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Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of the Psychology of Your Twenties.

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Speaker 1: New listeners, old listeners, it's so great to have you here.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in. Each week, we like to

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Speaker 1: break down some kind of event or experience or situation

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Speaker 1: that we go through in our twenties and provide a

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Speaker 1: bit of a psychological explanation to hopefully provide those of

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Speaker 1: us who are listening who are going through this with

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Speaker 1: some comfort and with some education as well. So today

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Speaker 1: we're going to talk about something a bit serious, but

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Speaker 1: something I think is quite universal during this decade of life,

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Speaker 1: and that's feeling unhappy. That's feeling that things aren't going

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Speaker 1: particularly well, feeling a bit blue, feeling a bit down.

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Speaker 1: I think our twenties are such a tumultuous decade, but

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Speaker 1: they're also such an amazing decade. And sometimes I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you've had this experience, I definitely we look

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Speaker 1: around at our lives and everything is going according to plan.

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Speaker 1: Everything is going perfect. We have an amazing family, we

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Speaker 1: have friends, we have a partner, we have a roof

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Speaker 1: over our head, so many things to be grateful for.

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Speaker 1: You know, maybe you've have your dream job, you've gotten

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Speaker 1: into your dream course. Everything is perfect, and yet we

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Speaker 1: just don't feel happy. Something is wrong. Even though we

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Speaker 1: have everything that people see as indicators of happiness and

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Speaker 1: indicators of success, something just doesn't feel quite right. I

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Speaker 1: think that is such a common shared experience of those

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Speaker 1: of us who are in our twenties right now, and

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Speaker 1: often what a company is that feeling, that feeling that

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Speaker 1: we're not happy despite having every reason to be, is

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Speaker 1: a sense of guilt and shame for not being grateful enough,

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Speaker 1: a sense of confusion. You know what's wrong with me

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Speaker 1: that I can't fully appreciate and be in the present

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Speaker 1: and feel grateful and enjoy this period and this decade

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Speaker 1: of my life. But I think it's a really common experience,

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Speaker 1: one that's not spoken about enough to have periods of

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Speaker 1: really intense unhappiness. So if that is you, I really

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Speaker 1: hope that this episode allows us to kind of break

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Speaker 1: down some of the stigma and some of the confusion

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Speaker 1: and the ambiguity around how normal it is to go

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Speaker 1: through periods like this and kind of break away from

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Speaker 1: that sense of guilt and shame that accompanies it. I

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Speaker 1: think we can't always control our emotional reactions and our

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Speaker 1: emotional state, the same way that we can't always control

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Speaker 1: our external world, the external stresses and expectations that are

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Speaker 1: placed that are placed on us. So for those of

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Speaker 1: us who are asking that very question right now, why

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Speaker 1: am I not happy? This episode is for you to

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Speaker 1: feel hopefully a little bit less alone. If you're feeling

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Speaker 1: a bit sad, a bit blue, a bit down, and

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Speaker 1: looking for an explanation, but also looking for some encouragement,

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Speaker 1: I think you've come to the right place. We can

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Speaker 1: hopefully share a moment and be a little bit miserable together,

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Speaker 1: but then also think about what's next and how to

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Speaker 1: get out of this rut. I think the mission of

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Speaker 1: this show from day one has been to provide people

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Speaker 1: like myself who are in their twenties with the space

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Speaker 1: for vulnerability to kind of share the good, the bad,

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Speaker 1: the ugly of this decade. And I've always tried to

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Speaker 1: keep it quite vulnerable. I think, if we're being honest

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Speaker 1: right now, I'm definitely going through this. I'm asking myself

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Speaker 1: this question of like, why am I not happy? Why

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Speaker 1: am I not happy like I like I should be.

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Speaker 1: I have every single thing that I want. You know,

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Speaker 1: this show, this podcast is doing so well. I get

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Speaker 1: so many amazing, beautiful messages from people like yourself, from

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Speaker 1: my listeners telling me how much they enjoy it, feeling

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Speaker 1: like they have a sense of community. I feel so grateful.

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Speaker 1: You know, I've got a great job, I have the

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Speaker 1: best relationships with my friends and my family that I've

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Speaker 1: ever had. I feel so at peace, but there are

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Speaker 1: still these really you know, sad moments where nothing makes

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Speaker 1: me happy. Something feels like it's missing. The excitement of life,

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Speaker 1: and the excitement of this like really amazing moment just

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Speaker 1: isn't really sinking in, and it's kind of an awful feeling.

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Speaker 1: I will admit I'm kind of struggling at the moment,

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Speaker 1: and I'm sure there are many of those of you

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Speaker 1: who are out there who are listening to this who

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Speaker 1: are struggling as well. I think this episode is really

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Speaker 1: I think, yeah, it's really about having a discussion about this,

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Speaker 1: normalizing this experience, and it provides me with this weird

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Speaker 1: opportunity where I get to kind of say my say

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Speaker 1: to you what I would want to say to myself,

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Speaker 1: the things that would bring me comfort, the things that

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Speaker 1: would make me feel better. So I'm hoping that you're

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Speaker 1: able to relate to what we're going to talk about today,

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Speaker 1: some of the psychological explanations, the social, the cultural, the

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Speaker 1: biological explanations for why we're unhappy. So let's talk about it.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk about what it feels like when everything is

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Speaker 1: going right, but we still can't seem to really appreciate

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Speaker 1: that moment. That's what we're going to discuss today. Why

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Speaker 1: do we find ourselves in periods of unhappiness or so

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Speaker 1: called depressive seasons, and what is the psychological explanation behind that.

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Speaker 1: We're going to talk about what it means to be happy,

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Speaker 1: what the definition of happiness is, why it's so subjective,

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Speaker 1: you know, some of the biological and environmental and cultural

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Speaker 1: reasons why we might be experiencing a really depressive and

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Speaker 1: low period. But then also some of the ways that

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Speaker 1: we can kind of move on from that, some of

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Speaker 1: the ways that we can expand our horizons, expand our

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Speaker 1: vision in a healthy way, in a way that is

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Speaker 1: sustainable in a way that is validating of our emotions

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Speaker 1: and our experiences. We're all about vulnerability here, but we're

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Speaker 1: also all about growth. So if this is you, if

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Speaker 1: you relate to any of the things that I've talked about,

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Speaker 1: you're in the right place, strapping. I'm excited. Let's learn

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Speaker 1: some things. Let's be a little bit miserable, well, be

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Speaker 1: a little bit sad together today and hopefully come out

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Speaker 1: the other end. So I think it's pretty appropriate to

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Speaker 1: begin this episode by talking about happiness and maybe even

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Speaker 1: talking about the definition of happiness. It's such an elusive

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Speaker 1: kind of emotional state, It's such an elusive word. I

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Speaker 1: think the thing that's really interesting about happiness is that

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Speaker 1: it's one of those weird phenomena when we only really

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Speaker 1: know it and can recognize happiness when we feel it,

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Speaker 1: and we only really are conscious of it during its absence.

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Speaker 1: You know, there are so many periods in life where

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Speaker 1: you know, we're neither happy, we're neither sad, and we

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Speaker 1: don't really seem to think about it much. But it's

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Speaker 1: during those low points and during those really high points

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Speaker 1: that we're quite we're you know, happiness is really on

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Speaker 1: our minds and we're really thinking about it. I think

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Speaker 1: happiness is also really hard to create artificially. You know,

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Speaker 1: we might try through self care and exercise and eating

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Speaker 1: healthily and receiving physical touch and support and comfort from

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Speaker 1: our loved ones, and that's amazing, but sometimes we're in

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Speaker 1: such a state where that can only go so far.

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Speaker 1: And of course there are also so many unhealthy practices

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Speaker 1: that we also engage in sometimes, like impulse shopping and

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Speaker 1: alcohol and drugs and meaningless physical connection. And although we

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Speaker 1: know that those don't really create long term happiness, it

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Speaker 1: really does contribute to this understanding of, like this kind

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Speaker 1: of recognition that all of us really want to be happy,

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Speaker 1: and it's something that's really hard sometimes to get to.

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Speaker 1: So what exactly do we mean when we talk about happiness,

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Speaker 1: almost from a scientific perspective, what is you know, the

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Speaker 1: science of happiness? There is so much I think, controversy

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Speaker 1: and ambiguity and confusion around what does it really mean

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Speaker 1: to be happy? You know, is it the absence of sadness,

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Speaker 1: the absence of struggle, or does it mean you know,

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Speaker 1: a lot of pleasure or materialism and comfort. And this

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Speaker 1: is a debate that I think we haven't really gotten

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Speaker 1: to the bottom of and I don't think we ever will.

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Speaker 1: But let's talk about some ideas or definitions of happiness,

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Speaker 1: some of the conceptualizations of what it means to be

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Speaker 1: you know, quote unquote happy, before we jump into sadness

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Speaker 1: and unhappiness. If you think about it, I think the

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Speaker 1: subjective nature of happiness makes it so incredibly difficult to define.

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Speaker 1: That's kind of the problem. There have been so many

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Speaker 1: discussions throughout the centuries about what happiness really means because

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Speaker 1: it is such an elusive subject. You know, Aristotle had

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Speaker 1: this idea that happiness could be actually conceptualized or composed

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Speaker 1: of two different things. It wasn't just one feeling. It

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Speaker 1: was both pleasure and a sense of life that is

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Speaker 1: well lived. And we needed both of those, both immediate

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Speaker 1: pleasure and also a sense of purpose to be happy.

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Speaker 1: I think that really kind of gets to the core

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Speaker 1: of what this feeling is. You know, we can have

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Speaker 1: all the pleasure that we want. We can have an

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Speaker 1: abundance of delicious food, and abundance of sex, and abundance

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Speaker 1: of static fe feelings and of happy experiences. But if

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Speaker 1: at the end of the day we go home and

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Speaker 1: we don't really have any ambition, we don't really know

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Speaker 1: where we're going. We have a sense of being lost

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Speaker 1: or of not having any purpose. It's hard to be happy,

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Speaker 1: you know, without that. And it kind of goes the

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Speaker 1: same way. You know, if we have this really intense mission,

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Speaker 1: this thing that we're working towards, but we don't allow

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Speaker 1: ourselves to have those small pleasures throughout the day, it's

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Speaker 1: going to be pretty hard to be happy in that

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Speaker 1: instance as well. I think they both contribute equally. And

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Speaker 1: there's also that other element of happiness requires even a

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Speaker 1: deeper feeling of being safe and secure in order to

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Speaker 1: be achieved. I think when I think about happiness, I

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Speaker 1: often think about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. So for those

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Speaker 1: of you who don't know what this is, it's kind

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Speaker 1: of this. It's a theory more about motivation and what

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Speaker 1: motivates people to kind of self actualize and to become

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Speaker 1: their highest selves, but it also applies to happiness really

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Speaker 1: really well. So basically Maslow constructed this hierarchy and at

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Speaker 1: the bottom was our most simplistic basic needs, you know,

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Speaker 1: things like food and clothing and shelter, and then there

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Speaker 1: was safety, so things like job, security, being you know,

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Speaker 1: not threatened, not having this sense of impending doom, love

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Speaker 1: and belonging. You know, we need friendship, we need family.

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Speaker 1: And then then there was those kind of high top

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Speaker 1: of the tier components of happiness, esteem, and self actualization.

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Speaker 1: And only when we achieve those bottom components of the

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Speaker 1: hierarchy are we actually able to achieve self actualization, Are

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Speaker 1: we actually able to achieve a state in which we

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Speaker 1: feel completely secure and you know, completely happy within ourselves.

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Speaker 1: You know, the needs lower down in the hierarchy must

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Speaker 1: be satisfied before we can attend to the needs that

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Speaker 1: are higher up. This model, I think can explain why

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Speaker 1: my happiness can be so difficult to find and why

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Speaker 1: it is sometimes not just elusive but actually quite Yeah,

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Speaker 1: not just elusive, but actually quite difficult. You know, it's

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Speaker 1: really hard to be attending to every single aspect of

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Speaker 1: this day in and day out. I think sometimes we

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Speaker 1: also see happiness as material and as the physical contents

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Speaker 1: of our lives. We're satisfied when we have a good job,

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Speaker 1: when we have heaps of friends, a place where we

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Speaker 1: feel safe, and money to spend things and on things

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Speaker 1: that we want. I think that's quite a shallow version

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Speaker 1: of it. I would probably endeavor to say that people

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Speaker 1: who see happiness as just the material or kind of

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Speaker 1: visual aspects of their life are never going to be

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Speaker 1: able to maintain that happiness sustainably. But what happens when

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Speaker 1: you do have everything? You know? We've talked about these

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Speaker 1: different definitions of having vision and having passion and having

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Speaker 1: security and pleasure material items. What happens when you have

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Speaker 1: that all? When you survey your life and you realize that,

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Speaker 1: for all intents and purposes, anyone else, any stranger, any

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Speaker 1: acquaintance looking in would think that you're the happiest person alive.

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Speaker 1: But you just don't feel that way, Like you just

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Speaker 1: can't say it. You just can't say it that way.

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Speaker 1: I think often when nothing external is going wrong, we

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Speaker 1: look for an internal explanation, often to do with an

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Speaker 1: irregularity with our neurotransmitters and our hormones, and we like

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Speaker 1: to kind of say that that is what's causing this

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Speaker 1: inexplicable sadness or a low period from a dopamine. In

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Speaker 1: a biological perspective, I think it's also important to say

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Speaker 1: here that being unhappy is not the same as depression.

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Speaker 1: I think that's a really important distinction. Unhappiness and moments

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Speaker 1: of sadness is very different to a diagnosed depressive disorder.

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Speaker 1: I think feeling sad as a natural reaction to situations

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Speaker 1: where we should feel emotional or upset. We should feel pain,

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Speaker 1: and that is completely normal. You know, without sadness, we

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to experience that, you know, the joys

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Speaker 1: of life. It's important to put things into perspective, but

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Speaker 1: it's also an important part of our brain and an

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Speaker 1: important part of our emotional spectrum to use. But much

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Speaker 1: like other emotions, sadness is temporary and it should fade

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Speaker 1: with time. But it becomes a problem when we find

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Speaker 1: ourselves in these prolonged periods of sadness that are really

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Speaker 1: difficult to get out of, and that's when we kind

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Speaker 1: of enter into a discussion of depression. It's a mental illness.

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Speaker 1: It's a long term mental illness that impairs how we

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Speaker 1: function in our day to day life and how we

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Speaker 1: function in society. It's not something that can be overcome

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Speaker 1: even when we try. It's not something to do often

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Speaker 1: with our circumstances. It's something a lot deeper, and I

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Speaker 1: think the difference between sadness and a depressive episode or

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Speaker 1: depression is that sadness can often be treated, you know.

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Speaker 1: Sadness is an emotional state, whereas depression is a mental disorder,

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Speaker 1: and when it's left untreated, it can really really impact

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Speaker 1: on our life. You know, for those of us who

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Speaker 1: have experienced that, we often see this lack of interest

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Speaker 1: and enjoyment in the things that we love, you know, insomnia,

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Speaker 1: trouble eating, you feel really restless and really agitated and tired,

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Speaker 1: and this sense of worthlessness. It's a lot more than

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Speaker 1: just feeling really sad. And I think it's an important

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Speaker 1: distinction to make if we're going to talk about unhappiness,

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Speaker 1: and if you think your sadness and level of unhappiness

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Speaker 1: might be more serious than just a hard period or

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Speaker 1: a hard season of life. I do think it's important

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Speaker 1: to seek clinical help and to kind of reach out

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Speaker 1: to a more professional kind of networks. And it kind

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Speaker 1: of leads to this deeper discussion of why is it

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Speaker 1: that when everything's going right, we feel so sad? And

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Speaker 1: often we like to say that it's a chemical imbalance.

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Speaker 1: That's one kind of perspective, it's one explanation. It's often

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Speaker 1: said that depression kind of results from a chemical imbalance.

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Speaker 1: Things in your brain just aren't kind of matching up right.

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Speaker 1: You don't have enough of what you need to feel happy.

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Speaker 1: But I think that that is quite a simplistic explanation.

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Speaker 1: Depression doesn't just spring from simply having too much or

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Speaker 1: too little of certain brain chemicals. There are many other causes,

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Speaker 1: you know, external causes as well, and there are so

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Speaker 1: many forces in our lives that can kind of impact

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Speaker 1: us to go through periods of not just intense sadness,

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Speaker 1: but intense unhappiness, and chemicals are definitely involved. I think

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Speaker 1: sometimes if we're looking for an explanation, it can be

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Speaker 1: the right one. We need neurotransmitters and chemicals in our

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Speaker 1: brains to allow us to function, and when those chemicals

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Speaker 1: aren't at the right level, when they're not being released

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Speaker 1: at the right time or in the right amount, that's

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Speaker 1: when we can experience some really intense lows. There are

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Speaker 1: millions of chemical reactions that make up our minds and

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Speaker 1: make up our mood and our perceptions and how we

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Speaker 1: experience life. So sometimes if we are in a period

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Speaker 1: of really intense sadness and you're asking that question, that

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Speaker 1: question we're asking ourselves of why am I unhappy? It

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Speaker 1: could be a biological explanation. Sometimes it has nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with you. It has nothing to do with your outlook,

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Speaker 1: nothing to do with how hard you're trying, or all

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Speaker 1: the things you're putting in place. Neurotransmitters like dopamine and

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Speaker 1: serotonin just aren't where they should be in your brain.

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Speaker 1: And if you want to hear a little bit more

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Speaker 1: about that, I actually did an episode on antidepressants which

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Speaker 1: is really interesting and talks about this a little bit further.

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Speaker 1: But let's kind of move beyond that explanation and talk

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Speaker 1: about some of the environmental and social and cultural factors

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Speaker 1: that can create almost an inexplicable unhappiness in our day

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Speaker 1: to day lives. One of the big ones that I've

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Speaker 1: seen so often with my friends and with my family

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Speaker 1: that I think might be an explanation and could maybe

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Speaker 1: even point you in the right direction as to why

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Speaker 1: your feeling this way is just existential dread. There is

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Speaker 1: so much going on in the world right now, so

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Speaker 1: many events, so many things that are really really terrifying

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Speaker 1: and pose an existential threat to our existence as humans.

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Speaker 1: You know, it can be really hard to wake up

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Speaker 1: each morning and feel positive and feel like what you're

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Speaker 1: doing with your life is making an impact. If we

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Speaker 1: think about climate change, if we think about, you know,

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Speaker 1: all the wars that are going on at the moment,

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Speaker 1: if we think about things that are happening in Iran

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Speaker 1: and all over the world, the injustices that kind of

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Speaker 1: plague our society, and it can really get us down.

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Speaker 1: Existential dread. It's kind of about dread about the state

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Speaker 1: of the world and where you see yourself in it,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes it can contribute to an existential crisis. And

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Speaker 1: that's this feeling of unease about the meaning of life,

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Speaker 1: about your purpose in life. You know, if everything else

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Speaker 1: is going to shit, you know, if the climate is

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Speaker 1: kind of unable to be turned around, if humans are

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Speaker 1: creating these massive changes to our ecosystems and to our

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Speaker 1: way of life, what's the point of giving it? Fuck?

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Speaker 1: What's the point of trying? If life is kind of

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Speaker 1: inherently pointless, that can be a really dark place to

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Speaker 1: go to. And sometimes we don't even consciously realize when

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Speaker 1: the negativity we see in the media and from the

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Speaker 1: news is kind of getting into our brains and getting

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Speaker 1: into our outlook. I think that kind of links to

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Speaker 1: another point. Our lives have been fundamentally changed by things

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Speaker 1: like social media. It has allowed us to be connected

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Speaker 1: to the world in sometimes a really artificial and unnatural way.

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Speaker 1: And not only does it elevate the amazing things that

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Speaker 1: people are doing and elevates our ability to compare ourselves

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Speaker 1: to others, but it also elevates all the horrible things

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Speaker 1: that are going on in the world, and it creates

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Speaker 1: this really kind of inorganic second world for us to

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Speaker 1: live in where everything is heightened, everything is intense, And

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Speaker 1: that also has to do with comparison and this internal

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Speaker 1: comparison game we play. It can be really hard to

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Speaker 1: be happy with where you are and to be happy

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Speaker 1: with what you have when we're constantly playing this internal

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Speaker 1: comparison game and comparing our experiences and our emotional state

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Speaker 1: to others. When we're used to judging our happiness from

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Speaker 1: a point of relativity rather than from a place of

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Speaker 1: honesty and a place of looking inwards, that can really

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Speaker 1: do a number on our happiness and our sense of satisfaction.

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Speaker 1: And social media makes that so much easier to do.

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Speaker 1: Every day we're kind of forced to see these amazing

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Speaker 1: lives of our friends and celebrities and people that we know,

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Speaker 1: and it's a highlight reel. Like I don't need to

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Speaker 1: say that, I think everyone knows it's a highlight reel

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Speaker 1: of other people's lives and all the amazing things they're doing.

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Speaker 1: And it can be really easy to sit back at

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Speaker 1: the end of the day and think, why is my

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Speaker 1: life not that perfect? Why don't I have this? Why

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Speaker 1: don't I have these experiences? And it can be a

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Speaker 1: huge contributor to this sense of unhappiness in our twenties.

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Speaker 1: I think we talk about this quite a lot on

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Speaker 1: this show, but this decade is a huge time in

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Speaker 1: our lives for huge, massive life changes and transitions. Relationships ending,

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Speaker 1: losing loved ones, moving cities, losing jobs. These things really

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Speaker 1: destabilize our life and are some of the most stressful

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Speaker 1: times that we will ever experience. There have been so

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Speaker 1: many studies that have shown that things like moving even

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Speaker 1: or losing someone or a breakup potentially some of the

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Speaker 1: most stressful things that you will experience, and it takes

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Speaker 1: a toll on our lives. It takes a toll on

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Speaker 1: our happiness levels and our sense of stability and security.

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Speaker 1: So I think you need to perhaps be gentle with yourself.

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Speaker 1: If you're listening to this episode being like, I'm so

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Speaker 1: unhappy and I don't know why because everything seems to

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Speaker 1: be going well. I think it's important to take a

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Speaker 1: step back and think about, honestly, think about and allow

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Speaker 1: yourself to be almost a little bit selfish and a

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Speaker 1: little bit pitying of what you may have been through

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Speaker 1: in the last year, what you may have been through

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Speaker 1: in the last six months, three months that is destabilized

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Speaker 1: your life, even if it's been for the better. Things

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Speaker 1: like leaving UNI, things like moving cities, or losing a

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Speaker 1: loved one or going through a breakup are going to

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Speaker 1: create radical shifts and how we see the world and

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Speaker 1: how our brain interacts with different stimuli and things in

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Speaker 1: the world. And it's okay to experience unhappiness and a

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Speaker 1: sense of sadness after these big changes. Our outlook as well,

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Speaker 1: determines so much of our emotional experiences and our emotional state.

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Speaker 1: I think there are some people out there who are

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Speaker 1: just genuinely more pessimistic about life. It has nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with their levels of gratefulness or anything like that.

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Speaker 1: It's just the same way that you know we're kind

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Speaker 1: of born with the personality and we're born with the temperament.

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Speaker 1: Some people come out of the roomb and see the

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Speaker 1: world as a little bit darker than it probably is,

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Speaker 1: the same way that some people come out and see

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Speaker 1: the world a little bit brighter and are a bit

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Speaker 1: more optimistic. Our outlook really does determine how we see

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Speaker 1: the world. So it's important to kind of have a

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Speaker 1: think about how do you interpret things when things go

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Speaker 1: wrong versus when things go right? For you, you know,

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Speaker 1: if things go wrong, do you think about it as

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Speaker 1: you know, this is my fault? Do you put it

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Speaker 1: all down to an internal explanation of I am to blame,

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Speaker 1: this is on me? And then when things go right,

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Speaker 1: do you you know, is your explanation around luck? Around fate.

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Speaker 1: It's really hard to feel happy and to feel satisfied

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Speaker 1: when everything that goes wrong is our fault, whereas everything

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Speaker 1: that goes right is out of our control. There are

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Speaker 1: so many factors that contribute to feeling sad and feeling

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Speaker 1: unhappy and uneasy in our twenties, and they're definitely ones

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Speaker 1: I've experienced, and definitely ones that we have to do

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Speaker 1: a bit of soul searching about I think a biological

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Speaker 1: explanation is one of them, for sure. Like, I think

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Speaker 1: that's something I've been able to recognize, is that sometimes

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Speaker 1: our brains just don't produce what we need them to,

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Speaker 1: and the kind of ripple on effects of that can

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Speaker 1: be periods of really bad depression or periods of sadness.

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Speaker 1: If that's something that you think you might be going through, like,

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Speaker 1: there are ways to get over that. But there are

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Speaker 1: also cultural and environmental factors that contribute to our outlook

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Speaker 1: on life. You know, the sense of doom around climate

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Speaker 1: change is or any other existential kind of crises or

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Speaker 1: factors that are going on in your community or in

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Speaker 1: your personal life, or in the kind of global atmosphere

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Speaker 1: as well, can really impact our mental health in some

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Speaker 1: very deeply unseen ways. And then there's things on a

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Speaker 1: smaller scale but that are just as impactful, like social media,

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Speaker 1: like comparison. Comparison is kind of the thief of joy,

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Speaker 1: and with you know, the rise and popularity of social media,

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Speaker 1: the ease of being able to see every moment of

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Speaker 1: other people's lives, it can really create quite a negative

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Speaker 1: and toxic cycle that leaves us feeling really uneasy and

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Speaker 1: really unhappy. I will say, sometimes it feels good to

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Speaker 1: be sad. I know that sounds kind of dumb, right,

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Speaker 1: Like we're talking about how much it's a struggle to

433
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,400
Speaker 1: sometimes be unhappy and not have an explanation for it.

434
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:34,400
Speaker 1: But sometimes it's important to go through periods of sadness.

435
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,679
Speaker 1: I think that's why we listen to sad songs. I

436
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,399
Speaker 1: don't know, maybe you're not someone who likes to do that,

437
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,439
Speaker 1: but there is some kind of strange pleasure in the

438
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 1: pain of listening to music that pulls at our heart

439
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 1: strings or that allows us to feel a little bit

440
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,399
Speaker 1: sorry for ourselves. There are some explanations around that. You know,

441
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:57,199
Speaker 1: it makes us feel nostalgic, but it also feels really human.

442
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,919
Speaker 1: It feels comforting that you can relate to someone else's

443
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 1: experience is the way that they can relate to you.

444
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: You know, it feels so much less alone when you're

445
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:09,120
Speaker 1: going through something really hard, you're in a period of

446
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 1: deep unhappiness or sadness, and you're able to hear that

447
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:15,919
Speaker 1: someone else has been through that as well, And not

448
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 1: only have they been through that, but they've created something

449
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: for you to relate to as well. I think that

450
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:25,639
Speaker 1: is a really important thing to remember. We all go

451
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 1: through periods like this. It's completely normal. If you're someone

452
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 1: listening to this right now in a really hard spot.

453
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 1: You know it sounds cliche, but you're not alone. It's

454
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,199
Speaker 1: actually really normal to go through this, especially in this

455
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 1: decade of our lives. There are some of the biggest

456
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 1: life changes that we will ever experience are happening right now,

457
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 1: right now. You know, so many big changes that create

458
00:27:55,400 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 1: novel situations and novel experiences for us that we really

459
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:03,399
Speaker 1: understand because we've never been through them before. And the

460
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 1: pressure that puts on our ability to adapt, on our resilience,

461
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 1: and on our brains and our outlooks and our perspectives

462
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 1: is often so understated. You know, no wonder I think

463
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:16,920
Speaker 1: all of us are bound to go through a hard

464
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,959
Speaker 1: point in this life, and I think we haven't even

465
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 1: accounted for some of those other huge factors that you

466
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 1: might be able to pinpoint, you know, losing a loved one,

467
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 1: losing a job, going through a breakup. Like we said,

468
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 1: these things destabilize us and they make it hard to

469
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:37,919
Speaker 1: see the joy and the beauty and life, and that

470
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 1: sometimes contributes to this, to this feeling of deep unhappiness

471
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 1: and guilt associated with that, especially as privileged people, people

472
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 1: who seemingly have everything, or maybe you don't, but you know,

473
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 1: having a roof over your head and food and you know,

474
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 1: food and your belly and clothes on your back. Sometimes

475
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 1: I think it's this sense of almost we're not allowed

476
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 1: to feel bad, We're not allowed to feel unhappy because

477
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 1: how lucky are we? Like? How lucky are we? And

478
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 1: it kind of contributes to this societal feeling and the

479
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:18,480
Speaker 1: societal pressure of guilt and shame for not feeling grateful enough,

480
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 1: for not feeling like you you really are blessed, which

481
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 1: is so toxic. But you're allowed to feel unhappy even

482
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 1: if you have everything that you could want, even if

483
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 1: everything is going right. It's not always in your control

484
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 1: like our emotional states, Like I said, sometimes just as

485
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 1: much even if less in our control as our external environment.

486
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,480
Speaker 1: There are so many things that are interacting in our

487
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:49,880
Speaker 1: brains and in our bodies and in our external worlds

488
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 1: that impact our moods and impact our emotional states on

489
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 1: a daily So you don't need to feel a sense

490
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: of guilt if you're not happy enough right now, if

491
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 1: you're appreciative enough of what you have, but I think

492
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 1: it's important we also talk about how to move past this,

493
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 1: how to change your outlook, how to change how you

494
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 1: see the world to hopefully experience a bit more happiness.

495
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 1: This elusive, this elusive word. We've been talking about this

496
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 1: whole episode. How do we curate our lives to be

497
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: focused on happiness and focused on the achievement of happiness

498
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,800
Speaker 1: and joy and gratitude. That's what we're going to talk

499
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 1: about in the next segment of this episode. Something that

500
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 1: is so important to remember is that everything is temporary.

501
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 1: Every experience, every emotional experience, is completely temporary. The same

502
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 1: goes for unhappiness, the same goes for sadness. I remember

503
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 1: when I was younger, my mom used to say to me,

504
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: the only promised is changed. And sometimes that is a

505
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 1: really scary thought. But when it comes to periods like

506
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 1: this one where you might be really unhappy, where things

507
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 1: just aren't looking up, when you're really stuck in or right,

508
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 1: it's kind of a really amazing reminder that life promises

509
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: you that things will change and hopefully it can't get

510
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 1: much worse. Like there really is up, the only way

511
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 1: really is up, And there are things that you can

512
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,560
Speaker 1: do to help yourself get there. So many things. We

513
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 1: always say this on the show. You have agency, You

514
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: have the ability to make small changes in your life.

515
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 1: And although periods of sadness and periods of depression, even

516
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 1: or unhappiness aren't always within our control, there are things

517
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 1: we can do to kind of ease the pain a

518
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 1: little bit. And that's what I want to talk about now.

519
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,959
Speaker 1: I want to talk about some strategies, some methods for

520
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 1: overcoming a period like this one where you just don't

521
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 1: feel particularly happy. Okay, I'm going to say something really

522
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 1: cliche here, but therapy is incredible. It's amazing. Like there's

523
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:13,200
Speaker 1: a reason that everyone you know it talks about getting therapy,

524
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 1: and everyone talks about how amazing and important it is

525
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 1: to receive psychological help. I really cannot overstate the benefits.

526
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 1: I know it can be expensive, I know it can

527
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 1: be inaccessible, and I know that not everyone has the

528
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 1: same access as others in being able to receive this help.

529
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: But if you are someone who does have access to it,

530
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 1: if you're someone who is eligible for a certain program

531
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 1: or is eligible for therapy or psychological assistance through work,

532
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,400
Speaker 1: you should absolutely do it. Even if you don't think

533
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 1: anything is clinically wrong with you. Even if you're just

534
00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: not feeling all right, you're just feeling a little bit off,

535
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 1: it is still so so important. I think going to

536
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:01,240
Speaker 1: therapy and receiving professional help in times like this, in

537
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,640
Speaker 1: times when everything just doesn't let you know, things don't

538
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 1: seem to be looking up, when it really has nothing

539
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 1: to do with what's going on in your life, it

540
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 1: seems to be more internal. Going to therapy provides provides

541
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:18,120
Speaker 1: a place free of judgment in a way that talking

542
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 1: to friends and talking to family doesn't always offer you.

543
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 1: People are always going to bring their own assessments of

544
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 1: you and perceptions of you into any conversation about mental

545
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 1: health or any conversation about what's going on in your life.

546
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,920
Speaker 1: But a therapist is not the same. It doesn't have

547
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 1: They don't have that same that same bias, or those

548
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 1: same preconceived notions of you. It's a place completely free

549
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 1: of judgment and shame. That's like what they're paid to do.

550
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 1: They're paid to just listen to you, and you're able

551
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 1: to really focus almost selfishly on just you, on just

552
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 1: what you want to talk about, on just what you're feeling.

553
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 1: That is so rare. You don't get that in every

554
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 1: other day to day experience of life. But when you

555
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,960
Speaker 1: do go into and receive professional help, that's the whole point.

556
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: Like you are kind of the star of the show.

557
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:12,719
Speaker 1: You get to talk about whatever you want to talk

558
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:16,879
Speaker 1: about free of judgment, and we don't always get that opportunity.

559
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 1: I think also they provide you with some amazing strategies

560
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 1: for changing your outlook and changing daily habits in your

561
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 1: life that might help you out. I do want to say,

562
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:31,279
Speaker 1: I really hate this idea of almost toxic positivity your

563
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,680
Speaker 1: lifestyle changes as a way to get better if you're

564
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 1: going through a hard period. I think often people talk

565
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 1: about the endorphins released from exercise and eating well and

566
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,880
Speaker 1: doing things that make you happy, and you know, doing

567
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,319
Speaker 1: things that make you feel connected with others, and those

568
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:52,840
Speaker 1: are definitely an important part of the equation. It is

569
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 1: difficult to be happy if you don't connect with those

570
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 1: around you and if you don't spend time outside and

571
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 1: drinking off water and take care of your body. But

572
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 1: that's not always going to be the solution. And like

573
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,720
Speaker 1: we said, this episode is really about those times when

574
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:11,840
Speaker 1: you are doing all of those things, you're doing everything

575
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 1: right and you still don't feel completely okay. So I

576
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: do really want to dispel this idea that simple lifestyle

577
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:23,280
Speaker 1: changes are going to cure everything you're going through. Sometimes

578
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 1: that is, you know, the simplest explanation isn't the best one,

579
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 1: and sometimes it's not always in our control. But it's

580
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 1: also important to give yourself a bit of a fighting chance,

581
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:36,879
Speaker 1: right and to try the things that you think might work,

582
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 1: the things that may have worked in the past. And

583
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 1: that kind of links to the next point. There is

584
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:45,359
Speaker 1: something to be said about finding small joys throughout your

585
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 1: day and reflecting on them, especially when you feel like

586
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 1: things aren't really going your way, like you have this

587
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:56,879
Speaker 1: inexplicable kind of black cloud lingering over your head. You

588
00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: can decide to think about think about what's going right,

589
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 1: think about what there is to be grateful for. And

590
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 1: it's not in a way of shaming yourself for making

591
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:10,879
Speaker 1: yourself feel guilty for not appreciating those things before. It's

592
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 1: just a nice reminder. Sometimes when we're kind of stuck

593
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 1: in the mud, and we're kind of stuck in the

594
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 1: dark times of our lives, it can be really difficult

595
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:22,799
Speaker 1: to poke our heads up and really survey the landscape

596
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:26,240
Speaker 1: and survey our lives from an honest perspective and realize

597
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 1: how much we have. So it's important, I think, to

598
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:34,640
Speaker 1: maintain some form of gratitude list or gratitude journal. My

599
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,879
Speaker 1: really good friend Zoe does this, and I remember when

600
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 1: I was going through a really hard time, maybe a

601
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 1: couple of years ago, she told me to give it

602
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: a go, and I really didn't believe her. I kind

603
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:49,319
Speaker 1: of shook it off. I was like, Oh, that's not

604
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:53,239
Speaker 1: going to do anything. But let me tell you, Even

605
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 1: just that small practice of forcing myself to list five

606
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 1: ten things I'm grateful for every day, it changes. It

607
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 1: changes your outlook on life, and it also causes you

608
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 1: to search for those things. It causes you to go

609
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:11,799
Speaker 1: out into the world and day by day think about

610
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 1: things that are going to make you feel grateful for

611
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: another day, make you feel grateful for the life that

612
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 1: you live. I remember, I think when I was going

613
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,279
Speaker 1: through a hard period at the start of the year.

614
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:24,759
Speaker 1: One day, the only thing that I was grateful for

615
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 1: was like a chicken salad, which is so sad. I

616
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, I'm so grateful for this chicken salad.

617
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:33,359
Speaker 1: But you know what, how beautiful was that that I

618
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 1: was able to find just that one thing, and it

619
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 1: was so simple, it was so basic, And I think

620
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 1: about it quite a lot like that. It's such a

621
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:44,960
Speaker 1: beautiful practice to put your mind to. I also think

622
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 1: it's important to recognize the environmental and social and cultural

623
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,360
Speaker 1: factors in our lives that may be contributing to unhappiness,

624
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 1: Specifically things that are pulling us down, whether that is

625
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 1: a toxic relate relationships, or toxic friendships, or a toxic workplace.

626
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 1: You don't have to stay in environments and in relationships

627
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:13,719
Speaker 1: that don't allow you to grow. You don't have to

628
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:17,839
Speaker 1: stay in stressful situations that are taking away from your

629
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 1: ability to live the life you want to leave like

630
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,839
Speaker 1: this is your life. You really only get one of them.

631
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:26,400
Speaker 1: So if there is something like that in your life,

632
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 1: something that is wearing you down, something that you think

633
00:38:28,719 --> 00:38:34,320
Speaker 1: is subconsciously or consciously making you feel sad, or making

634
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:39,719
Speaker 1: you unhappy, or making you stressed, you're allowed to change that.

635
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 1: You're allowed to say no, and you're allowed to remove

636
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:46,080
Speaker 1: those things from your life. There's also a lot to

637
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:53,400
Speaker 1: be said about this practice of almost scheduling happiness and

638
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 1: scheduling pleasure into your life. It's a psychological practice. I

639
00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 1: think it's that. That's what it's called. It's called gratitude

640
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:07,920
Speaker 1: scheduling or pleasure scheduling. So essentially, you schedule activities throughout

641
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:09,960
Speaker 1: your week and throughout your day that you know, we're

642
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 1: going to make you happy. So be that signing up

643
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:15,359
Speaker 1: for a gym class in three days. You know that's

644
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:18,560
Speaker 1: something to look forward to, or saying to yourself, you know, oh,

645
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 1: if I go into the office, or if I see

646
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:23,320
Speaker 1: a friend today, or if I leave my house today

647
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:25,920
Speaker 1: and go for a walk, I'm going to let myself

648
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:28,920
Speaker 1: get a really nice cup of coffee or a really

649
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:33,440
Speaker 1: nice sweet tree. You get to decide the pleasure and

650
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:35,719
Speaker 1: happiness that enters into your life. And it's a really

651
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 1: great way to retrain your brain into understanding the agency

652
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,520
Speaker 1: that you have over your emotional experiences. And that's not

653
00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:44,319
Speaker 1: all the time. You know, there are always going to

654
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 1: be instances in which things come out of the blue

655
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 1: and really traumatic and awful experience happen that destabilize our

656
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:56,279
Speaker 1: lives and kind of push us around and shift out

657
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 1: and shift our outlook and shift our ability to cope.

658
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 1: But you build that resilience, and when you build those

659
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 1: strategies throughout your life to be able to deal with

660
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:09,240
Speaker 1: those moments, you will emerge as a stronger person. Before

661
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:12,800
Speaker 1: we wrap up, I do just want to say I

662
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 1: really hope that we talk about this more and that

663
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:19,840
Speaker 1: this episode allows you to talk to your family and

664
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: friends about this more. I'm going through a period right

665
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:28,320
Speaker 1: now where from the outside, I'm sure people think everything

666
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:32,080
Speaker 1: is going really amazingly well, and for many many reasons

667
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:34,960
Speaker 1: it is, and in many ways it is, But that

668
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to feel unhappy, and

669
00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:40,759
Speaker 1: that the same can be said for you. You don't

670
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:45,160
Speaker 1: always get to control how you feel about experiences, and

671
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 1: sometimes even when things are going really well, that can

672
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 1: be incredibly overwhelming. If that's not something that you expect,

673
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:57,279
Speaker 1: or if it's a real surprise, you're allowed to be overwhelmed,

674
00:40:57,320 --> 00:41:00,800
Speaker 1: and you're allowed to take time to process experiences and

675
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:03,879
Speaker 1: what's going on in your life, and above all else,

676
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:06,360
Speaker 1: you're allowed to be unhappy. But I don't think you

677
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 1: have to be. And if it's something you're seriously struggling with,

678
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:12,759
Speaker 1: I think go and get professional help. This absolutely no

679
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 1: shame in doing that. I think It's honestly something to

680
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 1: be applauded and something that's incredibly brave. You're deciding for

681
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:23,239
Speaker 1: you that you want to be better, that you want

682
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:26,359
Speaker 1: to be happier, and that is just so incredible. So

683
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,560
Speaker 1: rarely do people actively make the choice to put themselves

684
00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:33,359
Speaker 1: first and to improve their life. So if you have

685
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,719
Speaker 1: any doubt, or if you have any desire to do it,

686
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 1: I would really say, go and do it. Go and

687
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 1: do it now, do it as soon as possible, and

688
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,120
Speaker 1: I think that you will really be better for it.

689
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:47,879
Speaker 1: You know, it's probably something I need to do as well,

690
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:51,239
Speaker 1: so it's a good reminder to me. And I just

691
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 1: want to say thank you so much for listening to

692
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 1: this episode. And if this is something you're going through,

693
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 1: I'm sending you so much love and so much support

694
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 1: and so much strength. Just by listening to this, I'm

695
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:03,959
Speaker 1: sure that you are already thinking about ways to kind

696
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:07,400
Speaker 1: of to help yourself. And I also hope this eases

697
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:09,760
Speaker 1: some of your guilt. You know, it's not always something

698
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,240
Speaker 1: that you've done and something that you need to change.

699
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:17,800
Speaker 1: There are biological and cultural and environmental and existential things

700
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:19,799
Speaker 1: that are impacting us on a daily It can be

701
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:23,320
Speaker 1: really hard to remain true to a sense of happiness

702
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 1: and to achieve happiness in our lives when all these

703
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 1: other things are going on, and you're doing an amazing job.

704
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:33,560
Speaker 1: So thank you for listening to this episode. Thank you

705
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:36,640
Speaker 1: for supporting this show, each and every one of you.

706
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 1: It's so great to have you here. And if you

707
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 1: do feel inclined, if this was something that you enjoyed,

708
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:46,440
Speaker 1: please feel free to leave the show a five star review.

709
00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 1: It really helps the podcast grow. It helps the show grow.

710
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,319
Speaker 1: If it's something that you think someone else would benefit from,

711
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:56,839
Speaker 1: that would also be amazing. And as always, I will

712
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,640
Speaker 1: see you next week for another episode. Thank you for

713
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:00,239
Speaker 1: listen Name