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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors, So stick around two minutes. We'll get

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Speaker 1: into the episode.

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Speaker 3: My mom blocked me for telling the truth, and now

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Speaker 3: I have zero family left.

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Speaker 4: No, she's all alone in the world.

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Speaker 3: My mother got pregnant out of wedlock at age nineteen.

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Speaker 3: My biological father was in the military, so it would

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Speaker 3: have been quite easy to go after him with child support,

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Speaker 3: but she didn't and he didn't want to be in.

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Speaker 2: The picture, so because of her pride, she.

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Speaker 3: Didn't go after him. I've never met him. By the way,

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Speaker 3: this comes from a deleted user, And if you want

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Speaker 3: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 3: Okay Storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota and I'm Savannah, and we're

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Speaker 3: here to give you some good advice.

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Speaker 5: Goofully.

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Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers, you know, we

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Speaker 3: only know what we would do in any given situation.

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Speaker 3: So if you would do something different, let us know

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Speaker 3: in the comments. Op says, when I was two and

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Speaker 3: a half, she may read my first stepfather. He made

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Speaker 3: it clear that I was generally an unwonted addition to

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Speaker 3: my mother. After a while, she forbade him from spanking me,

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Speaker 3: but he still did things like picking me up on

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Speaker 3: my shirt and screaming in my face. Tell me I'd

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Speaker 3: never mount to anything.

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Speaker 2: That kind of stuff classic terrible stepdad behavior. I'm sorry, Op,

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Speaker 2: that's awful.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's absolutely terrible.

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Speaker 3: Until I was eight or ten, I genuinely thought that

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Speaker 3: no one liked their father and was shocked to learn otherwise.

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Speaker 4: That's actually really sad.

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Speaker 3: That's really sad. Time moved on, I moved out, went

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Speaker 3: to college. Mom divorced first husband, and I haven't seen

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Speaker 3: him since, thank goodness.

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Speaker 2: Pretty quickly thereafter, she married second stepfather. He's okay.

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Speaker 3: I guess he has two daughters who have had no

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Speaker 3: contact with him for years. Not one hundred percent sure

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Speaker 3: why I've moved all over the country for work. She's

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Speaker 3: never visited me in any of the places I've lived

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Speaker 3: that weren't within driving distance.

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Speaker 2: Because she's afraid to fly. To my knowledge, she's never flown.

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Speaker 2: She's afraid of heights. She's just afraid.

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Speaker 3: I got tired of always coming home to visit or

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Speaker 3: sitting around the house. So for a while, we'd meet

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Speaker 3: up at a semi decent destination, maybe the beach. I

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Speaker 3: eventually stopped telling her if I was traveling, because all

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Speaker 3: I'd hear from her would be doom and gloom related

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Speaker 3: to her own fears. Fast forward, I am now forty something.

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Speaker 3: My sisters are both losers, and anytime I talk to

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Speaker 3: my mom, all she would talk about is what new

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Speaker 3: mess my sisters has gotten into. No questions about me

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Speaker 3: or my life, not that I would tell her anything anyways.

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Speaker 3: I asked her repeatedly to stop talking about my sisters

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Speaker 3: and their children and their messes, as I found it

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Speaker 3: too depressing to listen to constantly. If it wasn't that,

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Speaker 3: it was usually whatever job or church she had most

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Speaker 3: recently quit. Her pattern would be that she'll work or

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Speaker 3: worship somewhere for a while, then someone makes her mad

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Speaker 3: about something stupid and she just quits. So, Opie, it

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Speaker 3: sounds like your mom is pretty emotionally unstable, and I

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Speaker 3: would probably just slowly, you know, cut contact if you

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Speaker 3: can't bring this to her and be like, hey, I

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Speaker 3: feel like our relationship is really like suffering and languishing,

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Speaker 3: and I want to be able to like have a

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Speaker 3: connection with you, but I find it very difficult. And

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Speaker 3: then if she's not receptive to working on that together

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Speaker 3: with you, I think you just need to move on.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, honestly, it took the words were right out of

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Speaker 4: my mouth.

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Speaker 3: She never stops talking about those things. I finally just

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Speaker 3: start interrupting her with a reminder that I've already asked

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Speaker 3: her not to talk about those things, or I say

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Speaker 3: I have to go and just end the conversation, but

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Speaker 3: she keeps trying. The major problems started some years ago

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Speaker 3: when I got really sick. I had also just ended

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Speaker 3: a bad relationship, and I seriously needed some help caring

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Speaker 3: for myself and getting to doctor and legal appointments. The

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Speaker 3: illness involved my lungs, and at the height of the illness,

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Speaker 3: my O two saturation was in the very low eighties.

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Speaker 3: I was in a bad way. I asked Mom to

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Speaker 3: come help because I couldn't drive myself to doctor's appointments,

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Speaker 3: and she finally.

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Speaker 2: Did drive up. I lived three hours away at.

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Speaker 3: This point, but was just acting weird, but to be fair,

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Speaker 3: so was I. Lack of oxygen in your brain will

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Speaker 3: make you do strange things at any rate. She was

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Speaker 3: sitting in the doctor's office with me when the doctor

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Speaker 3: finally came back with a possible diagnosis that made sense.

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Speaker 2: She labeled it reactive airway disease.

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Speaker 3: By this time they had already done tons of other

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Speaker 3: tests and X rays and ruled out for etc. Later on,

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Speaker 3: I found out for sure from an allergist that allergens

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Speaker 3: in the air were shutting down my lung. Anyway, she

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Speaker 3: just had this strange demeanor the whole time we were

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Speaker 3: at the doctor's. I woke up the day after the

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Speaker 3: doctor's appointment and she's sitting in a room of my

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Speaker 3: house reading a book. I asked her if she could

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Speaker 3: make me something to eat, and she acts all bothered

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Speaker 3: and finally makes me a few pieces of bacon with

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Speaker 3: a side helping of attitude ooh yum, not very nutritious attitude. Finally,

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Speaker 3: I'm like, is something wrong?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I was barely hanging on, but let me try to

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Speaker 3: figure out what's wrong with you. A neighbor of mine

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Speaker 3: who happens to be an RN had stopped by the

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Speaker 3: night before to check on me, and I had introduced.

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Speaker 2: Her to my mom.

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Speaker 3: My mom was super upset about this, apparently because she

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Speaker 3: was already in her pajamas. I was embarrassed and upset

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Speaker 3: her also, she wanted to know what was really going

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Speaker 3: on with me, like huh. Apparently she couldn't grasp that

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Speaker 3: I had an actual physical ailment and basically accused me

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Speaker 3: of having some kind of substance or booze problem. Both

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Speaker 3: of my sisters have had really bad problems with this.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, uh no, here's the print outs the doctor

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Speaker 3: gave me that explain it. I have had super bad

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Speaker 3: allergies my whole life, so I have no idea why

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Speaker 3: this was hard for her to understand. She takes one

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Speaker 3: look at the papers, drops them, and starts laughing at me.

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Speaker 3: I turned to leave, and she just follows me with

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Speaker 3: more of the oh, come on, now, what's really going

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Speaker 3: on here? I was crying so hard at this point

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Speaker 3: that I had a breathing episode like an asthma attack.

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Speaker 3: After I recovered, I asked her to leave. He didn't

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Speaker 3: speak for several years after that. I personally would probably

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Speaker 3: say to never speak to her again after that.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, honestly, I feel like it's best, you know, to

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Speaker 7: just get away from a bad situation.

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Speaker 3: One of our guests on the show, Matt explained recently

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Speaker 3: to me that the phrase blood is thicker than water

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Speaker 3: is actually a mistranslation, and it's the blood of the

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Speaker 3: covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. So

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Speaker 3: it's like, the bonds that you choose to make with

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Speaker 3: others is more deep and more important than the contrived

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Speaker 3: bonds that just happened because you were born. But people

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Speaker 3: always use that in the wrong way, where it's like.

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Speaker 2: Your blood, your blood, your relatives are more important than

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Speaker 2: your friends, But it's the literal exact opposite of that.

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Speaker 7: My philosophy is just like, if I am like happy,

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Speaker 7: you know, with these people, then I'm going to stick

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Speaker 7: with them.

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Speaker 4: If I'm not, then I don't have to. You know,

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Speaker 4: I'm not.

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Speaker 7: Obligated to do anything, but I get that, you know,

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Speaker 7: having that family connection is.

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Speaker 2: Hard, So yeah, don't have it.

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Speaker 3: She laughed in your face when you had serious illness

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Speaker 3: and is now accusing you of having the same issues

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Speaker 3: as your sisters, which you do not have.

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Speaker 2: I was so sick that to this.

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Speaker 3: Day, I literally don't know how I made it through

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Speaker 3: that time period until my lungs recovered. My nurse neighbor

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Speaker 3: definitely was a life saver. I was going to say,

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Speaker 3: you should lean on your nurse neighbor. My stepfather later

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Speaker 3: confirmed during a phone conversation where he was trying to

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Speaker 3: convince me to call and apologize to her, that my

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Speaker 3: mom simply didn't believe I was sick. Fast forward about

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Speaker 3: three years, and my fiance and his family want to

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Speaker 3: meet my family. I've explained the situation to husband, but

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Speaker 3: of course I get the you only get one mother,

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Speaker 3: you should try to work it.

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Speaker 2: Out, blah blah blah.

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Speaker 3: So I bite the bullet and ask her and my

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Speaker 3: stepfather if they'd like to meet us for Thanksgiving and

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Speaker 3: meet my fiance and his family, as the place we

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Speaker 3: were going to was within driving distance.

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Speaker 5: They agreed.

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Speaker 3: The day before they were supposed to arrive was Mom's birthday,

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Speaker 3: so I had texted her Happy birthday, we'll see you

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Speaker 3: guys tomorrow, what time are you guys leaving? Various things

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Speaker 3: like that throughout the day. I never heard anything back. Finally,

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Speaker 3: later that night I call and ask what time they're

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Speaker 3: leaving tomorrow? Oh, well, they're not coming now because I

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Speaker 3: didn't make a big enough deal about her birthday. Apparently

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Speaker 3: she had somehow missed all of my texts. Despite my irritation,

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Speaker 3: I said, look, this isn't about you, this is about me,

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Speaker 3: and I've already told everyone you're coming. So they finally

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Speaker 3: show up late. The situation was horrible and tense, and

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Speaker 3: apparently I was.

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Speaker 2: Rude to her the whole time. They left early.

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Speaker 3: I bite the bullet again a year later and invited

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Speaker 3: them to the wedding again. They left early, and later

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Speaker 3: I got some story about how rude I was to her,

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Speaker 3: about how many pieces of bacon she took a breakfast. Yeah, what,

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Speaker 3: your mom is a petulant, a hole, and she has

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Speaker 3: her own problems.

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Speaker 2: She's a human being. You're not indebted to her because

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Speaker 2: she also doesn't seem much. She took very good care

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Speaker 2: of you.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, if she like let all of that happen and

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Speaker 7: then like put you in a bad.

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Speaker 4: Situation and didn't really like you know, it's like, oh, well.

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Speaker 7: You know whatever, like didn't think anything of it, and

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Speaker 7: then is now like blaming you for other stuff of

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Speaker 7: just like random stuff too, just like well, you were rude.

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Speaker 4: To me, Like that's such a cough out.

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Speaker 3: I feel like, you know, what's really rude is you

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Speaker 3: marrying some guy who would like pick up ope by

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Speaker 3: their shirt and like shake them and scream in their face. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and then staying with that guy. That's pretty that's rude.

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Speaker 3: If I have a kid and my partner does that

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Speaker 3: to them, once, it's over forever, immediately.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I understand. You know, maybe there's some situations.

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Speaker 3: Where it's like because of survival, it's like you're not

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Speaker 3: you don't have any income whatever, you have to be

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Speaker 3: with that person like in that moment.

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Speaker 2: But it's like, you know, I rather take my chances,

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Speaker 2: throw me to the wolver right.

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Speaker 3: It's like you got to figure something else out because

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Speaker 3: that's dangerous.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: A few years have gone by, and while things weren't all,

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Speaker 3: the Waltons were at least friends on Facebook and occasionally

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Speaker 3: send Christmas cards and whatnot. A few months ago, one

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Speaker 3: of my friends posted a question on Facebook asking something

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Speaker 3: like this, explain the.

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Speaker 2: Impact your dad had on your life.

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Speaker 3: I replied and said none, that he had I'm sorry, Yeah,

224
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,840
Speaker 3: that he had gotten my mother pregnant and didn't stick

225
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Speaker 3: around to do anything else. A few weeks later, I

226
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Speaker 3: noticed I haven't seen anything from my mom popping up

227
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Speaker 3: in a while, and found out that she had not

228
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Speaker 3: only unfriended but blocked me. Apparently, and unbeknownst to me,

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Speaker 3: she and any of my other friends were able to

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Speaker 3: see this factually true comment that I had made, and

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Speaker 3: it embarrassed and upset her. I said, okay, why didn't

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Speaker 3: you call me? Then I explained that I didn't know

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Speaker 3: that she or anyone else could see the comment. I

234
00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:07,120
Speaker 3: could have taken it down, and that defriending and blocking

235
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Speaker 3: me seemed like a really immature way to handle it.

236
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Speaker 3: She then goes on to say this, I did the

237
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Speaker 3: best I could, and if that wasn't good enough for you,

238
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Speaker 3: then you need to let it go, just like I

239
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Speaker 3: had to do with Mama. I just thank god that

240
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,160
Speaker 3: I never put her down in front of others or

241
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,880
Speaker 3: disrespected her. To be clear, oh P made a comment

242
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Speaker 3: about their dad not being around, and now their mom

243
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Speaker 3: is saying that embarrassed me.

244
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Speaker 7: So yeah, it seems like it's very much like a

245
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Speaker 7: relationship of like, well what about me? Like the mom

246
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,199
Speaker 7: always needs to be like, you know, either the one

247
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,640
Speaker 7: in charge or the like everyone feels bad for everyone,

248
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Speaker 7: you know, like blah blah blah, like everyone.

249
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Speaker 4: It always just circles back.

250
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Speaker 3: To her, it seems like, yeah, one hundred percent. She

251
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,319
Speaker 3: had a bad relationship with my grandma as well. Shortly

252
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Speaker 3: before all this happened, my stepfather called me up and

253
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Speaker 3: basically asked me if I would call my mother and

254
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Speaker 3: tell her what a great mother she's always been, because

255
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:55,920
Speaker 3: they're both beat down and tired from all the drama

256
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,480
Speaker 3: with my sisters. I said no and explained that I

257
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,600
Speaker 3: thought that ninety percent of her drama she was self

258
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Speaker 3: created because she's all about herself.

259
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Speaker 4: Boom, I just said it.

260
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Speaker 2: Yes.

261
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,600
Speaker 3: He continued to ask if I could call her up

262
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,400
Speaker 3: and lavish her with praise, but finally gave up and

263
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:10,920
Speaker 3: hung up.

264
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,280
Speaker 2: Apparently my comment about my.

265
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Speaker 3: Lack of a father was the last straw for her

266
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Speaker 3: and she couldn't take any more. There's a little bit

267
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,360
Speaker 3: more story left. Yeah, I think honestly, it's like it's

268
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,480
Speaker 3: no contact time. She's already been like this is enough

269
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Speaker 3: for me.

270
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Speaker 4: It's like, I mean, she kind of got really contact herself.

271
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Speaker 3: I feel like she's she's got problems that she could

272
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Speaker 3: work on. She won't work on them. Her husband clearly

273
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,840
Speaker 3: sees no issue and just wants you to like lie

274
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Speaker 3: to her and be like yo, she was a great mom,

275
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,760
Speaker 3: which she wasn't. Anyone who stays with a partner who's

276
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Speaker 3: abusive towards their children is not a good parent. Agreed

277
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Speaker 3: with like, very very very few exceptions where it's like, Okay,

278
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Speaker 3: I have to stay with this guy because we have

279
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:53,600
Speaker 3: nowhere else to go and it's negative twenty degrees outside. Yeah, maybe,

280
00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:56,280
Speaker 3: but even then it's also shelters. I rest my case.

281
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,480
Speaker 3: So at this point, she and her husband have zero

282
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,240
Speaker 3: contact with any of the five children they have between them.

283
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,840
Speaker 3: I don't have any contact with one sister an addict,

284
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,800
Speaker 3: and the other one I have very limited contact with

285
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,880
Speaker 3: because all she does is ask for money. So at

286
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:13,679
Speaker 3: this point I have exactly zero family. My grandparents are gone,

287
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,520
Speaker 3: I have no cousins or any contact with my only aunt.

288
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,320
Speaker 3: I have no relationships with my niece and nephews. Ones

289
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,720
Speaker 3: in prison, another is well on his way there, and

290
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,040
Speaker 3: I wouldn't trust any of them alone in my house.

291
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,440
Speaker 3: I see the relationships my husband has with his family

292
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,920
Speaker 3: and how supporting and loving they are, and although I'm

293
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,600
Speaker 3: grateful for them, it's not the same. It depresses me

294
00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:34,679
Speaker 3: because my family is such crap. I did some sleuthing

295
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,679
Speaker 3: a few years ago and found out that my real

296
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,800
Speaker 3: dad had another daughter. I contacted her on Facebook and

297
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,280
Speaker 3: explained who I was. She acted like I was trying

298
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,640
Speaker 3: to steal the family inheritance and blocked me on Facebook.

299
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,559
Speaker 3: I am actually quite well off and don't need anyone's money.

300
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,440
Speaker 3: It's like, man, could I just catch a break? I

301
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,560
Speaker 3: guess I should be thankful for what I have and

302
00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:56,079
Speaker 3: stop dwelling on the past, but it's difficult. I just

303
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,120
Speaker 3: don't understand how a mother could act the way mine

304
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,320
Speaker 3: has acted. What can I do to stop being sad

305
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,760
Speaker 3: and depressed over the situation and just forget about it.

306
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,480
Speaker 3: I know I'm better off with no contact with them anyway.

307
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,120
Speaker 3: It's just sad and confusing, and that is the end

308
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:13,560
Speaker 3: of that story. I loved my sister, but she betrayed me.

309
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:14,280
Speaker 8: No.

310
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,640
Speaker 2: I have always been close to my sister.

311
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,560
Speaker 3: We were always together and I've always thought we had

312
00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:23,800
Speaker 3: a good relationship. But last year I moved away for

313
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:27,320
Speaker 3: reasons I will explain later. Things have been different ever since,

314
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:31,000
Speaker 3: and I began to realize things never really were that good. First,

315
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,320
Speaker 3: let me introduce.

316
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:32,400
Speaker 2: You to us.

317
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,080
Speaker 3: I'm twenty six and my sister's twenty eight. But people

318
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:37,920
Speaker 3: always think I'm the big sister, and I have to

319
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:38,600
Speaker 3: admit I.

320
00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:39,920
Speaker 2: Do feel that way too.

321
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,080
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from a deleted user, And

322
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,960
Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:44,200
Speaker 3: the r.

324
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,360
Speaker 2: Slash Okay storytime subvered it. I'm Dakota and.

325
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:51,040
Speaker 7: I'm Savannah, and we're here to give good advice a

326
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:51,679
Speaker 7: little goofily.

327
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,160
Speaker 3: But we don't always have the answers to everything, so

328
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,360
Speaker 3: we only know what we would do in a situation.

329
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:57,840
Speaker 3: So if you would do something different, let us know

330
00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,640
Speaker 3: in the comments. And Ope says when I was a kid,

331
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,000
Speaker 3: I remember we were really close, but there were times

332
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,560
Speaker 3: where she would make fun of me endlessly until I

333
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,160
Speaker 3: had to be violent. That is when she would go

334
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,280
Speaker 3: to our parents and say I was mean to her.

335
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,080
Speaker 3: I remember when I was a kid, I had an

336
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:17,760
Speaker 3: important allergic reaction. My whole body and face doubled in volume.

337
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,520
Speaker 3: It was traumatizing because I couldn't breathe, and I thought

338
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,840
Speaker 3: it might be the end for me. It took me

339
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,240
Speaker 3: weeks to go back to normal. During that time, she

340
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:31,960
Speaker 3: insistently called me fat, ugly, and a potato head me,

341
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,520
Speaker 3: which I know sounds stupid, but as a kid and

342
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,160
Speaker 3: because of the circumstances, I didn't like being.

343
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,240
Speaker 2: Told I looked like a potato.

344
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,680
Speaker 3: I think this traumatized me to some extent because I've

345
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:46,040
Speaker 3: had really unhealthy eating habits since that. I am still

346
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,920
Speaker 3: working on today. No, I'm sorry.

347
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:49,240
Speaker 2: Ope.

348
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,400
Speaker 3: Once she exchanged messages with a friend of mine, she

349
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,160
Speaker 3: kind of had a crush on him, and I saw

350
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,560
Speaker 3: that she said bad things about me again, saying I

351
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,960
Speaker 3: was mean. This made me wonder what else she could

352
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,280
Speaker 3: I have told other friends we had in common during

353
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,560
Speaker 3: our teen years. We didn't fight a lot, but it

354
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:06,960
Speaker 3: was always about the same things. She stole my clothes

355
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,360
Speaker 3: and I never managed to make her understand I took

356
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,280
Speaker 3: it as a lack of respect. Now I have to

357
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,560
Speaker 3: say that she and I are completely different. I'm introverted

358
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,800
Speaker 3: when she is more sociable. I prefer to have a

359
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:19,960
Speaker 3: small circle of great friends when she cannot stand to

360
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,760
Speaker 3: be alone. I'm responsible and she can be forgetful. I

361
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,000
Speaker 3: always was a good student when she had to repeat

362
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,800
Speaker 3: a grade, making things, so she ended up being on

363
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,040
Speaker 3: the same level that I was.

364
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:30,720
Speaker 2: In high school.

365
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,120
Speaker 3: Overall, I feel like my parents put more pressure on

366
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,160
Speaker 3: me because I always had to be the bigger person

367
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,680
Speaker 3: and was expected to succeed slash, be wise or understanding

368
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,240
Speaker 3: blah blah blah blah. When we were preparing for our

369
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,920
Speaker 3: A levels, my mom put us in so much pressure

370
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,840
Speaker 3: that I cried. Later that day, she went to my

371
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,840
Speaker 3: room to apologize and said that she was actually worried

372
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:50,960
Speaker 3: my sister wouldn't get the exam, so she was giving

373
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,240
Speaker 3: both of us a hard time to avoid being hard

374
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,560
Speaker 3: on my sister. Only it made me feel like crap

375
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:58,720
Speaker 3: for my sister and even more pressure to get my exam.

376
00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,920
Speaker 3: After that, I went to a different city for studies

377
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:04,080
Speaker 3: that actually weren't good for me and ditched. Two years later,

378
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,080
Speaker 3: I went back to my parents for a year, and

379
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,920
Speaker 3: the feeling of failure made me feel really low. I

380
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:12,119
Speaker 3: felt very depressed for a year, which my parents never understood.

381
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,280
Speaker 3: I get it. It really is valuable that like the

382
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,120
Speaker 3: notion of like, it's not how hard you fall, it's

383
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 3: about how you get back up. If you focus on

384
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,400
Speaker 3: how hard the fall was, you're never gonna get back out.

385
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:26,480
Speaker 4: The comeback is always greater than the setback boom.

386
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,520
Speaker 3: Around this time, my sister came back home for a

387
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,440
Speaker 3: few days. She was living in London and told me

388
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,680
Speaker 3: to come with her as I was feeling useless here.

389
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:35,400
Speaker 2: I accepted.

390
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,480
Speaker 3: In London, I slowly managed to turn things around and

391
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,120
Speaker 3: decided to study again and got my degree there. If

392
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:43,760
Speaker 3: living with my sister was fine at first, it got

393
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,600
Speaker 3: more and more difficult. The first year of my studies,

394
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,120
Speaker 3: I didn't have a job new studies foreign language. I

395
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,440
Speaker 3: wanted to focus on that, but my parents gave me

396
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,240
Speaker 3: enough money to survive the month. She would insist I

397
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:57,320
Speaker 3: come to the parties with her, saying she'd buy me drinks.

398
00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,440
Speaker 3: But she would always bring that up anytime we are argued,

399
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,800
Speaker 3: saying she paid for everything and was doing everything. The

400
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,120
Speaker 3: second year, I struggled to find a part time job

401
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,440
Speaker 3: and she made me feel like crap for it until

402
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:11,040
Speaker 3: I found a stable job. Overall, I was the one

403
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:14,000
Speaker 3: in contact with agencies that rented us the different places

404
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,960
Speaker 3: we lived in. When signing the contracts, the full responsibility

405
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:17,440
Speaker 3: was mine.

406
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:18,359
Speaker 2: When it went.

407
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,520
Speaker 3: Badly with the realtors, I had to take care of

408
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,840
Speaker 3: it myself, as she claimed to not understand these things.

409
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:27,000
Speaker 3: Same for the bills providers and broadband. If we had

410
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,720
Speaker 3: any issue, I automatically was the one who had to call.

411
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,400
Speaker 3: I managed to take a few things off my shoulders.

412
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,520
Speaker 3: When we rented the last flat we lived in together,

413
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,000
Speaker 3: I only gave my sisters contact to the land lady.

414
00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:41,240
Speaker 3: She was always late paying her taxes, and one time

415
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:44,800
Speaker 3: she got a trial because she ignored the warning letters.

416
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:46,960
Speaker 3: I told her she needed to take care of that.

417
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,439
Speaker 3: Guess who had to go to the council and fix it.

418
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,960
Speaker 3: In spite of all this, she would sometimes complain that

419
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,720
Speaker 3: I was a burden and she was taking care of

420
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,480
Speaker 3: everything and the only one cooking and the only one cleaning,

421
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,919
Speaker 3: totally not acknowledging what I was doing or that I

422
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,840
Speaker 3: I had work to do too. I forgot to tell

423
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:04,439
Speaker 3: you we were sharing a one bedroom flat.

424
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:10,000
Speaker 7: Oh nice, So they're just like sleepover every night?

425
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:10,919
Speaker 9: Love that?

426
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:12,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've done that.

427
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,439
Speaker 3: If you're in that situation, like, if you don't have

428
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:19,160
Speaker 3: a great relationship with that person and y'all aren't communicating like.

429
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,879
Speaker 2: Very well with each other, it's always going to end

430
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,080
Speaker 2: up very bad.

431
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, especially if your sisters. Yeah, that's yikes.

432
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,040
Speaker 3: Most of the time I would sleep on the couch

433
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,320
Speaker 3: in the living room when I wanted more privacy, But

434
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:34,280
Speaker 3: there was always a point when I would miss sleeping

435
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,720
Speaker 3: in a bed. My sister also invited people to sleep

436
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,000
Speaker 3: over at our place. Once she went out and I

437
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:40,800
Speaker 3: stayed at home as I had to go to UNI

438
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,920
Speaker 3: in the morning. She came back late with a bunch

439
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,159
Speaker 3: of people, came into my bedroom with a girl and

440
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,639
Speaker 3: told her she could sleep in the bed with me

441
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,080
Speaker 3: and the others would sleep on the couch. I was

442
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,840
Speaker 3: just shocked and really mad. That night, I told her

443
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:55,520
Speaker 3: her behavior was not okay and I didn't feel respected.

444
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:57,840
Speaker 3: I made her promise this would never happen again, but

445
00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,440
Speaker 3: she kept inviting people over and hosting friends who came

446
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,960
Speaker 3: from abroad all the time, even though we didn't even

447
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,040
Speaker 3: have our own space. She kept doing it, and I

448
00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:07,240
Speaker 3: kept accepting it for a while until I was fed

449
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:10,080
Speaker 3: up again, but she wouldn't hear me. We fought more

450
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:13,240
Speaker 3: often about this and her overall disrespect. She would often

451
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,800
Speaker 3: retort that I wasn't easy to live with either, and

452
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:17,240
Speaker 3: when I asked her to tell me what I was

453
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,880
Speaker 3: doing wrong so I could change it and make her

454
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,400
Speaker 3: feel better, she would say she doesn't have an example

455
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,240
Speaker 3: in mind. One time she said she didn't like the

456
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,679
Speaker 3: fact I left my empty glass on the table, so

457
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,800
Speaker 3: empty glass on the table is the equivalent to hey, stranger,

458
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 3: sleep in this bed next to my sister.

459
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:33,520
Speaker 2: She doesn't know you.

460
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:37,000
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, but that's weird. I would never ever like

461
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:37,960
Speaker 4: what if the they could be.

462
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,640
Speaker 3: Both sides of that are weird to me because it's

463
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,879
Speaker 3: weird for her sister to be like, oh, yeah, you

464
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,119
Speaker 3: could totally just sleep in the bed next to my sister,

465
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,879
Speaker 3: And it's weird for OP to not just be like, no,

466
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 3: you're not, like, yeah, sorry that my sister brought you

467
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 3: over without a place to sleep, but I'm sleeping in

468
00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:57,199
Speaker 3: the bed. I don't know you. You're not sleeping in

469
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:58,760
Speaker 3: this bed. Get out of my room.

470
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:00,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like that's not all a rude thing

471
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:01,560
Speaker 4: to say, you know.

472
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:07,000
Speaker 3: No, if I was the random person, I'd be like okay, clearly, clearly, okay,

473
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,119
Speaker 3: if this isn't cool.

474
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,440
Speaker 2: She made it sound like this is cool.

475
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 3: If it's not cool, I'm not gonna do it because

476
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:12,440
Speaker 3: I'm not a psycho.

477
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:13,040
Speaker 2: Yeah.

478
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,840
Speaker 7: If I was the random person who like came in

479
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,760
Speaker 7: and then we were like, oh, by the way, you're

480
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,920
Speaker 7: gonna sleep with my sister that you don't know, I'd

481
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,040
Speaker 7: be like, I'd rather sleep, probably anywhere else.

482
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:26,000
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm gonna go. Actually, I'm just find a

483
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,080
Speaker 2: place gonna leave.

484
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,320
Speaker 3: Around that time last year, I was sick as heck,

485
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 3: and as she was going to go out that day,

486
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,919
Speaker 3: I told her I didn't want to contaminate her, and

487
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,399
Speaker 3: I'd be sleeping on the couch. She rang at the

488
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,720
Speaker 3: door at three in the morning because she forgot her keys,

489
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,719
Speaker 3: because yeah, that happened from time to time. Also, she

490
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:45,840
Speaker 3: had also brought a friend of hers who didn't want

491
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 3: to take the bus home. At this point, it was

492
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,679
Speaker 3: really too much. We had different people over for months.

493
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,800
Speaker 3: She was basically treating me as if I was in

494
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 3: appliance in her flat, and I was tired of having

495
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,080
Speaker 3: the same conversation over and over. So the next morning

496
00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:00,880
Speaker 3: I told her we needed to have rules.

497
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:01,639
Speaker 2: We don't tell.

498
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:04,400
Speaker 3: People they can stay over until we both have our

499
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 3: own room, and we try to be considerate to our roommate.

500
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,239
Speaker 3: She said I was being annoying for always bringing up

501
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,439
Speaker 3: something that happened one time two years ago, referring to

502
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,720
Speaker 3: the first incident where she brought a girl in my

503
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:17,719
Speaker 3: bed in the middle of the night, and that what

504
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 3: we really needed was bunk beds.

505
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,200
Speaker 2: Where did that idea come from?

506
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,720
Speaker 3: My sister only ever says sorry this way when I

507
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 3: confront her really hard about being disrespectful to me, and

508
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 3: this time added she can't change the way she is anyway,

509
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,439
Speaker 3: which is bs. That's when I realized she really didn't

510
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,960
Speaker 3: give a crap about me or my well being. Following

511
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,679
Speaker 3: this conversation, she avoided me for days. I was the

512
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,800
Speaker 3: sickest I had ever been. I didn't even go to

513
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,200
Speaker 3: work and I was staying on the couch all day.

514
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,720
Speaker 3: When she came back home, she would go straight to

515
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,680
Speaker 3: the bedroom. When I started to feel better, I went

516
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,680
Speaker 3: to the bedroom while she was at work and found

517
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,399
Speaker 3: empty snack bags. Going to the kitchen would mean she

518
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,879
Speaker 3: had to see me so potentially talk to me when.

519
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 2: She got back home.

520
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:58,480
Speaker 3: I told her this needed to stop, and she said

521
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 3: I was the one ignoring her. I said it was

522
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 3: crazy how she could never admit her wrongs and she

523
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,159
Speaker 3: didn't give a crap about me, because if she did,

524
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,320
Speaker 3: she would have checked on me when I was sick,

525
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 3: or at least asked how I was feeling. Again, she said, well, sorry,

526
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,120
Speaker 3: I'm that way, to which I replied, didn't mean anything.

527
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,720
Speaker 3: If she wasn't doing anything to make things better. I

528
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,119
Speaker 3: told her I was tired and afraid I might end

529
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,080
Speaker 3: up hating her if she kept doing this to me,

530
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 3: and I really don't want that. A few days before,

531
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,040
Speaker 3: I had received an offer for an internship back in

532
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 3: my hometown. Considering the situation, I felt like nothing was

533
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 3: holding me back in London. I accepted, but only announced

534
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,239
Speaker 3: it to my sister about a week later, saying I

535
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 3: was out of here by the end of next month.

536
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 3: Once when we were out with friends, she said in

537
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,240
Speaker 3: front of me, this time that I was mean and

538
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 3: I never let her do anything. It was around that

539
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 3: time also that she met a guy on Tinder and

540
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 3: things got moving pretty fast. One morning, I was falling

541
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 3: asleep I had worked the night shift when I heard

542
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,480
Speaker 3: someone come home. I knew it wasn't my sister because

543
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 3: she was at work. I heard footsteps and started to

544
00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,879
Speaker 3: get scared, so I went to the bedroom door and

545
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 3: asked who was there. It was her new boyfriend, and

546
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,199
Speaker 3: he had a few boxes with him. It looked like

547
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 3: he was moving in. I was puzzled, but didn't say anything,

548
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 3: as I thought my sister would have told me if

549
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,639
Speaker 3: a guy I didn't know was moving in anyway. The

550
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 3: next time I saw my sister different working hours, the

551
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,960
Speaker 3: guy was still home, so I took her aside and

552
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:16,920
Speaker 3: asked what was going on.

553
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 2: I said, what's happening? Is he living here?

554
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:23,160
Speaker 3: She says I don't know, and like I say, well,

555
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 3: I think it's simple. Either you told him he could

556
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 3: move in or he decided he could. Now you need

557
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 3: to tell me which is which, so I can react accordingly.

558
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:34,400
Speaker 3: Same answer from her, She's like, I don't know. At

559
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,639
Speaker 3: this point, I just go silent. There's nothing more to

560
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 3: say or do, and I know I'm moving out in

561
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 3: no week.

562
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 2: Anyway.

563
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,400
Speaker 3: She came to talk to me a few days later,

564
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 3: saying she wanted to talk to me. She asked what

565
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,440
Speaker 3: was wrong because she felt like I didn't like her boyfriend.

566
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,399
Speaker 3: I told her the problem was her, not him, and

567
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 3: we had already talked about it, but she just ignored it.

568
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,400
Speaker 3: She basically ignored it every time I tried to ask

569
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,199
Speaker 3: her to be more considerate. We have a little bit

570
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 3: more story left, but like, this situation is insane, Like

571
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,880
Speaker 3: your sister doesn't care. Just acknowledge that, understand how your

572
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 3: sister moves instead of like pretending like she's gonna change,

573
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 3: operate like she will never change, and then act accordingly.

574
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,639
Speaker 7: Yeah, this is like me and my sister, Like we

575
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 7: we get along great, but like in times like these

576
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:15,160
Speaker 7: when we like don't.

577
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 4: It's kind of like the same situation.

578
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 7: Of like you say you're wrong and then like you know,

579
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 7: everything will be fine, but it's like no, like we

580
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 7: are so stubborn with each other because nobody wants to

581
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 7: lose a battle first and second, like especially if it's

582
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 7: with your sister, like it just I don't know, it does.

583
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 4: Something to you. I feel like I feel like it

584
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 4: does something.

585
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 7: It's like hmmm, like no, like I want to be right,

586
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 7: you know, cause you always say, like my sister used

587
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 7: to always like, you know, I do something. She'd be like,

588
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 7: you know, I remember that from when we were little,

589
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 7: and I'm like, what, like, especially when we were like

590
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,159
Speaker 7: teenagers or whatever, she just come over and like just

591
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:49,600
Speaker 7: hit me or punch for me or whatever.

592
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,159
Speaker 4: And I'd be like what was that and she'd be like, well.

593
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 9: I just remember the time you did this to me.

594
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:57,159
Speaker 4: And I'm like it's stupid, but that's just like what

595
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 4: sisters do.

596
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 7: I don't know, but she does seem inconsidered, and I

597
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 7: get that because I feel that way as well with

598
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:03,920
Speaker 7: my sister.

599
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 3: Sometimes that's good good to have the sibling perspective because

600
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 3: I'm just only child, can't really tap into the sibling mind.

601
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:13,920
Speaker 3: But yeah, it's valuable to have that perspective for sure.

602
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 4: Yeah.

603
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 3: Since I moved out, I'm so relieved, and I feel

604
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,880
Speaker 3: like a huge burden has been taken off of my shoulders.

605
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,880
Speaker 3: I wasn't feeling like myself anymore. I think my sister's

606
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 3: behavior forced me to be more serious and responsible. I

607
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,679
Speaker 3: had to give her attention and support her all the

608
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 3: time and fix her mistakes when I felt like I

609
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,199
Speaker 3: was on my own. Now I feel like I can

610
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,919
Speaker 3: have more fun and focus on me. The only problem

611
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 3: is that I still love her. She's my sister and

612
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 3: we did have good times, but she pushed me to

613
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,800
Speaker 3: the edge, and now I feel resentment to the point

614
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:44,640
Speaker 3: that I sometimes want to be mean.

615
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 2: Or belittle her.

616
00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 3: I know it's petty, and I know I shouldn't, but

617
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 3: something between us broke before my moving out. I don't

618
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,639
Speaker 3: want to hate her. I know we're still better off apart,

619
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 3: that's for sure, but our family is still very close

620
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,400
Speaker 3: and I'm scared this whole thing will destroy us. It's

621
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 3: been a year since I moved out, and when she

622
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,639
Speaker 3: visited recently, I was surprised that I still feel anger.

623
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 3: I don't know how to make things better, or if

624
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 3: it's even possible. Maybe I need therapy bingo. Thank you

625
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,880
Speaker 3: for reading, and any advice or suggestions are welcome. Well,

626
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 3: it was probably pretty cathartic writing all that out. That's

627
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 3: the end of that story.

628
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 2: She married my brother. Now she controls my life.

629
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 4: No, not the brother.

630
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 2: Shouldn't she be controlling his life?

631
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 4: Yeah?

632
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 3: I have only met her twice before she recently married

633
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 3: my brother. She was at her best and seemed decent enough.

634
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,439
Speaker 3: I was happy to have a sister in law and

635
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 3: hope that we could have a great relationship. By the way,

636
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 3: this comes from user melancholy Bean, and if you want

637
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 3: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

638
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:41,879
Speaker 3: Okay storytime subreddit.

639
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota and I'm Savannah, and we're here to give

640
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 2: good advice. Goofly, But we don't have all the answers.

641
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:50,120
Speaker 3: We only know what we would do in any given situation.

642
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 3: So if you do something different, let us know. In

643
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:55,159
Speaker 3: the comments, as op set. They got married in a

644
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 3: courthouse and told us about two months in advance. I

645
00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 3: told them that I wasn't able to attend to be

646
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,679
Speaker 3: because I have a senior dog with EPILEPSI fair a

647
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,520
Speaker 3: fair reason to not attend. I have never boarded her

648
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 3: before and was worried because she's also high strung. They

649
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,000
Speaker 3: also planned to have a vow renewal in two years

650
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 3: time with an overseas trip and planned to invite more people,

651
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 3: so I thought it wouldn't be too bad that I

652
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,440
Speaker 3: missed out. I didn't think my sister in law cared

653
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 3: that much that I couldn't attend. They got married on

654
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:24,919
Speaker 3: Christmas Eve and insisted I come and visit them.

655
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,200
Speaker 2: For a week the week after.

656
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,880
Speaker 3: They live in a different state. I am here now

657
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 3: and can't believe how controlling she is. She treats me

658
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 3: like a child, even though I'm older than her. When

659
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:36,800
Speaker 3: my parents visited to attend their wedding, they told my

660
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,199
Speaker 3: brother and sister in law that they were worried about me.

661
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 3: I lost confidence from my last job and was depressed and.

662
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,640
Speaker 2: Didn't work for a year. I did a short course.

663
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 3: But other than that I stayed home most of the time,

664
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 3: I got more depressed because I let go of my

665
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,440
Speaker 3: friendship with my supposedly best friend of almost twenty years.

666
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 3: My relationship with my mom is also strained. Twenty twenty

667
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:58,679
Speaker 3: two was a depressing year for me. I already know

668
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,239
Speaker 3: that my situation is pathetic, as I'm thirty six and

669
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 3: still live at home. Results may vary, that's not necessarily

670
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 3: the case.

671
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, sometimes it's hard. I get people a break.

672
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 3: It's really only like once you like get married and

673
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,880
Speaker 3: stuff in most other cultures that you're expected to even

674
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 3: move out in the first place. Yeah, it's only like

675
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 3: in the States and like Western culture, where that's so expected.

676
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 3: It's like until you have your own family, it's like

677
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:21,600
Speaker 3: pretty much everywhere else, it's like.

678
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,119
Speaker 2: Why would you not live with your family?

679
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 4: They're right, and it makes sense.

680
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 7: It's like save money so that you can afford instead

681
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 7: of you know, trying to do it and then failing

682
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,160
Speaker 7: and being like, I'm in squalor.

683
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,879
Speaker 2: I'm a failure, right, and I talk.

684
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 3: I've never moved out, so I don't have the experience

685
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 3: of living on my own or with roommates. But even

686
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 3: though I live at home, I used to pay rent

687
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 3: to my mom and split the utility bills. My parents

688
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 3: don't force me to pay rent, but as an adult,

689
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 3: it's the right thing to do, and I appreciate not

690
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 3: having to pay excessive rents. But since I didn't work

691
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 3: last year, I didn't pay rent. But I still split

692
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,880
Speaker 3: the utility bills and buy things from my parents when

693
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 3: they need me to, and sometimes I don't ask to

694
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 3: be repaid. My parents don't know a lot of English,

695
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 3: so I help them as a translator when they need

696
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 3: me to, and help with whatever else they need. I'm

697
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 3: not mocking them. They mostly leave me alone and I'm

698
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 3: free to do whatever I want. They're not controlling or toxic. Obviously,

699
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 3: if they were, I would move out. On the first

700
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 3: night that I arrived, my brother and sister in law

701
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 3: were telling me I needed to move out. My sister

702
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 3: in law also complained about my new dog and said

703
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 3: I should give him up and that I'm using him

704
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 3: as an excuse to not move out. My mom wanted

705
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 3: to get a new dog as her friend was giving

706
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 3: her dogs away. I was hesitant because I was worried

707
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 3: my senior dog couldn't cope with a new dog. I said,

708
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 3: we can try him out for a week, but it's

709
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 3: been a month and I'm attached to him and.

710
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 2: He's attached to me.

711
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 3: He's two years old, and since he wasn't socialized and

712
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 3: was left in the backyard with his siblings, he has

713
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 3: behavioral and social issues, which is understandable. He's aggressive around

714
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,760
Speaker 3: my parents, tending to bark and lunch at them, But

715
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 3: so far I have taught him to sit and he

716
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 3: tells me when he needs to do his business because

717
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,080
Speaker 3: he goes and sits by the door. He's still peas

718
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 3: and poops in the house if I let him roam free,

719
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 3: but he doesn't do it in my room.

720
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 2: He's actually quite a good boy otherwise. No he's not.

721
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 3: Sorry, No he's not. He's trying to bite your parents.

722
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 3: You can't say he tries to bite my parents.

723
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:12,640
Speaker 2: All the time. But otherwise he's a good boy.

724
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 3: He also poops and peas everywhere in the house unless

725
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 3: I keep him in my room, but otherwise he's a

726
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,800
Speaker 3: good dog. That's a dog that takes a lot of

727
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 3: training and a lot of time and energy that I

728
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 3: don't think you're able to give.

729
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, there was a lot of stipulations with that.

730
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 9: She was like, I mean, he's great but like it

731
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 9: was the butts.

732
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 3: And to be honest, you've had the dog for like

733
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 3: a couple of months, and you say it's attached to you,

734
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 3: It'll be attached to someone else if they stay.

735
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 2: With it for a couple months.

736
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 4: It's true, and it's sad.

737
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 3: Sorry, my sister in law was putting down my dogs

738
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 3: and praise how good her dog is, even though she

739
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 3: bought him from a breeder and put in the effort

740
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 3: to take him to puppy school and train him. So

741
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 3: of course her dog would behave more than my dogs. Well, yes,

742
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 3: I mean she's right, but I mean she shouldn't be

743
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 3: like to just like like throwing it in your face. Yeah,

744
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 3: she shouldn't throw it in your face. But like it's

745
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 3: kind of weird that you're like, well, yeah, of course

746
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 3: she had her dogs trained.

747
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, yeah, you should do that. And then

748
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 2: people tell me I.

749
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 3: Hate dogs because I say stuff like that hates dogs.

750
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, train your animals. If they're animals that

751
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 3: need to be trained, train them.

752
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 4: Well, it's just everyone thinks they need a dog. Like

753
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 4: they're like, oh my god, it's OK, you don't want

754
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 4: a dog.

755
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 7: Then they don't realize how much work, and then they're like,

756
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 7: oh my god, and then they're like not good, you know,

757
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 7: like they can't be if you.

758
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 2: Don't put in the work to train your dog. Your

759
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:27,520
Speaker 2: dog's in menace.

760
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:32,560
Speaker 3: To society, to literally everyone around it. It's sort of

761
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 3: like the same premise of like an unruly child, where

762
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 3: it's like the parents are like.

763
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:38,520
Speaker 2: Oh, I love They're so sweet.

764
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 3: I love them, but everyone around them is like, make

765
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 3: that kid be quiet.

766
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, they're just charismatic, Like.

767
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 3: They're actually screaming at the top of their lungs in

768
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 3: olive garden and you need to make them stop. The

769
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 3: next day, we went to have brunch and they kept

770
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 3: on telling me to move out and treat me like

771
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:55,160
Speaker 3: a child.

772
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 2: I was frustrated and started to feel more depressed. They

773
00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,720
Speaker 2: already felt depressed.

774
00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 3: But tried to have a good time, only to be

775
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 3: subjected to lecturing. It was New Year's Eve and that

776
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 3: night we went to a dinner event at a brewery.

777
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 3: She forced me to drink, even though I didn't want to,

778
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 3: as I already felt depressed and I get sad when

779
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 3: I drink. On the way home to uber, the conversation

780
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 3: somehow changed into her mentioning again that I live at

781
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 3: home and don't pay rent. Before that, she was ranting

782
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,960
Speaker 3: about how her parents forced her to do piano in

783
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 3: sports when she was young. I joked that she had

784
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 3: an Asian childhood. I am Asian and she's Caucasian, but

785
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 3: our childhoods were the opposite. I didn't know her parents

786
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 3: were quite strict and headstrong. I said that usually Asian

787
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 3: parents don't force their children to pay rent, and she

788
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 3: started getting angry and saying I can't generalize, and just

789
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 3: getting really pissed off. When we got dropped off, she

790
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 3: kept on going off at me and saying that I'm

791
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 3: a child. She said that I'm negative and don't appreciate

792
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 3: her hospitality, and then I don't say thank you, and

793
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:52,360
Speaker 3: I kept on asking for things. I was so confused

794
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:54,800
Speaker 3: because I didn't think I was doing anything wrong or

795
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 3: being rude. I wasn't obsessing over saying thank you, and

796
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 3: was chill because when I first arrived, my brother was

797
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 3: showing me my room. I was saying thank you and

798
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 3: that he doesn't have to worry about making me comfortable

799
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 3: because I'm easy, and he yelled at me to not

800
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 3: be so polite.

801
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 2: So I relaxed.

802
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 3: I'm usually polite and say thank you and sorry more

803
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 3: than necessary. And apparently I'm negative because I told the

804
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 3: truth about the bed being uncomfortable, they asked me how

805
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 3: I slept. I said the bed was quite hard. My

806
00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 3: sister in law told me a few weeks before I

807
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 3: arrived that she bought a sofa bed. I appreciate that

808
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 3: she did that and message here thank you. I told

809
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,240
Speaker 3: them I would be fine sleeping on the floor or

810
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 3: the blow up mattress that they have. When she apologized

811
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 3: after berating me, I started crying.

812
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 2: Because I was so confused.

813
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 3: After talking it out, it turned out that she was

814
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 3: still upset that I didn't attend their wedding and was

815
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 3: getting upset over little things I did. Even so, it

816
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 3: was completely out of line. I can forgive her, but

817
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 3: it's the fact that she's condescending towards me. I can't

818
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 3: say anything without her trying to one up me, making

819
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 3: it seem like I'm a complainer, or treating me like

820
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 3: a child. Examples. I don't want to talk to her

821
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 3: because of how she is with me. And the other

822
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 3: day when we were waiting for my brother to own

823
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 3: opened the door after he parked his car. She asked

824
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 3: if I was okay. I said, yeah, I'm just tired.

825
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:07,840
Speaker 3: She asked if I usually have afternoon naps and I

826
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,400
Speaker 3: said sometimes, but I try not to because it's not

827
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:12,759
Speaker 3: that beneficial for me. And she said that it could

828
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:13,240
Speaker 3: be worse.

829
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 2: I have sleep issues.

830
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 3: And she gave me advice about seeing a cognitive behaviorist

831
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 3: and all that, because she does breath exercises and tried

832
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 3: other methods to help with her ADHD related anxiety. I

833
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 3: asked her, so do you feel well rested the next day,

834
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:30,240
Speaker 3: and she couldn't even answer me. Normally, she kept on saying, well,

835
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,480
Speaker 3: I know what's wrong with me, and I took steps

836
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:34,479
Speaker 3: to do what's right for me, and prevention is better

837
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 3: than a cure. It sounds like she answered you my guy.

838
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 3: She's like, well, I mean I know what worked for me,

839
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 3: so I did that. I try to figure out what

840
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 3: was wrong with me. Your situation is different than mine.

841
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 3: I don't know if what works for me is gonna

842
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:46,120
Speaker 3: work for you. That's an answer. We went to an

843
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 3: open range zoo yesterday and she did mention that a

844
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:51,279
Speaker 3: Safari bus tour usually comes every ten minutes. Later on,

845
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,359
Speaker 3: she asked what I wanted to see, and I said

846
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 3: we can go on the tour and asked when that

847
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 3: came by. She looked annoyed and walked away and said,

848
00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:59,839
Speaker 3: like I said, when I went there, they came around

849
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 3: every ten minutes.

850
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 2: She sounds annoying.

851
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 4: I mean it's different, like who cares Honestly.

852
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,759
Speaker 3: She sounds annoying. She's not being honest about why she's

853
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:09,879
Speaker 3: annoyed by you. If she's upset that you were at

854
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,840
Speaker 3: the wedding, she should have just said that and been like, hey, sorry,

855
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:14,200
Speaker 3: I just gotta get this on my chest.

856
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:15,799
Speaker 2: I'm kind of upset that you didn't go to our wedding.

857
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 2: What was that about?

858
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 3: You go, oh my god, I'd have an elderly dog

859
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 3: with epilepsy. I had to take care of him.

860
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

861
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,879
Speaker 3: So she got pissed off because the first morning after

862
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 3: I arrived, I took too long in the shower. I

863
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,239
Speaker 3: took a bit longer because I washed my hair. I

864
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 3: also didn't think they needed to shower because they had

865
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 3: a shower before bed the night before. We also didn't

866
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 3: have a booking somewhere, so we weren't late for anything.

867
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:36,760
Speaker 2: We just went to brunch.

868
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:39,080
Speaker 3: She makes little comments about me, and I've seen her

869
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 3: whispering to my brother from my peripheral vision after I've

870
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 3: walked by. She constantly treats me like a child, and

871
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:46,880
Speaker 3: it's frustrating, but I have to pretend everything is fine

872
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:47,880
Speaker 3: because I'm the guest.

873
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 2: We have a little bit more story left, But like,

874
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:50,399
Speaker 2: what is our take here?

875
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 7: I think that this sister in law is very controlling

876
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:59,359
Speaker 7: and she feels resentment towards Opie because they didn't come

877
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 7: to the wedding. But the thing is, like, you know,

878
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:04,080
Speaker 7: she had a reason. It's not like she just made

879
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 7: up a fake reason and was like, oh, I just

880
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:09,879
Speaker 7: something's happening and I can't come.

881
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,440
Speaker 3: You know, my stories were on that day and I

882
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:13,959
Speaker 3: couldn't not watch them.

883
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:17,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, like it could have been like a much worse.

884
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 3: But she I can't do anything until I watched the

885
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:21,520
Speaker 3: new episode.

886
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:21,760
Speaker 2: Of she Hulck.

887
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 3: Sorry, I'd be mad if you didn't come to our

888
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:27,720
Speaker 3: wedding because of she Hulk, But you had an elderly

889
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,800
Speaker 3: dog with e BILEPSI, So fair enough.

890
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:30,920
Speaker 2: Let's finish this story.

891
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, she said she stopped taking her ADHD medicine because

892
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 3: they're trying to start a family. So at first I

893
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:39,800
Speaker 3: understand that it might be causing her to have mood swings,

894
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,400
Speaker 3: but it doesn't give her the right to be in

895
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 3: a hole to me. She doesn't try to understand me

896
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 3: or my anxieties. She has all these assumptions about me

897
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 3: when she doesn't know my experiences. I try to be

898
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:53,920
Speaker 3: understanding towards her, but she's self righteous and judgmental. She

899
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 3: thinks she's better than me because she's married. I worry

900
00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:00,120
Speaker 3: about them having children now because she seems quite manipulative

901
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,280
Speaker 3: and controlling. She needs more therapy before starting a family.

902
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 3: I worry about my future nieces and nephews and.

903
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 2: That here's the end of that story.

904
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:09,120
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

905
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:09,279
Speaker 5: Here.

906
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:10,879
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three

907
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:12,240
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

908
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 5: I adopted my little sister, but my girlfriend was not happy.

909
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 5: Last month, when my twenty four mail parents were driving

910
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 5: back from my uncle's house outside the city, they encountered

911
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:25,840
Speaker 5: a moose on a remote road in the forest. My father,

912
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 5: who was the driver, swerved at a high speed hit

913
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:31,000
Speaker 5: a tree. They both passed away on scene. Because it

914
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:34,759
Speaker 5: wasn't a very often used road, they were only discovered

915
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 5: the next day by passerby trigger warning mention of passing away.

916
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:41,680
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Throwaway eighty nine. And

917
00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:42,880
Speaker 5: if you want to speak you own stories, go to

918
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 5: the RSAE okay stories. I'm Subreddit, I'm Riley, I'm Dakota,

919
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 5: I'm Keon, and we have not been through all of

920
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 5: these situations before, but if you have, please put your

921
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 5: comments down below. We're just here to give the best

922
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:58,640
Speaker 5: advice we can. Sopi says, my sister eight female has

923
00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 5: been staying with my grandma, who I'm not a great

924
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 5: fan of. She said that she doesn't want to adopt

925
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:06,920
Speaker 5: my sister, so the next option was me. I agreed

926
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 5: with it without a question. We are very close and

927
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 5: in the end, she's my family and I love her

928
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 5: to the end of the world. My sister moved in

929
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 5: with my girlfriend twenty three female and me two weeks ago. Obviously,

930
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 5: she is very scared from what happened to our parents.

931
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:22,480
Speaker 5: We're both very close to them and they were great people.

932
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:25,400
Speaker 5: She still doesn't really talk much, only to me and

933
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 5: sometimes my girlfriend. We take her to therapy twice a week,

934
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 5: and there are improvements even in such a short amount

935
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 5: of time. Yesterday, after I stayed with my sister in

936
00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 5: her bed until she fell asleep, I went to my

937
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 5: in my girlfriend's room. She said that we had to

938
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 5: talk about this situation. She said that we don't really

939
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 5: have time for each other since my sister moved in.

940
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 5: It's fair point. We've only had spicy sleep once and

941
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,960
Speaker 5: that's when my sister was away, and even then I

942
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 5: wasn't really into it at all. She said I should

943
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 5: reconsider the adoption and maybe hand her over to my

944
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 5: uncle and aunt. I feel like the girlfriends should have

945
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,360
Speaker 5: brought this up with questions for the boyfriend, because this

946
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 5: is an easy solution one. This is a season. Girlfriend,

947
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 5: We're going through a season that I have to take

948
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 5: care of my sister, and you could be a part

949
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 5: of it or not. And we can always have working

950
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,440
Speaker 5: arounds where the aunt and uncle can help out too. Sometimes,

951
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 5: That's what I think. Anyways, I refused. They already busy

952
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,640
Speaker 5: as it is. My uncle isn't allowed to work because

953
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,799
Speaker 5: of a heart condition and because it didn't work long

954
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:24,479
Speaker 5: before the being diagnosed, his disability fund isn't very big.

955
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 5: My aunt works at a retirement home that obviously doesn't

956
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 5: pay great They also pay for my cousin's university expenses

957
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 5: while juggling taken care of my younger cousin, who's only five.

958
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:37,360
Speaker 5: My girlfriend is in her last year of university, so

959
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:40,080
Speaker 5: we don't have much money either. Luckily, I found a

960
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 5: job after university in my field that pays pretty well,

961
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,919
Speaker 5: and it's been tough financially. Soon enough, I will start

962
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:49,480
Speaker 5: receiving funds from the government for adopting my sister. My

963
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 5: girlfriend said that she isn't ready to become a mother

964
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:56,840
Speaker 5: and overall having all these responsibilities of a parent, which

965
00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 5: I can understand, it's tough. She said. It's been putting

966
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,720
Speaker 5: a big strain on our relationship, which again is valid.

967
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 5: Hate to say it. Don't seem like you cut out

968
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:06,919
Speaker 5: for this season of my life.

969
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 8: Yeah, dude, I think it's time to leave her. I

970
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 8: think if you're like, oh, okay, me taking care of

971
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 8: my sister is a red flag for you, I guess

972
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:18,520
Speaker 8: you should find somebody else. I guess we're not cut

973
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 8: out to be together because I'm picking my sister over you.

974
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:22,359
Speaker 5: Yeah.

975
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:27,800
Speaker 8: We just lost our parents as well. Those were my parents, yeah,

976
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:29,320
Speaker 8: and hers also.

977
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 5: Pete. How are you doing? How are you doing? With this, Yeah,

978
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 5: I hope you're doing all right before we get back

979
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,799
Speaker 5: from work and university and be off for the entire day.

980
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,480
Speaker 5: But now we have to pick up my sister from school,

981
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 5: driver to the therapist and take care of her a

982
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,880
Speaker 5: lot since when she's home, since she doesn't like to

983
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 5: be alone. I told her that while she makes valid points,

984
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:51,960
Speaker 5: all of that goes out the window when this is

985
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 5: my sister. I just can't throw her away because it's

986
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 5: not easy. It won't be easy, and I have to

987
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:01,279
Speaker 5: write it out. But she doesn't. It probably wasn't the

988
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 5: right thing to say because it set her off, and

989
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 5: she said that if I had to choose between my

990
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 5: sister and her, who would I pick?

991
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 8: Crazy? Are you crazy? Do you think in any universe

992
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:15,719
Speaker 8: you win that? Do you think at all? I've just

993
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:19,279
Speaker 8: lost both of my parents, Me and my sister are

994
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:23,240
Speaker 8: now the only ones left in our family, like immediate family.

995
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,040
Speaker 2: You think I'm gonna pick you over my sister?

996
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, get your head screwed on straight there.

997
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 2: That's the fastest I pick my sister. Bye. Yeah, see

998
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:33,800
Speaker 2: you hit the bricks.

999
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:35,879
Speaker 5: I did an answer, and we got into a bit

1000
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 5: of a verbal fight, after which I went to sleep

1001
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:41,200
Speaker 5: on the couch and I broke down from everything that

1002
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:42,320
Speaker 5: has been going on lately.

1003
00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:42,759
Speaker 4: Day.

1004
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 5: I should add that my girlfriend and I have been

1005
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:48,680
Speaker 5: together for nine years. She knew my parents and they

1006
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:51,359
Speaker 5: loved her. She also knows my sister from birth, and

1007
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 5: I can't understand how she would make me pick between them.

1008
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 5: I love both of them and I don't want to

1009
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,759
Speaker 5: lose either of them. I think I need advice on

1010
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 5: what to do or say with my girlfriend because I'm

1011
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 5: at a loss. We haven't edit. I also want to

1012
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,440
Speaker 5: add because people seem to think that I just suddenly

1013
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 5: took my sister without even talking to my girlfriend. That's

1014
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 5: not the case. We've talked about it at length. She

1015
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 5: said that we needed to get her to come home

1016
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:14,959
Speaker 5: to us no matter what. That's why I was also

1017
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,879
Speaker 5: really surprised at what she had to say. Even if

1018
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 5: you didn't have to have a conversation, take your eight

1019
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 5: year old sister in, I don't think you need a conversation.

1020
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's my hot take, and I'm gonna agree not

1021
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:27,720
Speaker 8: ill that's ice cold to me because it's like, yeah,

1022
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:32,839
Speaker 8: my parents are gone, I have a sister who's eight. Yep,

1023
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,840
Speaker 8: she's gonna live with us, and you live with me,

1024
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,880
Speaker 8: So if you're gonna be here, she's gonna live with us.

1025
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 5: So this is what I think you should take your girlfriend.

1026
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,359
Speaker 5: As I tell her, I love you. This is something

1027
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 5: I'm serious about. One of the biggest things that you

1028
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:46,880
Speaker 5: voiced to me is that we don't have a lot

1029
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 5: of time together. I think once we get to the

1030
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,319
Speaker 5: root of that and work towards saving figuring that problem out,

1031
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,520
Speaker 5: we'll be good. I cannot get rid of my sister.

1032
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:57,399
Speaker 5: I am not going to let her be with someone else.

1033
00:42:57,400 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 5: She's gonna stay with me, and that's my responsibility.

1034
00:42:59,680 --> 00:42:59,839
Speaker 7: Straight.

1035
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:01,400
Speaker 5: I'm going to need you to work with me on

1036
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:03,439
Speaker 5: that or I don't think this is going to work out.

1037
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:06,640
Speaker 5: But let's drop the ultimatum. Let's figure out ways to

1038
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 5: have more time for ourselves, because that's the biggest issue

1039
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:10,919
Speaker 5: here is that they just don't have time for each other.

1040
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:11,359
Speaker 8: Yeah.

1041
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 5: Update two, Okay, we ended up talking about it for

1042
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,520
Speaker 5: a while, and this is how it all went down.

1043
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:18,560
Speaker 2: I think they're splitting.

1044
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 5: I think they're together, and this is how we talk

1045
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 5: went down. At first, my girlfriend apologized profusely for the

1046
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 5: other night. She said she acted like a spoiled little

1047
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 5: crap and that it wasn't acceptable at all. I told

1048
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,320
Speaker 5: her that I still love her the same, even though

1049
00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 5: what she said was hurtful, that I understood it was

1050
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 5: a huge jump for her. I explained to her that

1051
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 5: she doesn't need to be a mother, just a friend

1052
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,279
Speaker 5: or a big sister to my sister, and that I

1053
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 5: don't want to push any responsibilities on her. I said

1054
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 5: that if she'd like to, we could both take a

1055
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 5: break from each other to process this. She refused and

1056
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 5: said that she processed it and admitted that what she

1057
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:57,719
Speaker 5: said was a result of everything changing so quickly. She

1058
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:00,320
Speaker 5: said she didn't want or need a break because she

1059
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:03,279
Speaker 5: realized what she said was in the wrong. She said

1060
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 5: she regretted what she said almost immediately, but thought that

1061
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 5: the damage was done and that I would break up

1062
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,360
Speaker 5: with her. She was scared to approach me because of that.

1063
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 5: She also said that she didn't mean to make me

1064
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 5: pick between them, and admitted herself that if someone posed

1065
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,799
Speaker 5: her that question, if she were in that situation, she

1066
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 5: would drop them. She was thankful for me with holding

1067
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 5: that decision until we had a talk. She said it

1068
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:29,840
Speaker 5: arose from her feeling distance from me, and jealousy that

1069
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 5: I was spending a lot of time with my sister

1070
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,600
Speaker 5: but had to spend less time with her as a result.

1071
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:37,200
Speaker 5: That makes sense. There was a little bit of jealousy there.

1072
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 2: Fair, I mean logical, logical.

1073
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 5: She understands why though it's necessary I take care of

1074
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,800
Speaker 5: my sister while she's hurting, and she said she wishes

1075
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 5: to help me with that as much as she can.

1076
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 5: She admitted, for the past thirteen years, I've been her everything,

1077
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 5: and for those two weeks she thought she was losing me.

1078
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 5: It terrified her. But after talking about it with some

1079
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 5: of her close friends, I saw that she wasn't losing me,

1080
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 5: just that a very important thing popped up in my

1081
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:06,799
Speaker 5: life that I had to be taken care of and

1082
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 5: it was going to take a lot of my attention,

1083
00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:12,640
Speaker 5: which was previously focused mostly on her. Which makes sense.

1084
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,040
Speaker 5: You guys were very deeply in love in thirteen years

1085
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 5: in which is beautiful, So a little bit of unstability

1086
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 5: in that it makes sense.

1087
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 2: Was it thirteen or nine?

1088
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 5: I thought it was nine, Yeah, she admitted, for the

1089
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 5: past thirteen years, I've been heard everything.

1090
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:26,000
Speaker 2: I guess I like this.

1091
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:26,839
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1092
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 2: I also were not even like that.

1093
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:30,840
Speaker 8: It could have even come out though. Okay, hear me, like,

1094
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:32,240
Speaker 8: this is just damage control.

1095
00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:34,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's damage control and we're not even halfway through.

1096
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah.

1097
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 5: She said she wants me to know I can depend

1098
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:41,400
Speaker 5: on her in terms of responsibility about my sister and

1099
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:42,920
Speaker 5: that she will do her best to be good to

1100
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:46,279
Speaker 5: my sister. And I can see that compared yesterday or

1101
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:49,520
Speaker 5: the day before, my girlfriend really tried with my sister. Today,

1102
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 5: she initiated conversations with her and helped her out more

1103
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 5: with homework and picking out some clothes before going to

1104
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 5: the therapist. It was as if seeing my girlfriend go

1105
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:00,760
Speaker 5: from being a child to an adult in a matter

1106
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:03,040
Speaker 5: of a day. I'll submitted some of my faults, such

1107
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 5: as neglecting her over the past few weeks, although unintentionally

1108
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 5: I realize it could have had an impact on a person.

1109
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 8: Brother, you're literally grieving the passing of your parents. Yeah,

1110
00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:18,920
Speaker 8: like you deserve to be given all of the grace

1111
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:21,360
Speaker 8: in the situation. And that's why there was a comment

1112
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,200
Speaker 8: saying like, well, sometimes people say things that are like,

1113
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 8: upon further reflection, they realize we're wrong. Sure, but like

1114
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 8: you need to know in the context of your partner

1115
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 8: of maybe what thirteen years their parents are gone and

1116
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 8: you don't have the wherewithal to like be sympathetic to

1117
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:42,480
Speaker 8: their sister and him wanting to adopt.

1118
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:43,239
Speaker 2: Her and take care of her.

1119
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 8: Yeah, not giving him grace being maybe I don't know

1120
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:50,120
Speaker 8: a little not as present in your relationship after that

1121
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:52,399
Speaker 8: happens is insane.

1122
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 5: To me, agreed. I also admitted to not really giving

1123
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 5: her much of a say on the matter of whether

1124
00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 5: my sister would come here to stay. We came up

1125
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 5: with a few things, namely that we must definitely go

1126
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:06,880
Speaker 5: to therapy sooner rather than later. She suggested leaving my

1127
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 5: sister with my aunt and uncle for a few hours

1128
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 5: over the weekend, but we go and sort that out.

1129
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:13,879
Speaker 5: We also agree that we need to balance our time

1130
00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 5: more efficiently so we can at least have a bit

1131
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 5: more time to reconnect with each other, which was my thing.

1132
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 5: She told me that she's sorry for not helping me

1133
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,319
Speaker 5: grieve or finding time to do that, and that our

1134
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:27,799
Speaker 5: fight was a wake up call for her not being

1135
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:31,520
Speaker 5: supportive enough of me through what happened recently. She said

1136
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,319
Speaker 5: she will do whatever she can to make up for

1137
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,240
Speaker 5: her overstepping. It was at this point that the whole

1138
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 5: month hit like a train. I cried a lot while

1139
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 5: she hugged me and gave me words of reassurance and

1140
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:45,240
Speaker 5: comfort through the whole thing, while allowing me to release

1141
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 5: what I'd been holding on for the past month. This

1142
00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:52,080
Speaker 5: was my girlfriend, as I knew her, a very caring person.

1143
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:55,399
Speaker 5: I really hope that what she showed two days ago

1144
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 5: wasn't her real face, but merely a reaction stemming from insecurity.

1145
00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 5: Only time can tell, and it has to true. Park.

1146
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:05,600
Speaker 2: It's good that you're aware of that because it is true.

1147
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:08,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're pretty mature for this. He's adulted a lot

1148
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:09,839
Speaker 5: within the past a little bit.

1149
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not out of the woods yet.

1150
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:12,560
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1151
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 5: I think it was a positive thing to do, And

1152
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 5: obviously there were still tons more where that came from,

1153
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 5: but it's a step in the right direction. When I

1154
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 5: came back home with my sister, we all played cards

1155
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:24,440
Speaker 5: and it just felt like we were a family. It's

1156
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 5: a good feeling. As of the time that I'm writing this,

1157
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 5: I put my sister to sleep, and today she didn't

1158
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 5: take much time to fall asleep at all. She's pretty

1159
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:34,280
Speaker 5: much drifted off after a forehead kiss and some cuddles.

1160
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 5: I'm in the living room on the couch right now.

1161
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 5: My girlfriend is taking a shower and we're planning to

1162
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:41,879
Speaker 5: watch a movie together. Honestly, I'm thankful to everyone who

1163
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 5: gave me advice over the past few hours. I don't

1164
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 5: think I could have kept a level head so much

1165
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:50,320
Speaker 5: if Manny hadn't offered different points of view and sound advice.

1166
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:53,279
Speaker 5: One thing I learned from this ordeal is that communication,

1167
00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:56,840
Speaker 5: especially in times of stress like this, is vital for

1168
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,720
Speaker 5: making important decisions. It's good to talk to your partner

1169
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 5: and see if they maybe have an explanation for what

1170
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:04,680
Speaker 5: they did, but also be ready for the worst. Yeah.

1171
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:12,360
Speaker 5: Like we say, communicate early and of yeah, and we

1172
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,040
Speaker 5: also say pee.

1173
00:49:16,360 --> 00:49:16,800
Speaker 6: Side.

1174
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:19,640
Speaker 5: It's good for the plants. Really is. I went into

1175
00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:22,160
Speaker 5: the conversation with my girlfriend being ready to break up

1176
00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:24,759
Speaker 5: with her if her view had it changed, because like

1177
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:27,280
Speaker 5: it or not, but don being my sister was a priority.

1178
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 5: I think that two days ago my girlfriend didn't understand

1179
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,399
Speaker 5: why and could accept it. But after talking to her

1180
00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:34,239
Speaker 5: and explaining why I have to take care of my

1181
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 5: sister like this, she now understands and accepts it.

1182
00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 8: I'm sorry it is such a red flag to me.

1183
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:43,759
Speaker 8: That she needs that explained to her. That in and

1184
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:48,000
Speaker 8: of itself, I'm glad that she seems receptive to the information,

1185
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:53,360
Speaker 8: But like, how do you not understand parents pass away

1186
00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:54,240
Speaker 8: in a car accident?

1187
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 2: Was she involved in it? The little sister was in

1188
00:49:57,200 --> 00:49:58,040
Speaker 2: the car, right, Yeah?

1189
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:01,759
Speaker 8: Yeah, so in incredibly traumatic for her.

1190
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 2: And you don't understand why the one person she has left.

1191
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 8: In her immediate family wants to adopt her and take

1192
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 8: care of her. And you're mad that you won't be

1193
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 8: able to go on date night.

1194
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, come on, girl on, dude, we have a third

1195
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 5: update seventy two days later. Everyone's against the girlfriend here.

1196
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:21,759
Speaker 6: Oh p and sister. They deserve a little vacation from girlfriend.

1197
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,839
Speaker 6: Go somewhere nice. I don't know. They deserve a fun time.

1198
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:26,239
Speaker 6: They deserve such a good time.

1199
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:28,880
Speaker 5: Yeah a lot. This happened as my first post in

1200
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:31,120
Speaker 5: the end my girlfriend now.

1201
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:33,400
Speaker 2: X, I guess there it is.

1202
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:35,800
Speaker 5: Deal with the fact that I had a new priority

1203
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:37,719
Speaker 5: because for the last thirteen years.

1204
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:38,800
Speaker 2: It was you, baby.

1205
00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:41,480
Speaker 5: All she had to worry about was you and her,

1206
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 5: and that was gonna be live. I admit I wasn't

1207
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 5: the best at managing time between them two and I

1208
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:49,920
Speaker 5: spent a lot more with my sister than my girlfriend,

1209
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:53,840
Speaker 5: but I think that's understandable. Maybe In general, my girlfriend

1210
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:56,200
Speaker 5: was on and off with my sister. One day she

1211
00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:58,600
Speaker 5: would be the nicest person to her, and the other

1212
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 5: would completely blow her off and be borderline mean. I

1213
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 5: had a few talks with her that this needs to stop,

1214
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:06,920
Speaker 5: but it would only end up working for maybe the

1215
00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:09,360
Speaker 5: rest of the week, and the next it would be

1216
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:12,320
Speaker 5: back to square one. About three weeks ago, it erupted

1217
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:15,280
Speaker 5: into a big argument. She accused me of not loving

1218
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:18,359
Speaker 5: her anymore and that I play favorites. I told her

1219
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 5: they're not my children to be playing favorites, and that

1220
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:24,000
Speaker 5: obviously for some time, my sister is gonna need a

1221
00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 5: lot more attention since you know, she lost her parents.

1222
00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:30,600
Speaker 5: In the end, she went back on her ultimatum sister

1223
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:34,239
Speaker 5: or her. I was angry at this point because she

1224
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 5: had been mean to my sister that day and I

1225
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:38,440
Speaker 5: told her she can pack her crap and find a

1226
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:40,799
Speaker 5: new place to sleep. I haven't seen her since, and

1227
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:42,960
Speaker 5: quite frankly, I really don't want to good.

1228
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:47,440
Speaker 6: I want to see her explain to everybody like she

1229
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:52,040
Speaker 6: broke up with me because he picked a sister over me, Oh,

1230
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:52,799
Speaker 6: why did he do that?

1231
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:56,000
Speaker 5: She was just in a I don't know, in a

1232
00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 5: car one time and and something happened. I don't know.

1233
00:51:58,160 --> 00:51:59,600
Speaker 5: It's like, it's really dramatic.

1234
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 2: Eye Christy Cameron's putting it the right way. Girlfriend had

1235
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:04,160
Speaker 2: no empathy.

1236
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:06,239
Speaker 5: Oh my, zero.

1237
00:52:06,239 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 2: Empathy for the sister.

1238
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:10,160
Speaker 8: And that's not something that you can go Actually, I

1239
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 8: thought about it now. Empathy is not something you just

1240
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:12,399
Speaker 8: think about.

1241
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:14,239
Speaker 2: It's something that hits you and you feel it. She said.

1242
00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:16,680
Speaker 5: Girlfriend had no empathy for his poor sister and him

1243
00:52:16,719 --> 00:52:17,840
Speaker 5: going through something traumatic.

1244
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, none whatsoever. Oh, you cannot teach that. You

1245
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 8: cannot think that he stopped painting my nails.

1246
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:25,000
Speaker 5: What am I gonna do now?

1247
00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:28,800
Speaker 6: She literally said, what about my needs? And rots Huh.

1248
00:52:28,840 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 2: She should immediately understand, Oh, this isn't about me at all.

1249
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 5: All.

1250
00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:34,680
Speaker 8: She's saying that she's that you don't love her anymore

1251
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:36,240
Speaker 8: because you're taking care of your sister.

1252
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:39,759
Speaker 5: She's insane and a mom's boy says, that's why she

1253
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:41,879
Speaker 5: was a girlfriend, not a wife. This was a good

1254
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:43,879
Speaker 5: wife test. Yeah, see how she would do.

1255
00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:47,640
Speaker 6: So girlfriend test? That's terrible, it's wild.

1256
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:50,240
Speaker 5: So we text her for a bit basically both sides,

1257
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:52,799
Speaker 5: confirming it's over and arranging when she can come for

1258
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,160
Speaker 5: the rest of her stuff. As for my sister, she's

1259
00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:57,480
Speaker 5: a lot better. She doesn't stay in her room all

1260
00:52:57,600 --> 00:53:00,520
Speaker 5: day anymore, and she's slowly going back to her talkative

1261
00:53:00,600 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 5: old self. Oh I wonder why she still doesn't lie

1262
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:06,800
Speaker 5: being alone. But it was the same before the accident.

1263
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 5: So my girlfriend moved out and we're sharing a bed

1264
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:13,279
Speaker 5: for comfort. She still wakes up at night crying sometimes,

1265
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:16,279
Speaker 5: so it's better when I'm there, and frankly, it's a

1266
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:19,040
Speaker 5: lot more comfortable. Guys, you called it. I didn't want

1267
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 5: to believe it. I thought there was a little bit

1268
00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:22,360
Speaker 5: left here, but I did feel love bombing.

1269
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:24,960
Speaker 8: Let me say exactly what should have been said. Yeah,

1270
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 8: let me say what I think he needs to hear,

1271
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:29,320
Speaker 8: diffigure And he did. And it's like, if you really

1272
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:31,479
Speaker 8: meant that, and you meant that down to your core,

1273
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:32,720
Speaker 8: it could have worked.

1274
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:33,480
Speaker 2: But you didn't.

1275
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:36,720
Speaker 8: You just said that because it's not something you should

1276
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:37,520
Speaker 8: need to check.

1277
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,600
Speaker 2: I cannot emphasize enough how easy.

1278
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:43,319
Speaker 8: It should be to know that when your boyfriend of

1279
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:47,120
Speaker 8: nine or thirteen or however many years loses their parents

1280
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:49,720
Speaker 8: in a car accident, and their sister's in the car

1281
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:52,880
Speaker 8: and lost her parents and she's eight years old. And

1282
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:55,120
Speaker 8: he goes, I'm gonna take care of my sister, and

1283
00:53:55,160 --> 00:53:59,080
Speaker 8: you go, ah, but us, but me, but my time

1284
00:53:59,120 --> 00:53:59,480
Speaker 8: with you?

1285
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:01,839
Speaker 6: It doesn't matter. Crazy for that, I was gonna say,

1286
00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:04,440
Speaker 6: it doesn't matter if it's ten years, twenty years, one week,

1287
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:08,319
Speaker 6: two week, three months, one day. Yeah, that's insane.

1288
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:10,839
Speaker 5: It is wild, very much wild. One thing I really

1289
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,360
Speaker 5: regret is my sister heard that whole fight and she

1290
00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:16,560
Speaker 5: started apologizing for breaking me and my girlfriend up. I

1291
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 5: assured her it was not her fault at all, and

1292
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:23,279
Speaker 5: if anything, she helped me see who my girlfriend really was.

1293
00:54:23,440 --> 00:54:26,200
Speaker 5: She still goes to therapy and it's really helped a ton.

1294
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:29,080
Speaker 5: She doesn't need me to be there while she falls asleep,

1295
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:31,200
Speaker 5: and doesn't panic when I go to the shop for

1296
00:54:31,239 --> 00:54:34,040
Speaker 5: fifteen minutes. All in all, these past three months have

1297
00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:36,760
Speaker 5: been the hardest time in my life, but eye opening

1298
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:40,839
Speaker 5: to my exes, regard for family, and kind of me too.

1299
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:43,480
Speaker 5: Sorry for no happy ending, I guess this is how

1300
00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 5: life really is.

1301
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:47,440
Speaker 6: Brother, Yes, sucks, but you have a happy ending with

1302
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:49,759
Speaker 6: way better off with that chick.

1303
00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:52,719
Speaker 2: Super happy ending. Imagine you were married to her.

1304
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:55,720
Speaker 8: Oh my gosh, and then she like she would drag

1305
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 8: out the divorce, try to take everything she could from

1306
00:54:58,520 --> 00:55:00,920
Speaker 8: you and your sister. Now, she probably would have been

1307
00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 8: vicious because there was talking there about I hate that

1308
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:05,920
Speaker 8: I predicted that she was going to be mean to

1309
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:08,759
Speaker 8: your sister because she's just full of crap saying oh, yeah,

1310
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:10,400
Speaker 8: I was wrong, I thought about it. I was wrong,

1311
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 8: you're right, and then we can do this, and then

1312
00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:14,520
Speaker 8: the resentment's just going to go right on to your

1313
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:17,000
Speaker 8: sister while she's literally recovering from one of the most

1314
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 8: traumatic things you could ever go through. Oh right, so hard,

1315
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:23,360
Speaker 8: not only like parentless, but then there's the survivor's guilt

1316
00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:26,719
Speaker 8: and everything, you know, all of it. Yeah, that she

1317
00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:29,880
Speaker 8: could be mean to your sister because she's jealous that

1318
00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:34,880
Speaker 8: she's getting attention from you is actually like psycho, come on,

1319
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:36,720
Speaker 8: so good, it's good.

1320
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:38,160
Speaker 2: This is great news.

1321
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 5: It's amazing news. And guys, let's the end of that story.

1322
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:43,200
Speaker 2: Hey is John og host.

1323
00:55:43,239 --> 00:55:44,680
Speaker 1: We don't get back to the stories, but a quick

1324
00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:46,600
Speaker 1: free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

1325
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:50,799
Speaker 9: My boyfriend refuses to bond with our baby. Now I'm

1326
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 9: starting to regret everything. Well, I hope you're not regretting

1327
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:56,160
Speaker 9: the baby. I'm twenty eight female and I have been

1328
00:55:56,239 --> 00:56:00,000
Speaker 9: dating my boyfriend, twenty nine male since August twenty twenty three.

1329
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:02,640
Speaker 9: I just gave birth to our son, who's six weeks old.

1330
00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:05,600
Speaker 9: We both didn't necessarily plan or want to have children,

1331
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:08,360
Speaker 9: but we're both excited when I got pregnant. I personally

1332
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 9: have always been afraid of childbirth, but obviously had to

1333
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:13,279
Speaker 9: get over that. By the way, this comes from belly Lynn,

1334
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:14,719
Speaker 9: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1335
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:16,960
Speaker 9: to the r slash Okay Storytime subparate it. This is

1336
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:19,680
Speaker 9: straight from the r slash Okay Storytime Suburn.

1337
00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:24,920
Speaker 8: Yes, I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon. Well, just

1338
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:27,600
Speaker 8: to let you know, folks, these stories we read, not

1339
00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:28,359
Speaker 8: all of us have.

1340
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:29,640
Speaker 2: Been in these situations.

1341
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:31,600
Speaker 8: We're just trying to give the best advice that we can,

1342
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:34,319
Speaker 8: so keep that in mind as you listen, and if

1343
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:35,240
Speaker 8: you've been.

1344
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:38,040
Speaker 2: Through these situations, tell us what you did down in

1345
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:38,600
Speaker 2: the comments.

1346
00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 9: I am currently on maternity leave, unpaid but insured, and

1347
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 9: have another seven weeks left. My boyfriend's fully paid paternity

1348
00:56:46,120 --> 00:56:48,839
Speaker 9: leave ended two weeks ago and he's been back at

1349
00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:51,840
Speaker 9: work eight thirty to five Monday through Friday. My boyfriend

1350
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:54,400
Speaker 9: has not missed a single second of sleep since the

1351
00:56:54,440 --> 00:56:56,719
Speaker 9: baby was born. We had to spend a couple nights

1352
00:56:56,719 --> 00:56:59,200
Speaker 9: in the hospital due to my blood pressure being elevated,

1353
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:02,200
Speaker 9: and the second baby started cluster feeding and was up

1354
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:04,840
Speaker 9: all night crying. He did not wake up and slept

1355
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:07,440
Speaker 9: soundly from ten pm to six am. I had a

1356
00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:10,399
Speaker 9: third degree tear and it hurt to sneeze or laugh,

1357
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:12,920
Speaker 9: let alone get up and walk around. But I couldn't

1358
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:15,760
Speaker 9: get the baby to stop crying unless I was pacing

1359
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:18,280
Speaker 9: around the room. I was literally standing above him with

1360
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:22,400
Speaker 9: a crying newborn, and he didn't even flinch. The first

1361
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:24,800
Speaker 9: week home, he took the baby from me maybe once

1362
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,240
Speaker 9: or twice that week so I could catch up on sleep,

1363
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:29,360
Speaker 9: but wasn't able to figure out how to stop him

1364
00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 9: from crying. Then figure it out. You either have to

1365
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:35,880
Speaker 9: deal with crying baby for however long your shift is,

1366
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:38,240
Speaker 9: or you know, figure out how to stop the baby

1367
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:41,000
Speaker 9: from crying. I feel like that discouraged him from taking him,

1368
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:43,960
Speaker 9: and he constantly tells me, well, you have the front

1369
00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:46,720
Speaker 9: air bags, you have what he wants, which is true.

1370
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:49,520
Speaker 9: I'm pumping and feeding, so it's not like he doesn't

1371
00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:51,720
Speaker 9: have food to give him. If he's crying, his mother

1372
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:54,320
Speaker 9: can take him and feed him and he will stop crying,

1373
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:57,439
Speaker 9: which is immediately followed up with, well, she has front

1374
00:57:57,440 --> 00:58:00,440
Speaker 9: airbridge too, as if his mother is feeding him. So

1375
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,720
Speaker 9: from the second week on, I have been basically with

1376
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:05,600
Speaker 9: the baby twenty four to seven minus the roughly two

1377
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:08,840
Speaker 9: to three hours he has with him sporadically through the day,

1378
00:58:09,040 --> 00:58:11,880
Speaker 9: holding him so I can use the bathroom, shower, or

1379
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:14,960
Speaker 9: make food. But the second the baby cries, he's searching

1380
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:17,400
Speaker 9: for me or ignoring it. The next two weeks of

1381
00:58:17,480 --> 00:58:19,800
Speaker 9: his paternity leave was filled with him trying to get

1382
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:21,560
Speaker 9: back on his schedule. He needs to go to the

1383
00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 9: gym daily, spending roughly two to four hours at the

1384
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:26,080
Speaker 9: gym because of his mental health.

1385
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:29,080
Speaker 8: Hey, I see a sacrifice we can make because you

1386
00:58:29,120 --> 00:58:30,760
Speaker 8: don't need to go to the gym for two to

1387
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:36,040
Speaker 8: four hours a day day getting physical exercise to maintain

1388
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:36,720
Speaker 8: your mental health.

1389
00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:39,800
Speaker 9: You're on paternity leave, not gym leave. Why are you

1390
00:58:39,840 --> 00:58:42,280
Speaker 9: prioritizing the gym over your baby? And he was getting

1391
00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:45,000
Speaker 9: annoyed once the afternoon hit and he still had not

1392
00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 9: gone because I was asking him to help. He also

1393
00:58:47,680 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 9: spent hours playing video games with his friends, sometimes from

1394
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:53,920
Speaker 9: the afternoon till one or two in the morning. Didn't

1395
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:56,400
Speaker 9: once ask if I needed a break or just take

1396
00:58:56,440 --> 00:58:58,880
Speaker 9: initiative on taking the baby to hang out with them,

1397
00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:01,720
Speaker 9: when that is literally why he was given time off.

1398
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:02,920
Speaker 6: Nah, babe, this is vacation.

1399
00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:03,880
Speaker 4: It's vacation.

1400
00:59:04,400 --> 00:59:08,160
Speaker 9: Paternity leave means I hang out with my friends.

1401
00:59:08,600 --> 00:59:09,760
Speaker 2: It's crazy.

1402
00:59:10,520 --> 00:59:12,960
Speaker 9: Paternity leave was not given to him for him to

1403
00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 9: catch up on sleep or be out of the house

1404
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:18,400
Speaker 9: for hours, or to play games with his friends. It's

1405
00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:21,480
Speaker 9: literally for him to be there to help me heal

1406
00:59:21,680 --> 00:59:25,000
Speaker 9: from pushing out an eight pound baby. I couldn't get

1407
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:27,200
Speaker 9: out of bed without pain for the first two weeks,

1408
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:29,240
Speaker 9: but he was in the other room and couldn't hear

1409
00:59:29,240 --> 00:59:31,440
Speaker 9: me call for help. So I'd get up to do

1410
00:59:31,480 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 9: the things I needed to do, and when I walked

1411
00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:36,480
Speaker 9: past him in the living room playing games, he'd look

1412
00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:38,640
Speaker 9: at me as if nothing is wrong. I made comments

1413
00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 9: about his helping, and he'd take the baby from me

1414
00:59:40,880 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 9: and continue playing his game, having the baby lay on

1415
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 9: his lap with a little to no neck support, which

1416
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:49,480
Speaker 9: just annoyed me, you can't hold your child for a

1417
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:52,440
Speaker 9: couple hours without playing video games, and you wonder why

1418
00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:55,000
Speaker 9: the baby is crying all floppy on your lap. He

1419
00:59:55,040 --> 00:59:57,640
Speaker 9: does anything i'd ask, and he does make food for me,

1420
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:00,600
Speaker 9: but at the same time he doesn't take any initiative

1421
01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:02,640
Speaker 9: and would just let me pick up food for thirty

1422
01:00:02,640 --> 01:00:05,520
Speaker 9: minutes while carrying the baby while he goes back to

1423
01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:08,000
Speaker 9: his games. It's quite hard to eat when you have

1424
01:00:08,000 --> 01:00:10,200
Speaker 9: a wiggly baby in your arms, all right.

1425
01:00:10,080 --> 01:00:12,600
Speaker 8: Like straight up, you need to lay down like a

1426
01:00:12,600 --> 01:00:15,800
Speaker 8: full blown ultimatum of yeah, hey, if you don't want

1427
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:19,360
Speaker 8: to take care of our child, that's fine, go ahead

1428
01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:22,080
Speaker 8: and get out of our life. Leave and you know whatever.

1429
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:24,440
Speaker 8: But I'm not going to just have you here being

1430
01:00:24,520 --> 01:00:28,160
Speaker 8: a completely unhelpful presence, Like you need to speak up

1431
01:00:28,600 --> 01:00:32,120
Speaker 8: and say like, hey, this is entirely unacceptable, and you're

1432
01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:34,920
Speaker 8: acting like you're like not do my partner, Like this

1433
01:00:35,040 --> 01:00:36,040
Speaker 8: kid's not even yours.

1434
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 9: You're acting like absolutely Before having the baby, he would

1435
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:41,800
Speaker 9: play games, but when he was working, he'd only play

1436
01:00:41,800 --> 01:00:44,120
Speaker 9: from eight to nine pm to ten to eleven PM.

1437
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:47,200
Speaker 9: So I don't really understand the increase in playtime when

1438
01:00:47,240 --> 01:00:50,000
Speaker 9: you literally have a girlfriend and baby to take care of.

1439
01:00:50,200 --> 01:00:53,120
Speaker 9: When he does have the baby, he acts completely oblivious

1440
01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:56,720
Speaker 9: to the needs of a newborn, which consists of being hungry,

1441
01:00:56,840 --> 01:01:00,520
Speaker 9: being dirty, or being uncomfortable. You literally feed, change or

1442
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:03,760
Speaker 9: reposition the child and it'll be okay. And he looks

1443
01:01:03,760 --> 01:01:06,200
Speaker 9: to me for help. Did he not read like any book?

1444
01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:08,920
Speaker 9: Did he not do any prep? And then I'm leading

1445
01:01:08,960 --> 01:01:09,520
Speaker 9: up to the baby.

1446
01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:12,680
Speaker 6: Has he not seen a single thing about father's.

1447
01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:14,320
Speaker 9: That's what I'm wondering because I feel like when I

1448
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:18,320
Speaker 9: get pregnant, I'm reading every book that I can, like

1449
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:21,280
Speaker 9: any material that I can. I'm talking to everyone who

1450
01:01:21,320 --> 01:01:23,720
Speaker 9: has a kid to are my parents. I'm like, how

1451
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:26,040
Speaker 9: do I parent baby? What do I need to know?

1452
01:01:26,240 --> 01:01:28,480
Speaker 6: He like holds it by the ank. Was like, is

1453
01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:29,240
Speaker 6: this how you hold it?

1454
01:01:29,360 --> 01:01:29,560
Speaker 7: Yeah?

1455
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:33,080
Speaker 9: Like, brother, how the f am I able to figure

1456
01:01:33,120 --> 01:01:36,440
Speaker 9: that out both our first child and he isn't. Do

1457
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:39,560
Speaker 9: one of three things to make him stop, and it works.

1458
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:41,960
Speaker 9: He sits on the bed or couch with the baby,

1459
01:01:41,960 --> 01:01:44,640
Speaker 9: and baby will start crying and he refuses to get

1460
01:01:44,720 --> 01:01:46,600
Speaker 9: up and pace around the room. When I take him

1461
01:01:46,640 --> 01:01:49,200
Speaker 9: back and walk around the room with him, he stops crying.

1462
01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:52,720
Speaker 9: And that's obviously because I have front air bags that

1463
01:01:52,840 --> 01:01:55,880
Speaker 9: he stopped crying, like, what the f Since he's back

1464
01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:58,320
Speaker 9: at work, he gets up at five am, goes to

1465
01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 9: the gym from six to seven fifty, gets ready for work,

1466
01:02:01,800 --> 01:02:03,880
Speaker 9: then goes to work from eight am to five pm,

1467
01:02:03,960 --> 01:02:06,760
Speaker 9: with the occasional meeting that ends around eight pm. He

1468
01:02:06,840 --> 01:02:09,800
Speaker 9: tries to be asleep by ten to eleven pm, so

1469
01:02:09,880 --> 01:02:10,720
Speaker 9: you get two.

1470
01:02:10,520 --> 01:02:13,480
Speaker 4: Hours with him. Two hours so he's.

1471
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:15,760
Speaker 9: Out of commission from ten pm to six pm the

1472
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:18,880
Speaker 9: next fing day. Does not check on the baby or

1473
01:02:18,920 --> 01:02:21,280
Speaker 9: me before the gym or going to work, and when

1474
01:02:21,320 --> 01:02:23,320
Speaker 9: he gets back from work, doesn't request to take the

1475
01:02:23,320 --> 01:02:25,480
Speaker 9: baby from me so I can shower or just have

1476
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:27,919
Speaker 9: some time to myself. We'll get on the video games

1477
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:30,200
Speaker 9: until eleven to twelve pm. I'll have to ask to

1478
01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 9: shower or ask him to help me and give the

1479
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:35,080
Speaker 9: baby a bottle so my nipples have a break. He

1480
01:02:35,120 --> 01:02:37,680
Speaker 9: doesn't ask for basic needs. He also kind of just

1481
01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:39,800
Speaker 9: implied that his day to day wasn't going to change

1482
01:02:39,800 --> 01:02:42,800
Speaker 9: because he needed the gym and likes to wind down

1483
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 9: with video games, when my life has completely changed and

1484
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:49,479
Speaker 9: revolves around the baby schedule. Last week Friday, he told

1485
01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:51,480
Speaker 9: his friends he can't be on the video games all

1486
01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:54,680
Speaker 9: night because he feels like an irresponsible man, and like

1487
01:02:54,760 --> 01:02:57,720
Speaker 9: he doesn't spend time with us, So you don't feel

1488
01:02:57,720 --> 01:02:58,960
Speaker 9: like that, you just are.

1489
01:02:59,320 --> 01:03:01,760
Speaker 2: I think he's slowly developing a brain.

1490
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:03,000
Speaker 9: I don't even know.

1491
01:03:03,040 --> 01:03:05,320
Speaker 8: Maybe the brain stem is built and now there's a

1492
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:08,160
Speaker 8: little bit of brain being built on top of it.

1493
01:03:08,560 --> 01:03:12,000
Speaker 8: He's like, actually, guys, when I played games until the

1494
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:14,280
Speaker 8: end of the day and then go to sleep without

1495
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:17,160
Speaker 8: being a father, I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

1496
01:03:17,240 --> 01:03:19,040
Speaker 9: Well I feel like maybe I don't know if this

1497
01:03:19,120 --> 01:03:21,000
Speaker 9: is true, but I feel like maybe someone in that

1498
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:23,960
Speaker 9: friend group was like, all, like, how's the baby, and

1499
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:28,160
Speaker 9: he's like the baby, Oh my god, the baby. Right.

1500
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:31,880
Speaker 8: That will make you snap too when your own friend

1501
01:03:31,960 --> 01:03:35,040
Speaker 8: group is like yo, are you being a like why

1502
01:03:35,080 --> 01:03:36,320
Speaker 8: are you playing video games?

1503
01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:37,880
Speaker 2: And you just have a baby.

1504
01:03:38,080 --> 01:03:40,080
Speaker 8: And then you're like yeah, but like I wouldn't ever

1505
01:03:40,080 --> 01:03:43,280
Speaker 8: stop playing games with the bros. And they're like you should, idiot,

1506
01:03:43,600 --> 01:03:45,840
Speaker 8: Like you have a baby.

1507
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:47,800
Speaker 9: So that's cool that I didn't have to tell him

1508
01:03:47,840 --> 01:03:50,040
Speaker 9: to do that and he noticed on his own, But like,

1509
01:03:50,400 --> 01:03:53,360
Speaker 9: in what world was that okay to begin with? Yeah,

1510
01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:56,640
Speaker 9: the last two nights he's been falling asleep by nine pm.

1511
01:03:56,840 --> 01:03:59,600
Speaker 9: He gets home at six pm, makes food for himself,

1512
01:03:59,680 --> 01:04:02,840
Speaker 9: but Bill doesn't insist on taking or holding the baby,

1513
01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:05,440
Speaker 9: or giving the baby a bottle. Now, since he's back

1514
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 9: to work, he hasn't taken any initiative on taking the

1515
01:04:08,280 --> 01:04:11,560
Speaker 9: baby on the weekends either. Last week Saturday, he ended

1516
01:04:11,640 --> 01:04:13,960
Speaker 9: up helping a friend move some stuff and told me

1517
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:17,960
Speaker 9: it would take two hours, but ended up taking seven.

1518
01:04:18,240 --> 01:04:22,280
Speaker 9: His justification is, well, I made two hundred dollars. I

1519
01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:25,240
Speaker 9: don't care like sir one. You don't ask for crap.

1520
01:04:25,320 --> 01:04:27,400
Speaker 9: You just tell me you're doing stuff, whereas I have

1521
01:04:27,480 --> 01:04:28,760
Speaker 9: to ask you to watch him, to go to the

1522
01:04:28,840 --> 01:04:33,440
Speaker 9: dentist appointment or my postpartum appointments and ef thing. Shower. Yeah,

1523
01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:35,680
Speaker 9: he gets to go to the gym for one to

1524
01:04:35,720 --> 01:04:38,520
Speaker 9: two hours a day, play video games and oh he

1525
01:04:38,600 --> 01:04:42,040
Speaker 9: can't even shower. That's absolutely ridiculous.

1526
01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:45,840
Speaker 6: The guys is again, do he comes into after gamings

1527
01:04:45,880 --> 01:04:47,400
Speaker 6: like you stick?

1528
01:04:47,840 --> 01:04:48,120
Speaker 9: Yeah?

1529
01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:48,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, you looked.

1530
01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:51,480
Speaker 9: Oh are you so tired babe?

1531
01:04:52,040 --> 01:04:52,640
Speaker 2: Oh my god?

1532
01:04:52,880 --> 01:04:54,840
Speaker 9: And make sure you're okay to be with the baby

1533
01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:57,320
Speaker 9: for that long by yourself. Where do you get off

1534
01:04:57,360 --> 01:04:59,920
Speaker 9: by taking my only alleged free time away from me,

1535
01:05:00,440 --> 01:05:03,600
Speaker 9: and justifying it with wool, I'm getting paid. What are

1536
01:05:03,640 --> 01:05:07,320
Speaker 9: you afraid of being around an effing baby? Don't even

1537
01:05:07,360 --> 01:05:09,680
Speaker 9: get me started on his mother. She sucks all the

1538
01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:12,120
Speaker 9: excitement out of the effing room. She posted about the

1539
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:15,280
Speaker 9: baby being born on social media before either of us did.

1540
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:20,440
Speaker 9: That's a big no note including delivery room picks. Wow,

1541
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:25,480
Speaker 9: totally not okay to post pictures of the mom right after. Like,

1542
01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:27,200
Speaker 9: that's also just a very vulnerable state.

1543
01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:31,600
Speaker 8: Apple doesn't fall far from the stinky loll trees the

1544
01:05:31,600 --> 01:05:32,200
Speaker 8: garbage can.

1545
01:05:32,320 --> 01:05:34,680
Speaker 9: It's one of those trees that smells like fish, you know,

1546
01:05:34,800 --> 01:05:36,840
Speaker 9: the ones when they bloom. They look nice, but they

1547
01:05:36,880 --> 01:05:39,000
Speaker 9: smell like fish. Didn't even ask to be in the

1548
01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:42,400
Speaker 9: delivery room, but kind of just lingered until everything was happening.

1549
01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:45,360
Speaker 9: Justified it by saying, well, I just thought she'd want

1550
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:48,160
Speaker 9: a motherly figure in the room, not you. Yeah, i'd

1551
01:05:48,200 --> 01:05:50,960
Speaker 9: be cool with my mom because that's my mom. But

1552
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:53,600
Speaker 9: I don't even really know you like that. Also, you

1553
01:05:53,680 --> 01:05:56,880
Speaker 9: think you'd ask, guess not, but also just sat on

1554
01:05:56,880 --> 01:05:58,840
Speaker 9: the couch in the corner and did nothing for me.

1555
01:05:59,240 --> 01:06:02,560
Speaker 9: She kissed our old baby on the face and got

1556
01:06:02,560 --> 01:06:05,000
Speaker 9: offended when I told my boyfriend to tell her not to.

1557
01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:08,200
Speaker 9: We'll make passive aggressive comments about it. Then we'll tell

1558
01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:10,520
Speaker 9: a story about how when my boyfriend was a baby,

1559
01:06:10,640 --> 01:06:15,000
Speaker 9: he got RSB and was hospitalized. Which, then, why are

1560
01:06:15,080 --> 01:06:16,440
Speaker 9: you kissing my baby?

1561
01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:21,440
Speaker 8: Yeah, imagine being offended that germs exist on you. You

1562
01:06:21,520 --> 01:06:23,600
Speaker 8: can't put them on the baby who was born less

1563
01:06:23,600 --> 01:06:24,080
Speaker 8: than a day.

1564
01:06:24,400 --> 01:06:25,640
Speaker 9: Put my germs on the baby.

1565
01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:26,360
Speaker 5: It's not fair.

1566
01:06:26,480 --> 01:06:29,000
Speaker 2: Baby needs time to develop its immune system.

1567
01:06:29,200 --> 01:06:31,560
Speaker 9: I've had to tell her about it multiple times, and

1568
01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:33,760
Speaker 9: I swear she went into the other room once and

1569
01:06:33,800 --> 01:06:36,400
Speaker 9: did it anyway and thought I didn't see her. Will

1570
01:06:36,440 --> 01:06:38,280
Speaker 9: come over to help and just hold him while I'm

1571
01:06:38,360 --> 01:06:40,840
Speaker 9: running around the house cleaning, and then when he starts

1572
01:06:40,920 --> 01:06:43,280
Speaker 9: crying and I'm done cleaning, We'll give him back to

1573
01:06:43,360 --> 01:06:45,600
Speaker 9: me to feed him, and then ask what needs to

1574
01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:49,320
Speaker 9: be done around the house conveniently when I'm done cleaning everything,

1575
01:06:49,760 --> 01:06:52,200
Speaker 9: and then leaves. When we were still in the hospital,

1576
01:06:52,280 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 9: she kept pestering us about having her friend, who she

1577
01:06:54,880 --> 01:06:57,480
Speaker 9: just recently reconnected with, come and see the baby. I

1578
01:06:57,520 --> 01:07:01,480
Speaker 9: met this random lady once. Why why are you even asking?

1579
01:07:01,760 --> 01:07:04,040
Speaker 9: And I didn't even know till they were outside the

1580
01:07:04,040 --> 01:07:07,120
Speaker 9: effing room. I know I could set some more solid boundaries,

1581
01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:11,080
Speaker 9: but baby came two weeks early, and I'm literally ours postpartum,

1582
01:07:11,600 --> 01:07:15,720
Speaker 9: hadn't slept in two days, got pain medication, and honestly,

1583
01:07:15,760 --> 01:07:18,360
Speaker 9: why do I have to say anything? Why does your

1584
01:07:18,440 --> 01:07:21,880
Speaker 9: random friend want to see a newborn that fresh that

1585
01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:25,520
Speaker 9: it practically still has amniotic fluid on it? Efing weird?

1586
01:07:25,760 --> 01:07:28,520
Speaker 9: She constantly is trying to organize get togethers for people

1587
01:07:28,560 --> 01:07:31,520
Speaker 9: to meet the baby. He is six effing weeks old.

1588
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:35,440
Speaker 9: You're effing lucky you met him this early, considering your

1589
01:07:35,520 --> 01:07:38,560
Speaker 9: job consists of you interacting with many people. She insists

1590
01:07:38,600 --> 01:07:40,920
Speaker 9: on going to her house, which is thirty minutes away.

1591
01:07:41,080 --> 01:07:43,560
Speaker 9: Then we'll invite other people over while we are there.

1592
01:07:43,880 --> 01:07:47,400
Speaker 9: Like which, this is not your child. I don't care

1593
01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:50,280
Speaker 9: how excited you are what you are not understanding about

1594
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:54,040
Speaker 9: a child with no effing immune system. I'm getting resentful

1595
01:07:54,080 --> 01:07:55,960
Speaker 9: of him not taking turns to get up at night

1596
01:07:56,040 --> 01:07:58,720
Speaker 9: during his paternity leave or now on the weekend since

1597
01:07:58,760 --> 01:08:02,439
Speaker 9: he's been back to work. Like as this has gone on, Ope,

1598
01:08:02,480 --> 01:08:05,439
Speaker 9: he is getting more and more frustrated. Ye in this pot,

1599
01:08:05,520 --> 01:08:08,920
Speaker 9: She's like, I hate him. I hate his mom.

1600
01:08:09,160 --> 01:08:12,320
Speaker 8: It's yeah, it's got to be super frustrating right Saturday,

1601
01:08:12,400 --> 01:08:14,840
Speaker 8: realizing how bad it is.

1602
01:08:15,040 --> 01:08:17,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, breaking out with that more you riot.

1603
01:08:17,280 --> 01:08:19,840
Speaker 9: Yeah, you're like, oh wait, this guy sucks and his

1604
01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:23,719
Speaker 9: mom's a mom's a stinker too, not wanting to spend

1605
01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:26,479
Speaker 9: time with his child without being asked, having to be

1606
01:08:26,520 --> 01:08:28,719
Speaker 9: told what to do when he's a grown but adult

1607
01:08:28,920 --> 01:08:31,519
Speaker 9: and has been here the whole dang time, not taking

1608
01:08:31,520 --> 01:08:34,160
Speaker 9: the baby from me and insisting I have some time

1609
01:08:34,160 --> 01:08:37,160
Speaker 9: to myself, not understanding anything from my point of view,

1610
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:39,679
Speaker 9: and honestly not having to alter his life at all.

1611
01:08:39,840 --> 01:08:43,679
Speaker 9: He's somewhat uninterested in bonding with his son. Somewhat girl,

1612
01:08:43,800 --> 01:08:47,400
Speaker 9: I don't see any bit of interest, no interest. It's

1613
01:08:47,560 --> 01:08:50,800
Speaker 9: crazy how little interest this man has in his own son.

1614
01:08:50,920 --> 01:08:53,200
Speaker 8: I don't know what the psychology is of Like sometimes

1615
01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:55,160
Speaker 8: would people have a baby and they're just like and

1616
01:08:55,240 --> 01:08:58,559
Speaker 8: everything is normal, everything's the same, nothing has changed time.

1617
01:08:58,680 --> 01:08:59,880
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna be on the game.

1618
01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:02,400
Speaker 8: So what, I have a baby, So that doesn't mean

1619
01:09:02,439 --> 01:09:04,080
Speaker 8: my life is going to be different forever.

1620
01:09:04,400 --> 01:09:06,559
Speaker 2: Sorry, buddy, it is. That's the thing.

1621
01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:08,759
Speaker 9: Well, they said they weren't expecting to have this baby,

1622
01:09:08,800 --> 01:09:11,639
Speaker 9: which is so obvious, because this is a twenty nine

1623
01:09:11,720 --> 01:09:14,640
Speaker 9: year old man who is not an adult. He's not

1624
01:09:14,680 --> 01:09:16,679
Speaker 9: ready to advocate. He was not ready to advocate.

1625
01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:18,760
Speaker 8: I gotta say right now, I'm not ready to have

1626
01:09:18,800 --> 01:09:20,120
Speaker 8: a kid, And that was fair.

1627
01:09:20,280 --> 01:09:22,040
Speaker 2: If I was going to have a kid, though.

1628
01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:25,280
Speaker 8: I would be trying to be ready, Yes, I wouldn't

1629
01:09:25,320 --> 01:09:27,880
Speaker 8: just be like, well, I'm not ready. So I'm going

1630
01:09:27,920 --> 01:09:31,760
Speaker 8: to continue to be I don't know, just yes, I'm

1631
01:09:31,760 --> 01:09:34,080
Speaker 8: going to continue to act like I'm not a father.

1632
01:09:34,479 --> 01:09:35,840
Speaker 6: I was going to say, he's not even ready to

1633
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:36,360
Speaker 6: be an adult.

1634
01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:39,120
Speaker 9: Nope, and said once that he could worried to be

1635
01:09:39,160 --> 01:09:40,880
Speaker 9: a father since all of the stuff right now is

1636
01:09:40,920 --> 01:09:41,599
Speaker 9: so motherly?

1637
01:09:41,840 --> 01:09:43,040
Speaker 2: What since all of what?

1638
01:09:43,040 --> 01:09:43,200
Speaker 3: What?

1639
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:45,120
Speaker 2: I can't wait to be a father because.

1640
01:09:45,040 --> 01:09:48,160
Speaker 9: Sang, even though he has a child right now, he's like, well,

1641
01:09:48,200 --> 01:09:50,720
Speaker 9: the father part hasn't started yet. I'm going to be

1642
01:09:50,720 --> 01:09:51,679
Speaker 9: a father later.

1643
01:09:51,680 --> 01:09:54,480
Speaker 2: Sir, once he's big enough to handle tools.

1644
01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:57,280
Speaker 8: Well, once he can hang, then I'll be a father

1645
01:09:57,520 --> 01:09:59,880
Speaker 8: once he can hold a video game controller.

1646
01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:00,879
Speaker 9: It's just the vibes.

1647
01:10:01,479 --> 01:10:04,559
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm sure, Hey, get this little guy away from me. Yeah.

1648
01:10:04,720 --> 01:10:07,000
Speaker 9: If you don't bond with your child, he will not

1649
01:10:07,120 --> 01:10:09,040
Speaker 9: go to you when he's finally able to do the

1650
01:10:09,080 --> 01:10:12,559
Speaker 9: fun stuff. My entire pregnancy, I kept saying I'm scared

1651
01:10:12,560 --> 01:10:14,320
Speaker 9: to be a mother, but I'd be the best father,

1652
01:10:14,560 --> 01:10:16,760
Speaker 9: and he always acted confused when I said that. But

1653
01:10:16,800 --> 01:10:18,960
Speaker 9: it's twenty twenty five and men act like they don't

1654
01:10:19,000 --> 01:10:20,880
Speaker 9: need to be part of the newborn development. There are

1655
01:10:20,920 --> 01:10:23,720
Speaker 9: single fathers who don't have boobs, yet are able to

1656
01:10:23,800 --> 01:10:26,000
Speaker 9: take care of their children. There are women who pass

1657
01:10:26,040 --> 01:10:28,919
Speaker 9: away in childbirth, and yet somehow these men are fully

1658
01:10:28,960 --> 01:10:31,680
Speaker 9: capable of raising their children. But he has to just

1659
01:10:31,720 --> 01:10:34,640
Speaker 9: basically help me and still doesn't take the initiative to

1660
01:10:34,720 --> 01:10:36,960
Speaker 9: do so. How does he expect me to go back

1661
01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:39,439
Speaker 9: to work if he can't put the baby to sleep

1662
01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:41,920
Speaker 9: or get him to stop crying. He doesn't want you

1663
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:43,719
Speaker 9: to go back to work. He wants you to full

1664
01:10:43,760 --> 01:10:46,479
Speaker 9: time take care of this baby. Mm hm, I'm down

1665
01:10:46,520 --> 01:10:48,639
Speaker 9: to be a stato mom, but I make more money

1666
01:10:48,640 --> 01:10:51,479
Speaker 9: than him, and he constantly says we can't do that well.

1667
01:10:51,479 --> 01:10:54,080
Speaker 9: Simultaneously not learning how to take care of the baby

1668
01:10:54,080 --> 01:10:56,640
Speaker 9: when I'm around. I normally work night shift and have

1669
01:10:56,680 --> 01:10:58,960
Speaker 9: to switch today is because I'm afraid he's not going

1670
01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:00,880
Speaker 9: to wake up to the baby crying in the middle

1671
01:11:00,880 --> 01:11:04,040
Speaker 9: of the night. When does he grow up? I've voiced

1672
01:11:04,080 --> 01:11:06,640
Speaker 9: all of these concerns to him, but he seems not

1673
01:11:06,760 --> 01:11:08,840
Speaker 9: to understand the weight of them. I am also five

1674
01:11:08,880 --> 01:11:12,360
Speaker 9: thousand miles away from any family. Let's fine to them, yep,

1675
01:11:12,360 --> 01:11:14,600
Speaker 9: which would consist of many people to help me and

1676
01:11:14,720 --> 01:11:16,760
Speaker 9: help us take care of this child. And at this

1677
01:11:16,840 --> 01:11:18,720
Speaker 9: point I'm regretting not moving home.

1678
01:11:18,880 --> 01:11:20,040
Speaker 2: Never too late, it's never do a home.

1679
01:11:20,120 --> 01:11:21,680
Speaker 9: Let's go, let's go, let's pack up.

1680
01:11:21,800 --> 01:11:23,920
Speaker 8: I think even if you've expressed all this to him

1681
01:11:23,920 --> 01:11:26,560
Speaker 8: and he's like not getting it, you need to express

1682
01:11:26,720 --> 01:11:27,280
Speaker 8: in a way that.

1683
01:11:29,040 --> 01:11:31,320
Speaker 2: If this does not change, fly, I've.

1684
01:11:31,160 --> 01:11:33,080
Speaker 9: Got a ticket to go visit my family and I'm

1685
01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:33,600
Speaker 9: gonna stay with.

1686
01:11:33,600 --> 01:11:34,400
Speaker 2: Them the next time.

1687
01:11:34,439 --> 01:11:37,120
Speaker 8: He's like, Babe, by maybe two hundred dollars, you'd be like, great,

1688
01:11:37,439 --> 01:11:40,280
Speaker 8: you can send that to me as a child support payment.

1689
01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:43,000
Speaker 9: Mike could take that two hundred Gonna get a plate

1690
01:11:43,040 --> 01:11:45,040
Speaker 9: and ticket to see my parents. See, yeah, I feel

1691
01:11:45,080 --> 01:11:47,720
Speaker 9: like I'm doing this alone because you are. And if

1692
01:11:47,760 --> 01:11:50,160
Speaker 9: that's the case, why am I even here? Great point

1693
01:11:50,280 --> 01:11:52,360
Speaker 9: when I have people who would be elated to help

1694
01:11:52,400 --> 01:11:54,960
Speaker 9: me go seat them? Well, most days I'm sitting alone

1695
01:11:55,040 --> 01:11:57,519
Speaker 9: with no help, running on no sleep, waiting for him

1696
01:11:57,560 --> 01:12:00,000
Speaker 9: to get home, to do anything, just to be disappointed.

1697
01:12:00,200 --> 01:12:02,280
Speaker 9: He thinks the baby is going to be three months

1698
01:12:02,320 --> 01:12:03,960
Speaker 9: old and I go back to work and it's going

1699
01:12:04,000 --> 01:12:06,479
Speaker 9: to be easier, which is about ten percent true. But

1700
01:12:06,560 --> 01:12:08,160
Speaker 9: it's going to be a lot harder if the baby

1701
01:12:08,200 --> 01:12:10,759
Speaker 9: doesn't like you or you don't know what theft you're doing.

1702
01:12:10,840 --> 01:12:12,120
Speaker 9: Do you have any final thoughts?

1703
01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:14,479
Speaker 2: Straight up, go to your family break up.

1704
01:12:14,720 --> 01:12:16,320
Speaker 9: Well, you're not marre to him, break up.

1705
01:12:16,479 --> 01:12:19,840
Speaker 8: First thing you need to do is make it clear, yes, hey,

1706
01:12:20,320 --> 01:12:23,679
Speaker 8: if you can't be a father to our child, then

1707
01:12:23,800 --> 01:12:26,519
Speaker 8: you're not going to be a father. Yep, you're going

1708
01:12:26,560 --> 01:12:29,439
Speaker 8: to be a check that comes in the mail because

1709
01:12:29,439 --> 01:12:32,799
Speaker 8: it's the same thing. And if that doesn't make him change,

1710
01:12:33,240 --> 01:12:37,200
Speaker 8: or if he goes that's not right, that's unfair. Don't

1711
01:12:37,200 --> 01:12:40,320
Speaker 8: even tell him on you just get your stuffy.

1712
01:12:40,040 --> 01:12:42,439
Speaker 9: And you go agreed. Is this dude the type of

1713
01:12:42,479 --> 01:12:44,920
Speaker 9: guy who buys a dog, leaves dog outside always and

1714
01:12:44,960 --> 01:12:47,040
Speaker 9: never plays with it and says he's a pet owner.

1715
01:12:47,520 --> 01:12:49,960
Speaker 6: N Worse, he says he's a father and has a kid,

1716
01:12:50,040 --> 01:12:51,400
Speaker 6: but doesn't take care of his son.

1717
01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:54,559
Speaker 9: Whenever I say anything, I feel like I'm nagging him.

1718
01:12:54,640 --> 01:12:56,680
Speaker 9: You shouldn't have to do that. If you feel like

1719
01:12:56,720 --> 01:12:58,800
Speaker 9: that and he's not listening to you, it's sober. But

1720
01:12:58,840 --> 01:13:01,599
Speaker 9: then if I don't say anything, he thinks everything is peachy.

1721
01:13:02,000 --> 01:13:04,360
Speaker 9: Do I just let him crash and burn? I don't

1722
01:13:04,360 --> 01:13:06,680
Speaker 9: want my son to suffer and cry all night and

1723
01:13:06,760 --> 01:13:09,280
Speaker 9: day because his dad didn't use the time he has

1724
01:13:09,439 --> 01:13:11,559
Speaker 9: to get his crap together. I don't want to be

1725
01:13:11,640 --> 01:13:15,479
Speaker 9: bitter and resentful. But here we are two am. Haven't

1726
01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:16,479
Speaker 9: showered in two.

1727
01:13:16,479 --> 01:13:17,839
Speaker 6: Days, that's crazy.

1728
01:13:18,080 --> 01:13:20,479
Speaker 9: Didn't even get the option, while man has been sleeping

1729
01:13:20,520 --> 01:13:23,360
Speaker 9: since nine pm. Soundly, Probably we'll get up at five

1730
01:13:23,400 --> 01:13:25,559
Speaker 9: am and not even check on us in the nursery

1731
01:13:25,720 --> 01:13:28,559
Speaker 9: because you know, I got it. Everything's fine. I'm starting

1732
01:13:28,640 --> 01:13:31,559
Speaker 9: to resent my boyfriend for not being attentive to my

1733
01:13:31,640 --> 01:13:34,439
Speaker 9: feelings and bonding with our son. I don't know if

1734
01:13:34,479 --> 01:13:37,960
Speaker 9: I'm being overdramatic, or if postpartum feelings are clouding my judgment,

1735
01:13:38,120 --> 01:13:41,280
Speaker 9: or if I'm justified. What do you think? Comment one?

1736
01:13:41,680 --> 01:13:46,599
Speaker 9: Where do even start? It's your baby? Tell his mom,

1737
01:13:46,760 --> 01:13:49,920
Speaker 9: no set boundaries, but when you're comfortable with kissing and

1738
01:13:49,960 --> 01:13:52,960
Speaker 9: passing around and strangers meeting your child. You're the mother

1739
01:13:53,320 --> 01:13:57,240
Speaker 9: and deserve respect. Yes, you have the front airbags and

1740
01:13:57,280 --> 01:14:01,800
Speaker 9: the manual. Your body hardwired a response during pregnancy. You know,

1741
01:14:01,920 --> 01:14:04,600
Speaker 9: the hungry cry from the gas cry. Men got a

1742
01:14:04,600 --> 01:14:06,760
Speaker 9: hard ad and a blinking light for prep. So yes,

1743
01:14:06,840 --> 01:14:09,320
Speaker 9: it's easier to pass a baby to the person who

1744
01:14:09,360 --> 01:14:13,520
Speaker 9: knows versus learning. Your boyfriend is uncomfortable and avoids the situation.

1745
01:14:13,760 --> 01:14:17,519
Speaker 9: He's not an irresponsible man, he just doesn't know how

1746
01:14:17,720 --> 01:14:20,200
Speaker 9: and is like a kid afraid to ask for help.

1747
01:14:20,280 --> 01:14:22,160
Speaker 9: He wants to help, but lacks the manual.

1748
01:14:22,320 --> 01:14:24,160
Speaker 2: No, he doesn't. He doesn't want to help help.

1749
01:14:24,200 --> 01:14:26,040
Speaker 9: What are you talking about? In what way does it?

1750
01:14:26,680 --> 01:14:28,880
Speaker 2: How do you wanted to help? He'd be like, what

1751
01:14:28,920 --> 01:14:30,719
Speaker 2: can I do to help you? How do you wanted

1752
01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:34,080
Speaker 2: to help? Ope, he wouldn't be showerless for two days.

1753
01:14:33,880 --> 01:14:35,519
Speaker 9: I'm sorry. If he wanted to help, he wouldn't be

1754
01:14:35,520 --> 01:14:38,160
Speaker 9: at the gym every day for an hour and then

1755
01:14:38,160 --> 01:14:40,320
Speaker 9: playing video games for two hours.

1756
01:14:40,439 --> 01:14:43,080
Speaker 8: Yeah, you can do a calistatics routine in a half

1757
01:14:43,120 --> 01:14:44,320
Speaker 8: hour at the beginning of the day.

1758
01:14:44,720 --> 01:14:48,000
Speaker 9: Make lists. The commenter continues, his mom coming over, great,

1759
01:14:48,360 --> 01:14:50,519
Speaker 9: tell her you're happy she's here. Enough stuff you need

1760
01:14:50,520 --> 01:14:52,840
Speaker 9: to help with while she holds the baby, Announce each

1761
01:14:52,920 --> 01:14:55,559
Speaker 9: chore you're tackling. She can jump in any time, and

1762
01:14:55,600 --> 01:14:58,160
Speaker 9: if she doesn't, you can say I told you everything

1763
01:14:58,160 --> 01:15:01,160
Speaker 9: I needed done. Babies are boring right now. His time

1764
01:15:01,240 --> 01:15:04,080
Speaker 9: comes later. You had nine months to bond. What is

1765
01:15:04,160 --> 01:15:05,839
Speaker 9: these commenters.

1766
01:15:05,320 --> 01:15:07,120
Speaker 2: Say, let's just keep going, this is interesting.

1767
01:15:07,200 --> 01:15:10,280
Speaker 9: He didn't. Once they start throwing things and rolling around

1768
01:15:10,320 --> 01:15:13,040
Speaker 9: a here, that's when they get interesting and he'll connect.

1769
01:15:13,439 --> 01:15:17,120
Speaker 9: Don't force it. Bonding looks different for dads. I don't

1770
01:15:17,160 --> 01:15:17,679
Speaker 9: like this comment.

1771
01:15:18,040 --> 01:15:19,160
Speaker 2: I know my advice.

1772
01:15:20,880 --> 01:15:23,759
Speaker 9: My advice tells you've noticed his awkwardness with the baby

1773
01:15:24,080 --> 01:15:26,360
Speaker 9: and want him to help learn what the child needs.

1774
01:15:26,640 --> 01:15:29,360
Speaker 9: You can't always rely on front air bags. You need

1775
01:15:29,439 --> 01:15:32,320
Speaker 9: actual partnership. Set up routines where he takes baby duty

1776
01:15:32,360 --> 01:15:34,960
Speaker 9: while you shower or rest. You have to help him,

1777
01:15:35,160 --> 01:15:37,680
Speaker 9: help you make him the map. That's the end of

1778
01:15:37,680 --> 01:15:38,479
Speaker 9: that story, though,