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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly

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Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small

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Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions

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Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Hart and Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

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Speaker 1: to find a therapist, visit our website at Therapy for

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Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com. And while I hope you love

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Speaker 1: listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not

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Speaker 1: meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a

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Speaker 1: licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for

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Speaker 1: joining me for session of the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast.

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Speaker 1: In today's episode, we'll be chatting about how we can

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Speaker 1: become more vulnerable in multiple areas of our lives. Chastity

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Speaker 1: Chain and Ler joined me for this conversation and shared

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Speaker 1: all kinds of goodies that I knew you will love.

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Speaker 1: Why is it so hard for us to actually be vulnerable?

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of that goes back to the

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Speaker 1: myths in our messaging that we received as it relates

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Speaker 1: to vulnerability. You know, lots of people tend to think

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Speaker 1: that vulnerability is a sign of weakness and that there's

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Speaker 1: a way to do life without being vulnerable. But before

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Speaker 1: we jump into the conversation, I want to show some

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Speaker 1: wash day dot com. Now let's get back to our

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Speaker 1: conversation with Chastity. Chastity Chandler is a licensed Mental health counselor,

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Speaker 1: Master's level certified Addictions professional, internationally certified Alcohol and Drug counselor,

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Speaker 1: Certified Sex Therapists e m d R trained clinician, Certified

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Speaker 1: daring Way Facilitator, qualified supervisor for Mental health Counselors, and

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Speaker 1: a certified Prepare Enriched Facilitator for Dating, marital and pre

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Speaker 1: marital couples, and soon to be licensed Marriage and Family

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Speaker 1: Therapists and qualified supervisor for m f t S. She

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Speaker 1: is clearly doing a lot. Chastity currently has a private

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Speaker 1: practice in Florida called Center for Sexual Health and Wellness LLC,

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Speaker 1: where the primary focus is to create an environment that

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Speaker 1: promotes emotional, physical, mental, and sexual health for all. Chastity

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Speaker 1: and I chatted about what makes it so difficult for

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Speaker 1: us to be vulnerable, how to be more vulnerable when

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Speaker 1: you have no idea where to start vulnerability in the workplace,

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Speaker 1: and what vulnerability might look like in romantic relationships. If

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Speaker 1: you hear something that resonates with you while listening, be

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Speaker 1: sure to share it with us on social media using

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Speaker 1: the hashtag TBG in session, and don't forget to share

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Speaker 1: your takeaways from the episode with us in your I

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Speaker 1: G stories or on Twitter. Here's our conversation. Thanks so

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Speaker 1: much for joining us today's Chastity, Yes, thank you for

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Speaker 1: having me. Yeah, I'm excited because this is a hot topic.

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Speaker 1: So we are going to be talking all about vulnerability.

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Speaker 1: So I want to start with perhaps maybe what is

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Speaker 1: like the biggest question that people have, Why is it

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Speaker 1: so hard for us to actually be vulnerable? I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of that goes back to the myths in

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Speaker 1: our messaging that we received, as it relates to vulnerability.

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Speaker 1: You know, lots of people tend to think that vulnerability

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Speaker 1: is a sign of weakness and that there's a way

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Speaker 1: to do life without being vulnerable. Mm hmmm. And what

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Speaker 1: should we actually believe about vulnerability? Well, to be vulnerable

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Speaker 1: is actually it's a strength. And then to be vulnerable

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Speaker 1: is to be alive. Everything, every decision, every turn we

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Speaker 1: take day in and day out, is a sign of vulnerability.

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Speaker 1: Us getting into our car to go to our destination,

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Speaker 1: we're being vulnerable. Us coming to work and doing what

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Speaker 1: we do as helpers, we have to be vulnerable. Putting

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Speaker 1: ourselves out there for others to see is vulnerable. To

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Speaker 1: breathe basically is to be vulnerable. And let's we're not

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Speaker 1: living right right. So what kinds of things do you

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Speaker 1: think make it difficult for us to be vulnerable, especially

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Speaker 1: like in relationships. Well, I always say that in today's society,

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Speaker 1: we're very quick to get physically naked, and we're not

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Speaker 1: quick to get emotionally naked. And I think people are

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Speaker 1: fearful of being vulnerable in relationships because they don't want

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Speaker 1: to get hurt. Mm hmmmm. And I mean that's understandable.

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Speaker 1: You know. Burnet defines vulnerability as emotional exposure, uncertainty, and risk.

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Speaker 1: And I always say that that's not dating. Marriages are relationships.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what is right. That kind of sums

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Speaker 1: it up. And of course we're talking about Brinde Brown,

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Speaker 1: who if you've been following the podcast for Sometimes, you

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Speaker 1: know we have frequently recommended her books here. You know

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Speaker 1: you mentioned that sometimes we are quick to be physically naked.

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Speaker 1: Why do you think we perceive less of a risk

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Speaker 1: kind of being physically naked as opposed to emostly naked.

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Speaker 1: I think because with the physical piece, for certain people

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Speaker 1: and certain mindsets, it's not that exposure. I mean, like

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Speaker 1: physically we're exposed, possibly, but it's not as much risk.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm having this encounter with you. Maybe you're

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Speaker 1: my partner, maybe you're not. Maybe you're someone that I

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Speaker 1: want to go further with, Maybe you're not. If I

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Speaker 1: tell you about what I perceived to be my weaknesses,

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Speaker 1: the things that make me feel feeling such a shame

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Speaker 1: and guilt, then you have a piece of me that

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Speaker 1: I possibly wasn't ready to share. Whereas to be giving

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Speaker 1: my physical self to some has nothing to do with

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Speaker 1: emotional connection. And so how do you think we can

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Speaker 1: start to do a better job at that, Because I

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Speaker 1: think there's a responsibility of us kind of making sure

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Speaker 1: we're putting ourselves out there to be vulnerable. But I

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Speaker 1: also think that we have to do a better job

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Speaker 1: of like accepting people's vulnerabilities and getting better at holding that.

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Speaker 1: So how can we do a better job of that?

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Speaker 1: I think a big, huge part of that is being authentic?

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Speaker 1: Burn says, if our vulnerability is the first thing I

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Speaker 1: want to see from you, but the last thing I

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Speaker 1: want to show of myself, we have to ask ourselves

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Speaker 1: are our daily interactions actually authentic? Are we keeping it

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Speaker 1: real with our partners, our perspective partners are in our

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Speaker 1: everyday interactions as far as like interpersonal reactions, you know,

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Speaker 1: are we truly being who we are? You know? Am

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Speaker 1: I comfortable with who I am? Because I first have

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Speaker 1: to be comfortab with me before I can be comfortable

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Speaker 1: enough or vulnerable enough to share that part of me

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Speaker 1: with someone else. Okay, So that's where the work really starts,

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Speaker 1: is kind of being comfortable with ourselves? Or how do

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Speaker 1: we start that work taking an honest look in the mirror?

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Speaker 1: You know? Who are? We always ask that question. A

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Speaker 1: lot of times people cannot answer the question of who

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Speaker 1: they are without telling us what they do or some

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Speaker 1: some token title such as a parent, a wife, a husband,

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Speaker 1: a doctor, a lawyer. Who are you outside of all

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Speaker 1: of that? What are your characteristics? What are your attributes?

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Speaker 1: You know, what are your strengths, what are your weaknesses?

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Speaker 1: I think that it's extremely important any relationship, on any

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Speaker 1: level of relationship, that there's a level of transparency and

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Speaker 1: that there's a level of vulnerability, and also keeping it

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Speaker 1: real with ourselves, because again, how can we lend that

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Speaker 1: to somebody else if we're lying, are being dishonest about

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Speaker 1: who we truly are and what we truly desire ourselves. So,

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Speaker 1: are there any kinds of activities or exercises that you

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Speaker 1: may use with your clients to kind of help them

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Speaker 1: to tap into like who they really are? Absolutely well.

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Speaker 1: I'm actually certified Daring Way facilitator, So I actually use

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Speaker 1: Renee Brown's curriculum with my clients, whether it be individual

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Speaker 1: or group, and it takes them through trust, it takes

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Speaker 1: them through spelling the myths of vulnerability, it takes them

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Speaker 1: through what are your values? Our values truly like the

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Speaker 1: way of what we do, and so if we are

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Speaker 1: not in tune with what our values are and if

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Speaker 1: our life is not in alignment with that, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: be missing that ability to be authentic, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. So we talked about the fact that the

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Speaker 1: first step was kind of doing some of that work

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Speaker 1: for ourselves, maybe kind of getting in touch with our values,

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Speaker 1: really having a good understanding of who we are. So

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Speaker 1: if you kind of get to a place where you

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Speaker 1: feel like, okay, I kind of get a good feel

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Speaker 1: of who I am, what are then maybe some of

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Speaker 1: the next steps of being more vulnerable in relationships well,

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Speaker 1: I think also knowing who your potential partner is, like

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Speaker 1: not like when you meet them, I know who you are,

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Speaker 1: but like writing that down on paper. You know, we're

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Speaker 1: supposed to manifest who it is that we won't have

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Speaker 1: you ever taken the time to write down the characteristics

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Speaker 1: and qualities that you want to partner? And then I

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Speaker 1: also ask yourself, am I exuding these qualities myself? Because

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Speaker 1: the idea there is what that you would not necessarily

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Speaker 1: be able to recognize that if you're not kind of

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Speaker 1: living in that space that could be. But also I

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Speaker 1: think a lot of times we're wanting something and we

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Speaker 1: don't really know what it is that we want, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, like, we we want this good man,

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Speaker 1: and we want this good woman, and we want them

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Speaker 1: to have this, this, this, and this, and then when

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Speaker 1: we realize that, have you ever really wrote it down?

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Speaker 1: Do you really know what the characteristics and the expectations

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Speaker 1: of a relationship? You know, have you discussed that do

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Speaker 1: you really want a relationship? Do you want a monogamous relationship?

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Speaker 1: Do you want to open relationship? Have you thought about

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Speaker 1: whether you're even ready for a relationship? How do you

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Speaker 1: determine if you're ready for a relationship? You know? Have

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Speaker 1: you healed from past scars, past wounds. Have you dealt

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Speaker 1: with your own baggage or issues from past relationships so

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Speaker 1: that they don't get brought into this relationship? You know?

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Speaker 1: Have you really taken an honest look at where you

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Speaker 1: are as it relates to being a potential partner in

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Speaker 1: a relationship. Yeah, And I mean, I definitely think that

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Speaker 1: there is a lot of work to do, right, And

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Speaker 1: so I think when people are talking about like wanting

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Speaker 1: to start relationships, they don't always understand like all of

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Speaker 1: that stuff that you just listed and how that really

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Speaker 1: impacts how you show up in the relationship. So I

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Speaker 1: think the other point that you want to consider is

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Speaker 1: you know, of course, when you are being vulnerable in

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Speaker 1: a relationship, that doesn't mean that you are not going

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Speaker 1: to get hurt or that your partner won't ever make mistakes.

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Speaker 1: So how do you balance that, Like, how do you

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Speaker 1: balance like wanting to be vulnerable and transparent with the

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Speaker 1: fact that we're human and mistakes will happen and you

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Speaker 1: might get your feelings hurt sometimes. So we want to

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Speaker 1: connect with our partner, we have to be as I

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Speaker 1: like to say, emotionally naked in order to get to

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Speaker 1: that ultimate place in our real lationships. But let's say

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Speaker 1: you're not ready to get to that ultimate place or

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Speaker 1: some see that has married, some see that as commitment.

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Speaker 1: Let's say you're in a dating phase and you want

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Speaker 1: to get to know this person and you want to

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Speaker 1: be vulnerable. Being vulnerable with that person might be sharing

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Speaker 1: a little bit you know, are what you feel they've

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Speaker 1: earned the right here? You know about your childhood, your upbringing.

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Speaker 1: What are your ideals of how relationship is supposed to go?

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Speaker 1: What is your definition of cheating? These are all things

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Speaker 1: that I ask people that I'm dating because I want

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Speaker 1: to know, you know, what are your expectations in a relationship.

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Speaker 1: Are you a faithful person? You know, tell me the truth?

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Speaker 1: Have you cheated the past partners? What was that about?

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Speaker 1: Are you still doing that? Like? I think that those

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Speaker 1: are all important conversations to navigate both from ourselves and

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Speaker 1: from our partners. I think those hard questions, the questions

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Speaker 1: that make people feel uncomfortable, mean you're asking the right question.

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Speaker 1: So something that I think has been coming up. It

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Speaker 1: feels like in a lot of conversations that I've been

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Speaker 1: having recently is around friendships. We have talked a little

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Speaker 1: bit about like vulnerability and you know, maybe romantic partnerships,

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Speaker 1: but what about in friendships because I keep hearing people

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Speaker 1: saying they have a hard time like opening up to

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Speaker 1: new people in terms of friendships because of maybe betrayals

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Speaker 1: in the past. So what kinds of suggestions make you

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Speaker 1: have for that? And I hate to keep going back

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Speaker 1: to quotes, but one of my favorite, favorite favorite Renee

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Speaker 1: Brown quotes, which is also on my website, is if

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Speaker 1: we share our story with someone who responds with empathy

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Speaker 1: and understanding, shame, cannot exist. And I think we kind

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Speaker 1: of set ourselves up for failure when we begin to

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Speaker 1: share our story or tell about ourselves and a person

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Speaker 1: hasn't earned the right to hear our story. M M.

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Speaker 1: So a lot of what Renee's work talks about and

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Speaker 1: the marvel you are friends and things of that nature

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Speaker 1: is people become your friend and stay your friend based

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Speaker 1: on how they're adding to the relationship. It's kind of

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Speaker 1: like a bank account, right. If I continue to withdraw

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Speaker 1: and I don't deposit, I'm gonna have an overdraft. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna have a negative accoun out. Our friendships and our

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Speaker 1: relationships are the same. It should be a balance. So

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Speaker 1: a lot of times you will have people who are

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Speaker 1: friends and they're the friend that's always calling the check

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Speaker 1: on the person. They're the friend that's always there to

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Speaker 1: lend support. They're the friend that always will have the

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Speaker 1: other person's back. But when they are in need, is

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Speaker 1: that person there for you? And it's not the big things,

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Speaker 1: it's the small things. It's the text good morning, how

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Speaker 1: are you feeling. I know you were sick yesterday. It's

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Speaker 1: the things that don't take a lot of time, don't

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Speaker 1: take a lot of effort, but it shows that that

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Speaker 1: person really truly is vested in the friendship and they

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Speaker 1: genuinely care about you, not what they can't get from you,

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Speaker 1: not what they can get out of you, but they

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Speaker 1: care about you as a human being. Right. And I

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Speaker 1: know chall Tell you kind of talked about the whole

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Speaker 1: idea of a marble jar when we did the Life

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Speaker 1: After Divorce. But for anybody who has not heard that episode,

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Speaker 1: can you share more about this marble jar that you're

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Speaker 1: talking about? Yes, Tell is actually my business bestie. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she love is the marvel your friends. Renee talks about

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Speaker 1: how her daughter came and was telling her that she

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Speaker 1: told her friend, uh secret, and then that friend told

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Speaker 1: everybody in school. And then she kind of asked her, well,

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Speaker 1: do you have friends that you normally talked to her

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Speaker 1: that you share these things with that haven't shared, you know,

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Speaker 1: things before, And that's when she realized the person that

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Speaker 1: she told the story too wasn't a marble jour friend.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't the person that's been making those small deposits

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Speaker 1: in her life. It wasn't the person who remembered her

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Speaker 1: grandma and Papaul's name at the game. It wasn't the

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Speaker 1: person who called Berne to check on her when she

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Speaker 1: was sick. It wasn't those people, So she told the

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Speaker 1: story to somebody who she didn't really even trust instead

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Speaker 1: of the people that she did trust. If that makes sense. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And so that's what you kind of want to be

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Speaker 1: paying attention to in your own life, is who is

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Speaker 1: actually adding to your marble joy and not taking away

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Speaker 1: from it? Yeah? Absolutely? And if we're really truly friends,

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Speaker 1: because we all got the friends, we all know, we

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Speaker 1: all know which friends to tell what to know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. So you figure out who a person is,

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Speaker 1: you accept the fact that they are who they are,

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Speaker 1: and you govern yourself accordingly. It doesn't mean that I

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Speaker 1: can't be your friend, but you just won't be one

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Speaker 1: of my marb With your friends, you won't know what's

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Speaker 1: going on in my life, and I won't share important

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Speaker 1: facts and topics with you. Got it? So something else

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Speaker 1: I know that you talk about chastity and that you're

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Speaker 1: developing new things is around like being more transparent and

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Speaker 1: vulnerable in business relationships. And I'm wondering what that looks like,

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Speaker 1: especially when you hear about you know, like the hard

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Speaker 1: time that Black women typically have been a workplace right

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Speaker 1: like that. You don't know who you can trust. There

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Speaker 1: are all kinds of microaggressions. What would this look like

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Speaker 1: in the workplace for black women to be more vulnerable? Again,

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Speaker 1: I still think it goes back to evaluating their relationships.

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Speaker 1: You know, who's being vulnerable with you, Who is depositing, uh,

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Speaker 1: those trust factors, Who is putting forth effort to communicate

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Speaker 1: with you, to have conversations with you. I'm an extrovert,

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Speaker 1: so I'm a little bit different. I know I have

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Speaker 1: a lot of business colleagues that are introverts, and so

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Speaker 1: that's a whole another situation. I can easily, you know,

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Speaker 1: start conversation and make friends or make acquaintances. Some have

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Speaker 1: a real hard time with that. Some have a lot

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Speaker 1: of difficulty with that. Outside of just the trust factor,

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Speaker 1: just building up the energy to go speak to someone.

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Speaker 1: I talked to someone. So if we're talking in the

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Speaker 1: business world, are we're talking in the in the office setting?

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Speaker 1: Just being observant, you know, whose energy seems to be

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Speaker 1: more in line with yours, or whose personality seems to

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Speaker 1: be more in line with who you are and what

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Speaker 1: values and qualities actually line up with your values and

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Speaker 1: your qualities, because again, I do think that opposites can attract,

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Speaker 1: But when you genuinely find someone whom you know, although

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Speaker 1: you guys may be different, you have core values that

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Speaker 1: are the same. In insense, you're saying it is not

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Speaker 1: necessarily for used to be like vulnerable with people who

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Speaker 1: you have not kind of done an assessment with. You're

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Speaker 1: talking really more about building more transparent relationships with people

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Speaker 1: who seem like they are worthy of that well, even

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Speaker 1: minor deposits of vulnerability. I'm not gonna just tell somebody

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Speaker 1: about my life, you know, but if this person seems

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Speaker 1: like they're receptive, you can always test the waters with

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Speaker 1: something small, not something huge, you know, and see how

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Speaker 1: that works. Does that person go back and like that commercial?

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Speaker 1: That's not right now? When Sheila, I think the dude

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Speaker 1: names with Steve, she and Steve broke up, and then

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Speaker 1: you hear the little the animals copping up and telling

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Speaker 1: everybody that Steve and Sheila broke up, and it's all

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Speaker 1: over social media within like two seconds. So we have

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Speaker 1: to be careful what we share. You know, you want

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Speaker 1: to be vulnerable, but there's no vulnerability without boundaries that's

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Speaker 1: not vulnerability. So what does that look like? Then? What

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Speaker 1: would be the goal of establishing the relationship in the workplace.

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Speaker 1: Is it just to have a common denominator, somebody that

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Speaker 1: you could talk to to build a friendship on or

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Speaker 1: are you doing it with ulterior motives? Do you have

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Speaker 1: another agenda in mind? Or is it just genuinely you

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Speaker 1: want to get to know this person. How do you

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Speaker 1: approach this person? How do you let them know, like, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm interested in getting to know that you outside of work,

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Speaker 1: because you know, some people don't show up at work

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Speaker 1: the same as they show up at home. For me,

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Speaker 1: I am who I am in all aspects of life.

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Speaker 1: Everywhere that I am. You either love it or hate it,

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Speaker 1: But that's what it is. I've learned that I can't

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Speaker 1: be controlled or consumed with what people are going to

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Speaker 1: think about me. I have to genuinely be who I am,

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Speaker 1: and those who see that, and those who are around that,

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Speaker 1: if they can appreciate that, then they earned the right

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Speaker 1: to hear my story and to be a part of

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Speaker 1: my life. You know, those who are genuinely not in

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Speaker 1: connection are not on the same wavelength or the values

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Speaker 1: and characters or morals don't line up with mine. I'm

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Speaker 1: great with being acquaintances, but those who I become vulnerable

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Speaker 1: with are those who I find some sort of similarities

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Speaker 1: and there to go and aspirationous or what it is

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Speaker 1: that they're actually doing in life. So I know that

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Speaker 1: a big part of Berne's work, and you've already mentioned

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Speaker 1: that a couple of times, even as we've been chatting,

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Speaker 1: is around shame. So can you talk more about like

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Speaker 1: how shame shows up for us and how it makes

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Speaker 1: it difficult for us to be vulnerable. Well, basically, shame

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Speaker 1: is I am bad? Right, There's difference between guilt, shame, humiliation, embarrassment,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of times people mix those up. Shame

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Speaker 1: basically exists when empathy is not there. So I always say,

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Speaker 1: and a part of who I am as a human

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Speaker 1: being is being empathetic. So if you're around somebody who

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Speaker 1: lacks empathy, or somebody who is always talking about discrimination,

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Speaker 1: you know, being homophobic, you know those types of things,

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Speaker 1: a lot of times shame just kind of sits in that.

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Speaker 1: You know, we have to learn to be open to

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Speaker 1: having discussions about things that maybe we don't understand, how

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Speaker 1: we don't like or that don't make sense to us.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like if we can do that and

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Speaker 1: responding empathy, then shame just doesn't exist. And so how

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Speaker 1: does it sometimes show up? Though? Even in our like

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Speaker 1: interpersonal interactions with other people, Well, could be gossiping, uh, perfectionism, Uh,

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Speaker 1: could be harassment, could be bullying, could be teasing, could

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Speaker 1: be comparison. These are always that shame could show up

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Speaker 1: uh in you know, in the workplace. You know. I

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Speaker 1: think it's just really important to know that shame is

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Speaker 1: a universal feeling, you know, and shame really exudes the

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Speaker 1: sense of not being good enough, that messaging of not

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Speaker 1: being good enough. And I think in my work with

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Speaker 1: clients and with professionals, we just here that constantly. That's

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Speaker 1: the take that that's planning in people's heads. And so

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Speaker 1: if we we are automatically non judgmental, non biased, and empathetic,

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Speaker 1: I think it gives people the opportunity to see that

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Speaker 1: I'm not bad, you know, maybe made a mistake and

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Speaker 1: maybe I screwed up, but I'm not a bad person.

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Speaker 1: And then that allows people to feel more open and

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Speaker 1: want to be more vulnerable because they won't feel judged,

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Speaker 1: are ridiculed, so to speak got you. So what are

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Speaker 1: are there any kind of important pieces that you feel

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Speaker 1: like we may have missed in talking about, you know,

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Speaker 1: like how to be really more transparent and vulnerable in

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Speaker 1: our relationships. I think just put in fear aside, you

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Speaker 1: know it relationships, business relationships, personal relationships, romantic relationships, intimate relationships.

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Speaker 1: Those are all things that can be scary. You know,

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Speaker 1: all have decisions that we have to make, but doing

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Speaker 1: it scared, you know, not letting fear overtake us and

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Speaker 1: keeping a stagnant And I do think it's important for

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Speaker 1: people to remember, you know, like fear is natural, Like

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Speaker 1: we all experience fear, but it's really about can you

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Speaker 1: push past the fear to kind of get to the

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Speaker 1: other side. Absolutely, because everything that we truly want in

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Speaker 1: life is going to require us to be vulnerab bool

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Speaker 1: And obviously there's a risk in every move we make

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Speaker 1: that it might not work out because it's a relationship

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Speaker 1: or business deal. You know, it may not work out.

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Speaker 1: But guess what if it doesn't work out, I conduct

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Speaker 1: myself off and I learned from it, and I'll move

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00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 1: forward and understand that that was just a part of

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Speaker 1: the process. So what are some of your favorite resources chastity, Like,

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00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,160
Speaker 1: and I know we've talked a lot about Bernie Brown's Bruce,

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00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,480
Speaker 1: So where should people start like with her stuff? Like

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00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,880
Speaker 1: if they have never heard of her and they're like, oh,

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00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 1: this sounds good, I want to hear more about this.

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00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,240
Speaker 1: What book should they start with? Uh? The Gifts of

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00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 1: Imperfection start from the beginning. The Gifts have Imperfection has

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00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 1: to go to I almost feel like I should be

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00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 1: getting some royalties as much as I refecd that book.

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00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 1: But The Gifts of Imperfection is an amazing book. You

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00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: don't count the credits in the back. It's like a

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00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 1: hundred and thirty pages. It's an easy read, and it's

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00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 1: one of those if you've ever read it, you'll pick

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00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 1: it up again because when things start happening in your life,

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00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,120
Speaker 1: you have to remind yourself this is just a part

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00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 1: of the journey, you know, and not let it break you.

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00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 1: So from me, that is always, always, always that go

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00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 1: to her book. Rising Strong is another one, because we're

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00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 1: gonna fall and we're gonna fail. You know, you can't

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00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,399
Speaker 1: get to success without failing. But it's about falling forward,

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00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,280
Speaker 1: you know, how do I use this failed experience or

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00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,040
Speaker 1: this thing that didn't go the way that I wanted

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Speaker 1: it to. How do I use this and overcome it?

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00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 1: How do I use this and come out on the

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Speaker 1: other side? As you were talking about joy and so

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00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 1: rising strong would be my next suggestion. And if we're

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00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 1: talking about leadership, oh Man Dare the Lead is amazing.

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00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:32,400
Speaker 1: That's the latest book, So that's definitely what I would

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00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 1: recommend for that. Okay, and any other resources far as relationships,

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00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:41,160
Speaker 1: um my go toos are always Dr Gary Chapman, really

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00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 1: big on his stuff and the Five Love Languages. If

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00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:48,240
Speaker 1: we're talking about business, Brian Tracy is one of my favorites.

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00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 1: And where can we find you, Chatity? What is your

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00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 1: website as well as any social media handles you want

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00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 1: to share? Okay, my practice website is www dot Center

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00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 1: for Sexual Health and Wellness dot com. You can find

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00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 1: me on social media. I am at chat for Change

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00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 1: on Instagram and Twitter on Facebook. I have a professional

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00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 1: fan page. It is Chastity Chandler, Elemates, c m C A,

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00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 1: p C ST great And of course we will include

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00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 1: all of that in the show notes so people can

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Speaker 1: find you really easily. Thank you so much for chatting

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Speaker 1: with us Today's chast Today, I really appreciate it. Thank you.

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00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 1: I'm so thankful Chastity was able to share her expertise

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00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,959
Speaker 1: with us today. To find out more information about her

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00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 1: practice and to check out the resources that she shared,

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00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 1: visit the show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot

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00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 1: Com slash session, and don't forget to show some support

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00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:43,760
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Speaker 1: online at save time on washday dot com. Remember that

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00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,640
Speaker 1: if you're searching for a therapist in your area, check

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00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 1: out the directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com

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00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 1: slash directory, and make sure to visit our online store

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00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,160
Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash Shop, where

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00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,719
Speaker 1: you can find our guided affirmation track, break up journal,

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00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 1: and your Therapy for Black Girl sweatshirts, t shirts and mugs.

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00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 1: Thank you all so much for joining me again this week.

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00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,719
Speaker 1: I look forward to continue in this conversation with you

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00:26:26,760 --> 00:27:03,159
Speaker 1: all real soon. Take good care or