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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story

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Speaker 1: Time podcast host. Oh yeah, we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we get a teeny two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep this show propped up like

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Speaker 2: a little house.

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Speaker 3: Oh you a friend confessed a secret that might blow

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Speaker 3: our friend group apart.

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Speaker 4: No, what's the secret?

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Speaker 3: Spell spill go I twenty seven female. Have to give

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Speaker 3: a bit of background on our friend group to illustrate

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Speaker 3: the gravity of this situation. I'm in a friend group

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Speaker 3: of about eight people which was essentially founded by these

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Speaker 3: two guys, Mark twenty eight male and Jay twenty nine mal.

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Speaker 3: Mark is single, but Jay has a fiance, Ali thirty

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Speaker 3: six female, that he's getting married to next summer. Nobody

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Speaker 3: else is really relevant. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 3: Own Revolution fifty one to thirteen, And if you want

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Speaker 3: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 3: Okay Storytimes superad It. I'm Carly and I'm Savannah, and

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Speaker 3: we're here to give good advice. Goofully, But we don't

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Speaker 3: have all the answers. We only know what we would do.

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Speaker 3: Let us know what you would do in the comments,

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Speaker 3: He says, Mark and Jay have been best friends four years.

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Speaker 3: I think they're coming up on like twenty two. They

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Speaker 3: were neighbors, went to the same schools and got into

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Speaker 3: the same college, so they wouldn't have to be separated.

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Speaker 3: They are actually platonic soulmates, to the point of finishing

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Speaker 3: each other's sentences a lot of the time. They are

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Speaker 3: the glue that holds this entire friend group together. When

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Speaker 3: Jay and Ali first got together, Mark was a little

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Speaker 3: weird about it, mostly due to the age gap. Bodies

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Speaker 3: come around a lot. They still don't get along perfectly,

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Speaker 3: but he said he's happy for both of them and

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Speaker 3: is going to be the best man at their wedding.

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Speaker 3: Last week, Mark got a promotion and Jay was out

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Speaker 3: of town scouting out venues, so he invited me to

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Speaker 3: get trashed with him. Near the end of the night,

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Speaker 3: he was hammered and grabbed my arm told me he

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Speaker 3: had a secret that I couldn't tell any of our

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Speaker 3: friends because nobody knows. He told me he was in

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Speaker 3: love with Jay and had been for years. He went

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Speaker 3: into great detail about how attractive he found him, how

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Speaker 3: good he had been to him all his life, and

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Speaker 3: then he got this really freaked out look on his

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Speaker 3: face and said he didn't think he could sit there

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Speaker 3: and smile while the love of his life married someone

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Speaker 3: who can't even commit his birthday to memory, much less

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Speaker 3: rate of speech talking about how good the relationship is,

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Speaker 3: he started getting teary eyed and said the closer to

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Speaker 3: the wedding got the worst he was feeling, and how

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Speaker 3: he really needed someone to be there for him, which

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Speaker 3: I agreed to. I am really bad at keeping secrets.

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Speaker 3: People don't tell me a lot of secrets because I

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Speaker 3: tend to blab. I don't mean I just let stuff

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Speaker 3: slip out a lot of the time. It's something I've

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Speaker 3: gotten a lot better at, but still I cannot tell

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Speaker 3: this one. But it's been sitting on my chest like

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Speaker 3: stones on Giles Corey. I didn't even know Mark was queer.

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Speaker 3: I'm a by woman myself, so I know how good

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Speaker 3: some people can be yet hiding it. And Ali is fine, honestly,

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Speaker 3: she like she's nice and all, but I wouldn't call

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Speaker 3: her and Jay a perfect match or anything. She doesn't

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Speaker 3: tend to hang out with the group unless there, and

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Speaker 3: I'd call her an acquaintance. I feel like all I

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Speaker 3: can do is wait for some sort of blast wave,

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Speaker 3: like I need to get into a bunker. I told

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Speaker 3: Mark i'd be there for him, but he was so wasted.

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Speaker 3: I don't think he even remembers telling me. I have

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Speaker 3: no idea what to do here. If anything, we have

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Speaker 3: some comments, but wow, I feel for op. I can't

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Speaker 3: keep a secret to save my life.

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Speaker 5: I like, I will tell people that aren't relevant to

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Speaker 5: this situation though, Like I'll just be like, oh my god,

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Speaker 5: that's juicy, and I'll like tell my friend like in

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Speaker 5: New York or something, or like people who.

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Speaker 3: Will never meet.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Like that's my Like I would never tell like

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Speaker 5: the person yeah you know and be like oh, by

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Speaker 5: the way, you know, then I would be the one

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Speaker 5: like starting crap or whatever. But like, no, I I

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Speaker 5: have to like tell someone to get there, like perspective

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Speaker 5: on it. I'm such I'm such a.

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Speaker 3: Person who needs like other perspective of people. It's a

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Speaker 3: good idea, I feel, though. You cannot tell anyone in

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Speaker 3: your friend group.

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Speaker 5: Yeah this is actually this will Yeah, you're right, it'll

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Speaker 5: end the frame group definitely will.

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Speaker 3: It's ah, that's so hard relevant comments Commenter one sounds

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Speaker 3: like a drunken confession that as long as he forgets it,

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Speaker 3: then you should as well. It isn't like he confessed

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Speaker 3: that he was going to crash the wedding or run

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Speaker 3: away with Jay the day before the wedding. This is

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Speaker 3: inner emotions that really you wouldn't know if Mark had

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Speaker 3: not been so wasted. Why involve yourself at all unless

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Speaker 3: you are asked. You have time to process the facts

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Speaker 3: and be prepared to support leading up to the wedding

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Speaker 3: day in case something big happens. But other than that,

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Speaker 3: not your business and not your problem. I hope, he responds.

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Speaker 3: That's what I'm worried about. Mark will do something that

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Speaker 3: Mark will do something stupid. I love him, but he's

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Speaker 3: a little dramatic. If Jay finds out, then it could

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Speaker 3: be really bad. And if Mark tries something at Jay's wedding.

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Speaker 4: It could be really, really bad.

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Speaker 3: Commenter two says, any chance Jay could be into Mark? Also,

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Speaker 3: if not, I'd take Mark's secret to the grave with me.

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Speaker 3: Opie says, when your friends that long, it's hard to tell.

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Speaker 3: I'd say if he is, he's spectacular at hiding it.

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Speaker 3: When I first met them, I thought they were together.

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Speaker 3: Commenter three says, you say Jay is great at hiding

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Speaker 3: possible romantic feelings for Mark. But then you say you

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Speaker 3: thought they were together when you first met them. I'm confused,

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Speaker 3: Opie says, I mean they were both always with each

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Speaker 3: other at the time they lived together. We met in college,

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Speaker 3: they were roommates. I mean for like the first hour

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Speaker 3: or two of knowing them. Commenter four says, have you

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Speaker 3: spoken to Mark about this and when he's been sober,

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Speaker 3: just ask him what he expects you to do with

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Speaker 3: the information and go from there. Opie says, I did yesterday.

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Speaker 3: At first he tried to convince me he was just joking,

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Speaker 3: but dropped it after a minute to beg me not

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Speaker 3: to tell anyone. I'm starting to get worried about him.

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Speaker 3: Commenter five says, do you think he told you because

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Speaker 3: he knows your crap at keeping secrets and he's hoping

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Speaker 3: that you'll spill it. Opie says, God, I hope not

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Speaker 3: outing people well is a secret I can keep. Fortunately

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Speaker 3: we have an update four days later. I don't know I.

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Speaker 5: If he did, like, like, oh, I should tell her

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Speaker 5: because I know like schill spiel and then like I

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Speaker 5: won't be I won't have to be the one to

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Speaker 5: like right say that, like I don't have to confess it,

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Speaker 5: I'll put it on someone else that's crappy.

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Speaker 3: I really hope that's not what he's doing here. I

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Speaker 3: feel like it was just a drunken confession.

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Speaker 5: I feel like, all in all, he's like, yeah, uh,

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Speaker 5: this has been on my mind for a while, and

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Speaker 5: I'm just gonna say it out loud and let someone

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Speaker 5: else hear it, and you know, don't say anything, but

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Speaker 5: I'm just gonna get it off my chest.

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Speaker 3: Update four days later, I've been texting with Mark and

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Speaker 3: he's been drinking more and making less sense. I had

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Speaker 3: to come over to his place a few nights ago

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Speaker 3: and keep him company. He was completely wasted and sobbing

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Speaker 3: like a baby. He's found a therapist and scheduled an appointment,

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Speaker 3: but it's still a ways out. I took the booze

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Speaker 3: out of his apartment, as per his request, and stayed

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Speaker 3: with him as he went to sleep. But while he

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Speaker 3: was wasted, he dropped another bombshell on me. Apparently, a

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Speaker 3: little over a year ago, Jay and Mark hooked up

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Speaker 3: while once again wasted. Usually they don't have booze problems,

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Speaker 3: and they don't drink that often. They're just both bad

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Speaker 3: drunks and tend to make really stupid decisions while plastered,

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Speaker 3: texting x is getting into fights. Usually A week later,

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Speaker 3: J met Ali and a month after that they got together.

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Speaker 3: He told me he was already head over heels for

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Speaker 3: Jay at that point and it really took a toll

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Speaker 3: on him. They remained friends and never talked about it again,

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Speaker 3: but it's been eating away at Mark ever since. I

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Speaker 3: feel effing awful for the poor guy. Wow. Wow, I

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Speaker 3: that's actually exactly what I thought. So I feel like

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Speaker 3: at that point, with that information, it totally does open

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Speaker 3: like him to either be able to go to Mark

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Speaker 3: or like, with the help of you even go and

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Speaker 3: just like get that closure from it. Like I feel

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Speaker 3: like you can be like, hey, dude, let's be real,

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Speaker 3: like before we get married, Like this is driving me nuts,

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Speaker 3: let's talk about it kind of thing. I'm sure you,

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Speaker 3: like there are other options, like maybe that's just a

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Speaker 3: stupid one, but like, I don't think that's that far out.

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Speaker 3: Now get there first though.

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Speaker 5: I think that like you even like if it's gonna

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Speaker 5: make you know, if it's gonna make Mark feel better

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Speaker 5: to get that off his chest, then yeah, like him

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Speaker 5: and Jay should sit down have a conversation about it.

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Speaker 3: You know, it doesn't have to be in front of

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Speaker 3: a crowd or whatever, like.

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Speaker 5: Just you know, like just keep it between you two,

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Speaker 5: however long it takes, whatever, just like make sure everything

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Speaker 5: is situated. It's it sucks that like you didn't talk

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Speaker 5: about it after and then the next day he like

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Speaker 5: was seeing someone else and it's like, oh, that opportunity

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Speaker 5: has passed. Like he didn't even go quickly. He gave

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Speaker 5: no time at all to like really even like be like,

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Speaker 5: oh that's the.

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Speaker 3: Thing, not at all. I wonder if Mark remembers it

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Speaker 3: as much as Jay does, if they were like Jay

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Speaker 3: or Sorry remembers it. I wonder if Jay remembers it

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Speaker 3: as much.

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Speaker 5: That's true because she said that they do get you know,

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Speaker 5: really plast and drink that often, and then they were

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Speaker 5: just plastered. Ugh, I don't know, Like I think you

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Speaker 5: can talk it out. But also I wouldn't expect anything

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Speaker 5: to change, though.

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Speaker 3: I did notice about a year ago that the dynamic

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Speaker 3: got really weird for a few months, but I figured

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Speaker 3: it was just due to Ali being thrown into the mix.

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Speaker 3: This is so dang messy. Also, now I wasn't gonna

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Speaker 3: tell anyone with a stake in it. Stop treating me

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Speaker 3: like a gossipy church goer desperate to ruin the lives

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Speaker 3: of those around her. None of my friends have read it,

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Speaker 3: so I will take the risk and that they'll see this.

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Speaker 3: I'll update if anything else big happens. Bye, we have

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Speaker 3: some relevant comments. Opie responds to a downvoted commenter regarding

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Speaker 3: the possibility of Jay hurting Mark and Ali and the

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Speaker 3: relationship between Jay and Mark. Opie should out Jay to Ali.

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Speaker 3: Opie says, that's a weird conclusion to come too after

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Speaker 3: seeing a tiny snapshot of relationship through the eyes of

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Speaker 3: another person. Uh, and we have bullet points. You're talking

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Speaker 3: about one of my best friends like he's a manipulative monster.

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Speaker 3: Knowing enough about Jay, he's probably struggling with it too.

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Speaker 3: Mark isn't out. Jay isn't out. He may not even

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Speaker 3: be queer. He may have just been experimenting and felt

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Speaker 3: safe with Mark. Obviously. I haven't talked to Jay about it,

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Speaker 3: but he's a genuinely good person, and I can't imagine

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Speaker 3: he knows the depth of how Mark feels since they

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Speaker 3: mutually agree not to discuss it further, and he wouldn't

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Speaker 3: be hurting him like this if he knew.

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Speaker 4: Wait, I didn't know.

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Speaker 3: They like mutually agreed, like, oh, we'll never speak of

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Speaker 3: this again. Right, I didn't. I just thought they didn't

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Speaker 3: speak of it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I didn't know.

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Speaker 3: It was like this isone in Dawn, don't say anything.

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Speaker 3: Yeah type Okay, this is totally different though yet Yeah

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Speaker 3: that changes the story. Yeah, Mark's made it clear he

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Speaker 3: hasn't told Jay the extent of his feelings. I'm not

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Speaker 3: gonna blow up my friend's life. I will never out somebody,

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Speaker 3: at least not on purpose. That is the end of

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Speaker 3: that story.

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Speaker 1: My friend tried to in my trip, but I stood

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Speaker 1: my ground.

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Speaker 3: Good for you.

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Speaker 2: I twenty six female, have traveled all over the USA.

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Speaker 2: I work remotely, making around ninety thousand dollars a year,

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Speaker 2: and for the past five years I've been able to

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Speaker 2: travel cross country and see a lot of amazing towns, landscapes,

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Speaker 2: and people. I've been into nature and being outside for

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Speaker 2: as long as i can remember. By the way, this

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Speaker 2: comes from user Gothic Princess ninety nine, and if you

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Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 2: slash Okay story Time subred it.

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Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.

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Speaker 2: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice Goofily,

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Speaker 2: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 2: what we'd do, So tell us what you do in

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Speaker 2: the comments and op says. As you can imagine, I've

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Speaker 2: done a lot of hiking. At least once a year,

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Speaker 2: I'll travel back home to see my family and friends.

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Speaker 2: And right now I'm in my hometown for the holiday season.

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Speaker 2: I'll be heading back down to the Grand Canyon as

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Speaker 2: soon as it has my absolute favorite hiking trail open.

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Speaker 2: The problem came at my family's Thanksgiving last week when

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Speaker 2: my best friend name Aomi, twenty six female, told me,

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Speaker 2: Uh told my entire family and hers that I'll be

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Speaker 2: taking her with me to the Grand Canyon as she

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Speaker 2: wants to hike the trail with me. Now, I love

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Speaker 2: Naomi with all my heart, but she's never even brought

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Speaker 2: this up with me in the past, let alone talk

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Speaker 2: to me about taking her halfway across the country. Usually

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Speaker 2: we would plan trips around my home state because she

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Speaker 2: has a husband, Mark thirty one male and two kids

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Speaker 2: four and three female male, and she could never be

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Speaker 2: so far apart from them before. So this is a

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Speaker 2: huge shock to everyone. Including me. I mean, I wouldn't mind,

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Speaker 2: except that the trail I have in mind is the

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Speaker 2: Rim to Rim Trail. For anyone who doesn't know, it's

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Speaker 2: an extremely long.

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Speaker 1: And difficult trail.

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Speaker 2: I've done it before and I absolutely loved it, but

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Speaker 2: I also know how tough it can be. Naomi is

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Speaker 2: more on the heavy side, and she refuses to drink

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Speaker 2: just water. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just

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Speaker 2: trying to be act in my description. So I pull

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Speaker 2: her aside and I asked her what that was.

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Speaker 1: I won't lie.

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Speaker 2: I was pretty caught off guard and a little ticked off,

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Speaker 2: so I snapped a bit When I said that. She

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Speaker 2: told me, oh, come on, it'll be fun. I asked her,

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Speaker 2: what did you think was going to happen that you

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Speaker 2: just tell everyone and pressure me into saying yes. She said, well,

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Speaker 2: I don't see what the big deal is. It's there

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Speaker 2: and back. Plus I've always wanted to see the Grand Canyon.

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Speaker 2: I asked her if she even thought to ask me beforehand,

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Speaker 2: and she got upset. She started going on about how

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Speaker 2: it's never been a problem in the past, and why

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Speaker 2: do I suddenly have a problem with it now. She

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Speaker 2: yelled that last part, so now we have an audience.

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Speaker 2: At this point, I was heated and lost my cool

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Speaker 2: a bit and shouted back, you don't know the first

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Speaker 2: thing about hiking, and you didn't and you didn't even

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Speaker 2: have the thought to ask, what are you going to

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Speaker 2: do when you're out there drinking doctor pepper in a

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Speaker 2: hundred degree weather on.

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Speaker 1: A day long hike.

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Speaker 2: You have no idea what hike I'm doing, and you

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Speaker 2: haven't even considered that. I don't want to make the

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Speaker 2: drive down there just to bring you back after I

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Speaker 2: pull you along with me on the hike, So no,

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Speaker 2: you can't come with me. And if you want to

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Speaker 2: go so bad, then take your kids and stand at

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Speaker 2: the railing and make a day of it. But don't

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Speaker 2: ruin my travel plans because you have to act on

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Speaker 2: every impulsive thought you have. And I was paraphrasing there,

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Speaker 2: but that's just an example of some things I said.

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Speaker 2: She stormed out, and Mark grabbed the kids and followed.

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Speaker 2: I felt horrible the second that all came out, But

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Speaker 2: this is not the first time she's done this to me.

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Speaker 2: The first time was my first visit home after leaving,

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Speaker 2: and I told her I couldn't but we could plan

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Speaker 2: something in the future, hence the few trips closer to home.

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Speaker 2: She ambushes me all the time with smaller things like

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Speaker 2: inviting me to a group dinner and telling everyone there

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Speaker 2: that I'm buying, just as one example. She's been doing

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Speaker 2: it since we met in Uni at age eight eighteen.

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Speaker 2: That's crazy, that is hey.

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Speaker 3: I'd be like, ha ha ha, funny joke. I'm actually

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Speaker 3: not buying guys.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I don't. I don't know how that came up.

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Speaker 2: But she's incorrect. Sorry, everybody, Dinner's not just on me

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Speaker 2: because somebody.

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Speaker 3: Said so, Mager look stupid.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and there's a way for both of you to

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Speaker 2: have had that conversation without it exploding. But you know,

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Speaker 2: she was the way she took it personally that she

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Speaker 2: was literally like, it's never been a problem before. But

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Speaker 2: instead you could just go, oh we I just I

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Speaker 2: truly just didn't think it was a problem, and if

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Speaker 2: it is, then that's I'm sorry, and I didn't mean

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Speaker 2: to impose and blah blah blah.

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Speaker 3: Getting two heated.

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Speaker 2: But she's a shelfish little princess and crazy doesn't like

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Speaker 2: being told no when she and Busher's people.

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Speaker 1: She likes being told yes.

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Speaker 2: So I went to her house the next day and

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Speaker 2: apologize for what I said, and she slammed the door

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Speaker 2: in my face. As I was leaving, her husband pulled

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Speaker 2: into the driveway and told me that I embarrassed her

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Speaker 2: in front of everyone and said I needed to apologize.

339
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,840
Speaker 2: I told him I just did, and she shut the

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Speaker 2: door on me. He told me I should invite her

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Speaker 2: to the trip. Then I stopped, turned around to my

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Speaker 2: car and went home. She texted me a couple of times,

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Speaker 2: but I haven't read them, and I'm wondering if that

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Speaker 2: was a manipulation tactic. I'm starting to question our whole friendship,

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Speaker 2: and I want to know if I'm the ale for

346
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Speaker 2: losing my cool and telling her she's not coming with me.

347
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,800
Speaker 2: Should I try apologizing again. If she had talked to

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Speaker 2: me about it, I would have planned for an easier

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Speaker 2: hike and a short trip, but I have plans to

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Speaker 2: stay out west for a while before heading back to

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Speaker 2: the East Coast. If I bring her along, I'd have

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Speaker 2: to adjust the next six months that I have planned.

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Speaker 2: Should I just bring her along to salvage the friendship?

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Speaker 2: Please be completely honest, because I have no idea what

355
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,720
Speaker 2: to do right now and there is an update. I

356
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,600
Speaker 2: read her texts and it was all just guilt tripping.

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Speaker 2: When she got no response, she came over and asked

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Speaker 2: me out to coffee. I said sure because I wanted

359
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Speaker 2: to know what she had to say on Honestly, we

360
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:05,640
Speaker 2: went and she just unloaded a lot. I'm gonna give

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Speaker 2: the condensed version because we were at that cafe for

362
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Speaker 2: like three hours.

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Speaker 1: Basically, she is cheating on Mark.

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Speaker 3: That is not where I thought that was gonna go.

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Speaker 3: In the slightest.

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Speaker 1: Zero percent what I thought was happening.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, well, Mark's gonna be finding out about this.

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Speaker 3: Yikes.

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Speaker 1: Sorry.

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Speaker 2: She and her neighbor have been having an affair for

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Speaker 2: almost three years. She sprung the trip on me because

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Speaker 2: I wanted to get away from everything for a few

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Speaker 2: days to think. She told me that Mark has been

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Speaker 2: neglecting her, that all he talks about is work or

375
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Speaker 2: their kids. He never initiates anymore, and she doesn't feel

376
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Speaker 2: attractive around him anymore. I asked her what she wanted

377
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Speaker 2: out of this conversation, blunt honesty or just for me

378
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,720
Speaker 2: to listen. She asked for blunt honesty, so I told

379
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Speaker 2: her exactly what I thought about it.

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Speaker 1: I'll sum it up with bullet points.

381
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Speaker 2: If you can't have an honest conversation with your partner

382
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Speaker 2: and be vulnerable about how you feel with them, then

383
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,800
Speaker 2: you need to not be with that person. If you

384
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:14,480
Speaker 2: haven't told him how you feel disconnected from him, then

385
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,800
Speaker 2: he can't fix the problem. All he talks about is

386
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Speaker 2: work are the kids, because those are the only topics

387
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,520
Speaker 2: of conversation that are new to the two of you.

388
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Speaker 2: Being together for eight years, you kind of know everything

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Speaker 2: there is to know about someone. If you've gone three

390
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,960
Speaker 2: years without giving so much as a thank you to

391
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Speaker 2: your partner, then I'm not surprised he stopped initiating. I

392
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,080
Speaker 2: can no longer be friends with her, and I gave

393
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:43,520
Speaker 2: her twenty four hours to tell her husband or I will.

394
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,159
Speaker 2: If your own life partner cannot trust you, then I

395
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,040
Speaker 2: can't either. And if you're so willing to betray him

396
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,560
Speaker 2: so blatantly, then I don't want to stick around to

397
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:55,159
Speaker 2: see what you do to me. You knew what you

398
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,760
Speaker 2: signed up for when you got married and started a family.

399
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,679
Speaker 2: There's going to be rough patches and hard ship, and

400
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:04,200
Speaker 2: if you're unwilling to work on them together as a team,

401
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,919
Speaker 2: then you had no business getting married to begin with.

402
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,080
Speaker 2: She then told me that her lover wanted both of

403
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:13,040
Speaker 2: them to leave their spouses to be together, and according

404
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,360
Speaker 2: to her, he wants her to leave her children so

405
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,360
Speaker 2: they can start fresh.

406
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,679
Speaker 3: Well, you still have the kids. That's not really how

407
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,280
Speaker 3: that works. Yeah, no, you know, just like dage and

408
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:24,440
Speaker 3: get sucked back up there.

409
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:29,880
Speaker 2: Abandon your children, abandon your husband, and abandon your children.

410
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,560
Speaker 2: Start a brand new life with me with a new name,

411
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,640
Speaker 2: with a new alias.

412
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,560
Speaker 3: In a new country.

413
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,159
Speaker 2: Say babe, I'm actually a secret agent. We're gonna have

414
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:42,959
Speaker 2: to make secret edgent names and sweach our continents because

415
00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:46,399
Speaker 2: they're after me. She really wanted to go on the

416
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,880
Speaker 2: trip to see if she could be away from them

417
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,920
Speaker 2: and see if she would feel guilty about considering it.

418
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 2: That kind of knocked everything into place in my mind.

419
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:58,760
Speaker 2: This man is the source of her toxicity, and she's

420
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,440
Speaker 2: actually considering lee ving her children to start a new

421
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 2: life with her affair partner. I cannot believe how wrong

422
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 2: I was about her character. I cannot believe she's the

423
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 2: person who I was trying so hard to maintain the

424
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:14,679
Speaker 2: friendship with. I told her that if she leaves those kids.

425
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,480
Speaker 2: Then they will hate her forever and Mark will never

426
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 2: take her back if she regrets it. She has twenty

427
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 2: four hours to think about her decision about coming clean

428
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,879
Speaker 2: and working on her marriage if he even wants to,

429
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,880
Speaker 2: or come clean and leave him and her children.

430
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,480
Speaker 3: This started with the trip to the Grand Canyon and

431
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:36,000
Speaker 3: now we're in a full fledged affair. Yep, Yeah, she's crazy.

432
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:41,959
Speaker 3: Justst get away. Let's just not even get involved in this. Like, like,

433
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,320
Speaker 3: I don't even know what you do at that point

434
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:48,880
Speaker 3: besides just being like, hey, don't abandon your family like

435
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,520
Speaker 3: a crappy DA person.

436
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:51,080
Speaker 1: Yeah.

437
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,560
Speaker 2: I think at this point you're kind of making the

438
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,840
Speaker 2: right call where it's like, yeah, so I'm done with

439
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,480
Speaker 2: you regardless. Yeah, like you have John, Yeah, you have

440
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 2: a day to figure out whether you're going to be

441
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 2: a complete scot or you know, tell your husband. But

442
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,240
Speaker 2: either way he's gonna find out and low KEI I

443
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:07,879
Speaker 2: feel like that is gonna push her more to the

444
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 2: solution because it'll.

445
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:11,119
Speaker 1: Just be her running away.

446
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:11,960
Speaker 3: Tell him.

447
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,920
Speaker 2: But yeah, she's just gonna probably run away and not

448
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:18,960
Speaker 2: really address her problem. I'm so disgusted with her and

449
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 2: I cannot fathom what she's even talking about I got

450
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:24,639
Speaker 2: up to leave, and she stopped me, saying, you know,

451
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 2: you chose to be single and selfish. I chose my

452
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,359
Speaker 2: family once. Is it so bad that I want to

453
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 2: be selfish now too? I look her right in the

454
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:39,120
Speaker 2: eyes and said, yes, my decision was to choose myself

455
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:41,400
Speaker 2: and travel and see as much as I can. Your

456
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:45,159
Speaker 2: decision resulted in a lifetime of responsibility, and you knew that.

457
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 2: I'm not going to feel guilty because you don't know

458
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 2: the meaning of commitment. I left before she could respond further.

459
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,400
Speaker 2: I got into bed and just bawled my eyes out

460
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,920
Speaker 2: because I just lost my person and I'm never gonna

461
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 2: have her again. I haven't blown either of them just yet,

462
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,640
Speaker 2: at least until tomorrow after the twenty four hours are up,

463
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,160
Speaker 2: and that is the end of that story.

464
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,879
Speaker 3: I think my best friend is only using me, so

465
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 3: I'm cutting.

466
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,359
Speaker 1: Her off, and that's what you do.

467
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,359
Speaker 3: My very best friend, thirty five female from the summer

468
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 3: going into college around fifteen plus years ago, was my

469
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,159
Speaker 3: friend till the end. We would go two concerts together,

470
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 3: pick classes together, tell each other everything, travel abroad together,

471
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 3: et cetera. She was in my wedding and did a

472
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 3: lot of and did a lot for it too, including

473
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 3: many DIY projects. We picked out really thoughtful presents for

474
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,800
Speaker 3: each other since we know each other like the back

475
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,160
Speaker 3: of our hands. By the way, this comes from Happy

476
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,440
Speaker 3: Dependent thirty four to seven. And if you want to

477
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

478
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 3: storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and we're here to.

479
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:51,320
Speaker 4: Give good advice.

480
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,119
Speaker 3: Goof a liba. We don't have all the answers, we

481
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 3: only know what we would do, so let's know what

482
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 3: you would do in the comments and opisas. My last

483
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,920
Speaker 3: job was part time since I'm having health issues and

484
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 3: can't work full time anymore. She was working this job

485
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 3: with me, and even though it was grueling work, it

486
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,920
Speaker 3: was better because she was there with me. We would

487
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:14,399
Speaker 3: sometimes go out to eat after our shifts. We both

488
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,480
Speaker 3: quit together when it got too much and the pay

489
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 3: wasn't great to begin with. During this time, my spouse

490
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,160
Speaker 3: got a new job with a big pay increase. They

491
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,680
Speaker 3: told me I didn't need to force myself to work

492
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,399
Speaker 3: a job while going through my health issues and that

493
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:33,120
Speaker 3: we were okay financially. This was about almost three years ago.

494
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 3: For reference, this is when my friend changed, she offered

495
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 3: to help me clean my house while I was on

496
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 3: bed rest from surgery. We paid her, and when we

497
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,879
Speaker 3: got food delivered for dinner, we would order something for

498
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 3: her too. It was fine at first until she snapped

499
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,399
Speaker 3: and said I needed to be helping and that I

500
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:54,160
Speaker 3: could fold clothes in bed. I got really upset with her.

501
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,160
Speaker 3: I was on literal bed rest and we were paying

502
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,840
Speaker 3: her to help with these tasks. We decided to continue

503
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 3: that since I realized I was mixing business and pleasure.

504
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 3: I went out to dinner with her when I was

505
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 3: feeling better, and she asked what I was doing for

506
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 3: my birthday. I told her about the restaurant that took

507
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 3: months to get into, and my spouse surprised me with

508
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 3: it since I was depressed about my health. She opened

509
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 3: her phone and made a reservation at a bar with

510
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:22,119
Speaker 3: the restaurant. A couple of days later, she said, well,

511
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,199
Speaker 3: I got in. I'll let you know how it is.

512
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 3: She ended up going with different friends and posted all

513
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 3: about it. When she was telling me about it, she

514
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 3: said she treated herself and ordered a lot of things.

515
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:36,160
Speaker 3: I felt kind of awkward because the last couple times

516
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 3: we went out, she said she couldn't pay. I covered

517
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 3: for her. She didn't even offer to pay me back,

518
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 3: but that was kind of our friendship. I'd get this coffee,

519
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 3: she'd get the next one. Kind of thing. So I

520
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 3: got upset that she magically had money for other outings

521
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 3: she had. I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

522
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,679
Speaker 3: I wasn't there, so I didn't know what happened, but

523
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,679
Speaker 3: I was hurt. It felt like she was rubbing it

524
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 3: in my face that she we got to go first.

525
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 3: Maybe she was jealous I was going, but she did ask,

526
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 3: so I tried to let it go. A couple months later,

527
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 3: we were at Christmas tea that I booked and confirmed

528
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,520
Speaker 3: with her we were going to do the gift exchange too.

529
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 3: She at texts me and tells me she's running late.

530
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 3: She shows up nearly an hour late, leaving me hanging

531
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,359
Speaker 3: because I can't start the tea without her. When it

532
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 3: comes to payment, she said she left her wallet at home.

533
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 3: She smiled and said, I think it should be your

534
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 3: gift to me for Christmas, even though I bought her

535
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 3: a present. I put my foot down and said no.

536
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 3: She tells the waitress when I'm in the bathroom that

537
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,639
Speaker 3: I'm paying, I said, Noah. She puts her hands up

538
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,240
Speaker 3: and says, well, I don't even have my wallet. Like

539
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 3: it was planned.

540
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:48,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it probably was. It's the modern age.

541
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,879
Speaker 2: There are different ways to get someone money than just

542
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 2: having your wallet on you right now.

543
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, venmo me do anything else. I was really upset

544
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 3: and just paid. I told her I needed to be

545
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,720
Speaker 3: alone and drove to a coffee plays twentyish minutes away.

546
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:05,159
Speaker 3: She followed me. I ordered a drink and said she

547
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 3: could stay, but she needed to pay her way. She

548
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 3: said she went home to get her wallet, since the

549
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 3: coffee shop was near her house. I had a gift

550
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,119
Speaker 3: card i'd been wanting to use, so I got a

551
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,879
Speaker 3: snack as well. I shared the snack since it was

552
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,399
Speaker 3: bigger than I thought. I went to the bathroom and

553
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,200
Speaker 3: came back. I noticed my phone wasn't on the table

554
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 3: and asked if she saw it. It was in my

555
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 3: purse because she put it there. I thought nothing of

556
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 3: it until I tried to pay with my gift card.

557
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,920
Speaker 3: She said she paid the bill with it for her

558
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 3: items too.

559
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,880
Speaker 1: Honestly, I'm like, I'm never talking to you again.

560
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 2: I'm just sending you a bill I'm tallying up all

561
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 2: of the times where you stole from me, and I'm sending.

562
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 3: You the bill she literally stole.

563
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 2: She literally just stole from you because she has no

564
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 2: respect for you.

565
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,760
Speaker 3: I felt like I was being used. I told her

566
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 3: she needed to handle the tip. She wouldn't. I threw

567
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 3: her gift at her and said, I'm going home, which

568
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 3: was in a forty minute drive. She said, wait, your

569
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 3: gift isn't in the car. She gave me my gift,

570
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 3: which she had taken half of to try. My gift

571
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 3: was really thought out like usual. I tried not to

572
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,440
Speaker 3: be upset. She could have said no gift or smaller

573
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:14,199
Speaker 3: gifts if she couldn't afford one, she then said. She

574
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,439
Speaker 3: then said she spent over two hundred dollars at the

575
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:20,639
Speaker 3: restaurant with the other friends. I told her I was

576
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:24,160
Speaker 3: upset about the day and left NOE. During this time

577
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 3: before the day of the tea, I also learned that

578
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,919
Speaker 3: she still texts my mom about me, even though I

579
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 3: went no contact with my mom and blocked her on

580
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 3: all social media. I'm not sure what she texts her,

581
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,160
Speaker 3: but it makes me uncomfortable. She also tried to talk

582
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 3: me into reconciling with my mom. My mom's business was

583
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 3: our first job together, so it wasn't completely strange that

584
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 3: she had her number. I used to send her voice

585
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 3: memos when I was too tired to text, which included

586
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 3: deep stuff like what I talked about in therapy and

587
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 3: doctor's appointments. I learned she was playing them to her mom,

588
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,360
Speaker 3: who's a nurse, and they would sit there and try

589
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 3: to diagnose or help me. I'm sure it was probably

590
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,119
Speaker 3: with the best intentions, but it urged me that my

591
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 3: private stuff was being shared without my permission. I learned

592
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,240
Speaker 3: this because she told me so. I stopped talking to

593
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 3: her and hanging out after this incident. She reached out

594
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 3: once and said, if there's anything I did to make

595
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:19,960
Speaker 3: you upset, that wasn't my intention. Bro.

596
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 2: You didn't even say sorry, you just said it's not

597
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:23,439
Speaker 2: my fault.

598
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 1: That's insane, You suck.

599
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 3: I left her on red because I had told her

600
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:31,680
Speaker 3: very clearly in person. We haven't talked or seen each

601
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 3: other in almost three years. I still miss her. Things

602
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,919
Speaker 3: remind me of her, but she has other friends. I

603
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 3: wonder if maybe I wasn't her best friend, or if

604
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 3: I was too much for her. This year, she posted

605
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 3: on Facebook that she got my dream job, which she

606
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 3: knows about and didn't even give me a heads up.

607
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 3: I even wrote a reference letter for her years ago

608
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 3: that she used to get it. I will say, though,

609
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 3: I don't think you get a heads up if you

610
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 3: go no contact with somebody.

611
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you haven't talked in three years, why would

612
00:28:58,360 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 2: you get a heads up?

613
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 3: That's that. Yeah, that's the most normal thing she's done,

614
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 3: is like, not gone to brag to you about it.

615
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 2: Right.

616
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 1: I would be more upset if you reached out to

617
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 1: me after that, right, being.

618
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 2: Nice to try the way I got your dream job. Yeah,

619
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 2: but i'd let you know personally that.

620
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 3: Would be more messed up.

621
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

622
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 3: I was crushed. I didn't even want to say congratulations,

623
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 3: but I did.

624
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 2: You know, sometimes we realize that there's people in our

625
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 2: lives that, even though they were you know, uh, one

626
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 2: of our close friends.

627
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 1: Maybe they're not. They're not meant for us anymore, you know.

628
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think we need to just keep that

629
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 3: door closed now. Stop texting her.

630
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she clearly literally just used you for money

631
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 2: all the time.

632
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 3: That's great, and to get your dream job.

633
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 2: There's always the notion that you pay someone back if

634
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 2: they cover for you for something, especially if you're going

635
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:48,239
Speaker 2: out gloating about spending two hundred dollars. It's like she

636
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 2: had some like weird like disrespect dynamic with you.

637
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then they're like, oh, I forgot my wallet,

638
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 3: but I stopped home to get it, but I still

639
00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 3: made you pay.

640
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 2: And it's like, oh, I forgot my wallet, but I

641
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 2: swear i'll pay you back. Literally today, we'll go back

642
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 2: to my place and I'll pay you back.

643
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 1: None of that. Just oops, I forgot my wallet. So

644
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 1: I guess you.

645
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:12,920
Speaker 3: Just get this and I'm just not gonna pay you back.

646
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 2: Of course, Now I forgot my wallet, how can I

647
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 2: do it?

648
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 3: My grandpa passed away a couple months ago. She texted me.

649
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 3: I got excited that I could have her back in

650
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 3: my life. It turned out that my mom wasn't going

651
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 3: to the funeral, and she asked my mom what kind

652
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 3: of things they did. After I told her, she just

653
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 3: abruptly stopped texting me again. That was in July. It's

654
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 3: in a weird spot and I feel like I let

655
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 3: go of a good friend. Oh she was good, she sucked.

656
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 1: She was literally just a manipulator.

657
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 2: It sounds like she's talking to your mom about you

658
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 2: after you went no contact with her. She's got a

659
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 2: very weird power dynamic with you. It's like she hangs

660
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 2: out with you and talks to you because it makes

661
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 2: her feel bigger, and that's weird.

662
00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 3: But maybe she wasn't a good friend. Am I the

663
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 3: ale for letting go of this friendship or was she

664
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 3: the able during it? Thanks for reading.

665
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 1: The second one. Yeah, the second one.

666
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,720
Speaker 3: We have some comments. Commenter one says, Nope, she was

667
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 3: taking advantage of you. I feel that's a red flag.

668
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 3: It got weird and disrespectful. I don't know if she

669
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 3: was mad because you didn't have to work, but it's

670
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:19,479
Speaker 3: just so odd that she went to that restaurant before you.

671
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 3: I don't think that makes sense. Unfortunately, sometimes the friends

672
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 3: we had ten plus years ago were fun then, but

673
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 3: then life moves on and you mature. In this case,

674
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,920
Speaker 3: you matured while she was stuck in this fairy tale

675
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 3: that you both be ying and yang side by side

676
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 3: buddies when you got ill. She should have respected your

677
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 3: wishes to take it easy for her to work on

678
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 3: cleaning your home for you, then think it's okay for

679
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 3: you to help out even though you're on bed rest.

680
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 3: Doesn't make any sense to me. Why was she demanding

681
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 3: you help if you hired her. But like you said,

682
00:31:56,840 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 3: mixing business and pleasure gets complicated, so that might be

683
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 3: see it, but truly a good friend wouldn't request that.

684
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 3: I think it's healthy you guys drifted. She was just

685
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 3: too much effort to stay close to. Opie says interesting.

686
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:12,640
Speaker 3: I didn't see the viewpoint of being mad. I don't

687
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 3: need to work anymore. I think she went to the

688
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 3: restaurant before me to one up me. I do agree

689
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 3: that she's stuck and not maturing, which could be another

690
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 3: reason why she was mean. It's also wild she went

691
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 3: off on me about being ill when she had a

692
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:29,480
Speaker 3: chronic illness too, But I guess more predictable, and the

693
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 3: whole point of her helping without my help is why

694
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,080
Speaker 3: we were paying her. She called me lazy, so maybe

695
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 3: that's how she felt. That's the end of that story.

696
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,320
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories. But

697
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

698
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,959
Speaker 6: My mom chose her boyfriend over me and told me

699
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:46,880
Speaker 6: to grow up.

700
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 1: You're not my dad.

701
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 6: Me nineteen female and my mom thirty nine. Female are

702
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 6: really close. She's one of my best friends and I

703
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,000
Speaker 6: really could not ask for a better mom. She has

704
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 6: dated a couple of guys, but really only two serious ones.

705
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 6: The first one was twenty twenty and the second one

706
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 6: lasted three and a half years. It's been a year

707
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 6: since they broke up. However, she met this new guy,

708
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 6: Dan forty mail.

709
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 3: I had him.

710
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from.

711
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 6: Zealous Ideal Tap eighty two sixty four and if you

712
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 6: want to smit your own stories, go to the rslash

713
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 6: Okay storytime subbered at.

714
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,360
Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Vincent, and we're here to give good advice.

715
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 6: Goofy, but we don't have all the answers. We only

716
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 6: know what we do, so let us know what you

717
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 6: would do in comments. They have only been dating for

718
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 6: maybe three months. I moved forty five minutes away for college,

719
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 6: but I still visit pretty regularly. From the first moment

720
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:35,760
Speaker 6: of meeting him, I already did not like him. I

721
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 6: am usually very chill about my mom dating, and she's

722
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,400
Speaker 6: only had two serious relationships that I was completely fine with,

723
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 6: so me hating him was kind of a shock. But

724
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 6: the last month I was home before my freshman year

725
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 6: of college. He would call constantly, I mean like five

726
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 6: to six times a day, one to two hour long

727
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 6: phone calls. Whenever he called, she would drop everything, shut

728
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 6: herself in a room, and completely ignore me. He ruined

729
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 6: my last week at home because she spent so much

730
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,240
Speaker 6: time on the phone with him, and I really wanted

731
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 6: some bonding time with her before I left. I told

732
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 6: her I did not really like him, but she brushed

733
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:11,759
Speaker 6: me off. Then, maybe a month ago, she announced she

734
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 6: is moving twenty two plus hours away from home with

735
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 6: him at the end of the year. Mind you, in

736
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 6: her last serious relationship. It took her a year for

737
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 6: me to even meet him, so hearing this was incredibly shocking,

738
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,799
Speaker 6: especially since I had not even met Dan yet. I

739
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 6: told her, I think she's moving way too fast, but

740
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:31,279
Speaker 6: she brushed me off again. I finally was introduced to

741
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,160
Speaker 6: him a couple of weeks ago, and he sucks important info.

742
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 6: He has two kids. He lost custody of his son,

743
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 6: who now lives in Arizona, and his daughter passed away

744
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:43,720
Speaker 6: from an asthma attack last year. My siblings and even

745
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,279
Speaker 6: a close friend of mine had met him, and they

746
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 6: all said they disliked him. Upon meeting him, he would

747
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,879
Speaker 6: not introduce himself, and my mom had to He would

748
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:55,240
Speaker 6: not talk or even acknowledge me that whole weekend, even

749
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,799
Speaker 6: when my mom asked me to bring him something. He

750
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 6: is very touchy with my mom and run of me

751
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 6: and my twin, which I think is incredibly rude. And

752
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 6: worst of all, he acts like a kid. My mom

753
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 6: has to beg him to get off the phone and

754
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 6: talk to her, which he then says no to.

755
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 4: I'm sorry what this.

756
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 6: Person she's been dating for three months can't even get

757
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:15,399
Speaker 6: off the phone to talk to her.

758
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 7: Hey, babe, you want to like to talk about just

759
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:20,760
Speaker 7: our future together?

760
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 4: And like, no, yeah, I'll make sure I'm playing clash.

761
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 7: I'm playing my betting game.

762
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:26,839
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I can't.

763
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,960
Speaker 6: He needs to know what she's doing every second. My

764
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 6: twin took my mom out for lunch one day, and

765
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 6: it wasn't even an hour before he started blowing up

766
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:38,040
Speaker 6: her phone asking where she was and was super upset

767
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,320
Speaker 6: that she didn't have dinner for him. He gets annoyed

768
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:43,279
Speaker 6: whenever my mom visits me at college for lunch. There

769
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,759
Speaker 6: are moments where she does look happy with him, but

770
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,760
Speaker 6: most times she just looks kind of miserable. Just today,

771
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 6: he threw a fit because she brought the TV out

772
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 6: here for me and my twin. We only have one

773
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,080
Speaker 6: TV in the whole apartment. My mom needs to do

774
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 6: everything for him to be happy or he will be grouchy.

775
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 6: She already knows I do not like him, but she

776
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:02,760
Speaker 6: does not seem to care right now. You never acted

777
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,399
Speaker 6: like this before, and actually hated women who were all

778
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 6: over their boyfriends and bent backwards to please them. She

779
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:10,960
Speaker 6: always tells me that my opinion is the most important

780
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 6: her and if she were ever to act like this

781
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,399
Speaker 6: with a man, then to slap the crap out of her.

782
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:17,759
Speaker 6: He currently lives here with us, but I asked her

783
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 6: if he had moved in. She said no, he still

784
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 6: has his own place, and follow it up with he

785
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 6: stopped paying rent at his place, though, so he can

786
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 6: help me with the bills here. She is pulling the

787
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,840
Speaker 6: exact crap my dad did with his girlfriend. I feel

788
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 6: completely lost. I know I need to talk to her.

789
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,840
Speaker 6: My issue is she is currently watching my cat for

790
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,320
Speaker 6: me since my school does not allow pets in the dorm,

791
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:39,720
Speaker 6: and she occasionally buys me groceries too. I'm super worried

792
00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 6: that this will ruin our relationship, and I genuinely cannot

793
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:44,879
Speaker 6: live with that. She is my mom and I love

794
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 6: her so much, but I can't keep living like this

795
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,879
Speaker 6: where I feel unwelcomed in my own home. I want

796
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:51,839
Speaker 6: to talk to her this weekend, but I'm not sure

797
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:53,880
Speaker 6: how to talk to her about this while he is

798
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,319
Speaker 6: not around. And the advice would be great, And there

799
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 6: is an update.

800
00:36:57,239 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 7: I think you definitely need to get her away from this. Yeah,

801
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 7: And here's the thing, like, yeah, you're nervous, but it

802
00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:07,880
Speaker 7: seems like the worst case scenario is if you do nothing. Yeah,

803
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 7: because he'll still take her away from you and take

804
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 7: all of her time and attention and is he's got

805
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,799
Speaker 7: a complete leech from what we've heard so far.

806
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 6: And it feels like, I mean, you said, this is

807
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 6: your one of your best friends, like your mother is

808
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 6: one of your best friends. You have a very close

809
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 6: relationship with her. So I would hope that you could

810
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 6: go to her and say I need to talk to

811
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 6: you alone, take her off for lunch or whatever, and

812
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 6: say your honest feelings, say I'm worried. I don't think

813
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:37,840
Speaker 6: that he is you know, a good person or a

814
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,280
Speaker 6: good partner maybe and just kind of, yeah, be honest

815
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 6: with her, and if she reacts poorly, there's not really

816
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 6: much more you can do. You've already said what you feel. Yeah,

817
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:47,759
Speaker 6: And I mean he's kind of on her to make

818
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 6: her to realize that she's making a mistake. He wants

819
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:51,720
Speaker 6: to know if I want to come back home today

820
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 6: or go back to school today.

821
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 4: I'm really torn.

822
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 6: I want to see her, but I am worried it

823
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:59,279
Speaker 6: will start something else. I'm still crying and cannot really

824
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:01,880
Speaker 6: think properly. I had not talked to my mom, but

825
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:04,399
Speaker 6: every time I came back, she always seemed a little

826
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 6: miserable around him, and now he would talk to her.

827
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 6: I never said anything because she just kept gushing about him.

828
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,919
Speaker 6: This Wednesday, after my twin had slept in my bed,

829
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 6: they found a plate with a powdered substance on it.

830
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 6: I immediately knew what it was and called my mom,

831
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 6: demanding to know what happened. She said she and her

832
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,279
Speaker 6: boyfriend had a few friends over and they did it,

833
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:23,839
Speaker 6: but not her, and she's sorry about that. I forgave her,

834
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 6: but told her it severely crossed my boundaries and felt

835
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:31,040
Speaker 6: like my safe space was violated. Nothing much happened until

836
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 6: literally an hour ago. He wanted to go smoke, but

837
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:35,360
Speaker 6: my mom was not in the mood. He kept looking

838
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,760
Speaker 6: for her house keys and asking where they were, and.

839
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:39,719
Speaker 4: She would not tell them. You don't need the house keys.

840
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:41,440
Speaker 6: Our apartment has a co that you type in it

841
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 6: lets you in, and it was not like my mom

842
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:45,080
Speaker 6: and I were not going to lock the door on him.

843
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:48,359
Speaker 6: He got really pissed and everything blew up. He ended

844
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 6: up taking her house keys and refusing to give them back.

845
00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:53,839
Speaker 6: I just started bawling my eyes out, and he did

846
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 6: a half budded apology to me about yelling at my

847
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,360
Speaker 6: mom in front of me. My mom said her kids

848
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:01,640
Speaker 6: come before anyone else, and my mom started holding me

849
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:04,239
Speaker 6: and I just couldn't take it anymore. I asked her

850
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:07,200
Speaker 6: to please leave him. I've been having dreams where we

851
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 6: fight about him and she kicks me out or doesn't

852
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:11,399
Speaker 6: talk to me anymore. He didn't like that and told

853
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 6: me that people fight and he makes her happy. I

854
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,799
Speaker 6: told her she seems miserable around him every time I

855
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 6: come back. She then said she has always put me

856
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 6: and my siblings above her, and she's tired of it.

857
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 6: I am in college and I need to grow up.

858
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:25,920
Speaker 6: She went on to say that he makes her happy

859
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,239
Speaker 6: and that he just has an a whole attitude and

860
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 6: that's how he talks, and then I don't want her

861
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:30,720
Speaker 6: to be happy.

862
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 4: People say and do dumb crap, but it.

863
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 6: Is how you beat that curve that makes a relationshipt work.

864
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:37,840
Speaker 6: He then said that I have not been exactly welcoming

865
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 6: to him, but then turned around and said she told

866
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 6: him not to get close to us. I tried welcoming him,

867
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 6: but cannot exactly do that when he completely ignores my

868
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:48,720
Speaker 6: existence and does not acknowledge that I am even there. Again,

869
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 6: she says that I'm in college and need to grow

870
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:53,960
Speaker 6: up and not everything is sunshine and rainbows.

871
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,319
Speaker 4: She then threw my cat in my face, saying how

872
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,919
Speaker 4: she is scratching up her furniture and was like, why

873
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 4: did I get you that cat? Huh?

874
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 6: I said that she also wanted a cat and that

875
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:05,879
Speaker 6: she surprised me with her not me asking for her.

876
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 6: She then said her boyfriend was picking her up in

877
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 6: his car and she's gonna get her house keys back

878
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 6: and asked if I'm happy with that. She commented that

879
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 6: she just wants one thing for herself that is all

880
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,520
Speaker 6: hers and not anyone else's. Now I'm sitting here in

881
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,719
Speaker 6: my closet. I don't know if I should leave. My

882
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:22,840
Speaker 6: grandma offered me a ride, but the roads are not

883
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 6: the best as we just had a snowstorm yesterday and

884
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 6: it's still snowing up to Monday. I want to leave,

885
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 6: but I do not want him hurting my mama. I'm

886
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 6: so paranoid something is going to happen and there is

887
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,919
Speaker 6: an update. So this all took place yesterday. I ended

888
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 6: up back at my mom's place the following day. I

889
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,399
Speaker 6: wasn't really sure what to expect her, whether she would

890
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 6: be mad at me, but I needed to talk to her.

891
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,759
Speaker 6: When I got there, she's up and about cleaning the house.

892
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 6: She looks at me and greets me. I put my

893
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:50,360
Speaker 6: stuff away and we sit on the couch and watch TV.

894
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:52,840
Speaker 6: That was like that for a couple of hours, where

895
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 6: we would talk, laugh, but mostly sit in uncomfortable silence.

896
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:58,879
Speaker 6: Then my friend texted me saying they wanted to call

897
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 6: and play roadblocks so my room. I ended up making

898
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 6: myself lunch on the call, and my mom popped in

899
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 6: a couple of times to say hi. She was definitely

900
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:07,719
Speaker 6: in a better mood now. She had to leave to

901
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 6: check on her car. I ended up being on the

902
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:12,719
Speaker 6: call for three hours. My mom comes back and we.

903
00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:14,760
Speaker 4: Sit on the couch. She says, I think we should

904
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:16,239
Speaker 4: talk about what happened last night.

905
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,800
Speaker 6: I was looking at my phone reading something I wrote,

906
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 6: and then I said something like I feel like this

907
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,279
Speaker 6: should not be a constant battlefield. I meant with her

908
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,279
Speaker 6: and her boyfriend fighting, but I think she took it

909
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:27,600
Speaker 6: as me fighting for her attention, which I guess is

910
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 6: not too far off. She went on about how she

911
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 6: struggled balancing time between me and her boyfriend, and the

912
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 6: reason he does not talk to me is because he

913
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 6: feels awful for being around me and my siblings. Well,

914
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 6: he does not have custody of his and cannot see them.

915
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:42,319
Speaker 6: She explained that the reason he was in such a

916
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,920
Speaker 6: mood was because she said something about his daughter and

917
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,799
Speaker 6: did not apologize for it. His daughter passed away last

918
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:49,880
Speaker 6: year from an asthma attack. I'm not sure what she

919
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 6: said she didn't tell me. She went on to say

920
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,279
Speaker 6: that she really is happy and she can joke with

921
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 6: him and not have to worry about him getting but

922
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,439
Speaker 6: heard about the kind of joke she makes. I told

923
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:01,719
Speaker 6: her this situation feels like the exact same as my

924
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 6: dad and his partner. He moved her in without telling anyone,

925
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:06,720
Speaker 6: and I bumped into her on the way.

926
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 4: To the bathroom.

927
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 6: That is a crazy way to meet your dad's partner. Wow,

928
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:13,240
Speaker 6: it's like, wait, sorry, who are you?

929
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:13,960
Speaker 4: That's girl friend?

930
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 3: What are you checking about?

931
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,320
Speaker 7: Oh? Nice to meet you. Yeah, give it five.

932
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:17,840
Speaker 4: Yeah.

933
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 6: She agreed with me, saying she worried about how that

934
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 6: made me feel. She went on to say, I'm in

935
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 6: college now and our dynamic will change, and she thinks

936
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 6: she sheltered me from a lot and did not let

937
00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:29,840
Speaker 6: me grow up in a sense. It really feels like

938
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 6: Opie's mom has not picked up any like anything.

939
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 4: Mm hm, she just does not get it.

940
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 7: Yeah, op I feel like you just got a you're nineteen,

941
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:39,960
Speaker 7: try to find a way out.

942
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:42,840
Speaker 6: Yeah, that was pretty much it. She did not scream

943
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,920
Speaker 6: or yell, She just cried a lot. They are still together.

944
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,600
Speaker 6: I'm not sure what to feel. There are moments where

945
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:52,200
Speaker 6: I am so angry, moments where I'm sad but mostly

946
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:53,200
Speaker 6: just numb.

947
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 3: Well.

948
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:54,319
Speaker 4: I might stay for a.

949
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:56,200
Speaker 6: Day or two for Christmas break I think I'm just

950
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 6: gonna spend it mostly with my grandma.

951
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:00,839
Speaker 4: I'm sorry this is not the update people were probably.

952
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:03,799
Speaker 6: Hoping for, but I'm slowly navigating everything going on right now.

953
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:05,720
Speaker 4: And that is the end of that story.

954
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:09,360
Speaker 6: But yeah, I think it's just, you know, time to

955
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:12,719
Speaker 6: not distance yourself from your mom, but just becoming more

956
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 6: independent because I think, yeah, your mom needs to realize

957
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 6: on her own the type of situation she's in.

958
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 4: But that's the end of that story.

959
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 7: My sister hit a second life, and now everyone's cutting

960
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:25,600
Speaker 7: me off instead.

961
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 2: Well it's because, uh, everyone else is in the secret life.

962
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:32,719
Speaker 7: My sister fifty six female, left her marriage several months

963
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:35,400
Speaker 7: ago after it was exposed that she had been living

964
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:37,120
Speaker 7: a double life for the.

965
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: Last twelve years.

966
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:42,759
Speaker 7: Apparently during a troubled time in their marriage, she and

967
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 7: my brother in law fifty eight male, separated temporarily. My

968
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:50,359
Speaker 7: youngest niece and nephew are only ten and eight at

969
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 7: this point. It seems she met someone else during this time.

970
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:58,520
Speaker 7: By the way, this comes from you historical middle twenty

971
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:01,280
Speaker 7: six too. And if you want to submit your own stories,

972
00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:04,840
Speaker 7: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm vincent

973
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 7: I'm Dakota, and we are here to give good advice. Goofy.

974
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:10,920
Speaker 7: We don't get all the answers, but tell us what

975
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:14,480
Speaker 7: you would do in the comments. A divorce never happened,

976
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:17,200
Speaker 7: and my brother in law moved back in, and it

977
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 7: all seemed well, except my sister suddenly got a job

978
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:25,680
Speaker 7: that required her to go two hours away eastward to

979
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:28,839
Speaker 7: work most of the week. She only came home weekends.

980
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 7: Holidays were never celebrated on the actual days, and we

981
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 7: always had to reschedule them for her work schedule. During

982
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,359
Speaker 7: this time, my mom and I spent a lot of

983
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 7: time with my three nephews and one niece. We took

984
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:45,320
Speaker 7: them to and picked them up from school, went to games,

985
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:49,360
Speaker 7: and attended band performances. When my oldest nephew graduated high school,

986
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:52,319
Speaker 7: I agreed to skip the ceremony to watch the younger two.

987
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:55,480
Speaker 7: We had a great time. I also house sat and

988
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:58,880
Speaker 7: pet sat for my sister on numerous occasions. I was

989
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 7: never paid and was never thanked. Fast forward to this year.

990
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,799
Speaker 7: One night, near my mom's birthday, my oldest nephew and

991
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 7: his wife came over with their first baby, one month old.

992
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:13,799
Speaker 7: He is my parents' first grandchild. It was strange. My

993
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 7: niece came over as well and did not even greet

994
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:18,919
Speaker 7: any of us. She just went straight back to where

995
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:22,240
Speaker 7: my nephew's wife was in the dining room and sat

996
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 7: there whispering to each other. My mom was understandably upset

997
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 7: by this. We had always been close, so to have

998
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:32,279
Speaker 7: her granddaughter ignore her was a shock. They did not

999
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 7: stay long. After they all left, my sister showed up.

1000
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 7: She asked me to leave the room, as if it

1001
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,839
Speaker 7: was not my house and I was not family. I

1002
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:43,360
Speaker 7: was upset, as I was often by her, but that

1003
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:46,359
Speaker 7: is a whole other story. I heard raised voices, and

1004
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,720
Speaker 7: after she left, I was told the marriage was over.

1005
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:54,319
Speaker 7: She had found someone else. What was a shock was

1006
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 7: that she had been living with the other side dude

1007
00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 7: for twelve years, two hours away in US direction. She

1008
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:05,400
Speaker 7: never had that job and had actually created a business

1009
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:08,760
Speaker 7: on this side dude's farm. She had friends down there.

1010
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 7: She even changed her name. It was like she created

1011
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,120
Speaker 7: a whole new life. It was discovered because she and

1012
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:19,320
Speaker 7: her daughter in law were connected on several social media sites,

1013
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 7: and her sister was not very careful about concealing certain

1014
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 7: things about them. Her daughter in law confronted her and

1015
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 7: she admitted it. My brother in law was understandably devastated.

1016
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:33,800
Speaker 7: I know how hurt he feels, and I want to

1017
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 7: support him and my nephews and my niece. Unfortunately, my

1018
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 7: mom lost her head a bit. During a talk with

1019
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:43,440
Speaker 7: my niece, my mom made some not so nice comments

1020
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:46,000
Speaker 7: about my nephew's wife. I do not think my mom

1021
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 7: really understood or still understands, what exactly happened to bring

1022
00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 7: this all the light. Why she blamed my daughter in law?

1023
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 7: I do not know. Oh she blamed the daughter in law.

1024
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I.

1025
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:59,279
Speaker 2: Would blame yourself more than anything. I would blame you

1026
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:01,240
Speaker 2: for having the secret family.

1027
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 7: I think the mom is angry at the daughter in

1028
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:08,359
Speaker 7: law for exposing the wife. Be mad, wait, I like

1029
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 7: like the grandmother.

1030
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:13,160
Speaker 1: Oh, Grandma, grandma's down. Grandma is down with this.

1031
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:17,480
Speaker 7: No, no, like no, So the mom Opie's sister Opie,

1032
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 7: and the sister's mom is mad at the daughter in

1033
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 7: law of the sister.

1034
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 2: I understand, you know what at this point, get a

1035
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 2: third secret family?

1036
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:25,919
Speaker 1: All right, it's time.

1037
00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:27,880
Speaker 7: I only know that the daughter in law was the

1038
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:30,400
Speaker 7: one who brought it to light. Please understand that the

1039
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:33,600
Speaker 7: daughter in law has always been a bit stand offish

1040
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:36,800
Speaker 7: with us. We never really understood as a close family.

1041
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:40,040
Speaker 7: It felt strange to us. What my mom said is

1042
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:43,000
Speaker 7: not important here. What matters is that my niece became

1043
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:46,840
Speaker 7: so upset that she told my nephew and his wife

1044
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:49,800
Speaker 7: about it. It all blew up from there. My oldest nephew,

1045
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:53,600
Speaker 7: who had always been my mother's favorite, wrote her the

1046
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 7: most heartbreaking and utterly vile texts, basically cutting her out

1047
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 7: of his family and they're great grandchild's life. By extension,

1048
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 7: he also cut out me and my father, even though

1049
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,880
Speaker 7: we have never said or done anything.

1050
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:12,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, dude, we are just as stunned as

1051
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:13,160
Speaker 2: you are.

1052
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 7: I tried to talk to my nephew and begged him

1053
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 7: to talk, but he said something about my mother that

1054
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 7: I cannot repeat. I never told her because I do

1055
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:24,400
Speaker 7: not want to break her heart. Further. To add to

1056
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:29,080
Speaker 7: the destruction, my own former brother in law also wrote

1057
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:32,359
Speaker 7: her a text telling her he was pulling back from us,

1058
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 7: not because he blamed us or anything, but because he

1059
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 7: wanted to get his head on straight. I'm trying to understand,

1060
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 7: but I have known him since I was fourteen years old.

1061
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:45,480
Speaker 7: My parents treated him like a son. My dad adored him.

1062
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:48,080
Speaker 7: We want to support him through this. The relationship between

1063
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:50,880
Speaker 7: my mom and niece has not been the same. My

1064
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:54,080
Speaker 7: youngest nephew moved out to avoid all the drama and

1065
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:57,479
Speaker 7: does not really talk to anyone. The only one who

1066
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 7: does is my middle nephew, who still lives with brother

1067
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:03,760
Speaker 7: in law. He has been a rock, but I hate

1068
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:06,600
Speaker 7: that so much has been placed on him. He says

1069
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 7: it is all okay, but I know it's not. Just

1070
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:13,560
Speaker 7: two weeks ago, my father's birthday, I texted my nephew's

1071
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 7: niece and brother in law to remind them and to

1072
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:18,799
Speaker 7: ask them to please call them. The only one who

1073
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:21,399
Speaker 7: responded was my niece. She came over to see him,

1074
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:24,399
Speaker 7: but I cannot help but feel she would not have

1075
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:27,240
Speaker 7: if I had not reminded her. It was radio silence

1076
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 7: from the rest of them that was the thing that

1077
00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:31,759
Speaker 7: hurt the most. I now have so much hurt and

1078
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:34,720
Speaker 7: resentment growing in me for my sister, for my brother

1079
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:38,960
Speaker 7: in law and his children, minus my middle nephew, especially

1080
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 7: my oldest nephew. I do not think our relationship can

1081
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:44,959
Speaker 7: ever recover. I am trying. I have texted my brother

1082
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 7: in law a few times to try to get him

1083
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:49,800
Speaker 7: to talk. I need him to understand how I feel

1084
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:53,880
Speaker 7: because it seems I've been written off as unimportant. I

1085
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:56,960
Speaker 7: do not talk to my sister. Our relationship was never good.

1086
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 7: My mom does, but that is her daughter. She's not

1087
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 7: going to in her. That is not to say she

1088
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:05,799
Speaker 7: is on her side. She understands what my sister has done,

1089
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:09,439
Speaker 7: the lying, the deception. My mom says that she does

1090
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:12,839
Speaker 7: talk to my sister, that she does not know what

1091
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:15,840
Speaker 7: to believe about anything that she says. My mom is

1092
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:19,040
Speaker 7: very sick and disabled. Both my parents are elderly and

1093
00:50:19,239 --> 00:50:22,879
Speaker 7: practically immobile. I am their main caretaker. I do most

1094
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:25,880
Speaker 7: everything for them. I don't know. Maybe it is because

1095
00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:29,319
Speaker 7: my mom maintains contact with my sister, but a parent

1096
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 7: should never cut off their child. I, on the other hand,

1097
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:35,360
Speaker 7: do not have any contact. Yet I still seem to

1098
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,279
Speaker 7: be on the outside. What have I done? I do

1099
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 7: not understand. I never wanted this. I would not care

1100
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:44,160
Speaker 7: or be this upset if I did not love them

1101
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:47,319
Speaker 7: all so much. It hurts. I don't think they know

1102
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:49,480
Speaker 7: that we have been as hurt by what my sister

1103
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:52,279
Speaker 7: has done, just as much as they were perhaps not

1104
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:54,319
Speaker 7: in the same way, but in this.

1105
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 1: Just as much.

1106
00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 7: It's pretty They got hurt pretty bad.

1107
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 4: That is pretty bad.

1108
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:04,160
Speaker 1: They're probably up here. You might be down here, but

1109
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:05,279
Speaker 1: they're up here.

1110
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:07,640
Speaker 7: Yeah, let's not make this about you, opie. But it

1111
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 7: seems they feel it is okay to hurt us because

1112
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:14,440
Speaker 7: she hurt them. Does any of this make any sense?

1113
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:16,759
Speaker 7: We have some comments. I don't think you get it.

1114
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 7: There are four real victims here, the brother in law,

1115
00:51:19,680 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 7: the nephew, the niece, and the daughter in law period.

1116
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:27,320
Speaker 7: The rest is collateral damage due to perception of taking sides.

1117
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:30,360
Speaker 7: By keeping her daughter in her life, she has alienated

1118
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 7: the rest of her family. That is her choice. She

1119
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:36,920
Speaker 7: can't have the love of her daughter, who devastated her

1120
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:40,400
Speaker 7: family and the family itself. She wants it all and

1121
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 7: she can't have it all not going to happen. You

1122
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:46,479
Speaker 7: and your father are guilty by association. You support your mother,

1123
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:50,160
Speaker 7: not cutting off the other daughter, so you have, for

1124
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:54,799
Speaker 7: all practical purposes, chosen your mother's side in opposition to

1125
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:57,719
Speaker 7: the real victims. I'm guessing your father is just supports

1126
00:51:57,760 --> 00:52:00,720
Speaker 7: his wife, which puts him in the same campus you,

1127
00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:04,000
Speaker 7: your mom, and your sister. You may want to be neutral,

1128
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 7: but your actions say otherwise. What you want is a ceasefire.

1129
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:11,240
Speaker 7: You want everyone to pretend that something awful didn't happen

1130
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:15,360
Speaker 7: and that sides don't need to be taken. That isn't

1131
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 7: going to happen. You all made your choices, now you

1132
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,440
Speaker 7: have to live with them with the consequences. Yeah, in

1133
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 7: action is a choice. Even if you don't be like,

1134
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:26,360
Speaker 7: I'm taking your side. You need to make an active

1135
00:52:26,440 --> 00:52:29,799
Speaker 7: choice right now. In action's worse right. Comment number two,

1136
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:31,920
Speaker 7: Why would you have any resentment towards your brother in

1137
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:35,200
Speaker 7: law and as kids when your sister effed up their

1138
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:38,840
Speaker 7: life by being a cheating, selfish mooch. Are you serious?

1139
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 7: Your family seems toxic as f Comment number three, You

1140
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 7: need to back off. The kids are going to side

1141
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:48,320
Speaker 7: with the victim their dad. Your mother is one hundred

1142
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 7: percent wrong. Your sister is a deplorable human being. If

1143
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:55,560
Speaker 7: she wanted a relationship with her grandchildren, maybe she should

1144
00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 7: have considered that. Stop making excuses for your mother. I

1145
00:52:58,719 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 7: would cut contact with you you as well. Your father

1146
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:04,400
Speaker 7: is going to suffer because of your mother. That's just

1147
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:07,359
Speaker 7: the truth. If there were a way for them to

1148
00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:11,399
Speaker 7: only see your dad. Then they probably would leave your

1149
00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 7: brother in law alone. He doesn't want to talk to you,

1150
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:16,840
Speaker 7: all right, And that's the rest of that story.

1151
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:20,759
Speaker 1: Well, and there you have it. John here og host.

1152
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories. But a quick

1153
00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:23,280
Speaker 1: three minute break.

1154
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:24,240
Speaker 3: From house from our sponsors.

1155
00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:28,359
Speaker 2: My sister in law found secret phone call recordings and

1156
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:30,319
Speaker 2: now the family is divided.

1157
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:32,239
Speaker 7: She got two phones.

1158
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:35,200
Speaker 2: I'm a forty three year old man visiting my wife,

1159
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 2: who is also forty three female. My wife's family in India.

1160
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:41,879
Speaker 2: We normally live in Europe. Her brother, forty five male,

1161
00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:45,200
Speaker 2: and his wife live here with their mother, my mother

1162
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:48,759
Speaker 2: in law, who is a widow and financially dependent on them.

1163
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:51,520
Speaker 2: And by the way, this comes from user Woodrow would

1164
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:53,279
Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1165
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:55,080
Speaker 2: to the r slash Showcase storytime suburt it.

1166
00:53:55,160 --> 00:53:58,640
Speaker 7: I'm Dakota, I'm Vincent, and we're here to give good advice.

1167
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 1: Goofly, we don't we have all the answers.

1168
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 2: We are not the all seeing orb of power. We

1169
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 2: only know what we'd do, So just tell us what

1170
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 2: you would do in the comments, because I'm sure it's

1171
00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:08,719
Speaker 2: probably a little different. A few days ago, my sister

1172
00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:12,400
Speaker 2: in law claimed she discovered five recorded phone calls on

1173
00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:15,160
Speaker 2: a phone she had borrowed from my mother in law.

1174
00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:15,920
Speaker 7: For several days.

1175
00:54:16,040 --> 00:54:19,400
Speaker 2: These recordings were private conversations between mother in law and

1176
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:23,640
Speaker 2: her daughter, my wife's sisters, where they were venting about

1177
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,760
Speaker 2: sister in law over a pair of earingggs. My sister

1178
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:29,359
Speaker 2: in law played all five recordings to my brother in law.

1179
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:32,840
Speaker 2: He confronted mother in law, shamed her, and mother in

1180
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:36,400
Speaker 2: law cried, if you couldn't deny anything. Her voice was clear,

1181
00:54:36,560 --> 00:54:40,480
Speaker 2: she was completely humiliated and powerless. We asked how the

1182
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 2: calls were recorded. Brother in law said it was a

1183
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:45,960
Speaker 2: bug on the phone and refused to elaborate. I later

1184
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:49,760
Speaker 2: looked it up and learned accidental call recording is technically possible,

1185
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 2: but it seems unlikely for five separate calls, all with

1186
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:56,880
Speaker 2: the same person, to be recorded purely by mistake. The

1187
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:59,759
Speaker 2: calls themselves were about sister in law asking mother in

1188
00:54:59,840 --> 00:55:03,000
Speaker 2: law to give her one of her few nice sets

1189
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,759
Speaker 2: of jewelry. Mother in law only has two left, while

1190
00:55:05,840 --> 00:55:08,479
Speaker 2: sister in law has many. Mother in law didn't want

1191
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:12,319
Speaker 2: to give them up, vented privately to her daughter about it,

1192
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:16,360
Speaker 2: and eventually gave sister in law the earrings anyway. In

1193
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:18,680
Speaker 2: the calls mother in law and the daughter used the

1194
00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:21,759
Speaker 2: word I'm just gonna say cutty, which I understand is

1195
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 2: an insult. Mother in law freely uses about other family

1196
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:28,239
Speaker 2: members as well, even to their faces. It sounded to

1197
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:31,480
Speaker 2: me like ordinary venting mother in law lives in her

1198
00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:35,560
Speaker 2: son's home with no income or real privacy. She speaks

1199
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:39,400
Speaker 2: openly about other relatives, but apparently she cannot say a

1200
00:55:39,440 --> 00:55:43,320
Speaker 2: single critical thing about her daughter in law without consequences.

1201
00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:47,120
Speaker 2: My wife doesn't believe the bug explanation either, but her

1202
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 2: brother insisted that this entire matter stay private, including not

1203
00:55:51,680 --> 00:55:55,160
Speaker 2: telling me. She eventually told me anyway, but she's hesitant

1204
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:57,880
Speaker 2: to push back because she doesn't want to upset the family.

1205
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:00,919
Speaker 2: I know I'm treated with respect here as the son

1206
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:04,320
Speaker 2: in law, and I appreciate their hospitality. But I also

1207
00:56:04,480 --> 00:56:07,399
Speaker 2: know that my opinions don't carry much weight because I'm

1208
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:10,320
Speaker 2: an outsider to the culture and not seen as someone

1209
00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:13,960
Speaker 2: who should comment on internal family matters. I genuinely don't

1210
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:17,440
Speaker 2: want to insult anyone or misread cultural norms. At the

1211
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 2: same time, this situation makes me uncomfortable. From my perspective,

1212
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:27,080
Speaker 2: mother in law seems socially, financially and emotionally cornered. The

1213
00:56:27,160 --> 00:56:31,200
Speaker 2: recording incident felt calculated, and the secrecy around it adds

1214
00:56:31,239 --> 00:56:33,800
Speaker 2: to my confusion. How can my wife and I support

1215
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:36,879
Speaker 2: my mother in law in this situation without jeopardizing her

1216
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 2: position in the household? And there are some comments here,

1217
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:43,320
Speaker 2: but I honestly couldn't tell you. Like you said, there's

1218
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:46,400
Speaker 2: like probably some different cultural norms going on here that

1219
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 2: I'm not clued into. It sounds like brother in law

1220
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,400
Speaker 2: would be the one and the wrong here, but maybe

1221
00:56:52,440 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 2: not if he's like, you know, paying for everything and

1222
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:55,920
Speaker 2: like putting her up.

1223
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 1: But I don't know.

1224
00:56:56,760 --> 00:56:58,839
Speaker 2: Comment one sounds like your brother in law and sister

1225
00:56:58,840 --> 00:57:02,200
Speaker 2: in law were recording intentionally. I don't know for what reason.

1226
00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:05,279
Speaker 2: It feels malicious to also gang up on your mother

1227
00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:07,560
Speaker 2: in law at the same time. You also don't know

1228
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:10,600
Speaker 2: how your mother in law behaves when around these family.

1229
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:13,160
Speaker 2: For them to react in such a way, it seems

1230
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:15,239
Speaker 2: like you don't have a lot of information and no

1231
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:18,200
Speaker 2: insight on the dynamics of the family, which is something

1232
00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:21,240
Speaker 2: I would try to prioritize finding out. I'm not sure

1233
00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 2: how you can support your mother in law other than

1234
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:25,960
Speaker 2: taking her out of your brother in law's place. Considering

1235
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:28,840
Speaker 2: the whole toxic ganging up thing is happening, I would

1236
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:30,960
Speaker 2: probably set aside some money for your mother in law

1237
00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:34,080
Speaker 2: in case anything goes sideways, and also to tell your

1238
00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:36,960
Speaker 2: mother in law to not bite the hand that feeds her.

1239
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:39,439
Speaker 2: And OPI has some replies here. My mother in law

1240
00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 2: is a very quiet woman. She stayed with us for

1241
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:43,640
Speaker 2: a few months a couple of years ago, so I

1242
00:57:43,720 --> 00:57:45,880
Speaker 2: do know her quite well. My sister in law, the

1243
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:49,840
Speaker 2: one who found the recordings, is a more overbearing personality.

1244
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:52,800
Speaker 2: She rules her house with an iron tongue, and I

1245
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:56,560
Speaker 2: don't think scheming is not in her character. My mother

1246
00:57:56,600 --> 00:58:00,120
Speaker 2: in law is reluctantly accepting the situation as she knows

1247
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:01,840
Speaker 2: what side her bread is buttered.

1248
00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:03,920
Speaker 7: That's the first time I've heard that one.

1249
00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:06,480
Speaker 1: Me too, I was like, I hope it's on the upside,

1250
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:06,760
Speaker 1: you know.

1251
00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:09,520
Speaker 2: Imagine you butter the bottom side of your bread and

1252
00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:10,800
Speaker 2: you put it on the plate, and then all the

1253
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:12,120
Speaker 2: butter gets on the plate.

1254
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:12,919
Speaker 7: A waste of good butter.

1255
00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:15,200
Speaker 2: You got a butt of the top. Everyone knows you

1256
00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:17,200
Speaker 2: butt at the top of the bread. Mother in law

1257
00:58:17,240 --> 00:58:20,160
Speaker 2: can use what's App for messages and calls. She had

1258
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:22,840
Speaker 2: spoken to her daughter on WhatsApp during this time and

1259
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:26,600
Speaker 2: only the phone calls were recorded. Another one, after bugging

1260
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:29,840
Speaker 2: mother in law for her jewelry, a bug was placed

1261
00:58:29,920 --> 00:58:34,120
Speaker 2: on the phone and explained away with a somewhere bug.

1262
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:38,760
Speaker 2: Mother in law was then bugged to apologize for comments made.

1263
00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:41,160
Speaker 1: On the bugged bugged phone.

1264
00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:44,360
Speaker 2: I do think if the other family elders were aware,

1265
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 2: it would be a different story. I don't think mother

1266
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:49,880
Speaker 2: in law is capable of telling them, though living with

1267
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:51,840
Speaker 2: her daughter my sister in law.

1268
00:58:51,880 --> 00:58:52,800
Speaker 1: Is a possibility.

1269
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:54,919
Speaker 2: She lived with us for a few months a couple

1270
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:58,440
Speaker 2: of years ago, but as she has no other language,

1271
00:58:58,480 --> 00:59:00,800
Speaker 2: it was a little isolating for her. And there is

1272
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:04,880
Speaker 2: a second comment here. As someone from part of the culture,

1273
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 2: she can give whatever assets she has to her daughters.

1274
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:12,080
Speaker 2: Sister in law sounds greedy and is the bee word,

1275
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 2: and there's an update. I agree comment number two. Yeah,

1276
00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:17,320
Speaker 2: she does sound like a greedy bee word.

1277
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:18,880
Speaker 7: Sounds like she's trying to go as much as you

1278
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:23,840
Speaker 7: can please make your mother in law feel unwelcome and

1279
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:26,640
Speaker 7: try to get her to give her things to make

1280
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 7: up for it.

1281
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:29,920
Speaker 2: A lot has happened over the last day, and I

1282
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:33,240
Speaker 2: wanted to address some of the concerns raised in the comments.

1283
00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:35,240
Speaker 2: One of the big worries was that mother in law

1284
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:37,840
Speaker 2: might be forced out of the home. That isn't something

1285
00:59:37,920 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 2: we're concerned about. Brother in law made it very clear

1286
00:59:40,680 --> 00:59:44,920
Speaker 2: that culturally and personally he sees it as his responsibility

1287
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:48,120
Speaker 2: to care for her. He said directly that it is

1288
00:59:48,240 --> 00:59:51,400
Speaker 2: her home and that her place there is secure. Whatever

1289
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:54,000
Speaker 2: else is happening, her housing is not at risk. There

1290
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:57,479
Speaker 2: were further conversations between my wife, mother in law, brother

1291
00:59:57,520 --> 00:59:59,840
Speaker 2: in law, and sister in law, and the tone of

1292
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:02,880
Speaker 2: things has shifted a little. Mother in law was offered

1293
01:00:02,880 --> 01:00:05,480
Speaker 2: the option of living with us if she ever wants

1294
01:00:05,560 --> 01:00:08,720
Speaker 2: or needs to. This is practical because she has stayed

1295
01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:09,240
Speaker 2: with us.

1296
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:09,960
Speaker 1: For months before.

1297
01:00:10,560 --> 01:00:13,520
Speaker 2: Although the language barrier makes day to day life harder

1298
01:00:13,560 --> 01:00:16,040
Speaker 2: for her where we live, she knows now that she

1299
01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:18,479
Speaker 2: has a place to go. That seems to have given

1300
01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:21,240
Speaker 2: her some peace of mind. They also talked about the jewelry.

1301
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:24,160
Speaker 2: A few pieces were passed on to other family members,

1302
01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:27,680
Speaker 2: with everyone agreeing this wasn't done as punishment or to

1303
01:00:27,720 --> 01:00:31,080
Speaker 2: resolve the conflict by giving things up. It was mainly

1304
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:33,160
Speaker 2: to show mother in law that she is free to

1305
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:36,480
Speaker 2: handle her belongings as she chooses, and that her possessions

1306
01:00:36,520 --> 01:00:39,280
Speaker 2: aren't something anyone else gets to demand or control.

1307
01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:41,160
Speaker 1: The goal was to reaffirm her.

1308
01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:44,240
Speaker 2: Autonomy, not take anything away from her. Mother in law

1309
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:48,360
Speaker 2: did say again that the recordings captured the kind of private,

1310
01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:52,680
Speaker 2: informal gossip that often happens between a mother and daughter,

1311
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:56,040
Speaker 2: and that she can be blunt in those conversations. Everyone

1312
01:00:56,120 --> 01:00:59,240
Speaker 2: understands that the bigger issue was always how the recordings

1313
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:01,680
Speaker 2: came to be and how they were brought up. Sister

1314
01:01:01,720 --> 01:01:04,520
Speaker 2: in law also shared how she feels. She said that

1315
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 2: even after many years of marriage, she sometimes still feels

1316
01:01:07,880 --> 01:01:10,400
Speaker 2: like a bit of an outsider, and that attempts to

1317
01:01:10,440 --> 01:01:13,680
Speaker 2: get closer can fall flat because mother in law is

1318
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:18,240
Speaker 2: naturally quiet and reserved with everyone, not just her. That

1319
01:01:18,280 --> 01:01:20,960
Speaker 2: doesn't explain everything that happened, but it does help make

1320
01:01:21,120 --> 01:01:24,240
Speaker 2: sense of why the situation touched a nerve. The tension

1321
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:28,040
Speaker 2: between them didn't start here. This incident simply brought existing

1322
01:01:28,080 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 2: feelings to the surface. Some commenters familiar with Indian family

1323
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:35,120
Speaker 2: dynamics will know that daughter in law criticism can be

1324
01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:37,880
Speaker 2: a pattern in some households. Sister in law is very

1325
01:01:37,920 --> 01:01:41,800
Speaker 2: aware of that dynamic, which probably made the recordings feel

1326
01:01:41,840 --> 01:01:44,640
Speaker 2: sharper to her than they may have been intended. For

1327
01:01:44,720 --> 01:01:47,480
Speaker 2: what it's worth, I agree that this pattern can be harmful,

1328
01:01:47,840 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 2: and I don't think anyone involved here wants to repeat it.

1329
01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:53,640
Speaker 2: In this case, mother in law's comments were private venting,

1330
01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:56,880
Speaker 2: not part of anything bigger, but I can understand how

1331
01:01:56,920 --> 01:02:00,320
Speaker 2: cultural context shapes up how it was heard. Brother in

1332
01:02:00,400 --> 01:02:03,120
Speaker 2: law also explained that his goal was to ease the

1333
01:02:03,160 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 2: long standing friction between mother in law and sister in

1334
01:02:06,080 --> 01:02:09,120
Speaker 2: law and to make sure his wife was treated kindly.

1335
01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:11,720
Speaker 2: While the way it came out caused upset, it's clear

1336
01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 2: he wasn't trying to isolate or control his mother. It

1337
01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:17,160
Speaker 2: also matters that he has a long history of being

1338
01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:19,840
Speaker 2: generous within the family. Gift giving is a big part

1339
01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:22,720
Speaker 2: of family life here, and he has always participated in

1340
01:02:22,800 --> 01:02:26,760
Speaker 2: that wholeheartedly. This situation doesn't reflect his usual behavior. It

1341
01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:30,600
Speaker 2: seems more connected to a mix of personalities, misunderstandings, and

1342
01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:33,320
Speaker 2: emotions running high. As for the phone, mother in law

1343
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:36,440
Speaker 2: now understands that WhatsApp calls cannot be recorded, and she

1344
01:02:36,520 --> 01:02:39,240
Speaker 2: is being more mindful about how she communicates and who

1345
01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:41,440
Speaker 2: handles her phone. She made it clear that she values

1346
01:02:41,480 --> 01:02:44,520
Speaker 2: her privacy, and with everyone now aware of the sensitivity

1347
01:02:44,560 --> 01:02:47,720
Speaker 2: around this, I think that boundary will be respected. Things

1348
01:02:47,800 --> 01:02:50,160
Speaker 2: are still a little tense, but mother in law seems

1349
01:02:50,200 --> 01:02:53,440
Speaker 2: more reassured that her belongings aren't up for debate and

1350
01:02:53,480 --> 01:02:56,520
Speaker 2: that she isn't isolated. I don't expect decades of personality

1351
01:02:56,560 --> 01:03:00,480
Speaker 2: differences to resolve immediately, but the immediate pressure has eased

1352
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:04,040
Speaker 2: and everyone is talking more calmly. Don't bug your mother

1353
01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:06,640
Speaker 2: in law's phones. Don't don't bug your mom's phones over

1354
01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:08,520
Speaker 2: some nonsense. I have a conversation with her.

1355
01:03:08,680 --> 01:03:10,360
Speaker 7: Yeah, don't spy on loved ones.

1356
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:13,600
Speaker 2: I genuinely believe most of this comes from people who

1357
01:03:13,640 --> 01:03:17,360
Speaker 2: care about one another but have different temperaments and expectations.

1358
01:03:17,400 --> 01:03:20,240
Speaker 2: Mother in law is quiet and easily overwhelmed, sister in

1359
01:03:20,320 --> 01:03:23,120
Speaker 2: law is more expressive and wants to feel included, and

1360
01:03:23,240 --> 01:03:26,440
Speaker 2: brother in law is caught between wanting peace and wanting

1361
01:03:26,520 --> 01:03:27,960
Speaker 2: everyone to feel respected.

1362
01:03:28,720 --> 01:03:30,680
Speaker 1: None of that is unusual.

1363
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:33,080
Speaker 2: In a large family, and all of it is fixable

1364
01:03:33,480 --> 01:03:37,760
Speaker 2: with a bit more openness. My hope is that things

1365
01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:40,760
Speaker 2: stabilize in a way the whole family, including the children,

1366
01:03:40,800 --> 01:03:43,520
Speaker 2: can look back on without bitterness. And that is the

1367
01:03:43,600 --> 01:03:45,000
Speaker 2: end of that story. And I think that is a

1368
01:03:45,040 --> 01:03:47,920
Speaker 2: good thing to want. It's a good way to want it.

1369
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:50,000
Speaker 1: Yes, And that's the end of this story.