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Speaker 1: Hello and welcome my favorite Murder the minisode for Thanksgiving

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving episode You Love Thanksgiving.

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Speaker 2: You love It Special Thanksgiving episode. This is like Charlie

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Speaker 2: Brown kind of.

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Speaker 1: What's the one dish that you have to have at

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving that like it has to be made your favorite?

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Speaker 2: Oh, my sister's mashed potatoes, which used to be my

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Speaker 2: mom's mashed potatoes, which are the most calorically den just

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Speaker 2: half butter, yeah, half butter. She does a little bit

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Speaker 2: of Manni's a bunch of butter cream sour cream. They're

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Speaker 2: just insane, you know.

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Speaker 1: My aunt does this, puts paprika on top of them

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Speaker 1: and puts it in the oven for a minute to

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Speaker 1: get a crispy paprika crest on top.

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Speaker 2: Yes, okay, first I'm so hungry. Okay, I love this.

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Speaker 2: God damn story Surprise Thanksgiving Guest Celebrity Edition what and

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Speaker 2: I feel like we could do this for any holiday? Yes,

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Speaker 2: even for no holiday. What celebrity came, Dear, it came

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Speaker 2: to your house for some weird yes. Blank Patch, one

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Speaker 2: of my favorite stand up comments, who I've known my

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Speaker 2: whole life basically had an amazing story where he went

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Speaker 2: to Thanksgiving with his wife and at her family's and

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Speaker 2: Neil Diamond was one of the guests. He does a

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Speaker 2: whole chunk about it, but yeah, it was like he

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Speaker 2: was dating a person that was crazy. Okay, okay, and

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Speaker 2: this starts Hello, MFM fam, thank you for the countless

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Speaker 2: hours of entertainment, And then in parentheses it says I

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Speaker 2: discovered you in early twenty twenty one and spent most

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Speaker 2: of the pandemic trying to get through the backlog. Let's

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Speaker 2: call it the back catalog. Since it's different than the backlog.

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Speaker 2: You're not mriska hargitat. Come on, that's right. Your advocacy

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Speaker 2: and the community you have built. We didn't build it.

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Speaker 2: You guys built it. We didn't do itppreciate it though.

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Speaker 2: Your voices took me through a cross country move Edmonton

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Speaker 2: to Ottawa and now a major career change, And for

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Speaker 2: that I am grateful. Now let's get after it. When

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Speaker 2: I was in elementary school, my family became good friends

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Speaker 2: with another family who'd moved to Toronto for the dad's work.

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Speaker 2: My younger sister quickly became close friends with the twin

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Speaker 2: girls who were her age, and I had not a

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Speaker 2: moment's piece, had any family gathering from then on, and

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Speaker 2: then in parentheses it says all I wanted to do

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Speaker 2: was read Hi, this is not about that. Every year,

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Speaker 2: my family hosts Thanksgiving dinner, and because we had no

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Speaker 2: family in town, we always dubbed it that this is

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Speaker 2: for the family we choose the best. So naturally my

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Speaker 2: parents invited this family, along with a few others in

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Speaker 2: our friend group. The response back from the mum was

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Speaker 2: that they could not make it, as her childhood from

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Speaker 2: from Australia was in town and they were spending the

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Speaker 2: holiday with him and his wife. My parents have always

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Speaker 2: been the throw more potatoes and the pot types, and

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Speaker 2: of course insisted that they still come and bring their friends.

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Speaker 2: No more thought it. The day comes, the turkey is

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Speaker 2: roasting in the oven, stuffing is made, the table is set,

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Speaker 2: and my mother has made a soup for the starter.

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Speaker 2: Guests start arriving, and eventually everyone is there except for

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Speaker 2: our assi's childhood friend. The doorbell suddenly rings. My mom

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Speaker 2: goes over to answer it, and who is at the

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Speaker 2: door other than motherfucking guy Pierce what he apparently looked

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Speaker 2: up his old pal while he was in town filming.

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Speaker 2: And then it says in parentheses likely trader with Don

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Speaker 2: Cheedle based on my Wikipedia sleuthing.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: By all accounts, my parents played it cool until my

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Speaker 2: dad was well in his cups and made Guy unbutton

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Speaker 2: his shirt to quote show them what he was working with. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 2: show us, And the answer was washboard apps. Sure, and

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Speaker 2: Guy was absolutely lovely, even participating in an after dinner

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Speaker 2: what they called turkey fondu, which is when you take

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Speaker 2: the leftover turkey and dip it in the gravy left

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Speaker 2: in the pan. So basically, just as people probably washing

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Speaker 2: the dishes and stuff, they call it turkey fondo just

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Speaker 2: dip the turkey and the grave in. And it says unfortunately,

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Speaker 2: no one had given us a heads up that his

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Speaker 2: wife was vegan, so my mom may have had to

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Speaker 2: stretch the truth on the broth used in the soup.

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Speaker 1: You've got to get people aheadsop.

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Speaker 2: I know that's a little specific. In parenthes, it says,

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Speaker 2: is this vegetable based, Oh my god, asked missus pears. Yes,

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Speaker 2: said my mom, cringing internally. Noah, it was chicken bro.

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Speaker 1: Oh shit, you can't do that.

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Speaker 2: Well she did it. I do not remember this, as

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Speaker 2: I was nine and I did not care for any

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Speaker 2: celebrity that wasn't a Jonas brother. It became a lot

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Speaker 2: more exciting when Bedtime Stories came out a year later

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Speaker 2: and I could tell my friends that the mean hotel

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Speaker 2: manager had been to my house for dinner. Sadly, our

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Speaker 2: friends moved back to Australia after only five years in Canada,

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Speaker 2: but I'll always look back at our time as kids fondly,

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Speaker 2: and those twins and their sisters have grown up to

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Speaker 2: be bad asses in their own right. My sister has

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Speaker 2: also grown into a young woman I'm so proud of

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Speaker 2: and the coolest person I know. And then in parentheses

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Speaker 2: it says I keep trying to get her into the.

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Speaker 1: Pod, don't do it, doesn't want to.

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Speaker 2: Don't don't force anybody. It ends by saying, remember, family

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Speaker 2: isn't always about blood. It's who you choose. And always

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Speaker 2: throw another potato into the pot. You never know who

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Speaker 2: will come for dinner. SSDGM Emma, I love it so

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Speaker 2: good guy peers. They just how nice like that idea

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Speaker 2: that they could just go to a family Thanksgiving. I mean,

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Speaker 2: because they probably don't have things in Australia.

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Speaker 1: So last year we had these friends Carlos Emilis and

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Speaker 1: Melisa is like super French, and her parents came into

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Speaker 1: town that weekend. Just happened from France, and Vince was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm giving them their first Thanksgiving and made the whole

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving thing, made them try it. They were really sweet

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Speaker 1: and pretended to be blown away. I think they were,

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Speaker 1: but it was like so excited to be like this

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Speaker 1: is what Thanksgiving's like.

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Speaker 2: No, I think that's so sweet. I think it's also

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Speaker 2: that thing makes me think of when we got to

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Speaker 2: go to Italy. We were in Lake Como and Janet's

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Speaker 2: husband's family lived there, so they had us come and

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Speaker 2: have like a traditional Italian lunch with them, which I

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Speaker 2: think dinner. We literally were at one point, we're just

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Speaker 2: all crying because like the grandma made us this incredible

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Speaker 2: lasagna that seemed like it had twenty five layers to it. Food,

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Speaker 2: everything was homemade. They had all this food, and it

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Speaker 2: was like they were like, we're here to treat you.

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Speaker 1: Oh my God.

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Speaker 2: Like that idea is so generous and lovely.

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Speaker 1: I love it. Send us your stories whatever, yes, whatever

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Speaker 1: that is.

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Speaker 2: Send us your story is some sort of a dinner story.

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Speaker 1: Dinner. Yeah, the best dinner with crying okay, the Thanksgiving

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Speaker 1: where we almost died and or got arrested as a family.

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Speaker 1: Warm hearted, yes, warm hearted instead of light hearted. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Season's greetings, y'all. So my family infamously loves to prepare

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Speaker 1: way too much food for any holiday. Everyone needs to

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Speaker 1: have their favorite dishes, so this often leads to several

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Speaker 1: varieties of stuffing, green beans, pies, you get the picture. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: since my parents hit retirement age, they inevitably do too

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Speaker 1: much and end up throwing their backs out or exhausting

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Speaker 1: themselves into a stupor trying to recreate these feasts. This

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Speaker 1: usually results in me finishing half prepared meals and getting

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Speaker 1: frustrated at trying to jump into a crazy, messy kitchen

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Speaker 1: where I'm blankly staring at a salad spinner. It's like

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Speaker 1: that would be hard, Like you're up, get in like whatever.

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Speaker 2: Knives down, get in there, get in there, do something.

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Speaker 1: So in November twenty nineteen, I insisted on taking care

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Speaker 1: of the entire meal myself from start to finish. It

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Speaker 1: was to take place at my great aunt Polly's house

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Speaker 1: in Port nay Chess, Texas. Thank you for the phonetic spelling.

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Speaker 1: I arrived several days early to begin brining the turkey,

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Speaker 1: starting the process of making homemade dinner rolls and prepping

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Speaker 1: as many sides as possible. I was really pleased at

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Speaker 1: how well everything was going. I was exhausted, but proud

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Speaker 1: that no one would be in physical pain and satisfied

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Speaker 1: with their meals this year. I stayed up late shaping

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Speaker 1: dinner rolls to rise in the pan and didn't get

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Speaker 1: to bed. And I know, like, just buy those guys.

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Speaker 2: I mean, and also everyone loves like a crescent roll

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Speaker 2: or something Hawaiian sweet. Well, people who are like homemakers,

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Speaker 2: you know you can't tell those people let anything.

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Speaker 1: I didn't get to bed until around midnight on Wednesday,

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Speaker 1: November twenty seventh, the day before Thanksgiving. About an hour

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Speaker 1: after falling asleep, I awoke to my bed shaking violently

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Speaker 1: and what sounded like someone slamming a door really hard.

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Speaker 1: I got up to investigate, and as I walked through

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Speaker 1: the house I could smell cigarette smoke. After not being

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Speaker 1: able to find anything mess, I went back to bed.

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Speaker 1: I had to get up early to finish cooking dinner.

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Speaker 1: The next day. I was anticipating a crowd of people

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Speaker 1: to arrive. Among them my partner that I hadn't seen

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Speaker 1: all a week. I was shocked to find out that

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Speaker 1: a butane refinery less than two miles away exploded at

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Speaker 1: one am. Oh shance, the cigarette smell exploded two miles.

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Speaker 1: I considered this for a moment, but ultimately decided that

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Speaker 1: show must go on and started my carefully orchestrated symphony

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Speaker 1: of cast roles that would need even time. At some point,

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Speaker 1: someone came to tell me that the police were sweeping

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Speaker 1: the neighborhoods and ordering a mandatory evacuation. Mandatory. Our area

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Speaker 1: is no stranger to evacuations, having been hit by our

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Speaker 1: fair share of hurricanes. But my father crossed his arms

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Speaker 1: and said, no, oh no. We closed all the curtains,

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Speaker 1: moved the cars into the garage, and began our first

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Speaker 1: stealth Thanksgiving. I have to interject that my mom was

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Speaker 1: not pleased with our decision and how they were shaping up.

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Speaker 1: She insisted that if my partner really loved me, they

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Speaker 1: would find a way to join us, and that I

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Speaker 1: should probably leave since I was the quote future of

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Speaker 1: the family. She of them die. This is christ needless

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Speaker 1: to say. We made it out just fine, but did

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Speaker 1: experience a second explosion halfway through our meal that had

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Speaker 1: our heavily laden dinner table shaking. I mean, that's why

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Speaker 1: you were supposed.

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Speaker 2: To be we see evacuation.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I swore I'd never do this again. Man plans

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Speaker 1: and God laughs. Btw. Thankfully only five people were hurt

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Speaker 1: during the explosion, but the fire and billowing smoke lasted

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Speaker 1: for over twenty four hours. The factory had been outside

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Speaker 1: of EPA safety requirements and find consecutively for over five

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Speaker 1: years prior to the ex the fine summing up to

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Speaker 1: less than two hundred thousand dollars. It's hard to speak

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Speaker 1: out against these companies since they provide the majority of

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Speaker 1: jobs to the area, but this type of pollution to

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Speaker 1: our air and oceans is upsetting. I know the femail

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Speaker 1: is long, but thank you ladies for being a platform

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Speaker 1: for marginalized, slash disadvantage people. Your voices used to fill

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Speaker 1: my female led bakery. Oh the roles.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's why where I worked.

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Speaker 1: Prior to the pandemic, and we all enjoyed cackling to

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Speaker 1: your voices in the wee hours of the morning while

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Speaker 1: we shaped bread.

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Speaker 2: We got to be there. I felt like a middle

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Speaker 2: of the night bakery session for all women in a bakery.

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Speaker 1: When people tell us, like where they took us, there

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Speaker 1: was like an antarctic one recently. Yes, I'm like, we

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Speaker 1: were fucking there. That's where we've been. I love that.

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Speaker 1: Tell us the coolest places you've listened to us, please,

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Speaker 1: I mean I want.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I want to join an all female

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Speaker 2: bakery and get up at four in the morning. Don't

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Speaker 2: help make.

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Speaker 1: Get up at four one morning anyways. I know might

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Speaker 1: as well.

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Speaker 2: I'd be over there helping out.

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Speaker 1: My first job is a bakery, and it's just so

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Speaker 1: much fun. Is it so fun?

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Speaker 2: Did you have to go that early?

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Speaker 1: No? Because I was like behind the counter. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's just like you're surrounded by like presence essentially.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and people happy because they're getting their hot cross

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Speaker 2: bumbs exactly.

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Speaker 1: Stay sexy and don't get exploded by evil energy companies.

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Speaker 1: This Thanksgiving Cooper, she her.

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Speaker 2: But dad's just like you know what, the but tank

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Speaker 2: can blow up.

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Speaker 1: I'm not mean she's not just blowing up, but you're

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Speaker 1: inhaling that shit too.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I mean there's a chemical issue outside. I won't

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Speaker 2: read you the subject line, and it says not to

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Speaker 2: be bossy, but don't read the subject line. Okay, let's

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Speaker 2: jump right in. This is that story, you know, the

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Speaker 2: infamous one that gets repeated in the family over and over.

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Speaker 2: The year was two thousand and two. I was nine

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Speaker 2: years old. It was Thanksgiving and my family and I

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Speaker 2: were in New Jersey visiting my aunt and uncle and cousins.

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Speaker 2: I was helping set the table for Thanksgiving dinner when

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Speaker 2: I slipped. It was a wood floor and I was

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Speaker 2: wearing socks and holding a bundle of overwere I need

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Speaker 2: to say this. Some of my worst accidents, because my

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Speaker 2: parents have wood floors too, is when you're wearing socks

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Speaker 2: without any grap and you think every you're like, on the.

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Speaker 1: Stairs stairs, I've fucking done that. God be so careful,

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Speaker 1: slippers on, get little grippers. Yeah, I'm picturing it because

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Speaker 1: I've fucking I've done it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it sucks. I did it on Adrian's stairs one

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Speaker 2: time and slipped and then slammed down on my butt

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Speaker 2: on those stairs and then just had like a sore.

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Speaker 1: Oh's the worst.

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Speaker 2: When I slipped and fell, I happened to drop the

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Speaker 2: bundle of silverware at the exact moment where I landed

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Speaker 2: on the floor, I also landed on top of a knife.

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Speaker 2: The odds here, though I'm not a mathematician and in

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Speaker 2: fact didn't pass freshman year algebra the first time, just

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Speaker 2: seem astronomical. Yeah, But anyway, I slipped and fell, and

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Speaker 2: in the I don't know one second that the knife

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Speaker 2: I was holding was exactly balanced. I landed on top

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Speaker 2: of it, and the knife slid into my armpit. As

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Speaker 2: I recall it, and as my mom tells me, though

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Speaker 2: she's still twenty four years later, hates talking about it

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Speaker 2: because she's a sweet baby angel, I screamed. My sister,

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Speaker 2: who was maybe seventeen at the time, ran over, pulled

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Speaker 2: my shirt up, saw the blood, and yelled, hospital now,

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Speaker 2: so someone grabs my uncle to drive us to the hospital.

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Speaker 2: My uncle, who for the record, is incredibly Sicilian like,

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Speaker 2: wears gold chains and white tank tops and looks like

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Speaker 2: a soprano's extra so good. And remember this was in

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Speaker 2: two thousand and two, which was obviously before iPhones, et cetera,

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Speaker 2: and my family had just moved to New Jersey, so

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Speaker 2: they weren't totally familiar with their neighborhood yet. But anyway,

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Speaker 2: my mom sits in the back seat with me, and

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Speaker 2: I lay down and I'm bleeding and my mom's crying,

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Speaker 2: and my sister's helping my uncle navigate in the front

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Speaker 2: seat of his blacked out Chevy suburban like I told

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Speaker 2: you incredibly sicilian so good, and he's literally driving like

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Speaker 2: driving Miss Daisy, like couldn't be going slower. Oh, and

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Speaker 2: my mom is freaking out because I'm sitting back there bleeding.

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Speaker 2: Eventually we make it to the hospital, but it has

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Speaker 2: this weird kind of drive through thing. Remember the old

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Speaker 2: banks where you'd stop in the drive through and be

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Speaker 2: helped that way. It was kind of like that. And

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Speaker 2: my uncle pulls up to it and he's telling the

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Speaker 2: person helping us that I've been stabbed in a parentheses

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Speaker 2: it says lol by myself and needs help. And this

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Speaker 2: person is like seeming really confused. And it goes on

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Speaker 2: for a minute or so until the person helping us says, sir,

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Speaker 2: this is a nursing home. Oh my god, yes, you

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Speaker 2: heard that right. He took me to a nursing home

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Speaker 2: instead of an emergency room. I swear to god, my

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Speaker 2: mom almost had a heart attack. The sweet nursing home

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Speaker 2: staff pointed us toward the hospital, and after another few

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Speaker 2: minutes of painstakingly slow driving, I would assume the exact opposite.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like there's something in the trunk, maybe like a

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Speaker 1: body who.

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Speaker 2: Cannot get pulled up. We made it to the er,

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Speaker 2: where I got ten stitches. Not only did I survive

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Speaker 2: to tell the tale, but when we got home, my

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Speaker 2: brothers and boy cousins were the nicest they'd ever been

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Speaker 2: to me, and my Albanian grandmother gave me one hundred

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Speaker 2: dollars cash.

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Speaker 1: Not a bad fuck yet suddenly the best day. She

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Speaker 1: was so like, I love the Albamian grandma just kind

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Speaker 1: of sliding.

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Speaker 2: She's just like, I can't say I love you. Yes,

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Speaker 2: that part's too hard. We're an immigrant family. Cash is

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Speaker 2: what love is. Stay sexy and don't go to a

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Speaker 2: nursing home unless you really mean to. For Tessa, she.

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Speaker 1: Her, oh my god, that's hilarious. It's stabbing yourself.

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Speaker 2: Stabbing yourself. I actually one time was helping set the

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Speaker 2: table and I was holding steak knives and forks, and

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Speaker 2: I was kind of running into the living room and

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Speaker 2: my mom's friend Carolyn Bernardi was coming into the kitchen

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Speaker 2: and I almost stabbed her in the abdomen, like she

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Speaker 2: stopped and pulled herself back like within half an inch.

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Speaker 2: That's how I learned to that you hold them upright

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Speaker 2: and close to yourself.

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Speaker 1: When I was like four something, I got up on

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Speaker 1: the table like this and hit the edge of the

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Speaker 1: plate and it's fucking I have a scar there. It

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Speaker 1: flew into my eye. Holy stitches thing.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, was it on Thanksgiving? Now?

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Speaker 1: Okay, cut that story, shit, save over another day. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: here's my second one, my favorite party story, long but

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Speaker 1: funny ending. I think long but funny ending is for Mollie.

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Speaker 1: Actually that one hundred percent is for me. She's like,

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Speaker 1: I would not have put this in. If you're upset

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Speaker 1: that your story hasn't been picked, maybe it's too long,

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Speaker 1: edit it and resubmitted.

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Speaker 2: Get in there and get to the facts.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like take out. It's like two pages tops two pages? Okay,

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Speaker 1: Karen and Georgia and mfmteam including pets. I am a

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Speaker 1: diehard og Murdarino who adores you all. A few many

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Speaker 1: episodes back, you asked for party stories, So here is mine.

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Speaker 1: When I was in my early twenties, fresh out of

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Speaker 1: college and living in Baltimore, I adopted a stray orange kitten.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, this is funny. Jaffie rhymes with the Taffy

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Speaker 1: was a scrappy little street cat who hung out with

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Speaker 1: me for the next eighteen years, through all the different

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Speaker 1: apartments and relationships and jobs I had across the country.

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Speaker 1: She was still my little sidekick when I moved back

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Speaker 1: to Baltimore in the early two thousands. Needless to say,

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Speaker 1: I loved that cat. Sadly, shortly after I've moved back,

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Speaker 1: Jaffee started to slow down and it was clearly sick.

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Speaker 1: No definite diagnosis, but probably some form of cancer. My

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Speaker 1: poor cat got skinnier and skinnier until a sad Thanksgiving

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Speaker 1: morning when her back legs gave out and I knew

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Speaker 1: her number was up. Since it was a holiday, I

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Speaker 1: called an emergency that who said they could take her

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Speaker 1: in to be put to sleep, but that if she

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Speaker 1: went quickly at home, it wouldn't make much sense to

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Speaker 1: pay the astronomical holiday fee they had to charge me.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, of course, I didn't want her to suffer

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Speaker 1: and would have taken her in, but she faded fast

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Speaker 1: and passed within an hour. I was truly heartbroken and

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Speaker 1: cried into all the Thanksgiving pies I baked that afternoon.

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Speaker 1: I was a little unsure what to do with Jaffy's

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Speaker 1: little corpse until I could take her in the following

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Speaker 1: day to be cremated, But after consulting with friends and family,

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Speaker 1: I wrapped her in her favorite blanket, along with all

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Speaker 1: of her cat toys, of course, and carefully stowed her

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Speaker 1: outside on my city row house's roof deck, where it

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Speaker 1: was pleasantly chilly. Oh no, it's not what you think.

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Speaker 1: It's oh okay, maybe a little worse. Oh and I

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Speaker 1: have my heart is pounding because I think Mimi's going

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Speaker 1: to be gone soon. At thanksgetting to it's so sad.

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Speaker 1: I showed up later that day at my family's Thanksgiving

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Speaker 1: dinner in morning and made several I e too many

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Speaker 1: teary toast and Jaffy's honor throughout the meal. I love it,

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Speaker 1: although we never had before. My sister suggested we go

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Speaker 1: Black Friday shopping that night, and we ended up at

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Speaker 1: Michael's the craft store. Walking through the aisles, my sister

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Speaker 1: pointed at a little wooden box and jokingly said, oh,

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Speaker 1: that looks like a little coffin for Jaffee. Of course,

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Speaker 1: I tearfully snatched it up and brought it back home

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Speaker 1: that night, where I gently and kind of stiffly by

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Speaker 1: that point, settle Jaffee in it on the roof deck

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Speaker 1: before I went to bed. The next morning, I scheduled

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Speaker 1: Jaffie's cremation, but I felt like a little more ceremony

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Speaker 1: was needed. After all, this cat had been with me

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Speaker 1: for basically all of my adult life so far, so

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Speaker 1: I decided to make a quick stop at my favorite

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Speaker 1: bench by Baltimore's Harbor so the Jaffeine I could say

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Speaker 1: a final goodbye to her city together. That day after

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Speaker 1: Thanksgetting was definitely warmer than it had been the night before,

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Speaker 1: and as I put my little cat Coffin on my

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Speaker 1: car's front seat for the short ride the harbor and

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Speaker 1: then carefully carry it to my favorite bench, I could

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Speaker 1: detect the beginning of a faint smell, but I didn't care.

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Speaker 1: I sat in the sun with the box, which I

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Speaker 1: had stayed up late decorating with a sharpie the night

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Speaker 1: before on my lap for a couple minutes and waited

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Speaker 1: for the few tourists milling around to leave before I

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Speaker 1: could say my last goodbye I don't know if it

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Speaker 1: was my grief stricken sleep deprivation or what, but as

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Speaker 1: I got up to leave, I suddenly thought, you know,

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Speaker 1: it would be so fitting for this Baltimore cat a

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Speaker 1: burial right here in the harbor. Oh it seemed to

402
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Speaker 1: make perfect sense as a more meaningful alternative to anonymous cremation.

403
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Speaker 1: And before I really know what I was doing, I

404
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Speaker 1: walked to the edge of the pier, whispered goodbye, and

405
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Speaker 1: dropped Jaffy's wooden coffin into the harbor.

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Speaker 2: Oh No.

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Speaker 1: As I watched the lovingly inscribed box bob out into

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Speaker 1: the open water, I had another realization, which was that

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00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,960
Speaker 1: the box wasn't sinking because it wasn't weighed down with

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Speaker 1: anything but a very very skinny cat body and some

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Speaker 1: cat toys. Are you crying?

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Speaker 2: No, I just it's so like it's so you're yeah,

413
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Speaker 2: and you yourself Totallyria. You just want to give the

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Speaker 2: cat your final Yeah, that's so sad.

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Speaker 1: I stood watching it float, and then continued watching as

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Speaker 1: around the corner of the pier a Baltimore City Harbor

417
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:14,560
Speaker 1: Police boat slowly drifted into view. That box wasn't sinking,

418
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,520
Speaker 1: but my heart shure did as I watched the police

419
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,040
Speaker 1: boat suddenly changed course and head straight for my poor

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Speaker 1: cat's midnight madness coffin. I stood a few seconds more,

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Speaker 1: riveted by the sight of a large net being lowered

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Speaker 1: into the harbor to retrieve the box, and then I'm

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Speaker 1: ashamed to say, I turned around and took off running

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Speaker 1: from that pier. Yeah you did. There are a lot

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Speaker 1: of stories about bodies being dumped in Baltimore's harbor, but

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Speaker 1: I was pretty sure that even having to explain a

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00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,480
Speaker 1: cat body it would mean some trouble and probably a fine.

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Speaker 1: I'm still sad about my cat's Postuma's fate in the

429
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Speaker 1: hands of the police, and to this day I always

430
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Speaker 1: whisper a little Hello Jassey every time I passed that pier.

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00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:54,200
Speaker 1: Not in there.

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Speaker 2: You should do as you passed the police department, because right.

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00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,080
Speaker 1: But I will say that it is possibly my greatest

434
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,639
Speaker 1: party story to tell here in Baltimore, except for the

435
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:06,919
Speaker 1: time John Waters picked up a friend of mine at

436
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,600
Speaker 1: last Call, which turned into a truly surreal late night

437
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,639
Speaker 1: slash early morning at his house during a massive snowstorm.

438
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 2: You getting stuck in his nose arm at John waters house,

439
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 2: I mean, oh my greatest man in your life, you

440
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:20,320
Speaker 2: lucky bastard.

441
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,480
Speaker 1: Love you all and all that you do. Stay sexy.

442
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,639
Speaker 1: Don't never ask me to dump a body in Baltimore's

443
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,879
Speaker 1: Harbor for you, because I'm obviously not good at it.

444
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 1: Rachel she her ps karen As in eighties teen, My

445
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,679
Speaker 1: first big crush was on c Thomas Howell. I always

446
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 1: thought I was the only one.

447
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,879
Speaker 2: Oh girl, it was all of us, all of us

448
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:43,080
Speaker 2: outsiders fans. Wow, that is so hilarious and sad. I

449
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 2: was actually thinking of this. We had this cat, Rory,

450
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:47,879
Speaker 2: and she was old when we adopted her, and she

451
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 2: didn't like us or anything, and she was like one

452
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 2: of those miserable old cats. We kind of brought her

453
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,800
Speaker 2: around near the end than she died, and I'm pretty

454
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,639
Speaker 2: sure we buried her on the side of the house.

455
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,119
Speaker 2: And it's like, that's just there for the next people,

456
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 2: like if they go, oh, we want to redo this

457
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,320
Speaker 2: some time or something.

458
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 1: I know that, Like I move so often, I know

459
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,239
Speaker 1: that my house right now isn't my final house. I'm

460
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,240
Speaker 1: not bearing Elvis there because I know, like in three

461
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,120
Speaker 1: years I'm gonna change my mind about it and fucking

462
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 1: move away, yes, and leave Elvis there.

463
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:24,119
Speaker 2: You have to keep Elvis and whatever earn he's in. Yeah, Okay,

464
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 2: here's my last one and the subject line says I'm

465
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 2: a Kelsey too, and then it says hi friends, longtime listener,

466
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 2: multi time writer. Thanksgiving is always my favorite holiday growing up.

467
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,960
Speaker 2: My mom always cooked for a big chunk of my family,

468
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:40,640
Speaker 2: and there are a lot of us. I'm one of eight,

469
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,920
Speaker 2: my mom was one of eight, and I lost count

470
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 2: of how many cousins I have. And when I asked

471
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,280
Speaker 2: my mom, what, why the hell's she would have so

472
00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:50,040
Speaker 2: many kids, she always replied, Ugh, I don't know. I'm

473
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 2: a recovering Catholic. I mean my dad is one of nine. Yeah,

474
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:59,359
Speaker 2: and that's a gigantic family. Imagine it's like eight and eight.

475
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 1: That's crazy.

476
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 2: Okay, So one Thanksgiving, while the turkey and the other

477
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,639
Speaker 2: deliciousness was cooking, my mom was running around like crazy

478
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,479
Speaker 2: as always. I'm sure my constant offers to help were

479
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 2: more annoying than anything, as I was just a little kid.

480
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 2: She was the type of person that always had seventeen

481
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:18,400
Speaker 2: thousand pairs of reader glasses, you know, those little half glasses,

482
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 2: yet she always managed to constantly lose them. That was

483
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 2: like in the nineties, that's all my parents did. It

484
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,639
Speaker 2: was like, did you take my readers or it's like,

485
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:27,399
Speaker 2: why would we We don't use them.

486
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 1: Of course, And they got them at like the grocery

487
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:29,680
Speaker 1: store and show.

488
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, so they're in pockets and they're in the couch

489
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:32,879
Speaker 2: and they're on the floor.

490
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 1: Actually, you're wearing a pair right now.

491
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 2: What the fuck? You're wearing it as a headband. So

492
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,879
Speaker 2: it says during this one fateful holiday, she, to no

493
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 2: one's surprise, lost the pair she'd been using. We looked everywhere.

494
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:47,440
Speaker 2: It wasn't until the pungent smell of burnt plastic and

495
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,200
Speaker 2: smoke filled the air that we all realized what had happened.

496
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 2: My mom had her glasses on top of her head

497
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,960
Speaker 2: when she last checked the turkey, and they fell off

498
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,400
Speaker 2: her damn head into the bottom of the oven, where

499
00:23:58,480 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 2: they remained.

500
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

501
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 2: Okay, so many questions. Why didn't she see that happen?

502
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,440
Speaker 2: Hear it? Fucking seel it.

503
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 1: I'll tell you, I didn't see it. Shouldn't have her

504
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 1: fucking readers on. Oh yeah, that's very true.

505
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 2: But I'm like, because she started drinking, she had some

506
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 2: gin phizzitis, around eleven, am right, that's what Thanksgiving is for.

507
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 2: To her horror, it did manage to ruin a good

508
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 2: chunk of the food, but she was the most worried

509
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:25,680
Speaker 2: about getting her beloved parakeet out of the smoke. Aw

510
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 2: us kids were on our own. It's now one of

511
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 2: the funniest stories we talk about around the holiday in

512
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 2: her memory. My mom raised us on our own, and

513
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 2: I lost her to suicide when I was a teenager.

514
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 2: Oh so hard. As the years go on, I struggle

515
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,159
Speaker 2: to remember her laugh so telling these stories are what

516
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 2: keep her memory alive from me, My god, thank you

517
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 2: for continuing to be a voice from mental health and

518
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 2: all that it involves. We still have a lot of

519
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 2: work to do, and I am proud of everything you do.

520
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:57,200
Speaker 2: Oh stay sexy and don't let mom lose her glasses.

521
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:01,200
Speaker 2: Kelsey and ps. My horay is that being from San

522
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 2: Luis Obispo, Paul Flores was finally held accountable for the

523
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:05,879
Speaker 2: death of Kristen Smart.

524
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, oh my god.

525
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 2: Oh such a mom memory. I just love that mom

526
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,639
Speaker 2: like mom Thanksgiving memory where it's like you're cooking for

527
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 2: a million people. You're trying to get all this stuff done.

528
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, everything has different timing. It's such a pain in

529
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:21,919
Speaker 1: the ass. And then yeah, someone asking me what they

530
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 1: can do to help is almost more annoying. Sometimes yes exactly,

531
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 1: you're like, well, you're gonna do it wrong. Yeah, So okay,

532
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,720
Speaker 1: that's beautiful. Okay. This is called Grandma's kitchen. It's short

533
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 1: my grandparents, Julia Ann and Willard Oliver, who had eight

534
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:39,400
Speaker 1: children what each child married and had kids of their own,

535
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 1: me being the youngest of six. For my parents, all

536
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,119
Speaker 1: of this meaning Thanksgiving would be jam packed with people

537
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 1: in their country farmhouse. Grandma always stayed in the kitchen,

538
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 1: working away to feed everyone. When food was done, she

539
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,679
Speaker 1: sat and didn't eat anything. She said she ate by

540
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 1: tasting everything while making it Jesus. After her death, my

541
00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 1: aunt told us that Grandma hates everyone visiting. Grandpa insisted

542
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,479
Speaker 1: and she gave in. So my aunt would go by

543
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 1: a fifth of jack and it was hidden in the

544
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 1: flower bin. Grandma would start with a bit of it

545
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 1: in her coffee, and when the fifth was empty the

546
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,359
Speaker 1: food was done. Yes, which is the fifth of like

547
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:19,879
Speaker 1: the little flask looking one?

548
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:24,360
Speaker 2: I hope so, because if Grandma was drinking, I think

549
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 2: different things would be happening.

550
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,199
Speaker 1: Sure she would sit in her chair in the kitchen

551
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 1: and everyone would coop over her hard work. I now

552
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,760
Speaker 1: know she was hammered. I'm happy to know I got

553
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,159
Speaker 1: my introvert nature from her. I don't cook, but I

554
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,120
Speaker 1: can make a stiff drink, stay sexy, and don't host

555
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 1: if you don't want to. Jeremy ps one rule when

556
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 1: she passed was that we couldn't announce it for a year.

557
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 1: If they don't care to check on you alive, they

558
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 1: don't deserve to know that you died.

559
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, Grandma, Grandma's, Grandma's like, fuck all these kids,

560
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:59,919
Speaker 2: I love it. That's hilarious. God, Grandma, Julia Anna are

561
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 2: We'll think of you this Thanksgiving.

562
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:02,920
Speaker 1: We're badass.

563
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,320
Speaker 2: Everybody have a fifth of something. If you want to

564
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,880
Speaker 2: truly get through any kind of family holiday any way,

565
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 2: you need to. That's right, especially if you need to

566
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 2: just go stand outside and stay sexy and don't cant murder. Goodbye,

567
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:17,120
Speaker 2: Happy Thanks.

568
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:19,639
Speaker 1: Elvis. Do you want a cookie?

569
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 2: This has been an exactly right production.

570
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 1: Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer

571
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: is Tessa Hughes.

572
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 2: Our editor is Aristotle Ascevedo.

573
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 1: This episode was mixed by Leona Squalacci.

574
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,679
Speaker 2: Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.

575
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:41,920
Speaker 1: Follow the show on Instagram at My Favorite Murder.

576
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,639
Speaker 2: Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple

577
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 2: Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts, or.

578
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:49,240
Speaker 1: Watch us on YouTube. Search for My Favorite Murder and

579
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:50,400
Speaker 1: then like and subscribe.

580
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 2: Goodbye,