WEBVTT - DJ Qualls 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:04.480 The Craig Ferguson Pants on Fire Tour is on sale now. 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:07.960 It's a new show, it's new material, but I'm afraid 0:00:08.000 --> 0:00:12.520 it's still only me, Craig Ferguson on my own, standing 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:15.840 on a stage telling comedy words. Come and see me, 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:18.599 buy tickets, bring your loved ones, or don't come and 0:00:18.640 --> 0:00:21.479 see me. Don't buy tickets and don't bring your loved ones. 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:23.959 I'm not your dad. You come or don't come, but 0:00:24.200 --> 0:00:26.200 you should at least know what's happening, and it is. 0:00:26.520 --> 0:00:30.200 The tour kicks off late September and goes through the 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:34.040 end of the year and beyond. Tickets are available at 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:37.519 the Craig Ferguson Show dot Com slash tour. They're available 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:40.800 at the Craig Ferguson Show dot com slash tour or 0:00:40.880 --> 0:00:45.159 at your local outlet in your region. My name is 0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:49.960 Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast is joy. I 0:00:50.120 --> 0:00:53.680 talk to interest in people about what brings them happiness. 0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:58.360 When I was doing late night television, one of my 0:00:58.480 --> 0:01:01.080 favorite guests was a gentleman that he was a kid 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:03.920 at the time. His name is DJ Qualls. His name 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:07.000 is still DJ Qualls. He's not a kid anymore. He's 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:10.200 growing up to be one of the most impressive, lovely 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:12.080 men I've talked to in a while. 0:01:12.200 --> 0:01:24.480 Please enjoy this. Hello, Hello, Hey dude, how are you? 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:28.319 I am so happy to see you. I can't tell 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:29.480 you I'm to see you. 0:01:29.600 --> 0:01:33.279 This is great. It's very happy for me. I haven't 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:35.840 talked you know. I was just trying to figure out 0:01:36.000 --> 0:01:38.080 I haven't talked to you properly. I think in about 0:01:38.160 --> 0:01:38.960 ten years. 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:41.560 It's been ten years since I saw you. 0:01:41.640 --> 0:01:44.959 Oh my god, you were lovely when I came out 0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:49.160 in two twenty twenty. Messaged me and we chatted. But 0:01:49.200 --> 0:01:52.080 I haven't seen you in forever. Yeah, I remember that. 0:01:52.440 --> 0:01:53.040 It was funny. 0:01:53.080 --> 0:01:55.320 I remember because you were like you were taking a 0:01:55.320 --> 0:01:58.160 little hate for becoming for coming out. This is like, 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:00.640 I'm like, what is this nineteen six? Because these are 0:02:00.640 --> 0:02:02.200 something in this correct, That's the thing. 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:05.280 The thing is, it's not surprising though, because I you know, 0:02:05.320 --> 0:02:08.800 I'm from the South, I understand, I understand the world. 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:13.160 But it also was a point in my life where nothing, 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:16.600 none of that felt like anything. It just after a 0:02:16.639 --> 0:02:19.240 while you're like, it doesn't matter to me, none of 0:02:19.280 --> 0:02:21.880 this really matters, And and a lot of that spilled 0:02:21.880 --> 0:02:24.240 over into how I feel about my career, my relationship 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:26.399 to Hollywood, Like it really was this time of my life, 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:29.120 and I'm like, I think a lot of this is 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:31.000 the source of my unhappiness, and I don't want to 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:31.680 do this anymore. 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:34.919 I did the same thing, same for me. Yeah, dude, I. 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:37.560 Thought about you during this. You were like, what's the 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:38.080 goal of this? 0:02:38.240 --> 0:02:40.600 To come and be miserable like a lot of people 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:42.840 in this industry are, And I'm like. 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:44.240 I don't. 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:46.960 But the thing is, I'm not good with transitions, like 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:48.640 and change is hard for me, Like I still have 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:52.360 a Hotmail account and so like I it's very hard 0:02:52.360 --> 0:02:55.320 for me, Like I now have I replaced my twenty 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:58.800 two year old car this last week because it was dying. 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:01.960 And but and now I have a car that I'm 0:03:02.000 --> 0:03:04.120 afraid of, Like it's there are no buttons on it, 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:05.280 it's all computer screen. 0:03:05.400 --> 0:03:08.400 But it's really it's not. It's the change of things. 0:03:08.480 --> 0:03:12.000 Like I get really nostalgic and overly connected to things. 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:14.360 And I think what I was really dragging behind me 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:17.640 was this childhood idea of what Hollywood would be like 0:03:17.800 --> 0:03:21.799 and people loving me, And you get addicted to that 0:03:21.919 --> 0:03:23.919 until one day I realized I was like the people 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:27.040 making these choices whether or not to validate me or 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:30.680 fulfill my dreams or really provide me with. What I 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:35.080 was attaching myself worth to was we're nbas from Harvard, 0:03:35.160 --> 0:03:39.200 like these people think they're creatives. And then I really 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:41.560 started seeing things. And here's the thing. It's not that 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:43.480 I'm never going to do this again. I'm still doing it, 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:46.080 but I don't have the same emotional connection to it. 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:48.320 I show up every day like it's my opus and 0:03:48.360 --> 0:03:52.360 I'm still doing it. But I don't care if you 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:55.640 don't want me to do your project, and I'm not 0:03:55.720 --> 0:03:58.040 going to jump through a thousand hoops for you because 0:03:58.040 --> 0:03:59.560 I've proven myself. 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:02.680 Right, I go. I was talking to Tom Lennon about 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:05.000 this really recently because I got asked to do a 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:09.440 chemistry read on some kind of thing that Hulu were making, 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:12.200 and I'm like, no, what do you mean? No? Is 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:14.600 that it's not a chemistry read? You want to audition me? 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:17.360 It's a purpley. I'm not doing that's right and uh 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:20.440 And they said, well if you don't, if you don't 0:04:20.440 --> 0:04:22.120 do the chemistry read, they're not going to offer you 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:24.960 the part, and I'm like, okay, that's okay, you don't 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:27.440 have to offer me the part. I'll be all right, 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:30.120 you'll be all right, you should be great. I'm just 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:32.320 not I'm not going to do that for you. I'm 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:36.440 not going to create a power dynamic which allows you 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:39.520 to treat me like that. It's not it's not gonna happen. No, 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:42.600 And I get that sometimes you have to do that. 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:45.080 And there's a lot of people would do a chemistry 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:48.960 read but Tom in facts and good for them. Yeah, fine, 0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:50.920 but you have to do was write for you? I 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:51.279 really do. 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:53.239 I mean I I feel that as well. 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:57.600 I remember talking to you back in the day and 0:04:57.680 --> 0:05:00.360 we've talked backstage a little bit too, and we didn't 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:02.560 talk anything about you coming out. I don't remember having 0:05:02.560 --> 0:05:06.520 any conversations about you worrying about coming out. We talked 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:10.640 about unhappiness and about it squirming in Hollywood and not 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:13.760 quite knowing how to make it because look, I don't 0:05:13.760 --> 0:05:17.040 come from show business people either. I don't come from 0:05:17.680 --> 0:05:20.480 that world. And I had an idea about it too, 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:24.120 that when you see behind the curtain, it's a little different. 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:28.560 It is, and then you realize that their aspects. Here's 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:28.800 the thing. 0:05:28.839 --> 0:05:31.159 It's given me so much like my love home, but 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:34.200 it's been over the world. And being famous is fucking awesome. 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:36.640 I love it because people are happy that you're there. 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:40.360 What a great gift to you, and so so many 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:43.600 beautiful things. But the thing is, after you play it 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:47.120 for a while, the person who doesn't get absorbed by 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:50.240 it or into it. For me, knows when to get 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:54.440 the hell out and not doing this anymore and getting 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:56.520 myself worth caught up minute, and that was a big 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:58.520 thing to me. And so by the time I worked 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:04.200 around coming out like I'd worked so easily for twenty 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.920 for almost twenty years, and then it got hard. All 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:09.760 of a sudden, things that I would be offered I 0:06:09.839 --> 0:06:11.480 was asking to read for and I'm like, well, I'm 0:06:11.520 --> 0:06:14.839 not doing that because I've already done that. But then 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:18.080 it it's And then I looked around and realized that 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:21.640 I was not in a relationship. I don't know many 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:24.200 people because I just moved back from Canada. I've been shooting. 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:25.920 I was on a man in the high Castle there 0:06:26.080 --> 0:06:28.080 and la is so transient and this is where I lived. 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:31.240 I was like, I don't know anybody, and I'm like, 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:34.600 so I've given away all of that, and yes, I've 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:37.919 gotten so much from it, but the fundamentals, like going 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:40.080 to they're not going to be here. I'm clearly not 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:42.400 going to be here when I need them. Or it's 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:44.760 so easy for the system to turn its back on you. 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:45.920 And so I was like, well, I want to build 0:06:45.920 --> 0:06:49.760 something for myself. And I started when I started thinking 0:06:49.839 --> 0:06:53.800 like that, it the shock of not being chosen were 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:56.799 off pretty quick. Yeah, But then I started saying little 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:59.920 insidious things like I was up for a job. 0:07:00.400 --> 0:07:00.599 Girl. 0:07:00.640 --> 0:07:05.080 Mordatorio did this Netflix thing, this cabinet of curiosities, and 0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:07.360 he told them to offer it to me and they 0:07:07.440 --> 0:07:09.640 asked me to read for it, and I said no, 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:12.640 But they did it to get me cheaper, to make 0:07:12.680 --> 0:07:13.239 me think. 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:14.960 There was a bunch of other people in the mix. 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:19.120 That is so gross. Yeah, but you know a lot 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:22.240 of stuff now is difficult. Look, things change. I don't 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:24.880 know if it's better or worse. But there was a time, 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:30.280 I think in Hollywood where no, these executives have always 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:33.760 been there. There's always been the soulless money people executive, 0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:38.720 but smattered amongst them were executives who really cared who 0:07:38.880 --> 0:07:41.840 really people that really gave a shit about it and 0:07:41.960 --> 0:07:44.560 really wanted to be involved and wanted to make good 0:07:44.560 --> 0:07:47.320 stuff and really gave They would never use the word 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:50.880 product about what they were making. They would and and 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:53.480 I think they probably still exist, but there's a lot 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:55.880 less of them in the mix now, and I think 0:07:55.920 --> 0:08:00.240 it shows on what work is around and what and 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:03.560 what is getting made as well. I mean even just 0:08:03.600 --> 0:08:06.920 as a consumer of entertainment, I'm like, we got I 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:09.480 got five hundred channels of fuck you, you know. 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:12.920 I mean, people can feel it, People can really feel 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:16.320 it because I am a fan first and foremost, Like 0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:20.320 I love the magic of this and I don't find 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:22.400 a lot of magic anymore. And I don't think it's 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:25.240 because I'm so jaded, because I worked very hard to 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:26.920 still have clear eyes about things. 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:30.280 I think I was worked with a cinematographer called Join 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:33.199 the Boorman. He's a great cinematographer, and we were taking 0:08:33.240 --> 0:08:36.560 a shot on a film that we were doing, and 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:38.880 we got this show. It was like, it's a bit 0:08:38.880 --> 0:08:41.440 of a kind of like running into the ocean thing, 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:43.679 and it was okay. It was an okay shot, and 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:46.120 it was getting the late in the day and everyone 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:48.320 was a bit worried about time. And I said, did 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:48.679 we get it? 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:49.040 John? 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:51.400 And he said, yeah, we got it. It's okay. And 0:08:51.440 --> 0:08:54.199 I went, what are you saying? And he went, it's okay. 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:57.800 I said, he said, but is okay? I said, well 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:00.839 anybody notice? He said, well we don't. No, it's only 0:09:00.880 --> 0:09:05.440 we could have done better, and and he fail. And 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:09.120 I feel this too that if you don't do your 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:11.240 I mean, you can get away with it. You can 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:14.199 make fucking Emily in Paris and everybody will be fine. 0:09:13.920 --> 0:09:16.040 But it's awful. 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:17.960 It's it's awful. 0:09:18.000 --> 0:09:21.280 It's soulless, and you should make find a way to 0:09:21.440 --> 0:09:23.280 you don't have to make pride and prejudice again. But 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:24.559 somebody can write something. 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:26.679 But what makes it worse is when you beat your 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:30.560 brains out begging people for the right to make okay. 0:09:30.960 --> 0:09:34.200 And that's when I was like, what am I doing? 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:36.640 Like I was in hustle, and followed I've gotten to 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:40.240 do so many amazing things and they came easily because 0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:43.520 I was trusted and I was trusted by other artists, 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:46.440 and so then I started, I mean, it was this 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:48.720 took two years. It took two years of grieving sort 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:50.880 of like not knowing I was grieving because my life 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:51.640 was changing. 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.080 How I identified was not there anymore. 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:57.719 Did you ever think you were straight? No? No, no, 0:09:57.720 --> 0:10:01.000 no no, no, I know that right, so you weren't really, 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:03.520 I mean you knew you were, right, I mean, it 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:04.160 wasn't like you were. 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:06.360 No. Here's but here's I knew that I was gay 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:09.200 since I was nineteen years old. And they're only related 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:12.080 in the fact that when I realized that I'd been 0:10:12.080 --> 0:10:14.240 given my life to something that couldn't love me back, 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:19.319 when I really realized that in the sort of tangible terms, 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:23.640 that's when I realized, well, I've also sold this away, 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:26.920 this part, this part of myself away or I mean, 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:30.440 I don't think I necessarily misled anybody. But here's the thing. 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:34.320 At my very first press junket, the executive producer who 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:37.840 was a massive director from the eighties, told another actor 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:39.880 he almost didn't hire him because he thought he was 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:43.240 a faggot. And those and that taught me in the 0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:46.320 year two thousand, everything I needed to know about Hollywood 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:48.680 and if I wanted this, shut my mouth. And that 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:51.199 is the truth, and that that existed until a few 0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:51.760 years ago. 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:53.960 This is New Wow. 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:57.760 I mean I've fared. I've heared slurs like that used 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:01.000 around as well. But it the idea that you would 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:04.240 say I wouldn't hire someone because I mean, that's but 0:11:04.320 --> 0:11:06.760 it's the old school boys boys club, right, You're so 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:08.760 used to being able to do whatever the hell you want, 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:11.880 and he was such a huge guy entertainment. 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:14.880 But it really just taught me that if I want this, 0:11:15.080 --> 0:11:16.959 if this dream that I had since I was a child, 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:20.440 I wanted to go after I had to. There's certain 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:22.319 things that I just couldn't do, Like I couldn't take 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:24.599 my boyfriend to the premiere the New Guy, Like it 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:25.679 just wasn't going to happen. 0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:28.200 And then you get used to that. And I don't think. 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:31.800 I don't think that I have any sort of damage 0:11:31.800 --> 0:11:34.360 from it, other than the fact that those were the 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.080 choices that I made. I made them willingly. I stay 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:39.559 behind every choice I've ever made because I made them. 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:42.800 But the system was fucked. It was very odd. I 0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:47.040 made a movie in nineteen ninety nine. I love this movie. 0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:49.680 It totally flopped, but it was a movie called The 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:53.679 Big Teas and the Big Te's. It was about competitive 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:57.760 hairdressing and it was about a hairdresser from Scotland that 0:11:58.080 --> 0:12:00.679 came to La seeking this fame and for it basically 0:12:00.679 --> 0:12:03.680 and hijinks and SIU And I'm very proud of the movie. 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:06.760 It's a very affectionate movie. It's a very sweet movie. 0:12:06.920 --> 0:12:12.840 And it got rated R because the lead character I 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:15.600 played a gay man. Now, there were no gay sex 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:17.120 scenes in it. There were no sex scenes in it. 0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:20.640 There was no there was no there was no violence 0:12:20.720 --> 0:12:23.560 or there was no hard language, there was nothing. It 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:28.439 was just that the main character was unequivocally a gay 0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:31.040 man who was in a relationship with another man and 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:33.640 they talked to each other and they had a sweet relationship, 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:35.800 and there was It wasn't really part of the story. 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:38.840 It was just who he was and they it was 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:40.680 an R. If you look at this thing, it wouldn't 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:43.520 even make PG. Thirteen today. And that's what he That's 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:47.920 twenty five years ago. And that is not that hung ago, 0:12:48.480 --> 0:12:48.640 I know. 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:53.440 And the thing is, I'm fully cognizant of like how 0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:56.520 things are so much easier now, but Craig after like 0:12:56.920 --> 0:12:59.800 in twenty twenty one, everything I was being offered was 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:02.240 a who falls apart because he left his moisturizer at 0:13:02.240 --> 0:13:02.760 home and. 0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:03.920 I'm like, I'm not doing that. 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:09.280 I'm not going to do that, and so that's so 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:10.240 fucking lame. 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:13.680 That's great. 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:18.800 But here's the But also I completely like I also realized, 0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:21.720 like I knew something told me when I first got here, 0:13:21.760 --> 0:13:25.440 Like I was in young Hollywood. Young Hollywood was very small. 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:27.280 It was you know, we got jobs from going out. 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:29.959 It was one bar one night. My friend got a 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.439 gap campaign with Joni Mitchell from going to hide one night. 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:35.760 That's what you did. But I saw people blowing through money, 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:38.160 and I was like, this cannot sustain itself. 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:39.280 This won't sustain itself. 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:43.440 So I started putting like during during note like after 0:13:43.520 --> 0:13:46.880 nine to eleven, I spent three months chainsmoking on Ebaye 0:13:46.880 --> 0:13:49.920 buying gold bullion between two fifty and three fifty an ounce. 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:56.040 We are from a very similar place. I know I 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:57.760 spoke anymore, but I still have the gold. 0:13:58.120 --> 0:13:59.040 Oh my god. 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:03.720 I'm honestly, I'm a survivalist. I bought an airstream trailer 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:09.600 on Facebook Marketplace. It's in my house and I'm like like, 0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:11.959 so it's at my house and I have it and 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:14.360 I'm ready, and I'm like stalking it with things my 0:14:14.440 --> 0:14:16.960 wife's like, what are we stalking this form? Like you know, 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:18.520 you never know, you never know. 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:21.080 I think part of it also is that I don't 0:14:21.160 --> 0:14:23.640 be caught out, you know what I mean. And also, 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:26.400 once you've been poor and you've been in a situation 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:29.240 where you're no longer poor, you would think that you 0:14:29.240 --> 0:14:32.160 would feel relief, but you feel fear this is going 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:33.880 to go wait for me and be taken for me. 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:36.120 And then I saw so many of my peers lose 0:14:36.160 --> 0:14:40.240 it all by doing crazy stuff because there's no governance, 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:41.239 there's no mentoring. 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:51.800 Right well, when you get given you know, large sums 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:54.320 of money and success and privilege when you're very young. 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:56.600 Now that it honestly didn't really happen to me like that. 0:14:56.640 --> 0:15:00.080 It was kind of a slow burn. And but the 0:15:00.400 --> 0:15:03.040 but I saw it. I saw it a lot in Hollywood. 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:05.280 I saw it with euro Peers. I saw it when 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:07.640 there would be people that would come through when it's 0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:09.880 what I was doing late night, there'd be people coming 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:13.120 through and you would go, oh, man, you've got to 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:15.000 try and get better people around you. This is going 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:18.440 to go bad fast, and yeah, you saw it all. Yeah, 0:15:18.440 --> 0:15:20.160 and some of them dead and some of them didn't 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:21.600 you know. And some of them made it, some of 0:15:21.640 --> 0:15:26.720 them are dead. I mean, it's crazy. It's unsupervised in 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:28.960 any way. There's no real structure to it. But at 0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:33.920 the same time I wonder because the you know, I 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:37.280 look at the kind of freedom and the openness about 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:40.840 certain areas of life now, and there are other parts 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:43.720 of it where I kind of go, is this good? 0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:48.680 Like the amount of bit Middler said a thing years 0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:50.680 ago that I always kind of hung on to, which 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:55.720 was she said, the saddest thing about success is finding 0:15:55.800 --> 0:16:00.120 out that not everyone is happy for you. And when 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:02.760 that happens, and you find out when the and when 0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:04.920 social media came along, you find all of the people 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:09.440 that are not happy for you are right the click. Yeah, 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:12.920 they're there and they're there to let you know. And 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:17.000 I kind of I understand that. I feel shot in freud. Sometimes. 0:16:17.040 --> 0:16:19.800 I sometimes see people that I don't like do well 0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:22.640 and I'm like, oh, come on, I feel that. Do 0:16:22.680 --> 0:16:23.440 you soon feel it? 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:24.240 Yeah? 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:24.920 Occasionally? 0:16:24.960 --> 0:16:28.200 But I fight it though, because me too, Yeah, because 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:31.480 the difference is now, like I understand where it comes from, 0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:34.000 and I really do fight it, but of course I 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:35.440 feel it. I said something the other day on my 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:37.960 podcast that after I said it, I was like, that's 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:39.040 not who you are at all. 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:40.280 But I was caught up in this. 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:42.200 Thing and there was a little thing still in my 0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:46.920 memory from another time ago, and I was like, oh man, 0:16:47.280 --> 0:16:49.440 and is disappointing when I do it. But also the 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:53.400 thing is I realize that I am I'm not who 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:56.280 I'm going to be, but I'm better than who I was, 0:16:56.520 --> 0:16:59.320 and so I do give myself. But also I'm an 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:03.080 easy apologie. It's really easy you apologize, Yeah. 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:05.479 I think. I think once you start doing it agains easier. 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:07.560 I go into a bed during late night. I have 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:10.240 to apologize for stuff every night, and then I was like, 0:17:10.720 --> 0:17:13.520 you know what, Okay, I find I'm sorry, And at 0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:15.000 first I meant it and then it didn't mean it 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:15.360 at all. 0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:17.680 And then I can't apologize for stuff I don't mean. 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:20.800 I apologize for stuff. I do mean stuff I don't mean. 0:17:20.840 --> 0:17:22.680 I could run for I could run for office. I 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:25.920 could apologize for ending. I can say, I can say, no, 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:28.760 it wasn't me I was I wasn't me at all. 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:33.760 I wasn't there. But the truth is that when I 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:36.560 it's kind of like that thing when I really apologize. 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:38.920 I know, and you know, and you can tell what 0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:44.120 I mean it and it's it's uh. But saying something 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:47.000 that is kind of awkward or weird, it's just a 0:17:47.119 --> 0:17:50.479 human thing. It's not like, of course, you know, to 0:17:50.480 --> 0:17:53.440 be judged on one thing you say is a little 0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:56.399 it's a pretty odd standard to hold anyone to. 0:17:57.160 --> 0:18:00.600 Late night is a scary world because you can say 0:18:00.600 --> 0:18:03.760 something and like I remember early like you were the 0:18:03.800 --> 0:18:07.359 first ever late night hosts who didn't pre interview me. 0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:10.080 You did it once and we had such a good 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:13.720 chat and we went so far off the scripted cards 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:15.119 or whatever. You were like, we don't have to do 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:18.320 this anymore. And then you go on and you feel 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:20.920 safe and you feel like if you get into something, 0:18:20.920 --> 0:18:24.400 you'll be guided out of. As opposed to this thing 0:18:24.520 --> 0:18:26.399 you have to get back to these stories and you're like, 0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:28.080 oh my god, I'm so far away from IM supposed 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:29.919 to be, so you're never truly yourself. 0:18:30.480 --> 0:18:31.919 Yeah, and that's what I loved. 0:18:32.040 --> 0:18:34.560 But I couldn't imagine if I was on every night, 0:18:34.720 --> 0:18:36.960 the kind of stuff that would just randomly come out 0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:37.440 of my mouth. 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:39.119 I'd probably be held responsible for. 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:41.880 Yeah, I mean I took a few hits, no doubt 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:45.800 about it. But the truth is, though, I think the 0:18:45.840 --> 0:18:50.000 atmosphere of them was a little less frantic because it 0:18:50.119 --> 0:18:54.600 wasn't about filling the space. You know, you didn't have 0:18:54.680 --> 0:18:57.400 to fill every website. You didn't have to post every 0:18:57.440 --> 0:19:00.919 ten seconds about some kind of outrage. So you know, 0:19:01.000 --> 0:19:04.800 if I say the wrong thing about something in twenty ten, 0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:08.119 there wasn't enough of a social media appetite for someone 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:11.840 to go looking for it. But if it's no I mean, look, 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:13.680 we could say this the wrong thing. You can say 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:16.160 the wrong thing on a podcast right now and it's 0:19:16.200 --> 0:19:20.160 like be tabloid bang and then. But it's also gone 0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:25.080 like that, but then it's always available to be found digitally. 0:19:25.119 --> 0:19:28.560