WEBVTT - The Fifth Hour: Bot Army on Fire 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:01.440 Cutbooms. 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:05.360 If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:09.200 a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:12.480 of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:15.480 treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:17.480 rich pill poppers in the penthouse. 0:00:18.079 --> 0:00:18.360 Wow. 0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:22.320 The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:30.640 The Fifth Hour with Ben Mahler starts right now. 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:33.920 In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:37.840 Mahlor and Danny G Radio. And just like Muhammad Ali 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:40.239 said back in the day, on this podcast, we were 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:44.440 gonna float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. Because, 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:46.680 as you know, this is just a benign podcast, the 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:49.840 Fifth Hour Podcast. It is in addition for the real 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:52.600 p ones of the Overnight Show during the week the 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:55.520 Ben Mahlor Show. You come in here, you hang out 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:59.120 with us on the podcast. But all things, as Ernest 0:00:59.160 --> 0:01:03.480 Hemingway said, all things truly wicked, start from the innocence 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:07.119 of a weekend podcast. So you got me Ben, Danny 0:01:07.120 --> 0:01:09.560 g is producing this podcast. He'll join me hopefully at 0:01:09.600 --> 0:01:13.240 some point over the weekend. On this pod, We've got 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:18.760 growth hack, Bougie Benny and a Ring of Fire, and 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:21.680 these are never before told stories. You're only gonna hear 0:01:21.720 --> 0:01:23.560 this content right here in the Fifth Hour. It is 0:01:23.600 --> 0:01:29.200 a global exclusive. All the other broadcast companies want this content. 0:01:29.680 --> 0:01:35.399 It's only available here for you. The competitive edge of 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:38.000 the Fifth Hour podcast right here. So we will not 0:01:38.160 --> 0:01:43.959 waste any time and we will skid daddle into the 0:01:44.000 --> 0:01:48.680 storytelling mode. So there was a point, and we're talking 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:51.680 about the media business, So there was a point in time, 0:01:52.480 --> 0:01:57.360 long long ago when success. I'm gonna focus in on music. 0:01:57.440 --> 0:01:59.160 Now you know, I'm not a music guy. I listened 0:01:59.160 --> 0:02:01.400 to music, but I'm not music guy. Started out as 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:04.000 a DJ. I was a bad DJ. I have friends 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:07.480 that are very into music. But the point of the 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:10.280 story is when there was there was a period of 0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:14.320 time when success in the media business was measured by 0:02:14.360 --> 0:02:20.480 something tangible, meaning ticket sales or screaming fans, or maybe 0:02:20.680 --> 0:02:23.720 some gold records on the wall, stuff like that. Now 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:27.000 here we are in twenty twenty five, and success comes 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:30.840 from a bunch of bots in a basement somewhere in 0:02:30.919 --> 0:02:37.760 Moldova clicking repeat on a fake Drake song for twenty 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:39.920 three hours a day. Now I bring this up because 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:43.960 it's not show business. It's show fraud, is what that is. 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:48.760 According to a new lawsuit filed recently by rapper RBX, 0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:53.080 as I understand it, the same RBX from the death 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:56.760 Row Records days. I had to look that up. So 0:02:57.280 --> 0:03:00.360 get to the point, please, So Spotify, the mass CIV 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:03.639 media company Spotify, which is so popular or are they 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:08.359 their entire empire, according to this lawsuit, is built not 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:12.919 on rhythm, not on the melody of the music or art, 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:18.240 but on algorithms, phantom users, and artificially inflated stream counts. 0:03:18.760 --> 0:03:22.440 It's not the music industry anymore. It's the metric industry. 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:26.959 You see now Spotify again, this is going to a lawsuit. 0:03:27.880 --> 0:03:32.720 Spotify is letting fake streams flood their platform by the 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:38.320 billions with a B like ben billions billions each month. 0:03:38.680 --> 0:03:41.920 Now why would they do that? I mean, no reason 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:45.280 would there unless there's a financial gain. Ding ding ding 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:48.280 ding ding ding ding. Yes, because it turns out the 0:03:48.560 --> 0:03:53.040 fake plays are really sexy for the people on Wall 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:57.600 Street man, those people that do finances when they actually 0:03:57.960 --> 0:04:00.520 deal with media companies, they don't seem to understand how 0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:04.400 any of this works, which is somewhat troubling considering they 0:04:04.400 --> 0:04:08.720 control the wealth of the United States. So because fake 0:04:08.880 --> 0:04:14.600 people are listening to real music and it's fake plays, 0:04:14.680 --> 0:04:18.960 they look good again for Wall Street and to advertisers 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:22.479 as well. The more streams that they can tout, the 0:04:22.600 --> 0:04:26.160 higher rates they can charge for advertising. The shinier the 0:04:26.200 --> 0:04:29.880 IPO is, the bigger the bonuses. It's the trickle down 0:04:29.960 --> 0:04:33.720 economics from the bot. It's the oldest trick in the media. 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:38.680 Grift playbook, cook the books and then sell the sizzle. 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:43.640 Now your reminder, just so we don't get sued. You 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:48.680 can sue almost anyone for almost anything, and Spotify is 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:51.560 in a court case now defending themselves. The real question 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:54.640 isn't if you can sue, it's whether or not you 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:58.240 have a viable, winnable case. So turning the page on that. 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:02.640 If this lawsuit sounds familiar, caught my attention enough to 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:05.120 share it with you here on the podcast. If it 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:09.520 sounds familiar, it should. We have seen the same hustle. 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:11.920 I'm not talking about motown hustle. We've seen the same 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:15.599 hustle before. I've ranted here on these microphones in the 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:20.200 Fifth Hour Studio Fifth Hour Podcast Studio, That podcast downloads 0:05:21.279 --> 0:05:26.560 are tremendous bullshit, you know, and now listen, we do 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:30.320 pretty well. I've not invested in that form, but once 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:32.640 you see what happens in a lot of these podcasts, 0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:36.800 it's like, oh my god, oh my god, podcast downloads 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:41.000 that never existed. YouTube views inflated by bots. I've learned 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:43.880 that as I've gotten involved in YouTube, how bogus YouTube 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:46.839 is a lot of it. You've got TikTok stars. This 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:49.680 is my personal favorite tale, and we talked about this 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:52.800 in a previous episode of the Fifth Hour podcast. I 0:05:52.839 --> 0:05:56.279 know Lucky Tony knows exactly what day we talked about it. 0:05:56.320 --> 0:06:00.760 But TikTok stars, who are so popular, have millions of 0:06:00.800 --> 0:06:04.400 people following them on TikTok and the people love their music. 0:06:04.960 --> 0:06:08.480 Except they could not sell out a coffee shop if 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:12.200 they were giving away free coffee. Couldn't do it. Couldn't 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:16.760 do it. Now, real fans buy concert tickets. Bots do not. Okay, 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:20.320 real fans buy the concert tickets. The bots do not. 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:24.520 But these fake streams, if you believe this lawsuit, and 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:28.320 I'm leaning that way, help Spotify keep its stock price 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:31.160 inflated again Wall Street. They don't do the digging on that, 0:06:31.640 --> 0:06:35.480 so the stock price is inflated and its artist payout 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:41.240 numbers conveniently are obscure, right, they're kind of hidding. The 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:44.520 company claims to pay musicians based on the share of 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:50.120 total streams. But if total streams, if those numbers are 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:54.520 people futzing around, If there's stuff with robotic repeats, I 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:58.400 don't know of Drake or any other top shelf act 0:06:58.520 --> 0:07:01.680 that is part of the mainstream. The little guys get 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:06.760 pennies while the big dogs are raking monopoly money, and 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:11.720 everyone smiles and nods like this is the progress of 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:14.360 the music world and all that stuff. It's kind of like, 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:17.280 do you use a sports analogy, because plausibly, I don't 0:07:17.280 --> 0:07:19.840 think the fifth Hours of Sports podcast, but the radio 0:07:19.880 --> 0:07:24.320 show mostly is. So it's like baseball juicing the stats. 0:07:24.560 --> 0:07:26.960 So everyone in twenty twenty six is going to a 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:30.560 bat four hundred, until you realize in order to get there, 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:34.160 in order to get to everyone batting four hundred, the 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:36.920 balls are made of cork, the fences are moved in 0:07:36.960 --> 0:07:39.760 one hundred and fifty feet shorter, and all of a sudden, 0:07:39.960 --> 0:07:43.480 everyone's hitting four hundred. Now, make no mistake, this is 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:47.680 the greatest con ever pulled in media, and that includes 0:07:47.720 --> 0:07:51.080 in the past, we've had some Nielsen box futzing around 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:56.680 radio spins popular back in the day, those fake number 0:07:56.920 --> 0:08:01.800 one on iTunes charts that exist for about eleven minutes. Now, 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:08.120 Spotify's entire ecosystem thrives on illusion. Right. They sell artists 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:11.840 on exposure, they sell advertisers on engagement, and they sell 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:15.280 investors on growth, all things that are very important in 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:19.800 the world of engagement. But in reality, if you read 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:23.320 this lawsuit, in reality, they're selling all of us a 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:28.760 ghost story. Oh spooky. Think of it like a musical 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:33.320 seance where the spirits are synthetic and the applause is 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:39.880 pre programmed. You'd think that this would absolutely outrage a 0:08:39.920 --> 0:08:44.720 lot of people, specifically the people that are tasked to 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:47.880 regulate this kind of stuff, But it turns out that 0:08:48.040 --> 0:08:51.840 is not the case. Silicon Valley long ago. The people 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:55.160 that run the tech world master the art of self 0:08:55.240 --> 0:08:58.319 policing much like the government does, which is to say, 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:03.120 not policing at all. Every bot farm is treated like 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:08.120 a growth hack, every fake stream a data point in 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:13.640 user retention. They're not fixing it because it's not a bug. 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:18.000 It's the business model that they're going for. The lawsuit 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:20.240 calls out again, this is based on just what I 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:23.920 read the other day. The lawsuit calls out billions of 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:26.520 fraudulent streams. Again. I keep going back to that number. 0:09:26.600 --> 0:09:28.720 It's amazing. I just trying to wrap my head around 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:33.040 a billion and billions and billions of fraudulent streams. However, 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:38.800 that number does not even capture the cultural decay, the 0:09:38.920 --> 0:09:43.200 rot that this leads to. Right, you push, you push 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:48.480 this out in the world that we're in, and when 0:09:48.480 --> 0:09:52.160 you cannot tell here's my point, When you cannot tell 0:09:52.760 --> 0:09:59.040 what real anymore, When every chart, every ranking, every viral 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:04.760 hit is just a hologram, aren't you living in a 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:07.360 simulation at that point? And this is my argument about 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:09.160 the matrix and the Internet and all that stuff like 0:10:09.559 --> 0:10:13.360 and who knows what's gonna happen with us? Lawsuit was Spotify. 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:16.640 They're not alone, Right, they're alone. It's just the latest 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:20.920 stop in the long digital funhouse. And up is down, 0:10:21.000 --> 0:10:24.120 and right is left and black is white and bought 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:26.560 his fan And that's the way it is. You're not 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:31.480 listening to the music of the future, right, And this 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:33.680 is certainly not the future of music. You're listening to 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:38.280 a spreadsheet, humming to itself is what you're doing now. 0:10:39.120 --> 0:10:42.360 Years ago, we used to mock. There was a group 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:46.480 called Milli Vanilli. You know, mock Milli Vanilli for lip syncing. 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:49.480 I told the story before that one of the members 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:52.000 of Milli Vanilli was a DJ at Kiss FM when 0:10:52.000 --> 0:10:54.040 I got my start, one of my early jobs in radio, 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:58.240 and so I saw him doing a midday show, very 0:10:58.240 --> 0:11:00.920 short show was before the day of voice tracking, so 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:06.120 we actually came in. Now the entire industry is lipsticking 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:10.079 to its own numbers. The bots have replaced the fan, 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:15.640 the data dashboards replace the DJ, and the accountants replaced 0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:18.920 the artist. And just like that, Oof goes to magic 0:11:19.040 --> 0:11:24.800 drag and authenticity has left the building. It's taken the 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:31.880 shortcut out of the building. Now, if this lawsuit gets traction, maybe, maybe, 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:37.560 just maybe we'll see someone holds some people accountable. Don't 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:42.680 hold your breath. When there's this much fake money swirling around, 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:46.400 No one wants to turn off the tap. If you 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:48.640 know what I'm saying, right, Why would anyone mess with this? 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:53.160 Everyone's making money, money, money, money, money, money. Bottom line 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:55.520 though the music industry, and I know I do sports 0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:58.200 and spoken words. But the music industry didn't just sell 0:11:58.240 --> 0:12:02.360 its soul to the algorithm. It rented it out by 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:06.360 the stream. And the only ones dancing are the bots. 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:10.680 And there are billions of heart stopping bots that are 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:16.160 dancing and having a great thing and just wonderful, and 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:18.680 all the rest of us thunderheads over here like what 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:22.720 are we doing? Some serious god zukeri are turning the page. 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:27.040 So the maloromobile, I know you love stories about the malomobile. 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:30.920 You're nodding your head, Yes, I know. So the malomobile 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:34.320 is not just a mythical vehicle like the Batmobile or 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:37.800 the Scooby Van. No, no, no, the dream Machine van. 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:41.080 It is a companion in many ways. It is a 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:45.760 confessional booth. It's a war buddy, the radio wars. It 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:49.440 has been with me through more dead of the night 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:53.880 freeway drives than most people have seen sunrises, just has. 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:57.720 And while other people upgrade, and I live in a 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:00.000 place where you upgrade all the time. Other people up 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:04.199 grid their rides like phone models. Now you got to 0:13:04.200 --> 0:13:06.640 get the new iPhone and all that we've stuck with 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:12.280 the old friend, battered, scarred, and more reliable than the 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:16.600 Dodger Bullpen in the regular season in July. This isn't 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:20.280 the showroom Queen, the Malamobile. It is a working class 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:27.280 vehicle that knows the exact on ramp rhythm of the 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:31.000 one oh one at three point forty three in the morning, 0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:36.480 when the freeway's hum like a sleeping beast. The Malormobile 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:40.760 has seen a thing or two, so it knows a 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.600 thing or two. In many ways, it is a museum piece. 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:48.559 Not the fancy wing of the museum where the whispers 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:51.400 are there about impressionist art and all that stuff. The 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:54.960 other wing, the one where they show you the relics 0:13:55.320 --> 0:14:00.640 from ordinary lives. The rotary phone, the transistor, AMF radio, 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:05.280 the baseball mint, that type of stuff, the lawnmower that 0:14:05.360 --> 0:14:11.000 smells like summer. It's seen the Malomobile Los Angeles at 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:15.880 its emptiest and the rarest form of the city when 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:20.280 it feels like a ghost town. It's seen me shuffled in, 0:14:20.440 --> 0:14:24.680 bleary eyed, armed with a bottle of caffeine pills and 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:27.920 a bunch of opinions about the type of pancakes Bill 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:31.240 Belichick likes to eat when he's in Chapel Hill hanging 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:37.200 out with Spacoli. Now it's it's waited patiently. The Malomobile 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:39.480 sits there, waiting for me in the parking garage at 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:43.440 the iHeartMedia Building, the Premiere Network Studios, home of Fox 0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:47.320 Sports Radio. It is there like a loyal dog, engine 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:52.640 cooling its cracked leather, quietly testifying to the many years 0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:59.320 of service. Unfortunately, as you know, nothing lasts forever. Time 0:14:59.360 --> 0:15:05.120 is undefeated. Recently experienced the awkwardness of getting into the 0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:09.320 Melamobile and sitting on the driver's seat. And this has 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:13.560 been my throne. This has been my throne for some time. Unfortunately, 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:17.240 the throne started cracking. The driver's seat. The leather on 0:15:17.280 --> 0:15:19.600 the driver's seat started cracking. And I'm not talking about 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:22.800 a small little crack, no, no, no, This was the 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:27.760 kind of fissure that makes you say out loud, well 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:31.400 that is not good. That I'm telling you that is 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:34.520 not good. And then you start debating with yourself, like, 0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:38.080 maybe it wasn't that bad. I'm just imagining it being 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:43.360 that bad. It probably wasn't that bad. But you say, well, 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:46.080 it's not good, you say it out loud, just talk 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:48.880 to yourself, no one in particular. And this was not 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:52.120 just a tear in leather. In many ways, it was 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:54.520 a wrinkle in time right. It was the first whisper 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:58.920 that this car, which had been a loyal foot soldier 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:03.400 for the radio show, the first whisper that the Maladmobile 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:09.000 was moving into the well loved classic chapter of its life. 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:11.920 And now now back in the dark ages when I 0:16:12.040 --> 0:16:17.120 learned to drive and was enjoying my CD. Actually, when 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:18.600 I learned to drive, it was like cassette tapes, so 0:16:18.640 --> 0:16:21.920 we had CD easy as well. But when I was 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:26.760 growing up, I would see cars that had seat covers. 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:30.240 Seat covers were a joke. They looked like something you 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:36.800 won from a claw machine at a carnival. They were ugly, 0:16:36.960 --> 0:16:41.280 they were saggy. It was just a sad disguise to 0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:46.320 cover up and paper over the cracks for a really 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:50.960 sad seat. And if if your car had seat covers 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:55.200 when I was a kid, it meant you were like 0:16:55.440 --> 0:17:02.000 one car wash away from giving up entirely. However, to oh, no, 0:17:03.040 --> 0:17:07.320 seat covers have become bougie. Yeah, so you can call 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:13.199 me bougie Benny. They really have the hug the seat 0:17:13.840 --> 0:17:17.880 gets from the cover. They hug those things like their 0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:22.800 tailored suits, and you can't even tell they're there, which 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:27.240 blows me away. And I don't know when that happened. 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:30.520 I wasn't paying attention. It may have happened years ago. 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:36.320 These are the boats of the automotive world. Subtle, their sly, 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:39.520 and they just speak to you. I've still got this. 0:17:40.480 --> 0:17:42.679 I got some more life in me, these old bones, 0:17:42.720 --> 0:17:46.040 this old warhorse has more more time. So we made 0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:48.920 the leap, and we did it. We pulled the trigger. 0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:53.439 A major upgrade to the Malemobile forced because of a 0:17:53.560 --> 0:17:56.520 rip in the leather. New seat covers, not wheel not 0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:58.560 new wheels. We didn't get new tires, not a new 0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:02.960 sound system. We didn't spend seventy eighty ninety one hundred 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:05.879 thousand dollars on a status symbol. We didn't do that. 0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:09.200 We didn't get massage seats, and we didn't get a 0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:13.040 bigger display. It didn't go down to Best Buy and 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:16.000 buy a bunch of bells and whistles. No, what we 0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:19.879 bought was just a simple seat cover, a simple act 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:24.240 of trying to preserve what we have, the kind of 0:18:24.400 --> 0:18:30.000 thing you do when your car is not a disposable product, 0:18:30.040 --> 0:18:32.679 but it's more of a relationship. So you see the 0:18:32.720 --> 0:18:38.280 Malamobile has earned every scar. It's been in multiple accidents, 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:42.399 every freeway chip, every dog here from Moxie and the 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:47.000 late Great Bella embedded deep in the carpet and the 0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:50.440 seats and all that. Every dent that comes out has 0:18:50.480 --> 0:18:53.959 a story. You know, at the time, I was leaving 0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:56.760 the Fox Sports Radio parking lot and I swung a 0:18:56.760 --> 0:19:01.400 little too wide. Ding ding, Yeah, a little bit too 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:05.480 much there the time. You thought you could parallel park 0:19:05.600 --> 0:19:07.439 like a champ, but you were a little tired, and 0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:10.760 needless to say, it didn't go so well. A new 0:19:10.840 --> 0:19:14.880 car would erase all of that. I'm not a historian. 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:17.080 I am not a historian, but a new car would 0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:20.640 erase all of that history, all of it. And these 0:19:20.680 --> 0:19:23.600 seat covers in many ways honor it. This is how 0:19:23.680 --> 0:19:28.360 people who actually live a real life. And I'm assuming 0:19:28.400 --> 0:19:31.600 you're like me as well. I do overnight radio. I'm 0:19:31.600 --> 0:19:34.359 not getting rich, I'm not making Colin Coward money, so 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:39.200 I got to preserve what I have, and so this 0:19:39.280 --> 0:19:41.720 is how we do it. You know. It's like, hey, 0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:45.320 not just driving the car. You're not doing that. You 0:19:45.440 --> 0:19:48.080 treat the ride the way it needs to be treated, 0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:50.320 and you do a little patch over here, a little 0:19:50.359 --> 0:19:53.040 spackle over there, and you keep the thing going. It's 0:19:53.040 --> 0:19:57.480 a little malor meatball surgery on four wheels and the malomobile. 0:19:57.480 --> 0:20:04.040 We're not replacing the malamobile. We're not. It's just being refreshed, revived, 0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:07.000 that kind of thing, right. And so this is how 0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:11.560 people who again are partaking in this, you know, late 0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:14.720 night radio thing. Every late night radio shift begins and 0:20:14.880 --> 0:20:19.320 ends on that driver's seat. It's the malormobile that warms 0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:23.080 up while the rest of LA cools down or in 0:20:23.119 --> 0:20:25.400 some ways burns more in that a minute. But it's 0:20:25.480 --> 0:20:30.520 the malormobile, the iconic malomobile, that gets gets you to 0:20:30.600 --> 0:20:35.720 the studio through those graveyard hours and some sometimes during 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:37.639 the day. We don't like to talk about that. Sometimes 0:20:37.720 --> 0:20:39.720 have to go out during the day and get your 0:20:39.800 --> 0:20:42.240 home though, before the world wakes up, and the seat 0:20:42.280 --> 0:20:47.400 covers are more than full leather. They are. They're a statement. 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:52.200 They're a middle finger to the depreciation value of automobiles, 0:20:52.240 --> 0:20:55.720 a quiet rebellion, if you will, against the very idea 0:20:55.840 --> 0:20:59.040 that everything must be replaced the minute it shows any 0:20:59.119 --> 0:21:02.719 kind of where the world sports stadiums the worst is 0:21:02.720 --> 0:21:05.720 sports stadiums and I've not been to Europe. I'm gonna 0:21:05.720 --> 0:21:08.520 get there at some point. And some of these stadiums 0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:12.320 on the pitch are from the eighteen hundreds. I think 0:21:12.359 --> 0:21:16.280 there's one that's even older than that, believe it or not. 0:21:16.320 --> 0:21:19.199 But they've been around, been around a long time, and 0:21:19.240 --> 0:21:21.840 they don't get rid of them. They don't here we 0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:24.280 get rid of stuff. And so yes, the math Andmobile 0:21:24.320 --> 0:21:27.320 has seen better days, better days, but it has also 0:21:27.359 --> 0:21:31.200 seen a lot of days, and that does matter. We're 0:21:31.200 --> 0:21:33.840 not just driving to work. Spent a lot of time 0:21:33.840 --> 0:21:36.679 in the Malamobile from the north Woods. We're driving a timeline. Now. 0:21:36.720 --> 0:21:39.080 Some of you guys I know, like JT the Wingman. 0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:40.760 Some of you guys are in your car all the time, 0:21:41.880 --> 0:21:45.520 Truck or Joe. All you guys a rolling archive, moving 0:21:45.560 --> 0:21:50.719 man Matt in Boston, a museum piece that still punches 0:21:50.760 --> 0:21:54.359 the clock. And now now it's become because of the 0:21:54.400 --> 0:21:58.679 improvements of technology, a bougie seat cover. It looks just 0:21:58.760 --> 0:22:01.679 a little more dignified doing it. And the truth is 0:22:02.160 --> 0:22:06.800 a new car might ride smoother, would get better gas mileage. 0:22:06.800 --> 0:22:09.280 It would also cost one hundred thousand dollars or whatever. 0:22:09.320 --> 0:22:11.920 These cars are insane and in fact, I'm not gonna 0:22:11.920 --> 0:22:13.879 get any more new cars. I think I've told that 0:22:13.920 --> 0:22:16.680 story before. I'm going used, pre owned, whatever you want 0:22:16.720 --> 0:22:19.360 to say. Certified, pre owned is the way to go 0:22:19.960 --> 0:22:22.800 on that. If I do get a new car, the 0:22:22.880 --> 0:22:24.919 car I got to teach the car. It wouldn't know 0:22:25.000 --> 0:22:29.080 the rhythm of the overnight, it wouldn't understand me. So 0:22:29.119 --> 0:22:34.000 the maloromobile rolls on. It's still scrappy, it's still scarred. 0:22:34.200 --> 0:22:38.320 Just got a nice new suit covering it up. One 0:22:38.359 --> 0:22:42.840 other thing I wanted to mention, and the naked city burns. 0:22:42.840 --> 0:22:46.840 So again a story about me coming and going to work. 0:22:46.880 --> 0:22:50.200 So driving back to the north Woods in the aforementioned 0:22:50.240 --> 0:22:56.159 malomobile is like slipping through a portal, a dimension, a 0:22:56.240 --> 0:23:03.080 parallel dimension. Overnight commute to Bizarrow and I just like 0:23:03.160 --> 0:23:05.600 to share these crazy stories that happen when I'm driving home, 0:23:05.600 --> 0:23:09.000 because it's there's no one with me, everyone's sleeping, it's 0:23:09.080 --> 0:23:12.719 just me and the road. And there's something about Los 0:23:12.720 --> 0:23:17.400 Angeles at night that just hits different. It just does 0:23:17.440 --> 0:23:20.480 the daytime version. If you, I know most of you 0:23:20.480 --> 0:23:22.040 aren't in LA, but if you've ever been to La, 0:23:22.240 --> 0:23:26.840 the daytime version is this manic dreamscape of Tesla's and 0:23:27.480 --> 0:23:31.879 juice bars and tofu salads and kale fueled optimism and 0:23:31.920 --> 0:23:37.840 all that. And then after midnight, after midnight, the mass 0:23:38.359 --> 0:23:41.880 goes away. And when you go further and further into 0:23:41.880 --> 0:23:44.639 the night, the city of Angels, which is really the 0:23:44.640 --> 0:23:49.200 city of Dodgers, becomes a mood piece. It's smoky, it's cinematic, 0:23:49.400 --> 0:23:55.000 it's slightly surreal. So I do this drive often. I 0:23:55.040 --> 0:23:58.639 talk a lot about my commute, winding from the Sherman 0:23:58.680 --> 0:24:01.800 Oaks Studios just down the hill from bel Air, through 0:24:01.880 --> 0:24:07.360 the labyrinth of freeways, the maze that that is always 0:24:07.480 --> 0:24:10.480 the same mission. Avoid two things I try to avoid. 0:24:10.520 --> 0:24:14.159 I try to avoid Coltrans, which is freeway work and 0:24:14.359 --> 0:24:19.640 drunk drivers. Both will ruin your night, one slowly and 0:24:19.800 --> 0:24:23.239 one suddenly. But the endgame is not good. So the 0:24:23.240 --> 0:24:26.440 one on one freeway again, another one on one freeway story, 0:24:26.480 --> 0:24:31.719 my companion. This is a pretzel, a ribbon of asphalt 0:24:31.800 --> 0:24:34.760 that doubles as a I've talked about a water park. 0:24:34.800 --> 0:24:37.520 When it rains, it fills up with water and floods 0:24:37.520 --> 0:24:41.200 because the people at Caltrans don't believe in clearing out 0:24:41.400 --> 0:24:44.920 the drains that the freeway has until it rains. So 0:24:44.960 --> 0:24:50.440 you really haven't lived until you've hydroplane passed the Koanga Pass. 0:24:50.520 --> 0:24:53.399 You just have it right wondering whether your tires are 0:24:53.400 --> 0:24:57.480 auditioning for Finding Nemo, the new version of Finding Nemo 0:24:58.200 --> 0:25:02.919 or not. Now the other the highway that I was 0:25:03.000 --> 0:25:05.600 on turned into a James Taylor song, the one to 0:25:05.680 --> 0:25:10.080 one Freeway, fire and rain with a touch more arson 0:25:10.160 --> 0:25:16.600 than melody. So somewhere near the Fourth Street Bridge, coming 0:25:16.640 --> 0:25:20.840 to the East LA interchange, four Street bridge, the cinematic 0:25:20.920 --> 0:25:25.440 overpass that you've seen in every car commercial, every low 0:25:25.520 --> 0:25:29.680 budget crime movie since the nineteen seventies, there's this one 0:25:29.800 --> 0:25:33.840 stretch in LA. They film all the car commercials there. 0:25:33.840 --> 0:25:37.280 It's wild. It's been in every kind of car commercial anyway. 0:25:37.320 --> 0:25:40.080 So I rolled straight into a ring of fire, not 0:25:40.200 --> 0:25:43.359 realizing it was a ring of fire. I'm not talking 0:25:43.359 --> 0:25:46.320 about some kind of made up fire. This is not 0:25:47.440 --> 0:25:51.600 This is not some bogus nonsense, not Johnny Cash poetic fire, 0:25:51.800 --> 0:25:55.679 actual fire, burn, baby burn. So I'm driving, I'm mining 0:25:55.720 --> 0:25:59.560 my own business, and this I see up ahead, like 0:25:59.760 --> 0:26:02.160 that's a little orange. What's that? That doesn't look good? 0:26:02.600 --> 0:26:06.400 And it was a blaze that was flickering just off 0:26:06.400 --> 0:26:09.560