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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot Ill, a production of I Heart Radio. Hello, Hi,

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Speaker 1: good people, Hi good people. I'm so hoping that you're well.

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Speaker 1: We are well. This is Jay dot Ill the podcast.

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Speaker 1: This is Joe Scott with my sister friends like st

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Speaker 1: Clair and the Lovely Age of Graden Dons. Hello. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she that was her lovely voice. Yes, this is my

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Speaker 1: deep I have been running the streets. The streets are

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Speaker 1: calling my name and sleeping. You've been having a good time,

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Speaker 1: I girl, lovely, you know what I'm saying. After a

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Speaker 1: year and a half of straight boom, Yeah, yes, I

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Speaker 1: had a lovely week. I got to see the faces

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Speaker 1: of some people who have not seen in a very

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Speaker 1: long time, and there was plenty of joy to go around. Now.

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Speaker 1: I'm tired, but I'm here. I may be black, and

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Speaker 1: i may be ugly, but I'm here. Okay, I'm here.

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Speaker 1: Always yes to the color purple quotes, yes, however and

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Speaker 1: ever and ever. That's how you know, because we do

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Speaker 1: never that who. I've been trying to figure out, how

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Speaker 1: in the world do you transition into this conversation and

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Speaker 1: what we're about to talk about right now? My goodness,

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Speaker 1: how does one how does one just kind of get

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Speaker 1: into it. You could, I don't know you can. You

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Speaker 1: can blame me if you want to. It's always been

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Speaker 1: a question on my mind. Yes, let's blame, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: why not, let's start with the blame. Yes, this is

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Speaker 1: all is fault. Like they had a conversation that we

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Speaker 1: feel like uncomfortable having amongst folks sometimes times baby in

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Speaker 1: our head, or we have it with our girlfriends, and

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Speaker 1: you just be like, I'm just trying to understand because

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Speaker 1: and the truth is, it's still a conversation that we

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Speaker 1: have with our girlfriends. You know, we don't really talk

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Speaker 1: about it that much anymore. It it's still a talk.

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Speaker 1: And if it's a talk, it's more like a you know,

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Speaker 1: at this that's true, you know, that's that's kind of

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Speaker 1: the gist of it. It's in regular life. But then

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Speaker 1: when we talk about and I know, y'all wonder what

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Speaker 1: we're talking about, we're gonna get to it. But when

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Speaker 1: we talk about like folks who are living and breathing

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Speaker 1: this work, then it becomes acause I gotta see this

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Speaker 1: person every day telling me about my struggle in my history,

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Speaker 1: But you're not going home to me. What are we

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Speaker 1: talking about? People? We were talking about our favorite black activists,

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Speaker 1: people in the struggles, speaking on our missions and our

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Speaker 1: history and stuff going home to women who don't look

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Speaker 1: like us. And I don't know, maybe it sounds tedious

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Speaker 1: that some people, but sometimes to be on my spirit

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Speaker 1: because I have rectified with the Everybody can find love

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Speaker 1: in different places, that's fine, but everyday people, but the

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Speaker 1: folks that make a living speaking on our mission and

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Speaker 1: what we do and how we can live more beautiful

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Speaker 1: and how beautiful we are, how dopeful people we are.

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Speaker 1: But why you don't sleep with her? Or him? H? Him?

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Speaker 1: I'm just grious. I just I think it's kind of like,

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Speaker 1: you know, this is a soft metaphor, but it's it's

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Speaker 1: like the chef who doesn't eat meat, you know, but

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Speaker 1: the butcher who doesn't eat meat. Yeah, well that kind

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Speaker 1: of I don't know. It's likely, he'll say the chef,

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Speaker 1: because you know, they gotta they gotta endorsements. They're all

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Speaker 1: over your television, they're um receiving money and of all

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Speaker 1: kinds to go and speak up and speak out about

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Speaker 1: how to make this delicious? You know, beef? I don't know,

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Speaker 1: burning is that a word? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, But

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Speaker 1: it doesn't actually taste it, It doesn't actually eat it.

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Speaker 1: M Well, okay, so here's a here's the vibe. Right,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna say something that I think you guys are

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Speaker 1: just not going to agree with. Well, let's see. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So here's the thing. To me, I think it is

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Speaker 1: possible two engage romantically with someone who is a support

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Speaker 1: to you and them not really understand your work. And

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Speaker 1: I know we're talking about a specific kind of work around,

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Speaker 1: you know, around racial justice and around a specific kind

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Speaker 1: of experience that you would want your mate to identify is.

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Speaker 1: But I just think typically speaking, your mate doesn't identify

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Speaker 1: with your work no matter what it is. Now right,

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Speaker 1: but see if but this is the issue, This is

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Speaker 1: the issue across the board. I think if if there's

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Speaker 1: an issue around being in love with and being married

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Speaker 1: to somebody who does not understand your lived experience, especially

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Speaker 1: when it comes to race, that I don't think the

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Speaker 1: fact that you do work in that really makes a

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Speaker 1: big difference. I think the difference is just the difference

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Speaker 1: is like, is that something that you can do with

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Speaker 1: having a really conscious mind around racial justice? Period? Because

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Speaker 1: any all of us, as we talked to, even when

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Speaker 1: we talk to Moon with pressure. She's talking about how

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Speaker 1: it's always a pushback, even for black folks, every day

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Speaker 1: pushing back in white supremacy. You have to do it.

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Speaker 1: You have to do it in a personal way. You

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Speaker 1: have to do it in the external way. When you're

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Speaker 1: raising your children, everything that you're doing, that's a constant,

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Speaker 1: that's constant self work. And so if your mate doesn't

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Speaker 1: understand that work, I think the issue lies there not

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Speaker 1: in that whether or not you're uh, you know, Martin

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Speaker 1: Luther King or somebody, or whether or not you're you know,

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Speaker 1: anybody else a little bit more current. I don't know

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Speaker 1: why I went straight from Mirt Luther King, but because

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Speaker 1: touching one right there, you know, let me think of

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Speaker 1: another activist that got a real strong black wom move

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Speaker 1: beside hold on mething about this coming coming. Do you

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Speaker 1: all think that you all think with all of the

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Speaker 1: stress and drain, that's escapism escapism? Do you think that No,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm just that was question. That was exactly

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Speaker 1: what was coming out of my mouth. Next, is that

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Speaker 1: maybe you know this is escapism if you're dealing with

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Speaker 1: the monument of stress and and troubles and and legalities

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Speaker 1: that we have to fight through. Maybe this is maybe

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Speaker 1: who you marry is your escape from all of it.

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Speaker 1: But can I just inject this yours y'all know how

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Speaker 1: sometimes when you're connected to your mate so well that

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Speaker 1: like words don't have to be said, even if something's

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Speaker 1: heavy going on and he comes to come home and night,

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Speaker 1: you know, maybe we don't have to discuss it. Maybe

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Speaker 1: it's just a really tight hug and it's like then

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Speaker 1: that hug we've said to each other, I love you,

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Speaker 1: I got you when you ready, I'm here, blah blah,

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Speaker 1: we said it in a hug. You know. Then listen there. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it must be said. When President Obama and the first

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Speaker 1: Lady Michelle Obama, when they gave each other a pound,

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Speaker 1: there was something in me they lifted and sang and

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Speaker 1: did a dancer through. It was something magical about that.

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Speaker 1: I felt that, like yaws. But well, maybe that's part

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Speaker 1: of our issue though, right, But we will take we

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Speaker 1: will take performative backness over people who actually work hard

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Speaker 1: for black people. I'm saying that that omative. What I'm

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Speaker 1: saying is that a fist bump. I'm just saying a

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Speaker 1: fist bump, a fist bump, right, is a specific type

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Speaker 1: of black behavior that we associate with a certain kind

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Speaker 1: of black lived experience right the culture. And I'm just saying,

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Speaker 1: and I'm not saying that they haven't done anything to

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Speaker 1: help black people, but they're not particularly people who are

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Speaker 1: working in black liberation. This we know that's another topic

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But and so what I'm saying is

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Speaker 1: that what I'm saying is that on on the level

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Speaker 1: of importance in terms of their mating together, right, that

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Speaker 1: seeing two black people together, that that that image, the

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Speaker 1: image of that the image of their their cultural interaction

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Speaker 1: is something that we that's important to us. But is

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Speaker 1: it as important as the actual work around our liberation

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Speaker 1: Because honestly speaking, I've had some problematic conversations with black

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Speaker 1: men in particular about black liberation that have saddened me

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Speaker 1: and hurt me to the core, about their thoughts around gender,

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Speaker 1: around rays of our rights, supremacy, and all kinds of things.

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Speaker 1: And I can say that having a mate who doesn't

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Speaker 1: have that understanding them being black doesn't make the pill

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Speaker 1: go down easy. No, it wasn't gonna make it going

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Speaker 1: down easy. It's just a communication that we have as

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Speaker 1: a people. I mean, it's just some basis these that's

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Speaker 1: my point. But that what Jill was thinking fist bump,

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Speaker 1: and she was saying fist bump. I was like, I

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Speaker 1: was thinking about phinny other things that the Obama's kind

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Speaker 1: of show black love, even in a touch, even in

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Speaker 1: the way you grabbed my back, even then, there's something

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Speaker 1: in conversation between black men and black women and a

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Speaker 1: rhythm in a way. To me, I don't know, Maybe

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Speaker 1: I'm sure. I actually we agree you're asking right, there

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Speaker 1: is that is a rhythm that cannot be duplicated period. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And that's why I'm not speaking on just interracial relationship,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm not talking about that. That's why this

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Speaker 1: is specific to you know, like people like you said,

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Speaker 1: doing during the work and doing that work and then

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Speaker 1: leaving that work at work. It doesn't it doesn't doesn't

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Speaker 1: go down the same though, does it. There would be

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Speaker 1: the big dogs too, he'd be like, damn him, like

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Speaker 1: damn me, do my whole geneology, you know everything about me?

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Speaker 1: Like he know the dopeness of all this, and okay,

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Speaker 1: but maybe at the time when he was young, she

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Speaker 1: was supportive. I don't I mean, but that's that's typically

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Speaker 1: the response. You know that she was there when I

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Speaker 1: had nothing, and you know she was supportive. And who

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Speaker 1: who doesn't want support when you're down at the bottom

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Speaker 1: of the barrel? Who doesn't want that? Anyway? I don't

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Speaker 1: know more conversation after the break. I also wonder about

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Speaker 1: environments that I worry about access I worry about. I

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Speaker 1: think about things sometimes where how we look at activists

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Speaker 1: and intellectuals and people who find themselves in all these

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Speaker 1: different circles. It's like, there's there's always gonna be activists

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Speaker 1: no America where you go. I mean, if there's people suffering,

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Speaker 1: there's gonna be people speaking up for them. But we

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Speaker 1: have a tendency to also elevate people from academia. We

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Speaker 1: elevate people who are from certain flagship organizations, things of

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Speaker 1: that nature. A lot of times they come from you know,

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Speaker 1: Ivy League schools, They come from the middle class upbringings.

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Speaker 1: These are the upbringings that us as black people, have

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Speaker 1: aspired to. And then their children, these young people go

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Speaker 1: off to to Harvard, they go off to University of Pennsylvania,

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Speaker 1: they go off to all these different places. And though

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Speaker 1: their parents might have instilled a sense of of of

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Speaker 1: identity within them, their access to black folks and black

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Speaker 1: folks who think like them. I mean, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying I'm throwing it out there. That's not

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Speaker 1: my living. Yeah, I'm just saying world. The world is

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Speaker 1: planes and trains and and busses and such. You know,

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Speaker 1: you can get what you want. You know, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: find me some of the two boys. He said it himself.

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Speaker 1: He was just like, listen, I was there, but I

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Speaker 1: know they didn't want me there. I found the black

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Speaker 1: folks and I had dinner with them. Yeah. So my

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Speaker 1: mom always had this argument with her her friends who

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Speaker 1: send their kids off to certain schools, because she's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I get the elitism of it all, but

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Speaker 1: you know you're already setting your son up to kind

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Speaker 1: of date outside of what because he doesn't have access.

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Speaker 1: And it's just funny that you said that, because I

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Speaker 1: was like, sometimes it starts in It does start in

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Speaker 1: education often times when you see that, that's how you

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Speaker 1: see it. Who meet in college? Yeah, that these athletes

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Speaker 1: who want to have these amazing athletic careers, they got

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Speaker 1: to go to white schools to do that, and so

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Speaker 1: how did you know allegedly I know they're changing that

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Speaker 1: big up to Diana Sanders, And can I also say this,

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Speaker 1: One thing I have noticed, having had a child attend

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Speaker 1: to HBCU and done work with University of Pennsylvania and

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Speaker 1: a lot of the staff with University of Pennsylvania, is

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Speaker 1: that what I will see. What I see is that

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Speaker 1: a lot of times black students who are more involved

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Speaker 1: in black liberation work tend to come out of white schools.

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Speaker 1: And a lot of that has to do with the

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Speaker 1: fact that they're dealing with so much of that kind

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Speaker 1: of on slot of racism. You'll find I hate this

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Speaker 1: term woke, but this is like, you know, because people

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Speaker 1: have messed it up. It used to be a good word.

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Speaker 1: But the point is that it's like most of the

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Speaker 1: wolt kids that that are our next you know, activists,

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Speaker 1: they're coming out of those environments. So unless they picked

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Speaker 1: from the Black Student Union with fifteen people at the

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Speaker 1: at the freaking state school, then who are we talking about?

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Speaker 1: Who are these people? Who? Who where are we at

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Speaker 1: black people cent of the population in the United States

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Speaker 1: of America. So but that's why, again, were you systems

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Speaker 1: that got to change That's why Dion Sander said, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to a black school to teach, you know, to

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Speaker 1: teach to coach football. It's kind of like systems have

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Speaker 1: to change. So I guess it's a process in that way.

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Speaker 1: Let me tell you what got me? Okay, like what

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Speaker 1: got me right? I've had a I would say this,

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Speaker 1: but at first, before I tell you what got me

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Speaker 1: right or what got me in a different place, I

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Speaker 1: won't say right. But you know, I've I've had some

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Speaker 1: experiences like being on an elevator and I was particularly

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Speaker 1: cute this day and I was in an elevator in

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Speaker 1: the l a and the door open and a very

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Speaker 1: attractive black man open comes in the elevator. He's followed

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Speaker 1: by some other some men brothers with him, and um,

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Speaker 1: I could tell that the one that you know walked

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Speaker 1: in first was like and I was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: And then we're standing there and it feels like he's

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Speaker 1: about to say something and the other man says to him,

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Speaker 1: there were two other ones. One of the other two says,

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Speaker 1: you know, we don't do that no more, right, and

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Speaker 1: he was like, yeah, you're right, and they got off

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Speaker 1: the elevator. Then that I'm sorry with the Lord. Yeah. Yeah, uh,

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Speaker 1: I definitely felt that. I definitely felt that that there

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Speaker 1: is a generation or I won't even say a generation

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Speaker 1: of black men that are not dating black women at all,

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Speaker 1: Like it's now a rule like we don't do that,

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Speaker 1: you know, where we're past that or whatever the idea is.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure, but I know that I've seen quite

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Speaker 1: a bit of that. I've seen quite a bit of that.

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Speaker 1: And you know, if you look at certain groups of

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Speaker 1: brothers that you know, all of them, oh I hate

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Speaker 1: to say, oh, but I know some brothers that they

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Speaker 1: went to to a school and all their friends have

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Speaker 1: all all married to Asian women, you know, like it's

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Speaker 1: a it's a thing, like it's their thing. Yeah. I

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Speaker 1: think that this kind of stuff occurs with with black men.

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Speaker 1: I've seen it. I don't think I know it. I've

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Speaker 1: seen it. I've seen plenty of it, that there's a

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Speaker 1: group think about not dating black women or being married with,

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Speaker 1: you know, black women anymore. Okay, So when I said

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Speaker 1: what got me, I don't know, I don't even know

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Speaker 1: what to call it. I mean, a different mind state

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Speaker 1: is when I met some black men that were married

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Speaker 1: to Asian women and their kids were eating sushi with

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Speaker 1: Kyla greens. You know, it sounds it sounds like, what

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Speaker 1: are you talking about. I'm saying that they're mixing the

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Speaker 1: cultures together in a way where they're not forgetting that

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Speaker 1: they are black because in the world their children are

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Speaker 1: brown and you know, will automatically be assumed black. But

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Speaker 1: also they were acknowledging their Asian descent as well, And

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Speaker 1: I thought, Okay, if relationships go like that, where there's

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Speaker 1: an honor in it, a respect in it, then bully

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Speaker 1: on Bravo. You know, if that's what it is, and

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Speaker 1: that's what it is, like, I just don't like to

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Speaker 1: see this, particular when there's a brother that is married

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Speaker 1: to or is dating a white woman because he does

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Speaker 1: not like himself. Now we have seen this and because

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Speaker 1: he needs a break. I'm we've seen it. We've seen it.

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Speaker 1: Sorry you know that that. Oh no, no, we know

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Speaker 1: what's true. We know what's true. And it goes both

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Speaker 1: ways for sisters too, and they're like me, need my

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Speaker 1: baby to have good hair. I I I you know,

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Speaker 1: I mean we definitely know that it's real. Yes, Like

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Speaker 1: we're not making this off. There are situations in which

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Speaker 1: people are most definitely like existing in a way that's

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Speaker 1: deeply respectful of their culture. But in an example you used,

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Speaker 1: I have to say to me, feel like it's slightly

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Speaker 1: different because you know, out in the world today a

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Speaker 1: person will call an Asian person a person of color

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Speaker 1: and that and it also to to say to say

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Speaker 1: to to say that I am Asian, it is not

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Speaker 1: to say that I'm anti black. To embrace whiteness is

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Speaker 1: to embrace anti blackness. And so if you're going to

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Speaker 1: raise children or you're gonna do liberation work and you

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Speaker 1: are or you're attached to somebody who is attached to

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Speaker 1: whiteness and its committed to whiteness on on any level,

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Speaker 1: then yeah, that's a huge problem. And that's way different.

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Speaker 1: That's way different than than you know it does. It's

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Speaker 1: still toxic to say, oh, I'm only gonna date this

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Speaker 1: type of girl or this type of woman that is

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Speaker 1: not only not black, but specific to a certain kind

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Speaker 1: of you know, trajectory in life. Then I mean, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's super toxic and and anti black at the same time.

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Speaker 1: But it's just I just think that for us, at

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Speaker 1: the core of it, it's still stings, and I don't

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Speaker 1: I think we need to unpack that part, like why

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Speaker 1: does this still hurt even in the slightest bit, especially

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Speaker 1: when you see it over and over and over and

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Speaker 1: over again. Well listen, I want to see and then

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Speaker 1: defending myself. Years ago, I wrote an article for Essence magazine.

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Speaker 1: It was supposed to be called I'm just saying, but

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Speaker 1: they entitled it, uh Jill Scott on interracial marriage, which

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Speaker 1: was not the topic of the article at all, which

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Speaker 1: was not my intent or position. I was disturbed that

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Speaker 1: they would throw me under the bus like that, you know,

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Speaker 1: to sell magazines. And we we definitely Essence and I

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Speaker 1: have made our way back from you know, never dealing

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Speaker 1: with each other again to where we are now. But

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Speaker 1: I felt so betrayed, so betrayed, and then I ended

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Speaker 1: up being on CNN defending myself, you know, like, well

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Speaker 1: that was racist, and I was like saying that, saying

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Speaker 1: that it feels like a mosquito bite under a sundress.

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Speaker 1: You know, you feel it, you feel it, and then

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Speaker 1: you can still still keep moving and moving forward. And

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Speaker 1: the worst when you know somebody no not no better.

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Speaker 1: Because I don't want to say to you black on

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Speaker 1: black love is better. It is, But what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: is is that you know this person even and even

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Speaker 1: my favorite has so many it's like, damn, y'all got

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Speaker 1: a black dude like you put you speak on this

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Speaker 1: every day, you speak on our people. You hear you

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Speaker 1: in the struggle, and okay, he keep holding you down,

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Speaker 1: all right? This is mm hmm. I don't know. I guess,

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Speaker 1: I guess. For me, I don't know. I just feel

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Speaker 1: like the proof is kind of in the pudding For me,

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Speaker 1: I don't And I notice is odd for me to

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Speaker 1: say this based on what I would where I would

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Speaker 1: typically be coming from, especially when we talk about safe

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Speaker 1: spaces Agent, because earlier on, you know, when we started

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Speaker 1: to show, we're talking about safe spaces for us and

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Speaker 1: tribunals and how we can trust people, and I'm just like,

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Speaker 1: and I definitely felt like a tribunal and something that's

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Speaker 1: cultural is different, because, like I said, even when you

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Speaker 1: start looking into Indigenous people, they're certain power as you

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Speaker 1: can't go to you can only certain people can go

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Speaker 1: to so in that way, and if they following the rules,

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Speaker 1: like she can't she can't go to the to the

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Speaker 1: to that particular thing. You know, you can't come to

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Speaker 1: the tribunal. Well, well, no, if that's what the culture

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Speaker 1: of it, if that's the culture and that's the culture

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Speaker 1: is accepted by the person who is a part of

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Speaker 1: that culture, then no. But it's no different than like

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Speaker 1: I said, any person like so if if if, if,

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Speaker 1: if you have a ceremony for young boys coming into

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Speaker 1: their mannerod, then know their mama can't go. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's just a part of the way that people do things.

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Speaker 1: And if that's a decided thing culturally, then I understand

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Speaker 1: that that exclusion. But the thing is that people who

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Speaker 1: are fighting is a particular late labor. That's a particular

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Speaker 1: kind of labor. And I want them to have whatever

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Speaker 1: it is they want to have, whatever there and I

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Speaker 1: mean just whatever, whatever love that they have in their

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Speaker 1: lives is fine with me. My problem is if we

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Speaker 1: get to a point where we have to mince our

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Speaker 1: words about whiteness because your mate is white. So that

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Speaker 1: that part of it is And I know some people

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Speaker 1: in struggle work or in liberation work who don't mince

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Speaker 1: any words and don't require anyone else to mince words,

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Speaker 1: But I think that that's the key for me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: But because you gotta trust that that other in the

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Speaker 1: room when they hear these non mince words, that they

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Speaker 1: don't take them with them and use them incorrectly or

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Speaker 1: weaponize or whatever. Because I was literally gonna say I

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Speaker 1: was dating dude once who told me, and it sounded

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Speaker 1: so crazy when he said it, but he was like,

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Speaker 1: he doesn't allow white people in his house. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, why is that. He was like, because

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Speaker 1: black people seem to get start acting differently, and I

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Speaker 1: wanted everybody to be comfortable in my home. That's why.

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Speaker 1: So he wasn't there for the coast, which right, And

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Speaker 1: so in that conversation, that's where we go back to

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Speaker 1: our activist leaders and everything. I'm like, you're talking about you, like,

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Speaker 1: can you be your full self all the time everywhere

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Speaker 1: you are when your mate is also not doesn't have

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Speaker 1: that live experience. And I guess the argument from that

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Speaker 1: from that man would be that he's, um, you know,

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Speaker 1: he's living past color, but doing this work. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm I'm just assuming. I'm just assuming that

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Speaker 1: that would be the argument that you know, I'm not

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Speaker 1: my color, you know, but I see these issues and

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Speaker 1: struggles in my community, and I'm here to fight for

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Speaker 1: my community. I'll just I'll put this way, I'm put

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Speaker 1: outside of the rhythm that we discussed, which I completely

403
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Speaker 1: agree with, I just want to circle back to this point.

404
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Speaker 1: Is that m politically okay and just in terms of

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Speaker 1: just how we think about critically think about race, gender,

406
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Speaker 1: white supremacy, whatever. That For me, I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of the importance has to be placed on people's kind

408
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Speaker 1: of you know, political education, because I feel like outside

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Speaker 1: of the rhythm that we had, that is very easy

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Speaker 1: to get into a relationship with another black person who

411
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Speaker 1: is even less informed. Then let's say a white person

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Speaker 1: who's married to a black person who does liberation work,

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Speaker 1: and that can be really a difficult situation because you know,

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Speaker 1: I find that to be just as problematic. You know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying, You can really I find that to

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Speaker 1: be just as problematic. And you can have a black

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Speaker 1: person who's literally in the baby stages of their political education,

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Speaker 1: right and they're in a room with a an interracial couple,

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Speaker 1: and that white person is way further down the road

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Speaker 1: than they. However, Asia, I kind of think that's that

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Speaker 1: is definitely possible, and it definitely happens, but that collective

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Speaker 1: is small. These women, your speaking. I don't know how

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Speaker 1: long you say that population is call themselves and allies

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Speaker 1: out loud. Did you know who was married to a

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Speaker 1: white woman? Stop it, I need you to Yes, I

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Speaker 1: didn't know that. I didn't know that. Yes, it didn't

427
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,119
Speaker 1: know that, Yes it did. Did you know he was

428
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 1: by racial himself? Also? What I mean, yeah, most of

429
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 1: us are? He was bye bye? I mean, was his

430
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 1: parents in love or no? But he received a lot,

431
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 1: a lot of privilege because of his skin color. Now

432
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 1: privilege considering the time period, because of course, this is

433
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 1: a man who survived slavery. Let me put that there,

434
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:56,640
Speaker 1: So I have no right to call him privilege, Yeah,

435
00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 1: I said, in comparison to yeah, okay, the other black

436
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 1: people of his time period now understand that. But I

437
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 1: also understand that he still didn't take that ship lying

438
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,360
Speaker 1: down and said what the hell he thought? When he's

439
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,159
Speaker 1: like saying what he thought? This is true, But he

440
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 1: was also extremely establishment. He was very much believed in

441
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 1: the constitution, believed in this country. He wanted this country

442
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 1: to work, where some of his peers wanted to leave.

443
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 1: Of his peers were way more radical now. He even

444
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 1: at Harriet Tubman. Yeah, he even talks about how Harriet

445
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:28,119
Speaker 1: Tubman that she was the radical that he was in

446
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,959
Speaker 1: all of her bravery. But so even when you look

447
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 1: at a situation like him, you have certain ways that

448
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 1: we look at people who are connected to white people

449
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,200
Speaker 1: in an intimate way. We tend to look at those

450
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 1: people as conformists. And it's hard to think, how can

451
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 1: you be radical and think outside of that conformity when

452
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 1: you want to make a family with you want to

453
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 1: be intimate with someone who doesn't have that same lived

454
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:53,880
Speaker 1: experience or that same investment in our liberal but if

455
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:57,360
Speaker 1: but a white person who understands things, understands their liberation

456
00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 1: is also tied to ours. Here but who he's like people?

457
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 1: I mean, like I said, I know they exist. I

458
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,119
Speaker 1: don't think that that's his wife and his wife and

459
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 1: you like, these are not the wives that I know

460
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:11,920
Speaker 1: things are the wives that I've seen it on these

461
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:16,199
Speaker 1: men's arms. Uh make me I wanna call names uh

462
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:21,639
Speaker 1: over here and sing and specialist person over there and

463
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 1: actor actor actor rash over here. I listen, I'm not

464
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 1: saying listen. I can't even argue with you. No, I'm not.

465
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be willing to say it's more of that

466
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 1: I need a break. It's I think it may be

467
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:37,879
Speaker 1: a little bit more of that. I need a break,

468
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:42,640
Speaker 1: and you need a break from your mama. And Mike

469
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:48,680
Speaker 1: do Mike? Could? I guess could could Mike do? Yeah,

470
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:53,399
Speaker 1: let me say something bad. But for the women, for

471
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 1: black women, being in relationship with black men as a

472
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:05,440
Speaker 1: double marginalized person can be very taxing, can be very

473
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:21,760
Speaker 1: very TAXI We'll be right back. Have you noticed at

474
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 1: all if if you go on TikTok? Like the first

475
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 1: time I went on TikTok, I was like, wait, every

476
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 1: couple is in a racial like I had to go

477
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 1: and change my algorithm. I was like, wait a minute.

478
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 1: Every every couple, every couple that popped up on TikTok

479
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: was it was a black man with a white woman

480
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: and they had so much to say about so many things.

481
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 1: And I was like, wait, okay, oh, y'all know, we

482
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 1: know Ti we know TikTok is the land of I

483
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 1: don't know. I stay away from the from China, I don't.

484
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 1: I don't. This was it was. It was everyone I said,

485
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 1: aren't there any black couples on TikTok? Like there are?

486
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 1: I mean, but I had to find them, find them.

487
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 1: I had to find a whole TikTok and itself in

488
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 1: their relationship with Big up to our our young TikTokers start,

489
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: you know, protesting out there. Going back to Butoana, the

490
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 1: king of Butanakoma, he married a white woman in London

491
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:32,160
Speaker 1: and almost lost. The respect was out the window from

492
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 1: his people, and Mutowana people are are very kind and generous,

493
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 1: but this was too much. He went off to school

494
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: to study, as most Mutawana people do, but then here

495
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 1: he comes shows up with a whole white woman that

496
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 1: he was like insanely in love with and they were

497
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 1: married and he had the country. Uh. Ben then for

498
00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 1: him the movie to David Owllio made nobody went to

499
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:04,239
Speaker 1: go see because he was like, God, paying your white wife. Uh,

500
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 1: that very well could have been a portion of it,

501
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 1: but I know that that happened. It's it's not just

502
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: a movie. That's that's reality. I think it would be

503
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 1: really nice. It would be really nice if the black

504
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 1: man in particular would kind of acknowledge this thing that

505
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 1: we all see and nobody talks about that. It's like, okay,

506
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 1: if you're famous and you're influential and you're a black man,

507
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 1: you are married to a white woman, or you're married

508
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 1: to a really light skinned, racially ambiguous looking woman or

509
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: that has that same look, and it's like, yes, you

510
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: can love whoever you want. Yes, we want love for you.

511
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 1: Yes this is It feels like an old, raggedy conversation.

512
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: But at the same time too, it's like, y'all, we're

513
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 1: not blind, like I'm not blind like blind with Harry

514
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 1: and and Sydney did it so kind of like I

515
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,120
Speaker 1: don't know, they just they started and they kept going right.

516
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, and big up stair Harry,

517
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 1: who was an amazing who is an amazing fighter. Jack Johnson,

518
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 1: I think that's his name. Jack Johnson is a fighter.

519
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:16,360
Speaker 1: He got well, he got arrested for going over state lines.

520
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 1: He had a he had a white woman with him,

521
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: but he definitely was an advocate for that. He meant

522
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 1: that thing he was gonna get him a white woman

523
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 1: ain't married one, you know, I don't know. I feel

524
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 1: like that's a thing, guys. I know. And then and

525
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 1: you know, I gotta say to Asia, you know, if

526
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 1: you said that to the black men in Hollywood, especially one,

527
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 1: they will hit you back with. But y'all doing the

528
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: same thing in Hollywood. They will hit you back with well,

529
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 1: Shonda Ryn's um started a whole uh revolution, didn't she not.

530
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,400
Speaker 1: I'm just saying this is what I've heard from black men, like,

531
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 1: you know, okay they I mean, listen. I feel like

532
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 1: it's a fair conversation either way. I just don't like

533
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 1: that we are at this point now we all see it,

534
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 1: and we just like, oh wow, we can't say that,

535
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:00,959
Speaker 1: Oh don't because I feel like it's keeping us from

536
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 1: an important conversation, maybe about colorism, maybe it's a conversation

537
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 1: about this or that. I just think it's some there's

538
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: something in there in that pot that we're not talking about,

539
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:12,640
Speaker 1: and it doesn't have to do with your right to

540
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 1: love anyone else. I think it's some old ship. It's

541
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 1: some old ship that we still carry that that if

542
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 1: you are more successful, you know, or you've done better

543
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,040
Speaker 1: in life, if you you know, if you have a

544
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 1: light skin or a white woman, you know. It seems

545
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 1: like that's the way, isn't isn't that the way that

546
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 1: black men becomes I seen this with him. I say

547
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:41,239
Speaker 1: this within the gay community as well. Yeah, with men

548
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 1: and women and um so I see. Yeah, I've seen

549
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 1: some really women. They are really successful black men who

550
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:56,160
Speaker 1: are married to white men. See that's that, that's it's

551
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 1: that's like. That's why I told you guys when I

552
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 1: was watching this in mind was when I was watching

553
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 1: April doing a documentary the thirteenth, and I was like

554
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 1: looking at all the men that were doing their thing,

555
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 1: and I was like, from gay to straight, I don't

556
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: think any of these men are with black partners. And

557
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 1: she had you know, like gay and straight black men commentating,

558
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 1: and I was like, no, not him, not not him, well,

559
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 1: just man, because at this point, at this point, you're like,

560
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 1: it's not a coincidence, right, no, no, And it's not

561
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 1: supposed to hurt us. We're not posted, I mean, and

562
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 1: and I've I've changed my I've not changed my mind,

563
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 1: but I've tried to put myself, you know, be progressive

564
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 1: and be like like it's not supposed to hurt like that.

565
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 1: So that's why I refrained this whole thing on activists

566
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 1: and people who are doing the work, because I'm working

567
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 1: so that the regular as white dude, black dude that

568
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 1: I see loving on this white woman don't bother me.

569
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 1: Don't we don't bother me like you're used to, m h.

570
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 1: But then the ones to do the work and they're

571
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 1: just talking about how dope we are and how we

572
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:54,360
Speaker 1: stuff and were struggling us just just too much. Well, honestly,

573
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 1: you know how I feel. I feel hardly anybody who

574
00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,720
Speaker 1: is not a black woman is advocating for black women.

575
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 1: So any man I challenge I'll put the challenge out

576
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 1: there right now. Any man, any black man who was

577
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:10,440
Speaker 1: doing serious work around black women's liberation, I invite you

578
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,640
Speaker 1: please come on this show and shut it all the

579
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 1: way down, because I honestly don't see it. So I

580
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 1: think part of that might be it too, is that

581
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 1: we see people doing work, and this work is very

582
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:25,280
Speaker 1: male centered, is very black male center. It's not centered

583
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 1: on the liberation of black women, and it's definitely not

584
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 1: centered around the intersectional liberation of black women. So for me,

585
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:32,360
Speaker 1: it's just kind of like, maybe that's really what it is.

586
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:38,000
Speaker 1: We just don't believe you mm hmm. Listen, we we

587
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 1: talk about this all the time. We say it, I said,

588
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 1: I know, I say it often at least, you know,

589
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:46,040
Speaker 1: once every other episode. But this is conversation to spark

590
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 1: conversation where we're limiting ourselves. You know, we're not We're

591
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:58,200
Speaker 1: not being honest, we're not facing ourselves. There's there's something here.

592
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 1: It sits in the in the it out of your gut,

593
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 1: and then you reach out and you just like, thank

594
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:07,200
Speaker 1: you Lord for Samuel Jackson and maybe then Washington and

595
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,319
Speaker 1: a couple of others, but I want to name some more.

596
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 1: But I also am careful not to dig too deep

597
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,800
Speaker 1: into this moment that I feel because I feel like this,

598
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:22,720
Speaker 1: this this aversion to to interracial couples. It is also

599
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 1: a characteristic of politics that I can't stay. So it's like,

600
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 1: so a lot of other people who think, who are

601
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 1: really really have an issue with it. They also have

602
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 1: issues with things that to me are are very misogynistic.

603
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:40,360
Speaker 1: And you know the quote unquote hotel situations that everybody

604
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 1: talks about, you know that whole very misogynistic, very anti woman.

605
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,319
Speaker 1: So I'm careful not in my mind, I'm like, uh,

606
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 1: I want to talk about it. I want to be honest,

607
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 1: but I want to be careful not to align myself

608
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 1: with politics and spaces that are shared with people who

609
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 1: are like deeply problematic for me. Okay, okay, look, look Okay,

610
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 1: let me put it on a different playing field. I

611
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 1: have I have some white girlfriends that I genuinely love,

612
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,800
Speaker 1: and I think what I love most about them, obviously

613
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,439
Speaker 1: is their personalities and their life experiences and the things

614
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:20,879
Speaker 1: that that they share with me and I share with them.

615
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 1: You know that it's friendship. But what I think works

616
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,800
Speaker 1: for me most is that they are white women that

617
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: do not try to act like black women at all.

618
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:38,240
Speaker 1: They're you know, they're not my my, my white girlfriend

619
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:43,960
Speaker 1: who acts black. You know, it's like, so they ain't that,

620
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 1: But but do they understand? Are you comfortable saying everything,

621
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:53,279
Speaker 1: saying anything I want to say at any time I

622
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 1: want to say it, or we wouldn't be friends. You

623
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 1: see what I'm saying, We wouldn't be friends at all.

624
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 1: I felt like I had to to bite my tongue

625
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:04,719
Speaker 1: about anything. I don't have to do that, and and

626
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 1: and neither do they. And I can't imagine having a

627
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 1: friendship and not being you know, completely one hunted and

628
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: authentic with it. I'm saying, like, why I waste my

629
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 1: time or why waste my time? But I like, I

630
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 1: appreciate that I didn't put Stacy Wilson through the struggle.

631
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 1: That did Um, we've been through the struggle. Have you

632
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,359
Speaker 1: been through the struggle. We've been through the struggle. Let

633
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 1: me tell you something and I struggle. I'm gonna tell

634
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 1: you for what I'm saying this sense. That's why I don't.

635
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 1: I have a couple of white I have a few

636
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,279
Speaker 1: white girlfriend But as far as me and Stacy Wilson go,

637
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 1: like the trust that I have in her as a

638
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 1: white woman and not doing and saying certain things because

639
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:49,320
Speaker 1: we've had these hard conversations, because she learned how I

640
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 1: felt about interracial dating when I was on the radio

641
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:54,479
Speaker 1: and I'm living with her and when while she's dating

642
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 1: a black man and we had to have these really

643
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:59,959
Speaker 1: hard conversations. Yeah, so it's hard for me to true

644
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 1: love like white woman one percent because you're gonna have

645
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 1: to raise your I gotta know that you will never

646
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 1: You don't want to say nigga, you don't feel it.

647
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:10,360
Speaker 1: Even in the song, it's it ain't even something. You

648
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 1: ain't jealous. You're just like that's just not for me,

649
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 1: Like he's no what you're telling. What you're telling me

650
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:20,400
Speaker 1: is that because of her close relationship with you, a

651
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:24,480
Speaker 1: very informed black woman, that she is a part of

652
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:27,760
Speaker 1: that minority of white women who you're saying doesn't exist,

653
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 1: because clearly it does. It does. But I'm not the

654
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:34,160
Speaker 1: only But I'm only gonna say, but that's because you

655
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,440
Speaker 1: have the intimate relationship with her. So therefore, these other

656
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:41,319
Speaker 1: people have an intimate relationship with somebody who I can't

657
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 1: imagine them to have and not not in every search

658
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:46,080
Speaker 1: of intimate relationship because they're other white women. That's what

659
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Asia, I have other white girlfriends that I

660
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 1: love them dearly. However, I also it's just not um,

661
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:54,879
Speaker 1: I don't want to. I don't want to. They're not listening.

662
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 1: I just can't. I don't trust them as much as

663
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 1: I trust her. I don't trust it. But I love

664
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 1: them and in their marriage, what I noticed is that

665
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 1: the girls on the surface, their children on the surface,

666
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:13,239
Speaker 1: don't seem to be very dialed into Black culture. It

667
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 1: just doesn't seem where they live, where the whole environment

668
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,439
Speaker 1: just doesn't seem like that. And and like I said,

669
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, seem like because I don't live with them. Uh,

670
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:26,799
Speaker 1: this is just my outside of a pinion. Now, when

671
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 1: this past year, when the conversation around at least violence.

672
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 1: All this stuff comes up. It's almost like you would

673
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 1: have to pretend like you didn't see it in order

674
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 1: to not talk about it. And I have black children

675
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,919
Speaker 1: of any sort to act like you weren't talking about

676
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 1: that with your kids. And I noticed that the attempt

677
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 1: to engage the children about this tends to come tend

678
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,960
Speaker 1: to come from like a spiritual space because they're very

679
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,839
Speaker 1: involved with their church and this kind of Okay, now

680
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 1: we have to kind of have this conversation of out

681
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 1: blackness with our children, you know, and observing it from

682
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 1: the outside, and it's like, wow, okay, So at first

683
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit judgmental. I won't even lie. I'm

684
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:11,239
Speaker 1: looking at it like really, y'all, like the whole world

685
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 1: got to be on fire now for the kids to

686
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 1: to be having this conversation, you know what I mean.

687
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:19,080
Speaker 1: And then it's still kind of what we are the world,

688
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:22,839
Speaker 1: the type of energy, and and I was a little bit,

689
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 1: you know, upset to one day my cousin's wife reached

690
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 1: out to me and she asked me about her stepdaughter's hair,

691
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 1: and she said, Okay, these are my stepdaughters, and I

692
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 1: know their mom was also white. May not know everything

693
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:44,400
Speaker 1: about this, and I can kind of tell. So she

694
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 1: was like, you know, I just want to know, like

695
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:50,279
Speaker 1: if you know what I should do, And so I'm

696
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 1: like sure, because and then I kind of give her

697
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,920
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of information and blah blah blah blah

698
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:58,840
Speaker 1: bah blah, because these are my you know, they're my

699
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 1: cousin's children. But they're like nieces, you know how blacks

700
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 1: are anybody younger than you as your niece, anybody older

701
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:07,399
Speaker 1: than you was, you know. And so I'm like, these

702
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:09,359
Speaker 1: are my nieces. I'm you know, I'm going to help out.

703
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 1: I walked away from that situation and thought, wow, And

704
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 1: all the time I've known this woman, this is the

705
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:17,879
Speaker 1: first time we've ever had a conversation about the fact

706
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 1: that she was raising black girls. She was just raising girls.

707
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 1: She was just raising girls, right, So this is like

708
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 1: my first time doing it. And this is a person

709
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:32,880
Speaker 1: who I know deeply loves my cousin. This is a

710
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 1: person who I know deeply loves these girls. This is

711
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 1: a person who was absolutely comfortable around my family. Who

712
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,319
Speaker 1: I know. She you know, she attends her church, she's

713
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 1: a she's a good, you know, good Christian warman. Man,

714
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 1: she's a good Christian woman, but she didn't just didn't

715
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 1: dive into anything about black hair, didn't open up a book,

716
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 1: you knowhing, But this is our first conversation, even having

717
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,520
Speaker 1: any conversation about being black at all. She follows me,

718
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,879
Speaker 1: y'all know how I talk. So it's like no conversation.

719
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 1: But this is the first conversation. So what does that say.

720
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:09,600
Speaker 1: What is said to me is that people enjoy the

721
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:13,359
Speaker 1: bubble that they are in. When they feel loved, when

722
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,319
Speaker 1: they feel like their needs are being met, that's all

723
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:19,360
Speaker 1: that they care about. And I don't think that changes

724
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 1: simply because you do liberation work. In fact, I think

725
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:24,640
Speaker 1: it increases, you know what I'm saying. And I think

726
00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:27,520
Speaker 1: that at the end of the day, you talk about

727
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 1: things when the necessity comes up. And I think that

728
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 1: that's a family systems issue that when you're in a family,

729
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:37,160
Speaker 1: when things come up, you discuss it. People are very

730
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 1: rarely capable of thinking about things that had of time,

731
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:42,399
Speaker 1: And unfortunately, in a place in a country that tells

732
00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 1: you that you're the most important person in the room

733
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:48,279
Speaker 1: and that your race is the default, you're not gonna

734
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,800
Speaker 1: bring that up. You're not gonna bring that up unless

735
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 1: somebody tells you that you should. Abody gives. So that

736
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: means that she didn't get no black hair books for

737
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:57,880
Speaker 1: our little girls to learn how beautiful their hair is

738
00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 1: because they can do all kinds of things, and no conversations.

739
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:03,719
Speaker 1: Just I'm gonna come and put some moose in the

740
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: ship for the first two years of your life until

741
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:15,080
Speaker 1: it gets difficult. I don't know. I more conversation after

742
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 1: the break. I see very often the people care more

743
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 1: about their ship suits than they do their black children.

744
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 1: You see, you thought I said, I'm not kidding. I'm

745
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,840
Speaker 1: not kidding. I see it very often, you know, the

746
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:43,439
Speaker 1: little girl, you know, even at church. You know, I'd

747
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:45,360
Speaker 1: go into a church and I saw this baby and

748
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,680
Speaker 1: her hair was it was so mad at and it

749
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 1: was like, okay, oh, I'm looking. I'm trying not to

750
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:54,919
Speaker 1: look at it, but at the same time, I can't

751
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,239
Speaker 1: help it, and I'm thinking she didn't get these braids out.

752
00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:01,359
Speaker 1: They're gonna have to shave her head, like it's it's

753
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,919
Speaker 1: that bad. So I say to the mom at the church, Hey,

754
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 1: how you doing um? And she says, I'm fine, how

755
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 1: are you praise the Lord? That's all right? Break, you know,

756
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 1: praise the Lord. And then let's say, I hope you

757
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:18,520
Speaker 1: don't mind, I'm noticing your daughter's braids. And she was like,

758
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:22,880
Speaker 1: I know, and I said, you know, you know what

759
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 1: she said, I'm gonna take him out. I'm gonna get

760
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,840
Speaker 1: them out. I'm gonna get him out. And then I

761
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 1: just like, Okay, first of all, you gotta attitude in

762
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 1: the church. I'm just trying to help, man, I'm just

763
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 1: trying to help. Like and maybe you've heard it a lot,

764
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 1: maybe I'm the fifth person today to say it. Then

765
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 1: go in the parking lot and started start like you

766
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:47,880
Speaker 1: started taking out and start taking the braids out there

767
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:52,360
Speaker 1: got the bottoms of let me see some progress, some progress.

768
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 1: It matters. It matters because what's gonna happen is she's

769
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 1: gonna grow up hating her hair that part because her

770
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 1: hair and like her mama hair, right, because my mama

771
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 1: hair not like yours mommy. So come on now, of

772
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:12,400
Speaker 1: responsibility that comes along with that too, You know that,

773
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 1: I promise that to me is just just as bad

774
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 1: as the fact that black women a child be to

775
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 1: two seconds out the woman, they'll be trying to put

776
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:31,960
Speaker 1: a PCJ in their head as a cut jab. It's like,

777
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:36,880
Speaker 1: we have a problem with anti blackness in this country

778
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 1: and our kids are and our families are deeply affected

779
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:45,440
Speaker 1: by it. And to me, it's like, okay, yes, in

780
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 1: my mind, my preference is to have my children in

781
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 1: in a black community and surrounded by black people and

782
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:55,720
Speaker 1: having that rhythm that they would have with black folks

783
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:57,720
Speaker 1: at all times. And when you have a parent who's

784
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 1: not black, that has to be an intentional thing as

785
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:03,120
Speaker 1: the plack parents to make sure that that happens. But

786
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 1: that's on period when you got a black husband or

787
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:08,520
Speaker 1: wife too, because guess what black folks do, they get

788
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:10,920
Speaker 1: super anti black even when they got a black mat

789
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 1: one time. No, that could happen. Happens, happens as a

790
00:46:17,719 --> 00:46:20,359
Speaker 1: matter of culture, because I promise you I posted one

791
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:23,920
Speaker 1: time on my Instagram as an elder ever told you

792
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:27,920
Speaker 1: something deeply toxic And they thought they were teaching you

793
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 1: something but taught you something deeply toxic. It was a

794
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 1: telling thread because I promise you a lot of things

795
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:36,440
Speaker 1: came up. But we've talked about that before because it

796
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 1: always go back to white supremacy and what they like

797
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:41,319
Speaker 1: it does. But this is my point at the end

798
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:43,680
Speaker 1: of the day, is that the coupling of it all,

799
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:47,560
Speaker 1: it's going to drag anti blackness into it no matter what,

800
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:49,320
Speaker 1: because that's the type of state we live in. That

801
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:51,279
Speaker 1: is the more this, this is the country we live in,

802
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:53,760
Speaker 1: the world that we live in. These systems are built

803
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:56,719
Speaker 1: on anti blackness, and no matter who we coupled with,

804
00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:59,879
Speaker 1: will be contending with that, no matter what I am,

805
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:03,359
Speaker 1: And yeah, we'll be contending with that in a deep

806
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:07,080
Speaker 1: way no matter what. It'll just be different. You know.

807
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:10,040
Speaker 1: A black person's anti blackness is going is going to

808
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 1: you know, uh, come to the surface in a different

809
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 1: kind of way, you know. But it doesn't mean that

810
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 1: it's not happening, you know. I don't know. I just

811
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 1: know I would you know. We were talking about Ursula

812
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,879
Speaker 1: Rucke the other day, who got the whitest the white

813
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 1: mama's and she bought the black oftiest black person that

814
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:34,920
Speaker 1: I haven't, Which is interesting because most of my most

815
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 1: of my girls that are have mixed parents usually them

816
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 1: their mom is they usually have a black mom, which

817
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:41,880
Speaker 1: makes them even more conscious of who they are. So

818
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:43,759
Speaker 1: I find that interested about Ursela in that way, like

819
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:46,880
Speaker 1: that's dope. I mean so that that's the thing is

820
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:48,400
Speaker 1: that it's like it's hard for me to kind of

821
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:52,560
Speaker 1: put my finger on I know, I know the feeling

822
00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:55,279
Speaker 1: that we're talking about, you know what I'm saying, But

823
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 1: it's hard for me to pinpoint the union itself as

824
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 1: the issue because it's not it's the it's the anti

825
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 1: blackness that's the issue, right, It's the anti blackness. To

826
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:13,759
Speaker 1: get into the union, right, feel like into that union

827
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:16,520
Speaker 1: has to require a certain amount of anti black Yes,

828
00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:18,640
Speaker 1: I do, because even when we say stuff like well

829
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:20,400
Speaker 1: maybe they feel like they need a break because they

830
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:22,759
Speaker 1: do the work, I'm like, well, that's anti blackness, isn't it.

831
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:28,719
Speaker 1: I don't know, yes, so, but does everybody that's what's saying.

832
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:32,880
Speaker 1: I don't know if everybody's thinking that one, right, you

833
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 1: know what we have to do when yeah, we have

834
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:40,399
Speaker 1: to talk to to several people. We have because we're

835
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 1: just because because other than that, we're assuming and it's

836
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 1: it's a bunch of conjecture and we don't really understand

837
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:50,799
Speaker 1: and we ultimately are based somewhere. I mean, obviously there's

838
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:56,840
Speaker 1: information that we're aware of and things me. Yes, I

839
00:48:56,960 --> 00:49:03,320
Speaker 1: did why because he was fine and we got along

840
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:07,319
Speaker 1: he was actually Jewish. I can't say. I mean, when

841
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:09,840
Speaker 1: you're talking about dating, it's like, you know, sleeping with

842
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 1: or something. None of that ever happened. But we went

843
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:17,360
Speaker 1: on a date, and this is it changed everything, quite frankly.

844
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:19,839
Speaker 1: He came to pick me up. He had a cabriole

845
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,359
Speaker 1: and he had a convertible cabriole. I don't know if

846
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,160
Speaker 1: you guys remember that, but it was super cute. It

847
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:28,920
Speaker 1: was very cute. We worked at the ice cream poler together,

848
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 1: you know, and he was he was inten was like,

849
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:34,960
Speaker 1: I'm coming to pick you up. And I was like,

850
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:37,600
Speaker 1: I don't think you should do that. He's like, no,

851
00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 1: I'm coming to pick you up from your house. I'm

852
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:41,920
Speaker 1: coming to pick you up. So that's what he did.

853
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:45,800
Speaker 1: And I remember coming outside and my whole neighborhood in

854
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:52,320
Speaker 1: in in mid jump brokes everything and everybody stopped and

855
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:55,839
Speaker 1: was staring everything on the block. Everybody on the block

856
00:49:56,040 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 1: was looking singing, dude, we it was quiet, okay. And

857
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:09,600
Speaker 1: I got in the car and I was so nervous.

858
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:12,640
Speaker 1: I was so nervous that you know, somebody was gonna,

859
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 1: I don't know, hurt him. He's a nice guy, didn't

860
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 1: want anybody anyway, We go um to South Street because

861
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:23,359
Speaker 1: that's what you did, you know then, so many many

862
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:25,480
Speaker 1: years ago. So we go to South Street and the

863
00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 1: brothers lost it. They were hollering, screaming down the street.

864
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 1: No says no says no, you know what, And it

865
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:46,480
Speaker 1: could have done it definitely could have been peer pressure

866
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 1: at that moment. But I was like, I don't ever

867
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 1: want another black man to feel this way when they

868
00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:59,480
Speaker 1: see me. I just don't. You don't give him no

869
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 1: look when you see uh no, no, what you mean

870
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:04,560
Speaker 1: when you see interracial couple, you're saying that you don't

871
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:06,279
Speaker 1: want another black men to feel that way when he's

872
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:09,160
Speaker 1: on a white woman. I don't want to. I didn't

873
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 1: want another black man to feel that way about me.

874
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:13,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, we already got so much going on. I

875
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 1: don't want them the betrayal, the betrayal. I didn't want

876
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:24,000
Speaker 1: them to feel like that. I didn't. I didn't like that.

877
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:26,520
Speaker 1: I didn't like how it felt. But what if he

878
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:28,840
Speaker 1: was going to teach you real good, Jill? But I

879
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 1: mean I can still learn. I don't know what else

880
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:37,000
Speaker 1: he could have feel like, the chances are still. I mean,

881
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:40,520
Speaker 1: I just did not like that feeling, and it was

882
00:51:40,719 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 1: enough for me. It was enough for me. Black men

883
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 1: don't seem to have those feelings because we're also not

884
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:52,000
Speaker 1: in the street like no, no brother, No, We're not

885
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,719
Speaker 1: like just I don't know, I don't don't know that

886
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:58,960
Speaker 1: we ever did. I don't know that we did. We didn't.

887
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:01,120
Speaker 1: We didn't say no brother when we don't. We didn't

888
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:03,280
Speaker 1: feel that empowered. We just gave a look or dirty

889
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:06,239
Speaker 1: look or I think it was more dirty looks. I

890
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:09,439
Speaker 1: can't a lie to you guys on in social media

891
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:11,680
Speaker 1: when people can't When when when when I've heard, when

892
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:14,759
Speaker 1: I've seen this conversation happening. You know, a lot of

893
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:18,839
Speaker 1: black women are like, this is an outdated conversation. Care

894
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:22,360
Speaker 1: be cares who you're married to? Who da da da da?

895
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 1: And I think maybe, like I said earlier, we just

896
00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 1: got to get to the core of what the betrayal

897
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:35,320
Speaker 1: is and where why we feel it, because that is

898
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:38,960
Speaker 1: a really important conversation. Otherwise we're just tucking it under

899
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:42,520
Speaker 1: the rug and pretending to be okay with something that

900
00:52:42,640 --> 00:52:44,640
Speaker 1: we're not really okay with. And when when At the

901
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:47,120
Speaker 1: end of the day, it is other people's personal decision

902
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 1: to when they don't need our permission to do anything

903
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:54,040
Speaker 1: and their life at the end of the day, that

904
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:56,839
Speaker 1: like the numbers are are dwindling, right. So like when

905
00:52:56,880 --> 00:52:58,800
Speaker 1: I moved to l A, I had two girlfriends that

906
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:00,520
Speaker 1: had to have a talk with me out me opening

907
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:03,279
Speaker 1: my dating mind because I wasn't meeting anybody, and they're like, like,

908
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:05,800
Speaker 1: you got to date out of your race. And I

909
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:08,080
Speaker 1: was like, all right, I'm open to it. Like you know,

910
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:10,399
Speaker 1: he liked me, I like him. Man, this time I'm

911
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:13,719
Speaker 1: single and I'm I'm looking for something, and I was

912
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:15,680
Speaker 1: open to it. But what I also realized is that

913
00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:18,600
Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe I'm not that approachable for a

914
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:20,440
Speaker 1: lot of white men because I don't get approached by

915
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:22,160
Speaker 1: white man They're not aggressive. And I like a man

916
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:25,480
Speaker 1: the cup and tell me how he feels and how

917
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:27,560
Speaker 1: I look and all of that stuff, and and he's say,

918
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:30,560
Speaker 1: you're fine, motherfucker. Won't you back that thing exactly? And

919
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:32,440
Speaker 1: maybe that those white oneings just I think in the

920
00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:34,360
Speaker 1: South sometimes, like I was in Tennessee a couple of

921
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:36,360
Speaker 1: weeks ago and a white man was like, hey, yallow dress.

922
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:38,279
Speaker 1: But that was the first time that a white man

923
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:42,560
Speaker 1: had hollered at me since I can remember. So I

924
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 1: think that from a numbers point to for some single

925
00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:47,560
Speaker 1: black women out there who do want to date a

926
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:51,000
Speaker 1: black man, it even though this is an outdated conversation,

927
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:52,719
Speaker 1: it ain't when you start dating and you realize it

928
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:55,520
Speaker 1: ain't nothing out there and you're competing, shout up to

929
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:58,359
Speaker 1: my girlfriends with your Asian and your white girlfriend because

930
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:01,839
Speaker 1: they don't want the day Asian of white men that one.

931
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 1: So this is where it becomes not outdated when you

932
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:07,960
Speaker 1: are looking for black love and and then there's an

933
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:09,200
Speaker 1: argument in the back of your head, well, if you

934
00:54:09,239 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 1: want family, I don't want him anyway. But it's still

935
00:54:11,800 --> 00:54:16,759
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, but we yea though, But I feel

936
00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:18,600
Speaker 1: like I feel like and I don't think you do this,

937
00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 1: by the way, but I think we have to be

938
00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:25,000
Speaker 1: very careful that we understand black love the way black

939
00:54:25,080 --> 00:54:27,920
Speaker 1: love just shows up. I think we have a tendency

940
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:29,960
Speaker 1: and I and I saw this happen when for Tam

941
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 1: and I got started. They're like, why y'all want to

942
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 1: talk about your marriage? What you want to talk about that? For? Uh,

943
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:37,959
Speaker 1: you know that kind of thing. But then we've seen

944
00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 1: it grow over the years. Now, black love is like

945
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:42,520
Speaker 1: a thing, you know what I mean. It's like hashtag

946
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:47,480
Speaker 1: goals thing, right, It's a whole TV show. And so

947
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:50,520
Speaker 1: for me, I think we're we're we gotten to this

948
00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:55,239
Speaker 1: point also to somewhat romanticize it, and I want to

949
00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:57,239
Speaker 1: see black love be looked at as something that just

950
00:54:57,360 --> 00:54:59,200
Speaker 1: shows up as it is, you know what I'm saying.

951
00:54:59,239 --> 00:55:00,880
Speaker 1: And I think we gotta be real careful with that,

952
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:03,839
Speaker 1: because when you're out in the dating pool, I can

953
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:09,160
Speaker 1: imagine that this this this ideal is competing with your

954
00:55:09,200 --> 00:55:13,640
Speaker 1: reality and that that is making it harder on black

955
00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:16,920
Speaker 1: women in particular. Then it has to be you know

956
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:21,680
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. On on the TikTok, the black ladies

957
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:29,080
Speaker 1: show a look on the tik the black with white dudes.

958
00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:32,480
Speaker 1: They look happy. White men like to wear the snugly, right,

959
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:35,520
Speaker 1: the snuggly, the little thing that the don't sits in

960
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:38,160
Speaker 1: and the thing that the baby sits in that attached

961
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:40,040
Speaker 1: to the front of your body. A white men like

962
00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:42,400
Speaker 1: the baby. They like they like to wear the snuggly.

963
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:44,960
Speaker 1: That's my one thing and that men like to do

964
00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:48,000
Speaker 1: that dude ain't doing. It's a joke. It was like

965
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:56,200
Speaker 1: a bad racial joke. Sorry, I apologize, I'm sorry. It's sorry.

966
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:58,120
Speaker 1: I did on these streets every day, but I finally

967
00:55:58,120 --> 00:55:59,319
Speaker 1: did get a black dude of l a. I had

968
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:02,000
Speaker 1: so many sisters. How you do that? You do that?

969
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:06,640
Speaker 1: Like he's gonna sat Louis. I got a preference, and

970
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:09,560
Speaker 1: that is what it is, what it is I have.

971
00:56:09,719 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 1: I have many I have many reasons that I don't

972
00:56:12,520 --> 00:56:16,400
Speaker 1: need anybody else to understand. But I definitely have always

973
00:56:17,200 --> 00:56:22,759
Speaker 1: wanted to to be with a black man. That's all.

974
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:27,080
Speaker 1: That's all I maybe, you know, maybe the girl that

975
00:56:27,160 --> 00:56:32,320
Speaker 1: fell in love with her dad. You know, hey, what

976
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:34,880
Speaker 1: do you what do you want? I get it, I

977
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:36,920
Speaker 1: get it. People are gonna love who they love. You

978
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:47,080
Speaker 1: already know that ship like you know about it. Listen,

979
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:52,120
Speaker 1: we are out here, okay, we're having conversations to spark

980
00:56:52,239 --> 00:57:00,319
Speaker 1: conversations hopefully revealing some thoughts and feelings and issues concerns. Well, um,

981
00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:02,799
Speaker 1: help us get to the other side of the road.

982
00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:05,919
Speaker 1: That's the goal, which is, in fact, screw the road.

983
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:08,320
Speaker 1: We're really trying to get to the other side of

984
00:57:08,719 --> 00:57:11,879
Speaker 1: the sky, you know, trying to understand what this whole

985
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:16,040
Speaker 1: humanity business is all about and if you can open

986
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:20,200
Speaker 1: your head in your heart and maybe comment you maybe

987
00:57:20,240 --> 00:57:23,360
Speaker 1: talk about it amongst sure people you know, maybe send

988
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:27,120
Speaker 1: us a message. We can get a little further. We're

989
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:30,880
Speaker 1: not trying to land at the exact answer, but we

990
00:57:31,160 --> 00:57:33,360
Speaker 1: do want to go further than where we are. Thank

991
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:36,320
Speaker 1: you so much for listening. This has been j dot

992
00:57:36,520 --> 00:58:05,000
Speaker 1: l the Podcast. Hi, if you have comments on something

993
00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 1: we said in this episode called eight six six, Hey Jill,

994
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:12,400
Speaker 1: if you want to add to this conversation that's eight

995
00:58:12,520 --> 00:58:16,440
Speaker 1: six six three nine five, four five five. Don't forget

996
00:58:16,480 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 1: to tell us your name and the episode you're referring to.

997
00:58:19,560 --> 00:58:22,800
Speaker 1: You might just hear your message on a future episode.

998
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:26,960
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Jill Scott presents Jay dot

999
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:30,800
Speaker 1: Il the Podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott,

1000
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:35,520
Speaker 1: Layah st Clair and Agr Graden Danceler. It's executive producers

1001
00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:39,160
Speaker 1: are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun. It's produced

1002
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:42,640
Speaker 1: by Layah st Clair and me Eves Jeff Cope. The

1003
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:45,360
Speaker 1: editing and sound design for this episode we're done by

1004
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:53,480
Speaker 1: Christina Larenger. J dot Ill is a production of I

1005
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:58,120
Speaker 1: Heart Radio for More podcast from I Heart Radio visit

1006
00:58:58,240 --> 00:59:02,440
Speaker 1: the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you

1007
00:59:02,560 --> 00:59:04,120
Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.