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Speaker 1: Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effect Network.

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Speaker 2: We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion. He

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Speaker 2: talks back.

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Speaker 1: What's up, y'all?

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Speaker 3: Thank you for tuning in for a new episode that

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Speaker 3: We Talked Back, the show dedicated to you dreamers and chasers.

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Speaker 1: It's your co hosts a J. Holiday. What's up, Tam Bam?

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Speaker 2: What's up girl?

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Speaker 3: How you doing?

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Speaker 1: I love y'all, I love y'all.

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Speaker 2: How's your weekend?

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Speaker 1: I finished moving.

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Speaker 3: I'm sleeping on a blow up mattress, bitch, Ti, My

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Speaker 3: mattress comes.

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Speaker 2: In not a bouncy house over there.

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Speaker 3: Yes, honey, I smash on it yet, but and look

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Speaker 3: I got a real plushed out though, Okay, a plush Now.

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Speaker 3: I can't talk about niggas who sleep on blood mattresses.

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Speaker 1: They don't carry my mattress.

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Speaker 2: But they don't count because you moving. Some niggas that

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Speaker 2: stay permanent.

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Speaker 4: Shit that's they got, bitch is coming through. They got sex,

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Speaker 4: They getting sections at the club. But I ain't got

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Speaker 4: no bed.

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Speaker 1: Where's your head board?

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Speaker 2: Where's your priorities?

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Speaker 1: Why is your polo so flat? What is happening? Sir?

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Speaker 2: Then there's pillows. What did I do this weekend?

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Speaker 3: I saw you, bitch, I saw you with the motherfucking

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Speaker 3: shorts song man.

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Speaker 4: No girl, when I tell you, they was on my

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Speaker 4: head and the club this weekend.

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Speaker 2: My little boo boo gave me my walking papers. He

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Speaker 2: was saying he done with me. I was listening to

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Speaker 2: my short. He doesn't cut me lose.

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Speaker 4: So like, I was like sad on Saturday night. I

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Speaker 4: gave myself one night to be sad. Then Sunday I

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Speaker 4: was like, I'm outside, bitch. We outside tonight. That's how

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Speaker 4: it was on Sunday, And I threw on some shorts

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Speaker 4: and some leather boots and had a marvelous time.

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Speaker 2: They was on my head. They was chasing me around

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Speaker 2: the club.

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Speaker 1: That's all in.

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Speaker 2: Take yup.

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Speaker 1: So next, you over him, You over the bub I

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Speaker 1: missed him.

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Speaker 4: But I mean, if you ain't want to be here,

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Speaker 4: then please go where you're welcome and where you're happy.

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Speaker 2: Okay, period. Next. Next, let's get into the sense of

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Speaker 2: the week.

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Speaker 1: Ah girl, did you see.

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Speaker 3: This video of these fucking kids licking toes in the

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Speaker 3: gymnasium in school looking peanut butter?

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Speaker 1: Was it adults?

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Speaker 2: No? There were other students.

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Speaker 4: So it was an Oklahoma high school and Deer Creek

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Speaker 4: High School to be exact, and they were having a

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Speaker 4: fundraiser to help a local coffee shop that hires people

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Speaker 4: with special needs, so they were raising money for them,

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Speaker 4: and they had a toe locking toe sucking tournament was

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Speaker 4: the event that students paid to attend, and they had

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Speaker 4: kids on the ground like literally sucking other people's feet.

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Speaker 2: And I just don't understand.

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Speaker 4: Who approved this shit, Like who said, Okay, yeah, that's

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Speaker 4: a good idea, let's go ahead and let these kids

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Speaker 4: lock on each other foot.

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Speaker 1: D these kids different, okay, because why.

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Speaker 2: Would you even participating that?

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Speaker 3: These kids real different from what I remember kids being like, no, now,

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Speaker 3: let me let me stop tripping. I feel like sometimes

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Speaker 3: we be lying acting like a lot of shit wasn't

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Speaker 3: going on.

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Speaker 2: No at my school, dud not.

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Speaker 3: At the school. But I definitely got my toes licked

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Speaker 3: in high school.

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Speaker 2: You didn't know.

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Speaker 4: And I wouldn't think about looking nobody toes in high school,

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Speaker 4: Like what is that?

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Speaker 2: What is that?

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Speaker 3: I ain't think about looking nobody toes Now I'm not

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Speaker 3: looking nobody's toes. I side eye niggas when they suck

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Speaker 3: my toes, but I'm not gonna stop them.

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Speaker 4: I don't like, don't put my foot in your mouth.

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Speaker 4: I stand all day for work. I just don't feel.

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Speaker 2: Like you should do that. That's nasty. Stop It's other.

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Speaker 2: It's other special places that you can lick that I

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Speaker 2: will actually enjoy.

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Speaker 4: My feet are not not one of them.

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Speaker 1: I like a little toe, I like it.

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Speaker 3: I like to see a little toeing and a nigga

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Speaker 3: mout every once in a while.

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Speaker 1: And not some kids though, this is that's that's real wild.

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Speaker 3: Like, so did the kids organize this thing or was

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Speaker 3: it organized by adults? Because I'm seeing a lot of

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Speaker 3: shit that adults are doing the children and for schools.

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Speaker 4: But it was a school sanction of it, which means

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Speaker 4: adults had to approve it. And I'm just trying to

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Speaker 4: think of like what adult was like, Yeah, that's a

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Speaker 4: good idea.

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Speaker 2: Let's let's let the kids lick on each other foot.

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Speaker 3: The principal obviously got a foot fetish and he don't

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Speaker 3: give a ship he wanted to see it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because that's wild.

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Speaker 1: Let me not assume that the principal was a man.

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Speaker 1: That's that's kind of messed up.

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Speaker 4: But whoever whoever is the need and fired, because I

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Speaker 4: wish I would have seen the video of my baby

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Speaker 4: on that damn gym, navy or floor lick at somebody's feet.

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Speaker 4: Everybody hit it, and my baby like, what is wrong

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Speaker 4: with you?

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Speaker 2: You ain't got enough sister, know not to do no

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Speaker 2: shit like that.

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Speaker 1: Right shame? So listen, what would you do if you

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Speaker 1: are in love? Right?

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Speaker 3: This man asked you to marry him, and you're walking

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Speaker 3: down the aisle and all of a sudden, what's that

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Speaker 3: movie with a girl would out at.

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Speaker 1: The damn prom Kirie cam Kirie.

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Speaker 3: You walking down the aisle with your beautiful white wedding

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Speaker 3: dress on, and all of a sudden somebody.

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Speaker 1: Throws red paint on you on your wedding day. What's

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Speaker 1: your next move?

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Speaker 2: I'm airing that whole motherfucking wedding house. Everybody back up?

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Speaker 2: Who threw paint?

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Speaker 1: Girl?

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Speaker 3: So it's a story on I find this online. So

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Speaker 3: bride is splattered with red paint as she's walking down

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Speaker 3: the aisle. Amid claims her groom's unhinged mom arranged the

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Speaker 3: attack before later a thing to steal her son's passport

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Speaker 3: to ruin his honeymoon. So they still got say I

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Speaker 3: don't fuck with niggas with mamas noth example of why

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Speaker 3: I prefer niggas who don't got no mama, no sister,

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Speaker 3: and adult children.

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Speaker 1: Adult yeah, adult children.

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Speaker 3: If you got a thirty year old daughter who is

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Speaker 3: not in a healthy relationship with a man, I can't

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Speaker 3: fuck with you.

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Speaker 4: I just feel like before I would marry a man,

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Speaker 4: I would have to have like some type of healthy

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Speaker 4: relationship or healthy boundary with his family. Because she knew

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Speaker 4: that lady was full of she knew that lady was

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Speaker 4: with all the smoke before they went down the aisle.

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Speaker 4: There's no way I would have walked down that aisle

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Speaker 4: with someone.

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Speaker 2: So we're hinge.

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Speaker 3: When I tell you the church would be so clean

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Speaker 3: because I would clean all the pulpits.

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Speaker 1: What his fucking mama.

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Speaker 4: You can't be doing that to nobody, Mama, absolutely, because

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Speaker 4: you know, sometimes I feel like men they let their

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Speaker 4: mom run amuck over their lives.

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Speaker 3: Right, So you you didn't leave it to your significant

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Speaker 3: other to try to sort the shit out when really

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Speaker 3: that's not my place. You need to check your mama.

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Speaker 3: And if you can't check your mama out.

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Speaker 2: He clearly couldn't check his mama.

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Speaker 4: He probably never could check his mama in life, and

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Speaker 4: that's why she thought it was okay to bring have

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Speaker 4: somebody to bring paint up.

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Speaker 1: In the wind and steal his passport so.

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Speaker 2: He can't even go away.

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Speaker 1: And they they got married.

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Speaker 2: Still clearly, clearly they still got married.

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Speaker 4: They needed a passport to go somewhere because they would

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Speaker 4: be bail bunny for my motherfucking ass.

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Speaker 2: That's all they would need.

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Speaker 1: So y'all, uh, Kanye West, uh new wife? Listen, her

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Speaker 1: name is Bianca since censory, but that.

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Speaker 2: Calling her new wife. They've been together for at least

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Speaker 2: two or three years now.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely not Kanye has only been married to that lady

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Speaker 3: for a year. Oh okay, Yeah, they got married last year,

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Speaker 3: so y'all be seeing her. You know, they got pictures

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Speaker 3: with her walking around with the ass out with a

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Speaker 3: little plastic bag.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: I agree with Kanye when he said, like the the

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Speaker 3: big designers be sealing his design because I can't remember

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Speaker 3: who it was during New York Fashion Week, but they

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Speaker 3: literally everybody was dressed like his girl. So obviously, y'all,

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Speaker 3: y'all do be paying attention. And he is a trendsetter

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Speaker 3: in some type of way, but anyway, so apparently Bianca censory.

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Speaker 3: We've named her Bianca uncensored. Her dad wants a word

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Speaker 3: with Kanye West over the recent revealing photos of his daughter.

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Speaker 3: It says, shortly after Bianca was seen not wearing underwear

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Speaker 3: under sheer stockings while having dinner with Ye in Paris.

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Speaker 3: In Paris, her father we don't call this Nigga Leo

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Speaker 3: Okay Leo reportedly said he wanted a conversation with the

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Speaker 3: controversial artist, keeping in mind of the outfit could lead

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Speaker 3: to legal trouble for her, as France has strict indecency

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Speaker 3: laws and could result in jail time or a hefty fine.

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Speaker 3: One source claim Bianca's father, Leo wants to have a

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Speaker 3: proper sit down with Kanye and ask him what the

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Speaker 3: hell he's thinking when he paraised Bianc around like a

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Speaker 3: trashy naked trophy pony.

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Speaker 1: How is this? This is a grown woman? Right?

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Speaker 3: Is she being held against her will? She's always smiling,

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Speaker 3: She always looked happy.

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Speaker 4: She look at happy hole to me, well, she looked

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Speaker 4: like she might be easily influenced, you know, would she

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Speaker 4: be wearing this trash bag?

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Speaker 2: And niggad asks if she was not with Kanye.

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Speaker 1: I mean, but who is your dad to check me boo?

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Speaker 4: He also said, you know, would he wants Chicago North

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Speaker 4: to be seen in public when and revealing closed because

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Speaker 4: their husbands encouraged them to.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely not.

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Speaker 3: He's trying to get Kim to take his kids out

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Speaker 3: of a particular school because he feels like it's a

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Speaker 3: school where children are groomed for Hollywood. Right, So of

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Speaker 3: course Kanye would not have would not allow a man

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Speaker 3: to have his child walking around looks crazy.

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Speaker 2: Well, help pussy out.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, this speaks to how sometimes boundaries that men

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Speaker 3: have really doesn't pertain to women that they really don't love.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 3: You know so I personally I don't think Kanye West

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Speaker 3: actually loves this woman.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, because when he was with Kim, he used to

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Speaker 4: get mad about her posting essentially stuff. So why the

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Speaker 4: change her? Why is it okay for this woman to

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Speaker 4: be so exposed?

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Speaker 1: You don't like her?

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Speaker 3: That's what it balls down to, because I remember Kim

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Speaker 3: crying after the met gala. It's like Kanye knew exactly

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Speaker 3: what she was wearing at night, and he waited till

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Speaker 3: that day like to fuck with her about how revealing

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Speaker 3: the outfit was right.

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Speaker 1: But now you got this bit. She don't be having

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Speaker 1: on no clothes at all.

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Speaker 4: She'd be naked, bro like she should really be outside

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Speaker 4: and asked nickd just having them.

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Speaker 2: Would let this scallop your scallop is.

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Speaker 1: Out, your callup is exposed.

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Speaker 3: The middle of the Dad in the middle, in the

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Speaker 3: middle of France's second dick on the boat, Kanye Buck

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Speaker 3: cracks stay out his ask me out too.

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Speaker 1: Kanye hopped in the truck and he was kicked up.

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Speaker 4: Kanye, why are you so kick all of a sudden

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Speaker 4: say two of the kind of.

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Speaker 1: Sh I don't know?

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Speaker 3: All right, So, speaking of men respecting the women that

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Speaker 3: they say they love, we're talking domestic violence on this

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Speaker 3: week's episode. So we have the founder of mad okay,

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Speaker 3: that's Men Against Domestic Violence, and we talked back this week.

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Speaker 1: Y'all stay tuned, all right, y'all, welcome.

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Speaker 3: Back, And y'all know March is Women's History Month, and

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Speaker 3: not to start the month off super heavy, but the

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Speaker 3: conversation is definitely necessary. Women are almost always at the

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Speaker 3: forefront of domestic violence conversations and primarily primarily the main advocates. Also,

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Speaker 3: men aren't exempt, you know, from being victims, but they

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Speaker 3: really don't speak out being victims or the abusers. It's

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Speaker 3: usually a conversation that women are having. So today's guest

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Speaker 3: is out here breaking the cycle of abuse through his

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Speaker 3: work as a CEO and founder of an organization called MAD.

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Speaker 3: That's m a d USA, Inc. And that's Men Against

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Speaker 3: Domestic Violence. He's also the assistant Assistant Chief of Personal

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Speaker 3: Development in the North Charlston Fire Department.

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Speaker 1: He's a girl's dad and he's a good man.

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Speaker 3: Anna, okay, y'all. Welcome Chris Raine, we fight, I mean

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Speaker 3: we talked back.

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Speaker 1: What's up?

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Speaker 2: Welcome Christian.

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Speaker 1: What how you doing today, Chad?

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Speaker 5: I'm doing good, doing great, doing great. Nice to be here.

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Speaker 2: Tell us about man, how I got started, tell us

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Speaker 2: all the things.

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Speaker 5: Really just a god, I think I would say, in

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Speaker 5: a very unconventional way. I was in Baton, russ Louisiana

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Speaker 5: in two thousand and six. I got a phone call

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Speaker 5: from my cousin and that basically changed my life. I

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Speaker 5: learned that my mom and my four siblings were murdered

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Speaker 5: by my mom's husband, and they had only been married

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Speaker 5: for about a year, and my mom was in Mi

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Speaker 5: from colon cancer. So when I initially got the call,

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Speaker 5: I really didn't know what I was flying home for.

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Speaker 5: Nowhere really told me until I got here. And I

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Speaker 5: had actually spoken to my mom ironically the day before,

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Speaker 5: and our conversation was just around the period of time

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Speaker 5: of which we had not talked, which was probably about

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Speaker 5: a month or two, which was very unordinary for us,

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Speaker 5: and she just basically was saying that she was busy

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Speaker 5: basically following up her last chemore appointment and that they

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Speaker 5: were headed got the Moja festival. I got a chance

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Speaker 5: to talk to three of my siblings and you know,

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Speaker 5: they said that they were going to Mojia. I said,

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Speaker 5: I love you, love you too, and I told her

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Speaker 5: I would talk to her tomorrow. She said, promise. I said,

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Speaker 5: you know, we promised that we would talk the next day,

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Speaker 5: and that was the last day we spoke. Fast forward

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Speaker 5: about seven years of trying to rediscover myself and you know,

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Speaker 5: this life and what it really means to go through

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Speaker 5: this type of tragedy. I decided, through prayer and isolation

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Speaker 5: that I wanted to do something to honor my family

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Speaker 5: and their legacy, not in a negative way, but you know,

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Speaker 5: bringing life to their lives and I hosted event at

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Speaker 5: Walmart in the parking lot in honor of them to

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Speaker 5: bring awareness to domestic violence. And I was only expecting

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Speaker 5: family members to show up, and we had about five

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Speaker 5: six hundred people show up in that event. And I

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Speaker 5: knew from that point on that there was something bigger

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Speaker 5: that I needed to do, and I wanted to do

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Speaker 5: something that wasn't done already. I think that we have

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Speaker 5: a lot of people doing reactive work to domestic balance.

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Speaker 5: There's shelters, not enough shelters, and our resources for victims,

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Speaker 5: but what are we doing on the front end to

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Speaker 5: prevent it? And I felt like that where my space was,

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Speaker 5: and so that's I began an organization to do proactive

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Speaker 5: education for children, teaching team dating, violence, bullying, and domestic violence.

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Speaker 5: And eleven years later, you know, made some legislative changes

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Speaker 5: in the state of South Carolina, because before twenty sixteen,

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Speaker 5: you would actually get more time for beating your dog

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Speaker 5: than you would have beaten your wife or your significant other.

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Speaker 5: So our morals quote unquote did not match.

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Speaker 3: So y'all know, in South Carolina, it's still a law

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Speaker 3: that you can beat your wife on the front steps

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Speaker 3: of the Courthouse downtown Charleston is still a thing on

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Speaker 3: the book, so a lot of legislation, legislation still actually

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Speaker 3: hasn't been changed. So why do you think it is

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Speaker 3: that men aren't as engaged in the topic.

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Speaker 1: About domestic violence as much as women are.

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Speaker 5: Guilt and accountability. I would say my very first TED

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Speaker 5: talk I did was about men owning your role and

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Speaker 5: just looking at the feedback that I got from YouTube,

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Speaker 5: just the comments and stuff, and men just saying like, well,

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Speaker 5: I never put my hands on a woman, Why do

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Speaker 5: I have to take responsibility? But the truth of the

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Speaker 5: matter is you didn't directly have to be a slave

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Speaker 5: owner to benefit from slavery, and I don't directly have

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Speaker 5: to be an abuser to benefit from the privilege of

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Speaker 5: being a man, or contributing to the culture in which

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Speaker 5: men feel like it's okay to abuse women or treat

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Speaker 5: women a way that they do. So to me, I

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Speaker 5: think a lack of accountability is the main thing, like

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Speaker 5: not wanting to accept our role what we benefit in

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Speaker 5: the culture, Like, no, not all of us may put

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Speaker 5: our hands on someone, but you know, I think verbally

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Speaker 5: we probably said some things sometimes, you know, as we

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Speaker 5: grow on relationships. That probably is not the best thing.

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Speaker 5: I'm on both sides, and I think just taking accountability

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Speaker 5: for the culture in which we allowed to happen. If

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Speaker 5: we're watching it happen and allowing it to happen, I mean,

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Speaker 5: are we not at fault as well?

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Speaker 4: I had I had went on a date one time

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Speaker 4: and we just went to like a day it was

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Speaker 4: like a brunch day party situation, and we met with

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Speaker 4: the guy was seeing his friend and he started telling

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Speaker 4: the story about how he had to beat his girlfriend

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Speaker 4: the night before, all right, and I got really upset

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Speaker 4: and I left. You know, I call me an uber,

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Speaker 4: and I left because I just felt like, one it

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Speaker 4: was one you just you know, casually talking about beating

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Speaker 4: a woman, and two the nigga ain't saying shit right,

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Speaker 4: So that gave me a sign that this ain't the

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Speaker 4: party for me. This is not my ministry. So the

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Speaker 4: guy was dating he said something to his friend about

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Speaker 4: why I left. So the next time I saw the guy,

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Speaker 4: he was like, I apologize for, you know, having that

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Speaker 4: conversation in front of you. But some women don't feel

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Speaker 4: like you love them unless you beat them. So my

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Speaker 4: question for you is, do you agree with that scenario, like,

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Speaker 4: are there women out there that only feel love when

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Speaker 4: they're being physically abused by men? And is there counseling

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Speaker 4: for that?

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Speaker 2: With Matt.

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Speaker 5: So to answer your first question, this is going to

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Speaker 5: open up a very deep conversation. Second ted talk that

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Speaker 5: I did was on love is not Love, which is

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Speaker 5: layered oppressed, fooling the emotions, And the premise of that

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Speaker 5: talk was how do we learn how to love? Is

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Speaker 5: it a universal thing that everyone understands what a healthy

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Speaker 5: relationship and with love is or are we taught with

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Speaker 5: love is? I would say that we're taught right, So

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Speaker 5: when we say that the only way that a woman

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Speaker 5: feels love is if she's hit or she's abused, okay,

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Speaker 5: we have to kind of backtrack and say, well, how

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Speaker 5: was she taught? What was the environment in which she

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Speaker 5: grew up in to where this was the norm, to

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Speaker 5: where this is what she accepts as being the norm.

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Speaker 5: Because if you grow up in the household as I

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Speaker 5: did from the age of six, where love and violence coexist,

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Speaker 5: how do you learn how to love without violence? Because

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Speaker 5: they are hand in hand? And so I think you

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Speaker 5: know the root of that is, you know, and I

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Speaker 5: was talking to aj about it earlier. Like even the

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Speaker 5: kids that I teach sometimes their lack of emotional intelligence.

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Speaker 5: Some of it is from them, but some of it

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Speaker 5: exactually passed down from their parents. Like there has to

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Speaker 5: be like traumatic cycles that are broken. And so I

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Speaker 5: can't blame the woman. You know, anybody would look at

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Speaker 5: her and be like, oh, you know, it's stupid. Why

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Speaker 5: don't why doesn't she just leave? Like it's a deeper

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Speaker 5: I hate to say sickness, but it's a deeper traumatic

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Speaker 5: event that she's had going on in her life repetitively

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Speaker 5: to where she feels like this is the normal, right,

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Speaker 5: and this is what she accepts as love because her

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Speaker 5: dad might have did it to her mom, or you know,

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Speaker 5: her mom may have a boyfriend and something that does

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Speaker 5: it to her, and it may be the pattern happening

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Speaker 5: over and over again. So what she does is accepts

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Speaker 5: the fact that this is what love is. At times

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Speaker 5: it may result into this and it's really just on

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Speaker 5: like kind of just settling. And sometimes you have men

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Speaker 5: who actually, you know, seek women who are heavily submissive.

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Speaker 5: And I hate using that word because I think the

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Speaker 5: word has kind of gained a very negative feel around

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Speaker 5: what submissiveness looks like in a relationship or should be

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Speaker 5: in a relationship, and so now it's just seen as negative.

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Speaker 5: But you know, and not to preach. But also I

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Speaker 5: often reference Ephesians when I talk about like submissiveness and

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Speaker 5: the way that I grew up in the church, I

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Speaker 5: used to hear male pastors preach for hours about wise

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Speaker 5: being submissive to your husbands. And one day I decided

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Speaker 5: to go read for myself, and I realized that God

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Speaker 5: gave more instructions on how male is supposed to treat

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Speaker 5: a female then he did the woman being submissive to

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Speaker 5: the man. So my thing is is if men own

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Speaker 5: the part of treating your wives that Christ loved the church,

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Speaker 5: or no man committing harm to his own flesh, Because

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Speaker 5: when you become married, our relationship, however you see it,

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Speaker 5: you become one right and no one's going to commit

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Speaker 5: or should commit harm to their own flesh. And if

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Speaker 5: you're deeming this person as your significant other, are your

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Speaker 5: better half? As some people say, why are you harming

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Speaker 5: this person? Because that cannot be a reflection of what

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Speaker 5: love is heavy.

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Speaker 3: I think that a lot of people you just have

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Speaker 3: to find somebody who has the same definition of love

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Speaker 3: as you do, because I feel like women who get

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Speaker 3: abused and men who abused somehow they always meet each

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Speaker 3: other because that same man could get with another woman

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Speaker 3: and would never put his hands on her because she's

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Speaker 3: not allowing that thing, right. But it's like, I know

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Speaker 3: some women who have been abused in every single relationship

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Speaker 3: they've been in.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was just thinking about that.

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Speaker 4: There's a girl that I know from Colombia and she's

439
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 4: always posting abuser man abusing, Yeah, abusing her like different

440
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Speaker 4: scars on her body and different war wounds from different men.

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Speaker 4: And it's just like, how are you continuously attracting physically

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Speaker 4: violent men?

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Speaker 5: It's a pattern. I mean, there's no different from fishing

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Speaker 5: in the same pond where they breed catfish and catch

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Speaker 5: a catfish. You can't be surprised that's where you're fishing at.

446
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 4: But I'm confused on how that worked because basically what

447
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:54,919
Speaker 4: you said Columbia, South Carolina is a bunch of women

448
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 4: beating ass nigga.

449
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 5: Well, I'm gonna just tell you so track breaking in

450
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 5: South Carolina ain't great. I mean, we notice that's when

451
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 5: they come to men killer women so cultfully, I mean,

452
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,120
Speaker 5: going back to what AJ said, Like, you think about it,

453
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 5: even though that law is a blue law, right, which is,

454
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,880
Speaker 5: you know it's on the books, but it's not practice.

455
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 5: You could obviously get in trouble.

456
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 2: For it, But like spitting on the sidewalk.

457
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 5: Right, But you have to go back to the route

458
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 5: of why is it there in the first place, right,

459
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 5: because there's it's not by coincidence that over fifty percent

460
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,399
Speaker 5: of the states that make up the top ten or

461
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:42,639
Speaker 5: southern states. Right, Why do we hold on to laws

462
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,399
Speaker 5: like that? Why were they designed in the first place?

463
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:52,160
Speaker 5: Because to me, there's no Again I hate bringing up slavery,

464
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 5: but there's no rule or no law that is saying

465
00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 5: that it's okay to be a slave. But in turn,

466
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 5: I would say that it doesn't stop the system of

467
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 5: slavery to continuing to happen. And so when you have

468
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 5: men who not only feel like it's okay to abuse

469
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 5: their wives physically, but they got together as lawmakers leaders

470
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:23,399
Speaker 5: of a state and came together and decided that the

471
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 5: right thing to do with their time is to protect

472
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 5: the fact that they can beat their wives on what

473
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:35,120
Speaker 5: they would consider a holy day and the Bible belt

474
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:42,160
Speaker 5: in public, who.

475
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 2: Says that shit crazy.

476
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 4: That's why listen, I got a pistol for anybody coming

477
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:50,200
Speaker 4: at me different, I swear, don't come at me crazy.

478
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,639
Speaker 4: So let me ask you this. Are you saying you

479
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 4: do a lot of like training with children, you want

480
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,639
Speaker 4: to get them young, right, But how do you go

481
00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 4: about teaching a child something so heavy and helping them

482
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:04,439
Speaker 4: to understand these things? Because it seems like a difficult task.

483
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,199
Speaker 5: You go, you figure out what the pillars of And

484
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 5: this is what I'm meant to tell ag a minute ago.

485
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 5: You find out what the pillars of the what I

486
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 5: deem to be a sickness is, which is power and control. Right.

487
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:25,360
Speaker 5: If you don't have power and control overybody over someone,

488
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,960
Speaker 5: you're not gonna be able to abuse them. That's off top.

489
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 5: They're gonna leave, right. No one just magically becomes like,

490
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 5: I'm not gonna come holler at you and be at

491
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 5: our first date and be like, you know I hit

492
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 5: and abused women, right, That's that's nothing that I'm just

493
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:46,440
Speaker 5: gonna come out and say, right, because you would leave right.

494
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:52,960
Speaker 5: So over time I have to, like some people, court

495
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 5: to you, you know, tear you down physically, I'll tear

496
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:02,119
Speaker 5: you down mentally. Right, and get you to depend on

497
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 5: me emotionally, depend on me for your happiness, and then

498
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 5: once we get to a certain point, then they feel

499
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 5: comfortable enough abusing right. No one's just gonna come out

500
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,199
Speaker 5: and slap you, because nine times out of ten you're

501
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 5: just gonna leave.

502
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,639
Speaker 3: I usually do it on the first date, but go ahead,

503
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 3: so you can't like so so a year from now, you.

504
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:31,360
Speaker 1: Can't say I changed. It happened the very first date.

505
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,600
Speaker 5: If I see aging a dollar paper, i'm'n just.

506
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 4: Be like, AJ is gonna find a way to make

507
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 4: domestic violence lighthearted.

508
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 3: Let me tell you what to do. You gotta hit

509
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,400
Speaker 3: them on top of the head. It's a it's a

510
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,719
Speaker 3: reset button on no shopping niggas head and like, especially

511
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 3: if they got hair like Kristen, you won't be able

512
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 3: to see it.

513
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:52,120
Speaker 1: You just kind of don't.

514
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 4: This is exactly the opposite of what Christian is trying

515
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 4: to relate to our listeners.

516
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 2: She's just joking. Yeah, she don't really be hitting nobody.

517
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 3: I don't know that SHEI ate any anything violent oftentimes, So.

518
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 4: You're saying with the kids, you teach them about what

519
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 4: power control, So power.

520
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 5: And control, so when you when you say, like, how

521
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 5: do you get this across? It's teaching the basics. So

522
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 5: elementary school having a conversation about teen dating violence is

523
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,280
Speaker 5: not age appropriate. They don't understand it, right, But what

524
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 5: do they understand relationships? Friendships? The root cause of bullying

525
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,760
Speaker 5: is power and control. You can't bully somebody unless you

526
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 5: have power and control over them, right, So we teach

527
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 5: about friendships, healthy relationships surrounding bullying in that conversation. And

528
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 5: once we get to middle school and high school, that's

529
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 5: when we start talking about teen dating and domestic violence

530
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 5: and you know, talking about red flags. But what we

531
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 5: also just started incorporating into our lessons is a lot

532
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 5: of things dealing with men health. Because we talk about

533
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:06,960
Speaker 5: like being able to recognize signs, but how do you

534
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 5: recognize within yourself the issues that you have dealing with

535
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 5: depression recognized and whether you depress, whether you deal or

536
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 5: suffer from anxiety or temper or a temper right, or

537
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 5: any of those things, And how do we solve it

538
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 5: or how do we recognize it, get help counseling, how

539
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 5: do we heal from those things? Last week I led

540
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:35,440
Speaker 5: my first class in meditation and it was dope a

541
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,840
Speaker 5: bunch of high school kids I had in the class

542
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 5: that I've been teaching for months, and for those kids,

543
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 5: it was like for them, they said, it was the

544
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 5: very first time in their life that they can remember

545
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 5: their mind just being clear and not racing about life.

546
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,280
Speaker 5: And that's mindfulness And that's a lot of power to

547
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 5: hand over to a teenager that they've had, but they

548
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 5: deserve to be mentally free, you know. So basically just

549
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 5: teaching like a holistic thing, like not only pointing out

550
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 5: the red flags, but you're also just being emotionally intelligent

551
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 5: enough to be self aware but also manage your emotions,

552
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 5: but also to be socially aware to understand the people

553
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 5: that you're dealing with and kind of just gauge how

554
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 5: they emotionally respond to things, because I think even as adults,

555
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 5: those are things that we sometimes suff aware in relationships.

556
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 5: We can be self aware, we can kind of manage

557
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,960
Speaker 5: our emotions, but sometimes we have a hard time reading

558
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 5: and managing other people's emotions and how we react to it.

559
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 4: So with MATD, you only focus on the youth, or

560
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 4: do you deal with like adult men who have already

561
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 4: been like domestically violent to people and they're trying to

562
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 4: change or do you not work with them?

563
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 5: Tan, That's a good question. So I would say that

564
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 5: I work with everybody because I've taught in college, I've

565
00:31:57,320 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 5: taught with the military, I've trained my fighter apartment on it.

566
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 5: There's not a space that I haven't done domestic violence training.

567
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 5: But when you talk about the abusers traumatically to me,

568
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 5: I used to be very closed after that because obviously

569
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 5: I was biased. I had abuser take everything that I

570
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 5: love away from me, right, but I had probation partner

571
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 5: parole reach out to me.

572
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 4: About Yeah, I was going to ask what happened to

573
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 4: that motherfucker? Because where he at he's in.

574
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:37,959
Speaker 5: He's in Colombia at a mental institute. One of the

575
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 5: high schools that I teach actually is right by it.

576
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 5: I actually passed by it for the first time in

577
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 5: December last year. I never knew where it was, never

578
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 5: went up there. I forgave him within myself, never tried

579
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 5: to do a face to face. But he's in a

580
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 5: psychiatric ward in Colombia.

581
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 4: He was mentally ill already from the jump. Did you

582
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 4: feel like you knew this about him prior to your family?

583
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,000
Speaker 5: No, I think that he knew what he was doing.

584
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 5: If I'm being honest with you, I think that he

585
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 5: was severely beaten when he got to prison. I mean,

586
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 5: obviously you go to Leeds Avenue. People know people, and

587
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 5: people knew what he did. They knew my family. You know,

588
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 5: I grew grew up in the gardens, and you know,

589
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 5: unfortunately a lot of people that I know might be

590
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 5: on Leeds Avenue, you know, right, So you know, I think.

591
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 3: Said, that's what I'm gonna say. What's Leeds Leeds Avenue

592
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 3: and Charleston South. Leeds Avenue is where the city jail

593
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 3: is at.

594
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's where he went first.

595
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 5: That's where he went first.

596
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:56,959
Speaker 3: You were about to say how the parole or whatever

597
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 3: you were, you were telling us how the parole board

598
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 3: or whomever reached out to you.

599
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 1: What was that story?

600
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 5: And so they reached out to me about basically, let

601
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:11,799
Speaker 5: me fix my face.

602
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:16,720
Speaker 2: I got mad, got mad? I did go ahead.

603
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 5: So, I mean, it reached out to me about training

604
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 5: for abusers, people on probation for domestic violence, and you know,

605
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:30,719
Speaker 5: initially I was like, I don't know if I'm ready

606
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 5: for it, because I don't know if they will ever

607
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 5: change or if it's just a waste of my time,

608
00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 5: and I didn't want to, I just right, and so

609
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:43,359
Speaker 5: but I agreed to it because I was like, look,

610
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,040
Speaker 5: it's it's an opportunity. Let me at least feel it out.

611
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 5: I believe in uh well, rehabilitation to a degree, but

612
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 5: I believe in the higher power, and I feel like

613
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:56,560
Speaker 5: things are often put into my path for a reason,

614
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 5: and some of it is growth. Right, And so I

615
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 5: went and I taught them, and what I realized by

616
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 5: teaching them were they were victims themselves, may not have

617
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 5: been victims of direct abuse, but goes back to back

618
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 5: to what we talked about before, like how did they

619
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 5: learn how to love? They watched their dad beat their mom.

620
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 5: That's all they know. So that's all you know. Guess

621
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 5: what you're going to do when you get an adult relationship.

622
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:29,360
Speaker 5: You're going to revert back to your foundation and what

623
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 5: you and your parents are your first introduction to what

624
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:40,720
Speaker 5: love is healthy or healthy.

625
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 2: Right.

626
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 3: I feel like violence is like that final measure for

627
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 3: some men to prove that they are men. Right, they

628
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:52,799
Speaker 3: may not be able to show up in life like

629
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 3: they want to, like, they may not be shit at work,

630
00:35:56,719 --> 00:36:00,080
Speaker 3: whoever else amongst their friend group They're not that nigga.

631
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 3: But in that house with these women and children is where.

632
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:09,439
Speaker 1: They are the boss. So what are what are? What's

633
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:13,080
Speaker 1: your perspective on masculinity because I think some people confuse

634
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 1: masculinity with violence sometimes like you being stronger than whoever

635
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,080
Speaker 1: else is around you? Can you share your perspective on

636
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:25,760
Speaker 1: masculinity and how it intersects with topics like relationships, family

637
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 1: and personal well being?

638
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 5: So aj I know, as a disclaimer, I probably should

639
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 5: have told you I get add So what's gonna happen?

640
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,959
Speaker 5: You're gonna have to break that question that a little

641
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 5: bit more part.

642
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 3: Let's talk about masculinity and what it is to be

643
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 3: a man, right, because I think that a lot of

644
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:46,880
Speaker 3: people try to redefine what it is to be a woman.

645
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 3: We've had a whole episode on what is a woman right,

646
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 3: and it's not for women to define what a man is.

647
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,640
Speaker 3: So from a male perspective, what is a man? What

648
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 3: is masculinity and how it means to relationships?

649
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 5: I think one I think that we're all trapped in

650
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:08,959
Speaker 5: a box, a man box. If I can be real,

651
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 5: I think as men, we are trapped in a box

652
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:18,360
Speaker 5: and we have this idea that we've been fed since

653
00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:22,399
Speaker 5: the beginning of time that this is what makes a man,

654
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 5: and those things are typically unhealthy things that have to

655
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 5: do with being violent, being aggressive, competing against each other

656
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 5: in unhealthy ways. And I think when it comes to women,

657
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 5: I think we just saw we have a hard time

658
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 5: cherishing women because we don't get a lot of we

659
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 5: don't see a lot of examples of it. It kind

660
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,920
Speaker 5: of baffles me the fact that all of us, what

661
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 5: we do have in common is we come from a woman,

662
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 5: and we don't cherish a woman as if she is

663
00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 5: the power of population, the power of birth on earth.

664
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:04,880
Speaker 1: Say it right, your.

665
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 5: She is God on earth right And and you know,

666
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,719
Speaker 5: I'm not going to quote it right, but you know

667
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:17,800
Speaker 5: Tupac said in one of his songs, We're going to

668
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:23,080
Speaker 5: raise a race of babies that's gonna hate the ladies, right,

669
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:28,280
Speaker 5: And it's still true today. And I think we're toxic

670
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:33,959
Speaker 5: because we don't have we we view what you deem

671
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 5: to be like we have conversations about women and how

672
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:40,759
Speaker 5: women should be. We don't have conversations about men and

673
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 5: how men should be. But also we don't have a

674
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 5: conversation about it being okay for men to actually be emotional.

675
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 5: Right me, personally I am. I am vulnerable. My mom

676
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 5: raised me, so you know I have what people would

677
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:04,920
Speaker 5: deem as feminine qualities. I'm just saying, like, I cook,

678
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 5: I clean, I do my daughter's here. There's nothing that

679
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 5: I hate to say it, but there's really nothing that

680
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:19,759
Speaker 5: I would need a woman for. And my mom told

681
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 5: me pussy pussy that all right, So I'll say, you

682
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 5: still need I understand what I'm saying, right, This is

683
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 5: what my mom told me. She said, I want you

684
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:38,399
Speaker 5: to be with a woman because it's who you want

685
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 5: to be with, not because you need her for something,

686
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,799
Speaker 5: need her to cook, need her to clean, need her

687
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 5: to do this because a lot of men are just like,

688
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:49,360
Speaker 5: oh man, she know to cook, I'm gonna make the

689
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:53,440
Speaker 5: rest work out, right, And I'm like, I want to

690
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 5: be self sufficient because then I have more to bring

691
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 5: to the table because that takes a lot of work

692
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 5: off the woman. Because if I can cook and clean myself,

693
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 5: I'm not depending on you to just take on that

694
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 5: responsibility by yourself. To me, that's what partnership looks like.

695
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 5: And that's why I tell women when they're like, oh man,

696
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 5: I want a man that you know work and I

697
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 5: can just stay home. I'm like, Okay, Well, that's a

698
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:21,560
Speaker 5: dangerous place to be because one of the forms of

699
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 5: abuse that we often do not talk about is financial use.

700
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 5: And if you put yourself in that situation and you're

701
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 5: in one of these forty six counties in South Carolina

702
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:36,360
Speaker 5: with only sixteen shelters in it, and you ain't got

703
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:38,440
Speaker 5: no money where you're going at.

704
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:43,839
Speaker 2: Right? Only fans that's where you're going?

705
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:49,279
Speaker 1: What about my mama house? Like god damn.

706
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 4: Some people don't have that option, right, People don't have anybody.

707
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 5: That's the thing about it. And I warrant teenagers about it. Like,

708
00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 5: you know, you go to college, you got a man

709
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 5: that's from another place, and he got a job offer somewhere.

710
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 5: You end up moving back with him. You stuck, you isolated,

711
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 5: your family not there, your friends not there. You may

712
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 5: have mutual friends with him, but I can guarantee you

713
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,640
Speaker 5: if you hiding, they're gonna probably tell them where you at.

714
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 5: But back to what AJ was saying as far as

715
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:28,640
Speaker 5: like toxic masculinity, I think we just suffer from a

716
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:30,799
Speaker 5: lot of trauma. And I think it goes back to

717
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 5: just like I told you, earlier, Like, it's so many

718
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,239
Speaker 5: different directions you can go. I mean, you can go

719
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:44,440
Speaker 5: back to like slavery, you can go back to like

720
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 5: even when we were free, and how the system was

721
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:50,160
Speaker 5: dividing the households between men and women, and women were

722
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 5: kind of the were not kind of they were the

723
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 5: bread winners because men couldn't find jobs because the only

724
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:57,760
Speaker 5: jobs that they had at the time were being slaves.

725
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 5: Women had trades and things that they can do, so

726
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 5: they typically held down the household. But if the man

727
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:08,440
Speaker 5: separated from the house and you put in you insert

728
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 5: government assistance. But with government assistance, you can't have a

729
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:17,960
Speaker 5: man in the house. You break up the dynamic of

730
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 5: you could say, the black home or homes in general.

731
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 3: I know that that thing, right, we always talk about it,

732
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:30,840
Speaker 3: but I don't I think it's an assumption, right that

733
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 3: that was most black people's household, right. Have y'all seen

734
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:36,440
Speaker 3: as a video on social media right now, And it

735
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 3: was like black people in California, like the early sixties,

736
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:43,400
Speaker 3: and they were saying how they didn't want black people

737
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 3: migrating from the South coming to them because they were

738
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:48,480
Speaker 3: affluent black people like in Cali and shit, and I

739
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 3: feel like the North was affluent, you had a lot

740
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 3: of affluent black people. Slavery was predominantly in the South

741
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 3: is where you saw this type of this type of thing.

742
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 3: So I just I don't I don't think that it

743
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 3: was a norm. You know, like every black woman is

744
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 3: not on housing even then or now, right, So I

745
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 3: think it's a misconception. A lot of the times black

746
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 3: men were already leaving the household is what I'm trying

747
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 3: to get to, right, Why the systems were put in place.

748
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 3: I don't think the systems were put in place because

749
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,800
Speaker 3: black men were already there. I think something was happening

750
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:30,280
Speaker 3: in the jobs and things like that. Yes, something was happening,

751
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,880
Speaker 3: But I don't think that black men. I mean, I

752
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 3: don't think that the welfare system was put in place

753
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:39,919
Speaker 3: because black men just weren't there, or they didn't want

754
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:41,759
Speaker 3: them to be there. They put something in place to

755
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:44,000
Speaker 3: make them go away. I think they were already going away.

756
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 4: Even if they were already going away, why is it

757
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 4: I can't have him in my home if I'm receiving

758
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 4: government assistance, why do they Why can't I have a

759
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:00,799
Speaker 4: new Why can't I have a new new man in here?

760
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:02,799
Speaker 4: Maybe he ain't the father of my kid. But why

761
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 4: I can't have a I can't even bring a new

762
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 4: man home. You know, if you're on section eight, that

763
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:10,280
Speaker 4: seemed like it was very divisive.

764
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 5: It was, but also a j I would I would

765
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,880
Speaker 5: say that, and I mean, this is just a theory.

766
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:21,960
Speaker 5: But you know, when we when we think about like

767
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:25,360
Speaker 5: systems like, we have to understand and acknowledge the fact

768
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:35,440
Speaker 5: that systems are they have they passed down trauma. We

769
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:39,200
Speaker 5: are are the way that we operate as men, like

770
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:43,720
Speaker 5: it is rooted in something, right. I think the minute

771
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:50,080
Speaker 5: that we were taken from Africa and brought here and

772
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 5: incorporated into another system and freed without reparation, we were

773
00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 5: already destined to not succeed. We were set free without anything.

774
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:06,160
Speaker 5: And so you take that with men that are broken.

775
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:11,799
Speaker 5: Whether people believe in post slavery traumatic stress or not,

776
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:17,440
Speaker 5: that still impacts the way that men operate now like

777
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:22,160
Speaker 5: we still like we have archaic ways in which we operate,

778
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:25,880
Speaker 5: and it's based off of you can call a tradition,

779
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 5: you can call it hereditary, you can call it whatever

780
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:31,880
Speaker 5: it is, but it's to me, it's no different. How

781
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:37,319
Speaker 5: like slavery still echoes in every aspect that we move

782
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 5: in in the South, particularly our state. Like we can

783
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:46,799
Speaker 5: say like it doesn't exist, but that type of behavior

784
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:49,960
Speaker 5: was passed down from somewhere, But it came from somewhere,

785
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 5: And I think, like as we as we continue to

786
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 5: look at it, I just believe like that may not

787
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 5: have been like the sole reason, because I don't think

788
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 5: that it is, but I think in general, it had

789
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 5: a place and had something to do with it. And

790
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 5: it's not a pass for men because at some point

791
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,839
Speaker 5: in time we have to make a choice to break

792
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:16,400
Speaker 5: a cycle in to change. Like I mean, I watched

793
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 5: my mom get her ass what plenty times, and I

794
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 5: watched her with other people ask but you know I knew,

795
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 5: I mean straight up, like I mean my mom, I

796
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 5: tell people my mom was a g I mean, you know,

797
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 5: I watched her slap somebody across the face with iron.

798
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 5: I mean my third brother, I mean second brother, I

799
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:40,600
Speaker 5: guess his dad got shot by my mom. My mom

800
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:46,000
Speaker 5: really didn't play them type of games. But I realized,

801
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:48,960
Speaker 5: like with me, I did not want to repeat that cycle.

802
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:52,960
Speaker 5: So you know, unfortunately I still ended up in two

803
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 5: abusive relationships myself. But you know, I had to make

804
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:01,399
Speaker 5: decisions like this. Ain't this for me? Like this, ain't

805
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 5: I've seen unfortunately, I've seen what this can result into.

806
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 4: So you had women that were violent with you, or

807
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:11,240
Speaker 4: you ended up being violid with them or both.

808
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,399
Speaker 5: Damn you shouldn't even have to ask me that question.

809
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 5: That wouldn't even be on this podcast if it be

810
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 5: a woman.

811
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 2: But the answer you might be reformed.

812
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 5: No, no, no, no, definitely. I cannot stomach talks as

813
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 5: you say about men putting the hands on women. I

814
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:30,879
Speaker 5: could never put my hand on a woman that's not

815
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 5: in my DNA.

816
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 4: Let me ask you this because you said seven years

817
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 4: after you had lost your family members, that is when

818
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:46,440
Speaker 4: y'all had you started kind of started mad and you

819
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 4: had the event in the Walmart parking lot. What was

820
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:51,839
Speaker 4: that seven years like for you? Because I want to know,

821
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:54,480
Speaker 4: like what healing looks like for you, because a lot

822
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:56,399
Speaker 4: of people go through something like that and they ain't

823
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 4: never write again, and they never could create a platform

824
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,239
Speaker 4: like you have. So I commend you for that, But

825
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:04,279
Speaker 4: what what was that like? You know, how did you

826
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 4: come out of that?

827
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 5: Reflecting on it? I mean it was a lot. You know,

828
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 5: I've gone through moments of like feeling lost in life,

829
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:20,720
Speaker 5: but probably never as lost as I felt in those moments.

830
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:25,200
Speaker 5: So those amount of years without any type of direction,

831
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 5: I mean you talk about like just existing, that's kind

832
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:33,560
Speaker 5: of what the hell I was doing for seven years,

833
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:42,880
Speaker 5: like just existing. I felt broken, I felt alone. I

834
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 5: didn't want to be here anymore. But you know, ironically,

835
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 5: for me, like I got baptized about a month or

836
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:58,960
Speaker 5: so before that happened, and I would say religiously, it

837
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:03,840
Speaker 5: was a kick in the face to me. I didn't

838
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 5: want to hear what the preacher had to say about anything,

839
00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:10,920
Speaker 5: barely wanted to hear what any type of counselor wanted

840
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:13,760
Speaker 5: to say. There was nobody that was going to explain

841
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 5: to me that this shit was okay. And so I

842
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 5: smoked a lot because at the time I felt like

843
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:29,919
Speaker 5: that was the only safe space that I had. And

844
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 5: I typically don't even say that publicly, but I think,

845
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 5: you know, just kind of being real with people. I

846
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 5: realized that even with doing that, like I wasn't like

847
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:45,960
Speaker 5: when my high came down, my issues were still there.

848
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:50,279
Speaker 5: I had to go to counseling. I went to like

849
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 5: three different counselors, and it was all about just feeling comfortable,

850
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 5: and I finally had like the dean of psychology at

851
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:00,320
Speaker 5: Southern University. She counseled me for like year and a

852
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,480
Speaker 5: half and we got to a point where she said, like,

853
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:07,960
Speaker 5: I don't know what else to do. She said, you

854
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 5: I lost my mom, but I've never lost anything of

855
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 5: this magnitude, and I don't know. And so I've been

856
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:21,440
Speaker 5: to probably like two other counselors since then. Who have

857
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 5: you know, give me a lot of tools to help.

858
00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 5: But I mean, it was it was really a dark

859
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:29,719
Speaker 5: place to put myself out of. But I needed isolation.

860
00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:33,840
Speaker 5: You know, sometimes you have to be in the cave

861
00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:36,720
Speaker 5: and just be with yourself and your thoughts in God

862
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:40,080
Speaker 5: in order to like figure a way out. Because sometimes

863
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 5: the world is just so busy, so loud, that you

864
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:50,960
Speaker 5: don't give you some time self to think and reflect

865
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 5: on life, and it's easy to get into the pattern

866
00:50:53,719 --> 00:50:58,240
Speaker 5: of being busy. I've mastered that I could busy myself

867
00:50:58,239 --> 00:51:05,720
Speaker 5: out of life. And I just realized being by myself

868
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:10,239
Speaker 5: with no girlfriend, no friends, like being in Orlando and

869
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,479
Speaker 5: not really having a social life and just really being

870
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:18,719
Speaker 5: by myself, like life one is worth living if I

871
00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:24,120
Speaker 5: die or if I take my life like he wins right.

872
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 5: Not only did he kill five, he would have killed

873
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 5: six at that point in time. And so you know,

874
00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:33,440
Speaker 5: for me, did I want my family to be remembered

875
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 5: and then me overtake their legacy by me killing myself

876
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:41,880
Speaker 5: wouldn't have made any sense. And I knew that my

877
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 5: mom was stronger than that and she would expect more

878
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,800
Speaker 5: from me. So you know, when I got back home

879
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:51,560
Speaker 5: finally went back to church, first sermon that I heard

880
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 5: was about asking God the right questions, not asking why,

881
00:51:57,400 --> 00:52:00,640
Speaker 5: which is I think the normal question that most people

882
00:52:00,719 --> 00:52:04,000
Speaker 5: want to know, but praying for guidance, like where do

883
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:07,400
Speaker 5: we go from here? Where are you leading me from here?

884
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 5: And so like in my life now, I don't really

885
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:19,239
Speaker 5: I mean, I still have anxiety, I still stress, but

886
00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:22,680
Speaker 5: I embraced chials interpolations more in life now because I

887
00:52:22,719 --> 00:52:26,080
Speaker 5: know the growth and the blessings that come on the

888
00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 5: other side. And so I mean, it took him in

889
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:31,800
Speaker 5: and and I would be lying to anybody to say,

890
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:35,240
Speaker 5: like it doesn't affect me. I mean, my mom's birthday

891
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:38,920
Speaker 5: affect me. My great grandmother just died three weeks ago.

892
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:43,840
Speaker 5: We buried her Saturday, and she's buried right. Sorry, it's okay,

893
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 5: and she's buried right next to my mom. I appreciate it,

894
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:50,440
Speaker 5: you know, and that's where she wanted to be. But

895
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:56,359
Speaker 5: going out there is a reminder that you know, your

896
00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:59,520
Speaker 5: immediate family is gone. And I tell people like, if

897
00:52:59,520 --> 00:53:01,880
Speaker 5: you got biblands and you've got parents, you got mom

898
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:09,000
Speaker 5: like cherits and love them because time is the most

899
00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:10,760
Speaker 5: valuable thing that we possess in life.

900
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:15,239
Speaker 4: Right, So let me ask you this, where do you

901
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:18,080
Speaker 4: want to take mad Like, where do you want it

902
00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:19,680
Speaker 4: to go? How do you want to grow it?

903
00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:26,719
Speaker 5: So I want Mad two. I probably need to change

904
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:28,960
Speaker 5: it from mad US say the Mad World.

905
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 1: Kendrick Omar probably got that trademark.

906
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:38,480
Speaker 5: I'm gonna have to.

907
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:42,239
Speaker 1: It's definitely a mad world out here, right.

908
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 5: But where I see it growing next? Because I've done

909
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:54,400
Speaker 5: sessions in India the country, and I've done sessions in

910
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:59,920
Speaker 5: the United Kingdom, and I love to see it globally.

911
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:05,880
Speaker 5: But for right now, my acute goals is to open

912
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:10,920
Speaker 5: a chapter in every state, have a state each state

913
00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:15,000
Speaker 5: run their own organization under the umbrella a mad usay,

914
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:18,920
Speaker 5: and kind of just get to work on breaking these

915
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:24,080
Speaker 5: cycles and creating an environment where healthy relationships are the norm.

916
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:27,400
Speaker 5: Because if we know that the issues are at home

917
00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 5: and the kids are not receiving the same foundation, it's

918
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:36,280
Speaker 5: our obligation and our job to teach them what healthy

919
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:40,799
Speaker 5: relationship look like. Like. We know traumatically, I mean not

920
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:43,719
Speaker 5: even just through trauma of but we just know that

921
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:46,960
Speaker 5: our traumas are passed down. I mean I see it

922
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:48,920
Speaker 5: in kids that I teach all the time, how they

923
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:52,719
Speaker 5: handle their anger, just all of that right, and to me,

924
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:56,120
Speaker 5: it's a huge responsibility to take on. But I mean,

925
00:54:56,200 --> 00:55:00,239
Speaker 5: somebody has to teach skids. Somebody has to So for me,

926
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:05,040
Speaker 5: it's mad, you know, being in every state in the

927
00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:09,320
Speaker 5: United States and then just kind of moving on from there.

928
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:12,040
Speaker 5: But this advocacy has to continue to grow. I mean,

929
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:14,399
Speaker 5: people have seen the work that we've done. I mean

930
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:17,000
Speaker 5: I've won national awards for the work that I've just

931
00:55:17,040 --> 00:55:19,960
Speaker 5: done in South Carolina. But I mean it isn't that

932
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:24,600
Speaker 5: doesn't stop for me. I mean, I love my professions

933
00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:27,880
Speaker 5: as an assistant chief in the fire department, just and

934
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:30,399
Speaker 5: inspired to be a head chief. But I think where

935
00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:36,919
Speaker 5: God is calling me in life is too pour into

936
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:37,600
Speaker 5: his children.

937
00:55:39,600 --> 00:55:40,359
Speaker 2: Let me ask you this.

938
00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:44,239
Speaker 4: You said that you forgave the person who harmed your

939
00:55:44,280 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 4: family in that way? How because I can't forgive people

940
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:54,280
Speaker 4: for taking my parking space outside. Still, it's a nigga

941
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:56,560
Speaker 4: that live in this building right now, We got beef

942
00:55:56,719 --> 00:55:58,799
Speaker 4: just because of some shit that happened in the parking lot.

943
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 4: So I just want to unders then, how you came

944
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:05,239
Speaker 4: to that, because I just have such a hard time

945
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:06,279
Speaker 4: with forgiveness.

946
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:09,520
Speaker 2: So it's something so tumultuous, like how were you able

947
00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 2: to do that?

948
00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:13,560
Speaker 5: So i' might answer your question, but I'm gonna also

949
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:16,520
Speaker 5: ask you a question. How heavy of a burden do

950
00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 5: you feel about not being able to forgive?

951
00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:22,680
Speaker 2: How heavy? I'll be sleeping?

952
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:32,279
Speaker 5: But are are there some deeper things in life that

953
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 5: you have not forgiven that you feel like? Deaf? Is you?

954
00:56:37,719 --> 00:56:43,240
Speaker 4: I know, absolutely absolutely, But I just can't see myself forgiven.

955
00:56:43,360 --> 00:56:46,880
Speaker 4: Some shit is just unforgivable for me, Like it's just like,

956
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:51,160
Speaker 4: why why would I absolve you of that pain you

957
00:56:51,239 --> 00:56:54,280
Speaker 4: cost me? I don't ever, I don't want to forgive you,

958
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:57,239
Speaker 4: you know, So I just I don't see how I

959
00:56:57,280 --> 00:57:00,440
Speaker 4: could ever forgive some of the atrocities that had happened

960
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:03,200
Speaker 4: to me, And what has happened to you is much greater.

961
00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:06,480
Speaker 4: So it's just I want to know, like what it

962
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:08,560
Speaker 4: took to be there, so maybe I could channel some

963
00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:10,080
Speaker 4: of that energy for my own life.

964
00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:12,239
Speaker 5: And I'm gonna ask you one more question before I

965
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:16,680
Speaker 5: answer your question. Are you absolving them? Are you absolving yourself?

966
00:57:18,720 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 2: Well? I ain't did shit. Why I need to absolve myself?

967
00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:23,919
Speaker 4: You know? Why Am I absolving myself for the things

968
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:25,680
Speaker 4: that you did to me? I don't understand.

969
00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 3: So, you know, we talk about the five agreements sometimes, right,

970
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:31,520
Speaker 3: and one of them is not taking things personally. Sometimes

971
00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 3: it's not about you, right. The thing that somebody did

972
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:38,120
Speaker 3: is not about you, Right, So you have to realize, like, yeah,

973
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:40,000
Speaker 3: this person that is fucked up ship, it don't really

974
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:41,720
Speaker 3: have nothing to do with me. It's something to me

975
00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:44,200
Speaker 3: if they did it to me, yes, but it's but

976
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:48,520
Speaker 3: it's it's something going on with them within them, you

977
00:57:48,560 --> 00:57:49,200
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying.

978
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:51,920
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, it's mm hmm.

979
00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:56,880
Speaker 5: Let me say this. Let me let me say this

980
00:57:56,920 --> 00:58:00,280
Speaker 5: in a different way. Right, forgiveness is not for them,

981
00:58:00,400 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 5: is actually for you.

982
00:58:03,320 --> 00:58:07,120
Speaker 4: Because I've heard that before, But I just don't understand

983
00:58:07,160 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaker 4: how it is for me when they did me harm?

984
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 2: How is me forgiving you? For me?

985
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:16,919
Speaker 5: Because the fact that you're still like I can see

986
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:20,400
Speaker 5: it on your face right, So you still harnessing and

987
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:23,080
Speaker 5: you're still holding on to it. That's negative energy that

988
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:26,040
Speaker 5: you stored in your body every damn day. It does

989
00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:29,440
Speaker 5: not promote growth within you. So my thing is is

990
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:34,080
Speaker 5: let that shit go. And for me, in order to

991
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:36,800
Speaker 5: reach where I wanted to go, I had to let

992
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:39,600
Speaker 5: that shit go because I had a burden of hate

993
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:43,240
Speaker 5: in my heart that wasn't allowing me to move forward

994
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 5: because I was hanging on to it. Is in the past.

995
00:58:46,760 --> 00:58:50,560
Speaker 5: It happened. I can't change shit, me killing him, me

996
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:53,680
Speaker 5: not forgiving him and bringing diet Your back and bringing

997
00:58:53,720 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 5: William back and bringing a Keen back and bringing Melchi

998
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:59,320
Speaker 5: back and bringing Semina back. None of them coming back.

999
00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:02,560
Speaker 5: So for me, I got to move the hell on

1000
00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:08,520
Speaker 5: because he's sitting in Columbia right now, no matter how

1001
00:59:08,560 --> 00:59:11,200
Speaker 5: I feel towards him, and it ain't changing his life.

1002
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:15,720
Speaker 5: It's only affected me. So my forgiveness of letting it

1003
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 5: go is me freeing myself. He has to live with that.

1004
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:21,920
Speaker 5: And so when I talk about like, and I think

1005
00:59:21,920 --> 00:59:25,200
Speaker 5: where AJ was getting that with that was when you

1006
00:59:25,240 --> 00:59:28,200
Speaker 5: forgive somebody even though they do something to you, that's

1007
00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:33,000
Speaker 5: something that they have to live with and you just

1008
00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:37,280
Speaker 5: kind of move on and free yourself. And it takes work.

1009
00:59:37,280 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 4: I can see, yes, breath it hard because it's so

1010
00:59:40,960 --> 00:59:42,120
Speaker 4: y'all like be mad.

1011
00:59:42,760 --> 00:59:45,400
Speaker 2: I yeah, you're right.

1012
00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:48,240
Speaker 4: I do carry some hatred for some things that has

1013
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:50,880
Speaker 4: happened to me in my life against people.

1014
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:54,920
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, but I don't. I don't know how to

1015
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:57,320
Speaker 2: do that. Baby. That's it's gonna take a long I

1016
00:59:57,320 --> 00:59:57,600
Speaker 2: don't know.

1017
00:59:57,640 --> 00:59:59,880
Speaker 4: It's gonna take some work on my behalf to decide

1018
00:59:59,880 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 4: that forgiveness is what I need for myself. Because I

1019
01:00:03,280 --> 01:00:05,920
Speaker 4: feel like I'm sleeping pretty good and I still we

1020
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 4: still got beef. We got beef for life, and it's

1021
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 4: on site. If I see you, it's on site. That's

1022
01:00:11,520 --> 01:00:12,360
Speaker 4: how I feel like.

1023
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 1: I'm know it's terrible, but it's the truth.

1024
01:00:17,120 --> 01:00:19,120
Speaker 2: It's some people I got beef with. It ain't even here,

1025
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:22,400
Speaker 2: no more. They gone. But if I can't, if I

1026
01:00:22,400 --> 01:00:24,320
Speaker 2: get in the gates, I'd be like, what that bitch yet?

1027
01:00:25,440 --> 01:00:28,680
Speaker 3: And God gonna say, straight the hell if there's one okay,

1028
01:00:28,960 --> 01:00:30,320
Speaker 3: you're not pass God bitch.

1029
01:00:35,360 --> 01:00:37,400
Speaker 4: You know God ain't through with me oh yet. So

1030
01:00:38,120 --> 01:00:40,560
Speaker 4: that's a beautiful because you know, I would always feel

1031
01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:46,640
Speaker 4: like forgiveness in that realm was something that slave owners

1032
01:00:46,640 --> 01:00:49,240
Speaker 4: taught black people to keep them in check. That's not

1033
01:00:49,280 --> 01:00:51,640
Speaker 4: what I would feel, like, like, why are we forgiving

1034
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:53,360
Speaker 4: people who've harmed us so greatly?

1035
01:00:53,440 --> 01:00:57,120
Speaker 2: Why? Why do why should I forgive them? I should?

1036
01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:59,080
Speaker 2: I feel like I should never forgive you for that.

1037
01:00:59,640 --> 01:01:02,560
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't. That's just something I don't understand

1038
01:01:02,760 --> 01:01:05,200
Speaker 2: that level of So I.

1039
01:01:05,200 --> 01:01:10,360
Speaker 5: Would say this forgiveness, I think was like being submissive

1040
01:01:10,400 --> 01:01:13,760
Speaker 5: at a point, like I felt like people were forgiving

1041
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:16,000
Speaker 5: people a hella fast right, Like.

1042
01:01:17,680 --> 01:01:20,240
Speaker 4: When that white girl shot that black man in an

1043
01:01:20,240 --> 01:01:23,520
Speaker 4: apartment complex and they was in the courthouse giving her

1044
01:01:23,560 --> 01:01:24,760
Speaker 4: bibles and hugging her.

1045
01:01:25,120 --> 01:01:27,520
Speaker 1: I was so mad.

1046
01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:30,280
Speaker 4: I was so upset, like why are we giving this

1047
01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:33,320
Speaker 4: girl this kind of love and compassion after she just

1048
01:01:33,480 --> 01:01:37,160
Speaker 4: murdered this black man in his own home. And that

1049
01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:41,360
Speaker 4: was another example for me of like forgiveness just being

1050
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:44,200
Speaker 4: something that we just give too freely.

1051
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:47,480
Speaker 5: And I agree, and I will tell you, if I'm

1052
01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:51,200
Speaker 5: being honest, forgiveness didn't happen overnight. Forginness didn't happen for

1053
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:56,240
Speaker 5: me until probably like five five years ago. Like I mean,

1054
01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:58,760
Speaker 5: they had been over a decade of me harnessing that

1055
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:02,840
Speaker 5: kind of thing. But I will tell you after I forgave,

1056
01:02:03,440 --> 01:02:06,640
Speaker 5: and like I said, I just believe in you know,

1057
01:02:07,120 --> 01:02:12,000
Speaker 5: divine design, that a lot of other doors started opening

1058
01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:16,280
Speaker 5: for me. My nonprofit grow tremendously after I let that

1059
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 5: go because I was a better version of myself because

1060
01:02:20,200 --> 01:02:25,840
Speaker 5: I was at harnessing hate or rage against somebody, because

1061
01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:28,520
Speaker 5: I had to take control of myself. And that's the

1062
01:02:28,600 --> 01:02:32,280
Speaker 5: thing about like forgiveness and like being emotionally driven by

1063
01:02:34,160 --> 01:02:36,600
Speaker 5: harnessing that kind of feeling towards somebody is you can

1064
01:02:36,640 --> 01:02:41,080
Speaker 5: easily be triggered, which means you don't have control over yourself.

1065
01:02:41,280 --> 01:02:48,040
Speaker 5: Somebody else is still possessing of control over you. So

1066
01:02:48,120 --> 01:02:52,840
Speaker 5: step one and emotional intelligence, be self aware. Step two

1067
01:02:53,720 --> 01:03:00,000
Speaker 5: emotional management. Right, so understand that if somebody is triggering you,

1068
01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:04,080
Speaker 5: they have control. I tell kids this all the time.

1069
01:03:04,680 --> 01:03:07,200
Speaker 4: Maybe I need to sign up for MAD tonight because

1070
01:03:10,720 --> 01:03:12,520
Speaker 4: I need to sign up tonight.

1071
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:18,560
Speaker 3: I don't forgive easily either, Like I definitely hold grudges

1072
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:21,440
Speaker 3: and I'm make it known that I hold grudges against people,

1073
01:03:21,480 --> 01:03:23,040
Speaker 3: but it's not I'm not going to allow it to

1074
01:03:23,040 --> 01:03:25,400
Speaker 3: affect my day to day, you know what I'm saying.

1075
01:03:25,440 --> 01:03:27,960
Speaker 1: I just need you to know that, I know that.

1076
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:29,400
Speaker 1: You know I don't fuck with.

1077
01:03:29,360 --> 01:03:32,640
Speaker 3: You other than that, Like I'm not litting it and

1078
01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:34,880
Speaker 3: I used to. There's a lot of things, you know,

1079
01:03:35,360 --> 01:03:38,440
Speaker 3: especially like things that transpire and relationships with men.

1080
01:03:38,720 --> 01:03:41,560
Speaker 1: You can let that shit fuck your whole thing up.

1081
01:03:42,120 --> 01:03:43,600
Speaker 1: You know, you can't even think for real?

1082
01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:48,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, what's some advice you would give to some

1083
01:03:49,040 --> 01:03:54,280
Speaker 3: men struggling with expressing their emotions and or seeking support?

1084
01:03:57,400 --> 01:03:59,520
Speaker 3: And it can't be like we talked about this earlier,

1085
01:03:59,600 --> 01:04:03,280
Speaker 3: y'all we got men that listen, right, your woman is

1086
01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:06,440
Speaker 3: not your therapist. Okay, sometimes you gotta seek it. I

1087
01:04:06,440 --> 01:04:09,920
Speaker 3: know I asked him for advice, but just right quick,

1088
01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:13,040
Speaker 3: you can't just unpack on your woman to expect her

1089
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:16,760
Speaker 3: to have the tools to deal with whatever traumas you

1090
01:04:16,800 --> 01:04:20,880
Speaker 3: may have had your entire life, right, So sometimes you

1091
01:04:20,920 --> 01:04:22,479
Speaker 3: gotta seek professional help.

1092
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:28,040
Speaker 5: So I would say one thing, right, two things. I'm

1093
01:04:28,080 --> 01:04:33,600
Speaker 5: gonna answer your question. But yeah, but I'll get this

1094
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:38,520
Speaker 5: out of the way. I think that just from a

1095
01:04:38,560 --> 01:04:43,560
Speaker 5: man's standpoint, one that is vulnerable and tries very hard

1096
01:04:43,600 --> 01:04:50,920
Speaker 5: to be emotionally available. That finding a mate that is

1097
01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:56,400
Speaker 5: okay with me expressing myself and being very raw with

1098
01:04:56,440 --> 01:05:01,960
Speaker 5: my feelings is very very hard to fine because you

1099
01:05:02,040 --> 01:05:04,880
Speaker 5: have to find somebody who is on the same emotional

1100
01:05:04,920 --> 01:05:09,280
Speaker 5: intelligence level as you. And I speak a lot on

1101
01:05:10,640 --> 01:05:13,920
Speaker 5: men not having deliberty to say things that women can

1102
01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:18,720
Speaker 5: say to men mm hmm, because if I walk around

1103
01:05:18,800 --> 01:05:23,240
Speaker 5: ignoring women like how they feel like it's okay for

1104
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:25,920
Speaker 5: them to ignore men, Like if we're talking and you

1105
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:28,240
Speaker 5: just decide you ain't going to respond. I can't do

1106
01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:30,640
Speaker 5: that because if I do it, it's a totally different

1107
01:05:30,640 --> 01:05:34,000
Speaker 5: reaction that I deal with. Or if I emotionally respond

1108
01:05:34,360 --> 01:05:36,960
Speaker 5: very quick and I know myself, I am very sharp

1109
01:05:37,920 --> 01:05:38,600
Speaker 5: with my words.

1110
01:05:38,640 --> 01:05:41,760
Speaker 1: Now you're sassy, I am saying. You know, I'm saying.

1111
01:05:41,760 --> 01:05:44,120
Speaker 1: That's what women would say if you with the responses.

1112
01:05:44,160 --> 01:05:48,440
Speaker 5: Oh, he's sassy, right, And I can be pretty savage

1113
01:05:48,440 --> 01:05:51,440
Speaker 5: with my words. But I know that about myself, right.

1114
01:05:52,200 --> 01:05:56,640
Speaker 5: So now, like, what I find is people are very

1115
01:05:56,640 --> 01:05:59,800
Speaker 5: impatient with me because I am very slow to respond.

1116
01:06:01,160 --> 01:06:04,960
Speaker 5: One I have to process what you're saying I want

1117
01:06:04,960 --> 01:06:09,960
Speaker 5: to listen to fully process what you're saying, but I

1118
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:13,640
Speaker 5: also want to think before I talk, right, I want

1119
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:18,720
Speaker 5: to make sure what I'm saying is true, is it helpful,

1120
01:06:19,640 --> 01:06:23,840
Speaker 5: is it inspiring? Is it necessary? Is a kind?

1121
01:06:24,520 --> 01:06:26,960
Speaker 4: Usually when I get to the end, God damn Christ,

1122
01:06:27,080 --> 01:06:30,640
Speaker 4: who got time for all of that shits?

1123
01:06:33,400 --> 01:06:36,400
Speaker 1: But we want men to be emotionally available though you

1124
01:06:36,440 --> 01:06:39,080
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, you gotta make time for it.

1125
01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:43,440
Speaker 5: You got to like if that's But the thing is

1126
01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:49,080
Speaker 5: is like, imagine if you have partners that considered that

1127
01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:53,760
Speaker 5: before they said something to you, right, Like arguments or

1128
01:06:53,880 --> 01:06:56,840
Speaker 5: disagreements would go totally different. It wouldn't be so emotionally

1129
01:06:56,920 --> 01:06:59,480
Speaker 5: charged to where you know, I'm trying to tit for

1130
01:06:59,600 --> 01:07:02,200
Speaker 5: tat you like I'm trying to move them like now,

1131
01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:04,560
Speaker 5: like are we resolving this issue?

1132
01:07:04,800 --> 01:07:06,560
Speaker 2: Like he just hurting each other.

1133
01:07:06,680 --> 01:07:08,480
Speaker 3: I think people need to be honest that they like

1134
01:07:08,640 --> 01:07:11,520
Speaker 3: this much of toxicity in a relationship because bitch just

1135
01:07:11,600 --> 01:07:17,360
Speaker 3: be getting bored. If every man was emotionally intelligent, like

1136
01:07:17,640 --> 01:07:20,800
Speaker 3: nobody would be together. Because I feel like people need

1137
01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:23,600
Speaker 3: a little bit of toxicity. They won't admit that, but

1138
01:07:23,640 --> 01:07:24,840
Speaker 3: it's a six love language.

1139
01:07:24,840 --> 01:07:25,600
Speaker 1: For a lot of people.

1140
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:28,320
Speaker 5: Why so, aj, why do you feel that way? Why

1141
01:07:28,320 --> 01:07:29,960
Speaker 5: do you feel like there has to be I.

1142
01:07:29,880 --> 01:07:32,120
Speaker 3: Don't feel that way. I don't want toxicity. I know

1143
01:07:32,240 --> 01:07:34,600
Speaker 3: exactly what that looked like looks like. So when I

1144
01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:38,080
Speaker 3: see people online saying shit like I want my man

1145
01:07:38,160 --> 01:07:41,440
Speaker 3: to be obsessed with me, I know firsthand what it

1146
01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:43,560
Speaker 3: is for a man to be obsessed with for a

1147
01:07:43,560 --> 01:07:45,520
Speaker 3: man to be obsessed with me, Because listen, baby, every

1148
01:07:45,520 --> 01:07:49,000
Speaker 3: somebody's always in love, okay, always in fucking.

1149
01:07:48,720 --> 01:07:51,680
Speaker 1: Love, and it's not. You don't want a man to

1150
01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:52,480
Speaker 1: be obsessed with you.

1151
01:07:52,520 --> 01:07:54,360
Speaker 3: So y'all out here doing magic tricks and all this

1152
01:07:54,400 --> 01:07:56,480
Speaker 3: shit to make a nigga fall in love, You're not

1153
01:07:56,520 --> 01:07:57,880
Speaker 3: gonna be able to get rid of him when you

1154
01:07:57,960 --> 01:07:59,800
Speaker 3: feel like it, when you want to, You're not gonna

1155
01:07:59,800 --> 01:08:02,400
Speaker 3: be a to get him away from you. So I

1156
01:08:02,880 --> 01:08:07,760
Speaker 3: never want that type of control over another person. And

1157
01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:08,920
Speaker 3: I don't like being control.

1158
01:08:09,520 --> 01:08:12,760
Speaker 4: I'll be feeling like just a little see on that

1159
01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:18,000
Speaker 4: base sprinkle, a little salt based sprinkle, just a tiny

1160
01:08:18,040 --> 01:08:21,120
Speaker 4: little bit of toxic energy, make it a little a

1161
01:08:21,200 --> 01:08:26,959
Speaker 4: little spiky, a little bit, just a little sprinkle sprinkle,

1162
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:30,679
Speaker 4: you know, little Ramsell down was nothing too crazy, nothing

1163
01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:31,320
Speaker 4: too crazy.

1164
01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:33,639
Speaker 2: I don't have no foolishness. But this is a little sprinkle.

1165
01:08:34,160 --> 01:08:36,439
Speaker 5: How do you find that buffer because most people just

1166
01:08:36,479 --> 01:08:37,360
Speaker 5: ain't a little crazy.

1167
01:08:38,320 --> 01:08:41,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're right, You're right. It's a slippery slope. I

1168
01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:43,880
Speaker 4: had a nigga chasing me around the club this weekend.

1169
01:08:44,000 --> 01:08:46,439
Speaker 4: I had to get security to walk me out.

1170
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:49,240
Speaker 2: He was drunk. He was drunk, and I was in

1171
01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:50,920
Speaker 2: there with some short song. He couldn't help.

1172
01:08:52,840 --> 01:08:55,040
Speaker 5: In his mind. That was a little bit.

1173
01:08:55,320 --> 01:08:59,960
Speaker 4: No, that wasn't no sprinkle, nigga, Stop you did, nigga?

1174
01:09:00,160 --> 01:09:05,360
Speaker 4: Get I make a light of it.

1175
01:09:05,439 --> 01:09:12,040
Speaker 2: But I'll be thinking like a little sprinkle of like, no.

1176
01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:15,000
Speaker 3: Bitch, it's not cool because it's not. It's no middle ground.

1177
01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:17,320
Speaker 3: We're crazy crazy it is.

1178
01:09:19,680 --> 01:09:22,360
Speaker 4: She'll be saying like little stuff like I be joking,

1179
01:09:22,479 --> 01:09:23,920
Speaker 4: but like when I have a man and he be

1180
01:09:23,960 --> 01:09:26,600
Speaker 4: going out, I'll be like, leave your dick here, you know,

1181
01:09:26,800 --> 01:09:30,360
Speaker 4: just like you know, joking, acting like I'm a little

1182
01:09:30,760 --> 01:09:35,320
Speaker 4: obsessed with him, but not like scary up says like

1183
01:09:35,400 --> 01:09:37,479
Speaker 4: if he ain't answering my phone, I'm not like obviously

1184
01:09:37,520 --> 01:09:38,559
Speaker 4: he wants me to come to his house.

1185
01:09:38,600 --> 01:09:39,800
Speaker 2: I'm not one of those.

1186
01:09:44,400 --> 01:09:47,720
Speaker 4: All right, never mind, send me the link for mad

1187
01:09:47,920 --> 01:09:51,240
Speaker 4: so I can yeah, bet, because you need therapy.

1188
01:09:52,640 --> 01:09:55,439
Speaker 5: But TAMN, Like to your point, what I would say

1189
01:09:55,640 --> 01:10:02,599
Speaker 5: is like understand like why people are like drawn to drama,

1190
01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:07,160
Speaker 5: right and like reality TV. I was asking somebody the

1191
01:10:07,160 --> 01:10:10,840
Speaker 5: other day. They was like, you know, I was like, well,

1192
01:10:10,880 --> 01:10:13,679
Speaker 5: why do you you know? I like my Reality TV?

1193
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:16,519
Speaker 5: And I was like, well, does that reflect like who

1194
01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:18,640
Speaker 5: you are in life? And They're like no, And I'm like, so,

1195
01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:22,519
Speaker 5: why why are we so right? Why are we so

1196
01:10:22,640 --> 01:10:26,280
Speaker 5: in tune to drama or entertained drama? Because I'm gonna

1197
01:10:26,280 --> 01:10:29,280
Speaker 5: tell you at some point in time, I'm gonna tell

1198
01:10:29,280 --> 01:10:31,880
Speaker 5: you from an ex sign, go say which one watch

1199
01:10:31,920 --> 01:10:36,360
Speaker 5: the whole lot of reality TV? And i'swhere like she

1200
01:10:36,560 --> 01:10:39,920
Speaker 5: just enjoyed arguing because that's what the hell she was watching.

1201
01:10:40,400 --> 01:10:43,840
Speaker 5: Like if you watch a lot of drama, like, do

1202
01:10:43,960 --> 01:10:46,519
Speaker 5: you not like take on a little bit of that

1203
01:10:46,760 --> 01:10:49,920
Speaker 5: in yourself because it may be something that you're yearning for,

1204
01:10:50,560 --> 01:10:53,599
Speaker 5: are yearning for the wrong amount of entertainment or attention?

1205
01:10:54,439 --> 01:11:00,840
Speaker 5: Like to me, like what you subject yourself to sometimes

1206
01:11:00,920 --> 01:11:03,280
Speaker 5: points in the direction of what you want to be

1207
01:11:03,520 --> 01:11:06,320
Speaker 5: or what you want in your life.

1208
01:11:06,520 --> 01:11:06,800
Speaker 1: What's that.

1209
01:11:07,080 --> 01:11:07,599
Speaker 5: I'm gonna.

1210
01:11:09,360 --> 01:11:11,360
Speaker 4: Watch a lot of war movies and I ain't trying

1211
01:11:11,360 --> 01:11:12,800
Speaker 4: to jump out nobody playing.

1212
01:11:12,600 --> 01:11:15,120
Speaker 5: Christian, but like a lot of war. But you seem

1213
01:11:15,200 --> 01:11:16,680
Speaker 5: like you're ready to go to Warde.

1214
01:11:16,360 --> 01:11:21,760
Speaker 3: Tam So, like I always think about that, like in

1215
01:11:21,840 --> 01:11:26,559
Speaker 3: American culture, like where like reality like the Snapped and

1216
01:11:27,479 --> 01:11:29,840
Speaker 3: these shows with people like real killings and stuff.

1217
01:11:29,840 --> 01:11:32,080
Speaker 1: Why is that a part of American culture?

1218
01:11:32,200 --> 01:11:35,280
Speaker 3: Like why is that TV shows? Like why is that entertainment?

1219
01:11:35,439 --> 01:11:38,800
Speaker 3: Somebody's murder, like what happened to your family could very

1220
01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:42,240
Speaker 3: well be on one of these TV shows Snapped? Why

1221
01:11:42,360 --> 01:11:48,080
Speaker 3: is that entertaining to Americans? Murder twenty one Savage got

1222
01:11:48,080 --> 01:11:51,480
Speaker 3: a song go Red Room, Red Room. That's murder spelled backwards.

1223
01:11:51,800 --> 01:11:55,559
Speaker 3: That's just part of our culture for whatever reason. And

1224
01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:57,080
Speaker 3: it's disgusting.

1225
01:11:56,520 --> 01:12:00,080
Speaker 5: Though kind of found that if I'm being real.

1226
01:12:00,200 --> 01:12:03,439
Speaker 4: We're going to be honest. Yeah, it's the American way.

1227
01:12:03,479 --> 01:12:04,880
Speaker 2: Apparently we were found.

1228
01:12:05,800 --> 01:12:08,680
Speaker 5: We're not completely founded, but I would say that there

1229
01:12:08,760 --> 01:12:10,120
Speaker 5: was a lot of rape and murder that.

1230
01:12:10,080 --> 01:12:13,160
Speaker 2: Happened when to get this place started, to get this

1231
01:12:13,280 --> 01:12:13,880
Speaker 2: place started.

1232
01:12:17,680 --> 01:12:21,960
Speaker 5: But to answer your question about men, and I think

1233
01:12:22,000 --> 01:12:27,760
Speaker 5: you were asking how do you asking how do we

1234
01:12:27,880 --> 01:12:30,880
Speaker 5: become emotional or how do we practice that? Or what

1235
01:12:30,920 --> 01:12:31,559
Speaker 5: were you asking?

1236
01:12:32,120 --> 01:12:34,040
Speaker 3: Like how did how do how do men you know

1237
01:12:34,400 --> 01:12:39,200
Speaker 3: who are struggling to get help struggling with mental health?

1238
01:12:39,280 --> 01:12:40,560
Speaker 1: Where did they start?

1239
01:12:42,800 --> 01:12:46,840
Speaker 5: You start with self awareness, like understanding that as men

1240
01:12:49,040 --> 01:12:54,320
Speaker 5: going to counseling is okay. I haven't had a therapist yet.

1241
01:12:54,360 --> 01:12:57,599
Speaker 5: That hasn't become like a good friend. No matter whether

1242
01:12:57,640 --> 01:13:00,880
Speaker 5: they like transition to another job or whatever, it is,

1243
01:13:00,920 --> 01:13:03,640
Speaker 5: like they still stay in contact because we've just developed

1244
01:13:04,439 --> 01:13:08,439
Speaker 5: a relationship. You have to have people that you can

1245
01:13:08,479 --> 01:13:11,000
Speaker 5: talk to outside of family and outside of a relationship,

1246
01:13:12,240 --> 01:13:15,439
Speaker 5: because if not, we look at it as compatibility or

1247
01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:18,960
Speaker 5: connection with somebody because we can have those conversations. But

1248
01:13:19,080 --> 01:13:23,639
Speaker 5: are you truly not just trauma bonding with somebody because

1249
01:13:23,640 --> 01:13:27,880
Speaker 5: we look at trauma bonding as ooh we compatible, No,

1250
01:13:28,560 --> 01:13:31,840
Speaker 5: you're incompatible y'all to share you know the same level

1251
01:13:31,840 --> 01:13:34,760
Speaker 5: of trauma, and that's what y'all bond on. So when

1252
01:13:34,880 --> 01:13:37,400
Speaker 5: y'all heal from that trauma and there was a guy

1253
01:13:37,439 --> 01:13:39,639
Speaker 5: talking about it on social media one time, Like, when

1254
01:13:39,720 --> 01:13:42,920
Speaker 5: you heal from that trauma and you have one person

1255
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:45,880
Speaker 5: that's healed and the other person that's not where do

1256
01:13:45,960 --> 01:13:50,439
Speaker 5: you go from there? Because and I'm just telling you

1257
01:13:50,479 --> 01:13:54,360
Speaker 5: from a person that's been in that type of relationship

1258
01:13:54,400 --> 01:13:56,960
Speaker 5: and had to make a very tough decision about the

1259
01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:59,719
Speaker 5: type of father that I wanted to be to my girls.

1260
01:14:00,320 --> 01:14:04,000
Speaker 5: And I had to get out of the situation because

1261
01:14:04,479 --> 01:14:07,200
Speaker 5: at the point I healed and they were still hanging

1262
01:14:07,240 --> 01:14:11,840
Speaker 5: on to their trauma. And you can't force somebody to heal.

1263
01:14:13,240 --> 01:14:16,080
Speaker 5: I was only control of healing myself. But if you're

1264
01:14:16,080 --> 01:14:17,840
Speaker 5: not going to do the work to heal, and that's

1265
01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:19,680
Speaker 5: that's for men. Like, if you're not going to do

1266
01:14:19,760 --> 01:14:22,680
Speaker 5: to work to heal, like the trauma cycle is going

1267
01:14:22,760 --> 01:14:26,720
Speaker 5: to continue. It's never going to change. So you know,

1268
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:29,960
Speaker 5: being self aware that even if you don't view your

1269
01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:34,479
Speaker 5: life as being traumatic, it's okay to have a counselor

1270
01:14:34,479 --> 01:14:38,479
Speaker 5: that you talk to in life because me personally, I

1271
01:14:39,120 --> 01:14:41,639
Speaker 5: deal and suffer with a lot of anxiety. I had

1272
01:14:41,680 --> 01:14:47,400
Speaker 5: to learn how to manage that, especially after my mom died.

1273
01:14:47,560 --> 01:14:53,040
Speaker 5: Like I was waking up every morning with some of

1274
01:14:53,080 --> 01:14:56,559
Speaker 5: the worst like feeling like fight or flight every day morning.

1275
01:14:56,600 --> 01:15:00,679
Speaker 5: And I woke up, you know, and I had another

1276
01:15:00,880 --> 01:15:03,519
Speaker 5: situation in a relationship where I started feeling the same

1277
01:15:03,520 --> 01:15:07,240
Speaker 5: way around my partner and I was like, this, this

1278
01:15:07,320 --> 01:15:09,479
Speaker 5: ain't life Like if you bringing that level of anxiety

1279
01:15:09,520 --> 01:15:13,200
Speaker 5: to me, it ain't healthy. So, you know, being self

1280
01:15:13,200 --> 01:15:16,400
Speaker 5: aware of yourself, but also just doing the things mentally

1281
01:15:16,439 --> 01:15:19,200
Speaker 5: and physically to take care of yourself, take care of

1282
01:15:19,200 --> 01:15:24,400
Speaker 5: your health, and don't apologize for putting yourself first. I

1283
01:15:24,439 --> 01:15:28,360
Speaker 5: think that you know, when we get relationships, we especially

1284
01:15:31,320 --> 01:15:35,880
Speaker 5: some men who are mostly available, they sometimes get taken

1285
01:15:35,920 --> 01:15:40,719
Speaker 5: advantage of more because they are deemed this sometimes softer.

1286
01:15:41,439 --> 01:15:44,479
Speaker 5: So you know, but it's okay to like choose you

1287
01:15:45,200 --> 01:15:49,439
Speaker 5: understand your boundaries, set your boundaries, stick to them, but

1288
01:15:49,760 --> 01:15:52,280
Speaker 5: also just acknowledge the fact that every woman you meet

1289
01:15:52,360 --> 01:15:54,240
Speaker 5: is not going to accept you one hundred percent for

1290
01:15:54,320 --> 01:15:58,400
Speaker 5: who you are. You're gonna you're a rare man and

1291
01:15:58,439 --> 01:15:59,920
Speaker 5: you're going to have to find a rare woman, but

1292
01:16:00,439 --> 01:16:02,680
Speaker 5: you're going to have to do the work. Like especially,

1293
01:16:02,920 --> 01:16:05,280
Speaker 5: I think you said at earlier ages, like if you

1294
01:16:05,360 --> 01:16:07,800
Speaker 5: got a woman that points out like something about you

1295
01:16:07,840 --> 01:16:11,880
Speaker 5: that needs to change or something you know that challenges

1296
01:16:11,920 --> 01:16:16,200
Speaker 5: your trauma, that's a damn good woman.

1297
01:16:17,120 --> 01:16:19,439
Speaker 2: Needs to be like that's just me, that's just who

1298
01:16:19,479 --> 01:16:20,160
Speaker 2: are you?

1299
01:16:20,880 --> 01:16:23,640
Speaker 5: But you got them? Why are you the way that

1300
01:16:23,680 --> 01:16:28,840
Speaker 5: you are? Because it ain't ain't normal contrary to your belief?

1301
01:16:28,920 --> 01:16:32,000
Speaker 5: Is it's not normal? Like I mean I grew up

1302
01:16:32,040 --> 01:16:37,840
Speaker 5: in the hood, like I still are. I mean still

1303
01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:42,200
Speaker 5: in the hood to a degree. And I mean like

1304
01:16:42,520 --> 01:16:45,400
Speaker 5: I talk to people every day that still hold on

1305
01:16:45,479 --> 01:16:48,960
Speaker 5: to the same trauma, the same attitude, Like this is me,

1306
01:16:49,479 --> 01:16:51,840
Speaker 5: this is who I grew up. Like, yeah, we grew

1307
01:16:51,960 --> 01:16:53,920
Speaker 5: up in the same environment, but right now we two

1308
01:16:53,960 --> 01:16:59,680
Speaker 5: different people. Why And I I hate saying that I've

1309
01:16:59,680 --> 01:17:03,800
Speaker 5: been through more than you because that's subjective, But in

1310
01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:06,439
Speaker 5: theory and life, I've been more than been through more.

1311
01:17:06,520 --> 01:17:08,439
Speaker 5: I have more excuses to.

1312
01:17:08,560 --> 01:17:10,880
Speaker 1: Be uh fucked up?

1313
01:17:11,960 --> 01:17:15,960
Speaker 5: Correct then you? What is stopping you?

1314
01:17:17,200 --> 01:17:17,599
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1315
01:17:17,720 --> 01:17:19,920
Speaker 5: And that and that would be my challenge to men,

1316
01:17:20,040 --> 01:17:25,080
Speaker 5: like like it's okay to be to be broken or

1317
01:17:25,160 --> 01:17:28,320
Speaker 5: bent or a ment like I need some help, I

1318
01:17:28,360 --> 01:17:31,160
Speaker 5: need somebody to talk to. I need to like grow

1319
01:17:31,200 --> 01:17:35,439
Speaker 5: within myself. Like it's a simple reflection to me, I

1320
01:17:35,479 --> 01:17:40,200
Speaker 5: look at my kids. What is the man that I

1321
01:17:40,240 --> 01:17:45,080
Speaker 5: want them to marry? How do I want them to

1322
01:17:45,080 --> 01:17:48,400
Speaker 5: be treated? Because I'm the type of man that's not

1323
01:17:48,439 --> 01:17:51,400
Speaker 5: going to choose their love life form. You asked Daddy

1324
01:17:51,400 --> 01:17:53,160
Speaker 5: for advice. I give you advice, but I'm never going

1325
01:17:53,240 --> 01:17:54,840
Speaker 5: to tell you not to talk to this person, not

1326
01:17:54,880 --> 01:18:01,080
Speaker 5: to talk to that person. But you have to sometimes

1327
01:18:01,160 --> 01:18:05,519
Speaker 5: be that reflection of what you want, because there are

1328
01:18:05,560 --> 01:18:08,679
Speaker 5: people who expect different for their mom and they expect

1329
01:18:08,680 --> 01:18:12,800
Speaker 5: different for their daughters, but not really willing to do

1330
01:18:12,960 --> 01:18:17,599
Speaker 5: the work for themselves. Because if you are the foundation

1331
01:18:19,400 --> 01:18:27,400
Speaker 5: of which they learn what love is you accountable.

1332
01:18:29,240 --> 01:18:30,200
Speaker 2: Absolutely true.

1333
01:18:30,560 --> 01:18:33,160
Speaker 3: So we had a great segue in about five minutes

1334
01:18:33,200 --> 01:18:38,240
Speaker 3: ago into a SIMPS story before.

1335
01:18:37,920 --> 01:18:39,320
Speaker 2: We get into a SIMP story.

1336
01:18:39,320 --> 01:18:43,519
Speaker 4: Though based on yall interaction with me, Christian, am I

1337
01:18:43,600 --> 01:18:46,040
Speaker 4: running the niggas off from listening to the show.

1338
01:18:50,479 --> 01:18:53,960
Speaker 5: No, I will honestly tam like we would have to

1339
01:18:54,000 --> 01:18:59,479
Speaker 5: have like more conversation. I mean, I mean, I'm very real,

1340
01:19:00,240 --> 01:19:02,640
Speaker 5: y'all are beautiful women, so I would thank you. I

1341
01:19:02,680 --> 01:19:07,640
Speaker 5: would not have like a lack of men trying to

1342
01:19:07,640 --> 01:19:08,120
Speaker 5: talk to y'all.

1343
01:19:08,200 --> 01:19:09,920
Speaker 1: Somebody always in love? Okay.

1344
01:19:12,920 --> 01:19:16,599
Speaker 5: My question would be is how a good man, how

1345
01:19:16,640 --> 01:19:18,760
Speaker 5: do you how do your first dates typically go?

1346
01:19:19,840 --> 01:19:22,960
Speaker 2: I'm telling hello jokes, I could see that.

1347
01:19:22,920 --> 01:19:25,280
Speaker 4: It's always fun, It's always a good time, and I'm

1348
01:19:25,840 --> 01:19:28,080
Speaker 4: stand up comedian in the whole time pretty much.

1349
01:19:28,080 --> 01:19:29,839
Speaker 2: But that's just my personality honestly.

1350
01:19:30,360 --> 01:19:32,760
Speaker 5: So where do you Where do you lay your expectation

1351
01:19:32,920 --> 01:19:33,800
Speaker 5: in your boundaries out?

1352
01:19:34,080 --> 01:19:34,559
Speaker 2: When I did?

1353
01:19:34,720 --> 01:19:37,800
Speaker 4: I start laying boundaries and expectations when I decide that

1354
01:19:37,880 --> 01:19:41,080
Speaker 4: I like the person, not the initial like the first

1355
01:19:41,160 --> 01:19:44,800
Speaker 4: date is too early. It's all first dates a friend

1356
01:19:44,880 --> 01:19:48,799
Speaker 4: zone for me, for everybody. But if I like, Okay,

1357
01:19:48,840 --> 01:19:52,760
Speaker 4: this guy, this guy seems like he has potential, then

1358
01:19:52,840 --> 01:19:55,160
Speaker 4: I start laying down boundaries and expectations.

1359
01:19:55,160 --> 01:19:59,320
Speaker 2: But in the beginning, it's just fun. Shouldn't it be

1360
01:19:59,360 --> 01:19:59,840
Speaker 2: that way? Though?

1361
01:20:01,680 --> 01:20:02,800
Speaker 1: I'm dating with.

1362
01:20:04,560 --> 01:20:08,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you need to tell us day one what

1363
01:20:08,200 --> 01:20:11,599
Speaker 3: you want date one, what you're looking for.

1364
01:20:11,520 --> 01:20:14,720
Speaker 2: Because I don't know. I might not want ship from you.

1365
01:20:14,680 --> 01:20:15,719
Speaker 1: And why are you outside?

1366
01:20:16,880 --> 01:20:18,840
Speaker 2: Because I have to see if you're something I want.

1367
01:20:19,000 --> 01:20:21,120
Speaker 4: You know, I have to see if just I can't

1368
01:20:21,160 --> 01:20:24,320
Speaker 4: just go off based off looks, so I have to, like,

1369
01:20:24,360 --> 01:20:25,960
Speaker 4: I need to get to know you a little bit

1370
01:20:26,040 --> 01:20:28,720
Speaker 4: then I can tell you what I want because you

1371
01:20:28,800 --> 01:20:30,439
Speaker 4: may not be it in the first damn place.

1372
01:20:30,760 --> 01:20:34,280
Speaker 2: That's how I feel like you are you homeboy material,

1373
01:20:34,600 --> 01:20:37,160
Speaker 2: you know? So why I'm laying boundaries with you. I

1374
01:20:37,160 --> 01:20:38,680
Speaker 2: ain't ever fucking with you.

1375
01:20:38,680 --> 01:20:42,120
Speaker 4: You know, Let's just eat this little steak, watch this

1376
01:20:42,160 --> 01:20:46,639
Speaker 4: little game, and then that's it. But if I really got,

1377
01:20:46,720 --> 01:20:48,880
Speaker 4: like I start feeling you, then I start laying down

1378
01:20:48,920 --> 01:20:51,080
Speaker 4: expectations and boundaries.

1379
01:20:52,200 --> 01:20:54,680
Speaker 5: So do you feel do you feel like because you

1380
01:20:54,680 --> 01:20:56,960
Speaker 5: say running and off, like, do you feel like theyre

1381
01:20:57,000 --> 01:20:59,160
Speaker 5: what do you feel like they run off from? Because

1382
01:20:59,200 --> 01:21:02,080
Speaker 5: I mean just re you like you seem like you

1383
01:21:02,160 --> 01:21:07,439
Speaker 5: have a very I don't want Well, yeah, I would say,

1384
01:21:07,479 --> 01:21:10,160
Speaker 5: like a very addictive personality.

1385
01:21:10,760 --> 01:21:15,599
Speaker 2: What do you mean like I DoD drugs?

1386
01:21:16,040 --> 01:21:17,880
Speaker 5: Like people will want to get to know you.

1387
01:21:18,120 --> 01:21:21,479
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, I think, okay, yeah, okay, you're right.

1388
01:21:21,520 --> 01:21:22,720
Speaker 4: You're right, Christmas, you're right.

1389
01:21:22,920 --> 01:21:28,120
Speaker 3: But what happens once they get to know you?

1390
01:21:28,240 --> 01:21:30,160
Speaker 2: What happens was to know.

1391
01:21:32,400 --> 01:21:35,519
Speaker 4: I just I just had someone say that they can't

1392
01:21:35,600 --> 01:21:41,719
Speaker 4: deal with my emotional sea sauce. I'm a cancer sometimes

1393
01:21:41,760 --> 01:21:44,320
Speaker 4: I cry.

1394
01:21:46,160 --> 01:21:49,920
Speaker 5: Oh lord, that's so.

1395
01:21:51,320 --> 01:21:54,320
Speaker 4: I didn't even seesaw really though. I just saw this

1396
01:21:54,400 --> 01:21:58,680
Speaker 4: ship that I like, I addressed it, and then they

1397
01:21:58,720 --> 01:22:00,760
Speaker 4: called it an emotional sea sawce And I'm like, what,

1398
01:22:03,040 --> 01:22:06,760
Speaker 4: how's that emotional seesaw? If I can't address something I

1399
01:22:06,800 --> 01:22:10,000
Speaker 4: don't like because we were getting along fine and then

1400
01:22:10,000 --> 01:22:12,680
Speaker 4: I tell you this is something that I don't like.

1401
01:22:13,280 --> 01:22:15,080
Speaker 2: Now is an emotional seesaw.

1402
01:22:16,479 --> 01:22:19,000
Speaker 5: Out the though it depends on how you delivered it.

1403
01:22:19,000 --> 01:22:20,680
Speaker 2: Though I thought I.

1404
01:22:20,680 --> 01:22:23,240
Speaker 1: Was I got to talk to these niggas nice.

1405
01:22:23,479 --> 01:22:26,559
Speaker 5: I'm so sick, That's what I'm talking about. That's the

1406
01:22:26,600 --> 01:22:30,160
Speaker 5: sassify you know what I'm saying, Like my thing is.

1407
01:22:30,200 --> 01:22:32,840
Speaker 5: But if you want me like, think about this aj

1408
01:22:33,040 --> 01:22:36,879
Speaker 5: in a relationship, like if you want me to value

1409
01:22:37,680 --> 01:22:41,160
Speaker 5: your feelings right, how you feel, you want me to

1410
01:22:41,320 --> 01:22:45,800
Speaker 5: listen to understand, not the respond is that too much

1411
01:22:45,880 --> 01:22:48,679
Speaker 5: to have the same expectation from you? Because I don't

1412
01:22:49,120 --> 01:22:54,280
Speaker 5: like this is my tone arguing and it irritates the

1413
01:22:54,320 --> 01:22:58,320
Speaker 5: hell out of some people because this is me. I

1414
01:22:58,760 --> 01:23:01,800
Speaker 5: cannot allow you to take me to another level because

1415
01:23:01,840 --> 01:23:03,720
Speaker 5: guess what at that point in time, then I don't

1416
01:23:03,720 --> 01:23:06,839
Speaker 5: have control over myself, which means there is no control

1417
01:23:06,880 --> 01:23:10,160
Speaker 5: over our conversation. That we ain't going nowhere right. So

1418
01:23:10,240 --> 01:23:14,960
Speaker 5: for me, like if you're not able to and I understand,

1419
01:23:15,000 --> 01:23:19,519
Speaker 5: like some conversations warn't more emotions than others. But if

1420
01:23:19,560 --> 01:23:22,679
Speaker 5: I see an emotional influx, like you this way during

1421
01:23:22,680 --> 01:23:24,960
Speaker 5: the day and then I call you back and you here,

1422
01:23:25,520 --> 01:23:28,800
Speaker 5: and I'm like trying to like converse with you, to

1423
01:23:28,840 --> 01:23:30,840
Speaker 5: try to figure out like what's going on, and then

1424
01:23:31,040 --> 01:23:32,640
Speaker 5: next thing, you know, you got an attitude of me

1425
01:23:32,800 --> 01:23:36,760
Speaker 5: and I this shit. I'm like, I mean, how long

1426
01:23:36,760 --> 01:23:37,799
Speaker 5: are you riding these waves?

1427
01:23:38,160 --> 01:23:39,000
Speaker 1: You know, Christian?

1428
01:23:39,040 --> 01:23:40,599
Speaker 2: Why aren't you reading my mind?

1429
01:23:41,320 --> 01:23:46,559
Speaker 5: That's the problem we are not. Let me tell you

1430
01:23:46,600 --> 01:23:51,080
Speaker 5: something about men. We ween the smartest people think we are.

1431
01:23:52,600 --> 01:23:58,120
Speaker 3: Oh, we know that people think that, but but I

1432
01:23:58,120 --> 01:24:00,519
Speaker 3: would say, like from a standpoint of.

1433
01:24:03,439 --> 01:24:06,320
Speaker 5: And I think that goes into like social management, like

1434
01:24:06,960 --> 01:24:11,719
Speaker 5: reading women and their emotions. I am not the best

1435
01:24:11,760 --> 01:24:14,120
Speaker 5: at it, right, And I think most men kind of

1436
01:24:14,120 --> 01:24:18,320
Speaker 5: suffer from that, right because we are kind of hardened

1437
01:24:18,320 --> 01:24:21,719
Speaker 5: to not really embrace like a lot of emotions are.

1438
01:24:21,880 --> 01:24:24,040
Speaker 5: And it's not like we get a lot of practice

1439
01:24:24,040 --> 01:24:27,559
Speaker 5: with other men because outside of my friend's circle, like

1440
01:24:27,720 --> 01:24:31,040
Speaker 5: what I consider my golden circle is the only men

1441
01:24:31,080 --> 01:24:33,959
Speaker 5: that I will be vulnerable with, and they are vulnerable

1442
01:24:33,960 --> 01:24:37,000
Speaker 5: with me. But not everybody has that. Like if I

1443
01:24:37,040 --> 01:24:39,000
Speaker 5: stayed in the hood that I grew up in, I

1444
01:24:39,000 --> 01:24:42,519
Speaker 5: would never be emotionally available for nobody. So the only

1445
01:24:42,600 --> 01:24:45,680
Speaker 5: practice I get is engaging my women, Like that's going

1446
01:24:45,760 --> 01:24:49,160
Speaker 5: to take practice of me reading that because I can't

1447
01:24:49,240 --> 01:24:54,599
Speaker 5: say that women are the best communicators of their emotions,

1448
01:24:54,640 --> 01:24:58,000
Speaker 5: like most women want their minds to be read. And

1449
01:24:58,080 --> 01:25:05,479
Speaker 5: I'm like, you better textclue me, sign outside, telegram everything.

1450
01:25:05,479 --> 01:25:07,880
Speaker 5: You better everything to me because I can't. I'm not

1451
01:25:08,280 --> 01:25:10,280
Speaker 5: And I will tell you I don't read between the

1452
01:25:10,320 --> 01:25:13,400
Speaker 5: lines because if I read between the lines and I

1453
01:25:13,439 --> 01:25:16,680
Speaker 5: get it wrong, that's a whole nother argument. Right, So

1454
01:25:16,760 --> 01:25:19,760
Speaker 5: why not for me? I ask for clear communication. You

1455
01:25:19,800 --> 01:25:22,599
Speaker 5: tell me exactly how it is that you feel. You

1456
01:25:22,680 --> 01:25:25,280
Speaker 5: tell me exactly how it is that I'm making you feel,

1457
01:25:25,680 --> 01:25:28,240
Speaker 5: and then we can address the issue, because if you

1458
01:25:28,400 --> 01:25:32,000
Speaker 5: skip steps with me, you're gonna be highly disappointed. I'm

1459
01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:34,680
Speaker 5: gonna just tell you because to y'all, y'all got to

1460
01:25:34,760 --> 01:25:38,640
Speaker 5: understand we two different creatures. Y'all understand y'all have this

1461
01:25:38,680 --> 01:25:41,200
Speaker 5: telepathic thing going on within y'allself. Like people are just

1462
01:25:41,520 --> 01:25:41,880
Speaker 5: feel that.

1463
01:25:41,920 --> 01:25:44,679
Speaker 3: Way about men, though I swear to God, you could

1464
01:25:44,720 --> 01:25:47,840
Speaker 3: be so articulate, you could say exactly what it is.

1465
01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:52,240
Speaker 3: And sometimes men gaslight and women do too, right, and

1466
01:25:52,400 --> 01:25:54,519
Speaker 3: what's the next response when when a bitch say some

1467
01:25:54,560 --> 01:25:55,080
Speaker 3: shit that.

1468
01:25:55,000 --> 01:25:58,280
Speaker 1: Makes too much sense? Were you mean?

1469
01:26:00,080 --> 01:26:02,360
Speaker 2: That'll be the response? What you mean?

1470
01:26:02,720 --> 01:26:05,800
Speaker 3: You know exactly what I'm saying. You know exactly what

1471
01:26:05,880 --> 01:26:06,200
Speaker 3: I mean?

1472
01:26:08,040 --> 01:26:11,720
Speaker 5: The way you mean can mean two things. Right, I'm Sam,

1473
01:26:11,760 --> 01:26:12,400
Speaker 5: where are you from?

1474
01:26:12,960 --> 01:26:14,160
Speaker 2: Columbia? South Carolina?

1475
01:26:14,320 --> 01:26:18,080
Speaker 5: Okay? You understand a little bit of gichi. So when

1476
01:26:18,680 --> 01:26:21,280
Speaker 5: when they say that, I think either one and I

1477
01:26:21,320 --> 01:26:23,519
Speaker 5: hate telling them man, but one, they probably was not

1478
01:26:23,520 --> 01:26:27,479
Speaker 5: paying attention to the conversation. What you mean typically is

1479
01:26:28,160 --> 01:26:30,920
Speaker 5: I heard the back end, but not the front end, right,

1480
01:26:31,479 --> 01:26:34,360
Speaker 5: not listening to understand, and they did not come up

1481
01:26:34,400 --> 01:26:40,200
Speaker 5: with a good response on the fly. Or secondly, it

1482
01:26:40,240 --> 01:26:42,760
Speaker 5: can be them being stuck and not really knowing how

1483
01:26:42,760 --> 01:26:46,519
Speaker 5: to reply. Because sometimes I'm gonna tell you, some women

1484
01:26:46,640 --> 01:26:49,840
Speaker 5: hit me with some stuff emotionally, I'm just like h

1485
01:26:51,000 --> 01:26:53,559
Speaker 5: And they're like, well, you don't have a response. I'm like, well,

1486
01:26:53,600 --> 01:26:57,360
Speaker 5: first of all, you literally just gave me two seconds

1487
01:26:57,360 --> 01:27:01,800
Speaker 5: to respond over what I consider that even a text

1488
01:27:01,840 --> 01:27:04,880
Speaker 5: message or even on the phone, a huge bubble of

1489
01:27:04,920 --> 01:27:07,360
Speaker 5: information that you want me to decipher.

1490
01:27:07,560 --> 01:27:09,840
Speaker 3: Ah, I'm just called to cut you off right there,

1491
01:27:09,880 --> 01:27:11,639
Speaker 3: I got it. I don't got enough time to think

1492
01:27:11,680 --> 01:27:13,200
Speaker 3: about a bullshit ass answer.

1493
01:27:13,520 --> 01:27:18,320
Speaker 5: So it's that's my thing, right, would you if you

1494
01:27:18,439 --> 01:27:21,080
Speaker 5: just hit me with a long paragraph of information, right,

1495
01:27:21,520 --> 01:27:23,519
Speaker 5: just like you were asking me a question of a

1496
01:27:23,600 --> 01:27:26,040
Speaker 5: minute ago and I said, aj, I got add Like,

1497
01:27:26,439 --> 01:27:29,599
Speaker 5: you gotta break up these questions for me, because once

1498
01:27:29,640 --> 01:27:31,280
Speaker 5: I get to answer one, it's gonna be hard for

1499
01:27:31,320 --> 01:27:34,479
Speaker 5: me to get back to the second. Like if your

1500
01:27:34,560 --> 01:27:36,639
Speaker 5: man is a man that can you can ask him

1501
01:27:36,640 --> 01:27:39,240
Speaker 5: fifty questions and he can answer off it or respond

1502
01:27:39,280 --> 01:27:42,160
Speaker 5: to all fifty things. You got a great one, But

1503
01:27:42,280 --> 01:27:46,040
Speaker 5: for me, you gotta break that thing down. Because if

1504
01:27:46,080 --> 01:27:48,120
Speaker 5: you send me a text message in a bubble, right,

1505
01:27:48,160 --> 01:27:50,880
Speaker 5: I'm gonna tell you how I'm ana reply, I'm gonna

1506
01:27:50,880 --> 01:27:53,760
Speaker 5: stroll back up to the top right, and then I'm

1507
01:27:53,760 --> 01:27:56,960
Speaker 5: a reply to that, and then I'm gonna stroll back

1508
01:27:57,000 --> 01:28:00,400
Speaker 5: down read some more. Okay, I'm a reply out of that,

1509
01:28:00,960 --> 01:28:03,040
Speaker 5: Like that's how I'm gonna reply to you. So you

1510
01:28:03,080 --> 01:28:06,479
Speaker 5: take that in a conversation, I can't go back, right,

1511
01:28:06,840 --> 01:28:09,200
Speaker 5: And if I'm holding on to the first thing, the

1512
01:28:09,200 --> 01:28:11,680
Speaker 5: first and last thing that you said, then I was

1513
01:28:11,760 --> 01:28:14,160
Speaker 5: listening to respond to you. I wasn't really listening to

1514
01:28:14,280 --> 01:28:17,880
Speaker 5: understand you. And so if I fire off real fast

1515
01:28:19,400 --> 01:28:21,719
Speaker 5: nine times I'm attend, I'm gonna say something that's probably

1516
01:28:21,800 --> 01:28:24,240
Speaker 5: gonna fuck the rest of the conversation up.

1517
01:28:26,320 --> 01:28:27,519
Speaker 2: Man, you're tripping this shit.

1518
01:28:30,439 --> 01:28:33,160
Speaker 5: Me personally, I don't, so I don't respond that way.

1519
01:28:33,200 --> 01:28:35,000
Speaker 5: And that's the thing about it, Like I don't really

1520
01:28:35,400 --> 01:28:39,759
Speaker 5: respond that way. Like I may be quiet for a minute,

1521
01:28:40,280 --> 01:28:42,040
Speaker 5: or I might say, you know, I need some time

1522
01:28:42,040 --> 01:28:46,320
Speaker 5: to process, but I don't give like the short like

1523
01:28:46,760 --> 01:28:47,880
Speaker 5: you tripping, right.

1524
01:28:47,800 --> 01:28:51,240
Speaker 2: I got enough stress at working. Shit, be my peace.

1525
01:28:52,400 --> 01:28:53,520
Speaker 1: Men don't really.

1526
01:28:53,280 --> 01:28:56,519
Speaker 5: Mean that, because men are I actually do mean that

1527
01:28:56,560 --> 01:28:59,880
Speaker 5: when I say it, because I work a very very

1528
01:29:00,000 --> 01:29:04,920
Speaker 5: stressful job, and so when I come home, I don't

1529
01:29:04,960 --> 01:29:07,400
Speaker 5: mind talking about world problems and all that other stuff.

1530
01:29:07,560 --> 01:29:09,720
Speaker 5: Maybe for the first thirty minutes hour we can talk

1531
01:29:09,720 --> 01:29:13,400
Speaker 5: about work. Are they going, what's going on in the world?

1532
01:29:14,640 --> 01:29:18,200
Speaker 5: After that, I just want to connect because I need

1533
01:29:18,240 --> 01:29:21,559
Speaker 5: my woman to literally be my peace, because outside of

1534
01:29:21,560 --> 01:29:25,240
Speaker 5: this world it's chaos, especially you know, being a black

1535
01:29:25,280 --> 01:29:29,320
Speaker 5: woman and for me being a black man, and especially

1536
01:29:29,360 --> 01:29:32,400
Speaker 5: the profession professions that I'm in and what I have

1537
01:29:32,479 --> 01:29:34,960
Speaker 5: to pour into other people, Like when I come home

1538
01:29:35,120 --> 01:29:37,240
Speaker 5: after we talk about our days, like, I just want

1539
01:29:37,280 --> 01:29:41,680
Speaker 5: to connect emotionally with you, and that's it. If we

1540
01:29:41,800 --> 01:29:44,559
Speaker 5: got kids, we can manage them until it's time for

1541
01:29:44,640 --> 01:29:47,479
Speaker 5: them to go to bed or whatever, and then it

1542
01:29:47,600 --> 01:29:49,240
Speaker 5: just needs to really be me and you. I don't

1543
01:29:49,280 --> 01:29:52,160
Speaker 5: want to talk about world stuff all damn night. I

1544
01:29:52,160 --> 01:29:53,920
Speaker 5: don't want to talk about problems all damn night. I

1545
01:29:53,920 --> 01:29:56,680
Speaker 5: don't want to hear complaining all damn night. Like if

1546
01:29:56,720 --> 01:29:59,840
Speaker 5: you complaining all damn damn, I'm just like, well, goddamn like,

1547
01:30:00,120 --> 01:30:02,760
Speaker 5: you want to hear from me, Well, let me tell you.

1548
01:30:02,840 --> 01:30:04,240
Speaker 4: Let me tell you what I want to hear from you.

1549
01:30:04,520 --> 01:30:06,960
Speaker 4: I want to hear your SIMP story. We gotta take

1550
01:30:06,960 --> 01:30:09,960
Speaker 4: a commercial. We'll be right back, but when we come back,

1551
01:30:10,240 --> 01:30:14,960
Speaker 4: that's what I want to hear from you. One second's

1552
01:30:15,160 --> 01:30:16,240
Speaker 4: real easy way to say that.

1553
01:30:23,120 --> 01:30:25,840
Speaker 3: All right, y'all were back, and we are going to

1554
01:30:25,880 --> 01:30:29,799
Speaker 3: get a SIMP story, a SIMP series story from Kristen.

1555
01:30:31,520 --> 01:30:33,280
Speaker 1: What you got for us, Kristen.

1556
01:30:33,160 --> 01:30:35,960
Speaker 5: Well listen for one. I'm gonna tell you, y'all put

1557
01:30:35,960 --> 01:30:38,479
Speaker 5: me in a very tough predicament, in a rough spot.

1558
01:30:39,520 --> 01:30:45,040
Speaker 5: But what I will say is I was in a

1559
01:30:45,080 --> 01:30:55,240
Speaker 5: relationship where uh, I felt like I did it sounds

1560
01:30:55,439 --> 01:31:00,320
Speaker 5: the same, sounds more like a damn sadass story, but

1561
01:31:00,360 --> 01:31:03,840
Speaker 5: where I feel like I did a lot of adjusting right.

1562
01:31:06,000 --> 01:31:11,519
Speaker 5: Whatever she wanted I did. I worked my ass off

1563
01:31:11,560 --> 01:31:16,559
Speaker 5: to provide. At one time was working five jobs at

1564
01:31:16,560 --> 01:31:19,840
Speaker 5: a time. She said that I was working too much,

1565
01:31:20,640 --> 01:31:27,200
Speaker 5: so I stopped and started businesses to support financially and

1566
01:31:27,560 --> 01:31:30,680
Speaker 5: on top of the job that I have. And I

1567
01:31:30,720 --> 01:31:33,200
Speaker 5: think at a point where no matter what I did,

1568
01:31:34,560 --> 01:31:40,160
Speaker 5: she wasn't happy, wasn't satisfied, and didn't really appreciate what

1569
01:31:40,200 --> 01:31:43,960
Speaker 5: it is that I provided. And I think when one

1570
01:31:44,040 --> 01:31:50,519
Speaker 5: day she called me selfish, that was a trigger for

1571
01:31:50,600 --> 01:31:55,760
Speaker 5: me because I was like, I've literally sacrificed every goddamn thing,

1572
01:31:55,800 --> 01:32:00,720
Speaker 5: whether you talk about financially, emotionally, whatever it is. Like,

1573
01:32:00,760 --> 01:32:02,479
Speaker 5: I knew there were things I needed to work on,

1574
01:32:02,680 --> 01:32:04,400
Speaker 5: but I will say at the end of the day,

1575
01:32:06,520 --> 01:32:09,799
Speaker 5: it was a relationship that spanned it over ten years,

1576
01:32:10,600 --> 01:32:14,360
Speaker 5: and I can't say that I got a whole lot

1577
01:32:14,400 --> 01:32:17,439
Speaker 5: from it. Oh, I'm getting a whole lot taken away,

1578
01:32:17,560 --> 01:32:19,080
Speaker 5: but I am getting a whole lot from it, a

1579
01:32:19,120 --> 01:32:21,880
Speaker 5: whole lot of money taken away, But I ain't getting

1580
01:32:21,880 --> 01:32:25,240
Speaker 5: a whole lot from it and for something that I'm

1581
01:32:25,240 --> 01:32:27,760
Speaker 5: not getting anything out of. So I don't want to

1582
01:32:28,120 --> 01:32:30,400
Speaker 5: like get too far into detail, but I think that,

1583
01:32:30,840 --> 01:32:37,240
Speaker 5: you know, it's very hard for men to kind of

1584
01:32:37,280 --> 01:32:41,519
Speaker 5: bounce back from situations like that, because I'm gonna be

1585
01:32:41,520 --> 01:32:47,320
Speaker 5: honest with you, like being divorced and having two girls.

1586
01:32:47,800 --> 01:32:50,320
Speaker 5: In my mind coming out, I felt like I was

1587
01:32:50,840 --> 01:32:55,840
Speaker 5: damaged goods. I'm going to be considered damage goods, and

1588
01:32:55,920 --> 01:32:58,439
Speaker 5: I had to realize that I have a lot more

1589
01:32:58,560 --> 01:33:03,000
Speaker 5: value in me than my past or my current situation.

1590
01:33:04,520 --> 01:33:07,080
Speaker 5: But I know they are in the biggest SIMP story

1591
01:33:07,080 --> 01:33:10,880
Speaker 5: in the world. But scorpios typically ain't simps, specifically when

1592
01:33:10,880 --> 01:33:19,240
Speaker 5: they're born in November blue like that from experience. But

1593
01:33:19,320 --> 01:33:22,400
Speaker 5: I tell you, but that's probably the thing for me.

1594
01:33:22,640 --> 01:33:25,160
Speaker 5: I would say, like, you know, giving you all to

1595
01:33:25,240 --> 01:33:30,400
Speaker 5: somebody and then it not being appreciated and them on

1596
01:33:30,479 --> 01:33:33,760
Speaker 5: the back end trying to destroy you or run with

1597
01:33:33,800 --> 01:33:35,960
Speaker 5: a narrative. Because one thing about myself, like I'm not

1598
01:33:36,040 --> 01:33:39,920
Speaker 5: going to bash anybody. I'm pretty to myself, mind my

1599
01:33:39,960 --> 01:33:43,439
Speaker 5: own business and don't like people in my business, especially

1600
01:33:43,479 --> 01:33:48,640
Speaker 5: in my personal business. And so you know, for me,

1601
01:33:48,720 --> 01:33:51,080
Speaker 5: she can run with the narratives that she wants, and

1602
01:33:51,560 --> 01:33:54,080
Speaker 5: I'm gonna keep my silence and just keep life moving.

1603
01:33:55,000 --> 01:33:59,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why they so vague, vad and a quartering.

1604
01:34:05,760 --> 01:34:10,160
Speaker 2: I appreciate you for trying Christian, but that wasn't that.

1605
01:34:13,040 --> 01:34:13,519
Speaker 5: I'm trying to.

1606
01:34:13,560 --> 01:34:19,120
Speaker 4: We're good, man, Yeah, we're good on that.

1607
01:34:21,320 --> 01:34:24,160
Speaker 5: I told listen, I told since earlier, I said a

1608
01:34:24,240 --> 01:34:25,479
Speaker 5: simp story. You ain't really.

1609
01:34:25,400 --> 01:34:27,000
Speaker 1: Women having that a lot lately.

1610
01:34:27,160 --> 01:34:29,400
Speaker 3: See, I guess the only people who be getting played

1611
01:34:29,400 --> 01:34:32,160
Speaker 3: out of here, Tom, I guess because I got plenty

1612
01:34:32,520 --> 01:34:34,839
Speaker 3: sim right, I'll see dumb bitch stories.

1613
01:34:37,439 --> 01:34:39,160
Speaker 2: I just shared one with y'all earlier.

1614
01:34:42,840 --> 01:34:46,160
Speaker 5: Listen. I mean that's that's probably the closest one I got.

1615
01:34:46,240 --> 01:34:49,840
Speaker 5: That's the closest one I got. I mean, typically, you know,

1616
01:34:49,880 --> 01:34:52,479
Speaker 5: I'm anew for my way out of them situations, and

1617
01:34:52,800 --> 01:34:54,600
Speaker 5: I would say that women typically.

1618
01:34:56,520 --> 01:35:01,200
Speaker 4: Well, I'm sorry that your relationship is all and I'm

1619
01:35:01,240 --> 01:35:03,519
Speaker 4: sorry that is fucking up your pockets, my boy.

1620
01:35:03,720 --> 01:35:06,840
Speaker 3: I never I don't understand why people You're like, why

1621
01:35:06,880 --> 01:35:10,360
Speaker 3: are you celebrating a failure that is not something celebrating?

1622
01:35:12,479 --> 01:35:18,920
Speaker 5: So you just to start a whole I'm gonna tell you,

1623
01:35:18,960 --> 01:35:23,479
Speaker 5: like that is the trauma behind divorce, like when you

1624
01:35:23,520 --> 01:35:26,960
Speaker 5: want to talk about black men after divorce, like the

1625
01:35:27,040 --> 01:35:30,640
Speaker 5: pressure Like from my standpoint and where I grew up

1626
01:35:30,640 --> 01:35:35,320
Speaker 5: in right, my perception of a perfect family was being married.

1627
01:35:35,400 --> 01:35:37,880
Speaker 5: I waited until I was married to have kids, right,

1628
01:35:39,560 --> 01:35:42,839
Speaker 5: and it didn't work. Me Walking away from that situation,

1629
01:35:42,960 --> 01:35:45,760
Speaker 5: by far was probably the hardest damn decision I ever

1630
01:35:45,800 --> 01:35:49,040
Speaker 5: made in my life, because I love my girls like

1631
01:35:49,120 --> 01:35:52,559
Speaker 5: no other, but I knew in order for me to

1632
01:35:52,640 --> 01:35:54,679
Speaker 5: be a great father for them and be a great

1633
01:35:54,680 --> 01:35:57,840
Speaker 5: example for them, like, that situation just wasn't it in

1634
01:35:58,000 --> 01:36:02,680
Speaker 5: my battle? Was Am I failing right now? Am I

1635
01:36:02,760 --> 01:36:05,960
Speaker 5: feeling my family and my feeling the fantasy of which

1636
01:36:06,000 --> 01:36:09,000
Speaker 5: I wanted a family to be? And it's no different

1637
01:36:09,000 --> 01:36:12,800
Speaker 5: from attaching yourself or holding on to an unhealthy relationship

1638
01:36:13,240 --> 01:36:18,920
Speaker 5: because of perspective of other people's thoughts. That failure is

1639
01:36:19,080 --> 01:36:21,840
Speaker 5: other people's thoughts because you're the one in the relationship.

1640
01:36:21,880 --> 01:36:24,519
Speaker 5: It's not a failure to you because you chose you

1641
01:36:24,600 --> 01:36:28,200
Speaker 5: it was healthy for you and for me. I almost

1642
01:36:28,240 --> 01:36:31,800
Speaker 5: stayed in the situation because I was more concerned about

1643
01:36:31,800 --> 01:36:35,240
Speaker 5: what other people thought and feeling like I was a

1644
01:36:35,240 --> 01:36:40,280
Speaker 5: failure when really I had to choose myself, and I

1645
01:36:40,280 --> 01:36:44,040
Speaker 5: mean it was the hardest thing to get past was

1646
01:36:44,080 --> 01:36:47,799
Speaker 5: the feeling of feeling like I failed. But the perfect family,

1647
01:36:48,680 --> 01:36:53,320
Speaker 5: as by a counselor said, is a fantasy. She said,

1648
01:36:53,360 --> 01:36:57,200
Speaker 5: if Jesus did not have a perfect family, how do

1649
01:36:57,320 --> 01:37:01,000
Speaker 5: you expect to have one? He had a blended family.

1650
01:37:03,600 --> 01:37:10,440
Speaker 4: Ryna, keep that to myself.

1651
01:37:14,120 --> 01:37:17,400
Speaker 2: No, I ain't saying that, my mam, wad listen to

1652
01:37:17,439 --> 01:37:17,840
Speaker 2: this show.

1653
01:37:18,040 --> 01:37:19,760
Speaker 1: I can't say that.

1654
01:37:21,240 --> 01:37:25,080
Speaker 5: Earlier. I want to. I want to hear what you got.

1655
01:37:25,360 --> 01:37:28,600
Speaker 4: I was just gonna say, Mary ain't even get smashed,

1656
01:37:28,760 --> 01:37:30,160
Speaker 4: so technically.

1657
01:37:30,160 --> 01:37:33,599
Speaker 5: I mean she did? She did? She? You do realize

1658
01:37:33,600 --> 01:37:34,800
Speaker 5: that Jesus had brothers, right?

1659
01:37:35,880 --> 01:37:36,800
Speaker 2: Who was all right?

1660
01:37:36,920 --> 01:37:41,000
Speaker 4: Jesus had brothers, but Jesus ain't have a physical daddy,

1661
01:37:42,000 --> 01:37:43,960
Speaker 4: a physical daddy like ain't nobody.

1662
01:37:43,680 --> 01:37:49,880
Speaker 2: Skating marry Joseph did after after, but she was.

1663
01:37:49,840 --> 01:37:52,720
Speaker 4: A virgin when she had But we know men lie,

1664
01:37:52,800 --> 01:37:54,760
Speaker 4: women lie, brother just don't lie.

1665
01:37:55,680 --> 01:38:00,559
Speaker 3: I don't know how I got this baby, all right,

1666
01:38:00,600 --> 01:38:04,920
Speaker 3: y'all listen, last, last, last, last. If anybody is out

1667
01:38:04,920 --> 01:38:06,880
Speaker 3: there and y'all feel like y'all won't have nothing less,

1668
01:38:07,000 --> 01:38:08,200
Speaker 3: you always got yourself.

1669
01:38:09,320 --> 01:38:13,719
Speaker 1: You always got yourself. You mean, just keep that in mind.

1670
01:38:14,840 --> 01:38:19,479
Speaker 4: You mean, do you have any last last advice for

1671
01:38:19,560 --> 01:38:22,600
Speaker 4: our listeners, Christian, I.

1672
01:38:22,720 --> 01:38:24,800
Speaker 5: Just take it back off of what AJ said and

1673
01:38:24,880 --> 01:38:26,160
Speaker 5: just always bet on yourself.

1674
01:38:26,280 --> 01:38:28,800
Speaker 1: Plug all your things. Let our listeners know where they

1675
01:38:28,800 --> 01:38:29,639
Speaker 1: can find you at.

1676
01:38:31,240 --> 01:38:34,000
Speaker 3: I'm telling you now, if you need help with your website,

1677
01:38:34,400 --> 01:38:36,400
Speaker 3: I'm here to help because I tried to go to

1678
01:38:36,479 --> 01:38:40,479
Speaker 3: it today and that shit is not existing, non existent

1679
01:38:40,560 --> 01:38:42,040
Speaker 3: unless you got a new website.

1680
01:38:42,439 --> 01:38:47,960
Speaker 5: But let no, I'm working on. So I'm working on

1681
01:38:48,000 --> 01:38:55,720
Speaker 5: a new website because what happened was somebody, uh right,

1682
01:38:55,760 --> 01:38:59,519
Speaker 5: they took the domain. I'm going to switch it probably

1683
01:38:59,560 --> 01:39:02,960
Speaker 5: to mad U s A Inc. Dot org. That's what

1684
01:39:02,960 --> 01:39:04,839
Speaker 5: I'm working on right now. I mean.

1685
01:39:06,280 --> 01:39:08,600
Speaker 1: Off of business services.

1686
01:39:09,720 --> 01:39:12,840
Speaker 5: Off I support my business. I don't care what he

1687
01:39:13,000 --> 01:39:18,200
Speaker 5: is as long as it's right. Yeah, So coming very soon, y'all.

1688
01:39:18,280 --> 01:39:22,080
Speaker 5: Y'all know when we got a website back up because

1689
01:39:22,120 --> 01:39:24,400
Speaker 5: it needed to be reconstructed. Anyway we got. We got

1690
01:39:24,400 --> 01:39:27,840
Speaker 5: a lot of programs and stuff that we are working on,

1691
01:39:28,600 --> 01:39:31,439
Speaker 5: and so you know, we're in a kind of re

1692
01:39:32,439 --> 01:39:34,360
Speaker 5: I don't want to see a rebuilding because we never

1693
01:39:34,400 --> 01:39:39,480
Speaker 5: went anywhere, but just revamping some stuff, you know where.

1694
01:39:39,600 --> 01:39:42,479
Speaker 2: What about social media? Can they follow you somewhere to.

1695
01:39:43,520 --> 01:39:47,680
Speaker 5: Mad Us Inc. On Instagram, mad Us Inc. Mad u

1696
01:39:47,800 --> 01:39:51,200
Speaker 5: s A Inc. On Facebook, We're on Twitter, all of

1697
01:39:51,240 --> 01:39:56,120
Speaker 5: those you know, good things. You know, we post pretty

1698
01:39:56,200 --> 01:40:00,360
Speaker 5: much daily when we got stuff going on, and so

1699
01:40:00,680 --> 01:40:02,280
Speaker 5: I mean you can keep us with us that way.

1700
01:40:02,320 --> 01:40:05,040
Speaker 5: I get dms all the time from you know, people

1701
01:40:05,240 --> 01:40:07,759
Speaker 5: either going through it or want our services or anything

1702
01:40:07,760 --> 01:40:11,120
Speaker 5: that we offer. So you know, social media is probably

1703
01:40:11,160 --> 01:40:15,240
Speaker 5: the best way to you know, contact us. You know,

1704
01:40:15,280 --> 01:40:17,519
Speaker 5: I got a number on there where people can directly

1705
01:40:17,560 --> 01:40:21,439
Speaker 5: contact me if they want to, and you know, get

1706
01:40:21,439 --> 01:40:24,080
Speaker 5: these services spread out as far as we can.

1707
01:40:24,720 --> 01:40:27,040
Speaker 1: Yes, Kristin, y'all.

1708
01:40:27,080 --> 01:40:30,200
Speaker 4: If y'all enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday

1709
01:40:30,240 --> 01:40:33,640
Speaker 4: on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio or wherever the

1710
01:40:33,680 --> 01:40:36,679
Speaker 4: fuck you get your podcast. It's your girl, Tam Bam, y'all.

1711
01:40:36,720 --> 01:40:39,479
Speaker 4: Let me just say share this. The There is a

1712
01:40:39,560 --> 01:40:43,160
Speaker 4: domestic violence National hotline is one eight hundred seven nine

1713
01:40:43,280 --> 01:40:45,400
Speaker 4: nine seven two three three. Let me say that again.

1714
01:40:45,640 --> 01:40:48,240
Speaker 4: One eight hundred and seven nine nine seven two three three.

1715
01:40:48,320 --> 01:40:51,400
Speaker 4: Call if you need help, seriously, call somebody. Y'all go

1716
01:40:51,439 --> 01:40:52,479
Speaker 4: ahead kick it, AJ.

1717
01:40:52,479 --> 01:40:54,559
Speaker 1: And call me because I will pull up.

1718
01:40:55,080 --> 01:40:58,720
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, y'all hit me up on Instagram as

1719
01:40:58,840 --> 01:41:01,000
Speaker 3: AJ Holiday two point zero.

1720
01:41:01,600 --> 01:41:03,240
Speaker 1: All right, and y'all remember.

1721
01:41:02,880 --> 01:41:06,360
Speaker 2: To speak now and never hold your peace. And when

1722
01:41:06,400 --> 01:41:07,519
Speaker 2: I say that, I mean your gun.

1723
01:41:08,160 --> 01:41:14,920
Speaker 1: Always hold your peace you mean. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

1724
01:41:15,040 --> 01:41:18,639
Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

1725
01:41:18,680 --> 01:41:19,599
Speaker 1: to your favorite shows