Speaker 1: Wind Down with Jared and Ashley. I and I heard radio.
Speaker 1: Hello everyone, and welcome to an all new episode of
Speaker 1: wine Down with Jared and Ashley. As it's always been,
Speaker 1: it's never changed. You'd never had any other host besides
Speaker 1: us too. Hi, Ashley, how are you? Hi? Um? If
Speaker 1: you keep making the sounds of your mouth over there
Speaker 1: like you have been the past five minutes, it hasn't
Speaker 1: been five minutes, it's been thirty seconds. And to give
Speaker 1: a little background of what she's talking about, Eastern, our
Speaker 1: wonderful producer, had his headphones on. Actually you didn't, so
Speaker 1: I figured i'd try to annoy Easton, but not try
Speaker 1: to annoy Eastn. You didn't have your headphone trying to
Speaker 1: annoy Easton when you switched water in your mouth. Yes,
Speaker 1: I thought it was an annoying sound because two seconds
Speaker 1: prior he said, hey, can we get a mike? You
Speaker 1: like Easton way more than that. No, That's why I
Speaker 1: was trying to annoy him, because I like Easton. If
Speaker 1: I do you really think this is true? Easton? I mean,
Speaker 1: I's no one of the microphones. Jack and I got this.
Speaker 1: It's a fun sound. I guess it wasn't your lollipop
Speaker 1: and now your mouth is blue like I'm with a child.
Speaker 1: Well that's what happened. Great, right now. I was concerned
Speaker 1: about that, but then not concerned because we're not on video.
Speaker 1: This is all audio. So the only way people would
Speaker 1: ever find out that I have a blue mouth is
Speaker 1: if my co host decided to point that out on air.
Speaker 1: Well pointing it out and to go back, it's so silly,
Speaker 1: it's very silly. I hope you're able to take me
Speaker 1: seriously throughout this podcast. But to go back to the fact, Easton,
Speaker 1: I only a annoy people I like if I If
Speaker 1: I don't like you, then I'm far too scared to
Speaker 1: get on your bad side because there's no rapport there
Speaker 1: to you know, heal the wound of of annoyance. I
Speaker 1: understand that you know you you you tease the ones
Speaker 1: you love. Um, I'm glad that I'm at that level
Speaker 1: with you totally. I feel comfortable enough. That's why I
Speaker 1: tease you. Actually, well, what do you learned something? So
Speaker 1: remember when we were little and a boy would tease
Speaker 1: a girl and the parents or the teacher would say,
Speaker 1: he probably just likes you. Now because of like all
Speaker 1: sorts of changes, in society and things. You're not supposed
Speaker 1: to say that anymore. I'm not supposed to say because
Speaker 1: you don't want to teach little girls that a boy
Speaker 1: being mean is a sign of like love or affection.
Speaker 1: But it was definitely true. I mean, my middle school,
Speaker 1: elementary school crush. He used to demoralize me, and he
Speaker 1: even admitted fifteen years later that it was because he
Speaker 1: had a crush on me. Yeah, they actually said. So.
Speaker 1: I look up astrology. I'm a scorpio, and a sign
Speaker 1: of love for from a scorpio is sarcasm. And it's
Speaker 1: also I amy, I agree with you that I I
Speaker 1: actually like that they're trying to teach boys from getting
Speaker 1: away from teasing the people they like, because I've noticed
Speaker 1: that it's it's it's probably not the best approach specifically
Speaker 1: within relationships, but it was just the way I was raised.
Speaker 1: It's the way boys were raised. You know. I was
Speaker 1: always teasing my friends and teasing girls I like because
Speaker 1: it was a defense mechanism. So hopefully the future generation
Speaker 1: of men will be a lot smarter than this dumbas
Speaker 1: sitting right here, and I'm pointing to myself. You know
Speaker 1: what I actually have always had a pet peevon, and
Speaker 1: it's funny that I'm with you. I don't think you're
Speaker 1: as sarcastic as you think you are, And I don't
Speaker 1: think sarcasm is like super funny. Um. I have a
Speaker 1: friend who, like her college humor, especially when flirting was
Speaker 1: just in a constant state of sarcasm that they could
Speaker 1: never break it. They're like, all their conversations were just
Speaker 1: in this back and forth sarcasm, like you're never going
Speaker 1: to get deep. And then when they try to break
Speaker 1: it and have like a regular conversation, it's weird. Uh.
Speaker 1: Do you notice that maybe I'm more sarcastic back East
Speaker 1: than I am here. Possibly, But I don't love sarcasm, babe. Uh,
Speaker 1: that's besides the point. Um. Do you really ever find
Speaker 1: it hilarious a lot of times? Yes? Really? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: just like sarcasm as a humor. It's just putting a
Speaker 1: tone of like negativity on everything, which is what makes
Speaker 1: it funny. Because I am a pessimist at heart. It's
Speaker 1: not a good quality to have. Unfortunately, this is just
Speaker 1: the way I am the way I was raised Anyway,
Speaker 1: It's not the way you were raised, Like your parents
Speaker 1: aren't like that. What's my dad is one of the
Speaker 1: most sarcastic man I've ever met. He's always it's always
Speaker 1: with Jared's dad. Whenever he's a quality, it's ever man
Speaker 1: I've ever met. Everything you say about your dad is
Speaker 1: he's the most man ever ever? Is that something that
Speaker 1: annoys you? This is interesting, like you totally extreme every
Speaker 1: quality your dad has. Your dad is definitely not one
Speaker 1: of the most sarcastic man you've ever met. He's he's
Speaker 1: he's way cuter about it. Yeah, but what's the fun
Speaker 1: And in saying he's just sarcastic, I think it's more
Speaker 1: fun to say yeah, to be an extremist, to say he's,
Speaker 1: you know, one of the funniest. But people do that
Speaker 1: in their everyday life. How many times have you heard
Speaker 1: somebody say one of the funniest people I've ever met?
Speaker 1: But you know it's funny when I talk in extremes,
Speaker 1: you get so annoyed. How so give me an example.
Speaker 1: Whenever I'll be like, you know, I'll exaggerate something. You know,
Speaker 1: how when I when you get mad and you get
Speaker 1: angry and sometimes get yeah, I know, but you know
Speaker 1: when I'm like, you know, I get worried when you
Speaker 1: get like that and then you'll be like, what do
Speaker 1: you mean? You get worried? And then I'm like, I'm like,
Speaker 1: what are you so? Why did you flip out like that?
Speaker 1: Because a lot of times when you exaggerate or make
Speaker 1: things more dramatic, it's in a negative condensation where I'm
Speaker 1: doing condensation connotation connotation, thank you, um. But when I
Speaker 1: do it, I try to do it in a humorous way.
Speaker 1: It's super fun to hear you guys argue. UM. Let's
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Speaker 1: Go check it out today. So we have Shari Healey
Speaker 1: on the line. Shari is a possible bilitarian. Yes, that's interesting.
Speaker 1: Is that a way of thinking? I think it's just
Speaker 1: a way of life really, But she brings over twenty
Speaker 1: years of relationship study. She's a marriage educator and divorce
Speaker 1: pretension prevention expert. So, Sherry, are you on the line,
Speaker 1: Shari Sharie. Jesus God, I'm so bad at names. No,
Speaker 1: it looks like Sherry. It does look like Sherry, but Amy,
Speaker 1: you just said Shari. Yeah. Anyway, Shari, have you been
Speaker 1: listening to our bickering? So fun? Sorry? I want her
Speaker 1: to hear that so that she can, you know, help
Speaker 1: determine our issues. There we go. Yeah, I know, you
Speaker 1: guys are being real and it's the best. I mean.
Speaker 1: I think you people will learn from you being all
Speaker 1: out there holding back. Well, thank you, Tree. So sureI
Speaker 1: tell us a little bit about yourself. What makes you
Speaker 1: a possibilitarian and what does that exactly mean? Well, it's
Speaker 1: a title that I think is more true to me
Speaker 1: than just life coach. You know, my training and credentials
Speaker 1: are one thing, but when you tell people you're a possibilitarian,
Speaker 1: it's pretty clear you stand for all things being possible,
Speaker 1: you know. And I think I'm here to how people
Speaker 1: get what they want. I think we're here to enjoy
Speaker 1: the ride and not struggle so much in life. So
Speaker 1: I think we're going to deal with a few of
Speaker 1: your struggles trying to get those out of the way.
Speaker 1: So you can have more fun loving each other. Not well,
Speaker 1: we appreciate that, but sure you You definitely have a
Speaker 1: very um fulfilled background. You're boards certified coach, your founder
Speaker 1: of One Woman Effect and Bring It Group. Um. You
Speaker 1: are a business owner and entrepreneur, and you have degrees
Speaker 1: in marketing, communication and strategic intervention. And you've worked with
Speaker 1: corporate leaders for over twenty years to rise up and
Speaker 1: make a difference in the world. So you definitely I
Speaker 1: just wanted to, you know, hype up so people take
Speaker 1: you seriously. Oh thank you? Yeah, I mean I at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, all of that experience just
Speaker 1: sleeps to a really deep desire to have people have
Speaker 1: the time of their lives while we're here. And I
Speaker 1: think each one of you and all of us are
Speaker 1: you know, unique, and we each have a gift to give.
Speaker 1: And when things get in our way, it's usually because
Speaker 1: there's just a lack of skill or lack of awareness
Speaker 1: that can easily be learned so we can keep moving
Speaker 1: forward in life. And I think all of us, if
Speaker 1: we're walking around filled with joy and in love, then
Speaker 1: we're going to make the world a better place. So
Speaker 1: Jared and I ol behind each other's backs. Told you
Speaker 1: a couple issues that we want to work on on
Speaker 1: a relationship. Can we deep dive into that right now?
Speaker 1: That's good, But let's do it. Hey, Shure names Eastern.
Speaker 1: I think we've talked on the phone a couple of times. Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: you're a very beautiful person. Um. I have these envelopes
Speaker 1: in my hand that that Jared and Ashley have written.
Speaker 1: Who wants to go first? I'll go first? Yeah? What
Speaker 1: does that mean? I go first? The ones? So my
Speaker 1: concern in the relationship with Ashley? Yes, ok, right, and
Speaker 1: the award goes to La. We're on the same page here.
Speaker 1: You guys really have some willer personalities. Yeah, we're both kicks.
Speaker 1: All right, here we go. This is from Jared to
Speaker 1: Ashley things to work on. Ashley can sometimes only want
Speaker 1: it her way or the highway. Yes, am I supposed
Speaker 1: to expand on that before sar oh got you. Well,
Speaker 1: let's do this. I'd love to hear an example. Let's
Speaker 1: dive into a moment that can make it really concrete
Speaker 1: for people. Uh. And I was also being dramatic with
Speaker 1: that statement. I think with Ashley, I don't think you're
Speaker 1: being dramatic at all, Well, it's not so much your
Speaker 1: way of the highway. You just you have a very
Speaker 1: um dominant personality and you like to be in the
Speaker 1: control of a lot of different situations and be the
Speaker 1: decision maker. Where I am, My personality is far more
Speaker 1: go with the flow, UM, and you just make decisions
Speaker 1: for You're far more indecisive than me. You almost want
Speaker 1: me to make the decision totally in most cases. In
Speaker 1: most cases, absolutely, but I think in those some it's
Speaker 1: it's hard because most cases are absolutely right. But there
Speaker 1: are other cases where I would like to be more
Speaker 1: of a decision maker and not be the behind the
Speaker 1: scenes guy. UM. And I think that's what I meant
Speaker 1: by it. For a specific example, honestly, what would be
Speaker 1: a good example of this, Um, This is really stupid.
Speaker 1: But we were sitting down on the couch the other
Speaker 1: night and searching to find a movie to watch, and
Speaker 1: there was a movie that I had seen nine months
Speaker 1: years ago, and I actually said, how have I never
Speaker 1: seen this movie? And I said, I don't know. I've
Speaker 1: seen it so many times, my mom, I love that
Speaker 1: movie've seen it probably fifteen times. And You're like, do
Speaker 1: you want to watch it? And I was like, ah,
Speaker 1: you know it's good. I'm kinda and you could tell
Speaker 1: that I didn't want to because he even said could
Speaker 1: not tell that point. I wanted to watch Batman for you.
Speaker 1: I don't wanted to watch your movie, but you seemed indecisive,
Speaker 1: like you literally didn't care. What I want from you
Speaker 1: is to say, I actually don't want to watch that.
Speaker 1: Can we watch this? That's my dream? Well, what I
Speaker 1: said with Batman was I didn't want to watch a
Speaker 1: movie that I had already seen. And then my further comment,
Speaker 1: you want me to watch Batman? Want to talk about God?
Speaker 1: I want you to watch Batman. But the point I
Speaker 1: was making that night when you said, hey, I'll watch Batman,
Speaker 1: I said, well, I kind of want to watch something
Speaker 1: I haven't seen and i've seen not make that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I said that. Well you should have said it again
Speaker 1: because I obviously didn't register. It obviously didn't register, and
Speaker 1: maybe I should have said it again. So when I
Speaker 1: said nine months, oh, i've seen it, you know fifteen times,
Speaker 1: I just I want you to say, in the situations
Speaker 1: I don't want to watch it, you never be You're
Speaker 1: never clear, You're you always just assume that I wouldn't
Speaker 1: I would know. Um, well, the point I'm making is
Speaker 1: you just started playing person playing and we're like, all right,
Speaker 1: I guess we're watching it. Or you said something like
Speaker 1: along the lines of you know, you were like, is
Speaker 1: it bad that I just started? Is it bad that
Speaker 1: I made the decision we're watching it? And I was like, no,
Speaker 1: I'll watch it. I don't care. But it's it's it's
Speaker 1: just that subconscious of like I'm constantly when we are
Speaker 1: searching for a movie, You're always asking I'm always asking
Speaker 1: you what do you want? What do you want to
Speaker 1: go on? While we search to the movies together? So
Speaker 1: you too, there's a good reason. That's a bad example.
Speaker 1: You know, it's a good example. It's a good one
Speaker 1: because I have this belief that there's a good reason
Speaker 1: for everything that we do. And this can really cut
Speaker 1: through a lot of the arguments or the misunderstandings if
Speaker 1: you're searching for the good reason, and let me just
Speaker 1: see what's true for each of you in this the
Speaker 1: good reason for you being what appears indecisive, Jared, sounds
Speaker 1: like you're trying to make Ashley happy, right, Yeah, you
Speaker 1: want to know what she wants? Yes, I think I
Speaker 1: I get a lot of happiness in my life when
Speaker 1: I'm with the people that I care about who are happy. Right,
Speaker 1: Like that you want this is exactly what I want
Speaker 1: or what I don't want, Because if she can say
Speaker 1: what she wants, then you're clear you're going to win
Speaker 1: with her. She'll she'll be happy. Yeah. Sure I should
Speaker 1: similar in situations like this, especially when it doesn't affect
Speaker 1: my happiness. Like if he were to straight upset, I
Speaker 1: don't want to watch that. Okay, let's find something else.
Speaker 1: I wish these little things that he keeps inside he
Speaker 1: would just be more direct about so I would know
Speaker 1: because it's not a big deal. That's just not a
Speaker 1: big deal in me. Let's just find another movie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I think a lot of times I am direct
Speaker 1: and I just still get shot down. Like when I
Speaker 1: can't think of a good example off the top of
Speaker 1: my head, I wish I thought more about this specific subject. Well,
Speaker 1: let's think about it's, you know, another example for you. Actually,
Speaker 1: if if you think about what the good reason is
Speaker 1: for you to ever want your way or the highway
Speaker 1: that control the dominance, what's a good reason behind that,
Speaker 1: you know, to be in control or say Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna make a decision. Gives you something? Can you clarify
Speaker 1: the question? So there's a good reason for you getting dominant,
Speaker 1: you know, or saying like this is what we're gonna do,
Speaker 1: because I think it soothes you. It did relieve the anxiety.
Speaker 1: You know. If this guy is wuffling and you don't
Speaker 1: know and then you guys are stuck and you're just
Speaker 1: trying to make him happy too, then you'll take over.
Speaker 1: Oh sometimes and he's being super indecisive and he just
Speaker 1: doesn't know or he's presenting like he doesn't know what
Speaker 1: he really wants that I'm like, all right, this is
Speaker 1: my role. Let's just decide I'm going to take over. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I think he like, like somebody has got to
Speaker 1: drive the bus, you know, somebody does, or we'll never
Speaker 1: get anything done. Yeah. No, I agree. That's why I said.
Speaker 1: The majority of the times, I I don't mind that
Speaker 1: from my personality being easy going, indecisive, but there are
Speaker 1: times where I do vocalize what I want and my frustrations,
Speaker 1: and a lot of times they don't matter because we're
Speaker 1: kind of used to you driving the bus, and I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that's a bad thing. But even like, um,
Speaker 1: I think that I think are one of our biggest
Speaker 1: issues between Ashley and myself is the way we vocalize
Speaker 1: our frustrations were actually is very like whatever is bothering her,
Speaker 1: she's saying it in the moment, She's gonna say whatever's
Speaker 1: on her mind. And I and a lot of times
Speaker 1: I hold it in and the things that actually does
Speaker 1: that bothers me, I won't say a thing, and then
Speaker 1: until he's obviously in a bad mood and I have
Speaker 1: to pull it out of him. Well, it's it's but
Speaker 1: sometimes I get in a bad mood because you'll critique
Speaker 1: me for something very miniscule, something's as dumb as the
Speaker 1: bedmaking that we've talked about a million times, where like,
Speaker 1: for I make the bed probably six days out of
Speaker 1: the week and five or six probably. Anyway, the point
Speaker 1: of the story is you just sometimes like bust my
Speaker 1: balls about he doesn't he like when he criticizes me.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, no, really, I gotta change that.
Speaker 1: When I criticize him, it's like I want you to
Speaker 1: change that his soul. Well, uh, sometimes sure, but I
Speaker 1: think that goes back to my insecurities and I think
Speaker 1: for the longest time I was single, and I've talked
Speaker 1: openly about this because I'm very nervous, very scared about
Speaker 1: people realizing, Wow, you're actually you don't have it all together,
Speaker 1: You're not the guy that I thought you were going
Speaker 1: to be. Like initially with Ashley and myself, if you
Speaker 1: know anything about our background, actually was very into me
Speaker 1: from the start and had this very very high expectation
Speaker 1: of who I was. And I remember throughout our three
Speaker 1: years of friendship, I countless times told you, actually, I'm
Speaker 1: not that guy. I have a lot of issues. I
Speaker 1: have insecurities, and you're like, you're crazy, You're crazy, You're crazy.
Speaker 1: And I think now being together with me, a lot
Speaker 1: of my flaws have been coming out more and more
Speaker 1: because sometimes I do get defensive, sometimes I do get
Speaker 1: um down and sad and quiet and keep to myself,
Speaker 1: and I think those things. While actually and I are
Speaker 1: very similar, those are some areas that we butt heads
Speaker 1: because Ashley wants to pull it out of me so
Speaker 1: much in every moment and every second. Um where I um.
Speaker 1: He just defines scorpio like it's crazy. He loves to
Speaker 1: sit in his deep dark hole and just doing it,
Speaker 1: and he doesn't want to talk about it until you
Speaker 1: fours it out. And I hate, you know, using astrology
Speaker 1: as like a way of explaining things, But I'm Pisces,
Speaker 1: and we put our emotions like straight out there. But
Speaker 1: it's good because we're able. We are able to open
Speaker 1: up a scorpio a bit totally. And so to go
Speaker 1: back to how we um articulate our frustrations differently, things
Speaker 1: that Ashley does that bothers me, I won't say, you know,
Speaker 1: I just kind of let it go, but I wish
Speaker 1: he would. But and so I got the good reason
Speaker 1: though he just shared with us that he was super
Speaker 1: sensitive and scared about people finding out that he's human,
Speaker 1: and so he's really so that if to making anyone
Speaker 1: else feel that pain, the good reason behind that is
Speaker 1: you wouldn't want anyone else to feel criticized or fully
Speaker 1: seen like that. Well. I also also to jump off
Speaker 1: that that is partly true but also a big truth.
Speaker 1: It's my own um um. It's kind of selfish in
Speaker 1: a way. The reason I don't critique others is because
Speaker 1: I don't want them to critique me, because it's I
Speaker 1: get um, I I do, I I get defensive about
Speaker 1: those things, and I think it's because I project my
Speaker 1: insecurities a lot of times. Uh specifically, it's it's interesting though,
Speaker 1: sorry to keep talking, but it's now it's like a
Speaker 1: therapy session. It's interesting because I feel like my insecurities
Speaker 1: have grown exponentially ever since being on the show, because
Speaker 1: I was always kind of insecure, but man, I I
Speaker 1: was so much more confident before the show and I'm
Speaker 1: still very confident man now. But it comes and goes
Speaker 1: and ebbs and flows, because I think it's just you
Speaker 1: know what's interesting. We're talking about social media last night
Speaker 1: and comments left and there's one comment that has always
Speaker 1: stuck out with me and don't ask me why, Well
Speaker 1: you can ask me why, but the comments said one time,
Speaker 1: they commented under my Instagram saying Jared is the most
Speaker 1: overrated Bachelor contestant in the history of the show. And
Speaker 1: I think it's stuck out with me all these years.
Speaker 1: This was like two years when it got posted, and
Speaker 1: it's stuck out with me all this time because I
Speaker 1: believe it, because I've always believed it, because I've never
Speaker 1: like ever since our first season of Paradise. It's like,
Speaker 1: I'm not that guy. I don't know why Ashley is
Speaker 1: sell in love with me. I don't know why girls
Speaker 1: want to dave me. I have my you know I have.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of good qualities. But there's so
Speaker 1: many other people that I'm surrounded by that have better
Speaker 1: qualities than myself, both physically and mentally emotionally. Uh. I
Speaker 1: think Jared is an extremist humble list. He's an extreme
Speaker 1: humblest I'm going to make that up right now. Like
Speaker 1: he likes to think of himself as lower quality than
Speaker 1: he really is, and he likes to like emphasize his
Speaker 1: flaws because in a way, it makes him seem like
Speaker 1: a simple, humble man, and in turn, it creates these
Speaker 1: weird insecurities that like he really he overblows a lot.
Speaker 1: He it's kind of like a superhero complex. And I
Speaker 1: swear to you it has to do with him watching
Speaker 1: these movies and being so obsessed with them his entire life.
Speaker 1: It's like he, especially with The Bachelor, they presented him
Speaker 1: as like the superhero figure that all these girls wanted
Speaker 1: and that he really didn't have. He was like the
Speaker 1: perfect guy and in his in his head, he was like,
Speaker 1: but I'm not I'm flawed. Yeah, I'm not that guy.
Speaker 1: And I think that's why it's it's my my insecurities
Speaker 1: have gotten the best of me for quite some time,
Speaker 1: and they got the best of me, specifically with our
Speaker 1: relationship for a very long time. Um. And so I
Speaker 1: think what I do well is I am able to
Speaker 1: ignore those insecurities, uh, for long stretches of time. I
Speaker 1: think I did that very well on my first season
Speaker 1: of the Bachelorette. I think I did that very well
Speaker 1: when we first got together. Um. And both in those times,
Speaker 1: I was self aware enough to know that if I
Speaker 1: let my insecurities get the best to me, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to get what I want. Uh. And obviously my
Speaker 1: first season the Bachelorette, uh, it was too you know,
Speaker 1: not get kicked off early and then always regret looking back. Um.
Speaker 1: And then you know, obviously moving forward with you is
Speaker 1: you know, losing the best thing that's happened to me. Um.
Speaker 1: So anyway, Yeah, but again to go back to the selfishness,
Speaker 1: so share you can speak upon that. It's it's a
Speaker 1: little bit of selfish for me not to critique actually,
Speaker 1: because the reason I don't do it is because I'm
Speaker 1: I don't want criticism and return. So in my head,
Speaker 1: it's like, all right, if I just let things go
Speaker 1: and don't you know, critique or or don't talk about
Speaker 1: things that bothering you know, things that she does that
Speaker 1: bothers me, then she won't do that in return. Right. Well,
Speaker 1: there's this thing called a formula for happiness that I
Speaker 1: think is super helpful in this that you. The formula
Speaker 1: is when your blueprint equals your life conditions. So your
Speaker 1: blueprint meaning your expectations. Right, So you have an expectation
Speaker 1: that in order to be on the show, or in
Speaker 1: order to be loved, you've got to be a perfect superhero.
Speaker 1: You've got to reach this ultimately in human ideal. It's
Speaker 1: so weird because they don't have those expectations for other people.
Speaker 1: I just have them. Yeah, but you put them on yourself.
Speaker 1: And it's crazy how we do that, but we do.
Speaker 1: And so if you fail that, if you don't think
Speaker 1: you're actually that or what Ashley thought you were, the
Speaker 1: blueprint does not equal to life conditions, so you can't
Speaker 1: be happy. You'll always suffer, right, And you said it's
Speaker 1: gotten worse because now you've got all these people also
Speaker 1: watching you, and so you're super exposed, and I think
Speaker 1: we'll only experience happiness when your life conditions, when reality
Speaker 1: actually meets expectations, and those two things are equal. So
Speaker 1: the only way to fix it is either to become
Speaker 1: an actual batman, you know, fulfill the perfect. Don't tease
Speaker 1: me with a good idea, which is crazy because nobody
Speaker 1: wants that, actually wants a man man. She wants a
Speaker 1: human being, actually wants me to be. I definitely wouldn't
Speaker 1: mind like that. That's the romanticism and me as well,
Speaker 1: a sexy billionaire during the day and a cape crusader
Speaker 1: cape crusader look at the Boston Cape cape Crusade, watching
Speaker 1: the pot and drinks Sam's Boston Log at night. You
Speaker 1: can totally play that role, Jared. You can nail it,
Speaker 1: but not all the time. And that's where you have
Speaker 1: to update the blueprint that none of us are going
Speaker 1: to be absolutely dialed and perfect every single day of
Speaker 1: our life. And when you can bring that more into alignment,
Speaker 1: you can say, yeah, and here's a really vulnerable moment.
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you how I really feel like
Speaker 1: you guys could shirt had a lot of these communication
Speaker 1: troubles by just saying we're going to make an agreement
Speaker 1: today from now on in April one. From here moving forward,
Speaker 1: we're going to say truthfully before we're upset, I really
Speaker 1: want this. I like to say it. In my ideal world,
Speaker 1: if I could have it all my way, I would
Speaker 1: watch this movie. And then you start to make a deal.
Speaker 1: From there, you know, you get to say, then, Ashley,
Speaker 1: in my ideal world, if I could have it all
Speaker 1: my way, I would do this, And then you guys
Speaker 1: kind of play volleyball. You go back and forth until
Speaker 1: you both come up with something where you both feel
Speaker 1: like you got to win instead of somebody being resentful
Speaker 1: and being the loser. You know, I'm not about compromise,
Speaker 1: and I think you're not totally sharing what you want, Jared.
Speaker 1: And then it's going to build up. Yeah, I see
Speaker 1: building up all the time. Yeah. My next question for you,
Speaker 1: Sherry is why is it so difficult to tell people
Speaker 1: what we want? Well, I think it's multilayered. I think
Speaker 1: for you, knowing what I know about you, it's you
Speaker 1: don't want to disappoint You want to continue to be
Speaker 1: the superhero. And if you tell somebody that might disappoint
Speaker 1: them or they might not agree with it can create
Speaker 1: disconnection and anxiety. You know, you hold back because you
Speaker 1: want to be pleasing, you want to fulfill that image,
Speaker 1: and and then it actually catch us up with us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I just hear people all the time who
Speaker 1: are so afraid to tell people what they want. Even
Speaker 1: last night, we were talking to a girl who was
Speaker 1: saying that she wants to get engaged with her boyfriend.
Speaker 1: And while she's talked to him about it, I think
Speaker 1: she hasn't really directly said like, this is what I want,
Speaker 1: this is the time frame I want to in, And
Speaker 1: I don't know why you. I mean, this is a
Speaker 1: whole thing, but but yeah, I just I my curiosity is,
Speaker 1: why is it it? I know I get it for me.
Speaker 1: I sometimes it's hard for me to say what I want.
Speaker 1: But it's it seems like it's a very um big
Speaker 1: problem for a lot of people. There's fear that somebody
Speaker 1: might not want to give it. They would rather you know,
Speaker 1: suspend the knowing and think that maybe someday they'll get it.
Speaker 1: Like that woman's maybe worst fear is it She'll say
Speaker 1: I want to get engaged and he'll say I don't,
Speaker 1: and then the relationship is over. So they hang out
Speaker 1: waiting and hoping instead of what I think is really
Speaker 1: what we're all craving now ultimately is to be seen
Speaker 1: and understood, to be fully seen and heard, and that
Speaker 1: means suspending that fear and saying, look, I'm about something
Speaker 1: that I really want and need and you may not agree,
Speaker 1: you may not be able to give it to me,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna put that fear aside in order to
Speaker 1: be closer to you. I think when at least we
Speaker 1: can really know each other's truth. I mean, actually, I'm
Speaker 1: a Pisces and my son as a Scorpio. I so
Speaker 1: get the not knowing and the anxiety that causes to
Speaker 1: be like, how are you feeling? You know, and not
Speaker 1: being able to crack in there. Yes, I think for
Speaker 1: me it's hard. You feel this as a woman. I
Speaker 1: think our giant need to be connected creates a sense
Speaker 1: of safety for us. And so there's got to be
Speaker 1: some kind of an agreement you to make ground giving
Speaker 1: him his time to be in his safe place, because
Speaker 1: safety for him is not charing and being quiet and
Speaker 1: keeping it all in and he's got to have that
Speaker 1: at times. And I think, Jared, you knowing that it's
Speaker 1: something that really creates safety for Ashley to know how
Speaker 1: you're feeling, to be deeply connected, that that can be
Speaker 1: a gift to her, That is a superhero gift. Like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna look at my fear straight in the face
Speaker 1: and I'm going to put on my tape and tell
Speaker 1: you the truth anyway so that you can feel safe
Speaker 1: and know that I love you. Yeah. I like the
Speaker 1: way you phrase it. Yeah yeah. So going back to
Speaker 1: the original, it's Ashley's way or the highway. I think
Speaker 1: you could influence this, Jared by by you know, telling
Speaker 1: her what you really want and need in any moment
Speaker 1: so that she doesn't have to get hard and take over.
Speaker 1: You know, she doesn't have to be the big driver. Well,
Speaker 1: sometimes she wants to. Well now that now that we
Speaker 1: talked about being clear with what we want and like
Speaker 1: what we're concerned about. Sometimes I feel like when I
Speaker 1: am clear with what I want, you get defensive. Um,
Speaker 1: you're always clear with what you want? What do you mean?
Speaker 1: I know? But like two months ago, when I was like,
Speaker 1: you're not being romantic with me. Why aren't you being
Speaker 1: romantic with me? You were like, I've heard this a
Speaker 1: zillion times. What do you want? For me, and then
Speaker 1: I got scared of bringing up Ashley. What I'm going
Speaker 1: to give you a short cut because criticism doesn't really
Speaker 1: land well Shire of us, right, and no, nobody really
Speaker 1: likes to feel like they're failing. And we do that
Speaker 1: as women a lot, or anybody who's kind of in
Speaker 1: that more feminine mood will say, um with frustration, you know,
Speaker 1: why aren't you or this isn't working, or you know
Speaker 1: there's some emotional charge to it, because like you said,
Speaker 1: when somebody criticizes you you want to change. It will
Speaker 1: actually impact you. So we think if we come at
Speaker 1: them with that, they'll change, but it has the opposite effect.
Speaker 1: For a man, all he can hear is is I'm
Speaker 1: failing you. I've done something wrong, which is like the
Speaker 1: worst thing for them, and so it's a great way
Speaker 1: to get somebody defensive. So there's the trick this is
Speaker 1: for both of you to use because I think like
Speaker 1: even in work situations, I work with so many leaders
Speaker 1: and teams and you know, nobody wants to feel like
Speaker 1: they're doing something wrong. It takes a great being who's
Speaker 1: like in a really cool vibe to be able to
Speaker 1: hear that and not react. So it's just two parts.
Speaker 1: This is how you give feedback. And like, let's say
Speaker 1: about the bed. You know, the bed wasn't made. That
Speaker 1: was a good example you had, Ashley, and you get,
Speaker 1: you know, upset about it. So you can say, hey, babe,
Speaker 1: it's first I love, this is what I love, and
Speaker 1: this is what I want more of. That's the formula,
Speaker 1: so you go. I love it so much when you
Speaker 1: make the bed because you do it so well. And
Speaker 1: what I'd like more of is for you to do
Speaker 1: it every day because it rocks my world. That would
Speaker 1: never make him defensive? Right? How would that? Jared? I
Speaker 1: don't think he likes it. No, that sounds great. Here's
Speaker 1: what I love, and here's what I want more of.
Speaker 1: Like I love it when the romantic with me. It
Speaker 1: makes me feel so good. You know what do you
Speaker 1: love about it when he's romantic with you? And I
Speaker 1: want more of it? I want it more. You know?
Speaker 1: It's some of the tone of your voice and the
Speaker 1: fact that you're leading you do so well. Would that work? Jared? Um,
Speaker 1: we'd have to test it out. I don't know. That's
Speaker 1: that's a if I'm being honest. When I initially hear it,
Speaker 1: I don't think it would work. I I it's not
Speaker 1: a working versus. It's it's not Um, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I have to mold that over well,
Speaker 1: actually tell him, let's try another thing. What does it
Speaker 1: give you when he's romantic with you? Security? It ultimately
Speaker 1: makes you feel safe and loved and adored and attracted to. Right,
Speaker 1: It's a lot. And are you really specific about how
Speaker 1: he can be romantic with you? Like I would love
Speaker 1: it with if you do this or that, and so
Speaker 1: that it's really clear how you could do that, Jared,
Speaker 1: because sometimes I think if we're not clear. You want
Speaker 1: to give her security, you want to adore her, you
Speaker 1: want to love her, you want to do all those
Speaker 1: things that she keeps telling you you're not doing it.
Speaker 1: Do you have a really good, specific way that you
Speaker 1: understand how to be romantic that would work? Me? Uh huh.
Speaker 1: I think this is a better question for Ashley me.
Speaker 1: You know how I like it? Like how I like yeah? Dead,
Speaker 1: but you know I just want to like you'd be
Speaker 1: very touchy, am I not you you're touchy, but you
Speaker 1: used to be so much touchier. That's what I think.
Speaker 1: That's what it was for me. Because you used to
Speaker 1: never get off me, and now you get off me.
Speaker 1: Well sometimes yeah, sometimes I do. Yeah, but you used
Speaker 1: to be all over me and I love that. Well,
Speaker 1: don't cry. Um. That's a good one. Though. Is there
Speaker 1: anything that's changed from Ashley that has has change that
Speaker 1: for you? There was something that I mean, if we're
Speaker 1: going to talk about this, then we're gonna talk about it.
Speaker 1: We'll go. I mean, I also think that there is
Speaker 1: a certain expectation that Ashley has, um because she's never
Speaker 1: been in a long term relationship, and I don't think
Speaker 1: she knows that. Um, you know, you know, I mean
Speaker 1: we see each other when I was touching it all
Speaker 1: the time when we were first you know, specific holding
Speaker 1: hands in my arm around her and cuddling and and
Speaker 1: you know, all that snuggly stuff. Um, I mean, we
Speaker 1: weren't living together at the time, we weren't seeing each
Speaker 1: other seven so there was this element of of surprise.
Speaker 1: You know. Now there's not that that same surprise. And
Speaker 1: that's not a bad thing. It's just different. But that's
Speaker 1: what love is. Love changes. I think that's one of
Speaker 1: my fears with being with Ashley is that it's going
Speaker 1: to continue to change. You know when we get married
Speaker 1: and when we have kids, and not in a bad way,
Speaker 1: and we'll still make sure that we have our moments together,
Speaker 1: but they might be less and less and that makes
Speaker 1: me a little scared that she'll become more and more
Speaker 1: hut defensive with you know, the romance changing, um as
Speaker 1: I feel it does in a lot of relationships, and
Speaker 1: I think we do a good job of trying to
Speaker 1: make sure that we have our us time. Um we
Speaker 1: also live with a third person, so we live with
Speaker 1: Ashley's sister, makes it yeah, So I you know, I
Speaker 1: think there's a lot of factors at bay Ah, So
Speaker 1: you know it's going to be really important. Is it
Speaker 1: will change. But I don't believe what a lot of
Speaker 1: people say out there about how the romance just it
Speaker 1: just dies and that's the way it is. I don't
Speaker 1: buy it because I think we live a lot longer
Speaker 1: than we used to, and if we're going to be
Speaker 1: together with somebody for a long period of time, then
Speaker 1: we need to continue to date and we need to
Speaker 1: continue to stoke that romance and that magic, and there
Speaker 1: are ways to keep changing it up. That's a human
Speaker 1: need we have for like surprise and uncertainty and magic.
Speaker 1: That's that's something you're always going to need from each other,
Speaker 1: and you can play with that as you grow older together.
Speaker 1: What works, what doesn't. It's frustrating to people because we'd
Speaker 1: love to say, ah, we love this person and they
Speaker 1: never changed and we lived happily ever after. But it
Speaker 1: won't be that way. But then you can play with space.
Speaker 1: You know you're together a lot. Really healthy relationships have
Speaker 1: some space, some chance to miss each other, some chance
Speaker 1: to go away and plan some surprise or something new,
Speaker 1: and inject that into the relationship. You don't want to
Speaker 1: get too much same, same going on, otherwise things will
Speaker 1: get boring. That I read that in Cosmo a couple
Speaker 1: of months ago, that like, if you are too close
Speaker 1: and hinder romance, and I was like, I think that's
Speaker 1: what was happening, especially when we moved in together. It
Speaker 1: was just when we moved in, because beforehand it was
Speaker 1: like constant romance, and then when we moved in together,
Speaker 1: it was just like we're together all the time, Like
Speaker 1: you can't feel like that. Yeah, he's got satiated a bit,
Speaker 1: and that'll happen with people who have kids. And then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden you're in this routine and you're
Speaker 1: just swimming in certainty, and it's all I think. Everybody
Speaker 1: wants some security and they want safety. But when you
Speaker 1: get too much, we kind of die inside. You know,
Speaker 1: we're not as excited anymore. And you guys can get
Speaker 1: creative and figure out how can you keep things exciting
Speaker 1: And it's going to be different throughout the years. But
Speaker 1: that's where just talking to each other and not being
Speaker 1: afraid to fail to just say who are you today?
Speaker 1: I always say this, Like, my favorite wedding vows I've
Speaker 1: ever heard was when this man said the woman I
Speaker 1: promised to never know you really, which at the first glance,
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, that doesn't sound right, but he's actually saying,
Speaker 1: you want every day, every minute you're a new person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to assume that I know who
Speaker 1: you are. Sure, I don't want to take up too
Speaker 1: much more. You're too much more of your time. Really quick, though,
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Speaker 1: didn't know what I was missing. That was the issue.
Speaker 1: Now I'm open to that world and I will never
Speaker 1: go back. All I can use and I'm so proud.
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you. I forgot it. I forgot
Speaker 1: my electric toothbrush like two weeks ago. I don't know
Speaker 1: when we were traveling, but I had to buy, you know,
Speaker 1: one of the plastic ones and just do it myself.
Speaker 1: And I felt like I wasn't cleaning my teeth properly
Speaker 1: because I'm so used to the electric toothbrush, just really
Speaker 1: getting in there. It's it's a whole new world. I'm
Speaker 1: so glad. That's how much he loves quip Um You guys.
Speaker 1: Quip was designed to make brushing your teeth more simple, affordable,
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Speaker 1: it's time to switch sides. It's got a helping guide
Speaker 1: for a full and even clean up to of us
Speaker 1: don't brush for a full two minutes and don't clean
Speaker 1: evenly like you just just said that. I was one
Speaker 1: of those people because I used to always time it,
Speaker 1: but I would always brush my teeth for probably less
Speaker 1: than a minute. And now the electric tooth brush has
Speaker 1: an aumot a timer, which is huge. Can we talk
Speaker 1: about how I used to make fun of me because
Speaker 1: your brush head was so destroyed. I was like, well,
Speaker 1: was the last time you changed your brushead and be like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: maybe like a year and a half. I was like that,
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Speaker 1: can proudly say that I am one of those, one
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Speaker 1: our podcast post. Well, it's a pretty cool podcast that
Speaker 1: Ashley and I have always hosted. Thank you guys. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we heard that you guys were you know, in studio,
Speaker 1: so we just god, we love that you guys talked
Speaker 1: about relationships and you know, you guys just have such
Speaker 1: an inspiring story, the two of you. So we're trying
Speaker 1: to open up like you guys can kind of learn
Speaker 1: more about our relationships. Yeah, we've been doing this podcast
Speaker 1: for about a year now, right, Ashley, yea, Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: been it's been good. It was my idea. It was
Speaker 1: did you know with wine? How did you come up
Speaker 1: with wine down? I like wine? You do? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: drink wine sometimes, w H I and E because I
Speaker 1: wine and then wine doesn't go up, it goes down,
Speaker 1: it goes down the throat. So interesting, That's how I
Speaker 1: came up. So what did you guys? Actually, why are
Speaker 1: you crying? Oh we're just talking. I can't talking. Oh no,
Speaker 1: do we come in about time? Weird? No people crying.
Speaker 1: We're an emotional breakthrough. That's where we're at. We're just
Speaker 1: talking about the evolution of a relationship, yeah, and how
Speaker 1: it changes over time. But that's not in a bad way,
Speaker 1: but just that love evolves, you know, for example, it's
Speaker 1: it's very different what a relationship changes from when you
Speaker 1: guys are not living together to when you are living together.
Speaker 1: You know, I miss him touching me all the time.
Speaker 1: It's very sweet, it's very adorable. And now that you
Speaker 1: guys live together, you feel like it's not as much. Well,
Speaker 1: it's good to miss you, you you know you want to
Speaker 1: that's what it missed each other, you know, And it's
Speaker 1: harder when you're together all the time, you know. With
Speaker 1: we've learned our love languages, you know, from listening to
Speaker 1: y'all's podcast, we've learned about love language. Isn't about we
Speaker 1: need so like I remember, like when you've talked about
Speaker 1: love languages, and like what I realized, Like with Mike,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, for me, I'm like I I
Speaker 1: like the touch and stuff. So actually, maybe you know
Speaker 1: that's just something that you you need and he has
Speaker 1: to do a better job of showing and giving to
Speaker 1: you because when you do live together and eventually when
Speaker 1: you guys get married and you have kids, like that's
Speaker 1: it's you have to remind yourself to do it because
Speaker 1: it's hard, you know what I mean, Like you for
Speaker 1: you forget about your spouse almost in a sense, I don't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you feel like you're passing each other so much throughout
Speaker 1: the day, where even Jan and I we tried to
Speaker 1: based on what you guys have talked about on Wine Down,
Speaker 1: you know, we've tried to connect and every time we
Speaker 1: pass each other, even if it's a little like, you know,
Speaker 1: pat on the butt or rub on the back or
Speaker 1: just something just so let each other know that we're there. So, Hey,
Speaker 1: we're in the midst of it. We're raising kids, were
Speaker 1: doing stuff, we're working. But hey, as I walk by you,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you a little tablet. You know I'm here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you always do that a little frustrating thing about this
Speaker 1: conversation because it does make me feel like, I know
Speaker 1: you do that. I do it a lot. Does do
Speaker 1: that a lot. He taps my butt all the time.
Speaker 1: I literally I'm just talking. But it was like when
Speaker 1: we first started dating, obviously I couldn't, you know, keep
Speaker 1: my hands off her. And that has changed, obviously because
Speaker 1: the last time I when was the last time I
Speaker 1: didn't see you for a full day. I can't even remember.
Speaker 1: It was the Bachelor finale. It was like three weeks ago.
Speaker 1: But was it like only like it was it was
Speaker 1: thirty six hours? Yeah, not even I don't think anyway.
Speaker 1: But um so, I there is that element of we
Speaker 1: do just become so comfortable to each other and we're
Speaker 1: such close friends that I feel like I'm very touchy,
Speaker 1: but not to the extent that I was you're absolutely rights.
Speaker 1: Time goes on, is that? Yeah? You jes You commit
Speaker 1: to continuing to give to each other, Like Jenna said,
Speaker 1: it's like what can I do to give to you
Speaker 1: every day? And there's a great thing. If you were
Speaker 1: doing what you were doing in the beginning, the relationship
Speaker 1: would never end. And you were doing in the beginning, Jared,
Speaker 1: And so it's just about what do you need in
Speaker 1: order to keep giving that because it lands so well
Speaker 1: with her. Is a real expectation, though, to expect the
Speaker 1: relationship to just be as hot and heavy as it
Speaker 1: was and when you first started dating. It won't be this, Yes,
Speaker 1: it can be. What I know about people who are
Speaker 1: in their fifties and sixties is it's way hotter actually
Speaker 1: because you're way more self aware and way more confident,
Speaker 1: and and you give less. You know what's about a
Speaker 1: lot of things in life, and it gets better. So
Speaker 1: I wouldn't buy the social hypnosis that it's just going
Speaker 1: to wind down. Not wind down good play, Uh huh.
Speaker 1: It will change, It will have different flavors, but that
Speaker 1: doesn't mean less than and I think all it does
Speaker 1: is call us to be more creative with each other
Speaker 1: about how can I do that for you now? How
Speaker 1: can I rock your world now? Maybe it's not the
Speaker 1: same way if it used to be, But I'm still
Speaker 1: going to commit to making you feel loved, adore it, safe,
Speaker 1: all the things that Ashley said that cuddling and touching
Speaker 1: gives her, and it will be such a deeper connection
Speaker 1: to I mean how you guys maybe played with her
Speaker 1: and made her feel like love and stuff. Now it's
Speaker 1: like there's such a deeper love, like she's saying, you know,
Speaker 1: so that way, it's like maybe you just have to
Speaker 1: receive it differently. Yeah, and Jared, it's totally okay to
Speaker 1: say I need some space, I need some time to
Speaker 1: go off and like do my thing and go get
Speaker 1: my energy back on and then come home and take you.
Speaker 1: You know, like it's okay to ask for what you
Speaker 1: need in order to turn that back on. Yeah. The
Speaker 1: thing is, though I feel I don't ever feel like
Speaker 1: I need space. I think that's the We never need
Speaker 1: space each other's and so it does come it gets
Speaker 1: complacent sometimes, but it only gets complacent because it's never bad.
Speaker 1: It's always good between us, but it's maybe not as
Speaker 1: great as it once was, not not the love, the
Speaker 1: love has. Honestly, I'm more in love with you now
Speaker 1: than I ever have been. But if you're speaking solely
Speaker 1: on touch, physical touch aspect of it, it's certainly very high.
Speaker 1: I mean, I touch you all the time, but it's
Speaker 1: not like you were smothering me and like we always
Speaker 1: have a joke, you smollering me and then like you
Speaker 1: just sound like that at all, and for ye for
Speaker 1: that like honeymoon phase, and after six months it wasn't
Speaker 1: an ending for the honeymoon phase. I feel like it was.
Speaker 1: It was certainly not an ending to the honeymoon phase.
Speaker 1: Even though you guys don't feel like you need space
Speaker 1: from each other. Is that something where you think in
Speaker 1: Shari you could speak on this too. Do you think
Speaker 1: that'd be beneficial where you if you you guys made
Speaker 1: each other take that time, like, hey, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go take this day for myself. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go take half the half the day. That way, when
Speaker 1: you do come back to each other, maybe it feels
Speaker 1: like that a little bit more. Maybe your actions don't
Speaker 1: even change physically, but it feels like that because you
Speaker 1: haven't seen each Oh, no, you're right, I know it
Speaker 1: would be beneficial. It's just the act of actually doing
Speaker 1: even like going to the grocery store. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: I want to go to the grocery store with Actually
Speaker 1: I love being around. Actually it's really weird. It's quite pathetic, actually,
Speaker 1: but but you're right, it's it's it's you know, if
Speaker 1: we want that, you know, um, because there is a
Speaker 1: certain fire that's lit under you ask when you don't
Speaker 1: see your significant another for like, you know, a few
Speaker 1: days a week, Like it's only one way. I think
Speaker 1: you guys can do other things. Will be in the
Speaker 1: house together and say, all right, how are you gonna
Speaker 1: light the fire today? Like what would excite you right now?
Speaker 1: Like let's do something different. I mean, I think it's
Speaker 1: really just about injecting newness and not getting too much
Speaker 1: into the routine. That's fair, right, well, I mean just
Speaker 1: even having different conversations, playing a crazy game, or like
Speaker 1: bringing some new thoughts to each other, or I always
Speaker 1: he always wants to play games like board I played
Speaker 1: card games or something different. I don't want to hold
Speaker 1: the game. I like mind games. We can like questions.
Speaker 1: I don't want to play monopoly with you if you
Speaker 1: want me to. But that's not a way, it's spicing
Speaker 1: as something up I play with at least acknowledge that
Speaker 1: I can never be the banker because I slide me
Speaker 1: a hundred every like an extra round. You ain't. You
Speaker 1: ain't trying to games. And by the way, if you
Speaker 1: guys have not noticed the actual that Ashley and Jared
Speaker 1: are not the hosts of wind Dune are but actually,
Speaker 1: jar you guys, it's such a good job and you
Speaker 1: totally captured the spirit of wine down with tears in
Speaker 1: a relationship and connecting because you're going to leave. Yes
Speaker 1: it's like sad, but you're gonna leave connected, you know
Speaker 1: you really we appreciate you letting us crash this podcast
Speaker 1: for a day. How often real fools. But no to
Speaker 1: to Jane this testament what she's saying about you guys,
Speaker 1: the fact that not everyone is willing to come in
Speaker 1: here and yeah, shed those layers and dig into that stuff.
Speaker 1: So kudos to you guys are being willing to open
Speaker 1: up and talk about that on here. So we're pumped.
Speaker 1: When our producer told us that you guys were the
Speaker 1: one stepping in, We're could be more excited. We thank you, guys.
Speaker 1: This is the one that we wanted to take over
Speaker 1: because we knew, because you can learn something new about
Speaker 1: their relationship and what things you might have to work on.
Speaker 1: And you guys, you guys did a great job and
Speaker 1: you're not alone. There's so many girls that feel the
Speaker 1: same way. Ash so in same with you, Jared. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm glad that we did this because it is nice
Speaker 1: for people to know that it's not perfect. It's not perfect.
Speaker 1: You know. I feel like a lot of people just
Speaker 1: look at our social media and think, wow, there everything
Speaker 1: so good. Everything is so perfect, and it is so
Speaker 1: wonderful and I'm so happy. But of course it's not
Speaker 1: a perfect relationship. We have to be fully human to
Speaker 1: be in this and get messy and love each other well,
Speaker 1: and that's exactly what you're doing. How often do you
Speaker 1: guys carry the podcast? Oh? I cry at least like
Speaker 1: every other Monday of the podcast for sure. So ok, yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's I mean again, you totally like embrace the
Speaker 1: whole content of wind Down and been able to. But
Speaker 1: you guys are now like connected on a different level
Speaker 1: right now, right, yeah, of course, So it's good. Thanks guys,
Speaker 1: thank you. Oh yes, and if you want to see uh,
Speaker 1: Mike and I live. Unfortunately Jared and Nashley can't come,
Speaker 1: but if they're in the Boston, New York or Virginia area,
Speaker 1: we are taking wine down on the road. We're so
Speaker 1: excited May eighteen, Boston, Virginia, New York. We're taking wind
Speaker 1: out on the road. We're gonna want to connect with
Speaker 1: you guys, just like Jared Nasha did to talk about
Speaker 1: the relationship with you. Guys. Want to work on and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna sing some some new songs like my new
Speaker 1: single Beautiful Eyes. So you guys had to Janna Kramer
Speaker 1: dot com to get the tickets and we're excited to
Speaker 1: see you out on the road. Yeah, go get those tickets.
Speaker 1: You guys going or Virginia. I know, Yeah, you guys
Speaker 1: gonna check out? Are you guys should go to Fenway Park?
Speaker 1: I thought that would be awesome. Shake Shack is a
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Speaker 1: you guys, can you guys wrap up our show? Please?
Speaker 1: Yes we will. Oh my goodness, April Fool's Day brings
Speaker 1: out the craziest things and people. But that was Janna Kramer,
Speaker 1: who actually hosts this show. But where we before we
Speaker 1: wrap this up? We do have another envelope here of
Speaker 1: what Ashley says. So the first envelope was La La Land.
Speaker 1: This one wrong and now this is the correct best pitch,
Speaker 1: sure winner. So this is what says She and Share
Speaker 1: need to work on their relationship. This has not been
Speaker 1: revealed to Share before. It's all about his hatred for
Speaker 1: l A and the anxiety it brings in. He's a
Speaker 1: far more anxious person than I ever knew before we
Speaker 1: were together. It affects his me a lot. See, this
Speaker 1: is my point. I'm not the guy you thought I
Speaker 1: want to know. Okay, So I actually think that everything
Speaker 1: we talked about on his side, like all the romance
Speaker 1: stuff actually happens, it actually is very connected to his
Speaker 1: own mental state right now. I think he's not touching
Speaker 1: me and not being as lovely anymore because I think
Speaker 1: that he has anxiety that needs to actually be dealt with,
Speaker 1: because I think it rolls over into a depression category
Speaker 1: as well. That sounds true, Jad, I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's I. I wouldn't use the word depression. I think
Speaker 1: everybody gets scared when they say the word depression. I
Speaker 1: think that like everybody's like, oh my god, I'm not
Speaker 1: that bad. No, it's not a that bad thing. It's
Speaker 1: just my mental state. I think I'm listen. I was
Speaker 1: born and raised twenty nine years in Rhode Island. I've
Speaker 1: I never lived twenty minutes for my friends, and also
Speaker 1: so the adjustment to l A has been a little
Speaker 1: bit of a struggle for me. Um. I also think
Speaker 1: it doesn't help that I had such a core group
Speaker 1: of people that I was very close with back home,
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of times it was I
Speaker 1: would lean on them, not to say I can't lean
Speaker 1: on you, actually I think it's just different, right, It's
Speaker 1: just an adjustment period of kind of everything happened so quickly.
Speaker 1: I moved to l A, we started dating, we got engaged,
Speaker 1: moved in together, um, planning a marriage, all the things
Speaker 1: I want. I want to marry you. I cannot wait
Speaker 1: for our wedding. But I'm also very excited at weddings
Speaker 1: back home because I just want I want you, which
Speaker 1: is why I'm here. But I also want you incorporated
Speaker 1: with the people that I love. And so I think.
Speaker 1: I also think, if I'm being honest, I'm just more
Speaker 1: confident back in Rhode Island. Maybe it's a big fish
Speaker 1: in a small pond syndrome. Um, but I find myself, Ah,
Speaker 1: I find myself uh cooler, not even just but like
Speaker 1: wittier and like more touchy with you, and just there's
Speaker 1: it's a certain level of comfortable nous that is is
Speaker 1: not okay. And it's honestly a character flaw. Because I
Speaker 1: wish I could go out, I think, I yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know, I don't know. He's more lovely, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because he's more his high hisself, he's bolstered by community
Speaker 1: and tons of connection and He's got a lot of
Speaker 1: certainty because he can walk around that place. He knows
Speaker 1: everything about it. This is not a character flaw, Jared.
Speaker 1: You're just in a new environment and you don't have
Speaker 1: that kind of community. And that's what would explain why
Speaker 1: you two like to be together, and that because you
Speaker 1: make each other feel safe and connected to something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would agree with that. Jared says he doesn't feel safe,
Speaker 1: like when he even leaves at the house and La, No,
Speaker 1: it's not it's not like not like a safe heat emotionally,
Speaker 1: not like safety like physically. No, I mean a little
Speaker 1: bit of both, if I'm being honest. Um, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you gunna say something that, um, I don't
Speaker 1: know that's unpredictable and unknown. It's almost too much unknown.
Speaker 1: And we're talking about injecting your relationship with a lot
Speaker 1: of newness. It's like that town though, is almost too
Speaker 1: much of that for you. Yeah, And like I said,
Speaker 1: I think every you know, when I first saw I
Speaker 1: moved out here in November. I moved in with my
Speaker 1: buddy Nick, who's who was very adamant about me just
Speaker 1: coming out and give an l a try. And then
Speaker 1: so I moved out here for like a month and
Speaker 1: a half before I went home for the holidays, and
Speaker 1: I was going to go back, but I didn't know
Speaker 1: how well. I had to go back into l A
Speaker 1: to find out what the hell was going on with
Speaker 1: Ashley at the time, and and so I I never
Speaker 1: forcesaw myself being out in l A too long, excuse me.
Speaker 1: And then obviously we started we started dating, and then
Speaker 1: I kind of put like I said earlier, I think
Speaker 1: I do good job putting my insecurities to this side
Speaker 1: to project the best version of myself to obtain what
Speaker 1: I want. Um. And then I think I did that
Speaker 1: for a very long time, and we moved in and
Speaker 1: I think some of those insecurities started coming back and
Speaker 1: be like, no, I'm I'm here, I'm in l A.
Speaker 1: I'm not going back home, um for a while for
Speaker 1: your plan. But also I mean, if I'm being honest,
Speaker 1: we always talked about this four year plan. But I'm
Speaker 1: very nervous about you moving back east because I'm very
Speaker 1: nervous about the opposite happening with you, which is what's
Speaker 1: happening with me right now. This adjustment period, unsure of
Speaker 1: of of things, and and and and work and all
Speaker 1: that jazz. Um, you know, the most important thing I'm
Speaker 1: sure of, which is you, which I'm very grateful for. Um,
Speaker 1: But I'm nervous. You know, say we do move to
Speaker 1: you know, Boston in five years, you know, knock on
Speaker 1: wood luckily, hope everything goes well. Um, how do I
Speaker 1: know that You're just not going to have the same
Speaker 1: go through the same thing I'm going through right now,
Speaker 1: which is a really difficult adjustment period because you've you
Speaker 1: you like light and that's you know, Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it stresses us out that like we're going to have
Speaker 1: to he is compromising where he's living now and then
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to compromise in a couple of years.
Speaker 1: And I think it stresses us out because are we
Speaker 1: both gonna be able to be in a place that
Speaker 1: makes us happy? Right at the same time it creates
Speaker 1: So if we look at it like this that rather
Speaker 1: than compromise, I think we use everything in life to
Speaker 1: make us a better human. That everything can teach us something.
Speaker 1: And if you look at like you being pulled out
Speaker 1: of your comfort zone, and you know that saying that
Speaker 1: life begins beyond your comfort zone. We wrote a hold
Speaker 1: that about it, right Yeah, you're doing that. You are
Speaker 1: in that right now, and you are learning that ultimately,
Speaker 1: your your best self, your most you know, the guy
Speaker 1: that you become when you're around your community is in there.
Speaker 1: He's in there right now. How what do you need
Speaker 1: to bring him out? No matter where you are, because
Speaker 1: you're going to travel in life, You're gonna go through
Speaker 1: different cases in life, are going to keep throwing you
Speaker 1: off that center. And this is why people meditate and
Speaker 1: do yoga, you know, practice, How can I bring that
Speaker 1: guy out consistently no matter where I am, no matter
Speaker 1: what's going on in my environment. That's obviously what we're
Speaker 1: here too, you know, grow into it's it's the highest work.
Speaker 1: And and then what's kind of beautiful is you're going
Speaker 1: to do your part to learn where that is inside you.
Speaker 1: And then actually you're gonna have experiment too, and you're
Speaker 1: gonna learn how to dig deep and find that person
Speaker 1: and you no matter where you are, you'll learn a
Speaker 1: ton about yourselves and about each other in that process.
Speaker 1: And then maybe you both come together after it's done
Speaker 1: done and you decide where can we now be? That
Speaker 1: would bring out the best in both of us. I
Speaker 1: don't know if that's a new third location. But I
Speaker 1: feel like it's not compromise. You both are really diving
Speaker 1: into something that's going to make you better. Well, I
Speaker 1: also am realizing that I have to create my own happiness.
Speaker 1: Ashley is not going to be my only supply of it.
Speaker 1: So I'm I'm realizing that, especially within the past week
Speaker 1: or so. I'd probably say, um, you know, making this
Speaker 1: is another dumb comment, like I'm shooting like golf clubs
Speaker 1: out here because I love playing sports. I miss playing
Speaker 1: I played golf in a very long time. I used
Speaker 1: to play all the time back in Rhode Island. Um.
Speaker 1: And so just something like that, like actively being like, okay, um,
Speaker 1: you know, find somebody who wants to go golfing with you,
Speaker 1: Like you have my any Tanners out here now, which
Speaker 1: helps a lot. And I do have friends. Dean is
Speaker 1: a is a good friend of mine. And so it's
Speaker 1: more so, like we've stated before, like doing a better
Speaker 1: job of me uh, letting people know what I want,
Speaker 1: you know, instead of you know, waiting for someone to
Speaker 1: see if I want to go golfing with them. You know,
Speaker 1: I'll get my clothes out here and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: you want to go golfling next week and and or
Speaker 1: you know or or whatever. You know, I'm playing sports
Speaker 1: or um you know, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's sometimes I do hate leaving the house in l
Speaker 1: A though. I gotta be honest, it's just terrible. Make
Speaker 1: you face all that uncertainty and I'll go a stranger. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just I just I hate it. You know that.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of times where I don't like it
Speaker 1: because it and actually noticed when I'm back home, I
Speaker 1: don't mind leaving the house at all. I like, I
Speaker 1: don't like being at the house at home. It's so
Speaker 1: it's just complete opposite spectrums. But what you've got to
Speaker 1: learn is you've got to learn more about l A
Speaker 1: and make l A more comfortable for you. You You know,
Speaker 1: when we get into a relationship, I think we're signing
Speaker 1: up to give to someone at a at a big level,
Speaker 1: Like you've signed up to give to actually for the
Speaker 1: rest of her life, give to her happiness, give to
Speaker 1: her well being, all of that. And I think there's
Speaker 1: there's a strategy. The more you want to give, the
Speaker 1: more you need. So if I'm going to give to
Speaker 1: you and be my best self for you, actually I
Speaker 1: need to go golfing, I need to go make friends.
Speaker 1: I need to make myself comfortable on account so I
Speaker 1: can keep loving on you. Well, don't throw your needs
Speaker 1: under the bus, all right, Well, sure, I really appreciate
Speaker 1: you joining us today. You have taught us a lot
Speaker 1: about you talked like almost the entire time. Babe, you
Speaker 1: just talked about talked. Don't don't feel bad, but I
Speaker 1: have more to unload with you. I don't want to say,
Speaker 1: you know, like you have far more come. You're just
Speaker 1: You're just more complex, and it's I think it's just
Speaker 1: a lot. Uh. I think just a lot has been
Speaker 1: predicated on me with our relationship over the past year.
Speaker 1: You know, not in a bad way. That does sound
Speaker 1: like a bad No, I don't mean that, but just
Speaker 1: in terms of, like, you know, because it was you
Speaker 1: for a while, because you were, you know, so open
Speaker 1: with your feelings, and I was obviously very confused in
Speaker 1: the past years, Like, Okay, I need to step up
Speaker 1: and show her how I feel because I've been screwing
Speaker 1: up for so long and then obviously me moving in
Speaker 1: with you up. But You've been kept a lot in
Speaker 1: and I've always let everything out. Yeah, and then you know,
Speaker 1: obviously me making sure that I have to stay out here,
Speaker 1: and then you know, I'm moving in with you, and
Speaker 1: and then finding my footing in Los Angeles has been
Speaker 1: a little bit difficult that sometimes, Yeah, I just feel
Speaker 1: like sometimes he's like just gives up on like finding
Speaker 1: happiness in l A. Well, it's I'm scared of failure,
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, that's why I didn't move on
Speaker 1: to land for so long. It's I'm I'm sometimes I
Speaker 1: can be a wreck. I'm if I don't go after
Speaker 1: the things I want, then I can never fail, you know.
Speaker 1: And so and I don't know why. I see, like
Speaker 1: we have totally met different mentalities. We can honestly talk forever.
Speaker 1: But I've never been afraid to fail. I don't know
Speaker 1: any why anybody would feel silly about it. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying it's a good quality. I hope nobody else has
Speaker 1: that quality of people have that quality. I think anybody
Speaker 1: who identifies in a in a in a masculine sensor,
Speaker 1: who is out there to achieve, is going to have
Speaker 1: that be their highest fear. I have heard that for
Speaker 1: all my years doing this work, that the fear of
Speaker 1: failure is real and the good. The really good reason
Speaker 1: underneath that that I think is so wonderful about you
Speaker 1: is you just want to do such a good job
Speaker 1: at everything. You just want to be such a good human.
Speaker 1: I mean that's a really great quality. He wants to
Speaker 1: be a superman. Yeah, so like what do you need
Speaker 1: to be? That is the big question for you, kay
Speaker 1: and day out, minute by minute. It's yeah, it is
Speaker 1: a positive under a line, but at the same time,
Speaker 1: it hinders everybody who also has that fear of being
Speaker 1: the best version of themselves. It really does. So it's
Speaker 1: it's counteractive and it makes you less of a better
Speaker 1: human being, if that makes sense, because you could be
Speaker 1: doing more, Like I know, I could be doing more.
Speaker 1: My capabilities are far more than I I you know,
Speaker 1: put out there. So it's just kind of like that.
Speaker 1: It doesn't counteract is for you to honestly give yourself
Speaker 1: so much of what you need, you know, constantly asking yourself,
Speaker 1: what do I need in order to do this right now?
Speaker 1: What do I need in order to go outside? What
Speaker 1: I need in order to connect with Ashley? Well, we
Speaker 1: got to wrap that up. I don't know if that's
Speaker 1: it though. If I would love to have you more
Speaker 1: on the podcast two, because I don't know if that's it.
Speaker 1: We are like getting the wrap up signals right now,
Speaker 1: Like I could honestly just spend another two hours probably
Speaker 1: with you on the thumb. Me too. We'll do it again. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you, all right, we'll share your Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining us. Where can everybody find you at
Speaker 1: three healy dot com. It's yeah, I'll say real quick
Speaker 1: at h E R I E and you'll find it
Speaker 1: all right, shree Healey dot com sre once again, thank
Speaker 1: you so much, thank you so much, thank you by well,
Speaker 1: that was very Actually I feel so bad because I
Speaker 1: felt like you didn't really get to talk all that
Speaker 1: often because it was just diagnosing a lot of my issues. Shared.
Speaker 1: This is this is, this is what you needed. What
Speaker 1: are you talking about? It's funny because you know, I
Speaker 1: feel like we already are My issues don't need a
Speaker 1: lot of analyzation. Yeah, because you are. You are very
Speaker 1: open with them. And it's a great quality to have.
Speaker 1: And which is why people UH relate to you and
Speaker 1: also look up to you so much, is because they
Speaker 1: just you know, even for me, I want to have
Speaker 1: that quality. I wish I had that quality that you have,
Speaker 1: which is this is how I'm feeling. I'm gonna let
Speaker 1: you know how I'm feeling. Also, this is what I want,
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna put it out there so we can
Speaker 1: work towards it instead of me just holding onto it
Speaker 1: inside and you having to try to like figure out
Speaker 1: what exactly it is that's on my mind. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: look how good you are when you do start rolling
Speaker 1: with it. Yeah. But it's it's you're very relatable and
Speaker 1: very it's it's frustrating from my own point of view
Speaker 1: because I don't practice what I preach like I'm going
Speaker 1: to talk about it. We talked about it for an
Speaker 1: hour right now, I feel great about it. Is it
Speaker 1: gonna stick? Who the hell knows? Yeah, but I love you.
Speaker 1: I love you. Let's do a few thank you before
Speaker 1: we go. We have to obviously do a big thank
Speaker 1: you to Shari Heally. You can find her at shar
Speaker 1: heally dot com. I'm pronouncing that correctly, Shari Heally. Yes,
Speaker 1: she was quite lovely. She put up with a lot
Speaker 1: of our crap and listen to everything we had to say.
Speaker 1: Stop putting yourself down. Uh. Also a big thank you
Speaker 1: to open Fit. You can get full access to open fit,
Speaker 1: all the workouts and the nutrition information totally free. All
Speaker 1: you do is text Jana j A n A two
Speaker 1: thirty thirty thirty. That's three zero three zero three zero
Speaker 1: three zero. Zip Recruiter tries zip recruiter for free today
Speaker 1: at zip recruiter dot com slash Janna. You can go
Speaker 1: to stamps dot com and big thank you to stamps
Speaker 1: dot com. Just go to stamps dot com and enter
Speaker 1: Janna and quip get twenty five dollars off. And if
Speaker 1: you go to clip dot com slash Janna right now,
Speaker 1: you're gonna get your first refill pack for free. Also,
Speaker 1: we know that Janna Mike would love to see you
Speaker 1: at the Lab show in Burbank tomorrow night. If you
Speaker 1: are in l A, you'll be able to listen to
Speaker 1: another Wine Down episode this Wednesday. Also, a big thank you.
Speaker 1: This is Actuley. This has you written all over it. Oh,
Speaker 1: it also has you written all over it. Says thank
Speaker 1: you to Shake Shack. Your burgers are going to be
Speaker 1: delicious tomorrow. And a big thank you to Duncan Donuts.
Speaker 1: God I love that for coffee and desert for our
Speaker 1: wine Down Live. God, you guys should just go for
Speaker 1: the sponsors what shake check and and duncan the hell
Speaker 1: are we doing wrong? And help I suck at data
Speaker 1: and this is unbelievable, And of course thank you to
Speaker 1: Thrive Market. Thrive Market truly is the best organic, healthy
Speaker 1: food at a better price. If you have been hearing
Speaker 1: us talk about Thrive Market, you should go check it
Speaker 1: out by now. Jared and I also love Thrive Market.
Speaker 1: We order from them all the time. It's an online supermarket.
Speaker 1: Can get cleaning supplies, you can get soap food. Whatever
Speaker 1: you want to do is go thrive Market dot com
Speaker 1: slash Jana oh and a huge thing to thank you too.
Speaker 1: Ikes love and sandwiches with five hundred deliciously addicting sandwich combos.
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Speaker 1: download app right now. Big thank you Easton Ashley and
Speaker 1: help I second dating usually we say, uh, hope you know,
Speaker 1: into next week we're hopefully we suck a little less,
Speaker 1: so thank you for tuning into wine Down, and then
Speaker 1: hopefully next week we'll drink more wine.