1 00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:04,960 Speaker 1: Time now for the Strawberry Letter for today. If you 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,840 Speaker 1: need advice and relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more, 3 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:12,799 Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve Harvey FM dot 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: com and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading 5 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,919 Speaker 1: your letter love on the air, just like we're gonna 6 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:22,320 Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now. Hold on tight. 7 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:24,959 Speaker 1: We got it for you. Here it is Strawberry Letter. 8 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:29,960 Speaker 1: Did you hear me talk? Oh? I heard the fact 9 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,479 Speaker 1: I get to do my intro y because when he 10 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,400 Speaker 1: not here? I mean when when you not here, you 11 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: don't want me saying nothing? You don't like me? You 12 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,160 Speaker 1: mean do you mean you mean don't want you saying nothing? 13 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 1: Like now when she could be reading a letter like 14 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: you don't like me unless but he loves you? Talk 15 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:52,479 Speaker 1: about it. We'll talk about all right. Subject. We have 16 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 1: a big problem sis. Dear Stephen Shirley, I've been divorced 17 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 1: for four years and my seven year old child is 18 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 1: caught up in a disc functional mess with me and 19 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:05,679 Speaker 1: my ex husband. After my divorce, I found out that 20 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:09,440 Speaker 1: my older sister was having an affair with my husband. 21 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,920 Speaker 1: Throughout the divorce, she was my rock and I turned 22 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,600 Speaker 1: to her for advice since she'd been divorced three times. 23 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,000 Speaker 1: All of the signs were there that they could have 24 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: been messing around, but I was going through hell, so 25 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,960 Speaker 1: I didn't notice. My sister had started calling me at 26 00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:28,119 Speaker 1: work a lot, and I thought it was to check 27 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 1: on me, But I found out later that she was 28 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 1: making sure I was at work so she could be 29 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 1: alone with my husband in our bed. When it all 30 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 1: came out, I felt so stupid. It seemed as if 31 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:45,279 Speaker 1: my husband was relieved to give me the details. Well, 32 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 1: fast forward to present day. My sister lives with my 33 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: ex husband and they are planning to get married. This 34 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: is torn up my entire family. My son knows that 35 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 1: his mommy and his auntie don't get along, but he 36 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 1: does not know why. He constantly asked me why his 37 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 1: auntie lives with his daddy instead of me and him 38 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,800 Speaker 1: living with his daddy. All I told him is that 39 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 1: his auntie hurt his mommy really bad. I have never 40 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: said anything negative about his daddy to him. He's too 41 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 1: young to understand. I have told my ex that our 42 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,080 Speaker 1: son does not need to stay with him right now 43 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: because it's confusing to him. My ex is so very 44 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 1: nasty toward me. And still has no remorse for what 45 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 1: he's done, so he insists that he gets weakend visitation. 46 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: Before years, I've been bitter and angry and want to 47 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 1: hurt both of them. Someone mentioned counseling to me, but 48 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 1: I need a little more than that. I need peace 49 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 1: in my life and in my son's life. How can 50 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 1: we move on from this and be happy? Wow, you're 51 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,640 Speaker 1: a really good person to not have you done something 52 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 1: physical and violent to both of them. I must tell 53 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 1: you some sort, you know, even if it's at a 54 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: low level, some sort, I mean, I really have to 55 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,200 Speaker 1: commend you for that. I'm a I'm a person. I'm 56 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 1: a woman that has two brothers. I always wanted sisters 57 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: because I always, you know, just wanted that closeness. She 58 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,200 Speaker 1: could be my bff, we could bond all of that. 59 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: But clearly this is not the case in your situation 60 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,800 Speaker 1: with you and your sister. I mean, she's ratchet and trifling, 61 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,839 Speaker 1: she really is. I mean, calling your job to see 62 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 1: if you were at work so she could be with 63 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,640 Speaker 1: your husband and your bed. Now she's living with him, 64 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 1: you divorced because he was This is just awful, I mean, 65 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 1: and I can imagine how this has torn your family apart, 66 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 1: and he doesn't seem to carry your ex husband. What 67 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:46,800 Speaker 1: affect this has on your seven year old son. That's 68 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,640 Speaker 1: really where your focus should be. How is he going 69 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 1: to come out of all of this? So to you, 70 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,640 Speaker 1: I gotta tell you, you gotta be strong right now 71 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:58,800 Speaker 1: for the both of you, because this kid is confused. Okay, 72 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:03,360 Speaker 1: so Dad, he's not living with us, mommy, but he 73 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: is still in the family because he's living with Auntie. 74 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 1: Now can you imagine how confusing that is for a child? 75 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: And then your ex husband wants visitation on the weekend, 76 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,039 Speaker 1: so he's gonna be over there still with his daddy, 77 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:20,920 Speaker 1: your sister who now might be his step mom slash Auntie. 78 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: I mean, the confusion and craziness of all of this. 79 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,640 Speaker 1: But you know he's gonna find out she's been to 80 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,960 Speaker 1: force three times. He's gonna find out why in just 81 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:38,320 Speaker 1: a few short minutes. He will be I'm sure ex 82 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,479 Speaker 1: husband number four when this is all over with, because 83 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 1: she is trifling. She is ratchet, your older sister. I mean, 84 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,640 Speaker 1: of all the men in the world, she goes after 85 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:50,919 Speaker 1: You're a man, your husband, I mean, and right in 86 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:55,680 Speaker 1: your face. Yeah, but how do you get through it. 87 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,600 Speaker 1: This is a tough one right here. I'm gonna have 88 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:01,040 Speaker 1: to tell you if you can, and yes, I want 89 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:04,480 Speaker 1: you to go to some counseling for sure, for sure 90 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 1: for you and your son. And this is hard. You're 91 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:11,360 Speaker 1: gonna have to try to find it in your heart 92 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:14,919 Speaker 1: to forgive them in this situation, because that's one of 93 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 1: the cleanest ways you can move on with your life. 94 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:23,040 Speaker 1: I mean, that's hard. If you can. You know, I 95 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:25,600 Speaker 1: didn't say forget, but you're gonna have to try and 96 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 1: forgive them if you can. That's what I have for you, Steve. 97 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 1: All Right, before I read this letter, I want to 98 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:36,720 Speaker 1: make this statement right here that nothing I'm about to 99 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:42,280 Speaker 1: say is what I really want to say. Nothing. Nothing. 100 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,039 Speaker 1: You want to cuss, don't you. Well, it's not so 101 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 1: much to cuss, but you do. Though. What I want 102 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,919 Speaker 1: to do to the both of them I can't say 103 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 1: on the radio or recommend. So let me take this 104 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 1: approach to this. This woman has been divorced and she's 105 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 1: gotta seven yard. They caught up in this dysfunctional mess 106 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 1: her ex husband. After your divorce. After the divorce, now 107 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: this is after divorce. You find out that my oldest 108 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:14,279 Speaker 1: sister was having an affair with my husband. Okay, So 109 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:18,159 Speaker 1: I'm now you found this out after divorce. This is 110 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 1: your saving grace in this whole thing that you found 111 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:31,360 Speaker 1: out after you got the divorce. God spared you knowing 112 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 1: this during for a particular reason, and you turned to 113 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: her for advice because she'd been divorced three times, and 114 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,320 Speaker 1: she did something to make you think she was Okay, 115 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,000 Speaker 1: when I come back, I'm gonna tell you the grace 116 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,160 Speaker 1: in all of this that you have. There is an 117 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 1: upside today. Okay, Steve, hang on, we'll have part two 118 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 1: of your response coming up at twenty three minutes after 119 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:57,840 Speaker 1: the hour, right after this. You're listening, all right, Steve, 120 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:01,880 Speaker 1: come on, let's recap today's strawberry. Let we have a problem. 121 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,360 Speaker 1: This woman been divorced four years, got the seven year 122 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 1: old child who's in this dysfunctional mess, her ex husband. 123 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 1: She found out after the divorce, that found out that 124 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,480 Speaker 1: her oldest sister was having an affair with the husband 125 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 1: that you got the divorce from. Now, there's a reason 126 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,360 Speaker 1: why you didn't know this during because that would have 127 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 1: been gut wrenching. I'm pretty sure it is now, But 128 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: at least you got the divorce. Now, during the divorce, 129 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 1: she was your rock, and you turned to her for advice, 130 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: you know, because she's been divorced three times. I don't 131 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:43,680 Speaker 1: know what advice you get from somebody that's been divorced 132 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 1: three times, except especially when you're going through a divorce, 133 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:53,280 Speaker 1: except just how to get through divorcing. That's the best advice, 134 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 1: Especially when you find out that all the signs that 135 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 1: were there that they had been messing around, but you 136 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,560 Speaker 1: didn't notice. You your sister was calling you at work. 137 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,280 Speaker 1: You thought it was a check on you, but you 138 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 1: found out she was making sure you was at work 139 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,760 Speaker 1: so she could be along with my husband in our bed. Okay, 140 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 1: now that's trifling. Let me tell you what's wrong here. 141 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 1: You have discovered after the marriage that two of the 142 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 1: most despicable, trifling people were in your life. You had 143 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 1: a bad husband, you got a bad sister, and it's 144 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:33,960 Speaker 1: led to a bad situation. These two people right here 145 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 1: are the worst of the worst. The blessing is you 146 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,720 Speaker 1: had you got a chance to get away from one 147 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: of them. Now, the problem with siblings is you don't 148 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 1: get to pick them. You're born with them. Because your 149 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 1: sisters don't mean you have to be friends. You and 150 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 1: your sister are not friends. Now, Shirley said, a good thing. 151 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 1: Shirley said, you have to forgive. I don't know how 152 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:02,319 Speaker 1: you forget. Give this right here, but you do have 153 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 1: to move on from it now. When it all came out, 154 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:10,560 Speaker 1: you say you felt stupid. And then it seemed as 155 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:14,160 Speaker 1: if my husband was relieved to give you the details. 156 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:17,760 Speaker 1: While number one, he had been living a lie. So 157 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:22,080 Speaker 1: giving you the details also was to make you feel 158 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:26,680 Speaker 1: a couple of things. Number one like something was your fault, 159 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 1: and number two, it was your sister's fault. See dudes 160 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,760 Speaker 1: that open up about stuff like this, it's to say 161 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 1: to him, some of this, if I hadn't have been 162 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 1: around in this situation with you and your family, it 163 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,559 Speaker 1: were half of it is your fault and the rest 164 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:44,160 Speaker 1: of it is your sister fault. Now fast forward to 165 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,280 Speaker 1: present day. Your sister live with your ex husband and 166 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,760 Speaker 1: they planning on getting married. How you think that's gonna work? 167 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 1: As surely pointed out, she'd been divorced three times and 168 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:58,520 Speaker 1: she didn't slept with her sister's husband. What type of 169 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,520 Speaker 1: blessing you think Finn to be on this mess right here? 170 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:05,880 Speaker 1: Thank God, you out of it. See, oftentimes when God 171 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:09,959 Speaker 1: pulls us through stuff, we mess up by dabbling back 172 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 1: into stuff. Well, now your son is another problem. He 173 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,440 Speaker 1: knows that his mommy and his auntie don't get along. Well, 174 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,880 Speaker 1: that's cool, you can explain that. Quit taking him over there. 175 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 1: He constantly asked me why his auntie lived with his daddy. 176 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,199 Speaker 1: Adds a little bit of trouble. And if he's seven, 177 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 1: he going to school, somebody else is gonna ask too, 178 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,040 Speaker 1: instead of you wants to know, instead of why you 179 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 1: and him don't live with your daddy. I told him 180 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: that his auntie heard his mommy really bad. I've never 181 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,320 Speaker 1: said anything negative about his daddy to him. He's too 182 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 1: young to understand. I've told my ex that our son 183 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:45,280 Speaker 1: does not need to stay with him right now because 184 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:49,560 Speaker 1: it's confusing to him, which is a true statement. But 185 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: now he has no relationship with his father, which is 186 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:58,800 Speaker 1: probably worse. So I don't know that sister is causing 187 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 1: some confusion in him as to why his daddy is 188 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 1: staying with his auntie and not staying with him and 189 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 1: his mama. That confusion is going to exist whether he 190 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:12,080 Speaker 1: sees his dad or not. But him not seeing his father. 191 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 1: He needs that. He may not be a good husband, 192 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:20,959 Speaker 1: he could be a good father. Though my ex is 193 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:24,280 Speaker 1: so very nasty towards me and still has no remorse 194 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: for what he's done. Well, he's nasty towards you because 195 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 1: that's a defense mechanism. He got to be nasty towards 196 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:34,560 Speaker 1: you because you have every right to be nasty towards him. 197 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 1: But kindness kills baby. Or if you would to just 198 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 1: be kind to him and his ex wife, him and 199 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 1: your sister, it would kill him. Now that's gonna take 200 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,600 Speaker 1: a lot for you, And I'm not sure you the 201 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:48,439 Speaker 1: person that has that, because for years I've been bitter 202 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,640 Speaker 1: and angry and I want to hurt both of them. See. 203 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:53,120 Speaker 1: Somebody told you that you should go to counseling, and 204 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,800 Speaker 1: you really should, because you need to talk over this 205 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 1: with somebody to discuss your feelings. But I need a 206 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:01,719 Speaker 1: little more than that. Well, the only thing more than 207 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:05,440 Speaker 1: that is God. See, And the one thing I'm gonna 208 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 1: tell you, some old people say sometimes you got to 209 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,160 Speaker 1: let go and let God. You gotta take this situation 210 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 1: that you're going through that's bigger than anything any of 211 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 1: us have for you. And you got to turn it 212 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,560 Speaker 1: over to God. I ain't joking, man, You really got 213 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 1: to turn this one over to God because you need 214 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 1: peace in your life. And I know no better way 215 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 1: to get peace in your life through a relationship with God. 216 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,600 Speaker 1: I don't know a better way. It's my peace in 217 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:35,000 Speaker 1: my life and in your son's life. How can we 218 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,760 Speaker 1: move on from this and be happy? You move on 219 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,720 Speaker 1: to it because He got you out of it. Stop 220 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 1: dabbling in it. You got to play the game now. Okay, 221 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 1: this your Daddy Boom and separate yourself. You gotta get 222 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,200 Speaker 1: to that point or you're gonna lose your mind. You 223 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,600 Speaker 1: need counseling and you need prayer. Okay. Hit us up 224 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:58,080 Speaker 1: on Instagram and Steve Harvey FM to comment on today's 225 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,440 Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter. You can so check out the Strawberry Letter 226 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:05,760 Speaker 1: podcast on demand now Coming up next Junior with Sports Talk. 227 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 1: Right after this, you're listening to The Dave Harvey Morning 228 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 1: Show