WEBVTT - Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time! 0:00:00.520 --> 0:00:04.720 Nothing has changed. We haven't got better, we haven't improved. 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:09.080 We're not smarter, we're not wiser. We just think we are. 0:00:09.760 --> 0:00:13.840 I know that this is a harsh reality, but it's 0:00:13.840 --> 0:00:16.480 going to help us. This is going to help us 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:18.639 because we're going to get fifty two minutes back a 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:23.200 day to invest into our dreams, invest into our goals, 0:00:23.680 --> 0:00:28.800 invest into our lives. The number one health and wellness podcast, 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:36.520 Jay Sety Jay Setty Say set Hey, everyone, welcome back 0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:41.600 to On Purpose. It has been such a brilliant start 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:45.159 to the year. I am loving seeing how engaged you are, 0:00:45.280 --> 0:00:48.519 how connected you are, how many episodes you're listening to, 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:52.559 how many you're sharing with your community. It's incredible to 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:57.280 see your dedication to personal growth and self improvement in 0:00:57.400 --> 0:01:01.120 twenty twenty five. Thank you for show up for yourself. 0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:04.680 Thank you for showing up here for your future and 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:08.240 your success this year. Now, we've talked a lot about 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:12.640 setting up your goals, setting up your blueprint, understanding how 0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:16.600 to visualize, but I have to share with you something 0:01:17.080 --> 0:01:22.000 that can make all the difference. This week's episode could 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:27.479 actually be the difference maker between achieving your goals and 0:01:27.800 --> 0:01:31.920 just missing out on them. One of the biggest reasons 0:01:31.959 --> 0:01:34.600 a lot of us miss out on our goals is 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:43.240 because we're draining energy. We're losing energy, we're wasting energy. 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:48.080 This episode is all about how you can stop draining 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:52.080 your energy in twenty twenty five and how these three 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:56.880 habits will save you so much time. If you want 0:01:56.880 --> 0:02:00.360 twenty twenty five to be a year you attract greatness, 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:04.200 this episode is for you. If you want twenty twenty 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:06.800 five to be a year you have good energy in 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:11.680 your life, this episode is for you. If you want 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:15.040 twenty twenty five to be a year your friendships deepen, 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:20.680 this episode is for you. Think about it for a moment. 0:02:21.800 --> 0:02:25.160 You can drink as much water as you want, but 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:29.200 if it's not clean, it won't have the desired impact. 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:32.399 And sometimes in our life, we can be doing all 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:35.480 the habits, we can be doing all the tracking, we 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:38.600 can try and develop all the mindsets, but if our 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:44.440 energy isn't clean, if our energy isn't detoxed, it all 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:48.919 loses value. I'm sure you've experienced that before, where when 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:53.280 your energy's fuzzy, it seems like you don't have any clarity, 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:56.040 you don't know where you're going, you don't know how 0:02:56.080 --> 0:02:58.680 you're going to get there. And sometimes even if you 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:02.639 have lots of uncertainty, if your energy's clear and clean, 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:07.120 you actually have everything right in front of you. You 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:08.880 know what the next move is, You know what the 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:13.640 next step is. That's what I want for you this year. Now, 0:03:13.880 --> 0:03:17.960 imagine if I told you you could get fifty two 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:23.000 minutes of your day back right now. Think about that 0:03:23.040 --> 0:03:26.200 for a second. Imagine if I told you you could 0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:30.080 get fifty two minutes of your day back right now, 0:03:31.080 --> 0:03:33.919 what would you do with it? Would you read a book, 0:03:34.440 --> 0:03:38.360 start a passion project, maybe work on your side, hustle, 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:44.119 spend more quality time with friends, sleep early. One thing 0:03:44.160 --> 0:03:46.960 I know for sure is that what you would use 0:03:47.000 --> 0:03:50.800 it to do something meaningful to you. But the majority 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:54.760 of us don't even believe we have enough time. If 0:03:54.800 --> 0:03:57.680 I told you to take fifty two minutes out for something, 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:00.440 you'd say, Jay, I don't have it. I don't even 0:04:00.480 --> 0:04:02.800 know where to find it. I want to, but I 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:08.280 don't know where it is. Well, guess what study show 0:04:08.400 --> 0:04:13.880 we spend fifty two minutes a day talking about gossiping 0:04:13.920 --> 0:04:22.159 about speaking about other people fifty two minutes. Whether it's 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:27.240 harmless or hurtful. It is stealing time away from our lives. 0:04:27.760 --> 0:04:32.600 It's also draining our energy and wasting our time. Stop 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:37.839 spending time with people who only talk about other people 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:42.320 and stop being one of those people who only talks 0:04:42.520 --> 0:04:47.479 about other people. Whether it's on the phone, whether it's messaging, 0:04:47.880 --> 0:04:52.120 whether it's in person. We waste fifty two minutes a 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:57.040 day doing this one thing. The first way to stop 0:04:57.160 --> 0:05:01.120 draining your energy in twenty twenty five is stop spending 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:05.120 time with people who only talk about other people and 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:09.279 stop being one of those people who only talks about 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:14.279 other people. Now here's the thing. Talking about other people 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:18.600 feels good in the short term, but ultimately drains our 0:05:18.760 --> 0:05:24.400 energy because it often involves focusing on negative information about others. 0:05:25.279 --> 0:05:29.640 This continues to strengthen our negativity bias, which means we 0:05:29.760 --> 0:05:34.000 become better at seeing what's wrong with something then what's right. 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:38.559 We become better at seeing what's bad rather than what's good, 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:42.920 and we become better at seeing what's not working rather 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:47.080 than what is and guess what. That seeps into our 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:53.479 own positive relationships, career, opportunities, and lives. So many of 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:57.840 us are wiring ourselves to only focus on the negative 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:01.640 have you noticed how it it's actually not that difficult 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:05.400 to spot something wrong with something. I'm sure you've seen 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:08.919 an Instagram caption and spotted a spelling mistake or a 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:12.200 grammar mistake. Maybe you saw someone post something on the 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:15.760 stories and they'd made a mistake with the year that 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:20.960 they'd posted. Our minds are hardwired to spot what's wrong 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:24.440 with something. Now, while that can be a really useful skill, 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:27.040 it can be really important to protect us in life, 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:30.680 and it is valuable. It becomes really hard for you 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:35.680 to create something beautiful, create something brilliant with that mindset, 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:39.280 because whenever you have a good idea, you'll always find 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:41.799 what's wrong with it. Whenever you have a good plan, 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:45.560 you'll always find its failure and weakness. And by the way, 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:49.520 whenever your friends share their ideas or their inspiration, you'll 0:06:49.560 --> 0:06:52.880 be the first to shoot them down. So many of 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:58.160 us don't realize how negativity creeps and seeps into our 0:06:58.240 --> 0:07:04.040 lives through goss, through talking badly about other people. And 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:07.680 here's the reality. Talking about others can also lead to 0:07:07.800 --> 0:07:12.600 feelings of guilt and anxiety. We think, what if that 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:16.280 person finds out, what if they hear what I said 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:19.320 about them. I didn't really mean it, Maybe I just 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:21.240 said it in the moment. I know that they're not 0:07:21.280 --> 0:07:24.400 all bad. How will they feel? How will that affect 0:07:24.440 --> 0:07:28.840 my relationship? And then we wonder what will the person 0:07:28.880 --> 0:07:32.600 I've been gossiping with think about me? Wait a minute, 0:07:32.640 --> 0:07:36.559 will they gossip about me with other people? Wait a minute? 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:39.720 What will they say about me to that person? There 0:07:39.800 --> 0:07:45.080 is so much guilt and anxiety, worry and frustration that 0:07:45.200 --> 0:07:49.120 comes from this same experience, And I want us to 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:54.360 become wiser to how much time we waste in this regard. Now, 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:58.640 we do it and other people do it because it 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:03.440 makes us feel better. We talk about other people because 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:07.280 it makes us feel better. But how can you truly 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:12.239 feel better about yourself by talking badly about someone else? 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:17.160 That's a fairly low bar. We believe we're doing well 0:08:17.560 --> 0:08:21.520 because someone else is doing poorly. Our marriage must be 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:26.440 going great because someone's getting divorced. Our career must be 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:31.080 going well because someone else is getting fired. Our health 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:35.000 must be good because someone else is getting sick. It 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:39.840 creates a very low standard of success for ourselves and 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:44.480 creates a negative feeling towards others. Not to mention, it 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:48.880 gives us a false sense of security. Our relationship isn't 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:53.400 actually getting stronger, we just feel it is. Our career 0:08:53.960 --> 0:08:57.880 isn't actually going in the right direction, we just think 0:08:57.920 --> 0:09:02.440 it is. Our health isn't actually improving. We don't actually 0:09:02.520 --> 0:09:08.000 know much about it. This superiority complex creates fractures in 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:12.920 our self image and connection with others. It misleads us 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:17.040 towards a better view of ourselves and an unhealthy view 0:09:17.120 --> 0:09:21.920 of others, which isn't actually based on reality. This is 0:09:21.920 --> 0:09:25.040 what's most worrying. When you're in a deep relationship with 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:28.520 someone who talks negatively about others, you walk away feeling 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:33.480 falsely better about yourself. You haven't actually changed anything, you 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:37.800 haven't actually improved anything, you haven't actually built a healthy, 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:41.720 positive mindset in any way. Yet you're walking away having 0:09:41.800 --> 0:09:46.719 negative lower feelings towards someone else, and guess what, that 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:52.160 person doesn't even know it. It drains our energy because 0:09:52.200 --> 0:09:55.880 it fools us into believing that we're on the right path, 0:09:56.480 --> 0:09:59.080 that we're on the right track, that we're moving in 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:04.559 the right direction, when the reality is nothing has changed, 0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:09.520 nothing has changed. We haven't got better, we haven't improved, 0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:13.880 we're not smarter, we're not wiser. We just think we are. 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:18.640 I know that this is a harsh reality, but it's 0:10:18.640 --> 0:10:21.280 going to help us. This is going to help us 0:10:21.320 --> 0:10:23.440 because we're going to get fifty two minutes back a 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:28.000 day to invest into our dreams, invest into our goals, 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:34.000 invest into our lives. Now, what are some of the 0:10:34.040 --> 0:10:38.200 ways that talking about other people drains us even beyond 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:42.280 just that fifty two minutes. The first is people with 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:47.800 a superiority complex often come across as condescending or dismissive, 0:10:48.320 --> 0:10:51.240 and this can make others feel inferior, leading them to 0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:57.280 pull away, disengage, or avoid interaction. Over time, this erodes 0:10:57.360 --> 0:11:02.319 trust and intimacy in relationship, even if we don't know it. 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:07.480 We start to develop this perceived arrogance right. People feel 0:11:07.480 --> 0:11:10.280 it from us, They feel it from our energy, and 0:11:10.440 --> 0:11:12.560 if you're not feeling it, you're feeling it from someone else. 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:15.520 You will have a friend that they talk negatively about 0:11:15.520 --> 0:11:18.200 each other, and then you start to recognize that they 0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:22.640 come across arrogant and it disconnects us from them. So 0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:25.560 it drains our energy because we're now spending our time 0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:31.320 evaluating someone else's arrogance. It also leads to a lack 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:39.000 of connection. Healthy relationships require mutual respect, understanding, and vulnerability. 0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:43.440 When one person feels above the other, it becomes difficult 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:47.920 to form true connections. The person with the superiority complex 0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:51.960 may fail to see others as equals, limiting the depth 0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:56.400 of their interactions. So when you're talking to someone who 0:11:56.480 --> 0:12:01.240 has this, who talks negatively about others, you actually can't 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:04.120 even connect with them that well. Now every moment you 0:12:04.160 --> 0:12:06.960 spend with them, you feel disconnected from them, You feel 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:09.840 disconnected from what they're talking about, and now you're trying 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:11.520 to manage it. I know what it feels like, right 0:12:11.520 --> 0:12:14.400 when someone talks badly about someone to you. You now 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:16.320 don't know where to jump in. You don't know whether 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:18.880 to join in. You're now wondering what they think of 0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:21.920 you when you don't do that. All of this is 0:12:21.960 --> 0:12:27.120 a waste of time and energy. I couldn't be more 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:30.160 excited to share something truly special with all you tea 0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:32.320 lovers out there. 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Another reason that this drains our 0:13:55.360 --> 0:14:00.960 energy is that it inhibits effective communication. Weapens is we 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:05.440 start to become dismissive of other people's opinions. People who 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:08.520 start to feel this superiority tend to believe they know 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:12.960 best or that their perspective is the only valid one. 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:17.640 This creates a communication barrier because others feel unheard, dismissed, 0:14:17.800 --> 0:14:21.800 or invalidated. Now you may not be the person making 0:14:21.800 --> 0:14:24.640 other people feel this way, but you might start to 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:28.440 feel this way with a person who talks in this way. 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:31.920 It's now affecting your relationship with them, which is affecting 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:35.920 your relationship with the people you're talking about. It also 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:39.080 can create a sense of defensiveness. Right, I'm sure you've 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:40.800 got a friend where you're like, hey, let's not talk 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:43.200 about that person. Hey, let's not do that, And then 0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:46.040 they get defensive. They may even say like, oh, stop 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:47.840 trying to act like a good person, Stop trying to 0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:51.880 act like a holy person. You've got challenges too, And 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:55.000 now it starts to create tension and friction there as well. 0:14:55.520 --> 0:14:59.240 One of my biggest concerns about how talking to people 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:03.240 who talk about a lo of other people decreases our 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:07.560 energy and drains our energy is that it creates a 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:12.040 lack of empathy. This is a huge one that I 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:16.440 want you to take in. So many of us don't 0:15:16.520 --> 0:15:22.560 realize that whatever experience you can't empathize with, you might 0:15:22.880 --> 0:15:27.360 have to experience it. I've noticed this time and time again, 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:30.880 where when I've not been able to empathize with someone's 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:36.640 experience that I've not experienced, life brings that experience into 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:41.200 my life for me to experience it. All of a sudden, 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:45.800 I can fully empathize with them. I was talking about 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:47.720 this with a friend the other day because we were 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:52.600 speaking about someone in our life who had been diagnosed 0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:56.920 with a particular condition, and so many of our friends 0:15:57.040 --> 0:16:02.480 just couldn't understand. Of our friends just couldn't understand why 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:05.440 they were so stressed about it. The results came okay, 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:08.280 the surgery went well, and I said, you have no 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:13.440 idea of that trauma that that person's carrying now, that worry, 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:17.080 that anxiety that comes with it. It's not just about 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:22.360 the diagnosis, It's about the interpretation that comes with it. 0:16:22.920 --> 0:16:25.520 And what I've realized is everyone has a challenge in 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:30.400 their life that no one tries to understand apart from themselves, 0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:33.600 and therefore when someone we know is going through something 0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:38.920 we don't understand, don't judge it, empathize with it. But 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:41.120 when we talk about other people like can you believe it? 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:43.800 They're overreacting to this? Can you believe it? Their life 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:45.720 is so easy? Can you believe it? They have so 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:48.600 much money? Why are they worried about this? Can you 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:51.840 believe it? That they already have children? Why should they 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:54.480 be upset if they've had a miscarriage? Like these are 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:58.880 really the things people say. It's really sad that we 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:02.760 lose our ability to empathize with others when we talk 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:07.119 about them without them being in the room. Don't say 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:11.919 something about someone that you wouldn't say when they're not 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:17.840 in the room. If you wouldn't say something with someone 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:22.359 being able to listen to your conversation, don't say it 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:26.480 about them when they're not in that conversation. And the 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:28.760 truth is, sometimes we think, oh, I would say this 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:32.879 to someone. Maybe you would, but you wouldn't in that tone. 0:17:33.760 --> 0:17:36.879 You wouldn't in that way, You wouldn't with that energy. 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:41.160 You wouldn't say it to them with that kind of take. 0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:44.359 It would be said with more sensitivity, It would be 0:17:44.359 --> 0:17:46.960 said with more empathy. It would be said in a 0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:51.919 much more conscious, loving, thoughtful way. Think about that before 0:17:51.960 --> 0:17:55.440 you talk about anyone else, because that drains our energy, 0:17:55.920 --> 0:17:58.560 and it drains the purity that you have within you. 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:05.160 When we lose our compassion, we judge ourselves harsher. When 0:18:05.200 --> 0:18:10.120 we lose our empathy, we experience things that force us 0:18:10.119 --> 0:18:15.959 to be empathetic. Think about that extremely deeply. Another reason 0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:22.480 why talking about others with other people creates a superiority 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:27.400 complex and drains our energy is that it actually hides 0:18:28.000 --> 0:18:33.040 our deep seated feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. So rather 0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:35.480 than ours saying, yeah, you know what, I'm really struggling 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:37.359 with that, I want to be better than that, I 0:18:37.359 --> 0:18:40.880 want to do better than that, we actually hide how 0:18:40.880 --> 0:18:44.920 we really feel beneath all of that. So when we're 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:47.119 saying that, oh, can you believe it that so and 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:50.040 So's husband didn't take them on a vacation? Can you 0:18:50.119 --> 0:18:53.320 believe it that so and So's partner didn't turn up 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:57.400 to their birthday party? Whatever it is, we're actually triggered 0:18:57.400 --> 0:18:59.360 by that because there's some truth in it for our 0:18:59.400 --> 0:19:04.080 own life. We're feeling inadequate in our relationship, We're feeling 0:19:04.119 --> 0:19:08.240 insecure in our career. But instead of addressing that, instead 0:19:08.280 --> 0:19:10.199 of really getting to the root of that, instead of 0:19:10.240 --> 0:19:15.400 being cognizant of that, we hide away beneath feelings about 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:18.879 other people. We hide away just thinking, oh, well, everything's 0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:21.920 okay for us. But the truth is there's a part 0:19:21.960 --> 0:19:27.760 of us that's really yearning for seeking that validation. Instead 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:34.320 of letting this insecurity be hidden away, it can become 0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:37.919 so powerful when we acknowledge it and say, you know what, 0:19:38.720 --> 0:19:41.000 I'm actually going to work on this part of my life. 0:19:41.440 --> 0:19:45.439 You know what, I'm going to take accountability and responsibility 0:19:45.960 --> 0:19:50.320 for this in my life. So how do we do that? 0:19:51.800 --> 0:19:54.680 The first thing we need to do is become aware, 0:19:55.680 --> 0:20:00.840 aware of when we talk negatively about other people, aware 0:20:00.920 --> 0:20:03.760 of who we do it with. I'm sure you'll find 0:20:03.760 --> 0:20:06.960 a pattern. We generally talk about other people with the 0:20:07.040 --> 0:20:10.600 same people and we talk about them negatively in the 0:20:10.720 --> 0:20:14.560 same areas. So the first thing is to become aware 0:20:15.200 --> 0:20:18.399 who do we talk about, who do we talk about 0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:21.720 them with? Right, that's the first step. Who do we 0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:24.879 talk about and who do we talk about them with? 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:31.040 And start connecting with how it's draining your energy. Start 0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:34.320 becoming conscious of how it's draining your energy. We have 0:20:34.400 --> 0:20:37.760 to become really aware of how we feel drained after 0:20:37.800 --> 0:20:41.560 those conversations. During those conversations, maybe you get off a 0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:43.399 call and you realize you've been on that call for 0:20:43.440 --> 0:20:46.199 fifty two minutes, and you go, wow, I could have 0:20:46.280 --> 0:20:48.720 done something with that. Maybe you get off that call 0:20:48.800 --> 0:20:51.600 and you feel dirty and a bit filthy talking about 0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:53.919 that person. Maybe you get off that call and you 0:20:53.920 --> 0:20:56.600 feel guilty. Maybe you get off that call and you 0:20:56.640 --> 0:20:59.960 actually just feel bad about yourself, and then that leads 0:20:59.960 --> 0:21:05.159 to low self esteem, which loses motivation and moving on. First, 0:21:05.280 --> 0:21:08.479 become aware of who you talk about and who you 0:21:08.520 --> 0:21:11.560 talk about them with. The second thing I want you 0:21:11.600 --> 0:21:15.240 to become aware of is what does this show about you? 0:21:16.400 --> 0:21:20.120 What area of your life are you not addressing and 0:21:20.160 --> 0:21:25.639 becoming aware of Because you're talking about other people's problems. Often, 0:21:25.720 --> 0:21:30.280 when we're talking about other people's marriage problems, it's because 0:21:30.600 --> 0:21:34.800 we want to address something in our own marriage. When 0:21:34.800 --> 0:21:39.040 we spend our time talking negatively about other people's career challenges, 0:21:39.920 --> 0:21:43.760 it's because we want to address something in our workplace. 0:21:44.720 --> 0:21:49.639 This is the second step. Once you become aware, address 0:21:49.840 --> 0:21:54.240 what it is that you're feeling insecure about that, you're 0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:58.639 feeling anxious about. Where is it in your life that 0:21:58.840 --> 0:22:02.280 talking about someone else is making you feel better because 0:22:02.280 --> 0:22:07.719 you're not taking responsibility to actually do better, to be better, 0:22:08.359 --> 0:22:10.320 because I promise you as soon as you do, you 0:22:10.359 --> 0:22:15.240 will see your life change. Become so fixated on focusing 0:22:15.280 --> 0:22:18.639 on yourself that you don't have time to talk about 0:22:18.680 --> 0:22:23.119 anyone else. If you're building your home, if you're designing 0:22:23.160 --> 0:22:27.000 your home, if you're improving your career, you won't have 0:22:27.119 --> 0:22:30.480 time to talk about others. If you have time to 0:22:30.520 --> 0:22:34.920 talk about others, it is simply stealing time away from 0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:39.960 talking about what's most important to you. Think about that. 0:22:40.880 --> 0:22:45.040 And the third step is take action. Take action on 0:22:45.160 --> 0:22:49.240 transforming your life, Take action on developing that habit, Take 0:22:49.359 --> 0:22:53.119 action on improving your relationship, take action on focusing on 0:22:53.200 --> 0:22:58.159 your career, because that is the antidote. The antidote to 0:22:58.240 --> 0:23:01.560 stop talking to other people about the people is to 0:23:01.720 --> 0:23:06.520 start taking action in your own life. The second habit 0:23:07.280 --> 0:23:10.160 that will help you to stop draining energy in twenty 0:23:10.240 --> 0:23:14.720 twenty five is stop spending time with people who give 0:23:14.920 --> 0:23:21.600 unsolicited views, opinions, and feedback and stop giving it. Imagine 0:23:21.600 --> 0:23:25.280 this for a second. You're updating a friend, a family member, 0:23:25.440 --> 0:23:29.320 or a colleague about a challenge or experience you're going through. Now, 0:23:29.359 --> 0:23:33.199 without you even requesting it, they suddenly launch into a 0:23:33.400 --> 0:23:36.959 full thesis and masterclass on what you need to change, 0:23:37.320 --> 0:23:39.880 what you need to improve, why you're going through it, 0:23:40.040 --> 0:23:43.240 what you need to start eating, stop eating, start working out, 0:23:43.280 --> 0:23:46.600 don't do anymore. You didn't ask for it. You didn't 0:23:46.640 --> 0:23:50.959 encourage it either. You were just opening your heart. It 0:23:51.000 --> 0:23:55.360 can be so discouraging. I'm sure you've felt that before, 0:23:55.720 --> 0:23:59.280 where someone gives you unsolicited thoughts and views about your 0:23:59.320 --> 0:24:03.760 new hairstyle, about your new career, about the vacation you're taking. 0:24:04.480 --> 0:24:10.040 It can be so so disheartening. Now think about how 0:24:10.080 --> 0:24:13.680 often you do that as well. Be honest with yourself. 0:24:14.520 --> 0:24:18.119 It might be so subtle, right, it might be so 0:24:18.160 --> 0:24:21.040 subtle that you do it too, But think about that 0:24:21.080 --> 0:24:25.679 for a second. How often do we give unsolicited opinions, 0:24:26.080 --> 0:24:30.200 views and feedback and how often are we around people 0:24:30.240 --> 0:24:32.679 who give it to us? And do we drain energy 0:24:32.840 --> 0:24:38.280 thinking about it? There's something known as the social exchange theory. 0:24:39.320 --> 0:24:43.000 According to social exchange theory, relationships are based on a 0:24:43.040 --> 0:24:46.560 balance of give and take where both parties feel respected 0:24:46.600 --> 0:24:51.399 in value. Offering unsolicited feedback can create an imbalance, with 0:24:51.560 --> 0:24:57.040 the person receiving the feedback feels criticized, undervalued, or even dominated. 0:24:57.680 --> 0:25:01.159 This can weaken the relationship over time. You're either on 0:25:01.200 --> 0:25:03.800 the receiving end of that or you're giving it to 0:25:03.840 --> 0:25:07.520 other people. And it drains our energy because so often 0:25:07.560 --> 0:25:10.280 we give this feedback to others. Then we talk about 0:25:10.320 --> 0:25:13.120 why they haven't changed, Then we wonder why we wasted 0:25:13.160 --> 0:25:16.119 time giving them the advice, and all of that was 0:25:16.119 --> 0:25:18.439 a waste of time. Now, the truth is it can 0:25:18.520 --> 0:25:21.960 be well intentioned. You may truly have solved your gut 0:25:22.000 --> 0:25:25.639 issues by drinking celery juice. It may have worked for you. 0:25:25.640 --> 0:25:28.959 You may have truly solved your focus issues by working 0:25:28.960 --> 0:25:32.879 out every day. Your intentions may be beautiful and wonderful. 0:25:33.560 --> 0:25:38.560 But before giving someone unsolicited feedback, ask them, would you 0:25:38.680 --> 0:25:41.240 like to know what I did to help me? Would 0:25:41.280 --> 0:25:44.520 you be open to hearing about what was helpful? These 0:25:44.520 --> 0:25:50.840 two simple questions let that person give you permission, and 0:25:50.880 --> 0:25:56.680 that permission has an incredible psychological impact on them. A 0:25:56.720 --> 0:26:00.439 study by van Viernon and d Drew in two and 0:26:00.480 --> 0:26:04.639 one found that unsolicited feedback can lead to feelings of 0:26:04.720 --> 0:26:08.439 resentment and distrust. People are more likely to feel that 0:26:08.480 --> 0:26:13.280 the feedback giver is overstepping boundaries or being judgmental, which 0:26:13.320 --> 0:26:18.080 can damage interpersonal rapport and mutual respect. You may not 0:26:18.160 --> 0:26:20.520 even want to do that, but you may actually be 0:26:20.720 --> 0:26:24.560 draining a relationship of the good will that you've created. 0:26:25.320 --> 0:26:28.600 And studies have shown that when individuals are given feedback 0:26:28.640 --> 0:26:31.800 they didn't ask for, it can lead to a decrease 0:26:32.240 --> 0:26:36.879 in intrinsic motivation. When people feel like their actions are 0:26:36.920 --> 0:26:42.600 being externally regulated rather than self motivated, their intrinsic desire 0:26:42.680 --> 0:26:46.760 to perform the task diminishes. So not only are you 0:26:46.840 --> 0:26:50.320 limiting their ability to change, you're also limiting your own 0:26:50.400 --> 0:26:54.800 ability to change if you're not qualifying someone else's advice. 0:26:55.800 --> 0:26:59.960 And in a very extreme sense, there's a cumulative effect 0:27:00.080 --> 0:27:05.560 of criticism. Repeated exposure to unsolicited feedback, particularly if it 0:27:05.640 --> 0:27:10.320 is critical, can lead to feelings of helplessness or learned helplessness. 0:27:10.720 --> 0:27:14.160 This can also lead to exhaustion. Some of us are 0:27:14.240 --> 0:27:19.040 so exhausted hearing from people who are giving us unsolicited 0:27:19.119 --> 0:27:23.639 fus and feedback that we are drained of energy. Please 0:27:23.720 --> 0:27:27.679