WEBVTT - Chelsea Handler on Real Talk, Resilience, and Reaching 50 0:00:03.760 --> 0:00:06.840 Hello Sunshine, Hey, besties. Today on the bright Side, it 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:09.280 is the one and only Chelsea Handler. You know her 0:00:09.280 --> 0:00:11.400 from her late night shows and her multiple New York 0:00:11.400 --> 0:00:13.680 Times best selling books. She's out with a brand new 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:16.920 book called I'll Have What She's Having and a brand 0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:18.320 new Netflix comedy special. 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:22.000 It's Thursday, February twentieth. I'm Danielle Robe. 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:24.280 And I'm Simone Voice, and this is the bright Side 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:33.520 from Hello Sunshine. Danielle, you sound like Sunshine today, Sunshine. 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:37.200 Indeed, you know I caught the flu, Simone. 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:40.559 I'm so sorry, thank you. 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.839 I'm actually okay, but my voice does sound a little wonky, 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:45.080 So I'm so sorry about that. 0:00:45.479 --> 0:00:49.240 Oh no, please don't apologize. I was right where you are, 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:51.320 I want to say, like three or four weeks ago. 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:54.280 So it's gonna get better. It's gonna pass. 0:00:54.880 --> 0:00:58.160 Yes, it's going around. It's crazy. Everybody I know is 0:00:58.200 --> 0:00:58.640 so sick. 0:00:58.720 --> 0:00:59.080 I don't know. 0:00:59.120 --> 0:01:00.880 I kind of like this new voiced in Yelle. Maybe 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:02.880 you should like try to keep it. It's like kind 0:01:02.880 --> 0:01:03.400 of sexy. 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:08.399 It is sort of sexy and masculine in some ways. 0:01:08.800 --> 0:01:10.679 Wait, I'm trying to think of like I need you 0:01:10.720 --> 0:01:13.000 to say, like a phrase. Can you say, like, come hither, 0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:15.240 M I just want to hear how it sounds. 0:01:15.760 --> 0:01:16.320 Come hither. 0:01:16.760 --> 0:01:19.880 Oh my god, Oh my god, Danielle, that's so good. 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:26.520 Yeah, well, coming hither today to our show is the 0:01:26.680 --> 0:01:29.600 one and only Chelsea Handler Simone. I have been a 0:01:29.640 --> 0:01:32.320 fan of Chelsea ever since I was a little kid, 0:01:32.680 --> 0:01:35.759 Like she has been on my interview vision board for years. 0:01:36.000 --> 0:01:39.240 Okay, So what is it about Chelsea that you feel 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:42.240 like so attracted to? Like why was she on your 0:01:42.319 --> 0:01:42.920 vision board? 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:45.000 Because she's so unfiltered. 0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:47.520 I feel like she says the stuff that you're not 0:01:47.560 --> 0:01:49.640 supposed to say out loud. She says the quiet part 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:52.760 out loud a lot, and whether she's talking about sex 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:56.560 or politics or celebrity culture, she just never cared about 0:01:56.560 --> 0:01:57.200 being liked. 0:01:57.320 --> 0:02:00.320 It was always about humor. 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:02.880 And the truth, and honestly, sometimes it was ruthless, but 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:04.320 it was always sharp, you know. 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:08.640 And I just I so respect that. 0:02:08.919 --> 0:02:11.360 I'm not like that, I'm not gonna say the quiet 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:14.240 part out loud, and so hearing her say it was 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:15.560 just so inspiring to me. 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:17.880 I so agree with you. 0:02:17.919 --> 0:02:20.280 And I also feel like she was really ahead of 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:24.400 her time in that sense, like just having that courage 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:27.760 to be so unfiltered in a world that felt so 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:31.000 proper and curated. She really has always led the way. 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:31.919 You're so right. 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:35.520 She redefined late night TV in my opinion, because before Chelsea, 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:37.960 it was such a boys club. And she was one 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:39.840 of the very few women to host her own late 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:42.960 night talk show, Chelsea Lately. And she did it without 0:02:43.000 --> 0:02:45.600 trying to fit into this male dominated format. She did 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:48.160 her own thing. She talked about pop culture in a 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:50.720 smart way. I feel like she paved the way for 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:53.160 a lot of women in comedy completely. 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:56.160 Also, late night is still a boys club like I 0:02:56.200 --> 0:02:59.160 would love to see Chelsea back on primetime airwaves. 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:01.720 Oh yeah, can we start that petition? 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:07.480 Seriously, seriously call your congress person. We're getting Chelsea back 0:03:07.520 --> 0:03:08.160 on late night. 0:03:08.600 --> 0:03:11.280 Simone. You can't make me laugh, not with this voice. 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:12.480 I'm so sorry. 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:13.200 I will. 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:15.920 I'm gonna do this just completely straight laced. 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:19.200 Okay. Well, missing this interview was a bummer for me, 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:22.880 but I can hear just how thrilling this was for you. 0:03:23.040 --> 0:03:24.680 So I'm so happy for you that you got to 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:26.600 check this one off your vision board and I can't 0:03:26.600 --> 0:03:27.200 wait to listen. 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:28.040 Simone. 0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:30.959 You were missed for sure, and I think you and 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:33.320 the listeners are going to be surprised by this conversation. 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:35.040 A lot came out. 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:39.040 We laughed, we cried, and we definitely talked about her 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:40.960 new book that's going to be out soon I'll have 0:03:41.000 --> 0:03:44.040 what She's Having, And in it she chronicle stories of 0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:46.280 her life that detail the woman she wanted to be, 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:49.560 the woman she became, and the woman that she is 0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:52.600 today on the cusp of turning fifty. So here's my 0:03:52.680 --> 0:03:54.280 conversation with Chelsea Handler. 0:03:57.520 --> 0:04:00.520 Chelsea Handler, I'm so excited to say this. Welcome to 0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:05.520 the bright side. Hi, congratulations on your new book. You're 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:09.000 about to break into this totally new chapter of your life. 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:12.600 And I read that you're intentionally releasing your seventh book, 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:15.120 I'll have what She's having on your fiftieth birthday. 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:15.839 Yeah. 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:18.679 Yes, So you wrote in the book that you can't 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:20.640 believe that you're alive at fifty. 0:04:20.920 --> 0:04:23.359 You have to tell me why. Well, I mean for 0:04:23.440 --> 0:04:26.320 obvious reasons. I mean, if you know anything about me, 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:29.160 you know that I push it real hard. I never 0:04:29.279 --> 0:04:31.880 imagined that I would be fifty. I remember knowing my 0:04:32.000 --> 0:04:33.800 dad was fifty two. I think my dad had a 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:36.560 heart attack when he was fifty two and I was like, oh, 0:04:36.640 --> 0:04:37.240 I guess it's. 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:37.960 A wrap on him. 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:40.240 And then he came home from the hospital and lived 0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:43.400 another thirty years. But now, like fifty years or well 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:46.040 forty years later, fifty. 0:04:45.720 --> 0:04:47.000 Is not what fifty used to be. 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:50.839 Like, I am pretty psyched about turning fifty. I'm pretty 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:53.640 psyched that my life is like this at fifty, and 0:04:53.839 --> 0:04:56.599 I'm pretty excited about all the decisions I've made. 0:04:57.040 --> 0:04:59.000 I want to ask you all about that because I've 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:02.000 read all your books and it was so different. It 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:04.839 feels like you took this step back and zoomed out 0:05:04.880 --> 0:05:07.040 on your own life from this bird's eye view and 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:12.000 examine the choices, the heartbreak, the defining moments. And you've 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:14.920 been really vocal about all the therapy. But after examining 0:05:15.400 --> 0:05:17.960 the woman that you became, did it match up to 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:20.200 that vision that you had as a little girl. 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:21.400 I think it did. 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:23.800 I think it took me a long time to try 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:27.000 to remember what all of these visions I had of 0:05:27.040 --> 0:05:28.760 who I would be when I grew up, Like as 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:31.159 a little girl, I think we're always like, this is 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:32.760 the guy I want to be, This is the woman 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:34.400 I want to be, This is the type of person 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:37.239 I want to be, but we kind of always lose 0:05:37.279 --> 0:05:39.440 sight of that along the way. Life gets in the 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:42.520 way and we're hustling, we're trying to achieve something. 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:43.479 I remember moving. 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:45.760 Out to LA when I was nineteen years old, and 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:49.040 I just wanted to like make it, but I didn't 0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:51.000 know what I wanted to do. I just wanted to 0:05:51.040 --> 0:05:53.840 be someone that people knew, but I didn't know what 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:58.120 my talent was, so it was pretty like shallow aspirations. 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:01.600 It was like, oh, I basically wanted to be famous, but. 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:06.040 As I started to pursue that and doors would either 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:08.720 shut or open, you get into an avenue. And the 0:06:08.760 --> 0:06:11.840 avenue I ended up in was stand up comedy, which 0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:16.559 really allowed me to express myself without an editor, which 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:20.440 allowed me to build an entire career just off of 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:22.960 being myself, of my personality. 0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:25.480 And I had no idea when I was a little 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:27.479 kid that that was even something that you could do. 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:31.279 But the overarching theme, I think when the book starts 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:33.480 out with this letter of me as a young girl 0:06:33.560 --> 0:06:37.200 like kind of envisioning what kind of woman I wanted 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:40.000 to be, it was more about like. 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:42.080 The spirit of who I was going to be. I 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:43.719 was going to be bold, and I was going to 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:46.120 be brave, and I wasn't going to follow people around. 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:48.160 I was going to be a follower. I was going 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:48.880 to be a leader. 0:06:49.160 --> 0:06:50.880 I was going to stick my neck out, I was 0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:52.880 going to say the thing that nobody wanted to say. 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:55.680 Like I really wanted to just be a great sister 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:56.360 to the world. 0:06:57.040 --> 0:07:00.320 And I have two great sisters, and I I grew 0:07:00.400 --> 0:07:04.680 up like in a very loving sisterly vibe, like my. 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:08.839 Friends are my sisters. Strangers that are women are my sisters. 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:12.560 And I think the biggest theme that I always wanted 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:15.720 to embody was being a sister. You know, in my 0:07:15.800 --> 0:07:18.440 early career I would be more of a bully. I 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:20.560 was more of like this is how I see I'm 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:23.360 the cool chick. And then you grow up and you're like, no, no, no, 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:25.960 that's not cool. You know, being cool is being like 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:28.080 a lover to everyone. You know, you don't have to 0:07:28.080 --> 0:07:30.880 be the most popular, you don't have to be the coolest. 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:33.400 It's not about that. Being cool is. 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:38.120 Being really just great to everybody and giving everybody a chance. 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:40.840 I love that you said sister to the world because 0:07:40.840 --> 0:07:44.600 there's this huge emphasis in the book of really just 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:48.720 supporting women. And one of my favorite stories is something 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:51.360 that you call the pocket full of Sunshine story. 0:07:51.400 --> 0:07:52.120 Will you share that? 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:53.080 Yes. 0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:55.800 I was at the Montreal Comedy Festival just for laughs, 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:57.400 which when I was coming up. 0:07:57.640 --> 0:07:58.640 Was the thing. 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:01.480 It was the festival that meant you were on your way, 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:03.760 that meant you were like gonna make it or you 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.480 were close to making it. And I was in my 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:09.240 late twenties and I went and I did a showcase 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:12.800 and there was all this buzz about me, and I 0:08:12.920 --> 0:08:15.320 was like, Okay, this is my moment, like I'm getting 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:18.440 hitting it, like all the executives that were important were going. 0:08:18.360 --> 0:08:19.520 To be there on that night. 0:08:20.240 --> 0:08:24.200 And then I bombed badly, like eight shit. And I 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:27.000 remember zach Elifanakis walked me to my hotel room after 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:30.840 I was mortified, and he was like, you're just gonna 0:08:30.880 --> 0:08:32.640 have to be alone and deal with this. It's going 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:36.280 to be pretty upsetting. This is part of the industry. 0:08:36.320 --> 0:08:39.280 And I was like, no, this isn't part of the industry. 0:08:39.040 --> 0:08:41.720 Because it's not like you to bomb, right, No. 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:43.760 But again I wasn't. 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:46.199 I was like in a moment where I got caught 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:49.560 and swept up in my own kissed and vinegar, like 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:53.920 it wasn't real because I got all this buzz about 0:08:53.960 --> 0:08:57.760 me instead of remaining grounded and like in my body, 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:00.680 I got swept away in the moment and I was grounded, 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:03.400 and I and the lack of reaction at the top, 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:06.120 I just was like I was very young, you know, 0:09:06.240 --> 0:09:08.840 I was like twenty seven or something, so I just 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:12.760 wasn't as seasoned as I am now. So it threw 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:14.720 me off, and then it threw off my whole set, 0:09:14.760 --> 0:09:15.960 and then I sped through my set. 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:19.200 I thought my life was over. I really thought, Okay, 0:09:19.240 --> 0:09:20.760 now I have to think about what else I can 0:09:20.840 --> 0:09:23.880 do for a career, or am I gonna have to 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:26.760 get married? You know what I mean? Like what happens now? 0:09:27.400 --> 0:09:29.880 And then I went back to LA and I had 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:31.800 another show the next night in Montreal, but no one 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:33.480 came to that because everyone had seen me bomb. 0:09:33.480 --> 0:09:35.400 And then like this girl's not ready, she's not up 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:35.959 his phone. 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:38.959 And then I got to LA and my manager said 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:41.520 there was one executive that had not been at the showcase. 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:44.200 Her name is Grace who she used to work at NBC. 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:45.440 I don't know if she still does. 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:47.320 And he said she wants to come see you at 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:50.640 Luna Park on Tuesday. She's the only executive that didn't 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:53.840 see the showcase. And I went to Luna Park and 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:57.520 I did the same exact set, and I crushed it 0:09:57.600 --> 0:09:58.520 because now. 0:09:58.360 --> 0:10:01.640 Everything was off the table. The next morning he called 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:03.480 me and said, Okay, they want to give you a 0:10:03.520 --> 0:10:05.760 development deal for your own TV show for one hundred 0:10:05.760 --> 0:10:10.680 thousand dollars. And I thought I had hit the jackpot. 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.880 Like it was just the span of events, like it 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:17.840 was a seventy two hour span, and within that seventy 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:21.720 two hours, what I thought was over was born again. 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:25.280 So I share that story in the book because I 0:10:25.320 --> 0:10:28.200 want everyone, whether you're in the entertainment industry or not, 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:32.760 to know that every failure has a rainbow around the corner. 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:35.840 My corner was really quick, but that's how quickly things 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:36.839 can change in your life. 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:40.200 You said that you call back on that story during 0:10:40.240 --> 0:10:43.760 hard times, and if you're willing to share, I'm wondering 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:46.480 when the last time you needed that story was? 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:48.959 Oh, all the time? I mean I always need. 0:10:49.040 --> 0:10:52.600 I mean I had a pretty rough year in terms 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:55.480 of stuff I'm dealing with this house I'm building, it's 0:10:55.480 --> 0:10:59.280 been pretty icky. Like what's gone on, stuff that's happened, 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:02.040 and I can be really positive and have a good 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:04.760 attitude every morning, and then it's kind of like you 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:08.199 spend your day just getting tossed around and knocked over, and. 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:10.280 Then by six o'clock you're like, I fucking give up. 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:12.920 I'm gonna fucking take a xanax, go to bed, and 0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:14.160 I'll try again tomorrow. 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:16.480 Because this positivity thing isn't working. 0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:21.920 But you have to remember in those times, I always 0:11:22.080 --> 0:11:26.280 look at that experience whatever difficulty I'm having, is like 0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:28.880 in the times where I don't feel confident, where I 0:11:28.960 --> 0:11:30.439 don't feel strong. 0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:33.080 To remember that there is a version of you that 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:34.800 does and they're not that far away. 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:37.480 It's so important to have that in your back pocket 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:39.400 because if you can't call on it, you never get 0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:42.360 back up. I feel like a lot of women in 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:45.840 comedy owe their career to you in a lot of ways. 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:49.560 Are there any people whose careers you feel like you 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:52.480 had a hand in that you're particularly proud of. I don't. 0:11:52.600 --> 0:11:54.960 I would never give myself credit for well. 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:56.960 I mean, I had a hand in a lot of 0:11:56.960 --> 0:11:58.880 people's careers because they were on Chelsea lately. 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:00.680 But I was just recognizing talent. 0:12:00.880 --> 0:12:03.440 That's something that a lot of It takes more than 0:12:03.480 --> 0:12:05.240 one person to recognize that talent. 0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:07.480 I can give them an open door. 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:11.719 But there's nothing that gives me more pleasure than introducing 0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:14.199 someone to the world, especially another woman. 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:16.920 And that was the beauty of Chelsea Lately. I could book. 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:19.559 Whomever I wanted, and if you were an underdog, if 0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:22.280 you were remedial, if you were weird, you were on 0:12:22.360 --> 0:12:25.439 the show like that made you more welcome, Like we 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:29.120 were doing DEI before DEI was a thing. That is 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:31.400 the nature of who I am. I want the hunderdogs 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:34.640 to succeed. So with Fortune, I just took one look 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:36.680 at Fortune and she said one thing, and I was like, 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:38.439 I was in love with her, And ats going with 0:12:38.520 --> 0:12:40.360 another humongous talent. 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:40.840 Yeah. 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:43.480 No, I think I'm just good at recognizing talent. I'm 0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:46.840 not the reason they're talent. They're successful, but I definitely 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:48.920 recognize their talent for sure. 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:52.319 At the beginning of our conversation, you said you had 0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:55.000 this idea of who you wanted to be and that 0:12:55.080 --> 0:12:57.480 you were going to be defiant. To me, that signals 0:12:57.520 --> 0:12:59.720 like you had this inner voice before you even maybe 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:03.040 knew what an inner voice was, And there's a lot 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:04.800 of stories in the book about how you were a 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:08.800 dream chaser and a go getter even ten eleven thirteen. 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:11.480 I mean, you were reading Tolstoy, you were buying first 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:15.520 class plane tickets, when your parents wearing coach. Knowing what 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:19.240 you know now about Hollywood and fame and all of 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:22.160 the ups and downs, would you do it over again? 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:25.760 Yeah, for sure, every single minute, even the pain, you know, 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:27.200 like the pain I would. 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:27.800 Bring around again. 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:30.560 Maybe I would have been a little bit more you know, 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:34.760 responsible and more careful about you know, less hurtful to others. 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:36.880 At certain times in my life. I would try to. 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:40.400 Be more mindful of that. But I also think it's 0:13:40.440 --> 0:13:42.319 the engine that gets you where you need to go. 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:44.840 I think I talk so much about my younger life 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:47.640 and being a young person because I really believe the 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:51.480 essence of who we are is really at its. 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:54.560 Peak when we are children before the world, you know, 0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:59.400 besmirches us, before we are thrown around and fall down 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:00.240 so many time. 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:02.800 It's like the true essence of who we are before 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:06.240 we face any challenges, is the person we want to 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:09.040 keep going back to throughout our life, Like that little 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:13.559 inner child that's who we really are, and that's never 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:16.520 a bad person, you know, that's always a good person. 0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:19.120 And it's always good to kind of check in with yourself, 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:20.160 like how am I doing? 0:14:20.600 --> 0:14:22.920 Would I be proud of me as a seven year old? 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:25.280 Would I look at myself today and be like, I'm 0:14:25.320 --> 0:14:27.160 proud of you? And the answer is fucking. 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:30.920 Yeah, Like, yes, I'm fucking proud of you. You're crushing it. 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:33.680 You did so much of what you said you were 0:14:33.720 --> 0:14:36.000 going to do, and then some there is a moment 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:38.040 in the book, though, where you're not so proud. 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:40.720 Can I share it? Sure? Okay? 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:44.240 So you go to Jane Fonda's house and it's kind 0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:48.280 of a surprising invitation. You're at a party and she 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:50.640 calls you after the party and she's like, we got 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:54.640 to talk. You made people at the party uncomfortable and 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:58.920 you were like so taken aback that Jane Fonda called 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:02.600 you out, which understandable. Is that the first time that 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:06.200 you were on the other side of brutal honesty? Yes? 0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:07.640 Is that why it hurt? 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:08.560 It hurt? 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:10.920 But I got to say I took it like I 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:13.280 took it like a man. I was like, whoa you 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:16.920 want to be honest with me. I'm known for my honesty, 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:18.720 so I've got to be able to dish it and 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:19.360 take it. 0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:24.000 And moreover, I knew in that moment, A. 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:25.880 She was never going to have to speak to me 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:28.240 again about my behavior, like I would make the first 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:31.960 time the last time. And B that was an example 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:35.920 of sister like. She showed me what it was to 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:38.400 be a sister to another woman. She did not have 0:15:38.440 --> 0:15:40.960 to take the time to invite me to her house, 0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:43.840 she did not have to spend time with me. She 0:15:45.640 --> 0:15:47.800 went out of her way because she cared about me, 0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:51.680 and that became a roadmap for me with my relationships 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:54.280 with other women. She had the difficult conversation which so 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:57.040 many people don't do. They'll just be like, fine, forget 0:15:57.040 --> 0:16:00.800 that person, we're not friends anymore. And she was like, no, 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:03.720 I'm actually invested in you and I want to tell 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:04.360 you the truth. 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:06.480 And that just had such meaning for me. 0:16:07.200 --> 0:16:09.800 What was the truth? What'd she say? The truth was 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:10.120 that I. 0:16:10.080 --> 0:16:12.120 Was acting badly at her party. I was just like 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:14.840 arrogant and I was on drugs. I don't even remember 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:17.960 what drugs, but I was just in a dark space. 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:20.720 You know, you're not grounded and you're kind of flighty 0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:23.400 and you're and then you add drugs or alcohol to 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:26.720 the equation, it just becomes ugly. It's not positive, it's negative. 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:29.400 And that I was in the phase of my life 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:32.520 where I was just very angry and kind of arrogant 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:35.960 and just negative. And there's a letter at the end 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:37.880 of the book where it's like an ending to our 0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:41.040 story because she asked me to do something later on 0:16:41.120 --> 0:16:44.640 down the road, and I went really went out of 0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:47.400 my way to show up for her, and she recognized that, 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:49.600 and she wrote me this email which is in the 0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:52.560 book too, where she shares that with me, and I 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:55.240 was like, you know, She's like, you don't have to 0:16:55.280 --> 0:16:57.600 prove to me anymore that you're a good person on honey, 0:16:57.600 --> 0:16:58.080 I know it. 0:16:58.120 --> 0:16:59.760 And I'm like, oh no, no, I'm going to spend 0:16:59.800 --> 0:17:00.720 my life I've proven to you. 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:04.760 Vers That's so sweet. That's such a good full circle moment. 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:08.280 It was because also I've had so many girlfriends in 0:17:08.320 --> 0:17:12.320 my life, and so many of them, you know, whether 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:15.240 it's harmless or not. Not a lot of people do that. 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:18.160 Not a lot of people tell you the truth even 0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:20.840 when you ask. Yeah, And I think we are really 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:22.639 like in a deficit of truth. 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:25.840 And I think truth is so powerful, it's so bonding, 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:27.359 and it's so necessary. 0:17:27.880 --> 0:17:31.320 So I just always want to be truthful, especially with women. 0:17:32.680 --> 0:17:34.600 We need to take a quick break, but we'll be 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:49.120 right back. Stay with us and we're back. I remember 0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:53.520 watching you on Chelsea Lately. You had this unshakable confidence, 0:17:53.560 --> 0:17:55.480 and so I was so surprised in the book to 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:57.720 read that when you went to the Netflix show you 0:17:57.760 --> 0:17:59.640 felt like you had lost it. You describe it as 0:17:59.680 --> 0:18:02.880 like lou and Gas was was it a personal thing 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:03.960 or what was happening? 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:06.800 It was a bunch of things. It was a personal thing. 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:08.680 I had never been to therapy, so I had never 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:11.000 discussed my brother dying when I was a young girl, 0:18:11.080 --> 0:18:13.800 So there was a lot of delayed grief. The first 0:18:13.880 --> 0:18:17.119 Trump presidency, I had a really angry reaction to that. 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:19.359 I couldn't even believe that would be possible. 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:22.919