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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: Me time is about being alone. It is about time

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Speaker 2: with self, and as you listen to this episode today,

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Speaker 2: what you'll learn is that this alone time with yourself

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Speaker 2: is truly focused on the things that are meant to

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Speaker 2: uplift and empower you.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcasts dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 2: women like you.

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Speaker 1: We're your hosts.

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Speaker 2: Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 3: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 3: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 3: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 3: five rooids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 3: where black women can just be.

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Speaker 2: Hey, lady, is doctor Dom here from the Cultivating her

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Speaker 2: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

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Speaker 2: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

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Speaker 2: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot

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Speaker 2: com that's d R D O M I N I

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Speaker 2: q U E b r O U ss ar D

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Speaker 2: dot to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look

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Speaker 2: forward to hearing from you.

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Speaker 4: Hey, lady, Hey, So today we're going to switch up

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Speaker 4: a little bit and it's tea here speaking if you

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Speaker 4: don't know, And I'm gonna share our quote of the day. Okay.

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Speaker 4: Our quote of the day is you cannot pour from

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Speaker 4: an empty cup. Take time to nourish yourself and treat

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Speaker 4: you the way you want others to treat you. I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna say that one more time for the people in

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Speaker 4: the back, like doctor Dom does. Okay, So the quote

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Speaker 4: of the day is you cannot pour from an empty cup,

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Speaker 4: take time to nourish yourself and treat you the way

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Speaker 4: you want others to treat you. And this quote is

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Speaker 4: by our very own the Doctor Dominique Fuszard period. Okay, okay,

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Speaker 4: doctor Dom tell us more about this quote. Please.

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Speaker 2: Now, I know how I feel when we interview them

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Speaker 2: and we'd be using their words with them. Okay, I

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Speaker 2: said that, that's right. That was oh look at me

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Speaker 2: bars Okay. So when when I hear my words reflected

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Speaker 2: back to me and I think about the topic of

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Speaker 2: like that we're going to be talking about today, I

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Speaker 2: think about how I frequently tell folks that, like I

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Speaker 2: tell folks like you, truly cannot pour from an empty cup.

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Speaker 2: If you keep giving, giving and giving, eventually you're scraping

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Speaker 2: the little remnants of that cup and you have nothing

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Speaker 2: to give, and those remnants that you're giving is not

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Speaker 2: the best. And so when you take time to do

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Speaker 2: the things that nourish you and pour into you, one,

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Speaker 2: not only are you refilling your cup so that what

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Speaker 2: you give back to others's quality, but two, you are

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Speaker 2: also showing others around you how to treat you. Because

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Speaker 2: if you don't treat you well, why should you expect

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Speaker 2: anyone else around you to treat you well. You show

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Speaker 2: how you treat yourselfself shows people how they should treat you.

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Speaker 4: Come on, now, Mike Drove, I mean, yes, everything doctor

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Speaker 4: dom just said, and Domino was funny when you said that. Right,

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Speaker 4: you know, we teach people how to treat us. It

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Speaker 4: makes me think about you ever have Okay, you ever

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Speaker 4: have someone over your house or in your car, and

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Speaker 4: if you're anything like me and Dom, you are very

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Speaker 4: you're a pretty neat and clean person. Right. We are

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Speaker 4: neat for self killer, very particular. We're particular over here.

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Speaker 4: And so you ever have someone come to your home

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Speaker 4: and they may not be the cleanest person. They may

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Speaker 4: not you know, have OCD like me, but they see

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Speaker 4: that you keep your space nice. They come into your

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Speaker 4: usually they come into your stotlus as like a child

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Speaker 4: or something. They'll come into your space and they'll keep

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Speaker 4: things tighty because it's like, oh, this is how they've

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Speaker 4: set it up. Okay, I'm gonna just kind of step

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Speaker 4: in line because they're not gonna come and you know,

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Speaker 4: fuck it up, you know what I mean, most people won't.

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Speaker 4: At least most people want And so if you ever noticed,

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Speaker 4: I remember having a friend whose car was just dirty,

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Speaker 4: I mean, stinking dirty stuff everywhere was just messy. That's

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Speaker 4: just that was her. That was her vibe room, dirty car,

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Speaker 4: dirty all that. When people got into her car, they

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Speaker 4: believe trash, like you leave your cup there, You're not

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Speaker 4: really mindful because you see how she's treating the space.

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Speaker 4: You're like, oh, okay, this is what we do here.

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Speaker 4: I'm not going to clean up your space. I'm just

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Speaker 4: gonna leave the trash here. So I love that. That's

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna call it a proverb. I love that proverb.

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Speaker 4: Like people, we teach people how to treat us. So

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Speaker 4: dom I don't know about you, but being a black woman,

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Speaker 4: being a black woman, I feel like growing up, I

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Speaker 4: saw a lot of black women not prioritize their me time.

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Speaker 4: I saw them give to other people endlessly, like making

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Speaker 4: sure that the village is good, and then if they

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Speaker 4: had anything left, maybe circling back to themselves. And so

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Speaker 4: for me it wasn't necessarily I think I did in

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Speaker 4: some ways sort of adhere to that, and I grew

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Speaker 4: up in a way where I was like, oh, I'm

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Speaker 4: prioritizing everyone else. But then very quickly, like in adulthood,

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Speaker 4: I feel like something switched and I was like, you

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Speaker 4: know what, I am going to make sure I am Okay,

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Speaker 4: I'm going to make sure that I am good, my

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Speaker 4: cup is full, I have what I need, I put

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Speaker 4: my mask on first, because I realized that I was

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Speaker 4: doing good disservice to the people around me when I

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Speaker 4: was struggling trying to help them out. I'm a much

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Speaker 4: I am a much better terry when I have my

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Speaker 4: needs met, when I'm happy, and when I'm full, and

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Speaker 4: when I'm full, like I'm lit, like I give so

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Speaker 4: much to the world. I got everything I need. My

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Speaker 4: cup is overflowing, cup gets time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I love that. Yeah, it behoove us to sew into

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Speaker 4: ourselves and to prioritize our time with ourselves, because then

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Speaker 4: we can show up better for ourselves first, but then

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Speaker 4: for other people.

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Speaker 2: Right, Because what it tastes as you were saying that,

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Speaker 2: of how we as black women have historically given to

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Speaker 2: everybody else and then ourselves last. It takes me back

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Speaker 2: to what I was saying about our cup. Right, If

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Speaker 2: we are pouring out of our cup for everyone else,

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Speaker 2: and then what's left for us is that little bitty

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Speaker 2: sip at the bottom, that's your sly, the stuff that

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Speaker 2: don't taste good. And so what we're then doing is

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Speaker 2: giving ourself the scraps. And I don't know about y'all,

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Speaker 2: but I know that I am not worthy like I

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Speaker 2: don't deserve scraps. I am worthy of so much more.

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Speaker 4: And so.

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Speaker 2: When I pour into my cup, then whether it's giving

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Speaker 2: to myself or giving to others, like you said, they're

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Speaker 2: getting a much better version of myself. And before we

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Speaker 2: dive deeper into the conversation, I need to distinguish because

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Speaker 2: I know somebody out there listening is asking themselves this

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Speaker 2: question the difference between being alone and being lonely. As

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Speaker 2: we engage in this conversation around me time. ME time

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Speaker 2: is about being alone, It is about time with self.

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Speaker 2: And as you listen to this episode today, what you'll

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Speaker 2: learn is that this alone time with yourself is truly

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Speaker 2: focused on the things that are meant to uplift and

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Speaker 2: empower you. Loneliness, on the other hand, comes with a

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Speaker 2: lot of negative feelings. So usually loneliness is about the

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Speaker 2: desire or the need to isolate yourself from other people.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes it's intentional, sometimes it's not right, and loneliness is

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Speaker 2: often connected to depression and anxiety. The person who can

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Speaker 2: be in a room full of people and not feel

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Speaker 2: connected to anyone in that space, that's loneliness. Being alone

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Speaker 2: is you are physically in a space by yourself, intentionally

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Speaker 2: taking time to do things to make you feel good.

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Speaker 2: So I just want to make that distinction as we

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Speaker 2: move into this conversation that we are proponents of being alone,

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Speaker 2: not being lonely.

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Speaker 3: Hey, lady, it's Terry here, Dom and I want to

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Speaker 3: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen

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Speaker 3: to our podcast. We love you for real, and we

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Speaker 3: want to give you a chance to learn more about

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Speaker 3: what's important to us. So tell us what you think

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Speaker 3: about this.

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Speaker 5: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 5: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your

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Speaker 5: business brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine

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Speaker 5: joining our monthly virtual video check ins where you can

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Speaker 5: connect with like minded black women like you and share

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Speaker 5: your ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now,

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Speaker 5: I want you to imagine a world where you're in

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Speaker 5: the exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout

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Speaker 5: your day and week, you are conversing with us about

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Speaker 5: what's happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and

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Speaker 5: or personal wins. How does that sound?

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Speaker 3: Hopefully this is up your alley, lady, because we are

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Speaker 3: taking things to the next level this year, and we're

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Speaker 3: doubling down on investing in our community that means you.

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Speaker 3: We want to meet you, connect with you, and create

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Speaker 3: communities of genuine women who love on black women and

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Speaker 3: push our culture and movement forward. We launched this podcast

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Speaker 3: in twenty nineteen and to date, we have not missed

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Speaker 3: a week. We've been great stewards of our platform, all

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Speaker 3: while working full time and navigating our own ups and downs.

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Speaker 3: We release fresh new to every single Friday like clock work,

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Speaker 3: and we have hundreds of valuable episodes and workshops that

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Speaker 3: can really help you up level your life. So if

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Speaker 3: you love our mission or you've gotten value from us,

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Speaker 3: we invite you to give back and help us push

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Speaker 3: this community effort forward. Visit Herspace podcast dot com and

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Speaker 3: click Patreon. You can learn more about our goals and

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Speaker 3: exclusive offerings on Patreon, and we highly highly encourage you

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Speaker 3: to join the Sister Frontier so that you can get

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Speaker 3: someone on one time with us. We also have an

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Speaker 3: option for you to donate on a one time basis

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Speaker 3: if that meets your needs. Again herspacepodcast dot com and

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Speaker 3: you can click that link that says Patreon. All right, lady,

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Speaker 3: we'll hop right back into the conversation.

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Speaker 4: You know that, Dom, And as you were saying that, Dom,

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Speaker 4: I was trying to think of an episode that we did,

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Speaker 4: because as you were saying this, I'm thinking about where

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Speaker 4: I am in my life right now and where I

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Speaker 4: was and when I was in grad school and even

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Speaker 4: when I was younger, and although I loved to be

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Speaker 4: in solitude, I love to be alone right now. There

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Speaker 4: was for a very long time I used to have

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Speaker 4: a lot of discomfort being alone. And so for me metime,

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Speaker 4: I didn't want me time because I did not want

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Speaker 4: to deal with the thoughts that were in my head.

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Speaker 4: I did not like myself, so I didn't want to

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Speaker 4: be with myself. I felt like I always needed to

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Speaker 4: fill the silence with people, any warm body, even if

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Speaker 4: it was something, you know, someone that didn't serve me,

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Speaker 4: or someone that was toxic or narcissistic, like I just

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Speaker 4: wanted to fill it with music or fill it with stuff.

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Speaker 4: And so I'm thinking, like, huh, if someone's listening to

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Speaker 4: this episode and maybe, like girl, I try to avoid

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Speaker 4: me time. I don't want to be by myself. I

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Speaker 4: feel like we have an episode for that, lady, And

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Speaker 4: if we don't. We can add it to the list

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Speaker 4: of episodes to cover, so that may be an episode

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Speaker 4: you want to listen to first if that connects with you, lady,

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Speaker 4: and then revisit this episode. Do you know what episode

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Speaker 4: that was done? Or should we just look it up

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Speaker 4: and maybe added to the show notes. I's stand into

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Speaker 4: the show notes because I know we did want to

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Speaker 4: and it's not coming up for me right now, but yeah,

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Speaker 4: I feel like you may have to do some work

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Speaker 4: to get to the place where you can really prioritize

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Speaker 4: time with self. Right if you're not comfortable there now,

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Speaker 4: this may not be a good fit. So just wanted

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Speaker 4: to put that out there before we dive any deeper.

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Speaker 4: So dom, I love that you kind of set the

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Speaker 4: stage around a loneliness and loneliness let's talk a bit

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Speaker 4: about where we are in our lives regarding me time

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Speaker 4: and what are some of the things that we do,

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Speaker 4: some of the activities that we enjoy during our medtime.

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Speaker 2: You know, I think for me, where I am is

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Speaker 2: a recognition of how much I enjoy myself.

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Speaker 4: Right it is.

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Speaker 2: I like it, I listen, love me and love spending

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Speaker 2: time with me, And it was some of the things

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Speaker 2: I have a variety of activities that I do, and

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Speaker 2: some of that is, like when we talk about our

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Speaker 2: episodes of self like, some of that is incorporated in that,

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Speaker 2: right and so recently, one of the things that I

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Speaker 2: have been trying to get better about is having a

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Speaker 2: nice meal with myself, right and so. And for some

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Speaker 2: people that might be taking yourself on a date, but

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Speaker 2: for me, it's the meal, right and so those the

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Speaker 2: date and the meal can be one of the same

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Speaker 2: or two separate things if I speak. When I'm speaking

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Speaker 2: just of the meal, it's usually a meal at home.

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Speaker 2: Where Like, one of my favorite things to do is

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Speaker 2: on a Sunday morning, I get up and I put

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Speaker 2: on what I call my old man Sunday groups, and

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Speaker 2: so I'm listening to like Marvin Gay or Luther Vandross

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Speaker 2: or Al Green and like artists like that, and I

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Speaker 2: make myself brunch and then I sit down and I

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Speaker 2: enjoy my brunch, just me listening to my Sunday groups.

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Speaker 2: And it makes me feel good about me. And it

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Speaker 2: also is something that will teach.

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Speaker 4: Other people, particularly a future partner, of like what what

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Speaker 4: it looks like for me to enjoy a nice meal

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Speaker 4: at home, Like I can do.

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Speaker 2: I'm doing this for myself. So if I'm saying, let's

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Speaker 2: have a nice meal at home, this is what that

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Speaker 2: nice meal looks like.

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Speaker 4: Ooh, I love that so much. Tom. I'm going to

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Speaker 4: assume that you didn't. I'm assuming that you didn't always

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Speaker 4: love you know, your company and your me time as

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Speaker 4: much as you do. Now that's an assumption. I'm making

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Speaker 4: it that correct. That that's correct. Yes, I had to

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Speaker 4: go into that. The way that you just lit up

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Speaker 4: as you spoke about it. It was like you were

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Speaker 4: speaking about your booth thin And I just love that

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Speaker 4: for you because it's like, it feels so good you

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Speaker 4: love your own company, and I am so grateful to

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Speaker 4: be in a stage that where I love my own

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Speaker 4: company as well. And it's taken up. It's been a

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Speaker 4: process to get here, for sure, but some of the

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Speaker 4: things I love to do during my meantime. Okay, let

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Speaker 4: me let me. My mind is all over, y'all. I'm excited.

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Speaker 4: Now I'm gonna come back to what I love to do.

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Speaker 4: But I want to also provide some feedback on something

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Speaker 4: you say. You talk about cooking a meal for yourself.

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Speaker 4: I remember back in the day when I used to

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Speaker 4: think that.

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Speaker 2: I used to.

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Speaker 4: It only used to feel right making a meal if

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Speaker 4: I had guests or I had people over. Yes, and

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Speaker 4: when it was all myself, like I'll snack, or I'll

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Speaker 4: make some noodles, or I'll make something light, But it's no.

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Speaker 4: You deserve to cook for yourself a full meal. You

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Speaker 4: can put the leftovers in the bridge and eat the

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Speaker 4: rest later, like you deserve that. And so I love

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Speaker 4: that you cook yourself brunch and you treat yourself the

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Speaker 4: way you want your future partner to treat you or

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Speaker 4: the people around you to treat you. So I love

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Speaker 4: that so much, and I would agree.

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Speaker 2: And I do that. I think the difference is that

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Speaker 2: for me, how it's evolved over time is that I

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Speaker 2: do this on a regular basis, whereas before, when I

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Speaker 2: first started this practice, it was like, first only for

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Speaker 2: special occasions, Okay, like if I had a Valentine's Day

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Speaker 2: that I was spending by myself, I would make like

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Speaker 2: an extravagant meal just for me, or like Easter Sunday

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Speaker 2: and I'm by myself, I'm making an extravagant meal just

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Speaker 2: for me. Yeah, well I don't have to. What I

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Speaker 2: realized is I don't have to wait for like a

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Speaker 2: special holiday to do it. Almost every Sunday if it's

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Speaker 2: a Sunday where I am at home and I don't

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Speaker 2: have plans with other people. Yes, you can catch me

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Speaker 2: listening to my music making brunchs for myself.

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Speaker 4: Period hit. Okay, I love it. I'm so excited. I'm

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Speaker 4: so excited about this topic and I love it. I

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Speaker 4: love it. So let me think Dom, I'm thinking back

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Speaker 4: to I'm thinking about my activities right, and I would

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Speaker 4: say I'm gonna set the stage the way that you did.

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Speaker 4: So what I like to do is I love to clean.

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Speaker 4: I A clean environment just makes me so happy. So

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Speaker 4: I love to put everything away, get it esthetically pleasing.

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Speaker 4: I'll like an incense like some candles, put the oil

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Speaker 4: diffuser on, maybe open a window for some fresh air.

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Speaker 4: And then I have an abundance playlist. And what I

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Speaker 4: love about my abundance playlist is that all the songs

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Speaker 4: on the playlist, as I sing them, it's like I'm

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Speaker 4: singing positive affirmation. So all the songs are just so lit. Yes,

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Speaker 4: So it's so amazing because every song is like, as

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Speaker 4: I sing the lyrics, I'm like I'm speaking this over

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Speaker 4: my life, so it's fun. I get to listen to

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Speaker 4: the music. Also, cooking for myself, I like to make

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Speaker 4: these fruit platters, and like when you came over down

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Speaker 4: it's funny because what I realized that when I what

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Speaker 4: I do for myself and I have guests come over,

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Speaker 4: they experience what I do on my own anyway, and

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Speaker 4: I feel like people are often like, oh, I love

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Speaker 4: the vibe here. Oh it's so good. I'd be like

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Speaker 4: thinking myself, this my me and me vibe. Like when

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Speaker 4: I'm by myself, that's what I do. The fact that

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Speaker 4: I can share that with my friends and family, I

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Speaker 4: think it's really cool. But affirmation, So I'll be in

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Speaker 4: the mirror saying my affirmations, compliment complimenting myself the way

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Speaker 4: I want other people to compliment me. Dancing in the

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Speaker 4: mirror so fun. Love that it also being in the

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Speaker 4: nude and having a private party like in d I

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Speaker 4: re says, if you don't know about private parties, google

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Speaker 4: private party and dry and listen to that song and

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Speaker 4: file the words of the song. Okay, yeah, because it's

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Speaker 4: a vibe. So like being with myself naked in the mirror,

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Speaker 4: looking at the parts of my body that I am

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Speaker 4: still learning to accept fully, but like looking at them

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Speaker 4: and embracing it and like speaking to my body and

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Speaker 4: all that stuff. Masturbation, Hello, that's that's the ultimate knee

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Speaker 4: time activity. Yes, and then a good nap after after

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Speaker 4: you wear yourself out. Yeah yeah yeah, massages like after

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Speaker 4: the shower. I like the massage my feet and my body,

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Speaker 4: but my oil. Looking at pictures of myself pictures and

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Speaker 4: video and telling myself how amazing I am. Like that

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Speaker 4: is so important, y'all. Like programming ourselves because I feel

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Speaker 4: like we often on social media they're like if your

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Speaker 4: body is not shaped like this, then you not bad.

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Speaker 4: Or if you don't look like this, or you're not

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Speaker 4: making a million dollars a minute, then you're not good enough. No,

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Speaker 4: we need to program ourselves to love ourselves and who

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Speaker 4: we are. And so that's what I that's what I

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Speaker 4: work on. And the confidence, the confidence is on they

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Speaker 4: still say on fleet. I don't think so. But the

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Speaker 4: confidence but y'all knownfid okay, the confidence is tea. I

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Speaker 4: think that's what the young people be saying. Confidence is tea.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, So those are some of the things that

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Speaker 4: I do taking myself on dates as well. I think

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Speaker 4: solo dates are really important. And yeah, hopefully that gave

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Speaker 4: you some ideas, lady. We got baths and I mean

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Speaker 4: all the things, all the self care things, but those

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Speaker 4: are just ideas to get you started.

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Speaker 2: Ooh, a couple more ideas well, what exercise? Yes, girl,

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Speaker 2: So I've had spaces and in my life seasons where

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Speaker 2: I needed an accountability partner to like make me exercise,

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Speaker 2: and so it might not have been I might not

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Speaker 2: have been working out with that person, but I needed

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Speaker 2: somebody to like keep me on track and check me. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but now you know. And I talked about this in

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Speaker 2: a previous episode around prioritizing Yova in the morning, and

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Speaker 2: that is typically how I start my day. And for me,

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Speaker 2: that's time for me that truly pours into myself so

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Speaker 2: that I can show up in spaces grounded and stintered,

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Speaker 2: and so it allows me to refill that cup because

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Speaker 2: I'm going to be pouring out of it throughout the day.

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Speaker 4: I love that. And I'm a visual person down so

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Speaker 4: whenever we have these conversations, like if you, I feel

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Speaker 4: like sometimes when you when you imagine it, or like

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Speaker 4: you see an illustration in your mind. It drives it

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Speaker 4: home even further because it's how can you pour from

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Speaker 4: an empty cup? So if you're feeling yourself and you

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Speaker 4: got your me time, and you're doing all the things,

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Speaker 4: and you cut this like your cup us like this

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Speaker 4: water bottle. You're gonna see the video. But you like

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Speaker 4: so much to get right and you're right pleasure to

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Speaker 4: be around because you just you're full, like you are good.

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Speaker 4: You're not going to people trying to pull and suck

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Speaker 4: their energy because you already got your You already got yourself.

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Speaker 4: You're good.

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Speaker 2: We already said. Yes, yeah, we said. And so I

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Speaker 2: think what that does is that that so that beautifully

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Speaker 2: leads us right into talking about the benefits of prioritizing

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Speaker 2: meantime right and so for the first benefit is relieving stress.

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Speaker 2: I can't us that enough pun intended, pun intended. When

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Speaker 2: you are making time for yourself to pour into you,

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Speaker 2: it is truly giving you room to calm that nervous

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Speaker 2: system and to prevent you from reacting to the things

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Speaker 2: that happen in life. Right, Like I think about when

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Speaker 2: I have had seasons where I've been overwhelmed and haven't

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Speaker 2: made as much time for myself. What I find is

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Speaker 2: that I'm reacting to things that I normally would not

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Speaker 2: react to. Things are causing the anxiety that normally would

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Speaker 2: not cause any anxiety. But when I am prioritizing time

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Speaker 2: for myself and I recognize that there are seasons where

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Speaker 2: there's a lot more going on, life might be a

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Speaker 2: bit more hectic. So my my knee time might go

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Speaker 2: from two hours a day to maybe twenty minutes. But

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Speaker 2: if I'm not giving myselfs at least those twenty minutes,

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Speaker 2: my response to things.

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Speaker 4: Not good, we.

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Speaker 2: Don't want it because I'm pouring from an empty cup.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I love that, though I would agree as far

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Speaker 4: as it relieving stress. And I mean, I think we're

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Speaker 4: I feel like I'm beat a dead horse here, But

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Speaker 4: I think about today's You know that we're recording this

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Speaker 4: episode later on a Wednesday, And today I went to

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Speaker 4: the gym, had a great workout with my trainer, did

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Speaker 4: my stretch work on my splits. I'm working on trying

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Speaker 4: to do the splits. And I feel like after doing

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Speaker 4: that for myself, I can more easily do things for

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Speaker 4: other people because I feel like, Okay, I did something

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Speaker 4: for me, Like you start the day off doing something

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Speaker 4: for you, and it just makes it easier to kind

434
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,400
Speaker 4: of align with other things in the day. And even

435
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,440
Speaker 4: going back to what you said about relieving stress, like

436
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 4: when you get that, I don't know, it just had

437
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 4: I feel like it has me showing up a different

438
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 4: way in the world where things that usually would stress

439
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:25,760
Speaker 4: me out don't because I am more at ease. I'm

440
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 4: at peace because of the way that I begin my day.

441
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I love that. And I think you mentioning

442
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,360
Speaker 2: like going to the gym as one of your activities

443
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 2: and me doing yoga as one of my activities, that

444
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:43,119
Speaker 2: takes us into benefit number two, right, that having time

445
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 2: for self improves our physical, mental, and our social energy. Right,

446
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:56,239
Speaker 2: And so I know for me, part of taking like

447
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 2: my mental and my physical energy to the next level

448
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 2: taking a shot of magic Mind. So one of the

449
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 2: things that if you know me, you know that I

450
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 2: am definitely a coffee drinker, right, but on days when

451
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:19,119
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to consume a lot of caffeine, like

452
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 2: on my Sundays, right, I'll take a shot of magic

453
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 2: Mind and then I get to make it my brunch

454
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 2: and I'm good to go for the day. Right. Magic

455
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 2: mind really helps me take it to the next level,

456
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 2: right of like, all right, it enhances what I'm already

457
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:45,399
Speaker 2: doing in terms of my metern What about for ute?

458
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 4: Oh, I love that enhancing what I'm already doing. I

459
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:51,159
Speaker 4: connect with that one hundred percent.

460
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 2: You know.

461
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,639
Speaker 4: My maintime includes focusing on my thoughts. That is so

462
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,399
Speaker 4: big for me because what I realized is that a

463
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 4: lot of the childhood trauma' experience, even all these years later,

464
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,119
Speaker 4: these thirty some years later, stuff still be trying to

465
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 4: get in there. So I'm really focusing on my thoughts,

466
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:09,120
Speaker 4: focused on my body and what I'm putting into my body,

467
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,200
Speaker 4: and also holding space for me to just have fun

468
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 4: and be. And so I've been trying to find ways

469
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:17,360
Speaker 4: to keep my energy levels study throughout the day as

470
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:21,119
Speaker 4: many of us probably are because we have some long,

471
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 4: full days, right we're working in our language. My days

472
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,400
Speaker 4: are not busy and crazy, They're just full, right, We're

473
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,200
Speaker 4: full days. And the thing is, I'm not a coffee girl,

474
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,640
Speaker 4: never really been a coffee girl. So I really love

475
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 4: my magic mind shots.

476
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 2: Right.

477
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 4: I started drinking my green shot in the morning, and

478
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:42,880
Speaker 4: I absolutely love it. It really feels to me down like

479
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,960
Speaker 4: on morning dose of self care right, So it's like, Okay,

480
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 4: at the gym, I got my magic Mind shot, I

481
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 4: begin my day and it makes me more productive and

482
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 4: focused and lately. The thing about this as well is

483
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 4: that it has all natural ingredients, which we love. It's

484
00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 4: sourced from the best suppliers and to compliments any of

485
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 4: your dietary preferences. So there's no sugar, it's nut free, vegan,

486
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 4: keto and palaeo friendly. And it also has macha, which

487
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 4: is one of my favorite ingredients because it's again because

488
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 4: I don't drink coffee, it has way less caffeine than coffee, right,

489
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 4: So I'm like, how can I get the effects of

490
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 4: having coffee without having to drink it? And macha is

491
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 4: the way to go. It's basically nature's extended release version

492
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 4: of caffeine. And so if you're like us, lady and

493
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 4: you want to have more energy throughout your day, be

494
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 4: mindful about what you're put in your body and get

495
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 4: you some magic mind. Okay, you can visit magicmind dot

496
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 4: com slash cultivating her and use code Cultivating Her twenty

497
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 4: and you can get up to fifty percent off your

498
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 4: subscription for the next ten days. So be sure to

499
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 4: go ahead and visit magicmind dot com slash cultivating Her.

500
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 4: That's Cultivating her twenty for fifty percent off your subscription

501
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:59,480
Speaker 4: for the next ten days. All right. I think we

502
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 4: talked about improving physical, mental, and social energy. We talked

503
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 4: about taking our shot of magic Mind and how that's

504
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 4: helping out with our lives. How about we talk about

505
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 4: how meytime can foster personal exploration because that has been

506
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 4: huge for me.

507
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 2: All right, well, let's talk about it then talking about

508
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 2: or girls.

509
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 4: Here's something. Okay, So, dom, I feel like we changed

510
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 4: so much over time. I'm so grateful to be you know.

511
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 4: I feel like it's I thought the thirties with I

512
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 4: know what thirties is going to be like, I'm all nervous.

513
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 4: I know, I feel like I'm getting old. Girl. Ain't

514
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,200
Speaker 4: it old over here? Okay? It's just a perspective. It's

515
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 4: a mindset. And I think that who I was when

516
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:44,719
Speaker 4: I was in my early twenties is so different compared

517
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 4: to who I am now. And I think that when

518
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,720
Speaker 4: you have the me time and you're sitting with yourself,

519
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 4: whether you're reading books or you're journaling, I think that

520
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 4: in addition to some of the activities that we shared earlier.

521
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 4: Reflection is also really important when it comes to your metime,

522
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 4: and that could again, that could be reading books, it

523
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,520
Speaker 4: could be journaling, it could be just asking yourself some

524
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 4: really like thought provoking questions. You know, Like I don't know,

525
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 4: I'm trying to think of one of the questions I've

526
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 4: asked myself. What's fulfilling me these days? You know? What

527
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 4: am I optimizing for this stage in my life? What

528
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 4: makes me happy? Because that changes right during the seasons

529
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 4: that we're in. During the phases we're in, I would say,

530
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 4: what is my legacy? What do I want my legacy

531
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 4: to be? That's a big one that often comes up.

532
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 4: So those are some of the questions I like to

533
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 4: ask when it comes to just the personal exploration. One

534
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 4: thing I'm really into right now though, dom and why

535
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 4: is that this as a game changer is I've been

536
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 4: going through some really big shifts in my life after

537
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 4: I have my daughter. And maybe other mothers can relate

538
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 4: to this, but I feel like after having a child,

539
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:47,719
Speaker 4: it's like you are also being like you've had a

540
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 4: rebirth as well, And so I don't have it all

541
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 4: mapped out. I'm still trying to figure out like who

542
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 4: am I in the stage in life? Like how do

543
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 4: I define myself? What I want my brand to be?

544
00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:59,280
Speaker 4: So I'm still like on the path to figuring it out,

545
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 4: But I think the thing here is that I have

546
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 4: to hold space for myself to just be without anyone

547
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 4: else around. Sometimes I have to turn off the music.

548
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 4: Sometimes I have to really just get quiet and let

549
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 4: spear it, you know, share the downloads with me, or

550
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 4: just let me see like where's my mind naturally gravitating toward?

551
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 4: Like what tipics are coming up? Questions are coming up?

552
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 4: What am I saying? What is the internal dialogue? And

553
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 4: what do I make of that? I think sometimes silence

554
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 4: and solitude helps with that. What do you think? Don

555
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 4: I love that?

556
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 2: Right? And we talked about this in a previous episode

557
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 2: about maximizing how to maximize moments, right, And one of

558
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:41,600
Speaker 2: the things for me is that is that silent time.

559
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 2: So as a therapist, like in session, like I'm good

560
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 2: for naturally having some silence and letting us sit with that, right,

561
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 2: because what I find is that in session, when that

562
00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 2: silence hits, it allows the client to like reflect on, Okay, well,

563
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 2: what are what are the things that I was just saying,

564
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:11,720
Speaker 2: what are the things that the therapists just sit back

565
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 2: to me, what's the thing that I want to maybe

566
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:20,280
Speaker 2: move forward with as I reflect? Right outside of the

567
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 2: therapy space, you could still do that reflection, right, That

568
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 2: reflection is still helpful, And for me it goes to

569
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 2: Sometimes I have moments where I sit in that silence

570
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 2: and like you said, like turn the music off, turn

571
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 2: the TV off, like there's nothing playing. I'm literally sitting

572
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 2: in silence and I'm looking at the walls or looking

573
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 2: at the space around me and like you said, letting

574
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 2: spirit speak to me and seeing what comes up, Because

575
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 2: then that shrops me see, Okay, what are the things

576
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 2: that are most pressing for me in the moment, right?

577
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 2: What are the things that I might be worried about?

578
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 2: What are the things that I'm dreaming about? Because sometimes

579
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 2: when I'm sitting in that silence, I find myself in

580
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:17,719
Speaker 2: a space of day dreaming days and I love that

581
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:22,319
Speaker 2: because that allows me to see, well, what's on my heart?

582
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 4: Right?

583
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,320
Speaker 2: The worries help me think about what's on my mind,

584
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:33,280
Speaker 2: but the daydreaming helps me think about what's on my heart. Oh,

585
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:39,719
Speaker 2: and when I focus on what's on my heart, you

586
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 2: move into a space of ease rather than focusing on

587
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:47,920
Speaker 2: the things that are like on my mind.

588
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 4: Girl, Okay, I just came up with a new nickname.

589
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:57,439
Speaker 4: Might just start calling you Doprah, the Oprah what it be?

590
00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:00,320
Speaker 4: Because I was like, that was beautiful, that was beautifully stated.

591
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 4: The way he said that right there to hell that

592
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 4: was cute. Yeah, that's what's on your heart and what's

593
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,760
Speaker 4: on your mind two different things. Totally. I love living.

594
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 4: I love the distinction dim and I also love that

595
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:16,719
Speaker 4: that leads us to the next I guess pro tip

596
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 4: when it comes to you know, prioritize the benefits of

597
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 4: prioritizing me time, which is creativity. It's creativity. Oh my goodness,

598
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 4: it is so I feel okay, get excited. It's sometimes

599
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:33,440
Speaker 4: so difficult to get that creative rush when you're busy,

600
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,400
Speaker 4: when you're like, just go and go and go and

601
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 4: go on, and you're not silent, you're not steel. And

602
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:41,880
Speaker 4: I find that my creative ideas often come when I'm driving,

603
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 4: so I always have my voice notes. I actually love

604
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 4: drives that have my voice note. Ready I'm documenting in

605
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,840
Speaker 4: the shower. A lot of my you know, visions, ideas

606
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:54,320
Speaker 4: come up, or if I roll up a little something something,

607
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 4: I'm taking a couple of puffs on winder from the day,

608
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 4: and then my mind is just like it's a it's

609
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 4: a playground, so many ideas and I love to capture them.

610
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 4: So I think that spending time with yourself oftentimes it

611
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 4: can spark creativity because it can also give you the

612
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 4: answers you've been seeking. And sometimes we don't get steal enough,

613
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 4: we don't get quiet enough, we keep and maybe I'm

614
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 4: just speaking for myself. Let me, let me, let me

615
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:22,840
Speaker 4: stop projecting, lady. Sometimes I look outside of myself for

616
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:24,840
Speaker 4: the answers. I'm like, well, maybe this person will have it,

617
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 4: or maybe this experience will happen, or maybe it's like

618
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 4: no boom, such a such an understand and be with yourself.

619
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:35,240
Speaker 4: It's within, right. It goes back to that quote everything

620
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 4: you need is already within. And so I think that

621
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:42,080
Speaker 4: prioritizing the meantime, even if it isn't super structured, like

622
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 4: you don't have to have an agenda for it, because

623
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:47,239
Speaker 4: I know for me it's a recovering workaholic. Sometimes I'm

624
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 4: just like productivity or die, like I got to be productive.

625
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,360
Speaker 4: And sometimes it's like no, but you really don't. You

626
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:55,360
Speaker 4: could just sit down but just rest. You could just

627
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 4: be It's okay to sit on the couch and not

628
00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:59,840
Speaker 4: do anything. And that's what I'm working on doing more of,

629
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 4: because sometimes it feels so foreign to me. But yes,

630
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 4: sparks creativity, that was the leading benefit here any.

631
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 2: Other I think I love what you said about that

632
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 2: about the you know, when you give yourself that space

633
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 2: to get creative, then what that then does is help

634
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 2: you if you are in a space of okay, I

635
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,839
Speaker 2: have these goals that I'm working on in terms of

636
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 2: like productivity. When you take the time to be with

637
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 2: yourself and that creativity is sparks, then it helps you

638
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:41,399
Speaker 2: generate ideas that good lead to productivity. If that's where

639
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,359
Speaker 2: you're at in life, right, if that's the season that

640
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 2: you're in, taking that time for self gives you the

641
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 2: space to then think creatively about how you can be productive.

642
00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 2: That again, if that's the space that you're in, and

643
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:03,120
Speaker 2: if it's not the space that you're in, like that,

644
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:10,799
Speaker 2: creativity just feels like beautiful. Yeah, And so lady, if

645
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:14,840
Speaker 2: you are listening, you've heard these benefits and you like, yes,

646
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:18,920
Speaker 2: sign me up. I want to have creativity sparts. I

647
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 2: want to focus on personal expiration. I want improvement in

648
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 2: my physical, mental, and social energy. I want to relieve

649
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 2: stress or prevent stress. Then now let's dive into these

650
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:36,319
Speaker 2: tips on how you can cultivate the mean time to

651
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:40,880
Speaker 2: give you these benefits that you're looking for. So, for me,

652
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:49,439
Speaker 2: the first tip is quality over quantity. So I hear

653
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:51,719
Speaker 2: folks saying, well, I don't have enough time, and I

654
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 2: go back to what we were saying about at the

655
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 2: top of the episode, where we're talking about how black

656
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:59,360
Speaker 2: women give so much to everyone else and leave nothing

657
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 2: for themselves. Lady, no matter where you're at in life,

658
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 2: you can carve out time for you depending on your season.

659
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 2: It made me five minutes to day, for other people

660
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 2: it might be five hours. It's not about the quantity,

661
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 2: it's about the quality. So what are you doing in

662
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 2: that knee time that's truly pouring into you. When I

663
00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:38,240
Speaker 2: think about the seasons in life where I have had

664
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:43,520
Speaker 2: I've been on team too much in terms of my schedule,

665
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:51,279
Speaker 2: my knee time might have been that one minute in

666
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:56,840
Speaker 2: between things where I took some deep breaths, and those

667
00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 2: deep breaths allowed me to recenter and calm my nervous

668
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:07,400
Speaker 2: system down so that I could move into the next

669
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 2: thing without carrying the previous thing with me. And it

670
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 2: might have only been one minute, but giving myself that

671
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 2: one minute changed the trajectory of power. I showed up

672
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 2: in that next space.

673
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 4: Right.

674
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 2: There have been other points in my life where I've

675
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:35,400
Speaker 2: had more time, And so I might have five hours

676
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:39,360
Speaker 2: in a day where I'm like, bet, five hours with

677
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:43,319
Speaker 2: nothing to do, nothing scheduled. I'm going to take some

678
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:49,319
Speaker 2: time for myself. And what that could look like is

679
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 2: engaging in exercise, doing something creative, or it might be

680
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 2: getting in a nap or some extra hours of sleep.

681
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 2: But it's quality over quantity.

682
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:12,840
Speaker 4: Well, I agree with everything you said. I can definitely relate.

683
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 4: I will say my me time is very different these

684
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:21,319
Speaker 4: days compared to when I was a new mom. And

685
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:24,920
Speaker 4: I say that because I stumbled upon an old voice

686
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 4: note when I was on my breastfeeding journey when my

687
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:31,560
Speaker 4: daughter was an infant and girl the sleep deprivation, just

688
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 4: hearing myself at that stage in life, I was so exhausted,

689
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,800
Speaker 4: I was so I was just so tired. I didn't

690
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 4: have it felt like I didn't have a lot of time,

691
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:45,480
Speaker 4: and so I remember, for me, the quality over quantity

692
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,040
Speaker 4: was a real thing because I did not have the quantity.

693
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 4: It's the first time, but I did my best to

694
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 4: work on having quality moments. And so I think about

695
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 4: there my daughter just she I felts she didn't sleep

696
00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 4: for like fifteen months, like she just was not a

697
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 4: very good sleeper. And so there weren't you know, people say, oh,

698
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 4: sleep in the baby sleeps. For me, it was like, okay,

699
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 4: I feed her and then my five minutes is like

700
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,839
Speaker 4: me creating a voice note, like venting and getting out

701
00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 4: all the feelings that I have because a lot of

702
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,400
Speaker 4: times my friends were at work and people were like,

703
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:17,400
Speaker 4: you know, my husband was busy, Like people were just

704
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,480
Speaker 4: doing things and they, you know, weren't able to be

705
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:22,880
Speaker 4: there in that moment. So voice notes to vent, eating

706
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:27,200
Speaker 4: a good meal, getting something in my tummy, and then

707
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 4: just like taking those deep breaths, you know. So I

708
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 4: think it does, like you said, it does depend on

709
00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 4: what season of life you're in and what you have

710
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 4: the capacity for and what you're optimizing for. So this

711
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 4: is all situational. Lady, take what resonates and leave the rest.

712
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 4: But quality over quantity is definitely a great tip for

713
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:50,120
Speaker 4: cultivating me time. The next one is setting boundaries to

714
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 4: guard your time, and what that might look like for

715
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 4: you is setting alarms or timers. I know sometimes when

716
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,480
Speaker 4: I take time because my life is kind of run

717
00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 4: on time because there's you know, I have a full

718
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 4: life and I'm on to the next thing, and I

719
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 4: have you know, an agenda and the schedule. Sometimes I

720
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:09,719
Speaker 4: would have anxiety if I were to just meditate without

721
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:13,040
Speaker 4: a timer. So I began to create a timer or

722
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 4: put a turn on a timer. Child it's been a

723
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 4: long day, set a timer. That's how you say it.

724
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:20,799
Speaker 4: Set a timer so that I don't have to worry like,

725
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:22,879
Speaker 4: oh my gosh, am I late for the next thing,

726
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 4: Like I already know. I can rest until the timer

727
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 4: goes off and now I'll move on to the next thing.

728
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:30,239
Speaker 4: So I think setting a timer is great. Also communicating

729
00:43:30,239 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 4: your needs with others. So if you depend on what

730
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 4: your living situation might be, it may be pay family,

731
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 4: I'm gonna put this little sign on the door. I

732
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:39,920
Speaker 4: used to have a little sign on my meditation clouse

733
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:43,040
Speaker 4: that where it was like don't disturb meditation and progress

734
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,239
Speaker 4: like leap, give me my space chow, you know what

735
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 4: I mean. So you may have to do that. You

736
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:48,800
Speaker 4: may have to put your phone on do not disturb.

737
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,359
Speaker 4: You may just have to let people know like, hey,

738
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:53,800
Speaker 4: this is what I'm doing, this is what I'm cultivating,

739
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:55,719
Speaker 4: So I'm gonna need you respect this so that I

740
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,240
Speaker 4: can fill my cup. I think that is super important

741
00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 4: because usually when you are able to communicate those needs,

742
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:04,319
Speaker 4: it makes it easier for people to respect them, like

743
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 4: understand what you're navigating.

744
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:09,919
Speaker 2: Yes, I agree with all of that. What I would

745
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 2: add to that is you are responsible for upholding your boundaries.

746
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:22,480
Speaker 2: Oh say again, you are responsible for upholding your boundaries.

747
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 2: So what that means is, yes, you may have that

748
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:31,480
Speaker 2: sign on your door, and I think about when you know,

749
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:36,720
Speaker 2: I think about parents, and oftentimes I'll hear parents say

750
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:39,239
Speaker 2: the only time I have to myself is when I'm

751
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 2: in a bathroom, and even then the kids still try

752
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 2: to barge in.

753
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:43,760
Speaker 4: Right.

754
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 2: So if your boundary, what you've communicated to your family

755
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 2: is when Mommy's in the bathroom, do not disturb, and

756
00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:58,879
Speaker 2: then you got to do not disturb sign up them.

757
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:02,240
Speaker 2: Children are still going to knock go that door, especially

758
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:03,080
Speaker 2: the younger ones.

759
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:03,359
Speaker 4: Right.

760
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, actually it doesn't even matter how old they are,

761
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 2: because they development developmentally appropriate, are focused on selves and

762
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 2: in that moment, whatever is an emergency for them, it's

763
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 2: an emergency for them, and they're not regarding your boundaries,

764
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:27,279
Speaker 2: and so if they're knocking on the door, you are

765
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:30,040
Speaker 2: then force of your boundaries. Do not open that door

766
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:34,000
Speaker 2: unless it truly is an emergency. Do not open that door,

767
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:37,720
Speaker 2: because then what you communicate to them when you open

768
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:45,960
Speaker 2: that door is mommy's time can be interrupted. So you

769
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:50,320
Speaker 2: don't open the door, you say mommy needs five more minutes,

770
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 2: or you don't answer it at all. Depending on the

771
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:57,920
Speaker 2: age of the child, you might not answer it at all.

772
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 2: And I say that for old kids, for like teenagers,

773
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:05,239
Speaker 2: don't answer that door, but for the little ones you

774
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:09,759
Speaker 2: may need to say, mommy needs five more minutes. And

775
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:15,919
Speaker 2: that is you enforcing your own boundaries real quick.

776
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,280
Speaker 4: I love that too, because not only are you enforcing

777
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:20,760
Speaker 4: your boundaries, but you're teaching your child how to stand

778
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:25,399
Speaker 4: firm in their own boundaries as well, which is so hard.

779
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 2: And so then that takes us to tip number three,

780
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 2: which is make sure it truly is so low time

781
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 2: right time with yourself is different than being alone in

782
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:47,839
Speaker 2: a space with other people, and you want to make

783
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:52,440
Speaker 2: sure that you're reframing how you look at time alone

784
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 2: right that time time alone is time to pour into you.

785
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:09,760
Speaker 2: That time alone is you giving to you. So truly

786
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:13,399
Speaker 2: make sure again when those kids are knocking at the door,

787
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:18,719
Speaker 2: mommy needs five more minutes, so that you truly have

788
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 2: that time for you. If one of the activities is,

789
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:27,400
Speaker 2: like you know, one of your me time activities is exercise,

790
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:29,880
Speaker 2: and you happen to do some exercise with a friend,

791
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:32,760
Speaker 2: like you're like, okay, we're gonna go on the walk.

792
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 2: That's that activity is great, we want you to do that. However,

793
00:47:39,239 --> 00:47:44,920
Speaker 2: that's not your mee time. Your me time is a

794
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 2: solo activity.

795
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:52,000
Speaker 4: Only thing I want to add to that time is

796
00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:55,520
Speaker 4: I think that one if you're dating and you're looking

797
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:59,919
Speaker 4: to be partnered with someone, being into yourself and enjoy

798
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 4: your own company is very attractive and it's something you

799
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 4: should keep up when you get into a relationship, like,

800
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,880
Speaker 4: you should still maintain that meantime, you should still have

801
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:10,840
Speaker 4: your own life. You should still keep that separate and

802
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:13,799
Speaker 4: solo because you always don't be with yourself, like that's

803
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:15,759
Speaker 4: one thing we know for sure. One thing we know

804
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:18,160
Speaker 4: for sure is that the relationship you have with yourself

805
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:22,920
Speaker 4: is going to last this lifetime. Everybody exactly you know

806
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:26,000
Speaker 4: a situation, but it might might not. But you, you're

807
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,120
Speaker 4: gonna be with you for a long time. So it's

808
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:30,360
Speaker 4: important to keep that relationship going so that as you

809
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 4: grow and as you evolve, you are in tune with

810
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,160
Speaker 4: the shifts that you're having, and then you can be

811
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:38,319
Speaker 4: that full person when you go into that relationship and

812
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 4: not a half person who's codependent and who's trying to

813
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 4: use someone else to fill them up. So I think

814
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:48,319
Speaker 4: that was great. Make sure it's solo time now on

815
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:53,279
Speaker 4: to number four. Be flexible. Okay, you don't have to

816
00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:55,960
Speaker 4: do all the things all the time, or all at

817
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 4: the same time. There are so many different hobbies that

818
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:02,239
Speaker 4: I want to pick up right now. But one of

819
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:04,799
Speaker 4: the questions I'm asking myself, and this is something the

820
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:07,440
Speaker 4: old mentor used to ask, is what are you optimizing

821
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:11,200
Speaker 4: for in this season? What are you optimizing for in

822
00:49:11,239 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 4: this quarter? So we don't need to do all the

823
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:15,480
Speaker 4: things at one time, because then we might be overwhelmed.

824
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:18,360
Speaker 4: What are some of the top copies or what are

825
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:20,839
Speaker 4: the top activities or the top things that we want

826
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 4: to do when we're cultivating that meantime. So be flexible

827
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:26,280
Speaker 4: and open and know that if you don't it doesn't

828
00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:28,279
Speaker 4: have to be perfect. So if you don't do I'm

829
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:30,600
Speaker 4: just going to use working out for an example. If

830
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 4: you don't work out on Wednesday at six am like

831
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 4: you wanted to, Okay, well maybe let's try later in

832
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 4: the day. Right, You don't have to scrape it just

833
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:40,080
Speaker 4: because it didn't turn out to be the way that

834
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 4: you intended, like, you can always tweak it and be flexible.

835
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:46,640
Speaker 2: Yes, I love that, and I think it also when

836
00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:49,880
Speaker 2: I think about being flexible, it also brings me back

837
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:54,799
Speaker 2: to the recognizing the season that you're in and that

838
00:49:55,120 --> 00:50:01,160
Speaker 2: it may be that during this particular season, five minutes

839
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:02,799
Speaker 2: is what you got, five minutes a day is what

840
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:07,240
Speaker 2: you got, and then you move into another season where

841
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 2: beings shift and change, and now you have five hours. Okay,

842
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 2: be flexible in that and recognizing that you make the

843
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 2: most of the time that you have and the activities

844
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 2: may also shift. So it may be that right now,

845
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:37,319
Speaker 2: like you said, exercise is your thing. And then and

846
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 2: so within that you're busy and so if exercise is

847
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 2: a thing that you're trying to optimize, but you only

848
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:46,839
Speaker 2: have five minutes, what's the exercise that you can do

849
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:50,439
Speaker 2: in five minutes, right, versus the next season that you're

850
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,520
Speaker 2: in and you have five hours. I ain't trying to

851
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:56,480
Speaker 2: exercise for five hours. I'm not there in life. But

852
00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:01,239
Speaker 2: now I have more time to do more exercising and

853
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:05,240
Speaker 2: so just being flexible with those shifts. And so, lady,

854
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:09,239
Speaker 2: we are going to recap those tips for cultivating me time,

855
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:11,760
Speaker 2: and then we want to catch you in the after

856
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:15,320
Speaker 2: show where we will be sharing some of the positive

857
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:20,239
Speaker 2: affirmations that help us really stay grounded and rooted in

858
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:24,720
Speaker 2: prioritizing our mee time. All right, So those four tips

859
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:31,319
Speaker 2: quality over quality, set boundaries to guard your time, make

860
00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 2: sure it is solo time, and be flexible, all.

861
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 4: Right, lady, So we're gonna head on over to the

862
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:42,320
Speaker 4: after show. I'm going to share this book with y'all

863
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:45,240
Speaker 4: that had me crying on the couch in a good way,

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00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 4: and we're going to share these affirmations. So head on

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00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 4: over to herspace podcast dot com, click on Patreon, become

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00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:52,880
Speaker 4: a patriot, support a black owned business and a podcast

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00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:54,759
Speaker 4: that you love, and we'll see you on the other side.

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Speaker 2: Lady, thanks for joining us today. Please quote that our

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Speaker 2: show may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment,

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Speaker 2: and mental health, but is by no means meant to

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00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:14,319
Speaker 2: be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a

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00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:18,200
Speaker 2: trained mental health provider. If you are someone you know

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00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,719
Speaker 2: is in need of mental health care, please visit a

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00:52:21,800 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 2: Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your

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00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:28,160
Speaker 2: insurance provider.

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00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 3: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

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00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:33,879
Speaker 3: the conversation going, visit our website at herspace podcast dot

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00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 3: com and be sure to click the Patreon link to

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00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 3: get access to video content, bonuses, and.

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00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:43,240
Speaker 4: Our weekly after show. And before we meet again, repeat

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00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:47,640
Speaker 4: after me. The universe is conspiring for my success. I

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00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 4: trust the process and surrender to the flow.