1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: In an unhealthy relationship, people argue about each other. You're 2 00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:07,000 Speaker 1: the one getting everything wrong. You're the one who needs 3 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,480 Speaker 1: to take responsibility. You're the one to blame. You don't 4 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:14,080 Speaker 1: get anything right. You are wasting my time. You have 5 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:17,720 Speaker 1: lied to me. We think that the other person is 6 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:21,320 Speaker 1: our enemy and we're fighting about them needing to change, 7 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,239 Speaker 1: when actually the biggest thing is we need to argue 8 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:33,880 Speaker 1: about the issue. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, 9 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:37,199 Speaker 1: the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to 10 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: each and every one of you that come back every 11 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:45,000 Speaker 1: week to listen, learn, and grow. I am so deeply 12 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:48,599 Speaker 1: looking forward to sharing this week's episode with you. I 13 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 1: have been blown away. I've bumped into so many of 14 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: you recently, whether I'm walking around town or even whether 15 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:57,880 Speaker 1: it's on my travels, and truly it has been so 16 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:02,640 Speaker 1: wonderful to hear your stories and journeys with the podcast. 17 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 1: But until I bump into you, I'm going to keep 18 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 1: reading reviews. And this one is from sun Jay. I've 19 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:12,080 Speaker 1: never seen you in real life, yet every time I 20 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,960 Speaker 1: hear your voice, I feel as if a good, loving 21 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,639 Speaker 1: friend is coming to give me the support I need. 22 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,399 Speaker 1: I can feel the love in your voice and your 23 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 1: words have been helping me so much through my healing journey. 24 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being you and sharing all 25 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:31,520 Speaker 1: this amazing knowledge and love with us. That message just 26 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 1: melted my heart. Thank you so much for saying that. 27 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:36,520 Speaker 1: It means the world to me that you can hear 28 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:40,199 Speaker 1: and feel how passionate I am about everything I do 29 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:45,800 Speaker 1: through this podcast. This one is from Nicole Jay. Your 30 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:49,560 Speaker 1: episodes are always very impactful. Every morning, my two year 31 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 1: old daughter, my newborn son, and I listen to your podcast. 32 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 1: It's always very inspiring and motivating to listen to advice 33 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 1: and for my kids to listen to impactful words. Keep 34 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 1: being an inspiration to all. Thank you so so much, 35 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:09,520 Speaker 1: and I'm going to read one more. So difficult to pick. 36 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:13,639 Speaker 1: There's so many amazing ones here. I really really appreciate it. 37 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,960 Speaker 1: This one is from Dan Wow. Jay. Each episode hits 38 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,799 Speaker 1: in a different way, but always exactly what I need. 39 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 1: You're an absolute genius. I really appreciate that. Thank you. 40 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 1: I've got to express enough how grateful I am for 41 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: you serving your community with on purpose. You've opened my 42 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 1: eyes to many new concepts and reminded me of things 43 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,520 Speaker 1: I already knew but forgot along the way. This podcast 44 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 1: is an essential part of my growth journey and has 45 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,560 Speaker 1: become a habit to listen to weekly. Thank you, Dan. 46 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 1: I know that one goes on further, and I just 47 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:46,040 Speaker 1: want to say I am just blessed to have an 48 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 1: amazing community like you. I don't take each of you 49 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,640 Speaker 1: for granted at all. I feel the opposite. I feel 50 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,639 Speaker 1: humbled and grateful that I get to spend this time 51 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 1: with you. And today's theme is all about the relationship 52 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 1: habits of successful and happy couples. Now, whether you're single, 53 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,000 Speaker 1: whether you just started dating, whether you've been in a 54 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 1: relationship for a few years, or whether you're in a 55 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:13,880 Speaker 1: really long term relationship, this podcast applies to you because 56 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,800 Speaker 1: these rules, these habits are things that we have to 57 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,720 Speaker 1: continue to nurture. Maybe some of these are going to 58 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: be new discoveries, maybe some of them are going to 59 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 1: be refining what you already know, and maybe some of 60 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: them are just going to be things you're already doing. 61 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 1: But it's so important to create that assurance in our lives. Now. 62 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,680 Speaker 1: As always, I'll be sharing the science behind some of 63 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 1: these reasons as well, because I really believe it's important 64 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:41,080 Speaker 1: to give you some research to back some of these ideas, 65 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,440 Speaker 1: but I also will be sharing stories as I love 66 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 1: to do, and I'll be giving you strategies and steps 67 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,400 Speaker 1: along the way so that you can actually put these 68 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:52,000 Speaker 1: into your life. So if you're ready, I'm going to 69 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 1: start on the first one. And the first one is 70 00:03:55,600 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: respect their values even if they have different values. Respect 71 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:08,760 Speaker 1: their values even if they have different values. That is 72 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: a really interesting concept. You do not have to value 73 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:17,320 Speaker 1: what they value. You don't have to value the same 74 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:21,840 Speaker 1: thing or same things. You don't even have to have 75 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,039 Speaker 1: the same values. Now, I do want to add a 76 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:28,480 Speaker 1: caveat that, if someone is doing something completely against your values, 77 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,359 Speaker 1: of course that is a time to leave. That is 78 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 1: a time to move on. But overall, we're often told 79 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,240 Speaker 1: that couples have things in common and they like the 80 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 1: same things, and they like to do the same things, 81 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,479 Speaker 1: and of course that is all helpful and useful, But 82 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 1: the truth is that as time goes on, you start 83 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,240 Speaker 1: to realize you have a lot more differences than you 84 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:51,159 Speaker 1: had in the first month, and it's really important to 85 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: remember to respect their values even if they have different values. 86 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,400 Speaker 1: The best thing to do here is to write down 87 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,480 Speaker 1: a list of your top three values and ask the 88 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,279 Speaker 1: person to write down a top three list of their values. 89 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,559 Speaker 1: What are the three things that matter to them most 90 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 1: in the world. And you could do one for people 91 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: and the other for projects or things in their life, 92 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:16,200 Speaker 1: or passions or hobbies or interests. So if someone asked 93 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,719 Speaker 1: me what were my three values in life? Of course 94 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:23,640 Speaker 1: my people would include rather my family, my sister, and 95 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: my spiritual teachers. And if I was to look at 96 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,600 Speaker 1: my three priorities in my life from a professional point 97 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,280 Speaker 1: of view, would be my purpose, which I get to 98 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 1: share with you all the time. It would also be 99 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:38,359 Speaker 1: time alone is something that I really value and prioritize. 100 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,080 Speaker 1: And I would also add to that football. I love soccer. 101 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 1: I'm addicted to it. I wish I could watch it more, 102 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,599 Speaker 1: I wish I could play it more. But it is 103 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:50,080 Speaker 1: a big passion in my life. And so understanding those 104 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 1: values is really key because you start realizing that your 105 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:57,120 Speaker 1: partner is not going to value your values. They just 106 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 1: have to respect them, and you don't have to value 107 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 1: their values, You just have to respect them. When you 108 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:08,800 Speaker 1: show respect in this way, it is received more deeply. 109 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,440 Speaker 1: What does it mean to respect someone's values? It means 110 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,480 Speaker 1: that you want to help them prioritize those things. It 111 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:18,599 Speaker 1: means you want to help them give more energy and 112 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 1: emphasis to those things. What we try and do is 113 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 1: we try and steal our partner's attention away from their priorities, 114 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 1: and we want to be their priority. We want to 115 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,839 Speaker 1: be everything to them, and so we're trying to steal 116 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 1: their attention often away from what's really important to them 117 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 1: because we want to be more important to them. What 118 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: we don't realize is their passion is what makes them 119 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:45,720 Speaker 1: who they are. Their priorities is what makes them who 120 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,800 Speaker 1: they are. That person becomes more lovable, they become more 121 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:52,320 Speaker 1: attractive when they feel full. Now, of course you have 122 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: to be mindful, is their passion an excuse to avoid 123 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:59,000 Speaker 1: time with you, is their interest in another person or 124 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: people because they don't enjoy time with you. This is 125 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,320 Speaker 1: something you have to clarify and communicate. It's not something 126 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:08,039 Speaker 1: you assume. Often we assume when people choose to spend 127 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 1: time late in the office that it's because they don't 128 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: value us. We take that as an indication as a sign, 129 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,239 Speaker 1: when actually, if you ask them, they may say when actually, 130 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,760 Speaker 1: I'm working late in the office because I want to 131 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 1: save up more for a vacation this year, or I've 132 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 1: been doing overtime because I want to be able to 133 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 1: take a bit of a break for the family this year. 134 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: Now you may say, well, they should have asked me 135 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 1: as well, if that's what I care about. Maybe I 136 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 1: don't care about that. Maybe I do care about them 137 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 1: coming home from work early. But don't be the one 138 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 1: to assume. Don't be the one to allow that to 139 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: just go on. Otherwise we get into this battle of well, 140 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 1: you did this, so I did this, so I didn't ask, 141 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 1: and you didn't ask, and guess what, a few years 142 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 1: later we feel really truly disconnected. So be that person 143 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 1: who says, hey, I want to understand this a bit more. 144 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,080 Speaker 1: I want to get a heap of thought around this. 145 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 1: Can you please explain to me why you've been going 146 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,240 Speaker 1: to the office lake. Can you please tell me a 147 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 1: bit about what you're working on. What are you excited about. 148 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 1: When we ask questions that don't have judgment and don't 149 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 1: have guilt in built into a question, we actually get 150 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:21,920 Speaker 1: better answers. If you ask someone why are you always 151 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 1: late from work? What's going to happen? They're on the defensive. 152 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 1: They're not feeling a sense of respect, and now you 153 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 1: actually don't get a good response. You may actually trigger 154 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 1: a reaction within them and you don't get the right 155 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: answerhereas if you said, hey, what have you been working 156 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:41,760 Speaker 1: on late at the office? Anything exciting, and they may say, Hey, 157 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,719 Speaker 1: I've just been trying to stay because I just want 158 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,000 Speaker 1: to make a bit of money. I just want to 159 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: save up a bit more this year, or I've been 160 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:50,320 Speaker 1: really nervous about my job and I'm scared that people 161 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,680 Speaker 1: are being made redundant or losing their promotions. So I 162 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: just want to make sure that doesn't happen to us. 163 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 1: When you ask a question, we trust you receive a 164 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 1: true answer. When you ask a question in built with 165 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 1: guilt a judgment, you don't get an answer that truly 166 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 1: helps you. So respect their values, even if they have 167 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:16,760 Speaker 1: different values. The second principle I want to share with 168 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,840 Speaker 1: you today, and this is a simple one and you've 169 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,880 Speaker 1: probably heard it before, and it's something we don't do 170 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 1: enough of, is try to notice the small things. We 171 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:31,079 Speaker 1: think it's about the big birthday party, we think it's 172 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:35,760 Speaker 1: about the big weekend away we save up to make 173 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 1: Christmas really special, but we forget to thank someone for 174 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,600 Speaker 1: the beautiful breakfast they made us this morning. We forget 175 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:47,200 Speaker 1: to notice that someone looks incredible today. We forget to 176 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 1: notice that someone put away our mess. It's these little things, 177 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,720 Speaker 1: these small moments on a day to day basis, that 178 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 1: define the quality of a relationship. A relationship is not 179 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:05,680 Speaker 1: defined by grand gestures of love. It's defined by the 180 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:11,079 Speaker 1: ability to notice and spot the tiniest moments of brilliance, 181 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:15,880 Speaker 1: the smallest exchanges of love and emotion, the fact that 182 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:19,360 Speaker 1: someone sat there and listen to you. These are the 183 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:23,360 Speaker 1: things that every single human yearns for. Now, if you're 184 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:27,080 Speaker 1: doing all of this and someone still expecting you to 185 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,839 Speaker 1: do the big stuff and not feeling loved because you 186 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:33,160 Speaker 1: don't do the big, grand gestures, you've got to really 187 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,720 Speaker 1: look at that and think whether you want to be 188 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,920 Speaker 1: in that relationship. But chances are most of us are 189 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 1: trying to make up for the fact that we miss 190 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:42,560 Speaker 1: the small things by doing the big things. We think, well, 191 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,280 Speaker 1: if I do this big thing, it will I are 192 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:48,120 Speaker 1: now all the small mistakes right. It will take care 193 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: of all the small challenges that I've done that I 194 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:55,840 Speaker 1: haven't done, all the things that I missed out from tomorrow. 195 00:10:56,320 --> 00:11:00,080 Speaker 1: I want you to start thanking your partner for one 196 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 1: thing a day, just one thing. It doesn't have to 197 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:07,480 Speaker 1: be everything, it doesn't have to be every moment. It 198 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:10,040 Speaker 1: just has to be one thing a day. Get into 199 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 1: that habit and make it a different thing every day. 200 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,880 Speaker 1: Don't make it the same thing. When we lived as monks, 201 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 1: we used to have to walk around this pathway and 202 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,640 Speaker 1: every day we'd be asked to find something new. One 203 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,840 Speaker 1: day we had to find a new stone. The next 204 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,160 Speaker 1: day we had to find another stone. The next day 205 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,679 Speaker 1: we had to find a flower, and the next day 206 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 1: another flower. And in this way we trained our mind 207 00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:35,280 Speaker 1: to walk the same path, but find a new stone 208 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 1: every day. Isn't this what we have to do in 209 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 1: our relationships. We have to sit with the same person, 210 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 1: we have to eat with the same person, we sleep 211 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:47,680 Speaker 1: with the same person, but we notice something new. That 212 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 1: practice of mindfulness actually improves our brain, it improves our emotions. 213 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 1: It's easy to find new in new It's challenging and 214 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 1: beautiful to find new in the old or the familiar, 215 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 1: and actually that keeps our experience ever fresh. The third 216 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,360 Speaker 1: thing that I want you to do, which is a 217 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:16,079 Speaker 1: huge one of successful couples is that they encourage, not 218 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:20,520 Speaker 1: discourage each other. RADI is so fun to watch right now. 219 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:23,320 Speaker 1: She has so many amazing projects coming away, so many 220 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:27,880 Speaker 1: exciting opportunities. And as someone who's been in this world 221 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:31,080 Speaker 1: for a while now, it's very easy to be cynical. 222 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,119 Speaker 1: And I know this where I've had excitement and enthusiasm 223 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,120 Speaker 1: about certain things. But I know people have been in 224 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,920 Speaker 1: the industry far longer than I have and their cynical. 225 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,640 Speaker 1: So sometimes rather we'll share an idea with me and 226 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 1: I have to stop my cynicism, have to be excited 227 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,560 Speaker 1: for her, I have to be enthusiastic. I can warn her, 228 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,920 Speaker 1: I can be conscious, I can be cautious about it. 229 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,679 Speaker 1: But often what we try and do is we try 230 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 1: and discourage people because we've had a bad experience. We 231 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,920 Speaker 1: try and discourage our partner because we want to show 232 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 1: them that we know more, we've thought about it. We 233 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 1: try to discourage our partner because we see their bumbling enthusiasm, 234 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 1: but we think that they're not smart enough, or they're 235 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 1: not organized enough, or they're not planned enough. Let's start 236 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:15,800 Speaker 1: to truly encourage our partners when they receive an opportunity. 237 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,280 Speaker 1: When we don't encourage. When we don't celebrate, When we 238 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:24,199 Speaker 1: don't recognize how beautiful and powerful this opportunity is, we're 239 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,959 Speaker 1: actually taking away love and connection out of our relationship. 240 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that we have to celebrate every tiny thing, 241 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:36,679 Speaker 1: but how often do we discourage our partners because we 242 00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 1: don't feel comfortable about something they're doing. How often are 243 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 1: we not celebratory because we feel we haven't celebrated ourselves. 244 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 1: Sometimes we think, well, why are they so excited about that? 245 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,320 Speaker 1: I mean, I didn't more than that, and I didn't 246 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,959 Speaker 1: get excited about it. Why are they so excited about it? 247 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:59,719 Speaker 1: Start from tomorrow. When your partner says something to you, 248 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,960 Speaker 1: allow yourself to move aside your projection, your prediction. Be encouraging, 249 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,640 Speaker 1: being enthusiastic. Of course, share the insight, of course, share 250 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 1: what you think they need to know in this process, 251 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:16,200 Speaker 1: but don't let your ego get in the way of 252 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 1: truly encouraging them. Our ego stops us from encouraging the 253 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:25,680 Speaker 1: people we love. Our ego blocks us from encouraging the 254 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 1: people we love. We try to warn them and we're saying, well, 255 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 1: we're doing it for them, but really, there's a part 256 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 1: of us. That's warning ourselves as well. The fourth principle 257 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:44,080 Speaker 1: is having a balance between time together, time alone, time 258 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 1: with your friends, and time with collective friends. Notice how 259 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 1: there is a lot going on there. So in an 260 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,200 Speaker 1: average week and average month, we're going to have to 261 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 1: spend time alone. We have to spend time of each other. 262 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 1: We have time with our own friends, and we have 263 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:04,920 Speaker 1: time with friends together. Now when I think about this, 264 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,040 Speaker 1: I start thinking of ratios that may be helpful. So 265 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 1: let's take a week, and of course, in a week, 266 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:11,720 Speaker 1: you're not going to do all of these things, but 267 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:15,240 Speaker 1: giving you an idea, Let's say in a week, you 268 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:19,680 Speaker 1: spend one night alone. That's really healthy to have one 269 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:23,480 Speaker 1: night for yourself. You can use it to do whatever 270 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:26,960 Speaker 1: you want. It maybe to play games. It maybe to 271 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 1: read a book. It maybe to watch your favorite TV show. 272 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 1: It maybe to be working late. You get one night 273 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,600 Speaker 1: to yourself. Then you spend three nights together. Three nights 274 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,720 Speaker 1: are connected time. Maybe you watch a show together, maybe 275 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 1: you go for a walk, maybe you go to the gym, 276 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,440 Speaker 1: maybe you play a game. We have three nights that 277 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:48,080 Speaker 1: are dedicated to each other. You have two nights that 278 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:52,680 Speaker 1: you spend with collective friends. Couples that you enjoy time with. 279 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:57,160 Speaker 1: Now there's something really important here. Studies show that couples 280 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,960 Speaker 1: that are friends with other people who are in a 281 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 1: happy relationships. This was research and interviews done by the 282 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 1: University of Maryland that found that healthy couple friendships have 283 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 1: potential to make relationships more exciting and more fulfilling by 284 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 1: increasing attraction, providing a greater understanding of men and women 285 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: in general. So it gives you perspective and allowing partners 286 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:24,880 Speaker 1: to observe the way other couples interact and negotiate differences. 287 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,640 Speaker 1: It did go on to say that topics like sex 288 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:31,320 Speaker 1: and money were less comfortable to be discussed in these arenas, 289 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 1: and those were more for personal interactions, but other conversation 290 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:39,200 Speaker 1: topics flourished in these happy couple scenarios. And finally, you 291 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,560 Speaker 1: may have one day a week that you spend with 292 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,720 Speaker 1: your own friends. Now this is just a sample of 293 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,800 Speaker 1: what I'm sharing with you. So in a week, you 294 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 1: spend one day alone, you spend three days together, two 295 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 1: days with friends that you know evenings, and then one 296 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: day with your own friends right apart. And this creates 297 00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:01,440 Speaker 1: a great sense of a system or structure. What I 298 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 1: like about this is your partner is naturally the priority 299 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,439 Speaker 1: for those three days in a week, three out of 300 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,359 Speaker 1: seven days are dedicated to your partner, but you also 301 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:13,640 Speaker 1: get one day to decompressed by yourself. You get two 302 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,200 Speaker 1: days to be with collective friends, so you're still together, 303 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 1: but you're getting to experience other people's energy, and then 304 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:21,639 Speaker 1: you get one day to be with your own friend 305 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 1: to decompress in a different way. This is just a sample, 306 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 1: and I'm recommending it because it starts giving you a 307 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 1: flow of how to think about it. Often we feel 308 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,760 Speaker 1: that prioritizing our relationship means we have to be together 309 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,920 Speaker 1: six days a week, have to be together five days 310 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,840 Speaker 1: a week. But often that actually starts becoming boring. We 311 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,919 Speaker 1: run out of ideas, we run out of things to do, 312 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,560 Speaker 1: we run out of energy to bring to the relationship. 313 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 1: Creating diversity in our weeks, months, and years allows for 314 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,560 Speaker 1: us to actually bring more back to our relationships. We 315 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,439 Speaker 1: have to go and borrow ideas, borrow energy, feel that 316 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 1: contagious spirit, and bring it back into our relationship. Now, 317 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 1: the fifth step that successful and happy couples do is 318 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 1: that they argue about the issue, not each other, in 319 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:12,359 Speaker 1: an unhealthy relationship. People argue about each other. You're the 320 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:15,040 Speaker 1: one getting everything wrong. You're the one who needs to 321 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 1: take responsibility. You're the one to blame. You don't get 322 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:22,680 Speaker 1: anything right. You are wasting my time. You have lied 323 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,760 Speaker 1: to me. We think that the other person is our 324 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:31,280 Speaker 1: enemy and we're fighting about them needing to change, when 325 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:34,240 Speaker 1: actually the biggest thing is we need to talk about 326 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,760 Speaker 1: the issue. We need to argue about the issue. Julie 327 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:40,480 Speaker 1: Gerner is a doctor of psychology, and she recommends that 328 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,480 Speaker 1: we keep the fights fair. She says, when you fight fair, 329 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,400 Speaker 1: you keep your dispute focused on the topic without devolving 330 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,639 Speaker 1: into personal attacks. So if you're arguing about money and 331 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,840 Speaker 1: how money is used, it's not about how the other 332 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,640 Speaker 1: person uses money, it's about how you both should want 333 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,440 Speaker 1: to use money. Right. If you're arguing about the cleanliness 334 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,639 Speaker 1: and the home, it's not just about the other person's 335 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,520 Speaker 1: cleanliness standards, because you probably have a challenge too, but 336 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,280 Speaker 1: it's about what level of standard you want to create 337 00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:11,359 Speaker 1: together to create the right movement forward and arguing is 338 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,520 Speaker 1: necessary and healthy. There's a great book called You Are 339 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,680 Speaker 1: Not Crazy. Letters from your Therapist, and in it it's 340 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,479 Speaker 1: as similar to working out a muscle. If you can 341 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 1: effectively survive tears in your marriage and then repair them, 342 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,439 Speaker 1: then it makes the relationship stronger. Most of us think, well, 343 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,360 Speaker 1: I can't be bothered to repair this tear, But it's 344 00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:34,879 Speaker 1: the repairing of the tear that actually makes it stronger. 345 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,720 Speaker 1: So if you've had a few tears, don't throw it away, 346 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:44,320 Speaker 1: don't write it off. You can still repair that relationship. Now, 347 00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 1: how do you do that? How do you do that? 348 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:50,280 Speaker 1: The way you do it is you say to yourself 349 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:54,200 Speaker 1: and your partner, when you're not fighting, let's always remind 350 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 1: each other to focus on the issue. Now, when I'm 351 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,160 Speaker 1: about to bring an issue up to you, let's make 352 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,280 Speaker 1: sure it's the issue and not you are the issue. 353 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 1: So let's say that you're upset that your partners spent 354 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:09,520 Speaker 1: a lot of money this month on dinners and you 355 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,120 Speaker 1: both had made a pack to not do that. You've 356 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,199 Speaker 1: got two options. You either say, well, look, you wasted it, 357 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 1: you broke our pact. All you say, hey, is the 358 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,640 Speaker 1: pack not working for you? I wanted to understand if 359 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:22,040 Speaker 1: we can do something that's going to help us both 360 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:25,359 Speaker 1: understand what our goals and priorities are. Look at the 361 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,919 Speaker 1: difference in that conversation. Half the time, it's not what 362 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 1: we say, it's how we say it. We've heard that 363 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: a million times, right, but it's so true. Half the 364 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 1: time we put our partner on the defensive before we've 365 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,639 Speaker 1: even spoken about the issue. And now what are we 366 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,120 Speaker 1: talking about? Well, last year you wasted money on those 367 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 1: Christmas peasants for your family. Well, two years ago when 368 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,919 Speaker 1: you were broke, I carried you. Right, Look what ends 369 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,880 Speaker 1: up happening. We're already in a place we don't want 370 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 1: to be in argue about the issue, not each other. 371 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,879 Speaker 1: Step number six. This one's been a huge one for 372 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,879 Speaker 1: me and I think as we grow up as independent 373 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: adults and independent thinkers, this is sometimes something that we 374 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,359 Speaker 1: don't think about effectively. And I'll explain how to do 375 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 1: it as well. Step number six is think about how 376 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:17,440 Speaker 1: your decisions affect your partner. This doesn't mean you shouldn't 377 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:22,879 Speaker 1: make decisions that may affect your partner in a convenience sense, 378 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,120 Speaker 1: but you have to think about it. When I get 379 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,800 Speaker 1: invited to travel for work, I know I want to 380 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,719 Speaker 1: do it because I'm passionate about my work, but I 381 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,000 Speaker 1: do think about how that's going to affect rather, And 382 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,920 Speaker 1: so I'll say to Raley, I've got this opportunity. Maybe 383 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 1: this is a time when you want to go visit home, 384 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:40,080 Speaker 1: maybe you want to spend time with friends. I just 385 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:41,920 Speaker 1: want you to know, so you have enough time to plan. 386 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,720 Speaker 1: If I don't think about her and I just plan 387 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,399 Speaker 1: it and then it comes to the day and I 388 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,880 Speaker 1: tell her on the day, what have I done. I've 389 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,360 Speaker 1: removed an opportunity for her to do what's important to her. 390 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:57,119 Speaker 1: Think about how your decisions affect your partner and have 391 00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,479 Speaker 1: a healthy discussion about it. Often when we make decision, 392 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,040 Speaker 1: we've been thinking about it for five months and we 393 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,400 Speaker 1: share it to them in five minutes, and we expect 394 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 1: them to understand what we've been thinking about for five 395 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:13,639 Speaker 1: months in five minutes. You can't do that. You have 396 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 1: to give someone time to catch up to your way 397 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,760 Speaker 1: of thinking. If you spend five months deciding to quit 398 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,240 Speaker 1: your job, and when you share it in five minutes 399 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,800 Speaker 1: with your partner, you expect them to understand it. They 400 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,439 Speaker 1: won't bring them along for the journey. Give them space 401 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,760 Speaker 1: and time to process it for themselves if that's what's 402 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,360 Speaker 1: going to take, but don't expect them to understand something 403 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 1: that they've heard for five minutes that you've been thinking 404 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:43,560 Speaker 1: about for five months. Step number seven is know the 405 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 1: difference between your trauma and the issue. Know the difference 406 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:54,439 Speaker 1: between your expectation and your partner being wrong. This is 407 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 1: probably the hardest but the most incredible skill. I'll give 408 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:03,120 Speaker 1: you an example. If your expectation of how your wife 409 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,280 Speaker 1: should be a mother is based on how your mother was, 410 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:11,520 Speaker 1: that's you bringing your expectation and your past into what's 411 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 1: right for your partner. Most of us don't even think 412 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,720 Speaker 1: about this. Our expectations of our partners are based on 413 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,880 Speaker 1: how our parents were, and so we expect our partners 414 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,440 Speaker 1: to be as good as our parents, or maybe better 415 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,919 Speaker 1: than our parents, or whatever it may have been. So 416 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,600 Speaker 1: much of the time we act with our partners in 417 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,200 Speaker 1: a way because of a gap that our parents had 418 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:35,280 Speaker 1: with us. Are you bringing your trauma into your relationship? 419 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:40,000 Speaker 1: Knowing the difference is so important. Me and Rather have 420 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,199 Speaker 1: had to really work on this when we're bringing our expectation. So, 421 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,520 Speaker 1: for example, Rathery's father is this amazing human who I 422 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,560 Speaker 1: adore to. I love him, and he's helpful around the home. 423 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,360 Speaker 1: He's helpful in the kitchen, and he's an entrepreneur and successful, 424 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:57,399 Speaker 1: and rather he was thankfully aware of this, and she 425 00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,399 Speaker 1: never expected me. She knew I wouldn't be helpful in 426 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,199 Speaker 1: the kitchen, useless. But if she expects me to be 427 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:06,840 Speaker 1: everything her father is, that becomes really difficult. Sometimes we 428 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,679 Speaker 1: think our partners are wrong, when all it is that 429 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:14,040 Speaker 1: our expectation is wrong, and there's an assumption again, and 430 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:18,000 Speaker 1: our assumptions and expectations of our partners actually make the 431 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:23,600 Speaker 1: relationship weaker. How can you take some time to recognize this? 432 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,719 Speaker 1: It has been established that for every negative encounter, at 433 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:32,040 Speaker 1: least five positive encounters are needed, says doctor av This 434 00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:34,800 Speaker 1: is another relationship tip from doctor John Gottman, known as 435 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:38,640 Speaker 1: the magic ratio. So if you've had an interaction where 436 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,520 Speaker 1: you brought a bit of trauma, you bought your past, 437 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:44,200 Speaker 1: you bought your expectation, make sure you have five positive 438 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 1: encounters for every negative encounter. It's great account. It's great 439 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 1: to think about it, just like you would at work. 440 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:52,880 Speaker 1: If you've had a bad meeting with someone, you want 441 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,560 Speaker 1: to have a good meeting with them when you want 442 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:58,240 Speaker 1: to have five great interactions here, but start to notice 443 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:03,119 Speaker 1: where are your expectations of your partner actually coming from 444 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,440 Speaker 1: your parents? Where are your expectations of your partner coming 445 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,200 Speaker 1: from what your friends said to you? Maybe a friend 446 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:09,880 Speaker 1: said to you, Oh, he should do this or she 447 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:13,439 Speaker 1: should do that. But is it truly yours? Do you 448 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:16,639 Speaker 1: really believe it? Do you really think that's the only way? 449 00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:21,040 Speaker 1: Step number eight and our final habit is commit to 450 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:25,320 Speaker 1: rituals and new experiences. Doing the same things again builds 451 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 1: a deeper bond, and trying out new things together builds 452 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,399 Speaker 1: a deeper bond. When you're doing new things together, you 453 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:32,960 Speaker 1: want to try things that are new for both of 454 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,600 Speaker 1: you so that you're both beginners. You're both really getting 455 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:39,439 Speaker 1: to share a unique and new experience. Usually as couples, 456 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,080 Speaker 1: we do what one of the people likes. Oh, you 457 00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,199 Speaker 1: like this, I'll come along. Oh that's important to you, 458 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,560 Speaker 1: I'll come along. What ends up happening there is you're 459 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:49,320 Speaker 1: trying to see things through your partner's eyes. Instead of 460 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,959 Speaker 1: trying to see things through your partner's eyes, both of 461 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,639 Speaker 1: you get to see things through your own eyes for 462 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:59,600 Speaker 1: the first time. This is what a new, unique experience 463 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,119 Speaker 1: has made of And the other thing is to commit 464 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 1: to daily rituals. Now this One's a fun one which 465 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,919 Speaker 1: I read from an article by doctor av and it 466 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,680 Speaker 1: said that hugging for as little as six seconds can 467 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,399 Speaker 1: make you feel close. The emphasis is on the actual 468 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,719 Speaker 1: hug lasting six seconds, as there are studies indicating that 469 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 1: if a hugging embrace is maintained for at least six seconds, 470 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 1: it is enough time for oxytocin in the brain to 471 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,719 Speaker 1: be released. Of course, feel free to hug for as 472 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:30,399 Speaker 1: long as you like, but make that connection meaningful for 473 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:32,879 Speaker 1: RADI and I. You know we launched Psalma tea, and 474 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:34,399 Speaker 1: I know you will have all been loving it and 475 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,919 Speaker 1: drinking it. We launched it because it was our ritual together. 476 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,280 Speaker 1: We sat down for seven to twelve minutes a day 477 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,080 Speaker 1: and had tea. Being able to do that every single 478 00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:47,359 Speaker 1: day brills a sense of commitment, connection, bonding. I hope 479 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,199 Speaker 1: that these eight steps have helped you massively today. I 480 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:52,880 Speaker 1: can't wait to see you put them into practice. I'm 481 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,959 Speaker 1: so excited to see how your relationships develop when you 482 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,280 Speaker 1: actually put these habits into reality. I hope you enjoyed 483 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,440 Speaker 1: this episode. Make sure you share your insights on Instagram, 484 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,640 Speaker 1: on Twitter, on Facebook, on TikTok, wherever you're listening and 485 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,399 Speaker 1: I will see you again next week. Thank you.