1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 2 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:09,960 Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Lauren's Ema Coming to you from the 3 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:14,200 Speaker 1: friendly home office of Austin, Texas. We are back. We 4 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 1: took a little break, not from the pod, but just 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,560 Speaker 1: we got out of Austin for a little bit, took 6 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,240 Speaker 1: a little trip. 7 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,960 Speaker 2: We've been everywhere. I mean, I was in Cabo to 8 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,279 Speaker 2: celebrate your birthday. I came home to help Taylor pack 9 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 2: up for college and shop for college. Then I went 10 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:33,160 Speaker 2: back to Cabo for my girl's annual girls trip slash 11 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,559 Speaker 2: one night bachelorette party. Then we went to Idaho, which 12 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 2: was lovely. Then we went to Colorado for one night 13 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,400 Speaker 2: to see a concert at Red Rocks because neither of 14 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 2: us had been. It was on our bucket list. And 15 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,720 Speaker 2: now we're back here and I have to give Chris 16 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:51,760 Speaker 2: Harrison an absolute commendation right now, a gold star. We 17 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,320 Speaker 2: are sitting in our office. You may have seen in 18 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 2: the news Austin has set a record. It's something like 19 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 2: over forty straight days of for one hundred. 20 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 1: Next Monday, it's breaking. 21 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 2: Oh, we're gonna get a cold wave. What's it going 22 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:04,679 Speaker 2: to be. 23 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,080 Speaker 1: Down in the high eighties? 24 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 2: Wow, and at the sweater winter front moving here. 25 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 1: I'm getting all of our jackets out today. 26 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 2: So it's been so hot and now listen. First, I 27 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,000 Speaker 2: was a little I don't know if perturbs the right word. 28 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 2: But without consulting me, without even sending me a link 29 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:26,440 Speaker 2: of visual aid, getting my opinion at all, Chris Harrison 30 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 2: purchased a fan for our office where we record the podcast. 31 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,200 Speaker 2: He said, it's so hot in there. We got to 32 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 2: get the light fixture out. We're putting a fan in 33 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 2: and I'm like, even check with me, okay, but he 34 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,600 Speaker 2: did an absolutely stellar job. Why did I even question 35 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,559 Speaker 2: your taste? This fan is perfect, It matches our desk, 36 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:51,120 Speaker 2: The esthetics are on point. I can't I want to 37 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 2: kiss you. You did such a great job. 38 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,160 Speaker 1: It spins around and blows air, which is fantastic. 39 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 2: Wait are you saying you didn't think about you lost and. 40 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,760 Speaker 1: The look are are weak? Rope quick and I want 41 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 1: to go back our trip to Colorado. We both wanted 42 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,160 Speaker 1: to go to Red Rocks. If you have grown up 43 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 1: in the seventies eighties around then, you obviously knew the 44 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 1: hugely popular famous YouTube video The Sunday Bloody Sunday video 45 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: and it was shot at Red Rocks and it was 46 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 1: this iconic video and I've always wanted to go to 47 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:26,280 Speaker 1: Red Rocks. It turned out a good friend of ours, 48 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 1: Parker McCollum, was playing at Red Rocks and he put 49 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:32,960 Speaker 1: on a show with Will Beckman and Randy Rogers. It 50 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 1: was an epic night. But what I love most about 51 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,679 Speaker 1: that night is Lauren and I were sitting in the amphitheater. 52 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,160 Speaker 1: I don't know we met thirty people came by. I 53 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 1: don't know, a bunch of people. We just met so 54 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:47,359 Speaker 1: many great people in Colorado. So much love to Denver, 55 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 1: much love to the folks at Red Rocks. I loved 56 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 1: everybody coming up and saying hello. And I do love 57 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:54,360 Speaker 1: that when people swung by and they said, hey, I 58 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,440 Speaker 1: listened to your podcast. You said you like it when 59 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,079 Speaker 1: people come say hello. I said, no, I do. 60 00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 3: I do. 61 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 1: It's great. And so everybody was in a good mood. 62 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 1: It's a beautiful place and it was emotional walking in there. 63 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 1: It really is a spectacular venue. I posted a picture 64 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:11,440 Speaker 1: from the venue and everybody says the same thing, most 65 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:14,639 Speaker 1: iconic venue ever. And I agree. A lot of stairs, 66 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:15,720 Speaker 1: a lot of stairs. 67 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,480 Speaker 2: I had several tequilas, and at the end I had 68 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,560 Speaker 2: to walk up those stairs. That was what Chris called 69 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 2: a sobering moment. 70 00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:24,200 Speaker 1: That was a sober up moment. But by the way, 71 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 1: a huge shout out to Parker McCollum, who headlined for 72 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,600 Speaker 1: the first time at Red Rocks. Sold it out, dude, 73 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:31,760 Speaker 1: rushed it, killed it. 74 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 2: A wonderful friend of ours. He's just so talented. 75 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: And his beautiful wife, Hallie Ray. Yes. Oh, by the way, 76 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,000 Speaker 1: I have to get on the podcast because we were 77 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: in backstage with Halle Ray and I learned something about 78 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,200 Speaker 1: her and the Bachelor I did not know. I won't 79 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:48,640 Speaker 1: spoil it here, but I said, you have to come 80 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 1: on and tell the story. So she's going to come 81 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,800 Speaker 1: on soon and tell this crazy story. Now, another thing 82 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 1: we glossed over, and I want to go back because 83 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:56,880 Speaker 1: it kind of leads to I need to. 84 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 2: Pause for a second. You keep telling me I was 85 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 2: gloss and things. I was trying to compliment you on 86 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 2: the fan. 87 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,000 Speaker 1: No, I appreciate that. 88 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 2: Thank you. 89 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 1: I love that you are a fan. Oh my god, dad. 90 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 1: Joke number one being your girl's trip. You've been posting 91 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:16,600 Speaker 1: a lot on Instagram about your girls trip. Yes, and 92 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 1: people have reached out and said, this is a remarkable 93 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,240 Speaker 1: group of women. I love your girls' trips, Like this 94 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 1: is crazy that you fourteen fifteen, sixteen of you would 95 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:29,600 Speaker 1: ever get together every year without fail. Unless someone is 96 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 1: dying or someone's giving birth. Those are the only reasons 97 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,920 Speaker 1: you're allowed to skip life and death. Yes, and even then, 98 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,760 Speaker 1: like you've had multiple show up pregnant, like ready to 99 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:39,159 Speaker 1: give birth. 100 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 2: But they still say, say, give me a mocktail. 101 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,719 Speaker 1: I'm here for the vibe, and I love the fact 102 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: that because you're going to lead us into today's topic 103 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,320 Speaker 1: of the most dramatic podcast ever, but it kind of 104 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: goes back to this strong group of girls who look 105 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:54,480 Speaker 1: after each other no matter what. 106 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 2: Well, you know, I actually wanted to ask you about 107 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:58,800 Speaker 2: it because I have found myself making these sort of 108 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:01,720 Speaker 2: big statements because this trip we just had. We've been 109 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:06,279 Speaker 2: friends for about fifteen years. In the beginning, when everybody 110 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 2: was kind of you know, a lot of us are 111 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:11,040 Speaker 2: Midwesterners and we're getting married in our mid twenties, and 112 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 2: so we had bachelorette parties and we had weddings to 113 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,359 Speaker 2: see each other at. And then when more and more 114 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 2: of us were getting locked down. We said, hey, we 115 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,920 Speaker 2: might not have all these weddings, so let's do one 116 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 2: trip a year guaranteed to see each other. And it 117 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,680 Speaker 2: has been so good for maintaining our friendship. We look 118 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,680 Speaker 2: forward to it every year. It feeds our souls. And 119 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,600 Speaker 2: this trip was I think maybe our best trip ever. 120 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 2: We didn't have any air travel issues, nobody was pregnant, 121 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,480 Speaker 2: so everybody was having real tequila and we just had 122 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 2: a perfect time. And then I find myself making these 123 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 2: big statements like nothing makes me happier. I never laugh harder. 124 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 2: These are my soul sisters. Serious question, as my partner, 125 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 2: is it annoying when I say things like that? 126 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,000 Speaker 1: Is it at all hurtful or funny? I never thought 127 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 1: about it till you were saying it. Okay, great send it. 128 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:05,919 Speaker 1: It is beyond not offensive. It is wonderful, And I 129 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:09,240 Speaker 1: get it. I have wonderful friends, like good friends. We're out, 130 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 1: you know, doing our golf thing or on the trips 131 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: to Pebble Beach or whatever. You laugh and you relax 132 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,920 Speaker 1: and you let your guard down unlike any other. And 133 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,360 Speaker 1: it's just those are the people that know you the best. 134 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 1: These girls have known you before during and after all 135 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:27,920 Speaker 1: of your work success, babies, whatever it is, divorces, they 136 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 1: just know, they know all your bugaboos, they know where 137 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,719 Speaker 1: all the skeletons are. So you can just relax and 138 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 1: be you. 139 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,160 Speaker 2: And there's also no matter what, as much as I 140 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,080 Speaker 2: laugh with you and love you so deeply, it's a 141 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:44,600 Speaker 2: different relationship. You're my partner versus your friends. You're just 142 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,280 Speaker 2: gonna you know, there's the female connection and bond and 143 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,920 Speaker 2: looking at photos of us and we're all kind of 144 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,040 Speaker 2: laying all over each other, sort of resorting or reverting 145 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,040 Speaker 2: back to when we lived in a sorority house together 146 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 2: and there was a therapist I think who said on 147 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:02,240 Speaker 2: Instagram or something. But we're in this era now where 148 00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:05,640 Speaker 2: we kind of demand that our partner be all things. Yeah, 149 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 2: and that that really isn't healthy. Like you say, oh, 150 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,679 Speaker 2: my partner's my best friend, and and sure that's great, 151 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,840 Speaker 2: but you know, years ago, people sort of relied on 152 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 2: other relationships, friends, mentors, family to get different. 153 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,679 Speaker 1: Sometimes people went into work at offices, right, and your work. 154 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 2: Friends might fulfill a different need than your neighborhood friends. 155 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 2: And so it's okay for people to be different things 156 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 2: in your life and to meet and want all these 157 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 2: different things in your life. 158 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 1: It's really hard for one person to be all things 159 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:37,679 Speaker 1: in your life. 160 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 2: But I have to say, you are the guy that 161 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 2: bought the right fan. 162 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:44,240 Speaker 1: I bought the right fan. I know my place and 163 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 1: I know, but you bring up a really good point. 164 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 1: It's it's I love you, I love hanging out with you. 165 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 1: You are a wonderful lover friend, all these things. But 166 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 1: I also get things from my buddies that you're just 167 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 1: not going to give me. And that's and that's fine, babe. 168 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 2: Are you saying I can't. 169 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,760 Speaker 1: You can't be all They golf with you and talks. 170 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,120 Speaker 1: As many personalities as you bring out in a day, 171 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:20,760 Speaker 1: you still can't be all of them. That brings us 172 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,680 Speaker 1: into today's topic that you wanted to talk about. What 173 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 1: are we talking about today? 174 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 2: Well, part of the reason this came up was from 175 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 2: our wonderful producer Kendall, who I think we might bring 176 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 2: on because I have a couple questions for her. Actually, 177 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 2: so we've been kind of talking about a lot of 178 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 2: people I know watch the show and just like that, 179 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,800 Speaker 2: now I will admit. This is The Sex and the City, 180 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:45,680 Speaker 2: a spinoff series featuring the women later in life, in 181 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:48,800 Speaker 2: a different phase of life, decades later after the original show, 182 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:52,520 Speaker 2: and it's now on season two and I watched. I 183 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,480 Speaker 2: tried to watch the first season and I did not 184 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:59,200 Speaker 2: like it. I thought the characters were off, the writing 185 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 2: wasn't as good, the acting wasn't as good. And now 186 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,520 Speaker 2: it's in season two and a lot of people are 187 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:05,320 Speaker 2: saying it's gotten a bit better. They found their way 188 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:08,679 Speaker 2: a little bit. And then this moment on a recent episode, 189 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:12,400 Speaker 2: on episode eight, I was seeing all over Instagram people 190 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,559 Speaker 2: who I follow who watched the show were commenting on 191 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:18,240 Speaker 2: how powerful it was. And it is a moment where Carrie, 192 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 2: our main girl, has a conversation with this character, Seema, 193 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 2: about how Carrie a spoiler alert, Carrie's gotten back to 194 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,080 Speaker 2: dating Aiden from the original series, and they are moving 195 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 2: fast and furious. A month in, she's saying, we and 196 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,000 Speaker 2: they're so in love again, and they're making plans to 197 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:39,320 Speaker 2: you know, for her to meet as kids and for 198 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 2: them to spend time together. But she had plans with 199 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 2: Seema to do a summerhouse in the Hamptons, and Sema 200 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:49,199 Speaker 2: tells her, I don't want to do the house anymore. 201 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 2: I've gotten our deposit back. I can't handle the idea 202 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 2: of spending all this money to be in a house 203 00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 2: with you and for Aiden to be there all the time, 204 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 2: right to feel like. 205 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,600 Speaker 1: This is going to be a special girls trip and 206 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 1: we own this and we're going to have a great 207 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 1: girl summer, and now you're just going to be hooking 208 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 1: up with your boyfriend. 209 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,160 Speaker 2: Well, now the dynamic has changed, she's basically saying, and 210 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:15,120 Speaker 2: she's not mad at Carrie, but Carrie's very hurt by this. 211 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,240 Speaker 2: She says, no, please, I want to do the house together. 212 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,000 Speaker 2: Aiden won't be there all the time. But Sema says, 213 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:24,679 Speaker 2: for me, I don't want to have that feeling of 214 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 2: being there with you two as a couple. I don't 215 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 2: want to do this. So this conversation kind of goes 216 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:33,360 Speaker 2: viral and everybody's pointing out, what a great conversation for 217 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,520 Speaker 2: the single friend to speak up and say, I'm drawing 218 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,920 Speaker 2: a boundary here, I don't want to do this. And 219 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 2: it's bringing up these questions of, you know, is it 220 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,040 Speaker 2: okay to be the third wheel? Is it okay to 221 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 2: invite your friend out on couples things with you? When 222 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 2: is it not okay? When is it annoying and when 223 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,480 Speaker 2: can the single friend speak up and not sound like 224 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 2: a jerk by doing it well? 225 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:59,040 Speaker 1: And as far as the person who just started dating, 226 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,560 Speaker 1: I found it interesting too. And Carrie, I'm not a 227 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,800 Speaker 1: huge sex in the city watcher. I watched the original 228 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 1: I'm definitely not going to get into these new shows, 229 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 1: but I watched enough, and I've watched some with you. 230 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:16,240 Speaker 1: Carrie is very flawed. Like she doesn't really she spoke. 231 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: I got the feeling she was like this really good 232 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,839 Speaker 1: friend or whatever. But she likes she makes a lot 233 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:24,440 Speaker 1: of mistakes. She leaves her friends in a lurch a lot. 234 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, No, Carrie's kind of a it's when you watch 235 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:28,960 Speaker 2: When I watched the show the first time when it 236 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 2: was on, to then do I did a full rewatch 237 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 2: of the original series a few months ago, and to 238 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 2: watch it through the lens of now being in my thirties, 239 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 2: I'm watching it thinking, speaking of good friends. 240 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 1: Carrie is she's not a great friend. 241 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 2: She's in the first couple of seasons, she's a very 242 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:48,599 Speaker 2: toxic girlfriend. Actually, so, no, Carrie is very flawed. And 243 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,520 Speaker 2: then you look back and think, oh crap, I grew 244 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,240 Speaker 2: up idolizing her when I was in my twenties. 245 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:53,720 Speaker 1: What did that do to me? And that brings up 246 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:55,319 Speaker 1: the topic I was thinking too, is from the flip 247 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,840 Speaker 1: side of even though you're in a relationship, it's being 248 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 1: a good friend. It's not absolutely just bailing on everybody 249 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:06,560 Speaker 1: because you happen to be in love and having good 250 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,560 Speaker 1: sex these days. 251 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 2: So there's lots of articles about this moment. HuffPost says 252 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 2: what and just like that gets right about being the 253 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:20,960 Speaker 2: only single friend and again dives into this. Now, Kendall, 254 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 2: I wanted to ask you because you had texted us 255 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,319 Speaker 2: producer Kendall. 256 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 1: And if it's okay, I'm just going to say it. 257 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,679 Speaker 1: Kendall's twenty five years old. Yes, so this helps. So 258 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:31,440 Speaker 1: she is much younger than us, but she is in 259 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 1: a committed relationship and has been for five years. 260 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 2: And Kendall, you texted us as we were talking about 261 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,800 Speaker 2: discussing this topic today and you said we need to 262 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,320 Speaker 2: change the stigma of being the third wheel. So I 263 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 2: wanted to ask you, what is this? What do you 264 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 2: think the stigma of being the third wheel is what 265 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 2: needs to change. 266 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 3: So I've obviously been in a relationship for five and 267 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,960 Speaker 3: a half years and my best friend is constantly going 268 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,640 Speaker 3: on dates with us, and we always are with her 269 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,840 Speaker 3: just because I live with her too, So it sometimes 270 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 3: gets tough, like whenever or we want to do things 271 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 3: on a date night but she asked me to hang out. 272 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 3: But for her, there's also a lot of positives out 273 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 3: of it, and I try to tell her that even 274 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,760 Speaker 3: though she feels lonely when she's with us, Like, for example, 275 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 3: my boyfriend will pay for her dinner because why not, 276 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 3: and he will set her up on a date, and 277 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,000 Speaker 3: he will give her advice on her dating problems. I 278 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,599 Speaker 3: just feel like there's a lot of positives out of 279 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 3: it that you can think about and it shouldn't be 280 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 3: as negative as you think. 281 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: But are there boundaries that you need to set? Are 282 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,360 Speaker 1: there sometimes when you just want to be alone with 283 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 1: your boyfriend? Or conversely, are there times where hey, I 284 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 1: just need a girl's night with my roommate. I'm going 285 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,840 Speaker 1: to go out alone without you, without your boyfriend. 286 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly, kind of the second one. There are more 287 00:13:42,559 --> 00:13:44,080 Speaker 3: times where I want to kind of just be with 288 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:45,680 Speaker 3: her and I have to tell my boyfriend, like, hey, 289 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,120 Speaker 3: I want to go out with her and have a 290 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:47,600 Speaker 3: girl's night. 291 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:48,920 Speaker 1: Lauren does that to me too? 292 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 2: Well, I actually was going to say, I am so 293 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 2: part of the reason I wanted to ask you, Kendall, 294 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:57,920 Speaker 2: I am so sort of unfamiliar with this because I've 295 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:01,720 Speaker 2: never done this. I have never really said, hey, do 296 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 2: you friend hang out with me and my boyfriend. I've 297 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,080 Speaker 2: never done what Carrie did of expecting a friend to 298 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,960 Speaker 2: kind of come in and vibe with like my boyfriend 299 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 2: being a part of Honestly, you know, what you have 300 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:16,600 Speaker 2: to think is who's the third wheel here in the 301 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:20,040 Speaker 2: situation with Carrie and Sema and the Hampton's house really 302 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 2: aid in the boyfriend is the third wheel they were 303 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 2: bringing in? 304 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 1: Well, she should be. If Carrie wasn't a crappy friend, 305 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 1: which she is, that would be the case. But I 306 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 1: think the way she probably is, And I think this 307 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,840 Speaker 1: tells two different types of people. A selfish person who's 308 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,320 Speaker 1: just all about their new relationship and they're you know 309 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,080 Speaker 1: that glow and the endorphins are firing, and you just 310 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,640 Speaker 1: you leave Seema, you leave your friend in a lurch. 311 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,560 Speaker 1: Or there are those who would make the guy the 312 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,120 Speaker 1: third wheel and I'm all about my girlfriend. I'm all 313 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,480 Speaker 1: about getting up and I'm chatting with her late at night, 314 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 1: we're watching Bravo, We're having coffee in the morning, and 315 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: so there's I think there's two different types of friends here. 316 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,520 Speaker 2: I think Sema knew which type of friend Carrie was, 317 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 2: and that's why she's smartly set a boundary, said I 318 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,720 Speaker 2: don't want to do this, because she knew what it 319 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,040 Speaker 2: would turn into. Carrie's saying he won't be there all 320 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 2: the time, But Seeman knew what would happen if you 321 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,000 Speaker 2: had a friend where you believed you're like, no, I 322 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,640 Speaker 2: know how she is hill pop in and out, will 323 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:19,160 Speaker 2: see him sometimes. I just have always prioritized my friends. 324 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,600 Speaker 1: But that's not crazy. That's not a thing to laugh 325 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,400 Speaker 1: at or make fun like. That's a good thing. That's 326 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:27,280 Speaker 1: a very healthy thing to do. And I think for 327 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,920 Speaker 1: some reason, if you go back to the question you 328 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,600 Speaker 1: ask Kendall about the stigma that that is one of 329 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,720 Speaker 1: those things of once I get married, once I have children, 330 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,440 Speaker 1: even this is my new life and I have to 331 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:42,040 Speaker 1: forsake all of what I had before, And that's not 332 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: the case. In fact, you need to work harder and 333 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: foster the relationships that you had, keep those girlfriends, keep 334 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 1: those guy friends, and look there are boundaries. I'm painting 335 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 1: with a broadbrush, disappearing every weekend all weekend to go 336 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,560 Speaker 1: get hammered and play golf. No, it's not what I'm 337 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:01,400 Speaker 1: talking about. I'm just saying, foster those relationships because it's healthy. 338 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 2: Now. I do think there's an age thing here. I 339 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,680 Speaker 2: do think when you're younger, you can really get swept 340 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 2: up in a relationship and you know you're so in 341 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:14,440 Speaker 2: love and suddenly your borderline living together. And I probably 342 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,000 Speaker 2: did that in my very early twenties. I'm talking maybe, 343 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,720 Speaker 2: and I'm nineteen twenty twenty one, still in college. But 344 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:23,120 Speaker 2: then I learned the lesson of prioritizing my friends and 345 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 2: learned that my friends were going to be the ones 346 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,800 Speaker 2: there with me through everything. Carrie in her early fifties. 347 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 2: I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if this character has 348 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 2: fully learned that lesson. 349 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:38,080 Speaker 1: Sometimes I was basically a professional third wheel for almost 350 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:38,760 Speaker 1: a decade. 351 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,880 Speaker 2: You know what, I wanted to ask you about this 352 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:45,000 Speaker 2: because the truth is, and I almost feel weird admitting 353 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,440 Speaker 2: this out loud, I have not had very long spans 354 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 2: in my life where I've been single, and I looking back, 355 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,600 Speaker 2: I mean almost every time I got into a relationship. 356 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 2: I remember thinking to myself, I wish I could be 357 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 2: single longer. I actually want to be single longer, but 358 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 2: I don't know just the way the timing has worked out. 359 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 2: I've sort of met somebody, and that's also a beautiful 360 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,879 Speaker 2: thing I'm very grateful for, but I don't really know 361 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 2: what it's like to long term third wheel it. 362 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 1: How long were you? 363 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 2: I mean you were single for almost a decade. 364 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,199 Speaker 1: Yeah, and look for first of all, I get what 365 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:19,480 Speaker 1: you're saying, and we're not getting married for another few months. 366 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,880 Speaker 1: If you want to date, just date around a little bit, 367 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 1: just to get it out of your system. 368 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,120 Speaker 2: I'm not going to give up the fan guy. I'm 369 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:26,320 Speaker 2: not going to give up the guy who picks the 370 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,320 Speaker 2: perfect fan without even needing my help. 371 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 1: Our situations were very different, obviously, because I had been 372 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:34,880 Speaker 1: married for what seventeen years, and so when I got 373 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,760 Speaker 1: out of my marriage, I made a concerted effort to 374 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:40,879 Speaker 1: be single and to not dive into something for a 375 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 1: couple of reasons. First and foremost, I wanted to reconnect 376 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 1: and really make sure my kids are okay. And I 377 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,440 Speaker 1: just didn't want to concentrate or spend any energy anywhere else, 378 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,360 Speaker 1: and I knew I couldn't and I wouldn't be very 379 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:54,720 Speaker 1: good at that unraveling my life hosting the show that 380 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: I was hosting all of the shows. It was a mess, 381 00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 1: and so I knew I was not going to be 382 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,680 Speaker 1: good for anybody, and I was just going to stay 383 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,679 Speaker 1: single and date a little bit. But that made me 384 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:08,440 Speaker 1: a professional third wheel for all my married friends who 385 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:13,359 Speaker 1: have kids, and I was even This is the the 386 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:17,000 Speaker 1: pin ultimate moment is I was the twenty seventh wheel. 387 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:22,160 Speaker 1: There were thirteen couples on a huge birthday trip down 388 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,240 Speaker 1: to Cabo for one of my dearest friends. She was 389 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:27,360 Speaker 1: nice enough, they were nice enough. This couple was still 390 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,600 Speaker 1: nice enough to include me. And there were thirteen lovely 391 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:36,879 Speaker 1: couples and Chris Harrison, I was the twenty seventh wheel. 392 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,240 Speaker 1: It was awkward, it was weird, and I knew everybody there, 393 00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 1: so it was still friendly and everybody was nice to 394 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:45,719 Speaker 1: make me feel included. But it was a thing. It 395 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,359 Speaker 1: was still a thing to be like, I'm alone here. 396 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:49,600 Speaker 2: How did that feel? 397 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:55,439 Speaker 1: It's intimidating. It's a lot to take in. You have to, really, 398 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,360 Speaker 1: I think one of the most powerful things in the world, 399 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,639 Speaker 1: and this is what I wanted to take from this podcast. 400 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,119 Speaker 1: It's the most powerful thing in the world, man or woman, 401 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,879 Speaker 1: to be comfortable being alone. If you can master that, 402 00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:11,040 Speaker 1: if you can force yourself to be alone and be 403 00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:14,639 Speaker 1: comfortable going to a movie, going to dinner, traveling, even 404 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:19,399 Speaker 1: really being comfortable in your own skin being alone, you 405 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,840 Speaker 1: will be the most powerful person. And I know it's 406 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,800 Speaker 1: tougher for women. This is the patriarchy speaking here. I 407 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,840 Speaker 1: know it's tougher. Like I can go to a bar 408 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,240 Speaker 1: and even though it's a little awkward, you know, I 409 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: know I'm not going to probably be hit on by 410 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,119 Speaker 1: a bunch of creepy guys. 411 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,040 Speaker 2: No, that is true. I mean, now, when I was 412 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 2: traveling for work, if I went and sat at a 413 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:39,919 Speaker 2: bar just because I'm getting dinner alone, that it was. 414 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,639 Speaker 2: It has a different look to it, which is totally unfair. 415 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,640 Speaker 2: But also I think maybe it's I will agree it's 416 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 2: tougher for women, but I think because women share more, 417 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,960 Speaker 2: we talk more, we engage more, and so when you're alone, 418 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,159 Speaker 2: I don't know, maybe it feels lonelier. But then I 419 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:58,439 Speaker 2: also think women are stronger than men no offense emotionally, 420 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,120 Speaker 2: so maybe it's hard for men to be alone. I'm 421 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 2: thinking of how usually after loss men get into relationships. Quicker, 422 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,359 Speaker 2: let me ask you this, though, you're talking about the 423 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,440 Speaker 2: comfortability of being alone in this character getting back to 424 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:14,160 Speaker 2: sex and the City. Seema, she's been single a long 425 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,840 Speaker 2: time and one of the things she says to Carrie 426 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,640 Speaker 2: in this conversation is Carrie, you've had two great loves. 427 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,119 Speaker 2: I've had none. Yeah, And I think she's in her 428 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,200 Speaker 2: fifties and she's saying, I don't know if I ever 429 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,680 Speaker 2: will have a great love, And of course Carrie's telling 430 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,280 Speaker 2: her you will, and she's saying, I don't even want 431 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,239 Speaker 2: to hear that. And watching that scene, I kind of 432 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,240 Speaker 2: realized this is something I don't understand. I don't understand 433 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,440 Speaker 2: what it's like to be older and to maybe feel 434 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,920 Speaker 2: like you've never had that great love, you've not even 435 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,080 Speaker 2: loved and lost, you've never had it. I don't understand 436 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:46,560 Speaker 2: what being single for a really long time feels like. So, 437 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,480 Speaker 2: even if you've gotten comfortable with being on your own, 438 00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,960 Speaker 2: what happens when you're just lonely though, when you just 439 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:56,000 Speaker 2: want companionship? And does that make it harder to be 440 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,520 Speaker 2: around couples when you're in that place. 441 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,240 Speaker 1: It does, and I think it would be harder to 442 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,240 Speaker 1: be around. And it's how I think the age thing 443 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,600 Speaker 1: is huge here. I think for Kendall going through this 444 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:09,159 Speaker 1: at twenty five, it's very different than when I was 445 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:12,080 Speaker 1: going through it. And even when I was married, I 446 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,359 Speaker 1: had a good friend of mine get divorced. My best friend, 447 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 1: oldest friend in the world. He had gotten divorced and 448 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,480 Speaker 1: he had been with this girl since junior high high school, 449 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:23,240 Speaker 1: so I mean, he was ready to tear the world open, 450 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,160 Speaker 1: and he did. He was going to Vegas, he was partying, 451 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,440 Speaker 1: go you know, it was nuts, and he came out 452 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,240 Speaker 1: and visited us and we didn't have kids yet, but 453 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,160 Speaker 1: we were married, and he went out like we would 454 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,399 Speaker 1: go to dinner and he's like, well, I'm going to 455 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,720 Speaker 1: go out in LA and he brought a girl home 456 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 1: to my house and I'm like, dude, we're in such 457 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 1: different life places right now, Like I love you, but 458 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,639 Speaker 1: I had to draw some boundaries of just not hanging 459 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,480 Speaker 1: out with him very much at that time, which is fine. 460 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,960 Speaker 1: We're still dear friends. But it was I think it's 461 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,400 Speaker 1: different when you're older and my friends saw me getting 462 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,439 Speaker 1: divorced realized what I was going through, the kind of 463 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 1: be there for me. And when you're older, the wives 464 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 1: are pretty happy when you come take their husband away. 465 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:09,880 Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, go play golf. 466 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,960 Speaker 2: I love the alone time. Well, like I love your 467 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:16,360 Speaker 2: divorced friend Chris. He's great, he takes you on walks. 468 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:20,639 Speaker 1: But there was also that I was you know, obviously 469 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 1: I was hosting the shows. I could go to a 470 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,719 Speaker 1: lot of events, get invited to a lot of events. 471 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,840 Speaker 1: I didn't have my person right, you know how that 472 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,960 Speaker 1: is if you go to the Globe. Yeah, so I 473 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 1: didn't have a plus one for all these parties I 474 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:37,760 Speaker 1: was going to. And at the time, because I was 475 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,879 Speaker 1: older and divorced, most of my friends were married and 476 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,160 Speaker 1: most of them had kids. So it was very difficult 477 00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:47,040 Speaker 1: to call one of my buddies and say, hey, you 478 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,200 Speaker 1: want to go to this party with me, because that's 479 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 1: when the wives really were like, yeah, like, no, you're single, 480 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 1: You're going into a Hollywood party. We know what Harrison's doing, 481 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,560 Speaker 1: or we think we know. I don't really want you. 482 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,800 Speaker 2: It's okay to go golf. I don't want you to 483 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:01,520 Speaker 2: go party. 484 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,720 Speaker 1: And I definitely felt a pullback from my married friends, 485 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 1: especially the women on that. 486 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:10,080 Speaker 2: Did you get to the point where you felt lonely? 487 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:13,520 Speaker 2: Or was that time being single kind of all good, 488 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,639 Speaker 2: rediscovering yourself, learning how to date time both. 489 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:19,919 Speaker 1: There were time I knew it was good for me, 490 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,480 Speaker 1: but I'm like you, I had been married essentially since 491 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,320 Speaker 1: I was eighteen years old. I'd never been alone. So 492 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,480 Speaker 1: that's another reason I was forcing myself to feel I 493 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,920 Speaker 1: didn't know if I was dependent independent. You have this 494 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,879 Speaker 1: idea of who you are, but you don't know until 495 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:36,159 Speaker 1: you go through this. Turns out I'm a pretty independent person. 496 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 1: I did like my alone time, sometimes too much. But yeah, 497 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,159 Speaker 1: there's a lot of lonely times. You know, when I 498 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,600 Speaker 1: had the kids, the house was full, it's loud, there's homework, 499 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 1: you're doing stuff, you're driving all over. It was the 500 00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:50,879 Speaker 1: week I didn't have the kids, and all of a sudden, 501 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,920 Speaker 1: especially that first night, when it's so quiet and you're 502 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 1: just laying there, and if I didn't have anything to do, 503 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,800 Speaker 1: you're just you know, home, and you cook yourself in, 504 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:04,720 Speaker 1: cooking dinner for one, eating for one. It's tough to 505 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,399 Speaker 1: force yourself into that emotional space. It does get lonely. 506 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,560 Speaker 1: I totally feel that, and to your original question of 507 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,880 Speaker 1: when you're older and you just feel like, I'm never 508 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:15,439 Speaker 1: going to find that, and then you get to the 509 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,160 Speaker 1: point where you think to yourself, I don't even want 510 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:21,280 Speaker 1: to I'm so set in my ways. But even for 511 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,119 Speaker 1: people like that, I think you can still meet that 512 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:24,919 Speaker 1: one person that just shakes everything up. 513 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,760 Speaker 2: Usually when you are fully like I'm done, that's when 514 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:29,440 Speaker 2: the person comes. 515 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:33,080 Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that when that love rock hits you, 516 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,240 Speaker 1: it's when you least expect it to. I think when 517 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:38,359 Speaker 1: we're desperately looking for something, it's hard to find because 518 00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,000 Speaker 1: you're trying to put so much pressure on. 519 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:43,159 Speaker 2: Every meeting every day as the single friend when you 520 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,040 Speaker 2: were in those single friend years, Because that's what this 521 00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 2: is all about, looking back, what did you enjoy more 522 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:53,439 Speaker 2: if you were around other couples twenty seventh wheeling it 523 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,680 Speaker 2: or if you were around other single friends those couple 524 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,840 Speaker 2: other guys who were single and you were going out together. 525 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,960 Speaker 1: It was both the only thing I love because I 526 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,760 Speaker 1: have dear, dear friends, as you know, because now they're 527 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:07,440 Speaker 1: all friends of ours that they were amazing and they 528 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,960 Speaker 1: you know, really included me and made sure especially on holidays, 529 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,040 Speaker 1: you know, so look out for your single friends on holidays. 530 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,560 Speaker 1: Make sure they have a place to go on Easter, Christmas, 531 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,600 Speaker 1: New Year's you know, all the things. That was wonderful 532 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 1: to have people in my life that would just say no, no, 533 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,560 Speaker 1: that's ridiculous, you're not going to be because I would 534 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,880 Speaker 1: if my ex had the kids for Christmas, I would 535 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,960 Speaker 1: go see them Christmas morning and the Christmas night. You know, 536 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,160 Speaker 1: I wanted to stay in California, so I wasn't with 537 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:35,960 Speaker 1: my family. I would be alone, and that's lonely. I 538 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,200 Speaker 1: don't care who you are. So my friends would say no, no, 539 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:42,200 Speaker 1: come have dinner. My mistake and what I quickly learned 540 00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:46,879 Speaker 1: was I was filling that void. I would go to 541 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,840 Speaker 1: parties because I got invited to a lot of events, 542 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,720 Speaker 1: and so I started going. I went solo to a 543 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 1: lot of these things. I was trying to kind of 544 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:55,879 Speaker 1: push my boundaries, and I just found I was filling 545 00:25:56,040 --> 00:26:00,320 Speaker 1: the void with nonsense. You know, like my grandmother I said, 546 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,879 Speaker 1: you know, surround yourself with people who were equal or 547 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 1: greater than I was not doing that. I was going 548 00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:08,159 Speaker 1: to poker tournaments or parties or events, and I was 549 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:09,760 Speaker 1: just like I'd leave at the end of the night 550 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,119 Speaker 1: going what the hell? I felt more lonely because I 551 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,640 Speaker 1: didn't have one good conversation. I didn't make one good connection. 552 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:21,880 Speaker 1: It was a soulless Hollywood party that didn't give me anything. 553 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,800 Speaker 1: And so it's like that drug where you take drugs 554 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,640 Speaker 1: and you get a very momentary high and then you realize, 555 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,159 Speaker 1: I'm going to come down lower than I was. 556 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:34,800 Speaker 2: So you experienced all the different single friend, third Wheel 557 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,120 Speaker 2: twenty seventh Wheel moments. 558 00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 1: You actually literally had a. 559 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,640 Speaker 2: Very similar experience to the sex and the City scene 560 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,600 Speaker 2: we're talking I mean, the sorry, the end, just like 561 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:46,440 Speaker 2: that scene we're talking about, which was that you were 562 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 2: the twenty seventh Wheel in this Cobo trip. And in 563 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,200 Speaker 2: this situation, the character Sema is saying, no, I don't 564 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:54,639 Speaker 2: want to do this house. I don't want to do 565 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,080 Speaker 2: this rental house in the Hamptons. What would you have 566 00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:59,240 Speaker 2: done in that situation? Would you have still done a 567 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:03,720 Speaker 2: rental a summer rental with a friend of yours if 568 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,160 Speaker 2: they were suddenly in a relationship. 569 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:08,159 Speaker 1: I'm on SEMA's side. I'm team Sema on this, not 570 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:12,040 Speaker 1: having watched it, but just feeling she had. She got 571 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:15,119 Speaker 1: into this idea with the notion that it's her and 572 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 1: Carrie hot Girl summer. We're gonna have a blast in 573 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:21,639 Speaker 1: the Hamptons. That dynamic completely changed. Carrie expected her to 574 00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:23,520 Speaker 1: just roll with it. No, it's still going to be fun. 575 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,439 Speaker 1: Carrie's getting the best of both worlds, Sema. I'm going 576 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:28,600 Speaker 1: to have you. I get to hang out and have fun, 577 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:31,320 Speaker 1: but I'm going to have Aiden and I get to 578 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:32,080 Speaker 1: hook up with him. 579 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:33,680 Speaker 2: Carrie being selfish again. 580 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I get to go to bed with him, 581 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:36,359 Speaker 1: and I get to wake up with him, and we 582 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:38,760 Speaker 1: can go on long walks and I'll be with you. 583 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,760 Speaker 1: You know, we'll have fun. That's not fun for Sema. 584 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:43,440 Speaker 1: Seema's not getting her fill. 585 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:47,240 Speaker 2: I actually think Carrie is prioritizing herself to the point 586 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,280 Speaker 2: of that she's going to make both these people she 587 00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:52,840 Speaker 2: cares about unhappy because Aiden is going to be like, well, 588 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 2: I want to be with you for this summer, but 589 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,359 Speaker 2: you're with Sema. And SEMA's going to say, well, this 590 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,600 Speaker 2: was supposed to be our summer in the Hampton's and 591 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:02,560 Speaker 2: now Aiden's always around. I think from both perspectives, you 592 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:06,719 Speaker 2: can't change the parameters of what the original setup was. 593 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,280 Speaker 2: You know, when you're talking about something this big and 594 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,400 Speaker 2: I feel that way. I don't know, honestly, even down 595 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,359 Speaker 2: to a dinner. Sometimes you and I have gone to 596 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,760 Speaker 2: dinner and we think we're going on a couple's dinner, 597 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,320 Speaker 2: and then our friends show up with their kids and 598 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:21,920 Speaker 2: we're thinking, wait, we thought this was a kind of 599 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,679 Speaker 2: a couple's double date night. Now it's sort of family dinner, 600 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 2: which would be fine, but you can't change the parameters 601 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,840 Speaker 2: without a heads up and an FYI, and hey, we 602 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:34,480 Speaker 2: thought we were getting into something different here. 603 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:48,760 Speaker 1: The question I have for you, and this really pertains 604 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,040 Speaker 1: to women more than men, because guys, we really don't 605 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,360 Speaker 1: do this. But this episode kind of touched on this 606 00:28:54,440 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 1: as well. Needing validation about the relationship you in, like 607 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:05,120 Speaker 1: Carrie wants to hear that everyone's excited for her about 608 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:08,400 Speaker 1: her and Aiden and needing that validation, and especially needing 609 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,800 Speaker 1: it from a single friend who's kind of lonely and 610 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,760 Speaker 1: trying to get through her own stuff. Do you feel 611 00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,000 Speaker 1: that from any of your friends. Have you ever experienced 612 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,360 Speaker 1: that guy? Because guys really don't like if a buddy 613 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,320 Speaker 1: of mine starts dating a girl, he's not like, hey, man, 614 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,160 Speaker 1: what do you think they may ask? What you think, 615 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:23,840 Speaker 1: but it's not such a big deal. 616 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 2: But you had me meet your friends when you kind 617 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,440 Speaker 2: I mean, didn't you hope your friends liked me? 618 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:30,280 Speaker 1: No, for sure, but it's not such a I didn't 619 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:34,400 Speaker 1: need their approval like it wouldn't. Our relationship didn't hinge on. 620 00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,320 Speaker 1: I didn't need their positivity. I didn't need them to say, 621 00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:40,360 Speaker 1: make me feel good about myself. 622 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:47,520 Speaker 2: Oh interesting. I definitely sense, yes, that Carrie wants her 623 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,360 Speaker 2: friends to be happy for her. I mean, I don't 624 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:52,360 Speaker 2: know if it's that well, I don't know. Yeah, sure, 625 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,000 Speaker 2: I would say I would want my friends to be 626 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:58,320 Speaker 2: happy for me. I would want them to like the 627 00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:01,120 Speaker 2: person I was dating. And you can see that Carrie's 628 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,720 Speaker 2: a little hurt that she feels Sema isn't happy for her. 629 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,400 Speaker 2: And I do think Carrie's valid in that. But this 630 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,200 Speaker 2: is a very great area of Also, how much is 631 00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,560 Speaker 2: Carrie talking about this relationship? And this I can see 632 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 2: is a female thing because with women, what do I 633 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,640 Speaker 2: always tell you, talking is the activity. I have lost 634 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:22,000 Speaker 2: my voice still from this girl's trip I went on 635 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,960 Speaker 2: because I talked to thirteen women for three straight days, 636 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:30,440 Speaker 2: and for I can imagine when you're the single friend 637 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,080 Speaker 2: the third or fifth, or seventh or twenty seventh wheel. 638 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,760 Speaker 2: If your friends are talking about their relationships all the time, 639 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:39,720 Speaker 2: if you're the only one who's not at least got 640 00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:42,840 Speaker 2: something going on that could be wearing. I remember I 641 00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:46,400 Speaker 2: was at a lunch once with a couple of girlfriends, 642 00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:52,240 Speaker 2: and my one friend was planning her wedding, I was engaged, 643 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:56,400 Speaker 2: another girl was dating somebody, and this girlfriend of ours, 644 00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:59,960 Speaker 2: I mean, she didn't have even a date on the horizon, 645 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:04,040 Speaker 2: and she kind of had a meltdown mid lunch. We're 646 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,600 Speaker 2: talking and she literally slammed her fork on the table 647 00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:10,880 Speaker 2: and said, if you don't stop talking about your relationships, 648 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:12,160 Speaker 2: I'm going to kill myself. 649 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:16,680 Speaker 1: Oh gosh, okay, And there was this. 650 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:22,560 Speaker 2: Deafening silence in the entire restaurant, and it was too much, right, 651 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:25,560 Speaker 2: I mean, that was I was her. We all thought 652 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:28,120 Speaker 2: that was kind of a crazy moment. But looking back 653 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,040 Speaker 2: on it through this lens, I think, you know, but 654 00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:34,400 Speaker 2: maybe she just felt so isolated from the conversation all 655 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,200 Speaker 2: the time and felt like she couldn't contribute, And maybe 656 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,720 Speaker 2: I needed to have more empathy. 657 00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:40,040 Speaker 1: For that, And I think I would take it a 658 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:43,000 Speaker 1: step further. The kid talk. You know. I think it's 659 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:44,680 Speaker 1: always great when you go in and we all want 660 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:46,600 Speaker 1: to catch up on each other's kids and what's going on. 661 00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:51,040 Speaker 1: But especially if you have kids and the other couple 662 00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:53,880 Speaker 1: doesn't or the other person doesn't, Please don't spend the 663 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:57,440 Speaker 1: entire dinner talking about little Susie, little Johnny in everything 664 00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,000 Speaker 1: they're doing. It's wonderful to be caught up. I don't 665 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:03,040 Speaker 1: need to know every time little Timmy got up to 666 00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,400 Speaker 1: bat and t ball, and I definitely don't need to 667 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:10,000 Speaker 1: see the videos little Susie's piano recital or SOFP but whatever, 668 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,920 Speaker 1: same thing, like, take a moment, catch everybody up, move on. 669 00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:16,440 Speaker 2: I was thinking the other day, remember when we used 670 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:17,920 Speaker 2: to do disposable cameras. 671 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:18,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, and so. 672 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:22,000 Speaker 2: Maybe you'd get your vacation pictures back months later and 673 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,440 Speaker 2: maybe you show someone a few photos. And we actually 674 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,880 Speaker 2: all even thought that was a bit exhausting. Now we 675 00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:31,719 Speaker 2: show everybody pictures and photos and videos from like every 676 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,560 Speaker 2: event all the time. So it really takes a lot 677 00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:35,960 Speaker 2: to be a supportive friend and look at all that. 678 00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:37,920 Speaker 2: But yeah, you know what, you just put that in perspective. 679 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:41,720 Speaker 2: For me, I need to be more empathetic about the 680 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,280 Speaker 2: single friend and the third wheel because I am the 681 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,880 Speaker 2: one who's a little All my friends talk about their 682 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:49,880 Speaker 2: kids and I listen and I'm supportive. Then I start 683 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:51,640 Speaker 2: to claze over a little bit. And it's not that 684 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,680 Speaker 2: I don't care about their kids. I love their kids, 685 00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:55,880 Speaker 2: but I don't have kids, and I don't understand all 686 00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,320 Speaker 2: these moments, And you know what, on the note of 687 00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:03,160 Speaker 2: Sema and setting, honestly, I just kind of excuse myself 688 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,080 Speaker 2: from those conversations. I'll listen, I ask about their lives. 689 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:07,440 Speaker 2: I want to hear, but if it's getting to the 690 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:10,640 Speaker 2: point where I know I'm starting to be I don't 691 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,440 Speaker 2: want to be bored by my friends, so I'll kind 692 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:14,120 Speaker 2: of get up and go have a different convo and 693 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:14,880 Speaker 2: change the vibe. 694 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:16,520 Speaker 1: And at the end of the day, when it comes 695 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:20,520 Speaker 1: to the Seama Carey Bradshaw moment, it's the difference of 696 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:27,800 Speaker 1: your expectations going into a situation. If Seema thought she 697 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,480 Speaker 1: was going in for a girl's week or girls month 698 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,520 Speaker 1: whatever in the Hamptons, and all of a sudden she 699 00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,840 Speaker 1: wants to change the dynamic, It's the difference between your 700 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,960 Speaker 1: expectations and then being forced into a situation she was 701 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:42,120 Speaker 1: being forced into a situation that she did not want 702 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,240 Speaker 1: and wasn't prepared for and didn't want to set up for. 703 00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:47,800 Speaker 1: And so that's what's not fair. You change the dynamic. 704 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,360 Speaker 1: You did a one eighty on her, and so yeah, Carrie, 705 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,000 Speaker 1: once again you're selfish. 706 00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:54,920 Speaker 2: But it's it's like Kendall was just saying, I mean, Kendall, 707 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,880 Speaker 2: that was so interesting to hear from you that you 708 00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:02,120 Speaker 2: see positives about also being that single friend that you 709 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:06,040 Speaker 2: know your boyfriend can set this person up or you know, 710 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:10,239 Speaker 2: you can ensure that she's not alone. But there are 711 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,880 Speaker 2: boundaries both ways. Kendall, you got to tell your friend 712 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,680 Speaker 2: your roommate, which is harder. Hey, sometimes I need a 713 00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:18,080 Speaker 2: date night. Have you been able to have those conversations. 714 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:19,040 Speaker 3: Yeah? I have. 715 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:22,359 Speaker 1: And what's the negative? You said positive? So what's the 716 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:23,279 Speaker 1: worst thing about it? 717 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:26,680 Speaker 3: She struggles finding a person because she sees my boyfriend 718 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:28,440 Speaker 3: and how good he is to me and how he's 719 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:30,560 Speaker 3: a great guy, and she goes on these dates and 720 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:33,400 Speaker 3: she kind of starts to compare these guys to my boyfriend. 721 00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:35,880 Speaker 3: So it's almost like she has a hard time like 722 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:40,320 Speaker 3: finding the guys that meet her expectations. So that's definitely 723 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:42,920 Speaker 3: a negative to it, just kind of feeling lonely. 724 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:44,920 Speaker 2: On her end. Well, you can't take that on Kendall. 725 00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:47,880 Speaker 2: No matter, she's going to have her expectations from guys. 726 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,319 Speaker 2: She's seen her whole life, and that's not all on 727 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,680 Speaker 2: you and your boyfriend. I will say again, I think 728 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,120 Speaker 2: what's so great about this conversation on and just like 729 00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,319 Speaker 2: that is it brings up as we're talking about the 730 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,440 Speaker 2: boundary setting, think you also have to say to your friend, 731 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:07,000 Speaker 2: I can't fulfill you emotionally, like I can't be meeting 732 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,440 Speaker 2: the needs that a romantic relationship would be for you. 733 00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:12,720 Speaker 2: I can't ensure that you're not lonely. Again. One person 734 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:15,319 Speaker 2: can't be all things, and just like your partner can't 735 00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:18,560 Speaker 2: be all things, if you're single romantically, your friend can't 736 00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:21,200 Speaker 2: be all things. I've had issues with friends before where 737 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,839 Speaker 2: they were single and they kind of were I think 738 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:27,840 Speaker 2: demanding too much from me of hey, like I can't 739 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:30,640 Speaker 2: have dinner with you every Saturday night, you know, But 740 00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:32,640 Speaker 2: then it goes the other way of Hey, when you're 741 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:35,160 Speaker 2: the one in a relationship, you can't expect that your 742 00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:37,880 Speaker 2: single friend is going to always be okay with you. 743 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,200 Speaker 2: Canceling on them for the boyfriend and that kind of thing, 744 00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:42,200 Speaker 2: and that's a very carey thing to do. 745 00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:46,400 Speaker 1: So as we wrap this up, might takeaways and giveaways 746 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:50,160 Speaker 1: from this ay, And I'm speaking from experience because again, 747 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:53,320 Speaker 1: I was that third wheel professionally for a long time. 748 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,239 Speaker 1: Don't be afraid to be that third wheel. Don't be 749 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:59,680 Speaker 1: afraid to be alone. It is intimidating to go to 750 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:03,560 Speaker 1: a movie alone, it's intimidating to go eat. It's uncomfortable. 751 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:07,200 Speaker 1: Put yourself in the uncomfortable. Try to make that comfortable 752 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:13,640 Speaker 1: for yourself, because man, when you own that, it's really powerful. 753 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,360 Speaker 1: You feel like you can do anything because it opens 754 00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:18,480 Speaker 1: up every situation that you feel like you can just 755 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:21,440 Speaker 1: walk into. And it really also opens you up to 756 00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,239 Speaker 1: finding a healthy relationship. I think it made me more 757 00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:29,480 Speaker 1: prepared that I'm confident, I'm happy, I'm good, I'm good 758 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,160 Speaker 1: as a father, I'm good as a friend. I can 759 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,400 Speaker 1: give myself to somebody, and I think it makes me 760 00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:40,120 Speaker 1: a better boyfriend, fyance husband. So that's my takeaway. Set 761 00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:45,000 Speaker 1: those boundaries, be comfortable with it, but don't be afraid 762 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:50,640 Speaker 1: to be alone. Any massive takeaway lessons for you, LZ. 763 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,360 Speaker 2: Well there's a part of the scene where Sema says 764 00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:58,080 Speaker 2: that she needs space and Carrie says, no, I don't 765 00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,400 Speaker 2: want to give you space. Space is bad for friendship, 766 00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:06,480 Speaker 2: and I disagree. I think that's an immature thing of 767 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:09,600 Speaker 2: Carrie to say, and I think the space goes both ways. 768 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:13,040 Speaker 2: It is okay we live in an era of constant connection. 769 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,359 Speaker 2: It is okay to not talk to your friend or 770 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,480 Speaker 2: your partner every day, and it is okay that someone 771 00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,640 Speaker 2: maybe doesn't want to go on that dinner and be 772 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:23,600 Speaker 2: the third wheel. And it is okay that you want 773 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:25,440 Speaker 2: the date night and you don't want your friend to 774 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:29,520 Speaker 2: come be the third wheel. Make space, set those boundaries, 775 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:33,680 Speaker 2: and you know what, maybe this third wheel thing is 776 00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:38,279 Speaker 2: a great gauge for both friendships and partnerships. You want 777 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:41,520 Speaker 2: to be with somebody who is okay being the third 778 00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,920 Speaker 2: wheel sometimes but not all the time. You want somebody 779 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,600 Speaker 2: who knows who they are, a friend who knows here's 780 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,680 Speaker 2: the space I need, here's the kind of friendship I want. 781 00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:51,840 Speaker 2: And you also want a partner who knows that. And 782 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:53,560 Speaker 2: then you want a person a both a friend and 783 00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:55,440 Speaker 2: a partner who's like, hey, I can hang with you 784 00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:57,920 Speaker 2: and your boyfriend or hey, yeah, I'd love to come 785 00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,479 Speaker 2: spend time with you and your girls. So really find 786 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,080 Speaker 2: the people who are cool being the third wheel. 787 00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,200 Speaker 1: A real friend is going to be there whether they're 788 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:08,520 Speaker 1: dating not dating third wheel, they can do both and 789 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:11,440 Speaker 1: be there for you. Thank you for this. That was 790 00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,960 Speaker 1: a great topic today. I loved it. It's very interesting 791 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:17,279 Speaker 1: because it opens up and obviously it hits personal to 792 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,040 Speaker 1: me because I did it for so long. But it 793 00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:20,480 Speaker 1: was a very interesting topic. 794 00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:23,719 Speaker 2: We may bring Kendall's boyfriend and roommate on. No, we 795 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:24,800 Speaker 2: won't do that to you, Kendall. 796 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:28,560 Speaker 1: And one last thing, this is a huge week. We 797 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:30,880 Speaker 1: already dropped our daughter off at college. I was at 798 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,440 Speaker 1: the gym this morning and ran into a mom that 799 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:35,920 Speaker 1: we know, and I said, how are you doing. She said, oh, 800 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,600 Speaker 1: my gosh, I have so much anxiety. Just dropped our 801 00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,520 Speaker 1: son off for the first day at middle school junior 802 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,200 Speaker 1: high we used to call it. And she's like, it's 803 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,480 Speaker 1: just so different. The kids are so much bigger than 804 00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:50,520 Speaker 1: he is. And I remember that vaguely of that jump 805 00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:53,720 Speaker 1: from fifth to sixth grade or six to seventh depending 806 00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:55,120 Speaker 1: on where you are in the country and how the 807 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:58,640 Speaker 1: grades work, or that move from middle school to high 808 00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:00,960 Speaker 1: school when all of a sudden you see your kid 809 00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,719 Speaker 1: up against an eighteen year old man and you're like, 810 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,920 Speaker 1: oh my god, what are they doing around these massive 811 00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:09,319 Speaker 1: human beings? It is. It's a lot, and so I 812 00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:13,160 Speaker 1: know a lot of parents are making that journey going 813 00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,799 Speaker 1: out of town, dropping kids at college, or getting going 814 00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:19,880 Speaker 1: at kindergarten and elementary school, junior high, high school. So again, 815 00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:21,920 Speaker 1: I said it last week, but I just I was 816 00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,160 Speaker 1: reminded of it today that a lot of people are 817 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:27,440 Speaker 1: going through it, and so I feel for you. It's 818 00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:30,080 Speaker 1: an exciting time, but I know it's also an anxiety 819 00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:33,000 Speaker 1: ridden time. And for all the parents whose kids are 820 00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:38,319 Speaker 1: going through rush, especially the girl moms and dads. Wow, 821 00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:41,480 Speaker 1: do I feel you because we have friends going through 822 00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,640 Speaker 1: that as well. Every stage is so fun, it's exciting, 823 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:48,960 Speaker 1: and it's just new and different. But I feel for 824 00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:51,359 Speaker 1: you and this too. She'll pass and we will get 825 00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:54,760 Speaker 1: through it together. Thank you for joining us today. Always 826 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,480 Speaker 1: love talking to you and diving into these topics, and 827 00:39:57,640 --> 00:39:59,960 Speaker 1: we'll do it again because we have a lot more 828 00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,759 Speaker 1: or to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on 829 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,719 Speaker 1: Instagram at the most Dramatic Pod ever, and make sure 830 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:07,920 Speaker 1: to write us a review and leave us five stars. 831 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:09,439 Speaker 1: I'll talk to you next time.