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Speaker 1: I found contraceptives in my partner's bag. But they're not

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Speaker 1: for me because I'm allergic to them.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, they were they for your partner.

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Speaker 1: This morning, I was helping my twenty five female boyfriend

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Speaker 1: twenty three mail get ready for work. He asked me

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Speaker 1: to grab his toothbrush and toothpaste out of his toiletry bag.

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Speaker 1: He is one of those electric toothbrushes with the detachable head,

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Speaker 1: and I couldn't find the head, so I opened up

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Speaker 1: another pocket to look for it, and I found contraceptives,

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Speaker 1: a lot of them. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 1: sad Twigs on the Best of Redditor updates subret it.

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Speaker 1: So he was gifted this toiletry bag for Christmas before

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Speaker 1: he left on a three month trip to visit family

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Speaker 1: in Europe. He acted surprise, like he didn't know they

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Speaker 1: were in there and took them out immediately. He acted

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Speaker 1: like he didn't know that pocket existed. I'd give him

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Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt, but at some point these

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Speaker 1: contraceptives were packed in his bag over the past six months.

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Speaker 1: We've been together for two years. The worst part is

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Speaker 1: their latex. I'm allergic to latex. Rough we only use

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Speaker 1: non latex contraceptives in addition to my birth control. Am

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Speaker 1: I overreacting for feeling suspicious about this? I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm going crazy. Update. I've seen the comments and I'm

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Speaker 1: kind of freaking out. I'm messaging my therapist right now

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Speaker 1: to figure out the best path forward. I was there

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Speaker 1: at Christmas when he was given the bag. It was

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Speaker 1: at his best friend's family house, so part of me

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Speaker 1: is hoping that his best friend put them in there,

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Speaker 1: not knowing I'm allergic to latex. We haven't been intimate

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Speaker 1: as much lately, maybe once in the past two months.

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Speaker 1: I've been really scared that he's not attracted to me anymore,

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Speaker 1: because that's what most people say on here is the

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Speaker 1: reason for someone's spicy sleep drive changing so drastically. He

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Speaker 1: asked me to move in with him when he came

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Speaker 1: back from his trip, and I said yes. So now

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Speaker 1: I feel really trapped, like what if he's been cheating

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Speaker 1: this whole time he's been living with me. He shares

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Speaker 1: his location, but that doesn't really mean anything. I'm on

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Speaker 1: here all the time. I've seen the stories of how

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Speaker 1: people cheat even when sharing their location. I wish I

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Speaker 1: hadn't seen anything, and I don't know anything he could

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Speaker 1: say to make me feel more secure. Someone said I

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Speaker 1: shouldn't have asked, so I could snoop and find out

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Speaker 1: for sure. But I don't want to have to snoop

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Speaker 1: through my partner's belongings to find proof of them cheating

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Speaker 1: on me. Yeah. No, you should be able to talk

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Speaker 1: to them, exactly. We shouldn't stew, we shouldn't be snooping.

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Speaker 2: It's like it's already pretty bad. Yeah, I have to

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Speaker 2: do that.

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Speaker 1: A relationship without trust is dead. Exactly. Boom, this is

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Speaker 1: what I'm Opie's did we write this? You're doing great? Op.

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Speaker 1: We're supposed to talk later and I'll update afterwards. Everyone

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Speaker 1: is so sure he's cheating, and I really hope he's not,

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Speaker 1: because I don't think I'll be able to handle it

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Speaker 1: if he is. I'm already struggling with my mental health

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Speaker 1: as is. And there are some comments and another update,

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Speaker 1: But what do you think? Do you think he's cheating?

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Speaker 1: Do you think there's something else going on?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think it's pretty fair to be like, hey,

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Speaker 2: these I'm allergic to these? Yeah, so what are you

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Speaker 2: doing with them?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What's going on there?

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Speaker 2: But also it's like maybe.

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Speaker 1: The friend to put them in there. I was gonna say,

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Speaker 1: I feel like there's a possibility that the friend was like,

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Speaker 1: here you go, and and he was like, I can't

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Speaker 1: use these. It was like a he just forgot about them.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I hope you get to use these.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Like what what was I mean? Like? What

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Speaker 1: should he have thrown them out? Given them as to

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Speaker 1: give to some.

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Speaker 2: Other friend back in his face?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like I can't use these, he's allergic to these,

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Speaker 1: trying to kill my girl friend.

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Speaker 2: But I think it's it's not it's not a good sign.

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Speaker 3: No, it's kind of you're not necessarily like crazy for

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Speaker 3: thinking like what's going on?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you gotta have the conversation, convosation, conversation.

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Speaker 1: But there are some comments. So let's find out what

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Speaker 1: kind of conversations they're having there. Oh yeah, oh park

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Speaker 1: Plug Nightmare says this, combined with a sudden decrease in

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Speaker 1: spicy sleep y'all are having, is a red flag. Superfly

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty four says, my sister found a large box

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Speaker 1: of the brand of contraceptives we use in a hidden

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Speaker 1: pocket of my now ex husband's large military bag. He

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Speaker 1: has been on deployment recently and my niece used that

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Speaker 1: bag to move. We haven't used contraceptives in years. Asked

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Speaker 1: him about it, and he said it must have been

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Speaker 1: a bad joke as Squadron played. I was ignorant. Why

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Speaker 1: would Squadron know the brand of contraceptives he used? Fast Forward?

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Speaker 1: One kid and another on the way. I found messages

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Speaker 1: on his Facebook where he was extra friendly to one

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Speaker 1: on his post who he was deployed with. He made

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Speaker 1: me feel like I was dumb and overreaching with those messages.

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Speaker 1: A month later, he asked me for divorce. I was

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Speaker 1: six months pregnant with our second kid. He was and

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Speaker 1: still is the worst. Trust your gut, good luck, And

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Speaker 1: there is an update two days later. That's a pretty realleant.

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Speaker 1: That was a really They were like, I've been through

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Speaker 1: hopefully not something exactly similar to your situation. Similar, Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean it's not looking good. He was on a

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Speaker 1: two month vacation in Europe, came back with the contraceptives

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Speaker 1: in the bag.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I think the most telling part is his reaction

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Speaker 3: of like, oh, that must have played it.

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Speaker 2: Do that pocket?

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Speaker 1: That pocket was always that pocket. I've never even seen

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Speaker 1: contraceptives before.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I never learned what those are.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we have really bad sex said in my school.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what that is.

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Speaker 2: Still embarrassing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry, yeah, I'm suspicious.

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Speaker 2: Imagine really trying to be like, I don't even know

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Speaker 2: what those are.

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Speaker 1: I've never seen that before in my life. Update two

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Speaker 1: days later, Well, I definitely was not expecting to see

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Speaker 1: over a thousand comments on my post. This update is

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Speaker 1: long to address everyone's concern on the previous post. Uh,

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Speaker 1: thank you to the people who sent me kind messages

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Speaker 1: to check on me. I'm not sure what the people

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Speaker 1: who sent me messages trying to f me were expecting

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Speaker 1: a side from getting blocked.

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Speaker 2: Shoot or shoot, that's crazy.

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Speaker 1: That's crazy to read this story and be like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's I'm interested in this person. Yeah, the writing, it's

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Speaker 1: just too good.

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Speaker 2: The time is now.

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Speaker 1: That being said, I did have a conversation with my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend last night. I was always planning on having an

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Speaker 1: in depth conversation about what I found, but there was

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Speaker 1: nothing I could do about it. While he was at work,

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Speaker 1: I texted my therapist because I could tell I was

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Speaker 1: starting to spiral, and posted on here while I was

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Speaker 1: waiting for her response, which I think was mistake. If

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Speaker 1: I'm being honest. Although the majority of the comments were supportive,

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Speaker 1: It's impossible for y'all to have as full a picture

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Speaker 1: as my therapist does, and I should have just waited

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Speaker 1: for her to respond to me instead of coming on here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: What you should have waited for your professional therapist instead

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Speaker 1: of read it?

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Speaker 2: What a hot take therapist is?

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Speaker 3: What?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know personally. I think the

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Speaker 1: only people that you should be getting your advice from

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Speaker 1: are redditors and us.

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Speaker 2: You might be in the wrong subreddit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you should just try another one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: The massive amount of comments was very overwhelming. However, I

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Speaker 1: do think that posting did help me feel more secure

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Speaker 1: in thinking I was suspicious. Oh, it was suspicious and

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Speaker 1: enabled me to be more assertive when we talked. I

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Speaker 1: appreciate all the comments telling me I was not overreacting.

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Speaker 1: He never said he was, but his nonchalant response certainly

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Speaker 1: made me feel that way. I appreciate the thought out

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Speaker 1: comments encouraged me, encouraging me to have a conversation with him,

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Speaker 1: and giving me genuine advice for it. The second conversation

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Speaker 1: went better, love to hear it. I didn't accuse him

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Speaker 1: of anything I pretty much just said that finding non

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Speaker 1: latex contraceptives, in addition to the lack of intimacy I'd

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Speaker 1: been receiving, was making me feel confused and upset. I

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Speaker 1: asked and where the contraceptives came from. His older brother

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Speaker 1: gave them to him while he was in Europe. To

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Speaker 1: prevent confusion, I'm going to use fake names from here

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Speaker 1: on out. My boyfriend is THEO. His oldest brother is Alvin.

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Speaker 1: His other brother is Simon. Yes, like the chipmunks. Y,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't think of other and age for three brothers.

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Speaker 1: I was about to say, chose the chimmunks. She's dating

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Speaker 1: a chipmunk. Sorry. THEO hadn't met his mother's side of

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Speaker 1: the family, including his mother, grandmother, aunt, and older siblings,

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Speaker 1: until his trip. The entire purpose was to get to

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Speaker 1: know his family. He spent half with his aunt, grandma, brothers,

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Speaker 1: and cousin in Spain. The other half the trip he

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Speaker 1: spent with his mother in the middle of nowhere in Portugal,

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Speaker 1: helping her open a kiosk. It was not a sight

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Speaker 1: seeing trip. He didn't get to see any big monuments

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Speaker 1: or go to major cities. I was not able to

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Speaker 1: come because I'm in school and work full time, and

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Speaker 1: it wasn't worth it for me to just come for

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Speaker 1: a week during spring break. I also thought it was

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Speaker 1: important for him to enjoy his one on one time

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Speaker 1: with his mom, since he was separated from her when

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Speaker 1: he was an infant. His brothers are very different people.

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Speaker 1: Simon seems well adjusted with a long term girlfriend. He

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Speaker 1: spent a lot of time with Simon and his girlfriend,

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Speaker 1: who was the only one there fluent in English and

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Speaker 1: helped him translate when his Spanish fell short. His oldest brother,

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Speaker 1: the thirty year old who gave him the contraceptives. Alvin

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Speaker 1: has been in and out of prison for a majority

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Speaker 1: of his life. I guess Spain has a weird laws

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Speaker 1: around squatting, so whenever he gets out of prison, the

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Speaker 1: dude just claims abandoned properties and fixes it up to

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Speaker 1: live in because I guess the government would have to

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Speaker 1: provide him housing if they kicked him out. Wait what, Okay,

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Speaker 1: so he's just in Spain, is just squatting. He's getting

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Speaker 1: arrested over and over again. No no, no, no, no no no,

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Speaker 1: He's getting arrested for different reasons. Okay, but whenever he

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Speaker 1: gets out of prison, he just squats in.

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Speaker 2: A place claims an abandoned property.

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Speaker 1: And anyways, while THEO was on the trip, he called

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Speaker 1: and texted me every day. He told me about Alvin

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Speaker 1: obnoxiously cat calling girls when they all walked down the street,

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Speaker 1: and how Alvin had tried to get both him and

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Speaker 1: Simon to go to an orgy with him, despite both

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Speaker 1: of them having girlfriends. Hey, that's not a very cool

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Speaker 1: thing to do, man, Alvin, when is this energy? THEO

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Speaker 1: was very clear about having a girlfriend. He carries around

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Speaker 1: a picture of me in his wallet, and his aunt

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Speaker 1: said he talked about me a lot while he was there.

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Speaker 1: That's so sweet, THEO. THEO seems good. Despite this, Alvin

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Speaker 1: was very pushy with him about how he should be

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Speaker 1: effing a bunch of women while he was there and

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Speaker 1: have it fun.

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Speaker 2: Hey, so on a Uniro trip, well, big brother, little

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Speaker 2: brother euro.

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Speaker 3: Trip, he's bunching non latex countraceptives.

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Speaker 1: I remember this from when THEO was there. He found

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Speaker 1: it really annoying, so did Simon. I guess during one

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Speaker 1: of those conversations, Alvin straight up gave THEO a bunch

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Speaker 1: of contraceptives to use to cheat on me. It is

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Speaker 1: a really good sign that they had those conversations on

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Speaker 1: the trip, like about how annoyings Alvin was.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Side note, I counted them based on a comment someone

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Speaker 1: left about how many are typically in a pack. They're

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Speaker 1: all still there. I think there's eight. I don't know

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Speaker 1: how many come in the packs in Spain. THEO hid

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Speaker 1: them in his bag. He said he would have left

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Speaker 1: them there, but his aunt cleaned his room regularly and

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Speaker 1: he didn't want the drama of his other family members seeing.

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Speaker 1: Once he got back, he forgot they were in there.

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Speaker 1: He only uses his toiletree bag when he goes to

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Speaker 1: the gym. We went out together with our friends Saturday

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Speaker 1: night after a shift and stopped at the gym on

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Speaker 1: the way downtown so he could shower and freshen up. Otherwise,

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Speaker 1: his toothbrush is in our bathroom. He's not living out

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Speaker 1: of a suitcase. He's fully moved in. I do see

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Speaker 1: how some commenters saw the existence of the toilet tree

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Speaker 1: bag as a red flag when we lived together, so

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Speaker 1: I want to clear that up. I did ask him

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Speaker 1: why he accepted the contraceptives. He said he had zero

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Speaker 1: intention of using them, and that he accepted them because

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Speaker 1: Alvin wouldn't listen to anything, so THEO said about me

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Speaker 1: and that he left him alone after that. I will

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Speaker 1: say it's a little bit suspicious that the first conversation

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Speaker 1: that they ad THEO was just like, oh, it was

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Speaker 1: a friend playing a joke on me, Like didn't he

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Speaker 1: say that or is that was that from the other commentary?

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Speaker 2: I think that was.

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Speaker 1: I think he said something about it was a friend.

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Speaker 2: How maybe his friend put it in there. Yeah, it

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Speaker 2: was So if he.

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Speaker 1: Knew this exactly, why wouldn't he just say, well, maybe

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Speaker 1: it was.

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Speaker 3: A thing where it's like he doesn't want to like

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Speaker 3: put his brother in a bad light, because if this

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Speaker 3: is serious relationship, it's like you're kind of also dating

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Speaker 3: the family, and.

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Speaker 1: Its like he doesn't really know his brother, like this

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Speaker 1: is the first trip where he's getting to know his family.

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Speaker 2: You just like don't know your brother.

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Speaker 1: And then.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, he might have been adopted to have

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Speaker 2: known each other.

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Speaker 1: It seems like they didn't never really like met that

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Speaker 1: much before, or like at least didn't. I don't know

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Speaker 1: that it said that this was the first time that

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Speaker 1: he was seeing a lot of his family members, So

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Speaker 1: I don't know THEO didn't even say goodbye to him

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Speaker 1: when he left. He tried to spend as little time

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Speaker 1: with Alvin as possible, despite him constantly inviting both THEO

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Speaker 1: and Simon over to his abandoned house. Oh carp said

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Speaker 1: Opie thought it was a friend, and the commenter was

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Speaker 1: the person who said that it was Yeah, okay, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Simon grew up with Alvin, but still seem pretty content

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Speaker 1: about avoiding him when I asked about it while THEO

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Speaker 1: was there. I guess he's just not a good not

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Speaker 1: a good person, so the rest of the family avoids

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Speaker 1: him when possible. Yeah, it seems like THEO just wasn't

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Speaker 1: super involved in with the family for maybe, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: some reason. So that's it. My boyfriend didn't cheat on me.

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Speaker 1: The contraceptives came from his older brother. I believe him.

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Speaker 1: He was very straightforward with his answers and was more

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Speaker 1: concerned with my well being. When he came home and

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Speaker 1: saw how upset I was, he wasn't defensive at all.

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Speaker 1: He listened to me without interrupting. He told me he

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Speaker 1: loves me and that he has zero desire to cheat

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Speaker 1: on me. He also works two jobs, shares this location,

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Speaker 1: and usually is at home. If he's not at work

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Speaker 1: or the occasional gym visit, he doesn't have the time

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Speaker 1: to see other women, and if he does have spare time,

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Speaker 1: he spends it with me or his friends who are

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Speaker 1: also my friends. He does have friends separate from our

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Speaker 1: friend group at work, but he invites me to come

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Speaker 1: along when they've gone out, or asks me to join

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Speaker 1: them when they play Overwatch after work. I love him,

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Speaker 1: I believe him, and I'm moving past this. That doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean I'll let any additional red flags slide if they

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Speaker 1: pop up, though, As many of you said, I'm still

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00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,840
Speaker 1: young and have my whole life ahead of me. If

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Speaker 1: things get worse, I know I'll be okay myself by myself.

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Speaker 1: I love him and I want him in my life,

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Speaker 1: but happiness doesn't depend on his presence. Ope, he's taking

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Speaker 1: this pretty well.

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Speaker 2: It seems sounds like she's like, he's.

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Speaker 1: Not cheating on me. But if he was, I'd be fine.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I would totally bounce back instantaneously.

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Speaker 1: I would look so good, I'd have a massive glow up.

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Speaker 3: Everything would be fine because I do not depend on

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Speaker 3: him for everything in my life.

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Speaker 1: Tony Spiliaco says, I don't know he kept a known

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Speaker 1: allergen in his possession. I think that he'd want to

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Speaker 1: get rid of any threat to his partner's well being

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Speaker 1: without being told to do so. I will say, like,

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Speaker 1: when I came back from my trip, there was just

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Speaker 1: tons of stuff that I left in my bag and

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Speaker 1: didn't even think about. So if this is a bag

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Speaker 1: that is not you know that moment trip to Europe.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like there's so much.

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Speaker 1: There's just tons of stuff just chucked.

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Speaker 2: And from his reaction, he really didn't know. He's like,

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Speaker 2: what pocket is that?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't even a pocket.

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Speaker 2: Maybe he really didn't.

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Speaker 1: He might not know. We just said that like if

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Speaker 1: he was joking, but he might never in that pocket.

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Speaker 2: Remember that pocket existed.

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Speaker 1: I have a therapy session tomorrow, and I've had a

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Speaker 1: lot of time to think. In hindsight, I think what

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Speaker 1: made me spiral the most was that if he really

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Speaker 1: did cheat on me, I'd be living with the stranger.

335
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Speaker 1: I've had so much trust built up towards him, so

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Speaker 1: I view him as this person who would never hurt

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Speaker 1: me intentionally or yell at me, or cheat on me.

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Speaker 1: If he was capable of cheating on me, he could

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00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,280
Speaker 1: be capable of those other things too. That was really

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00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,560
Speaker 1: scary to think about and made me spiral. The massive

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00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,360
Speaker 1: amounts of comments where everyone was so convinced he was

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Speaker 1: a terrible person and that I'd been fooled also did

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00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,960
Speaker 1: not help. I felt like I had no idea how

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Speaker 1: he would react towards me if it was true, and

345
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Speaker 1: I was very, very scared as soon as he came home.

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Speaker 1: I felt very silly for feeling that way. He's nothing

347
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,680
Speaker 1: like my ex. He's never given me a reason to

348
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Speaker 1: be afraid of him. I shouldn't have let comments on

349
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 1: the internet freak me out so bad, and I definitely

350
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,680
Speaker 1: need to take some time away from Rennitt. I hope

351
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,120
Speaker 1: I addressed all the questions and concerns in the comments.

352
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Speaker 1: Thank you all for your help, thank you for listening,

353
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,200
Speaker 1: and for the commenters who had questions regarding our spicy

354
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,480
Speaker 1: sleep life and relationship in general. When he first came

355
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,840
Speaker 1: back from his trip and moved in, things were normal

356
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:13,880
Speaker 1: and we both had high, spicy sleep drives. Things started

357
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:17,440
Speaker 1: slowing down pretty drastically over the past couple months. We've

358
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,639
Speaker 1: talked about it. Prior to me finding the contraceptives, we

359
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,200
Speaker 1: both acknowledge that it's an issue and that we're at

360
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,440
Speaker 1: an age where our spicy sleep activity should be at

361
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,800
Speaker 1: its peak. He says he doesn't know what's wrong. He's

362
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,480
Speaker 1: embarrassed because he's attracted to me and doesn't understand how

363
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,959
Speaker 1: he can have a gorgeous girlfriend and lose his spicy

364
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:40,159
Speaker 1: sleep drive. Is his words, not mine. He has an

365
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,760
Speaker 1: appointment next week to get his hormones checked and has

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Speaker 1: been looking into getting a therapist of his own in

367
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:48,560
Speaker 1: case the issue is mental and not physical. It's still

368
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,359
Speaker 1: difficult to not feel insecure when I try initiating and

369
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,679
Speaker 1: he's not in the mood, but he still makes an

370
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:57,000
Speaker 1: effort to show affection in other ways. Our current level

371
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,439
Speaker 1: of intimacy isn't ideal, but I don't think it's a

372
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:02,800
Speaker 1: lost cause as long as we're working towards a solution together.

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Speaker 1: We have date nights every week. I'm very supportive of

374
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Speaker 1: him spending time with his friends, and he does the

375
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:10,359
Speaker 1: same for me. We live together, but no one's clinging

376
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Speaker 1: or codependent. We do check in with each other to

377
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Speaker 1: see how we're feeling about the living situation, since it

378
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,399
Speaker 1: is somewhat new and we're still figuring out how to

379
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:24,720
Speaker 1: divide and conquer. Full time student and I work full time.

380
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,720
Speaker 1: He works two jobs. We both contribute equally and do

381
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,440
Speaker 1: our best to make time for ourselves and each and

382
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:35,200
Speaker 1: each other despite our busy schedules. I have fourteen credits

383
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,800
Speaker 1: this summer and barely exist outside of work in school.

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Speaker 2: Lol.

385
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,639
Speaker 1: And there is more, but we're to base there. Do

386
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,280
Speaker 1: what do we think? Do we think there's any cheating?

387
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,479
Speaker 1: Do we believe? Ope, there's no cheating.

388
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:47,119
Speaker 2: Can we do a.

389
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:48,639
Speaker 1: Post a poll?

390
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:52,680
Speaker 2: I believe them, you believe? I think just there is

391
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:53,720
Speaker 2: a little hint in there.

392
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:59,200
Speaker 3: I think about her ex boyfriend having done something like that. Yeah,

393
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,800
Speaker 3: so she's kind of overthinking, So she's she's priming herself

394
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,800
Speaker 3: to like think that that's which when you do find

395
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 3: like you know, latex thing ima jigs that you're allergic

396
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,240
Speaker 3: to in his boyfriend's bag, you're gonna be.

397
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,239
Speaker 1: Like, hey, what's up with this?

398
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,960
Speaker 3: There seems to really be only one reason you'd have

399
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 3: these Yeah, And and like he gave us solid reason

400
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 3: as to how they ended up there. Yeah, and also

401
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,520
Speaker 3: was like, yeah, I know I am still tried to

402
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,440
Speaker 3: do you and telling me to get this gut biome

403
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:31,960
Speaker 3: checked interesting.

404
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,320
Speaker 2: The gut biome.

405
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:37,000
Speaker 3: Can mess with the microbiome. Yes, the microbiome of the

406
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:42,120
Speaker 3: gut interesting can have all kinds of weird issues. That, anyway,

407
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 3: is enough about more. There's more, let's get to them.

408
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,280
Speaker 1: For the commenters who had some things to say about

409
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,480
Speaker 1: me having a therapist or mental health issues, I try

410
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:55,159
Speaker 1: my best to ensure that I am my main support system.

411
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,520
Speaker 1: I've been in the position before of being someone's emotional

412
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,680
Speaker 1: punching bag due to their mental illness, and I would

413
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,320
Speaker 1: never ever put someone I love in that position. I'm

414
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 1: in therapy because I've experienced an extreme amount of trauma

415
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,639
Speaker 1: and don't want my CPTSD to impact my life and

416
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:16,919
Speaker 1: relationships in a negative way. CPTSD child PTSD, I don't know.

417
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 1: I guessed at that I grew up with a mom

418
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:25,439
Speaker 1: with severe anxiety and most likely undiagnosed PTSD related to

419
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,119
Speaker 1: the trauma both of us experienced at the hands of

420
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:35,000
Speaker 1: my biological father. She doesn't believe in therapy. No, that sucks. Yeah, oh,

421
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:40,679
Speaker 1: Jellyba says means happened over years complex PTSD. She I

422
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,040
Speaker 1: had to call nine to one one several times as

423
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:46,399
Speaker 1: a small child because of her panic attacks. That is

424
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 1: so hard. I love my mom and our relationship has

425
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,680
Speaker 1: come a long way. But the last thing I would want,

426
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,879
Speaker 1: if slash when I have children is for me to

427
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 1: be an unstable parental figure. My usage of therapy doesn't

428
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 1: warrant me staying sing. My therapist has been very encouraging

429
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,280
Speaker 1: of this relationship since my boyfriend asked me out two

430
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:08,800
Speaker 1: years ago. I had gotten out of incredibly abusive and

431
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 1: toxic relationship the year prior and had zero intention of

432
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:16,960
Speaker 1: getting into another serious relationship anytime soon. I was thriving

433
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 1: and my therapist thought I was ready, but I told

434
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,359
Speaker 1: my boyfriend that I needed to focus on myself and

435
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,800
Speaker 1: we took things slow. He was respectful and patient every

436
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,280
Speaker 1: step of the way until I was ready. He has

437
00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 1: never raised his voice at me or even cussed at me.

438
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,239
Speaker 1: He is a very caring partner. I think his love

439
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,240
Speaker 1: language is based in quality time and acts of service.

440
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 1: He's not great with the words, but he tries. He

441
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 1: can be a bit emotionally distant at times and not

442
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:45,399
Speaker 1: know exactly what to say when I'm upset, but that

443
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,720
Speaker 1: doesn't prevent him from being there and giving me a

444
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 1: hug when I need it, and there is more, but

445
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 1: I think just pausing, I think it's really impressive that

446
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,640
Speaker 1: despite op It having gone through all of this trauma

447
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:05,679
Speaker 1: and PTSD, she it wasn't rushing to any conclusions, you know,

448
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 1: Like I feel like a lot of times we read

449
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 1: stories where they find, you know, some sort of red

450
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:15,440
Speaker 1: flag and they immediately jump out their partner. They're like,

451
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 1: are you cheating? I mean, what's going on? And she

452
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 1: was like, Hey, I just wanted to bring up that

453
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 1: I'm a little confused, yeah, because it's yeah, that's really

454
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 1: what it is about.

455
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:26,919
Speaker 3: It's like, I don't understand how this makes sense. Can

456
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 3: you tell me how it makes sense?

457
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 1: Please? Yeah? And I think that's so impressive for someone who,

458
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:35,359
Speaker 1: I mean clearly isn't therapy because that she knows how

459
00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 1: I handle stuff.

460
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:40,639
Speaker 2: One. That's why, and that's why it works. He helps

461
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,560
Speaker 2: you process everything.

462
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're doing great, Opie. We've been going through a

463
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,199
Speaker 1: rough patch with our intimacy and I when I was

464
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 1: off my meds, I felt like he and everyone else

465
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,639
Speaker 1: in my life viewed me as a burden. Despite him

466
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 1: telling me he'd be there for me and for me

467
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:59,159
Speaker 1: to just ask for whatever I needed. He's told me

468
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,719
Speaker 1: many times that he's still attracted to me and that

469
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 1: it has nothing to do with me. But when I

470
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,479
Speaker 1: was feeling low, I kind of let my past trauma

471
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:11,040
Speaker 1: impact how I felt about myself. Being repeatedly oh essayed

472
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 1: kind of made me feel like my worth is based

473
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 1: in my sexuality. So having a boyfriend who isn't all

474
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 1: over me anymore made me feel like there was something

475
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:23,040
Speaker 1: wrong with me. Like if I'm trying to initiate and

476
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,679
Speaker 1: I'm available and the person who loves me doesn't want it,

477
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 1: but someone else was willing to take it from me

478
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 1: when I didn't want it, what does that say about me?

479
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 1: I know that's not rational, and I've talked a lot

480
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,720
Speaker 1: about it in therapy, but it is something that I

481
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:39,480
Speaker 1: struggle with sometimes. I posted on here during a low

482
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,159
Speaker 1: time with my depression because I needed to vent and

483
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,640
Speaker 1: didn't want to burden anyone I knew with my irrational negativity.

484
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 1: Depression is weird, especially after years of therapy. When I'm

485
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:54,240
Speaker 1: at my lowest, the intrusive thoughts are overwhelming, but deep

486
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 1: down I know the irrational and that they'll eventually pass,

487
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 1: even if it doesn't feel like it on the surface level.

488
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 1: I know some of the things I said, then we're concerning,

489
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 1: but I really wasn't in any danger. There's a lot

490
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,639
Speaker 1: of things I want to accomplish in my life, and

491
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,040
Speaker 1: I know I'm capable of them, even if it does

492
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 1: feel hopeless sometimes. Oh this is I mean, Opie's gone

493
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:22,680
Speaker 1: through a lot and just really seems I mean obviously

494
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 1: still is working on things and working through things and

495
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: working on things, but seems well adjusted.

496
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:29,400
Speaker 2: Yeah.

497
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:33,920
Speaker 3: I don't think you can, uh yeah, like levelheadedly ask

498
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 3: somebody like.

499
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 2: What are these?

500
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 3: Like?

501
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, what's going on here? Without I don't

502
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:39,720
Speaker 2: think I would have reacted that way.

503
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 1: No, I would eve been like, excuse me, sir, what

504
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 1: all this thing? Yeah, Sola Darling says I need a

505
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:52,760
Speaker 1: number to Opie's therapists. They're doing great work. I know

506
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 1: I have people in my life who love me. I

507
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 1: just have a hard time reaching out for help when

508
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 1: I need it and need to be better at letting

509
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,639
Speaker 1: people be there for me. My mom raised me to

510
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 1: be really self sufficient, and she's also got a lot

511
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,640
Speaker 1: of on her plate with my dad being sick. So

512
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 1: I don't want to bother her and make her spiral

513
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 1: more than she already is. I've been set back a

514
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 1: lot with my education because of all the stuff I've

515
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,640
Speaker 1: been going through, But I know I have a bright

516
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,720
Speaker 1: future and that I should be proud of myself for

517
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 1: making it this far. I love that I am back

518
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 1: on my medication and I am increasing the frequency of

519
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:27,359
Speaker 1: my therapy appointments from once a month to every other week.

520
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,359
Speaker 1: I was doing well before I went off my meds,

521
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 1: so I'm doing my best to get back on track.

522
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,320
Speaker 1: Sorry for rambling. I know I don't know anyone any

523
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 1: explanation of my mental health on year, but I know

524
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 1: some people were worried. I'm okay. I'm going to be

525
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:45,720
Speaker 1: okay with or without my boyfriend.

526
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 2: It's so oh, this is so poignant.

527
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is just like really like the focus on

528
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 1: because at first it felt like, oh, she was kind

529
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,119
Speaker 1: of protecting herself. She was like, I don't need my boyfriend.

530
00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 1: It's fine. But it feels just like I love my

531
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 1: boyfriend if he loves me. But also, you know, my

532
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: mental health is not hinged on that. Yeah, which it

533
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 1: just seems like a really.

534
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 2: Healthy way to go. Yeah, entirely in my partner.

535
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 1: She's trying to not be overly reliant on them. My name.

536
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,159
Speaker 2: I appreciate that, still way to do it.

537
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 1: My mental illness does not prevent me from being a

538
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 1: loving and supportive friend and partner. Using therapy doesn't make

539
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 1: me a weak person, incapable of standing up for myself

540
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:35,159
Speaker 1: and making decisions. Comments are somewhat mixed. New to the

541
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,879
Speaker 1: crew four for four says, you're very self aware and

542
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 1: good at articulating your feelings. If no one else has

543
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 1: said it today, I'm proud of you. We've been saying it.

544
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: We're literally we're shouting into the prime. Yeah. Opie says,

545
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,680
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Julia s Kig says you did

546
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 1: well with your boyfriend, he did well with you. Live

547
00:26:55,760 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 1: Tomorrow says this is that is such a convolated, convoluted story.

548
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,879
Speaker 1: It sounds like BS to me. I've come to the

549
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,719
Speaker 1: conclusion over the years that the more elaborate a lie is,

550
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 1: the less believable it is. However, you know him best,

551
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,199
Speaker 1: and you know nuances and little details and dynamics. We

552
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 1: do not, So I'm happy for you that you see

553
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:19,160
Speaker 1: a path for it that wasn't a backhanded complish comedy.

554
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 1: It was like, I don't believe these lies, but you

555
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 1: know him so if you say so, I don't know,

556
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 1: that's it.

557
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:29,679
Speaker 3: If you say so is the perfect Yeah, that was

558
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 3: the most if you say so type message.

559
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,960
Speaker 1: Opie responds. It would be more suspicious if he hadn't

560
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 1: actively been updating me on his trip the entire time

561
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 1: he was there, including information about his brother being a

562
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:46,440
Speaker 1: spicy sleep addicted scumbag. The only information that was new

563
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: to me was that his brother had given him contraceptives.

564
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:51,439
Speaker 1: I already knew his oldest brother had been trying to

565
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: get both him and his other brother to cheat while

566
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:57,440
Speaker 1: he was there. Thank you for the concern. The update

567
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 1: to the update, Wow, there's another up. But what do

568
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:05,880
Speaker 1: you it's a meta update, But do you have any thoughts?

569
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 3: I think it seems like some people are still holding

570
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 3: on to this, like I don't know, it seems a

571
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 3: little convenient, like that lies seems a little elaborate, But it.

572
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 1: Seems that we kind of moved on from that in

573
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 1: this story. It seems like we're just kind of piece

574
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 1: focusing on our mental health now.

575
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, and also like probably feels pretty good to just

576
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,400
Speaker 3: like because as she said, like I know, I don't

577
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 3: owe anybody an explanation of my mental health, but it's like,

578
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,200
Speaker 3: probably pretty cathartic to just like write all that out anyway.

579
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,920
Speaker 1: Well, I think so. It seems like she was trying

580
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:39,320
Speaker 1: to verbal, like, you know, verbalize all these thoughts that

581
00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 1: are going on, which is why journaling is really helpful.

582
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, because it's like I know, it helps

583
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 2: me stay in touch with reality. Yeah.

584
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 3: I think the the missing contraceptives, the secret contraceptives, the

585
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 3: hating contraceptives, whatever, he just took them from his brother

586
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,200
Speaker 3: and forgot about him because he was like, I've whatever.

587
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: Just I honestly I think I'm I believe him.

588
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, leave me alone, lose her, fine, I'll take them now,

589
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 3: will you shut up?

590
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,479
Speaker 1: Please quiet? But there is a little bit more to

591
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 1: this this update. I'm low key regretting posting an update

592
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 1: at all. I don't know why the opinions of strangers

593
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 1: bothers me, but it's kind of annoying that so many

594
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 1: people didn't read the entire thing and just said I

595
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:24,440
Speaker 1: wrote all of that to convince myself. I wrote that

596
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 1: a full twenty four hours after I had my conversation

597
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 1: with him, and debated posting anything at all because I

598
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 1: figured people would be convinced he cheated regardless of anything

599
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 1: I had to say. People on Reddit, well, like, there's

600
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 1: always gonna be people that are, like, your boyfriend's cheating

601
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 1: on you. Yeah, even if that isn't part of.

602
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 2: The story, they'll just say it.

603
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 1: They're just gonna say. They're like, like, he's talking about

604
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 1: her mental health and that's the whole story, And they're like,

605
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 1: I think your boyfriend's cheating on you.

606
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,040
Speaker 3: Could your mental health be spiraling because your boyfriend's cheating

607
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 3: on you.

608
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm out. I'll add that to the

609
00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 1: list of things I'm worried and upset about now. Thanks.

610
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 1: It's detailed because so many people had different things to

611
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 1: say about different parts of my original post. I thought

612
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 1: if I just posted his brother gave him the contraceptives,

613
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 1: people would say that was a vague answer. Of course,

614
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 1: it feels like a complex story to someone who never

615
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 1: heard about his trip. But the only things I didn't

616
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:21,480
Speaker 1: already know was that his brother had given him contraceptives.

617
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 1: His trip was a crap show. He was on the

618
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:27,120
Speaker 1: phone with me every single day telling me about it,

619
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 1: and fell asleep on the phone with me ninety nine

620
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 1: percent of the time. He wasn't going out at night.

621
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:35,080
Speaker 1: He wasn't partying. Half his trip he spent with his

622
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 1: estranged mother and her crazy, racist, abusive boyfriend, who kept

623
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 1: accusing him of stealing and saying wild crap about how

624
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 1: he couldn't believe my boyfriend would sleep with a slur

625
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 1: like me. I'm African American. Oh my god.

626
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 2: God, nightmare trip.

627
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 1: His brother sucks. I yikes, Alvin, go freaking sing a song,

628
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 1: stop being racist. I had to talk Alvin are canceled.

629
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 1: I had to talk him down on the phone to

630
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,360
Speaker 1: keep him from freaking out and endangering himself because he

631
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 1: had no way of getting home if his mom's boyfriend

632
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 1: kicked him out. Oh wait, who was the Oh it

633
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 1: was the mother, the mother's boyfriend, not Alvin, who is crazy.

634
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: So just everyone on this trip sucks. An does still

635
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 1: Alvin sucks for other reasons, but the mother's boyfriend is

636
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 1: the racist one.

637
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:31,680
Speaker 2: Yeah.

638
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 1: This I feel really bad for THEO because he went

639
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 1: on this trip to, you know, get closer to his

640
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 1: family and meet people that he hasn't met, and he's

641
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,959
Speaker 1: just stuck in this like group of terrible people.

642
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:49,720
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, he got to learn like, wow, I don't

643
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 3: want to meet these people.

644
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 2: I don't know.

645
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 1: They suck.

646
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 2: Be so nice to not be close to these people

647
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 2: for the rest of my life.

648
00:31:58,080 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 1: Darn, I'm related to them.

649
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 2: Oh oohoo.

650
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 1: He already got abandoned in a random town in Portugal

651
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,640
Speaker 1: by them for like a full day and a half

652
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 1: at one point. I'm not surprised the contraceptives slipped his mind.

653
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 2: Uh.

654
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 1: If he hadn't mentioned constant communication with me while he

655
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 1: was there, I'd be more suspicious. If he hadn't told

656
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 1: me about all the other crazy crap his brother pulled

657
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: while he was there, I'd be more suspicious. If he

658
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 1: had gotten defensive at all, I'd be suspicious. He didn't

659
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 1: lie to me, He didn't know they were there. The

660
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 1: bag has a million pockets and he only really uses

661
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 1: one of them. The pocket seemed empty from the outside.

662
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: He forgot he stashed them there. But you should never

663
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 1: forget to join us live every week? Did there'd bempsd

664
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 1: on YouTube just top our profile. We're not stashed, We're

665
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 1: right here, We're know where we are, right out in

666
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 1: the open. People seem so sure that I'm this naives,

667
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:52,920
Speaker 1: spineless person. What I'm not.

668
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 2: Yes, stop making assumptions.

669
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 1: Internet Reddit, It's I think it's very clear that OPI

670
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 1: is like facing all these issues pretty head on. Yeah,

671
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 1: Like she's not snooping through her partner's stuff, she's not

672
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 1: accusing of anything him of anything outright.

673
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 3: Well, I think that's why she made the post, because

674
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 3: it really was like so confusing of like, yeah, he

675
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 3: was falling asleep on the phone with me every day, yeah,

676
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 3: blah blah blah.

677
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 2: And then it's like, how are these here?

678
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 1: What happened here? And she'd handled it like a professional. Uh,

679
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 1: if you'd read what I said about my mental health,

680
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 1: you would know I already have a tendency to be

681
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 1: hyper vigilant about red flags and be avoidant to protect myself.

682
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 1: I don't like being vulnerable. I don't like depending on

683
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 1: other people. I mentioned my boyfriend never yelling or cussing,

684
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 1: because I've quite literally never witnessed him get angry. The

685
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: most upset I've seen him was when he was trying

686
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 1: to defend me while he was in Europe. He's probably

687
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 1: the most calm, slash stoic person I've ever met. I

688
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 1: love that about him. I love him and I trust him. Also,

689
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 1: his last serious relationship ended with him catching his ex

690
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 1: in the act of cheating on him. She had mental

691
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,840
Speaker 1: health issues and responded to being caught by attempting to

692
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 1: off herself by walking into traffic. Oh my god. So

693
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 1: they both have a lot of trauma concerning past exits.

694
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 3: Yes, that's quite a full. Yes, the trauma bucket is full.

695
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 1: Very for both of these individuals, overflowing. I know some

696
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 1: internetrol is going to say that's another far fetched story,

697
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 1: but I know it's true. His best friend's mom, who

698
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 1: is basically also his mom, pulled me aside when she

699
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 1: met me and told me that she was glad he

700
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 1: found someone that makes him so happy after everything he

701
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 1: went through with her. I don't think he would cheat

702
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 1: on me after going through something like that. He's a

703
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:46,320
Speaker 1: really good person. He's fully capable of being a support

704
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: system for me. I was just afraid to let him

705
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,719
Speaker 1: because I didn't want him to feel like he had

706
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 1: to worry about me or take care of me the

707
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 1: way he did with her. That's not healthy.

708
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:55,919
Speaker 2: Though.

709
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,400
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be better at trusting people when they

710
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 1: say they want to be there for me. That includes him.

711
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:03,759
Speaker 1: I was, and there is more to the story, but

712
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 1: real really quick, I was actually just talking to a

713
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 1: friend about this UH specifically in the UH like with

714
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:14,360
Speaker 1: when you're sick and people say, hey, like let me

715
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 1: know if you need anything, And she was telling me,

716
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 1: she was like, when people say that, I take them

717
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 1: up on it. I'm like, yes, I need this or

718
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,960
Speaker 1: like I need something, because if they're going to offer that,

719
00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 1: they should be able to follow through it.

720
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 3: Usually for me, depends on the proximity of that person

721
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 3: to me. That's well, I mean, let me know if

722
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 3: you need anything. And I know they live like on

723
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 3: the complete other side of town.

724
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 2: It's like they shouldn't. I'm not gonna be like, yeah,

725
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:38,279
Speaker 2: give me some chicken soup.

726
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 1: Well they can grab hub it to you. Oh, I

727
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 1: mean they could, Yeah, they could. They should be doing

728
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 1: stuff for you if.

729
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 3: They're's, I should not my bank account like I don't know.

730
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 2: I mean you could.

731
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 1: You could always pay for it. You could just be like, hey,

732
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:51,720
Speaker 1: could you Oh.

733
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:53,000
Speaker 2: I don't want to use my thumb.

734
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,399
Speaker 1: My head will hurt.

735
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:57,839
Speaker 2: I don't want to, but I did.

736
00:35:57,920 --> 00:35:58,800
Speaker 1: I liked that.

737
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 2: This message to that person.

738
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 3: They just like what what, just like explain like I

739
00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 3: just on principle, I just I thought I'd take you

740
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:09,840
Speaker 3: up on your offer.

741
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: You offered.

742
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,920
Speaker 2: Offered it because you liked me. Right, we're friends.

743
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,760
Speaker 1: But in that vein of when people offer you help

744
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 1: or want you to reach out to them, you can

745
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:21,920
Speaker 1: take them up on that. They shouldn't be offering if

746
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:23,399
Speaker 1: they don't want to actually fall through.

747
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that should be like, you know, just

748
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 2: make a mental note of that.

749
00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. And if they don't, you just make a note like, Okay,

750
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 1: this person not reliable when they say things exactly. We

751
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 1: met at school. He sat behind me in class, so

752
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:42,319
Speaker 1: he couldn't even really see me. When I asked him

753
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 1: later what most attracted him to me, he said that

754
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:48,400
Speaker 1: I was well spoken. My appearance was just a bonus.

755
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,880
Speaker 1: I don't want to sound conceited, but there is rarely

756
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 1: a time when I'm in public and I'm not approached

757
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 1: by someone who wants to cat call me, compliment me,

758
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 1: or ask me out. I was almost kidnapped twice as

759
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,799
Speaker 1: a teenager. I hate being approached. Oh my god, it's

760
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:06,840
Speaker 1: another ladle of trauma. Fuck it for ope, this is

761
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: really terrible. I think that almost happened to me once too,

762
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:12,399
Speaker 1: but not confirmed. I'm pretty sure.

763
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure I got scouted with a friend with

764
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 3: a friend in Texas.

765
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my god, I'm pretty sure we got scouted.

766
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 2: Hmmm.

767
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 1: I hate pretty sure. That's terrifying. I hate being asked out.

768
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 1: I turned down every other person that approached me at

769
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 1: school trying to hook up or ask me out. But

770
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:31,360
Speaker 1: when he did it, he was so nervous and respectful,

771
00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:35,359
Speaker 1: and he felt different somehow, so I said yes. On

772
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 1: our very first date, he took me to an art museum,

773
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:40,800
Speaker 1: we went to an amusement park after that. He followed

774
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:42,759
Speaker 1: that up with a picnic under the stars, where we

775
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:45,239
Speaker 1: spoke for at least five or six hours about our

776
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 1: lives and what we wanted in the future. It felt

777
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 1: scary at the time because it was the best date

778
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:52,959
Speaker 1: I've ever been on in my life, and I didn't

779
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 1: think I was ready for anything serious, and he came

780
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 1: along and made me feel so comfortable and at ease.

781
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 1: We both come from a emotionally volatile parents and are

782
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 1: trying to do our best not to become them be

783
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,400
Speaker 1: connected right away, but I still wanted to take things slow.

784
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 1: It took six months before I was ready to make

785
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 1: things official, damn, which makes sense because Opie has gone

786
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,360
Speaker 1: through a lot during that time. He made it clear

787
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 1: that I was the only one he was interested in.

788
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:25,239
Speaker 1: He detailed my car multiple times. Whoa, my god, where

789
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 1: are these people out here detailing cars? So?

790
00:38:28,719 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 2: Where are these people?

791
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 3: Can?

792
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 2: Can you tell me where they are?

793
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:36,360
Speaker 1: Brought me flowers, got my cat, little holiday themed bandanas.

794
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 1: What he bought me vinyls of albums that he noticed

795
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:40,879
Speaker 1: I listened to in the car.

796
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 3: Oh my god, guy's making me feel bad. What the

797
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,279
Speaker 3: frick about everything I've ever done?

798
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 2: Yeah?

799
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 1: What are you even doing?

800
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:49,799
Speaker 2: I'm not doing anything compared to this guy.

801
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 1: He did all of this without expecting anything in return,

802
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:57,040
Speaker 1: and still does these things to this day. He's trying

803
00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 1: to learn how to braid so we don't have to

804
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:01,799
Speaker 1: get my hair done anymore. When he moved in, he

805
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:05,280
Speaker 1: organized my whole closet without me asking because he remembered

806
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 1: me complaining about it and wanted to take something off

807
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:11,160
Speaker 1: my chest. He saw I've been wanting a Gustav Westman

808
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 1: mirror for a while and built me one. What with

809
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 1: his hands?

810
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 2: How do you what is his name? Gustav Westman?

811
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:22,319
Speaker 1: Yeah? Is it a real Gustaf? Imagine this?

812
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,799
Speaker 3: This whole story now takes a huge pivot, and she's

813
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,959
Speaker 3: actually like, and I was really upset that he thought

814
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:28,000
Speaker 3: that was good enough for me.

815
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,720
Speaker 2: He reel Gustaf.

816
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,120
Speaker 1: Took me to home depot and let me pick out

817
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:37,360
Speaker 1: the color I wanted it and everything. He treats me

818
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 1: like a queen. The only rough patch in our relationship

819
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 1: has been over the past couple of months when our

820
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 1: intimacy decreased, But I have faith things will get better.

821
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,840
Speaker 1: Finding those contraceptives freaked me out, but I'm over it now.

822
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 1: It's been resolved. If you can't see the value he

823
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,880
Speaker 1: adds to my life, that's your problem.

824
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm happy as.

825
00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 1: You should be. You're getting car detailings for free. Who

826
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:03,879
Speaker 1: does that?

827
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:05,719
Speaker 2: Is your What is up with you? Is your car

828
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:08,799
Speaker 2: just disixt? No? But it is like.

829
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 1: I would love if someone clean my car. I just

830
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 1: like a vacuum. It's just from all the dirt. Yeah,

831
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:21,320
Speaker 1: it's from all the dirt that you eat. Yes, I

832
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 1: just scoop. I have handfuls of dirt on the floor

833
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:25,120
Speaker 1: of my car that I just eat.

834
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:27,800
Speaker 2: Just is a snack, a little treat.

835
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,759
Speaker 1: I'm not responding to any more comments about it. I

836
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: appreciate everyone that was supportive and recognize the effort I

837
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 1: put into my emotional regulation. I'm going to take a

838
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 1: break from Reddit and enjoy the life I have. And

839
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:45,480
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story. Man, oh man,

840
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,320
Speaker 1: what a beautiful tale. I love that life story that

841
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 1: gives me, That gives me, like hope, a little slice

842
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:51,480
Speaker 1: of life.

843
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I'll tell you, I was not thinking like

844
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 3: everything will be fine.

845
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:57,279
Speaker 1: No. I thought there was gonna be a little bit

846
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 1: more juicy and that.

847
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 2: I was like, this dude got caught.

848
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 1: It's got to be something caught in four K. But no,

849
00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 1: he was. He was caught loving It was his flame.

850
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:09,359
Speaker 2: Chipmunk brother.

851
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 1: Turns out classic Alvin move.

852
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 2: It was his chipmunk brother.

853
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,800
Speaker 1: You the what's the with the actors?

854
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:20,280
Speaker 2: What was your What was your favorite chipmunk out of Simon?

855
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:23,799
Speaker 3: Mine too, the blue one, the tall blue one with

856
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:25,359
Speaker 3: the smart blue tall blue.

857
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:31,840
Speaker 1: My small smart blue, tall smart blue tall Okay,