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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast, New listeners, old listeners. Wherever

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Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to

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Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode, another topic. On

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Speaker 1: this Lovely Friday, We're going to discuss the concept of

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Speaker 1: milestone anxiety, which is essentially the fear we get that

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Speaker 1: we are not reaching certain life milestones such as graduating,

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Speaker 1: getting into a relationship, getting a first job, getting engaged,

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Speaker 1: having children as quick as those around us, and when

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Speaker 1: society expects us to reach these milestones. It's a feeling

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Speaker 1: that I have been struggling with recently, and I know

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Speaker 1: for a fact that I am not alone. So let's

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Speaker 1: talk about it today. Milestone anxiety. This phrase, it's actually

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Speaker 1: one that has been around for a while, but it's

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Speaker 1: been repurposed from developmental psychology. It's usually used to describe

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Speaker 1: the anxiety that parents get when their children do not

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Speaker 1: reach certain developmental milestones like walking or speaking when they

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Speaker 1: should be but When we become adults, a whole new

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Speaker 1: set of societal or developmental milestones arise. And it's not

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Speaker 1: our parents that are fearing for us anymore, although I'm

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Speaker 1: sure they are at times, but it's us. We are

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Speaker 1: the ones who are now in control. We become the

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Speaker 1: primary adult in our lives, and we have to carry

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Speaker 1: that anxiety that perhaps we are falling behind our peers,

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Speaker 1: milestone anxiety. It becomes a really serious fear and stress

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Speaker 1: up for a lot of us in our twenties. I

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Speaker 1: really wanted to do this episode this week because of

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Speaker 1: a message that I received from one of our listeners

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Speaker 1: who wrote in to me on Instagram about how she

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Speaker 1: had never had a boyfriend. She's twenty five, and she

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Speaker 1: spoke so candidly about the anxiety that this has caused her,

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Speaker 1: especially as all of her friends are getting engaged or

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Speaker 1: moving in with the people that they're dating, and I

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Speaker 1: really felt for her and so many others who I'm

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Speaker 1: sure are in the same boat in some capacity or another.

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Speaker 1: We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to conform

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Speaker 1: to this societally ingrained timeline of where we should be when,

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Speaker 1: and also to achieve so much at a young age,

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Speaker 1: and I think that's causing lot of damage to those

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Speaker 1: of us in our twenties, because well, our paths are

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Speaker 1: never going to be the same, and they're definitely not

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Speaker 1: going to be the same as people we see bragging

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Speaker 1: on social media, or the same as our parents or

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Speaker 1: older generations, which is where a lot of these expectations originated.

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Speaker 1: I think additionally, happiness doesn't always come from a conventional

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Speaker 1: way of living or doing things the normal way. There

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Speaker 1: are so many people who don't graduate university until they're

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Speaker 1: in their fifties, who don't meet the love of their

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Speaker 1: life until they're seventy, who don't get on a plane

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Speaker 1: until they're in their thirties or forties, and we need

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Speaker 1: to cultivate a greater acceptance of the many different paths

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Speaker 1: people have through life, instead of feeling this intense pressure

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Speaker 1: to be meeting certain milestones at certain points. The thing is,

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Speaker 1: though we can realize this diversity, we can realize this

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Speaker 1: nuance and still feel an incredible amount of pressure or

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Speaker 1: anxiety that we are missing out, or we are going

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Speaker 1: too slow, or that we are quote unquote failures because

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Speaker 1: of the impact of milestone anxiety. So today I want

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Speaker 1: to break down the origins, the causes, and the details

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Speaker 1: of this experience, how to push back against this feeling

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Speaker 1: and respect your own journey and your own path through

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Speaker 1: your twenties but also through life. And for all of

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Speaker 1: us out there who are feeling like we are failing

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Speaker 1: or we are falling behind and missing out on key milestones,

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Speaker 1: I want to provide some solace and some reassurance and

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Speaker 1: some answers for why you're going through this reaction and

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Speaker 1: this experience, and also how you can find a way

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Speaker 1: forward and not feel so much pressure and not put

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Speaker 1: so much pressure on yourself to be meeting certain expectations

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Speaker 1: that society, you're famil and even yourself are putting on you.

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Speaker 1: So for all of you out there who are in

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Speaker 1: this boat with me, this episode is for you. I

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Speaker 1: am so excited and without further ado, I think we

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Speaker 1: should get into it. One of my major inspirations for

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Speaker 1: this episode was none other than the wonderful Millie Bobby Brown, Yes,

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Speaker 1: the same one from Stranger Things. Recently, she announced that

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Speaker 1: at the age of nineteen maybe twenty, she was engaged,

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Speaker 1: and I think for those of us between the age

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Speaker 1: of nineteen to thirty who are unmarried, or single. We

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Speaker 1: all kind of took a bit of a deep breath

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Speaker 1: in and maybe had a bit of a freak out

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Speaker 1: as the comparison and the milestone anxiety set in, because

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm almost twenty four and I am nowhere

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Speaker 1: near dating anyone seriously, let alone getting engaged and then married.

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Speaker 1: And that drop in our stomach is what we're talking

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Speaker 1: about today, the sensation that if there are people out

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Speaker 1: there reaching these massive milestones at that age, we must

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Speaker 1: be doing something wrong, we must be falling behind. And

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Speaker 1: I think that goes hand in hand with a sensation

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Speaker 1: of will these things ever happen for me? And what

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Speaker 1: happens if they don't. We feel an immense pressure to

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Speaker 1: live up to this intangible but very much real blueprint

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Speaker 1: that society has set out for us around what our

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Speaker 1: lives should look like at a certain age or stage

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Speaker 1: of our life. Your friends are getting married, everyone has

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Speaker 1: a partner bit you or receiving promotions, buying houses, graduating,

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Speaker 1: or moving to some far away city, and you're not

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Speaker 1: quite there yet. It can feel really terrible. And new

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Speaker 1: research has suggested and shown that the pressure to reach

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Speaker 1: certain milestones that we deem as important is increasingly becoming

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Speaker 1: a very real source of anxiety for those of us

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Speaker 1: in our twenties. Between seventy seven to eighty three percent

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Speaker 1: of people aged sixteen to thirty nine report feeling some

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Speaker 1: pressure to meet certain milestones, such as getting married or

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Speaker 1: having kids, and they feel incredibly trapped and hopeless when

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Speaker 1: they don't. The fact that this is so common and

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Speaker 1: yet rarely spoken about, astounds me, but it also makes

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Speaker 1: a lot of sense why so many of us are

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Speaker 1: feeling this way. We're feeling behind in our lives. We

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Speaker 1: have been sold a very traditional idea of what our

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Speaker 1: lives should look like from a young age, even if

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Speaker 1: we don't explicitly realize it. It is in every movie

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Speaker 1: we watch, in the speeches and the examples given to

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Speaker 1: us by our teachers and our parents, in the people

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Speaker 1: we were told no to be like. It's in the

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Speaker 1: behavior displayed by many of our idols, and then, as

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Speaker 1: we get older, our peers, and it goes something like this.

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Speaker 1: We graduate high school with good grades, We go to

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Speaker 1: college or university, we graduate from there, we get a

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Speaker 1: good first job, great paycheck, pick up a partner along

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Speaker 1: the way, marriage promotion, nice house by twenty six or

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Speaker 1: twenty seven, kids by thirty, success, retirement, death. That's the

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Speaker 1: way that we were taught it should be. And within

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Speaker 1: all of those chapters, there are these almost micro milestones

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Speaker 1: that we feel like we have to accomplish by a

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Speaker 1: certain age, And interestingly, I think we all have some

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Speaker 1: implicit sense of what those are, and we feel the

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Speaker 1: pressure to reach them, such as dating a long term partner,

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Speaker 1: you know, twenty four to twenty five, graduating on time

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Speaker 1: before twenty three, certain saving goals, having savings by twenty two,

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Speaker 1: having a clear idea of what we want our career

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Speaker 1: to be as early as twenty one. Very few of

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Speaker 1: us are going to meet every step of that timeline,

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Speaker 1: and yet we still feel so much pressure to do so.

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Speaker 1: Half of the reason that we feel this implicit pressure

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Speaker 1: is because of the standards that have been set by

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Speaker 1: our parents and the generations before us. I don't think

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Speaker 1: that we could ever really find an origin for some

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Speaker 1: of these expectations. Some of them are biological, like having kids.

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Speaker 1: Others are caused by religious influences, such as getting married

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Speaker 1: at a certain age, and you know, all of these

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Speaker 1: ideas around purity culture. But some of the other milestones

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Speaker 1: that we feel a pressure to reach. They seem to

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Speaker 1: have just emerged one day out of the blue as fact,

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Speaker 1: and regardless of where these milestones and these expectations come from,

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Speaker 1: a lot of us do look to our parents or

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Speaker 1: adult figures as a reference point for what we should

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Speaker 1: be doing and how we should be doing it. But

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Speaker 1: in doing so we kind of forget that a generation

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Speaker 1: ago things were really different. It was more acceptable to

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Speaker 1: be married by your very early twenties and to have

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Speaker 1: children by twenty five. It was also an entirely different

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Speaker 1: economic and financial climate. You could buy property for like

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Speaker 1: a fifth of the price more or less. You know,

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Speaker 1: you could buy a house on a working salary, even

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Speaker 1: whereas now we don't have so much of that flexibility

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Speaker 1: and that job security and that financial security. Younger generations,

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Speaker 1: I think, like us in our twenties, the people who

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Speaker 1: I'm sure are listening to this. All this research has

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Speaker 1: shown that we are less likely to own our own homes,

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Speaker 1: we are more likely to have children later in life.

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Speaker 1: The age that women are having their first child has

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Speaker 1: been steadily increasing for decades. I think it's around thirty

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Speaker 1: one now, but back in like the nineteen fifties, it

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Speaker 1: was twenty two, and essentially we are achieving these ingrained

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Speaker 1: social milestones at an older age than our parents and

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Speaker 1: even the generation before them. Things are really different now,

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Speaker 1: they're massively different. We are about to enter a pretty

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Speaker 1: huge recession. Our approach to dating is entirely different and

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Speaker 1: so much less organic with the creation of dating apps.

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Speaker 1: But yet we still feel very much tied down to

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Speaker 1: the same blueprint and timeline, and we feel anxious when

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Speaker 1: we stray from what we think is conventional. But we're

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Speaker 1: also increasingly out of place. We feel really out of

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Speaker 1: place as we compare ourselves to others and their success

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Speaker 1: and their path through life. There's also the added pressure

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Speaker 1: I guess from friends and family asking us when we're

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Speaker 1: going to settle down, when we're going to get a

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Speaker 1: real job, when we're going to have kids. I'm telling

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Speaker 1: you that if one more family member at Christmas time

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Speaker 1: ask me if I'm dating anyone seriously, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: explode because it's not like I'm avoiding it. It's not

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Speaker 1: like I like feeling like I'm in the slow lane

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Speaker 1: compared to everyone else. But that is essentially the CrOx

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Speaker 1: of what we're talking about today, that we feel so

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Speaker 1: much pressure from all of these different sources to be

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Speaker 1: doing things at a certain time, and if we're not

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Speaker 1: doing that, there is all of this stigma and this pressure,

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Speaker 1: and this implicit understanding that we are somewhat of a failure.

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Speaker 1: All of this comes down to milestone anxiety, that uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: feeling in our gut, the nervous thoughts in our brain

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Speaker 1: telling us that we are not on track, that we

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Speaker 1: haven't done enough. So what exactly is it? What is

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Speaker 1: that feeling? I realized I haven't really given you a

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Speaker 1: definition yet, and I want to get into the psychology

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Speaker 1: a little bit further. So milestone anxiety, it's essentially the

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Speaker 1: pressure to reach traditional life milestones by a certain age.

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Speaker 1: It's a very unique anxiety that is often associated with

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Speaker 1: our twenties and even our thirties, where we feel a

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Speaker 1: real crunch period to get to a certain point in

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Speaker 1: our life based on our reflections on what our parents

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Speaker 1: did and what those around us are doing as well,

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Speaker 1: and when we do not meet those milestones, this results

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Speaker 1: in feelings of restlessness, feelings of unease, stress, low confidence,

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Speaker 1: and anxiety. Importantly, it's not a diagnosable anxiety disorder, although

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Speaker 1: some suggest that it does go hand in hand with

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Speaker 1: a generalized anxiety disorder and even depression. But it's really

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Speaker 1: a term that has been coined recently to describe particularly

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Speaker 1: gen Z and millennials who are feeling this pressure. And

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Speaker 1: it came from a study in two thousand and two

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Speaker 1: that really attempted to put a name to a fear

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Speaker 1: and a new face and a new wave of anxiety

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Speaker 1: that were impacting people between the ages of twenty to

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Speaker 1: their late thirties. All of these therapists they were reporting

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Speaker 1: that these people, these young people were coming in with

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Speaker 1: this new experience that they couldn't quite put their finger on,

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Speaker 1: but it was really common and all of these people

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Speaker 1: were reporting the same things. So these researchers they went

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Speaker 1: out and they tried to find the correct term and

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Speaker 1: the correct profile to describe what was going on. They

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Speaker 1: did a groundbreaking study. It was conducted a few years

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Speaker 1: back in the UK and essentially it identified that there

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Speaker 1: were these main milestones that those between sixteen and thirty

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Speaker 1: were most concerned about, and I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: us can relate to these on a personal level. Having

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Speaker 1: children was the number one milestone that people in their

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Speaker 1: twenties felt pressure to reach, with almost a third. That's right,

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Speaker 1: a third of us feeling some form of pressure to

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Speaker 1: have children. When I read this, I was actually really

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Speaker 1: surprised because I thought that the main milestone would be

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Speaker 1: marriage or a long term relationship, because partnership does seem

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Speaker 1: to take a precedence over procreation. But no, that's not

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Speaker 1: the case, and when we examine it deeper, I think

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Speaker 1: we do feel this very intrinsic, instinctial pressure to have children,

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Speaker 1: to pass on our genes and to grow the next generation.

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Speaker 1: And that pressure is both external and societal, but also

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Speaker 1: internal and biological. There is a bit of a deadline

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Speaker 1: to make this happen, and deadlines bring dread. It's kind

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Speaker 1: of hard to explain, but I think many of us

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Speaker 1: hit our mid twenties, we start considering fertility. Our frontal

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Speaker 1: lobe kicks into gear, and suddenly we get hit with

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Speaker 1: this vision of what we want from our lives and

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Speaker 1: what we need to do in the next ten years

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Speaker 1: to get there, and we are so overwhelmed by our

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Speaker 1: expectations and what we want or what we desire, that

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Speaker 1: we become paralyzed. I always think of this scene in

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Speaker 1: Friends where Rachel turns thirty and she's like, Okay, well,

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Speaker 1: I want to have children by thirty five, which means

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Speaker 1: that I have to be married by thirty three because

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Speaker 1: I want to be married by you know, I want

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Speaker 1: to be married for a couple of years before then,

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Speaker 1: but I want to be engaged for at least a

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Speaker 1: year and a half, and I want to have known

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Speaker 1: the guy for a year and a half, So that

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Speaker 1: means I need to be doing all these things. I

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Speaker 1: need to be setting this plan up right now. And

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Speaker 1: although that's obviously a fictional representation it's a TV show,

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Speaker 1: I remember watching that scene and being like, I get it.

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Speaker 1: That makes so much sense to me. That is so relatable.

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Speaker 1: And there are some other major milestones as well that

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Speaker 1: can create the same degree of anxiety I mentioned one before,

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Speaker 1: but marriage relationships, these are a huge source of pressure

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Speaker 1: for us because there is this very repetitive idea and

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Speaker 1: fantasy that love is the point of life, it is

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Speaker 1: the reason for living. So without it we can feel

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Speaker 1: quite meaningless and like we don't have something that is

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Speaker 1: going to make us whole. Additionally, a big focus of

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Speaker 1: our twenties and our various romantic relationships that we have

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Speaker 1: is the pressure to meet your partner, and we put

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Speaker 1: a lot of pressure on ourselves that if we are

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Speaker 1: not and that if we don't have someone, that we're

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Speaker 1: somehow missing out on these experiences, that somehow there's something

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Speaker 1: wrong with us, we are a failure. Everyone else around

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Speaker 1: us has one. Everyone else around us seems to be

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Speaker 1: meeting the loves of their life, seems to be getting engaged,

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Speaker 1: and we haven't yet. So what does that say about me?

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Speaker 1: What does that say about us? Another one that I

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Speaker 1: think really deserves mention is going to university, but also

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Speaker 1: things like buying a house, achieving a certain level of

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Speaker 1: career success. All of these are not only inextricably linked

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Speaker 1: to this internalized social narrative, but also what we see

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Speaker 1: others doing, which we know carries an incredible weight because

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Speaker 1: social comparison has such a deep influence on our brain

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Speaker 1: and how we interpret our surroundings. If we see all

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Speaker 1: of these people, particularly those close to us, meeting certain milestones,

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Speaker 1: we inherently look to our own lives and compare, and

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Speaker 1: when we come up short. I don't really like to

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Speaker 1: say it like that, but when we see that there

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Speaker 1: is a gap between what other people are doing, what

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Speaker 1: other people are achieving, and what we've done with our lives.

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Speaker 1: We feel really terrible about ourselves, and that compounds to

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Speaker 1: create a lot of anxiety. Interestingly, what I find particularly

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Speaker 1: fascinating about milestone anxiety is that very few of us

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Speaker 1: have not experienced it in some way or another. The

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Speaker 1: research proves that the majority of us between sixteen and

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Speaker 1: thirty have at some point felt some pressure, some external

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Speaker 1: force to be doing more and to be meeting these

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Speaker 1: goals sooner and sooner. Yeah, we often endure our shame

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Speaker 1: and our anxiety in silence. It's a very solitary experience,

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Speaker 1: but its prevalence also shows that most of us are

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Speaker 1: actually not on a conventional path in some area or another.

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Speaker 1: We are inherently very much worried that we are not

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Speaker 1: meeting the norm. It's very much a shared experience, a

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Speaker 1: shared sensation that is similar for all of us. These

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Speaker 1: are some of the biggest I would say indicators or

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Speaker 1: signs of milestone anxiety. If you're listening to this, being

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Speaker 1: like that sounds very very similar to what I've been

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Speaker 1: going through and to the feelings I've been having, I

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Speaker 1: would like you to listen to these for a second,

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Speaker 1: because if you recognize yourself in these it might be

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Speaker 1: the case that milestone anxiety is something that you're struggling with.

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Speaker 1: First of all, if you are constantly ruminating over the

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Speaker 1: fact that you are not reaching certain milestones and attributing

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Speaker 1: that to some personal failure that you have, I think

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Speaker 1: that really requires some closer examination. Ruminating is sometimes normal, However,

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Speaker 1: I think when we are worrying too much about the

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Speaker 1: future and whether or not something's going to go right

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Speaker 1: for us, whether we're going to achieve a certain goal

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Speaker 1: or milestone we have in mind, that can be really

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Speaker 1: detrimental because the future is not always something we can control,

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Speaker 1: so when we continue to think about it, all we

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Speaker 1: do is experience that worry and anxiety more than once.

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Speaker 1: The future is going to happen, regardless of what's happening

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Speaker 1: right now, regardless of what you're worried about, regardless of

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Speaker 1: your milestone anxiety. But the second part of that is

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Speaker 1: attributing it to some personal failure. I think back to

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Speaker 1: that listener who wrote in who was really worried that

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Speaker 1: she hadn't had her first relationship yet. Often, instead of

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Speaker 1: thinking about it objectively and reflect on the fact that

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Speaker 1: dating is really difficult, that your potential partners maybe weren't

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Speaker 1: right for you, that taking your time and being picky

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Speaker 1: actually statistically does contribute to better long term relationship outcomes. Instead,

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Speaker 1: we look internally and we try to identify something that's

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Speaker 1: wrong with us as the reason why we haven't met

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Speaker 1: this milestone yet. This can really deeply injure our self

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Speaker 1: esteem and self confidence, which further jeopardizes our ability to

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Speaker 1: achieve the milestones and achieve what we deem as important.

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Speaker 1: If you're looking inwards and contemplating the fact that you're

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Speaker 1: a failure, contemplating some terrible thing about you, contemplating something

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Speaker 1: that you're lacking, that's not healthy and it's also not true.

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Speaker 1: There are a lot of things in your life that

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Speaker 1: you can't control and it's not your fault if things

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Speaker 1: don't turn out the way that you wanted them to.

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Speaker 1: We may also feel a sense of failure that we

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Speaker 1: are falling behind. We start seeing those around us through

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Speaker 1: a very narrow lens and only recognizing those who have

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Speaker 1: what we don't have. It's called attention or selection bias.

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Speaker 1: It's where our brains only select and pay attention to

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Speaker 1: information that confirms our initial bias, resulting in that bias

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Speaker 1: becoming more deeply ingrained. If we think that everyone around

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Speaker 1: us has jobs that they love, everyone is buying houses,

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Speaker 1: everyone is finding the people for them, we begin to

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Speaker 1: only see instances in which that is true, resulting in

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Speaker 1: us having a very skewed view of reality, which just

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Speaker 1: serves to reinforce our anxiety. We may also experience a

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Speaker 1: lot of internal pressure within and almost like a revolving

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Speaker 1: carousel of repetitive negative thing thoughts such as I should

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Speaker 1: have graduated by now, what if I'm not married by thirty?

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Speaker 1: Why is everyone else buying property but me? What if

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Speaker 1: I don't have kids? And these thoughts are on rotation

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Speaker 1: in our brain. This negative cycle can be very hard

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Speaker 1: to break out of, especially when we account for some

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Speaker 1: of the dialogue and rhetoric that may also be coming

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Speaker 1: from our family and broader society. So if you find

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Speaker 1: that when you sit with your thoughts, all you can

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Speaker 1: think about is what you haven't done and the milestones

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Speaker 1: you haven't achieved, it may be that milestone anxiety is

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Speaker 1: the problem. It's the problem and the reason why you're

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Speaker 1: feeling this way. Other science include things like excessive worry

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Speaker 1: that other people are judging you, feeling hopeless, symptoms of depression,

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Speaker 1: and of course generalized anxiety such as fatigue, low motivation,

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Speaker 1: trouble sleeping, muscle tension, irritability, nervousness, nausea, the whole package,

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Speaker 1: all of those things, these physical symptoms, there's a reason

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Speaker 1: why they occur. There's a reason why they arise, and

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Speaker 1: it's because of a number of functions in our brains

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Speaker 1: and our bodies that are designed to respond to threats,

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Speaker 1: and feeling like we're falling behind or worrying about the

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Speaker 1: future are interpreted by our brain as very real threats

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Speaker 1: to our survival. Additionally, I think anxiety can be incredibly

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Speaker 1: subjective and has many of its origins in our emotional cortexes.

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Speaker 1: So when we magnify something and we continue to focus

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Speaker 1: on how we're falling behind, our minds identify that this

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Speaker 1: must be important for us to respond to. This is

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Speaker 1: an important worry, so it elicits an anxiety response so

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Speaker 1: that we pay attention. And it comes down to one

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Speaker 1: tiny little part of our brain called the ambigdala. The

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00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 1: amygdala is irresponsible for our fear response, and it's hyper

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Speaker 1: sensitive to perceived or real threats. Perceived threats being things

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00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 1: like milestone anxiety. So it generates an alarm response when

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Speaker 1: it evaluates that a situation or an experience is threatening,

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Speaker 1: and what happens after that is the release of a

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Speaker 1: bunch of neurotransmitters and neurochemicals that prepare our body to

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00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 1: fight against this negative experience, resulting in what we know

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Speaker 1: as anxiety. But that anxiety is often misplaced, as we know,

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00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:40,159
Speaker 1: and milestone anxiety is an example of how our amygdala

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00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 1: can do more harm than good when it falsely interprets

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Speaker 1: a situation or a fear as dangerous. If you don't

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00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,679
Speaker 1: get married by a certain age, you are not in

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00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:54,480
Speaker 1: any danger. Nothing bad is going to happen. If you

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00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 1: don't graduate on time, or your first job is in

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00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 1: all that it's cracked up to be. You're not going

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00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 1: to drop dead. Things can go wrong in life, and

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00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 1: we can stray, of course, but it doesn't mean that

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00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,879
Speaker 1: we're unsafe. It doesn't mean that we're a failure. It

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00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 1: just means that we are experiencing life differently, and that's

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00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,400
Speaker 1: really nothing to be afraid of. In fact, I think

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00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,200
Speaker 1: it's rather beautiful to go about life in a way

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00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 1: that is different and unique. Interestingly, I just want to

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Speaker 1: put this point in here. Studies have also suggested that

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Speaker 1: men and women experience milestone anxiety very differently. It didn't

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Speaker 1: surprise me that women are much more likely to suffer

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00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 1: this form of anxiety compared to men, and with greater severity.

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00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 1: Although men report feeling greater external pressure to meet certain milestones,

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00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 1: whereas that pressure for women is often more internal. This

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00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense to me when we consider

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00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 1: how society treats men versus women, especially when it comes

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00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:05,399
Speaker 1: to things around dating, marriage, and children. I've always thought

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00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:09,920
Speaker 1: that men seem to have a more relaxed timeline when

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00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,440
Speaker 1: it comes to these goals, and society gives them more

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00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:15,639
Speaker 1: time to figure these things out, whilst if a woman

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00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:18,199
Speaker 1: doesn't have kids or a long term partner by thirty,

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00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:22,200
Speaker 1: suddenly we are hearing terms around them being a spinster

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00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:26,280
Speaker 1: or a cat lady. There's a lot more stigma associated

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00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 1: with a woman's choices compared to a man's, which perhaps

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00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:34,120
Speaker 1: explains while my estate anxiety is felt a lot more

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00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:37,120
Speaker 1: amongst women, and I think this is a remnant from

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00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 1: a set of beliefs and a time period that is

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00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 1: no longer relevant in the modern day. Historically, women remained

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Speaker 1: in the home, and people saw their only duty as marriage, childbirth,

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00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: and child rearing. There was no reason to have a

434
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 1: career or to pursue further education. So by the age

435
00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 1: of twenty five twenty six, most women were settled down

436
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 1: and had children, and we still feel an immense pressure

437
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 1: to meet this outdated mold, which I find so disheartening.

438
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:17,640
Speaker 1: Society's timeline does not have to be your timeline. You

439
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 1: don't need to have everything figured out and all the

440
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 1: boxes ticked by a certain age. You don't need to

441
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 1: compare your journey to others and feel bad when you

442
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 1: think you're falling short, because the truth is that you're not.

443
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 1: There is not one way of going about your goals

444
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: and the milestones that you see is important, there's not

445
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 1: one way of doing it. I always think about my grandma,

446
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 1: who didn't graduate until she was in her sixties, or

447
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: my mom, who had children in her late thirties and

448
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 1: early forties, or my close friends. She didn't have her

449
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 1: first relationship till she was like twenty six, and I

450
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 1: remember her telling me, I feel so stressed that everyone

451
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:01,280
Speaker 1: around me is doing this is wrong with me, and

452
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 1: that anxiety is so unpleasant. It's so uncomfortable. But I

453
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 1: want to talk about how we can be liberated from this,

454
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 1: and how we can combat milestone anxiety and feel free

455
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 1: to set our own timelines and agenda for life and

456
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:21,280
Speaker 1: not feel guilty or like a failure if things don't

457
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 1: go according to plans. So all of that and more

458
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 1: in just a second. There is no doubt that milestone

459
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 1: anxiety is uncomfortable, especially when we begin to internalize and

460
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,800
Speaker 1: think that it reflects something that is wrong with us.

461
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:46,239
Speaker 1: I think a lot of us hate relinquishing control, and

462
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:49,520
Speaker 1: we like to believe that we can orchestrate what happens

463
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:53,320
Speaker 1: in our lives, which is often untrue. You know, I

464
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 1: keep coming back to that dating conundrum we posed at

465
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 1: the beginning, but I do think it's such a powerful

466
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 1: anecdote reflect on here. We cannot force love, We cannot

467
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 1: force a healthy relationship. Sometimes the things that are most

468
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 1: important to us, the milestones that are most important to us,

469
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 1: are beyond our control, and that can be really scary,

470
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: especially when we think that everyone else seems to be

471
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 1: in the fast lane towards achieving certain things. But life

472
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 1: is really weird and it's unpredictable. Your friends may be

473
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 1: getting engaged now, but five years down the line that

474
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 1: marriage may break apart and they're back to square one.

475
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,240
Speaker 1: You could have everything that you've ever wanted career, wize

476
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 1: at twenty five, and then realize that you're deeply unhappy

477
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 1: and make a huge change. But sometimes milestone anxiety stops

478
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 1: us from seeing this clearly. It causes us to self sabotage,

479
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: and it skews our reality so that we always feel behind.

480
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: I want to talk about how we can address that now.

481
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 1: First of all, you need to deep dive and look

482
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 1: into an understand where there's pressure is coming from in

483
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 1: order to navigate the feelings that it brings up. Is

484
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 1: it because you're facing a lot of pressure from your

485
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 1: family to get married? Is it cultural? Is it religious?

486
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 1: Is it because you had a very strict upbringing and

487
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 1: your family was a very nuclear family who set a

488
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 1: certain agenda and had these priorities about how life should

489
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,959
Speaker 1: turn out. Are you reflecting on that and putting pressure

490
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 1: on yourself to meet that mold? Is it because of

491
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 1: social comparison? Are you looking outwards and seeing all these

492
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 1: people in your life doing things that you wish you

493
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: were doing. You need to know where the starting point is.

494
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 1: In order to get to the finish line right, you

495
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,520
Speaker 1: need to understand why you were feeling this way. Otherwise

496
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: you're going to go in blind. Secondly, and this is advice.

497
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:51,960
Speaker 1: This is a suggestion that I give all the time.

498
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:56,480
Speaker 1: You need to be excited by the feeling that anxiety

499
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,239
Speaker 1: gives you. I'm going to explain that a little bit

500
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 1: more because I think a lot of people often question

501
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 1: this argument in this idea. But anxiety and excitement they

502
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:10,479
Speaker 1: feel very similar. They feel like a bit of nausea

503
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 1: in our stomach, they feel like jitters, they feel like

504
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,400
Speaker 1: this energy in our body. They elicit the same feeling.

505
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 1: So we can consciously change our interpretation of these shared

506
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:25,480
Speaker 1: sensations to tell ourselves that it is excitement rather than anxiety.

507
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 1: Instead of fearing the future and what you have or

508
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 1: have not done, change your mindset to be excited by

509
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 1: the possibilities. Once you address your negative cognitions and your thoughts,

510
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 1: your outlook will also change. What if everything works out.

511
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 1: We can be very pessimistic at times and get lost

512
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 1: in the weeds, resulting in us constantly catastrophizing. And this

513
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 1: is where we are always focused on the worst case

514
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 1: scenario that we will never achieve what we want, that

515
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 1: we will never have children, that we will never have

516
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:04,960
Speaker 1: a partner. All of those worries swirl around in our mind.

517
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:08,719
Speaker 1: So what you need to kind of change that mindset

518
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 1: to is what if everything works out? This is exciting.

519
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 1: I'm excited by the fact that there is so much freedom.

520
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,719
Speaker 1: I am excited by the flexibility. I am excited by

521
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 1: the possibilities. We also need to understand and really reflect

522
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 1: and acknowledge on the fact that there is more than

523
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 1: one way of doing something. I think about this a

524
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 1: lot when I think about having children. A lot of

525
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,120
Speaker 1: us assume that if we want kids, we need to

526
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 1: have a partner first, and in some ways that is

527
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:44,880
Speaker 1: still very much a socially held belief. It's one that

528
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 1: a lot of us assume, but that's not always the case.

529
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 1: You can adapt. You are very capable of problem solving

530
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 1: and finding a solution and a way through if you

531
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 1: want to have children. There are so many other options

532
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,840
Speaker 1: now right. You can adopt, you can do surrogacy, you

533
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 1: can do IVF with a sperm donor. There is so

534
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 1: many other possibilities. So often, what happens when we experience

535
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:13,359
Speaker 1: milestone anxiety is that we narrow our focus and think

536
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,719
Speaker 1: that there is only one way of being happy and

537
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 1: one way of doing something, and that one way is

538
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:26,240
Speaker 1: that very traditional blueprint. You know, graduation, marriage, children, house,

539
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 1: all of those things. But you don't need to do

540
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,319
Speaker 1: it that way. There have been so many people who

541
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 1: have forged a new path, and we have so many

542
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,040
Speaker 1: options now so that if there is something that you

543
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,359
Speaker 1: really want, you don't have to be held back by

544
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 1: the fact that the most traditional way is the best way.

545
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: You also need to embrace your authenticity. I know that

546
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 1: sounds very much easier said than done, very wishy washy,

547
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 1: but sometimes our milestone anxiety is actually interlinked with low

548
00:35:56,600 --> 00:36:00,960
Speaker 1: self esteem and a fear of living authentic. Li We

549
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:06,239
Speaker 1: hide behind convention and tradition because we're worried that we

550
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 1: will be rejected if we choose to take the road

551
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 1: less traveled. Let that sing in for a little bit.

552
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:17,360
Speaker 1: Often the reason why we are so aligned to this

553
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 1: traditional way of doing things is because we are worried

554
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,839
Speaker 1: that we'll be judged if we don't do it that way,

555
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,760
Speaker 1: if we don't get married and decide to have children

556
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 1: on our own, if we don't get the perfect nine

557
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 1: to five career and decide to go out and do

558
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:37,040
Speaker 1: a side hustle. But authenticity is really your superpower. Choosing

559
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 1: to do something the way that you want to do it,

560
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:43,359
Speaker 1: in your own, creative, unique way is something that is

561
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: highly highly admirable in my eyes. And how many people

562
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,759
Speaker 1: do we admire who have forged their own path? Think

563
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 1: about all of our heroes, people like Steve Jobs, like

564
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:58,280
Speaker 1: Dolly Parton, like Taylor Swift, all of these incredible people

565
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,680
Speaker 1: who are highly successful. They didn't get to where they

566
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:06,879
Speaker 1: are by following the mold and the conventional path. They

567
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: pushed back against what society said they should have achieved

568
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:15,760
Speaker 1: by when they pushed back against convention, And that always

569
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 1: makes me feel a very comforted and a lot less alone,

570
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,880
Speaker 1: knowing that there are people who have done this before me,

571
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:27,600
Speaker 1: and knowing that sometimes the normal quote unquote normal way

572
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 1: of doing things doesn't always lead to the greatest outcome

573
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,719
Speaker 1: or the best version of you. I think we also

574
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 1: need to understand our relationship to social comparison. If you

575
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:43,840
Speaker 1: are experiencing milestone anxiety, if it's a massive stressor in

576
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 1: your life, this often derives from our inherent tendency to

577
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:51,719
Speaker 1: view what others are doing and hold ourselves to that standard,

578
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 1: and thereby we impress a level of self judgment that

579
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 1: doesn't need to occur. That isn't healthy. You need to understand,

580
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 1: and I think, really focus on your relationship to comparing

581
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 1: yourself with other people. A big source of that is

582
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,960
Speaker 1: social media. It is very easy, and I don't need

583
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 1: to say this, but I feel like I kind of

584
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:17,239
Speaker 1: want to. I want to reinforce this idea that it

585
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:21,600
Speaker 1: is very, very easy for people to display a perfect

586
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,360
Speaker 1: version of their lives on social media. And now we

587
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 1: even have things like LinkedIn where you can almost bragg

588
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:32,840
Speaker 1: and be very performative in terms of your career. I

589
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:35,360
Speaker 1: don't think that's particularly healthy, but it is a reality

590
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,840
Speaker 1: of life that there are more points than ever to

591
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:41,759
Speaker 1: compare how your path in life compares to others. And

592
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 1: when that becomes negative and toxic, when we are doing

593
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 1: it regularly often, that can be a massive trigger for

594
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: milestone anxiety. So I did a whole episode on this

595
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 1: on social comparison. Go back and listen to that. Go

596
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,719
Speaker 1: back and listen to how we can stop comparing ourselves

597
00:38:57,719 --> 00:39:00,120
Speaker 1: to others, because I do think that it's a an

598
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 1: amazing way to kind of prevent milestone anxiety and to

599
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 1: put us back on our truth path and make us

600
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:10,959
Speaker 1: feel comfortable with the way we're doing things. Another tip

601
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,400
Speaker 1: is just to focus on what you have achieved. We

602
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:16,319
Speaker 1: can be really, really negative and mean towards ourselves. We

603
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:19,080
Speaker 1: can be really hard on ourselves, and often what that

604
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 1: results in is kind of a self inflicted blindness around

605
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:26,680
Speaker 1: the good things in life and our successes. There were

606
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 1: people who were probably looking at you wishing that they

607
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 1: had what you had, wishing that they had hit certain

608
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 1: milestones that you've already hit. It's all incredibly subjective, and

609
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:40,720
Speaker 1: that's important to remind ourselves at times. Everyone like we saw,

610
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 1: has experienced milestone anxiety in some form or another. So

611
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,279
Speaker 1: you are not alone. You are not the only one

612
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:50,680
Speaker 1: who was experiencing this, and your path is no better

613
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:54,719
Speaker 1: or no worse than anyone else's. I think that you

614
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 1: have to kind of look at the full picture and

615
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:02,480
Speaker 1: really sit back and be happy with the reality that

616
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 1: life isn't always going to go according to plan. But

617
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that you're a failure. The traditional way

618
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 1: of doing things that is a remnant from a very

619
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 1: very outdated model of our reality that has been socially

620
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,040
Speaker 1: ingrained in us from childhood. You don't need to have

621
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:25,280
Speaker 1: a partner by twenty five in order to be happy

622
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 1: in the future. You don't need to have kids by

623
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 1: a certain age. Those milestones are all constructed, they're all imagined,

624
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 1: and you are very much free to be your own

625
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:40,200
Speaker 1: person and to do things in your own time, without

626
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 1: the fear that you're a failure, without the fear that

627
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:46,399
Speaker 1: you are missing out, without the fear that somehow, by

628
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:49,320
Speaker 1: not doing things conventionally, you're never going to be happy.

629
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 1: Because that's not the case. I really don't think that's

630
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,719
Speaker 1: the case, but our brains can make it such a

631
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:59,719
Speaker 1: huge point of fear and such a huge point of anxiety.

632
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 1: So if you're going to take one thing away from

633
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:07,360
Speaker 1: this episode, it's that society's timeline does not have to

634
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 1: be your timeline. You can do things at your own

635
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 1: pace and still be a happy, amazing, intricate, beautiful human.

636
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 1: So I really hope that that leaves you with a

637
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 1: sense of positivity and a sense of happiness and security

638
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 1: around your future, especially to that amazing person who wrote

639
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:30,399
Speaker 1: in but I'm sure her story is one that is

640
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:33,280
Speaker 1: very shared and one that a lot of us feel

641
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:37,400
Speaker 1: very much attached to and very similar to. There's something

642
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:39,399
Speaker 1: in all of our lives that we feel like we're

643
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:41,080
Speaker 1: missing out on, and we feel like that we're not

644
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:43,839
Speaker 1: doing at the pace that others around us are doing.

645
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:46,759
Speaker 1: So this is just your reminder to slow down, take

646
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:51,319
Speaker 1: life easy, and to treat anxiety the way that it's

647
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 1: supposed to be treated as just a reaction, just a response.

648
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 1: It's not the truth. But anyways, I really hope that

649
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:02,279
Speaker 1: you enjoyed this episode. I really did. I needed to

650
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:05,319
Speaker 1: hear this stuff. You're not alone, you know. When I

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Speaker 1: was looking into this and all the psychology and the science,

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00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 1: it brought me such a sense of solace and such

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00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 1: a sense of peace that I'm not alone in experiencing

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Speaker 1: these things. So I really do hope that you've got

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Speaker 1: something out of this that you found it important. If

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Speaker 1: there is someone in your life who needs to hear this,

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00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 1: there is a friend who was worried about these things,

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00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,919
Speaker 1: you should send them this episode. It might help them out,

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00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:34,319
Speaker 1: or don't. That's all right. You can gate keep it

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00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 1: if you'd like to, and if you have any suggestions

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00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 1: for further episodes. If you'd like me to expand on

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00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:42,799
Speaker 1: this topic in some form or another, please feel free

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00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 1: to follow me at that Psychology podcast and let me

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00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:49,919
Speaker 1: know your thoughts, let me know your suggestions. I love

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00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:53,879
Speaker 1: hearing what everyone else is going through, what I think

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00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 1: is relevant and universal for those of us in our twenties.

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Speaker 1: I think, as always, it's such a valuable decade and

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00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:03,319
Speaker 1: we really do need to make the psychology and the

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Speaker 1: science around it more accessible. So thank you for listening along.

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Speaker 1: As always, if you enjoyed this episode, please feel free

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Speaker 1: to leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify,

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00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:17,200
Speaker 1: wherever you are listening right now. I read every single

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00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 1: review that is left. Whenever I'm having a hard day,

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00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:21,320
Speaker 1: I go and read them. So I just want to

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Speaker 1: thank you for all of the support, and as always,

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Speaker 1: we will be back on Tuesday with another episode.