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Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight from Coast to Coast am on

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Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and welcome back to Coast to Coast George Nor

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Speaker 1: with you. David Edy as a certified executor adviser who

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Speaker 1: has worked in the financial planning industry in Montreal for

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Speaker 1: more than thirty five years. He has advised hundreds of clients,

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Speaker 1: written more than two hundred articles about personal finance, shared

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Speaker 1: his expertise on radio and television programs. But David is

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Speaker 1: not just an expert. He's someone who knows this topic

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Speaker 1: inside and out and cares from personal experience, having spent

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Speaker 1: seven years and fifty thousand dollars in legal fees to

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Speaker 1: come to an agreement with his siblings over his parents' estate,

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Speaker 1: and that with a written will, grief, frustration, stress, that

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Speaker 1: experiences were life altering for David. He was determined to

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Speaker 1: write this book, Executor Help, in order to help others

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Speaker 1: successfully navigate the difficult tasks of a state plan an

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Speaker 1: executorship so that their families could stay together rather than

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Speaker 1: fall apart. David, Welcome to the program. Fascinating subject, George,

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Speaker 1: Thanks for having me. It's a pleasure. I gotta tell you.

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Speaker 1: I must know five or six families who are or

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Speaker 1: have squabbled after their parents have died. It's it's horrible,

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Speaker 1: it's unbelievable. Well, and that's the reason how I came

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Speaker 1: up with the idea for the book. Every time I

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Speaker 1: would talk about what I was going through, and when

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Speaker 1: you were introducing me, or you left out my ten

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Speaker 1: quarter appearances, and I also took time out to have

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Speaker 1: triple bypass surgery. Anytime I to get everything done. Anytime

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Speaker 1: I would talk about what I was going through, I

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Speaker 1: hear about an executor telling me a problem he was

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Speaker 1: going through, or I hear about one other family, you know,

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Speaker 1: falling apart. It's it's not uncommon. This problem happens every day,

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Speaker 1: and you know, it's it's difficult for people to handle grief.

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Speaker 1: And we should just preface at the beginning here. But

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Speaker 1: we're talking about here. It's not a sexy topic. No

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Speaker 1: one wants to talk about death. But while they're alert,

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Speaker 1: everybody that's listening right now, even you and I, George,

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Speaker 1: we're going to die. And I'm going to say it

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Speaker 1: probably a couple of times during our time together. We

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Speaker 1: want to leave a legacy, not a legacy and a

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Speaker 1: mess and a family squabbles is just one part of

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Speaker 1: a problem of an estate and families will fall apart,

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Speaker 1: and there's a couple of things that have to take

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Speaker 1: place for you know, in a state to be settled easily.

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Speaker 1: Can these things be taken care of properly before someone

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Speaker 1: dies so there are no hassles absolutely. First off, you

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Speaker 1: should start off with basically a will. Unfortunately, sixty percent

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Speaker 1: of Americans don't have an a state or a state

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Speaker 1: plan or a will. And it's more likely that men

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Speaker 1: are going to have a will than women will. So

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Speaker 1: that's just the basics. You have to start there. And

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Speaker 1: then if you do have a will, the next thing

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Speaker 1: is you need to have the conversations. And the conversations

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Speaker 1: have to start with the executor, that's the person that

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Speaker 1: you're going to choose to make sure that the estate

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Speaker 1: is settled properly, and then you also want to have

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Speaker 1: the conversation with your beneficiaries. Actually, what reason why families

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Speaker 1: break down? There's three types of families. There's a family

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Speaker 1: that doesn't do absolutely anything. They haven't got a will,

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Speaker 1: they don't talk about things. There's a family that does

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Speaker 1: have a will, but they let they let the paper

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Speaker 1: work speak for themselves and it's a secret and it's

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Speaker 1: going to be a surprise when the estate is open.

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Speaker 1: And then there's a family that's going to have the

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Speaker 1: communications and that's not only thinking about this generation, but

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Speaker 1: they're thinking about the next generations for coming up and

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Speaker 1: that they're going to have those conversations and teach them,

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Speaker 1: you know, their values and what's coming down the pike

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Speaker 1: for them, because you really don't know about somebody until

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Speaker 1: you have to share an inheritance but them. And I

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Speaker 1: found that out in my situation where one sibling, even

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Speaker 1: though my parents had a will, they couldn't abide by

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Speaker 1: you know what my parents want and you know if

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Speaker 1: we were three individuals and the one thing that my

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Speaker 1: parents didn't do and I come to it came to

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Speaker 1: the realization when I was writing the book is that

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Speaker 1: they didn't have that conversation with And that's where I

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Speaker 1: ended up with that seven years, ten quarter appearances, fifty

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Speaker 1: thousand dollars in legal fees. What is it about money,

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Speaker 1: David that keeps people fighting? Well, when it comes to

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Speaker 1: an estate, the money will change people. It's unbelievable. And

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Speaker 1: that's where families break up, is that some when you're

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Speaker 1: leaving an estate, you see leaving a legacy to an inheritance,

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Speaker 1: an inheritance to beneficiaries, you see it as something that

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Speaker 1: you're leaving them to help them. Whereas you flip at

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Speaker 1: the other side, someone who's going to be receiving this money,

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Speaker 1: they are going to see it as as money coming

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Speaker 1: to them, something that's owed to them. And that's where

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Speaker 1: we run into a problem where what we call the

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Speaker 1: curse of inheritance, a friend of mine calling that phrase,

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Speaker 1: and it's it's what it is, is based on money

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Speaker 1: and greed, and people have a sense of self entitlement.

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Speaker 1: And that was my ended up being my problem with

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Speaker 1: one of my siblings. A sense of self entitlement and

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Speaker 1: they forget to see their siblings or family members as

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Speaker 1: human beings and they're only interested about themselves. We're going

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Speaker 1: to take calls next hour with David, and if you've

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Speaker 1: gone through this kind of a situation, folks, definitely share

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Speaker 1: your story with us. David, executive, help tell me who

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Speaker 1: you wrote it for. Well, it's twofold. It's for someone

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Speaker 1: who's been asked to be an executor. And that's a

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Speaker 1: problem that people take on the job and they absolutely

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Speaker 1: because none of us are are, you know, prone to

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Speaker 1: understand what the job entails. But you're looking to spend

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Speaker 1: anywhere about one hundred hours, anywhere from eighteen to twenty

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Speaker 1: four months, and since the pandemic, it might take even

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Speaker 1: longer to settle someone's estate. Now, you don't have to

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Speaker 1: take on the job, and that's where a lot of

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Speaker 1: people get caught up. You don't have to accept the job,

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Speaker 1: but it's people take on the job because this is

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Speaker 1: the one last favor that someone has entrusted with you

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Speaker 1: and you don't want to let them down. But in

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Speaker 1: the whole realm scheme of things, you are now in

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Speaker 1: a situation where you've got to settle the estate, you've

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Speaker 1: got to pay the right amount of taxes, you've got

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Speaker 1: to deal with beneficiaries that are going to be unreasonable,

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Speaker 1: and you've got to do all this during your working hours,

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Speaker 1: so you're gonna have to take time off from work,

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Speaker 1: and you've got to get this all done so that

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Speaker 1: you don't put yourself in a libel situation where the

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Speaker 1: beneficiaries you know, will hold you responsible, or the tax

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Speaker 1: department will hold you talk responsible. Go ahead, David, And

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Speaker 1: then the other part the book has written also for

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Speaker 1: individual who's setting up their estate and they want to

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Speaker 1: make sure that they put their executor and the right

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Speaker 1: frame of mind and they understand what the responsibilities are.

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Speaker 1: They're going to make it easier for them to do

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Speaker 1: the job. And it's not only about the money, and

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of things that they have to do.

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Speaker 1: They also have to be concerned about making sure that

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Speaker 1: they're executor is concerned about their digital assets, which are

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Speaker 1: you know, anything that you've ever created, purchased or done online.

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Speaker 1: For example, if you've got word documents or you've got

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Speaker 1: pds or digital documents. You know, you need to make

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Speaker 1: sure that your executor knows where all those passwords are.

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Speaker 1: And digital assets can be your email address, social media accounts,

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Speaker 1: you're banking online, anything that's in the cloud and storage.

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Speaker 1: But you also want to prepare them with your digital assets,

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Speaker 1: and you want to have that conversation and make sure

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Speaker 1: that they're understand what your wishes are. And then you

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Speaker 1: also want to have the conversations with the beneficiaries and

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Speaker 1: your airs and you explain it to them. They may

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Speaker 1: not like what you say, but that doesn't matter. It's

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Speaker 1: your state. So I've put in the book also I

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Speaker 1: prepare your executor, and also how to have those conversations.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you're you're, you're, you're right. So many people

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Speaker 1: don't know what their parents have, where they have it,

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Speaker 1: or where anybody is. I had a friend of mine

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Speaker 1: who passed away in December of two thou eighteen, but

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Speaker 1: he was always telling me his aunt, who was ninety

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Speaker 1: four years old, was going to leave him two hundred

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Speaker 1: and fifty thousand dollars, and we always joked, She's going

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Speaker 1: to outlive you, and you know what. He So he

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Speaker 1: dies in the December of twenty eighteen. She dies in

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Speaker 1: February of two thousand nineteen. She outlives him by two months.

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Speaker 1: And whoever gets the two hundred and fifty thousand in

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Speaker 1: that family, who knows well, then it would be up

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Speaker 1: to did he make sure that if the estate was

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Speaker 1: going to pass to him the two hundred fifty thousand dollars,

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Speaker 1: did he make sure that his a state but we

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Speaker 1: know that took two hundred fifty thousand dollars or whatever

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Speaker 1: he would master during his lifetime. Did he prepare his

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Speaker 1: is the next generation his beneficiary? No, I don't think

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Speaker 1: I don't think he did one. He didn't think he

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Speaker 1: was going to die, and I don't because he didn't

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Speaker 1: have the money directly in his hands, right. I believe

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Speaker 1: he didn't think it was his to even put in

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Speaker 1: it into his will, and I'm not sure he even

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Speaker 1: had one. And that's that's the problem. We need to

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Speaker 1: make sure. The bottom line is that you've got a will,

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Speaker 1: you've got healthcare directive, so something was to happen. Intensive

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Speaker 1: care is no place to find out that mom and

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Speaker 1: dad doesn't have a will. And you can't have a

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Speaker 1: meaningful conversation with anybody when they're on a respirator. So

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Speaker 1: you need to make sure that you organize yourself, that

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Speaker 1: you again leave a legacy, not a legacy in a mess.

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Speaker 1: And one of the biggest fights always occurs, David, when

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Speaker 1: the let's let's say the father gets a divorce from

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Speaker 1: the mother your years ago, gets remarried and everybody can't

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Speaker 1: stand the person he married. Yeah, that's in the book.

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Speaker 1: I call that the triangle of conflict. If you've got

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Speaker 1: one of these elements and you're an executor, and you

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Speaker 1: have to end one of these elements, the first element

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Speaker 1: if there's no will, the second element if there's a

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Speaker 1: second marriage or the third element, the siblings or the

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Speaker 1: family members don't get along if you've got just one

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Speaker 1: of those elements, and in a state, you've got a

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Speaker 1: whole lot of problems that you've got to deal with,

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Speaker 1: and it's going to take even longer to set all

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Speaker 1: out of state because the siblings or the children from

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Speaker 1: the first marriage or the second marriage. It depends on

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Speaker 1: how you organized it so that there's not going to

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Speaker 1: be any family fights. And again that's where the having

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Speaker 1: those conversations with the family is going to be beneficial

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Speaker 1: and you need to do that. But second marriages it's

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Speaker 1: a big red flag and a big problem for a mistake.

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Speaker 1: How many family members don't sit down with their next

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Speaker 1: of kim to talk about this a lot because they

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Speaker 1: either avoid it to procrastinate. Is it uncomfortable? Yeah, people

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Speaker 1: talking about death is as uncomfortable, and that's the problem.

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Speaker 1: We don't have those conversations. I get it, it's uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: And even in my case as an advisor, I had

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Speaker 1: my parents come in the office and we had the

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Speaker 1: will done, but I couldn't be in the in the

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Speaker 1: room while they were having the will drawn up, and

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Speaker 1: I sit with sat with clients over my thirty five years.

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Speaker 1: Excuse me, and I just couldn't do it. But my

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Speaker 1: sister was in there with them because I couldn't stand

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Speaker 1: talk talking about my parents. Don't mind, do you mean emotionally?

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Speaker 1: You mean? Yes? I just couldn't. I just couldn't do it.

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Speaker 1: I don't blame me, and that was a mistake for me.

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Speaker 1: And then what they didn't do, even once they had

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Speaker 1: the will drawn up, is that they never sat down

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Speaker 1: with the three of us and say everything is going

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Speaker 1: to be split three ways. I mean I knew what

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Speaker 1: was in the will, and one or the other other

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Speaker 1: siblings know, but there was a third sibling who didn't know.

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Speaker 1: And that was on them that they should have brought

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Speaker 1: us down and say everything's going to be split three ways.

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Speaker 1: We don't want to have any problems, and this is

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Speaker 1: why we did what we did. But families don't do that.

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Speaker 1: Like I said, they'll say, you know, we get together

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Speaker 1: at Christmas or the holidays, Thanksgiving, and we all get along.

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Speaker 1: There's no problems. But you have no idea how they're

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Speaker 1: gonna they're gonna behave once you're gone. So you shouldn't

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Speaker 1: fool yourself. Have absolutely no idea how your anticipate how

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Speaker 1: your family is going to respond to their inheritance after

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Speaker 1: it happens, and then it's going to be too late.

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Speaker 1: So ideally what you want to do even though your

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Speaker 1: family members like each other right now, but at a minimum,

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Speaker 1: they accept each other and agree to respect each other

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Speaker 1: right now while you're alive, and you can prepare them

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Speaker 1: for the future when you're no longer there and you're

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Speaker 1: probably seen as the stabilizing presence in the family. How

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Speaker 1: far does the line go of who has the right

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Speaker 1: to sue you or sue an a state, Well, if

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Speaker 1: the executor, And where the executor will fall down is

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Speaker 1: that they get a little bit intimidated by the beneficiaries.

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Speaker 1: And it doesn't take much for beneficiaries to want to

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Speaker 1: take somebody an executive or court, either to have you

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Speaker 1: removed or to contest the will. So what I suggest

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Speaker 1: is that the executor have keep open communication with the beneficiaries,

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Speaker 1: you know, maybe a zoom call every two weeks or

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Speaker 1: an email let them know what's going on. If you

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Speaker 1: don't have any communication, if that opens yourself up to

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Speaker 1: they are saying, well, he's up to something or she's

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Speaker 1: up to something and you know what's going on taking

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Speaker 1: so long again because it comes back to I'm entitled

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Speaker 1: to some money, whereas it what's taking so long? Executive

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Speaker 1: and beneficiaries have absolutely no idea what's entailed to settle

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Speaker 1: in the state, the amount of work, like I said,

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Speaker 1: one hundred hours to get the stuff done. Take us

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Speaker 1: through the death of a loved one, David, if you would,

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Speaker 1: and are the what are the steps the person dies

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Speaker 1: and let's assume we don't have an executor. They don't know,

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Speaker 1: they don't know where the money is. What are the

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Speaker 1: first things you do? Well, if you don't have an

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Speaker 1: executor and you don't have a will, then you're dying

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Speaker 1: in test date. But now what you've done is you've

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Speaker 1: now got the courts involved. So now it's going to

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Speaker 1: be depending on the state that you're in, it'll be

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Speaker 1: broken down in terms of how long not even how long,

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Speaker 1: but how the estate will be divided divided up. But

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Speaker 1: again we're getting involved with the courts, so that's going

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Speaker 1: to take a lot longer. Again without you know, the

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Speaker 1: basics of just having a will, you just made it

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Speaker 1: a lot more easier for your family and who has

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Speaker 1: precedence over somebody's estate. I mean, does the child have

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Speaker 1: more ground than the ex wife or are they equals?

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Speaker 1: It depends on the state the estate and the state

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Speaker 1: that you're in, and it probably will be broken down

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Speaker 1: by the wife and then a percentage we've broken to

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Speaker 1: the children. Then if it's not the children, then if

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Speaker 1: the children's children or a grandparent. So there's there's a

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Speaker 1: percentage that will be a broken down with broken down to.

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Speaker 1: But again you've got the courts involved, and we all

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Speaker 1: know that they don't move very quickly. So why would

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Speaker 1: you want to put leave put your family in that

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Speaker 1: situation by not having a will. I know, in my

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Speaker 1: particular case, when my father passed away, which we did

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Speaker 1: really not expect he was eighty eight, everything went to

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Speaker 1: my mother as it should as it should, and I

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Speaker 1: have instructed my mother, who's going to be ninety three

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Speaker 1: in May. I hope she lives to two hundred. I mean,

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Speaker 1: she acts young enough, but I told her, I says, Mom,

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Speaker 1: I want everything that you were going to give me

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Speaker 1: to go to my three kids. I want to divide

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Speaker 1: it up that way. I don't want to see a dime.

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Speaker 1: And I mean that's the way I wanted it, and

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Speaker 1: I think that's what she's taken care of. And my

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Speaker 1: sister's her executor. Okay, so then once it's done, and

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Speaker 1: your mom should sit down with you and your sister

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Speaker 1: and say, okay, this is what I've done. And George,

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Speaker 1: I hear what you said, and I'm leaving it to

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Speaker 1: the three kids and they understand. But that's gonna be

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Speaker 1: left to the end, and then maybe it's up to

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Speaker 1: you to have a conversation with them before it happens.

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Speaker 1: With you know your mom leaves us, is that you

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Speaker 1: know you will be coming into your grandmother's going to

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Speaker 1: be leaving you part of your estate, and you need

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Speaker 1: to prepare them for whatever the value of the amounts

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Speaker 1: can be coming to them, so they don't just burn

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Speaker 1: the money just like that. I think one of the

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Speaker 1: issues to David and you've you've talked about this is

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Speaker 1: people are uncomfortable talking about death to somebody else. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and they don't want to come across as being greedy

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Speaker 1: or anything like that. You know, like, you know, let's

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Speaker 1: talk about your assets. You know, you're you're in your nineties,

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Speaker 1: it's time to talk about Nobody wants to do that. Exactly.

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Speaker 1: It's a fine line. But you, like I said, intensive

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Speaker 1: care is no place to find out that mom and

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Speaker 1: dad hasn't done anything or they don't have a will.

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Speaker 1: But you need to have those conversations. But it can't

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Speaker 1: be you know, a conversation that you're going to have

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Speaker 1: at the Thanksgiving a table and say, hey, I'm not

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Speaker 1: leaving anything to you know you kids, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: give it to charity. Can you pass the gravy? That's

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Speaker 1: not the best time to do. That you might do

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Speaker 1: is you might you might want to do is sit

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Speaker 1: down and say, you know what, we're getting together over

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Speaker 1: the holidays, maybe two days after Thanksgiving our Christmas. I

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Speaker 1: just want to, you know, bring up some things that's happened.

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Speaker 1: I've made some changes to my will or I've done

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Speaker 1: some things with my will, and these are these are

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Speaker 1: my wishes, this is what I want to happen. Listen

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Speaker 1: to more Coast to Coast AM every weeknight at one

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Speaker 1: am Eastern and go to Coast to Coast am dot

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Speaker 1: com for more