Speaker 1: Hell I Suck At Dating with Dean Angler and I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio podcast. Hello everyone, thank you for tuning back
Speaker 1: into episode two of Help I Suck at Dating. I'm
Speaker 1: Dean Angler and I'm excited to have you back. Um.
Speaker 1: We have a very special guest for this, uh, this
Speaker 1: first segment, and you probably know him as America's heart throb, Um,
Speaker 1: the most dreamy Abs of all time ever to go
Speaker 1: through the Bachelor franchise. You know him, you love him.
Speaker 1: Peter Krause, what's up, buddy? Thank you for for taking
Speaker 1: the time to jump on the phone with me here.
Speaker 1: Of course, thanks for the invite. I appreciate it. No,
Speaker 1: of course, of course. I mean I think it's pretty
Speaker 1: obvious why I wanted you on the phone. I mean,
Speaker 1: you and I we we grew a great friendship throughout
Speaker 1: the course of the Bachelorette, right, and I think it's
Speaker 1: pretty clear. I think that America would agree with with
Speaker 1: me by saying that you are significantly better at dating
Speaker 1: than I am. And you know, it's funny. We talked
Speaker 1: about a lot of things, you and I and I
Speaker 1: feel like this is one thing that we maybe haven't
Speaker 1: discussed very much on you know what, I can maybe
Speaker 1: do to be better what maybe you saw during the
Speaker 1: bachelrette that you maybe I didn't like so much or
Speaker 1: ever thought was a bad idea anything like that. So
Speaker 1: I mean going back to it right you? And actually
Speaker 1: I want to talk about this a little bit too,
Speaker 1: because I feel like you got a bad edit in
Speaker 1: a sense where you did a lot of things behind
Speaker 1: the scenes, um that were very like romantic, Like you
Speaker 1: were like doing all these gestures. I remember you painted
Speaker 1: a bottle. You were like setting up all of this
Speaker 1: stuff that um didn't really seem to get displayed, right.
Speaker 1: And meanwhile I was just kind of sitting there with
Speaker 1: my uh, sitting on my hands, like not really sure
Speaker 1: what to do. So uh, I mean that being said,
Speaker 1: where do you what kind of advice? I mean, just
Speaker 1: to dive right into it. Would you think you would
Speaker 1: have for me advice for you? Well, I promise I
Speaker 1: never watched bas from Paradise in Dating, if you will,
Speaker 1: I didn't see it. So I just gotta gut to
Speaker 1: hear about it all second hand. Um, from what I
Speaker 1: saw with you on the show, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think you just got on your own head a couple
Speaker 1: of times, and as time went on, and maybe you know,
Speaker 1: you got further and further away from your comfort zone,
Speaker 1: it just pame more difficult. But I don't think you
Speaker 1: do anything wrong. You're You're a fun loving guy, your kind,
Speaker 1: You're very well stillken intelligent. I just feel like maybe
Speaker 1: it was too much, too soon, and you weren't ready
Speaker 1: for it Towards the other Yeah, I agree, Um, I
Speaker 1: think that especially near the end, we I think all
Speaker 1: of us were kind of getting our heads a little bit.
Speaker 1: I think I yeah, without a doubt. Um, I think
Speaker 1: with everything that I had going on, with the hometowns
Speaker 1: and all that, and you know, obviously I saw a
Speaker 1: kind of everyone else's connection. It was it was a
Speaker 1: lot to process. But um, what about like, like, maybe
Speaker 1: could you jump into some of your dating experiences doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be on the show. It could be you know,
Speaker 1: before the show, Um, whatever it might be that you
Speaker 1: think you do as a data that separates you from
Speaker 1: everyone else. My biggest thing is dating is listening. So
Speaker 1: you know, when you're dating somebody, it can no longer
Speaker 1: be about yourself. It asked me about that person and
Speaker 1: how you to interact together, So you have to put
Speaker 1: that person first. Thing about yourself second, and when giving
Speaker 1: them the love that they desire and have to be
Speaker 1: in a way that they appreciate it, not in a
Speaker 1: way that you feel like they should appreciate it. So
Speaker 1: I personally think the biggest misconception and dating is that
Speaker 1: you give a level of love and they're expected to
Speaker 1: receive it with happiness. Well, if I like to give
Speaker 1: love through for example, like gestures or word in fasformation,
Speaker 1: or I like to receive it in that way, that
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that they're going to appreciate that when I
Speaker 1: do it. So I can't be upset with them. I
Speaker 1: can't get angry when they don't necessarily reciprocate those same
Speaker 1: feelings because they need it, they've given to them in
Speaker 1: a different way. So I think it's really good to
Speaker 1: have a really open mind, Uh, listen and learn a
Speaker 1: lot about your partner, and then take those things you
Speaker 1: learn to give the love back in the way that
Speaker 1: they really seek. Fit gotcha, so you think it. Listening
Speaker 1: is obviously very important. I think catering to the desires
Speaker 1: of whomever it is that you're dating obviously is important
Speaker 1: because you want to kind of specialize they're the way
Speaker 1: that you treat them. In the way that they need
Speaker 1: to be treated. I suppose right, UM, And I guess
Speaker 1: I saw a lot of that too, and it kind
Speaker 1: of transformed in front of our eyes through the seven,
Speaker 1: you know, eight weeks that we spent together on the
Speaker 1: show is um. You know, as you get to know
Speaker 1: someone more and more, you begin to understand what they
Speaker 1: appreciate and how to continuously make them happy. UM. And
Speaker 1: it's funny too, because I feel like some of the
Speaker 1: guys just maybe didn't get that to click. You know,
Speaker 1: they kind of had their their minds made up on
Speaker 1: how they were gonna act or what they were going
Speaker 1: to do, and they just kind of stuck to their
Speaker 1: guns and didn't really adapt too much. So I think
Speaker 1: that listening is very important. I think that I could
Speaker 1: definitely improve in the listening department. Um. I think why
Speaker 1: we have such a great friendship is because, yeah, we
Speaker 1: share a lot of things, UM, beliefs, ideals, characteristics. I
Speaker 1: guess you will, but then you do listen well. And
Speaker 1: when we have a conversation, we're having a conversation between
Speaker 1: two friends. It's not like you're not trying to get
Speaker 1: anything out of us, and you're not expecting anything you're
Speaker 1: you're there to have a good conversation and be a
Speaker 1: buddy versus there's people. Then I still run into today
Speaker 1: where like you think you're making a friendship and then
Speaker 1: you realize, oh, there are in this culterior motives and
Speaker 1: that's not you. So if you take the same approach
Speaker 1: to your dating, I don't see them being a problem
Speaker 1: that granted at all. Watch you and you're dating necessarily.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen you in the probilities that you have
Speaker 1: dated in person, but from what I see, if you're
Speaker 1: find at it, well, we definitely had a lot of
Speaker 1: time to talk and listen to one another throughout the
Speaker 1: time we spent together. Um, what do you think makes
Speaker 1: our friendship or any friendship? Because I mean I have
Speaker 1: a lot of friends, You have a lot of friends,
Speaker 1: and yet here we are, um, you know, single essentially right,
Speaker 1: So it's what maybe makes a friendship with whomever it
Speaker 1: is easier than than forming a relationship with someone. I
Speaker 1: guess it is kind of the the easiness of it all,
Speaker 1: the levity of of just kind of you know, sitting back,
Speaker 1: talking and listening and not necessarily having to to put
Speaker 1: so much pressure on it. Well, I mean there's a
Speaker 1: big part of it there in a friendship, there's no
Speaker 1: promise of future, Like you're able to just slide right
Speaker 1: into a friendship knowing that it is what it is
Speaker 1: wherever it really ends up, and maybe it does take
Speaker 1: fressure off in versus that you know that it's something
Speaker 1: that you're it's just been long term and then maybe
Speaker 1: just in a new long term that changes the dynamic
Speaker 1: and how you approach relationship and the conversation that you
Speaker 1: have and what's kind of like an umbrella over of
Speaker 1: you thinking, you know, do I have to get more?
Speaker 1: Do I have to give less? Is this what I
Speaker 1: want for my long term? And maybe that also comes
Speaker 1: with age when you start to think about that. Maybe
Speaker 1: at my younger ages, I wasn't really thinking about it
Speaker 1: in a relationship. I was just thinking, is this girl
Speaker 1: cool to hang out with? Do I enjoy your company?
Speaker 1: That was it versus now it's like, do I see
Speaker 1: this one being a mother of my children? Do I
Speaker 1: this woman working up next to me every single day
Speaker 1: and being the love of my life and some majority
Speaker 1: of the days at least being happy. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: say it's gonna be every day, but you know, in
Speaker 1: a friendship, you don't necessarily look at that, so it's different.
Speaker 1: It's a lot easier. Being a buddy is a lot
Speaker 1: easier than being a girlfriend eventually fiancee, eventually wife less expectation,
Speaker 1: I guess in a friendship, So it kind of makes
Speaker 1: everything a little bit easier. I think that makes sense.
Speaker 1: And so earlier you you referenced the love language is right,
Speaker 1: do you know what your love language is? I know
Speaker 1: how I like to receive love, I guess more than player.
Speaker 1: I like to give love, okay. I really like to
Speaker 1: be love through words of affirmation okay, and to like
Speaker 1: talking things out is really important to me. Being encouraged
Speaker 1: and being confirmed in my UM, I guess love or
Speaker 1: their love for me is really important to me. So
Speaker 1: just being what your being reassured, I think mine it
Speaker 1: probably is words of affirmation as well, with quality time
Speaker 1: mixed in there. Um. I think the reassurance and just
Speaker 1: kind of like knowing that someone can be there for
Speaker 1: you at any moment, like whenever you might need them
Speaker 1: for whatever reason. Um, if you just need someone to
Speaker 1: talk to, and kind of knowing that at that moment
Speaker 1: if you need to talk to, someone will be there
Speaker 1: and I guess it's kind of a mixture between words
Speaker 1: of affirmation and quality time. I'm not really sure in
Speaker 1: hand and hand. I guess it's like if you're if
Speaker 1: you're there for them in that moment, you're probably saying
Speaker 1: a couple of things because of an affirmation. Well at
Speaker 1: the same time giving that quality time. So I can
Speaker 1: totally see them being hand and hand. Would you consider
Speaker 1: yourself an affectionate person? Oh, totally, I think so. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, but I think maybe it comes in different way.
Speaker 1: So it's funny now, Like I mean, you know about
Speaker 1: the beast of social media, and I talked about it
Speaker 1: a lot, but it's something that is now involved in
Speaker 1: our lives and when we have to kind of read
Speaker 1: the comments because you won't be able to see what
Speaker 1: people are saying positive and if there's something that you
Speaker 1: can do differently or see there's something that maybe you
Speaker 1: said that was offensive or inappropriate or something maybe you
Speaker 1: just maybe change someone maybe for the better reason. And
Speaker 1: that's that's a crazy part about it too. And I
Speaker 1: think we touched on this later on in the podcast,
Speaker 1: But how do you think social media has changed that?
Speaker 1: Because especially for you and I, you know, now it's
Speaker 1: a little bit more public are our dating lives and
Speaker 1: the comments, like you said, and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: So how has that affected you? I mean, obviously don't
Speaker 1: get too specific or anythink that, but I mean it's hard.
Speaker 1: It's hard to ignore all this stuff, right, And it's
Speaker 1: it's much different now than it was, you know, six
Speaker 1: months ago before we went on the show. Right. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's totally different. Maybe before you could date someone with
Speaker 1: out for your judgment. If you like them, you'd introduce
Speaker 1: to your family, and your family would be happy as
Speaker 1: long as you were. At least I thought it works
Speaker 1: in my family. And so now it's like, if I
Speaker 1: did start dating someone, are people going to think that,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm doing it for one reason and another?
Speaker 1: Are they gonna like them? Are they gonna suddenly put
Speaker 1: all the case that they put on us, uh something
Speaker 1: on the show onto them? Uh? Are they you know,
Speaker 1: good date us like relationship itself? Is that person date
Speaker 1: you or I for the wrong reasons? Uh? It's hard
Speaker 1: to say. Yeah, it's totally puts a whole new perspective
Speaker 1: on dating at this point. Yeah, it changes, It changes
Speaker 1: for sure. And it's funny too. I mean in regard
Speaker 1: to to all of that. It's what I always telling
Speaker 1: myself is the people with the least amount of information
Speaker 1: are the ones with the most amount to say. So
Speaker 1: it's like you look at it and you're like, okay,
Speaker 1: but we don't like know each other, you know, anything
Speaker 1: like that. But it's still it's still hard to not
Speaker 1: let it get to you. And um, I know you
Speaker 1: you were under obviously a lot of like scrutiny for
Speaker 1: for a while during some of those episodes, and um,
Speaker 1: I've had my fair share as well, but I mean,
Speaker 1: I know it's it's difficult not to let it gets
Speaker 1: your head. And you have done a really good job
Speaker 1: of not necessarily buying into any of the hatred, which
Speaker 1: I can appreciate in respect from you, Um, Peter, you're
Speaker 1: the man. Thank you again for taking the time. Uh again,
Speaker 1: I've I've always kind of looked up to you, both
Speaker 1: in dating and as a friend, and I will continue
Speaker 1: to do that. And um, you know, all of your
Speaker 1: advice is definitely very much appreciated, and I look forward
Speaker 1: to talking soon. I appreciate man, You're killing it and
Speaker 1: keep doing what you do, all right, take care buddy, Alright, Yes,
Speaker 1: I suck at dating. But what has made dating easier
Speaker 1: throughout the years, and one way it continues to improve
Speaker 1: is through the use of dating apps, and one of
Speaker 1: those apps is Bumble, who happens to be one of
Speaker 1: our sponsors. Um I I think I told a story
Speaker 1: very briefly in the very first episode about um how
Speaker 1: on a second day I was on my hands and
Speaker 1: knees in this girl's bathroom because I ate some um
Speaker 1: some bad I think it was Chinese food. And ironically enough,
Speaker 1: she was a lovely young lady that I met on
Speaker 1: Bumble and uh, great girl. Um. Again, it didn't really
Speaker 1: go very well after that, just because of that moment. UM.
Speaker 1: I do know that that girl had since found a
Speaker 1: boyfriend and is still with boyfriend, living with the boyfriend
Speaker 1: that she met on Bumble. UM. I believe it was
Speaker 1: a boyfriend she met immediately after, which is great because
Speaker 1: I mean, it gives us all, you know, a sense
Speaker 1: of hope and a sense of of um pride in
Speaker 1: knowing that it works for people, and it's worked for me,
Speaker 1: It's it's worked for obviously her and some of my friends. UM.
Speaker 1: But there's not just Bumble for dating. There's there's actually
Speaker 1: three different Bumble apps. One of them is for dating,
Speaker 1: one of them is bumble bf which is for friend finding,
Speaker 1: and bumble biz which is for professional networking. And I'm
Speaker 1: just learning about this now. I think that's great. I
Speaker 1: think especially if you, you know, if you move somewhere
Speaker 1: new and you don't really know that many people, bumble
Speaker 1: bff is a great way to be introduced to, you know,
Speaker 1: locals that are on your same age and have the
Speaker 1: same interests as you. Um, one of my best friends
Speaker 1: actually just moved to India, country that you know, he's
Speaker 1: never really been to before, and um, I know he's
Speaker 1: actually using it out there because he's you know, hoping
Speaker 1: to to meet more people. And it's just a great
Speaker 1: opportunity and a great avenue to be able to do
Speaker 1: something like that. So go to bumble dot com slash
Speaker 1: dean to download the bumble app and again you get
Speaker 1: three of them, Bumble for dating, bumble bff, and bumble
Speaker 1: Biz for fessional networking, which is just great. So bumble
Speaker 1: dot com slash tean, download the app and start bumbling. Okay.
Speaker 1: Joining us next is Patti Stanger from millionaire matchmaker Patty.
Speaker 1: Are you there? Yeah? Hi? Jean How are you? I'm
Speaker 1: doing well? How are you good? Look at you? Mr
Speaker 1: big Shot? Who do thunk it? What a what a concept?
Speaker 1: Your name from in Venice? Right? Don't you live in Venice?
Speaker 1: I live in Venice? Yes, that's right, I remember. I remember.
Speaker 1: We we live like five blocks apart. There you go, so, um,
Speaker 1: all right, Well, so Patty, do you mind filling in
Speaker 1: our listeners a little bit more about you and who
Speaker 1: you are? Yeah? So I am the million Dollar Matchmakers.
Speaker 1: It's a different show. It's on WE TV. You can
Speaker 1: watch it Friday nights at nine o'clock. And this week's
Speaker 1: are finally with Courtney Stotton, who is crazy Mazie, Matsy
Speaker 1: bestie and all the things you can imagine if you
Speaker 1: know Courtney. But the show is really about It's like
Speaker 1: it's kind of like Intervention meets the old Millionaire Matchmaker, um,
Speaker 1: where I basically put you in the hot seat. And
Speaker 1: if you watched the episode with Daniel, you know you
Speaker 1: can get a little testy because you know how Daniel
Speaker 1: is right, he doesn't like to be told or criticized
Speaker 1: or anything. And then I kind of figure out why
Speaker 1: are you not finding love? And I kind of break
Speaker 1: you have your bad habits and get you on the
Speaker 1: road to love. And then at the end of the episode,
Speaker 1: we actually give you a date and then you get
Speaker 1: to decide whether you want to keep the date or not.
Speaker 1: So there's a little game show effects the end. I
Speaker 1: don't understand why are you single? Well, that's what I'm
Speaker 1: hoping you can tell me. I said, if I were
Speaker 1: only thirty years younger, Um, you think you have too
Speaker 1: much going on? It could be. It could be the case.
Speaker 1: I I definitely and find myself enjoying being busy. Okay,
Speaker 1: are you dating a D D? Are you one of
Speaker 1: those D A D D guys? So it's like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, everyone's throwing themselves at me, and I'm dating
Speaker 1: all these people, but I'm not actually thinking about what
Speaker 1: I really want and a woman and then waiting for
Speaker 1: the right woman to show up. Are you that guy?
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I think that I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's hard to say I really want to have someone
Speaker 1: in my life, so that way, I don't necessarily even
Speaker 1: have to worry about that. I mean, I think that
Speaker 1: the it just gets exhausting after a while, right, you know,
Speaker 1: people are trying to talk to you and you have
Speaker 1: a real job. You're not like one of these local
Speaker 1: people that are just like they get on The Bachelor.
Speaker 1: They have no real job, their personal trainer and they're
Speaker 1: just floating around. You have a don't you have a
Speaker 1: real job, like in a real company. So I've been
Speaker 1: a recruiter for three years, um, since going real job. Okay, So,
Speaker 1: so you have a structured life. You have your nine
Speaker 1: to five, right, and then you've got like you can
Speaker 1: play at nine and play in the weekends. And most
Speaker 1: guys like that are tired at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: They're like exhausted from working and either they're not being
Speaker 1: proactive in their search or they're just like winging it.
Speaker 1: And what you need to do is get strategics. I
Speaker 1: think that's your problem. You're not strategic. Strategic how what
Speaker 1: do you mean, Well, you've got to decide what you want. Look,
Speaker 1: you've had the experience of the Bachelor. Who knows if
Speaker 1: you're going to come back to the ap next year.
Speaker 1: Hopefully they'll last you back. But you know your jab,
Speaker 1: you're only getting people that they're giving you, So you're
Speaker 1: not really expanding your net and going out and meeting
Speaker 1: real people because you're probably hanging out with Bachelor Nation,
Speaker 1: which is fine. A lot of those people got married
Speaker 1: behind the scenes. It's actually like like its own dating service,
Speaker 1: and it's actually fantastic. I mean it makes sense in
Speaker 1: a way. It's a bunch of charismatic, you know, fun loving,
Speaker 1: upgoing people that kind of get together. What are they
Speaker 1: really strategic? Where are they serious about love? And are
Speaker 1: they local? Can you have a lot of them are
Speaker 1: long distance. You can't really have a long just like Olivia.
Speaker 1: You can't have a long distance relationship. You want someone
Speaker 1: perfectly on the west side, right, you don't want to slept,
Speaker 1: you know wherever all not a valley girl. Right on
Speaker 1: date one a girl? Would you dat a valley girl?
Speaker 1: I mean the short to drive, the better, to be honest,
Speaker 1: it's like an okay, So for those who don't know
Speaker 1: who are listening nationwide, the valley is like an hour
Speaker 1: away from where team lives. So there's this whole rule,
Speaker 1: like you need your visa to go there. It's like
Speaker 1: another country, another state. So everybody stays on one side
Speaker 1: the streets. The value people stay with the value people,
Speaker 1: and the beach people stay with the beach people. But
Speaker 1: you can head down to Manhattan Beach. So you think
Speaker 1: that if you met someone that was important enough to you,
Speaker 1: you would be you should be willing to travel an
Speaker 1: hour an hour and a half to to wherever it
Speaker 1: is that the people say until they actually have to
Speaker 1: get in the car and stan in the fourth five
Speaker 1: or two hours. I mean, if you have a great
Speaker 1: podcast to listen to, maybe for the commute, you never know,
Speaker 1: there you go. I actually was engaged to a valueball,
Speaker 1: the valetball value boy, and I lived in Mdr marinadel right,
Speaker 1: and I used to think it was like going to
Speaker 1: the country for the weekend, because coming from Jersey and
Speaker 1: Florida where I grew up, it was like that was
Speaker 1: country to me, you know, the mountains and the and
Speaker 1: the trees and the green and not the beach. So
Speaker 1: I didn't mind going there. But a lot of a
Speaker 1: lot of guys don't want to. Look I have promised
Speaker 1: with the O T guys where they don't want to
Speaker 1: go to even South Bate to date my clients my girl. Okay,
Speaker 1: So distance is definitely something to take into consideration, right, Okay.
Speaker 1: So the other rule is that where you give me,
Speaker 1: give me a course of your week, I'm really good
Speaker 1: in analyzing some sweets. All right, so you got the
Speaker 1: week off, you're not doing pressed. Where are you going
Speaker 1: to meet when in on the weekends? Where you going?
Speaker 1: Give me? I don't really ever actively go out to
Speaker 1: meet women. I just go out and hang out with
Speaker 1: my friends. And okay, so where are they? Where the
Speaker 1: friends going? Are they going to Lincoln? Are you going
Speaker 1: to the bar at Lincoln Bar around the corner? Where
Speaker 1: you're going? We we we frequent Lincoln. Um, it's it's
Speaker 1: actually kind of been the hot spot among the friend group.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I like to go. I like to
Speaker 1: be active, go to football games. Um, lazy Lincoln. So
Speaker 1: there's lazy Lincoln. Right, football games are getting fixed and
Speaker 1: we've got the rams now, so you can actually do that. Okay,
Speaker 1: what else? Give me another one? Um? Hiking all I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess I wouldn't really meet a group of fixing.
Speaker 1: You're going to ring in Canyon. Um, I've actually never
Speaker 1: been to running. I like to do kind of more
Speaker 1: of the low key ones. Okay, so you're not doing
Speaker 1: anything that's female related, So let me tell you where
Speaker 1: the women are. You got a pencil on paper, because
Speaker 1: you clearly don't know. I've been writing every single, every
Speaker 1: single word of yours down so far. Start with yoga.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, faster are sixty seventy women compared to
Speaker 1: like maybe twenty male. My roommate tries to get me
Speaker 1: to yoga with him every single day. There's tempers. Okay,
Speaker 1: So so you have a sixty chance of meeting girls
Speaker 1: not only in your age group, but hot sexy yoga types. Now,
Speaker 1: if you like the skinny wave, you know, no tips,
Speaker 1: Sally as I like to calm you know. Then you
Speaker 1: go to yoga class. Okay, one step up sole cycle.
Speaker 1: Oh I've been to a cycle class before. Okay, So
Speaker 1: you switch it up. You do Santa Monica, you do
Speaker 1: in Manhattan Beach. You switch it up, switch it out
Speaker 1: to the different areas on the west side to see
Speaker 1: which feels better for you. And you can do equinox too.
Speaker 1: You can do that too. People onto the gym. Okay,
Speaker 1: now you've got to third classes are spiritual classes and
Speaker 1: meditation classes. You want to go to umplus in Santa Monica.
Speaker 1: This is assuming that this is the type of girl
Speaker 1: that I'm interested in, because maybe I don't want a
Speaker 1: yogi If you hike and you're athletic. You want to athletic,
Speaker 1: I can let girl, So you gotta go to female
Speaker 1: like orange theory, you gotta go to female related things
Speaker 1: as opposed to going to Gold's gym and lifting and
Speaker 1: pumping irons with a bunch of guys where there are
Speaker 1: no women there. Don't just tell me you like to hike.
Speaker 1: Don't you think that it would be important to meet someone,
Speaker 1: uh something that you're already interested in? Now you haven't
Speaker 1: anyone because you're argumentative here. Oh, I'm definitely the most
Speaker 1: stubborn person that I know. Um. Does this advice carry
Speaker 1: over for all of the listeners as well? Are you?
Speaker 1: Are you saying that if you're interested in meeting someone,
Speaker 1: you should let's let's make you mainstream. Okay, So whole
Speaker 1: Whole Foods which was taken over by Amazon. I'm sure
Speaker 1: the Whole Foods in every neighborhood in the United States, okay,
Speaker 1: or there's a health foods store in their neighborhood with
Speaker 1: a different name. Okay. There are spiritual classes, meditation classes, church.
Speaker 1: If you're really religious, okay, you go in the church.
Speaker 1: A lot of churches have singles groups. If you're if
Speaker 1: you're that religious or temple okay, or any other religion
Speaker 1: that there's out there. Okay. Then you've got athletics. Okay. So,
Speaker 1: for instance, the Northerners like the Once in Colorado. You
Speaker 1: want to join a ski club okay, especially women women
Speaker 1: that want to find men. It's male skiers. So and
Speaker 1: they're really good looking and they've got money. The skiing
Speaker 1: is the most expensive ticket in town, okay. Or snowboarding,
Speaker 1: same thanks being snowbarding. Okay. Then you've got um. So
Speaker 1: that's the athletic part, and that's the spiritual part. Okay. Now,
Speaker 1: just by chance, okay, there are places that are female
Speaker 1: friendly to go to. Okay, So what if females like
Speaker 1: to do They like to eat right, right, So you
Speaker 1: want to find restaurants that are more predominantly female than male. Okay,
Speaker 1: you have to do your homework. This is research. Every
Speaker 1: city in the United States and every town has this.
Speaker 1: But people just thro lazier creatures of habit. You keep
Speaker 1: going a link and expecting a different result. And then
Speaker 1: I'm sure when you're with your friends you don't pay
Speaker 1: attention to women anyway, because you're drinking with your friends. Okay,
Speaker 1: but I guess my argument. My retort is, don't you
Speaker 1: think it's important to meet someone like a place of
Speaker 1: shared interest? Right? So if I like go in football games,
Speaker 1: don't you think it'd be great to meet someone? That's
Speaker 1: if women went to football games mostly a male sport,
Speaker 1: so it's not female. A lot of few must go
Speaker 1: with their boyfriends to the football games. How about this
Speaker 1: the flip side of it. If if I'm a woman,
Speaker 1: if if I'm a woman looking for a man, would
Speaker 1: I should be going to golf tournament? Source should be
Speaker 1: going to golf, tennis, basketball, and so on, all behind
Speaker 1: sports NHL, yeah, baseball, all of that. Can I ask
Speaker 1: you what? I know you touched on this a little bit,
Speaker 1: and I think that I remember you saying that you listen,
Speaker 1: you watch Paradise a little bit. What mistakes did you
Speaker 1: see me making throughout the show? Specifically, you fall in
Speaker 1: love fast, like you got a little bit of vine
Speaker 1: and you too, yeah he oh my god, he's a
Speaker 1: cliff diver. Yeah yeah, you fall to click and you're like,
Speaker 1: I think you turn on and off. You have his
Speaker 1: you have history with like I like right on, like
Speaker 1: I like right on, like I like you go up
Speaker 1: and down, Like, so, how do I combat that? How
Speaker 1: do I work on that? That's something that you have
Speaker 1: to do. You have to when you last time I
Speaker 1: had a serious, serious girlfriend. How many years ago? M hmm,
Speaker 1: maybe a year and a half, two years ago, a
Speaker 1: year ago. How long was this relationship? Probably about a year? Okay,
Speaker 1: So what went wrong? Um? I think that we stopped
Speaker 1: making time for each other and I just kind of
Speaker 1: disintegrated from there. No longer was a price. So you
Speaker 1: lost interest? Need you lost interest? I don't know if
Speaker 1: it was necessarily losing interest. I think that. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess if you don't prioritize the person in your relationship,
Speaker 1: that's kind of could be deemed as losing interest. The
Speaker 1: first thing you want to do is not make your
Speaker 1: boyfriend or girlfriend your entertainment buddies. I mean, they're not
Speaker 1: here to make you have entertainment in your life. You
Speaker 1: want to have a nice, calm, relaxing relationships. Their best friends.
Speaker 1: We like to do the same things. We like teat
Speaker 1: the same food, we like to hang in the same places. He,
Speaker 1: she or he has your back. When you're in a
Speaker 1: desperate situation, a crisis, Uh, you lost your job, you know,
Speaker 1: you have to move whatever they're there for you. And
Speaker 1: then of course sexual chemistry rules the street as the
Speaker 1: beginning does. But eventually that like kind of you know,
Speaker 1: it's still there, but it's not as heightened as it
Speaker 1: is in the beginning because you're in the honeymoon's phase.
Speaker 1: After three months, it'll it'll probably dip a bit. So
Speaker 1: you have to look at people like this is what
Speaker 1: you're getting for the rest of your life and not
Speaker 1: get bored. You have a problem of getting bored. That's
Speaker 1: but what are you bored with you or you born
Speaker 1: with them? I guess I still need to figure out
Speaker 1: which it is, right, Okay, well that's the psychological thing
Speaker 1: that you have to take now. The second thing I
Speaker 1: would do is take the Five Languages of Love test.
Speaker 1: It's a very famous test you can take online. Um
Speaker 1: it is the best test in the world. You find
Speaker 1: out how you love and then you compare it to
Speaker 1: the person you're dating how they love. If you guys
Speaker 1: have the opposite love languages, don't panic. It just means
Speaker 1: you have to love your woman or your man the
Speaker 1: way they need to be loved in order to for
Speaker 1: you to receive love, and they will do the same
Speaker 1: thing to you, and it'll take a lot of the
Speaker 1: drama and a lot of the heat out of the
Speaker 1: relationship because you may not like drama. Are you do
Speaker 1: you like drama or you're not into drama? I have
Speaker 1: preferred no drama. You look like you're an avoider. That's
Speaker 1: what I felt like. I'm v I P. So if
Speaker 1: that's the case, then you need a girl who can
Speaker 1: resolve conflict rationally even during your period, which is a
Speaker 1: good which is really yeah, that's major, right, resolve conflict
Speaker 1: rationally as in like sit down and have like an
Speaker 1: objective viewpoint on and on kind of what's going on
Speaker 1: and how to fix it. Right. And then the other
Speaker 1: thing is you might want to become a hunter, because
Speaker 1: we haven't decided if you're a gatherer hunter. So if
Speaker 1: you're going to be an alsa hunter and rule the roost,
Speaker 1: then those are the men that would actually get online
Speaker 1: if they weren't finding it locally in their hoods. They
Speaker 1: would actually get on Tender. They would actually get on
Speaker 1: Bubble or whatnot, whatever app they like, you know, Ray
Speaker 1: or whatever, and they would they would go hunting for
Speaker 1: what they're looking for, like who's your celebrity crush. Um.
Speaker 1: I think it changes every day. Uh, Gal Gadio's right
Speaker 1: up there, though, maybe Emmanuel she cree because a wonder
Speaker 1: woman right now? Okay, what's the other one? Emmanuel? She
Speaker 1: creates sloan from Entourage. I'm I'm butching butching her last name.
Speaker 1: I know that. But so if that's the case, then
Speaker 1: go online and start hunting for the girls that look
Speaker 1: like that that you feel most sexually attracted and then
Speaker 1: see on the profile if they had interests like you had.
Speaker 1: But you've got to make an effort, and you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes forget your friends for a while. I know that
Speaker 1: sounds terrible with those who travel and pactsaw on the track.
Speaker 1: So maybe you need to go out by yourself and
Speaker 1: start hunting. I don't know if I could go by myself.
Speaker 1: My friends are like the most important people to me though,
Speaker 1: so I want I definitely, Oh no, no, they're not
Speaker 1: going to be when you get and fall in love,
Speaker 1: so they're going to become second and first, it's going
Speaker 1: to be your woman. Maybe you need to learn that
Speaker 1: lesson love is first. Love is the priority. Well I'm
Speaker 1: still learning that. That's what That's what the point of
Speaker 1: the podcast is. I guess we ain't got a time,
Speaker 1: so you're probably not gonna get seriously your thurday. But
Speaker 1: if you really want a girlfriend, you're gonna go out
Speaker 1: there and hustle it up. Then you really don't want
Speaker 1: a girlfriend right now. I mean maybe you need to
Speaker 1: make it a priority that that definitely, definitely is an
Speaker 1: important thing to consider. All right, Patty, Well, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for the time and all of your advice
Speaker 1: and and god last you and I hope you have
Speaker 1: a really good time. Just like hit me up when
Speaker 1: you're in the absolutely once for lunch. All right, I'll
Speaker 1: meet you there maybe next week and we'll discuss more. Okay,
Speaker 1: you got it, take care of Patty. Bye. Perfect. So
Speaker 1: so my homework will be to take the Love Languages Quiz.
Speaker 1: I'll be sure to do that before next week's episode.
Speaker 1: What I would love is for all of the listeners,
Speaker 1: if you have the time, maybe take the love Languages
Speaker 1: quiz as well. Um. I think it's five love Languages
Speaker 1: dot Com the number five love Languages dot Com and
Speaker 1: we can maybe tweet about it and then and then
Speaker 1: discuss it next week on air. I think that'd be
Speaker 1: pretty interesting. As Mark just said, I think I know
Speaker 1: what my love languages, but it would be interesting to
Speaker 1: see what it came back with on like a long
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's probably like a hundred question quiz or
Speaker 1: something like that. Um, and yeah, it'd be interesting. And
Speaker 1: then you can kind of I think as Peter was
Speaker 1: mentioning and Patty a little bit as well, as then
Speaker 1: you can start catering you know, the people that you're
Speaker 1: you're interested in. Um, you just have more more presence
Speaker 1: of mind, I guess, which is a good thing. All right.
Speaker 1: So as a child, my favorite holiday, needless to say,
Speaker 1: was Christmas. Every morning you wake up, you run down
Speaker 1: to the tree. You don't know what you got, it's
Speaker 1: all wrapped up. You start opening things and you start
Speaker 1: freaking out whenever you see something that you wanted. Basically
Speaker 1: what this fab fit fun box. Every single time they
Speaker 1: send you a new box, it's like Christmas morning. You
Speaker 1: open it up. You don't know necessarily know what's gonna
Speaker 1: be in there, but you know it's gonna be great.
Speaker 1: You know it's gonna be catered directly to the season,
Speaker 1: to your needs, exactly what you're looking for. You know.
Speaker 1: You open it up, you start going through things, there's
Speaker 1: big things, there's little things that kind of hide in there,
Speaker 1: so you think you're done, but then there's like three
Speaker 1: more things in there and just keeps going. It's a
Speaker 1: gift that keeps on giving. And to be perfectly honest
Speaker 1: with you, I opened it up when I first walked
Speaker 1: in and I've been wearing the scarf this entire time,
Speaker 1: and it is the comfiest thing I think I've ever
Speaker 1: had around my neck. Um. So what fabfit Fund is.
Speaker 1: It's a subscription box that every three months, every season,
Speaker 1: they will send a personalized box to your house with
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of goodies in it. And I'm pulling
Speaker 1: some out right now. I gotta meet me at the
Speaker 1: bar Tope bag and I think it's referencing pure bar Um.
Speaker 1: What else? We got a belt? I see these gael
Speaker 1: packs that I'm pulling out of the fab Fit Fund box.
Speaker 1: I've actually seen Ashley use these. We've been to Taho
Speaker 1: a few times together, and every morning in the kitchen
Speaker 1: she is wearing these gel packs and I think that
Speaker 1: they'd make a drastic difference. She swears by them. I
Speaker 1: don't think, um, she could step out of the house
Speaker 1: without wearing them. In the morning and this box alone costs,
Speaker 1: but if you use my code Dean d e a
Speaker 1: n at fab fit fun dot com, you'll get ten
Speaker 1: dollars off your very first box, which means it goes
Speaker 1: from and again. This scarf is nine dollars and it
Speaker 1: is the softest thing I've ever felt in my entire life.
Speaker 1: Fab fit fun dot com. Use my codean at checkout
Speaker 1: and you'll save yourself ten dollars on your very first box.
Speaker 1: Next up we have Charles Orlando, who is the host
Speaker 1: of seven Years Switch. Charles, are you there? I am here?
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm doing well? How are you? I'm
Speaker 1: doing well? Awesome? Well, thank you so much for taking
Speaker 1: the time to jump on. Um. Do you mind maybe
Speaker 1: just introducing yourself a little bit to the listeners? Tell
Speaker 1: us a little bit more about you. Sure. My name
Speaker 1: is Charles Finger Orlando. I am a relationship expert. I've
Speaker 1: written five books on inter personal relations and relationship dynamics uh,
Speaker 1: and I am the co host of seven years Switch,
Speaker 1: helping people rEFInd themselves after some turbulent times in their relationships.
Speaker 1: Got to and so in addition to that, I think
Speaker 1: that you coined the term seven year itch as well. Right.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, that's that goes back to a Maryland
Speaker 1: and Roe movie. Um so yeah, seven the seven year
Speaker 1: itches is a is a common time frame for people
Speaker 1: to start re evaluating what they're doing. The meaning that
Speaker 1: the honeymoon period has largely worn off and the person
Speaker 1: you met seven years earlier may or may not be
Speaker 1: the same version of them in front of you today.
Speaker 1: So you end up having to re evaluate, and that's
Speaker 1: where I think a lot of people get lost. Like
Speaker 1: relationships are a constant re evaluation and a reconnection. The
Speaker 1: only way that it really works because the person you
Speaker 1: meet on date number one is not the person who
Speaker 1: they're going to be on month six, and that's not
Speaker 1: who they're going to be after year ten. So you
Speaker 1: have to constantly stay in touch and can act otherwise
Speaker 1: by default you are disconnecting. Got you? So, so maybe
Speaker 1: marriage married couples aside. Do you think that there would
Speaker 1: be something like the seven months it's like more casually dating.
Speaker 1: Do you think that kind of is a thing as well?
Speaker 1: Or is that something completely different? No? I think that's
Speaker 1: probably accurate. Uh. You know, we live in a world
Speaker 1: where technology is driving a combination of perceived connection and
Speaker 1: what I call arms length intimacy. People read a profile,
Speaker 1: or they stalk you on Instagram, or they see your
Speaker 1: post fund snatchat and they end up with a version
Speaker 1: of you in their head even before the first date.
Speaker 1: So the person they end up meeting has to line
Speaker 1: up with all these preconceived expectations, and the truth is
Speaker 1: that we don't know them at all. There is a
Speaker 1: natural get to know you process that has to do
Speaker 1: with primal courtship, having nothing to do with technology. Uh.
Speaker 1: And to your point, after seven months, like things have
Speaker 1: kind of revealed themselves to be what they are. So
Speaker 1: when that happens, you're now see the person instead of
Speaker 1: the perception or the expectation that you projected. So sure,
Speaker 1: I think that happens in dating. Gotcha? Gotcha right? And
Speaker 1: again we're on with Charles Orlando, who's the host of
Speaker 1: seven Years Switch, which correct me if I'm wrong. Is
Speaker 1: a show again? I know you talked about already about
Speaker 1: four married couples that try to save their marriages by
Speaker 1: entering essentially into a social experiment where all the four
Speaker 1: couple switch spouses live with another participants spouse for a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks as husband and wife, and the idea
Speaker 1: seems crazy to me, But at the same time, I
Speaker 1: can kind of understand the concept of leaving something that
Speaker 1: you care about two I guess ultimately realize how important
Speaker 1: they are to you in in your life. Does that
Speaker 1: sound about right? Well, that's part of it for sure.
Speaker 1: And the other part of it is that when you're
Speaker 1: in damaging patterns, there's no way to stop the pattern
Speaker 1: if you're in the pattern, So we would move these
Speaker 1: people from it. Now, this is where people say, oh
Speaker 1: my god, you're grouping them up with another person. They're
Speaker 1: going to cheat. Well they could, but you know what,
Speaker 1: they could cheat just by walking down the streets. We
Speaker 1: all have that temptation. And if you're willing to cheat
Speaker 1: on your spouse over a two week experiment to gain perspective,
Speaker 1: like you're already long checked out of your marriage, And
Speaker 1: that's part of what we bring to the table as well.
Speaker 1: We put their relationship on fast forward, uh and an
Speaker 1: accelerated path to learn what would probably likely happen over
Speaker 1: the next six to twelve months. Anyway. Uh So yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's it's a little extreme, but it works.
Speaker 1: It absolutely works. So all that said, why do you
Speaker 1: think we see so many unhappy married people. Now, I
Speaker 1: mean again, I know you said you get stuck in
Speaker 1: these patterns and you don't begin to realize it. But
Speaker 1: what do you think is kind of like the root
Speaker 1: cause for those I think a lot of people don't
Speaker 1: know how to be honest with each other and themselves.
Speaker 1: It's a it's a very vulnerable place to be to
Speaker 1: look at somebody and say, you know, I'm not getting
Speaker 1: what I need from you. Can you help me? And
Speaker 1: the other person here that statement and not say what
Speaker 1: are you saying that I'm not doing something right? Of
Speaker 1: course that's what you're saying. Like that sets up an
Speaker 1: adversarial relationship. If you could check in with your spouse
Speaker 1: and say, look, I need more from you, and have
Speaker 1: that person say, wow, you know I really care about you,
Speaker 1: like I don't want you to get nothing for me.
Speaker 1: What's missing? Let's talk about that and not have it
Speaker 1: instantly equated to their ego or what they're doing wrong
Speaker 1: or feel accused of something that they're failing at. Then
Speaker 1: you create a dialogue where people are actually trying to
Speaker 1: address each other's needs instead of looking at it, Oh yeah, there,
Speaker 1: I am screwing it. Up for you again. Like, you know,
Speaker 1: how how do you notice social media coming into things nowadays,
Speaker 1: especially with married couples, because that definitely changes the dynamic
Speaker 1: incredibly right. Well, communication as a whole has fundamentally shifted.
Speaker 1: You know, before you you find somebody who called you
Speaker 1: on the phone and said, you know, thanks for giving
Speaker 1: me your number, I'd love to ask you out. Now
Speaker 1: you get a text message that says, hey, you're cute,
Speaker 1: I want to bang. It's not really courtship, okay, Like
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't know who wrote that nonsense, but
Speaker 1: like and they say chivalry is dead say that, well
Speaker 1: you know so, I mean, it creates this this tall
Speaker 1: sense of bravery and bravado, like you can you can
Speaker 1: you would say things over social media, over text message
Speaker 1: that you would never say to somebody in person, or
Speaker 1: if you do say it to them in person, like
Speaker 1: you know, you're a douche BacT or you're a jerk,
Speaker 1: like you know, whoever, male or female, you need to
Speaker 1: be fired. But you know, it creates a sense of
Speaker 1: technology as a whole, not just social media, but it
Speaker 1: creates a sense um this connection even though we think
Speaker 1: we are being connected and there's long long written studies
Speaker 1: about about this over the past ten years, that we're
Speaker 1: further apart than we ever have been as a society
Speaker 1: and in the dating world, it's absolutely true. Like we
Speaker 1: it used to be that you would you put effort in.
Speaker 1: Now all I have to do is swipe right to
Speaker 1: show my interest. Seriously, No, no, absolutely so. I think
Speaker 1: that's definitely a good point too. I mean, why I
Speaker 1: feel like we know so much about each other and
Speaker 1: yet we're all still so disconnected to one another, right So, Um,
Speaker 1: sending a text message on a screen is so much
Speaker 1: more impersonal than than either calling someone up or meeting
Speaker 1: them face to face, because, like you said, I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone would say some of these ridiculous things face
Speaker 1: to face that they would be saying over text. No,
Speaker 1: no way, no way, it doesn't. It doesn't happen that way. Um.
Speaker 1: And it because it's so disconnected. It sets up what
Speaker 1: has no choice but to be a predatory or hot
Speaker 1: or not environment. Uh. It gives people the ability to
Speaker 1: kind of shop around for a while, create false expectations, uh,
Speaker 1: and then disappear on people. That's why ghosting and breadcrumbing
Speaker 1: have become these huge issues where you just kind of
Speaker 1: play the field technologically, and then you find somebody who
Speaker 1: addresses a few of your needs and just drop everybody
Speaker 1: else without even so much as a goodbybe it was
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. So, Charles, do you find yourself
Speaker 1: dealing mostly with like, married couples that have been in
Speaker 1: long term relationships? Do you find yourself dealing with any um,
Speaker 1: you know, struggling perspective couples, anything like that. My client
Speaker 1: base is really really the diverse. So I've worked with
Speaker 1: mary couples. I worked with married uh men by themselves,
Speaker 1: married women by themselves, uh, lots of daters, people who
Speaker 1: are trying to rEFInd themselves after a broken relationship. I've
Speaker 1: even flown out to a number of cities and acted
Speaker 1: as kind of a makeshift hitch as a wingman on
Speaker 1: dates many times. So I it kind of covers the
Speaker 1: whole spectrum of love and relationships. So you can kind
Speaker 1: of consider yourself the real life date doctor in a
Speaker 1: lot of ways. I wouldn't. I wouldn't say that The
Speaker 1: New York Times said I was Carrie Bradshaw on the pitch.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I could that. Those are two
Speaker 1: pretty big shoes to spell Okay, I guess. I mean
Speaker 1: you said you've been published five times some bestsellers. You
Speaker 1: obviously are hosting these TV shows. That's all amazing stuff.
Speaker 1: Well it's been a lot of fun, but I tell
Speaker 1: you what, it all pales in comparison to the people
Speaker 1: that I helped every day. And I know it sounds tripe,
Speaker 1: but I don't care. Like people get into this industry
Speaker 1: for a variety of reasons. Some people want to be this,
Speaker 1: some people want to make money. Some people want to
Speaker 1: feel that their egos pain stroked on a daily basis.
Speaker 1: I don't care about any of that. Like, I get
Speaker 1: letters in that just blow me away with people who
Speaker 1: have taken words that I've said and applied them to
Speaker 1: their life and they've made real shift and changes for themselves.
Speaker 1: And forgive me if that's all I really care about.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, the books and the TV it's fantastic.
Speaker 1: I'm blessed and honored, but it just really gives me
Speaker 1: a broader platform to help people get out of their
Speaker 1: own way. That's perfect, Charles. I think it's safe to
Speaker 1: say that you're definitely in it for the right reasons,
Speaker 1: and that's that's rare nowadays. Well, I appreciate that absolutely well, Charles,
Speaker 1: thank you again for you taking the time to call in.
Speaker 1: I definitely appreciate the advice. I'm sure the listeners will
Speaker 1: appreciate all the advice as well. And um, best of
Speaker 1: luck to you and maybe we can can recap later
Speaker 1: on in the year as well. Oh for sure, my pleasure.
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me, and I'd like to thank you sir.
Speaker 1: All Right, Charles Orlando, host of seven year Switch, Take
Speaker 1: care have a good day. So unfortunately this week we
Speaker 1: won't be able to do a segment of do you
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating? But we will be taking some emails
Speaker 1: and I tweeted out an email address I suck at
Speaker 1: Dating at ihart media dot com and we we got
Speaker 1: a bunch And I appreciate you guys taking the time
Speaker 1: too and the bravery honestly to email some of your
Speaker 1: dating uh follies and allowing me to share them um
Speaker 1: on air here. So Sarah says, my biggest dating problem
Speaker 1: is that I can never get guys that I'm interested
Speaker 1: in to want to be in a committed relationship with me.
Speaker 1: After a few great dates, I always get hit with
Speaker 1: the line I think you're amazing, but I'm not looking
Speaker 1: for anything serious right now. I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: just a generational thing as and everyone wants to keep
Speaker 1: things casual or something that I'm doing or not doing.
Speaker 1: What makes you decide that you want to be exclusive
Speaker 1: with the girl? Is it something you know as soon
Speaker 1: as you meet someone, or can it change over time
Speaker 1: once you get to know her. Thank you for your input.
Speaker 1: So that's actually a good question. And I've I think
Speaker 1: that that kind of boils down to labels, right, and
Speaker 1: I've always kind of been a slave of two labels.
Speaker 1: I think I I need to have a conversation with
Speaker 1: someone in order to be their boyfriend, right, So I
Speaker 1: need to be able to sit down and say, hey,
Speaker 1: let's let's be boyfriend girlfriend. Otherwise up until that point,
Speaker 1: we're kind of just dating, right. And I was thinking
Speaker 1: about this the other day too. It is even looking
Speaker 1: back to to Rachel season of The Bachelorette, like her
Speaker 1: and I never had a discussion about that, and like,
Speaker 1: as as real as all of the emotions and feelings
Speaker 1: that I had for her were, I still don't think
Speaker 1: I would consider her my girlfriend at any point because
Speaker 1: we never sat down and had that discussion, right, so
Speaker 1: maybe maybe what Sarah saying is she needs to find
Speaker 1: someone that wants to label a relationship with her as
Speaker 1: a girlfriend boyfriend. If that's what she's looking for, maybe
Speaker 1: that comes with need to be pursuing older men. Sounds
Speaker 1: like she's probably dealing with a lot of younger men.
Speaker 1: The girl that I had this experience with, she she
Speaker 1: was a pursuer, I guess you could say. So. She
Speaker 1: was very happily taking into her her hands to make
Speaker 1: sure that we were doing things constantly together. And I
Speaker 1: think that eventually I was like, Wow, this girl is great,
Speaker 1: Like I really enjoy spending time with her. Um, this
Speaker 1: is definitely a relationship that I want to be exclusive
Speaker 1: in and and have her be my girlfriend. Yeah. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it just boils back down to even you
Speaker 1: look back at her. Our guests Charles Peter um Patty.
Speaker 1: They also communication is one the most important things, and um,
Speaker 1: that goes to to every level of the relationship, whether
Speaker 1: it's just starting out or it's been you know, a
Speaker 1: fourty year marriage. I think that they're being open and
Speaker 1: being clear about what you want and what you need
Speaker 1: and what you're looking for is is very important. Right. Well,
Speaker 1: Sarah thank you for emailing. I look forward to I mean,
Speaker 1: hopefully Sarah, you take the five love Languages tests and
Speaker 1: we can get another email from you next week and
Speaker 1: see exactly what you're looking for. All right, Well that
Speaker 1: was episode two of Help I Suck At Dating. I
Speaker 1: want to give one more big thank you to my guests.
Speaker 1: Peter Krauss, who was on my season in The Bachelort
Speaker 1: Great Guy, Love him to Death, Patti Stanger, host of
Speaker 1: The Million Dollar Matchmaker, Charles Orlando from seven Years Switch
Speaker 1: on the f y I Network, and of course Sarah
Speaker 1: for emailing. And that was that was great. Um. So
Speaker 1: next week we're gonna get uncomfortable again and we're going
Speaker 1: to talk to one of my exes, my high school sweetheart, Carmel,
Speaker 1: who was the first love of my life. I think
Speaker 1: that I'm honest enough with myself to admit that I'm
Speaker 1: hoping to get her on I honestly haven't reached out
Speaker 1: to her quite yet, but I hope I still have
Speaker 1: her phone number. Um, but I'm excited. I hope that
Speaker 1: she can, you know, maybe give you guys a little
Speaker 1: bit more insight into what it was like to date
Speaker 1: me in high school. I don't know if she watches
Speaker 1: the show, but maybe she should give She could give
Speaker 1: her opinion on on kind of how I handle myself
Speaker 1: on on Bachelor in Paradise and what I can do
Speaker 1: to improve. I do know that she's married now, or
Speaker 1: she might have just a very long term boyfriend. Either way,
Speaker 1: she's been in a relationship for five or six years,
Speaker 1: which is great. I'm very very happy for her, UM
Speaker 1: hoping to have her on. I am also very hopeful
Speaker 1: that we can get Brian on. Brian ABIs solo who
Speaker 1: was the winner of the same season that I was
Speaker 1: on with Bachette with Rachel, So Rachel's fiance Brian, UM,
Speaker 1: it would be great to have him on. He and
Speaker 1: Rachel seemed to be very very happy together, and I
Speaker 1: think that any advice that he would have to offer
Speaker 1: would be great, and I think that I could benefit
Speaker 1: greatly from that. So I'm looking forward. I hope you
Speaker 1: guys tune in next week to help I suck at dating.
Speaker 1: My name is Dean Angler, and maybe next week I
Speaker 1: will suck a little bit less. Follow help I suck
Speaker 1: a dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio or
Speaker 1: subscribe wherever you listen. To podcasts,