WEBVTT - Choose Yourself feat. Christian Rainey

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio

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<v Speaker 1>and the Black Effect Network.

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<v Speaker 2>We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion. He

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<v Speaker 2>talks back.

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<v Speaker 1>What's up, y'all?

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<v Speaker 3>Thank you for tuning in for a new episode that

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<v Speaker 3>We Talked Back, the show dedicated to you dreamers and chasers.

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<v Speaker 1>It's your co hosts a J. Holiday. What's up, Tam Bam?

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<v Speaker 2>What's up girl?

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<v Speaker 3>How you doing?

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<v Speaker 1>I love y'all, I love y'all.

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<v Speaker 2>How's your weekend?

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<v Speaker 1>I finished moving.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm sleeping on a blow up mattress, bitch, Ti, My

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<v Speaker 3>mattress comes.

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<v Speaker 2>In not a bouncy house over there.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, honey, I smash on it yet, but and look

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<v Speaker 3>I got a real plushed out though, Okay, a plush Now.

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<v Speaker 3>I can't talk about niggas who sleep on blood mattresses.

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<v Speaker 1>They don't carry my mattress.

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<v Speaker 2>But they don't count because you moving. Some niggas that

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<v Speaker 2>stay permanent.

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<v Speaker 4>Shit that's they got, bitch is coming through. They got sex,

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<v Speaker 4>They getting sections at the club. But I ain't got

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<v Speaker 4>no bed.

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<v Speaker 1>Where's your head board?

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<v Speaker 2>Where's your priorities?

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<v Speaker 1>Why is your polo so flat? What is happening? Sir?

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<v Speaker 2>Then there's pillows. What did I do this weekend?

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<v Speaker 3>I saw you, bitch, I saw you with the motherfucking

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<v Speaker 3>shorts song man.

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<v Speaker 4>No girl, when I tell you, they was on my

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<v Speaker 4>head and the club this weekend.

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<v Speaker 2>My little boo boo gave me my walking papers. He

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<v Speaker 2>was saying he done with me. I was listening to

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<v Speaker 2>my short. He doesn't cut me lose.

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<v Speaker 4>So like, I was like sad on Saturday night. I

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<v Speaker 4>gave myself one night to be sad. Then Sunday I

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<v Speaker 4>was like, I'm outside, bitch. We outside tonight. That's how

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<v Speaker 4>it was on Sunday, And I threw on some shorts

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<v Speaker 4>and some leather boots and had a marvelous time.

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<v Speaker 2>They was on my head. They was chasing me around

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<v Speaker 2>the club.

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<v Speaker 1>That's all in.

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<v Speaker 2>Take yup.

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<v Speaker 1>So next, you over him, You over the bub I

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<v Speaker 1>missed him.

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<v Speaker 4>But I mean, if you ain't want to be here,

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<v Speaker 4>then please go where you're welcome and where you're happy.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, period. Next. Next, let's get into the sense of

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<v Speaker 2>the week.

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<v Speaker 1>Ah girl, did you see.

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<v Speaker 3>This video of these fucking kids licking toes in the

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<v Speaker 3>gymnasium in school looking peanut butter?

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<v Speaker 1>Was it adults?

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<v Speaker 2>No? There were other students.

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<v Speaker 4>So it was an Oklahoma high school and Deer Creek

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<v Speaker 4>High School to be exact, and they were having a

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<v Speaker 4>fundraiser to help a local coffee shop that hires people

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<v Speaker 4>with special needs, so they were raising money for them,

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<v Speaker 4>and they had a toe locking toe sucking tournament was

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<v Speaker 4>the event that students paid to attend, and they had

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<v Speaker 4>kids on the ground like literally sucking other people's feet.

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<v Speaker 2>And I just don't understand.

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<v Speaker 4>Who approved this shit, Like who said, Okay, yeah, that's

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<v Speaker 4>a good idea, let's go ahead and let these kids

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<v Speaker 4>lock on each other foot.

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<v Speaker 1>D these kids different, okay, because why.

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<v Speaker 2>Would you even participating that?

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<v Speaker 3>These kids real different from what I remember kids being like, no, now,

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<v Speaker 3>let me let me stop tripping. I feel like sometimes

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<v Speaker 3>we be lying acting like a lot of shit wasn't

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<v Speaker 3>going on.

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<v Speaker 2>No at my school, dud not.

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<v Speaker 3>At the school. But I definitely got my toes licked

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<v Speaker 3>in high school.

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<v Speaker 2>You didn't know.

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<v Speaker 4>And I wouldn't think about looking nobody toes in high school,

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<v Speaker 4>Like what is that?

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<v Speaker 2>What is that?

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<v Speaker 3>I ain't think about looking nobody toes Now I'm not

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<v Speaker 3>looking nobody's toes. I side eye niggas when they suck

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<v Speaker 3>my toes, but I'm not gonna stop them.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't like, don't put my foot in your mouth.

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<v Speaker 4>I stand all day for work. I just don't feel.

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<v Speaker 2>Like you should do that. That's nasty. Stop It's other.

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<v Speaker 2>It's other special places that you can lick that I

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<v Speaker 2>will actually enjoy.

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<v Speaker 4>My feet are not not one of them.

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<v Speaker 1>I like a little toe, I like it.

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<v Speaker 3>I like to see a little toeing and a nigga

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<v Speaker 3>mout every once in a while.

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<v Speaker 1>And not some kids though, this is that's that's real wild.

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<v Speaker 3>Like, so did the kids organize this thing or was

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<v Speaker 3>it organized by adults? Because I'm seeing a lot of

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<v Speaker 3>shit that adults are doing the children and for schools.

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<v Speaker 4>But it was a school sanction of it, which means

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<v Speaker 4>adults had to approve it. And I'm just trying to

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<v Speaker 4>think of like what adult was like, Yeah, that's a

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<v Speaker 4>good idea.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's let's let the kids lick on each other foot.

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<v Speaker 3>The principal obviously got a foot fetish and he don't

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<v Speaker 3>give a ship he wanted to see it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because that's wild.

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<v Speaker 1>Let me not assume that the principal was a man.

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<v Speaker 1>That's that's kind of messed up.

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<v Speaker 4>But whoever whoever is the need and fired, because I

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<v Speaker 4>wish I would have seen the video of my baby

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<v Speaker 4>on that damn gym, navy or floor lick at somebody's feet.

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<v Speaker 4>Everybody hit it, and my baby like, what is wrong

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<v Speaker 4>with you?

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<v Speaker 2>You ain't got enough sister, know not to do no

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<v Speaker 2>shit like that.

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<v Speaker 1>Right shame? So listen, what would you do if you

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<v Speaker 1>are in love? Right?

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<v Speaker 3>This man asked you to marry him, and you're walking

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<v Speaker 3>down the aisle and all of a sudden, what's that

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<v Speaker 3>movie with a girl would out at.

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<v Speaker 1>The damn prom Kirie cam Kirie.

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<v Speaker 3>You walking down the aisle with your beautiful white wedding

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<v Speaker 3>dress on, and all of a sudden somebody.

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<v Speaker 1>Throws red paint on you on your wedding day. What's

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<v Speaker 1>your next move?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm airing that whole motherfucking wedding house. Everybody back up?

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<v Speaker 2>Who threw paint?

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<v Speaker 1>Girl?

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<v Speaker 3>So it's a story on I find this online. So

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<v Speaker 3>bride is splattered with red paint as she's walking down

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<v Speaker 3>the aisle. Amid claims her groom's unhinged mom arranged the

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<v Speaker 3>attack before later a thing to steal her son's passport

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<v Speaker 3>to ruin his honeymoon. So they still got say I

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<v Speaker 3>don't fuck with niggas with mamas noth example of why

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<v Speaker 3>I prefer niggas who don't got no mama, no sister,

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<v Speaker 3>and adult children.

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<v Speaker 1>Adult yeah, adult children.

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<v Speaker 3>If you got a thirty year old daughter who is

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<v Speaker 3>not in a healthy relationship with a man, I can't

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<v Speaker 3>fuck with you.

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<v Speaker 4>I just feel like before I would marry a man,

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<v Speaker 4>I would have to have like some type of healthy

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<v Speaker 4>relationship or healthy boundary with his family. Because she knew

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<v Speaker 4>that lady was full of she knew that lady was

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<v Speaker 4>with all the smoke before they went down the aisle.

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<v Speaker 4>There's no way I would have walked down that aisle

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<v Speaker 4>with someone.

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<v Speaker 2>So we're hinge.

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<v Speaker 3>When I tell you the church would be so clean

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<v Speaker 3>because I would clean all the pulpits.

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<v Speaker 1>What his fucking mama.

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<v Speaker 4>You can't be doing that to nobody, Mama, absolutely, because

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<v Speaker 4>you know, sometimes I feel like men they let their

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<v Speaker 4>mom run amuck over their lives.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, So you you didn't leave it to your significant

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<v Speaker 3>other to try to sort the shit out when really

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<v Speaker 3>that's not my place. You need to check your mama.

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<v Speaker 3>And if you can't check your mama out.

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<v Speaker 2>He clearly couldn't check his mama.

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<v Speaker 4>He probably never could check his mama in life, and

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<v Speaker 4>that's why she thought it was okay to bring have

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<v Speaker 4>somebody to bring paint up.

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<v Speaker 1>In the wind and steal his passport so.

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<v Speaker 2>He can't even go away.

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<v Speaker 1>And they they got married.

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<v Speaker 2>Still clearly, clearly they still got married.

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<v Speaker 4>They needed a passport to go somewhere because they would

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<v Speaker 4>be bail bunny for my motherfucking ass.

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<v Speaker 2>That's all they would need.

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<v Speaker 1>So y'all, uh, Kanye West, uh new wife? Listen, her

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<v Speaker 1>name is Bianca since censory, but that.

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<v Speaker 2>Calling her new wife. They've been together for at least

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<v Speaker 2>two or three years now.

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<v Speaker 3>Absolutely not Kanye has only been married to that lady

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<v Speaker 3>for a year. Oh okay, Yeah, they got married last year,

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<v Speaker 3>so y'all be seeing her. You know, they got pictures

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<v Speaker 3>with her walking around with the ass out with a

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<v Speaker 3>little plastic bag.

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<v Speaker 2>You know.

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<v Speaker 3>I agree with Kanye when he said, like the the

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<v Speaker 3>big designers be sealing his design because I can't remember

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<v Speaker 3>who it was during New York Fashion Week, but they

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<v Speaker 3>literally everybody was dressed like his girl. So obviously, y'all,

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<v Speaker 3>y'all do be paying attention. And he is a trendsetter

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<v Speaker 3>in some type of way, but anyway, so apparently Bianca censory.

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<v Speaker 3>We've named her Bianca uncensored. Her dad wants a word

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<v Speaker 3>with Kanye West over the recent revealing photos of his daughter.

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<v Speaker 3>It says, shortly after Bianca was seen not wearing underwear

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<v Speaker 3>under sheer stockings while having dinner with Ye in Paris.

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<v Speaker 3>In Paris, her father we don't call this Nigga Leo

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<v Speaker 3>Okay Leo reportedly said he wanted a conversation with the

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<v Speaker 3>controversial artist, keeping in mind of the outfit could lead

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<v Speaker 3>to legal trouble for her, as France has strict indecency

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<v Speaker 3>laws and could result in jail time or a hefty fine.

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<v Speaker 3>One source claim Bianca's father, Leo wants to have a

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<v Speaker 3>proper sit down with Kanye and ask him what the

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<v Speaker 3>hell he's thinking when he paraised Bianc around like a

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<v Speaker 3>trashy naked trophy pony.

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<v Speaker 1>How is this? This is a grown woman? Right?

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<v Speaker 3>Is she being held against her will? She's always smiling,

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<v Speaker 3>She always looked happy.

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<v Speaker 4>She look at happy hole to me, well, she looked

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<v Speaker 4>like she might be easily influenced, you know, would she

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<v Speaker 4>be wearing this trash bag?

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<v Speaker 2>And niggad asks if she was not with Kanye.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, but who is your dad to check me boo?

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<v Speaker 4>He also said, you know, would he wants Chicago North

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<v Speaker 4>to be seen in public when and revealing closed because

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<v Speaker 4>their husbands encouraged them to.

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely not.

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<v Speaker 3>He's trying to get Kim to take his kids out

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<v Speaker 3>of a particular school because he feels like it's a

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<v Speaker 3>school where children are groomed for Hollywood. Right, So of

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<v Speaker 3>course Kanye would not have would not allow a man

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<v Speaker 3>to have his child walking around looks crazy.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, help pussy out.

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<v Speaker 3>But yeah, this speaks to how sometimes boundaries that men

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<v Speaker 3>have really doesn't pertain to women that they really don't love.

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<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm.

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<v Speaker 3>You know so I personally I don't think Kanye West

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<v Speaker 3>actually loves this woman.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, because when he was with Kim, he used to

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<v Speaker 4>get mad about her posting essentially stuff. So why the

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<v Speaker 4>change her? Why is it okay for this woman to

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<v Speaker 4>be so exposed?

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<v Speaker 1>You don't like her?

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<v Speaker 3>That's what it balls down to, because I remember Kim

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<v Speaker 3>crying after the met gala. It's like Kanye knew exactly

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<v Speaker 3>what she was wearing at night, and he waited till

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<v Speaker 3>that day like to fuck with her about how revealing

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<v Speaker 3>the outfit was right.

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<v Speaker 1>But now you got this bit. She don't be having

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<v Speaker 1>on no clothes at all.

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<v Speaker 4>She'd be naked, bro like she should really be outside

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<v Speaker 4>and asked nickd just having them.

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<v Speaker 2>Would let this scallop your scallop is.

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<v Speaker 1>Out, your callup is exposed.

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<v Speaker 3>The middle of the Dad in the middle, in the

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<v Speaker 3>middle of France's second dick on the boat, Kanye Buck

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<v Speaker 3>cracks stay out his ask me out too.

0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:40.400
<v Speaker 1>Kanye hopped in the truck and he was kicked up.

0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:44.679
<v Speaker 4>Kanye, why are you so kick all of a sudden

0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:46.920
<v Speaker 4>say two of the kind of.

0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:49.800
<v Speaker 1>Sh I don't know?

0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:53.520
<v Speaker 3>All right, So, speaking of men respecting the women that

0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:57.080
<v Speaker 3>they say they love, we're talking domestic violence on this

0:11:57.160 --> 0:12:01.720
<v Speaker 3>week's episode. So we have the founder of mad okay,

0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:06.560
<v Speaker 3>that's Men Against Domestic Violence, and we talked back this week.

0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:13.280
<v Speaker 1>Y'all stay tuned, all right, y'all, welcome.

0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:16.720
<v Speaker 3>Back, And y'all know March is Women's History Month, and

0:12:16.920 --> 0:12:20.080
<v Speaker 3>not to start the month off super heavy, but the

0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:25.720
<v Speaker 3>conversation is definitely necessary. Women are almost always at the

0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:32.360
<v Speaker 3>forefront of domestic violence conversations and primarily primarily the main advocates. Also,

0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:38.400
<v Speaker 3>men aren't exempt, you know, from being victims, but they

0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:41.760
<v Speaker 3>really don't speak out being victims or the abusers. It's

0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:45.360
<v Speaker 3>usually a conversation that women are having. So today's guest

0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:49.800
<v Speaker 3>is out here breaking the cycle of abuse through his

0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:53.840
<v Speaker 3>work as a CEO and founder of an organization called MAD.

0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:58.319
<v Speaker 3>That's m a d USA, Inc. And that's Men Against

0:12:58.400 --> 0:13:02.600
<v Speaker 3>Domestic Violence. He's also the assistant Assistant Chief of Personal

0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:04.840
<v Speaker 3>Development in the North Charlston Fire Department.

0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:07.680
<v Speaker 1>He's a girl's dad and he's a good man.

0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:14.040
<v Speaker 3>Anna, okay, y'all. Welcome Chris Raine, we fight, I mean

0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:15.040
<v Speaker 3>we talked back.

0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:15.719
<v Speaker 1>What's up?

0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:20.000
<v Speaker 2>Welcome Christian.

0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:22.559
<v Speaker 1>What how you doing today, Chad?

0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:25.880
<v Speaker 5>I'm doing good, doing great, doing great. Nice to be here.

0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:28.240
<v Speaker 2>Tell us about man, how I got started, tell us

0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:28.959
<v Speaker 2>all the things.

0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:34.600
<v Speaker 5>Really just a god, I think I would say, in

0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:40.679
<v Speaker 5>a very unconventional way. I was in Baton, russ Louisiana

0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:43.160
<v Speaker 5>in two thousand and six. I got a phone call

0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:48.400
<v Speaker 5>from my cousin and that basically changed my life. I

0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:51.120
<v Speaker 5>learned that my mom and my four siblings were murdered

0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:55.120
<v Speaker 5>by my mom's husband, and they had only been married

0:13:55.360 --> 0:14:00.080
<v Speaker 5>for about a year, and my mom was in Mi

0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:03.280
<v Speaker 5>from colon cancer. So when I initially got the call,

0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:06.680
<v Speaker 5>I really didn't know what I was flying home for.

0:14:06.800 --> 0:14:09.560
<v Speaker 5>Nowhere really told me until I got here. And I

0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:13.560
<v Speaker 5>had actually spoken to my mom ironically the day before,

0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:17.800
<v Speaker 5>and our conversation was just around the period of time

0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:21.120
<v Speaker 5>of which we had not talked, which was probably about

0:14:21.160 --> 0:14:23.920
<v Speaker 5>a month or two, which was very unordinary for us,

0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:28.680
<v Speaker 5>and she just basically was saying that she was busy

0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:34.240
<v Speaker 5>basically following up her last chemore appointment and that they

0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:36.400
<v Speaker 5>were headed got the Moja festival. I got a chance

0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:39.760
<v Speaker 5>to talk to three of my siblings and you know,

0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:41.840
<v Speaker 5>they said that they were going to Mojia. I said,

0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:44.240
<v Speaker 5>I love you, love you too, and I told her

0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:47.400
<v Speaker 5>I would talk to her tomorrow. She said, promise. I said,

0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:50.960
<v Speaker 5>you know, we promised that we would talk the next day,

0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:53.840
<v Speaker 5>and that was the last day we spoke. Fast forward

0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:59.840
<v Speaker 5>about seven years of trying to rediscover myself and you know,

0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:05.200
<v Speaker 5>this life and what it really means to go through

0:15:05.360 --> 0:15:11.800
<v Speaker 5>this type of tragedy. I decided, through prayer and isolation

0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:15.600
<v Speaker 5>that I wanted to do something to honor my family

0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:19.840
<v Speaker 5>and their legacy, not in a negative way, but you know,

0:15:19.920 --> 0:15:23.600
<v Speaker 5>bringing life to their lives and I hosted event at

0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:28.240
<v Speaker 5>Walmart in the parking lot in honor of them to

0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:32.200
<v Speaker 5>bring awareness to domestic violence. And I was only expecting

0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:34.880
<v Speaker 5>family members to show up, and we had about five

0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:37.360
<v Speaker 5>six hundred people show up in that event. And I

0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:40.320
<v Speaker 5>knew from that point on that there was something bigger

0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:42.680
<v Speaker 5>that I needed to do, and I wanted to do

0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:47.760
<v Speaker 5>something that wasn't done already. I think that we have

0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:51.480
<v Speaker 5>a lot of people doing reactive work to domestic balance.

0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:56.120
<v Speaker 5>There's shelters, not enough shelters, and our resources for victims,

0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:58.160
<v Speaker 5>but what are we doing on the front end to

0:15:58.200 --> 0:16:02.200
<v Speaker 5>prevent it? And I felt like that where my space was,

0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:06.000
<v Speaker 5>and so that's I began an organization to do proactive

0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:12.640
<v Speaker 5>education for children, teaching team dating, violence, bullying, and domestic violence.

0:16:12.720 --> 0:16:18.400
<v Speaker 5>And eleven years later, you know, made some legislative changes

0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:22.440
<v Speaker 5>in the state of South Carolina, because before twenty sixteen,

0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:24.560
<v Speaker 5>you would actually get more time for beating your dog

0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:27.760
<v Speaker 5>than you would have beaten your wife or your significant other.

0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:31.160
<v Speaker 5>So our morals quote unquote did not match.

0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:35.040
<v Speaker 3>So y'all know, in South Carolina, it's still a law

0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:38.800
<v Speaker 3>that you can beat your wife on the front steps

0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:43.080
<v Speaker 3>of the Courthouse downtown Charleston is still a thing on

0:16:43.200 --> 0:16:46.560
<v Speaker 3>the book, so a lot of legislation, legislation still actually

0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:50.160
<v Speaker 3>hasn't been changed. So why do you think it is

0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:52.440
<v Speaker 3>that men aren't as engaged in the topic.

0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:58.480
<v Speaker 1>About domestic violence as much as women are.

0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:08.960
<v Speaker 5>Guilt and accountability. I would say my very first TED

0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:14.679
<v Speaker 5>talk I did was about men owning your role and

0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:19.520
<v Speaker 5>just looking at the feedback that I got from YouTube,

0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:22.160
<v Speaker 5>just the comments and stuff, and men just saying like, well,

0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:25.320
<v Speaker 5>I never put my hands on a woman, Why do

0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:27.720
<v Speaker 5>I have to take responsibility? But the truth of the

0:17:27.760 --> 0:17:31.040
<v Speaker 5>matter is you didn't directly have to be a slave

0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:35.800
<v Speaker 5>owner to benefit from slavery, and I don't directly have

0:17:35.880 --> 0:17:38.679
<v Speaker 5>to be an abuser to benefit from the privilege of

0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:42.080
<v Speaker 5>being a man, or contributing to the culture in which

0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:46.200
<v Speaker 5>men feel like it's okay to abuse women or treat

0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:50.439
<v Speaker 5>women a way that they do. So to me, I

0:17:50.480 --> 0:17:53.879
<v Speaker 5>think a lack of accountability is the main thing, like

0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:56.679
<v Speaker 5>not wanting to accept our role what we benefit in

0:17:56.680 --> 0:17:58.800
<v Speaker 5>the culture, Like, no, not all of us may put

0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:02.800
<v Speaker 5>our hands on someone, but you know, I think verbally

0:18:02.880 --> 0:18:06.359
<v Speaker 5>we probably said some things sometimes, you know, as we

0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:09.159
<v Speaker 5>grow on relationships. That probably is not the best thing.

0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:12.320
<v Speaker 5>I'm on both sides, and I think just taking accountability

0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:15.240
<v Speaker 5>for the culture in which we allowed to happen. If

0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:18.240
<v Speaker 5>we're watching it happen and allowing it to happen, I mean,

0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:20.080
<v Speaker 5>are we not at fault as well?

0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:25.800
<v Speaker 4>I had I had went on a date one time

0:18:26.000 --> 0:18:27.760
<v Speaker 4>and we just went to like a day it was

0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:31.240
<v Speaker 4>like a brunch day party situation, and we met with

0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:35.920
<v Speaker 4>the guy was seeing his friend and he started telling

0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:39.120
<v Speaker 4>the story about how he had to beat his girlfriend

0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:42.520
<v Speaker 4>the night before, all right, and I got really upset

0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:45.320
<v Speaker 4>and I left. You know, I call me an uber,

0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:47.320
<v Speaker 4>and I left because I just felt like, one it

0:18:47.359 --> 0:18:50.840
<v Speaker 4>was one you just you know, casually talking about beating

0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:55.160
<v Speaker 4>a woman, and two the nigga ain't saying shit right,

0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:58.439
<v Speaker 4>So that gave me a sign that this ain't the

0:18:58.480 --> 0:19:01.919
<v Speaker 4>party for me. This is not my ministry. So the

0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:05.800
<v Speaker 4>guy was dating he said something to his friend about

0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:08.200
<v Speaker 4>why I left. So the next time I saw the guy,

0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:11.960
<v Speaker 4>he was like, I apologize for, you know, having that

0:19:12.080 --> 0:19:15.560
<v Speaker 4>conversation in front of you. But some women don't feel

0:19:15.600 --> 0:19:19.520
<v Speaker 4>like you love them unless you beat them. So my

0:19:19.640 --> 0:19:22.439
<v Speaker 4>question for you is, do you agree with that scenario, like,

0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:25.240
<v Speaker 4>are there women out there that only feel love when

0:19:25.240 --> 0:19:28.840
<v Speaker 4>they're being physically abused by men? And is there counseling

0:19:28.880 --> 0:19:29.200
<v Speaker 4>for that?

0:19:29.240 --> 0:19:29.920
<v Speaker 2>With Matt.

0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:34.159
<v Speaker 5>So to answer your first question, this is going to

0:19:34.400 --> 0:19:41.679
<v Speaker 5>open up a very deep conversation. Second ted talk that

0:19:41.760 --> 0:19:45.800
<v Speaker 5>I did was on love is not Love, which is

0:19:45.920 --> 0:19:50.879
<v Speaker 5>layered oppressed, fooling the emotions, And the premise of that

0:19:50.960 --> 0:19:58.080
<v Speaker 5>talk was how do we learn how to love? Is

0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:01.920
<v Speaker 5>it a universal thing that everyone understands what a healthy

0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:04.720
<v Speaker 5>relationship and with love is or are we taught with

0:20:04.840 --> 0:20:10.040
<v Speaker 5>love is? I would say that we're taught right, So

0:20:10.400 --> 0:20:14.440
<v Speaker 5>when we say that the only way that a woman

0:20:14.520 --> 0:20:18.639
<v Speaker 5>feels love is if she's hit or she's abused, okay,

0:20:18.720 --> 0:20:21.960
<v Speaker 5>we have to kind of backtrack and say, well, how

0:20:22.080 --> 0:20:24.240
<v Speaker 5>was she taught? What was the environment in which she

0:20:24.280 --> 0:20:26.240
<v Speaker 5>grew up in to where this was the norm, to

0:20:26.280 --> 0:20:29.399
<v Speaker 5>where this is what she accepts as being the norm.

0:20:29.480 --> 0:20:31.439
<v Speaker 5>Because if you grow up in the household as I

0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:38.560
<v Speaker 5>did from the age of six, where love and violence coexist,

0:20:38.880 --> 0:20:42.520
<v Speaker 5>how do you learn how to love without violence? Because

0:20:42.520 --> 0:20:45.919
<v Speaker 5>they are hand in hand? And so I think you

0:20:45.960 --> 0:20:49.119
<v Speaker 5>know the root of that is, you know, and I

0:20:49.200 --> 0:20:51.439
<v Speaker 5>was talking to aj about it earlier. Like even the

0:20:51.520 --> 0:20:56.560
<v Speaker 5>kids that I teach sometimes their lack of emotional intelligence.

0:20:58.200 --> 0:20:59.920
<v Speaker 5>Some of it is from them, but some of it

0:21:00.400 --> 0:21:04.320
<v Speaker 5>exactually passed down from their parents. Like there has to

0:21:04.359 --> 0:21:07.800
<v Speaker 5>be like traumatic cycles that are broken. And so I

0:21:07.840 --> 0:21:11.679
<v Speaker 5>can't blame the woman. You know, anybody would look at

0:21:11.680 --> 0:21:14.800
<v Speaker 5>her and be like, oh, you know, it's stupid. Why

0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:17.440
<v Speaker 5>don't why doesn't she just leave? Like it's a deeper

0:21:20.440 --> 0:21:25.639
<v Speaker 5>I hate to say sickness, but it's a deeper traumatic

0:21:27.400 --> 0:21:30.200
<v Speaker 5>event that she's had going on in her life repetitively

0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:32.960
<v Speaker 5>to where she feels like this is the normal, right,

0:21:33.080 --> 0:21:36.479
<v Speaker 5>and this is what she accepts as love because her

0:21:36.520 --> 0:21:38.919
<v Speaker 5>dad might have did it to her mom, or you know,

0:21:39.040 --> 0:21:41.440
<v Speaker 5>her mom may have a boyfriend and something that does

0:21:41.480 --> 0:21:44.320
<v Speaker 5>it to her, and it may be the pattern happening

0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:47.200
<v Speaker 5>over and over again. So what she does is accepts

0:21:47.200 --> 0:21:51.919
<v Speaker 5>the fact that this is what love is. At times

0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:57.560
<v Speaker 5>it may result into this and it's really just on

0:21:58.000 --> 0:22:02.600
<v Speaker 5>like kind of just settling. And sometimes you have men

0:22:03.119 --> 0:22:09.719
<v Speaker 5>who actually, you know, seek women who are heavily submissive.

0:22:10.359 --> 0:22:15.040
<v Speaker 5>And I hate using that word because I think the

0:22:15.080 --> 0:22:21.280
<v Speaker 5>word has kind of gained a very negative feel around

0:22:21.280 --> 0:22:24.320
<v Speaker 5>what submissiveness looks like in a relationship or should be

0:22:24.359 --> 0:22:28.080
<v Speaker 5>in a relationship, and so now it's just seen as negative.

0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:33.400
<v Speaker 5>But you know, and not to preach. But also I

0:22:33.480 --> 0:22:38.560
<v Speaker 5>often reference Ephesians when I talk about like submissiveness and

0:22:38.640 --> 0:22:40.359
<v Speaker 5>the way that I grew up in the church, I

0:22:40.440 --> 0:22:47.639
<v Speaker 5>used to hear male pastors preach for hours about wise

0:22:47.680 --> 0:22:52.360
<v Speaker 5>being submissive to your husbands. And one day I decided

0:22:52.359 --> 0:22:56.879
<v Speaker 5>to go read for myself, and I realized that God

0:22:56.960 --> 0:23:01.560
<v Speaker 5>gave more instructions on how male is supposed to treat

0:23:01.560 --> 0:23:06.040
<v Speaker 5>a female then he did the woman being submissive to

0:23:06.040 --> 0:23:09.480
<v Speaker 5>the man. So my thing is is if men own

0:23:09.640 --> 0:23:13.760
<v Speaker 5>the part of treating your wives that Christ loved the church,

0:23:14.680 --> 0:23:17.840
<v Speaker 5>or no man committing harm to his own flesh, Because

0:23:17.920 --> 0:23:21.119
<v Speaker 5>when you become married, our relationship, however you see it,

0:23:21.160 --> 0:23:24.399
<v Speaker 5>you become one right and no one's going to commit

0:23:24.560 --> 0:23:26.600
<v Speaker 5>or should commit harm to their own flesh. And if

0:23:26.640 --> 0:23:29.600
<v Speaker 5>you're deeming this person as your significant other, are your

0:23:29.640 --> 0:23:33.600
<v Speaker 5>better half? As some people say, why are you harming

0:23:33.640 --> 0:23:38.480
<v Speaker 5>this person? Because that cannot be a reflection of what

0:23:38.560 --> 0:23:45.440
<v Speaker 5>love is heavy.

0:23:47.960 --> 0:23:49.439
<v Speaker 3>I think that a lot of people you just have

0:23:49.520 --> 0:23:52.240
<v Speaker 3>to find somebody who has the same definition of love

0:23:52.280 --> 0:23:54.640
<v Speaker 3>as you do, because I feel like women who get

0:23:54.680 --> 0:23:57.640
<v Speaker 3>abused and men who abused somehow they always meet each

0:23:57.640 --> 0:24:00.600
<v Speaker 3>other because that same man could get with another woman

0:24:00.600 --> 0:24:03.200
<v Speaker 3>and would never put his hands on her because she's

0:24:03.320 --> 0:24:06.919
<v Speaker 3>not allowing that thing, right. But it's like, I know

0:24:07.080 --> 0:24:09.720
<v Speaker 3>some women who have been abused in every single relationship

0:24:09.760 --> 0:24:10.239
<v Speaker 3>they've been in.

0:24:12.440 --> 0:24:13.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I was just thinking about that.

0:24:13.720 --> 0:24:15.720
<v Speaker 4>There's a girl that I know from Colombia and she's

0:24:15.760 --> 0:24:22.359
<v Speaker 4>always posting abuser man abusing, Yeah, abusing her like different

0:24:22.359 --> 0:24:25.760
<v Speaker 4>scars on her body and different war wounds from different men.

0:24:25.800 --> 0:24:30.080
<v Speaker 4>And it's just like, how are you continuously attracting physically

0:24:30.160 --> 0:24:30.760
<v Speaker 4>violent men?

0:24:32.320 --> 0:24:35.560
<v Speaker 5>It's a pattern. I mean, there's no different from fishing

0:24:35.600 --> 0:24:41.439
<v Speaker 5>in the same pond where they breed catfish and catch

0:24:41.960 --> 0:24:45.560
<v Speaker 5>a catfish. You can't be surprised that's where you're fishing at.

0:24:46.320 --> 0:24:51.280
<v Speaker 4>But I'm confused on how that worked because basically what

0:24:51.359 --> 0:24:54.919
<v Speaker 4>you said Columbia, South Carolina is a bunch of women

0:24:54.960 --> 0:24:57.760
<v Speaker 4>beating ass nigga.

0:24:58.440 --> 0:25:00.639
<v Speaker 5>Well, I'm gonna just tell you so track breaking in

0:25:00.680 --> 0:25:03.520
<v Speaker 5>South Carolina ain't great. I mean, we notice that's when

0:25:03.520 --> 0:25:06.560
<v Speaker 5>they come to men killer women so cultfully, I mean,

0:25:06.640 --> 0:25:09.120
<v Speaker 5>going back to what AJ said, Like, you think about it,

0:25:10.359 --> 0:25:13.320
<v Speaker 5>even though that law is a blue law, right, which is,

0:25:14.400 --> 0:25:16.880
<v Speaker 5>you know it's on the books, but it's not practice.

0:25:17.040 --> 0:25:19.280
<v Speaker 5>You could obviously get in trouble.

0:25:19.000 --> 0:25:22.560
<v Speaker 2>For it, But like spitting on the sidewalk.

0:25:22.400 --> 0:25:25.920
<v Speaker 5>Right, But you have to go back to the route

0:25:25.960 --> 0:25:29.960
<v Speaker 5>of why is it there in the first place, right,

0:25:30.359 --> 0:25:34.399
<v Speaker 5>because there's it's not by coincidence that over fifty percent

0:25:34.520 --> 0:25:36.399
<v Speaker 5>of the states that make up the top ten or

0:25:36.400 --> 0:25:42.639
<v Speaker 5>southern states. Right, Why do we hold on to laws

0:25:42.720 --> 0:25:45.399
<v Speaker 5>like that? Why were they designed in the first place?

0:25:46.880 --> 0:25:52.160
<v Speaker 5>Because to me, there's no Again I hate bringing up slavery,

0:25:52.200 --> 0:25:56.280
<v Speaker 5>but there's no rule or no law that is saying

0:25:56.280 --> 0:26:00.680
<v Speaker 5>that it's okay to be a slave. But in turn,

0:26:01.000 --> 0:26:03.840
<v Speaker 5>I would say that it doesn't stop the system of

0:26:03.880 --> 0:26:07.800
<v Speaker 5>slavery to continuing to happen. And so when you have

0:26:08.840 --> 0:26:13.600
<v Speaker 5>men who not only feel like it's okay to abuse

0:26:13.640 --> 0:26:19.560
<v Speaker 5>their wives physically, but they got together as lawmakers leaders

0:26:19.600 --> 0:26:23.399
<v Speaker 5>of a state and came together and decided that the

0:26:23.560 --> 0:26:26.600
<v Speaker 5>right thing to do with their time is to protect

0:26:26.640 --> 0:26:29.280
<v Speaker 5>the fact that they can beat their wives on what

0:26:29.320 --> 0:26:35.120
<v Speaker 5>they would consider a holy day and the Bible belt

0:26:36.160 --> 0:26:42.160
<v Speaker 5>in public, who.

0:26:42.000 --> 0:26:44.000
<v Speaker 2>Says that shit crazy.

0:26:44.040 --> 0:26:46.320
<v Speaker 4>That's why listen, I got a pistol for anybody coming

0:26:46.400 --> 0:26:50.200
<v Speaker 4>at me different, I swear, don't come at me crazy.

0:26:50.720 --> 0:26:52.639
<v Speaker 4>So let me ask you this. Are you saying you

0:26:52.640 --> 0:26:54.520
<v Speaker 4>do a lot of like training with children, you want

0:26:54.520 --> 0:26:56.639
<v Speaker 4>to get them young, right, But how do you go

0:26:56.800 --> 0:27:00.600
<v Speaker 4>about teaching a child something so heavy and helping them

0:27:00.600 --> 0:27:04.439
<v Speaker 4>to understand these things? Because it seems like a difficult task.

0:27:05.760 --> 0:27:09.199
<v Speaker 5>You go, you figure out what the pillars of And

0:27:09.520 --> 0:27:11.560
<v Speaker 5>this is what I'm meant to tell ag a minute ago.

0:27:11.760 --> 0:27:16.000
<v Speaker 5>You find out what the pillars of the what I

0:27:16.080 --> 0:27:22.040
<v Speaker 5>deem to be a sickness is, which is power and control. Right.

0:27:22.400 --> 0:27:25.360
<v Speaker 5>If you don't have power and control overybody over someone,

0:27:25.600 --> 0:27:27.960
<v Speaker 5>you're not gonna be able to abuse them. That's off top.

0:27:28.200 --> 0:27:33.720
<v Speaker 5>They're gonna leave, right. No one just magically becomes like,

0:27:34.040 --> 0:27:38.320
<v Speaker 5>I'm not gonna come holler at you and be at

0:27:38.320 --> 0:27:39.879
<v Speaker 5>our first date and be like, you know I hit

0:27:39.920 --> 0:27:43.320
<v Speaker 5>and abused women, right, That's that's nothing that I'm just

0:27:43.359 --> 0:27:46.440
<v Speaker 5>gonna come out and say, right, because you would leave right.

0:27:46.600 --> 0:27:52.960
<v Speaker 5>So over time I have to, like some people, court

0:27:52.960 --> 0:27:59.080
<v Speaker 5>to you, you know, tear you down physically, I'll tear

0:27:59.119 --> 0:28:02.119
<v Speaker 5>you down mentally. Right, and get you to depend on

0:28:02.240 --> 0:28:08.560
<v Speaker 5>me emotionally, depend on me for your happiness, and then

0:28:10.320 --> 0:28:12.760
<v Speaker 5>once we get to a certain point, then they feel

0:28:12.760 --> 0:28:17.480
<v Speaker 5>comfortable enough abusing right. No one's just gonna come out

0:28:17.520 --> 0:28:19.199
<v Speaker 5>and slap you, because nine times out of ten you're

0:28:19.240 --> 0:28:19.840
<v Speaker 5>just gonna leave.

0:28:20.520 --> 0:28:22.639
<v Speaker 3>I usually do it on the first date, but go ahead,

0:28:26.200 --> 0:28:28.440
<v Speaker 3>so you can't like so so a year from now, you.

0:28:28.400 --> 0:28:31.360
<v Speaker 1>Can't say I changed. It happened the very first date.

0:28:31.880 --> 0:28:34.600
<v Speaker 5>If I see aging a dollar paper, i'm'n just.

0:28:34.520 --> 0:28:38.280
<v Speaker 4>Be like, AJ is gonna find a way to make

0:28:38.440 --> 0:28:40.240
<v Speaker 4>domestic violence lighthearted.

0:28:41.320 --> 0:28:42.800
<v Speaker 3>Let me tell you what to do. You gotta hit

0:28:42.840 --> 0:28:44.400
<v Speaker 3>them on top of the head. It's a it's a

0:28:44.440 --> 0:28:47.719
<v Speaker 3>reset button on no shopping niggas head and like, especially

0:28:47.720 --> 0:28:50.720
<v Speaker 3>if they got hair like Kristen, you won't be able

0:28:50.720 --> 0:28:51.080
<v Speaker 3>to see it.

0:28:51.320 --> 0:28:52.120
<v Speaker 1>You just kind of don't.

0:28:52.200 --> 0:28:55.360
<v Speaker 4>This is exactly the opposite of what Christian is trying

0:28:55.400 --> 0:28:58.000
<v Speaker 4>to relate to our listeners.

0:28:59.160 --> 0:29:02.560
<v Speaker 2>She's just joking. Yeah, she don't really be hitting nobody.

0:29:02.720 --> 0:29:08.000
<v Speaker 3>I don't know that SHEI ate any anything violent oftentimes, So.

0:29:08.200 --> 0:29:11.800
<v Speaker 4>You're saying with the kids, you teach them about what

0:29:12.040 --> 0:29:14.200
<v Speaker 4>power control, So power.

0:29:14.000 --> 0:29:16.080
<v Speaker 5>And control, so when you when you say, like, how

0:29:16.080 --> 0:29:18.760
<v Speaker 5>do you get this across? It's teaching the basics. So

0:29:19.120 --> 0:29:23.640
<v Speaker 5>elementary school having a conversation about teen dating violence is

0:29:24.440 --> 0:29:27.280
<v Speaker 5>not age appropriate. They don't understand it, right, But what

0:29:27.400 --> 0:29:32.080
<v Speaker 5>do they understand relationships? Friendships? The root cause of bullying

0:29:32.280 --> 0:29:34.760
<v Speaker 5>is power and control. You can't bully somebody unless you

0:29:34.800 --> 0:29:38.240
<v Speaker 5>have power and control over them, right, So we teach

0:29:38.280 --> 0:29:43.520
<v Speaker 5>about friendships, healthy relationships surrounding bullying in that conversation. And

0:29:43.560 --> 0:29:46.120
<v Speaker 5>once we get to middle school and high school, that's

0:29:46.160 --> 0:29:49.400
<v Speaker 5>when we start talking about teen dating and domestic violence

0:29:49.560 --> 0:29:52.960
<v Speaker 5>and you know, talking about red flags. But what we

0:29:53.160 --> 0:29:58.560
<v Speaker 5>also just started incorporating into our lessons is a lot

0:29:58.640 --> 0:30:01.560
<v Speaker 5>of things dealing with men health. Because we talk about

0:30:02.120 --> 0:30:06.960
<v Speaker 5>like being able to recognize signs, but how do you

0:30:07.320 --> 0:30:12.880
<v Speaker 5>recognize within yourself the issues that you have dealing with

0:30:12.960 --> 0:30:16.200
<v Speaker 5>depression recognized and whether you depress, whether you deal or

0:30:16.240 --> 0:30:20.320
<v Speaker 5>suffer from anxiety or temper or a temper right, or

0:30:20.360 --> 0:30:24.160
<v Speaker 5>any of those things, And how do we solve it

0:30:24.280 --> 0:30:27.280
<v Speaker 5>or how do we recognize it, get help counseling, how

0:30:27.280 --> 0:30:30.440
<v Speaker 5>do we heal from those things? Last week I led

0:30:31.080 --> 0:30:35.440
<v Speaker 5>my first class in meditation and it was dope a

0:30:35.440 --> 0:30:37.840
<v Speaker 5>bunch of high school kids I had in the class

0:30:37.880 --> 0:30:42.040
<v Speaker 5>that I've been teaching for months, and for those kids,

0:30:42.080 --> 0:30:44.360
<v Speaker 5>it was like for them, they said, it was the

0:30:44.480 --> 0:30:47.040
<v Speaker 5>very first time in their life that they can remember

0:30:47.080 --> 0:30:50.960
<v Speaker 5>their mind just being clear and not racing about life.

0:30:51.800 --> 0:30:54.280
<v Speaker 5>And that's mindfulness And that's a lot of power to

0:30:54.400 --> 0:30:57.840
<v Speaker 5>hand over to a teenager that they've had, but they

0:30:57.880 --> 0:31:01.440
<v Speaker 5>deserve to be mentally free, you know. So basically just

0:31:01.480 --> 0:31:04.120
<v Speaker 5>teaching like a holistic thing, like not only pointing out

0:31:04.120 --> 0:31:07.720
<v Speaker 5>the red flags, but you're also just being emotionally intelligent

0:31:07.840 --> 0:31:10.680
<v Speaker 5>enough to be self aware but also manage your emotions,

0:31:10.680 --> 0:31:13.760
<v Speaker 5>but also to be socially aware to understand the people

0:31:13.800 --> 0:31:20.040
<v Speaker 5>that you're dealing with and kind of just gauge how

0:31:20.080 --> 0:31:24.320
<v Speaker 5>they emotionally respond to things, because I think even as adults,

0:31:24.360 --> 0:31:27.080
<v Speaker 5>those are things that we sometimes suff aware in relationships.

0:31:27.160 --> 0:31:30.200
<v Speaker 5>We can be self aware, we can kind of manage

0:31:30.280 --> 0:31:32.960
<v Speaker 5>our emotions, but sometimes we have a hard time reading

0:31:33.080 --> 0:31:36.720
<v Speaker 5>and managing other people's emotions and how we react to it.

0:31:38.200 --> 0:31:40.920
<v Speaker 4>So with MATD, you only focus on the youth, or

0:31:40.920 --> 0:31:43.760
<v Speaker 4>do you deal with like adult men who have already

0:31:43.760 --> 0:31:46.720
<v Speaker 4>been like domestically violent to people and they're trying to

0:31:46.800 --> 0:31:50.040
<v Speaker 4>change or do you not work with them?

0:31:50.240 --> 0:31:52.800
<v Speaker 5>Tan, That's a good question. So I would say that

0:31:53.440 --> 0:31:57.280
<v Speaker 5>I work with everybody because I've taught in college, I've

0:31:57.320 --> 0:32:01.200
<v Speaker 5>taught with the military, I've trained my fighter apartment on it.

0:32:02.240 --> 0:32:06.640
<v Speaker 5>There's not a space that I haven't done domestic violence training.

0:32:07.680 --> 0:32:14.040
<v Speaker 5>But when you talk about the abusers traumatically to me,

0:32:14.120 --> 0:32:17.480
<v Speaker 5>I used to be very closed after that because obviously

0:32:17.520 --> 0:32:20.680
<v Speaker 5>I was biased. I had abuser take everything that I

0:32:20.680 --> 0:32:25.280
<v Speaker 5>love away from me, right, but I had probation partner

0:32:25.360 --> 0:32:26.520
<v Speaker 5>parole reach out to me.

0:32:26.880 --> 0:32:29.800
<v Speaker 4>About Yeah, I was going to ask what happened to

0:32:29.840 --> 0:32:32.800
<v Speaker 4>that motherfucker? Because where he at he's in.

0:32:34.360 --> 0:32:37.959
<v Speaker 5>He's in Colombia at a mental institute. One of the

0:32:38.080 --> 0:32:41.560
<v Speaker 5>high schools that I teach actually is right by it.

0:32:41.600 --> 0:32:45.160
<v Speaker 5>I actually passed by it for the first time in

0:32:45.240 --> 0:32:48.360
<v Speaker 5>December last year. I never knew where it was, never

0:32:48.440 --> 0:32:54.080
<v Speaker 5>went up there. I forgave him within myself, never tried

0:32:54.120 --> 0:32:56.720
<v Speaker 5>to do a face to face. But he's in a

0:32:56.760 --> 0:32:59.080
<v Speaker 5>psychiatric ward in Colombia.

0:33:00.080 --> 0:33:03.760
<v Speaker 4>He was mentally ill already from the jump. Did you

0:33:03.800 --> 0:33:07.600
<v Speaker 4>feel like you knew this about him prior to your family?

0:33:08.040 --> 0:33:10.000
<v Speaker 5>No, I think that he knew what he was doing.

0:33:10.600 --> 0:33:14.440
<v Speaker 5>If I'm being honest with you, I think that he

0:33:14.640 --> 0:33:20.160
<v Speaker 5>was severely beaten when he got to prison. I mean,

0:33:20.400 --> 0:33:25.760
<v Speaker 5>obviously you go to Leeds Avenue. People know people, and

0:33:25.880 --> 0:33:29.080
<v Speaker 5>people knew what he did. They knew my family. You know,

0:33:29.200 --> 0:33:31.720
<v Speaker 5>I grew grew up in the gardens, and you know,

0:33:31.800 --> 0:33:34.800
<v Speaker 5>unfortunately a lot of people that I know might be

0:33:34.840 --> 0:33:40.960
<v Speaker 5>on Leeds Avenue, you know, right, So you know, I think.

0:33:41.040 --> 0:33:44.000
<v Speaker 3>Said, that's what I'm gonna say. What's Leeds Leeds Avenue

0:33:44.080 --> 0:33:48.320
<v Speaker 3>and Charleston South. Leeds Avenue is where the city jail

0:33:48.400 --> 0:33:48.720
<v Speaker 3>is at.

0:33:49.880 --> 0:33:51.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so that's where he went first.

0:33:51.920 --> 0:33:52.960
<v Speaker 5>That's where he went first.

0:33:53.280 --> 0:33:56.959
<v Speaker 3>You were about to say how the parole or whatever

0:33:57.840 --> 0:34:00.600
<v Speaker 3>you were, you were telling us how the parole board

0:34:00.640 --> 0:34:02.320
<v Speaker 3>or whomever reached out to you.

0:34:03.680 --> 0:34:04.520
<v Speaker 1>What was that story?

0:34:05.320 --> 0:34:11.000
<v Speaker 5>And so they reached out to me about basically, let

0:34:11.000 --> 0:34:11.799
<v Speaker 5>me fix my face.

0:34:11.880 --> 0:34:16.720
<v Speaker 2>I got mad, got mad? I did go ahead.

0:34:17.040 --> 0:34:21.160
<v Speaker 5>So, I mean, it reached out to me about training

0:34:21.239 --> 0:34:27.000
<v Speaker 5>for abusers, people on probation for domestic violence, and you know,

0:34:27.080 --> 0:34:30.719
<v Speaker 5>initially I was like, I don't know if I'm ready

0:34:30.760 --> 0:34:33.960
<v Speaker 5>for it, because I don't know if they will ever

0:34:34.160 --> 0:34:36.000
<v Speaker 5>change or if it's just a waste of my time,

0:34:36.120 --> 0:34:41.000
<v Speaker 5>and I didn't want to, I just right, and so

0:34:41.239 --> 0:34:43.359
<v Speaker 5>but I agreed to it because I was like, look,

0:34:43.400 --> 0:34:46.040
<v Speaker 5>it's it's an opportunity. Let me at least feel it out.

0:34:46.160 --> 0:34:52.920
<v Speaker 5>I believe in uh well, rehabilitation to a degree, but

0:34:52.960 --> 0:34:54.560
<v Speaker 5>I believe in the higher power, and I feel like

0:34:54.600 --> 0:34:56.560
<v Speaker 5>things are often put into my path for a reason,

0:34:56.800 --> 0:34:59.759
<v Speaker 5>and some of it is growth. Right, And so I

0:34:59.800 --> 0:35:04.160
<v Speaker 5>went and I taught them, and what I realized by

0:35:04.239 --> 0:35:08.560
<v Speaker 5>teaching them were they were victims themselves, may not have

0:35:08.640 --> 0:35:12.560
<v Speaker 5>been victims of direct abuse, but goes back to back

0:35:12.920 --> 0:35:15.279
<v Speaker 5>to what we talked about before, like how did they

0:35:15.360 --> 0:35:19.239
<v Speaker 5>learn how to love? They watched their dad beat their mom.

0:35:19.320 --> 0:35:23.000
<v Speaker 5>That's all they know. So that's all you know. Guess

0:35:23.000 --> 0:35:25.120
<v Speaker 5>what you're going to do when you get an adult relationship.

0:35:25.640 --> 0:35:29.360
<v Speaker 5>You're going to revert back to your foundation and what

0:35:29.520 --> 0:35:37.200
<v Speaker 5>you and your parents are your first introduction to what

0:35:37.239 --> 0:35:40.720
<v Speaker 5>love is healthy or healthy.

0:35:41.480 --> 0:35:41.680
<v Speaker 2>Right.

0:35:42.880 --> 0:35:46.799
<v Speaker 3>I feel like violence is like that final measure for

0:35:46.920 --> 0:35:49.920
<v Speaker 3>some men to prove that they are men. Right, they

0:35:49.960 --> 0:35:52.799
<v Speaker 3>may not be able to show up in life like

0:35:52.880 --> 0:35:55.520
<v Speaker 3>they want to, like, they may not be shit at work,

0:35:56.719 --> 0:36:00.080
<v Speaker 3>whoever else amongst their friend group They're not that nigga.

0:36:00.160 --> 0:36:03.120
<v Speaker 3>But in that house with these women and children is where.

0:36:02.880 --> 0:36:09.439
<v Speaker 1>They are the boss. So what are what are? What's

0:36:09.480 --> 0:36:13.080
<v Speaker 1>your perspective on masculinity because I think some people confuse

0:36:13.920 --> 0:36:18.200
<v Speaker 1>masculinity with violence sometimes like you being stronger than whoever

0:36:18.280 --> 0:36:21.080
<v Speaker 1>else is around you? Can you share your perspective on

0:36:21.200 --> 0:36:25.760
<v Speaker 1>masculinity and how it intersects with topics like relationships, family

0:36:25.880 --> 0:36:27.080
<v Speaker 1>and personal well being?

0:36:29.080 --> 0:36:31.640
<v Speaker 5>So aj I know, as a disclaimer, I probably should

0:36:31.640 --> 0:36:33.560
<v Speaker 5>have told you I get add So what's gonna happen?

0:36:33.880 --> 0:36:36.959
<v Speaker 5>You're gonna have to break that question that a little

0:36:37.000 --> 0:36:39.120
<v Speaker 5>bit more part.

0:36:39.200 --> 0:36:41.480
<v Speaker 3>Let's talk about masculinity and what it is to be

0:36:41.520 --> 0:36:44.799
<v Speaker 3>a man, right, because I think that a lot of

0:36:44.800 --> 0:36:46.880
<v Speaker 3>people try to redefine what it is to be a woman.

0:36:46.920 --> 0:36:50.040
<v Speaker 3>We've had a whole episode on what is a woman right,

0:36:50.560 --> 0:36:52.880
<v Speaker 3>and it's not for women to define what a man is.

0:36:53.160 --> 0:36:55.640
<v Speaker 3>So from a male perspective, what is a man? What

0:36:55.760 --> 0:36:59.000
<v Speaker 3>is masculinity and how it means to relationships?

0:37:01.120 --> 0:37:05.160
<v Speaker 5>I think one I think that we're all trapped in

0:37:05.200 --> 0:37:08.959
<v Speaker 5>a box, a man box. If I can be real,

0:37:11.040 --> 0:37:13.200
<v Speaker 5>I think as men, we are trapped in a box

0:37:13.480 --> 0:37:18.360
<v Speaker 5>and we have this idea that we've been fed since

0:37:19.719 --> 0:37:22.399
<v Speaker 5>the beginning of time that this is what makes a man,

0:37:22.680 --> 0:37:27.000
<v Speaker 5>and those things are typically unhealthy things that have to

0:37:27.040 --> 0:37:32.920
<v Speaker 5>do with being violent, being aggressive, competing against each other

0:37:34.080 --> 0:37:36.480
<v Speaker 5>in unhealthy ways. And I think when it comes to women,

0:37:37.000 --> 0:37:39.480
<v Speaker 5>I think we just saw we have a hard time

0:37:39.640 --> 0:37:42.480
<v Speaker 5>cherishing women because we don't get a lot of we

0:37:42.520 --> 0:37:47.680
<v Speaker 5>don't see a lot of examples of it. It kind

0:37:47.680 --> 0:37:49.920
<v Speaker 5>of baffles me the fact that all of us, what

0:37:50.040 --> 0:37:52.160
<v Speaker 5>we do have in common is we come from a woman,

0:37:52.800 --> 0:37:56.480
<v Speaker 5>and we don't cherish a woman as if she is

0:37:56.520 --> 0:38:00.560
<v Speaker 5>the power of population, the power of birth on earth.

0:38:00.960 --> 0:38:04.880
<v Speaker 1>Say it right, your.

0:38:05.600 --> 0:38:10.520
<v Speaker 5>She is God on earth right And and you know,

0:38:11.000 --> 0:38:13.719
<v Speaker 5>I'm not going to quote it right, but you know

0:38:13.800 --> 0:38:17.800
<v Speaker 5>Tupac said in one of his songs, We're going to

0:38:18.320 --> 0:38:23.080
<v Speaker 5>raise a race of babies that's gonna hate the ladies, right,

0:38:23.360 --> 0:38:28.280
<v Speaker 5>And it's still true today. And I think we're toxic

0:38:28.440 --> 0:38:33.959
<v Speaker 5>because we don't have we we view what you deem

0:38:34.080 --> 0:38:37.680
<v Speaker 5>to be like we have conversations about women and how

0:38:37.719 --> 0:38:40.759
<v Speaker 5>women should be. We don't have conversations about men and

0:38:40.760 --> 0:38:43.600
<v Speaker 5>how men should be. But also we don't have a

0:38:43.719 --> 0:38:48.640
<v Speaker 5>conversation about it being okay for men to actually be emotional.

0:38:49.640 --> 0:38:56.640
<v Speaker 5>Right me, personally I am. I am vulnerable. My mom

0:38:57.000 --> 0:38:59.680
<v Speaker 5>raised me, so you know I have what people would

0:38:59.680 --> 0:39:04.920
<v Speaker 5>deem as feminine qualities. I'm just saying, like, I cook,

0:39:05.120 --> 0:39:11.239
<v Speaker 5>I clean, I do my daughter's here. There's nothing that

0:39:11.600 --> 0:39:14.719
<v Speaker 5>I hate to say it, but there's really nothing that

0:39:14.840 --> 0:39:19.759
<v Speaker 5>I would need a woman for. And my mom told

0:39:19.840 --> 0:39:24.680
<v Speaker 5>me pussy pussy that all right, So I'll say, you

0:39:24.760 --> 0:39:32.000
<v Speaker 5>still need I understand what I'm saying, right, This is

0:39:32.000 --> 0:39:35.080
<v Speaker 5>what my mom told me. She said, I want you

0:39:35.120 --> 0:39:38.399
<v Speaker 5>to be with a woman because it's who you want

0:39:38.480 --> 0:39:41.640
<v Speaker 5>to be with, not because you need her for something,

0:39:42.200 --> 0:39:44.799
<v Speaker 5>need her to cook, need her to clean, need her

0:39:44.840 --> 0:39:47.120
<v Speaker 5>to do this because a lot of men are just like,

0:39:47.160 --> 0:39:49.360
<v Speaker 5>oh man, she know to cook, I'm gonna make the

0:39:49.400 --> 0:39:53.440
<v Speaker 5>rest work out, right, And I'm like, I want to

0:39:53.480 --> 0:39:56.719
<v Speaker 5>be self sufficient because then I have more to bring

0:39:56.760 --> 0:39:59.719
<v Speaker 5>to the table because that takes a lot of work

0:39:59.760 --> 0:40:03.080
<v Speaker 5>off the woman. Because if I can cook and clean myself,

0:40:03.600 --> 0:40:06.920
<v Speaker 5>I'm not depending on you to just take on that

0:40:06.960 --> 0:40:11.080
<v Speaker 5>responsibility by yourself. To me, that's what partnership looks like.

0:40:11.440 --> 0:40:13.600
<v Speaker 5>And that's why I tell women when they're like, oh man,

0:40:13.640 --> 0:40:16.000
<v Speaker 5>I want a man that you know work and I

0:40:16.000 --> 0:40:18.000
<v Speaker 5>can just stay home. I'm like, Okay, Well, that's a

0:40:18.040 --> 0:40:21.560
<v Speaker 5>dangerous place to be because one of the forms of

0:40:21.640 --> 0:40:24.520
<v Speaker 5>abuse that we often do not talk about is financial use.

0:40:26.520 --> 0:40:29.560
<v Speaker 5>And if you put yourself in that situation and you're

0:40:29.600 --> 0:40:32.719
<v Speaker 5>in one of these forty six counties in South Carolina

0:40:33.200 --> 0:40:36.360
<v Speaker 5>with only sixteen shelters in it, and you ain't got

0:40:36.440 --> 0:40:38.440
<v Speaker 5>no money where you're going at.

0:40:39.800 --> 0:40:43.839
<v Speaker 2>Right? Only fans that's where you're going?

0:40:45.480 --> 0:40:49.279
<v Speaker 1>What about my mama house? Like god damn.

0:40:49.560 --> 0:40:53.480
<v Speaker 4>Some people don't have that option, right, People don't have anybody.

0:40:53.560 --> 0:40:56.480
<v Speaker 5>That's the thing about it. And I warrant teenagers about it. Like,

0:40:56.719 --> 0:40:58.680
<v Speaker 5>you know, you go to college, you got a man

0:40:58.719 --> 0:41:02.600
<v Speaker 5>that's from another place, and he got a job offer somewhere.

0:41:02.640 --> 0:41:08.040
<v Speaker 5>You end up moving back with him. You stuck, you isolated,

0:41:08.320 --> 0:41:12.080
<v Speaker 5>your family not there, your friends not there. You may

0:41:12.120 --> 0:41:14.440
<v Speaker 5>have mutual friends with him, but I can guarantee you

0:41:14.480 --> 0:41:17.640
<v Speaker 5>if you hiding, they're gonna probably tell them where you at.

0:41:18.360 --> 0:41:20.520
<v Speaker 5>But back to what AJ was saying as far as

0:41:20.600 --> 0:41:28.640
<v Speaker 5>like toxic masculinity, I think we just suffer from a

0:41:28.680 --> 0:41:30.799
<v Speaker 5>lot of trauma. And I think it goes back to

0:41:31.200 --> 0:41:37.120
<v Speaker 5>just like I told you, earlier, Like, it's so many

0:41:37.160 --> 0:41:39.239
<v Speaker 5>different directions you can go. I mean, you can go

0:41:39.360 --> 0:41:44.440
<v Speaker 5>back to like slavery, you can go back to like

0:41:44.640 --> 0:41:47.000
<v Speaker 5>even when we were free, and how the system was

0:41:47.080 --> 0:41:50.160
<v Speaker 5>dividing the households between men and women, and women were

0:41:50.640 --> 0:41:52.640
<v Speaker 5>kind of the were not kind of they were the

0:41:52.680 --> 0:41:55.480
<v Speaker 5>bread winners because men couldn't find jobs because the only

0:41:55.719 --> 0:41:57.760
<v Speaker 5>jobs that they had at the time were being slaves.

0:41:58.200 --> 0:42:01.040
<v Speaker 5>Women had trades and things that they can do, so

0:42:01.080 --> 0:42:04.040
<v Speaker 5>they typically held down the household. But if the man

0:42:04.200 --> 0:42:08.440
<v Speaker 5>separated from the house and you put in you insert

0:42:11.120 --> 0:42:14.400
<v Speaker 5>government assistance. But with government assistance, you can't have a

0:42:14.440 --> 0:42:17.960
<v Speaker 5>man in the house. You break up the dynamic of

0:42:19.640 --> 0:42:23.120
<v Speaker 5>you could say, the black home or homes in general.

0:42:23.360 --> 0:42:26.600
<v Speaker 3>I know that that thing, right, we always talk about it,

0:42:26.640 --> 0:42:30.840
<v Speaker 3>but I don't I think it's an assumption, right that

0:42:30.840 --> 0:42:34.480
<v Speaker 3>that was most black people's household, right. Have y'all seen

0:42:34.520 --> 0:42:36.440
<v Speaker 3>as a video on social media right now, And it

0:42:36.520 --> 0:42:40.200
<v Speaker 3>was like black people in California, like the early sixties,

0:42:40.960 --> 0:42:43.400
<v Speaker 3>and they were saying how they didn't want black people

0:42:43.440 --> 0:42:46.080
<v Speaker 3>migrating from the South coming to them because they were

0:42:46.160 --> 0:42:48.480
<v Speaker 3>affluent black people like in Cali and shit, and I

0:42:48.480 --> 0:42:51.239
<v Speaker 3>feel like the North was affluent, you had a lot

0:42:51.280 --> 0:42:55.680
<v Speaker 3>of affluent black people. Slavery was predominantly in the South

0:42:55.800 --> 0:42:57.640
<v Speaker 3>is where you saw this type of this type of thing.

0:42:57.920 --> 0:43:00.640
<v Speaker 3>So I just I don't I don't think that it

0:43:00.680 --> 0:43:05.200
<v Speaker 3>was a norm. You know, like every black woman is

0:43:05.239 --> 0:43:09.520
<v Speaker 3>not on housing even then or now, right, So I

0:43:09.520 --> 0:43:12.920
<v Speaker 3>think it's a misconception. A lot of the times black

0:43:13.000 --> 0:43:15.520
<v Speaker 3>men were already leaving the household is what I'm trying

0:43:15.520 --> 0:43:20.520
<v Speaker 3>to get to, right, Why the systems were put in place.

0:43:20.600 --> 0:43:23.080
<v Speaker 3>I don't think the systems were put in place because

0:43:23.120 --> 0:43:25.800
<v Speaker 3>black men were already there. I think something was happening

0:43:26.320 --> 0:43:30.280
<v Speaker 3>in the jobs and things like that. Yes, something was happening,

0:43:30.320 --> 0:43:32.880
<v Speaker 3>But I don't think that black men. I mean, I

0:43:32.880 --> 0:43:35.160
<v Speaker 3>don't think that the welfare system was put in place

0:43:35.200 --> 0:43:39.919
<v Speaker 3>because black men just weren't there, or they didn't want

0:43:39.960 --> 0:43:41.759
<v Speaker 3>them to be there. They put something in place to

0:43:41.800 --> 0:43:44.000
<v Speaker 3>make them go away. I think they were already going away.

0:43:47.760 --> 0:43:51.120
<v Speaker 4>Even if they were already going away, why is it

0:43:51.200 --> 0:43:54.640
<v Speaker 4>I can't have him in my home if I'm receiving

0:43:54.680 --> 0:43:58.560
<v Speaker 4>government assistance, why do they Why can't I have a

0:43:58.640 --> 0:44:00.799
<v Speaker 4>new Why can't I have a new new man in here?

0:44:00.880 --> 0:44:02.799
<v Speaker 4>Maybe he ain't the father of my kid. But why

0:44:02.800 --> 0:44:04.600
<v Speaker 4>I can't have a I can't even bring a new

0:44:04.640 --> 0:44:08.600
<v Speaker 4>man home. You know, if you're on section eight, that

0:44:08.719 --> 0:44:10.280
<v Speaker 4>seemed like it was very divisive.

0:44:11.360 --> 0:44:14.440
<v Speaker 5>It was, but also a j I would I would

0:44:14.480 --> 0:44:17.880
<v Speaker 5>say that, and I mean, this is just a theory.

0:44:19.640 --> 0:44:21.960
<v Speaker 5>But you know, when we when we think about like

0:44:22.120 --> 0:44:25.360
<v Speaker 5>systems like, we have to understand and acknowledge the fact

0:44:25.360 --> 0:44:35.440
<v Speaker 5>that systems are they have they passed down trauma. We

0:44:35.480 --> 0:44:39.200
<v Speaker 5>are are the way that we operate as men, like

0:44:39.320 --> 0:44:43.720
<v Speaker 5>it is rooted in something, right. I think the minute

0:44:43.719 --> 0:44:50.080
<v Speaker 5>that we were taken from Africa and brought here and

0:44:50.080 --> 0:44:57.480
<v Speaker 5>incorporated into another system and freed without reparation, we were

0:44:57.520 --> 0:45:01.640
<v Speaker 5>already destined to not succeed. We were set free without anything.

0:45:02.320 --> 0:45:06.160
<v Speaker 5>And so you take that with men that are broken.

0:45:07.360 --> 0:45:11.799
<v Speaker 5>Whether people believe in post slavery traumatic stress or not,

0:45:12.560 --> 0:45:17.440
<v Speaker 5>that still impacts the way that men operate now like

0:45:17.480 --> 0:45:22.160
<v Speaker 5>we still like we have archaic ways in which we operate,

0:45:22.520 --> 0:45:25.880
<v Speaker 5>and it's based off of you can call a tradition,

0:45:26.000 --> 0:45:28.200
<v Speaker 5>you can call it hereditary, you can call it whatever

0:45:28.239 --> 0:45:31.880
<v Speaker 5>it is, but it's to me, it's no different. How

0:45:32.880 --> 0:45:37.319
<v Speaker 5>like slavery still echoes in every aspect that we move

0:45:37.360 --> 0:45:42.040
<v Speaker 5>in in the South, particularly our state. Like we can

0:45:42.160 --> 0:45:46.799
<v Speaker 5>say like it doesn't exist, but that type of behavior

0:45:47.160 --> 0:45:49.960
<v Speaker 5>was passed down from somewhere, But it came from somewhere,

0:45:50.360 --> 0:45:52.799
<v Speaker 5>And I think, like as we as we continue to

0:45:52.960 --> 0:45:56.120
<v Speaker 5>look at it, I just believe like that may not

0:45:56.160 --> 0:45:58.480
<v Speaker 5>have been like the sole reason, because I don't think

0:45:58.480 --> 0:46:03.520
<v Speaker 5>that it is, but I think in general, it had

0:46:04.080 --> 0:46:06.080
<v Speaker 5>a place and had something to do with it. And

0:46:06.080 --> 0:46:09.000
<v Speaker 5>it's not a pass for men because at some point

0:46:09.040 --> 0:46:11.839
<v Speaker 5>in time we have to make a choice to break

0:46:11.880 --> 0:46:16.400
<v Speaker 5>a cycle in to change. Like I mean, I watched

0:46:16.440 --> 0:46:20.520
<v Speaker 5>my mom get her ass what plenty times, and I

0:46:20.600 --> 0:46:23.640
<v Speaker 5>watched her with other people ask but you know I knew,

0:46:24.160 --> 0:46:26.160
<v Speaker 5>I mean straight up, like I mean my mom, I

0:46:26.200 --> 0:46:28.480
<v Speaker 5>tell people my mom was a g I mean, you know,

0:46:29.680 --> 0:46:32.160
<v Speaker 5>I watched her slap somebody across the face with iron.

0:46:32.840 --> 0:46:36.120
<v Speaker 5>I mean my third brother, I mean second brother, I

0:46:36.120 --> 0:46:40.600
<v Speaker 5>guess his dad got shot by my mom. My mom

0:46:40.640 --> 0:46:46.000
<v Speaker 5>really didn't play them type of games. But I realized,

0:46:46.040 --> 0:46:48.960
<v Speaker 5>like with me, I did not want to repeat that cycle.

0:46:49.400 --> 0:46:52.960
<v Speaker 5>So you know, unfortunately I still ended up in two

0:46:54.080 --> 0:46:58.000
<v Speaker 5>abusive relationships myself. But you know, I had to make

0:46:58.040 --> 0:47:01.399
<v Speaker 5>decisions like this. Ain't this for me? Like this, ain't

0:47:01.480 --> 0:47:04.880
<v Speaker 5>I've seen unfortunately, I've seen what this can result into.

0:47:05.800 --> 0:47:08.600
<v Speaker 4>So you had women that were violent with you, or

0:47:08.680 --> 0:47:11.240
<v Speaker 4>you ended up being violid with them or both.

0:47:12.200 --> 0:47:14.399
<v Speaker 5>Damn you shouldn't even have to ask me that question.

0:47:14.440 --> 0:47:16.160
<v Speaker 5>That wouldn't even be on this podcast if it be

0:47:16.280 --> 0:47:16.600
<v Speaker 5>a woman.

0:47:16.640 --> 0:47:18.600
<v Speaker 2>But the answer you might be reformed.

0:47:19.120 --> 0:47:25.520
<v Speaker 5>No, no, no, no, definitely. I cannot stomach talks as

0:47:25.520 --> 0:47:29.000
<v Speaker 5>you say about men putting the hands on women. I

0:47:29.000 --> 0:47:30.879
<v Speaker 5>could never put my hand on a woman that's not

0:47:31.120 --> 0:47:33.160
<v Speaker 5>in my DNA.

0:47:37.120 --> 0:47:40.080
<v Speaker 4>Let me ask you this because you said seven years

0:47:40.160 --> 0:47:43.200
<v Speaker 4>after you had lost your family members, that is when

0:47:43.280 --> 0:47:46.440
<v Speaker 4>y'all had you started kind of started mad and you

0:47:46.520 --> 0:47:49.680
<v Speaker 4>had the event in the Walmart parking lot. What was

0:47:49.680 --> 0:47:51.839
<v Speaker 4>that seven years like for you? Because I want to know,

0:47:51.920 --> 0:47:54.480
<v Speaker 4>like what healing looks like for you, because a lot

0:47:54.520 --> 0:47:56.399
<v Speaker 4>of people go through something like that and they ain't

0:47:56.440 --> 0:47:59.239
<v Speaker 4>never write again, and they never could create a platform

0:47:59.360 --> 0:48:01.239
<v Speaker 4>like you have. So I commend you for that, But

0:48:01.680 --> 0:48:04.279
<v Speaker 4>what what was that like? You know, how did you

0:48:04.360 --> 0:48:05.000
<v Speaker 4>come out of that?

0:48:06.440 --> 0:48:10.000
<v Speaker 5>Reflecting on it? I mean it was a lot. You know,

0:48:10.440 --> 0:48:14.560
<v Speaker 5>I've gone through moments of like feeling lost in life,

0:48:15.680 --> 0:48:20.720
<v Speaker 5>but probably never as lost as I felt in those moments.

0:48:21.520 --> 0:48:25.200
<v Speaker 5>So those amount of years without any type of direction,

0:48:26.760 --> 0:48:31.719
<v Speaker 5>I mean you talk about like just existing, that's kind

0:48:31.719 --> 0:48:33.560
<v Speaker 5>of what the hell I was doing for seven years,

0:48:33.600 --> 0:48:42.880
<v Speaker 5>like just existing. I felt broken, I felt alone. I

0:48:42.880 --> 0:48:49.080
<v Speaker 5>didn't want to be here anymore. But you know, ironically,

0:48:49.640 --> 0:48:54.840
<v Speaker 5>for me, like I got baptized about a month or

0:48:54.880 --> 0:48:58.960
<v Speaker 5>so before that happened, and I would say religiously, it

0:48:59.000 --> 0:49:03.840
<v Speaker 5>was a kick in the face to me. I didn't

0:49:03.840 --> 0:49:06.160
<v Speaker 5>want to hear what the preacher had to say about anything,

0:49:07.719 --> 0:49:10.920
<v Speaker 5>barely wanted to hear what any type of counselor wanted

0:49:10.960 --> 0:49:13.760
<v Speaker 5>to say. There was nobody that was going to explain

0:49:13.800 --> 0:49:21.120
<v Speaker 5>to me that this shit was okay. And so I

0:49:21.160 --> 0:49:25.520
<v Speaker 5>smoked a lot because at the time I felt like

0:49:25.560 --> 0:49:29.919
<v Speaker 5>that was the only safe space that I had. And

0:49:31.680 --> 0:49:34.120
<v Speaker 5>I typically don't even say that publicly, but I think,

0:49:34.320 --> 0:49:38.520
<v Speaker 5>you know, just kind of being real with people. I

0:49:38.600 --> 0:49:42.000
<v Speaker 5>realized that even with doing that, like I wasn't like

0:49:42.200 --> 0:49:45.960
<v Speaker 5>when my high came down, my issues were still there.

0:49:47.080 --> 0:49:50.279
<v Speaker 5>I had to go to counseling. I went to like

0:49:50.320 --> 0:49:53.640
<v Speaker 5>three different counselors, and it was all about just feeling comfortable,

0:49:54.200 --> 0:49:57.719
<v Speaker 5>and I finally had like the dean of psychology at

0:49:57.760 --> 0:50:00.320
<v Speaker 5>Southern University. She counseled me for like year and a

0:50:00.360 --> 0:50:03.480
<v Speaker 5>half and we got to a point where she said, like,

0:50:03.560 --> 0:50:07.960
<v Speaker 5>I don't know what else to do. She said, you

0:50:10.160 --> 0:50:13.160
<v Speaker 5>I lost my mom, but I've never lost anything of

0:50:13.200 --> 0:50:19.080
<v Speaker 5>this magnitude, and I don't know. And so I've been

0:50:19.120 --> 0:50:21.440
<v Speaker 5>to probably like two other counselors since then. Who have

0:50:22.160 --> 0:50:24.920
<v Speaker 5>you know, give me a lot of tools to help.

0:50:25.120 --> 0:50:27.200
<v Speaker 5>But I mean, it was it was really a dark

0:50:27.239 --> 0:50:29.719
<v Speaker 5>place to put myself out of. But I needed isolation.

0:50:32.080 --> 0:50:33.840
<v Speaker 5>You know, sometimes you have to be in the cave

0:50:34.280 --> 0:50:36.720
<v Speaker 5>and just be with yourself and your thoughts in God

0:50:36.880 --> 0:50:40.080
<v Speaker 5>in order to like figure a way out. Because sometimes

0:50:40.080 --> 0:50:46.680
<v Speaker 5>the world is just so busy, so loud, that you

0:50:46.719 --> 0:50:50.960
<v Speaker 5>don't give you some time self to think and reflect

0:50:51.200 --> 0:50:53.680
<v Speaker 5>on life, and it's easy to get into the pattern

0:50:53.719 --> 0:50:58.240
<v Speaker 5>of being busy. I've mastered that I could busy myself

0:50:58.239 --> 0:51:05.720
<v Speaker 5>out of life. And I just realized being by myself

0:51:05.800 --> 0:51:10.239
<v Speaker 5>with no girlfriend, no friends, like being in Orlando and

0:51:10.320 --> 0:51:12.479
<v Speaker 5>not really having a social life and just really being

0:51:12.520 --> 0:51:18.719
<v Speaker 5>by myself, like life one is worth living if I

0:51:18.880 --> 0:51:24.120
<v Speaker 5>die or if I take my life like he wins right.

0:51:24.360 --> 0:51:26.200
<v Speaker 5>Not only did he kill five, he would have killed

0:51:26.200 --> 0:51:30.120
<v Speaker 5>six at that point in time. And so you know,

0:51:30.239 --> 0:51:33.440
<v Speaker 5>for me, did I want my family to be remembered

0:51:33.600 --> 0:51:37.480
<v Speaker 5>and then me overtake their legacy by me killing myself

0:51:40.239 --> 0:51:41.880
<v Speaker 5>wouldn't have made any sense. And I knew that my

0:51:41.920 --> 0:51:44.480
<v Speaker 5>mom was stronger than that and she would expect more

0:51:44.520 --> 0:51:47.800
<v Speaker 5>from me. So you know, when I got back home

0:51:48.960 --> 0:51:51.560
<v Speaker 5>finally went back to church, first sermon that I heard

0:51:51.760 --> 0:51:57.160
<v Speaker 5>was about asking God the right questions, not asking why,

0:51:57.400 --> 0:52:00.640
<v Speaker 5>which is I think the normal question that most people

0:52:00.719 --> 0:52:04.000
<v Speaker 5>want to know, but praying for guidance, like where do

0:52:04.120 --> 0:52:07.400
<v Speaker 5>we go from here? Where are you leading me from here?

0:52:08.239 --> 0:52:11.160
<v Speaker 5>And so like in my life now, I don't really

0:52:14.840 --> 0:52:19.239
<v Speaker 5>I mean, I still have anxiety, I still stress, but

0:52:19.360 --> 0:52:22.680
<v Speaker 5>I embraced chials interpolations more in life now because I

0:52:22.719 --> 0:52:26.080
<v Speaker 5>know the growth and the blessings that come on the

0:52:26.120 --> 0:52:29.000
<v Speaker 5>other side. And so I mean, it took him in

0:52:29.040 --> 0:52:31.800
<v Speaker 5>and and I would be lying to anybody to say,

0:52:31.840 --> 0:52:35.240
<v Speaker 5>like it doesn't affect me. I mean, my mom's birthday

0:52:35.280 --> 0:52:38.920
<v Speaker 5>affect me. My great grandmother just died three weeks ago.

0:52:39.160 --> 0:52:43.840
<v Speaker 5>We buried her Saturday, and she's buried right. Sorry, it's okay,

0:52:44.480 --> 0:52:46.880
<v Speaker 5>and she's buried right next to my mom. I appreciate it,

0:52:47.360 --> 0:52:50.440
<v Speaker 5>you know, and that's where she wanted to be. But

0:52:50.560 --> 0:52:56.359
<v Speaker 5>going out there is a reminder that you know, your

0:52:56.400 --> 0:52:59.520
<v Speaker 5>immediate family is gone. And I tell people like, if

0:52:59.520 --> 0:53:01.880
<v Speaker 5>you got biblands and you've got parents, you got mom

0:53:02.360 --> 0:53:09.000
<v Speaker 5>like cherits and love them because time is the most

0:53:09.040 --> 0:53:10.760
<v Speaker 5>valuable thing that we possess in life.

0:53:12.000 --> 0:53:15.239
<v Speaker 4>Right, So let me ask you this, where do you

0:53:15.320 --> 0:53:18.080
<v Speaker 4>want to take mad Like, where do you want it

0:53:18.160 --> 0:53:19.680
<v Speaker 4>to go? How do you want to grow it?

0:53:20.920 --> 0:53:26.719
<v Speaker 5>So I want Mad two. I probably need to change

0:53:26.719 --> 0:53:28.960
<v Speaker 5>it from mad US say the Mad World.

0:53:30.760 --> 0:53:37.040
<v Speaker 1>Kendrick Omar probably got that trademark.

0:53:35.200 --> 0:53:38.480
<v Speaker 5>I'm gonna have to.

0:53:39.480 --> 0:53:42.239
<v Speaker 1>It's definitely a mad world out here, right.

0:53:43.120 --> 0:53:48.080
<v Speaker 5>But where I see it growing next? Because I've done

0:53:49.320 --> 0:53:54.400
<v Speaker 5>sessions in India the country, and I've done sessions in

0:53:54.440 --> 0:53:59.920
<v Speaker 5>the United Kingdom, and I love to see it globally.

0:54:01.560 --> 0:54:05.880
<v Speaker 5>But for right now, my acute goals is to open

0:54:06.000 --> 0:54:10.920
<v Speaker 5>a chapter in every state, have a state each state

0:54:11.040 --> 0:54:15.000
<v Speaker 5>run their own organization under the umbrella a mad usay,

0:54:17.000 --> 0:54:18.920
<v Speaker 5>and kind of just get to work on breaking these

0:54:18.960 --> 0:54:24.080
<v Speaker 5>cycles and creating an environment where healthy relationships are the norm.

0:54:24.600 --> 0:54:27.400
<v Speaker 5>Because if we know that the issues are at home

0:54:28.200 --> 0:54:32.040
<v Speaker 5>and the kids are not receiving the same foundation, it's

0:54:32.200 --> 0:54:36.280
<v Speaker 5>our obligation and our job to teach them what healthy

0:54:36.360 --> 0:54:40.799
<v Speaker 5>relationship look like. Like. We know traumatically, I mean not

0:54:41.040 --> 0:54:43.719
<v Speaker 5>even just through trauma of but we just know that

0:54:45.160 --> 0:54:46.960
<v Speaker 5>our traumas are passed down. I mean I see it

0:54:47.000 --> 0:54:48.920
<v Speaker 5>in kids that I teach all the time, how they

0:54:48.960 --> 0:54:52.719
<v Speaker 5>handle their anger, just all of that right, and to me,

0:54:53.200 --> 0:54:56.120
<v Speaker 5>it's a huge responsibility to take on. But I mean,

0:54:56.200 --> 0:55:00.239
<v Speaker 5>somebody has to teach skids. Somebody has to So for me,

0:55:00.880 --> 0:55:05.040
<v Speaker 5>it's mad, you know, being in every state in the

0:55:05.120 --> 0:55:09.320
<v Speaker 5>United States and then just kind of moving on from there.

0:55:09.440 --> 0:55:12.040
<v Speaker 5>But this advocacy has to continue to grow. I mean,

0:55:12.080 --> 0:55:14.399
<v Speaker 5>people have seen the work that we've done. I mean

0:55:14.440 --> 0:55:17.000
<v Speaker 5>I've won national awards for the work that I've just

0:55:17.040 --> 0:55:19.960
<v Speaker 5>done in South Carolina. But I mean it isn't that

0:55:20.000 --> 0:55:24.600
<v Speaker 5>doesn't stop for me. I mean, I love my professions

0:55:24.680 --> 0:55:27.880
<v Speaker 5>as an assistant chief in the fire department, just and

0:55:28.040 --> 0:55:30.399
<v Speaker 5>inspired to be a head chief. But I think where

0:55:30.440 --> 0:55:36.919
<v Speaker 5>God is calling me in life is too pour into

0:55:37.000 --> 0:55:37.600
<v Speaker 5>his children.

0:55:39.600 --> 0:55:40.359
<v Speaker 2>Let me ask you this.

0:55:40.520 --> 0:55:44.239
<v Speaker 4>You said that you forgave the person who harmed your

0:55:44.280 --> 0:55:48.920
<v Speaker 4>family in that way? How because I can't forgive people

0:55:48.960 --> 0:55:54.280
<v Speaker 4>for taking my parking space outside. Still, it's a nigga

0:55:54.320 --> 0:55:56.560
<v Speaker 4>that live in this building right now, We got beef

0:55:56.719 --> 0:55:58.799
<v Speaker 4>just because of some shit that happened in the parking lot.

0:55:58.920 --> 0:56:02.040
<v Speaker 4>So I just want to unders then, how you came

0:56:02.120 --> 0:56:05.239
<v Speaker 4>to that, because I just have such a hard time

0:56:05.320 --> 0:56:06.279
<v Speaker 4>with forgiveness.

0:56:06.520 --> 0:56:09.520
<v Speaker 2>So it's something so tumultuous, like how were you able

0:56:09.560 --> 0:56:10.000
<v Speaker 2>to do that?

0:56:10.760 --> 0:56:13.560
<v Speaker 5>So i' might answer your question, but I'm gonna also

0:56:13.760 --> 0:56:16.520
<v Speaker 5>ask you a question. How heavy of a burden do

0:56:16.600 --> 0:56:18.440
<v Speaker 5>you feel about not being able to forgive?

0:56:20.440 --> 0:56:22.680
<v Speaker 2>How heavy? I'll be sleeping?

0:56:26.080 --> 0:56:32.279
<v Speaker 5>But are are there some deeper things in life that

0:56:32.320 --> 0:56:35.960
<v Speaker 5>you have not forgiven that you feel like? Deaf? Is you?

0:56:37.719 --> 0:56:43.240
<v Speaker 4>I know, absolutely absolutely, But I just can't see myself forgiven.

0:56:43.360 --> 0:56:46.880
<v Speaker 4>Some shit is just unforgivable for me, Like it's just like,

0:56:47.280 --> 0:56:51.160
<v Speaker 4>why why would I absolve you of that pain you

0:56:51.239 --> 0:56:54.280
<v Speaker 4>cost me? I don't ever, I don't want to forgive you,

0:56:54.280 --> 0:56:57.239
<v Speaker 4>you know, So I just I don't see how I

0:56:57.280 --> 0:57:00.440
<v Speaker 4>could ever forgive some of the atrocities that had happened

0:57:00.480 --> 0:57:03.200
<v Speaker 4>to me, And what has happened to you is much greater.

0:57:03.840 --> 0:57:06.480
<v Speaker 4>So it's just I want to know, like what it

0:57:06.520 --> 0:57:08.560
<v Speaker 4>took to be there, so maybe I could channel some

0:57:08.640 --> 0:57:10.080
<v Speaker 4>of that energy for my own life.

0:57:10.480 --> 0:57:12.239
<v Speaker 5>And I'm gonna ask you one more question before I

0:57:12.280 --> 0:57:16.680
<v Speaker 5>answer your question. Are you absolving them? Are you absolving yourself?

0:57:18.720 --> 0:57:21.400
<v Speaker 2>Well? I ain't did shit. Why I need to absolve myself?

0:57:21.560 --> 0:57:23.919
<v Speaker 4>You know? Why Am I absolving myself for the things

0:57:23.920 --> 0:57:25.680
<v Speaker 4>that you did to me? I don't understand.

0:57:25.720 --> 0:57:28.480
<v Speaker 3>So, you know, we talk about the five agreements sometimes, right,

0:57:28.560 --> 0:57:31.520
<v Speaker 3>and one of them is not taking things personally. Sometimes

0:57:31.520 --> 0:57:34.600
<v Speaker 3>it's not about you, right. The thing that somebody did

0:57:34.920 --> 0:57:38.120
<v Speaker 3>is not about you, Right, So you have to realize, like, yeah,

0:57:38.120 --> 0:57:40.000
<v Speaker 3>this person that is fucked up ship, it don't really

0:57:40.000 --> 0:57:41.720
<v Speaker 3>have nothing to do with me. It's something to me

0:57:41.960 --> 0:57:44.200
<v Speaker 3>if they did it to me, yes, but it's but

0:57:44.320 --> 0:57:48.520
<v Speaker 3>it's it's something going on with them within them, you

0:57:48.560 --> 0:57:49.200
<v Speaker 3>know what I'm saying.

0:57:50.000 --> 0:57:51.920
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmmm, it's mm hmm.

0:57:54.120 --> 0:57:56.880
<v Speaker 5>Let me say this. Let me let me say this

0:57:56.920 --> 0:58:00.280
<v Speaker 5>in a different way. Right, forgiveness is not for them,

0:58:00.400 --> 0:58:01.240
<v Speaker 5>is actually for you.

0:58:03.320 --> 0:58:07.120
<v Speaker 4>Because I've heard that before, But I just don't understand

0:58:07.160 --> 0:58:10.880
<v Speaker 4>how it is for me when they did me harm?

0:58:11.000 --> 0:58:13.000
<v Speaker 2>How is me forgiving you? For me?

0:58:13.840 --> 0:58:16.919
<v Speaker 5>Because the fact that you're still like I can see

0:58:16.920 --> 0:58:20.400
<v Speaker 5>it on your face right, So you still harnessing and

0:58:20.400 --> 0:58:23.080
<v Speaker 5>you're still holding on to it. That's negative energy that

0:58:23.120 --> 0:58:26.040
<v Speaker 5>you stored in your body every damn day. It does

0:58:26.080 --> 0:58:29.440
<v Speaker 5>not promote growth within you. So my thing is is

0:58:30.000 --> 0:58:34.080
<v Speaker 5>let that shit go. And for me, in order to

0:58:34.160 --> 0:58:36.800
<v Speaker 5>reach where I wanted to go, I had to let

0:58:36.840 --> 0:58:39.600
<v Speaker 5>that shit go because I had a burden of hate

0:58:40.080 --> 0:58:43.240
<v Speaker 5>in my heart that wasn't allowing me to move forward

0:58:44.280 --> 0:58:46.640
<v Speaker 5>because I was hanging on to it. Is in the past.

0:58:46.760 --> 0:58:50.560
<v Speaker 5>It happened. I can't change shit, me killing him, me

0:58:50.720 --> 0:58:53.680
<v Speaker 5>not forgiving him and bringing diet Your back and bringing

0:58:53.720 --> 0:58:56.520
<v Speaker 5>William back and bringing a Keen back and bringing Melchi

0:58:56.600 --> 0:58:59.320
<v Speaker 5>back and bringing Semina back. None of them coming back.

0:59:00.040 --> 0:59:02.560
<v Speaker 5>So for me, I got to move the hell on

0:59:04.440 --> 0:59:08.520
<v Speaker 5>because he's sitting in Columbia right now, no matter how

0:59:08.560 --> 0:59:11.200
<v Speaker 5>I feel towards him, and it ain't changing his life.

0:59:11.960 --> 0:59:15.720
<v Speaker 5>It's only affected me. So my forgiveness of letting it

0:59:15.760 --> 0:59:19.040
<v Speaker 5>go is me freeing myself. He has to live with that.

0:59:19.480 --> 0:59:21.920
<v Speaker 5>And so when I talk about like, and I think

0:59:21.920 --> 0:59:25.200
<v Speaker 5>where AJ was getting that with that was when you

0:59:25.240 --> 0:59:28.200
<v Speaker 5>forgive somebody even though they do something to you, that's

0:59:28.280 --> 0:59:33.000
<v Speaker 5>something that they have to live with and you just

0:59:33.080 --> 0:59:37.280
<v Speaker 5>kind of move on and free yourself. And it takes work.

0:59:37.280 --> 0:59:40.800
<v Speaker 4>I can see, yes, breath it hard because it's so

0:59:40.960 --> 0:59:42.120
<v Speaker 4>y'all like be mad.

0:59:42.760 --> 0:59:45.400
<v Speaker 2>I yeah, you're right.

0:59:45.480 --> 0:59:48.240
<v Speaker 4>I do carry some hatred for some things that has

0:59:48.280 --> 0:59:50.880
<v Speaker 4>happened to me in my life against people.

0:59:51.520 --> 0:59:54.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, but I don't. I don't know how to

0:59:54.960 --> 0:59:57.320
<v Speaker 2>do that. Baby. That's it's gonna take a long I

0:59:57.320 --> 0:59:57.600
<v Speaker 2>don't know.

0:59:57.640 --> 0:59:59.880
<v Speaker 4>It's gonna take some work on my behalf to decide

0:59:59.880 --> 1:00:03.280
<v Speaker 4>that forgiveness is what I need for myself. Because I

1:00:03.280 --> 1:00:05.920
<v Speaker 4>feel like I'm sleeping pretty good and I still we

1:00:06.000 --> 1:00:09.080
<v Speaker 4>still got beef. We got beef for life, and it's

1:00:09.120 --> 1:00:11.520
<v Speaker 4>on site. If I see you, it's on site. That's

1:00:11.520 --> 1:00:12.360
<v Speaker 4>how I feel like.

1:00:14.000 --> 1:00:16.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm know it's terrible, but it's the truth.

1:00:17.120 --> 1:00:19.120
<v Speaker 2>It's some people I got beef with. It ain't even here,

1:00:19.160 --> 1:00:22.400
<v Speaker 2>no more. They gone. But if I can't, if I

1:00:22.400 --> 1:00:24.320
<v Speaker 2>get in the gates, I'd be like, what that bitch yet?

1:00:25.440 --> 1:00:28.680
<v Speaker 3>And God gonna say, straight the hell if there's one okay,

1:00:28.960 --> 1:00:30.320
<v Speaker 3>you're not pass God bitch.

1:00:35.360 --> 1:00:37.400
<v Speaker 4>You know God ain't through with me oh yet. So

1:00:38.120 --> 1:00:40.560
<v Speaker 4>that's a beautiful because you know, I would always feel

1:00:40.560 --> 1:00:46.640
<v Speaker 4>like forgiveness in that realm was something that slave owners

1:00:46.640 --> 1:00:49.240
<v Speaker 4>taught black people to keep them in check. That's not

1:00:49.280 --> 1:00:51.640
<v Speaker 4>what I would feel, like, like, why are we forgiving

1:00:51.680 --> 1:00:53.360
<v Speaker 4>people who've harmed us so greatly?

1:00:53.440 --> 1:00:57.120
<v Speaker 2>Why? Why do why should I forgive them? I should?

1:00:57.200 --> 1:00:59.080
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I should never forgive you for that.

1:00:59.640 --> 1:01:02.560
<v Speaker 2>I don't. I don't. That's just something I don't understand

1:01:02.760 --> 1:01:05.200
<v Speaker 2>that level of So I.

1:01:05.200 --> 1:01:10.360
<v Speaker 5>Would say this forgiveness, I think was like being submissive

1:01:10.400 --> 1:01:13.760
<v Speaker 5>at a point, like I felt like people were forgiving

1:01:13.800 --> 1:01:16.000
<v Speaker 5>people a hella fast right, Like.

1:01:17.680 --> 1:01:20.240
<v Speaker 4>When that white girl shot that black man in an

1:01:20.240 --> 1:01:23.520
<v Speaker 4>apartment complex and they was in the courthouse giving her

1:01:23.560 --> 1:01:24.760
<v Speaker 4>bibles and hugging her.

1:01:25.120 --> 1:01:27.520
<v Speaker 1>I was so mad.

1:01:27.880 --> 1:01:30.280
<v Speaker 4>I was so upset, like why are we giving this

1:01:30.320 --> 1:01:33.320
<v Speaker 4>girl this kind of love and compassion after she just

1:01:33.480 --> 1:01:37.160
<v Speaker 4>murdered this black man in his own home. And that

1:01:37.680 --> 1:01:41.360
<v Speaker 4>was another example for me of like forgiveness just being

1:01:41.480 --> 1:01:44.200
<v Speaker 4>something that we just give too freely.

1:01:44.760 --> 1:01:47.480
<v Speaker 5>And I agree, and I will tell you, if I'm

1:01:47.480 --> 1:01:51.200
<v Speaker 5>being honest, forgiveness didn't happen overnight. Forginness didn't happen for

1:01:51.280 --> 1:01:56.240
<v Speaker 5>me until probably like five five years ago. Like I mean,

1:01:56.280 --> 1:01:58.760
<v Speaker 5>they had been over a decade of me harnessing that

1:01:58.840 --> 1:02:02.840
<v Speaker 5>kind of thing. But I will tell you after I forgave,

1:02:03.440 --> 1:02:06.640
<v Speaker 5>and like I said, I just believe in you know,

1:02:07.120 --> 1:02:12.000
<v Speaker 5>divine design, that a lot of other doors started opening

1:02:12.040 --> 1:02:16.280
<v Speaker 5>for me. My nonprofit grow tremendously after I let that

1:02:16.320 --> 1:02:20.200
<v Speaker 5>go because I was a better version of myself because

1:02:20.200 --> 1:02:25.840
<v Speaker 5>I was at harnessing hate or rage against somebody, because

1:02:25.960 --> 1:02:28.520
<v Speaker 5>I had to take control of myself. And that's the

1:02:28.600 --> 1:02:32.280
<v Speaker 5>thing about like forgiveness and like being emotionally driven by

1:02:34.160 --> 1:02:36.600
<v Speaker 5>harnessing that kind of feeling towards somebody is you can

1:02:36.640 --> 1:02:41.080
<v Speaker 5>easily be triggered, which means you don't have control over yourself.

1:02:41.280 --> 1:02:48.040
<v Speaker 5>Somebody else is still possessing of control over you. So

1:02:48.120 --> 1:02:52.840
<v Speaker 5>step one and emotional intelligence, be self aware. Step two

1:02:53.720 --> 1:03:00.000
<v Speaker 5>emotional management. Right, so understand that if somebody is triggering you,

1:03:00.400 --> 1:03:04.080
<v Speaker 5>they have control. I tell kids this all the time.

1:03:04.680 --> 1:03:07.200
<v Speaker 4>Maybe I need to sign up for MAD tonight because

1:03:10.720 --> 1:03:12.520
<v Speaker 4>I need to sign up tonight.

1:03:15.120 --> 1:03:18.560
<v Speaker 3>I don't forgive easily either, Like I definitely hold grudges

1:03:18.600 --> 1:03:21.440
<v Speaker 3>and I'm make it known that I hold grudges against people,

1:03:21.480 --> 1:03:23.040
<v Speaker 3>but it's not I'm not going to allow it to

1:03:23.040 --> 1:03:25.400
<v Speaker 3>affect my day to day, you know what I'm saying.

1:03:25.440 --> 1:03:27.960
<v Speaker 1>I just need you to know that, I know that.

1:03:28.200 --> 1:03:29.400
<v Speaker 1>You know I don't fuck with.

1:03:29.360 --> 1:03:32.640
<v Speaker 3>You other than that, Like I'm not litting it and

1:03:32.680 --> 1:03:34.880
<v Speaker 3>I used to. There's a lot of things, you know,

1:03:35.360 --> 1:03:38.440
<v Speaker 3>especially like things that transpire and relationships with men.

1:03:38.720 --> 1:03:41.560
<v Speaker 1>You can let that shit fuck your whole thing up.

1:03:42.120 --> 1:03:43.600
<v Speaker 1>You know, you can't even think for real?

1:03:45.600 --> 1:03:48.960
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, what's some advice you would give to some

1:03:49.040 --> 1:03:54.280
<v Speaker 3>men struggling with expressing their emotions and or seeking support?

1:03:57.400 --> 1:03:59.520
<v Speaker 3>And it can't be like we talked about this earlier,

1:03:59.600 --> 1:04:03.280
<v Speaker 3>y'all we got men that listen, right, your woman is

1:04:03.360 --> 1:04:06.440
<v Speaker 3>not your therapist. Okay, sometimes you gotta seek it. I

1:04:06.440 --> 1:04:09.920
<v Speaker 3>know I asked him for advice, but just right quick,

1:04:11.000 --> 1:04:13.040
<v Speaker 3>you can't just unpack on your woman to expect her

1:04:13.120 --> 1:04:16.760
<v Speaker 3>to have the tools to deal with whatever traumas you

1:04:16.800 --> 1:04:20.880
<v Speaker 3>may have had your entire life, right, So sometimes you

1:04:20.920 --> 1:04:22.479
<v Speaker 3>gotta seek professional help.

1:04:23.240 --> 1:04:28.040
<v Speaker 5>So I would say one thing, right, two things. I'm

1:04:28.080 --> 1:04:33.600
<v Speaker 5>gonna answer your question. But yeah, but I'll get this

1:04:33.680 --> 1:04:38.520
<v Speaker 5>out of the way. I think that just from a

1:04:38.560 --> 1:04:43.560
<v Speaker 5>man's standpoint, one that is vulnerable and tries very hard

1:04:43.600 --> 1:04:50.920
<v Speaker 5>to be emotionally available. That finding a mate that is

1:04:51.200 --> 1:04:56.400
<v Speaker 5>okay with me expressing myself and being very raw with

1:04:56.440 --> 1:05:01.960
<v Speaker 5>my feelings is very very hard to fine because you

1:05:02.040 --> 1:05:04.880
<v Speaker 5>have to find somebody who is on the same emotional

1:05:04.920 --> 1:05:09.280
<v Speaker 5>intelligence level as you. And I speak a lot on

1:05:10.640 --> 1:05:13.920
<v Speaker 5>men not having deliberty to say things that women can

1:05:13.960 --> 1:05:18.720
<v Speaker 5>say to men mm hmm, because if I walk around

1:05:18.800 --> 1:05:23.240
<v Speaker 5>ignoring women like how they feel like it's okay for

1:05:23.320 --> 1:05:25.920
<v Speaker 5>them to ignore men, Like if we're talking and you

1:05:26.000 --> 1:05:28.240
<v Speaker 5>just decide you ain't going to respond. I can't do

1:05:28.280 --> 1:05:30.640
<v Speaker 5>that because if I do it, it's a totally different

1:05:30.640 --> 1:05:34.000
<v Speaker 5>reaction that I deal with. Or if I emotionally respond

1:05:34.360 --> 1:05:36.960
<v Speaker 5>very quick and I know myself, I am very sharp

1:05:37.920 --> 1:05:38.600
<v Speaker 5>with my words.

1:05:38.640 --> 1:05:41.760
<v Speaker 1>Now you're sassy, I am saying. You know, I'm saying.

1:05:41.760 --> 1:05:44.120
<v Speaker 1>That's what women would say if you with the responses.

1:05:44.160 --> 1:05:48.440
<v Speaker 5>Oh, he's sassy, right, And I can be pretty savage

1:05:48.440 --> 1:05:51.440
<v Speaker 5>with my words. But I know that about myself, right.

1:05:52.200 --> 1:05:56.640
<v Speaker 5>So now, like, what I find is people are very

1:05:56.640 --> 1:05:59.800
<v Speaker 5>impatient with me because I am very slow to respond.

1:06:01.160 --> 1:06:04.960
<v Speaker 5>One I have to process what you're saying I want

1:06:04.960 --> 1:06:09.960
<v Speaker 5>to listen to fully process what you're saying, but I

1:06:10.040 --> 1:06:13.640
<v Speaker 5>also want to think before I talk, right, I want

1:06:13.640 --> 1:06:18.720
<v Speaker 5>to make sure what I'm saying is true, is it helpful,

1:06:19.640 --> 1:06:23.840
<v Speaker 5>is it inspiring? Is it necessary? Is a kind?

1:06:24.520 --> 1:06:26.960
<v Speaker 4>Usually when I get to the end, God damn Christ,

1:06:27.080 --> 1:06:30.640
<v Speaker 4>who got time for all of that shits?

1:06:33.400 --> 1:06:36.400
<v Speaker 1>But we want men to be emotionally available though you

1:06:36.440 --> 1:06:39.080
<v Speaker 1>know what I'm saying, you gotta make time for it.

1:06:40.360 --> 1:06:43.440
<v Speaker 5>You got to like if that's But the thing is

1:06:43.600 --> 1:06:49.080
<v Speaker 5>is like, imagine if you have partners that considered that

1:06:49.200 --> 1:06:53.760
<v Speaker 5>before they said something to you, right, Like arguments or

1:06:53.880 --> 1:06:56.840
<v Speaker 5>disagreements would go totally different. It wouldn't be so emotionally

1:06:56.920 --> 1:06:59.480
<v Speaker 5>charged to where you know, I'm trying to tit for

1:06:59.600 --> 1:07:02.200
<v Speaker 5>tat you like I'm trying to move them like now,

1:07:02.360 --> 1:07:04.560
<v Speaker 5>like are we resolving this issue?

1:07:04.800 --> 1:07:06.560
<v Speaker 2>Like he just hurting each other.

1:07:06.680 --> 1:07:08.480
<v Speaker 3>I think people need to be honest that they like

1:07:08.640 --> 1:07:11.520
<v Speaker 3>this much of toxicity in a relationship because bitch just

1:07:11.600 --> 1:07:17.360
<v Speaker 3>be getting bored. If every man was emotionally intelligent, like

1:07:17.640 --> 1:07:20.800
<v Speaker 3>nobody would be together. Because I feel like people need

1:07:20.840 --> 1:07:23.600
<v Speaker 3>a little bit of toxicity. They won't admit that, but

1:07:23.640 --> 1:07:24.840
<v Speaker 3>it's a six love language.

1:07:24.840 --> 1:07:25.600
<v Speaker 1>For a lot of people.

1:07:26.040 --> 1:07:28.320
<v Speaker 5>Why so, aj, why do you feel that way? Why

1:07:28.320 --> 1:07:29.960
<v Speaker 5>do you feel like there has to be I.

1:07:29.880 --> 1:07:32.120
<v Speaker 3>Don't feel that way. I don't want toxicity. I know

1:07:32.240 --> 1:07:34.600
<v Speaker 3>exactly what that looked like looks like. So when I

1:07:34.640 --> 1:07:38.080
<v Speaker 3>see people online saying shit like I want my man

1:07:38.160 --> 1:07:41.440
<v Speaker 3>to be obsessed with me, I know firsthand what it

1:07:41.480 --> 1:07:43.560
<v Speaker 3>is for a man to be obsessed with for a

1:07:43.560 --> 1:07:45.520
<v Speaker 3>man to be obsessed with me, Because listen, baby, every

1:07:45.520 --> 1:07:49.000
<v Speaker 3>somebody's always in love, okay, always in fucking.

1:07:48.720 --> 1:07:51.680
<v Speaker 1>Love, and it's not. You don't want a man to

1:07:51.720 --> 1:07:52.480
<v Speaker 1>be obsessed with you.

1:07:52.520 --> 1:07:54.360
<v Speaker 3>So y'all out here doing magic tricks and all this

1:07:54.400 --> 1:07:56.480
<v Speaker 3>shit to make a nigga fall in love, You're not

1:07:56.520 --> 1:07:57.880
<v Speaker 3>gonna be able to get rid of him when you

1:07:57.960 --> 1:07:59.800
<v Speaker 3>feel like it, when you want to, You're not gonna

1:07:59.800 --> 1:08:02.400
<v Speaker 3>be a to get him away from you. So I

1:08:02.880 --> 1:08:07.760
<v Speaker 3>never want that type of control over another person. And

1:08:07.840 --> 1:08:08.920
<v Speaker 3>I don't like being control.

1:08:09.520 --> 1:08:12.760
<v Speaker 4>I'll be feeling like just a little see on that

1:08:13.000 --> 1:08:18.000
<v Speaker 4>base sprinkle, a little salt based sprinkle, just a tiny

1:08:18.040 --> 1:08:21.120
<v Speaker 4>little bit of toxic energy, make it a little a

1:08:21.200 --> 1:08:26.959
<v Speaker 4>little spiky, a little bit, just a little sprinkle sprinkle,

1:08:27.560 --> 1:08:30.679
<v Speaker 4>you know, little Ramsell down was nothing too crazy, nothing

1:08:30.680 --> 1:08:31.320
<v Speaker 4>too crazy.

1:08:31.360 --> 1:08:33.639
<v Speaker 2>I don't have no foolishness. But this is a little sprinkle.

1:08:34.160 --> 1:08:36.439
<v Speaker 5>How do you find that buffer because most people just

1:08:36.479 --> 1:08:37.360
<v Speaker 5>ain't a little crazy.

1:08:38.320 --> 1:08:41.760
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, you're right, You're right. It's a slippery slope. I

1:08:41.760 --> 1:08:43.880
<v Speaker 4>had a nigga chasing me around the club this weekend.

1:08:44.000 --> 1:08:46.439
<v Speaker 4>I had to get security to walk me out.

1:08:46.800 --> 1:08:49.240
<v Speaker 2>He was drunk. He was drunk, and I was in

1:08:49.280 --> 1:08:50.920
<v Speaker 2>there with some short song. He couldn't help.

1:08:52.840 --> 1:08:55.040
<v Speaker 5>In his mind. That was a little bit.

1:08:55.320 --> 1:08:59.960
<v Speaker 4>No, that wasn't no sprinkle, nigga, Stop you did, nigga?

1:09:00.160 --> 1:09:05.360
<v Speaker 4>Get I make a light of it.

1:09:05.439 --> 1:09:12.040
<v Speaker 2>But I'll be thinking like a little sprinkle of like, no.

1:09:12.000 --> 1:09:15.000
<v Speaker 3>Bitch, it's not cool because it's not. It's no middle ground.

1:09:15.000 --> 1:09:17.320
<v Speaker 3>We're crazy crazy it is.

1:09:19.680 --> 1:09:22.360
<v Speaker 4>She'll be saying like little stuff like I be joking,

1:09:22.479 --> 1:09:23.920
<v Speaker 4>but like when I have a man and he be

1:09:23.960 --> 1:09:26.600
<v Speaker 4>going out, I'll be like, leave your dick here, you know,

1:09:26.800 --> 1:09:30.360
<v Speaker 4>just like you know, joking, acting like I'm a little

1:09:30.760 --> 1:09:35.320
<v Speaker 4>obsessed with him, but not like scary up says like

1:09:35.400 --> 1:09:37.479
<v Speaker 4>if he ain't answering my phone, I'm not like obviously

1:09:37.520 --> 1:09:38.559
<v Speaker 4>he wants me to come to his house.

1:09:38.600 --> 1:09:39.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm not one of those.

1:09:44.400 --> 1:09:47.720
<v Speaker 4>All right, never mind, send me the link for mad

1:09:47.920 --> 1:09:51.240
<v Speaker 4>so I can yeah, bet, because you need therapy.

1:09:52.640 --> 1:09:55.439
<v Speaker 5>But TAMN, Like to your point, what I would say

1:09:55.640 --> 1:10:02.599
<v Speaker 5>is like understand like why people are like drawn to drama,

1:10:03.240 --> 1:10:07.160
<v Speaker 5>right and like reality TV. I was asking somebody the

1:10:07.160 --> 1:10:10.840
<v Speaker 5>other day. They was like, you know, I was like, well,

1:10:10.880 --> 1:10:13.679
<v Speaker 5>why do you you know? I like my Reality TV?

1:10:13.760 --> 1:10:16.519
<v Speaker 5>And I was like, well, does that reflect like who

1:10:16.600 --> 1:10:18.640
<v Speaker 5>you are in life? And They're like no, And I'm like, so,

1:10:18.840 --> 1:10:22.519
<v Speaker 5>why why are we so right? Why are we so

1:10:22.640 --> 1:10:26.280
<v Speaker 5>in tune to drama or entertained drama? Because I'm gonna

1:10:26.280 --> 1:10:29.280
<v Speaker 5>tell you at some point in time, I'm gonna tell

1:10:29.280 --> 1:10:31.880
<v Speaker 5>you from an ex sign, go say which one watch

1:10:31.920 --> 1:10:36.360
<v Speaker 5>the whole lot of reality TV? And i'swhere like she

1:10:36.560 --> 1:10:39.920
<v Speaker 5>just enjoyed arguing because that's what the hell she was watching.

1:10:40.400 --> 1:10:43.840
<v Speaker 5>Like if you watch a lot of drama, like, do

1:10:43.960 --> 1:10:46.519
<v Speaker 5>you not like take on a little bit of that

1:10:46.760 --> 1:10:49.920
<v Speaker 5>in yourself because it may be something that you're yearning for,

1:10:50.560 --> 1:10:53.599
<v Speaker 5>are yearning for the wrong amount of entertainment or attention?

1:10:54.439 --> 1:11:00.840
<v Speaker 5>Like to me, like what you subject yourself to sometimes

1:11:00.920 --> 1:11:03.280
<v Speaker 5>points in the direction of what you want to be

1:11:03.520 --> 1:11:06.320
<v Speaker 5>or what you want in your life.

1:11:06.520 --> 1:11:06.800
<v Speaker 1>What's that.

1:11:07.080 --> 1:11:07.599
<v Speaker 5>I'm gonna.

1:11:09.360 --> 1:11:11.360
<v Speaker 4>Watch a lot of war movies and I ain't trying

1:11:11.360 --> 1:11:12.800
<v Speaker 4>to jump out nobody playing.

1:11:12.600 --> 1:11:15.120
<v Speaker 5>Christian, but like a lot of war. But you seem

1:11:15.200 --> 1:11:16.680
<v Speaker 5>like you're ready to go to Warde.

1:11:16.360 --> 1:11:21.760
<v Speaker 3>Tam So, like I always think about that, like in

1:11:21.840 --> 1:11:26.559
<v Speaker 3>American culture, like where like reality like the Snapped and

1:11:27.479 --> 1:11:29.840
<v Speaker 3>these shows with people like real killings and stuff.

1:11:29.840 --> 1:11:32.080
<v Speaker 1>Why is that a part of American culture?

1:11:32.200 --> 1:11:35.280
<v Speaker 3>Like why is that TV shows? Like why is that entertainment?

1:11:35.439 --> 1:11:38.800
<v Speaker 3>Somebody's murder, like what happened to your family could very

1:11:38.800 --> 1:11:42.240
<v Speaker 3>well be on one of these TV shows Snapped? Why

1:11:42.360 --> 1:11:48.080
<v Speaker 3>is that entertaining to Americans? Murder twenty one Savage got

1:11:48.080 --> 1:11:51.480
<v Speaker 3>a song go Red Room, Red Room. That's murder spelled backwards.

1:11:51.800 --> 1:11:55.559
<v Speaker 3>That's just part of our culture for whatever reason. And

1:11:55.600 --> 1:11:57.080
<v Speaker 3>it's disgusting.

1:11:56.520 --> 1:12:00.080
<v Speaker 5>Though kind of found that if I'm being real.

1:12:00.200 --> 1:12:03.439
<v Speaker 4>We're going to be honest. Yeah, it's the American way.

1:12:03.479 --> 1:12:04.880
<v Speaker 2>Apparently we were found.

1:12:05.800 --> 1:12:08.680
<v Speaker 5>We're not completely founded, but I would say that there

1:12:08.760 --> 1:12:10.120
<v Speaker 5>was a lot of rape and murder that.

1:12:10.080 --> 1:12:13.160
<v Speaker 2>Happened when to get this place started, to get this

1:12:13.280 --> 1:12:13.880
<v Speaker 2>place started.

1:12:17.680 --> 1:12:21.960
<v Speaker 5>But to answer your question about men, and I think

1:12:22.000 --> 1:12:27.760
<v Speaker 5>you were asking how do you asking how do we

1:12:27.880 --> 1:12:30.880
<v Speaker 5>become emotional or how do we practice that? Or what

1:12:30.920 --> 1:12:31.559
<v Speaker 5>were you asking?

1:12:32.120 --> 1:12:34.040
<v Speaker 3>Like how did how do how do men you know

1:12:34.400 --> 1:12:39.200
<v Speaker 3>who are struggling to get help struggling with mental health?

1:12:39.280 --> 1:12:40.560
<v Speaker 1>Where did they start?

1:12:42.800 --> 1:12:46.840
<v Speaker 5>You start with self awareness, like understanding that as men

1:12:49.040 --> 1:12:54.320
<v Speaker 5>going to counseling is okay. I haven't had a therapist yet.

1:12:54.360 --> 1:12:57.599
<v Speaker 5>That hasn't become like a good friend. No matter whether

1:12:57.640 --> 1:13:00.880
<v Speaker 5>they like transition to another job or whatever, it is,

1:13:00.920 --> 1:13:03.640
<v Speaker 5>like they still stay in contact because we've just developed

1:13:04.439 --> 1:13:08.439
<v Speaker 5>a relationship. You have to have people that you can

1:13:08.479 --> 1:13:11.000
<v Speaker 5>talk to outside of family and outside of a relationship,

1:13:12.240 --> 1:13:15.439
<v Speaker 5>because if not, we look at it as compatibility or

1:13:15.520 --> 1:13:18.960
<v Speaker 5>connection with somebody because we can have those conversations. But

1:13:19.080 --> 1:13:23.639
<v Speaker 5>are you truly not just trauma bonding with somebody because

1:13:23.640 --> 1:13:27.880
<v Speaker 5>we look at trauma bonding as ooh we compatible, No,

1:13:28.560 --> 1:13:31.840
<v Speaker 5>you're incompatible y'all to share you know the same level

1:13:31.840 --> 1:13:34.760
<v Speaker 5>of trauma, and that's what y'all bond on. So when

1:13:34.880 --> 1:13:37.400
<v Speaker 5>y'all heal from that trauma and there was a guy

1:13:37.439 --> 1:13:39.639
<v Speaker 5>talking about it on social media one time, Like, when

1:13:39.720 --> 1:13:42.920
<v Speaker 5>you heal from that trauma and you have one person

1:13:43.000 --> 1:13:45.880
<v Speaker 5>that's healed and the other person that's not where do

1:13:45.960 --> 1:13:50.439
<v Speaker 5>you go from there? Because and I'm just telling you

1:13:50.479 --> 1:13:54.360
<v Speaker 5>from a person that's been in that type of relationship

1:13:54.400 --> 1:13:56.960
<v Speaker 5>and had to make a very tough decision about the

1:13:57.000 --> 1:13:59.719
<v Speaker 5>type of father that I wanted to be to my girls.

1:14:00.320 --> 1:14:04.000
<v Speaker 5>And I had to get out of the situation because

1:14:04.479 --> 1:14:07.200
<v Speaker 5>at the point I healed and they were still hanging

1:14:07.240 --> 1:14:11.840
<v Speaker 5>on to their trauma. And you can't force somebody to heal.

1:14:13.240 --> 1:14:16.080
<v Speaker 5>I was only control of healing myself. But if you're

1:14:16.080 --> 1:14:17.840
<v Speaker 5>not going to do the work to heal, and that's

1:14:18.000 --> 1:14:19.680
<v Speaker 5>that's for men. Like, if you're not going to do

1:14:19.760 --> 1:14:22.680
<v Speaker 5>to work to heal, like the trauma cycle is going

1:14:22.760 --> 1:14:26.720
<v Speaker 5>to continue. It's never going to change. So you know,

1:14:26.920 --> 1:14:29.960
<v Speaker 5>being self aware that even if you don't view your

1:14:30.000 --> 1:14:34.479
<v Speaker 5>life as being traumatic, it's okay to have a counselor

1:14:34.479 --> 1:14:38.479
<v Speaker 5>that you talk to in life because me personally, I

1:14:39.120 --> 1:14:41.639
<v Speaker 5>deal and suffer with a lot of anxiety. I had

1:14:41.680 --> 1:14:47.400
<v Speaker 5>to learn how to manage that, especially after my mom died.

1:14:47.560 --> 1:14:53.040
<v Speaker 5>Like I was waking up every morning with some of

1:14:53.080 --> 1:14:56.559
<v Speaker 5>the worst like feeling like fight or flight every day morning.

1:14:56.600 --> 1:15:00.679
<v Speaker 5>And I woke up, you know, and I had another

1:15:00.880 --> 1:15:03.519
<v Speaker 5>situation in a relationship where I started feeling the same

1:15:03.520 --> 1:15:07.240
<v Speaker 5>way around my partner and I was like, this, this

1:15:07.320 --> 1:15:09.479
<v Speaker 5>ain't life Like if you bringing that level of anxiety

1:15:09.520 --> 1:15:13.200
<v Speaker 5>to me, it ain't healthy. So, you know, being self

1:15:13.200 --> 1:15:16.400
<v Speaker 5>aware of yourself, but also just doing the things mentally

1:15:16.439 --> 1:15:19.200
<v Speaker 5>and physically to take care of yourself, take care of

1:15:19.200 --> 1:15:24.400
<v Speaker 5>your health, and don't apologize for putting yourself first. I

1:15:24.439 --> 1:15:28.360
<v Speaker 5>think that you know, when we get relationships, we especially

1:15:31.320 --> 1:15:35.880
<v Speaker 5>some men who are mostly available, they sometimes get taken

1:15:35.920 --> 1:15:40.719
<v Speaker 5>advantage of more because they are deemed this sometimes softer.

1:15:41.439 --> 1:15:44.479
<v Speaker 5>So you know, but it's okay to like choose you

1:15:45.200 --> 1:15:49.439
<v Speaker 5>understand your boundaries, set your boundaries, stick to them, but

1:15:49.760 --> 1:15:52.280
<v Speaker 5>also just acknowledge the fact that every woman you meet

1:15:52.360 --> 1:15:54.240
<v Speaker 5>is not going to accept you one hundred percent for

1:15:54.320 --> 1:15:58.400
<v Speaker 5>who you are. You're gonna you're a rare man and

1:15:58.439 --> 1:15:59.920
<v Speaker 5>you're going to have to find a rare woman, but

1:16:00.439 --> 1:16:02.680
<v Speaker 5>you're going to have to do the work. Like especially,

1:16:02.920 --> 1:16:05.280
<v Speaker 5>I think you said at earlier ages, like if you

1:16:05.360 --> 1:16:07.800
<v Speaker 5>got a woman that points out like something about you

1:16:07.840 --> 1:16:11.880
<v Speaker 5>that needs to change or something you know that challenges

1:16:11.920 --> 1:16:16.200
<v Speaker 5>your trauma, that's a damn good woman.

1:16:17.120 --> 1:16:19.439
<v Speaker 2>Needs to be like that's just me, that's just who

1:16:19.479 --> 1:16:20.160
<v Speaker 2>are you?

1:16:20.880 --> 1:16:23.640
<v Speaker 5>But you got them? Why are you the way that

1:16:23.680 --> 1:16:28.840
<v Speaker 5>you are? Because it ain't ain't normal contrary to your belief?

1:16:28.920 --> 1:16:32.000
<v Speaker 5>Is it's not normal? Like I mean I grew up

1:16:32.040 --> 1:16:37.840
<v Speaker 5>in the hood, like I still are. I mean still

1:16:37.840 --> 1:16:42.200
<v Speaker 5>in the hood to a degree. And I mean like

1:16:42.520 --> 1:16:45.400
<v Speaker 5>I talk to people every day that still hold on

1:16:45.479 --> 1:16:48.960
<v Speaker 5>to the same trauma, the same attitude, Like this is me,

1:16:49.479 --> 1:16:51.840
<v Speaker 5>this is who I grew up. Like, yeah, we grew

1:16:51.960 --> 1:16:53.920
<v Speaker 5>up in the same environment, but right now we two

1:16:53.960 --> 1:16:59.680
<v Speaker 5>different people. Why And I I hate saying that I've

1:16:59.680 --> 1:17:03.800
<v Speaker 5>been through more than you because that's subjective, But in

1:17:03.880 --> 1:17:06.439
<v Speaker 5>theory and life, I've been more than been through more.

1:17:06.520 --> 1:17:08.439
<v Speaker 5>I have more excuses to.

1:17:08.560 --> 1:17:10.880
<v Speaker 1>Be uh fucked up?

1:17:11.960 --> 1:17:15.960
<v Speaker 5>Correct then you? What is stopping you?

1:17:17.200 --> 1:17:17.599
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

1:17:17.720 --> 1:17:19.920
<v Speaker 5>And that and that would be my challenge to men,

1:17:20.040 --> 1:17:25.080
<v Speaker 5>like like it's okay to be to be broken or

1:17:25.160 --> 1:17:28.320
<v Speaker 5>bent or a ment like I need some help, I

1:17:28.360 --> 1:17:31.160
<v Speaker 5>need somebody to talk to. I need to like grow

1:17:31.200 --> 1:17:35.439
<v Speaker 5>within myself. Like it's a simple reflection to me, I

1:17:35.479 --> 1:17:40.200
<v Speaker 5>look at my kids. What is the man that I

1:17:40.240 --> 1:17:45.080
<v Speaker 5>want them to marry? How do I want them to

1:17:45.080 --> 1:17:48.400
<v Speaker 5>be treated? Because I'm the type of man that's not

1:17:48.439 --> 1:17:51.400
<v Speaker 5>going to choose their love life form. You asked Daddy

1:17:51.400 --> 1:17:53.160
<v Speaker 5>for advice. I give you advice, but I'm never going

1:17:53.240 --> 1:17:54.840
<v Speaker 5>to tell you not to talk to this person, not

1:17:54.880 --> 1:18:01.080
<v Speaker 5>to talk to that person. But you have to sometimes

1:18:01.160 --> 1:18:05.519
<v Speaker 5>be that reflection of what you want, because there are

1:18:05.560 --> 1:18:08.679
<v Speaker 5>people who expect different for their mom and they expect

1:18:08.680 --> 1:18:12.800
<v Speaker 5>different for their daughters, but not really willing to do

1:18:12.960 --> 1:18:17.599
<v Speaker 5>the work for themselves. Because if you are the foundation

1:18:19.400 --> 1:18:27.400
<v Speaker 5>of which they learn what love is you accountable.

1:18:29.240 --> 1:18:30.200
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely true.

1:18:30.560 --> 1:18:33.160
<v Speaker 3>So we had a great segue in about five minutes

1:18:33.200 --> 1:18:38.240
<v Speaker 3>ago into a SIMPS story before.

1:18:37.920 --> 1:18:39.320
<v Speaker 2>We get into a SIMP story.

1:18:39.320 --> 1:18:43.519
<v Speaker 4>Though based on yall interaction with me, Christian, am I

1:18:43.600 --> 1:18:46.040
<v Speaker 4>running the niggas off from listening to the show.

1:18:50.479 --> 1:18:53.960
<v Speaker 5>No, I will honestly tam like we would have to

1:18:54.000 --> 1:18:59.479
<v Speaker 5>have like more conversation. I mean, I mean, I'm very real,

1:19:00.240 --> 1:19:02.640
<v Speaker 5>y'all are beautiful women, so I would thank you. I

1:19:02.680 --> 1:19:07.640
<v Speaker 5>would not have like a lack of men trying to

1:19:07.640 --> 1:19:08.120
<v Speaker 5>talk to y'all.

1:19:08.200 --> 1:19:09.920
<v Speaker 1>Somebody always in love? Okay.

1:19:12.920 --> 1:19:16.599
<v Speaker 5>My question would be is how a good man, how

1:19:16.640 --> 1:19:18.760
<v Speaker 5>do you how do your first dates typically go?

1:19:19.840 --> 1:19:22.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm telling hello jokes, I could see that.

1:19:22.920 --> 1:19:25.280
<v Speaker 4>It's always fun, It's always a good time, and I'm

1:19:25.840 --> 1:19:28.080
<v Speaker 4>stand up comedian in the whole time pretty much.

1:19:28.080 --> 1:19:29.839
<v Speaker 2>But that's just my personality honestly.

1:19:30.360 --> 1:19:32.760
<v Speaker 5>So where do you Where do you lay your expectation

1:19:32.920 --> 1:19:33.800
<v Speaker 5>in your boundaries out?

1:19:34.080 --> 1:19:34.559
<v Speaker 2>When I did?

1:19:34.720 --> 1:19:37.800
<v Speaker 4>I start laying boundaries and expectations when I decide that

1:19:37.880 --> 1:19:41.080
<v Speaker 4>I like the person, not the initial like the first

1:19:41.160 --> 1:19:44.800
<v Speaker 4>date is too early. It's all first dates a friend

1:19:44.880 --> 1:19:48.799
<v Speaker 4>zone for me, for everybody. But if I like, Okay,

1:19:48.840 --> 1:19:52.760
<v Speaker 4>this guy, this guy seems like he has potential, then

1:19:52.840 --> 1:19:55.160
<v Speaker 4>I start laying down boundaries and expectations.

1:19:55.160 --> 1:19:59.320
<v Speaker 2>But in the beginning, it's just fun. Shouldn't it be

1:19:59.360 --> 1:19:59.840
<v Speaker 2>that way? Though?

1:20:01.680 --> 1:20:02.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm dating with.

1:20:04.560 --> 1:20:08.120
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but you need to tell us day one what

1:20:08.200 --> 1:20:11.599
<v Speaker 3>you want date one, what you're looking for.

1:20:11.520 --> 1:20:14.720
<v Speaker 2>Because I don't know. I might not want ship from you.

1:20:14.680 --> 1:20:15.719
<v Speaker 1>And why are you outside?

1:20:16.880 --> 1:20:18.840
<v Speaker 2>Because I have to see if you're something I want.

1:20:19.000 --> 1:20:21.120
<v Speaker 4>You know, I have to see if just I can't

1:20:21.160 --> 1:20:24.320
<v Speaker 4>just go off based off looks, so I have to, like,

1:20:24.360 --> 1:20:25.960
<v Speaker 4>I need to get to know you a little bit

1:20:26.040 --> 1:20:28.720
<v Speaker 4>then I can tell you what I want because you

1:20:28.800 --> 1:20:30.439
<v Speaker 4>may not be it in the first damn place.

1:20:30.760 --> 1:20:34.280
<v Speaker 2>That's how I feel like you are you homeboy material,

1:20:34.600 --> 1:20:37.160
<v Speaker 2>you know? So why I'm laying boundaries with you. I

1:20:37.160 --> 1:20:38.680
<v Speaker 2>ain't ever fucking with you.

1:20:38.680 --> 1:20:42.120
<v Speaker 4>You know, Let's just eat this little steak, watch this

1:20:42.160 --> 1:20:46.639
<v Speaker 4>little game, and then that's it. But if I really got,

1:20:46.720 --> 1:20:48.880
<v Speaker 4>like I start feeling you, then I start laying down

1:20:48.920 --> 1:20:51.080
<v Speaker 4>expectations and boundaries.

1:20:52.200 --> 1:20:54.680
<v Speaker 5>So do you feel do you feel like because you

1:20:54.680 --> 1:20:56.960
<v Speaker 5>say running and off, like, do you feel like theyre

1:20:57.000 --> 1:20:59.160
<v Speaker 5>what do you feel like they run off from? Because

1:20:59.200 --> 1:21:02.080
<v Speaker 5>I mean just re you like you seem like you

1:21:02.160 --> 1:21:07.439
<v Speaker 5>have a very I don't want Well, yeah, I would say,

1:21:07.479 --> 1:21:10.160
<v Speaker 5>like a very addictive personality.

1:21:10.760 --> 1:21:15.599
<v Speaker 2>What do you mean like I DoD drugs?

1:21:16.040 --> 1:21:17.880
<v Speaker 5>Like people will want to get to know you.

1:21:18.120 --> 1:21:21.479
<v Speaker 4>Oh yeah, yeah, I think, okay, yeah, okay, you're right.

1:21:21.520 --> 1:21:22.720
<v Speaker 4>You're right, Christmas, you're right.

1:21:22.920 --> 1:21:28.120
<v Speaker 3>But what happens once they get to know you?

1:21:28.240 --> 1:21:30.160
<v Speaker 2>What happens was to know.

1:21:32.400 --> 1:21:35.519
<v Speaker 4>I just I just had someone say that they can't

1:21:35.600 --> 1:21:41.719
<v Speaker 4>deal with my emotional sea sauce. I'm a cancer sometimes

1:21:41.760 --> 1:21:44.320
<v Speaker 4>I cry.

1:21:46.160 --> 1:21:49.920
<v Speaker 5>Oh lord, that's so.

1:21:51.320 --> 1:21:54.320
<v Speaker 4>I didn't even seesaw really though. I just saw this

1:21:54.400 --> 1:21:58.680
<v Speaker 4>ship that I like, I addressed it, and then they

1:21:58.720 --> 1:22:00.760
<v Speaker 4>called it an emotional sea sawce And I'm like, what,

1:22:03.040 --> 1:22:06.760
<v Speaker 4>how's that emotional seesaw? If I can't address something I

1:22:06.800 --> 1:22:10.000
<v Speaker 4>don't like because we were getting along fine and then

1:22:10.000 --> 1:22:12.680
<v Speaker 4>I tell you this is something that I don't like.

1:22:13.280 --> 1:22:15.080
<v Speaker 2>Now is an emotional seesaw.

1:22:16.479 --> 1:22:19.000
<v Speaker 5>Out the though it depends on how you delivered it.

1:22:19.000 --> 1:22:20.680
<v Speaker 2>Though I thought I.

1:22:20.680 --> 1:22:23.240
<v Speaker 1>Was I got to talk to these niggas nice.

1:22:23.479 --> 1:22:26.559
<v Speaker 5>I'm so sick, That's what I'm talking about. That's the

1:22:26.600 --> 1:22:30.160
<v Speaker 5>sassify you know what I'm saying, Like my thing is.

1:22:30.200 --> 1:22:32.840
<v Speaker 5>But if you want me like, think about this aj

1:22:33.040 --> 1:22:36.879
<v Speaker 5>in a relationship, like if you want me to value

1:22:37.680 --> 1:22:41.160
<v Speaker 5>your feelings right, how you feel, you want me to

1:22:41.320 --> 1:22:45.800
<v Speaker 5>listen to understand, not the respond is that too much

1:22:45.880 --> 1:22:48.679
<v Speaker 5>to have the same expectation from you? Because I don't

1:22:49.120 --> 1:22:54.280
<v Speaker 5>like this is my tone arguing and it irritates the

1:22:54.320 --> 1:22:58.320
<v Speaker 5>hell out of some people because this is me. I

1:22:58.760 --> 1:23:01.800
<v Speaker 5>cannot allow you to take me to another level because

1:23:01.840 --> 1:23:03.720
<v Speaker 5>guess what at that point in time, then I don't

1:23:03.720 --> 1:23:06.839
<v Speaker 5>have control over myself, which means there is no control

1:23:06.880 --> 1:23:10.160
<v Speaker 5>over our conversation. That we ain't going nowhere right. So

1:23:10.240 --> 1:23:14.960
<v Speaker 5>for me, like if you're not able to and I understand,

1:23:15.000 --> 1:23:19.519
<v Speaker 5>like some conversations warn't more emotions than others. But if

1:23:19.560 --> 1:23:22.679
<v Speaker 5>I see an emotional influx, like you this way during

1:23:22.680 --> 1:23:24.960
<v Speaker 5>the day and then I call you back and you here,

1:23:25.520 --> 1:23:28.800
<v Speaker 5>and I'm like trying to like converse with you, to

1:23:28.840 --> 1:23:30.840
<v Speaker 5>try to figure out like what's going on, and then

1:23:31.040 --> 1:23:32.640
<v Speaker 5>next thing, you know, you got an attitude of me

1:23:32.800 --> 1:23:36.760
<v Speaker 5>and I this shit. I'm like, I mean, how long

1:23:36.760 --> 1:23:37.799
<v Speaker 5>are you riding these waves?

1:23:38.160 --> 1:23:39.000
<v Speaker 1>You know, Christian?

1:23:39.040 --> 1:23:40.599
<v Speaker 2>Why aren't you reading my mind?

1:23:41.320 --> 1:23:46.559
<v Speaker 5>That's the problem we are not. Let me tell you

1:23:46.600 --> 1:23:51.080
<v Speaker 5>something about men. We ween the smartest people think we are.

1:23:52.600 --> 1:23:58.120
<v Speaker 3>Oh, we know that people think that, but but I

1:23:58.120 --> 1:24:00.519
<v Speaker 3>would say, like from a standpoint of.

1:24:03.439 --> 1:24:06.320
<v Speaker 5>And I think that goes into like social management, like

1:24:06.960 --> 1:24:11.719
<v Speaker 5>reading women and their emotions. I am not the best

1:24:11.760 --> 1:24:14.120
<v Speaker 5>at it, right, And I think most men kind of

1:24:14.120 --> 1:24:18.320
<v Speaker 5>suffer from that, right because we are kind of hardened

1:24:18.320 --> 1:24:21.719
<v Speaker 5>to not really embrace like a lot of emotions are.

1:24:21.880 --> 1:24:24.040
<v Speaker 5>And it's not like we get a lot of practice

1:24:24.040 --> 1:24:27.559
<v Speaker 5>with other men because outside of my friend's circle, like

1:24:27.720 --> 1:24:31.040
<v Speaker 5>what I consider my golden circle is the only men

1:24:31.080 --> 1:24:33.959
<v Speaker 5>that I will be vulnerable with, and they are vulnerable

1:24:33.960 --> 1:24:37.000
<v Speaker 5>with me. But not everybody has that. Like if I

1:24:37.040 --> 1:24:39.000
<v Speaker 5>stayed in the hood that I grew up in, I

1:24:39.000 --> 1:24:42.519
<v Speaker 5>would never be emotionally available for nobody. So the only

1:24:42.600 --> 1:24:45.680
<v Speaker 5>practice I get is engaging my women, Like that's going

1:24:45.760 --> 1:24:49.160
<v Speaker 5>to take practice of me reading that because I can't

1:24:49.240 --> 1:24:54.599
<v Speaker 5>say that women are the best communicators of their emotions,

1:24:54.640 --> 1:24:58.000
<v Speaker 5>like most women want their minds to be read. And

1:24:58.080 --> 1:25:05.479
<v Speaker 5>I'm like, you better textclue me, sign outside, telegram everything.

1:25:05.479 --> 1:25:07.880
<v Speaker 5>You better everything to me because I can't. I'm not

1:25:08.280 --> 1:25:10.280
<v Speaker 5>And I will tell you I don't read between the

1:25:10.320 --> 1:25:13.400
<v Speaker 5>lines because if I read between the lines and I

1:25:13.439 --> 1:25:16.680
<v Speaker 5>get it wrong, that's a whole nother argument. Right, So

1:25:16.760 --> 1:25:19.760
<v Speaker 5>why not for me? I ask for clear communication. You

1:25:19.800 --> 1:25:22.599
<v Speaker 5>tell me exactly how it is that you feel. You

1:25:22.680 --> 1:25:25.280
<v Speaker 5>tell me exactly how it is that I'm making you feel,

1:25:25.680 --> 1:25:28.240
<v Speaker 5>and then we can address the issue, because if you

1:25:28.400 --> 1:25:32.000
<v Speaker 5>skip steps with me, you're gonna be highly disappointed. I'm

1:25:32.000 --> 1:25:34.680
<v Speaker 5>gonna just tell you because to y'all, y'all got to

1:25:34.760 --> 1:25:38.640
<v Speaker 5>understand we two different creatures. Y'all understand y'all have this

1:25:38.680 --> 1:25:41.200
<v Speaker 5>telepathic thing going on within y'allself. Like people are just

1:25:41.520 --> 1:25:41.880
<v Speaker 5>feel that.

1:25:41.920 --> 1:25:44.679
<v Speaker 3>Way about men, though I swear to God, you could

1:25:44.720 --> 1:25:47.840
<v Speaker 3>be so articulate, you could say exactly what it is.

1:25:48.560 --> 1:25:52.240
<v Speaker 3>And sometimes men gaslight and women do too, right, and

1:25:52.400 --> 1:25:54.519
<v Speaker 3>what's the next response when when a bitch say some

1:25:54.560 --> 1:25:55.080
<v Speaker 3>shit that.

1:25:55.000 --> 1:25:58.280
<v Speaker 1>Makes too much sense? Were you mean?

1:26:00.080 --> 1:26:02.360
<v Speaker 2>That'll be the response? What you mean?

1:26:02.720 --> 1:26:05.800
<v Speaker 3>You know exactly what I'm saying. You know exactly what

1:26:05.880 --> 1:26:06.200
<v Speaker 3>I mean?

1:26:08.040 --> 1:26:11.720
<v Speaker 5>The way you mean can mean two things. Right, I'm Sam,

1:26:11.760 --> 1:26:12.400
<v Speaker 5>where are you from?

1:26:12.960 --> 1:26:14.160
<v Speaker 2>Columbia? South Carolina?

1:26:14.320 --> 1:26:18.080
<v Speaker 5>Okay? You understand a little bit of gichi. So when

1:26:18.680 --> 1:26:21.280
<v Speaker 5>when they say that, I think either one and I

1:26:21.320 --> 1:26:23.519
<v Speaker 5>hate telling them man, but one, they probably was not

1:26:23.520 --> 1:26:27.479
<v Speaker 5>paying attention to the conversation. What you mean typically is

1:26:28.160 --> 1:26:30.920
<v Speaker 5>I heard the back end, but not the front end, right,

1:26:31.479 --> 1:26:34.360
<v Speaker 5>not listening to understand, and they did not come up

1:26:34.400 --> 1:26:40.200
<v Speaker 5>with a good response on the fly. Or secondly, it

1:26:40.240 --> 1:26:42.760
<v Speaker 5>can be them being stuck and not really knowing how

1:26:42.760 --> 1:26:46.519
<v Speaker 5>to reply. Because sometimes I'm gonna tell you, some women

1:26:46.640 --> 1:26:49.840
<v Speaker 5>hit me with some stuff emotionally, I'm just like h

1:26:51.000 --> 1:26:53.559
<v Speaker 5>And they're like, well, you don't have a response. I'm like, well,

1:26:53.600 --> 1:26:57.360
<v Speaker 5>first of all, you literally just gave me two seconds

1:26:57.360 --> 1:27:01.800
<v Speaker 5>to respond over what I consider that even a text

1:27:01.840 --> 1:27:04.880
<v Speaker 5>message or even on the phone, a huge bubble of

1:27:04.920 --> 1:27:07.360
<v Speaker 5>information that you want me to decipher.

1:27:07.560 --> 1:27:09.840
<v Speaker 3>Ah, I'm just called to cut you off right there,

1:27:09.880 --> 1:27:11.639
<v Speaker 3>I got it. I don't got enough time to think

1:27:11.680 --> 1:27:13.200
<v Speaker 3>about a bullshit ass answer.

1:27:13.520 --> 1:27:18.320
<v Speaker 5>So it's that's my thing, right, would you if you

1:27:18.439 --> 1:27:21.080
<v Speaker 5>just hit me with a long paragraph of information, right,

1:27:21.520 --> 1:27:23.519
<v Speaker 5>just like you were asking me a question of a

1:27:23.600 --> 1:27:26.040
<v Speaker 5>minute ago and I said, aj, I got add Like,

1:27:26.439 --> 1:27:29.599
<v Speaker 5>you gotta break up these questions for me, because once

1:27:29.640 --> 1:27:31.280
<v Speaker 5>I get to answer one, it's gonna be hard for

1:27:31.320 --> 1:27:34.479
<v Speaker 5>me to get back to the second. Like if your

1:27:34.560 --> 1:27:36.639
<v Speaker 5>man is a man that can you can ask him

1:27:36.640 --> 1:27:39.240
<v Speaker 5>fifty questions and he can answer off it or respond

1:27:39.280 --> 1:27:42.160
<v Speaker 5>to all fifty things. You got a great one, But

1:27:42.280 --> 1:27:46.040
<v Speaker 5>for me, you gotta break that thing down. Because if

1:27:46.080 --> 1:27:48.120
<v Speaker 5>you send me a text message in a bubble, right,

1:27:48.160 --> 1:27:50.880
<v Speaker 5>I'm gonna tell you how I'm ana reply, I'm gonna

1:27:50.880 --> 1:27:53.760
<v Speaker 5>stroll back up to the top right, and then I'm

1:27:53.760 --> 1:27:56.960
<v Speaker 5>a reply to that, and then I'm gonna stroll back

1:27:57.000 --> 1:28:00.400
<v Speaker 5>down read some more. Okay, I'm a reply out of that,

1:28:00.960 --> 1:28:03.040
<v Speaker 5>Like that's how I'm gonna reply to you. So you

1:28:03.080 --> 1:28:06.479
<v Speaker 5>take that in a conversation, I can't go back, right,

1:28:06.840 --> 1:28:09.200
<v Speaker 5>And if I'm holding on to the first thing, the

1:28:09.200 --> 1:28:11.680
<v Speaker 5>first and last thing that you said, then I was

1:28:11.760 --> 1:28:14.160
<v Speaker 5>listening to respond to you. I wasn't really listening to

1:28:14.280 --> 1:28:17.880
<v Speaker 5>understand you. And so if I fire off real fast

1:28:19.400 --> 1:28:21.719
<v Speaker 5>nine times I'm attend, I'm gonna say something that's probably

1:28:21.800 --> 1:28:24.240
<v Speaker 5>gonna fuck the rest of the conversation up.

1:28:26.320 --> 1:28:27.519
<v Speaker 2>Man, you're tripping this shit.

1:28:30.439 --> 1:28:33.160
<v Speaker 5>Me personally, I don't, so I don't respond that way.

1:28:33.200 --> 1:28:35.000
<v Speaker 5>And that's the thing about it, Like I don't really

1:28:35.400 --> 1:28:39.759
<v Speaker 5>respond that way. Like I may be quiet for a minute,

1:28:40.280 --> 1:28:42.040
<v Speaker 5>or I might say, you know, I need some time

1:28:42.040 --> 1:28:46.320
<v Speaker 5>to process, but I don't give like the short like

1:28:46.760 --> 1:28:47.880
<v Speaker 5>you tripping, right.

1:28:47.800 --> 1:28:51.240
<v Speaker 2>I got enough stress at working. Shit, be my peace.

1:28:52.400 --> 1:28:53.520
<v Speaker 1>Men don't really.

1:28:53.280 --> 1:28:56.519
<v Speaker 5>Mean that, because men are I actually do mean that

1:28:56.560 --> 1:28:59.880
<v Speaker 5>when I say it, because I work a very very

1:29:00.000 --> 1:29:04.920
<v Speaker 5>stressful job, and so when I come home, I don't

1:29:04.960 --> 1:29:07.400
<v Speaker 5>mind talking about world problems and all that other stuff.

1:29:07.560 --> 1:29:09.720
<v Speaker 5>Maybe for the first thirty minutes hour we can talk

1:29:09.720 --> 1:29:13.400
<v Speaker 5>about work. Are they going, what's going on in the world?

1:29:14.640 --> 1:29:18.200
<v Speaker 5>After that, I just want to connect because I need

1:29:18.240 --> 1:29:21.559
<v Speaker 5>my woman to literally be my peace, because outside of

1:29:21.560 --> 1:29:25.240
<v Speaker 5>this world it's chaos, especially you know, being a black

1:29:25.280 --> 1:29:29.320
<v Speaker 5>woman and for me being a black man, and especially

1:29:29.360 --> 1:29:32.400
<v Speaker 5>the profession professions that I'm in and what I have

1:29:32.479 --> 1:29:34.960
<v Speaker 5>to pour into other people, Like when I come home

1:29:35.120 --> 1:29:37.240
<v Speaker 5>after we talk about our days, like, I just want

1:29:37.280 --> 1:29:41.680
<v Speaker 5>to connect emotionally with you, and that's it. If we

1:29:41.800 --> 1:29:44.559
<v Speaker 5>got kids, we can manage them until it's time for

1:29:44.640 --> 1:29:47.479
<v Speaker 5>them to go to bed or whatever, and then it

1:29:47.600 --> 1:29:49.240
<v Speaker 5>just needs to really be me and you. I don't

1:29:49.280 --> 1:29:52.160
<v Speaker 5>want to talk about world stuff all damn night. I

1:29:52.160 --> 1:29:53.920
<v Speaker 5>don't want to talk about problems all damn night. I

1:29:53.920 --> 1:29:56.680
<v Speaker 5>don't want to hear complaining all damn night. Like if

1:29:56.720 --> 1:29:59.840
<v Speaker 5>you complaining all damn damn, I'm just like, well, goddamn like,

1:30:00.120 --> 1:30:02.760
<v Speaker 5>you want to hear from me, Well, let me tell you.

1:30:02.840 --> 1:30:04.240
<v Speaker 4>Let me tell you what I want to hear from you.

1:30:04.520 --> 1:30:06.960
<v Speaker 4>I want to hear your SIMP story. We gotta take

1:30:06.960 --> 1:30:09.960
<v Speaker 4>a commercial. We'll be right back, but when we come back,

1:30:10.240 --> 1:30:14.960
<v Speaker 4>that's what I want to hear from you. One second's

1:30:15.160 --> 1:30:16.240
<v Speaker 4>real easy way to say that.

1:30:23.120 --> 1:30:25.840
<v Speaker 3>All right, y'all were back, and we are going to

1:30:25.880 --> 1:30:29.799
<v Speaker 3>get a SIMP story, a SIMP series story from Kristen.

1:30:31.520 --> 1:30:33.280
<v Speaker 1>What you got for us, Kristen.

1:30:33.160 --> 1:30:35.960
<v Speaker 5>Well listen for one. I'm gonna tell you, y'all put

1:30:35.960 --> 1:30:38.479
<v Speaker 5>me in a very tough predicament, in a rough spot.

1:30:39.520 --> 1:30:45.040
<v Speaker 5>But what I will say is I was in a

1:30:45.080 --> 1:30:55.240
<v Speaker 5>relationship where uh, I felt like I did it sounds

1:30:55.439 --> 1:31:00.320
<v Speaker 5>the same, sounds more like a damn sadass story, but

1:31:00.360 --> 1:31:03.840
<v Speaker 5>where I feel like I did a lot of adjusting right.

1:31:06.000 --> 1:31:11.519
<v Speaker 5>Whatever she wanted I did. I worked my ass off

1:31:11.560 --> 1:31:16.559
<v Speaker 5>to provide. At one time was working five jobs at

1:31:16.560 --> 1:31:19.840
<v Speaker 5>a time. She said that I was working too much,

1:31:20.640 --> 1:31:27.200
<v Speaker 5>so I stopped and started businesses to support financially and

1:31:27.560 --> 1:31:30.680
<v Speaker 5>on top of the job that I have. And I

1:31:30.720 --> 1:31:33.200
<v Speaker 5>think at a point where no matter what I did,

1:31:34.560 --> 1:31:40.160
<v Speaker 5>she wasn't happy, wasn't satisfied, and didn't really appreciate what

1:31:40.200 --> 1:31:43.960
<v Speaker 5>it is that I provided. And I think when one

1:31:44.040 --> 1:31:50.519
<v Speaker 5>day she called me selfish, that was a trigger for

1:31:50.600 --> 1:31:55.760
<v Speaker 5>me because I was like, I've literally sacrificed every goddamn thing,

1:31:55.800 --> 1:32:00.720
<v Speaker 5>whether you talk about financially, emotionally, whatever it is. Like,

1:32:00.760 --> 1:32:02.479
<v Speaker 5>I knew there were things I needed to work on,

1:32:02.680 --> 1:32:04.400
<v Speaker 5>but I will say at the end of the day,

1:32:06.520 --> 1:32:09.799
<v Speaker 5>it was a relationship that spanned it over ten years,

1:32:10.600 --> 1:32:14.360
<v Speaker 5>and I can't say that I got a whole lot

1:32:14.400 --> 1:32:17.439
<v Speaker 5>from it. Oh, I'm getting a whole lot taken away,

1:32:17.560 --> 1:32:19.080
<v Speaker 5>but I am getting a whole lot from it, a

1:32:19.120 --> 1:32:21.880
<v Speaker 5>whole lot of money taken away, But I ain't getting

1:32:21.880 --> 1:32:25.240
<v Speaker 5>a whole lot from it and for something that I'm

1:32:25.240 --> 1:32:27.760
<v Speaker 5>not getting anything out of. So I don't want to

1:32:28.120 --> 1:32:30.400
<v Speaker 5>like get too far into detail, but I think that,

1:32:30.840 --> 1:32:37.240
<v Speaker 5>you know, it's very hard for men to kind of

1:32:37.280 --> 1:32:41.519
<v Speaker 5>bounce back from situations like that, because I'm gonna be

1:32:41.520 --> 1:32:47.320
<v Speaker 5>honest with you, like being divorced and having two girls.

1:32:47.800 --> 1:32:50.320
<v Speaker 5>In my mind coming out, I felt like I was

1:32:50.840 --> 1:32:55.840
<v Speaker 5>damaged goods. I'm going to be considered damage goods, and

1:32:55.920 --> 1:32:58.439
<v Speaker 5>I had to realize that I have a lot more

1:32:58.560 --> 1:33:03.000
<v Speaker 5>value in me than my past or my current situation.

1:33:04.520 --> 1:33:07.080
<v Speaker 5>But I know they are in the biggest SIMP story

1:33:07.080 --> 1:33:10.880
<v Speaker 5>in the world. But scorpios typically ain't simps, specifically when

1:33:10.880 --> 1:33:19.240
<v Speaker 5>they're born in November blue like that from experience. But

1:33:19.320 --> 1:33:22.400
<v Speaker 5>I tell you, but that's probably the thing for me.

1:33:22.640 --> 1:33:25.160
<v Speaker 5>I would say, like, you know, giving you all to

1:33:25.240 --> 1:33:30.400
<v Speaker 5>somebody and then it not being appreciated and them on

1:33:30.479 --> 1:33:33.760
<v Speaker 5>the back end trying to destroy you or run with

1:33:33.800 --> 1:33:35.960
<v Speaker 5>a narrative. Because one thing about myself, like I'm not

1:33:36.040 --> 1:33:39.920
<v Speaker 5>going to bash anybody. I'm pretty to myself, mind my

1:33:39.960 --> 1:33:43.439
<v Speaker 5>own business and don't like people in my business, especially

1:33:43.479 --> 1:33:48.640
<v Speaker 5>in my personal business. And so you know, for me,

1:33:48.720 --> 1:33:51.080
<v Speaker 5>she can run with the narratives that she wants, and

1:33:51.560 --> 1:33:54.080
<v Speaker 5>I'm gonna keep my silence and just keep life moving.

1:33:55.000 --> 1:33:59.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's why they so vague, vad and a quartering.

1:34:05.760 --> 1:34:10.160
<v Speaker 2>I appreciate you for trying Christian, but that wasn't that.

1:34:13.040 --> 1:34:13.519
<v Speaker 5>I'm trying to.

1:34:13.560 --> 1:34:19.120
<v Speaker 4>We're good, man, Yeah, we're good on that.

1:34:21.320 --> 1:34:24.160
<v Speaker 5>I told listen, I told since earlier, I said a

1:34:24.240 --> 1:34:25.479
<v Speaker 5>simp story. You ain't really.

1:34:25.400 --> 1:34:27.000
<v Speaker 1>Women having that a lot lately.

1:34:27.160 --> 1:34:29.400
<v Speaker 3>See, I guess the only people who be getting played

1:34:29.400 --> 1:34:32.160
<v Speaker 3>out of here, Tom, I guess because I got plenty

1:34:32.520 --> 1:34:34.839
<v Speaker 3>sim right, I'll see dumb bitch stories.

1:34:37.439 --> 1:34:39.160
<v Speaker 2>I just shared one with y'all earlier.

1:34:42.840 --> 1:34:46.160
<v Speaker 5>Listen. I mean that's that's probably the closest one I got.

1:34:46.240 --> 1:34:49.840
<v Speaker 5>That's the closest one I got. I mean, typically, you know,

1:34:49.880 --> 1:34:52.479
<v Speaker 5>I'm anew for my way out of them situations, and

1:34:52.800 --> 1:34:54.600
<v Speaker 5>I would say that women typically.

1:34:56.520 --> 1:35:01.200
<v Speaker 4>Well, I'm sorry that your relationship is all and I'm

1:35:01.240 --> 1:35:03.519
<v Speaker 4>sorry that is fucking up your pockets, my boy.

1:35:03.720 --> 1:35:06.840
<v Speaker 3>I never I don't understand why people You're like, why

1:35:06.880 --> 1:35:10.360
<v Speaker 3>are you celebrating a failure that is not something celebrating?

1:35:12.479 --> 1:35:18.920
<v Speaker 5>So you just to start a whole I'm gonna tell you,

1:35:18.960 --> 1:35:23.479
<v Speaker 5>like that is the trauma behind divorce, like when you

1:35:23.520 --> 1:35:26.960
<v Speaker 5>want to talk about black men after divorce, like the

1:35:27.040 --> 1:35:30.640
<v Speaker 5>pressure Like from my standpoint and where I grew up

1:35:30.640 --> 1:35:35.320
<v Speaker 5>in right, my perception of a perfect family was being married.

1:35:35.400 --> 1:35:37.880
<v Speaker 5>I waited until I was married to have kids, right,

1:35:39.560 --> 1:35:42.839
<v Speaker 5>and it didn't work. Me Walking away from that situation,

1:35:42.960 --> 1:35:45.760
<v Speaker 5>by far was probably the hardest damn decision I ever

1:35:45.800 --> 1:35:49.040
<v Speaker 5>made in my life, because I love my girls like

1:35:49.120 --> 1:35:52.559
<v Speaker 5>no other, but I knew in order for me to

1:35:52.640 --> 1:35:54.679
<v Speaker 5>be a great father for them and be a great

1:35:54.680 --> 1:35:57.840
<v Speaker 5>example for them, like, that situation just wasn't it in

1:35:58.000 --> 1:36:02.680
<v Speaker 5>my battle? Was Am I failing right now? Am I

1:36:02.760 --> 1:36:05.960
<v Speaker 5>feeling my family and my feeling the fantasy of which

1:36:06.000 --> 1:36:09.000
<v Speaker 5>I wanted a family to be? And it's no different

1:36:09.000 --> 1:36:12.800
<v Speaker 5>from attaching yourself or holding on to an unhealthy relationship

1:36:13.240 --> 1:36:18.920
<v Speaker 5>because of perspective of other people's thoughts. That failure is

1:36:19.080 --> 1:36:21.840
<v Speaker 5>other people's thoughts because you're the one in the relationship.

1:36:21.880 --> 1:36:24.519
<v Speaker 5>It's not a failure to you because you chose you

1:36:24.600 --> 1:36:28.200
<v Speaker 5>it was healthy for you and for me. I almost

1:36:28.240 --> 1:36:31.800
<v Speaker 5>stayed in the situation because I was more concerned about

1:36:31.800 --> 1:36:35.240
<v Speaker 5>what other people thought and feeling like I was a

1:36:35.240 --> 1:36:40.280
<v Speaker 5>failure when really I had to choose myself, and I

1:36:40.280 --> 1:36:44.040
<v Speaker 5>mean it was the hardest thing to get past was

1:36:44.080 --> 1:36:47.799
<v Speaker 5>the feeling of feeling like I failed. But the perfect family,

1:36:48.680 --> 1:36:53.320
<v Speaker 5>as by a counselor said, is a fantasy. She said,

1:36:53.360 --> 1:36:57.200
<v Speaker 5>if Jesus did not have a perfect family, how do

1:36:57.320 --> 1:37:01.000
<v Speaker 5>you expect to have one? He had a blended family.

1:37:03.600 --> 1:37:10.440
<v Speaker 4>Ryna, keep that to myself.

1:37:14.120 --> 1:37:17.400
<v Speaker 2>No, I ain't saying that, my mam, wad listen to

1:37:17.439 --> 1:37:17.840
<v Speaker 2>this show.

1:37:18.040 --> 1:37:19.760
<v Speaker 1>I can't say that.

1:37:21.240 --> 1:37:25.080
<v Speaker 5>Earlier. I want to. I want to hear what you got.

1:37:25.360 --> 1:37:28.600
<v Speaker 4>I was just gonna say, Mary ain't even get smashed,

1:37:28.760 --> 1:37:30.160
<v Speaker 4>so technically.

1:37:30.160 --> 1:37:33.599
<v Speaker 5>I mean she did? She did? She? You do realize

1:37:33.600 --> 1:37:34.800
<v Speaker 5>that Jesus had brothers, right?

1:37:35.880 --> 1:37:36.800
<v Speaker 2>Who was all right?

1:37:36.920 --> 1:37:41.000
<v Speaker 4>Jesus had brothers, but Jesus ain't have a physical daddy,

1:37:42.000 --> 1:37:43.960
<v Speaker 4>a physical daddy like ain't nobody.

1:37:43.680 --> 1:37:49.880
<v Speaker 2>Skating marry Joseph did after after, but she was.

1:37:49.840 --> 1:37:52.720
<v Speaker 4>A virgin when she had But we know men lie,

1:37:52.800 --> 1:37:54.760
<v Speaker 4>women lie, brother just don't lie.

1:37:55.680 --> 1:38:00.559
<v Speaker 3>I don't know how I got this baby, all right,

1:38:00.600 --> 1:38:04.920
<v Speaker 3>y'all listen, last, last, last, last. If anybody is out

1:38:04.920 --> 1:38:06.880
<v Speaker 3>there and y'all feel like y'all won't have nothing less,

1:38:07.000 --> 1:38:08.200
<v Speaker 3>you always got yourself.

1:38:09.320 --> 1:38:13.719
<v Speaker 1>You always got yourself. You mean, just keep that in mind.

1:38:14.840 --> 1:38:19.479
<v Speaker 4>You mean, do you have any last last advice for

1:38:19.560 --> 1:38:22.600
<v Speaker 4>our listeners, Christian, I.

1:38:22.720 --> 1:38:24.800
<v Speaker 5>Just take it back off of what AJ said and

1:38:24.880 --> 1:38:26.160
<v Speaker 5>just always bet on yourself.

1:38:26.280 --> 1:38:28.800
<v Speaker 1>Plug all your things. Let our listeners know where they

1:38:28.800 --> 1:38:29.639
<v Speaker 1>can find you at.

1:38:31.240 --> 1:38:34.000
<v Speaker 3>I'm telling you now, if you need help with your website,

1:38:34.400 --> 1:38:36.400
<v Speaker 3>I'm here to help because I tried to go to

1:38:36.479 --> 1:38:40.479
<v Speaker 3>it today and that shit is not existing, non existent

1:38:40.560 --> 1:38:42.040
<v Speaker 3>unless you got a new website.

1:38:42.439 --> 1:38:47.960
<v Speaker 5>But let no, I'm working on. So I'm working on

1:38:48.000 --> 1:38:55.720
<v Speaker 5>a new website because what happened was somebody, uh right,

1:38:55.760 --> 1:38:59.519
<v Speaker 5>they took the domain. I'm going to switch it probably

1:38:59.560 --> 1:39:02.960
<v Speaker 5>to mad U s A Inc. Dot org. That's what

1:39:02.960 --> 1:39:04.839
<v Speaker 5>I'm working on right now. I mean.

1:39:06.280 --> 1:39:08.600
<v Speaker 1>Off of business services.

1:39:09.720 --> 1:39:12.840
<v Speaker 5>Off I support my business. I don't care what he

1:39:13.000 --> 1:39:18.200
<v Speaker 5>is as long as it's right. Yeah, So coming very soon, y'all.

1:39:18.280 --> 1:39:22.080
<v Speaker 5>Y'all know when we got a website back up because

1:39:22.120 --> 1:39:24.400
<v Speaker 5>it needed to be reconstructed. Anyway we got. We got

1:39:24.400 --> 1:39:27.840
<v Speaker 5>a lot of programs and stuff that we are working on,

1:39:28.600 --> 1:39:31.439
<v Speaker 5>and so you know, we're in a kind of re

1:39:32.439 --> 1:39:34.360
<v Speaker 5>I don't want to see a rebuilding because we never

1:39:34.400 --> 1:39:39.480
<v Speaker 5>went anywhere, but just revamping some stuff, you know where.

1:39:39.600 --> 1:39:42.479
<v Speaker 2>What about social media? Can they follow you somewhere to.

1:39:43.520 --> 1:39:47.680
<v Speaker 5>Mad Us Inc. On Instagram, mad Us Inc. Mad u

1:39:47.800 --> 1:39:51.200
<v Speaker 5>s A Inc. On Facebook, We're on Twitter, all of

1:39:51.240 --> 1:39:56.120
<v Speaker 5>those you know, good things. You know, we post pretty

1:39:56.200 --> 1:40:00.360
<v Speaker 5>much daily when we got stuff going on, and so

1:40:00.680 --> 1:40:02.280
<v Speaker 5>I mean you can keep us with us that way.

1:40:02.320 --> 1:40:05.040
<v Speaker 5>I get dms all the time from you know, people

1:40:05.240 --> 1:40:07.759
<v Speaker 5>either going through it or want our services or anything

1:40:07.760 --> 1:40:11.120
<v Speaker 5>that we offer. So you know, social media is probably

1:40:11.160 --> 1:40:15.240
<v Speaker 5>the best way to you know, contact us. You know,

1:40:15.280 --> 1:40:17.519
<v Speaker 5>I got a number on there where people can directly

1:40:17.560 --> 1:40:21.439
<v Speaker 5>contact me if they want to, and you know, get

1:40:21.439 --> 1:40:24.080
<v Speaker 5>these services spread out as far as we can.

1:40:24.720 --> 1:40:27.040
<v Speaker 1>Yes, Kristin, y'all.

1:40:27.080 --> 1:40:30.200
<v Speaker 4>If y'all enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday

1:40:30.240 --> 1:40:33.640
<v Speaker 4>on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio or wherever the

1:40:33.680 --> 1:40:36.679
<v Speaker 4>fuck you get your podcast. It's your girl, Tam Bam, y'all.

1:40:36.720 --> 1:40:39.479
<v Speaker 4>Let me just say share this. The There is a

1:40:39.560 --> 1:40:43.160
<v Speaker 4>domestic violence National hotline is one eight hundred seven nine

1:40:43.280 --> 1:40:45.400
<v Speaker 4>nine seven two three three. Let me say that again.

1:40:45.640 --> 1:40:48.240
<v Speaker 4>One eight hundred and seven nine nine seven two three three.

1:40:48.320 --> 1:40:51.400
<v Speaker 4>Call if you need help, seriously, call somebody. Y'all go

1:40:51.439 --> 1:40:52.479
<v Speaker 4>ahead kick it, AJ.

1:40:52.479 --> 1:40:54.559
<v Speaker 1>And call me because I will pull up.

1:40:55.080 --> 1:40:58.720
<v Speaker 3>Okay, all right, y'all hit me up on Instagram as

1:40:58.840 --> 1:41:01.000
<v Speaker 3>AJ Holiday two point zero.

1:41:01.600 --> 1:41:03.240
<v Speaker 1>All right, and y'all remember.

1:41:02.880 --> 1:41:06.360
<v Speaker 2>To speak now and never hold your peace. And when

1:41:06.400 --> 1:41:07.519
<v Speaker 2>I say that, I mean your gun.

1:41:08.160 --> 1:41:14.920
<v Speaker 1>Always hold your peace you mean. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

1:41:15.040 --> 1:41:18.639
<v Speaker 1>visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

1:41:18.680 --> 1:41:19.599
<v Speaker 1>to your favorite shows