WEBVTT - Our First Year as Husband and Wife 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:06.960 Hello, my beautiful people. Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheek 0:00:07.040 --> 0:00:09.400 Is in Chill, where you come to Chill to listen, 0:00:09.480 --> 0:00:13.360 to grow, and to glow. I hope you all are 0:00:13.480 --> 0:00:16.800 enjoying season four, because I definitely am. We've covered so 0:00:16.800 --> 0:00:18.720 many different topics and I can't wait for you guys 0:00:18.760 --> 0:00:20.599 to hear what else we have in store for you. 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:25.560 So let me get into today's episode because our guest 0:00:25.680 --> 0:00:28.159 is a very special guest and he's very excited to 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:29.920 be here, and I'm excited that he's here and I'm 0:00:29.960 --> 0:00:33.800 excited to have him. His name is Emilio marist Sanchez. 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:34.920 He happens to be my husband. 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:37.120 Say hello, babe, Hi, beautiful girl. 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:41.840 So I'm putting him on the hot seat today because 0:00:41.960 --> 0:00:45.519 we're going to talk about our first year of marriage 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:51.040 and how it's gone and how we're navigating challenges and situations. 0:00:51.440 --> 0:00:53.760 And then we'll wrap up the episode with some advice 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:56.440 for any newlyweds out there, So be sure to listen 0:00:56.480 --> 0:00:58.000 to the entire episode. 0:00:58.160 --> 0:00:59.000 Are you ready, bibe? 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:01.000 Yes? I am all right. 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:02.760 So before we get into it, I wanted to give 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:05.080 you guys a little recap. We tied the knot on 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:08.040 July fifth, twenty twenty four. It was a very intimate 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:10.800 wedding in Las Vegas, and it was a very special night. 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:13.479 It's a very special day that I'll never forget. And 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:18.000 we did not prepare for this episode. I mean, that's 0:01:18.040 --> 0:01:19.319 the way I like to do things, you guys. I 0:01:19.360 --> 0:01:21.000 like to just speak from the heart. He doesn't know 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:22.759 exactly what we're going to talk about. We're just gonna 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:27.600 say the truth because everyone, not everyone, but a lot 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:31.280 of people have shared that the first year of marriage 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:36.240 is the hardest, and I don't know. I wouldn't say 0:01:36.440 --> 0:01:39.960 that it was. I mean, it wasn't easy peasy, I'll 0:01:39.959 --> 0:01:43.119 tell you that much. So let's go back to last 0:01:43.160 --> 0:01:46.520 year when we got married. Okay, I think because we 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:48.600 were in the middle of touring and we had a 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:51.280 very busy year, we spent a lot of time together 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:53.320 that we were very fortunate that even though we were 0:01:53.360 --> 0:01:55.480 both working, because you had you were on tour with 0:01:55.520 --> 0:01:58.360 Becky and then I was on lakadem I was doing 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:00.640 so much, but we were able to spend a lot 0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:01.240 of time together. 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:03.720 Yeah, and so I feel. 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:06.880 Like we were just in the nitty gritty and working 0:02:06.920 --> 0:02:11.120 and grinding that it felt. Yes, we're married and it 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:14.040 was good and I don't feel like it was in 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:19.640 any way bad. But then things slowed down and I 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:23.720 feel like stuff got real in January of this year. 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:29.120 Yeah, why, well, I just want to kind of explain 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:33.200 on like how crazy it was last year, because because 0:02:33.200 --> 0:02:35.240 it's like, yeah, we did get married, and then it 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:38.799 was just so many things. And while all these things 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:43.680 are happening, you also dropped Gesiga Passando, which was like 0:02:43.800 --> 0:02:48.760 our marriage anthem for the year. And looking back at 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:52.200 it now, it was like it was very present, like 0:02:52.280 --> 0:02:56.240 we felt we felt a love from everybody. It was 0:02:56.320 --> 0:02:57.400 just a love year. You know. 0:02:57.880 --> 0:02:59.600 It was beautiful for sure, it was. 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:01.360 A lot it was. It felt really good, It was 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:05.240 really fun, and it felt big, you know in our lives, 0:03:05.560 --> 0:03:06.760 well for me. 0:03:06.800 --> 0:03:08.480 At least same. 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:12.120 And and then yeah, in January, then it calmed down. 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:15.440 It did calm down, I think because you know, the 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:19.320 dust started settling in other words, and you know, things 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:22.320 started slowing down, and then I started IVF. 0:03:23.160 --> 0:03:28.880 Yeah, January was just so much just remind me, I mean, 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.359 just a lot of even I mean the last few 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:35.720 days of our vacation that's when the Los Angeles fire started, 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:39.840 and I think it had such an impact on us, 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:43.200 especially because you know, we live here in Los Angeles 0:03:43.200 --> 0:03:46.160 and it affected a lot of people and a lot 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:49.960 of people we care about and just our city, you know, 0:03:50.080 --> 0:03:51.560 and I wrecked me. 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:52.400 Guys. 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:56.760 It started like a kind of a snowball effect from there. 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:00.800 For sure, I agree with you, and that's why I'm 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:02.520 so glad that I can talk to you about this, 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:07.080 because I tend to forget things, you guys, and apparently 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:13.640 it's due to traumatic experiences in my childhood that that's 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:17.479 like a coping mechanism. This is something I just recently learned, 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:19.279 because I'm like, why is it that I can't remember 0:04:19.360 --> 0:04:21.320 certain things. I have to write things down and then 0:04:21.400 --> 0:04:23.520 I just unless I see a picture then it sparks 0:04:23.839 --> 0:04:26.160 the memory. So anyway, I'm glad you did bring that 0:04:26.240 --> 0:04:29.320 up because it took me back to last year November, 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:31.880 and I remember us being in Miami and it was 0:04:31.920 --> 0:04:34.080 beautiful because I won my third Latin Grammy. You were 0:04:34.080 --> 0:04:36.280 with me, we took awesome pictures and I think that 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:39.359 was the beginning of me taking medication for IVF. So 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:42.560 I was feeling it, but not as heavily. And then 0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:45.520 in December was when we went to the Philippines and 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:49.520 we had our vacation and it was amazing. And then 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:51.080 at the tail end of it, I was doing my 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:54.720 best to just not be on my phone because that's 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:56.800 one of the biggest things with Amlie and I that 0:04:56.880 --> 0:04:59.760 he likes me to be present and not work as much, 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:02.760 which I appreciate. It's a little difficult. I think that's 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:04.480 been one of the hardest things in our relationship. And 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:06.320 correct me if I'm wrong, babe, but it has been 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:09.920 a little difficult because I am a bit of a workaholic. 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:14.480 But with Emilio being with him, with you, it's really 0:05:14.600 --> 0:05:18.840 just helped me remember what's important and anyway, so I 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:21.120 tried to stay off my phone the entire time we 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:24.360 were there, just whatever was necessary. And then the fires 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:28.120 did happen, and it really affected me, like I felt 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:32.279 like I was abandoning my city, and he had to 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:34.400 remind me, like, Babe, there's not much that we can 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:36.880 do even if we were there. This is happening. But 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:39.400 I felt like, oh my gosh, my siblings are out 0:05:39.400 --> 0:05:44.000 there and I'm in the Philippines, like across the globe, 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:46.760 and it was driving me a little bit nuts, and 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:49.599 I wanted to come back because I wanted to help, 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:53.760 and we had what like three more days in our trip, 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:57.279 and I just had to kind of silence everything. And 0:05:57.320 --> 0:06:00.200 like Emilio said, it was a snowball effect because I 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:04.080 was also on these hormones you guys, and taking the 0:06:04.120 --> 0:06:07.440 medicine that my IVF doctor you know, needed me to 0:06:07.480 --> 0:06:10.919 take in order to get pregnant. And I was an 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:12.640 emotional wreck. And I don't know if you want to 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:13.360 take it from there. 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:15.640 Yeah, No, just to touch on that a little bit, like, 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:19.239 you know, we were in vacation mode, so our mind 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:23.880 was really you know, relaxed, and we were chilling, and 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:26.640 you know, it was a big enough event where it 0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:28.960 was all over the news in the Philippines, Like, yes, 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:31.279 it was on the TVs everywhere we were walking. We 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:35.360 can see just just fires all over the TV. When 0:06:35.400 --> 0:06:37.159 you're in another country and you see our home on 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:40.680 fire on the television, like it just it hits different 0:06:40.760 --> 0:06:43.920 than like seeing it if you're here. Yeah, And so 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:46.720 it was just like, all right, let's go, let's get home. 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:51.200 And then also to touch on like the the phone 0:06:51.240 --> 0:06:54.440 thing too. It's not that I'm like, oh, we can't 0:06:54.480 --> 0:06:56.600 have phones or we can't be on our phone or 0:06:56.600 --> 0:07:02.200 we can't check our phone. My biggest thing with is like, 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:05.440 like I love being present with each other. And that means, 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:08.240 you know, many different things like if we're if we're 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:09.920 on a walk, if we're walking down the street to 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:12.679 get to a restaurant or something, and like I point 0:07:12.680 --> 0:07:15.400 something out and I say, hey, looked at this or 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:19.800 this or that, like and our engagement with like being 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:23.000 wherever we're being or wherever we're at, Like that is 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:26.560 like the biggest connection to me to like look at 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:28.960 this or look at that, experience this with me set 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:31.760 and like that's when I feel the best where I'm 0:07:31.800 --> 0:07:33.480 with you and most connected. 0:07:33.680 --> 0:07:36.880 Yeah, when our eyes are seeing the same things on 0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:39.560 the road, Yes, And I get it because there are 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:41.640 a lot of times when Emidia is driving and I 0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:43.760 am working, I'm on my phone and he's like, oh 0:07:43.800 --> 0:07:45.120 my god, did you see this in the sky And 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:47.360 he's so present and I'm like, wait what and I 0:07:47.400 --> 0:07:50.480 miss it. So I've learned to slow down and just 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:53.240 tell myself that can wait. Because I love to be 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:55.600 very responsible. I love to work. I love what I do, 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:58.880 you guys, So it's been very difficult to find that balance. 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:01.840 But I'm so grateful because Emilio has been that reminder 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:05.760 for me, and I'm grateful, you know, Yeah, I. 0:08:05.680 --> 0:08:06.400 Really really am. 0:08:06.560 --> 0:08:09.720 And we have not really talked about IVF and how 0:08:09.800 --> 0:08:11.840 it's made me feel. And this is a very touchy 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:16.280 subject for Emilia and I right now, because you know, 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:19.520 we want to have a baby. And the medication wasn't 0:08:19.560 --> 0:08:22.320 making me feel like myself. I felt like I was 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:24.880 on mute. I could not think straight, I could not 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:29.000 get my thoughts straight at all. Everything was foggy, My 0:08:29.160 --> 0:08:32.240 energy levels were very low. I was very sad, I 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:35.880 was angry. Him and I were having the worst arguments 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:39.679 we ever had. Guys, he already understands that I'm a 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:44.960 very very sensitive and with the medicine, I was ultra sensitive, 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:48.160 and I think we were just it was like water 0:08:48.240 --> 0:08:51.800 and fire mixing and it would just sizzle and we 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:54.160 had these crazy arguments, right, babe. 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:55.680 Yeah, are you trying to remember? 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:58.839 No, I'm not. I'm just I'm trying to My brain 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:03.240 is just working, you know, and it just makes me 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:05.080 think of like what an argument is and what a 0:09:05.080 --> 0:09:07.240 fight is, and like how different they are. We had 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:12.160 very intense arguments. M thankfully I think that we don't 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:16.560 fight a lot. I don't think we fight. I think 0:09:16.600 --> 0:09:18.840 fighting is when you're just going at it with a 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:21.679 partner and the actual problem is not even you know, 0:09:21.840 --> 0:09:26.200 discussed or engage with. Like then you're just like insulting 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:29.320 and yelling and I don't know, throwing stuff, Like we 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:32.440 don't do any of that. Like our arguments are like 0:09:33.600 --> 0:09:37.280 especially I think with this one, because it was I 0:09:37.360 --> 0:09:40.880 believe it's like one of the biggest subjects of life 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:45.679 that you can discuss, so like it's our two perspectives 0:09:45.720 --> 0:09:49.760 coming together and trying to fit that together. Is like 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:52.760 it can can be explosives. 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:54.880 Yeah, for sure. 0:09:55.040 --> 0:09:55.959 Yeah. 0:09:56.040 --> 0:09:59.600 I remember this specific night, and I don't even remember 0:09:59.720 --> 0:10:04.600 what we were arguing about. To be completely honest, our arguments, 0:10:04.600 --> 0:10:08.240 our discussions, whatever you want to call them, are very silly. 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:10.440 Once I sit and think about it, I'm like, why 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:13.400 did we even argue? It's just because I just wasn't 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:16.360 being my best self. I wasn't and I didn't feel 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:18.200 like my best self. You guys, I felt like someone 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:20.839 was taking over my body. And I don't know how 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:24.080 else to explain it, but I told him, I mean 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:27.000 I felt like I wanted to smile and be happy. 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:29.400 But and I would listen to a song because music 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:32.640 makes me happy, right, and I just couldn't. I'm like, 0:10:32.679 --> 0:10:35.280 oh my gosh, I want my body stuck. Like I 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:38.200 felt like I was. My hands were tied. It's the 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:38.839 weirdest thing. 0:10:39.440 --> 0:10:39.760 Anyway. 0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:42.160 I remember this specific argument that we had and he 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:45.040 was on the couch and I went upstairs and I 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:47.040 was just crying and this whole thing, and I wanted 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:50.120 him to come and hug me and you know, come 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:53.440 get me, you know, And he didn't. So I was like, oh, 0:10:53.480 --> 0:10:55.120 I was so angry. I was laying there and I'm like, 0:10:55.120 --> 0:10:56.640 oh my gosh, she's not He's really going to stay 0:10:56.679 --> 0:10:59.839 down there. I think he had just had it because 0:10:59.840 --> 0:11:03.640 it was a lot. And again, I was just a 0:11:03.679 --> 0:11:07.240 hot mess, you guys. And I remember coming downstairs like 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:09.920 a little girl, never forget, and he was on the 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:11.680 couch and he was so mad, you could I could 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:12.839 see it in his face. I was like, oh, he's 0:11:12.880 --> 0:11:15.280 so angry at me. And I just looked at him 0:11:15.280 --> 0:11:17.000 and I started crying like a little girl. And I 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:19.640 was like, I'm sorry, I'm not being my best sell. 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:23.040 And I just started crying and he just held me. 0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:25.640 He's like I could tell that he's just like okay, 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:28.280 and that's I think what you needed is just for 0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:32.920 me to just, I guess, I don't know, be soft 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:36.079 and yes, let myself be loved. 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:36.800 I don't know. 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:41.560 Yeah, I think it changes everything because I think I 0:11:41.600 --> 0:11:44.840 can remember that exact moment where I was still upset, 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:48.120 but the feeling of having to be there for you 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:52.240 was greater than me being upset. I needed something to 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:54.160 knock me off my course. That was that I was 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:59.360 on of just I'm upset, we're fighting, yeah, And that 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:03.240 does it for me. When your attitude switches ups it 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:04.480 helps me like let go. 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:06.400 Yeah, And I've learned that. 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:10.440 I've learned that because I could argue, yeah, I have 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:13.920 been in my masculine energy for so long because I 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:16.320 had to in the music that I was singing in 0:12:16.360 --> 0:12:19.640 the industry. It's like I had to have my fists up, 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:22.360 you know, kind of like on defense mode, like. 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:25.600 You know, be ready for war if need be. 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:29.200 And not that I wanted to be at war with anyone, 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:31.360 it was just it was always coming at me, you know, 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:34.160 and I had to be ready. So I feel like 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:36.320 for a long time I was in my masculine and 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:41.160 I had to be like my siblings, protector or whatnot. 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:43.439 And then God brought me Amidia, and I have been 0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:45.920 able to step more into my feminine and realize that 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:49.640 even if he's also not being his best self, because 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:51.680 I think during that time, I think it was just 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:54.000 he didn't know what to do with me. But sometimes 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:57.080 I did feel like he wasn't as compassionate, like you, 0:12:57.080 --> 0:12:59.040 weren't as compassionate as I would have liked. 0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:00.920 It was a lot, There's so many things. 0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:03.040 It was just such a hard time. It was the 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:05.400 last for three months, you guys. 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:06.040 It was. 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:10.679 Horrible, Like I had. We had cute moments and and 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:15.480 nice moments. But January February March, oh my gosh, you guys, 0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:17.080 very very difficult in my eyes. 0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:20.240 Emotionally yes, emotionally yes. 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:33.640 Then here's the difficult, uh, the very sensitive topic, delicate topic. 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:36.800 Here was when I decided that I did not want 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:41.840 to transfer our embryo. Yeah, because we were two weeks 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:45.400 away from that, and I had already taken medicine since November, 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:52.120 so November December January February March five months and I thought, okay, 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:54.640 we transfer, We're done. The baby's in there were good 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:58.520 no and I was willing to like, I'm like, okay, 0:13:58.520 --> 0:13:58.880 I got this. 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:00.560 I'm a gangster, I'm a warrior. I got this. I'm 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:02.320 gonna get this done. 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:04.320 But then where I was like, oh my gosh, I 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:06.720 have to inject myself I don't know how many times 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:11.680 a day for three months so that my body doesn't 0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:15.240 reject the embryo. I it just threw me through a 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:17.680 loop and I said, wait a second, I can't it's 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:19.840 so hard. I was trying so hard to keep it together, 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:25.200 and as it progressed, the process progressed, I got worse. 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:28.040 I would sit at my desk, I'm not kidding you guys, 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:30.040 trying to get so much done. I had a list 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:32.840 of things to get done, and I couldn't get one done. 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:34.760 I remember sitting at my desk for eight hours and 0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:39.040 I didn't get one thing done. I could not use 0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:41.800 my brain. I don't even know how to explain it that. 0:14:41.880 --> 0:14:43.880 I said, Oh my gosh, something scared me. I said, wait, 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:45.720 let me try to do this holistically. Let me try 0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:48.520 to just cleanse my body. And that was very difficult. 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:49.880 I mean, tell me how you felt. 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:54.440 Yeah, sorry, I just I want to go back to 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:59.320 arguing real quick, because yeah, I wanted to say something 0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:05.600 on that where Yeah, sure, I feel like arguing with couples, 0:15:05.640 --> 0:15:09.240 like it affects couples differently, and if it affects the 0:15:09.320 --> 0:15:13.400 individuals and a couple differently, Like when we're arguing, you 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:16.600 can continue to do things like you can like talk 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:18.960 to people, you can you can listen to music, you 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:20.880 can do the chores that you need to do. You can, 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:25.280 like you just you continue to move and just keep going. Me, 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:28.920 I shut down and I can't do anything. I can't 0:15:28.920 --> 0:15:31.400 look at my phone, I can't like, I can't think 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:33.800 about anything else. I don't want to move, I don't 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:37.200 want to do anything. And it's weird that we never 0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:41.080 talked about that here. Yeah, you're right, but it sounds 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:43.080 so familiar because we talk about it all the time 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:48.640 and and it's like it helps it helps us, you know, 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:55.160 solve our arguments better or understand each other better because 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:59.760 everyone reacts differently to an argument with your partner. I 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:04.320 think we've gotten a lot better at knowing how our 0:16:04.320 --> 0:16:07.680 partner reacts to arguments and being able to come together 0:16:07.760 --> 0:16:12.440 a lot a lot easier than we used to. For sure, 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:15.840 and it's like, Okay, what I do is like, even 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:19.720 in this super heightened moment where we're either frustrated or 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:22.840 mad at each other or whatever, it's like, I think 0:16:22.880 --> 0:16:25.120 a good thing that we're able to do is like, Okay, 0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:29.360 what does my partner need at this critical moment? And 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:32.000 what can I do even if I'm mad, what can 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:34.160 I do to try to make that happen or help 0:16:34.400 --> 0:16:37.680 or assist my partner get what they need at the 0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:43.119 same time giving myself and getting what I need too. Yeah, 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:46.560 because in our arguments that I mean, that's that just 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:49.320 that down Now I'm just putting myself back downstairs on 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:52.200 the couch and you're upstairs and us coming together, like 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:56.320 how do we make that happen more easily in the 0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:58.240 future and continue to do that? 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:01.120 You know, I think our ego to the side, at 0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:03.800 least for me. Yeah, that's been the biggest thing for 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:11.240 me because I've again, I've had to defend myself for 0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:13.240 the lack of a better term, like I just that's 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:15.600 how I had I felt like I had to, you know, 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:18.760 And now I understand that I have someone safe, someone 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:21.280 that makes me feel safe and gives me peace, and 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:24.240 I really want to be my best self and I 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:27.600 feel safe enough to do that. I want to be 0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:33.399 in my soft growl era and embrace my femininity. 0:17:32.240 --> 0:17:34.320 In the beginning, especially in the first couple of years, 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:37.239 like you would do that. And in my head, I'm like, 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:41.040 we're having this big argument and you're just continuing your life, 0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:43.800 and it felt like you weren't there with me, or 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:46.160 you didn't care, or it didn't affect you as much. 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:48.800 But that's just now that I see, or now that 0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:53.080 I understand. It's it's how you cope with it, and it's. 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:54.760 How my defense mechanism. 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:57.280 Yeah, how you deal with it, and it's just everyone 0:17:57.320 --> 0:17:58.240 deals with it differently. 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:02.240 Yeah, yeah, for sure, And I'm so proud to say 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:05.640 that that is not the case. In this first year 0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:11.359 of being married, I have definitely grown a lot, and 0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:15.880 I think even Emilia has, and I'm happy to say that. 0:18:16.000 --> 0:18:19.520 You know, right now, we do want a baby. We're 0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:21.880 working on it, we're leaving it in God's hands, and 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:25.639 you know, we'll decide if IVF is for us. 0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:27.359 In the future or what we're going to do. 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:30.359 But right now, I think we're enjoying our marriage and 0:18:31.520 --> 0:18:33.960 I don't know, this is my person this is the 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:37.520 person that I want to be with. And sometimes this 0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:40.720 has never happened to me in any other relationship where 0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:42.760 we're arguing and I'm like, well, why am I going 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:44.200 to be mad? I mean, I want to be with 0:18:44.280 --> 0:18:48.199 him anyway forever. So I just got to fix it. 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:50.199 And before I was like, no, I want to have 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:51.919 the last word, and it was just all these silly 0:18:52.000 --> 0:18:57.200 things that comes from like ego. That now I'm like, well, 0:18:57.280 --> 0:18:59.720 I love this guy, like I know I'm safe in 0:18:59.760 --> 0:19:01.679 his arms, I know he wants the best for me, 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:05.960 and let's talk about it and we do that. Now 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:12.040 I'm really like happy that I don't. I don't feel bored. 0:19:13.520 --> 0:19:15.760 I honestly I don't. I feel like I could be 0:19:15.840 --> 0:19:17.880 with you every single day, every minute, and I don't 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:20.679 get bored and I still get to be myself. And 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:22.720 that's very important for me because I want to be 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:27.959 in a relationship where I am my authentic and you know, 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:30.800 embrace our individuality. And I think we've gotten there. 0:19:31.880 --> 0:19:36.280 Yeah, I I'm thinking about I'm thinking about IVF right 0:19:36.320 --> 0:19:41.919 now because it's just it's you know, it's just crazy 0:19:41.920 --> 0:19:44.879 because I mean to be honest with everyone listening like 0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:48.600 this is ongoing, like this is like right now in 0:19:48.640 --> 0:19:50.920 the moment, and it's like me and Jane are do 0:19:51.240 --> 0:19:54.720 for you know, these these conversations and they're just happening 0:19:54.800 --> 0:19:58.480 right now, because I mean, I think it was maybe 0:19:58.480 --> 0:19:59.560 a day two days ago. 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:01.040 We will two days ago. 0:20:01.240 --> 0:20:04.800 Two days ago, we had a we're talking about trying 0:20:04.840 --> 0:20:07.080 to figure this out of like are we doing IVF? 0:20:07.640 --> 0:20:09.800 How many months do we really have to try naturally 0:20:09.920 --> 0:20:13.840 before that is our option? Or just I was more 0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:15.840 in the position of I want to do IVF right now, 0:20:15.880 --> 0:20:18.320 and I just I want to have this baby without 0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:20.600 trying to put pressure on Janney and without trying to 0:20:20.960 --> 0:20:23.399 and I try to explain that to her two days ago. Actually, 0:20:23.440 --> 0:20:28.240 you're correct two days ago, because yesterday I had a 0:20:28.280 --> 0:20:29.800 phone call from a good friend. 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:31.240 She's been on the podcast. 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:36.040 Oh yeah, Liz Hernandez. And Liz is my big sister. 0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:38.520 She's been there for me for a lot of things, 0:20:38.840 --> 0:20:41.440 and we haven't talked in a while, and she called 0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:43.919 me yesterday and I kind of just updated her a 0:20:43.920 --> 0:20:44.360