WEBVTT - Black Except When They Go Home 0:00:03.520 --> 0:00:12.280 Welcome to Jay dot Ill, a production of I Heart Radio. Hello, Hi, 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:17.320 good people, Hi good people. I'm so hoping that you're well. 0:00:17.360 --> 0:00:20.480 We are well. This is Jay dot Ill the podcast. 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:24.320 This is Joe Scott with my sister friends like st 0:00:24.400 --> 0:00:30.640 Clair and the Lovely Age of Graden Dons. Hello. Yeah, 0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:34.120 she that was her lovely voice. Yes, this is my 0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:37.360 deep I have been running the streets. The streets are 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:45.120 calling my name and sleeping. You've been having a good time, 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:49.040 I girl, lovely, you know what I'm saying. After a 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:55.800 year and a half of straight boom, Yeah, yes, I 0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:58.920 had a lovely week. I got to see the faces 0:00:59.000 --> 0:01:01.160 of some people who have not seen in a very 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:06.520 long time, and there was plenty of joy to go around. Now. 0:01:06.560 --> 0:01:09.720 I'm tired, but I'm here. I may be black, and 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:14.559 i may be ugly, but I'm here. Okay, I'm here. 0:01:15.600 --> 0:01:19.920 Always yes to the color purple quotes, yes, however and 0:01:20.120 --> 0:01:24.440 ever and ever. That's how you know, because we do 0:01:26.440 --> 0:01:29.840 never that who. I've been trying to figure out, how 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:33.600 in the world do you transition into this conversation and 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:38.319 what we're about to talk about right now? My goodness, 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:42.240 how does one how does one just kind of get 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:44.399 into it. You could, I don't know you can. You 0:01:44.400 --> 0:01:46.280 can blame me if you want to. It's always been 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:49.040 a question on my mind. Yes, let's blame, Like, yeah, 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:51.040 why not, let's start with the blame. Yes, this is 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:57.520 all is fault. Like they had a conversation that we 0:01:57.560 --> 0:02:00.760 feel like uncomfortable having amongst folks sometimes times baby in 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:02.480 our head, or we have it with our girlfriends, and 0:02:02.480 --> 0:02:05.200 you just be like, I'm just trying to understand because 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:07.600 and the truth is, it's still a conversation that we 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:10.119 have with our girlfriends. You know, we don't really talk 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:13.520 about it that much anymore. It it's still a talk. 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:17.480 And if it's a talk, it's more like a you know, 0:02:17.520 --> 0:02:25.080 at this that's true, you know, that's that's kind of 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:27.880 the gist of it. It's in regular life. But then 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:30.320 when we talk about and I know, y'all wonder what 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:31.760 we're talking about, we're gonna get to it. But when 0:02:31.800 --> 0:02:34.400 we talk about like folks who are living and breathing 0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:38.080 this work, then it becomes acause I gotta see this 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:41.040 person every day telling me about my struggle in my history, 0:02:41.120 --> 0:02:45.640 But you're not going home to me. What are we 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:50.040 talking about? People? We were talking about our favorite black activists, 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:53.320 people in the struggles, speaking on our missions and our 0:02:53.360 --> 0:02:56.959 history and stuff going home to women who don't look 0:02:57.000 --> 0:03:01.000 like us. And I don't know, maybe it sounds tedious 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:02.720 that some people, but sometimes to be on my spirit 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:06.280 because I have rectified with the Everybody can find love 0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:09.440 in different places, that's fine, but everyday people, but the 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:12.920 folks that make a living speaking on our mission and 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:15.320 what we do and how we can live more beautiful 0:03:15.320 --> 0:03:17.720 and how beautiful we are, how dopeful people we are. 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:23.560 But why you don't sleep with her? Or him? H? Him? 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:27.919 I'm just grious. I just I think it's kind of like, 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:33.040 you know, this is a soft metaphor, but it's it's 0:03:33.080 --> 0:03:38.800 like the chef who doesn't eat meat, you know, but 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:42.080 the butcher who doesn't eat meat. Yeah, well that kind 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:44.880 of I don't know. It's likely, he'll say the chef, 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:49.000 because you know, they gotta they gotta endorsements. They're all 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:53.520 over your television, they're um receiving money and of all 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:57.040 kinds to go and speak up and speak out about 0:03:57.080 --> 0:04:01.440 how to make this delicious? You know, beef? I don't know, 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:09.400 burning is that a word? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, But 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:13.240 it doesn't actually taste it, It doesn't actually eat it. 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:21.040 M Well, okay, so here's a here's the vibe. Right, 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:25.400 I'm gonna say something that I think you guys are 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:29.080 just not going to agree with. Well, let's see. Okay, 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:35.080 So here's the thing. To me, I think it is 0:04:35.200 --> 0:04:42.200 possible two engage romantically with someone who is a support 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:48.520 to you and them not really understand your work. And 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:53.200 I know we're talking about a specific kind of work around, 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:56.840 you know, around racial justice and around a specific kind 0:04:56.839 --> 0:05:00.159 of experience that you would want your mate to identify is. 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:04.440 But I just think typically speaking, your mate doesn't identify 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:10.160 with your work no matter what it is. Now right, 0:05:10.200 --> 0:05:11.880 but see if but this is the issue, This is 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:15.240 the issue across the board. I think if if there's 0:05:15.279 --> 0:05:18.599 an issue around being in love with and being married 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:22.200 to somebody who does not understand your lived experience, especially 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:25.479 when it comes to race, that I don't think the 0:05:25.520 --> 0:05:28.240 fact that you do work in that really makes a 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:30.880 big difference. I think the difference is just the difference 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:33.440 is like, is that something that you can do with 0:05:33.520 --> 0:05:37.200 having a really conscious mind around racial justice? Period? Because 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:39.360 any all of us, as we talked to, even when 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:41.200 we talk to Moon with pressure. She's talking about how 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:44.920 it's always a pushback, even for black folks, every day 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:47.000 pushing back in white supremacy. You have to do it. 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:48.960 You have to do it in a personal way. You 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:50.600 have to do it in the external way. When you're 0:05:50.640 --> 0:05:53.480 raising your children, everything that you're doing, that's a constant, 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:56.359 that's constant self work. And so if your mate doesn't 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:59.400 understand that work, I think the issue lies there not 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:02.440 in that whether or not you're uh, you know, Martin 0:06:02.480 --> 0:06:05.480 Luther King or somebody, or whether or not you're you know, 0:06:05.800 --> 0:06:07.640 anybody else a little bit more current. I don't know 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:09.560 why I went straight from Mirt Luther King, but because 0:06:09.839 --> 0:06:17.520 touching one right there, you know, let me think of 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:19.600 another activist that got a real strong black wom move 0:06:19.640 --> 0:06:24.400 beside hold on mething about this coming coming. Do you 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:26.320 all think that you all think with all of the 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:35.320 stress and drain, that's escapism escapism? Do you think that No, 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:39.800 I'm sorry, I'm just that was question. That was exactly 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:41.640 what was coming out of my mouth. Next, is that 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:44.839 maybe you know this is escapism if you're dealing with 0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:51.560 the monument of stress and and troubles and and legalities 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:54.400 that we have to fight through. Maybe this is maybe 0:06:54.480 --> 0:06:57.120 who you marry is your escape from all of it. 0:06:57.760 --> 0:07:02.640 But can I just inject this yours y'all know how 0:07:02.880 --> 0:07:05.359 sometimes when you're connected to your mate so well that 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:09.200 like words don't have to be said, even if something's 0:07:09.240 --> 0:07:11.600 heavy going on and he comes to come home and night, 0:07:12.000 --> 0:07:13.600 you know, maybe we don't have to discuss it. Maybe 0:07:13.600 --> 0:07:17.280 it's just a really tight hug and it's like then 0:07:17.400 --> 0:07:19.360 that hug we've said to each other, I love you, 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:21.800 I got you when you ready, I'm here, blah blah, 0:07:21.880 --> 0:07:27.400 we said it in a hug. You know. Then listen there. Yes, 0:07:27.560 --> 0:07:33.480 it must be said. When President Obama and the first 0:07:33.560 --> 0:07:36.840 Lady Michelle Obama, when they gave each other a pound, 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:43.000 there was something in me they lifted and sang and 0:07:43.120 --> 0:07:46.800 did a dancer through. It was something magical about that. 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:55.480 I felt that, like yaws. But well, maybe that's part 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:58.480 of our issue though, right, But we will take we 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:02.640 will take performative backness over people who actually work hard 0:08:02.760 --> 0:08:15.360 for black people. I'm saying that that omative. What I'm 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:18.840 saying is that a fist bump. I'm just saying a 0:08:18.880 --> 0:08:22.559 fist bump, a fist bump, right, is a specific type 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:26.960 of black behavior that we associate with a certain kind 0:08:27.000 --> 0:08:31.119 of black lived experience right the culture. And I'm just saying, 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:33.080 and I'm not saying that they haven't done anything to 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:36.319 help black people, but they're not particularly people who are 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:40.320 working in black liberation. This we know that's another topic 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:43.880 what I'm saying. But and so what I'm saying is 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:46.120 that what I'm saying is that on on the level 0:08:46.160 --> 0:08:49.520 of importance in terms of their mating together, right, that 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:54.640 seeing two black people together, that that that image, the 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:59.040 image of that the image of their their cultural interaction 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:04.000 is something that we that's important to us. But is 0:09:04.040 --> 0:09:07.480 it as important as the actual work around our liberation 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:12.840 Because honestly speaking, I've had some problematic conversations with black 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:17.000 men in particular about black liberation that have saddened me 0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:20.360 and hurt me to the core, about their thoughts around gender, 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:23.760 around rays of our rights, supremacy, and all kinds of things. 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:27.280 And I can say that having a mate who doesn't 0:09:27.320 --> 0:09:31.240 have that understanding them being black doesn't make the pill 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:34.080 go down easy. No, it wasn't gonna make it going 0:09:34.080 --> 0:09:36.880 down easy. It's just a communication that we have as 0:09:36.880 --> 0:09:40.720 a people. I mean, it's just some basis these that's 0:09:40.720 --> 0:09:44.640 my point. But that what Jill was thinking fist bump, 0:09:44.640 --> 0:09:46.040 and she was saying fist bump. I was like, I 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:48.920 was thinking about phinny other things that the Obama's kind 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:50.839 of show black love, even in a touch, even in 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:53.480 the way you grabbed my back, even then, there's something 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:55.800 in conversation between black men and black women and a 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:57.920 rhythm in a way. To me, I don't know, Maybe 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:01.680 I'm sure. I actually we agree you're asking right, there 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:05.600 is that is a rhythm that cannot be duplicated period. Yeah, 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:08.600 And that's why I'm not speaking on just interracial relationship, 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:10.319 you know, I'm not talking about that. That's why this 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:12.800 is specific to you know, like people like you said, 0:10:12.880 --> 0:10:16.000 doing during the work and doing that work and then 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:19.360 leaving that work at work. It doesn't it doesn't doesn't 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:22.320 go down the same though, does it. There would be 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:24.560 the big dogs too, he'd be like, damn him, like 0:10:24.800 --> 0:10:27.560 damn me, do my whole geneology, you know everything about me? 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:30.720 Like he know the dopeness of all this, and okay, 0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:33.120 but maybe at the time when he was young, she 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:36.880 was supportive. I don't I mean, but that's that's typically 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:40.000 the response. You know that she was there when I 0:10:40.000 --> 0:10:43.600 had nothing, and you know she was supportive. And who 0:10:43.640 --> 0:10:46.600 who doesn't want support when you're down at the bottom 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:50.840 of the barrel? Who doesn't want that? Anyway? I don't 0:10:50.840 --> 0:11:06.200 know more conversation after the break. I also wonder about 0:11:06.400 --> 0:11:11.160 environments that I worry about access I worry about. I 0:11:11.240 --> 0:11:14.960 think about things sometimes where how we look at activists 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:17.360 and intellectuals and people who find themselves in all these 0:11:17.360 --> 0:11:20.840 different circles. It's like, there's there's always gonna be activists 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:23.560 no America where you go. I mean, if there's people suffering, 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:26.160 there's gonna be people speaking up for them. But we 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:30.080 have a tendency to also elevate people from academia. We 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:34.200 elevate people who are from certain flagship organizations, things of 0:11:34.240 --> 0:11:37.280 that nature. A lot of times they come from you know, 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:42.920 Ivy League schools, They come from the middle class upbringings. 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:45.880 These are the upbringings that us as black people, have 0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:51.080 aspired to. And then their children, these young people go 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:54.480 off to to Harvard, they go off to University of Pennsylvania, 0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:57.280 they go off to all these different places. And though 0:11:57.280 --> 0:12:00.080 their parents might have instilled a sense of of of 0:12:00.200 --> 0:12:03.760 identity within them, their access to black folks and black 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:07.319 folks who think like them. I mean, I don't know. 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:09.360 I'm just saying I'm throwing it out there. That's not 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:12.840 my living. Yeah, I'm just saying world. The world is 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:16.000 planes and trains and and busses and such. You know, 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:21.280 you can get what you want. You know, I'm gonna 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:24.120 find me some of the two boys. He said it himself. 0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:28.720 He was just like, listen, I was there, but I 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:30.880 know they didn't want me there. I found the black 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:34.160 folks and I had dinner with them. Yeah. So my 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:36.480 mom always had this argument with her her friends who 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:38.920 send their kids off to certain schools, because she's like, 0:12:39.240 --> 0:12:41.240 you know, I get the elitism of it all, but 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:43.680 you know you're already setting your son up to kind 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:46.960 of date outside of what because he doesn't have access. 0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:48.800 And it's just funny that you said that, because I 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:51.240 was like, sometimes it starts in It does start in 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:54.560 education often times when you see that, that's how you 0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:57.520 see it. Who meet in college? Yeah, that these athletes 0:12:57.559 --> 0:12:59.960 who want to have these amazing athletic careers, they got 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:02.160 to go to white schools to do that, and so 0:13:02.360 --> 0:13:06.320 how did you know allegedly I know they're changing that 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:09.280 big up to Diana Sanders, And can I also say this, 0:13:09.640 --> 0:13:11.800 One thing I have noticed, having had a child attend 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:14.880 to HBCU and done work with University of Pennsylvania and 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:17.240 a lot of the staff with University of Pennsylvania, is 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:19.320 that what I will see. What I see is that 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:22.479 a lot of times black students who are more involved 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:25.880 in black liberation work tend to come out of white schools. 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:27.960 And a lot of that has to do with the 0:13:28.000 --> 0:13:30.640 fact that they're dealing with so much of that kind 0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:33.600 of on slot of racism. You'll find I hate this 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:35.920 term woke, but this is like, you know, because people 0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:37.680 have messed it up. It used to be a good word. 0:13:37.920 --> 0:13:40.720 But the point is that it's like most of the 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:44.360 wolt kids that that are our next you know, activists, 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:48.000 they're coming out of those environments. So unless they picked 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:50.599 from the Black Student Union with fifteen people at the 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:55.040 at the freaking state school, then who are we talking about? 0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:57.760 Who are these people? Who? Who where are we at 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:00.680 black people cent of the population in the United States 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:05.079 of America. So but that's why, again, were you systems 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:07.040 that got to change That's why Dion Sander said, I'm 0:14:07.080 --> 0:14:09.240 going to a black school to teach, you know, to 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:11.520 teach to coach football. It's kind of like systems have 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:14.080 to change. So I guess it's a process in that way. 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:17.080 Let me tell you what got me? Okay, like what 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:19.760 got me right? I've had a I would say this, 0:14:20.040 --> 0:14:21.920 but at first, before I tell you what got me 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:24.360 right or what got me in a different place, I 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:26.840 won't say right. But you know, I've I've had some 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:30.800 experiences like being on an elevator and I was particularly 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:34.120 cute this day and I was in an elevator in 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:36.960 the l a and the door open and a very 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:40.320 attractive black man open comes in the elevator. He's followed 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:43.920 by some other some men brothers with him, and um, 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:47.000 I could tell that the one that you know walked 0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:50.480 in first was like and I was like, you know, 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:53.600 And then we're standing there and it feels like he's 0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:57.240 about to say something and the other man says to him, 0:14:57.280 --> 0:14:59.760 there were two other ones. One of the other two says, 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:02.520 you know, we don't do that no more, right, and 0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:04.880 he was like, yeah, you're right, and they got off 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:10.440 the elevator. Then that I'm sorry with the Lord. Yeah. Yeah, uh, 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:14.080 I definitely felt that. I definitely felt that that there 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:17.600 is a generation or I won't even say a generation 0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:20.400 of black men that are not dating black women at all, 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:23.160 Like it's now a rule like we don't do that, 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:28.480 you know, where we're past that or whatever the idea is. 0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:30.440 I'm not sure, but I know that I've seen quite 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:33.040 a bit of that. I've seen quite a bit of that. 0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:36.840 And you know, if you look at certain groups of 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:40.520 brothers that you know, all of them, oh I hate 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:43.520 to say, oh, but I know some brothers that they 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:46.880 went to to a school and all their friends have 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:50.320 all all married to Asian women, you know, like it's 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:55.560 a it's a thing, like it's their thing. Yeah. I 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:58.880 think that this kind of stuff occurs with with black men. 0:15:59.240 --> 0:16:01.000 I've seen it. I don't think I know it. I've 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:04.280 seen it. I've seen plenty of it, that there's a 0:16:04.320 --> 0:16:08.720 group think about not dating black women or being married with, 0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:12.680 you know, black women anymore. Okay, So when I said 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:15.680 what got me, I don't know, I don't even know 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:18.080 what to call it. I mean, a different mind state 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:23.080 is when I met some black men that were married 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:30.040 to Asian women and their kids were eating sushi with 0:16:30.160 --> 0:16:34.760 Kyla greens. You know, it sounds it sounds like, what 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:37.960 are you talking about. I'm saying that they're mixing the 0:16:38.040 --> 0:16:42.440 cultures together in a way where they're not forgetting that 0:16:42.480 --> 0:16:45.160 they are black because in the world their children are 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:49.000 brown and you know, will automatically be assumed black. But 0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:55.000 also they were acknowledging their Asian descent as well, And 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:59.880 I thought, Okay, if relationships go like that, where there's 0:16:59.880 --> 0:17:06.720 an honor in it, a respect in it, then bully 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:09.320 on Bravo. You know, if that's what it is, and 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:13.320 that's what it is, like, I just don't like to 0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:17.959 see this, particular when there's a brother that is married 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:21.040 to or is dating a white woman because he does 0:17:21.119 --> 0:17:24.960 not like himself. Now we have seen this and because 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:28.880 he needs a break. I'm we've seen it. We've seen it. 0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:31.760 Sorry you know that that. Oh no, no, we know 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:36.840 what's true. We know what's true. And it goes both 0:17:36.880 --> 0:17:39.960 ways for sisters too, and they're like me, need my 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:44.080 baby to have good hair. I I I you know, 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:47.840 I mean we definitely know that it's real. Yes, Like 0:17:47.920 --> 0:17:50.760 we're not making this off. There are situations in which 0:17:50.800 --> 0:17:53.800 people are most definitely like existing in a way that's 0:17:54.280 --> 0:17:58.560 deeply respectful of their culture. But in an example you used, 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:00.720 I have to say to me, feel like it's slightly 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:03.680 different because you know, out in the world today a 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:06.040 person will call an Asian person a person of color 0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:09.840 and that and it also to to say to say 0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:12.800 to to say that I am Asian, it is not 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:17.040 to say that I'm anti black. To embrace whiteness is 0:18:17.119 --> 0:18:20.600 to embrace anti blackness. And so if you're going to 0:18:20.760 --> 0:18:23.399 raise children or you're gonna do liberation work and you 0:18:23.520 --> 0:18:27.119 are or you're attached to somebody who is attached to 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:30.600 whiteness and its committed to whiteness on on any level, 0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:33.520 then yeah, that's a huge problem. And that's way different. 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:38.040 That's way different than than you know it does. It's 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:41.000 still toxic to say, oh, I'm only gonna date this 0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:43.600 type of girl or this type of woman that is 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:46.360 not only not black, but specific to a certain kind 0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:48.840 of you know, trajectory in life. Then I mean, yeah, 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:52.120 that's super toxic and and anti black at the same time. 0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:56.280 But it's just I just think that for us, at 0:18:56.320 --> 0:19:01.000 the core of it, it's still stings, and I don't 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:03.400 I think we need to unpack that part, like why 0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:07.080 does this still hurt even in the slightest bit, especially 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:08.879 when you see it over and over and over and 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:11.080 over again. Well listen, I want to see and then 0:19:11.320 --> 0:19:15.920 defending myself. Years ago, I wrote an article for Essence magazine. 0:19:16.000 --> 0:19:19.800 It was supposed to be called I'm just saying, but 0:19:20.000 --> 0:19:25.080 they entitled it, uh Jill Scott on interracial marriage, which 0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:27.880 was not the topic of the article at all, which 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:32.359 was not my intent or position. I was disturbed that 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:35.240 they would throw me under the bus like that, you know, 0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:40.159 to sell magazines. And we we definitely Essence and I 0:19:40.240 --> 0:19:43.800 have made our way back from you know, never dealing 0:19:43.880 --> 0:19:47.359 with each other again to where we are now. But 0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:53.320 I felt so betrayed, so betrayed, and then I ended 0:19:53.400 --> 0:19:56.800 up being on CNN defending myself, you know, like, well 0:19:56.880 --> 0:19:59.800 that was racist, and I was like saying that, saying 0:19:59.840 --> 0:20:03.119 that it feels like a mosquito bite under a sundress. 0:20:03.760 --> 0:20:07.239 You know, you feel it, you feel it, and then 0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:11.320 you can still still keep moving and moving forward. And 0:20:12.000 --> 0:20:14.400 the worst when you know somebody no not no better. 0:20:14.400 --> 0:20:16.200 Because I don't want to say to you black on 0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:19.119 black love is better. It is, But what I'm saying, 0:20:19.320 --> 0:20:23.440 is is that you know this person even and even 0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:27.679 my favorite has so many it's like, damn, y'all got 0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:30.040 a black dude like you put you speak on this 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:32.000 every day, you speak on our people. You hear you 0:20:32.119 --> 0:20:35.400 in the struggle, and okay, he keep holding you down, 0:20:35.480 --> 0:20:40.840 all right? This is mm hmm. I don't know. I guess, 0:20:41.000 --> 0:20:43.560 I guess. For me, I don't know. I just feel 0:20:43.600 --> 0:20:46.639 like the proof is kind of in the pudding For me, 0:20:46.960 --> 0:20:49.840 I don't And I notice is odd for me to 0:20:49.920 --> 0:20:51.840 say this based on what I would where I would 0:20:51.840 --> 0:20:54.800 typically be coming from, especially when we talk about safe 0:20:54.800 --> 0:20:57.240 spaces Agent, because earlier on, you know, when we started 0:20:57.240 --> 0:20:59.000 to show, we're talking about safe spaces for us and 0:20:59.080 --> 0:21:01.800 tribunals and how we can trust people, and I'm just like, 0:21:02.600 --> 0:21:05.200 and I definitely felt like a tribunal and something that's 0:21:05.200 --> 0:21:07.320 cultural is different, because, like I said, even when you 0:21:07.400 --> 0:21:10.280 start looking into Indigenous people, they're certain power as you 0:21:10.359 --> 0:21:12.879 can't go to you can only certain people can go 0:21:12.960 --> 0:21:16.280 to so in that way, and if they following the rules, 0:21:16.359 --> 0:21:18.480 like she can't she can't go to the to the 0:21:18.600 --> 0:21:20.560 to that particular thing. You know, you can't come to 0:21:20.640 --> 0:21:24.240 the tribunal. Well, well, no, if that's what the culture 0:21:24.240 --> 0:21:26.320 of it, if that's the culture and that's the culture 0:21:26.400 --> 0:21:28.720 is accepted by the person who is a part of 0:21:28.800 --> 0:21:32.280 that culture, then no. But it's no different than like 0:21:32.400 --> 0:21:34.760 I said, any person like so if if if, if, 0:21:34.960 --> 0:21:37.960 if you have a ceremony for young boys coming into 0:21:38.000 --> 0:21:41.040 their mannerod, then know their mama can't go. You know, 0:21:41.119 --> 0:21:43.320 it's just a part of the way that people do things. 0:21:43.359 --> 0:21:46.520 And if that's a decided thing culturally, then I understand 0:21:46.680 --> 0:21:51.199 that that exclusion. But the thing is that people who 0:21:51.280 --> 0:21:56.480 are fighting is a particular late labor. That's a particular 0:21:56.640 --> 0:22:00.320 kind of labor. And I want them to have whatever 0:22:00.440 --> 0:22:03.800 it is they want to have, whatever there and I 0:22:03.880 --> 0:22:06.680 mean just whatever, whatever love that they have in their 0:22:06.720 --> 0:22:10.119 lives is fine with me. My problem is if we 0:22:10.520 --> 0:22:13.760 get to a point where we have to mince our 0:22:13.840 --> 0:22:17.280 words about whiteness because your mate is white. So that 0:22:18.000 --> 0:22:20.640 that part of it is And I know some people 0:22:20.760 --> 0:22:23.920 in struggle work or in liberation work who don't mince 0:22:23.960 --> 0:22:26.879 any words and don't require anyone else to mince words, 0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:32.000 But I think that that's the key for me. Yeah, 0:22:32.040 --> 0:22:34.119 But because you gotta trust that that other in the 0:22:34.240 --> 0:22:36.679 room when they hear these non mince words, that they 0:22:36.760 --> 0:22:39.280 don't take them with them and use them incorrectly or 0:22:40.080 --> 0:22:42.520 weaponize or whatever. Because I was literally gonna say I 0:22:42.560 --> 0:22:44.240 was dating dude once who told me, and it sounded 0:22:44.320 --> 0:22:45.680 so crazy when he said it, but he was like, 0:22:46.960 --> 0:22:49.720 he doesn't allow white people in his house. And I 0:22:49.880 --> 0:22:53.000 was like, oh, why is that. He was like, because 0:22:53.720 --> 0:22:56.399 black people seem to get start acting differently, and I 0:22:56.480 --> 0:23:00.840 wanted everybody to be comfortable in my home. That's why. 0:23:03.000 --> 0:23:06.159 So he wasn't there for the coast, which right, And 0:23:06.240 --> 0:23:08.680 so in that conversation, that's where we go back to 0:23:08.840 --> 0:23:13.560 our activist leaders and everything. I'm like, you're talking about you, like, 0:23:13.720 --> 0:23:16.920 can you be your full self all the time everywhere 0:23:17.040 --> 0:23:19.800 you are when your mate is also not doesn't have 0:23:19.960 --> 0:23:23.480 that live experience. And I guess the argument from that 0:23:23.960 --> 0:23:27.200 from that man would be that he's, um, you know, 0:23:27.359 --> 0:23:33.439 he's living past color, but doing this work. I mean, 0:23:34.040 --> 0:23:37.879 I mean, I'm I'm just assuming. I'm just assuming that 0:23:38.000 --> 0:23:40.920 that would be the argument that you know, I'm not 0:23:41.160 --> 0:23:44.000 my color, you know, but I see these issues and 0:23:44.480 --> 0:23:48.920 struggles in my community, and I'm here to fight for 0:23:49.200 --> 0:23:52.880