you trying to manage what otherwise might
Speaker 1: be you barfing in someone's vehicles. Yes, look, we don't
Speaker 1: have time to talk about your your crazy front seat
Speaker 1: behavior anymore because you came to me with a conspiracy
Speaker 1: theory that I think is gonna be It's gonna be
Speaker 1: a great conversation. I'm very excited that we're digging into this,
Speaker 1: and I won't delay it anymore. You said, my mama
Speaker 1: told me was created about white people to brainwash black people.
Speaker 1: It's all about the chemicals getting in your brain. Correct, correct,
Speaker 1: And my mama would tell me everything. Oh you, your
Speaker 1: mom is white, and there you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So so let's let's start from the beginning, because they
Speaker 1: already were accusing your mother of disastrous things. Where where
Speaker 1: did you first come upon this conspiracy theories? This of
Speaker 1: your own making or is this one that you've heard? No,
Speaker 1: it is on my own making. But with that set,
Speaker 1: it's based on another conspiracy which I believe it is true,
Speaker 1: which is that relaxers are extremely dangerous to women and
Speaker 1: and they can cause cancer, and they can cause all
Speaker 1: kinds of stuff. And obviously who's using relaxers Only black people.
Speaker 1: So you know, there is my conspiracy theory that I
Speaker 1: actually believe in, and then off of that I built
Speaker 1: my own, which is two brainwashes. Whoa Okay, so it
Speaker 1: started at what sounds like a level of real research. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it sounds like a level of real research. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: were like, no, this is an actual found thing that
Speaker 1: I I know to be true or at least believe
Speaker 1: to be true. And then you're like, and I bet
Speaker 1: they're doing some brainwashing ship and okay, what do you
Speaker 1: think Let's let's follow this train, because this is very
Speaker 1: exciting to me. I I don't know how how familiar
Speaker 1: you are, but I love a good toxic take on
Speaker 1: on most things. So so help me understand. What do
Speaker 1: you think they're they're intending to do with this brainwashing? Like,
Speaker 1: is there a specific type of brainwashing? What? What's their
Speaker 1: goal here? Well, I think first of all, we have
Speaker 1: to go a little bit bad. So imagine, like you
Speaker 1: use these relaxers since you're a little girl, Like the
Speaker 1: first time I used mine, I was probably like ten
Speaker 1: years old, So it starts very early on. Okay, so
Speaker 1: you're just to be clear, you are a veteran in
Speaker 1: this game. This isn't just a person used to do it.
Speaker 1: And then I stopped when I was a teenager. And
Speaker 1: then you know, at the same time, I also you know,
Speaker 1: I kind of woke up too many to me this
Speaker 1: and stuff. So you know, you see the you see
Speaker 1: the co incidence there. I stopped using relax or some
Speaker 1: suddenly I became a real black person. Before was quite whitewash.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. Oh so for years, if I'm
Speaker 1: understanding you correctly, for years you sort of were, uh,
Speaker 1: we're working, not let's not say against. You were working
Speaker 1: not necessarily in favor of sort of like your black identity.
Speaker 1: You weren't sort of like treating that is, like the
Speaker 1: way that you identified And then in taking the relax
Speaker 1: or out of your hair, you started to see yourself
Speaker 1: more as a black person. I think something like that.
Speaker 1: Yes it's not as simple, but yes, okay, it wasn't
Speaker 1: the relaxer itself that did it, but it it played
Speaker 1: a part. Maybe it it was a part of a
Speaker 1: longer growth in your life. Okay, I've long maintained this conspiracy,
Speaker 1: and I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. I
Speaker 1: do think that white mom sometimes plays its part in
Speaker 1: the way that people identify themselves. It mixed people specifically
Speaker 1: identify themselves in the world like I have. I am
Speaker 1: also biracial. My dad is white, and I think white
Speaker 1: dad's play far less of a role in the way
Speaker 1: that you like sort of like see yourself as Like
Speaker 1: I never at any point saw myself as anything other
Speaker 1: than a black man, and I think it's because having
Speaker 1: a black ass mom makes you sort of feel that way,
Speaker 1: whereas a lot of the people who I know who
Speaker 1: have white moms struggle more with oh, this is how
Speaker 1: I identify. This is where you know. It's funny because
Speaker 1: I used to think until right now that it was
Speaker 1: a matter of being a black girl and having a
Speaker 1: black mom. But now you know, from your point of
Speaker 1: view as being a black man having a black mom
Speaker 1: and having the same experience, you might be onto something.
Speaker 1: You know. I thought it was the whole thing about
Speaker 1: your mother, mother, father, father, about you were telling you're
Speaker 1: proving me wrong. So that's interesting. Damn all right, well
Speaker 1: this let me ask you this. So so was her
Speaker 1: mom the one that was encouraging you to relax your hair?
Speaker 1: That's also very complicated. So my mother was the one, well,
Speaker 1: definitely encourage some bad stuff, but I think the hair relaxed,
Speaker 1: and she didn't necessarily encourage because it's expensive, you know,
Speaker 1: and we didn't have money. So she was like, now
Speaker 1: you shouldn't you shouldn't be doing that, you know, because
Speaker 1: like it's you know, it's bad for your hair. So
Speaker 1: she actually did not completely encourage that. No, okay, so
Speaker 1: she she was on the side of of the justice
Speaker 1: you eventually found uh without knowing it. With that said,
Speaker 1: the reason why I'm saying it's more complicated than that
Speaker 1: because she's a blonde woman in beautiful, long blonde hair
Speaker 1: that I always wanted to have. Right looking at her,
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's what I you know, you're my role model.
Speaker 1: That's what I want to achieve, you know. And I
Speaker 1: was also looking at Beyonce and I didn't understand back
Speaker 1: then that you know that that's the fake. I thought
Speaker 1: that was her hair, and I my brain, yeah, that
Speaker 1: ain't her hair. That's a whole week that lady was wearing.
Speaker 1: But those blonde roots are not naturally that color and
Speaker 1: certainly not growing out of that scalp exactly. I would
Speaker 1: look at those magazines, magazines in the you know, in
Speaker 1: that hairplace where I would go to, and I'd be like,
Speaker 1: I want to look like Beyonce. Well I don't. I
Speaker 1: just like, okay, so you're you're wanting to look like Beyonce.
Speaker 1: You're relaxing your hair, You're trying to to emulate to
Speaker 1: some extent your mother. At what point what happens that
Speaker 1: sort of like wakes you up, shakes you from this?
Speaker 1: I can tell you exactly what happened. So I was
Speaker 1: going to friends, and I was so excited to spend
Speaker 1: my summer in friends. I'm like sixteen years old, and
Speaker 1: I'm like so ready, and I'm I've been like saving
Speaker 1: up and like I've been excited, and I, you know,
Speaker 1: go to the place to get my hair relaxed, you know,
Speaker 1: by the way by a black woman. I just want
Speaker 1: to stress it out. I want to stress that I
Speaker 1: was a black African woman. I want to stress it
Speaker 1: out because I want you get to know that I
Speaker 1: trusted her, you know, I had so much trust in her.
Speaker 1: She relaxed and it looks amazing. I look like Beyonce.
Speaker 1: It's absolutely wonderful. And I go home and I start
Speaker 1: touching it, you know, and swinging in back and forth.
Speaker 1: And then suddenly I realized that, like my hair is
Speaker 1: falling off, and I'm like the probably from I don't know.
Speaker 1: You know, you make excuses when you're desperate, so and
Speaker 1: I keep like touching it and more hair is falling
Speaker 1: off and more hair is falling off, and then I realized,
Speaker 1: I'm losing my hair, this big burn it all down,
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna be bold. So by the time I
Speaker 1: made it to France, I was basically bold, and I
Speaker 1: had not cars. And yeah, and when we were when
Speaker 1: we say bald, because I want to be clear, when
Speaker 1: you say bald, I assumed there were still long strands
Speaker 1: hanging on and then just the sies, it was really
Speaker 1: burnt on top. So I looked like, you know, I
Speaker 1: had a mullet, but like like you know those like
Speaker 1: middle aged man who are like losing their hair but
Speaker 1: they want to save it like that. That was yeah,
Speaker 1: George GA stands it. You had a real like Larry David,
Speaker 1: George Coastance David. Yes, that's what I was like. Fuck,
Speaker 1: that is that is tragic, especially if you win in
Speaker 1: and pointed at a magazine of Beyonce, who I assume
Speaker 1: is not bald under there. I don't know what what
Speaker 1: our natural hair really looks like, but I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: not Larry David. Yeah, no, it was. That was heartbreaking.
Speaker 1: And in the summer. In the summer, like in the
Speaker 1: winter you can hide it, but in the summer you
Speaker 1: cannot hide it. So you heard you? You show up
Speaker 1: your Bald and France, which is a great film, by
Speaker 1: the way, baldin France. It's a lovely film that I'm
Speaker 1: hoping to produce this summer. But you're you're bald and France.
Speaker 1: What do you do? Do you shave it all off?
Speaker 1: Or you do you fully commit? No? I am I
Speaker 1: am doing the middle age guy. I'm trying to preserve
Speaker 1: the last remaining Oh yeah, of course I can totally.
Speaker 1: By the way, I can totally. Um. Really, I to
Speaker 1: sympathize with with men who lose their hair, like you
Speaker 1: know from that experience. Yeah, I don't know. You then
Speaker 1: thinking this will never grow back, like I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: be I'm gonna have to like trump this ship from
Speaker 1: now on. Oh wow, I didn't know. I didn't think that.
Speaker 1: I was very much in the moment. I was thinking
Speaker 1: I am bold now, and that's a problem. I wasn't
Speaker 1: thinking like two three years from now. I was wearing
Speaker 1: a lot of scarfs. When people ask I think at
Speaker 1: some point, you know, I'm sixteen and I have so more.
Speaker 1: There was also like a level of embarrassment that I
Speaker 1: did the relaxer and this happened to me. I cannot
Speaker 1: even explain. It was like a level that I would
Speaker 1: rather tell people they had cancer to admit what I've
Speaker 1: done cancer. Well, cancer is a hero's journey. That's that's
Speaker 1: some body fighting through something. You volunteered to have your
Speaker 1: your hair turned into a horse shoe, that is, that's
Speaker 1: that's a fool's journey if nothing else mm hmm. So
Speaker 1: from then on I was thinking about it. I had
Speaker 1: the whole similar to think about it. As I was
Speaker 1: putting my scarves in my head and I was like,
Speaker 1: who would come up with the product like this? Like why?
Speaker 1: Why would you want to do why would you want
Speaker 1: to raise this? Why would you want to do this
Speaker 1: to women? Like why? And that product is evil and
Speaker 1: burns your hair? And so you're sitting there, you go,
Speaker 1: who would come up with such an evil product? Who
Speaker 1: would want to hurt when? And then you put your
Speaker 1: hands together in a triangle and you said, the white
Speaker 1: devil is the only person I can think of who
Speaker 1: would be this this evil? Is that where we're at? Absolutely,
Speaker 1: first they convinced you that you need to have straight hair,
Speaker 1: and then they'll show you a path of evil to
Speaker 1: achieve it. And is their plan to to just make
Speaker 1: you less because I guess this is circling back to
Speaker 1: the original question. Is there their plan with this brainwashing
Speaker 1: and sort of their evil, uh misdeeds? Is it to
Speaker 1: just make you less black, to make you feel less confident? What?
Speaker 1: What is the ultimate goal of their dastardly efforts to
Speaker 1: make you feel less confident, to make you feel um
Speaker 1: powerless in this world? And uh, to make you distracted
Speaker 1: because you're huge. You're so worried about your hair, you
Speaker 1: don't have time to worry about other things in the world. Sure,
Speaker 1: I can't work on climate change if I've got to
Speaker 1: keep calmbing over you know exactly like I truly we
Speaker 1: could have resolved what's happening to the polar bears if
Speaker 1: only I weren't sitting with like these massive ball spots
Speaker 1: from the severe. We would only have electric cars in
Speaker 1: this world if it wasn't for relaxers. This is devastating news.
Speaker 1: If true. I don't know that we can necessarily prove
Speaker 1: it yet, but I'm excited to be following this journey
Speaker 1: with you. Because it seems like the white man is
Speaker 1: the root cause for all things terrible, and that's really
Speaker 1: the major theme of this podcast. Again, I don't know
Speaker 1: how familiar you are, but we truly walk away from
Speaker 1: every episode and we say fuck you white devil, and uh,
Speaker 1: that's that's usually the end, I think. So you're right
Speaker 1: on track, you're doing great. Oh yeah, thank you, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. And I just think it was the chances
Speaker 1: before we go to break. This is the last question
Speaker 1: I asked, what's the chances your mom's listening to this?
Speaker 1: Is she a big fan of of your comedy? Where
Speaker 1: she at in all of them? My mother doesn't speak
Speaker 1: English very well, so I you know, I am fearless,
Speaker 1: and everything I say about her and great my childhood
Speaker 1: and all that, she's perfect. So there's no chance she's
Speaker 1: gonna throw this into Google translation, and even if it does,
Speaker 1: it's going to be mostly unintelligible afterwards. Yes, exactly, I
Speaker 1: have no I have no fear perfect. Well, then we're
Speaker 1: gonna keep talking ship. We're gonna come back after this
Speaker 1: break with more Bianca, cristal about and more. My mama
Speaker 1: told me and we are that we don't say the
Speaker 1: n word around two year old. Yeah, we're back here
Speaker 1: with more Bianca Christo vile more. My mama told me,
Speaker 1: we're still talking about the possibility that relaxers were used
Speaker 1: to brain wash black people by the white devil. This
Speaker 1: is the conversation we're having. Do you think, uh, it's
Speaker 1: it's all relaxers or they're like specific ones that are
Speaker 1: like especially cooked up by you know, white witchcraft as
Speaker 1: it were. Well, I am very excited for these for
Speaker 1: this particular research, because we already know that most hair
Speaker 1: you know, most hair companies that black women use are
Speaker 1: not black owned, right, so it's very interesting to find
Speaker 1: these relaxing you know, these relaxers are owned by black people.
Speaker 1: And if they are not, I say, all those that
Speaker 1: are not owned by black people are definitely part of
Speaker 1: my conspiracy. If there's one or two that are owned
Speaker 1: by black people, those might be the ones that you
Speaker 1: guys are safe to use, Okay. I like, okay, you're
Speaker 1: you're saying, Look, if they're owned by white people, you
Speaker 1: can't trust them, period, There's no no other explanation. Uh.
Speaker 1: And if they are owned by black people, then maybe
Speaker 1: there's some consideration we can give them. Maybe and there's
Speaker 1: a hard him on that. Maybe hard. All right, let's
Speaker 1: talk a little bit about what you're saying, because that's
Speaker 1: not completely untrue. There there's a fair amount of evidence
Speaker 1: that says that even the products, the the ethnic hair
Speaker 1: care stuff that you often find in your your Walgreens
Speaker 1: locked up under heavy lock and key for some reason
Speaker 1: because they're worried us are gonna run run in and
Speaker 1: steal hair grease and and rung and slick hair that
Speaker 1: we couldn't afford. H is often owned by some larger
Speaker 1: white conglomerate, i e. Dark and Lovely and UH and
Speaker 1: Optimum Care, both of which are black hair care products,
Speaker 1: are actually owned by Loreal, which couldn't be wider as
Speaker 1: as I understand, Yes, exactly now to your original question,
Speaker 1: or rather your original conspiracy theory of the fact that
Speaker 1: or or suggestion that white people invented relaxers, I am
Speaker 1: in the unfortunate position to tell you that you are
Speaker 1: not correct on that one. Relaxers were actually invented by
Speaker 1: a dude named Garrett Morgan. Garrett Morgan you may actually
Speaker 1: know he's a notable name in black history because he
Speaker 1: is not only the major inventor of relaxers. But he
Speaker 1: is also credited as the inventor of the smoke hood,
Speaker 1: which is the predecessor for the gas mask, and he
Speaker 1: is also the inventor of the stoplight. So this motherfucker
Speaker 1: was all over the place with his So he was
Speaker 1: working on a stoplight. Are you serious the stoplight that
Speaker 1: we're using right now for cars? He he invented the
Speaker 1: greg and he was like, you know what, let's relaxed
Speaker 1: that what. Well, this is where it gets even crazier
Speaker 1: because I agree with you, there's no part of me
Speaker 1: that wants to put my faith in a man who
Speaker 1: invented the stoplight to then work on black hair care products.
Speaker 1: That's not It's not usually how I approach my hair
Speaker 1: care products. It's like, I bet that dude who knew
Speaker 1: to put the red above the yellow is uh, is
Speaker 1: somebody I should trust with with all of my ship
Speaker 1: on my head. Now here's where it gets interesting, because
Speaker 1: he invented relaxers, or rather the serum as it were,
Speaker 1: for relaxers, but he didn't mean to. It was actually
Speaker 1: a complete accident. He was making a lubricant for sewing
Speaker 1: needles in a sewing machine, like a new special lubricant
Speaker 1: that was helped to helping to make the needles move
Speaker 1: smoother and faster. And the product, the sort of like
Speaker 1: chemical he created, he then spilled on his arm and
Speaker 1: all on his arm here, yes, so it lands on
Speaker 1: his arm hair. And then he noticed this that his
Speaker 1: arm hair gets silky smoothed out of nowhere. This little
Speaker 1: chemical makes his arm hair silky smooth, and he goes,
Speaker 1: that's that's something that's pretty cool. And then this is
Speaker 1: where this motherfucker turns into a real sick oh, because
Speaker 1: he takes that product and then he says, I want
Speaker 1: to see if this actually works in you know, a
Speaker 1: grander scale, And so he starts experimenting on his neighbor's
Speaker 1: dog with the chemical. He takes his neighbor's dog and
Speaker 1: he starts dipping the dog, and he starts dipping the
Speaker 1: dog headfirst, and the dog it's just like a golden retreat.
Speaker 1: But that's already a white like that dog has straight
Speaker 1: hair or is it? Apparently, and I'm cautious to say
Speaker 1: it the way that I planned to say it, but
Speaker 1: this is also the choice I made. Apparently it was
Speaker 1: a real nappy headed dog. He found a real nappy
Speaker 1: headed neighbor's dog, and he started dipping the dog and
Speaker 1: he and he noticed that that dog came out with
Speaker 1: gorgeous silk locks that that previously did not exist. And
Speaker 1: then he started to experiment on himself. He started putting
Speaker 1: the products in his own hair and uh and smoothing
Speaker 1: his own hair, straightening his own hair, and then he
Speaker 1: started marketing it to the rest of the U. Yes,
Speaker 1: so this guy is black, yeah, scary, very glad or
Speaker 1: whatever it was the early nineteen hundreds. Okay, show men,
Speaker 1: can you show me your hands real quick? My hand? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know. I want to see I want to see
Speaker 1: the forearm. What does my form look like? Oh, you're
Speaker 1: you're trying to see if I have hair to be
Speaker 1: able to do the experiment. That's what I'm saying. I
Speaker 1: don't believe. I don't believe this guy has dropped some
Speaker 1: lubricant on his arm, because, like you know, black man
Speaker 1: that are not known to have very hairy arms, and
Speaker 1: then he knows that know that there it goes. Michael Spressy.
Speaker 1: I think this guy was jerking off with this new loopie.
Speaker 1: Oh you don't think it landed on his arm. You
Speaker 1: think it hit his pubic region from from him being like, man,
Speaker 1: this lubricant is so smooth, it's better than lotion. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna beat my meat with this sewing machine
Speaker 1: lubricant and see what happens. That's my that's my theory. Wow.
Speaker 1: If true, you have you have ruined Garrett Morrigan. Uh.
Speaker 1: For every young person that was gonna write a special,
Speaker 1: you know, book report on Garrett Morrigan and and what
Speaker 1: he did for black history, now they have to include
Speaker 1: that Garrett Morgan was beating his meat and accidentally discovered
Speaker 1: how to straighten pubic hair, uh, and then decided, Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is better than for public hair, I'll do it
Speaker 1: to my my scalp hair as well. Wow. I think
Speaker 1: so Garrett Morgan invented this thing, but to your original conspiracy,
Speaker 1: and I have not jumped off board. Even though I'm
Speaker 1: now relatively firm believer that Garrett Morgan, a black man,
Speaker 1: invented it. I had. You haven't lost me in the
Speaker 1: argument that maybe this is a there is a fair
Speaker 1: argument that although white people did not necessarily invent relaxers,
Speaker 1: they did find endless ways to capitalize on the invention.
Speaker 1: Right that like, although it was made by a black man.
Speaker 1: It was usurped and and made evil by white people
Speaker 1: and and the white powers that be. M M, how
Speaker 1: do you feel about relaxers? I have a daughter. I
Speaker 1: would never put that ship in her hair. Uh, But
Speaker 1: I also understand that we we generationally come from a
Speaker 1: history where it made a lot of sense into terms
Speaker 1: of the way that that people sort of saw themselves
Speaker 1: the way that they were being asked to see themselves.
Speaker 1: So I think it's an unfair thing on my end
Speaker 1: to be like judgmental of anybody that had that felt
Speaker 1: the need to do that, right. I wouldn't volunteer it
Speaker 1: for anybody that I love or care about, because God damn,
Speaker 1: that ship's you know, not good for you. No, you're
Speaker 1: saying so, I think, And to be clear for any
Speaker 1: of our listeners who are sort of curious as to
Speaker 1: why they might be bad for you, there's a chip
Speaker 1: ton of arguments that you can find for what relaxers
Speaker 1: can do. And they say, according to some research, at
Speaker 1: least relaxers can cause life threatening ailments such as reproductive problems,
Speaker 1: heart disease, different forms of cancer, early puberty, fibroids, and
Speaker 1: mental health disorders that shouldn't evil see mental health issue?
Speaker 1: That goes back to my conspiracy. Yeah, it truly, it
Speaker 1: goes back to your suggestion of brainwashing or at least
Speaker 1: a type of like mind control that would happen if
Speaker 1: you take this a certain amount of the relaxers or
Speaker 1: take them in a certain form, right, m hmm Yeah.
Speaker 1: Even more interesting, relaxers have been found to disrupt the
Speaker 1: chemical balance of our bodies by entering our system via
Speaker 1: cuts and burns. Now, why is burned specifically interesting because
Speaker 1: relaxers often burn it literally, like when you apply it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well that's the reason, Yeah, exactly, telling her it burns
Speaker 1: and she sat supposed to and I'm like, I don't
Speaker 1: think so, my head is on fire. You know, maybe
Speaker 1: if I didn't use relaxes, that could be a lawyer
Speaker 1: or a doctor and not a comedian, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Yeah, No, I do know what you mean.
Speaker 1: And what a heartbreaking revelation for you to find this afternoon. Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: I could have been anything I wanted, but I wanted
Speaker 1: to relax my hair And now now I gotta tell jokes.
Speaker 1: Uh two strangers and bars and ship Oh my god,
Speaker 1: and my hair is not even straight one of the
Speaker 1: things that it got me asking all of this information
Speaker 1: is what what is in relaxers that could cause so
Speaker 1: many terrible things to happen to the human body. And
Speaker 1: one of the main chemicals that they say, the one
Speaker 1: that they say is most harmful in relaxers, or certainly
Speaker 1: most dangerous and relaxers, is a chemical called sodium hydroxide,
Speaker 1: or as it's most commonly known in the streets. Lie.
Speaker 1: Are you familiar with lie at all? No? Not at all?
Speaker 1: You know for that I would have to be smart,
Speaker 1: but we established that I never got there because I
Speaker 1: and and what a shame because we all need to
Speaker 1: learn about I. It's it's truly how can you function
Speaker 1: in the world without knowing what the fuck LIE does?
Speaker 1: I don't mean any of this, but LIE is a
Speaker 1: product a chemical that is most commonly used for soap making,
Speaker 1: candle making, homemade biodiesel, frosting glass, and for chemistry experiments.
Speaker 1: This is one of the main chemicals that exist thing
Speaker 1: in a relaxer, and it also is something people are
Speaker 1: using to make bio diesels, but also so yeah, which
Speaker 1: isn't super encouraging either, right that, like a lot of
Speaker 1: our are sort of I guess, uh, everyday products include
Speaker 1: chemicals that come with some level of caution if nothing else.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. So here's where LIE gets even more interesting
Speaker 1: is that LIE, when it makes direct contact with human skin,
Speaker 1: can cause extreme burns, much like what you're experiencing, or
Speaker 1: you experience rather when you were on your your Great
Speaker 1: Parisian adventure. It can also lead to blindness and death
Speaker 1: if consumed, and LIE is in fact so powerful that
Speaker 1: when combined with extreme heat, it can be used to
Speaker 1: completely dissolve a human body within three hours. So actually
Speaker 1: your question about me if I was worried that I
Speaker 1: will ever grow hair again, it was a legit question.
Speaker 1: I maybe I you know that that was positive a
Speaker 1: possibility it could have burned me so deep that I
Speaker 1: could have been built for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: That's right, and that's I think that's why I was
Speaker 1: asking the question. And maybe you needed a little more
Speaker 1: uh information to sort of make sense of it all.
Speaker 1: But legitimately, there is a possibility that through these chemicals,
Speaker 1: you can burn your flesh so badly that it it
Speaker 1: salts the earth that there is no more growth able
Speaker 1: to happen from those those spots. It's kind of interesting. Now,
Speaker 1: you know how when like Mob I love Mob movies, right,
Speaker 1: and they're always trying to make a body these up here,
Speaker 1: they're just put it into like a bath of relaxer. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: You just dip a man in a big old tub
Speaker 1: of dark and lovely and you you wait a couple
Speaker 1: of hours and he'll he'll disappear, and he'll be gorgeous
Speaker 1: when he does. Like device. Yeah, just it truly is
Speaker 1: a a a jarring thing to be putting in someone's head,
Speaker 1: specifically in the head of a child or a young person.
Speaker 1: Give the fact that that your brain and body are
Speaker 1: already sort of in a developmental state. They're they're already
Speaker 1: figuring themselves out, and then suddenly you add chemicals to
Speaker 1: them that potentially can be changing the way that their
Speaker 1: chemistry naturally would develop. M hm okay. So the other
Speaker 1: and this is the the the other product that I'll
Speaker 1: tell you about, or rather chemical that I'll tell you
Speaker 1: about that exists inside of these relaxers, a chemical called
Speaker 1: sussenic acid, susanic acid, sussenic acid, I don't know, I'm
Speaker 1: not French, but the susanic acid found in relaxers is
Speaker 1: explicitly said to be kept away from skin, eyes, and
Speaker 1: even clothing. A a company called bio Amber. This is
Speaker 1: a company that manufacturers were manufacturers renewable chemicals, states in
Speaker 1: their website that sussenic acid may be harmful if absorbed
Speaker 1: through the skin. This is a chemical they're literally putting
Speaker 1: inside a product that goes directly onto your scalp, and
Speaker 1: instead they're being like, I wouldn't put that on anybody's skin,
Speaker 1: and we make the chemical. Yeah. See that's that's is
Speaker 1: getting darker and darker. Yeah, no, it's not. I again,
Speaker 1: I this is always, I guess a difficult revelation for
Speaker 1: my guests. But uh, it never turns out better when
Speaker 1: we get into the research. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: You never read more. You're like, turns out relaxers actually
Speaker 1: contain a ship ton of vitamin D. That's that's better
Speaker 1: than sunny delight? Is there one good thing about them?
Speaker 1: Is there a vitamin in it? Is there something nice?
Speaker 1: I think the good thing is is perhaps the confidence
Speaker 1: you could feel afterwards. If if that's the look you're
Speaker 1: going for, you could look like the lady on the box.
Speaker 1: You know, she's always swinging her hair and looking real
Speaker 1: sensual back at at whoever is buying the product. And
Speaker 1: and I'll be honest, I've always wanted to make love
Speaker 1: to one of the ladies on the Dark and Lovely Box,
Speaker 1: and so maybe you could feel like the Dark and
Speaker 1: Lovely lady. But other than that, no, you're burning your
Speaker 1: your brain and your scalp. My hair never never turned
Speaker 1: out like that lady on the box. I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: that happened to you. It did turn out. It sounds
Speaker 1: like a a little bit of a Joe Pesci. Uh
Speaker 1: you had you had a Joe Pesci thing going on,
Speaker 1: And maybe that's okay, Maybe maybe that's pretty cool too.
Speaker 1: Going back to that salon and I was crying to
Speaker 1: that lady, Oh my god? Did she was she sympathetic? Did?
Speaker 1: She said? Had a client there in a chair, and
Speaker 1: I made a scene. I was like, you burned my
Speaker 1: hair ball at this and I started ripping hair of
Speaker 1: my head. WHOA does the scene? So you were willing
Speaker 1: to sacrifice more hair from your already dwindling scalp. All too, Sorry,
Speaker 1: it's not a big deal. And she gave me like
Speaker 1: a product for free. By the way, I paid for it.
Speaker 1: I paid her loads of money. Yeah, did she never
Speaker 1: give me back the money, of course, not no, but
Speaker 1: you did. What was the product? Was it more relaxer? No,
Speaker 1: it was some some joel, you know, something like moisturizing
Speaker 1: that obviously didn't keep my hair on my head. But
Speaker 1: that was the promise she gave. I got you that
Speaker 1: it was going to help to keep the hair from
Speaker 1: did not. Obviously, it's wow. Well you remember that lady's name.
Speaker 1: Should we should we shout her out one time, send
Speaker 1: people to her her wonderful salon for more of her
Speaker 1: impressive work. People, if you're ever in the Europe, don't
Speaker 1: get your hair done in Europe. Just don't just wait
Speaker 1: and carried out. Don't do it in Europe. Don't do it.
Speaker 1: That's if you're going to France, just go the way
Speaker 1: you are. Don't don't try to impress all these French
Speaker 1: people with your your new hair, because sisters and brothers,
Speaker 1: it ain't gonna work. It's it's gonna turn into something
Speaker 1: you didn't plan for it. All right, we're gonna take
Speaker 1: one more break. We'll be back with more Bianca, Christoph
Speaker 1: Alan more. My mama told me, man, we are back.
Speaker 1: People who were enslavery wished that they had curveside service
Speaker 1: at Applebee's. Yeah, we're back here with more Bianca Christoval more.
Speaker 1: My mama told me, we're still talking about the possibility
Speaker 1: that you're frying your brains. Ladies and gentlemen, you are melt,
Speaker 1: melting your insides when you put these these products in
Speaker 1: your hair, and specifically, the white man is the one
Speaker 1: that wants you to do this. Now here's where the
Speaker 1: research for me becomes especially interesting because I kept, I
Speaker 1: asked you a few times, what do you think the
Speaker 1: white man's goal is in sort of like creating these
Speaker 1: products and and asking black people to relax their hair.
Speaker 1: And one of the things that it reminded me of
Speaker 1: is the the sort of rich history this country has
Speaker 1: of forcing black people will to wear their hair not
Speaker 1: naturally in public spaces in order to to be presentable,
Speaker 1: if you know what I mean. Mhm. There is a
Speaker 1: ship ton of there are rather a ship ton of
Speaker 1: examples of historically, and we've talked about a few of
Speaker 1: them on the podcast already, of people being forced to
Speaker 1: either cut their hair or treat their hair with products
Speaker 1: in order to sort of be made more presentable for
Speaker 1: workspaces and school spaces based on sort of white administrations
Speaker 1: and overseers. Oh yeah, no, it's a it's it's a
Speaker 1: real problem. And they, you know, it's so funny. They
Speaker 1: do it even to themselves. I have friends, white friends
Speaker 1: who have curly hair, and they tell me, like if
Speaker 1: when my hair is curly, I have less men approaching me,
Speaker 1: whereas my hair is straight, more men come up to me.
Speaker 1: That happens to even like white woman. It's not you know,
Speaker 1: it's bizarre. It's a bizarre thing. Yeah. I mean some
Speaker 1: of it feels like it can be chocked up to
Speaker 1: to socialization, right that, like you socialize enough and are
Speaker 1: sort of like given these images of what is attractive
Speaker 1: over and over again, and then those images become permanent
Speaker 1: in a person's brain, whether intentional or unintentional. And so
Speaker 1: that part I can sort of make sense of for
Speaker 1: the white people, but I think for the black people.
Speaker 1: I I especially think about like these stories of like
Speaker 1: children who were sent home where I don't know if
Speaker 1: you ever saw it, but there was that video of
Speaker 1: like that kid who was on the wrestling team and
Speaker 1: was forced to literally cut his dreads before a wrestling match,
Speaker 1: and had a bunch of white people cutting his dreads before. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: it's it's a heartbreaking image to to sort of take in.
Speaker 1: But they're literally surrounding him cutting his dreads off before
Speaker 1: a wrestling match because the breath decided that his hair
Speaker 1: wasn't legal for the match, as if it had somehow
Speaker 1: allowed him an advantage that uh, this husky white boy
Speaker 1: he was about to flip on his back head, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Horrific, terrific it is. Yeah, obviously,
Speaker 1: like the black hair has always been like a conversation debate,
Speaker 1: and uh, and the relaxers are part of it, I suppose, yes,
Speaker 1: I think I think even more devastating. One of the
Speaker 1: things that I started to think about is like, uh,
Speaker 1: the new laws that that are truly just coming into
Speaker 1: place now. I think it was like earlier this year
Speaker 1: for the first time that Congress had even been able
Speaker 1: to introduce a potential law that says it's illegal to
Speaker 1: tell black people or people of color that they have
Speaker 1: to change their hair in order to participate eight in workplaces. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, and you know, it's so interesting because like
Speaker 1: you know, you see, it was very interesting for me
Speaker 1: to to to see even Michelle Obama never never with
Speaker 1: her hair, you know, natural, like never not once. And
Speaker 1: you know, I think that is in a way, you know,
Speaker 1: that's an interesting observation. You know, I'm not saying she's
Speaker 1: wrong for it. I just think it's interesting that we've
Speaker 1: never seen it. Well, no, I think I think to
Speaker 1: that point, it's what makes these conversations so complicated, right,
Speaker 1: is like you find yourself in a position where the
Speaker 1: world is expecting you to look a certain way, and
Speaker 1: then we as as black people, as people taking in
Speaker 1: these these people in positions of power, go well, why
Speaker 1: won't you represent us the way we need to be represented?
Speaker 1: And it becomes this weird in fighting rather than sort
Speaker 1: of recognizing that the real danger is a group of
Speaker 1: people suggesting that the way that we were in the
Speaker 1: first place was not satisfactory, that it didn't it didn't
Speaker 1: work as we would like it to work. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean with that said, you know, bottom line is that
Speaker 1: if you have any type of power or attention in
Speaker 1: media and you do represent in a natural way, it
Speaker 1: does inspire a little girl. So remember my story about Beyonce.
Speaker 1: I wanted to like Beyonce. Now, Beyonce I think is
Speaker 1: arguably extremely a positive you know influence. You know, for
Speaker 1: young girls or you know back in the day, was
Speaker 1: But who else inspired me to actually turn the natural
Speaker 1: uh to to go natural journey was Kellyes, remember when
Speaker 1: she came up with my milk shape, so so she
Speaker 1: had natural hair and so it was like like one
Speaker 1: of the first people I saw rocking her natural hairs
Speaker 1: like that, yeah, be me. And then you know, I
Speaker 1: gave up the relaxers and like, yeah, I thinking who
Speaker 1: I am right now? And I think to that point,
Speaker 1: it's It's part of the reason why representation is such
Speaker 1: a hearty conversation shan right, is that it's not just
Speaker 1: about needing to see an equal number of black people
Speaker 1: to white people whatever, but it's saying that, like, if
Speaker 1: we can show the actual diversity of what black people
Speaker 1: look like, I can make more conscientious decisions about what
Speaker 1: I should look like and what I should be doing
Speaker 1: with my own body. That it maybe Beyonce is not
Speaker 1: for all of us, and some of us need to
Speaker 1: go the route of Calie or the route of fucking
Speaker 1: Viola Davis or whoever to to help us see ourselves
Speaker 1: out in the world. I love it and signed hell yeah,
Speaker 1: well we've got two signatures so far. And if anybody
Speaker 1: else wants to say, I don't know anybody else. So
Speaker 1: this is it. We're gonna We're gonna send a petition
Speaker 1: of two signatures to the government and say please stop
Speaker 1: making relaxers, and they'll say what and and probably have
Speaker 1: us murdered by the CIA. That's you know, relaxers. They
Speaker 1: will have us murdered with relaxers. Sure, they're gonna dip
Speaker 1: us in relaxer, much like that puppy that Garrett Morgan
Speaker 1: dipped in the in the relaxer. And I have to say,
Speaker 1: there's no evidence. I couldn't find any research that said
Speaker 1: how long that dog lived after Garrett Morgan did that
Speaker 1: to him. But I got to assume he didn't break
Speaker 1: any records, you know what I mean. This wasn't a
Speaker 1: dog that uh that made it to like twenty two.
Speaker 1: I thought, you're gonna say, there's no evidence that he
Speaker 1: actually harmed this dog. I thought, that's what you're gonna say.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I've been very clear. He harmed the funk
Speaker 1: out of that dog, and then he like he wrought
Speaker 1: about it himself. That's how we know. Who knows. I
Speaker 1: don't know if he wrote about it. Yeah, I'm sure
Speaker 1: the neighbor wrote about it, like this black guy's torturing
Speaker 1: my dog. He's like, I keep my dog keeps going
Speaker 1: missing and coming back sexier than before. My dog goes away,
Speaker 1: and then my dog comes back and I really want
Speaker 1: to fuck my dog. And I don't know why, but
Speaker 1: I think that Garrett Morgan has something to do with it. Well, Beyonca,
Speaker 1: I think we did it. I think I think this
Speaker 1: was This was a lovely conversation. I had a great
Speaker 1: time with you. Could you tell the people at home
Speaker 1: what you have going on? Any cool things and where
Speaker 1: they can find you? Well, you can find me on
Speaker 1: the Instagram and at Banta Christop bo I. I perform
Speaker 1: quite a bit around Los Angeles. I'm gonna be at
Speaker 1: the Comedy Store this weekend. I don't know that when
Speaker 1: this episode gets released, but yeah, I I post about
Speaker 1: it in my stories. So follow me and and then
Speaker 1: and come get and come and see me live. I
Speaker 1: cannot speak anymore. Tell yeah, So follow follow Bianca, see
Speaker 1: her alive, do the thing. Don't don't threaten her with
Speaker 1: any relaxes. She's been through enough. And as always, you
Speaker 1: can follow me at Langston Kerman on all platforms and
Speaker 1: uh and and please if you have can spiracy theories
Speaker 1: of your own, If you have drops, if you have
Speaker 1: any opinions you would love to send us, you can
Speaker 1: send them to my Mama pod at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: I would love to hear from you. Otherwise, that's it
Speaker 1: by bitch my crop chips in your rails. A Quala
Speaker 1: bears are racist. The lastly, money part turney stuff. I
Speaker 1: can't tell me