1 00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:04,720 Speaker 1: Nothing has changed. We haven't got better, we haven't improved. 2 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:09,080 Speaker 1: We're not smarter, we're not wiser. We just think we are. 3 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 1: I know that this is a harsh reality, but it's 4 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:16,480 Speaker 1: going to help us. This is going to help us 5 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,639 Speaker 1: because we're going to get fifty two minutes back a 6 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:23,200 Speaker 1: day to invest into our dreams, invest into our goals, 7 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:28,800 Speaker 1: invest into our lives. The number one health and wellness podcast, 8 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:36,520 Speaker 1: Jay Sety Jay Setty Say set Hey, everyone, welcome back 9 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:41,600 Speaker 1: to On Purpose. It has been such a brilliant start 10 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:45,159 Speaker 1: to the year. I am loving seeing how engaged you are, 11 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,519 Speaker 1: how connected you are, how many episodes you're listening to, 12 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:52,559 Speaker 1: how many you're sharing with your community. It's incredible to 13 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:57,280 Speaker 1: see your dedication to personal growth and self improvement in 14 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: twenty twenty five. Thank you for show up for yourself. 15 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,680 Speaker 1: Thank you for showing up here for your future and 16 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 1: your success this year. Now, we've talked a lot about 17 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: setting up your goals, setting up your blueprint, understanding how 18 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:16,600 Speaker 1: to visualize, but I have to share with you something 19 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 1: that can make all the difference. This week's episode could 20 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:27,479 Speaker 1: actually be the difference maker between achieving your goals and 21 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,920 Speaker 1: just missing out on them. One of the biggest reasons 22 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 1: a lot of us miss out on our goals is 23 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:43,240 Speaker 1: because we're draining energy. We're losing energy, we're wasting energy. 24 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 1: This episode is all about how you can stop draining 25 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 1: your energy in twenty twenty five and how these three 26 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 1: habits will save you so much time. If you want 27 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,360 Speaker 1: twenty twenty five to be a year you attract greatness, 28 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:04,200 Speaker 1: this episode is for you. If you want twenty twenty 29 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 1: five to be a year you have good energy in 30 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 1: your life, this episode is for you. If you want 31 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:15,040 Speaker 1: twenty twenty five to be a year your friendships deepen, 32 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:20,680 Speaker 1: this episode is for you. Think about it for a moment. 33 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: You can drink as much water as you want, but 34 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:29,200 Speaker 1: if it's not clean, it won't have the desired impact. 35 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,399 Speaker 1: And sometimes in our life, we can be doing all 36 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 1: the habits, we can be doing all the tracking, we 37 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 1: can try and develop all the mindsets, but if our 38 00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 1: energy isn't clean, if our energy isn't detoxed, it all 39 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:48,919 Speaker 1: loses value. I'm sure you've experienced that before, where when 40 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 1: your energy's fuzzy, it seems like you don't have any clarity, 41 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,040 Speaker 1: you don't know where you're going, you don't know how 42 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 1: you're going to get there. And sometimes even if you 43 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:02,639 Speaker 1: have lots of uncertainty, if your energy's clear and clean, 44 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 1: you actually have everything right in front of you. You 45 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,880 Speaker 1: know what the next move is, You know what the 46 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:13,640 Speaker 1: next step is. That's what I want for you this year. Now, 47 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:17,960 Speaker 1: imagine if I told you you could get fifty two 48 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 1: minutes of your day back right now. Think about that 49 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 1: for a second. Imagine if I told you you could 50 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:30,080 Speaker 1: get fifty two minutes of your day back right now, 51 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:33,919 Speaker 1: what would you do with it? Would you read a book, 52 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:38,360 Speaker 1: start a passion project, maybe work on your side, hustle, 53 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:44,119 Speaker 1: spend more quality time with friends, sleep early. One thing 54 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 1: I know for sure is that what you would use 55 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: it to do something meaningful to you. But the majority 56 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:54,760 Speaker 1: of us don't even believe we have enough time. If 57 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 1: I told you to take fifty two minutes out for something, 58 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,440 Speaker 1: you'd say, Jay, I don't have it. I don't even 59 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 1: know where to find it. I want to, but I 60 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: don't know where it is. Well, guess what study show 61 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:13,880 Speaker 1: we spend fifty two minutes a day talking about gossiping 62 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:22,159 Speaker 1: about speaking about other people fifty two minutes. Whether it's 63 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:27,240 Speaker 1: harmless or hurtful. It is stealing time away from our lives. 64 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:32,600 Speaker 1: It's also draining our energy and wasting our time. Stop 65 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:37,839 Speaker 1: spending time with people who only talk about other people 66 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: and stop being one of those people who only talks 67 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:47,479 Speaker 1: about other people. Whether it's on the phone, whether it's messaging, 68 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:52,120 Speaker 1: whether it's in person. We waste fifty two minutes a 69 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:57,040 Speaker 1: day doing this one thing. The first way to stop 70 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 1: draining your energy in twenty twenty five is stop spending 71 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 1: time with people who only talk about other people and 72 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:09,279 Speaker 1: stop being one of those people who only talks about 73 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:14,279 Speaker 1: other people. Now here's the thing. Talking about other people 74 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:18,600 Speaker 1: feels good in the short term, but ultimately drains our 75 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:24,400 Speaker 1: energy because it often involves focusing on negative information about others. 76 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: This continues to strengthen our negativity bias, which means we 77 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 1: become better at seeing what's wrong with something then what's right. 78 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:38,559 Speaker 1: We become better at seeing what's bad rather than what's good, 79 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:42,920 Speaker 1: and we become better at seeing what's not working rather 80 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:47,080 Speaker 1: than what is and guess what. That seeps into our 81 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:53,479 Speaker 1: own positive relationships, career, opportunities, and lives. So many of 82 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:57,840 Speaker 1: us are wiring ourselves to only focus on the negative 83 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,640 Speaker 1: have you noticed how it it's actually not that difficult 84 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 1: to spot something wrong with something. I'm sure you've seen 85 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,919 Speaker 1: an Instagram caption and spotted a spelling mistake or a 86 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 1: grammar mistake. Maybe you saw someone post something on the 87 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,760 Speaker 1: stories and they'd made a mistake with the year that 88 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 1: they'd posted. Our minds are hardwired to spot what's wrong 89 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 1: with something. Now, while that can be a really useful skill, 90 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,040 Speaker 1: it can be really important to protect us in life, 91 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: and it is valuable. It becomes really hard for you 92 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 1: to create something beautiful, create something brilliant with that mindset, 93 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:39,280 Speaker 1: because whenever you have a good idea, you'll always find 94 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,799 Speaker 1: what's wrong with it. Whenever you have a good plan, 95 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 1: you'll always find its failure and weakness. And by the way, 96 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:49,520 Speaker 1: whenever your friends share their ideas or their inspiration, you'll 97 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:52,880 Speaker 1: be the first to shoot them down. So many of 98 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:58,160 Speaker 1: us don't realize how negativity creeps and seeps into our 99 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:04,040 Speaker 1: lives through goss, through talking badly about other people. And 100 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:07,680 Speaker 1: here's the reality. Talking about others can also lead to 101 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 1: feelings of guilt and anxiety. We think, what if that 102 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:16,280 Speaker 1: person finds out, what if they hear what I said 103 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:19,320 Speaker 1: about them. I didn't really mean it, Maybe I just 104 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 1: said it in the moment. I know that they're not 105 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 1: all bad. How will they feel? How will that affect 106 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 1: my relationship? And then we wonder what will the person 107 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 1: I've been gossiping with think about me? Wait a minute, 108 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:36,559 Speaker 1: will they gossip about me with other people? Wait a minute? 109 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 1: What will they say about me to that person? There 110 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:45,080 Speaker 1: is so much guilt and anxiety, worry and frustration that 111 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 1: comes from this same experience, And I want us to 112 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 1: become wiser to how much time we waste in this regard. Now, 113 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 1: we do it and other people do it because it 114 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:03,440 Speaker 1: makes us feel better. We talk about other people because 115 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:07,280 Speaker 1: it makes us feel better. But how can you truly 116 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:12,239 Speaker 1: feel better about yourself by talking badly about someone else? 117 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:17,160 Speaker 1: That's a fairly low bar. We believe we're doing well 118 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:21,520 Speaker 1: because someone else is doing poorly. Our marriage must be 119 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 1: going great because someone's getting divorced. Our career must be 120 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: going well because someone else is getting fired. Our health 121 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:35,000 Speaker 1: must be good because someone else is getting sick. It 122 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 1: creates a very low standard of success for ourselves and 123 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 1: creates a negative feeling towards others. Not to mention, it 124 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:48,880 Speaker 1: gives us a false sense of security. Our relationship isn't 125 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 1: actually getting stronger, we just feel it is. Our career 126 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: isn't actually going in the right direction, we just think 127 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 1: it is. Our health isn't actually improving. We don't actually 128 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 1: know much about it. This superiority complex creates fractures in 129 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:12,920 Speaker 1: our self image and connection with others. It misleads us 130 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 1: towards a better view of ourselves and an unhealthy view 131 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 1: of others, which isn't actually based on reality. This is 132 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 1: what's most worrying. When you're in a deep relationship with 133 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 1: someone who talks negatively about others, you walk away feeling 134 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 1: falsely better about yourself. You haven't actually changed anything, you 135 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 1: haven't actually improved anything, you haven't actually built a healthy, 136 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:41,720 Speaker 1: positive mindset in any way. Yet you're walking away having 137 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:46,719 Speaker 1: negative lower feelings towards someone else, and guess what, that 138 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 1: person doesn't even know it. It drains our energy because 139 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: it fools us into believing that we're on the right path, 140 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,080 Speaker 1: that we're on the right track, that we're moving in 141 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:04,559 Speaker 1: the right direction, when the reality is nothing has changed, 142 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 1: nothing has changed. We haven't got better, we haven't improved, 143 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:13,880 Speaker 1: we're not smarter, we're not wiser. We just think we are. 144 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: I know that this is a harsh reality, but it's 145 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 1: going to help us. This is going to help us 146 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,440 Speaker 1: because we're going to get fifty two minutes back a 147 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:28,000 Speaker 1: day to invest into our dreams, invest into our goals, 148 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:34,000 Speaker 1: invest into our lives. Now, what are some of the 149 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:38,200 Speaker 1: ways that talking about other people drains us even beyond 150 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:42,280 Speaker 1: just that fifty two minutes. The first is people with 151 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:47,800 Speaker 1: a superiority complex often come across as condescending or dismissive, 152 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,240 Speaker 1: and this can make others feel inferior, leading them to 153 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 1: pull away, disengage, or avoid interaction. Over time, this erodes 154 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:02,319 Speaker 1: trust and intimacy in relationship, even if we don't know it. 155 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:07,480 Speaker 1: We start to develop this perceived arrogance right. People feel 156 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 1: it from us, They feel it from our energy, and 157 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,560 Speaker 1: if you're not feeling it, you're feeling it from someone else. 158 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,520 Speaker 1: You will have a friend that they talk negatively about 159 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,200 Speaker 1: each other, and then you start to recognize that they 160 00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: come across arrogant and it disconnects us from them. So 161 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:25,560 Speaker 1: it drains our energy because we're now spending our time 162 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:31,320 Speaker 1: evaluating someone else's arrogance. It also leads to a lack 163 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 1: of connection. Healthy relationships require mutual respect, understanding, and vulnerability. 164 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 1: When one person feels above the other, it becomes difficult 165 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 1: to form true connections. The person with the superiority complex 166 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,960 Speaker 1: may fail to see others as equals, limiting the depth 167 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 1: of their interactions. So when you're talking to someone who 168 00:11:56,480 --> 00:12:01,240 Speaker 1: has this, who talks negatively about others, you actually can't 169 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,120 Speaker 1: even connect with them that well. Now every moment you 170 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,960 Speaker 1: spend with them, you feel disconnected from them, You feel 171 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,840 Speaker 1: disconnected from what they're talking about, and now you're trying 172 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 1: to manage it. I know what it feels like, right 173 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 1: when someone talks badly about someone to you. You now 174 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 1: don't know where to jump in. You don't know whether 175 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,880 Speaker 1: to join in. You're now wondering what they think of 176 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 1: you when you don't do that. All of this is 177 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 1: a waste of time and energy. I couldn't be more 178 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,160 Speaker 1: excited to share something truly special with all you tea 179 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,320 Speaker 1: lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, 180 00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:36,840 Speaker 1: if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good 181 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,000 Speaker 1: for you, listen to this RADI and I poured our 182 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 1: hearts into creating Juny sparkling tea with adaptogens for you 183 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,840 Speaker 1: because we believe in nurturing your body, and with every 184 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:52,559 Speaker 1: sip you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and 185 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 1: a burst of brightness to your day. Juni is infused 186 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 1: with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like 187 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,320 Speaker 1: superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress 188 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 1: and find balance in your busy life. Our super five 189 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:11,559 Speaker 1: blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ushwagandha acirola, 190 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:15,200 Speaker 1: cherry and Lion's made mushroom and these may help boost 191 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 1: your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, 192 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:24,480 Speaker 1: pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function even better. 193 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,920 Speaker 1: Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. 194 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:32,680 Speaker 1: We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying 195 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:37,199 Speaker 1: a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit Drinkjuni dot 196 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:41,360 Speaker 1: com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code 197 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:45,199 Speaker 1: on Purpose to receive fifteen percent off your first order. 198 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 1: That's drink Juni dot com and make sure you use 199 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 1: the code on purpose. Another reason that this drains our 200 00:13:55,360 --> 00:14:00,960 Speaker 1: energy is that it inhibits effective communication. Weapens is we 201 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 1: start to become dismissive of other people's opinions. People who 202 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:08,520 Speaker 1: start to feel this superiority tend to believe they know 203 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:12,960 Speaker 1: best or that their perspective is the only valid one. 204 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:17,640 Speaker 1: This creates a communication barrier because others feel unheard, dismissed, 205 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:21,800 Speaker 1: or invalidated. Now you may not be the person making 206 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,640 Speaker 1: other people feel this way, but you might start to 207 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 1: feel this way with a person who talks in this way. 208 00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 1: It's now affecting your relationship with them, which is affecting 209 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 1: your relationship with the people you're talking about. It also 210 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,080 Speaker 1: can create a sense of defensiveness. Right, I'm sure you've 211 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: got a friend where you're like, hey, let's not talk 212 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,200 Speaker 1: about that person. Hey, let's not do that, And then 213 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,040 Speaker 1: they get defensive. They may even say like, oh, stop 214 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 1: trying to act like a good person, Stop trying to 215 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 1: act like a holy person. You've got challenges too, And 216 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,000 Speaker 1: now it starts to create tension and friction there as well. 217 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:59,240 Speaker 1: One of my biggest concerns about how talking to people 218 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 1: who talk about a lo of other people decreases our 219 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:07,560 Speaker 1: energy and drains our energy is that it creates a 220 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 1: lack of empathy. This is a huge one that I 221 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:16,440 Speaker 1: want you to take in. So many of us don't 222 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:22,560 Speaker 1: realize that whatever experience you can't empathize with, you might 223 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 1: have to experience it. I've noticed this time and time again, 224 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: where when I've not been able to empathize with someone's 225 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:36,640 Speaker 1: experience that I've not experienced, life brings that experience into 226 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:41,200 Speaker 1: my life for me to experience it. All of a sudden, 227 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:45,800 Speaker 1: I can fully empathize with them. I was talking about 228 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,720 Speaker 1: this with a friend the other day because we were 229 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:52,600 Speaker 1: speaking about someone in our life who had been diagnosed 230 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,920 Speaker 1: with a particular condition, and so many of our friends 231 00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:02,480 Speaker 1: just couldn't understand. Of our friends just couldn't understand why 232 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 1: they were so stressed about it. The results came okay, 233 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,280 Speaker 1: the surgery went well, and I said, you have no 234 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:13,440 Speaker 1: idea of that trauma that that person's carrying now, that worry, 235 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 1: that anxiety that comes with it. It's not just about 236 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:22,360 Speaker 1: the diagnosis, It's about the interpretation that comes with it. 237 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 1: And what I've realized is everyone has a challenge in 238 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:30,400 Speaker 1: their life that no one tries to understand apart from themselves, 239 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,600 Speaker 1: and therefore when someone we know is going through something 240 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 1: we don't understand, don't judge it, empathize with it. But 241 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,120 Speaker 1: when we talk about other people like can you believe it? 242 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 1: They're overreacting to this? Can you believe it? Their life 243 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,720 Speaker 1: is so easy? Can you believe it? They have so 244 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 1: much money? Why are they worried about this? Can you 245 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,840 Speaker 1: believe it? That they already have children? Why should they 246 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 1: be upset if they've had a miscarriage? Like these are 247 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:58,880 Speaker 1: really the things people say. It's really sad that we 248 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: lose our ability to empathize with others when we talk 249 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:07,119 Speaker 1: about them without them being in the room. Don't say 250 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:11,919 Speaker 1: something about someone that you wouldn't say when they're not 251 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 1: in the room. If you wouldn't say something with someone 252 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:22,359 Speaker 1: being able to listen to your conversation, don't say it 253 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:26,480 Speaker 1: about them when they're not in that conversation. And the 254 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 1: truth is, sometimes we think, oh, I would say this 255 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,879 Speaker 1: to someone. Maybe you would, but you wouldn't in that tone. 256 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,879 Speaker 1: You wouldn't in that way, You wouldn't with that energy. 257 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:41,160 Speaker 1: You wouldn't say it to them with that kind of take. 258 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,359 Speaker 1: It would be said with more sensitivity, It would be 259 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 1: said with more empathy. It would be said in a 260 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:51,919 Speaker 1: much more conscious, loving, thoughtful way. Think about that before 261 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:55,440 Speaker 1: you talk about anyone else, because that drains our energy, 262 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 1: and it drains the purity that you have within you. 263 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:05,160 Speaker 1: When we lose our compassion, we judge ourselves harsher. When 264 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:10,120 Speaker 1: we lose our empathy, we experience things that force us 265 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:15,959 Speaker 1: to be empathetic. Think about that extremely deeply. Another reason 266 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:22,480 Speaker 1: why talking about others with other people creates a superiority 267 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:27,400 Speaker 1: complex and drains our energy is that it actually hides 268 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:33,040 Speaker 1: our deep seated feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. So rather 269 00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:35,480 Speaker 1: than ours saying, yeah, you know what, I'm really struggling 270 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,359 Speaker 1: with that, I want to be better than that, I 271 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,880 Speaker 1: want to do better than that, we actually hide how 272 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:44,920 Speaker 1: we really feel beneath all of that. So when we're 273 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,119 Speaker 1: saying that, oh, can you believe it that so and 274 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: So's husband didn't take them on a vacation? Can you 275 00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:53,320 Speaker 1: believe it that so and So's partner didn't turn up 276 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:57,400 Speaker 1: to their birthday party? Whatever it is, we're actually triggered 277 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,360 Speaker 1: by that because there's some truth in it for our 278 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 1: own life. We're feeling inadequate in our relationship, We're feeling 279 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: insecure in our career. But instead of addressing that, instead 280 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,199 Speaker 1: of really getting to the root of that, instead of 281 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:15,400 Speaker 1: being cognizant of that, we hide away beneath feelings about 282 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,879 Speaker 1: other people. We hide away just thinking, oh, well, everything's 283 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 1: okay for us. But the truth is there's a part 284 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:27,760 Speaker 1: of us that's really yearning for seeking that validation. Instead 285 00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:34,320 Speaker 1: of letting this insecurity be hidden away, it can become 286 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,919 Speaker 1: so powerful when we acknowledge it and say, you know what, 287 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 1: I'm actually going to work on this part of my life. 288 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:45,439 Speaker 1: You know what, I'm going to take accountability and responsibility 289 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:50,320 Speaker 1: for this in my life. So how do we do that? 290 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,680 Speaker 1: The first thing we need to do is become aware, 291 00:19:55,680 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 1: aware of when we talk negatively about other people, aware 292 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 1: of who we do it with. I'm sure you'll find 293 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,960 Speaker 1: a pattern. We generally talk about other people with the 294 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,600 Speaker 1: same people and we talk about them negatively in the 295 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 1: same areas. So the first thing is to become aware 296 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,399 Speaker 1: who do we talk about, who do we talk about 297 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 1: them with? Right, that's the first step. Who do we 298 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,879 Speaker 1: talk about and who do we talk about them with? 299 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 1: And start connecting with how it's draining your energy. Start 300 00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: becoming conscious of how it's draining your energy. We have 301 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,760 Speaker 1: to become really aware of how we feel drained after 302 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:41,560 Speaker 1: those conversations. During those conversations, maybe you get off a 303 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,399 Speaker 1: call and you realize you've been on that call for 304 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:46,199 Speaker 1: fifty two minutes, and you go, wow, I could have 305 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,720 Speaker 1: done something with that. Maybe you get off that call 306 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,600 Speaker 1: and you feel dirty and a bit filthy talking about 307 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,919 Speaker 1: that person. Maybe you get off that call and you 308 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 1: feel guilty. Maybe you get off that call and you 309 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,960 Speaker 1: actually just feel bad about yourself, and then that leads 310 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:05,159 Speaker 1: to low self esteem, which loses motivation and moving on. First, 311 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,479 Speaker 1: become aware of who you talk about and who you 312 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 1: talk about them with. The second thing I want you 313 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,240 Speaker 1: to become aware of is what does this show about you? 314 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:20,120 Speaker 1: What area of your life are you not addressing and 315 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:25,639 Speaker 1: becoming aware of Because you're talking about other people's problems. Often, 316 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:30,280 Speaker 1: when we're talking about other people's marriage problems, it's because 317 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:34,800 Speaker 1: we want to address something in our own marriage. When 318 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 1: we spend our time talking negatively about other people's career challenges, 319 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 1: it's because we want to address something in our workplace. 320 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:49,639 Speaker 1: This is the second step. Once you become aware, address 321 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:54,240 Speaker 1: what it is that you're feeling insecure about that, you're 322 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:58,639 Speaker 1: feeling anxious about. Where is it in your life that 323 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:02,280 Speaker 1: talking about someone else is making you feel better because 324 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:07,719 Speaker 1: you're not taking responsibility to actually do better, to be better, 325 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:10,320 Speaker 1: because I promise you as soon as you do, you 326 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:15,240 Speaker 1: will see your life change. Become so fixated on focusing 327 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,639 Speaker 1: on yourself that you don't have time to talk about 328 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:23,119 Speaker 1: anyone else. If you're building your home, if you're designing 329 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 1: your home, if you're improving your career, you won't have 330 00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:30,480 Speaker 1: time to talk about others. If you have time to 331 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:34,920 Speaker 1: talk about others, it is simply stealing time away from 332 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:39,960 Speaker 1: talking about what's most important to you. Think about that. 333 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:45,040 Speaker 1: And the third step is take action. Take action on 334 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 1: transforming your life, Take action on developing that habit, Take 335 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:53,119 Speaker 1: action on improving your relationship, take action on focusing on 336 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:58,159 Speaker 1: your career, because that is the antidote. The antidote to 337 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,560 Speaker 1: stop talking to other people about the people is to 338 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:06,520 Speaker 1: start taking action in your own life. The second habit 339 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,160 Speaker 1: that will help you to stop draining energy in twenty 340 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:14,720 Speaker 1: twenty five is stop spending time with people who give 341 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:21,600 Speaker 1: unsolicited views, opinions, and feedback and stop giving it. Imagine 342 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:25,280 Speaker 1: this for a second. You're updating a friend, a family member, 343 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 1: or a colleague about a challenge or experience you're going through. Now, 344 00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:33,199 Speaker 1: without you even requesting it, they suddenly launch into a 345 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:36,959 Speaker 1: full thesis and masterclass on what you need to change, 346 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,880 Speaker 1: what you need to improve, why you're going through it, 347 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,240 Speaker 1: what you need to start eating, stop eating, start working out, 348 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,600 Speaker 1: don't do anymore. You didn't ask for it. You didn't 349 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:50,959 Speaker 1: encourage it either. You were just opening your heart. It 350 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:55,360 Speaker 1: can be so discouraging. I'm sure you've felt that before, 351 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:59,280 Speaker 1: where someone gives you unsolicited thoughts and views about your 352 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:03,760 Speaker 1: new hairstyle, about your new career, about the vacation you're taking. 353 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:10,040 Speaker 1: It can be so so disheartening. Now think about how 354 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:13,680 Speaker 1: often you do that as well. Be honest with yourself. 355 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:18,119 Speaker 1: It might be so subtle, right, it might be so 356 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,040 Speaker 1: subtle that you do it too, But think about that 357 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:25,679 Speaker 1: for a second. How often do we give unsolicited opinions, 358 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:30,200 Speaker 1: views and feedback and how often are we around people 359 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,679 Speaker 1: who give it to us? And do we drain energy 360 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 1: thinking about it? There's something known as the social exchange theory. 361 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:43,000 Speaker 1: According to social exchange theory, relationships are based on a 362 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,560 Speaker 1: balance of give and take where both parties feel respected 363 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:51,399 Speaker 1: in value. Offering unsolicited feedback can create an imbalance, with 364 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 1: the person receiving the feedback feels criticized, undervalued, or even dominated. 365 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:01,159 Speaker 1: This can weaken the relationship over time. You're either on 366 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,800 Speaker 1: the receiving end of that or you're giving it to 367 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,520 Speaker 1: other people. And it drains our energy because so often 368 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 1: we give this feedback to others. Then we talk about 369 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,120 Speaker 1: why they haven't changed, Then we wonder why we wasted 370 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,119 Speaker 1: time giving them the advice, and all of that was 371 00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:18,439 Speaker 1: a waste of time. Now, the truth is it can 372 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:21,960 Speaker 1: be well intentioned. You may truly have solved your gut 373 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,639 Speaker 1: issues by drinking celery juice. It may have worked for you. 374 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,959 Speaker 1: You may have truly solved your focus issues by working 375 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:32,879 Speaker 1: out every day. Your intentions may be beautiful and wonderful. 376 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:38,560 Speaker 1: But before giving someone unsolicited feedback, ask them, would you 377 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:41,240 Speaker 1: like to know what I did to help me? Would 378 00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:44,520 Speaker 1: you be open to hearing about what was helpful? These 379 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:50,840 Speaker 1: two simple questions let that person give you permission, and 380 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:56,680 Speaker 1: that permission has an incredible psychological impact on them. A 381 00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:00,439 Speaker 1: study by van Viernon and d Drew in two and 382 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:04,639 Speaker 1: one found that unsolicited feedback can lead to feelings of 383 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,439 Speaker 1: resentment and distrust. People are more likely to feel that 384 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:13,280 Speaker 1: the feedback giver is overstepping boundaries or being judgmental, which 385 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 1: can damage interpersonal rapport and mutual respect. You may not 386 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,520 Speaker 1: even want to do that, but you may actually be 387 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:24,560 Speaker 1: draining a relationship of the good will that you've created. 388 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,600 Speaker 1: And studies have shown that when individuals are given feedback 389 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,800 Speaker 1: they didn't ask for, it can lead to a decrease 390 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:36,879 Speaker 1: in intrinsic motivation. When people feel like their actions are 391 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:42,600 Speaker 1: being externally regulated rather than self motivated, their intrinsic desire 392 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:46,760 Speaker 1: to perform the task diminishes. So not only are you 393 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:50,320 Speaker 1: limiting their ability to change, you're also limiting your own 394 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:54,800 Speaker 1: ability to change if you're not qualifying someone else's advice. 395 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:59,960 Speaker 1: And in a very extreme sense, there's a cumulative effect 396 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:05,560 Speaker 1: of criticism. Repeated exposure to unsolicited feedback, particularly if it 397 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:10,320 Speaker 1: is critical, can lead to feelings of helplessness or learned helplessness. 398 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:14,160 Speaker 1: This can also lead to exhaustion. Some of us are 399 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:19,040 Speaker 1: so exhausted hearing from people who are giving us unsolicited 400 00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:23,639 Speaker 1: fus and feedback that we are drained of energy. Please 401 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:27,679 Speaker 1: create a distance, a boundary and a barrier from this energy. 402 00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 1: You don't deserve it, and it also becomes extremely, extremely 403 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,520 Speaker 1: difficult for you to continue to tolerate it. If you're 404 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:38,760 Speaker 1: someone who's struggling around a group of people, please feel 405 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:44,240 Speaker 1: free to set boundaries, set barriers, and distance yourself. And 406 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:47,280 Speaker 1: the third and final habit is stop spending time with 407 00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:51,600 Speaker 1: people who only talk about themselves and stop talking just 408 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:55,159 Speaker 1: about yourself. It's so important that we spend time with 409 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,680 Speaker 1: people who are curious about us and we are curious 410 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,600 Speaker 1: about others. We feel drained when we're constantly just hearing 411 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:06,960 Speaker 1: about someone else's stresses, pains and problems, and we kind 412 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:08,679 Speaker 1: of do it because we want to people please. We 413 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:10,760 Speaker 1: want to be good, we want to be nice, we 414 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,880 Speaker 1: want to be seen as nice, but actually encouraging them 415 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:17,880 Speaker 1: to get help, encouraging them to spread their support, introducing 416 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,640 Speaker 1: them to great insights podcast places to turn to can 417 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,720 Speaker 1: make a huge difference. I really believe these three habits 418 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,359 Speaker 1: will help you reclaim your energy in twenty twenty five. 419 00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:33,560 Speaker 1: Stop draining your energy and start protecting it. Wish you 420 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,280 Speaker 1: all the best. I'm so excited for this year and 421 00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:39,480 Speaker 1: our continued journey of growth together and I can't wait 422 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:42,120 Speaker 1: for you to listen to the next episode. Remember there 423 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:46,120 Speaker 1: are new episodes every Monday and every Friday. Every Monday 424 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,600 Speaker 1: we have a new guest session, and every Friday we 425 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 1: have a new workshop. Make sure to tune in and 426 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,880 Speaker 1: remember we have six years of episodes available for you 427 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,200 Speaker 1: to go back and listen to. Thanks for being a 428 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:01,719 Speaker 1: part of On Purpose. I appreciate at you. Remember I'm 429 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:05,000 Speaker 1: forever in your corner and always rooting for you. If 430 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:08,440 Speaker 1: you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with doctor 431 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:12,920 Speaker 1: Julie Smith on unblocking negative emotions and how to embrace 432 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:16,120 Speaker 1: difficult feelings. You've just got to be motivated every day 433 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 1: and if you're not, then what are you doing? And 434 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,800 Speaker 1: actually humans don't work that way motivation. You have to 435 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:23,960 Speaker 1: treat it like any other emotion. Some days it will 436 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,080 Speaker 1: be there, some days it won't